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froggibus · 1 year

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Stay A While - Jason Todd/Red Hood

Pairing: Jason Todd x reader

Genre: hurt/comfort, fluff w a shot of angst

Word Count: 2.4k

Summary: you’ve always been one to suffer in silence, shutting yourself in your apartment for the duration of your episodes. but Jason Todd doesn’t want to sit idly by and watch you suffer alone, even if it annoys you

CW: depressed! reader, mentions of depressive episodes, negative thoughts/self talk, Jason is overbearing, mentions of insomnia, reader struggles to eat, some violence (out on patrol), the rest of the family kinda sucks in this lmao

this is for the people who followed me expecting Batfam/DC content and didn’t unfollow when I didn’t post any for months 😭 I love y’all. also idk the idea of soft! Jason makes me so emotional. also I WOULD LOVE SOME DC OR BATFAM REQUESTS!!! if there’s anything you want me to write I will gladly do it 🫶🏼 (also let’s ignore the fact that this is like my 3rd angsty post in the past few days oops)

————

It was common knowledge around Wayne Manor that disappearing into your room (or apartment) for a few days meant something different for everyone. Usually, it wasn’t anything to worry about.

Sometimes it would be Tim finally sleeping when he’s pushed himself too far. Other times, it was Dick working a case and refusing to leave until he knew what to do. For Bruce, it usually meant he was injured and trying to hide it from everyone.

Jason was still finding these things out little by little, so when you suddenly disappeared into your apartment, he was worried.

“Honestly, it’s nothing to worry about,” Tim tried to ease his mind. “Y/n tends to retreat when things get bad.”

“And you guys are okay with that?”

Dick shrugged, adjusting the ice pack he had pressed to his forehead. “We tried the first time it happened. After a while, we realized that alone time is the only thing that really works. If y/n needs help, y/n will reach out.”

And the topic ended there. Or at least, it did for Dick and Tim. Jason couldn’t stop thinking about it though—did they really just let you suffer in your apartment all alone whenever you had an episode? The thought made his skin crawl.

He’s had a few bad episodes over the course of his life, and while he managed to deal with it alone, he didn’t think that you should have to.

Maybe that’s what led him to your apartment at four in the morning with a bag of takeout.

You open the door dressed in your pyjamas despite not having slept a wink. You're almost surprised to see Jason standing there with the paper bag. Didn’t everyone know to let you ride it out on your own? You thought they decided to stop bugging you ages ago.

Still, you don’t think it was fair to slam the door in his face, and instead welcome him inside. “What are you doing here, Jason?”

“Just thought I’d check on you,” he sets the bag on the counter. “Haven’t seen you in a while and wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

You squint at him. Did he really think you were that dumb? You figured he would have asked Dick or Bruce right away if you suddenly fell off the face of the earth, and they would have told him about your situation. Jason and you had never been particularly close, either, so why was he here?

He raises his hands in defeat. “I just want to make sure you’re taken care of somewhat. Alright? I’ll leave you alone after that.”

“I mean, I’m fine aren’t I?”

Your words come out harsher than you’d like, but you can’t help but be annoyed at the sudden intrusion. Not to mention the implication that you can’t take care of yourself.

“You clearly haven’t slept in a while so we both know that’s some bullshit.”

You sigh. He’s right, after all. You can’t remember the last time you slept, let alone for more than a few hours. Though used to staying up late on missions and patrols, you never went this long.

“I just have a lot on my mind, I guess,” you admit. “But I can take care of myself, Jason. So while I appreciate the concern, you can leave.”

He doesn’t protest, instead grumbling to himself while you show him to the door and effectively kick him out of your apartment. He stands outside the door for a while, wondering if he should try harder.

He decides against it, and thinks he’ll just have to check on you again tomorrow.

—

You almost feel guilty unpacking the takeout he got you, but then again, there weren’t many days lately where guilt and stress didn’t weigh heavily on you. As soon as you felt that familiar flood of negative thoughts and emotions, you knew it was time to withdraw. Still, through all of your episodes, you were yet to experience one quite this bad.

It’s nice that Jason checked on me, you think to yourself. At least someone thought of you. Sure, you’d told the others countless times over the years that solitude while you sort through your thoughts was imperative, and it was true. Regardless, it was nice to have someone check on you, even if it was annoying.

You dish yourself a plate of Chinese food and sit down on your couch, looking out at Gotham city through the window. It’s a dim, rainy night and the weather does nothing to help your mood. You find yourself picking at your food, having only a few bites before packing it up and leaving it in the fridge.

You didn’t eat much, but it’s a start.

—

Jason tries to push back the thoughts of you on patrol the next night, but he can’t. He just thinks of the bags that line your under eyes and the way your voice cracked when you said you were fine.

It’s only when he damn near loses an eye to a stray bullet that he realizes he can’t ignore it anymore. He ducks around a corner, ready to head back to his bike.

“Hood, where are you going?” Nightwing calls after him.

“I gotta go check on something!”

Red Robin scoffs, “y/n is a big kid, Todd. Just leave it alone.”

He shakes his head at the younger boy. He wants to argue with him but for once in his life, Jason Todd bites his tongue and turns the other cheek.

When you open the door, you’re unsurprised to see Jason Todd standing there in his Red Hood suit. “Jason?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he says, walking past you straight into your apartment. “I’m back.”

“I—welcome back?” You close the door behind him, spinning around on your heel and raising an eyebrow at the man in your living room.

“Look, I know I said I’d leave when I knew you were taken care of but I don’t—you’re not. Like, seriously, y/n, just talk to me.”

You sigh and take a seat on the couch. “Do you really want to listen?”

“Yes,” he says and sits down next to you, dropping his helmet on the cushion next to him. “If it helps you, I’ll listen til my damn ears bleed.”

His words are almost enough to bring a smile to your face, the muscles twitching almost painfully. You nod slowly, drawing your knees into your chest.

Jason analyzes your body language, seeing just how vulnerable and small you really are despite your usual front. He knows to tread lightly here.

“I—,” you tug on your hair slightly, trying to think of how to verbalise it. “Have you ever been so tired, like beyond tired, that you can’t sleep?”

He goes to speak, but thinks the better of it. You don’t need to hear about his own problems right now, but the truth is he has. He’s been where you are before—guilt and misery weighing so heavily on him that he can’t breathe.

“I don’t even know what triggered it. I was fine one day and then all of a sudden….” You gesture to your current state in hopes he gets the idea. “I really hate feeling like this,” tears prick at your eyes and your nose stings with every word, “but I’ve never really found a way to make it stop and—and—“

Jason is almost as surprised as you are when he sets a gloved hand on your shoulder. “Y/n,” his voice is soft, “it’s okay to feel this way.”

His touch helps ground you and you manage to take a deep, shaking breath. “I don’t want you to see me like this, Jason,” you say quietly, voice so soft he almost doesn’t hear.

“There’s no shame in the way you’re feeling.”

“I know that I just—can you just go? Please?”

He opens his mouth to speak, to argue with you, but thinks the better of it. You look so soft and sad and vulnerable. He doesn’t want to push his luck and push you further away from him.

He grabs his helmet and stands up. “Have a good night, y/n. I hope you manage to get some rest tonight.”

You watch Jason Todd walk out of your apartment door for the second night in a row.

—

Jason is surprised when his phone screen lights up with your picture while he’s on patrol. The last person he’d expect to call him at two in the morning was you, especially considering he hadn’t heard from you in a few days.

He tried to come and visit you the next night, but he couldn’t bring himself to knock at your door. Y/n’s tough, he thought to himself. You don’t need his help.

He can’t pick up the phone in the middle of a fight, though, and has to wait until the henchmen are in a pile on the ground. He doesn’t even retort to Damian’s comment on how long it took him to take them down—his mind too focused on you and what could possibly be wrong.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket, pressing redial on your number. Please be okay, he thinks.

You answer on the third ring, your voice sounding soft and defeated. “Jason?”

“Y/n? Is everything okay?”

“I-I just…” you sigh into the phone and Jason’s heart clenches at the sound. “I don’t really want to be alone right now.”

Jason considers this for only a second. “Alright, I’ll be there in 10.”

He hangs up the call and shoves his phone back into his pocket, making the walk back to his bike.

“Todd?” Robin says in his earpiece.

“Pipe down, brat. I have more important things to deal with tonight.”

“More important than protecting the city?” Nightwing says over the comms.

You have no idea, he wants to say. But he doesn’t, opting to turn off the ear piece and focus on getting to you as quickly as he can. He said he’d be there in 10 minutes, but he’s at your apartment door in 7.

You’re waiting at the door when he knocks, a blanket over your shoulders, curled in on yourself. As soon as you open the door, you’re wrapping your arms around him.

His suit is damp from the rain, soaking into your pyjamas and making you shiver. Still, you don’t let go of him. It’s been a particularly rough day, and you needed some company to combat the thoughts filling your head.

“Miss me?” He jokes.

You say nothing, content to hold him as close to you as possible. He rubs your back gently before wrapping his arms around you and half carrying you back into your apartment.

He closes the door behind him, awkwardly adjusting to hold you up with one arm. Not that it’s much of a struggle for him, considering he’s a lot bigger than you are.

He’s torn, he doesn’t want to let go until you do, but he wants to talk to you and figure out why you needed him so badly. Lucky for him, he doesn’t have to make that choice because suddenly you’re pulling away from him and tucking your hair behind your ears.

You look anywhere but him. “Um, thanks for coming…”

“Anytime.”

You try to think of something to say after that, anything to break the ice and explain yourself and not make this a huge waste of time for him. Before you can speak, though, Jason goes first.

“You don’t have to explain it to me if you don’t want to,” he says. “I know it’s hard.”

You nod slowly, every movement of your body feels sluggish and heavy. You got a few hours of sleep the other day, but only out of sheer exhaustion. Now, it seems the exhaustion is catching up.

“I’m just gonna…sit down,” you plop onto the couch cushion and pull your knees into your chest. You pat the cushion next to you, inviting him closer.

Jason takes off his helmet and jacket, laying them on the kitchen island before sitting next to you. “Have you slept much?”

You shake your head, resting your cheek on the cushion and looking into his eyes. “A few hours the other day but…nothing since.”

“Did you want to try while I’m here?”

His eyes are soft, a jarring contrast from his other features. It’s almost as if he’s pleading with you.

“Y-yeah, okay,” you slowly rise from the couch, your damp pyjamas clinging to your body. You usher for Jason to follow you to your room.

You dig through your drawers, looking for a pair of clean pyjamas. You settle on a t-shirt you stole from Dick ages ago and a pair of sweats you used for training. Jason looks away while you change, trying his best to respect your privacy despite the way his face heats up.

You crawl into your bed, trying to rearrange the messy comforter to cover your body. “Do you…is it okay if you lay with me? It only has to be until I fall asleep.”

Jason knows he’s pushing his limits, his heart racing at the thought of being in bed with you. He shakes the thoughts away—this is completely innocent. He’s just taking care of you.

“Yeah, I can stay a while.”

Jason lays down next to you, his broad frame taking up more than half of your bed. Your breath catches in your throat at his proximity, and his warmth draws you in. Somehow, for the first time in days, his presence is enough to let you relax.

Jason lays with you for some time, just staring at the back of your head while you cuddle your pillow. You must have fallen asleep at some point, because your breathing is even and your body is relaxed.

He smiles, it’s the most calm he’s seen you in days. He knows you’re sleeping now and he can leave, but he doesn’t want to. What if you wake up and he’s gone? He doesn’t want to risk upsetting you.

You roll over in your sleep, your head landing perfectly under his arm and on his chest. His breath hitches in his throat at the contact. He tries to adjust his body to make it as comfortable as possible for you to lay on him.

He wraps an arm around your waist, cradling you within his own body. Jason can’t help but think to himself in this moment that he’ll take care of you no matter what, even if you can’t take care of yourself.

#dc #dc universe #jason todd #jason todd x reader #jason todd x you #red hood #red hood x you #red hood x reader #jason todd angst #red hood angst #hurt/comfort #batfam #batman

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wayfayrr · 5 months

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So this is very much a self indulgent mini-fic, venting about some stuff that I've been dealing with recently <3 I'm working on requests and some other fics but I got told to post this to get it off of my chest anyway @cloudninetonine @angry-trashcan thanks for the confidence boost to be able to post this

“Hey, you’ve been sitting over here for a while, you feeling alright?”

“Just been thinking… I was part of some drama before I was uh brought here. It’s just, it’s just messed with me a bit I guess. I’ll be fine when we need to start moving again, don’t worry wars.”

After a brief second of fabric shuffling, he sits down and leans on me. It’s an oddly comforting feeling, different too like he’s bothered by something? What could’ve set him off so badly?

“Would you mind if I asked you about it? It’s clearly bothering you so, you should get it off of your chest and well, I’d just like to help you through this.”

“If you really want to know, it’s a little complicated though and while I can make a lot of it make sense to you I’ll have to leave a couple of things out.”

“Sounds like you’re willing to get it off of your chest though, so would you care to explain it to me honeybee?”

He’s being more persistent than usual too, have I really been looking so badly bothered by my thoughts? The worry does feel nice however, it feels more like talking to an old friend than anything which is wonderful seeing as I’ve not been able to reach them recently. I’ve just been stuck rereading old messages in a new context while my phone endlessly buffers to reach impossibly far servers.

“It’s… I’d been having issues with this person for a while… they used me more than anything, kept asking me for advice and making everything about them and brushed anything I or my other friends were trying to say off and sent things they really shouldn’t to people unwarrented… and then everything else.”

“Everything else? You don’t have to cut yourself off, with how you’ve been acting the rest feels like it’ll be worse anyway.”

“They just - someone connected some dots and pointed them out to me and I just… I’ve been going back over what they said and - and - and it made me think. They told me they associated my voice with a character they always got weird over, they kept fawning over my accent and how they’ve only ever heard it in fiction before, they gave me weird compliments when I was talking about things I did as a kid and that’s not even getting me started on how they treated my friends. I just… I feel so disgusted, seeing it in this light. Every bit of my skin just itches with disgust towards myself. Sorry I didn’t mean to share so much at once - I’m just tired. They didn’t even like me, it was like they only wanted me for where I’m from.”

The way he stilled sent a shiver down me, did I say to much? He might have not meant it when he said I could share… I mean theres no way he could’ve known… or does he think I’m simply overreacting? I’m probably just overreacting anyway.

My heart started beating again when he softened and pulled me to rest on him.

“I’m so sorry you had to go through that all. They’re the one who is disgusting, not you, never you. I’ll speak to time, you should just rest for the rest of the day. I can lend you my scarf and you can just have a nap or I could ask wild to make your favourite food and you can just rest.”

I didn’t get a say before he’s already draped it over my shoulders; he’s leading me back over to the others and setting me down next to sky as he goes to speak with time.

“Hmm? Did something happen, are you feeling alright dove?”

“Ah well, wars is going to ask time if we can stop for the day because I’m just dealing with some memories. I hope it won’t bother the others.”

“I doubt it, everyone’s been tense and tired recently. I know I have, I’ve been about dying for a rest. Would you care to join me too?”

Leaning back against him is all the response he needs as my eyes flutter closed, he’s so warm and comfortable. There are few people I’d prefer to rest next to.

><><><><><><

“So then old man, I think that’s a good enough reason to settle for the day, don’t you?”

I know he’ll agree, asking him like this is simply a formality. After all, how could we continue when a member of the group is in such a state? On the verge of tears just from thinking about someone for a little bit too long.

“You’ve never asked this for anyone else, but fine.” “Thank you Time, I’ll pay you back for this.”

“And Wars?”

“Hmm?”

“Go take your anger out on something, it’s not a good energy in the camp. Not if they’re so fragile right now. There’s apparently a standard bokoblin camp just a little south.”

He’s seen right through me then, but now I don’t need an alibi for when I come back.

#venting #vent fic #linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe x reader #yandere linked universe #link x reader #moss✦writes

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harrygoeswest · 1 year

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Love Aged Like Fine Wine

Harry is drunk and lost not too far from home, and there's only one person he wants to call to rescue him.

A/N: Hello everyone 👋🏼 it has been a loooong time since I posted anything on Tumblr, and I was admittedly reluctant to do so. However, I reblogged the lovely Sarah's (@harry-on-broadway) fic challenge the other day and it inspired me, and I would be doing a disservice to write the whole thing and never look at it again, especially since I quite like it. SO, I give you my first one shot in over a year. Bear with me, I'm a bit rusty... Special mention as always to Miss Liz (@all-things-fic) for reading and validating me.

I'm using prompts 14 & 19.

Trigger Warnings: Absolutely nothing (apart from the odd f word)

Word Count: 6533

~~~

“What do you want, Harry?”

An offended scoff was his initial response. “Not a very nice way t’greet y’best friend.”

He was right, it wasn’t. “You’re not my best friend.”

“Ouch. Though’ we were besties ‘n now y’makin’ me feel sad.”

Harry was slurring more than he usually did. I feared if he tried to say obviously, ‘overshly’ would turn into a soft, deep single syllable alike to the word ‘shush’. It wasn’t particularly late to warrant his level of drunkenness. Especially on a Tuesday evening. Chewsday, if you will.

“Harsh truths are easier to take when you’re drunk.” I said, shrugging as if he could see the action.

“Why’re y’bein’ so ‘orrible?” He whined.

“Why are you calling me pissed as a fart at 8:45 on a Tuesday night and ruining my bath time?”

“‘S there some space lef’ in the bathtub?”

“Don’t make it weird.” I grimaced. “What’s going on?”

He produced an incoherent mumble. I heard the rain get heavier, both on the phone call and outside my house.

“What was that?”

“M’st…”

“Aye?” I asked, my face surely a bewildered picture.

“I’m lost.” He huffed, agitated.

I sat up in the bath, water and suds sloshing around me. “Lost?”

“Yes.”

“W-,” words failed me, and I barked out a sharp laugh. “How are you lost?”

“How does anyone else get lost?” He said, stroppy.

“Wow, you really are drunk.”

He hummed, but it was a defeated noise. “C’ya come ‘n get me?”

“How am I supposed to come and get you if you don’t know where you are?”

“Well I was only at The Holly Bush.”

I laughed twice as hard that time. Put in perspective, The Holly Bush is no more than a ten minute walk from Harry’s house. “How long have you been walking?”

“‘Bout ‘alf an hour.” He muttered.

Now I was really howling, like a hyena on laughing gas. “Jesus Christ, Harry!”

“‘S not funny!”

“On the contrary, years of comedy begs to differ.”

He practically cried my name down the phone. “‘M really tired ‘n cold ‘n… weh,” I think he meant wet, “please come get me.”

I took a deep breath and mourned my premature bath. “Fine. But do not move from wherever you are.”

“Won’t.”

I stood up and watched water and soap suds cascade down my body with a pout. “What can you see?”

“Er…” a pause followed, I assumed for his vacant thoughts. “‘S like a lot of trees.”

I rolled my eyes. “That could literally be any part of the Heath, mate. Say more words.”

“I can’t see shit! It’s dark and it’s pissing it down!”

“Don’t get arsey or you can stay there and drown in rain water.” I warned him. “Find a road sign. Or a street name.”

He grunted. After no more than fifteen seconds he produced, “Platt’s Lane.”

“Alright, I know where that is. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

“Thank you.” He said. At least I think that’s what he said.

I murmured a little, “Sure,” and then hung up.

I dressed quickly in the easiest clothes I could find - a pair of tie-dye jogging bottoms, an old t-shirt and a crewneck over the top. I pulled on the first pair of trainers I could find and ran out to my car whilst fighting the rain. I also took a towel with me. My hair was still in the bun I’d put it up in for my bath.

It was really battering it down now - it was loud inside the car and the windows were steamed up. It was even louder when I turned the air conditioning on to defog the windows.

Once I could see outside the front and back windows I finally made my way to find Harry. I still mourned my bath as I drove - I missed how warm it was and how comfortable I had been. Now I was out in the cold and wet to rescue my drunken idiot friend.

It didn’t take me very long to find said drunken idiotic friend. He was sitting on a yellow grit box under some trees at the junction of Platt’s Lane and West Heath Road. He was soaking, shoulders slumped and looking at the floor. I pulled up as close to him as possible and leaned over to push the door open.

“Get in, you moron!” I called.

Harry looked up at the sound of my voice. He leapt to his feet almost immediately after, and staggered his way over to my little car. He nearly tripped over twice on his way, and he hit his head as he sat down.

“Fucking hell.” I muttered. “Look at the state of you.”

He grumbled, readjusting his sodden jacket, and then looked right at me. His hair was drenched, water dripping from his neck down his arms and chest, and his forehead down his nose and cheeks.

“Here,” I threw the towel at him. “You’re gonna make my car smell.”

“‘S tha’ the wors’ a’ya problems?” He asked, a snide tone laced in his mushy words.

“I wish it was.”

I pulled off again as Harry began to attempt to dry himself off, although I feared a towel would do very little to help him. Fortunately we were only a mere five minute drive from his house anyway. He probably could have walked home faster if he were sober.

It was a relatively quiet drive since Harry spent most of it rubbing my towel over every available inch of his body. He did however sing along to the one song he heard playing, but he didn’t quite have the same masterful tone as usual. He even seemed quite timid.

I parked as close as possible to his front door and shut the engine off.

“Where are your keys, H?”

He gave me a dopey blink and then looked down at himself, double chin appearing accompanied with a pouty lower lip. “Dunno. On me somewhere.”

I sighed and unclipped my seatbelt, then reached over to him to feel through each of his pockets for his house keys. Of course I found them in the hardest one to reach on the inside of his jacket. He giggled while I did, like a child being tickled. I smacked him on the arm before I got out of the car.

I ran up to the front door and unlocked it, opening it so that my paralytic companion could be jettisoned inside his home as quickly as possible without getting more wet.

“Come on, then,” I said as I opened the passenger door, my shoulders hunched because the rain felt weird on my neck.

Harry practically fell out of the car at my instruction, so I lifted him up and placed his arm around my shoulder so I could manage his weight better. I kicked the car door shut behind us and walked him to the door. I realised on our little walk how unfit I was.

“‘M sorry.” He mumbled.

“It’s fine.” I said, my voice tight. It was only strained because he was heavy and I was weak.

“Didn’t even think I drank tha’ much, was only few whiskeys.”

Only a few could range anything between 3 and 30. I didn’t chide him for that. “It’s alright, Harry. I’m sure you’d do the same for me.” I meant that genuinely and not as a threat I’d be getting that level of drunk in the future just to call him to rescue me.

“Would.” He insisted.

I awkwardly held onto him as we got inside, twisting at an awkward angle to close the door and keep any more rain from getting in. Harry felt like dead weight against me.

“Ready to get upstairs?”

His affirming nod was the surest action I’d seen from him this far.

“Alright,” I took a deep breath, “let’s go.”

I made sure we navigated the stairs one at a time, because I had visions of him tripping up and cracking his head open if he tried to do anything by himself. And now, in the warmth of his massive home and up this close to him, the boy reeked of stale beer and sweat. I didn’t want to ask what he’d been doing in The Holly Bush for him to get that bad. I hadn’t seen him that wasted in a very long time.

“Meant it, y’know.” He slurred.

We were only halfway up the stairs and all I could hear was my own panting. Admittedly I was surprised he hadn’t passed out yet.

“Meant what?” I heaved, and pushed him up the next step.

“I w’ do the same f’you.”

“I know you would.”

“Don’t even have t’ be drunk.”

“Right.”

We stopped for a minute, not at anyone’s request but Harry didn’t seem to want to move. I looked at him as he did me, and he produced this hazy-eyed, closed-lip smile.

His woolly but content expression made me laugh. “I think it’s bed time for you, mate.”

He groaned. “Don’t call me ‘mate’.”

I frowned. “Alright. Sorry.”

When we finally reached the top of the stairs, Harry collapsed on me by way of a hug. We were standing in the middle of the hallway, his entire body somehow wrapped around mine. I was suffocating in the smell of a brewery.

“Don’t leave me.” He begged.

“I’m not… Need to get you to bed somehow.”

He pulled his head back to look at me, eyes heavy. “You can take me to bed.”

“That’s what I just said.”

He nodded repeatedly like a bobble-head figure.

I made a face, perturbed, and nudged him in the direction of his bedroom. He nearly fell over as he turned around, and ended up palming the wall the rest of the way. I kept a hand on his back just in case.

As soon as he saw his bed he was climbing onto it, still fully clothed and in his muddy trainers.

“For fuck’s sake,” I muttered, reaching after him like he was a toddler, “Harry, take your shoes off.”

He laughed maniacally into his bed sheets, the muffled sound disturbing.

I huffed with a scowl and did it myself. His vans were dripping wet so I took them to the radiator and left them on top to dry. I made sure the radiator was turned on, too. The last thing Harry Styles needed was the flu again.

He was sitting up now, watching me with a warm expression. I ignored it.

“Need to take your clothes off or you’ll get a cold.”

“Yes, Miss.” He was beaming now.

The attempt at taking his t-shirt off was painful, and I ended up having to help him.

“Jeans too.”

I knew that would be more agonising to watch than the t-shirt, and I didn’t want to have to look at his bare chest for too long, so I went for a walk to the closest bathroom to get another towel. His jeans were still around his knees when I got back.

“Jesus Christ.” I said through gritted teeth, and freed his jeans from around his ankles. They were a heavy kind of damp and thudded when I put them on the floor.

“‘S cold.” He commented, staring up at me.

“I’ve just put the radiator on.” I told him, and handed him the towel. “I’ll find you some clean pants.”

I left him to dry his no doubt tacky chest and legs while I searched through his drawers for some clean underwear. I threw them at him once I’d located them.

“Where’s your laundry basket?”

“Wardrobe.” He said, voice getting gruff.

I collected his dirty clothes from off the floor again and wandered into the walk-in wardrobe attached to his bedroom. I stared at it for a while, not just because it was ginormous but also because I couldn’t believe the amount of crap in it. It was bulging with clothes - some I hadn’t seen him wear for years and others I hadn’t seen him wear at all. Ever.

I dropped the clothes in my hand onto the overflowing basket in one of the cupboards, hating to do so because it was just adding to more chores. And then I realised that this was not my house and I would not be responsible for washing any of his clothes.

“Harry, do you want something to wear in bed if you’re cold?”

He never answered.

I peered into the bedroom to see he’d already tucked himself into bed.

“I guess not.” I muttered.

I stood next to his bed and watched him for a minute. His eyes were closed and he was breathing regularly but I couldn’t work out if he was actually asleep or just pretending to be. His eyelids looked shiny and delicate and his cheeks were dusted pink - a combination of his inebriation and being outside in the cold for so long. I could hear the radiator chugging and it was definitely warmer than it had been when we arrived.

Without thinking, still staring at him while possibly passed out like a lunatic creep, I wrapped my index finger around one of his curls and moved it out of his face.

He giggled suddenly, catching my wrist. “That tickled.”

I smacked his hand away. “I thought you were asleep, you absolute git!”

“Not yet.”

I rolled my eyes and scowled at him. “I’m goin’ home. Seeing you in bed is making me want mine.”

“Can always share mine.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.” I scoffed, and made a move to leave. “I’ll check on you tomorrow.”

“Aye, wait!” He shouted at me.

“What?”

“I don’t want you t’ leave yet.”

“Well, I’m exhausted, and you’re about to pass out on me anyway.”

He said something that was complete and utter incoherent nonsense.

“I don’t know what you just said but I’m not changing my mind.”

He whined my name again and reached for my hand. “Please stay bit longer? Like havin’ y’here, havin’ y’around.”

“Well, that’s nice of you to say, but I still want my own bed.”

“Please?”

“No.” I stood my ground, but I took a step closer and pinched his cheek. “But I’ll come back tomorrow after work if that makes you feel better.”

“Feel better if y’stayed wi’ me now.”

“Well that’s not going to happen. Just call me if you need anything.”

“Need y’now. Need y’all the time.”

“Stop being daft.”

“‘M not bein’ daft - I mean it.”

“You are being daft. Just go to sleep - I’ll come back tomorrow. I promise.”

He stressed my name and sat up. “Y’not listenin’ to me. ‘M bein’ proper serious - I want ya t’ stay wi’ me. I need y’here.”

“No, what you need is sleep.”

He scowled at me.

“I’m going to go and get you a pint of water and a paracetamol and then I’m going home. And that’s the last we’re gonna say on this, end of.”

I left the room and found my way to the kitchen, though admittedly I did get lost on my way there since I’d only been here once before and it was a considerable amount of time ago. I did as promised and got him a pint of water and found some paracetamol in a drawer full of miscellaneous items close to the sink.

I couldn’t fathom why Harry was so needy, insobriety aside. We were friends, yes, and had been for some time, but we weren’t that close. Or perhaps we were and I just refused to admit it due to his increasing popularity and the fact that being perceived near him in the public eye terrified me. I was perfectly happy with my mundane job and my mundane life. I appreciated Harry for what he was - a friend -, and didn’t expect anything more or less from that level of our relationship. Nor had I ever, and it surprised me that he suddenly did.

Perhaps I was overthinking it all. That was likely.

I returned to Harry’s room to find him out of bed in just his pants.

“What are you doing?” I asked, putting the water and the tablets on his bedside table, trying to avoid looking at his chest.

“Need the loo.” He said without hesitation, and marched past me.

I sighed, watching after him until he was safely in the bathroom with the door closed, and then I perched on the edge of his bed with my head in my hands.

I was irritated, yes. I knew I shouldn’t be as irritated as I was, but I couldn’t help it. This was not the evening I had planned for myself. I was supposed to have an early night and go to work in the morning with a clear head and no bags under my eyes. Now I was going to look like the walking dead, and feel like it too.

I stood up again when Harry reappeared. I watched him stagger and sway across the corridor and it made me nervous. He tripped once and nearly smacked his face against the doorframe.

“Fucking hell, Harry.” I said, panicked, and reached forward to steady him.

He laughed, more a giggle of that from a small girl. “I’m so drunk.”

“I know you are. That’s why you need to get into bed.”

“I will, jus’ one more thing before I do,”

I thought he was going to start running riot around the house and I was going to have to chase after him, like a dog owner with a tyrannical pooch. But instead, he just wrapped his arms around my middle and shoved his face into the crook of my neck. His body was warm and it felt strange being this close to him when he had so little clothes on.

I let out a long breath, reciprocating it this time. “You’re a twat.”

He hummed when I stroked my hand over his damp hair. “Not very nice.”

“And yet still true.”

He grunted, but never moved a muscle. A moment of silence passed before he said anything else. “Thank you f’ comin’ to rescue me.”

“Sure, anytime.” I didn’t mean that. Or maybe I did, but I’d be bitter about it if it became a recurrence because I couldn’t stand to disappoint people who meant a lot to me.

He let me go, and I thought that was finally going to be the end of it. Instead, he took my face, quite harshly, between both of his hands until my cheeks squished. His gaze was dopey and warm again, but somehow different to last time. I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Harry, that hurts.”

He ignored me. “I love you.” It sounded more like ‘ah luff you’ but that wasn’t relevant in the moment.

“Yeah, I love you too, now let go.” I was trying to pull his hands away but apparently he was still physically stronger than me even that drunk.

“No,” he shook his head at me and then brought what felt like my entire body against his chest. “I mean I really love you.”

I couldn’t see anything. I felt us begin to fall sideways, but with his strength I had absolutely no control over where we were going.

“Harry!” I screamed, still trying to fight him with no luck.

I think we hit the bed because the landing was softer than anticipated and Harry didn’t wince or flinch. That could also be attributed to the levels of alcohol in his body. He was probably majoritively quite numb.

“Y’like, my favourite person.” He said, voice much quieter now, and I could feel his nose in my hair. My face was pushed into his chest. “Want y’around all time. Rubbish a’ showin’ it but I miss y’when ‘m nor’ at home. ‘N I don’t mean everyone, I mean jus’ you.”

I was listening to him with baited breath. I’d never really been on the receiving end of ‘drunk words, sober thoughts’ - I was usually the one talking and making a fool of myself. Once I told my sister’s boyfriend (at the time) what I really thought of him in front of our entire family after keeping my mouth shut for so long. They broke up the next day and she came to live with me for a month. I felt almost paralysed now listening to Harry.

“Mus’ think ‘m nuts ‘cause I’ve never said anythin’ before, bur’m scared. You’re a scary woman.”

I tried not to take offence to that, even though it was likely true. I had tried for the longest time to give off a very ambiguous aura. I didn’t want anyone to know me, least not the real me. I liked the illusion of being dead inside even if I was far from it.

“Loved y’ for so long now I can’ ‘ide it anymore.” He was really slurring now and words were about to fail him. Somehow, he was still holding onto me. “‘M like tha’ 1975 song.” I wanted to ask which one, but I didn’t have to. He proceeded to sing the words, “I’m in love with you.”

Just once he sang them, maybe slightly off pitch but it still sounded good. Not sure it would hold up to any of his previous performances, but I’d take it.

I didn’t know what to say. I was in a state of shock to be honest and the thought of moving terrified me. But then his grip around me loosened, and he let out a singular loud snore.

I pulled back, horrified, to see his sleeping face - mouth wide open. Another snore was released. “You are fucking joking.”

I sat up, his limp body falling away from me. I smacked his arm in the hopes of waking him, but he never flinched. “Harry,” I said, hitting him again.

Still no movement.

“Oi.” Smack.

Nothing.

I didn’t know what to do. Who does that? Who makes an admission like that and then falls asleep? And why did it have to be this boy? I was speechless, and when I finally managed to clamber off the bed I was also useless.

I stared at him with a look of bewilderment, as he lay there passed out on his unmade bed, mouth agape and naked besides his white y-fronts. It was then that the reality of what he’d said hit me, and I started to cry.

I wasn’t angry or upset - I was overwhelmed. Drunkenly, Harry had just told me he loved me. Then immediately passed out. Now I was left with my own feelings and his and no one to talk to about it. What was I supposed to do?

I desperately wanted to leave and get some sleep, but I also couldn’t help but think that would be morally inappropriate. Leaving a friend alone while dangerously intoxicated was how 50% of all murder documentaries started. Not that Harry was likely to get killed by an intruder in his mansion complete with security fortress. But he might accidentally fall down the stairs or choke on his own vomit.

And yet, the idea of staying in this massive and unfamiliar house to process all those thoughts made me even more hysterical. The idea alone provoked a loud sob, and I quickly covered my mouth because it was such a horrendous sound.

I made my decision that instant. I put Harry properly into bed with all of my remaining strength, covered him with his duvet, and then I fled from his house like a bat out of hell. On my way out, I took his spare keys with me.

I barely slept that night. My head was swimming and even though I couldn’t keep my eyes open, my brain was in overdrive. That, and the cat was sleeping on my chest and purring right in my face. His whiskers tickled my nose.

I found myself thinking about the early stages of mine and Harry’s association.

I couldn’t have called him a friend when we first met because I hated him. I don’t think that feeling was ever reciprocated on his part but I couldn’t ever stand to be in the same room as him. Why? Because I felt the need to constantly contradict societal comments and beliefs. The world - at least people in my world - deemed him a golden boy who never did any wrong. I was convinced it wasn’t the case. My downfall was my lack of determination to prove it.

We met through mutual friends, as these things always seemed to happen. I couldn’t even remember which friend it was - neither me nor Harry talked to them anymore. But one day he was just there, and periodically from then onward he continued to show up. I couldn’t even remember when it was, but it was before he cut all his hair off. One Direction’s last few remaining days, perhaps? Anyway, he was suddenly omnipresent and came with an abundance of attention and it infuriated me.

I remember once, Harry confronted me on my obvious dislike for him. That was our first encounter collectively with ‘drunk words, sober thoughts’. I can’t remember exactly what I said but I wasn’t very nice and I remember the Bambi look in his eyes when I walked away from him. After that he was notably absent for some time. If I asked him about it now I’m not sure how honest he’d be about it. He was lucky enough to be able to claim work absences for long periods of time - I imagined he’d use that excuse. How truthful that would be, I didn’t know.

Our reconciliation came after that. He saw me alone in the nearby shop and asked me to join him for a coffee. I couldn’t really say no - it was a Sunday afternoon and I was only going back home to vegetate for the rest of the day. I think it was spring - I probably would’ve just read a book and gone to bed early. We spent the next 3 hours in Ginger & White, and after we got kicked out of there we went up to The Holly Bush, ironically.

I saw a different side to Harry that night, and I always put it down to having him to myself. There was no one else there with us apart from the locals in the pub who wouldn’t bat an eyelid. It was just us, and he was unapologetically himself, as was I. We suddenly had an entirely new perception of one another - a higher level of understanding. On that random Sunday evening alone, I came to appreciate Harry for just being Harry. I saw who he really was, and I liked him.

From then on, I enjoyed his company. It became a regular thing - an afternoon doing something random together, just the two of us. And it ranged from simple coffee shop talks to entire day trips out of London. I realised then that what we’d basically been doing was dating for about 5 years with no physical contact.

I laughed out loud, disturbing the cat. He ran off and left me alone.

We’d had our own intimate relationships with other people outside of our friendship, which I guess is why I’d never thought about it that way before. He also seemed to do that with multiple other people - I wasn’t the only one. Was I?

I never had to apologise for the night I was rude to him. I always wondered why, and I always berated myself for not saying I was sorry. I’d admitted I was wrong about him a long time ago, but only to myself. It seemed a bit too late to do it now, but I assumed he’d forgiven me. I could’ve been wrong.

I think I finally fell asleep around 4am. My alarm for work went off just 3 hours later and I burst into tears as soon as I realised the situation I was in. I called into work sick and went straight back to sleep.

How much more sleep I had was uncertain. It felt like only 2 hours, but it could’ve been more. Since I wasn’t working, I decided to get a McDonald’s after showering. Mostly for Harry rather than me, although I’m sure he’d make a comment about it.

I used the key I’d stolen last night to let myself in and went straight up to his bedroom with the McDonald’s in my right hand. Except I didn’t make it to his bedroom, because I found him on the bathroom floor next to the toilet, on his front with his cheek pressed to the tile floor.

“Harry…?”

He moaned, limply raising his hand and dropping it again immediately.

I moved into the room, leaving the McDonald’s in the hall because the smell would not go well with the pre-existing one in the room. It seemed Harry had vomited since I left. I sat on my knees beside him and stroked a finger through his curls, similar to how I had done last night.

“Are you alright?”

“Not really.” He said, voice whiny.

“No, I’m not surprised. I brought you some breakfast.”

He managed to lift his head and look towards me. I pointed at the hallway and he followed where my finger suggested.

“What is it?”

“McDonald’s.”

He screwed his face up. “You know I don’t eat meat.”

“Yes, that’s why I got you a Fillet-O-Fish. And mozzarella sticks.”

“Not very healthy.”

“Well, boiled eggs and avocado doesn’t make for very exciting hangover food if you ask me.”

He blew a breath out so that his lips wobbled. “True.”

“You gonna sit up and eat it?”

He took a deep breath. “Yeah.”

“Come on, then,”

I took his arm and helped pull him to a sitting position. He sat against the bathtub and rolled his head back, mouth open and breathing heavy. I left his food in his lap and sat opposite him with my back against the wall.

“This is probably one of the worst hangovers I’ve had in a long time.” He said, grimacing into the paper bag. At least he could form complete words this morning.

“How much do you remember?”

He laughed once. “Not much. I remember calling you, and waiting for you to come get me. I remember when you turned up, but that’s about it. I don’t remember getting home.”

I swallowed thickly. That meant he probably didn’t remember telling me he was in love with me. Or rather, singing it.

“Next thing I’ve woke up in my pants about to vomit.”

“I think you were the most drunk I’ve ever seen you.”

He paused before he took a bite out of his fillet burger. “Really?”

“Hands down. You fell over nearly three times. And you wouldn’t let me go home.”

“Oh, I’m not surprised by that. I’m a very clingy drunk.”

“I was aware of that before last night.” I muttered. “Who were you with?”

“Tom and Tyler.”

“Ah, one of those evenings, was it?

“Yeah, didn’t expect it to be quite that bad, though. Was only going for one.”

“That’s how they all start.”

“Mm, I should know better.”

“Yes you should.”

He laughed around his mouthful and then swallowed it. “This was a good call, thank you.”

“No problem. Although I have to say I did not expect to watch you eat it on the bathroom floor.”

“I know. Feel like a uni student.”

“I don’t think uni students have bathrooms this big.”

He smiled, but didn’t say anything while his mouth was full. “Think I’m gonna have a shower, if you don’t mind?”

I shrugged. “Your house.”

“Right.” He rolled his eyes in jest. “Will you hang around a bit while I do?”

“Sure. I’ll put some coffee on.”

“Cool.” He grinned.

He shoved the empty box into the paper bag and screwed it up. I took the rubbish off him once we were standing again and left him alone to shower.

I did as I said I would and made him a coffee, and then helped myself to a glass of water and an apple out of the fruit bowl on his counter. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen now. He seemed to be behaving normally, so I was certain he’d forgotten his admission, but that worried me because I was now going to have to admit that I knew. And I still wasn’t entirely sure how I felt.

When Harry did reappear he was fully clothed and looked a lot fresher than he had done before. His hair was damp but beginning to curl and his complexion had a bit more life to it.

“Feel better?”

“Loads better, thank you.”

“That’s good.” I said with a pressed smile. I pushed his coffee towards him.

“Cheers. Where’s yours?” He asked with a subtle frown as he took a sip out of his mug. He made an approving sound. “That’s good.”

“You know, I don’t actually like coffee.”

His frown deepened. “You have coffee all the time.”

“No, I have a mocha.”

“That’s still got coffee in it.”

“Yes, but the hot chocolate kind of makes it a fake coffee. A coffee for people who don’t like coffee.”

“Right.” He chuckled. “I had a thought upstairs just now… why aren’t you at work?”

“Because I barely slept.”

He looked concerned. “You better not have stayed really late because of me. Should’ve kicked me in the crotch and told me to get over myself.”

“Oh believe me, I tried to leave you here to go to bed, H. But I actually got back at an acceptable hour, that wasn’t the problem.”

“Just a bad night?”

I hummed. “No, I still blame you.”

“Why?” He asked, leaning his hip against the counter side.

I looked at the kitchen top and pursed my lips. “You… you told me something that gave me a lot to think about.”

“I didn’t give you some rubbish music samples, did I?”

I snorted. “I wish. Might’ve helped me sleep.”

“What then? I can’t remember anything.”

After a charged silence, I let out a long sigh. “You told me you love me. You said you love me, and then gave this little speech about missing me. And not just as friends - you said like The 1975’s song, I’m in love with you. But you sang that part, and then immediately fell asleep.”

When I met Harry’s gaze again he was staring at me, and biting his cheek. Neither of us said anything for a while. I was hoping he’d say something. Or perhaps me repeating what he said last night meant he felt like he didn’t need to say anymore.

I cocked my head. “Did you mean it?”

He stood taller, inhaling as his gaze became glassy. “Yeah. Yeah of course I did. Well, I didn’t mean to fall asleep, obviously. But I meant it, although I didn’t mean to tell you in that way… you know, while utterly shit faced.”

“You were completely shit faced.”

“Yeah… no, that’s not how I planned on telling you.”

“Was there a different plan?”

“Maybe…” He turned his nose up and scratched the back of his head. “If I told you what it was you’d hate it-,”

“You don’t know that.” I retorted.

He raised a judgemental brow at me. “Er, yes I do.”

I laughed and put my head on the table. “Whatever.”

“Anyway,” he huffed, but it had a lightheartedness to it, “of course I fucking meant it. Been living with it for ages - it’s all had time to brew. Aged like a fine wine.”

I started laughing, and then I felt his arms wrap around my chest. I was pulled up by him to stand straighter, and he rested his chin on my shoulder. His back was against my front and it felt quite nice. I don’t think we’d ever stood like that before.

“Your love has aged like a fine wine?”

“Sounds right cheap when you say it like that.”

“You said it. That is literally what you said.” I was still laughing.

“I know.” He whimpered.

I twisted my head to look at him, but he’d hidden his face. “You’re gonna have to bear with me.”

“In what way?”

“Well, this is a lot for me. I’m still… processing it, and I don’t know how I feel. You’re my friend and I love you, of course I do. Just…”

“Not in love with me yet.” He concluded.

“Yet.” I sniggered.

“I’ll remain optimistic, obviously.”

“Obviously.”

He giggled, and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Take your time. Preferably not forever though, ‘cause… the biological clock is ticking.”

I snorted again. “Reel it in.”

“Sorry.” He hummed and squeezed my shoulders tightly. “I am going to have a movie day on the sofa. Do you want to stay?”

“For that I do, fuck yeah.”

“Sweet… go and make yourself comfy. I’ll get the snacks.”

He bumped my hip with his when I passed him so I kicked him back. He gave a childish laugh, and I shook my head at him, but I found as I wandered into his overcompensating living room that I had this giddy feeling in my stomach I’d never felt with him before.

What was I, the most stubborn woman on Earth, going to do?

“What d’you want, H?”

“Not a very charming greeting.” He groused.

I pouted. “You’re interrupting my bath time.”

“Is there some space left in the bathtub?”

I smirked and sank lower into the water. “For you? Never.”

“Hey!”

“Always,” I laughed around my correction, “I meant always.”

“That’s more like it.” He chuckled. “I was calling because I think it might be my turn to get dinner. So what do you fancy?”

“Well, you, obviously.”

“Obviously.” His matter-of-fact tone matched mine. I could imagine him nodding his head. “How about a chippy?”

“Oh, fuck yeah. My usual please.”

“Curry sauce too?”

“Wouldn’t be my usual without it.”

“Just checking. So, I will be knocking on your door within the next hour. Make the most of that bath ‘cause I’m coming.”

“Cool. See you in a bit.”

“Bye-bye.”

“Love you!” I shouted before he could put the phone down.

He was quiet for a minute. “Blimey. Don’t need to shout it, darlin’.”

I threw my head back and laughed. “Just in case you forgot.”

“I could never. But I love you more. See you shortly.”

“Okay, bye-bye. Love you most.”

“No!” He shouted, but I cut him off before he could refute it more.

I felt smug. I let out a satisfied sigh and laid my head back against the edge of the tub.

I had taken my time in coming around to Harry’s admission, but he was incredibly patient with me and I was always grateful for that. It had been little over a year since his little bender, and I felt really good about everything. We felt really good about everything.

Our relationship seemed to only be moving up at a pace we were both happy with, and I couldn’t ask for anything more. All we had to do was keep it that way, and I had every confidence we could.

~~~

If you read this far, thank you <3

Come Talk To Me

#harry styles fic #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harryonbroadwayficchallenge #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles ff #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles angst imagine #harry styles angst imagines #harry styles fluff imagine #harry styles fluff imagines #i forgot how much i fucking hate writing tags on the bottom of posts #this is endless

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kyojurismo · 10 months

Text

★ PROLOGUE

# sub!kyojuro rengoku x fem!reader

summary : your behaviour is starting to change towards him, but kyojuro fears this is only his imagination and that you’re simply lonely and finding a way to enjoy yourself. is there a possibility that you’re actually attracted to him?

chapter tags : sfw, mitsuri makes an appearance, mention of rengoku family, i can’t think of anything else so lemme know if i missed something, 1.6k words — i’ll try to write more for future chapters, pray for me lol.

series masterpost

a/n : hello! i’m both excited and scared to post this lol, writing series and longer fics in general it’s not my forte, so please please please be kind and keep in mind that english is not my first language. i know there’s nothing spicy or truly entertaining — i was lowkey testing the water lmao — but i hope you guys enjoy it anyway <3 ps. lemme know if you wanna be added to my say yes to heaven taglist to be sure to not miss something.

a young, rich woman without a husband? of course people would speculate about it. that’s what your mother used to repeat. because rich women were always seen under a different light.

but, you didn’t care. you never searched for a husband, you knew your worth and that you didn’t need a man to take care of you.

the only man you were able to tolerate was your precious servant, kyojuro rengoku. kyojuro had been working for you for almost three months now, he was a loyal, caring and educated young man. he was working hard to help his family, and nothing seemed to distract him from work.

at least for now.

─────────────────────

the fact that you could work from home was a real blessing. you weren’t a lazy person, you just enjoyed being around him most of the time.

kyojuro was a simple guy. he was always smiling and his voice sounded so comforting and soothing whenever he spoke, whatever the topic. he would be able to smile back at a bully and kindly ask him to not vent their anger on others. that was truly amazing.

his personality was able to overshadow his appearance. no doubts he was an attractive young man, but the moment he started interacting with you – oh, you completely forget about his pretty face. you could ask anyone, they would all reply with the same thing.

you were sitting at the table in your dining room, patiently waiting for your usual breakfast. your eyes were scanning the first pages of the newspaper, devouring the fresh news for the day, when the doors opened. he walked in and served you quietly, before bowing and taking a couple of steps back so he could stay close enough to you if you needed anything, but not that much close to disturb your peaceful breakfast.

“did you sleep well last night, kyojuro?” you suddenly asked him, keeping your gaze focused on the page as you took the first bite of your food. “yes, ma’am,” here came his voice. “i’m glad. as you know, we had to move your room closer to mine for a couple of electrical issues,” from kyojuro’s perspective your tone showed a bit of annoyance, but in reality a part of you was glad that side of your house had been left without light until someone could come to fix the cables. “i understand, but you don’t have to worry about me, ma’am,” he smiled even though he was standing behind you. “i’m happy with everything you decide.”

oh, really?

“now that i think about it, i have a bunch of commissions in town. i’d like for you to accompany me, if that’s alright,” you let a small smirk curve your lips when he hesitated; it was the first time you asked him something like that, after all. could it be a challenge?

“m-ma’am, i’d gladly accompany you but—” you interrupted him, knowing that he was gonna explain he had to stay here since it was his role in the first place. “kyojuro, i’m not really asking for you approval,” your tone sent a shiver down his spine and he cleared his throat. “i will gladly come with you.”

“good boy,” you turned your head to glance at kyojuro and show him a smile, before turning to finish eating your breakfast. that caused you to miss the faint blush appearing on his cheeks at your praise. it was the most casual thing to say, but somehow kyojuro found very pleasurable to hear you say it.

one thing for sure, you weren’t that dumb. you noticed that after such period of service, kyojuro craved your praises whenever he did something for you. it made him feel good and sent a pleasant feeling through his whole body. all this from just the thought of making you feel satisfied with his work.

would you be able to get something more from him at this point?

─────────────────────

you were staring out the window quietly, watching with little interest the people and the buildings passing by. “i’ve never been in this part of the city,” you heard kyojuro’s comment and turned to look at him, catching him staring out with a sweet smile on his face. “i realise you rarely leave the house…” your voice is low but it still reached his ears.

“ma’am, there’s no need for you to feel bad. that’s just my job,” he tilted his head to the side and smiled at you, a warm feeling spreading through your chest. he looked so… adorable.

“i’ll let you come with me more often,” you assured with a smile then grabbed a little notebook with a pen, handing them to him. “you can write down the places you want to visit next time.”

kyojuro was surprised but nodded eagerly, genuinely appreciating it. he indeed wrote down a bunch of places, but the dream of coming here again felt distant to him nonetheless.

when the car stopped, you jumped off followed by him and started walking towards your usual clothes shop. kyojuro glanced around curiously while you looked around for a new elegant dress. “what do you think?” he turned his head to look at you, noticing you were holding a sleeveless dark blue dress into your hands. “u-um, it looks good.”

were you really asking him for advice?

“i’ll try it on then,” you smirked at him and walked towards the dressing rooms section. kyojuro followed you swiftly, in case you would need something.

“i need help with closing the back!” you called from behind the curtain. you waited patiently for him, since he seemed to be quite hesitant to enter inside. it was the first time you asked for something like this. “kyo– oh, i thought you left without me,” you chuckled and watched him from the reflection.

his hands were warm against your skin, as he helped you close the dress. his cheeks were slowly turning red as he timidly glanced at your reflection, your cleavage more visible than usual now. “it looks beautiful,” his smile showed he was a bit embarrassed, but sincere. you turned to face him and smiled, watching him scan your figure. “yeah… really beautiful.”

you laughed before patting his arm playfully. “relax! you’re so tensed,” you exclaimed while turning around. you glanced at yourself into the mirror, it was indeed a beautiful dress. “i’m gonna buy this one then,” you announced, satisfied.

you then started taking the dress off before catching his eyes into the mirror. “are you waiting for a show?” you smirked at him and kyojuro’s eyes widened while his whole face turned red, quickly followed by his ears. “i-i’m sorry!” he was quick to exit and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

you found yourself enjoy teasing him. his reactions were cute. in fact, you kept doing it for the whole day. the mischievous touches whenever you were sitting next to each others, the compliments clearly going further that of a friendly relationship between a servant and his madam. kyojuro was left speechless most of the time, with red cheeks and his heart close to jump out of his chest.

but was it real or was it all in his head though?

──────────────��──────

“no way!” mitsuri jumped in her seat, looking at her friend. “oh, kyojuro!” she grabbed his hands, making him gasp. “what are you gonna do about it?” he frowned at her words. “nothing?”

it was his day off work and kyojuro always tried to meet up with mitsuri, one of his childhood best friends.

mitsuri glared at him, almost offended. “what do you mean by that?!” she hit his chest, exasperated with him. “she’s clearly enjoying your company and there might be something more going on between you and her. take this opportunity!”

“i would never take advantage of her like that,” kyojuro’s tone was serious. “i work for her, she probably just feels lonely and that’s her way to have some fun. i can’t blame her at all. plus…” his voice trailed off. “plus??” mitsuri waited expectantly for him to continue. “i like getting her attention, so i don’t really want to ruin anything,” he confessed it in a very low tone, mitsuri had to lean closer to hear him clearly.

“ooh, i knew it!” she clapped her hands happily and smiled sweetly at him. “alright, do as you please… but lemme know if something changes!” she made him promise, showing him her pinkie. “don’t worry, nothing will happen between me and her,” he said while raising his own pinkie, locking them together. “a girl can dream!”

kyojuro found himself smile then while listening to her rambling about some sweet guy working with her, as they kept sitting at the restaurant table enjoying their lunch together. she was a very lively person and was usually seen smiling most of the time. he enjoyed her company and was happy to be her friend.

after that, kyojuro would usually visit his family and give them his monthly payment, making sure they could easily afford any kind of costs. he was mostly working to help them, after all.

you never took advantage of his need to work, you actually admired him. not many would do the same and kyojuro was really a son to be proud of. you hoped his father was aware of such thing. you were for sure and, deep down, a part of kyojuro wanted you to be proud of him…

taglist : @vampcubus @naomi-nana @stuckinthewrongworld @doumadono @unear7hly @frickinsleepdeprived @roseofthevolturi @mioblobby @thedevilishlyangelic @ilysm-akari

#⭐️ — say yes to heaven ( series )#📂 — writing !!#sub!kyojuro rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku x reader #kyojuro rengoku fanfic #kny kyojuro #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #demon slayer #demon slayer fanfic

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kenhoess · 8 months

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ATTENTION - AJ SHABEEL

A/N: idky i always choose to post late at night but yeah, ty to all the likes and follows n reblogs🫶🫶

***

it’s known by everyone that ur boyfriend isn’t that into physical touch, especially hugs but sometimes if he really loves you he’ll sneak one in.

but ur whole love language was touch sometimes you won’t even realize you’ve been touching someone the whole convo,

so that already tells that you and aj got a hard relationship. but he really does love you so sometimes he’ll just let you annoyingly kiss and hug him while he mumble things under his breath.

But not this time. You just got back from going to ur friend birthday dinner, thinking that aj would be sleep by now since it was at least 1am and he had a video to shoot in the morning.

you tip toe in the apartment to make ur way to the bathroom until you get stopped by aj playing his video game in you guys living room “Ya backkk!” he cheers than stop after he shift his eyes to you.

“wait you wore that?” “i wouldn’t even be surprised ur just now seeing my outfit” you roll ur eyes going to the bathroom remembering he’s been on the game ever since you left “wha- what did i do wrong?” he yells out to you. getting a door slam in return.

“sassy gal” he whispers under his breath shakin his head then bringing his attention back to the game.

***

Once you where fully dressed you come out of the bathroom ready to cuddle up with ur man and go to sleep thinking he’s sleep by now,

but no, bed empty and aj still playin just more into it, “OMG YOU IDIOT WHY WOULD YOU SHOOT UR OWN TEAMMATE” he basically barks at the tv.

“if you were next to an crackhead on the streets I would not be able to tell the difference..” you sit next to him on the couch.

You thought like usual you would get a bitch remark back but he just sat there looking at the tv, you grow bored of just sitting there you try to make up small talk again trying to talk to ur boyfriend cause you couldn’t all day.

“oh my day? yea amazing I’ll make sure to tell jasmine you told her happy birthday” you lay ur back on aj and feet on the couch,

still not gettin a response to ur sarcastic remark

you lay there for a while than got up and wrap ur arms around ur boyfriend “aj..” “oh my days- just go to bed already!” he tugs you off him in annoyance.

You just sat there hurt and pissed of at the same time because ur stupid boyfriend didn’t want to be bothered.

“fuck you” you push him going off to you guys shared room finally catching aj’s attention.

“shit” he pulls off his headphones noticing he messed up. He gets up cutting off his game and making the way towards you guys room scared knowing how you get when ur mad.

“y/n..” aj says opening the door and sitting on the edge of the bed while ur balled up in a small circle that made aj heart hurt.

“Aye listen I’ve got something to say” he sits down not getting a response “y/n I’ve got some to say please” he pulls ur leg

“what!” You yell annoyed trying to go to sleep

“..How’d you get in bed that quick-“ he jokes trying to make you laugh before getting a pillow hit at him.

“AJ IM NOT JOKING” you hit him again

“NETHER AM I” he says trying to dodge the pillow. You were about to hit again before getting pulled by ur hips taking you upside down.

“AHHHHH” you yell putting the pillow down while aj’s none stop laughing

“AJ PUT ME DOWN!” “QUIT HITTING ME THAN” “NO” “ALRIGHT THAN” he start shaking you giving you a headache.

“OKAY OKAY” you say, he puts you down still laughing.

“don’t wanna mess with me huh” he flicks ur forhead “can we just go to sleep now?”

“yeah im sorry i wasnt giving you attention..”

“Ig its ok but just one more thing though”

“wha-“ aj starts but than getting cut off by a pillow hitting him in the face.

***

i tried to not make it long so y’all wouldn’t get bored anyways NIGHT YALL

#aj shabeel #romance #imagines #ajbetasquad #ajshabeelxreader #fluff #beta squad #YouTube #youtubers #ajshbeelbettasquad #niko omilana #sharky

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itskindamagical · 10 months

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Criminal Minds: the moment they realized they are in love with you

AN: this will be multiple posts, each part with a different character and different plot line. I plan on writing the reader as gender neutral. I’ve seen this fanfic trope from multiple different fandoms, so I thought I might give it a try. Please remember I’ve only seen the first few seasons of Criminal Minds.

AN edit: sorry this took so long and that the story is so long. I got carried away writing this one <3

Part 1: Spencer Reid

You and Spencer were at a quaint, small, family owned restaurant. It was nice and semi-formal. Spencer felt bad for cancelling your last two dinners together, so he took you here, a place from his childhood. He claimed to have a handful of good memories from this place, which made you happy. There’s nothing you liked more than to see Reid happy. When you walked in, you took in your surroundings: small tables, all cleaned and organized to a “T”, some booths with what you believed to be genuine leather, and the small glow of lights and candles. You could tell why Spencer liked it here.

“This place is really beautiful, Spencer,” you looked up at him and caught the small smile he threw at you, satisfied you liked his childhood favorite restaurant.

You both sat down at a small table in the back next to the windows. Outside, the sun had set, the sky turning dark purple. You started to scan over the menu, noticing that Spencer hadn’t even glanced in the direction of his. You smiled softly. He already knew what he was going to eat.

“Did you want to-um- get an appetizer?” He asked, his voice less confident than usual. You noticed his usual stims were more animated. He seemed like he didn’t know what to do with his hands-cracking his knuckles and flexing his fingers-or how to look at you-his eyes would gaze at you and quickly retreat away.

“No, I’m alright.” You didn’t want to tack on additional prices to the bill, which Reid basically demanded he payed fully. It made sense to you why Reid said he didn’t come here too often, given the expensive entrees and fancy drink selection.

“Are you sure? Like I said, I’m covering the bill, so feel free to.. indulge,” the way his cheeks flushed made you wonder what meaning he was hiding behind that statement. Spencer wasn’t the insinuating type, so maybe he didn’t mean anything by it. He did seem a little off tonight, and it made you a little flustered.

“Uh- actually, could you help me pick between these two entrees?” You pointed to your possible selections on the menu. You were going to comment on how silly his insisting on paying the bill was, but you wanted to calm him down and not add to the awkwardness. It was bizarre. You and Spencer were close and had been for a while. When you two would share a meal or go out, you both felt comfortable. Reid talked your ear off, something he tried not to do with most people. It was sweet, and you were honored that he was so at ease around you. All of this tension made this experience- which was supposed to be enjoyable- a little less pleasant.

Reid pointed to the second option you showed him, “I really think you’d like this. It’s what I’m getting.” You both smiled at the serendipitous way you happened to have similar taste.

“I’ll take your word for it. It sounds great.” That seemed to settle things a little. The waiter came over, asking about what they could get you both to drink, boasting about the extensive list of wine and cocktails. Spencer requested just water. He was the DD, and even though a single glass of wine wouldn’t get him drunk, he wanted to keep you at ease knowing you would both get home safe. You hmmed a little, showing your appreciation. Spencer was always extra courteous, one of the many things you loved about him. The waiter took your drink order and asked about appetizers, which you declined.

“We are ready to order,” Spencer remarked. He told the waiter what he wanted and you echoed this, telling the waiter you would have the same.

“Great choice. That will be out of a little bit for you both. Enjoy the rest of your night together.” The waiters comment made you pause for a moment. “Your night together?”

Oh. Oh. The waiter thought you and Spencer were on a date. You and Spencer dressed in formal attire. faces flushed. Awkwardly talking. Ordering the same meal. You and Spencer were on a date. You and Spencer were on a date. Now Spencers demeanor made a lot more sense. You could feel your face turning hot. Oh my god. He was trying to be romantic with you? God. Your heart started to flutter. You secretly wanted badly for the waiter to be right. Was Reid nervous because it looked like you were on a date, or because you were on a date?

“Y/N?” Spencer rose his brows in confusion. You immediately snapped out of your little trance- face hot, mind nervous. It almost relieved you to see he didn’t notice your flustered realization. Now your head was swimming with thoughts, arguing over and over on whether this whole romantic dinner really was romantic or just a friendly bonding experience.

“S-sorry,” you paused, grasping to change the subject. “H-how was your last case? Serial arsonist in Miami right?” You watched as Spencers demeanor completely shifted. His face wiped clean of any other emotion but focus. He spoke with clarity. His pupils dilated a little bit, which you always found funny, as it indicated that he was happy. A serial arson case, making Spencer happy. You know it wasn’t the case itself. Spencer loved sharing knowledge and info dumping about his job and interests. You always prompted him to do so. It frustrated you when he’d get shot down- something people did far too often. You loved listening just as much as Spencer loved sharing. Everything he said was interesting and insightful. You found you always had a lot to learn from Spencer. You nodded your head to his explanations, responding and prompting him with questions.

You and Spencer had found a nice rhythm when making and avoiding eye contact. When you first met, making and breaking eye contact was very awkward, but Spencers anxiety and trouble with social norms lessened after you both grew as friends. It delighted you that Spencers walls melted away with you. That was a two way street as you found yourself sharing parts of yourself you hadn’t with other people, even those you considered close. Spencer had started reciting the profile, most likely word for word what had been said at the real briefing, then he began relating it to an old arson case- one you had heard about multiple times before. Spencer did a good job at putting things in perspective for you, and you didn’t mind him recalling old information, he always found a way to make it relevant and interesting again. He was always so easy to listen to.

You were listening, but the sound of the door opening and a pair of particularly loud heels clacking pulled your attention away for a moment, and maybe you were looking for an excuse to not stare into Spencers completely captivating eyes for they made you extra anxious. You watched oddly as a fancy couple was lead to a table near by where you were dining. Almost immediately your server sped over to them, asking about drinks and throwing recommendations out. Was that group of people on a date as well? Was this place a popular romantic spot? The idea of this being a date absolutely flooded your mind. It was anxiety inducing but also filled you with energy and joy. You had be harboring your real feelings for Spencer for a while.

You turned your head back to Spencer, hearing him clear his throat to get your attention. He was trying to hide his frown. A pit opened in your stomach. Guilt. He went through all this to impress you, be with you.

“Oh, Spencer, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to stop listening, I was-,”

“No. It’s alright..” he paused. “I shouldn’t have bored you with that old case. You’ve probably heard it a million times by now anyways.” He avoided eye contact with you.

“Bored?” You were heavily suprised, then realized you probably did seem disinterested. “Spencer, I’m not bored, you could never bore me,” he looked up at you and you made a point to gaze directly to his eyes which you had been dodging. “I love hearing you talk, I love listening to you. I love watching you recite facts, and share about your work.” You paused, and felt like you should keep your next comment to yourself, but said it anyways. “It’s cute.” This made Spencers eyes widen. Cute? He couldn’t really understand how his rambling could be cute, so you elaborated. “The way your pupils widen and you start to talk with your hands- sort of motioning and emoting with them,” you were in deep now, so you kept describing him, this time in way that would suggest you were looking at him with a sort of fondness not just a friend would use, “you start to grin and you don’t even notice. You tuck your hair back behind your ears. Your eyes practically glimmer.” He’s blushing and you can tell by his wandering eyes that he’s now hyper aware of his reactions and expressions. He was shocked. He was the profiler, but you could read him like a book. He never noticed how much you payed attention, how much you really cared.

“And it’s not even just they way you are when you talk, it’s how you talk and what you talk about. I think sometimes you forget that you are a genius. You speak in a way that encapsulates your knowledge and foresight. I always feel like I have something to learn, some room to grow when I’m with you. It doesn’t matter if it’s an old or new case, you bring forth new knowledge or a new perspective. The way you view the world is so fascinating to me, so of course I love it when you talk. I look forward to it. Its silly the way it excites me. I think about it a lot, how much I’ve learned from you. I practically count down the days until we get to see each other again,” at this point you were the one rambling a bit. “So please never think you are boring me, because you are probably the most exciting part of my life, and I truly enjoy listening to you talk. Even if I didn’t like the particular subject you were talking about- which doesn’t happen but if it did- I would still listen. What you say is important and you deserve to be heard. I’m sorry if anyone has made you feel otherwise and if I made you feel like your words were insignificant. Spencer, I’m your friend, and I’m here to listen.” You smiled up at him, not noticing your face being all hot and the way your heart was beating.

On the contrary, Spencer was all too focused on the way his pulse paced and how his face was as red as a cherry. Holy fuck. The awe he was in was simply indescribable. You basically confessed your love to him, just without the literal words themselves. At least, he saw it that way. He came all this way hoping he would have the guts to confess his romantic feelings for you. It took Spencer so so long to come to terms with his “crush” on you, and every time you spoke, his emotions grew in intensity. The way his heart was pounding. His soul practically shaking in his body. The adrenaline and the absolute adoration he felt when he looked at you, talked to you, thought about you. Spencer was often confused by his feelings, but now it made sense. He loved you, and wanted you more than anything. Fueled by his feelings and not really thinking, he abruptly stood up from his chair, leaned over the table, and kissed you. Your eyes widened and you stiffened in surprise, but soon understood what was happening. You stood up from your chair and reached out to cup his face with your hands, but Spencer pulled away, shocked.

“Sorry,” he looked broken with a frown of heartache. “I didn’t mean to-,” you reached out and grabbed his hands. Pulling him closer, you kissed him again, firmly but lovingly. You let go of his hands and cupped his face. Spencer quickly realized and kissed you back, placing his hands on your hips and slightly deepening your kiss. Your lips were soft and so were his. He tasted like mint chapstick, which made you smile into the kiss as you knew he would, almost obsessively, use chapstick to deal with his dry lips. You both pulled away after a tender moment.

“Don’t be sorry,” you gazed at him sweetly. You could see the glisten in his eyes, filled with deep emotion. He stared back at you, absorbed by his feelings for you. You moved your head in, going for another kiss, but saw a food runner walking towards your table with your meals. You tapped Spencers hand and motioned with your head to the seat, hoping he would understand to sit back down. No. He frowned in confusion.

“Spencer, the food,” oh. He sat down right as the runner came to the table. The runner placed your dinner in front of you both and told you to enjoy your meals. Wow. It really did look and smell delicious. You smiled sheepishly at Spencer, and felt just a little bit awkward, having just passionately kissed him in a restaurant. He softly grinned back and, after a moment, glanced at your plate. He motioned for you to try your food. You grabbed your fork and tried to craft the perfect first bite. You looked at Spencer again and finally decided to eat. The food was full of flavor and had a nice texture to it. You absentmindedly licked your lips, which Spencer found adorable.

“It’s really good!” This made Spencer smile wide and he shook his head at your cuteness.

“I knew you’d like it.”

#criminal minds #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #aaron hotchner #derek morgan #spencer reid x you #spencer x reader #spencer criminal minds #spencer x y/n

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shuchu · 2 years

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‧̍̊˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙ off collab with the boys ˙˚˙ᵕ꒳ᵕ˙˚˙‧̍̊

characters: vox akuma ; mysta rias ; luca kaneshiro ; ike eveland ; shu yamino ; shoto

take note: this headcanon is written with a gn!reader who is also a vtuber from nijisanji en and the boys have a crush on the reader. also, in this, the reader is a complete lightweight lmao sorry (≧▽≦)

author notes: this is a very long post, it’s kinda like separate one shots for the boys but in headcanon form? idek lmao halp (・_・;) the boys won’t confess now, i’ll write a separate headcanon on how the boys would confess (≧◡≦) i tried my best with this but if any of the boys are ooc i’m so sorry! as usual, feel free to send in feedback and/or requests (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) decorative dividers credit to: @/mykaesu on twt *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

enjoy lovelies! ♡

a little backstory:

the luxiem boys and shoto were under the impression that it was just them meeting up, with the addition of ninaur of course. however, nina had messaged you on discord after they had planned to meet up and asked if you would be down to surprise the boys since she knew how close you were with them. you agreed immediately and started making plans to travel to Paris (wink wonk).

the day finally arrives and you’re standing outside the door of the airbnb that they were at. 'badum badum badum' you can hear your racing heartbeat in your ears, you’re nervously pacing to and fro with 3 boxes of pizzas in your hands waiting for nina to open the door to let you in. you could hear their voices from outside the door, they were currently streaming. this was your first time meeting any of your co-workers in person and you were lowkey freaking out a little. suddenly you hear nina go, “oh hold on, i think our pizzas are here!” you sucked in a breath and tried to calm yourself down. she opens the door and goes, “oh, wait a minute…who’s this?” nina stands to the side to let you in and you smile, saying, “did you guys order some pizza?”. you see the boys’ eyes widen in shock and next thing you know, you’re engulfed in a big group hug.

vox

his eyes widens and he’d go, “no fucking way…”

after the group hug is over, he hugs you again tight and says, “it’s so good to meet you in person.”

when sitting on the couch together with the boys, vox would sit next to you and rest his arm behind you, on the back of the couch

vox would want to spend as much as time as he can one-on-one with you, so he plans to do lots of collabs with you. him being there for moral support while you play FNAF being one of the many collabs

when you get jumpscared, you whine at him and he coos at you saying, “aaawww…does y/n need my help? did they get jumpscared again by bonnie? aawwww…”

you’d swat at him telling him to shut up and insist that you’re fine. the smug bastard just chuckles and says, “alright then, if you say so love.”

he would be flirting and bantering with you so much during the collabs, talking about how cute you are when you blush and get flustered

your fans would go crazy and say, “(you and vox’s ship name) fans are well fed during the off collab."

fan art of vox and you will flood both your twitter feeds, vox liking as many of them as possible, even retweeting some

vox would be very helpful, constantly asking if you need help with anything especially with setting up stream or whether you need to use any of his equipment

i have a feeling that you and vox would have many late night conversations where you guys would talk about anything and everything

if you wanted to go shopping he’d be more than happy to accompany you

he’d be so patient, going to all the different shops with you and complimenting you when you go to try on clothes

vox would definitely offer to carry all your bags even though you insist that you don’t need help

when you all go to a bar, vox would definitely be the one to take care of you if you get drunk

under the influence of alcohol, vox might let it slip that he likes you but you were too drunk to register what he said

to help get you home safely, he'd princess carry you back to the airbnb

if you have a hangover the next day he’d tease you first and say with a smirk on his face, “i didn’t know you were a lightweight.”

you’d roll your eyes and tell him to shut the fuck up. at that he would chuckle and say, “ah…but you love it when i tease you.”

he would then hand you aspirin and water, then leave to go cook some soup to help you feel better

when you thank him for helping you get over your hangover, he’d just say, “of course, i’m glad i could help y/n.”

when you're leaving, vox gives you a long tight hug and speaks softly so that only you could hear him, “i loved spending time with you, let’s do this again soon. i want to spend more time with you.”

you’d rub his back and say, “it’s okay voxy, we can still hang out online. i enjoyed spending time with you too you silly demon man.”

“don’t miss me too much y/n.” cheeky bastard

mysta

mysta’s eyes widen and his jaw drops, he can’t believe that you’re right there, in person, in front of him. he feels like he’s dreaming

after the group hug is over, he would say, “you’re shorter than i imagined.”, chuckling right after

you’d punch his arm and glare at him saying, “is that how you say hi to me huh? mysta rias from nijisanji en’s luxiem.”

he’d then hug you and say, “i’m kidding, i’m kidding, it’s good to have you here y/n.”

like vox, i feel like mysta would want to spend a lot of one-on-one time with you, since well, he has a crush on you

he would try to be subtle about his intentions but we all know how that will go lmao

he would arrange for as many collabs as he can with you and gets a bit jealous when the other boys arrange multiple collabs with you too

during your collabs he’d try to make you flustered and he loves the fact that he’s able to see your reactions to his flirting in person

although, when you flirt back, mysta becomes a spluttering, stuttering mess and the fact that you’re able to see his reaction in person makes it 10 times better

you then tease him about it saying, “aaawww is little mysta all flustered?”

he’d respond and say, “w-what? noooo…i’m not, i have no idea what you’re talking about.” “you’re literally as red as a tomato right now mysta.” “that is such cap y/n, don’t believe them chat.” flustered mysta >>>

mysta would definitely make you laugh a lot during your collabs, at the end of every collab both your cheeks and stomach would be hurting

multiple clips of the both of you flirting and bantering will flood twitter, mysta would secretly bookmark all of them so that when he gets home, he can look back on them and relive those moments when he misses you. i cri, he's so precious

mysta would also be very helpful, lending you equipment when you want to stream and helping you with technical difficulties whenever they pop up

like vox, you and mysta would also have many late night talks, he’d fall even more in love with you after those talks because he feels like you understand him and that you would never judge him

mysta would constantly ask if you’d want to go out to get some food with him, secretly hoping that the others won’t tag along

he’d also set up movie nights where if you guys watch a scary film, he’d instinctively hug you and hide his face behind your shoulder

but he’ll end up holding your hand throughout the entire movie which he is secretly really happy about

when the group of you go to a bar for drinks, both of you get absolutely hammered because you both are lightweights

you guys end up giggling a whole lot on the way home, stumbling and almost falling flat on your faces multiple times, resulting in vox needing to hold on to the both of you all the way home

the next day, both of you are down with a hangover, mysta stumbles into your room and collapses on your bed saying, “urrghhh y/n i feel like shit.” you groan and respond, “uurrgghh me too.”

“can i stay in your bed with you for today? i don’t wanna be alone.” “sure mysta.”

you both end up sleeping the day away with shoto and vox bringing the both of you aspirin, water as well as your comfort foods to help with the hangover

when you're leaving, mysta comes up to you and gives you a hug, saying, "thank you for making this trip so enjoyable and fun, i'll miss you. let's meet up again soon okay?"

you hug him a little tighter and thank him for such an enjoyable trip as well, agreeing to another off collab soon

luca

luca would yell your name and be the first one to run towards you with his arms wide open. ugh i love luca sm he's so cute uweee

he would squeeze you to his booba so tight, chuckle and say, “it’s y/n! in person! POGGGGGG!”

throughout the whole trip luca would constantly be making tik tok references and doing the “AUUGGHHHHH” sound, making you laugh so much

when you guys are just hanging out in the living room, he’d say, “hey y/n, check out this tik tok.” the both of you would spend hours watching tik tok videos with each other and laughing your asses off

luca would organise as many collabs with you as possible, one of the many collabs might be It Takes Two, since the both of you have never played it before and luca thought that it’ll be a good idea to play it with you during the off collab

luca plays as cody and you play as may (or vice versa), when you guys get to the part where cody gets the nails and may gets the hammer, luca would keep shooting the nails at you/hammering you down with the hammer and laughing all while doing it. once you get free of being nailed/hammered down, you’d run after him with the hammer/nails, yelling, “LUCCCAAAA!!!”” to try and hammer/nail him down as revenge. the both of you would progress through the game super slowly because of luca and his trolling

luca finds it super cute when you run at him to try and get revenge from all the trolling that he’s doing

so prepare yourself for luca griefing you a lot for the whole duration of this game

from all the tik toks that the both of you have watched together, a repertoire of inside jokes were created and when the group does collabs together, the both of you would be giggling at jokes that only the both of you get, leaving the rest confused

when the group of you would go out for food, luca would always be down to try something he’s never eaten before. so when he tries something he likes, he’d look at you and go, “y/n, this is really good! i like it!” and you’d clap and say, “pogggg! i’m so proud of you luca!”

when the group of you goes shopping, luca would always find a way to make you laugh. luca would pick up a pair of sunglasses that look really bizarre and say, “hey y/n, you think i should get these glasses?”, you’d giggle and tell him that he looks ridiculous in those glasses

when you try on outfits and ask luca for his opinion on them, he’d always go, “y/n poggggg! yes, get them!” and when you go back into the changing room, he’d blush a little because he thinks you look amazing in everything

when the group goes out to a bar for a drink, like with mysta, both of you get absolutely hammered

luca and you would start doing random dances and giggling when the other looks stupid doing it, not caring if people were looking

vox and nina being the ones to make sure the both of you get back safely

somehow luca doesn't get a hangover, but you do, so luca brings you aspirin and a glass of water. he then says, "it's okay y/n, just pog!" you groan at that and say, "luca please."

luca would be there to help you get over your hangover, bringing more water whenever you wanted some, going out to get your favourite food and keeping you company

when you're leaving, luca engulfs you in a hug and says with a pout, "nooo y/n why're you leaving me?"

you pat him gently on the back and assure him that more off collabs will be planned in the future and that you both can still hang out online

he'd nod while still hugging you and says, "thank you for making this trip so fun y/n, i'll miss you."

"i'll miss you too luca." i'm so soft for him uweee ( 〃▽〃)

ike

ike would be one of the last few to join the group hug because he’s just so shocked that you’re literally standing right in front of him

he’d hug you again after the group hug and say, “aaahhh, it’s so good to see you y/n!”

he’d make you try caviar toast, let’s be real, mans is addicted to that stuff (≧▽≦)

ike’s social battery drains pretty quickly but he’d make sure that he’s around you, you guys don’t have to talk, he just loves being around you

ike would arrange to do multiple collabs with you, a clubhouse games 51 collab being one of the many collabs

since ike has a crush on you, flirty ike comes out to play, occasionally slipping in flirty comments whenever the chance arises

when you guys play connect 4, both of you get equally competitive so you’d both be taunting each other and trying to trick each other into making a wrong move

when ike wins and you just flop back onto the backrest of the couch feeling defeated, he sits closer to you saying, “aww you did really well y/n, you were 1 step away from beating me.”

he’d rub small circles on the back of your hand to help you feel better. i’m ascendingggggg

when you win, ike goes, “what the hecky?? i did not see that coming, good job y/n!”

both of your twitter feeds will be full of fanart of the both of you, ike likes as many as he can and retweets a lot of them too

ike would take the time to get to know you properly and by the end of the off collab he would know your likes and dislikes like the back of his hand

this might be ooc but i see you and ike taking a nap next to each other, with your head on his shoulder possibly

the rest will see it and go, “aaww”, nina will probably snap a photo secretly and send it to ike because mama knows ~

i feel like ike would ask you to accompany him to cafés for a little mid day snack or for brunch perhaps

ike and you would definitely be the ones to clean up and tidy up the airbnb, you guys would be dancing and singing along to vocaloid songs while cleaning. married life with ike brainrot go brr

when you guys go shopping, ike would be like luca, he’d compliment every item you try on and thinking about how stunning you look in every single item of clothing you try on

“y/n…you look amazing!!! definitely get that outfit and the other items of clothing that you tried earlier.”

when the group goes out to a bar to drink, i feel like ike would get tipsy and would be a little more flirty than usual but of course you’re too drunk to even realise that he’s flirting with you

i’d imagine that ike has a higher alcohol tolerance than you do so he’d end up wrapping an arm around your shoulder and vice versa, making sure that you get back safely

he would definitely take care of you the next morning when you’re nursing that hangover, bringing you the aspirin and water, then hanging out with you for the whole day, sitting beside you and reading a book, just scrolling through twitter on his phone or writing a novel, getting you whatever you need when you ask for it

when you tell him that he doesn’t have to stay with you, ike says, “i enjoy your company y/n, so don’t worry.” with that soft gentle smile (*/▽＼*)

when you’re leaving, ike would give you a long hug, rubbing his thumb slightly on your back saying, “it’s been such a pleasure spending time with you y/n, i hope we can do this again sometime soon.”

“likewise ikey, i always enjoy spending time with you.” i cri, i love ike

shu

shu would also be one of the last few to join the group hug because he’s stunned and at a loss for words but he’s so excited to get to spend time with you in person

he’d give you a hug and squeeze you a lil saying, “eyyyy y/n, welcome to paris, happy to have you here!”

shu is such a memer and has such zoomer humour that you’ll be laughing tons throughout the whole trip and shu appreciates that you laugh at his zoomer jokes

shu would also want to collab a lot with you, so plan a valorant training week with him as your coach

you’ve been watching all the other hopconners and want to give valorant a shot

you’d ask shu to coach you with the pien face and hoo boy, how could shu say no to that face, you got him blushing

“u-uh yeah, i’d be happy to coach you!”

he’s secretly so happy that you asked him to teach you

during the valorant stream, shu would sit beside you and get you to do some aim training first

at first you’d struggle with flicking your crosshair to the targets’ heads so shu stands behind you with a hand resting on the back of your chair, the other on your hand (asking permission first of course) to guide you on how to flick to the dummy’s heads. this made me blush (//▽//)

you’d get the hang of it really quickly after he demonstrated to you and he’d be so proud of you saying, “eyyyy! you got it y/n!”

your chat, consisting of the yaminions and your fans couldn’t see what was happening behind the scenes but saw how patient and gentle shu was being with you. your chat would be flooded with comments saying, “awww shu and y/n are so cute!”, “i feel like i’m third wheeling.”, “shu sounds so proud of y/n, that’s so cute!”

when you guys play unranked valorant games together, shu would definitely try his best because he wants to impress you. so when you hype him up as he’s getting kills and compliment him after saying that he’s absolutely cracked at the game, his heart flutters and he gets a little flustered. he’s so cute

during all the collabs that the both of you do, shu will slip in compliments whenever he can and he’d drop a few flirty comments here and there just to see if you’d get flustered. if you do, he finds it really fricking cute

if you have any technical difficulties, shu will be there to help in a heartbeat. he ain’t called shupport for nothing

shu would ask you if you’d like to go grab food with him and if no one else asks to tag along, he’s secretly really happy because he gets to spend more time with you alone

shu would definitely ask you to watch anime with him and if you end up falling asleep on his shoulder while watching, he’ll stay there and take a nap with you because he can’t bear to move when you look so cute resting on his shoulder like that

shu likes being around you, so if you’re hanging out in the living room, he’d be there too

if he watches something funny on youtube he’d show it to you so the both of you can laugh about it together and if he finds fan art or clips posted to youtube about the both of you that he likes, he’d show them to you on his phone

when the group goes out to a bar, both you and shu would get drunk after 2-3 drinks and shu gets a little bolder when he’s drunk so he’d probably start flirting a bit more. when you flirt back, shu blushes and gets all flustered

vox and ike will help get the both of you back to the airbnb safely but the whole time, shu will be holding your hand because he wants to make sure that you’re always with him and that nothing bad happens to you on the way back. protective shu >>>

the next day, shu would somehow not get a hangover but you will and he’ll be the one taking care of you. when you give him the pien face, asking him to give you headpats and stay with you, shu’s heart melts and he pats your hair gently, lulling you back to sleep

when you’re leaving, shu gives you a big long hug where you guys sway a little side to side. you giggle and he chuckles saying, “eyyy y/n, i really enjoyed hanging out with you during this off collab, let’s arrange for more in the future okay?”

shoto would also, like luca, run towards you immediately with arms wide open, yelling your name excitedly

after the group hug, shoto would give you a hug and squeeze you tight saying, “aaaahh im so happy you’re here y/n!”

shoto is kinda like a mix of vox and shu, he has zoomer humour but makes a ton of dirty jokes too so every time shoto makes a zoomer or dirty joke, you’d look at him with a deadpan face and say, “shoto...”

i feel like shoto would do minecraft collabs with you because they’re chill and relaxing , you both would make a little village of your own and go on mining adventures. sounds so relaxing (─‿‿─)♡

i also feel like shoto would get you to play valorant with him and shu but flirting with you throughout the whole collab making poor shu a thirdwheel (≧▽≦)

“hey y/n, if you clutch this i’ll give you a kiss.” “h-huh wait, what?”

chat would be flying saying things like, “ayo???”, “shoto??”, “he said he would what??”

but you end up getting shot by the enemy because you were too flustered

shoto just chuckles and says, “maybe next time y/n.” but secretly his heart was racing

if vox is unable to be there when you plan on playing FNAF due to other collabs, shoto will sit in for him

whenever you get jumpscared, he’d get jumpscared too, occasionally (≧▽≦). but he’ll place a hand on your back, rubbing it slowly while encouraging you

“c’mon y/n you’re at 4am! it’s do-able, i believe in you!”, “YOU DID IT WOOOOO! i’m so proud of you!”

shoto would also compliment you a lot especially when he likes the outfits that you wear

“sheeesh y/n you look good!”

shoto would definitiely treat you to sushi, he’d ask, “hey y/n, would you like to go on a little sushi date with me?”

in the mornings shoto would also cook pancakes for you if you haven’t had anything to eat yet

“wait you haven’t had breakfast yet y/n? i’ll go cook up some pancakes for you real quick, stay right there.”

when you wanna go shopping, you bet shoto will ask to tag along. i wanna hc that shoto has pretty good fashion sense so he’d help pick out some outfits for you to try on. every outfit you tried on has his jaw dropping every single time. “omg, y/n you look amazing! you better get this outfit because holy crap you look so good.”

after all the shopping both of you would get boba, find a little bench to sit down, rest and chat a little

shoto would also be one to ask for you to watch anime with him, if you guys are both not in the mood to go anywhere. the both of you would just hang out in the living room of the airbnb watching anime. he’d sit right next to you with his legs crossed. after watching a few episodes you guys will just hang out, talking about what you thought about the few episodes that you’ve just watched

from all the collabs that the both of you have done, there will be lots of fan art of the both of you. shoto likes and retweets as many as he can. he would show them to you on his phone if you aren’t busy or if the both of you are just hanging out on the couch

when the group of you head out to a bar for some drinks, shoto has a higher alcohol tolerance than you do so you’d end up getting drunk after 2-3 drinks whereas he’d end off the night being just tipsy at most

you thought shoto was flirty before? meet tipsy shoto. shoto would definitely be flirting with you the whole time you guys were drinking.

“you know what? this tastes pretty good, i’ll probably want a little more later.”

“i know what i want a little more of later too.”

“SHOTO!!!”

“just kidding...unless?” ( 〃▽〃) shoto please

shoto would wrap your arm around his shoulder and he does the same to you so that you won’t stumble and fall while you guys are heading back

if you get a hangover the next day, shoto will definitely be there to help you get over your hangover. he’d be there to bring you anything you want. you want ramen? he’ll go cook it. you want sushi? he’ll go out and get it. you need more water? he’s on it. he’ll be right beside you the whole time, keeping you company

when you’re leaving, shoto gives you a long hug, rubbing your back slowly and says, “i loved spending time with you y/n, i’ll miss your presence...” pien shoto is so cute uweee

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rougepancake · 9 months

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Hello there! I hope I'm not being rude but I saw that requests were open so I was wondering if it was okay to have a scenario where Giorno and Josuke get hit with a Stand and act different?

Giorno acts hyper, bubbly, and adorable while Josuke acts timid, meek and cute? And Reader has to handle all that cuteness?

I hope this follows the rules!

It follows the rules just fine!! I’ve actually seen a post with an ask that’s pretty similar to this one, so I’ll link it just in case you want more!! Here

FT. Giorno Giovanna, Josuke Higashikata

WARNINGS: none.

GIORNO GIOVANNA

Interesting. He seemed… happier than usual. More outgoing, too. Did something happen while you were out? Or was he simply just enjoying himself?

Either way, you found it to be adorable.

“Y/n! Look! It’s a ladybug!!” He rushed over to you for the third time this afternoon, proudly showing off the ladybug that was crawling around on the palm of his hand.

“Oh? Did you give this one a name too?” You tease, patting the spot beside you on your picnic blanket as a way to tell him to sit down. He had asked you to go outside with him earlier, and you just couldn’t tell him no.

“Not yet. But isn’t it adorable?” He sat down next to you, resting his head on top of your lap. He didn’t care about the book you were reading, pushing it to the side as he smiled up at you.

You smiled and ran your fingers through his hair, chuckling at his behavior.

He definitely got into something, but you weren’t worried about it. In fact, you quite liked this side of him. He was much more vulnerable and emotional, which was something that you didn’t typically see from Giorno unless the two of you were alone.

You guys stayed like that until he got bored, rising to his feet quickly and bringing you with him.

“Come on y/n! Let’s go bug hunting together!” He grinned and took your hand, squeezing it gently as he took you to where he found the ladybug.

“Alright! Calm down, GioGio!” You grinned and followed after him excitedly. How can you tell such a cute face no?

JOSUKE HIGASHIKATA

He’s been quieter than usual, and seemed very keen on avoiding social interaction today. Even with you and Okuyasu.

He did say he had to do something earlier, but didn’t go into details as to what it was. It was strange, especially since he wasn’t even talkative.

It was like he was an entirely different person.

“Josuke?” You had been looking for him all afternoon, and had finally found him sitting underneath a tree in the park. “Goodness Josuke I was worried. Why did you run off like that??”

“I don’t know…” he mumbled, pouting as he avoided your gaze. Josuke not having an answer to something? That was new.

You sat down beside him, no questions asked, and rested your head on his shoulder. His face erupted into a deep red at the contact, a nervous chuckle escaping him. “You know I’m gonna like you no matter what, right?”

“Yeah…”

You snuggled into his side, leaning up so you could give him a kiss on the cheek. “So you know that I think you’re cute regardless of your mood?” He nodded reluctantly and you chuckled. He’s precious.

“I know…”

“Then come here you big baby!” You grabbed him and held him tightly, ignoring his embarrassed protests.

#sorry but giorno saying let’s go bug hunting together is my equivalent of let’s take ibuprofen together #x reader #jjba x reader #jojo's bizarre adventure #jojo’s bizzare adventure x reader #jojo’s bizarre adventure #giorno x reader #giorno giovanna #giorno giovanna x reader #josuke higashikata #josuke x reader #josuke higashikata x reader #jjba x you #jjba fluff

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sunlightellies · 1 year

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masterlist

a/n: this is not proofread and also it's super short!! and i wrote this at night so i’m sorry if it's a lil bad :(

a/n added: i wrote two different part 2 for this and published both because i couldn't choose which one to post. you can find the fluff one here and the angst one here

warning: angst!!! angst!!!! just angst

21:14

“i had to take a walk”

Totally terrified you looked at the phone in your hand, not knowing what to do. After staring at it for a while you decided to take a walk, you took your phone so you could bring it with you thinking in fear that Bella would find it and see the text if you didn’t. They said they wouldn’t be home for a while due to running late on set, so you thought that taking a walk to think things through would help before they came home. Putting on your shoes and grabbing a coat, you were just about to head out when you heard voices coming from the other side of the door. Bella.

Standing frozen in the hallway, the door opened before your eyes. Bella was not alone. You definitely can’t talk to them about it now.

“Hi darling! I invited my friends..” dragging out the last word they started to look confused while stopping in the middle of their sentence. “Were you just about to head out? Where?” clutching onto your phone tightly in your hand, you answered their question as calmly as you could, while almost being on the verge of tears. “I had to take a walk. I’m not feeling well.” You started to walk past them and the others but Bella grabbed your wrist before you got out of the door. “Okay, be safe alright? I love you.” You nodded and tried to keep their attention on you, since they grabbed the wrist with the hand that had the phone. Just as they started to let go they looked at the end of the coat and saw your phone. Something that wouldn’t be weird usually, if you weren’t so obviously holding it like you were about to break it.

“What’s that? Why are you holding it so tightly?” grabbing it before you even could react, and they accidentally opened it while they grabbed it. Their friends were all quiet and hadn’t even said hi yet. Martha who was right behind Bella must’ve somehow seen what it was before Bella did because she let out a gasp. You tried to hold back your tears but they were really threatening to spill the more the seconds went by. Looking down on your hands and taking a step back you quietly wait for their reaction.

“Oh my god.” the pictures of Bella kissing another person on the street was fully visible on your phone. After a minute of silent shock Isaac finally spoke up, “I think this is a bad time. We’ll leave and let you talk this out. See you tomorrow, sleep tight.” They all left and you and Bella were now alone.

You couldn’t bear the silence and anxiety anymore, so you just went out the door and simply said “I can’t do this right now. I’ll be back tomorrow, I guess.” you closed the door just as Bella was about to speak. You turned your back to the door and the tears who had threatened to spill were now streaming down your face. Picking up your phone and calling your best friend who quickly picked up, telling them about what happened and asking if you could stay there tonight, which you of course could.

While you were at your friend's apartment on the other side of town crying yourself to sleep, Bella was at your shared apartment doing the same.

#actually i have two part 2's ready for this #one angst and one fluff ish #or should i leave it on a cliffhanger?#if part 2.. happy or sad ending..#hmm many choices #bella ramsey #bella ramsey ellie williams #bella ramsey x reader #bella ramsey x y/n #bella ramsey x you #ellie williams #hbo ellie x reader #hbo the last of us #hbo tlou #bella ramsey x reader angst #bella x you

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moni-logues · 7 months

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Kintsugi 8

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: strangers-to-friends-to-lovers, non-idol!au, angst, smut, eventual fluff

Summary: In a fit of spiteful, post-break-up self-improvement, you sign up to a baking class. Yoongi, in a bid to appease his demanding girlfriend, signs up, too. Determined to make him your friend, you end up with more than you ever imagined.

Word count: 9.4k

Content: Yoongi POV!!, death (Yoongi's granddad), yet more talk about suicide

A/N: un-beta'd!! honestly wanted to call this 'Nostalgia' (based entirely on the Greek, nostos, return, algia, pain) but like, nostalgia is an actual English word now that doesn't really mean that so I couldn't, but them's the vibes!!!

Chapter Seven | Masterlist | Chapter Nine

Chapter Eight – Nostos

You liked Friday nights at Yoongi’s. For one thing, he was, by far and away, a better cook than you were and food always tasted better when you didn’t have to cook it. There was also the cat (though she did spend most of her time curled up on his bed, ignoring everyone and everything). Somewhere around third was Yoongi himself.

He cleared his throat and put his spoon down.

“I think I have to cancel dinners, by the way.”

“Oh-” you clutched your invisible pearls with a fake gasp and a mouth full of rice, “are you friend-breaking up with me?”

It was a joke as you said it, but as soon as you heard the words and paired them with Yoongi’s quietness—different from his usual kind—and the way he was fidgeting, you felt a prick of anxiety.

“I’m going back to Daegu.”

“Like, moving?”

You quickly swallowed your mouthful before all the food turned to ash. Yoongi couldn’t leave Seoul; he wouldn’t. Couldn’t. No-

He shook his head.

“My grandfather had a fall. My dad called. Said I should go back there.”

“Oh shit.”

He shrugged. You reached out and placed your hand over his; he looked at them, your hand and his, for a moment, then he shrugged again and shook his head.

“It’s alright. I haven’t been back for a while so it’s probably overdue anyway.”

“How long will you be there for?”

Yet another shrug.

“Not sure yet. Depends what happens to my grandfather, I suppose. My dad didn’t say much – never does – so I’m not entirely sure what I’ll be greeted with when I get down there but I’ll stay until he’s back on his feet. No idea how long that will be.”

You said nothing. You said nothing because you were not going to actually say any of the things that you were thinking; things like ‘do you have to go?’, ‘can’t you just stay?’, and ‘please don’t leave’. You knew he had to go; you knew that you wouldn’t really have wanted him to stay because who stays when their father calls and tells them that his father is in hospital and they need your help? No one good. You knew, also, that you could survive without him, that you didn’t need him to keep you afloat or anything like that. You just wanted him around. And that wasn’t enough to make you ask him to stay when he had to go.

“Well, I hope he’s ok,” you offered instead. “Do you have to take time off work?”

“No, I can work from home. For a while at least. I don’t know if they’ll put a time limit on it or just let me keep going.”

You didn’t like this. All this uncertainty, the indefiniteness of his absence. Some things take a long time to recover from; he could be gone for months. You shivered, even in the warmth of Yoongi’s apartment, with a stomach full of hot stew.

“What about Cherry?”

Yoongi was already eating again, the disquiet that had hung over him dispelled now that he’d spat it out, said the thing he had obviously been harbouring uncomfortably all evening.

“Oh, Namjoon’s going to look after her,” he answered. “She has an automatic feeder and water bowl, so she’ll mostly be taken care of anyway but he said he’ll come over and hang out with her.”

“Can I?”

“Can you what?”

“Can I come and hang out with Cherry, too?”

Yoongi looked surprised, then amused, and then he got that smile on his face that said he was going to indulge you in whatever stupid thing you were talking about now.

“Yeah, if you want. I can hardly stop you; you know the codes.”

“How many times do I have to tell you that you can change them?”

He rolled his eyes with a grin.

“Yeah but then I’d have to tell everyone else the new ones... It’s too much bother.”

“Hear that, Cherry?” you called to the bedroom. “You and I are going to be best fucking friends! Just you wait!”

“Are you threatening my cat?”

You threw a napkin at him.

You stared at your phone. Your still, silent phone.

“You know a watched pot never boils, princess. Your boyfriend isn’t going to call if you just stare at it.”

“He’s not my fucking boyfriend,” you snapped back, more viciously than you’d intended. “I thought you’d stopped making those jokes.”

Taehyung just shrugged.

“You seem very het up about not hearing from him, that’s all. You certainly never miss my contact that much.”

“As if I would ever go that long without your contact. I can barely get away from you.”

“As if you would have it any other way.”

You were crabby. Out of sorts. Yoongi wasn’t great at keeping in touch over the phone—not even at the best of times and this was certainly not that. You had exercised what you thought was extreme restraint, waiting until he had replied before texting him again (most of the time...), not wanting to bug him while he was with his family, going through something.

You weren’t one hundred percent sure what exactly it was they were going through because Yoongi’s updates were sparse on detail (like father, like son, apparently), but it was looking likely that you wouldn’t be seeing him again before the end of the year so it couldn’t have been good. It made you sad, that you wouldn’t see him over Christmas, that he had disappeared as the winter had arrived. Did the cold suit Yoongi? Did his cheeks get flushed and his nose turn pink? Did he like the cold weather? The dark and cosy nights?

You supposed that that was it. That was what was making you miss him all the more: the cosiness of winter is a lot less cosy when you are spending it by yourself. Taehyung was there, sure, but it wasn’t the same. Yoongi was yours. You and he had your own little club; you were dark and twisty. Now you had to be dark and twisty all on your own. And so did he, miles and miles away. You hoped he wasn’t getting too dark and twisty, that things weren’t getting capital-B Bad down there, that his family were supporting him.

You still didn’t know much about them, about his relationship with them. Yoongi played all his cards close to his chest, but these were on lockdown. You hadn’t known his grandparents were still alive. You weren’t sure exactly how many of them were. You hadn’t pushed him on it. It hadn't seemed to matter much before, though it certainly did now and you wished you had asked when you’d had the chance.

It was less than 200 miles—not far, not really. You could easily get there and back in a day. But it stretched out long in front of you, this distance. Maybe it was healthy. Or rather, maybe it was unhealthy, your attachment to him. Maybe this would do you good, do your friendship good. It was just a break. Not even really a break—he was still at the other end of a phone. You’d spent so much time and effort getting to a place where you felt self-sufficient, independent, capable; if you couldn’t be those things without holding Yoongi’s hand, were you those things at all?

You sighed and put your phone in your bag; it was easier not to think about it if it were out of sight. If only the same could be said of people.

It was weeks before you made your first visit to Yoongi’s almost empty apartment. Regardless of what you had said, it didn’t feel right to go there without him, to be in his space unsupervised. The thought of it made you miss him more, at first, but then he was away for longer and longer and you could no longer remember what his apartment smelt like. So you went.

You opened the door and shucked off your shoes and jumped half a mile in the air when you looked up to see a tall, dark, and handsome stranger, looking at you with confusion writ large across his face.

You laughed nervously, a relieved, breathy chuckle and you knew who it was immediately. You pointed at him.

“Namjoon?”

“Uh, yeah?” More confused than before. “You... are?”

“Oh!”

You introduced yourself, surprised that Yoongi hadn’t let him know you might be coming over (or maybe he just hadn’t believed that you would go). Namjoon responded to your name with a long, knowing ‘ah’.

“What is ‘ahhh’? What does ‘ahhh’ mean?”

Namjoon’s dimples made craters in his cheeks as he grinned widely.

“Nothing! Honestly, nothing; Yoongi has told me about you, obviously. Wasn’t expecting to see you.”

You didn’t believe him, but you did believe he meant well. He had a kind face, you thought, and he was looking after Yoongi’s cat on a potentially indefinite basis, so that gained him marks, too.

At the sound of voices, Cherry had skittered, yowling, towards you, stopping with a skid in front of you and meowing plaintively. You crouched down and held out a hand to you, but she merely continued meowing.

“Wow, she must like you; for me, she usually just disappears,” Namjoon said. “I think she hears people and thinks it might be Yoongi and she’s disappointed when it’s not. I think she misses him.”

You looked up at Namjoon, aghast.

“How can you just say that?! You’re going to break my whole, entire heart! Oh god, I’m going to cry!”

You really almost were. You turned back to Cherry, who was sitting looking sadly at you, and scratched her head lightly. Namjoon chuckled.

“Sorry.”

There was a pregnant pause.

“I guess you miss him, too, huh?”

“Well, yeah, of course. But I do accept that Cherry has the greater claim to grief.”

You stood and smoothed your trousers out with lightly sweaty palms. You didn’t usually feel this awkward around new people, but this was Yoongi’s person and you were in Yoongi’s place and he wasn’t there. You followed after Namjoon as he padded back into the living room, Cherry slinking softly behind. He offered you a drink and you hadn’t really intended to stay that long but it felt rude refusing. You made polite small talk and drank your drink quickly.

“Well,” you began, putting your empty glass on the coffee table. “I came to hang out with Cherry and she has spent the whole time lying on Yoongi’s bed, so I guess I might as well go.”

Namjoon chuckled and moved to stand in view of Yoongi’s bedroom.

“Yeah,” he replied. “Yoongi left some laundry and I’ve been switching it out for her, so she always has something that smells like him, but I’m a little worried I’ll run out at this rate.”

You stopped in your tracks.

“Namjoon! What did I say about making me cry?!”

You carried on until you, too, could see into his bedroom and there she was, curled up on a black T-shirt. Coming here was supposed to be comforting, a Yoongi booster, something to tide you over until he could come back, but now you missed him more than ever.

Namjoon flung an arm around your shoulder and pulled you off-balance.

“He’ll be back!”

You couldn’t help falling into his side, letting your head drop.

“Yeah, not soon enough.”

[09:27] You: Merry christmas, bambino!!!

[09:27] You: I hope you are able to have a nice day

[09:28] You: Remember to eat, drink, and BE MERRY!!!

[09:28] You: I miss you!!!

[10:48] Yoongi: Merry Christmas :) I hope you have a good day, too.

[21:20] Yoongi: I miss you, too

You were in the supermarket with your mum and sister; they had sent you to find potato starch but instead, you found yourself staring blindly at a wall of breakfast cereals. Your mind was elsewhere and when you first heard your name being called, you assumed it was your family, about to chastise you for not being able to get even one thing right. Upon turning around, however, you saw a different familiar face. Chanmi, whom you met in your cooking classes, who also took the baking classes just like you did. She was newly married and wanted to stop her mother-in-law despairing over her lack of skill in the kitchen. If that hadn’t worked, you thought, the promise of a grandchild certainly would.

“Hi!” she cried, stopping her trolley nexct to you. “How have you been?! It’s been so long!”

“Yeah, it really has! Nine months, by the looks of it?”

You laughed; she had barely been showing at the end of the classes and now, there was absolutely no hiding that she was very great with child.

“Ugh, I know, I’m huge! She was due on Christmas day, actually; thank god that didn’t happen. I would not have wanted to spend all of Christmas in labour.”

“Well, sure, but I’m not sure I’d want to spend all of any day in labour, to be honest. I don’t envy you.”

“I’m in denial,” she said with a wave of her hand. “I know it has to happen but I’m just not thinking about it. I’m hoping she will hold out until New Year’s Eve, that way, when all the fireworks go off, I can scream as much as I like and no one will hear me.”

You laughed again; you hadn’t kept in touch with anyone from the classes (except Yoongi) but it was nice to see her and nice to see that her life was working out, that she was happy, that things were going just as they were planned.

“Well, you look amazing,” you told her. “Pregnancy suits you.”

“That’s so sweet of you. But how are you? How are you and, I’m so sorry, I’ve forgotten his name, your boyfriend?”

“Uh, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh no, you broke up? I’m so sorry!”

You were confused. You didn’t know who she could be talking about. It wasn’t San. Might she have meant Sungbin? Had you told her about that? You were frowning, trying to puzzle it out in your head and Chanmi spoke again.

“I’m sorry; have I put my foot in it? I meant the guy in the baking classes with you? Is t-”

“Yoongi?!” you exclaimed with more volume than was entirely necessary.

“Yes! Yoongi, that was his name!-”

“Oh my god, no, he is not my boyfriend!”

“No?”

“No! We met in the baking class!”

It was Chanmi’s turn to lose control of her volume.

“WHAT?” Her mouth gaped in disbelief. “You must be joking.”

You shook your head.

“You met in the baking classes? We all thought you were a couple!”

“‘We all’? All of you thought we were together? Why?”

“I don’t know, you just seemed so close. You had chemistry. Then there were the couple of times he didn’t show up and you seemed so upset, we assumed you must have had a fight or something. I don’t know; you just... looked like a couple. Sorry.”

“No, no, it’s fine,” you replied, distracted now. “I just had no idea we looked like that.”

She had blown your mind. You were sure you had told people when you started the classes that you had just been broken up with – you couldn’t shut up about it! You told anyone who would listen and some people who wouldn’t. She must have known. So how did Yoongi fit into that? Did she just forget?

You and Yoongi? Taehyung had been making the same comments, albeit as jokes, for as long as you had known Yoongi and you hadn’t taken a single one of them seriously. And yeah, ok, you did sleep together, but that was a one-time thing, an aberration. Did you really look like a couple? Seem like a couple? Behave like a couple?

The thought plagued you for the rest of the day and into the next day, too. Your friendship with Yoongi was special, yes. It was different from your friendship with Taehyung, or any of the friendships you’d had before, yes. But it was still a friendship, wasn’t it? Just a friendship. You played films in your head, imagining the two of you in baking class, what you might have looked like to others. You played them again and again, from different angles, trying to see through different eyes.

All of Taehyung’s jokes rattled around in your brain; he had just been being stupid and annoying. He wasn’t making a point. You didn’t think he was making a point anyway. He hadn’t been serious, at least. He didn’t actually think Yoongi should be your boyfriend. You were sure. You opened your phone and thought about texting him. Then you thought twice. You thought about texting Yoongi, almost as a test to prove that you were just friends. Then you thought twice because he had bigger issues to deal with. You scrolled your short list of contacts and found one that might help.

[13:45] You: Hey Taem! You remember Yoongi who I brought to Teddy’s Halloween party?

[13:49] Taem: sure, what about him?

[13:50] You: Did you think we were a couple?

[13:51] Taem: when I first saw you and you introduced me, yeah, I thought you might be. Why?

[13:51] You: do you think we COULD be a couple?

[13:53] Taem: why not? if that’s what you want

[13:57] You: no, I mean... did we seem like a couple? Like, do you think we like each other? If I’d said he was my boyfriend, would you have believed me?

[13:58] Taem: I don’t know, I mean.. Sure? I’d have believed you if you said he was your boyfriend, why wouldn’t I? What’s going on?

[14:02] You: nothing, sorry, it’s nothing.

[14:02] You: thank you

[14:09] You: I’m just confused I think

With Yoongi away, you decided the best thing for it was to just shove all of that into a bag and shove that bag to the very back of your mind. You were friends. That’s all. If that ever changed, well, then you could get the bag back out and have a look at it and see what you thought. If.

[00:00] You: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[00:00] You: STILL MISS YOU!!!! I HOPE YOU ARE HAING FUN!!

[00:01] You: HavE A DRINK OR LOTS N MEEE1!

[00:53] Yoongi: my grandfather died

[00:54] You: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCckkkkkkkk

[04:51] You: are you ok? Shit, babe, I’m so sorry

[04:51] You: what a fucking terrible way to start the year

[04:53] Yoongi: yeah

[04:53] Yoongi: not exactly unexpected but not the best timing

[04:53] Yoongi: I guess it never is though

[04:54] You: 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

[04:55] You: let me know if I can do anything

[04:56] Yoongi: actually I would really like a hug

[04:56] You: 🏃🏃🏃 on my way

Your mother had always taught you not to make decisions after 9pm or on an empty stomach. You hadn’t eaten since 8pm the previous night, nor had you slept, so 5am technically counted as after 9pm. Nevertheless, you were making a decision.

You rolled into a taxi and stumbled into your apartment. You grabbed an overnight bag and threw in all the necessary items and then a random selection of clothing (whatever was closest and whatever was clean). The you taxi’d to the intercity bus station and got on the first bus to Daegu.

It was a three-hour ride and you slept through the whole thing, which was just as well because, if you’d been conscious, you might have had time to second-guess this decision, to think better of it, to think it through at all. The driver politely nudged you awake at the Daegu bus terminal and you blinked, bleary-eyed and hungover, dry-mouthed and dry-eyed. You shuffled off the bus with your bag over your shoulder and headed straight to A Twosome Place where you downed one coffee and then another and ate three pastries.

It didn’t feel right to just show up at Yoongi’s parents’ house in your present state (not to mention that you also had no idea where it was). You brushed your hair and your teeth in the terminal bathroom and washed your face, changed out of your New Year’s party outfit. There was then nothing else to do without getting in touch with Yoongi; you stood in the concourse, feeling a little foolish.

Yoongi sat heavily in the chair at his parents’ dining table and sighed. It was littered with documents: letters, insurance paperwork, hospital paperwork, bank statements, pension statements, certificates for home ownership, car ownership, some appliance manuals for god knew what reason. Somehow, it had become his job to sort through them. To sort through everything. To organise a funeral, as if he had even the faintest idea how to do that. He couldn’t blame his father- he wasn’t blaming anyone; he just didn’t know how it ended up at his door.

He rubbed his eyes and picked up a piece of paper; he didn’t expect any government offices to be open on new year’s day so he wasn’t entirely sure what he was supposed to be achieving, but he could try.

He dropped his head into his hands. It wasn’t as if he didn’t ever think about death, but it was different when it wasn’t his own, when it wasn’t hypothetical, when it was his own family falling apart around him because of it. He looked down at the bank statements in front of him, the pension claimed, the savings dwindling. It made him feel sick. It churned in his guts, this feeling like tar in his blood. He knew he hadn’t slept; he was overtired; he was emotional; it was a difficult time; but he also looked at all this paperwork and thought about how much better off his family would be if he were dead.

He could sort all this out beforehand, get everything in order. Then he could die and everything would come to his parents. They would be set. No need to wait on him sending money each month; no need to work; they’d be taken care of. His sister, too, of course he’d provide for her. But then that would be it. There would be no obligation, no guilt, no awkwardness between him and his family.

He took a deep breath. He had to take a break, but how, when he was the only person who would get this stuff done?

His phone vibrated on the table next to him and he almost ignored it, but then he saw your name on the notification and it was in his hand in an instant.

[11:02] You: I'm here

Yoongi rubbed his eyes. He looked back at previous messages and still didn’t understand what you were saying. He couldn’t believe you were here, as in, in Daegu. You were joking when you’d said you were on your way. He knew that, even though he hadn’t been joking when he said he wanted a hug. You must have meant that message for someone else.

He put his phone back on the table, content to leave your message unanswered, but then he thought that you might not notice you sent it to the wrong person. He should reply. He looked at the blinking cursor and his mind was blank. He should ask something like, ‘did you mean to send that to me?’ or tell you that ‘I think you meant to send this to someone else’, but he didn’t have it in him. He didn’t want to know what you were doing, who you were meeting. His cup already overflowed with misery, loneliness, a dash of despair; he couldn’t miss you. Rather, he couldn’t engage with the fact that he did.

There was guilt there, too. He knew he’d been a little quiet, a little distant with you. It was only half intentional. He didn’t want to know what he was missing, didn’t want to acknowledge his life back in Seoul; it made it so much harder to be here, amongst this, being thrown back in time only to find you no longer belonged—though part of him felt like he never did.

His absence was all around him: in this house he bought but had never visited, in this neighbourhood he had never lived in, these streets he had never driven down. Daegu was a different place now; his family home wasn’t his family home anymore because it had been falling down around them until he bought them a new one, this one, new and bigger with all the mod-cons they could have asked for. He was sleeping in the spare bedroom – a spare bedroom. When he had last lived in this city, there weren’t enough bedrooms to go around and now they had extras.

All Yoongi could see was the places where he should have fit in but didn’t. The world was so much bigger now than it had been but there still wasn’t a place for him here.

He kept you, the thought of you, like a secret, and then he let it eat at him at night, when he lay in the spare bed and couldn’t sleep. He looked at his phone, the screen lighting up his face in the dark, and waited for you to message. Occasionally you did. Mostly you didn’t. He knew that was his fault, too; he hadn’t replied so why would you? But he looked all the same; he felt sad and pathetic when he checked your instagram again, unable to decide if he wanted you to have posted or if he wanted you not to have; the twist in his guts was sharp and long-lasting.

Right at that moment, he knew you’d be better off without him, too. But first he at least had to text you back.

[11:14] Yoongi: what?

[11:14] You:

Yoongi couldn’t believe what he was seeing. He knew that view; he knew that building; he knew where that was but you weren’t serious. This was a weird joke; it had to be.

[11:17] Yoongi: you’re in Daegu?

[11:17] You: new year’s day special: one hug, same day delivery for the low price of Nothing, It’s Absolutely Free

With his phone in both hands, he knocked his forehead against it, his eyes squeezed shut against the sting of tears, his jaw clenched. His heart was hiccuping in his chest. So you had come. You had come to Daegu. Because he had said he wanted a hug. You had come almost 200 miles. To see him.

He took in a deep breath, the biggest lungful he could manage, and then he blew it sharply out again.

[11:25] Yoongi: I’ll come and pick you up. Give me twenty minutes or so

[11:25] You: no need!

[11:25] You: I can get a taxi!

[11:25] You: I just need your address

Yoongi didn’t reply. He didn’t read your messages because he was already putting his phone in his pocket and walking towards the door.

He took a moment, once he was sitting in his car, to take another deep breath. This felt complicated and confusing and he was overwhelmed. He wanted to sit in a dark, quiet room. He wanted to get in his car, pick you up, and just keep driving. All the way to the coast maybe.

Then he thought about the beach and that day and he changed his mind. To the north-east perhaps. The forested hills of the Taebaek mountains could hide you both for a while. That might be nice. Everything here felt like too much but the trees and the hills and the coastline, that he thought he could manage.

He sighed and turned on the ignition, pulling smoothly into the road on his way to you.

You tapped your phone nervously. Yoongi hadn’t responded at all. You couldn’t go anywhere without some kind of confirmation from him: that he was coming or that he wasn’t. Your messages were unread. There was nothing you could do but wait. Wait and feel a little bit sicker with every minute that passed; your nerves were starting to get the better of you. Your stomach sank lower and your heart fell with it. You should not have come, you saw that now. What Yoongi didn’t need right now was a house guest. What Yoongi didn’t need was someone else to consider, to take into account; what Yoongi didn’t need was you, once again, inserting yourself into his (someone else’s) business. Like you always did.

It wasn’t about you. It shouldn’t have been about you, but there you were, hungover and probably still stinking of booze, making Yoongi leave his grieving family to come and pick you up. Making it about you. You groaned and put your head in your hands, in half a mind to just get on the next bus back to Seoul.

And all that was not to mention the bag of feelings you had shoved to the back of your mind. You didn’t know what to expect when you saw Yoongi again. It felt mad to expect that anything would be different just because someone had confused the two of you for a couple; you didn’t know how that could have changed anything but you were scared that it had. Scared that this was a mistake and that you were going to make more, that you were going to ruin this, even without knowing how.

Your phone buzzed.

[11:57] Yoongi: I’m here. There’s a pick-up zone; I’m parked there.

The relief almost made you cry.

You jogged to the car park and spotted him immediately. You knocked on his window and made him get out of the car so you could hug him properly. Your chest felt tight and you closed your eyes, praying you wouldn’t cry, holding on to him as tightly as you possibly could. He held you just the same. Your heart swelled and broke at the same time. It was so good to be back with him and so bad for it to be in these circumstances.

“Are you ok?” you asked, your voice muffled in his scarf.

You felt him nod.

It was you who eventually pulled back and then an awkward silence fell between you.

“One hug!” you said. “Delivered as promised.”

“Yeah.” Yoongi attempted a chuckle and rubbed his neck. “I guess you can go back to Seoul now.”

“Oh, I- yeah, I mean, I can go back, if you want me to go back-”

“No. I mean, you don’t have to stay, if you don’t want.”

“Well I can stay, but I don’t want to be a nuisance-”

“You’re not.”

“Ok... Uh, so... I’ll stay then?”

Yoongi nodded and ducked back into the car.

You looked at him as he drove; he looked pale and tired and skinnier than he had been. He hadn’t been taking care of himself and you knew it was because he was too busy trying to take care of everyone else; that was who he was. But you were there now. You could be a care-taker, too. You might not have had the experience, but you wanted it. You were capable now. You didn’t have to be taken care of anymore, not like before, so it was time to pass it forward properly. That was your task here, that was all. This wasn’t about you, you repeated to yourself. Everything else can go back to the corner you shoved it in for now. It was so not the time.

Yoongi pulled up to a large house and parked on the road. There were three cars in the driveway. He took your bag and led you up to the door. He opened it silently and slipped off his shoes, not announcing his return or your arrival, but his mother called from somewhere else in the house.

“Yoongi! Where have you been?” Her voice was getting closer and she soon appeared in the hallway from a room to the left. “Oh, who’s this? Is this your girlfriend?”

Yoongi took a steeling breath.

“No, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“You don’t? I thought she was a model?”

“No, we broke up months ago. I told you.”

“Oh, well who’s this?”

Yoongi introduced you and you put your best foot forward.

“It’s nice to meet you; I’m so sorry it’s under such circumstances. I’m sorry for your loss. I’m here to help in any way I can—put me to work!”

His mother was already distracted, looking to her right; you weren’t sure if she was listening.

“Could you put some tea on?” she asked, turning sharply to you.

Yoongi frowned and you could see him open his mouth, so you jumped in.

“Yeah of course! I’m sure Yoongi can help me find everything, right?”

You grabbed hold of his sleeve and gave it a light tug. He moved forward and led you to the kitchen.

It was expansive, with chrome fittings and granite worktops and a double-sink the size of your coffee table. It was bright and modern and so different from what you had expected. You realised that your expectations had been coloured by Yoongi’s childhood, that you were expecting them to still be poor, but of course, they weren’t. Yoongi had seen to that.

This was a beautiful house, with a large entry way and tiled floors and both a breakfast bar and a dining table. It was the sort of house you fantasised about growing up in as a kid. You wondered how Yoongi felt about it. All this comfort and convenience that he had bought his family. You hoped it made him proud, made him happy that he could do things like this for his family. He should be proud; this house was nothing short of a show-home. Nothing looked out of place, even now, with everything going on. There were no dishes in the sink, no plates or cups left on the sides, nothing lying around waiting to be put away.

Yoongi indicated which cupboards held what you needed and he filled the kettle. There wasn’t awkwardness between you anymore but there was something. He felt far away. You didn’t know how people dealt with grief, or even death—is it grief when it’s still so close?—and were lucky that you had never had to, but you felt ill-equipped now. Ill-equipped and self-conscious. Of course he wasn’t going to be alone; it wasn’t going to just be the two of you. That was obvious, but you had managed to forget it and you felt inhibited by the presence of his family, everywhere in this house, despite the almost clinical neatness of it. There was no Yoongi there. It wasn’t like his apartment at all.

You busied yourself with the tea and pushed him out of the way as he tried to do it for you.

“You don’t have to make tea, you know,” he said, quietly.

“I said I was here to help and if making tea helps, then I’ll make tea. It’s ok.”

The next few days were confusing and draining. You had put your foot down and insisted you would stay in a hotel, so as not to put them out; Yoongi had retaliated by putting his foot down and paying for a room in a far fancier hotel than any you would have picked. You tried to be of use, and if not of use, then at least out of the way. This meant you spent most of your time entertaining Yoongi’s niece and nephew; this was easier on the third day, when it snowed, and you made snow animals in the garden and pushed them on taboggans down the hill.

You didn’t see all that much of Yoongi; the only times you were alone was when he picked you up in the morning and dropped you back at night. You didn’t talk much—he didn’t. You, on the other hand, found that you couldn’t stop.

“Sorry, I can’t stop talking,” you said on Tuesday as he stopped at a traffic light. “I know I’m being annoying. I just can’t shut up; I feel like I haven’t spoken to you forever.”

“No, it's ok. I’m sorry I’m not talking more; I’m just tired.”

“As long as I’m not bothering you.”

“No. I like listening to you talk.”

“Ok, then. Good.”

The funeral took place on Friday; Yoongi explained that it might be more traditional than you were used to. You had never been to any funerals so you had no expectations anyway. You had been tasked with making all the food, for an undetermined number of guests that Yoongi couldn’t guess at and no one else would tell you. You cobbled together an outfit with things borrowed from his sister. You felt out of place. You didn’t feel like you had any right to be there when you went with them to his grandparents’ house, when you watched him and his dad and his uncles carry his grandfather’s coffin out of the grounds, when his father trod on the earth above his father, when his uncle spoke eloquently about what his life had been and meant.

You hadn’t expected to be moved. You had rather hoped that you wouldn’t be. You were there to be a pillar of strength and support but there was weeping all around you and sadness and grey skies full of snow and you sniffled quietly to yourself, letting your tears fall as gently as you could. A hand snuck into yours, ice-cold fingers pressing into your palm. You turned to look at Yoongi as he continued to stare straight ahead. You squeezed back.

When he cut the engine outside your hotel that night, he slumped in his seat with his head tipped back. He sighed.

“Why don’t you come up for a drink or something?” you offered.

You were exhausted, so you had no idea how he was hanging on. He was already shaking his head but you cut him off.

“Come on, just a quick one. You look done in, my love. You look like you could use one.”

He gave in with no further fight and drove around the back of the building to the car park.

You kicked off your shoes and Yoongi followed you in, sitting heavily down on the bed, staring at his shoes.

“Come on,” you said, pushing his jacket off his shoulders and loosening his tie. He let you do it, let you lift his arms to get them out of the sleeves, let you slip the tie from under the shirt collar. He watched you, thoughtless, as you knelt down in front of the mini bar and picked a little bottle of whiskey. You dumped it into a glass and handed it to him.

“Do you want ice? I can get ice,” you offered.

He shook his head and then tipped it back, downing the drink in one. He didn’t need ice. He needed at least six more of these so he could pass the fuck out. That scraped-out feeling rang in him, hollow, resounding, all his surfaces scratched and sticky with guilt and misery.

He leant his whole body backwards, flopping onto his back.

“You know I haven’t been back here since I left?”

“What, Daegu?”

“Mm.”

“Since you left at 18?”

“Yep.”

“Wow.”

“I know.”

“Not to see your sister’s kids?”

He closed his eyes. It brought a sour taste to his mouth, acidic and stringent and metallic.

“No,” he admitted. “I know. That makes me a horrible person.”

“No, it doesn’t. That’s a long time to be away, though.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you wish you’d come back earlier?”

“No.”

“I guess this isn’t the best time to come back, is it? Not a happy time. If you come back again later, it’ll be better.”

You joined him on the bed. You lay next to him and took his hand. It was warm. He could smell your perfume.

The sigh he heaved next could’ve rumbled the very earth. He knew you were giving him space, to breathe, to think, to gather his thoughts. You were a motor-mouth; that was the very first thing he had learnt about you. You talked all the time, but you always gave him time to think. You didn’t rush him or push him or even comment on his quietness, his hesitation.

He shook his head because he couldn’t think about you at this moment. He had just about managed to keep that door shut while you had been here because there was so much to do and so much to busy himself with, but now it was just the two of you and you were holding his hand and giving him space and he needed to fill it. With something.

With another sigh of resignation and an inhale to steel himself, he decided to say the other things he didn’t want to talk about.

“Coming back has reminded me why I left. I think the money was just an excuse; it gave me a legitimate reason to leave but I think I would have found a way out somehow. Any way. No matter what. Even in a body bag.”

“Babe...”

“We really had nothing, y’know? When I was growing up. We had nothing and I was so angry. I hated my parents so much because they couldn’t provide; they couldn’t be what parents were supposed to be. They didn’t do what parents were supposed to do. I was responsible for myself almost as soon as I started school. I was cooking dinner for the whole family every night before I was in high school. That’s not a kid’s role. Kids shouldn’t have to do that.

“On my drive down here, I felt it all again. The anger. The resentment. I had to pull over and stop for a while to calm down or else I’d have turned the car into oncoming traffic.”

He’d started so he had to finish but he needed another second. He wasn’t used to saying these things out loud. It made it easier that it was you. It made it harder that it was you.

“I suppose I'm a black sheep,” he said eventually. “I thought they would never forgive me for leaving, for doing what I wanted to do when they had no choices. I don’t know if they have. I’m not... I’m not really a part of it anymore and that’s my fault; I understand that I removed myself. I got away. I got out. I did what I wanted. Coming back here and facing that, facing them... I’ve been a coward. All this time I stayed away, it’s because I was scared to come back and see what they thought of me.”

“They love you.”

“No. I’m not sure they do.”

“Yoongi.”

You very rarely took that tone with him, the one that said you weren’t playing and he shouldn’t be either. He couldn’t even think of arguing with you at that moment. He changed the subject.

“Can I have another drink?” he asked.

You stood wordlessly and retrieved another little bottle, poured it again into his glass. He drank it in one as he had the first and you returned to his side. There was one thing he still really wanted to say, that was weighing heavily on his chest at that moment, but he knew you wouldn’t want to hear it, knew you would say he was wrong.

As he felt his eyelids droop and sleep begin to tug at him, he realised he had to get it out, before this moment passed and he wouldn’t be able to step into this territory again.

“I just really want to kill myself today.”

You turned on your side, curling into him, and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“I’m not going to let you,” you whispered.

“I know.”

Yoongi fell asleep quickly after that and you did not. You watched him sleep for a while, making sure he was still breathing, as if there were a chance he might just will himself dead. You, admittedly, didn’t know anything about his family but you couldn’t understand how he could suggest that they didn’t love him, that he was a black sheep, that he didn’t belong here. Their house, their cars, the things they had, the three jobs they didn’t have anymore... He hadn’t just given them things; he had given them freedom; he had given them security and stability. Not all people are good at showing gratitude or expressing themselves, but he had to know they were grateful. They had to be grateful, right?

The minutes ticked by and you were still watching him sleep. You resisted the urge to brush a strand of hair out of his face. You resisted the urge to trace his lips with your finger. You hadn’t had a chance to interrogate yourself, to notice what you were feeling until now. Now that he was asleep, his mouth just slightly ajar, his eyebrows pressed together, you could really look at him. You could really look inwards at yourself.

You didn’t want to ask yourself if you had overlooked him. You didn’t want to wonder what you might have been missing, not seeing, not noticing. It had been a tumultuous year and you were so proud of yourself for getting to where you were now; you didn’t want to find out you had still been getting something wrong.

Had you? Was it really wrong to think that you and Yoongi were just friends? What did he think?

It came back to you again, that thought. That thing that you had been trying to remind yourself of but also occasionally using as a weapon to beat yourself with: it’s not about you. All this time, it had been about you. You were recovering from a break-up, you were seeing someone, you were being broken-up with again, you you you you you. Where had Yoongi been in all this? Right by your side, of course, but where had he been in your consideration? He was recovering from a break-up, too. He had problems, too. He understood you and you had clung to that, sometimes for your very life. You felt your neediness begin to leak out your pores like oil, slick and staining and all over you. You could almost see it spill towards him, a contaminant, making you his problem, too, all your problems his, all your neediness his to carry.

You got off the bed and changed into your pyjamas; you washed your make-up off and brushed your teeth. You took your time so that you could be distracted and then you ran out of things to do. You looked at Yoongi, still passed out halfway down the bed, his shoes still on. You took them off for him; you undid his belt and pulled it through the loops; you considered him and wondered if you could pull him up the bed without waking him.

“What are you doing?” he mumbled, voice low and slurred with sleep as you grabbed him by the armpits and tried to pull him towards the head of the bed.

“Sorry! Sorry, I’m just trying to make you comfortable?”

You were standing over him, crouched on the pillow on his side of the bed, doing your best to let your weight do all the moving for you. Yoongi sat up and turned around to frown at you, his eyes narrow and the hair at the back of his head mussed. You moved out of the way and he shuffled himself backwards, lying back down with his head properly on the pillow. You settled next to him and he was still frowning at you.

“Sorry,” you repeated, an embarrassed giggle let slip.

Yoongi shrugged and turned on his side to face you.

“Is it ok if I stay here?” he asked, already closing his eyes again and getting comfortable.

“Duh.”

You woke earlier than usual and were unable to get back to sleep. What you did not want was more time alone with your thoughts. Definitely not time alone with your thoughts in bed next to Yoongi who was sleeping with a sweet pout on his face and giving you all kinds of confused feelings.

You picked up your phone and started looking at bus times back to Seoul. You didn’t know if Yoongi would be returning now, or soon, but it felt like the right time for you to leave. ‘Family emergenices’ only get you so much time off work and yours was running out. And you felt like you had to be in Seoul to think things through; that was where you life was; that was where your friendship with Yoongi was; you couldn’t make any conclusions away from home. It didn’t make sense.

Yoongi slept for a long time. You let him, because he had looked so tired and clearly needed the rest, but you were starting to feel claustrophobic in the room, claustrophobic in your determination to not think about things. You hated the thought of him waking up and thinking you’d left him, but you had to get out.

You scribbled a note, left it on your pillow and got the fuck out of there. The air was cold and fresh; even the wind, bitter and stinging, felt good. You took deep breaths and tried to follow the map on your phone to a café.

You reached it but it wasn’t open for another twenty minutes, which meant twenty more minutes in which you had nothing to do but think your thoughts. Desperate to get them out of you somehow, you did something you were almost certain you would regret.

[10:38] You: Teddy

[10:38] You: what if I have feelings for Yoongi?

[10:39] You: Do NOT call me

[10:39] You: I CANNOT talk about this

[10:39] You: I just,..

[10:39] You: I don’t know

[10:39] You: what if I do?

[10:45] Teddy 🐻: I don’t know what I can say if you don’t want to talk about it

[10:45] Teddy 🐻: but babygirl you are a catch and he’d be lucky to have you

[10:45] Teddy 🐻: don’t have a crisis rn. Come home and then you can have one, ok?

[10:45] Teddy 🐻: 😚😚😚

You sighed. You didn’t know what you were expecting him to say, or wanted him to say, but somehow, it wasn’t that.

You trudged back to the hotel with coffees in hand (one iced for Yoongi; one hot, but rapidly cooling, for you). Yoongi was half-pushed-up when you walked in, having been woken by the sound of the door. It made your stomach flip how small and cute he looked: still pouty, his face a little smushed from the pillow, his hair messy and on-end. He looked at you, trying to place himself, and then you saw his eyes flick to the coffee in your hand and alight there.

“Yes, I got one for you.”

He flipped onto his back with a satisfied groan and a long stretch.

“Thank you.”

You placed the cup onto the bedside table next to him and he took it immediately, pushing himself into a sitting position and leaning against the headboard. He took a long drink.

“This is good. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Um, do you need to let your family know where you are? Will they be worried?”

He shook his head, the quiet satisfaction slipping from it, a tight mask taking its place.

“No, they won’t. It’ll be fine.”

You didn’t want to argue with him. You changed the subject.

“How did you sleep?”

He nodded as he took another long draw of coffee through the straw.

“Good, actually.” Then he looked at his phone and grimaced. “Oh, late, too, haha.”

“I thought it would be better to let you sleep in, catch up a little. Should I have woken you?”

“No, no, it’s ok. The urgent work is done, I suppose.” He paused, still looking at his phone. “I guess this means I can leave?”

“I was planning to go back today, actually. I figured I’d get out of everyone’s hair-”

“You’re not in anyone’s hair.”

“Well, you know what I mean. I don’t want to overstay my welcome or make a nuisance of myself. I know I’m very good at inserting myself into other people’s business but even I have some sense of manners and propriety.”

There was a small pause as Yoongi continued to drink his coffee and stare straight ahead. Then he looked straight at you.

“I want you in my business. I like having you in my business.”

The nervous laugh that tried to bubble up from your throat got trapped there, and you choked, your cheeks flushing. You were the one who had to look away.

“Don’t encourage me, babe. You know I don’t need much!”

You forced your laugh, then, had to make it a joke. Yoongi’s sincerity was unpredictable and disarming at all times, but it was affecting you particularly strongly now.

“If you want to go, just let me know when and I’ll take you to the bus.”

You had opened your mouth to respond but he beat you to it.

“No, wait, you can come back with me. I’ll be driving anyway.”

“Today?”

He nodded.

“Are you sure? You don’t need to stay longer?”

He was resolute as he shook his head and drained the last of the coffee from his cup.

“That was quick.”

He grinned.

“Yeah, want to get another one? I have to go back to the house and clean up anyway, so we can stop on the way.”

“You go,” you answered. “I’ll pack and get sorted here. I’m sure you have stuff to sort out and want time to say your goodbyes and stuff.”

Yoongi shrugged and got out of bed.

He came back to pick you up later that afternoon. You were anxious at the prospect of three hours in the car with him; you were not skilled at keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself, but he was the one person you really didn’t feel like you could talk to about this.

‘Hey, Yoongi, it’s possible that I’m discovering I have romantic feelings for you; what do you think about that?’

‘Hey, Yoongi, y’know how I said ages ago that I just wanted to be friends? What if I was wrong and I've actually changed my mind?’

‘Hey, Yoongi, quick question: do you think we should be together?’

Impossible.

“Are you ok?” he asked, somewhere around Chungju.

“Yeah, I’m fine! Are you ok?”

“Yeah. You’re just... quiet, that’s all.”

“Oh, no, uh, no I’m fine.”

“Sorry. I know it’s annoying to be told you’re being ‘quiet’; I get it all the time. Yeah, I am quiet sometimes, y’know? Leave me alone. But... You’re not quiet. Not usually.”

The weight of his words hit you because you knew what he meant, what he was referring to; you knew that you were at your quietest when you were at your worst. Or maybe that wasn’t what he was referring to, but it leapt into your mind all the same.

“I’m ok.”

You toyed with the idea of saying something, not the thing, but circling it, making the smallest inroads into that conversation. You thought about probing him about his family a little more, pushing him to say a bit more about it, to explain why he seemed to feel so bad about them. You wanted to know because you wanted to tell him he was wrong; you didn’t want him to feel excluded from his family, or unloved, or devalued, or unforgiven—even if it might possible be true. You would love, value, and forgive him enough for the lot of them.

“Do you think Cherry will be happy to see you?” you asked instead.

He smiled, a genuine, happy smile.

“She had better be.”

Chapter Seven | Masterlist | Chapter Nine tags: @chimmisbae, @idkjustlovingbts @miriamxsworld, @quarter-life-crisis2, @tarahardcore, @simp47koreancrackheads, @xyahrinx, @olyd, @diorh0seokie, @thelilbutifulthings

#yoongi x reader #yoongi angst #yoongi fic #bts x reader #bts angst #bts fic

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ch-4-eri · 1 year

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I’m just fine. | Sirius black

Fwb!sirius part 3! Hello I’m trying to make my posts more neat as you can tell, sorry if this is late, if you guys want part 4 please don’t be shy to ask. Enjoy <3 also idk if you guys like for me to mention what my posts contain like certain warnings, tell me if that’s what you prefer.

part 1 | part 2

Sirius seemed different, too different from the last time you’ve seen him, he seemed quieter, more upset and distant from you, his friends come around and he’s his usual chipper self but then when they leave the shop after they take their orders it’s just the same Sirius you never realized you’d ever had to see.

He came to your house just three days ago and you both— well had sex like you always did but then after that he just started avoiding you, oddly enough.

You’d try to start a conversation, he’d hum his way out of it or just nod his head, or respond with the most random thing.

That’s before he stopped showing up for work for two days and you manager couldn’t even reach him, and you had to do that, both for your manager requests and because you had to see what was going on.

You made your way down the cobblestones, and to his apartment complex, you felt worried over what he’d tell you, why he’s ignoring you altogether, why he isn’t showing up for work when you know Sirius needed the money.

You sighed, bringing your knuckles up to his door, knocking.

You took a subtle step back as you heard footsteps behind the door, Sirius opening it, his gorgeous long black hair was the first thing you saw, his gray eyes wide in surprise at the sight of you. “Hi.” You smiled weakly, Sirius blinked before he opened the door wider, seeing his blank black T shirt that was slightly ripped at the hem and you could see his hip bone.

“W-what are you doing here?” Sirius said, leaning against the door but still alert, like he expected to see anybody but you. Not sure if you should take that badly. “You missed work for two days.” You said, he bit his bottom lip and stepped aside, allowing you to walk into his place.

You gladly did that, he closed the door then not answering your previous statement. “Sirius, are you alright?” You asked, he walked ahead of you, awfully quiet, Sirius always had something to say about everything and it felt horrible that he wasn’t.

“I’m brilliant.” Sirius ran his fingers through his hair, bringing his beer to his mouth before tossing it away. His shirt riding up his back, you forced your eyes away.

“You don’t seem like it..” you started, placing your purse aside, wishing he’d look at you properly. By the looks of it he was hiding something. “Why are you here?” Sirius finally stood straight and looked at you, his gray eyes burning into yours.

“I was worried about you.. I really am.” You said, hoping he wouldn’t say something sarcastic, he always did when he’s offended.

“I’m just fine, I’ll be back to work if Michelle sent you here for that.” Sirius moved his hair behind his ears. “I’m not just here because of Michelle.. you’re acting different with me.. I see how you are with James and the rest.” You said, feeling ridiculous because you sounded like a jealous teenager.

“Did I do something?” You asked at the lack of response. “I would tell you but I don’t know how you’d take it.”

“Try me.” You eagerly said, walking closer to him, seeing how he looked at you when he did so, he was looking at you the same way you looked at him when his shirt wasn’t covering him like it should, you felt so bare and exposed to him, and you liked how he looked at you.

Sirius scoffed, looking away. “I don’t think so.” He said, rubbing his forehead with a finger. “Sirius I’m here for this, just talk to me.” You practically begged at this point.

“I’m done with this deal of ours.” He suddenly said, throwing you off completely. You weren’t sure how long you both would have a sexual encounter before one of you had to flunk out from either falling for one another or falling in love with someone else.

“Then why didn’t you just say so? Why the hiding and why avoid me?” You said, disappointed really. “Because I want you more than that!” Sirius shouted, you never saw him this agitated before.

“I don’t just want to— I love how I make you feel.. I love our time together, I love how you touch me, I love how you kiss me, I love all of it and I would do it every single hour of every single day.. but—“ Sirius frustratingly ran his fingers through his hair, you just stood there completely shocked at his words. “But I want you to be mine, the thought of someone else doing the stuff I do to you kill me, I get so jealous of someone that isn’t even there— and maybe there is and I don’t know yet it drives me crazy, I can’t face you when all I want to do is push you against that wall and kiss you til you forget you knew any other man’s name.” Sirius finished, licking his lips.

“I thought if I ignored you, I would forget you altogether, forget how much I want you to kiss me, forget how I’m dying for you to touch me.. that night I came over— I wanted all of that but heck I couldn’t! I couldn’t just say it because you don’t— you never—“ Sirius groaned as you were trying to make sense of it all, you were the one who was thinking of him this way, turns out it was mutual, he said everything you wanted to. Nothing else left.

“I’m a mess, everything fell apart and I just didn’t want to face you and I ran out of money yeah I’m completely dead broke but fuck I can’t look at you, I’m an animal yes but— fuck it I’m so in love with you!” Sirius continued, you heard enough, more than enough, you hurried yourself to his arms, leaning up and kissing him, shutting him up completely, your arms around his neck before Sirius wasted no time in kissing you back, sighing against you.

His strong arms picked you up and your legs were around his waist, the kiss growing deeper, hotter, he slammed you against the cold hard wall, pinning your wrists before his hands intertwined your fingers together, his tongue inside your mouth and you’re moaning. Remembering his words, making you ache for more. “I love you, I love you so much.” You breathlessly said, his hands going inside your shirt, touching your bare skin. “So I’m not insane and you want me too? Do you?” Sirius moved just an inch from your mouth and you nodded.

“I’ve never not wanted you, I always wanted you.” You said, you were taken off the wall, Sirius carrying you to his bedroom, placing you ever so gently on his bed, his lips kissing every inch of your neck before he stripped you of every piece of clothing you had on, completely naked underneath him and he was kissing your body, his lips so soft and hot against you, your hands buried into his hair while you whimpered and moaned his name.

He spread your legs with one of his hands before hovering over you, his eyes so dark with desire, it wasn’t long enough before he was pushing inside of you, closing your eyes and feeling all of what he could give you, you’ve done this before but this felt so good, a good you couldn’t describe, it felt good in a way he was yours and yours only, the way his hips were in sync with yours, your body’s were fit together.

“How do you feel?” Sirius asked, placing gentle kisses down your chest, his movements so slow, he was making love to you, love you felt in your bones. “Good, so good.” You whispered, hitting a spot that made you moan, Sirius smiled softly before he whimpered, bringing his lips to yours in a sweet kiss. “Sirius—“ you moaned. “Hmm?” His forehead came atop yours. “I love you.” You whined, taking his hand in yours, making him smile before he bit his lip from the pleasure.

“I love you, gorgeous.. I love you so much.” He whispered, his hand going to your hip, rocking his back and fourth, your insides clenching around him. “It feels so good.” You said as he kissed your nose, then the corner of your mouth, then your lips. “I’m close.” You moaned, his movement became just a little faster than a moment ago but it made all the difference, you were feeling like floating and he was so good with it.

“You’re doing so good.” He smiled, he looked so beautiful, unreal. You stroked his face before you felt yourself in a high you couldn’t come down from, wetting his bed and him altogether. You were both catching your breath, Sirius still inside of you before he pulled out, kissing your cheek before he laid next to you as you turned to face him.

“Hi.” You said before you both were chuckling, surely out of breath. “Hey.” Sirius moved a piece of your hair behind your ear. “Sirius?” You asked, hoping you didn’t just dream the past few minutes. “Yeah?” He brought you closer to him, pulling the blanket over the both of you.

“Did you really mean what you said earlier?” You asked, your heart racing. “Every word.” He took your hand and kissed your knuckles. “There’s nobody else but you.” You smiled, it was true, it was either Sirius or no one.

Sirius smiled back, leaning in to kiss you, his lips are going to be so hard not to kiss when you couldn’t. You were so in love with him, feeling like you truly won a prize you wanted so bad. “Get some sleep, yeah?” Sirius pulled you in his chest, falling asleep so fast, feeling safe in his arms and the way he breathed.

#sirius black #sirius black x reader #sirius black x female reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #harry potter x reader #harry potter x you #hp fanfic #hp fanfiction #harry potter fanfiction

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tainbocuailnge · 1 year

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German Dark Knight quests

This is an English translation of the German script for the level 45 and 50 dark knight quests (and some extra bits at the end), meant as a supplement to the translation of the Japanese script found in this and this post showcasing the large differences between Japanese and English Fray’s characterisation. Since haillenarte mentioned in their posts that the German script usually stays closer to the Japanese script than the English script does, and I can’t read Japanese but can read German, I decided to check out the German version and translate it for comparison.

UPDATE: Please check out my translation website! I have the entire dark knight questline translated on there, including an updated translation of what’s in this post, as well as many other scenes from the rest of the game.

Since the English script is already in the other posts I won’t put it in here too, but I will separate it into the same blocks as the other posts for ease of comparison. I’m also sticking to gender neutral pronouns for the WoL, though German is a highly gendered language so all the screenshots of the German script will reflect me playing as a male au ra. It’s been a hot minute since I formally studied German so if you spot any glaring mistakes by all means correct me!

Level 45 quest - What must be said

Fray: It’s your life and it ends again every minute... I’ve been thinking again about what you told me about the voice. Fray: Someone is trying to get through to you. Someone who needs your protection. But we don’t know any more. Fray: We have to perform another ritual as soon as possible. Maybe that will give us a clue about who the voice belongs to. Fray: After all, the voice resonates within your heart. Do you have someone you want to protect? More than anyone else? Fray: ...Sorry. I don’t feel very well lately... I’m alright. I’m just a bit tired. Fray: So, when you’re ready, we’ll perform the next ritual. Fray: Show me what you’ve learned. I’ll wait for you at Moraby Drydocks.

Fray: Do you remember? The sea... Fray: I told you before that I went on a journey once. With someone who... A terrible danger awaited us at sea. Fray: I wanted to stop them. But we’d already drifted too far apart. There was no stopping them from getting on that damn boat. Fray: It was like I was dying. They were the person I wanted to protect more than anything in the world. But my words didn't get through to them. That's why I'm...

???: What’s that? Isn’t the Maelstrom there to help us? ...I’m in need, goddammit! Styrnlona: The Maelstrom isn’t responsible for that. You should turn to the Yellowjackets when reporting something like stolen wares. Demanding dealer: The Yellowjackets... Before they get around to my case my newborn son will be an experienced sailor! Perhaps even admiral! Styrnlona: Hey, you! Aren’t you [your rank at the Maelstrom] [Name]?

Strynlona: You did us all a great favour when you defeated the primal Leviathan. The citizens of Limsa Lominsa are forever grateful. Demanding dealer: Whaaaat? There’s a real hero standing before me! Demanding dealer: You’re a godsend. I’m in a real bind and need help. Demanding dealer: A nasty Qiqirn has stolen all my wares! [cry] What do I tell my clients? [sob] I’m going to lose my good name as trader! [sniff] Fray: Do you remember what I told you last time? You can’t help everyone. You can’t carry all the world’s suffering on your shoulders. Fray: The Yellowjackets will take on his case soon enough. You should worry about your training as a dark knight instead and find a worthy opponent. There’s more important things at stake... Demanding dealer: Don’t leave me high and dry! If you don’t help me, no-one will!

>Yes, or nobody will help him.

Demanding dealer: You’re truly a hero! Thank you! Demanding dealer: The Qiqirn that stole my wares has to be some kind of leader or chief... It’s bigger and stronger than the others.

>No, I can’t help everyone.

Demanding dealer: But... didn’t you just say you were looking for worthy opponents? Demanding dealer: The Qiqirn that stole my wares is a real big guy! Bigger and stronger than the others. A leader or chief, I would say.

Demanding dealer: I saw it walking towards the salt strand, the Qiqirn have a camp there. Please bring my wares back! Fray: It always ends like this... When nobody wants to help, the heroes have to go... You'll never become a dark knight like this.

Fray: Cut that thieving Qiqirn down to size. Doesn’t matter how pathetically it begs for mercy. It shouldn’t have stolen the merchant’s wares... Fray: We’ll use the opportunity to prepare the next ritual. Show me everything you’ve learned as a dark knight.

[Duty battle dialogue] Fray the Dark: There’s quite a lot of them... This’ll be a right bloodbath. Fray the Dark: Now we just need to get the wares! Fray the Dark: The wares are definitely in this chest...

Fray: We... have the wares... [groan] Bring them to the merchant... [huff] Fray: Me? I’m just a bit... exhausted... [groan]. Go ahead, I’ll be right behind you... Fray: Bring it to an end...

Demanding dealer: Hello, hero! Do you have my wares? Demanding dealer: Yes, that’s the stuff! Thank you, thank you. Let’s see if everything is there. Demanding dealer: Nooooo! In llymlaen’s name, I can’t sell these like this! Demanding dealer: Those Qiqirn put their dirty hands all over everything! I can’t offer this to my customers! Or even worse, they’ll demand a discount! Demanding dealer: What should i do? It’s the end for me! I’m ruined! I can say goodbye to that vacation in Costa del Sol... Demanding dealer: I know! I’ve got a hero standing right in front of me! You’ll deliver me new wares in a snap! Demanding dealer: The skin of a dangerous monster... A treasure from a trap-filled ruin... A lock of hair from a primal...

Fray: ENOUGH!! Fray: Does it ever end? Is Eorzea populated entirely by children? Can nobody do anything on their own anymore? Does everyone have to keep begging the heroes for help? Fray: [Name] is also just a [your race]! With their own feelings and interests. Axe blades and thunder magic also hurt them! Nobody thinks about that, huh? Fray: We keep fighting for other people... Like back then, at open sea, against that watery primal... Fray: “We’re not chosen! Let the chosen one fight!” - Pah, you’re just hiding behind those words! What are you doing for Eorzea anyway? Fray: If you lot didn’t keep bringing in your troublesome business [Name] would’ve long since been a more experienced dark knight! Ugh, for real!

Demanding dealer: Who just blows their lid like that? I’m terribly sorry, adventurer... Styrnlona: What the... [Maelstrom rank] [Name], your anger isn’t entirely unfounded, but... Styrnlona: ...A short walk sounds like the right thing to cool your head. Have a good day.

Fray: That just had to be said. Don’t you think? Fray: Seriously, such an ungrateful lot...

>All that matters is the voice.

Fray: Right, the voice. You can’t ignore it. That would mean ignoring your own existence. Fray: I even know who the voice belongs to... Fray: But I can’t tell you who it is. You have to find out yourself. Fray: Well, let’s continue. Stick your hand out...

>I want to become a real dark knight as soon as possible.

Fray: You’re already a real dark knight, [Name]. The dark power, that’s real. Fray: But remember what I told you in the Brume? That you have to face your feelings if you want to walk the path of the dark knight - if you want to survive it? Fray: You’re not at the goal yet. There’s a place in your heart you still haven’t reached. But the voice will help you with that. Fray: Well, let’s continue. Stick your hand out...

>You’re completely right. It had to be said.

[Fray makes a surprised gesture] Fray: You also think I’m right? That’s great, [Name]! Fray: I know it’s not in your nature to lash out like that. But you can rest easy leaving that to me. Fray: I’m glad you’re finally realizing it... Fray: More important right now is that you find out who the voice belongs to. And what its true meaning is. Stick your hand out...

???: The weak call for you, [Name]. As they always do. ???: They call, they scream, they wail... So loud that you can’t hear your own voice... The pain... The anger... The sadness... Nobody wants to hear about those. ???: But you. You will listen to it. ???: You hear my prayers.

Fray: [Name]. Fray: You heard the voice, right? Fray: You don’t have to tell me what you heard. But I’ll ask you one thing: Are you prepared to give up everything to answer that voice? Fray: Your status, your fame, your fortune - everything? Only after losing everything will we have the freedom to do everything. If you’re willing to do that, then... come with me! Leave this Eorzea! Fray: Here you will never be able to fulfil your purpose. To be truly free. Here you will forever have to concern yourself with others. But if you turn your back on Eorzea - you can go your own way. Fray: You don’t have to answer right now. Meet me at the usual place when you’re ready. I’ll wait for you.

Level 50 quest - The knights’ core

Fray: [Name]... There you are again. I was already expecting you. Fray: ...Ugh... We don't have much time left. We have to travel again soon... Or it'll be too late. Fray: Too late for you... You don't understand it yet, but I want to help you. I'm starting to doubt whether you're really prepared... But we'll see. Fray: We'll meet at the Gates of Judgement. Call my name and I'll come.

???: That voice! Isn't that [Sir/Lady] [Name]? The hero of the Scions of the Seventh Dawn? Brave knight: Forgive me. I belong to Lord Drillemont's troops from Whitebrim Fort. Everyone in my regiment knows your name. Brave knight: It can't be a coincidence that I meet you here. It's the Fury's work! She wants you to help us. Nervous knight: A bit to the south from here lives a crowd of Gigas. They've been showing themselves in the region increasingly often and frequently raid caravans. It’s likely they intend to expand their territory. Nervous knight: The troops at Whitebrim Fort are well armed, but the Gigas are numerous and better suited to the cold than us. Nervous knight: They're better organised than other Gigas too. If we can disable their commander their advances will likely cease for now. Brave knight: Indeed. Our commander underestimates the danger and refuses to send troops. Please, won't you help us and hunt down the Gigas commander? Coeus the Loudmouthed, they call the beast. Then our problems will be solved.

Durendaire knights: Please help us. Durendaire knights: What could be more important? Please help us! Nervous knight: Thank you! You’re a hero! Brave knight: We believe we have a trail. Follow us!

Fray: That’s enough.... That’s.... ENOUGH!!!

Brave knight: That’s the place. We believe Coeus the Loudmouthed will come through the pass. Did I mention he’s always accompanied by his two bodyguards? They of course also have to be defeated. Brave knight: Keep watch a little further down the pass. The leader of the Gigas won’t be long. May the Fury preserve you!

Brave knight: You’ve defeated the Gigas’ leader! Thank Halone and you! Brave knight: That should stop their advance. We can easily deal with the few remaining unorganised Gigas. And if not, we know who we can ask. Brave knight: You have our thanks. We will inform Lord Drillemont of your deeds. Brave knight: And our comrades will hear of your heroic deeds too! They’ll all look up to you, if they don’t already. Brave knight: The troops at Whitebrim Fort can use any boost to morale they can get. Your willingness to help us will bring new courage. Brave knight: That reminds me... Could you perhaps autograph my shield? My name is...

???: March, march! Return to base immediately! Brave knight: What happened? Why the rush? Capable knight: Orders from above. Lord Drillemont heard that we’re working with [Name] and ordered us to return immediately. With them in custody, in fact. Brave knight: In custody? What’s the meaning of this? Capable knight: There have been... accusations. People are saying they’ve been spotted in the Brume... speaking with the corpse of a convicted heretic. Capable knight: I don’t believe it of course, but we both know how serious such accusations are.

Brave knight: Surely someone is trying to play us for fools... I mean, speaking with a corpse? Do they take us for idiots? Capable knight: Have you heard the accusations, [Sir/Lady]? They... have a certain weight, since they come from Temple Knights. Capable knight: It might be necessary... Ah, purely as a formality of course... To ask you to remove your weapon.

Fray: Ha, ha! “Remove my weapon”? After what happened in Ul’dah? Are they out of their minds?

Fray: Tomorrow will be the best day in your life, [Name]. Your breakfast will taste better than any meal you’ve ever had. Fray: That is, when you finally manage to look the truth in the eye. [Name], get ready for the evacuation of your soul...

Fray: You know already. You know whose voice speaks in your heart. You know who has to shoulder more suffering than anyone else in the world... You know who you have to save! Fray: Don’t act so surprised. Of course Fray was stone dead, right from the start. But you wanted it to be different. Fray: A sword, a crystal... All that was missing was a teacher. So you made yourself one. Fray: The soul crystal of the Dark Knight, in which all his experiences were stored. Your aether and repressed feelings... The pain that you locked deep inside your heart... All that suffering that you have to endure as a hero.... The fear that the Champion of Eorzea is not allowed to show... Those are the ingredients from which you made a new Fray. Fray: A mentor who could show you the feelings slumbering in your heart. Who could express these feelings for you, like you never could. Fray: You still don’t want to believe it, but you can’t deny it. You can’t deny what we have achieved. Fray: Haven’t I been good to you? I’ve given you a choice that none of your so-called friends ever gave you. Your so-called friends in the Scions or the Eorzean Alliance. Fray: The choice to say no. To not help. To think of yourself. To save yourself. I’ve given your innermost desire to say no a voice, and made sure you heard it too. Fray: Open your eyes! Look at me! Are you seeing it now? I... am you!

[Fray takes on your name] [Name]: Everything that happened until now was your story... [Name]: ...And everything that happens from now on is mine!

[Duty battle dialogue] Dark shadow: Fight me! As hard as you can! You can’t kill me, no matter how hard you try. Dark shadow: You can’t defeat me. I’m a part of you. Drillemont: [Name], I’ll help you! You helped us in our greatest time of need too. Dark shadow: Help them? Bet they’ll have to save you again?

Dark shadow: I... we were so close...

Dark shadow: That is exactly the problem! Dark shadow: Do you even know how ridiculous this struggle must look to the others? Dark shadow: Free yourself from the pain!

[Battle over] [Name]: After a battle everything else in life is turned down in comparison - you can deal with anything. [Name]: I made you strong. I have... given you all your strength... [Name]: Recognise the irony of your existence: Your strength is the cause of your pain. It makes you a hero, and as a hero you’re doomed to suffer.

Knight: [Name]! We’re with you! Cenota: [Name]! Believe in yourself! Believe in us! Clotairion: We know who you really are. Don’t forget that!

[Name]: They stand at your side... while you carry their pain. [Name]: But that’s what you want, isn’t it? You want to suffer. You’re always looking for someone whose pain you can carry. That’s your nature. [Name]: The nature of a dark knight. It’s your fate. Nobody will ever do it better than you... [Name]: You seek this pain. You seek that suffering. [Name]: You’ve brought the last offering. So take this reward... [Name]: [Name]... [Name]: [Name]... I’m the part of you incapable of being a hero. Hide me. Deep in your heart. [Name]: I will speak to you again. Because I know you’re stronger than me.

[Name]: What belongs together comes together. [Name]: I’ll return back into you and give you the power to protect the world. I’ll cry your tears. I’ll carry your burden. I’ll be your rage. [Name]: Let’s go on a journey together again.

Capable knight: We have you back, Halone be praised! For a moment there I thought we’d lost you to your innermost demons. Capable knight: I don’t really understand what happened here, but Lord Drillemont doesn’t seem too angry. Fortunately nobody was permanently injured... Capable knight: First up I’ll make sure Fray’s body is given an appropriate burial. Capable knight: And you? Are you sure everything is okay? You were a little... confused. But what am I implying... Forgive me, my lord. And farewell.

Notes and commentary:

"Das ist dein Leben und es endet jede Minute aufs Neue” is a quote from the German dub of Fight Club apparently, though I never watched it in any language so I have no idea what the context is.

German has formal and informal pronouns, but the only character in these quests to use formal pronouns for your character is the capable knight. That said, everyone still speaks fairly politely to you except Fray, who speaks so casually to everyone it crosses into being rude and overly familiar.

Personally I like German Fray a lot. They feel like the best of both worlds, keeping the emotional vulnerability of Japanese Fray while adding some of the bitter anger English Fray has. They also have a certain awkwardness to them that is really endearing, and which I’m not sure really comes across in just these two quests even with the lame breakfast oneliner. The lv35 quest has this exchange which I really like.

>That voice I heard. Who is speaking to me? >Why were you being accused by the High Tribunal anyway? Hmmm? -->Wild playing and endangering the elderly - shouldn’t that be punished severely? (This is the excuse the temple knights used to take away the old woman’s granddaughter)

Fray: R-really? But things like that just happen when kids play... Fray: A-haha, I get it! You made a joke! You really got me there. Seriously though, what do you want to ask me?

What stood out to me about German Fray next to the English one (and my limited knowledge of the Japanese one) is that they’re a bit of a jokester, though it doesn’t really show in the last two quests because they’re getting desperate. When you free the prisoners from the Amal’jaa in the lv40 quest duty, the enemy yells “You’ll pay for this with your blood!” and Fray responds “Send me an invoice!”

There’s also the exchange with Fray when you learn what happened to the old woman whose grandchild was taken in the lv30 quest, which in English goes like this

Fray: They might spare the girl, you know. Leave her with a few scars and a lifelong lesson. Fray: ...Or, we could beat every single one of them within an ilm of their lives and rescue the girl. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? [You nod, and Fray smiles] Fray: I knew you would.

and in German goes like this

Fray: Are you the dark knight that will stand up for this old woman? Think about it carefully, since it might cost you your head. Fray: Think about the enemies you’re facing, and the wounds they will inflict on you. Think about how you could just turn around and go lie in a warm bed, and nobody would suspect you. [You nod, and Fray smiles] Fray: I feared as much.

In the Japanese and English versions (and French, since French drk is just a direct translation of the English one) the original Fray legitimately lost his trial by combat, but in the German version the trial was rigged. The Ishgardian Citizen describes how Fray was winning until Halone herself struck him down with a pillar of fire - someone in the audience mumbled that it looked suspiciously like a Flare spell cast from the direction of the jury, but naturally the citizen immediately reported that heretic to the inquisition for doubting Halone’s judgement. The reason I even read the German version was because I got mad about translators making some shit up wholesale, but I have to admit I do like this particular thing that translators made up wholesale.

It also turns out Fray writing in the quest journal is unique to the English version! I really missed their commentary when I checked the German journal and it just wasn’t there. Another win for making shit up wholesale I suppose.

I’ve been told the scripts for different languages of the game are written concurrently rather than first in Japanese and then translated, so it’s not entirely fair to claim any one of them as the original that the others are unfaithful translations of. Even if that’s the case I still don’t think the different language scripts should be so wildly different in meaning from each other, but putting that aside I do like having these varying takes on Fray to rotate in my head and I wouldn’t have any complaints if the way they were implemented was through supplementary material like short stories or a manga or something.

I also think each version of Fray has something good going for them, and that they become better when put next to each other. I like how the English script has even your repressed feelings be so repressed that they cling to their front of smug superiority and righteous anger until the very end, and only manage to really express themselves in the journal where nobody would ordinarily look. I like Japanese Fray spilling their whole entire heart out and sounding permanently on the verge of crying from how desperate they are despite their imposing appearance. And my personal favourite is German Fray for how much they feel like genuinely just a regular person who’s in too deep and has no choice but to keep doing what they think is best.

#ffxiv #fray #fray myste #dark knight #translation

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