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ineffectualbookseller · 8 months

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The way Azirphale is underestimated and practically infantalized by heaven is so closely tied to his femininity and I think we should talk about it more because I just want to shout about how relatable the way he's treated in his workplace is as a woman working in a traditionally male field

It's in all the little niggling comments from your boss about personal things that hold no bearing on your work

and the assumption that what you're doing must be simple if it was assigned to you

your work is trivialized

and you get these the placating smiles when you're told plans and proposals are rejected and passed over

or when your complaints are dismissed

and you get more of the same from upper management

it all feels so frustrating and draining but you're at work so all you can do is take a breathe put on that mask and move on with your day

It is all so deteimental to your emotional well being and textually, so much of this is tied to Aziraphale's softness, his gayness - his femininity

The thing about working in an environment and gives you this feeling - of being simultaneously destrought watching your belief in yourself get chipped away but also just so irate becuase you know you don't deserve it - is how it builds. It sinks under your skin and feeds into this indignant dejection until you can have a moment of release - but Azirphale doesn't get to bitch about it over drinks with friends, he doesn't get a lunch break where he can go for a walk and listen to an angry scandi death metal playlist, he doesn't even get the chance to cry about it in the bathroom for 5 minutes before confronting it again

(And I talked a little bit about it in the tags of this beautiful photoset but this all comes into play whenever Crowley dismisses his plans or calls him an idiot. These are purely emotional reactions; I really don't think Crowley means much by it - he respects Aziraphale's opinion and genuinely thinks he's brilliant - but Crowley is so quick to use this terminology when Aziraphale is making a decision Crowley thinks is wrong and he doesn't know how much this hurts Aziraphale. Just like Aziraphale doesn't understand the true impact the Fall had on Crowley, Crowley doesn't understand the ways heaven has been tearing away at Aziraphale's self worth)

Aziraphale has been facing this constant drip of denigration since before the beginning of time and has never released the pressure valve. At this point, he's a bomb waiting to go off

#(I want to note that I am coming at this from my personal experience as a woman #but I know femme neurodivergent and disabled folks of all genders face these same issues)#along similar lines I have tons of feelings about how often Aziraphale hides his hands when talking to other angels #to hide his stimming #and look I try not to tie everything back to explaning why Aziraphale ended s2 the way he did but apparently I can't #its just the juiciest character moment to me #also thinking about how angry Crowley was at Gabriel when he was treated like this once #granted shut up and die already IS the worst thing Gabriel has said to Aziraphale but if Crowley knew how much of this was going on...#aziraphale #good omens #go2 spoilers #good omens meta #Thanks to folks who responded to my tags on that post because you really motivated me to find these screen caps #and finish this post which has been sitting in my drafts for ages #also sorry so many of gabriels faces are funny I cant help that jon hamm is comedy gold - i refuse to let it undermine my point

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wheretheresawyll · 7 months

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"Actually Astarion was just being logical for not wanting to help the tieflings because of the time pressures with your tadpoles while acknowledging the equal value of the goblins' lives" buddy sometimes he is just an asshole

#disclaimer: this is not character hate #but lets not pretend that astarion has a philosophy for not wanting to help the refugees #hes very much happy to waste time on other things #also the goblin thing is just...#oh the guy who said he wont feed on innocents #which excludes goblins?#you think hes speaking for goblin rights???#bg3 spoilers

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lazylittledragon · 3 months

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Feel free to ignore if this is intruding but I remember you posting about dealing with caffeine addiction and I hope you're doing ok <3 Addiction is really hard to deal with so I hope everything is going alright for you!

!! thank you for checking in <3333

i haven't cut it out completely (i really don't think i'd be able to) but i'm still doing much better, i've cut down from 6 shots per cup to only 2. i've also changed my sleep/eating habits so now i don't feel like i need the caffeine as much because i just don't feel as shit anymore.

it's been very nice :3

#ramble #also yes that wasn't 6 shots per day it was PER CUP #which sounds. Insane thinking about it now #also i was SHOCKED at how seriously everyone took it. bc i really didn't think it was that bad #spoiler alert it was very bad #it's also done my IBS a favour because. wow #i'm thinking of switching back to cold brew because it didn't upset my insides as much as espresso does #tl;dr caffeine addiction is a very very very real thing and you seriously need to treat it like any other drug

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fumifooms · 2 months

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Laios Touden and autism; admiring the non-human

Do you think people exaggerate when they scream about Laios being autistic? Do you feel like it’s weird that so many people including autistics are so set on Laios, the problematic (but incredible and kind) king TM, being the most autistic that has ever autisticed? Why do we cheer on autistic people wanting to be monsters?? Isn’t that weird?

Well, of course it depends on the way it’s done, it can be done quite offensively, but long story short Kui blew it out of the park. The thing is, autistic people really do like monsters and animals and robots. Nonhuman does not mean subhuman, it just means Other. Feeling a connection with them has been shown to be an extremely common autistic experience for that very reason.

Because some people don’t understand why we autistic Tumblr Laios stans cheer “autism! Autism!” whenever he talks about monsters and feeling alienated to humans so! Here’s a post about how yes even research papers are analyzing the special connection we form with animals. I’m not even joking but Laios Touden & the mass cries of relatability with autistic people he gets and all the love for him could be used as study material and evidence for future papers because the link is that strong. Oh also I think it’s notable that being autistic and undiagnosed vs diagnosed makes a huge difference. In my experience as someone who was undiagnosed up until 18, it’s even more alienating to not know that there’s a reason why you’re different, being gaslit that you’re ‘normal’ and you just need to try harder and get with the program, etc. Personally when getting diagnosed I went through the 5 stages of grief because the thought of having been fundamentally different all your life (a difference which you will never be able to change) and mistreated for it when you weren’t “wrong” all along makes you unload all the anger and sadness and loneliness and sheer trauma you’ve built up over time. Like it’s world shattering.

So! Back to seeing dogs as family. Also I implore you to value experiential evidence when it comes to autism and other neurodivergences because brains are complicated and neurotypicals not being able to understand us well even with scientific research is like, a whole thing even though we’re right there speaking about how we feel and being right every time because the topic is literally us and how we experience the world.

Disclaimer for this whole post that, of course, no group is a monolith and everyone has different experiences or can diverge from the norm of the group, and that doesn’t diminish the validity of either side! Like, I know autistic people who have trauma with dogs and hate them. But, trends do happen, and in this case... Autism is very “My experiences with humans make me feel dehumanized in a bad and lonely way so instead I’ll dehumanize myself in a good and inspiring way”.

“I was treated like a failed human my entire life and you’re surprised that my response was to become a dog.” -Patricia Taxxon

It’s literally well recorded that autistic people relate to animals more than humans globally. With this post, besides spreading autistic Laios truthism and explaining why the portrayal hits so deep for so many, I want to show in what way this is a very specific experience and not looking at his character through an autistic lense really misses a lot of why he’s everything that he is. (Tacking allegedly onto here for legal reasons, different interpretations are valid etc etc /gen). This honestly isn’t super long though.

To define an important term, anthropomorphism in the studies and in this post means to attribute human traits to the nonhuman, which not only includes anthro furry designs but also animals irl, inanimate objects, and animated media as opposed to live action, to humanize them and empathize with them.

Paper: https://www.liebertpub.com/doi/10.1089/aut.2019.0027

“Dogs taught me how to hunt and socialize and work in groups”, Laios having internalized body language... So real so real. I, too, make a great dog impression. And I want to emphase the part that it helps greatly develop a sense of emotions and relationships! For Laios, he didn’t get along with kids his age, it was him, Falin and the dogs against the world. Since it’s a group of dogs too, it taught him group dynamics and social hierarchies (like with Falin being considered as being below the dogs in authority according to the dogs rip), and the importance of group coordination when hunting.

For me, I cannot like, concisely explain just how much animals were important to me developmentally. I also grew up with dogs, but like I vividly remember encounters with like hamsters as well just radically shaping my understanding of boundaries, the importance of giving something space and the way you interact with them and respect their side of it. Unlike humans they don’t really mask how they feel, it’s direct cause-effect reaction and data gathering. There are no words involved, so the focus on having a perfect phrasing and tone is gone, leaving just pure interactions.

There’s also no reason to mask how you feel either, and you don’t have to feel silly over wanting to form a connection and it showing, what, is the dog gonna laugh at you because you obviously want to make friends with it? Toshiro or Kabru might, but dogs and cats will just tell you to fuck off and leave it there worst case scenario. I often say that I think one reason Marcille is special to Laios and he feels comfortable around her is because she emotes INTENSELY, she gestures, she puts her whole body into it, her facial expressions are pretty exaggerated and her ears even emote too- like with a dog’s ears!

I think there’s def also things to be said about how he gravitated towards Izutsumi at first, all excited, was eager to sleep in the same bed as her, but in the Izutsumi sleep rating chart we see they really just casual and chill so it’s not a Laios talking to Shuro deep into the night situation just a “I like sleeping besides animals” situation and that is enough to hype him up. I love how he pet her in the extra about why Chil let her sleep with him too. He’s just so transparently eager to befriend her, even if in the end they weren’t all that compatible and he accepted that.

There are honestly so many examples I could give for this. Like Grandin the famous cow lady.

More about autism & empathy:

https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/double-empathy-explained/ (Also mentions a study in which groups of autistic, allistic then a mixed group played a game of telephone and both singular groups had similar levels of information retention, but the mixed group was significantly worse. As an autistic person yeah duh, obviously autistic people are different from one another and can have plenty of interpersonal issues, but communicating with other neurodivergent people feels pretty intuitive and straightforward and comfortable. One of the reasons why neurodivergent people tend to naturally gravitate towards each other I suppose.)

^ Paper: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5932358/ For good, extensive summary of why we relate to animals so much you can go to the “anthromorphizing and asd” section of the paper. This paper extends to our widespread liking of cartoons and robots as well. Ok so this is a whole thing I won’t get into here but this is a big reason why a lot of autistic people are agender leaning as well. Genders and queerness in general is a lot about social constructs, and being queer is being marginal to these, not fitting into boxes or challenging those social norms and conventions. Queerplatonic relationships are a great example of this, where the framework of the relationship is platonic but the intangible nature of what it is exactly is the point, not familial not anything but everything at once too, just adoration, I like to say having pets is a bit like it as well, bc obvi it’s not romantic and often not fully familial, very platonic but also sooo much cuddling and adoration and kissing and whatnot that you wouldn’t typically do with a friend or family member. I’ll talk about qpr and labels another day though.

I got carried away but queerness in Dunmeshi is something I 100% want to make a big post on one day. Experiencing the world with different guidelines and not registering things to have the same boxes, sigh. Personally I also relate to Laios on a gender level, “cis by default because I don’t care all that much but if I were to dig deeper I’m probably otherkin and I want to be socially associated with traits of monsters and animalistic rather than man/woman” sighh hard to be a cryptid in this day and age. I wish we had a term like furry but for monsters, I want to be in the fantasy or folk tale genre ty, like changelings. Goshh changelings... You know, the irl myth where people said their neurodivergent kids were fairies’ children instead of human. Diminished physical sense of self means I see myself as some unknowable black void aesthetic wise, but like in a way that simultaneously makes me feel seen. Like becoming a monster, losing your sense of self but also somehow just being simplified and seen for what you are, it’s weird to try and explain. This post is more about relating to the nonhuman than about seeing yourself as such, but like connect the dots right, that IS an important point of Laios’ character. It’s because our brains literally work different than allistics which makes us feel as other, but also because of social ostracization and functioning in a different way than society at large, living in the margin of society, being weird and non-conforming.

Meanwhile, animals and social norms... Like ok, showing your neck and rolling on the ground to show that you’re friendly and harmless and play biting might not be proper. But have you considered that it’s also fun and feels very intuitive. Play with a dog in the dog’s way I promise it is so nice and freeing. Play tug of war and growl back when they growl. Hiss at your cat to tell them they do something wrong, engage with them on their level.

Autism made social life hard, but it made animals easy. Do you have anyyy idea how good it feels to mask all day every day and feel constantly misunderstood or like you’re doing a performance but then you can just, drop all of that in the company of animals and they understand you. They understand you. You form an understanding and rapport so easily.

And this whole thing with Laios is so explicit too, with the Winged Lion saying “You’re sick and tired of the human world”. Notice the choice of words. Sick and tired of the human world. Exhausted from the constraints, sick of the mind games. It really isn’t as much about loving monsters as it is about loving the nonhuman. Relating to them because you feel that you can actually understand how they work and think, and feeling like they could understand you back as well. Animals are safe.

Like I could go on about how Laios admiring even just demi-humans like orcs is because they’re socially seen as non-humans more than any true physical thing, that they’re not bound by human society and its rules and live with their own lifestyle. But it would deal myself 1000 points of psychic damage and I am not ready to cry today. It’s idealization 100%, and like, Laios DOES want to be treated as human, to be valued, but it feels like an unreachable thing meanwhile becoming a monster is instant gratification and freedom and a sense that now no one will be able to hurt you in a way that reaches you, never again shall you be defenseless, and then if people dehumanize you then that only strengthens your sense of identity as a monster and UGHH ugh ugh.

And like. This post is a mess at this point but if you want to kinda delve into the more “why” then I recommend this Patricia Taxxon video essay. It starts out on a very different topic, but it’s all about autism and finding comfort in the inhuman. Long story short is othering made us like this also animals are just simpler to intuitively get along with.

So when I post this

I mean it. I really mean it when I say he’s me. I have never felt so seen. So many conflicting emotions all wrapped so concisely yet so intangibly woven into the whole storyline so subtly.

Not being depicted as a monster of an human being for feeling/having felt that way?? The manga understands you. The world can understand you. Other humans can understand you. You can bond with them. You can. And I think that’s a big part of Dungeon Meshi too- Laios opening up to others about how he really is and his interests, and all the bumps on the way but how it was the only way to truly get to know each other and bond. With the climax being Laios confronting head on his complex with monsters and humans, and his monster-loving side and animalistic side being exactly what saves the whole world, what saves humanity. Because Laios does value his friends, does think humanity has beautiful sides to it, he wants to help it thrive and eat and become more accepting, carving out a kingdom for misfits and demi-humans. At the end of it, transforming into a monster and being free is a daydream fantasy, and the reality of it is that Laios does belong in the world as he is, and does receive and give out love.

If you enjoyed this you’ll probably like some of my other Laios analysis! Here’s an analysis of his succubus and what it says about his relationships with other humans. And here’s an analysis about his relationship with Shuro from his perspective.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #laios touden #character analysis #i guess #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #spoilers #autistic laios touden #asd #autism representation #meta #draft so old it uses the old Tumblr post editor #it would be much better if i could put them side to side rip #i also wanna do an analysis trying to pin down his level of social awareness #i love that the monster story epic saga about misfits and your place in the world on an ecosystem level is just sooo autistic so perfect #this post has a weird structure but hopefully it can showcase some things and make ppl understand and others relate! I know we're out there #hiii therians how we feeling today. Brain chemistry is weird but ours is just wired different not broken #feeling self-conscious bc even with studies this is the equivalent of going 'trust me bro I get it' which usually doesn't go well with us #Humanity is beautiful <3333 Humans are social animals broski love yourself!!!

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humanmorph · 2 months

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I step all around the pieces on the floor / Wires and cords, and records, and tapes

#palisade #kalvin brnine #fatt #friends at the table #palisade spoilers #??? vague and also old but still #I did already post this here (in september?) but it was in a reblog... look at it.#more importantly i want to reblog it whenever i feel like going hey.btw(usually when i listen to the song again)#and the other post of this is one of my palisadepostings. & not one where i'm like oh this is rebloggable.#rosa art #kind of one of my favourite things i drew last year. probably because i just had a really good time with it #sometimes its fun to plan a drawing and move things around until they fit & sometimes i have an idea & just do it #like yeah. this has everything i wanted to get across. to me #brnine grief moment 👍#lyrics from the pal25 episode desc btw.#which i didn't see at the time the episode came out otherwise i think. hm. something wouldve happened for sure

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flame-shadow · 8 months

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Collection of the backdrops I did for the Bug Fables NPC Collab

I wanted to put them all in one post, since I'm quite proud of what I did. :)

[IDs in alt]

#also wow it looks like a lot more lined up like this than it does in my folder haha #bug fables #bug fables spoilers #flameshadowart #bug fables npc collab #backgrounds #scenery #digital painting #there are definitely some which i like less or think could be improved more than others but that's alright #i tried things i learned things i'll keep working on things and get better #also! the NPC collab in its entirety is almost complete! we're very excited to reach the conclusion

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solanj · 3 months

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Desperation

#rogue trader #Theciya von Valancius #Tervantias the Archmachinator #warhammer 40k #rogue trader spoilers #haemonculus #solanj art #this game is doing THINGS to me #I can't really express it without sounding all fake #so I just try to draw stuff #not even really the stuff that hit me the most #just the stuff that I CAN handle #both skill-wise and emotion-wise #hopefully eventually I will be able to draw the OTHER stuff too #also I'll get back to illustrations too at some point #I swear #for now just bear with me please #also do I need to spell out which companion she chooses to get back there #or is it obvious enough at this point? ^^"

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words-writ-in-starlight · 10 months

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You could say that I have strong feelings about this ongoing debate

#critical role #we can all have coffee on Ludinus' grave and debate the nature of morality until we're blue in the face. but priorities.#cr spoilers #bell's hells #HHHHHHH false dichotomies are not a friend #the choice is not a binary Gods Or Predathos #and you should not pick Predathos just because you don't like the other option!!!!!#anyway i have uhhhh 15 memes that i made tonight because that is who i am as a person #also. also. hey. guys. everybody.#if your philosophical debate is leading you to go 'idk maybe the murderers are onto something'#boy HOWDY you better have the information to back that up!#the thing is I'm not mad this devate is happening i think it's very realistic that people would get caught up in this debate given the given #i have just painstakingly cultivated the ability to have an argument and i have strong feelings about rhetoric #[bangs on a pot lid with a spoon] CONSIDER ALL ANGLES BEFORE YOU DOUBLE DOWN ON A POSITION #if you're curious #yes i am EXACTLY like this in a real life argument i have been told i am infuriating to argue with #both because of my love of Sources and because of my need to be absolutely dead sure of something before i get in a fight about it #which have the annoying tendency to make me like. not lose a lot of fights.

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hamable · 14 days

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Hhhh bnha 419… Deku has given this fight everything he has. What happens next is literally out of his hands.

#bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #bnha leaks #bnha 419 #rambling followed by a tldr:#I’m sure he’ll get them back #either Eri rewinds him or Shigaraki unlocks the record struction part of his quirk which I saw some people theorizing #but yeah. Deku has faught physically as much as he possibly can. he has transferred all of OFA to Shigaraki and attampted to connect #with his mind. the boy once entrusted with the responsibility to destroy AFO now has to rely on others to finish this battle for him #unless the leaks are fake in which case carry on as usual #bc I also have gripes with him losing his arms #theres a lot of arm/hand imagery and symbolism in bnha #the all night I Am Here fist in the air #Katsuki’s whole hand holding thing #the recent thing about relief in reaching out to someone in need and them taking your hand #ffs the last few chapters Deku literally had to plow through shigaraki’s mutant finger chiton to get to his core.#his early recklessness resulting in permanent scarring and deformity in his hands as a reminder fight smarter not harder #and to adapt and be his own kind of hero and not keep trying to be an all might copy #I’m rambling but yeah. hands. losing them means losing some important symbolism but losing is also its own symbolism yknow?#TLDR #he’s gotta trust his fellow heroes to step in where he can’t but also if he doesn’t get to do a classic all might pose after all this istg #needs to accept he did everything in his power but also if he and Katsuki don’t finally take each others hands after this ISTG

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welcometogrouchland · 1 year

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I also think it's nice that they made Camilla a sci-fi nerd and Luz a fantasy nerd. They're genres that are often seen as completely opposing one another by many people, which is what we're led to believe about Luz and Camilla in season 1. Luz is silly, nerdy, frequently in over her head and irresponsible and loves the boiling isles. We're led to believe that Camilla is the normal, conventional TV mother who'd be disgusted and terrified by the demon realm if she saw it.

Then yesterday's lie gives us a lot of nuance to this, and we realize that while they're still very different and now on opposite sides of a conflict, both mother and daughter are incredibly kind people (seen in their treatment of Vee) who love each other but struggle to make the right choices without hurting one another.

Then thanks to them drops all this Camilla characterization and we realize! She was a nerd too this whole time! The wedge between Camilla and Luz is motivated by past traumas and grief! and for the future has them switching sides on the central conflict of where Luz should stay (Camilla now wanting Luz in the demon realm because it's what's best for her, and Luz believing that staying in the human realm is what's best for the people she loves). They finally talk and realize that, like Willow pointed out earlier in the ep, the two are so alike. Camilla reveals that she's a secret nerd too! That she had a hard time growing up and accidentally hurt Luz trying to save her from the same fait! It's so important to me that Camilla keeps calling Luz a good witch. It's affirming her interests and goals, reminding her that she's just as good as the hero of her favorite story. And Luz finally only realizes that she wants to be understood...when she's finally able to understand her mom. When she realizes that the woman she loves and admires is just as much of a nerdy screw-up as her and that there's hope for her. Her palismen ends being multiple animals at once, showing both how Luz making unconventional choices (like carving an egg) keeps paying off for her and how her potential is limitless now that she finally knows and accepts her own goals, but to me it also reminds of the fact that Camilla is a vet and passed a love of all the weird and unliked animals (like wolves, possums, snakes, etc) to her.

It's just so so sweet and it really shows how much love and thought the crew put into this mother daughter storyline (FTF haters are not welcome on this page, respectfully). I can't wait to see how both of these misunderstood but healing women (who radiate "little/big sister" and "mom" energy respectively) are gonna interact with a) the lonely, easily manipulated and well intentioned but ignorant collector (a mix of both their interests as a magic being with a space motif! I just realized that lol) and b) the nasty puritan white man who's really obsessed with conforming to society's norms even when it literally doesn't benefit him at all.

Anyway, I believe in noceda( AND clawthorne 👀) family supremacy 💙

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #luz noceda #camilla noceda #this isn't proofread so if there's words missing or misspellings or somethings unclear feel free to mention #but this is just a messy thought dump #I have a ROUGH WEEK. I wish there was a more positive vibe in the fandom rn (although i kinda get it but also :( sad)#but there isn't one i will create it #tentatively I don't have a responsibility to do that I just wanna talk about things i noticed and like #i am going to post reqs just u wait. bitch!#also uhhhh other things i thought while making this post but couldn't include:#hunter and gus being fantasy trekkies is really funny and cute but also fits really well with both of their characters #gus has always been in love with the human realm and this is the ultimate neat little bow on that.#he's dressed as a character he relates to (captain avery trying to get back home to the family he loves) and his interest is uniquely human #bc sci-fi is kinda uniquely rooted in/associated w/ the human realm in toh. even in something like Belos' steampunk tech #SPEAKING OF. hunter oh my GODDD #he gets so attached to the human realm in TTT bc he's finally somewhere safe (he's always been entrenched in the most-#-toxic parts of the demon realm and it's culture which is ironically propelled forward by one humans influence)#and it's like a part of him is reclaiming his weird split heritage. he loves magic and he loves sci-fi and he's silly abt both #he's not a witch or a human and he's happy. or at least he will be #anyway. i love this shows relationship to fiction it is sweet and comforting and funny

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stagefoureddiediaz · 2 months

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I'm just going to sit over here quietly and point out that the space theming around Christopher continues.

The green galaxy dust hoodie we get to see in the promo shot is making me so happy

Space themeing and green 😍😍😍

#kym costume things #911 costumes #911 abc #christopher and space themeing #space v dinosaurs #green means growth but is also a combination of yellow and blue (which are Buck and Eddies predominant colours when in each others company)#Blue and yellow are also the colour ways used in queer media - look at Heartstopper or RWRB or Young Royals (even TK and Carlos in LS)#911 promo photos #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #evan 'buck' buckley #buddie #buddifer #911 spoilers #(sort of!)

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nantokanarusaa · 9 months

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Ao no Flag (SERIES FINALE SPOILERS!!)

Seriously, don’t read this if you are planning to read Ao no Flag. That being said, go read the manga now!!

Finally finished reading Ao no Flag and I have so many feelings. Non-coherent, rambly, messy feelings. I was looking at reactions online and what mainly boggles me about the reactions to the final 2 chapters is people being “how is Taichi suddenly gay??” My friend living on this big planet he never was (he’s bi). He most likely just realized it later in life. Did the events of his 3rd HS year help him figure it out? Heck yes. Is he suddenly bi? No.

Not all queer people pop out into this world and instantly know they are queer. Heck, it took me 23 years to figure that out. It’s not like Taichi instantly realized he likes Touma and started dating him. He knew Touma mattered to him somehow, but it took him multiple years to realize how, as evident by him maybe starting his relationship with Touma after 5 years when Touma contacted them all. He gained life experience and grew.

People go through a lot of learning, unlearning and growing. Especially if you are outside of societal expectations and norms. Taichi grew up learning to and wanting to blend in with society. “Be normal, don’t stand out too much”. Add to that low self-confidence and you feel stuck. Feel like there is only black and white. only one right answer to life. It can be very difficult to look out of this dark box, trust me, I had a tough time and sometimes still do. But it feels like Taichi thought and thought and pondered even back in high school and came to the decisions that he did.

And isn’t that what the series is about? growing as a person, making mistakes, learning, allowing yourself to be visible and vulnerable, and eventually, making choices, even if they don’t make sense to anyone else, and continuing to do so?

These two pages really hit me hard and I was wondering why. And then it hit me. This is possibly the happiest I’ve seen Taichi be since his childhood. Like genuinely happy. He’s reached max happiness points and is sharing those with Touma. He’s made his choices, and he’s happy. You can and are allowed to choose what or who makes you happy.

That’s all that matters.

#ao no flag #blue flag #blue flag manga #toumatai #is there a point tagging it as spoilers? might as well #ao no flag spoilers #blue flag spoilers #he ending and series in general does have it's flaws but it has become a near and dear one to me #anyways isn’t it amazing how different people have different perspectives and that how you have lived your life changes those #Taichi be gazing at Touma for multiple panels and people be like aww friendship :“)#the way the omamori was want jerked him out of his rage? heck the way he treasured it? their whole conversation on the beach #HE WAS GENUINELY CONSIDERING TOUMA'S FEELINGS FOR HIM!?! NO STRAIGHT GUY WILL EVER PONDER THAT MUCH #i'm alright #also all the hand holing symbolism which im sure other people have talked about better #which also raises the point: let kids express themselves freely without putting gender roles on them #god the hand hold rejection from Touma as a kid was a gut punch #last thing #KAITO HOW DARE YOU NOT SHOW US GROWN UP TOMA AND TAICHI TOGETHER #I WANT TO HAVE A CIVIL CONVERSATION WITH YOU #ok that was long thanks for reading if you have?? <3 #my feeling for this series are immense #oh have i mentioned its from JUMP!? of all the publications???#granted jump plus gives the creators a lot more freedom but still?? a bi protag?? with a gay main charecter along with multiple queer #confirmed or coded characters?#dint think it could be real #kurosaki rambles #PS i want Ao flag to get a boom in popularity again so that we can get an anime adaptation #if done well and respectfully it will have so much potential #if done well and respectfully it can have so much potential

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