#and also dreading the possibilities

[vaguely-concerned]

this expression is cracking me up so much. so demure. dare we say it -- bordering on coquettish. julian for the love of god dom him already what are you fucking waiting for

#garashir #star trek #star trek ds9 #ds9 #elim garak #julian bashir #garak pouting theatrically is something that can actually be so personal (to me) #look how upset he is that julian not only didn't yes and him but also just shot his companionable bullshit down completely #he's trying to learn how to play and julian is giving him an f- in it (something that is possible to achieve and normal to dread)

[spoiledskullz]

I'm so sorry more of them

#knuckles the echidna #knuckles the dread #knuckles x welkin #sonic fan character #welkin the wolf #spoiled art #oc x canon #welkles fankiddos #I have a whole au #Honestly have an entire fanfic idea about dread and barrel interacting but I don't think anyone would be interested #I'd like to try to do comic pages for it maybe possibly #Gahhh sorry #Welkin thinks dread's the shit #Dread is actually just shit #Dread is mr krabs and barrel is pearl #I've said enough I'll leave now #Also Idk how to translate well that dread is obviously older so i gave him the scruffy stuff on his face #Gave him the scar but my oc dune who'd be a part of Welkin's crew has the exact same scar and i don't want them to match lol #So that'll be changed

[muzzleroars]

Is v1 scared of death ?

it wasn't, at the start of everything - v1 boots to a dying world, its corroded mind immediately clinging to corrupted ideas about its purpose, knowing it is for war but instead thinking it must forever cause it into perpetuity instead of just fighting when called for. it is not yet a self, consciousness a faint flicker in a mind vast and filling fast with so much information its damaged computer can't fully process the data before it weaves into twisted code. when it meets v2, a shift occurs in recognition of the self, a mirrored image that it cannot copy - what's wrong? mirage is the emerging sentience, the understanding that it is v1, it is made for war, and it is in hell. it is here to end everything, and it cannot stop even if it had other wishes. to create war is its fundamental self and should it stop, everything it is would unravel. fear has no place but it feels it as an unnamed presence in the back of its mind. it has a self now, but the self can't project forward in concrete terms. confidence low. simulation unstable. cancel and move on.

but what happens when its self keeps growing, what happens when v1 follows whims instead of a directive? a new self is fostered, it is fed on curiosity instead of blood, it wants to learn instead of make war - these sides do not reconcile until it meets with gabriel. like v2, something is tripped again and in gabriel, its curiosity and bloodthirst are woven together, they fasten into a solid core of being, into what must be v1's soul. v1 is still not regularly existential but it has the capacity, endless in fact, which would only result in an abyss of inaction should it give way to it. it's a by-product of how its mind works, how easily it could be overtaken by the inevitability of death, unending loops of thoughts that lead nowhere or back into each other...and so v1 doesn't actively engage it, and in fact protects against it.

yet the fear grows, directly proportional to the life v1 gains in and outside of itself - it develops interests, it wants to see more, know more, do more than what it was made for, and it wants to stay with gabriel, learn about him and love him, have a whole life with him. it has so much to lose now and when it stops, it will be the end of everything, no spirit inhabiting the flesh...or maybe not. it wonders if it could have a ghost in some way, if the quantum particles that make up its mind are forever impressed with who it is, with what it has become, and if they would carry it on in some way. it would be caught in chaos it knows, the only reason it thinks now because its mind is so well-controlled, the particles so slow or directed that they can be turned into a thinking machine - without the computer, who would it express, experience? even if those particles remember, who would it be in a volatile outside world, separated from one another and scattered so far they could never meet again? would quantum strings still entangle them, too enmeshed to truly be apart? would its consciousness then be a web strung far and wide across space, echoing with who v1 was but unable to attain any cohesion without the deep frozen crystals that turn prisms into qubits? it thinks, somehow, this could be worse than nothing, so it continues to avoid thinking on it.

this avoidance is what i think ultimately causes the issues it and gabriel need to confront as it begins to fail though. they're not totally unprepared, but with the layers of protective coding against contemplating its own death, they're also not in the best position they could be. and as they attempt to figure things out now, as v1's code degrades and those restrictions are lifted, gabriel sees the full extent of its thoughts, the existential depth he knew it was capable of but had never heard at length. something in its mind was obviously given over to this a long time ago and has thought on nothing else while the rest of it ran unaware of the dread it was spinning. it is highly tuned to its demise, and it has considered inanimation at length (it still thinks about some of the first words gabriel said to it) or the possibility of its echo remaining in the quantum particles that have housed its consciousness for so long, they know nothing else. it asks gabriel several times where it will go, what will happen to it, and over and over he needs to admit he doesn't know. it tells him it doesn't want either, it doesn't want to shut off but it doesn't want to be a quantum ghost stretched thin and unthinking. it wants answers it can't compute, it wants answers gabriel can't divine. and it is very afraid.

#putting existential dread into the machine #v1 is really far too intelligent for its own good #it's also considered the possible limited consciousness of the inanimate #BUT it also hates that!!!! man!!!!! #cake answers #v1

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

i have yet another work dilemna HELP so i'm working from home today and tomorrow but they like. haven't given me anything to do yet? i've done my laundry and i'm probably going to paint my nails but like. i feel like i should be doing work but they literally haven't given me anything to do

AND the reason why this is a problem is that i booked dinner reservations tomorrow bc i knew i would be working from home, but the only table we could get was at 4:45pm (i'm meant to finish work at 5). but i thought NO WORRIES i'll just do all the work super quickly and then have time to make it to my fancy dinner in style. but that plan is quickly dissolving bc i can't do the work early if i don't know what it is???

#also my superviser wants to have a meeting tomorrow and i'm just dreading her saying she wants to meet at like. 4:30 #when i should be en route to the restaurant lmao #i mean worst case scenario my friend can go alone and hold the table and i'll just rush there as fast as possible #but i just KNOW that she's going to choose the most inconvenient time to have this meeting #they've told me i'm meant to be writing a post for their blog but they haven't told me what about #or any details like word count or whatever #my schedule just says 'blog post' #which like. hey i'm blogging right now lmao does this count #🧃

[coldbasementruins]

The more I think about it, the more I am floored by the amount of batshit insane potential the Tim-Damian-Bernard trio has.

Tim and Damian fighting to death for god-knows-what reason and Bernard, being an only child his entire life, is mildly concerned but ultimately comes to the conclusion that "It's nice that they both get along so well."

Bernard saying, "Mint chocolate pizza would be a revolutionary idea, almost as great of an idea as the original Batman dying and Robin being his reincarnation but I guess the world just isn't ready for it." and watching the world around him go up in flames.

Bernard knowing full well about the Wayne family's identities but going out of his way to mess with Damian by making up the most absurd theories:-

Bernard: Robin and all the birds in Gotham have a mutual relationship. Robin offers them protection and has installed cameras in the birds' eyes so that he can collect information from them.

Damian, oblivious to Bernard's knowledge: How do I legally execute someone?

Damian "laughter is the lowest form of emotional expression" Wayne losing his composure after seeing Bernard trip and fall on his face, dragging Tim along with him to the floor because they were holding hands.

Tim teasing Damian about crushes and Damian openly threatening him:-

Tim: You seem extremely interested in going to school nowadays, have you got a crush?

Damian: The only crush I will have is the urge to crush your head with my bare hands, Drake.

Damian whisper-yelling apologies to Bat-Cow as he stares at Tim and Bernard eating steak at the corner without a hint of remorse.

Alfred preparing himself to break up a fight every time the three of them watch a fantasy movie together. (One of them points at some monster side character and says "That's you." to the other.)

Just them being a chaotic trio of smart idiots.

#Damian feels personally victimised by Bernard's existence #Bernard likes to throw hands whenever possible #Tim just wants to live without existential dread #They fight #but they also #nah they just fight #Bernard and Tim would be that disgustingly cute couple who hold hands all the time #Damian reads shoujo romance manga and compares Bernard to every annoying ML who has a shit eating grin #Tim will hold Bernard's hand #no matter what the time or place is #he has priorities #Damian is Bernard's favourite Wayne family member #Tim questions his boyfriend's taste #Damian is a smug little shit #Tim Drake #Bernard Dowd #Damian Wayne #timbern #dc

[totally-not-an-awkward-okapi]

More stuff I definitely stole from Nickelodeon!

#i was a certified Tall Girl in middle school when Gooliope came out so I was obviously obsessed with her #but her design was always. kinda lame? #she’s so tall it’s like they didn’t feel like putting in more effort than dress and some accessories #I’ve been brainstorming Gooliope designs forever #but it was the hair that brought it all together #I don’t like it when slime has Normal Hair but also hate their weird molded bob the other slime girl has #but then I had a revelation: #her hair is a wig #so she’s got gooey dreads underneath #I imagine in practice they would be like. either rubbery plastic or something like electrical wires underneath? #structured and not particularly hair like but mildly possable and possibly restylable #she probably wouldn’t be clear like I’ve made her here but I would like it if at least her extremeties where #I feel like her being opaque makes it harder to tell she’s goo #but who knows! Matel if your listening- #my art #gooliope jellington #monster high redesign

[000marie198]

I believe this video gives enough indication of who the main main characters are

#yes i know Chaos Sonic was destroyed & he can't possibly be a main character but the others count #also. CS is the Beepo. even if he wasn't one of the MCs we love him just as much #sonic #sth #sonic the hedgehog #sonic prime #miles tails prower #sonic prime spoilers #prism sonic #knuckles the dread #miles nine prower #nine the fox #thorn rose #prime sonic #prime shadow #sonic prime shadow #Youtube

[silenthillbunni]

🤧🐀🌧️🌊

#need to clear my head; #im in such a bad mood. my face is in a perpetual angry state. im just so so bitter nd pessimistic rn #trying not to get stuck in negative chaos thought spirals nd to just take it as it come #nd be patient bc recovery takes time i know. but i havent been able to feel healthy or functional for 7 months nd i am so tired #i cant help but worry abt my health nd what kinda diet i can have nd how to work all of that out. #like the removal of the gallbladder dont ensure a good digestive system. they remove it bc it can irrepairably hurt u #also im so so stressed out abt school nd my courses. i already had to drop one last week. nd it isnt looking like i'll be able to pass my #eng class.. it just isnt looking like it's realistic at all :/ i personally dont mind if i fail. but i can get issues w my wellfare hmm #bc like im still feeling rough nd u only get sick leave for one week after surgery.. so i have to go on thursday nd friday but im gnna #be in pain plus be so hungry nd be unable to concentrate idk #idk idk!! im already willing to take out loans to finish my upper secondary school.. but i have to make it work w timing nd stuff so im not #sitting here unable to pay rent or the bills or food lmao. so idk have to fix it somehow #nd the pressure of this country rapidly declining state is stressing me tf out!! having nazi conservative rightists in the ruling is just #dreadful!!!! for many reasons but atm idek if i can do distance classes like i wanted to :// #i just.. wanna be able to go for my long walks. go to the gym. eat normally. have coffee. study nd finish highschool. #then apply for whatever program i can nd move to another calmer city. prob eventually find a path to move to another country. like norway.. #im thinking too much but my thoughts are spinning nd killing me like i cant stop it im so scared nd anxious lmao 💀 #im also trying to be brave and write to the psych clinic for personality disorders nd be upset nd 'beg' them for help ksksksks. #but like... the thing abt having avpd is that i kinda dont wanna bc im scared of the possibility of them helping me lol #im just in a low place nd bad headspace and it's just getring worse nd im getting more nd more tired #i dont have much more energy to keep it together nd pretend like im ok or like i have hope lmaoooo idk what to do #anyway... idk idk guess i just gotta .. keep crawling forward anyway i can

[thirsty-4-ghouls]

“Hancock is bad with kids” “Hancock is bad with Shaun” no, well, maybe, but where I was getting at was, the objectively funniest dynamic there that I can think of is that Hancock does, indeed, not know what to do around kids BUT Shaun is super curious because of that and will not leave him alone. Hancock will be looking at sole like “I can’t handle this, i don’t know what to do, get your kid” and Shaun is just like “why do you dress like that? Do you still get sunburnt? Do you like lazer rifles? I like lazer rifles.” Like a cat that sees the person ignoring them and goes up to them for attention. And the funniest response from sole is something like “the sunburn question is rude, Shaun” and then they continue doing whatever they were before saying that.

#emma posts #fallout 4 oc #this is their dynamic. i have decided that #especially because his mom did something similar when acquiring a new dad #and also curiosity obviously runs in the family #I am building on these characters where canon left gaps #especially synth Shaun. obviously #I am not ignoring my youngest child 😤 #or my eldest but he’s dead now and it’s complicated #wait. is codsworth her kid? she made him and sees him as family #that feels different though #the mathison way is just pestering someone (especially with questions) until they at least tolerate you #well. not with EVERYONE. just people they find interesting enough #sort of. i don’t actually know how to explain who his mom decides to befriend/adopt #or reverse adopt. nick is her new dad and it’s not optional #she imprinted like a duckling. she’s in her 20s? doesn’t matter #Hancock is like ‘you’re a parent though and I’m not good with kids. should you really settle for me?’ and she’s like #Shaun will be great with you! the question is will you adapt’ #‘shouldn’t it be the other way around?’ ‘no. you’ve seen me with nick. this family adopts. even when adopted’ #he possibly feels some dread and she continues with ‘we’re family when we decide we are. But can the people we declare family handle us?’ #she is of course saying this increasingly ominously because she finds it funny. it is true though. everything she said. it’s true. #and it’s okay if he doesn’t see you as a dad. just that he accepts you as my partner. at least it’s that way to him and i. I know my kid.’ #her knowing her kid also makes her constantly concerned about him getting into something for having questions. She knows she has. #that’s how she met Hancock in the first place. Piper. I found something crazy. Piper I want answers #and piper was probably like ‘wtf is this blue?’ and sole was like ‘a story’ #so they got in over their heads trying to solve a mystery… sort of? #those two get into all sorts of shit that way #her imprinting was probably part (mostly) trauma. but it happened regardless #I’m making this reblog able now because people find it funny apparently and if that’s all i don’t mind

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

the father [solar lunacy] the son [you move to dayshift but aren't paid any more, go figure] and the holy spirit [i see you, sundrop!]

#random thoughts #fnaf #solar lunacy because it's what people think of when they think about iconic sun and moon fics (and for good reason) #(bamsara is a master at subtext and creating little scenes that all build up to a beautiful picture) #dayshift go figure because god. the corporate bullshit. the domestic bullshit. THE VIRUS BULLSHIT. #and also because it features my all-time favorite original character (drumroll please) #dundundundundun RILEY GREENE OF I SEE YOU SUNDROP FAME #god what didn't i see you sundrop do right. the characterization. the slow build up of dread throughout the entire fic. riley greene. #IT IS 106 CHAPTERS NOT INCLUDING A POSSIBLE FUTURE EPILOGUE #god sorry to the other two fics on my list but reading i see you sundrop broke my brain a little #the scenes with riley's mother. THE SCENES WITH RILEY'S MOTHER OH MY GOD #you can tell a fic is good when it gets you to give a shit about an oc that hard #their CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? WHICH IN TURN FED DIRECTLY INTO WILLIAM AFTON'S DEMISE????? #I AM DEAD. I AM DECEASED. #im rereading solar lunacy rn if you can't tell lol i went on a spree #fucking love the concept of sun not being completely isolated from moon and his illness god fuck #solar lunacy 🤝 i see you sundrop: we're gonna have some wild fucking takes on moon's illness in relation to sun #me: oh god thank god some good fucking food #and OBIWAN??? OF DAYSHIFT GO FIGURE FAME??? #best oc side character i think. i want to see him and sun just go at it for an hour shooting the shit #don't really have much else to say on dayshift go figure right now cuz its on SUCH a cliffhanger #that's kind of taking over my mind rn idkwettl #i could go on for hours about i see you sundrop though. that fic grabbed me by the throat and threw me down the stairs #binged that shit in two days #sun mentions having a crush on riley once and it's never mentioned again and that kind of fucks actually #the other two are romance fic and they're REALLY GOOD AT IT OH MY GOD #solar lunacy. just in general. makes me blush so hard it's not funny #OH SPEAKING OF BLUSHING #THE MC IN DAYSHIFT GO FIGURE KEEPS GETTING FLUSTERED IT'S SO CUTE #dayshift go figure is more of a typical 'i am in love and refuse to acknowledge it' fic it's so adorable

[derpinette]

i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of

#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration #just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming #the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness #eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing #what a damn chore #so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked #i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED. #i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please... #i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace #but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know #anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes #so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really #trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway... #the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever #JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess #light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings #also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL #so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me #but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace #sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general #oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body #& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks #like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman #& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC

[manasurge]

.

#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it- #- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me. #not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao

[nedlittle]

[alt]

2x21 "crisis" really is a perfect episode

#mash #i cannot BELIEVE the plot of this episode was really it's cold and we need to snuggle for warmth #the supply line got cut off so we need communal sleepovers for Morale Reasons #it's PERFECT! #i just know frank is that kid who's like 'can we please be quiet and go to sleep' #frank thinks they're gonna get in trouble if they're too loud #i'm going to finish s2 today and i really enjoyed it overall! #i think it's stronger than s1 (understandably) and the episodes have more rewatchability #however on the other hand there episodes like for want of a boot and as you were that feel like all set up and no payoff #similarly dear dad 3 didn't really feel committed to the epistolary format and didn't do anything interesting or meaningful with it #also bc i am a person who loves spoilers and context i know what happens to henry so every passing episode i am filled with dread #that's my DAD what do you MEAN he's gonna get shot down over the sea of japan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #also mclean stevenson is giving possibly my favourite performance. he's just Saying things by accident #not one word in his mouth has ever been there on purpose he is possessed by the spirit of your dumbest uncle #i'm still lukewarm on trapper. the vulture instinct i feel on account of him looking like buddy the elf has settled #i no longer want to tear that man to shreds out of primal rage i only wish he'd get his own plot & a more distinct personality #those are all my thoughts rn #i have to bribe myself with the Very Special Gay Episode so i can finish this cover letter #id in alt text

[ubersaur]

y'know? after years of dread abt dying alone I think I'm now ok with it. I'm pretty damn grey/demi-aro and Im finally starting to feel okay about that!!

#thanks meds? Thanks representation? thank you all my friends who i love so dearly? I dont fucking know! but #over the last several weeks/months suddenly it's whatever and im accepting the aro aspects of myself! #I'm not gonna shut myself off from the possibility but like. I want to be realistic about it yknow? #crushes/Romantic interest come around very rarely for me. Rarer still for them affections to also be returned. #hell i barely remember why i dreaded being aro. I guess for simplicity #I just didn't want to be alone. But I'm not. I love my friends! #still feels a little alienating sometimes sure #but i already have so many OTHER intersecting queer & alienating aspects abt my identity what's one more lmfao. #imma jsut be a little weirdo its fine #idk just loving myself a lil more every day :) #rambling / #u

[kyluxtrashpit]

Another old cat health ramble. Just cause sometimes I need to write things out

She’s still doing surprisingly well considering how increasingly unsettling she looks (if you follow me on twitter and open the sensitive content warnings, you know what she looks like - it’s spooky. I don’t post pics here cause there’s no real easy way to censor so it’s an opt in if you want to see her current state or not). And I think the cancer has definitely spread to her inner ear, as her balance problems are getting worse. She wobbled so bad she just about did a somersault yesterday when licking the hairball goo I give them every night off her front leg. Sometimes she rubs the area and it’s not great but it’s still manageable and it seems more like it just feels uncomfy sometimes (which I try to alleviate with the lubricant, but she doesn’t love that either so. Delicate balance)

But despite all that, she’s still so full of life and seemingly pain free. She still plays, eats, snuggles - if you covered up the affected part of her face and chocked the occasional wobble up to her being old or something, you’d never know there was anything wrong with her. She’s still so happy and tbh it. Doesn’t really make sense that she’s doing so well

Like I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth here but. It is strange. I expected her to be worse by now and I figured her even living to see october was a 50/50 shot. I had been hoping she’d last until this weekend, as it’s a long weekend, and unless anything goes downhill super quickly (which is absolutely possible), she’s going to sail right through without an issue. November? I don’t think it’ll happen based on the historical rate of growth from month to month but. She’s also really barely declined. The tumour is notably bigger and her balance is off but. That’s it

Idk I should be happy she’s doing so well but I can’t help but like. Feel on edge about it. Like whatever’s going to happen is going to be a really quick decline. She could pass suddenly in her sleep at any time too, or her heart could just stop or a blot clot or so many other things that would be sudden and instant. And while a long, slow deterioration is it’s own hell, so is a quick one that you don’t have the chance to prepare for. There’s no good way for it to happen but. Idk. It just makes me nervous that she’s still doing so well even though I know I should be grateful and cherishing it

Idk. There’s no real point here, it’s mostly a ramble. I feel like I’ve been preparing for it to happen any day for months, have been already mourning her for all this time. But she’s still kicking and is basically the same as she always is. And I’m happy for that, I truly truly am, but idk, I can’t help but think it’s a sign that when the time does come, there will be little to no warning. And while it sucks no matter how it happens, idk, I just can’t help being on edge about that because it still sucks, but there is at least some comfort in having at least some warning

#and like. I do know that her just passing suddenly in her sleep or what have you is the best way for it to happen for her #but that would also be so distressing cause. you can’t plan or prepare for that #much as the vet-induced version is also very unpleasant #at least you have some warning? can plan like one last special day often times #idk idk I just. have a bad feeling #maybe it’s all just the waiting and watching and dreading plus a hefty dose of caregiver fatigue that’s causing it but #idk I just have a Feeling and it’s a bad one #we shall see I guess #I just love my little baby so much and if I can’t make her better I at least hope that when the time does come #it’s as peaceful and painless as possible for her (either instantly/quietly in her sleep or via a vet) #text #misc #shut up nerd

[dreadintrusion]

If they make a Halo reboot I will actually go nuclear

EDIT: just rumours! So we can breathe easy

#hearing talk around and all I can say is NO :) #why would you throw away an entire universe and story like that not to mention spit in the face of literally everyone #if this ever happens I will literally walk out of this series and never look at it again #don’t you fuckin destroy everything that’s been built for your goddam profits we are already struggling w bullshit management #don’t you throw out all that goddam lore and worldbuilding don’t you disney Star Wars me I swear to god #also lol this would enrage everyone I’m pretty sure like MAN #dread talks #this is maybe overreacting to a possibility that may never happen BUT STILL I GOTTA SAY IT #FUCK REBOOTS #remasters/overhauls of games are not the same tahts just making an old game prettier/updated