#and also have more time to work out because bruh gotta lose weight

[honeyxgang]

im slowly being forced outta retirement bc nobody is writing the fic ideas i have in my head so to start here’s some waka headcanons. mostly sfw but gets spicy toward the end so yktv mdni

Short King Waka Headcanons 🤲

SFW

doesnt just like trolling people, he can also be very playful

actually did really well in school just didnt like going relatable

shit almost went left in his youth with alcohol but his friends helped him through shoutout to the final timeline

loves kissing and his favorite feature on a potential love interest is lips so hope you’ve been hydrating. bonus points if you have on a gloss instead of lipstick. the shine catches his attention

is eternally grateful to rihanna for fenty gloss he’s now willing to go to war for her

if he really likes someone he gives them a nickname

is very physically affectionate. hugs, cuddles, holding hands, etc he doing allat

since he has an oral fixation he actually takes really good care of his teeth + makes sure his lips are always moisturized

aka straight, white teeth + and a literal perfect smile 😩

wears cologne. he smells delicious. probably the mixture of the cologne and pheromones

doesnt enter into romantic relationships often instead being more likely to flirt casually with absolutely no intention of it going anywhere/the occasional one night stand

believes in letting girls down gently if they do catch feels though

team his parents are alive. no sibs though

gets mistaken for a child me too

has a motorcycle and a car (i see him as a man with money idc idc idc)

deflee into rap, hip hop, and r&b

comes off very very very aloof until he gets to know someone. he’s not shy through

some girls are disappointed to get to know him and find out he’s not even the stereotypical bad boy/fuckboy. dude watches documentaries and enjoys learning new things and is completely unashamed of that and would probably be first to apologize in a fight. his version of netflix & chill is him putting on a wwii documentary and you not being there

that’s one way to pique his interest though teach him something he didnt know before

wears other jewelry too (necklace, bracelet)

the type of bf who would lose his mind if you got a necklace with his name or initials

very laidback and slow to anger

he fought in his youth because he was targeted for his height. then he kept fighting bc he liked throwing his weight around 🤷‍♀️

hates bugs to the point where he might make you go kill whatever has got in 😐

could use some work with verbal communication (“im glad manjiro died” cmon bruh. ik that happened in one of the fucked up timelines however im sure he still sucks bc he only talks to 3 people)

by that i mean he can come off sounding harsh af when that’s not his intention. unfortunately he’s a straight arrow. hope you have tough skin

NSFW

keeping in line w black twitter’s “dudes w the best d” ranking since he is both skinny and short he is hung like a horse that’s where his height went and knows what he’s doing when laying pipe 🤌

high school was a very horny time for him

you would not fucking guess that just by looking at him and idk where he tucks his third leg

seriously theres always a moment of silence when he gets his pants off. whoever is about to have their spine realigned is like 👀 and he’s just sitting there like 😏

tripod is long and thick good luck sis 🫡

doesn’t do one night stands often or at his place bc once somebody gets a taste they’re ready to commit to his dick marriage

uses condoms bc he’s not ready for fatherhood. if he doesn’t have any he’s not penetrating. yall can do oral though

1000/10 in bed because he likes eating pussy AND will fold you into the mattress 🧎‍♀️

loves getting his dick sucked and he 100% believes in dsl’s 🫦

they gotta look natural though. he has a grudge against kylie jenner for influencing so many people to get botched lip injections 😒

he’s gonna watch bc the way somebody lips stretch to fit him + get all red and plump from putting in work? >>>>>>>

100% the type to grab hair

and the headboard

also will push your knees to your chest if yall in missionary seriously he’s small but man’s is strong

comes to the slow conclusion that he’s an ass man and therefore loves anything from behind

if you’re sending nudes gon head and send something in a thong or g string. if you haven’t heard from him in a few days he might call you

will spank you. just be ready for that

believes life is too short for bad sex and therefore is permanently on demon time 😮‍💨

you’re going to question all of your life choices once youve survived finished. also good luck walking

maybe take a day off work

in conclusion i am down bad

#waka #wakasa imaushi #tokyo revengers #headcanons #i love you short king #this was fun #cant wait to hyperfixate on one of my other faves and do one for him #to the like 5 waka stans that are still active this is for you ☝️ #imaushi wakasa #TokyoRev

[sociallyawkward--fics]

Me: I write for me and don’t pay attention to numbers and that’s much healthier

Also me: They’ve stopped paying attention time to put everything I want to write on hold and crank out a few oneshots so they love me and pay attention to me again

#chatty blogging #being a content creator is a constant fight to try and stay in a healthy mindset with your content creation #is content creation a thing i am very tired #but sigh alas i cannot mourn my lack of interaction right now i must go eat something #so that in five hours i can work out and have it NOT be working out at 9pm like yesterday because i had to wait 5 hours after eating #and also have more time to work out because bruh gotta lose weight #not only do my chaptered fics not garner much attention after When Words Fail #but sequels get even LESS attention #so even though i really love IDGADAYR or whatever the acronym is #and it really is what i wanted to work on #i'm getting insanely low feedback on it compared to oneshots or drabbles #i really peaked with WWF huh #i have not gotten that much interaction since i was updating that stupid thing like twice a week #i started healing and was looking back on it and yet today is just a day full of bitterness and it SHOULDNT be #i shouldn't care about that i should just enjoy the fact that people read and comment and like what i write #and focus on the fact that /I/ like what i write right now #but like i have nearly 600 followers or 600 followers idk i haven't looked in a while because numbers are bad for me #and yet there's maybe 3-4 of you that actually pay attention to me #sometimes there's just the urge to completely start from scratch yknow #but i know i'm not gonna ive worked too hard here to just start from scratch #it's just a bad day please ignore this ramble actually lol #i just needed a little vent i think i've been isolated from my friends for too long #i've been a little stressed this past week there's gonna be a new kitten at home when i'm done housesitting #i don't even wanna touch that trauma #i miss my friends and yet i don't want to hang out with them because Bad Brain #political climates are scary #everythings building up and making me hate everything else lol

[dopposhusband]

Which Hypmic boys could I fight and win

This is my official declaration of which hypmic boys I could kick the ass of and who would kick my ass, like real ass kicking, no hypmics because theyd all beat me because I cant rap :(. (Lets be honest the outcomes arent going to be surprising)

ICHIRO YAMADA could kick my ass, honestly, any fight with him is instantly going to become a 3v1 if his brothers are around. However, on the off chance they aren’t there, a fight with just him would still end with my loss, it’d just take a little longer. And since hes such a damn weeb he’d do that stupid anime trope thing where he offers me his hand to help me back up and Ill reluctantly accept it, then the rest of the series is us trying to figure out who we are to each other. Are we friends? Enemies? Lovers? I don’t know, all I know is that I can’t wait for the day he kicks my ass again. My win odds 3/10

JIRO YAMADA can and will kick my ass, it doesn’t take much to give him the will to fight, especially if it involves Ichiro. I don’t even have to have a bad relationship with Ichiro, hell I could just be spending a little too much time with him and Jiro would tell me to meet him outback. While I may not win physically, the moment Ichiro and I marry I will continuously remind him that I’m his brother-in-law now and if he keep being mean to me I will take away his switch. My win odds 2/10

SABURO YAMADA will get his ass kicked, look at this absolute nerd, this loser. Whats he gonna do?? Call me big words I dont understand?? While he was learning to read I was studying the blade, ha go back to the math Olympics, nerd. Although, beating up Ichiros youngest brother isn’t a good look so while Saburo won’t do it, his brothers will sure as hell kill me. My win odds 9/10

SAMATOKI AOHITSUGI will kill me, there is no ass kicking with him, hes a yakuza ffs???? HE like kills people for a living??? Like he threatens to kill the people who work under him??? You think he wont absolutely kill me for trying to start a fight??? Bruh? My win odds -10/10

JYUTO IRUMA will kick my ass, this guy is a corrupt police officer, Im sure hes had his fair share of Yakuza run ins. Im sure he has dealt with stronger people than me in groups, also speaking of corrupt like hell this guy is gonna fight fair. My only chances of winning against him is if I can take a chair against his head faster than he could to me. My win odds 1/10.

RIO BUSUJIMA would kick my ass so quick, hes also such a sweetheart, why would I ever to begin with??? Im sure he’d let me get a few hits in before I realize that they do absolutely nothing to him, then he’d knock me out in one go,,, Im sure Id wake up like half an hour later and he would have made me some scorpion soup and some lavender drink because the only reason I must've started that fight was because I was hungry. Of course I eat all of it because he deserves it, he made me such a nice meal after all. My win odds 0/10.

RAMUDA AMEMURA will get his ass kicked, but not by much, I may have the height and weight advantage but hes a lot faster. Honestly, he’d probably either out run me or exhaust me before I can really get to him. If I do get him, he def feels like the kinda person to go for the eyes so Im sure Ill at least be leaving the fight with a black eye. My win odds 7/10.

GENTARO YUMENO will get his ass kicked, this for some reason took a little bit to think about. Gentaro is another nerd although not on Saburo level, he is one of the few people in the hypmic world who can read. My win odds 8/10.

DICE ARISUGAWA will get his ass beat, in terms of ability to fight Im sure Dice can hold his own, I can totally believe he’s been in a few fights because his dumbass keeps going all in when he has no money. However, I am sick of lending him money and then having him come to my house half naked because he lost it all playing Poker, then for him to leave at 3 am after eating me out of all my food. Dont get me wrong, hes my friend but sometimes you gotta beat the shit out of your friend. My win odds 777/10.

JAKURAI JINGUJI would kick my ass, Jakurai is a very civil man so I doubt he would ever get into a real fight with me. Hes a doctor so Im sure he could hit me in just right place to subdue me, a very good man and Im terrible for going after him. An update, I got far enough in the manga and he really does subdue people with body water or whatever. My win odds 0/10.

HIFUMI IZANAMI will get his ass beat, Hifumis talents include sewing, cooking, cleaning and rapping about champagne towers. This man is not built for fighting, he is soft and I will absolutely destroy him. My win odds 9/10.

DOPPO KANNONZAKA will get his ass beat, he wouldnt really fight back if I did and he’d probably just apologize during and after it. I may come out completely unharmed but know that Im beaten emotionally, would you even call it a win? This poor man just wants to sleep and drink his lavender, why couldn’t I just let him rest. I love you Doppo and Im sorry. My win odds 10/10. 

SASARA NURUDE is a funny clown man honk honk 🤡. My win odds 5/10.

ROSHO TSUTSUJIMORI will get his ass beat, put me in the right setting, give our fight an audience and Im sure he’ll knock himself out. My win odds 6/10.

REI AMAYADO would kick my ass, fuck this guy. My win odds 0/10.

KUKO HARAI would kick my ass, Kuko is a wild animal, he is rabid with nothing to lose. With one bite from him, Ill have contracted rabies in its most prime and deadly form but hey I like to think I can get one punch in before I went rabid yknow? My win odds 1/10.

JYUSHI AIMONO will get his ass beat, but why would I?? he is an absolute babey??? I may beat him now but I will pay for my sins at the gates of hell.  My win odds 10/10.

HITOYA AMAGUNI will get his ass beat, stupid lawyer man, I could take you on, you absolute baboon, you will be obliterated by my hands. I will win simply because I want and deserve it more, but he will win the lawsuit when he sues me for aggravated assault. ooo i hate his stupid hair. My win odds 8/10.

#Swan isnt funny 😔 #bruh i took so long making this I really hope its at least a little fun to read #I got kinda lazy on some of the characters oops #Guess who found out how to pin posts!??!?!? #Update dont know how to unpin guess thisll be my legacy

[pretty-volatile]

Monday, January 27, 2020 4:14 am

Bruh, the type of mania I have really suckssss. Like I'm easily agitated. I can't fucking go to bed *side eyes myself while typing this out now*. I get little sleep and then complain the whole day but then at night I can't fuckn get myself to go to bed. I talk. A lot. I'm loud af too. Sometimes when I'm not being busy being agitated or irritable, I'm actually loving, maybe even clingy. I can also have a very sexual phase. My sex drive will go up. My self confidence and perception of myself goes up. My eating disorder gets easily triggered. Like cause I'm manic I don't need to eat for energy, cause I'm already bouncing around without it. Which can make me lose weight. Gain self confidence. Allows eating disorder to influence more. But also almost every night I come down really hard, especially at night. I guess I spiral a lot at night which makes me dissociate and I lose track of time. Like I was moving slow but time was moving fast. I couldn't absorb enough content or look at enough pictures of myself or thoughts literally racing through my head trying to analyze myself and stress myself out and put down myself too. Just overall making myself feel worse but also relieving sometimes? Because I'm like trying to make sense of the big picture? I don't know. I'm also spending quite a bit of money and I was very close to fucking myself over financially, like recent ugh. I'm trying to budget but I'm like fucket. But no really I am trying to work on budgeting. But then I need to work on saving. That's the hardest one. Cause I gotta spend some for some fun stuff, some necessities that normally down have money for, etc. I'm trying to enjoy the positive emotions though too.

But yeah tldr; my mania feels like I'm on top of the world but falling off it simultaneously

#journal entry

[wakandanblogger]

||Something In The Way||

[REQUEST BY: Anon]

This got long but I really enjoyed writing this. I was listening to Jorja Smith - Something In The Way the WHOLE time while doing this. I hope you enjoy!

Summary: The two of you are in a relationship but it never really feels like you have all of Erik. It feels like something is holding him back from loving you completely it’s pushing you away.

Warning: 18+ and I didn’t proof read this, angst, smut

When you met Erik he looked broken and in need of some TLC, at least that’s what you though. At first he wasn’t having any of it but the two of you got together because he ultimately couldn’t stay away from you. After about 4 months of dating you partially moved your things in with him and spent most of your time at his crib. Needless to say, you fell into the whole “I can fix him” squad and at the end of the day you started to realize it was a mistake. You argued when you were together, but couldn’t stand to be apart from him. He would be away all of the time on countless missions for whoever the hell he worked for and when he was home, he was training. He either stayed at the gun range, gym, of a martial arts studio. Erik would barely call or text and when he did it was short and would hang up without saying he loved you too. You loved Erik’s athleticism and always appreciated when he took his shirt of, even if it wasn’t to have sex with you. When he got involved with Klaue, you were grateful that it wasn’t a real deal, but more like an undercover mission but the thought of him being so invested in something like this and watching this made your stomach turn. He was losing himself, being pulled down in this quicksand called ‘revenge’. When your girls asked about him you would cover and say that he’s working more hours and is just stressed out but you knew they could see the hurt in your eyes.

The two of you were together for 6 months but it seemed like you never really knew him. You didn’t know this man’s hobbies, his fears, aspirations, or even his favorite flavor of ice cream for christ sake, which by the way is a VERY big fuckin’ deal to you. He wouldn’t kiss you very often, only if you whined long enough but you never felt the love behind it, only a ‘if it makes you shut up’ type vibe. When you got dressed up in your sexiest attire, night time, day time, and club time, the only thing he did was walk right by you. The sex was rough and lacked passion and was only a race for a quick nut. You knew he had a lot on his mind but also you couldn’t help but feel like you were still alone. This has to stop. You knew you could be a little clingy at times, but the way he was acting was pure rejection and you wanted answers. You deserved better but you didn’t want to end things with Erik. It was the times you caught him looking at you, or the surprise kisses, and the times he would chuckle at your jokes or just you being yourself that sparked a glimmer of hope. That still reminded you that he’s still human and not some terminator robot. This was also another reason you wanted to talk, you wanted to fix things.

You had a glass of wine in your hands and was swishing it around looking out into nothing and thinking about a way to confess all of these feelings without starting a fight, but he seemed calm after a workout, which is why you were still up this late. Erik had a short fuse and would often be triggered by the wrong words, or you “being nosey” which scared you because if there was another woman in the picture, you swore to ALL that was Holy, it would be done. When you look down at your phone it reads 11:00PM. Your shoulders tensed when you heard the sound of Erik’s keys and the lock clicking. He steps in and drops his things by the door with a sigh. When his eyes spot you, he nods his head, “What’s up baby, ain’t you gotta go to work early?” He says letting down his dreads but you stay silent.

Erik walks right by you without even giving you a kiss and heads straight for the fridge for a muscle milk, “You ighi’t? What’s wrong?” he says lifting the bottle to his full lips. You take the wine glass to the head and take a deep breath.

“Baby… can you come sit with me?” You ask with a soft voice.

He finishes his bottle and walks around the kitchen counter to come sit by you on the couch, “What’s wrong?” you look down at your lap, the butterflies in your stomach fluttering like mad.

“You ain’t pregnant are you!?” He blurts out causing you to look at him like a damn fool, “No i ain’t pregnant nigga!” You say and he blows out and runs his finger through his dreads, pushing them out of his face.

“Then the fuck is it?” He says seeming a little irritated.

“Do you love me Erik,” You finally force out, you don’t look at him until he clears his throat. He was looking out of the window and nothing could be heard but the sounds of sirens and cars.

“Why am I still with you if I didn’t,” He says looking back at you. You weren’t satisfied with that answer and it set you off, you knew it was just a three word phrase, but you had to hear him say it. You couldn’t help but remember the first time you said it, and his reaction was not the one you expected. He just say there and kissed you goodbye. So was this another one of those times.

“Erik that ain’t enough,” You whisper

“Then the fuck you want me to do-- Y/n?” He says getting irritated now, the clock was ticking, you had to get everything out before he shut down.

“It’s just that-- when we are together it feels like we aren’t a couple sometimes. It feels like there is someone else is taking my place, I’M NOT SAYING THERE IS B-”

“Then what the fuck are you talkin’ ‘bout?” You see him tensing, you were running out of time and you had to say the right thing.

“All I’m sayin’ is… I don’t know if I want to do this anymore if you aren’t willing to put for SOME effort in this if you want us to work,” You finally push out and looks up at him. His brows furrowed and you were holding your breath. He stands up and just scoffs, “Get the fuck out of here with all this shit cause I ain’t got time,”

“So what does that mean Erik?” You slightly raise your voice standing up, “you treat me like a damn paperweight! Erik!” Now you’ve done it, let the games begin.

“I just said I wouldn’t be dealing with all the shit if I didn’t, like damn what more do you want?!” He growls shifting his weight to his other foot. He always got so angry with you when you asked for more, as if he was afraid of handing over his heart. Did he not trust you?

“Look I’m not finna put up with this shit,” He says turning his back to you and heading to his bedroom, “I’ll talk to yo ass tomorrow when you ain’t drunk off that wine,” You scoff and growl following him and grab his shirt. He looks over his shoulder only to glare at you, “If you ain’t happy then leave damn, I don’t know that the fuck you want me to do,”

“Treat me like I’m your girlfriend! I deserve so much more than what you are giving my. I crave the attention im not getting so when a random nigga out on the street says something I don’t even feel guilty when I smile! I’m giving you my all for nothing in return” You yell smacking his back a few times.

“So if you wanna talk to other niggas then you can ma, fareal! I really don’t give a fuck if that’s how you feel!” He spins around and is now face-to-face with you. Standing your ground you shove him in his chest, “First of all I ain’t one of yo funkass friends, so don’t you DARE buck to me like that!” You shout glaring  back up at him, “and TWO, that’s not the fuckin’ point!”

“I’m fuckin’ busy bruh and I have shit to do,” He scoffs, “like I said, if you don’t like it you can leave at any time!” He’s glaring at you again as if daring you to.

“You are SUCK a asshole dude I swear!” You say stepping back and storming to get your things.

“And you’re acting like a prissy ass bitch, tha’ fuck outta here with all that,” He huffs before turning around and disappearing into his bedroom. You hear his statement and that's when you lose all control when you pick up your backpack full of clothes.

“FUCK YOU ERIK! JUST FUCK YOU! All this fucking revenge shit is fucking stupid! You fucking pops would call you a dumb nigga! He don’t want this! ” You yell and you hear the door open back up. His heavy footsteps fill your ears and you are pressed against the wall, eyes filled with rage.

“You don’t fuckin’ know my pops! Don’t you ever say SHIT about him to me! You don’t know! So shut the fuck up and quit running your mouth about shit you don’t understand!” He says with his finger in your face. 

“I try to be there for you! I hear you crying at night! You won’t let me in to love you! Just let me in!” You cry to him.

“Get. Out!” He says one last time, “Just leave me alone!” 

You just look at him. The both of you are silent except his heavy breathing.

You swing your backpack over your shoulder and wipe your tears. You didn’t want to waste them on someone who didn’t love you. Erik didn’t bother to stop you when the door clicked. That night you went home with a empty feeling, you cried to your Uber and all the way to your bed. You had no idea if he really loved you like he said he did, or “said he did”. Why did he let this revenge consume him. You wanted to be there for him and support him but he wasn’t letting you. You cried in your bed once you got home, you didn’t bother to wrap your hair, or take off your shoes, you just cried until you fell asleep. Why did you let yourself fall so deep in love with someone who didn’t love you back?

------

Last night seemed like a horrible nightmare. Your throat was sore from crying and your hair was a mess. When you got out of bed you could still feel tears rolling down your puffy cheeks. You went to the bathroom to put your satin cap on and brush your teeth. The woman standing in front of you looked God awful. You cut off the light and walked back into your room, throwing yourself back down onto the bed. Did you and Erik break up last night? Was that the last straw? You flashed back to the things you said about him and his father and gasped at how unnecessary it was, you hid your face into your hands and cried silently into your lap. 

When you hear a knock on your door and you are so quick to get up and answer it. Erik stood there in the doorway, eyes buffy like yours and nose red. He didn’t look at you, just stood there, when you try to close the door, Erik pushes it open and lets himself in. “Get out,” You whisper, your voice hoarse and scratchy. Erik takes a step forward, you take a step back, you have made up your mind. You didn’t want him in your life anymore if this is all it was going to be. Erik takes another step and when you go to take a step back you bump the coffee table and almost fall. With his quick reflexes he reaches forward and wraps his arms around your waist. You are pulled into his chest and can’t help but cry. You hit his chest with your small fists and continue to cry. Erik’s hold on you tightens as he hides his face into your neck. You can hear his muffled sniffs and you look back at him.

“I know I ain’t been the best boyfriend to you, and you right, you deserve the world. I let some shit take over my life and I pushed you aside and made you feel like you ain’t matter. You mean the world to me y/n, please just, don’t leave me like this. You all I have left,” He says to you, “I can’t tell you I love you because I’m afraid of losing you, I’m scared that you just gone up and leave my ass. I ain’t ready to be hurt and left alone again, baby I’m not. But  I love you, Y/n I love you!” He pours out his heart out to you, he looked like a scared child. You’ve never seen Erik at his weakest like this and it made you feel so bad for what you said to him the more he rambled. Big tears roll down his cheeks and you finally pull him into a soft kiss and stay there for a moment. His lips were soft but also kinda crusty, but you didn’t mind, you didn’t exactly look all that hot either. 

Erik kisses back and sighs when he realizes you forgive him. He wraps his arms around your shoulders and he sways the two of you side to side. 

“I love you,” He whispers into your lips and the tears fall. Erik picks you up bridal style and carries you to your bedroom. He gently places your body on the mattress and crawls on top of you. He pulls away from your lips to remove his shirt and you pout. He smiles down at you in a way you’ve never seen before. It was like confessing his true feelings to you was like a weight being lifted off of his shoulders finally and you could feel his relief. Your fingers rake through his dreads when he reconnects both of your lips and you sigh through your nose. His mustache tickling the ball of your nose just a little. Erik never kissed you this way and feeling his passion sent butterflies to your stomach and a jolt of electricity down your spine. He pulls your shirt over your head and exposes your chocolate breasts and pebbled nipples. He brings his lips to the right and works your left breast with his fingers. His free hand roams up your thigh and you flinched at his touch. 

You could feel his tongue lick circles around your nipple before he switches to the other one. When you look down his eyes are watching you and full of lust. His fingertips grazing your womanhood before hooking his finger through and pulling them down your legs and discarding them somewhere around the room. Erik wanted to make this mean something to you and wanted you to feel everything that you wanted to feel. He wanted you to know that he loved you and was grateful for you. He proceeded to remove his pants and pressed your naked bodies together. His scared skin stimulating your nipples and making your breathing increase in speed. You let your fingertips travel over every single hill of his skin. Nothing could come between the two of you in this stage.

“Erik,” You sigh dropping your head back into the sheets. Erik enters a digit into your slick, you bite your bottom lip and arch into him. He watched and sloppily rounded his mouth onto your breasts once more. The feeling was pure bliss but you wanted more of him. 

“I love you baby doll,” He sighs into your skin, “I love you so much.” 

You moan when you feel another digit enter into you for another moment and you tangle your fingers into his dreads and give them a little tug. Your moans were like sweet melodies to Erik’s ears and he wanted more.

“Erik-- ah- please” You whine. 

Erik knew exactly what you wanted and removed his fingers from you. You look up at him behind heavy eyes and beautiful lashes. He brings his fingers up to your lips, you allow them to pass through your lips and you lick yourself clean from his fingers. He bares his teeth and lines himself up at your entrance. He slowly pushes into you and your lips part from his fingers to gasp. His hand moves to your neck, but he doesn’t tighten his grip at all. He slowly pumps into you taking in every ridge and squeeze your sweet cunt had to offer him as you adjusted around him and loving the feeling of his thick dick inside of you. You walls hugged around him not wanting to let him go. His thrusts increase to a comfortable rhythm and your hold onto his arm. Erik removes his hand from your neck and rests it above your head, he leans down to steal a kiss from you. He nips your lip and instantly suckles it. Your moans bounce from the walls as he pick up his tempo. Your sweet boyfriend watches your breasts bounce with each thrust and circles your swollen clit with his thumb earning a string of curses. 

He smirks at how much of a mess he’s making you into. You reach your heads above your head to grab onto the sheets or anything you could cling your fingers onto. 

“F-fuck Erik! Oh my goo-aaaah” You whimper when he applies pressure to your clit. He picks up speed, fucking into you now. You listen to the lewd sounds your dripping pussy was making, sucking your boyfriends cock deeper into her. Erik growls feeling his orgasm approaching, so you rock your hips into his. Your walls clench around him and he bites his bottom lip, “Shit! Come on baby doll, cum,” he moans to you. 

You’re a mess and the gurgles and whining let Erik know that you are so close. Erik pulls out of you leaving you angry and confused. Just when you are about to pout, he rolls you over and enters back into. You wait for him to move but he doesn’t. You look back at him and he’s got an evil grin on his face. 

“Move,” You whine, rolling your hips back against him earning a groan but he doesn’t. You take matters into your own hands and move your hips. He lets his head drop back as you continue to move. When you pick up speed Erik’s hands slap your ass and you gasp. He pounds into you soon throwing the both of you into the paradise you always wanted. Your eyes roll back as you feel Erik release his warm white into you and your walls squeezing every ounce of him. 

When he drops onto you, you can’t help but laugh and try to push him off but he wraps his arms around you. He pulls himself out of you and looks down to see his seed trickle out. He looks at you and kisses the corner of your lips, “I have to go train,” he whispers to you. Your smile slowly fades and you pout, “Can you skip for today,” you beg holding onto him. He kisses the top of your head and goes to move, but you grasp onto him even tighter your eyes shut as tight as they could to you could focus your strength. You knew he could easily get out of your hold but he resisted. You look up at him to see a smile on his face, he relaxes and just pulls you into his chest. 

This is exactly what you wanted.

#erik x reader #angst #erik killmonger #erik killmonger x reader #sad prince #im sad now #thanks a lot anon #smut #erik killmonger smut #erik killmonger x reader smut #michael b jordan smut #michael b jordan #michael #b #jordan #requested #black panther #black panther smut #black panther angst #black panther michael b jordan #something in the way #one-shot #black panther one-shot #black panther one shot #black!reader #erik killmonger x black!female!reader

[wenamedthedogkylo]

Eyyyy, sum tags bruh

Get to know me tag game!

Tagged by @betweenrivers-betweenworlds, thnx m8.

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20* people.

LAST:

1. Drink: Aqua, also known by plebs as “water”. 2. Phone call: Uh..... technically to Willa cause I think she was tryna find her phone. 3. Text message: A group text, in which I provided some amusing pictures. 4. Song you listened to: The chocobo theme from FFXV cause Willa’s playing it right now. 5. Time you cried: I genuinely have no clue. It was a while ago and I don’t cry easily. It was probably at a movie or something. Or maybe it was the cry I had after BatB...

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: HAH!! No. 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yep. 8. Been cheated on: Lmao no 9. Lost someone special: Yeah, a couple. 10. Been depressed: Ahahahahahahaha! Literally 24/7. *finger guns* 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Of course, gotta do it at least once. I’ve done it more than once, so I’ve had my fill for life.

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14: Dark red, black, and dark purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: Yup. 16. Fallen out of love: Pfft, ain’t even fallen in love so no. 17. Laughed until you cried: Many times. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Like... in a bad way? Not that I– wait, yes, my older sister talked trash about me to my parents cause she’s a butthurt immature crybaby who can’t have mature conversations to save her life. We all laughed about it. (By that, I mean my parents eye-rolled and sympathized with me and I cackled.) 19. Met someone who changed you: Mmmm... can’t say I have? 20. Found out who your friends are: Lmao I mean I already knew it. I don’t make friends easily, so once you’re a friend, that’s that. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: HAH. Nope.

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: I mean, technically most of them? I knew them either from HS or college, or they’re family? There’s only a few that I’ve met online, and at least one of those that I’ve met online who I’ve subsequently met IRL. 23. Do you have any pets: 1 1/2 cats. 1 cat is fully mine, and I co-parent her brother. 24. Do you want to change your name: I think I’ve effectively done all the name flipping necessary to feel comfortable with it, so nah. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: Um. That... that’s a good question. I think I just... maybe had good food and watched a movie? 26. What time did you wake up: Like 11:55 AM, just in time to get my computer open to start work XD. 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing the Sims and watching Parks & Rec. 28. Name something you can’t wait for: BLACK PANTHER! THOR: RAGNAROK!! STAR WARS!!! 29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Mmmmmm... I wanna say October? 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I’d make myself very wealthy to solve literally every single problem I, my friends, and my parents have. 31. What are you listening to right now: The background music for Final Fantasy XV. 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Yeah, my grade school principle was a Tom. 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Capitalism, not having money for the things I need, and how hard it’s been for me to focus on/enjoy things lately because *Jean-Ralphio singing voice* ~even on medication, depression makes my life a walking nightmaaaaaaare!~ 34. Most visited website: Tumblr for sure.

RANDOM INFO:

35. Mole/s: A few all over. 36. Mark/s: Tons of scars, can’t really think of any birthmarks of note. 37. Childhood dream: Archaeologist, dinosaur hunter, historian, astronaut, pirate, queen of England... the list was long and unrealistic. 38. Hair color: Light blondish-brown naturally, purple by choice. 39. Long or short hair: Long as fuuuuuuck. 41. What do you like about yourself: My eyes are a cool color I guess, and my hair is usually really soft and smells good. 42. Piercings: 3 per ear, two on each lobe and one each in the cartilage. 43. Blood type: Literally never been tested so I have no clue. 44. Nickname: Bree is the most common that I usually use in place of my real given name, Briana. My dad used to call me Bubbles for reasons I still don’t know, some friends called me Breezy in HS. Right now the only other big one is Bryn (online only). 45. Relationship status: Single as fuuuuck. 46. Zodiac: Capricorn. 47. Pronouns: She/her and they/them (rarely he/his). 48. Favorite TV Show: Penny Dreadful, it’s the most beautiful show to grace the world ever in the history of everything. 49. Tattoos: None. 50. Right or left hand: Righty. 51. Surgery: I had to get stitches on my head when I was little. It’s a dumb story. 52. Hair dyed in different color: Hell yes! 53. Sport: Quidditch. On the computer. That’s it, I don’t like sports. 55. Vacation: I’d love to properly explore Europe, do some more putzing around the UK and actually visit France. 56. Pair of trainers: Uh, none right now. Like I said, I’m not a sporty, active type of person so if I don’t need ‘em, I don’t got ‘em. I prefer boots and like, Keds-type slip-on flats types of things.

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: Nothing healthy, I’ll tell you that much. I’m trying to restructure my diet and exercise rn to lose weight, but 100% honestly that just means I’m gonna get tall 2% S’mores Frappuccinos instead of grande regular (whole milk) ones. 58. Drinking: I’ve been making a conscious effort to drink way more water, especially cause the summer makes me even more dehydrated. 59. I’m about to: Probably play the Sims? Or rewatch Castlevania hehe. 61. Waiting for: MY FIRST COLORED CONTACTS TO GET HERE AL-FUCKING-READY SO I CAN TRY THEM OUT. 62. Want: Student loans paid, more money in my bank account, and my new work schedule to start already. 63. Get married: It would certainly be nice with the right person, but highly unrealistic. 64. Career: Well, I’d prefer to be a film actor already, but until I’m more financially stable, my current job is alright.

WHICH IS BETTER:

65. Hugs or kisses: Both are great, but honesty bomb warning, I’ve been pretty touch-starved my whole life thanks to social anxiety so I’m not used to either, especially kisses. Those tend to come more easily only when I’m drunk and there’s lots of people to kiss. 66. Lips or eyes: Eyes for sure. 67. Shorter or taller: I prefer taller, and in fact would love to be taller myself, but oh well. 68. Older or younger: Younger than me just really weirds me out, although Tom Holland makes me feel a way or two. Older actually feels way better, particularly in the 10-15 years range, but I also know that if just like 1 or 2 years younger feels weird to me, then 10-15 probably would feel too weird to them. So I’m just resigned to living alone for the rest of my days. 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Nice stomach, and with nice arms would be a bonus. 71. Sensitive or loud: If... if this is referring to sex, then I can’t tell ya as I’ve never done it. I would hazard a guess, just based on who I am, that I’d prefer sensitive? 72. Hook up or relationship: The very idea of a hookup repulses me and drives home how incredibly demisexual I am on top of everything else. 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Uh....???? I... I guess I’d prefer someone who’s more hesitant than troublemaking, because that means they think about their actions first?

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yes, while highly intoxicated AND high AND in an environment where I felt safe, which was the only way that was ever gonna happen. 75. Drank hard liquor: Yeeeeeeeeup. 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: YES AND IT’S THE MOST OBNOXIOUS THING EVER ESPECIALLY WHEN THE SHRIVELED DRIED UP CONTACT SUDDENLY SHOWS UP ON YOUR FLOOR A FEW DAYS LATER. 77. Turned someone down: Yeah. 78. Sex on the first date: As stated earlier, never had sex, so no. And I never would unless I already knew the person a while before the date. 79. Broken someone’s heart: Not that I’m aware of. I’m not really heart-breaker material. 80. Had your heart broken: Mostly by myself with my insecurities. 81. Been arrested: No. 82. Cried when someone died: Of course. 83. Fallen for a friend: Yeah, on occasion. Usually briefly before slapping my shit brain for confusing platonic feelings for romantic ones and making me have a crisis. Fuck you, shit-brain, fuck you.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: Haaaaah, not really. I mean, sometimes? But depression makes that hard. 85. Miracles: I’d like to, but good things rarely happen to me so it’s hard to. 86. Love at first sight: I believe attraction at first sight can be unusually strong, but that should never be conflated with love. That takes time. 87. Santa Claus: Hahah no, my dad accidentally ruined that for me as a kid. 88. Kiss on the first date: If the date was bad, no, absolutely not. If it was okay and there’s some potential there, a kiss on the cheek seems appropriate. If it was great and there’s a lot of potential there, especially if you were friends already, sure go for it.

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: Willa and Kelsey (I firmly reject the notion that you can only have one best friend and fuck all you ungrateful cunts who don’t love your friends or yourself enough to have more than one). 91. Eye color: Blue-gray 92. Favorite movie: I... I think it might be Phantom of the Opera? I dunno, that’s always a hard fucking question for me.

*Tagging less than 20 cause man I don’t have the focus to count up that many people: @nerfherding-smuggler, @peasantabuser, @aceofaces20, @mel0dyoftears, @hawkeyepancakes, @girl-in-the-coat, @jo-version-2point0, @thegreaterfool, @bimgnusbane, @radioactive-spacemen.

And of course, it’s totally optional. And if you wanna do it but aren’t tagged, well now you’re tagged, go nuts buddy.

#Bree's stuff #about me #about Bree

[gulescamisade]

Alaska:  Day 1

[[ There seems to be a blinding force of green sparks, not unlike the flash which engulfed Europa. Their surroundings smear into nothing but blurs as they are torn from their previous location and ripped through the fabric of space itself. KARKAT, DAELOS, NYALAH, ARANEA, MITUNA, REDGLARE, DAVE, LATULA, MINDFANG, and TEREZI are all dumped unceremoniously on their faces, greeted with a cushion of white soft stuff. It is also cold. Bitterly cold.]]

[[ They have been teleported to a bitterly cold winter wonderland. The area is extremely isolated with a small silhouette of a distant mountain range on the horizon and a boreal forest about a couple miles’ walk to their left. Recent snowfall has covered the ground completely with “four billion tons of white bullshit.” Due to cloud cover, the sky is also a blinding white. The snow is deep - depending on how tall one is, it comes up to either their shins or knees. ]]

REDGLARE: -She swings the sharp, pointed blade of her staff through the air. She'd know if she hit flesh, but she didn't, obviously. She stumbles a few steps, into the snow.-

REDGLARE: GOD REDGLARE: D4MN 1T! REDGLARE: -gonna just pound her fist into the snow as she catches her breath.-

KARKAT: =DOOF. Right into the snow. He's warm now but at least he's FREAKED OUT=

MITUNA: -Laying face down in the snow. He's fine, this is fine.-

MINDFANG: -She had been minding her post in silence and now shes stumbling into freezing cold snow, just managing to stay on her feet.- !!!!!!!!

TEREZI: =She's quickly scrambling to her feet. It's COLD, and everything is one color. ONE color!!!=

MINDFANG: -Staring bewildered at her surroundings and then whirling around to look at the others.-

KARKAT: =SHOOTS UP= FUCK!

LATULA: -mituna is fine and THANK GOD FOR THAT because here comes her butt to make things worse. sorry mituna she just sorta. lands on him-

DAVE: -he was reaching for jade and then something fucked up happened and now he's here- ok what the fuck

DAELOS: -His landing is rather painful. He groans, the cold air digging into him like a knife. Just where a blue blood wants to be, in a helllish snowscape.-

MITUNA: H0RF! -Rip Mituna Captor-

LATULA: OH FUCK.

LATULA: bruh wh4t th3 SH1Z 1 4m SO SORRY.

MITUNA: 175 C00L 1M C00L

NYALAH: -definitely coming up to her knees. And she is FREEZING, having already a low body temp to begin with. She lands in the snow and springs upwards. Ready for strifes.-

MITUNA: 4ND 4L1V3 0R 50M37H1NG

MITUNA: Y4Y -Muffled sarcasm-

DAELOS: -SHAKES HIS BODY AND A MINI FUCKING SNOWSTORM HAPPENS-

DAELOS: Brrr.

DAVE: -he gets his bearings and realizes they're in some kind of...heavily winter'd place on earth. he looks around. karkat's fine. perfect. but...- wheres jade

TEREZI: =Her level of upset at being unable to see has made her rage quit and she's viciously attacking this snow. By kicking it. IE wading through it trying to kick it.=

LATULA: -gonna just hoist mituna now cause-- BRRRR INDEED.-

LATULA: th1s pl4c3 blowz sh1t dud3z. w3 uh.

LATULA: got 4ny 1d34z wh3r3 1t 1s?

DAELOS: -The cold is already interfering with his thought processes. It slows everything down for him, makes it hard to think, being very cold blooded.-

MINDFANG: -Stares at those who fight the snow. And judges in silence.-

DAELOS: -But he's trying to see if he can get in contact with anyone, his goggles flashing.-

ARANEA: -as soon as she becomes even the slightest bit aware of her surroundings, she's clinging to daelos, GRIPING.-

MINDFANG: I am going to assume somewhere on earth.

REDGLARE: W3 n33d to mov3. Won't l4st 4 n1ght 1n th3s3 cond1t1ons h3r3.

MINDFANG: That might 8e hopeful thinking though, considering we somehow were just randomly transported.

REDGLARE: 1t w4s j4d3.

REDGLARE: Com3 on. -She's already trudging towards that forest.- REDGLARE: Sh3 n3v3r could control thos3 4b1l1t3s b3for3. H4pp3n3d wh3n sh3 w4s str3ss3d. 4ft3r sh3 w4s shot.

MINDFANG: 8e a dear and refresh me on who that is? -Shes already getting her sword out. Not taking any chances.-

DAVE: -he winces. god damn it. he has to keep it together, and he's going to. so he just...gets up and he starts TRUDGING AHEAD- then lets get the hell up and go -he's so fucking cold this is ridiculous-

REDGLARE: Don't th1nk 1t'd b3 off pl4n3t. W4sn't r4ndom. H4d to b3 som3 1nflu3nc3.

TEREZI: =their uniforms are white too...=

TEREZI: =CLINGS TO SOMEONE, holding tight to their sleeve=

TEREZI: TH1S SUCKS...

DAELOS: -Takes his goggles off, frowning.- No connection, deerheart.

DAELOS: -Balances his weight on both his cane and Aranea as he pulls himself up. It's even harder than usual in the snow. He's shivering quite a lot.-

MITUNA: -Being carried by Latula.-

REDGLARE: - Pauses just to check her com-- and seeing that it's still lighting up.-

LATULA: -SHE TRAINED FOR THIS SHIT-

DAVE: -gets out his communicator while walking. there's gotta be a gps on this thing, right?-

DAELOS: -It appears that in his landing, his goggles broke against his face. Oh.-

TEREZI: M4YB3 1TLL H3LP 1F W3 M1GR4T3D SOUTH W1TH TH3 R3ST OF TH3 B1RDS!

LATULA: psh...

LATULA: y34h w1sh w3 h4d 3nough w1ngs to go round.

LATULA: 41nt th4t r1ght st1ff????

REDGLARE: -GRUNTS-

DAELOS: -crouches down to rumble in Aranea's ear.- Are you alright

DAVE: -groans and just ends up walking around them because he's not going to leave them behind either-

ARANEA: I'm fine! I'm only... disoriented...

[[ The sky doesn't look like it's going to clear up anytime soon. In fact, light snow begins to fall once more ]]

REDGLARE: -shivers, and then glances back at the group. She could scout ahead, by air, but in this weather, she'd probably just lose them...-

MINDFANG: -Trudging along through the snow with the rest of them, Earth weather can go to hell.-

TEREZI: =she's hugging herself, looking miserable and drifting off at a slight angle. The wind blowing all other scents around in addition to this monochrome bullshit is really doing a number on her.=

KARKAT: =He'll huddle Dave and Terezi with the warmth motherfucker around... even if his earfins are laying against his head for warmth, uhghhg=

DAELOS: -He really hates how sluggish and slow he feels right now. He normally doesn't move fast to begin with becasue of his disability, which the snow also impedes his movement with. Oh dear.-

DAELOS: -But Aranea is here so he will soldier on!!!-

DAELOS: I suppose we have to try and get somewhere

NYALAH: -shakes her head and sneezes. Okay enough of this. She leaps up to Redglare, fixing her with a serious look.- NYALAH: is will scout ahead -rasps-

DAVE: -sighs and is right up against karkat as they walk-

NYALAH: follow nose follow pawsteps -says, pushing ahead of the tealblood. Powering through the snow like a big cat. Which she is.- get to the warm places

DAELOS: -Ugghhrrhgh of course she wants to rifle through an unfamiliar hostile planet.-

DAELOS: ...Be careful -he doesn't even know if he said it loud enough-

NYALAH: -She's done it once, she'll do it 1000 more times.-

DAELOS: ...Be careful -he doesn't even know if he said it loud enough-

TEREZI: =Teeth: chattering; Fucks: none given=

DAVE: oh good DAVE: cats usually know what theyre doing

TEREZI: =snifs. her nose is running= H3Y GUYS, D1RK W4NTS 4 H34DCOUNT

TEREZI: WHOS 4LL H3R3? 1TS...4 B1T H4RD TO T3LL

DAVE: me

REDGLARE: -turns back to do a quick sweep of all of theese people...-

TEREZI: TH4NKS T4LUL4 =shivering under the arm of her boyo=

DAELOS: -He remembers that he still has his sylladex!!! Here comes a blow torch. He crouches, trying to shelter the flame with his lorge body and FWOOM-

DAELOS: If anyone woudl like to warm their hands for the moment

REDGLARE: ...How long w1ll th4t fl4m3 l4st?

DAELOS: We ought to be frugal

DAELOS: I just refilled this, but it's 60 minuites of continued use at the most

REDGLARE: th3r3's wood. 1t's w3t, but you'v3 got 4n 1nt3ns3, sust41n3d h34t.

REDGLARE: W3'll bu1ld 4 f1r3p1t.

DAELOS: A fine idea -FWOOM. It's off again.-

DAELOS: -Takes out his tool box which is so heavy and large that is sinks into the snow. In it there's some ship towels used for cleaning oil and such.-

TEREZI: HHHHHHHH GOOD GOOD F1R3 Y3S

DAELOS: -Shuffles his tools to get at them-

DAVE: -he's going to help with wood gathering. he knows a thing or two about survival-

[[ Little by little, they are getting closer to the forest. Their path has certainly been carved into the earth. Despite the snowfall, their tracks will be rather difficult to cover up in a short amount of time. ]]

NYALAH: -not really concerned for covering her tracks as she is trying not to freeze to death. She'll gather wood too. Keeping a sharp nose out.-

[[ Eventually they get there, SUCCESS!! Despite snowcover in the forest as well, it is not as deep, thanks to the canopy of the trees overhead. Finding items for the firepit should not be too difficult. There is an abundance of dead branches and sizable rocks littering the forest floor. They should find a shelter, however temporary. ]]

TEREZI: =now that she's out of the white hellscape she can finally be of some use and lays out an extra jacket on the floor, placing rocks in it for their firepit.=

DAELOS: -Offers up some sheets of shop towels as well-

REDGLARE: -she's got a blanket, and she wraps it around her shoulders. She's been carrying this thing for years now... she'd nearly forgotten about it.-

TEREZI: TH4NKS

TEREZI: =sniffs the air, shivering a bit= [[The white sky is now transforming into bleeding oranges and reds. The sun is beginning to set.]] TEREZI: 1T'S G3TT1NG D4RK TEREZI: 1T'S GONN4 G3T COLD3R

REDGLARE: W3'll sl33p 1n sh1fts. K33p th3 f1r3 4l1v3.

NYALAH: -packs herself down, small and stiff. So squinty eyed and cold.-

DAELOS: -uncapatchas his work apron and drapes it on Nyalah-

NYALAH: -peers at him, still squinty.- smelly

DAELOS: -All of his stuff is getting spread out, lol-

DAELOS: -offended- It was just laundered

NYALAH: double smelly -curls up under it. Watching.-

DAELOS: -Horse snort. Sort of grumpy. He's still mad at you. But he's also worried.-

DAELOS: -He's getting so tired so quickly in this cold.-

NYALAH: -weak-

DAELOS: -Shut it...-

TEREZI: =She picks a place somewhat out of the wind from the nearby shubbery but not too close. Scraping away the snow and dead grass with her foot, she shivered as she placed the stones in a careful circle.=

NYALAH: -the question is... who looks susceptible for cuddles...- NYALAH: -prowls discreetly.-

TEREZI: OP3R4T1ON F1R3P1T 1S 4 GO

DAVE: -still helping make this firepit amazing because they will need all the heat they can get-

DAELOS: -Passes Dave his blowtorch so he can rest-

DAELOS: Do not use it for longer than necessary.

TEREZI: SH-SH-SH4M3 W3 C4NT BLOWTORCH OUR W-W4Y TO TH3 3QU4TOR

NYALAH: -breathing on Terezi.- 833 NYALAH: -starts to settle in with her. Snuggling.-

DAELOS: I agree -he's going to sit down down near where the fire would be, probably with Aranea tucked into hsi arm. He's conserving energy.-

DAVE: thanks -takes this blowtorch and sighs, sitting down-

TEREZI: =She began to place down tinder Dave found - some of the dryer leaves - and carefully began placing small twigs around it. A happy little cone, ripe for the smoking!=

NYALAH: -hi Terezi. Nyalah is still up in your business, snuggling for warmth.-

TEREZI: =She cant even bring herself to say bad kitty! She's too cold >:'[ Plus Nyalah has the right idea. They should all form a toasty group hug.=

NYALAH: -sharing the lorge apron with her. And body heat too. Oooo.- NYALAH: -kneads Terezi's side with paws, soothing her of her stress.-

TEREZI: =she jsut.....lets this happen.= >:'|

NYALAH: - UwU -

DAELOS: -You're so SHAMLESS.-

[[ If anyone has to pee in the middle of the night, wandering away from the safety of the campfire and the people pile, they may catch sight of deep claw marks carved into the bark of a nearby tree. The scars look very fresh. Upon closer inspection, at the base of this tree resting untouched upon the snow is a lone, white feather. ]]

[[ This feather is the size of a person's arm from shoulder to fingertips. ]]

[[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMvzJwe-MR0 ]]

[[ Sweet dreams. ]]

NYALAH: - OwO -

[wafflingtrash-blog]

Mirrors, Plates & Scales

To the bone. Ever heard of that movie? Lily Collins, Netflix, Eating Disorder? No? Okay well I was having my midnight movie ritual a couple of nights ago, and picked this movie because I saw the trailer a few months ago and I thought it looked pretty damn good. And I shit you not, it really is. It was also, relatable. So i thought like wait, why can i relate to someone who has an eating disorder? I obviously don't have one right? I mean tracking every single calorie you eat is pretty normal isn't it. Loving the pang of hunger. Getting satisfaction from starvation. Regretting eating something because you feel you're fat and you don't deserve it. Followed by self hatred and starving yourself, again. Constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, looking at the flaws, loathing it. Stepping on the weighing scale like 5 times a day. Isn't that what all the skinny girls are doing. I don't know. I don't think i have an eating disorder. I’d be skinny if i did right? Wrong. After the stage of denial, i go to one place where i get proper education from the internet, YouTube. Typing in eating disorders, anorexia in the search tool and clicking on video to video. Oh. Why is this me? Damn another mental illness adding to the list? I mean its not severe, obviously just, mild. So i don't need to worry about it right. Who cares if all i see is calories and numbers when i see food. Who cares if i only drink water when eating out or forcing the food down my system because i don't want to be rude or weird. Who cares if my face looks like death, pale, shadows under my eyes. I’m losing weight. Isn't that a good thing. Isn't that what I want. Even if no one noticed. Maybe they will if I continue this and get skinny. Maybe I’ll be content with myself. Maybe i’ll fit in. Maybe life wouldn't be as shitty. So isn't all that worth it. 

Just like depression, its not something i just immediately fell into. It transitioned from wanting to be healthy to being obsessive about being skinny. At the beginning of my ‘fitness journey’, (heh I’m nowhere near fit) I started meal prepping. Gotta hit those macro goals. Broteinss yeah bruh. My calorie deficit was healthy. Starvation was something I’d stay away from. Because losing muscle mass, lower metabolism blah blah blah. Yeah, I know its bad. But i was losing weight way too slow. I thought, this isn't enough. Eat less. No, don't eat. More calorie deficit = more weight loss. That equation is what i have in my brain now. Don't really care about macros. I’m still doing strength training but i can feel the difference. It feels like death. Like i wanna throw up when i work out. I got weak. But I don't care. All i care about is seeing the number on the scale drop. Fuck it if it’s muscle mass. The goal is being skinny now, not fit. I like being this way. If i really do have an eating disorder, I'm fine with it. Maybe this is a blessing. A tool that might help me feeling less shit about myself. For the first time, this is something wrong about me that I don't want to fix. I just have to make sure I get out of it before it kills me. Easy.

F

[damesteveson]

Personal Rant About Being Fat

*DISCLAIMER* everyone is absolutely allowed to have insecurities about their body.

In fact I would bet everyone does. But is your body so different that you are genuinely discriminated against and truly treated differently? Or is this your own private self-esteem issue that given enough care and time you could hypothetically learn to live with? Or is this something that in order for any change to occur you would have to go through drastic body manipulation? Spend hours everyday at the gym and nit pick every single thing you eat? I work my ass off just to maintain my bountiful bursting beauty. And you know why? I want clear skin. I want energy. I like being able to go up stairs without nearly passing out. I feel absolutely physically horribly sick when I don't. And that's not some body-image shit. I've been eating healthy for so long that I feel literally sick to my stomach if I eat too much junk. So please continue to tell me how you know what it's like to be me. STFU.

When people who have a typical body shape try to "encourage" me

"I'm heavier than I'm supposed to be too"

"ur not fat"

"I'm out of shape too"

oh really Cassandra?

If you think you're heavier than you're 'supposed' to be oh lawd wut you must think of me.

The fuck weight am I supposed to be?

Do clothes fit you the way they were intended to fit people? Because they were designed with your body shape in mind? You live in a 'you shaped world' yeah maybe you a little thicker in your thighs you are still the same 'acceptable' shape modern society is designed for.

I love how I love myself more than you do and I do it with the world telling me everyday that my body is wrong. I don't think it's wrong. I'm just complaining about the inconvenience it causes me. All you are doing by trying to 'encourage' me is to affirm that you think my fat is a problem. That it is something that needs to be solved. And I am so sorry you don't love yourself as much as I love myself. It's a great feeling and I hope one day you will feel it. But until then please don't make your issues my issues. K thx.

Um yes I am fat. But please remind me wtf is so wrong with that that you feel the need to straight up lie to my face and tell me I'm not. I struggled for years to accept myself and here you are trying to put me back in my delusion. Puhlease girl. I've got more confidence in my little finger than most people got in their whole fucking body and yet here you are trying to convince me that I need to be under an illusion just to feel good about myself. Mkay.

Oh and you're out of shape? Probably. Most people are. But you see this? You see this sweat? I work out more than the average bear and I still sweat when it's hot. I still sweat when I gotta do something demanding. You being out of shape doesn't make people think your ill. People assume you could be healthier because everyone could, but they don't think you NEED to.

So when I'm complaining about the physical boundaries my body cannot overcome as it is please don't try to convince me that you know what it's like. Plz. STFU.

You don't know what it's like to be in school. Trying your hardest everyday. And every day your teacher comes over to ask "are you hot?" Because you're dripping sweat & you just have to pant "no" like bruh. It's 68 degrees in here. It's not hot. I'm just fat and what we are doing is going to be physically harder for me than everyone else. I'm going to sweat. But I'm also not going to give up. For them to tell you, 'you know it might help if you did this and this and this' every class and to tell them EVERY FUCKING CLASS that you are working out for an hour every day just to be able to get to this point and that you're just tired from doing that in the morning and to know they kind of don't believe you and to honestly feel like your instructor is trying to convince you to quit because they don't think a fat person can do this job. For that same instructor to see the only other fat person in the class be a man and lose visible weight so fast while doing nothing outside of class to assist that. Listen teach, you see what I eat for dinner every night and I told you what I am trying to do outside of class and you're still trying to 'help' me. How about instead you help me learn new positions that can accommodate my different body type. You try to give any one of the people in this class a 100 pound weight on their stomach strapped around their lower back and see how well they hold a lunge. I work harder than anyone in here including you. The least you could do is just NOT discourage me. You don't even have to try to be nice to me. Just stop berating me with micro-aggressions every class. Stop passive-aggressively trying to convince me that I don't belong here.

I'm here to stay. Get used to it.