#and also how much a translator works - none will likely capture and retain everything in their goal even IF they want to cause

[chiseler]

Harry Stephen Keeler: The Paper Blackener of Bagdad on the Lakes

Marry a moustachioed alcoholic and erstwhile magician to a Welsh-American beauty shortly before the World’s Columbian Exposition. When their son is born, widow the mother. Widow her again—twice. Put her in charge of a boarding house for vaudevillians. Make her son a prankster and give him a degree in electrical engineering. Bake him in the Kankakee mental asylum for a year. The result: the one and only Harry Stephen Keeler.

Keeler (1890-1967) was, in his own words, one of the most obsessive “paper-blackeners” ever to inhabit Chicago—“London of the West, Bagdad on the Lakes.” In this regard he is not wholly unlike Henry Darger, the janitor and outsider artist who spent his life a few blocks away creating the 15,000-page chronicle of the Vivian Girls. One difference is that Keeler got published.

When he was out of the asylum and working as a steel mill electrician, Keeler started frenetically punching away at his L. C. Smith, turning out surprise-twist short stories and, soon, complicated serial mysteries in a whimsical vein. He also landed a job as editor of 10 Story Book, a pulp featuring humorous tales and half-naked girls. With Find the Clock (Dutton, 1927), he achieved U.S. hardback publication. Keeler was to publish 37 volumes with Dutton until he exhausted his publishers’ patience in 1942. He published 48 books with the British publisher Ward Lock (1929-53), nine with the fourth-rate Phoenix Press (1943-48), and a dozen or so further novels written directly for Spanish or Portuguese translation at $50 a pop, in addition to several manuscripts that never saw the light of day.

That’s a story of decline—and even at the early peak of his mild popularity, Keeler struggled to sell more than a few thousand copies of his novels. The Great Depression was part of the problem, but so was Keeler’s prose. Over the course of the ’30s, Keeler transmuted his early style—convoluted “webwork” plots and somewhat Victorian diction—into screwball concoctions where the narrator and characters sink into morasses of dialect and ludicrous phraseology, as the reader is challenged to sift through layers of implausible interpretation to uncove an even more implausible solution. Ignoring the pleas of his editors, HSK churned out huge, multivolume creations that tried his readers’ brains and now seem boldly postmodern, as if they had been dreamed up by Pynchon or Oulipo. To mention a few:

The Box from Japan (1932) is set in 1942 and runs to over 700,000 words, with extensive digressions on intercontinental 3-D television, a Nicaraguan canal, and the Japanese emperor’s love of Virginia ham.

The Marceau Case and X. Jones of Scotland Yard (1936) are “documented novels” that consist of newspaper stories, telegrams, photos (including one of a topless woman and one of Keeler himself), astronomical charts, cartoons, a Bible verse, two ten-page long footnotes, and much more. The premise is a twist on “locked room” mysteries: a man was strangled on an open croquet lawn, with only a few small footprints in his immediate vicinity. Was he garroted by a Lilliputian in an autogyro? The case is given a three-dimensional solution by an American in the first volume, and a four-dimensional solution by an Englishman in the second.

The Mysterious Mr. I and The Chameleon (1938-39) trace the Chicago peregrinations of a narrator who keeps us and everyone around him guessing as he switches identities no fewer than fifty times (once posing as a professor of philosophy who provides yet another solution to the Marceau case).

The Man with the Magic Eardrums (1939) is an all-night dialogue between two mysterious characters who discuss interracial marriage, telephone technology, and a laundry list of other Keelerian obsessions. It was followed by three sequels.

The exhausting, quasilunatic plots of HSK’s novels are larded with gems of Keelerian writing: awkward, preposterous, and hilarious. The laughter is always uncertain, though, because you are never sure just how much of the effect is intentional. (I have come to believe that most of it is.) Contemporary Keelerite Edward Bolman has recently started tweeting some of these gems (twitter.com/harryskeeler). Here’s a small selection.

“I—I thank you, Governor,” he said with dignity, “on behalf of the Great Science of Mathematics and Joe the Duck.”

For all’s not gold that glitters; and everything that makes an inky black aqueous solution isn’t the pure oxyrhodomate salt of platinum.

“I—I don’t want any women,” Joe managed to ejaculate.

Real estate law oozed out from all over him.

“I’d like to be Hong’s gold watch in his pocket—but able to listen, like as if it were my own ear—yeah, a gold ear-shaped listening watch.”

“Nuts!” exploded Monk Onderko. “Bull,” came from Pox in the rear.

His conscience was invariably an amoeba hypertrophied to the size of behemoth and capering about, centipedal with a hundred elephant legs!

Unlikely as it may seem, Keeler got a small taste of Hollywood in 1934, when Monogram Studios put out two films based on his Sing Sing Nights. In the movie of that name, three murder suspects are tested by a lie detector. (In the novel, the three men shot their victim nearly but not quite simultaneously—so two of them are guilty of no more than pumping a bullet into a corpse. One shooter espouses the theory that racism will eventually be overcome thanks to interbreeding, plastic surgery, and international air travel. None of this makes it into the film.) In The Mysterious Mr. Wong, a film based on a story told by one of the characters in Keeler’s Sing Sing Nights, Bela Lugosi plays Wong, a tepidly creepy Oriental who is stalked by a feebly wisecracking reporter. These movies have some interest as period pieces, but retain little of the distinctive Keeler touch. Extensive research has not supported Keeler’s claim that Sing Sing Nights inspired yet a third film, titled The Gorilla’s Brain.

Nearly forgotten by the end of his life, Keeler has experienced a small posthumous revival thanks to the Internet (which he would have adored). The Harry Stephen Keeler Society, founded in 1997, publishes a newsletter. All of Keeler’s books can be printed on demand by Ramble House. In 2005, McSweeney’s republished the 1934 novel The Riddle of the Traveling Skull. Keeler’s confessed fans include Neil Gaiman and Roger Ebert. Now we await a truly Keelerian film—a movie that somehow captures the erudite, juvenile, loquacious, gleefully unrealistic world of a Harry Stephen Keeler novel.

by Richard Polt

[magistralucis]

1 3 5 11 13 and 14 for mossflower pretty please! 💞

Your wish is my command.

—————————–

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Mainly two things: I had been neglecting the ‘Absurdité’ tag on my blog, and also a Steak fic was way overdue for the fandom. That’s one film where the high level of fandom awareness didn’t necessarily match the fandom content available for it; more Steak stuff has emerged since in the fandom, which is a good thing. I was inspired by @kavcore aesthetics, A Clockwork Orange (as Steak is a massive shoutout to that book/film in itself) and one evening where I took a really good hard look at Steak and tried to figure out a narrative.

All this was months before I began The Mossflower. It’s easily the fic I put in the most active preparation time for. (Hiatus fics technically have been in planning for longer, but then I’m not actively thinking about them a lot of the time oops) The Mossflower in its original form was a two-month event in aksug complete with blog theme and aesthetic changes; it’s so far the only narrative in aksug other than ‘Liberté’ that I’ve granted such a change to. The inspiration was powerful enough I felt it merited it.

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

‘With those guys next to me I felt as if I could run a hundred miles nonstop, both alongside and away from them; I wanted to hold onto us as we were now, us superfluous youths (for yes, that is what it means, us lilyborn chellovecks), and yet as I gazed down mine and Dan’s hands together I knew that it could not - should not - must not stay this way, the red-white tide within me starting to subside.’

I could honestly insert any of Félix’s rambling monologues because I did want The Mossflower to be the kind of story that kills you immediately in the solar plexus with every other entry, but I think this one ‘line’ says it all 😭 welcome to adulthood and responsibility!

5: What part was hardest to write?

Everything. It’s lowkey highkey one of the most challenging things I have ever written.

First, Steak is set during what appears to be summer, so I physically waited until summer to start publishing it. This did not mean I could wait until summer to put down the first words, so in between finishing up Season 2 of ‘Liberté’, I was writing a lot of The Mossflower in bits and pieces too.

Second, Steak is ultimately an urban slice-of-life story (despite its surrealistic morality system), so I decided an epistolary fic was the best way to translate such a universe into text: this would be done in the form of Félix’s diary entries. Diary entries are regular, so they had to be updated in real time, matching times of the day where certain events happen in Steak (e.g. Georges is beaten up at night; the diary entries about this were all updated during the night, albeit in GMT).

In the middle of this I also had to work out Félix’s argot system (required very quick familiarity with Nadsat), the time in between each event of Steak, and how quickly Félix’s feelings about everything should change between events. And I tell you, writing in argot is really hard. I have no idea how Anthony Burgess did it, except that he was a linguist and I’m not, which tbf made all the difference. Had I known more Russian in 2017 I might have found it easier to get used to.

Now that I wrote out the whole process it all sounds sort of overbearing. 😰The inspiration was quick, the amount of work taken to translate it into a story was not. I’ve something like 158 pages of notes still remaining. But all that work motivated me to keep going. The Mossflower gave me a lot of trouble, but it really is a baby of mine. I’m really happy how it turned out.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

There’s a lot about it that was fleeting, and I captured those moments for exactly as long as they needed to be captured.

People reading The Mossflower nowadays probably do it through AO3. That’s what I encourage as well, because Félix wrote a metric ton of entries, and trying to read all of that on Tumblr is a logistical nightmare. But the published fic doesn’t retain much of what it was actually like to see The Mossflower update in real time. So much of it was time-sensitive: having Félix occasionally answer a question, waiting for him to write something new, wondering what he made of a new experience while he was away. The Mossflower was a two-month kayfabe in addition to being a fic, I really had to sell the illusion that Félix was in some way ‘real’ and identifiable. All that gets ironed out in a fic, where weeks of effort are condensed in a few clicks and chapters.

But that’s not a bad thing. For a time, The Mossflower was an exercise in lived experience. Such experiences are difficult to repeat exactly as they were, but they do become memory, and that’s what I hope helped this story linger in the minds of the few who followed it from the start. The fic was exactly as long as it needed to be, in the form it needed to be, for the people who needed it the most.

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading?

I actually didn’t listen to much of the Steak soundtrack while writing this fic. The only points in which I did were where the Chivers bard (Prisme) was mentioned, and once that was just to get the lyrics of ‘Divine’ 😂😂😂 I also listened to ‘Itea’ when Félix mentioned it, ‘Bleue’ when writing the first major descriptor of Bleue in the story, and that weird drama llama wailing music played while Georges clings desperately to the fence near the end when… Félix was taking part in that sequence. That was pretty much it for the soundtrack.

I did, however, listen to a ton of Todd Rundgren. I think Something/Anything is a very Sebinsky album in general, just in different forms in every time, and the album worked its magic for the The Mossflower too. ‘The Night the Carousel Burnt Down’ will always have a special place in my heart.

14: Is there anything you wanted readers to learn from reading this fic?

Not so much learn, as to think about themselves (if they were comfortable with that), or simply about what it means for a young boy to fall in love one dreamy summer. Félix reaches a lot of moral conclusions, but none of them need be agreed upon by the readers for a fulfilling experience. It’s a very cruel story with some very skewed views on humanity, though the cruelty is because youths that age can be cruel, and the viewpoint thing is… well, it’s Oizo. But there are honest parts, too, honest in the kind or at least softly bewildered sort of way, and if those moments led the readers to pause in thought, I consider it a job well done.

All that is retrospective, however. The most important goal immediately during and after the story was to make @lisa-franck a very happy soul 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

#trianghouls #fanfiction asks #the mossflower #steak (film) #sebinsky #thank u for asking!!!! i do so love the mossflower to this day :DDDDDDDD #long post under cut

[scripttorture]

Any ideas on what might happen to a captured British agent in Germany ca. WW1? She is female, and being interrogated rather than put on trial. She’s not meant to be killed at least for a while as she is considered an asset. The interrogation won’t work, and she won’t give up any info. She also does escape with the help of someone inside, so retaining some physical capacity to move pretty fast would be significant. Thanks!

Thisis a really good amount of information thank you. :)

Ihave less information on German practices during World War 1 so thisone took a little bit of reading. In fact I didn’t manage to findanything German from this period (though I think Cobain covers British torture during this period in Cruel Britannia). What I’ve got is bits and piecesfrom either side. Between that and your criteria I think we can workout something that fits. :)

Rejalireferences a book on the Weimar Republic that you might find useful.I haven’t read it myself. TheBerlin Police Force in the Weimar Republicby L Hsi-Huey, 1970 University of California Press.

I’vefound references to clean beating and ‘sweating’ in the periodbetween the wars. This was in a policing context rather than amilitary one.

Sweatingin this context means a combination of sleep deprivation, sometimesrestraint torture and temperature torture. I’ve mostly heard of itused in policing contexts. It’s- putting a suspect in a chair witha big bright light in their eyes and keeping them there for over 12hours. Sometimes suspects were restrained, which causes additionalpain and injury. ‘Interrogators’ were often changed so that theyremained fully rested. Suspects were usually denied food, water andbathroom breaks. Rooms were usually small. So the lights would heatup the room very quickly making everything uncomfortably hot.

Itseems(going by frequency of reports) to have been more common in Americanpolicing then in Germany during the Weimar government. From what Ican tell there seems to have been a crack down on police tortureduring the Weimar period. A couple of my sources have Nazi torturerscommenting on that, that the Weimar government ‘didn’t allow’things that became common practice later.

Oneuseful reference I’ve found from the second world war is to use ofa ‘sweat box’. This a cell so small that it’s essentially abox. Now the reason I think that could be relevant to you is becausethese were solid built structures. It could certainly have beenspecially built closer to the time, but it could also have been anolder structure that was never disassembled. They are just very verysmall rooms and can be put to a great many innocent uses. It's easierto take locks off doors then it is to bulldoze walls.

Goingback muchlater, Germany was one of the first European countries to abolishcorporal punishment (whipping and obvious beating) in the military(1872).

Theyreplaced it with stress positions. The only description I have is forsomething called ‘das Anbinden’. The translation I have for thatis ‘tying up’.

Thevictim was tied with their back to a fixed object, like a tree orpole. It was forced standing, with both feet flat on the ground. Sofar as I can tell the victim’s hands weren’tabove their head, and the reference to using trees makes it seemunlikely their arms were spread as in British military stresspositions. I’m guessing a little here but it seems most likely fromthe descriptions I have that the victims were tied with their handsbehind their backs.

That’swhat I’ve found that I think could fit your scenario. None of itcomes from the exact time period but these techniques were all usedin Germany either a few decades before or a few decades after. It’sa grab-bag mix of police torture and military torture rather thanspecific to the intelligence services. But if Germany fit the generalpattern at this time then there would have been a lot of overlapbetween the torture techniques used in all those groups.

They’realso all ‘clean’ tortures. They don’t necessarily leave obviousexternal marks.

Fromthe point of view of an intelligence agency that could be useful. Itprovides a degree of ‘plausible’ deniability, a way for them todismiss any future claims of mistreatment.

Moreon that here.

Generallytorturers tend to use a combination of techniques rather thansticking to just one. I tend to suggest 3-4 techniques and this justabout fits that range. The timings would be important here though.

Theusual maximum time a victim is kept in a stress position is about 48hours. That’s because after that more victims start dying.

Stresspositions kill by causing the muscles to break down under pressure.As more and more muscles die they release proteins into thebloodstream and this eventually builds to a level the kidneys can’thandle. The kidneys fail and the victim dies.

Priorto that- These are incredibly painful. It’s a sort of deep muscularache which, in this case, is likely to affect just about every partof the body. The break down of muscles also releases a lot of fluidwhich builds up in the extremities. In a standing stress position theankles can swell to twice their size in 24 hours. They take on abruised, tend appearance, hurt a lot and the skin can stretch so muchit ‘pops’ forming ulcers.

Bearin mind that victims usually aren’t allowed to use the bathroom andulcers are therefore a potential source of infection.

Sweatboxes can have a similar effect ornot depending on the dimensions of the box and the person. Whenvictims have a greater range of movement the muscles aren’t underthe same kind of permanent strain. It’s still extremely painful butless likely to be life threatening in 48 hours.

Somesweat boxes looked like cupboards for cleaning equipment, a smallnarrow space someone could stand in without being able to comfortablysit. Some were more like boxes that forced someone into a crouch,where they couldn’t lie down flat or stand up.

Theycould all have significant problems with air flow and temperaturecontrol. Depending on the placement in the building they were oftenextremely hot or cold. Which was another form of temperature tortureto subject the victim too. Poor air circulation sometimes meantvictims passed out or flat out suffocated.

Iwouldn’t suggest having the character in a sweat box for more than24 hours.

Beaware that beating, stress positions and sweat boxes are all damagingthe muscles. So they’re all contributing to the possibility ofkidney failure.  Giving the character periods to rest and recover isabsolutely essential to her survival.

AndI think that might be the best way to approach her escape; timing itso it’s right at the end of a longer recovery period. Perhaps aslong as 24 hours.

Ifshe’d been held for a week or so at that point, had been beaten,sweated, had been in a stress position for 48 hours, had been in asweat box for 24, with recovery periods- then I’d expect hermovement and reaction times to still be effected. She would not be ontop form. But, so long as she hadn’t been beaten to the point offractures, and had had 24 hours to sleep and eat and drink- Then Ithink she’d be able to walk and run. She might have the occasionalstruggle with balance. Her feet might be numb. She wouldn’t be asfast or coordinated as normal and she’d be able to notice that. ButI think she’d be able to do what you’d need her to do.

Lookingback over this I think the only thing I haven’t talked about muchis the effects of sleep deprivation in sweating. Again it’spainful. It’s also incredibly disorientating. It’s difficult toconcentrate, follow sentences and think clearly. People tend tobecome much more emotional and bursting into tears is pretty common.

Hallucinationsare also quite common. Combined with the bright light I think shadowyshapes and halos seem very possible.

Keepin mind that in a hot confined space dehydration is also at playhere. Which could be effecting her vision, causing head aches, lightheadedness and adding to the delirious feeling sleep deprivation iscausing.

Beyondthat-

Rememberto show the psychological effect this has on her in the long term.And remember that some of those symptoms can have profound physicaleffects which weren’t entirely understood at the time.

She’sunlikely to be diagnosed with ‘shell shock’ simply because she’sa woman. But her expressions of distress might be seen as more‘socially acceptable’ in some sense because of her gender.Physical symptoms such as shaking, nausea, difficulty eating, anyeffect on sexual desire, panic attacks and pain, could all be treatedas purelyphysical.

Thatdoesn’t mean she’d be without a support network or cut off fromhelp. Just that the kind of help she’s offered would look verydifferent to what’s on offer today.

Asa final note, if you’ve got the time you might want to read TheUnpleasantness at the Bellona Clubby Dorothy L Sayers. It was written in 1928 and deals with mentalillness at several points. It could serve as some inspiration for howto handle the character’s mental health problems in a periodsetting.

Ihope that helps. :)

Disclaimer

#tw torture #clean torture #sweating #sweat boxes #sleep deprivation #stress positions #beating #historical torture #Germany #World War 1 #stripedroseandsketchpads

[tigerlilynoh]

Title: Don’t Stop Me Now

Author: TigerLilyNoh Rating: Explicit Word count: 8,109 Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence, Sexual coercion

Summary: When Sam and Dean are captured on a hunt, it’s up to Ruby to save them... in her own special Ruby sort of way.

Ruby felt like she’d been hit by a truck and as soon as she opened her eyes she knew why.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” she muttered at the sight of a car’s chassis several inches above her face.

After gingerly checking to make sure she still had all her limbs, she pushed herself out from under the SUV.  She could feel some internal damage, probably a ruptured spleen, kidney and some internal bleeding.  Half her ribs felt fractured, but it wasn’t structurally meaningful.  Her meatsuit could walk and she had bigger concerns.

Sam and Dean weren’t there.  It wasn’t like Sam to just leave her unconscious under a car—Dean was another matter.  He’d ditch her in a heartbeat, especially if they had to chase down a suspect.  She supposed it was possible that Sam had just gone with Dean, after all he knew her well enough that it was clear she’d survive.

Ruby turned around and saw the Impala still where they’d parked it, about ten yards away.  The front passenger side door was open.  As she walked up to it she noticed Dean’s ridiculous chromed pistol laying on the ground.  Beside it was a coaster-sized puddle of blood that turned into a trickling path.  She followed it to the large, unmistakable tire tracks of a van trying to get the hell out of dodge.  It definitely was looking like someone had taken the brothers.

She climbed into the Impala, hot wired the car, readjusted the bench seat so that she could reach the pedals, then started driving back to their motel room as she tried to recall everything she could about the case.

They’d been investigating the deaths of eight locals.  As far as they could tell the victims had gone missing, then five to seven days later their bodies were found in alleys across the city.  The cause of death wasn’t entirely clear.  Each victim had had their heart removed, but three of the bodies showed evidence that it had been extracted postmortem.  And aside from the massive trauma to the chest, there weren’t any significant mauling injuries that would’ve indicated a werewolf.  There had been some bruising around the victims’ wrists, waists, chest, thighs, and ankles, hinting at some sort of restraint, but it lacked the distinctive texture of rope or chains.  

The strangest part was that the bodies had been meticulously cleaned, dressed, and positioned when they were dumped.  Each victim had been left well-groomed and in the muted, neutral clothing palette of some fashion designer that none of them had been sophisticated enough to reference as a joke.  The bruises had even been covered with concealer.

Sam’s research had suggested that they might be dealing with a ghost that killed beautiful people, but there wasn’t any obvious connection between the victims, the places where they were last seen, or where the bodies had been found.  There also didn’t appear to be any record of a single killing in that manner than may have given rise to a disgruntled spirit looking to share its pain.

The three of them had just met up to compare notes over dinner, but they hadn’t even gotten out of the parking lot before things had suddenly gone wrong.  The boys had been dragging their heels, discussing their frustration that the victims seemed squeaky clean and had no connection.  

Well, Dean had pointed out a possible connection.  The victims were all well above average in the looks department—‘babes’ had been the exact word choice that elicited an eye roll from Sam.  Not to mention the victims were good people who seemed completely undeserving of that sort of bad luck… the same bad luck that had befallen Sam and Dean— Ruby decided that she had her own brand of bad luck.  After all, she was the one who’d been hit by a car and knocked out mid-conversation.  And while she was out the guys had been taken, just like the victims… all the gorgeous victims.

She had to admit that Sam and Dean were both fine physical specimens, even if she’d rather eat iron than tell Dean that.  They’d been wearing their boring Fed suits, which weren’t really her thing, but she supposed that somebody had to like them in order for them to keep selling.  But why the fuck would the monster leave her behind?  She’d put a lot of time and energy into finding an attractive meatsuit without a soul.  She glanced at her reflection in the rearview mirror, then checked how much of her cleavage was visible.  A good amount of it.  Some bruising from the impact of the SUV was visible just at the edge of her bra’s cups.  Taking a more invasive peek down her shirt she could see the extensive discoloration.  She absentmindedly readjusted her bra before texting Sam and Dean’s cells, asking for them to call her on the very unlikely chance she’d misinterpreted the situation.  

Patting the dashboard of the Impala, she said, “It’s okay, girl.  We’ll find the boys.”

Sam was an excellent researcher; he loved getting into a pile of books more than Dean and her.  Yet despite his reputation as the team nerd, there were some areas of knowledge that were found more easily mastered through experience… languages being one of them.  

Once Ruby had gotten back to their motel room, she began flipping through Sam’s notes on the case and slowed down as she read his attempt at a translation of Andalusi Arabic.  He’d done a valiant job considering the language had been dead for three centuries— Well, she wasn’t sure whether a language was technically dead if the active dead spoke it, as she did.  She rolled her eyes at the fact that he’d probably spent hours translating what she could’ve done in a minute because he hadn’t bothered asking if she was familiar with the language.  Granted at the time she’d been busy running a few hustles with Dean at a nearby bar for some easy cash.

Looking at Sam’s translation she could see where he’d missed a few nuances.  Rather than a ghost that was attracted to physically beautiful people, they were actually dealing with a flesh and blood monster called an Aashtann.  They were beautiful creatures, who retained their beauty by killing people who were beautiful, both physically and who acted with inner beauty or noble purpose.  She could definitely see Sam fitting the bill, but it was hard to imagine Dean acting nobly… well, she supposed he did sincerely want to save people from monsters, so maybe that was close enough as far as the aashtan was concerned.  With a better idea of what they were looking for, she decided to bypass some of the elbow-grease-based effort that Sam was known for.  She didn’t have time to spend all night in the library.

Ruby hurried to the closest street intersection, stood in the middle, then shouted, “Crowley!”

As a demon, she didn’t need to go through all the normal Crossroads formalities.  Any intersect would act as an open mic to the entire Crossroads.  The question was whether there was a demon left in Hell that could stand to play nice with her.  Crowley seemed like her best bet.  At the very least he’d probably be disappointed if Sam and Dean were no longer alive and available for him to periodically torment for kicks.

“You don’t have to yell,” Crowley commented from where he was sitting on the bus stop bench next to the intersection.  He sipped his perpetually-on-hand glass of 1979 Port Ellen.  When Ruby went over and sat down next to him, he added, “you look terrible.”

“I was hit by an SUV,” she explained while taking the glass from his hand and helping herself to his scotch.

“I meant your haircut,” he jabbed.  “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Sam and Dean are missing, I need you to find them—“

“No.  No deal.”  Crowley shook his head.  “I’m not going to be your deus ex machina.  Do you know how much of my time I would spend if I took requests like that?  Do you have any idea how often Moose or Squirrel are in danger?”

“I’m painfully aware of it,” Ruby groaned.  “Can I at least get some intel from you?”

“It depends on what it is.”  Crowley made a show of checking his wristwatch.  “I have a meeting in an hour.  The time between now and then is all the due diligence I’m willing to part with.”

“I want to know about aashtan and I don’t have time to go to the fucking library.”

“And why are you asking me?”

“You sell people their sins wrapped in a bow.  Vanity is on the list and these things live for it.”  She reluctantly handed back the glass as a peace offering now that she was actually asking for help.  “I think one of those things took them.”

“I’m not surprised.”  Crowley hummed in agreement at the thought or maybe just recalling the Winchesters’ blessed genetics.

“I’m looking for any intel that I can use to find them and on how to kill these aashtan things.”

“You know how this works.  I’m bartering for souls, and you my dear, don’t have one.”

“You want Dean’s?”  She smiled despite her concern for the brothers.  “I’ll trade you that.”

“I’ll pay you to keep both of their souls away from me,” Crowley huffed.  “Those two are like a waking blight.  You’re lucky you’ve survived this long.”

“I’m tough to kill.”

“I’ve noticed.”  He stared pointedly at her.  “There are several dozen vacancies in Hell’s finest that can corroborate that.  By the way, everyone would appreciate it if you stop killing our people.”

“Can I trade that for the intel?” she asked with a grin of false innocence.

“Like I personally care about a few more dead grunts.”  Crowley looked at her for a moment, then said, “I want your help with a ritual.”

“A ritual?”

“You were a witch, weren’t you?  I need some help cracking an egg.”

She didn’t like the sound of that.  “What kind of egg?”

“The interdimensional gateway kind.”

“On Earth?” she asked warily.

“Heavens no, In Hell,” Crowley assured her.  “We’re just looking to expand our real estate investment into the area next to Purgatory.”

“Deal.”  She quickly pointed to him, adding, “and I’m not on the hook if you unleash any Lovecraftian Old Ones.”

“Deal.”  Crowley offered her a handshake, then told her “one moment,” before teleporting back to Hell to collect her intel.  

She sat there on the bus stop bench and checked her phone for the tenth time to see if Sam had returned her text.  Still nothing.  

Crowley reappeared with a full glass of scotch and a worn parchment pamphlet.  “I pinched you the Cliffnotes.  But the good news is that your boys probably aren’t dead yet.”

“Well, that’s great,” Ruby said as she started skimming the booklet, squinting to read the fading ink in the dim illumination of the streetlight.  “And Sam’s my boy, Dean’s just the readily available organ donor.”  She held the parchment close to her face to take a closer look.  “What are these aashtan guys into Feng Shui?”

“Something like that,” Crowley acknowledged.  “Their love of beauty includes more than just their prey.  Aashtan like to stay in buildings that fit a bland, modern, geometric aesthetic, constructed with a south-facing corner that’s less than a 90° angle.  God knows how they survived through the Baroque period.”

“There can’t be more than one of those…” Ruby started saying as she finished searching for the rare architectural characteristic on her phone.  “Fucking pretentious architects.  Brent Hilton, award-winning postmodernist architect of the year.  He’s known for his acute angles and has fifteen commercial buildings and thirty homes in the metropolitan area.”

“Are you going to go door-to-door spreading the good word?” Crowley asked.

“Do I even have time to check forty-five buildings before they’re dead?”  She scrolled through the architectural journal’s article a bit more, then groaned.  “And half of them aren’t even listed.”

“The aashtan drain the blood of their victims over the course of 24 hours before removing and eating the heart.”  Crowley raised an eyebrow at her.  “How long have they been missing?”

“Maybe a half hour”  Ruby did some quick math.  Assuming that blood loss occurs at a constant rate, she only had about eight hours to get them back without risk of serious injury or death from blood loss.  “I need to find this fucking building.”

“The boys are both fairly large.  I don’t suppose it’ll take longer for them to bleed out because of that,” Crowley mused almost academically, though she suspected there was a hint of concern below the surface.

Ruby stood up and tucked the pamphlet on aashtan into her back pocket, then told him, “if you can give me a lead on Brent Hilton I’ll make sure no Old Ones waltz into your neighborhood.  Call my cell.  I’ve gotta make a run.”

He didn’t shoot her down, instead tilting his head from side to side in a noncommittal gesture.  “Where are you going?”

“The blood bank.”

Ruby was cleaning their motel room mini fridge out of its leftover cherry pie and four bottles of beer when her cell rang.  She answered the phone, then positioned it between her shoulder and her head so that she could keep working.

“Has the King of the Crossroads won my fealty?” she asked with a hint of sarcasm in her voice while stuffing eight intravenous bags of O- blood into the fridge.

“What’s the fealty of a peon worth?” Crowley snarked right back.  “It turns out Brent Hilton is on the naughty list.  Based on all his minor infractions, it looks like he spends most nights at The Spot, a bar on the edge of downtown.”

“What put him on the naughty list?”

“I’d prefer to not tell you.”

In her surprise she stopped manipulating the bags of blood, cause two of them to slip from her grasp and flop onto the carpet.  “Really?”

“I have a wager with Abyzou about whether you kill him.”

That didn’t bode well.  She grabbed the two bags, stuffed them in and slammed the mini fridge shut, hoping that the seal would hold.  When it didn’t end up regurgitating the blood packets, she stood up and went over to her duffel bag.

“How’d you bet?” she asked as she grabbed her knife and tucked it into the back of her belt.

“Well that would spoil the bet now, wouldn’t it?” Crowley purred.  “Happy hunting.”

Sure enough, Brent Hilton was sitting at the bar counter at The Spot and he looked like just as much as a preppy douche as she’d imagined.  His blonde hair had way too much gel in it.  The salmon polo shirt that he was wearing contrasted horribly with his rosy skin.  And he was wearing fucking khaki slacks.  For a brief moment she wondered if fashion sense was sufficient to put some people on the naughty list.  But she had to try shaking this guy for intel, so she put on a fake smile.

“Are you him?  Are you Brent Hilton?  The postmodernist architect.”  Ruby just assumed that some award-winning pretentious designer wouldn’t doubt the existence of a fan and would probably happily brag about his accomplishments.  She took the empty bar stool next to him.

“Why yes, yes I am.”  He smiled at her, turning to give her his full attention.  “I take it you’re familiar with my work.  Maybe the Arcadia?” he asked, shamelessly name-dropping his award-winning work.

“I think it’s stunning.”  She didn’t have any sincere compliments so she opted for vagueness.  “I read the recent article on you in Modern Design Quarterly.  I was so impressed I ended up visiting all of the buildings that were listed and doing a photoset of them for my portfolio.”

“You’re a photographer?”  Brent grinned at her and his eyes scanned her body.  “I would’ve guessed a model.”

Ruby forced herself to smile in a bit of feigned flattery.  “I’m actually just putting together my work portfolio and I thought what better subject than your designs.  The article said that there were twenty three other buildings that you’d designed, but that weren’t listed—”

“Those ones were purchased by various private investors over the years.”  He wave his hand in a gesture of disinterest at the business of his work, then pounding the last of his martini.  “I’m under contract not to disclose their addresses.”

“I wouldn’t bother anyone, I’d just like to see them from the street,” Ruby pressed.

“And your photos would end up in a collection and that wouldn’t look very good would it?”  His voice had turned very condescending.  “But if you’d like, I can show you some of my current projects.”

“Are they under construction?” she asked, wondering if the aashtan might be using a new, unsold building.

“Still just blueprints.”  Brent could probably tell that wasn’t the answer she’d been looking for because he placed his hand on hers.  His thumb caressed her wrist in a wholly unwelcome move.  “Maybe we could figure something out?”  He spread his legs, then raised an eyebrow.

Ruby felt like she could put money down on why he’d made the naughty list and why there was a wager over whether she’d kill him.  She resisted the urge to just slam his head into the bar counter, causing a scene.  “I’m seeing someone,” she replied, hoping that he’d just take the fucking hint.

Instead he leaned forward until he was far too close for comfort.  He took her hand and placed it on his crotch, then rubbed her hand against his partially hard dick.  “I won’t tell.”

Her first instinct was to bludgeon the guy to death with his own smug face—she wasn’t sure how that would logistically work, but she had faith in her ingenuity.  Yet though she enjoyed vengeance as much as the next demon, she knew that things could easily get out of hand when mixing torture and business.  Anyway, Crowley had waged on her murdering him, and she would’ve loved to make him lose that bet if at all possible.  Even though she wasn’t sure which side the Crossroads demon had taken, his parting statement of ‘happy hunting’ made her suspect that Crowley had put his money on murder.

She glanced at the clock on the wall.  There was still seven hours left to get the information from Brent, then plan and execute a rescue mission.  Sam and Dean were obviously her top priority, but pummeling intel out of a person in a crowded bar was only so effective and she had a potentially-literal axe to grind with this perve.  As long as she didn’t take too much time she could deal with this guy.

“Is there somewhere private we can go?” Ruby asked quietly.

She let him lead her out to the parking lot.  He opened the door to the back seat of a brand new Mercedes-Benz, then climbed in.  She coyly followed him.  After getting inside she closed and locked the door behind her.  He unzipped his pants, then pushed them and his boxers down to his mid-thighs.  She stared at his dick, thoroughly unimpressed.

“Go on,” he instructed.  

He reached forward, eager to push her head down into his lap, but she leaned back out of his grasp.  Before he could complain, she slid her right hand along his dick until she was at the base of it, then wrapped around to hold his balls too.  Her smile turned menacing as she squeezed.  He cried out in pain and tried to sit up, but Ruby grabbed his throat with her left hand and slammed his head into the opposite side door, cracking the window slightly.  He punched at her face, but instead of trying to dodge or block, she took the hit and tightened her inhuman hold on him.

“Every time you hit me it’s just gonna get worse.  So just tell me what I want to know or I will rip your goddamn dick off.”  She dug her nails in, making him to yell.  “I’m looking for a building with a south-facing corner that’s less than a 90° angle.  Somewhere that people can be hiding out with prisoners.”

“I… I don’t—”  He gasped when she squeezed a little tighter.  “Not the houses!  The positioning isn’t right.  One of the office buildings—The ones by Market Street or in the Financial—”

“Hiding prisoners,” she reminded him as she twisted for good measure.  “Someplace with not many people.”

“The corner of Franklin and Grant.”  He was crying, face bright red, snot dribbling from his nose.  “It’s vacant—I consulted on the remodel, but they don’t have a seller yet.”   

Some people came out of the bar.  She clutched Brent’s throat tighter, partially impeding his cries for help. She began shifting her weight rhythmically, rocking the car, then let out a few fake moans of pleasure.  The group started snickering, then turned to head another direction, giving them some privacy.

“How long ago was the remodel?” she continued.

“Five months,” he choked.  That was consistent with when the eight victims had started disappearing.

“Don’t you ever take advantage of another woman.”  She blinked her eyes black, causing him to yelp, then leaned in close to snarl in his ear.  “Or I’ll be back and you’ll lose more than the dick.”

She let go of his crotch, made a fist, and pretended to punch him in the face, but instead she hit the window behind him, shattering it before she disappeared.  After teleporting back to the motel room, she washed her hands.  It took a little extra scrubbing to get the blood out from under her fingernails.

She teleported over to be a hundred yards down the street from the corner of Franklin and Grant, then walked into a coffee shop with a large window that offered an excellent view of the three-story building’s full length.  After compulsively checking the time —five hours left— she ordered a quadruple shot of espresso and took a seat by the window.  She couldn’t help but appreciate the poor taste of her sitting around sipping an espresso while Sam and Dean were likely across the street being slowly drained of their blood.  Of course, she was still doing reconnaissance and formulating a plan.  It wasn’t her fault that she needed an excuse to sit and stare at the building for a long while.

She could see people moving around in the upper floor, but they weren’t bothering to turn on the lights—hardly the behavior of lawful occupants.  But that was another problem… there were people, not person.  By her rough guess maybe ten of them.  It was a fucking nest.

Two people exited the front of the building.  They were dressed in beige and grey ensambles, the man a suit and the woman in a knee-length dress with an awful, blocky three-quarter sleeve blazer.  The woman even wore impractical five-inch clear acrylic heels. Truly Ruby had found her monsters.

She took a moment to run her fingers along her soft, dark purple leather jacket while she considered her enemies.  They looked absurd.  Objectively they were absurd.  Bloodletting monsters that were so obsessed with appearances and their haute aesthetic that they wore clothing that was just begging for blood stains.  And those fucking shoes, how was anyone supposed to fight in five-inch heels?  

Actually, how did they even beat Sam and Dean in a fight?  It was easy to explain how she’d been bested; she’d been hit by a several hundred horsepower, two-ton fist.  Evidently she was expendable, but the boys weren’t.  And if they had to have their blood drained as part of a ritual, that meant taking them with minimal injuries.

“One more and you can keep the change if I don’t have to get up,” Ruby told the barista as she waved a twenty dollar bill above her head.  Predictably, the money was collected a few seconds later and her order skipped the line.

She sat there reading the pamphlet on aashtan while periodically eyeing her target.  Crowley had told her about some of their habits, but she needed the sorts of details that counted in a fight.  Namely: How they were able to subdue two trained hunters?  And how could she kill them?

The answer to the latter question made her smile subtly.  According to the lore, aashtan needed to have their bodies disfigured, to lose their prized beauty, before losing at least half their blood.  Ruby thought for a few minutes on how she’d like to tackle those steps, then did some quick searching online for local sources of her choice weapons.  She’d have to make a trip to go collect some goodies after her coffee.

The answer to the question of how the aashtan had subdued Sam and Dean was less delightful.  Apparently, the aashtan had the ability to disorient and fatigue their victims.  The effectiveness of this ability was directly related to the amount their target fell within the criteria of their prey.  That helped explain why Dean’s gun had been left at the scene, seemingly having been dropped after an attempt at self-defense.  Sam was a better fit as a beautiful body and mind, and had probably been easily subdued.  Dean was more debatable in his moral purity, but altruistically trying to protect future victims or his brother could’ve easily checked the box.

Ruby didn’t consider herself anywhere near Sam’s status as a would-be saint but for a few of his small vices—well, mostly just her.  But she considered herself to be somewhere on the same moral plane as Dean.  They both engaged in plenty of turpitudinous fun, with one major difference.  She was a fucking demon.  No one knew what Dean’s excuse was.  So if she was playing with a moral handicap, and trying to save Sam had put Dean into a vulnerable state, then what would happen when she tried to save both of them?  How fucked would she be?

But if the vulnerability came from being tasteful or pure, then she’d have to resist it through raucousness and self-indulgence.  Her rescue mission was about saving Sam and Dean, but it had to be more than that otherwise she could easily become another victim.  She needed to turn away from the elegance and nobility of a surgically precise mission if she wanted to be most effective at fighting the aashtan.  It was time to fight the aashtan on a whole other level, pitting their bland haute aesthetic against her own theatrical debauchery.  She stood up, walked over to the counter and stole someone’s to-go order on her way out the door.  It was time to be a little bad.  It was time to have a little fun.

After gathering supplies from the local Asian cultural museum and a nearby U.S. Army armory.  She dropped her equipment off at the motel room for safekeeping before beginning the first phase of her little rescue mission.

The building where Sam and Dean were being held was in the middle of the city and she was planning on a fight that could easily cause a scene.  Personally she didn’t care about witnesses, but Sam and Dean would probably be annoyed by avoidable innocent deaths.  Not to mention, if the cops showed up then they might start shooting and risk hurting the brothers.  She needed to create a big distraction in as little time as possible.

Ruby grabbed a can of red spray paint from the trunk of the Impala as well as Dean’s pistol, then teleported downtown.  She waited at the public bus stop, counting the number of bystanders.  When the bus pulled up, she stepped onto it and held the pistol up for the five passengers and the driver to see.

“Everyone get off,” she ordered.

The frightened passengers and driver hurried off the bus, running for cover.  With the three pedestrians making a total of eight people potentially calling 911, she guessed that she had about 45 seconds before she had to get moving.  

She closed and locked the bus doors, then took out the can of red spray paint and began writing random words in Luhya just to confuse the situation even anymore.  Tossing the can aside, she put in her earbuds and began playing Queen’s Greatest Hits.  She sat down in the driver’s seat, then started the strangest joyride of her life.

It only took three minutes of driving around the streets aimlessly for her to count nine cop cars chasing her.  The late hour left the city streets largely free of traffic, but she occasionally swerved to avoid a car and ended up sideswiping a dozen parked cars, tearing off car doors and setting off alarms.  

“Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time—” she sang as she made a detour to take out a few tabloid newspaper dispensers.  

“—I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out”

She plowed through a police barricade as the music swelled.

“—So don't stop me now don't stop me—”

Checking her side mirrors she noticed two more police cruisers join in the pursuit.  That seemed like it was enough.  

“—I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva—”

She swerved, cutting across a business plaza, taking out several small trees.

“—I'm gonna go go go—”

The bus bounced as she took a curb at 50 miles an hour.

“—There's no stopping me!”

The bus crashed through the glass floor-to-ceiling windows of the First National Bank building.  She took care to avoid the security desk and even offered the stunned guard a grin as she sped by.  Particle board, stuffing, and navy blue polyester exploded across the bus’s windshield as she took out the lobby’s seating area.  She turned the wheel one last time to flip the bus, sending it sliding on its side to collide with a row of teller stations.  Papers and loose dollar bills rained down on the bus, but Ruby had already teleported away.  The police would likely spend a few hours searching for the mysterious woman who had stolen a bus and used it to break into a bank.  With the attention focused there, she’d teleported back to collect the Impala and her supplies.  It was showtime.

Ruby parked the Impala just outside the building’s back exit.  She rechecked to make sure that the beer cooler was doing a good enough job keeping the bags of blood cold.  Opening up the trunk, she took a moment to gather her conviction before holstering her weapons.  Checking her reflection in the passenger side window, she fixed the collar of her leather jacket, then teleported inside.

Rather than leaping directly into the fight, she stopped at the security room.  There were a dozen security monitors depicting various rooms throughout the building.  She counted ten aashtan.  After consulting a digital blueprint of the building, she determined that Sam and Dean were being held in the north corner of the third floor.  The brothers were both bound to the tops of large, heavy wooden tables with fabric bands.  Most of the aashtan seemed to be milling about in an open-concept workspace that took up the majority of that same floor.  With the brothers probably weakened, she’d have to more or less take out all the aashtan in order to protect their retreat, which would likely be slow thanks to the brothers’ blood loss.

As she was turning to leave she noticed the controls for the emergency lighting system and the microphone for the building-wide PA system.  She pulled out her earbuds and shrugged to herself.  It only took her a minute to figure out how it worked, then to pick the right song.

Killer Queen started playing throughout the building.  She paused a moment to check the monitors.  The aashtan were looking around at each other, urgently talking as they started unpacking sleek, brushed stainless steel knives and swords.  She noticed that Dean had lifted his head at the music, then lowered it back to the table’s surface.  His mouth formed the shapes of an unmistakable ‘son of a bitch’ before he started saying something to Sam.  Sam replied, but he was visibly slower and he didn’t bother opening his eyes—he was in worse shape.

She wanted to go up there and save him, but she had to watch herself.  Aashtan had a way of messing with people who had honorable intentions.  An affectionate, streamlined rescue mission was just the sort of thing that might screw her up.  She had to try to indulge and treat the battle like a dance literally set to her own tune.

Before going up to meet her very confused audience, she went to a utility closet on the first floor.  After a little searching she located the water pipe for the sprinkler system.  She hesitated for a moment before reminding herself that all the furniture and carpets in those sorts of office buildings were flame retardant anyway.  Two good kicks to a joint in the pipe caused it to break, pouring water all over the floor.

Ruby teleported to the third floor, into a waiting area just before the fortified work area.  The flashing red emergency lights pulsed in rhythm to the music.  She waited a few beats to sync up her entrance with the song, then kicked open the double doors, breaking half the hinges on one of them.  The aashtan watched as she strolled into the room.  She smiled and casually raised her flamethrower as the music announced her presence.  

“She’s a Killer Queen.”

It’d been years since Ruby had used a flamethrower, but this seemed as good an occasion as any.  The flames would disfigure the aashtan, then she could go in with another approach to drain them of their blood.  Besides, flamethrowers were fun and this was a time to treat herself a bit.

When she realized that the aashtan were waiting to see who would make the first move, she decided to oblige them.  Ruby sidestepped a few paces to the left until she was positioned next to a six-foot tall, abstract sculpture made out of smoky glass that made her think of a tornado that had destroyed the Epcot sphere.  She placed her foot against its narrow base.  Without taking her eyes off the horrified-looking aashtan, she tipped it over, shattering the artwork.

Enraged, the aashtan charged at her and she aimed her weapon.  A burst of flame lit up a group of three, but she had to stagger backward in order to dodge a sword.  She bounced forward and followed through with a swift kick to a male aashtan’s crotch.  Her steel-toed boot connected with what she assumed was the equivalent of his balls, then she shot him in the face at point blank range with the flamethrower.

Having lost track of various foes in the sudden chaos, Ruby spun around in a circle, firing a ring of flame around her at chest height.  Three more aashtan joined the five of their allies that were rolling on the floor trying to extinguish themselves.

A female aashtan lunged at her head with a knife.  Ruby tried to evade, but suffered a cut across the cheek and nose.  Using her offhand, Ruby grabbed the attacker’s knife-wielding arm, then headbutted her.  The aashtan stumbled back, dazed by the brutish move before Ruby let her have it with the flamethrower.

A male aashtan started running for the room where Sam and Dean were being held.  Ruby teleported to intercept him.  

“Don’t you fucking dare,” she told him, then immediately started feeling dizzy and tired as the room around her blurred.  It was their disorientation effect.  Her switch in motivation had made her more vulnerable.  Knowing what was happening to her just made her angry.  She embraced that anger and let it propel her back into the fight.  Her vision and mind cleared while her blood boiled.  “You think you can take advantage of my fucking goodness?!”

He swung a sword at her, but she ducked below the swing.  As his body turned from filling through on the swing, she shoved him in the same direction as his momentum, spinning him around.  She kicked him in the back, knocking him to the ground.

“I work hard for this shit!” she yelled at him as she sprayed him with fire.  “I’ve killed armies to get where I am.  So don’t you assholes dare fuck with my goodness!”

From across the room, one of the aashtan fired several shots at her with a pistol.  One connected with her chest near her left shoulder and another hit her right thigh.  After realizing that she hadn’t exploded from the bad luck of having a bullet hit her flamethrower’s gas tank, she glanced over at the wall and door of the room where Sam and Dean were to check for bullet holes.  There weren’t any.  Evidently the angle of attack hadn’t been such to put them in danger.

Ruby glared pointedly at the aashtan who had shot at her and shook her head.  She raised the flamethrower at him while he attempting to reload the unfamiliar weapon, then she started walking with ominous purpose.  When he began backing away while clumsily pushing the magazine into the gun, she opted to half-jogging half-skipping after him in a leisurely chase around the workspace because it seemed to terrify him all the more.

One of the charred aashtan that was still on the ground tried to grab her, but Ruby dodged, kicked it in the face, then gave it another round of fire before resuming her chase.  

The guy with the gun finally took position to fire at her again, so she teleported to be next to him, then grabbed the pistol and yanked it out of his hands.  He elbowed her in the face, but she pistol-whipped him several times before shoving him away from her and lighting him up like the others.  Since she was a demon and the aashtan could only be killed by catastrophic blood loss, the handgun was only effective against Sam and Dean.  She pulled the slide off of the pistol, dismantling it, then threw the pieces to opposite sides of the room.

All of the aashtan appeared to be sufficiently disfigured.  Half of them were still rolling on the floor trying to put out the flames, one had forgotten to stop-drop-and-roll and instead was running around screaming, but a handful of them had somewhat recovered and had their weapons at the ready.  She had to spill a lot of blood and do it before the flaming office furniture really ignited the building itself.  She slipped off the flamethrower and tossed it aside, then removed her new weapons from their improvised holsters.

Ruby took a moment to cherish the truly menacing appearance of the pair of Chinese hook swords that she was holding.  Each sword was just under two feet long with the tip of the slashing weapons shaped into a bladed hook that was large enough to wrap around an enemy’s wrist or ankle.  The handles each had a fingerguard that consisted of another cutting edge, and the butts of the handles were adorned with yet another three-inch long blade.  They were literally two pieces of steel containing fourteen razor sharp edges, all backed by the physical strength of a demon.  She was ready to make them bleed.

As a new song came on, she playfully tapped her foot to the music, inviting further enraged attacks with her tasteless behavior.  Sure enough, two female aashtan with knives charged her at the same time.  Ruby parried one blade after the other, right sword for right attacker, left sword for left attacker.  After deflecting the attacks, she swung both swords inwards in a scissor-like cut, slashing both women’s torsos.  While they were still shaking off the counterattack, Ruby kicked the left one back so that she could focus on one foes at a time.

“It swings—” she sang along to the music while slicing one of the right one’s throat.

“—It jives—”  She lunged forward, decapitating the one that had been on her left, then kept moving.

A flaming desk chair went hurling right at Ruby’s head.  She managed to dodge it, but was immediately tackled from behind, knocking her to the ground.  The aashtan stabbed her twice in the back before grabbing her hair and bashing her face into the floor.  Ruby held the hook swords up behind her head, then repeated the scissor-slice motion.  A shower of 98.6° liquid showered her followed by a limp body.  

“I kinda like it—” she continued singing loudly while shaking the blood and body off of her.

“—Crazy little thing called love.”

A male aashtan with a sword swung at her, cutting a gash across her chest that gouged the bone.  She blocked another attack with her offhand, then sliced his main hand off at the wrist causing his sword to drop to the ground.  When he tried to pick the sword back up, she maneuvered the hook end of her swords to grab his torso and physically stopped him from getting the weapon.  She wanted to use one of her swords to cut him, but they’d both been imbedded with a bit too much force, so she awkwardly tugged a couple times trying to dislodge one from his ribcage.  On the third attempt, she braced her foot against his chest, then yanked, tearing him in half.  Turning to her right, she saw the female aashtan in the five-inch heels moving to attack her, but quickly swept the aashtan’s feet out from under her.  

“They aren’t fucking practical!” Ruby shouted to her for over the music.  “If you’re gonna murder people—“ she sliced through the woman’s throat, causing blood to splatter onto her own stain-resistant black boots.  “—wear smart footwear.”

She’d barely taken a breath when another one jumped her, stabbing her in the chest.  Rather than wasting energy on taking out the knife, she punched the aashtan in the face, embedding the bladed hand guard several inches into his skull just above the nose.  She shook him off her weapon, then took a nice long horizontal slice across the torso for good measure.

“I gotta be cool—” she kept singing just to piss them off.

“—relax—”  A swift upward swing, cleaved a male aashtan in half from crotch to neck.

“—”get hip—”

The last three came at her from different directions, so she interlocked the swords’ hook ends, then let go of the left one.  Ducking down a bit to avoid hitting herself, she swung the right sword around her.  The two temporarily connected swords acted as a four foot long whip of blade that cut deep wounds in the three aashtan, including slitting a throat.  Quickly grabbing the left sword’s handle, she unhooked her swords.

“This thing called love—”  She cut down one of the injured aashtan. “—I just can't handle it.”

“This thing called love—”  She blocked another attack, then decapitated the last aashtan with her counterattack.  “—I must get round to it.”

She glanced around the room and counted the bodies, then made her way to go collect Sam and Dean.

“Crazy little thing called love.”

She walked back over to the door to the room where the boys were being held.  Before opening the door, she grabbed a nearby desk that was on fire and threw it to the opposite side of the room in order to give them a bit more time to leave.

Sam and Dean were both bound to their respective tables with what had to be wide, 900 thread-count cotton straps.  They both had an IV in each arm, which was slowly drained their blood into brushed stainless steel basins.  Sam’s basins appeared noticeably fuller, but probably not enough to justify how much weaker he appeared.  It was possible that the disorienting effect of the aashtan had hindered him all the more.  Either that or maybe Dean’s blood just flowed at a trickle with all the alcohol and caffeine that he consumed acting as a diuretic.  

“You couldn’t have played Zepp?” Dean asked as soon as she’d entered the room.

“Next time you cut through a whole nest by yourself, you can pick the fucking music,” Ruby shot back as she hurried over to Sam.  She cut him free with her knife, pulled out the tubes from his arms, then applied two very temporary bandages.  When he didn’t react much more than rolling his head to one side, she asked, “Sam, you awake?”

“Pretty sure,” he murmured.

She cut Dean’s bonds and pulled out his IVs.  She bandaged his dominant arm, but left him to take care of the other himself while she turned her attention back to Sam.

“Do you think you can you walk?” she asked Dean.

“Stumble maybe,” Dean groaned as he rolled off the table.  It took him a few seconds to get up off the floor, but he seemed in decent enough shape that she wasn’t worried.

“I can get Sam, if you can get the doors and spot me on the stairs.”

Dean walked into the thoroughly destroyed workspace, and began looking around, then asked, “why is the building on fire?”  

“I lit it on fire,” Ruby replied as she hoisted Sam onto her back for a comically ill-proportioned piggyback ride.

“As long as... you meant to,” Sam replied with a pitiful shrug.  She couldn’t reach up to pat him reassuringly, so she settled for leaning her cheek against the side of his head.

Dean returned holding a severed head.  He stared at her with the knowing half-smile of a man who was trying not to display his admiration.  She tried to shrug at him, but couldn’t with Sam piled on her back.  Instead she gave a little smirk.

“Somebody’s got anger issues,” Dean commented.

“Yeah, and you’re one of them.”  Ruby nodded in the general direction of the stairwell entrance.  “Get the fucking door.”

They carefully made their way down the stairs.  Unfortunately, the strain of supporting Sam’s weight made all of Ruby’s stab wound flow liberally with blood.  She wouldn’t complain about her ruined clothes, but after having someone be nearly decapitated directly above her… well, she didn’t want to think of the dry cleaning bill.  

Halfway down the stair the music cut out having possibly been a victim of the first floor sprinklers.

“You owe me a new iPod,” Ruby muttered to Dean.

“Eat me.”  Dean let go of his intense grip on the arm rail in order to flip her off properly.

“If you want to get eaten, you can go back to the aashtan—oh wait, you can’t because I killed them all saving your ass.”  Ruby paused at the second floor landing, then shifted in order to get a better grip on Sam.

“I can’t believe you can lift him,” Dean commented, waving his hand toward Ruby carrying someone twice her size and weight.

“It’s not the first time I’ve had him on me.”

“One sec, I need to go back and burn my eyes out,” Dean joked, then pretended to turn back towards the fire.

They made it down the stairs and out the back door without anyone collapsing.  Ruby deposited Sam into the backseat of the Impala, then carefully straddled him.  The holes in his elbows had continued to bleed while he was being evacuated, but at least the bandage had slowed it down a bit.  She redressed his elbows, then folded his arms up to help apply pressure.  Once the damage was mitigated she started an IV by his collarbone, connected a bag of blood from the cooler, then held it above him to let gravity do its work.

“You sure you should be driving?” Ruby asked Dean as he squeezed into the driver’s seat.

“I’m fine.  Sam’s the one they really went in on—Jesus Christ, Ruby.  It’s like a ten year old was fucking driving,” Dean groaned as he repositioned the bench seat.  

“Just be glad I didn’t weld it in place.”

Ruby tried to clean herself up as much as possible considering the quantity of arrant blood that had followed the three of them into the car.  At a particularly long traffic light, Dean allowed Ruby to put an IV in him.  It was a long night and she was kneeling in the backseat holding up bags of blood for her hunter companions.

“Hey Dean, can you drive through someplace?  I’d kill for a burger and fries.”

#my fic #spn #supernatural #spn ruby #ruby #ruby 2.0 #sam x ruby #sam/ruby #samruby #spn fanfic #spn fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction

[samanthasroberts]

The Misadventures of Russia GQ’s Editor-In-Chief

Michael Idov, a three-time National Magazine award winner, became a hotshot in Russia after the publication of his novel Ground Up , about a New York couple’s attempt to operate a coffee shop on the Lower East Side. The book caught the eye of the personnel of GQ Russia , who selected him as their scribe of the year–catapulting him into the Russian media spotlight. He landed the gig of the magazine’s Editor-in-Chief soon afterwards–a wildly amusing narration in Putin’s Moscow that organizes the topics of his latest volume, Dressed Up for A Riot–Misadventures in Putin &# x27; s Moscow . Idov, a aborigine of Latvia who moved to the U.S. when he was 16, spoke to The Daily Beast about the artistry of the memoir, the immigrant ordeal, and the lure of the “motherland.”

The Daily Beast: When you set out to write this notebook, did “youve been” thoughts people might not believe half of the stuff that occurred was true? From duel-like face slaps outside of the Bolshoi Theater to your assistant tweeting that you were still at the office, appearing ridiculous, while at the same time dissing your shoes–and this on the first day of labor as Editor-in-Chief? Did “youve been” find yourself saying,’ My life is stranger than fiction’–and,’ How can this translate to a memoir ‘?

Michael Idov: Not really–to be honest, the above patterns are jolly mild when it comes to living in Russia.( This is, after all, a country where a member of Pussy Riot, after two years in prison for dancing in a church, can start dating an Orthodox terrorist who calls in rocket threats to “satanic” rock-and-roll concerts ). The majority of the book is securely on the basis of the diary I’ve stopped my first time in Moscow–which, in retrospect, proving to be perhaps the best decision I had formed that time. The only liberty I took with the material was exceedingly occasionally conflating the events of two or three days into one. I did run into a different difficulty, however. Having never written a memoir before, how do I prophesy which aspects of “peoples lives” are legitimately interesting and which aren’t? How do I protect myself from going too granular on a topic no one cares about while glossing over something truly significant? In the end, I utilized every anecdote that fit the overall arc of my Moscow years–my infatuation and disillusionment with first the resist and then the “hip” Putinist elite — and cutting out everything that didn’t fit. Of track, the official languages act of assortment might itself be the book’s biggest lie, because I’ve ended up enforcing a straighten narrative on something as tumultuous and chaotic as life.

Did “youve been” think that your efforts to instill a new mode of journalism( a more rigorous and factual one) at GQ Russia would be met with so many obstacles and so much fight? How much of it do you chalk up to cultural differences, state affect, or simply old and very bad wonts that are hard to change, especially as a newbie and intruder ?

Well, I’ve been counselled by Russian peers that this wouldn’t be easy–and, in retrospect, I was clearly very egotistical about my ability to change things.( I ended up doing much better with GQ ‘ s website, whose gathering I increased tenfold, than with the publication itself, whose dissemination descended about 20 percentage on my watch ). Almost none of my problems had to do with government censorship, though, or inadequacy of journalistic aptitude. Russia has superb reporters, with many of whom I was lucky enough to work. I did fail to comprehend how uninterested in the border world GQ Russia ‘ s core gathering was; they are able to literally buy the publication to forget they’re in Russia. And there I was, reminding them.

There &# x27; s ever an aspirational tone to any way publication, and of course, GQ was no exclusion. But your experience presented something else entirely next rank. You were not only expected to create an aspirational life-style for readers but also fabricate an illusion of the current reality–which seems to be the current outlook of Moscow and Russia at large, which your friend and author Peter Pomerantsev &# x27; s volume, Nothing is True and Everything is Possible( 2015 ), captured. Did you ever consult with him leading up to the publication of your book, or during your time at GQ did you say to him, this is a complete madness !

No, but we certainly likened greenbacks over a brew or two.

At the beginning of the book, after you &# x27; ve accepted the position at GQ Russia , you have the chance to shadow the GQ American editor for a era. During your term at GQ.ru did you ever reach out to him to discuss the current challenges you were facing, or exactly figure how could he maybe understand?

Jim Nelson is a kind of hero of quarry, and we’ve been friendly for years–so, yes, I had various the opportunity to regale him with my fibs. Here’s the thing, though–a lot of these fibs are not unique to Russia. The crazy dance between the advertisers and the editorial slope, for instance, is more like a jacked-up version of what goes on in numerous U.S. newsrooms, rather than some kind of only-in-Russia phenomenon.

How would you distinguish the current opponent motion, and how it is derived from your first rioting to now?

The 2011 -2 012 asserts were fascinating because they were essentially leaderless; all efforts to placed a face on that progress, through numerous headquarters and committees, were kind of ad hoc and awkward. Over the last five years, such a situation changed absolutely. The “authentic” Russian opponent has become almost entirely synonymous with Alexei Navalny. Navalny prepares the orders of the day, aims those discussions, concerns calls for revivals, etc. It’s doubtful how this happened, but the main reason is viciously simple-minded: Navalny is not lazy. Out of all the stars of the erstwhile White Ribbon movement, he’s the only one who’s been consistently putting in the work.

Early in the book, you mention fighting your college professor’s admonition to write about your” immigrant experience .” Would you say that the anecdotes–about your mothers retaining a picture of Lenin in their refrigerator, to your flashbacks of coming of age in America–are in some way your own, subversive and very original direction of recounting that event and how it has influenced you as a scribe? And in some subtle lane did they force your time as GQ Russia ‘ s writer ?

You got me! That chip in the first chapter is essentially me throwing up my hands and saying,” penalty, here’s your touchy-feely immigrant story .” And then, for the rest of the book, I standing myself as an American who miraculously knows Russian, as opposed to what I actually am( a Jewish guy from Latvia who grew up on Russian literature and music ), but both the reader and myself are, at that point, aware that I clearly protest too much. The truth is that I feel much more attraction with that foolish residence that I let on.

Last question: How is the current GQ Russia writer faring?

I haven’t been in Moscow in nearly a year and haven’t had a chance to check, but the latest writer( there’ve been two) is Igor, the person who was the mode writer during my tenure. He’s very stylish!

This interview has been revised and condensed from the original.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-misadventures-of-russia-gqs-editor-in-chief/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/10/17/the-misadventures-of-russia-gqs-editor-in-chief/

[allofbeercom]

The Misadventures of Russia GQ’s Editor-In-Chief

Michael Idov, a three-time National Magazine award winner, became a hotshot in Russia after the publication of his novel Ground Up , about a New York couple’s attempt to operate a coffee shop on the Lower East Side. The book caught the eye of the personnel of GQ Russia , who selected him as their scribe of the year–catapulting him into the Russian media spotlight. He landed the gig of the magazine’s Editor-in-Chief soon afterwards–a wildly amusing narration in Putin’s Moscow that organizes the topics of his latest volume, Dressed Up for A Riot–Misadventures in Putin &# x27; s Moscow . Idov, a aborigine of Latvia who moved to the U.S. when he was 16, spoke to The Daily Beast about the artistry of the memoir, the immigrant ordeal, and the lure of the “motherland.”

The Daily Beast: When you set out to write this notebook, did “youve been” thoughts people might not believe half of the stuff that occurred was true? From duel-like face slaps outside of the Bolshoi Theater to your assistant tweeting that you were still at the office, appearing ridiculous, while at the same time dissing your shoes–and this on the first day of labor as Editor-in-Chief? Did “youve been” find yourself saying,’ My life is stranger than fiction’–and,’ How can this translate to a memoir ‘?

Michael Idov: Not really–to be honest, the above patterns are jolly mild when it comes to living in Russia.( This is, after all, a country where a member of Pussy Riot, after two years in prison for dancing in a church, can start dating an Orthodox terrorist who calls in rocket threats to “satanic” rock-and-roll concerts ). The majority of the book is securely on the basis of the diary I’ve stopped my first time in Moscow–which, in retrospect, proving to be perhaps the best decision I had formed that time. The only liberty I took with the material was exceedingly occasionally conflating the events of two or three days into one. I did run into a different difficulty, however. Having never written a memoir before, how do I prophesy which aspects of “peoples lives” are legitimately interesting and which aren’t? How do I protect myself from going too granular on a topic no one cares about while glossing over something truly significant? In the end, I utilized every anecdote that fit the overall arc of my Moscow years–my infatuation and disillusionment with first the resist and then the “hip” Putinist elite — and cutting out everything that didn’t fit. Of track, the official languages act of assortment might itself be the book’s biggest lie, because I’ve ended up enforcing a straighten narrative on something as tumultuous and chaotic as life.

Did “youve been” think that your efforts to instill a new mode of journalism( a more rigorous and factual one) at GQ Russia would be met with so many obstacles and so much fight? How much of it do you chalk up to cultural differences, state affect, or simply old and very bad wonts that are hard to change, especially as a newbie and intruder ?

Well, I’ve been counselled by Russian peers that this wouldn’t be easy–and, in retrospect, I was clearly very egotistical about my ability to change things.( I ended up doing much better with GQ ‘ s website, whose gathering I increased tenfold, than with the publication itself, whose dissemination descended about 20 percentage on my watch ). Almost none of my problems had to do with government censorship, though, or inadequacy of journalistic aptitude. Russia has superb reporters, with many of whom I was lucky enough to work. I did fail to comprehend how uninterested in the border world GQ Russia ‘ s core gathering was; they are able to literally buy the publication to forget they’re in Russia. And there I was, reminding them.

There &# x27; s ever an aspirational tone to any way publication, and of course, GQ was no exclusion. But your experience presented something else entirely next rank. You were not only expected to create an aspirational life-style for readers but also fabricate an illusion of the current reality–which seems to be the current outlook of Moscow and Russia at large, which your friend and author Peter Pomerantsev &# x27; s volume, Nothing is True and Everything is Possible( 2015 ), captured. Did you ever consult with him leading up to the publication of your book, or during your time at GQ did you say to him, this is a complete madness !

No, but we certainly likened greenbacks over a brew or two.

At the beginning of the book, after you &# x27; ve accepted the position at GQ Russia , you have the chance to shadow the GQ American editor for a era. During your term at GQ.ru did you ever reach out to him to discuss the current challenges you were facing, or exactly figure how could he maybe understand?

Jim Nelson is a kind of hero of quarry, and we’ve been friendly for years–so, yes, I had various the opportunity to regale him with my fibs. Here’s the thing, though–a lot of these fibs are not unique to Russia. The crazy dance between the advertisers and the editorial slope, for instance, is more like a jacked-up version of what goes on in numerous U.S. newsrooms, rather than some kind of only-in-Russia phenomenon.

How would you distinguish the current opponent motion, and how it is derived from your first rioting to now?

The 2011 -2 012 asserts were fascinating because they were essentially leaderless; all efforts to placed a face on that progress, through numerous headquarters and committees, were kind of ad hoc and awkward. Over the last five years, such a situation changed absolutely. The “authentic” Russian opponent has become almost entirely synonymous with Alexei Navalny. Navalny prepares the orders of the day, aims those discussions, concerns calls for revivals, etc. It’s doubtful how this happened, but the main reason is viciously simple-minded: Navalny is not lazy. Out of all the stars of the erstwhile White Ribbon movement, he’s the only one who’s been consistently putting in the work.

Early in the book, you mention fighting your college professor’s admonition to write about your” immigrant experience .” Would you say that the anecdotes–about your mothers retaining a picture of Lenin in their refrigerator, to your flashbacks of coming of age in America–are in some way your own, subversive and very original direction of recounting that event and how it has influenced you as a scribe? And in some subtle lane did they force your time as GQ Russia ‘ s writer ?

You got me! That chip in the first chapter is essentially me throwing up my hands and saying,” penalty, here’s your touchy-feely immigrant story .” And then, for the rest of the book, I standing myself as an American who miraculously knows Russian, as opposed to what I actually am( a Jewish guy from Latvia who grew up on Russian literature and music ), but both the reader and myself are, at that point, aware that I clearly protest too much. The truth is that I feel much more attraction with that foolish residence that I let on.

Last question: How is the current GQ Russia writer faring?

I haven’t been in Moscow in nearly a year and haven’t had a chance to check, but the latest writer( there’ve been two) is Igor, the person who was the mode writer during my tenure. He’s very stylish!

This interview has been revised and condensed from the original.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/the-misadventures-of-russia-gqs-editor-in-chief/

[mgjansen81]

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Videos of 2017

New Post has been published on https://makesomethingtasty.com/staff-picks-our-favorite-videos-of-2017/

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Videos of 2017

amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "pramedgro-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "cooking"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "Kitchen"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "51fe4d035c7af8dc5928e6f5e5b79c4e"; amzn_assoc_default_browse_node = "284507"; amzn_assoc_rows = "4"; amzn_assoc_design = "text_links";

2017 was a big year for video here at Serious Eats. We ramped up our production significantly, producing well over 100 (!) new videos, and our (very small!) video team has, in our humble opinion, done an excellent job of translating all the elements that make our cooking techniques and recipes so successful to the new medium—clear instructions, sound science, and just a dash of entertainment along the way. Since they mostly work in secret, the rest of us tend to only see the fruits of their efforts when the videos go live on the site, so it’s pretty common to hear “oohs” and “ahs” all across the office any time a new video gets published.

Without further ado, here are our favorite videos of the year.

Roast Rack of Pork, 2 Ways

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

I absolutely love this video. Firstly, because I never knew that a crown roast was just two large loins tied together. Secondly, the illustrations are adorable and informative. And finally, you get to see Daniel in his element. While Daniel’s culinary expertise is all over the site, embedded in his recipes and stories, you don’t see his face very often, or get a chance to experience what he does behind-the-scenes. This video gives a little snippet into how knowledgable he is and, more importantly, how goofy he can be. Have you ever seen someone put his hand through a crown roast like a horror-movie villain and then cook it to perfection? I think not. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director

“Daniel Gritzer Fondles Pork in an Educational and Illustrative Way.” “Serious Eats Ups Its Sizzling-Sound-Effects Game to Excellent, Mouthwatering Effect.” “This Video Will Give You Alien Flashbacks. We Won’t Tell You When.” None of these alternate titles are particularly pithy or helpful or any better than the video’s actual title, “Roast Rack of Pork, 2 Ways,” but the sentiments still ring true. It’s a video I’ve watched a quite a few times now for its thorough and engaging breakdown of tips and tricks, with the occasional rewind for its pure entertainment value—especially to watch Daniel sing made-up ditties to himself. —Marissa Chen, office manager

Read more about how to make rack of pork or crown roast of pork »

How to Make the Best Salmon Burgers

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

The videos that have been the most fun and rewarding for me to work on this past year have been the longer-form ones where I get to go deeper into one of my recipes, like my crazy fresh tomato sauce, or a technique we’re fond of on the site, like dry-brining a turkey. I’m proud of those videos, and I think we get better and better at them the more we do (and I’m getting marginally better at them the more I do, though I have plenty of room for improvement despite what my kind colleagues say), but I think my favorite has to be our short-form guide to making better salmon burgers. First, there’s the perfectly generic ’80s-style synthpop track that sets a light, bopping pace. Then there are the shots of hand-chopping the salmon and the patties going into the hot oil, which Vicky sped up to synch to the music. It’s just fun to watch. And to top it off, we manage to work in just enough real explanation for why the recipe works, without weighing down the video with in avalanche of explanatory captions. It’s more informative than most of those awful hands-only cooking videos clogging up the internet these days, and it retains the snappiness that makes them so easy to digest. —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director

Read more about how to make the best salmon burgers »

BraveTart’s Homemade Oreo Cookies

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Slow-mo shots of homemade Oreos slam-dunking in milk. It really speaks for itself. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor

This video takes the cake (cookie?) for most attempts at dunking a cookie, and most cookies eaten in one sitting. By me. In my life, ever. (When milk-drenched homemade Oreos are sitting in front of you, you simply have no choice in the matter.) Once we discovered the power of a camera that can record 960 frames per second (that’s about FORTY TIMES SLOWER than real life) combined with the magic of a cookie plunging into milk, we just could not stop dunkin’. Add technicolor backgrounds to the mix, and we were literally screaming as we watched the playback. I dare you to find a more mesmerizing thing than these bursting waves of milk. —Natalie Holt, video producer

We had so much fun shooting those slow-mo dunks! Milk went EVERYWHERE but it was worth it. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make homemade Oreo-style cookies »

How to Make the Best Tomato Sauce From Fresh Tomatoes

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

This video was definitely a departure for us. It’s much longer than what we usually do, much more in-depth, and it allows you to see and hear Daniel talking about his method in his own words. There’s a little bit of everything here: the beauty shots of the tomato bounty at the market and the slow-cooked sauce bubbling away, the helpful practical knowledge of what different tomato varieties can contribute to a sauce, and Daniel’s obvious excitement for the subject at hand—when he blurts out “I love tomatoes! Tomatoes are delicious and nutritious!”, it’s utterly genuine. The video feels casual and approachable enough that it looks almost unplanned at times, like something he, Vicky, and Natalie decided to do on the spur of the moment. If it weren’t so pretty, you’d almost believe that it was. —Miranda Kaplan, editor

Read more about how to make fresh tomato sauce »

How to Make Spaghetti Carbonara

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

This is a truly delectable recipe, but that’s not even why it’s one of my faves. (But seriously, look at those egg-y, cheese-y, guanciale-y noodles right now and tell me your mouth isn’t watering.) This was shot during an unseasonably warm week in February in a fabulous sunlight-drenched Red Hook kitchen, only a few months into my tenure at Serious Eats. It was one of my first times shooting Daniel talking to the camera as he cooked, and I had a lot of nerves going into it. But Daniel was a natural (well, duh) and the recipe went off without a hitch! I don’t think I’ve ever put down my camera faster after a shoot to reach for a fork. Major props to Vicky Wasik and Sarah Jacobson for their work on this and also for not salivating all over our camera gear while shooting. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read more about how to make spaghetti carbonara »

How to Make Super-Thick and Fruity Whipped Cream

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

I could watch the color-coordinated triptych of freeze-dried strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries being processed forever. —Vivian Kong, designer

Read more about how to make thick, stabilized fruity whipped cream »

How to Brine a Turkey

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

Ever since I was introduced to dry-brining, I’ve been making roast chicken nearly every week. Between the crispy skin and incredibly juicy meat, it’s remarkable what an overnight stint in the fridge with some salt and baking powder can do to a chicken. There’s a lot to love about this video from an informational perspective—and I’m all about spreading the word about dry-brining to my friends and family. But I’m especially excited about the experimentation our team did with animation and stop-motion for this project, not to mention the personality that Daniel brings to the screen. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, Managing Editor

Read more about dry brining »

How to Make Mulled Apple Cider

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

I had nothing to do with this video shoot and love it so much. I find something totally enthralling about its moody lighting, swirling cider waves, and tumbling spices. Time slows down while you watch this video, and you’ll find yourself pining after a hot spicy drink once it’s over. It’s a beautifully rich treatment of a simple recipe, and that’s no easy feat! Vicky Wasik gets all of the props of this one. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read more about how to make mulled apple cider »

5 NYC Chefs on How to Eat a Bowl of Ramen

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

This is the best-looking video ever to appear on Serious Eats: It’s well produced, well shot, and well edited. I’m far from the biggest ramen-lover at this company, but the ample slo-mo shots of swirling broth and hurtling noodles make me want to slurp up a bowl of my own. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer

I sort of hate watching this video because of the multilayered craving it inspires; it’s not just that I want to eat noodles after, it’s that I want all five of those bowls of noodles in front of me at the same time, which is impossible. Also, the look Joshua Smookler has on his face at the end of the video captures perfectly the satisfaction of crushing a good bowl of ramen. —Sho Spaeth, features editor

This was so fun to shoot, and not just because I got to eat all five bowls of ramen afterwards. In this video, inspired by Tampopo’s iconic “ramen master” scene, you get to see the truly spiritual views these chefs bring to bear on their ramen preparation and consumption. As Keizo Shimamoto of Ramen Shack expounded on the value of “being one with the ramen” my jaw literally dropped. It was interview gold, and also such a beautiful notion that I tried mightily to apply it as I slurped his rich ramen afterwards. And as Sho said, the look on Joshua Smookler’s face at the very end is all you need to know about how just good a bowl of ramen can be. This was also a technically difficult video to execute, with five different locations, two cameras, lights, cramped spaces, and limited time to get it all done. I loved every minute of it. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read the full story »

How to Make Light and Tender Potato Gnocchi

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

We shot this gnocchi video in a gorgeous rented kitchen with beautiful natural light. Natalie did a great job capturing all the little gnocchi close-ups and fun moments of steamy, potato-y goodness. Even though it’s hands-only, I think you still get a sense of Daniel’s personality here, and it’s informative enough to give someone the confidence to make gnocchi at home. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make light, tender potato gnocchi »

One-Bowl Cinnamon Rolls

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Cinnamon rolls are my version of internet kittens. I could watch videos about baking and icing these treats for an embarrassing amount of time. This video scratches that itch, and Stella also drops in a few game-changing pro tips, like use a piping bag to add the filling and dental floss to slice the rolls. —Sal Vaglica, equipment editor

Read more about how to make one-bowl cinnamon rolls »

How to Store Fresh Herbs

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

Many of my weeks would end in the same horrific scene, pulling soggy herbs out of the crisper drawer and tossing them into the trash. This video has shown me that I’ve been doing it all wrong! If you treat them well, fresh herbs can last long enough for you to use them up. I now feel free to buy herbs with abandon, knowing confidently that they’ll stay equally fresh from the first pluck to the last. —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor

Read more about how to store fresh herbs »

How to Make Tiramisu

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Tiramisu isn’t exactly the world’s most photogenic dessert, but this video manages to capture it in all its glory in the most beautiful light. —Stella Parks, pastry wizard

Read more about how to make tiramisu »

How to Assemble a Chocolate Cherry Layer Cake

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

On a cold day in January, I was hanging out with Stella at her Airbnb while she was in NY for her monthly photoshoot/recipe testing trip, and she made a chocolate cherry cake. I had my camera on hand, and we decided to make a spur of the moment cake frosting video. No lights, no fancy gear; just my camera, a tripod, and a cake. Cooking for video isn’t always easy, and I often have to contort Stella’s hands into odd positions in order to get the right camera angle, but here I just let her do her thing and hit record. It’s simple, one angle, natural light, but I find it really soothing and pleasant to watch. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make chocolate-cherry layer cake »

The Tongmaster 2000 in Action

[Video: Sal Vaglica]

I’m consistently impressed by the work of the people on our video team, who often work under conditions that are less than ideal, but I’m going to go way off into left field for my pick. This video, which is all of 25 seconds long and contains no dialogue, shows Sal (or his torso at least), in his backyard, with a jig rigged up to a pair of kitchen tongs. He’s testing what I believe became our winning pair of tongs to see what kind of abuse they can take. It’s sort of our strange Serious Eats version of the IKEA Poang chair test. I’ll certainly never do that to my tongs, but I’m glad Sal did. —Paul Cline, developer

Read more about how we tested kitchen tongs »

amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "pramedgro3-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "cookware"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "b45319dac495d29e17b5eff312392025"; Source link

[nielsencooking-blog]

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Videos of 2017

New Post has been published on http://nielsencooking.com/staff-picks-our-favorite-videos-of-2017/

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Videos of 2017

amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "nielsenwood.com-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "cooking"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "Kitchen"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "51fe4d035c7af8dc5928e6f5e5b79c4e"; amzn_assoc_default_browse_node = "284507"; amzn_assoc_rows = "4"; amzn_assoc_design = "text_links";

2017 was a big year for video here at Serious Eats. We ramped up our production significantly, producing well over 100 (!) new videos, and our (very small!) video team has, in our humble opinion, done an excellent job of translating all the elements that make our cooking techniques and recipes so successful to the new medium—clear instructions, sound science, and just a dash of entertainment along the way. Since they mostly work in secret, the rest of us tend to only see the fruits of their efforts when the videos go live on the site, so it’s pretty common to hear “oohs” and “ahs” all across the office any time a new video gets published.

Without further ado, here are our favorite videos of the year.

Roast Rack of Pork, 2 Ways

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

I absolutely love this video. Firstly, because I never knew that a crown roast was just two large loins tied together. Secondly, the illustrations are adorable and informative. And finally, you get to see Daniel in his element. While Daniel’s culinary expertise is all over the site, embedded in his recipes and stories, you don’t see his face very often, or get a chance to experience what he does behind-the-scenes. This video gives a little snippet into how knowledgable he is and, more importantly, how goofy he can be. Have you ever seen someone put his hand through a crown roast like a horror-movie villain and then cook it to perfection? I think not. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director

“Daniel Gritzer Fondles Pork in an Educational and Illustrative Way.” “Serious Eats Ups Its Sizzling-Sound-Effects Game to Excellent, Mouthwatering Effect.” “This Video Will Give You Alien Flashbacks. We Won’t Tell You When.” None of these alternate titles are particularly pithy or helpful or any better than the video’s actual title, “Roast Rack of Pork, 2 Ways,” but the sentiments still ring true. It’s a video I’ve watched a quite a few times now for its thorough and engaging breakdown of tips and tricks, with the occasional rewind for its pure entertainment value—especially to watch Daniel sing made-up ditties to himself. —Marissa Chen, office manager

Read more about how to make rack of pork or crown roast of pork »

How to Make the Best Salmon Burgers

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

The videos that have been the most fun and rewarding for me to work on this past year have been the longer-form ones where I get to go deeper into one of my recipes, like my crazy fresh tomato sauce, or a technique we’re fond of on the site, like dry-brining a turkey. I’m proud of those videos, and I think we get better and better at them the more we do (and I’m getting marginally better at them the more I do, though I have plenty of room for improvement despite what my kind colleagues say), but I think my favorite has to be our short-form guide to making better salmon burgers. First, there’s the perfectly generic ’80s-style synthpop track that sets a light, bopping pace. Then there are the shots of hand-chopping the salmon and the patties going into the hot oil, which Vicky sped up to synch to the music. It’s just fun to watch. And to top it off, we manage to work in just enough real explanation for why the recipe works, without weighing down the video with in avalanche of explanatory captions. It’s more informative than most of those awful hands-only cooking videos clogging up the internet these days, and it retains the snappiness that makes them so easy to digest. —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director

Read more about how to make the best salmon burgers »

BraveTart’s Homemade Oreo Cookies

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Slow-mo shots of homemade Oreos slam-dunking in milk. It really speaks for itself. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor

This video takes the cake (cookie?) for most attempts at dunking a cookie, and most cookies eaten in one sitting. By me. In my life, ever. (When milk-drenched homemade Oreos are sitting in front of you, you simply have no choice in the matter.) Once we discovered the power of a camera that can record 960 frames per second (that’s about FORTY TIMES SLOWER than real life) combined with the magic of a cookie plunging into milk, we just could not stop dunkin’. Add technicolor backgrounds to the mix, and we were literally screaming as we watched the playback. I dare you to find a more mesmerizing thing than these bursting waves of milk. —Natalie Holt, video producer

We had so much fun shooting those slow-mo dunks! Milk went EVERYWHERE but it was worth it. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make homemade Oreo-style cookies »

How to Make the Best Tomato Sauce From Fresh Tomatoes

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

This video was definitely a departure for us. It’s much longer than what we usually do, much more in-depth, and it allows you to see and hear Daniel talking about his method in his own words. There’s a little bit of everything here: the beauty shots of the tomato bounty at the market and the slow-cooked sauce bubbling away, the helpful practical knowledge of what different tomato varieties can contribute to a sauce, and Daniel’s obvious excitement for the subject at hand—when he blurts out “I love tomatoes! Tomatoes are delicious and nutritious!”, it’s utterly genuine. The video feels casual and approachable enough that it looks almost unplanned at times, like something he, Vicky, and Natalie decided to do on the spur of the moment. If it weren’t so pretty, you’d almost believe that it was. —Miranda Kaplan, editor

Read more about how to make fresh tomato sauce »

How to Make Spaghetti Carbonara

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

This is a truly delectable recipe, but that’s not even why it’s one of my faves. (But seriously, look at those egg-y, cheese-y, guanciale-y noodles right now and tell me your mouth isn’t watering.) This was shot during an unseasonably warm week in February in a fabulous sunlight-drenched Red Hook kitchen, only a few months into my tenure at Serious Eats. It was one of my first times shooting Daniel talking to the camera as he cooked, and I had a lot of nerves going into it. But Daniel was a natural (well, duh) and the recipe went off without a hitch! I don’t think I’ve ever put down my camera faster after a shoot to reach for a fork. Major props to Vicky Wasik and Sarah Jacobson for their work on this and also for not salivating all over our camera gear while shooting. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read more about how to make spaghetti carbonara »

How to Make Super-Thick and Fruity Whipped Cream

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

I could watch the color-coordinated triptych of freeze-dried strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries being processed forever. —Vivian Kong, designer

Read more about how to make thick, stabilized fruity whipped cream »

How to Brine a Turkey

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

Ever since I was introduced to dry-brining, I’ve been making roast chicken nearly every week. Between the crispy skin and incredibly juicy meat, it’s remarkable what an overnight stint in the fridge with some salt and baking powder can do to a chicken. There’s a lot to love about this video from an informational perspective—and I’m all about spreading the word about dry-brining to my friends and family. But I’m especially excited about the experimentation our team did with animation and stop-motion for this project, not to mention the personality that Daniel brings to the screen. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, Managing Editor

Read more about dry brining »

How to Make Mulled Apple Cider

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

I had nothing to do with this video shoot and love it so much. I find something totally enthralling about its moody lighting, swirling cider waves, and tumbling spices. Time slows down while you watch this video, and you’ll find yourself pining after a hot spicy drink once it’s over. It’s a beautifully rich treatment of a simple recipe, and that’s no easy feat! Vicky Wasik gets all of the props of this one. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read more about how to make mulled apple cider »

5 NYC Chefs on How to Eat a Bowl of Ramen

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

This is the best-looking video ever to appear on Serious Eats: It’s well produced, well shot, and well edited. I’m far from the biggest ramen-lover at this company, but the ample slo-mo shots of swirling broth and hurtling noodles make me want to slurp up a bowl of my own. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer

I sort of hate watching this video because of the multilayered craving it inspires; it’s not just that I want to eat noodles after, it’s that I want all five of those bowls of noodles in front of me at the same time, which is impossible. Also, the look Joshua Smookler has on his face at the end of the video captures perfectly the satisfaction of crushing a good bowl of ramen. —Sho Spaeth, features editor

This was so fun to shoot, and not just because I got to eat all five bowls of ramen afterwards. In this video, inspired by Tampopo’s iconic “ramen master” scene, you get to see the truly spiritual views these chefs bring to bear on their ramen preparation and consumption. As Keizo Shimamoto of Ramen Shack expounded on the value of “being one with the ramen” my jaw literally dropped. It was interview gold, and also such a beautiful notion that I tried mightily to apply it as I slurped his rich ramen afterwards. And as Sho said, the look on Joshua Smookler’s face at the very end is all you need to know about how just good a bowl of ramen can be. This was also a technically difficult video to execute, with five different locations, two cameras, lights, cramped spaces, and limited time to get it all done. I loved every minute of it. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read the full story »

How to Make Light and Tender Potato Gnocchi

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

We shot this gnocchi video in a gorgeous rented kitchen with beautiful natural light. Natalie did a great job capturing all the little gnocchi close-ups and fun moments of steamy, potato-y goodness. Even though it’s hands-only, I think you still get a sense of Daniel’s personality here, and it’s informative enough to give someone the confidence to make gnocchi at home. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make light, tender potato gnocchi »

One-Bowl Cinnamon Rolls

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Cinnamon rolls are my version of internet kittens. I could watch videos about baking and icing these treats for an embarrassing amount of time. This video scratches that itch, and Stella also drops in a few game-changing pro tips, like use a piping bag to add the filling and dental floss to slice the rolls. —Sal Vaglica, equipment editor

Read more about how to make one-bowl cinnamon rolls »

How to Store Fresh Herbs

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

Many of my weeks would end in the same horrific scene, pulling soggy herbs out of the crisper drawer and tossing them into the trash. This video has shown me that I’ve been doing it all wrong! If you treat them well, fresh herbs can last long enough for you to use them up. I now feel free to buy herbs with abandon, knowing confidently that they’ll stay equally fresh from the first pluck to the last. —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor

Read more about how to store fresh herbs »

How to Make Tiramisu

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Tiramisu isn’t exactly the world’s most photogenic dessert, but this video manages to capture it in all its glory in the most beautiful light. —Stella Parks, pastry wizard

Read more about how to make tiramisu »

How to Assemble a Chocolate Cherry Layer Cake

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

On a cold day in January, I was hanging out with Stella at her Airbnb while she was in NY for her monthly photoshoot/recipe testing trip, and she made a chocolate cherry cake. I had my camera on hand, and we decided to make a spur of the moment cake frosting video. No lights, no fancy gear; just my camera, a tripod, and a cake. Cooking for video isn’t always easy, and I often have to contort Stella’s hands into odd positions in order to get the right camera angle, but here I just let her do her thing and hit record. It’s simple, one angle, natural light, but I find it really soothing and pleasant to watch. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make chocolate-cherry layer cake »

The Tongmaster 2000 in Action

[Video: Sal Vaglica]

I’m consistently impressed by the work of the people on our video team, who often work under conditions that are less than ideal, but I’m going to go way off into left field for my pick. This video, which is all of 25 seconds long and contains no dialogue, shows Sal (or his torso at least), in his backyard, with a jig rigged up to a pair of kitchen tongs. He’s testing what I believe became our winning pair of tongs to see what kind of abuse they can take. It’s sort of our strange Serious Eats version of the IKEA Poang chair test. I’ll certainly never do that to my tongs, but I’m glad Sal did. —Paul Cline, developer

Read more about how we tested kitchen tongs »

amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "nielsenwood.com-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "cookware"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "b45319dac495d29e17b5eff312392025"; Source link

[cucinacarmela-blog]

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Videos of 2017

New Post has been published on http://cucinacarmela.com/staff-picks-our-favorite-videos-of-2017/

Staff Picks: Our Favorite Videos of 2017

amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "carmela-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "cooking"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "Kitchen"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "51fe4d035c7af8dc5928e6f5e5b79c4e"; amzn_assoc_default_browse_node = "284507"; amzn_assoc_rows = "4"; amzn_assoc_design = "text_links";

2017 was a big year for video here at Serious Eats. We ramped up our production significantly, producing well over 100 (!) new videos, and our (very small!) video team has, in our humble opinion, done an excellent job of translating all the elements that make our cooking techniques and recipes so successful to the new medium—clear instructions, sound science, and just a dash of entertainment along the way. Since they mostly work in secret, the rest of us tend to only see the fruits of their efforts when the videos go live on the site, so it’s pretty common to hear “oohs” and “ahs” all across the office any time a new video gets published.

Without further ado, here are our favorite videos of the year.

Roast Rack of Pork, 2 Ways

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

I absolutely love this video. Firstly, because I never knew that a crown roast was just two large loins tied together. Secondly, the illustrations are adorable and informative. And finally, you get to see Daniel in his element. While Daniel’s culinary expertise is all over the site, embedded in his recipes and stories, you don’t see his face very often, or get a chance to experience what he does behind-the-scenes. This video gives a little snippet into how knowledgable he is and, more importantly, how goofy he can be. Have you ever seen someone put his hand through a crown roast like a horror-movie villain and then cook it to perfection? I think not. —Ariel Kanter, marketing director

“Daniel Gritzer Fondles Pork in an Educational and Illustrative Way.” “Serious Eats Ups Its Sizzling-Sound-Effects Game to Excellent, Mouthwatering Effect.” “This Video Will Give You Alien Flashbacks. We Won’t Tell You When.” None of these alternate titles are particularly pithy or helpful or any better than the video’s actual title, “Roast Rack of Pork, 2 Ways,” but the sentiments still ring true. It’s a video I’ve watched a quite a few times now for its thorough and engaging breakdown of tips and tricks, with the occasional rewind for its pure entertainment value—especially to watch Daniel sing made-up ditties to himself. —Marissa Chen, office manager

Read more about how to make rack of pork or crown roast of pork »

How to Make the Best Salmon Burgers

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

The videos that have been the most fun and rewarding for me to work on this past year have been the longer-form ones where I get to go deeper into one of my recipes, like my crazy fresh tomato sauce, or a technique we’re fond of on the site, like dry-brining a turkey. I’m proud of those videos, and I think we get better and better at them the more we do (and I’m getting marginally better at them the more I do, though I have plenty of room for improvement despite what my kind colleagues say), but I think my favorite has to be our short-form guide to making better salmon burgers. First, there’s the perfectly generic ’80s-style synthpop track that sets a light, bopping pace. Then there are the shots of hand-chopping the salmon and the patties going into the hot oil, which Vicky sped up to synch to the music. It’s just fun to watch. And to top it off, we manage to work in just enough real explanation for why the recipe works, without weighing down the video with in avalanche of explanatory captions. It’s more informative than most of those awful hands-only cooking videos clogging up the internet these days, and it retains the snappiness that makes them so easy to digest. —Daniel Gritzer, managing culinary director

Read more about how to make the best salmon burgers »

BraveTart’s Homemade Oreo Cookies

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Slow-mo shots of homemade Oreos slam-dunking in milk. It really speaks for itself. —Kristina Bornholtz, social media editor

This video takes the cake (cookie?) for most attempts at dunking a cookie, and most cookies eaten in one sitting. By me. In my life, ever. (When milk-drenched homemade Oreos are sitting in front of you, you simply have no choice in the matter.) Once we discovered the power of a camera that can record 960 frames per second (that’s about FORTY TIMES SLOWER than real life) combined with the magic of a cookie plunging into milk, we just could not stop dunkin’. Add technicolor backgrounds to the mix, and we were literally screaming as we watched the playback. I dare you to find a more mesmerizing thing than these bursting waves of milk. —Natalie Holt, video producer

We had so much fun shooting those slow-mo dunks! Milk went EVERYWHERE but it was worth it. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make homemade Oreo-style cookies »

How to Make the Best Tomato Sauce From Fresh Tomatoes

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

This video was definitely a departure for us. It’s much longer than what we usually do, much more in-depth, and it allows you to see and hear Daniel talking about his method in his own words. There’s a little bit of everything here: the beauty shots of the tomato bounty at the market and the slow-cooked sauce bubbling away, the helpful practical knowledge of what different tomato varieties can contribute to a sauce, and Daniel’s obvious excitement for the subject at hand—when he blurts out “I love tomatoes! Tomatoes are delicious and nutritious!”, it’s utterly genuine. The video feels casual and approachable enough that it looks almost unplanned at times, like something he, Vicky, and Natalie decided to do on the spur of the moment. If it weren’t so pretty, you’d almost believe that it was. —Miranda Kaplan, editor

Read more about how to make fresh tomato sauce »

How to Make Spaghetti Carbonara

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

This is a truly delectable recipe, but that’s not even why it’s one of my faves. (But seriously, look at those egg-y, cheese-y, guanciale-y noodles right now and tell me your mouth isn’t watering.) This was shot during an unseasonably warm week in February in a fabulous sunlight-drenched Red Hook kitchen, only a few months into my tenure at Serious Eats. It was one of my first times shooting Daniel talking to the camera as he cooked, and I had a lot of nerves going into it. But Daniel was a natural (well, duh) and the recipe went off without a hitch! I don’t think I’ve ever put down my camera faster after a shoot to reach for a fork. Major props to Vicky Wasik and Sarah Jacobson for their work on this and also for not salivating all over our camera gear while shooting. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read more about how to make spaghetti carbonara »

How to Make Super-Thick and Fruity Whipped Cream

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

I could watch the color-coordinated triptych of freeze-dried strawberries, blueberries, and raspberries being processed forever. —Vivian Kong, designer

Read more about how to make thick, stabilized fruity whipped cream »

How to Brine a Turkey

[Video: Serious Eats Video]

Ever since I was introduced to dry-brining, I’ve been making roast chicken nearly every week. Between the crispy skin and incredibly juicy meat, it’s remarkable what an overnight stint in the fridge with some salt and baking powder can do to a chicken. There’s a lot to love about this video from an informational perspective—and I’m all about spreading the word about dry-brining to my friends and family. But I’m especially excited about the experimentation our team did with animation and stop-motion for this project, not to mention the personality that Daniel brings to the screen. —Niki Achitoff-Gray, Managing Editor

Read more about dry brining »

How to Make Mulled Apple Cider

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

I had nothing to do with this video shoot and love it so much. I find something totally enthralling about its moody lighting, swirling cider waves, and tumbling spices. Time slows down while you watch this video, and you’ll find yourself pining after a hot spicy drink once it’s over. It’s a beautifully rich treatment of a simple recipe, and that’s no easy feat! Vicky Wasik gets all of the props of this one. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read more about how to make mulled apple cider »

5 NYC Chefs on How to Eat a Bowl of Ramen

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

This is the best-looking video ever to appear on Serious Eats: It’s well produced, well shot, and well edited. I’m far from the biggest ramen-lover at this company, but the ample slo-mo shots of swirling broth and hurtling noodles make me want to slurp up a bowl of my own. —Tim Aikens, front-end developer

I sort of hate watching this video because of the multilayered craving it inspires; it’s not just that I want to eat noodles after, it’s that I want all five of those bowls of noodles in front of me at the same time, which is impossible. Also, the look Joshua Smookler has on his face at the end of the video captures perfectly the satisfaction of crushing a good bowl of ramen. —Sho Spaeth, features editor

This was so fun to shoot, and not just because I got to eat all five bowls of ramen afterwards. In this video, inspired by Tampopo’s iconic “ramen master” scene, you get to see the truly spiritual views these chefs bring to bear on their ramen preparation and consumption. As Keizo Shimamoto of Ramen Shack expounded on the value of “being one with the ramen” my jaw literally dropped. It was interview gold, and also such a beautiful notion that I tried mightily to apply it as I slurped his rich ramen afterwards. And as Sho said, the look on Joshua Smookler’s face at the very end is all you need to know about how just good a bowl of ramen can be. This was also a technically difficult video to execute, with five different locations, two cameras, lights, cramped spaces, and limited time to get it all done. I loved every minute of it. —Natalie Holt, video producer

Read the full story »

How to Make Light and Tender Potato Gnocchi

[Video: Natalie Holt and Vicky Wasik]

We shot this gnocchi video in a gorgeous rented kitchen with beautiful natural light. Natalie did a great job capturing all the little gnocchi close-ups and fun moments of steamy, potato-y goodness. Even though it’s hands-only, I think you still get a sense of Daniel’s personality here, and it’s informative enough to give someone the confidence to make gnocchi at home. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make light, tender potato gnocchi »

One-Bowl Cinnamon Rolls

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Cinnamon rolls are my version of internet kittens. I could watch videos about baking and icing these treats for an embarrassing amount of time. This video scratches that itch, and Stella also drops in a few game-changing pro tips, like use a piping bag to add the filling and dental floss to slice the rolls. —Sal Vaglica, equipment editor

Read more about how to make one-bowl cinnamon rolls »

How to Store Fresh Herbs

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

Many of my weeks would end in the same horrific scene, pulling soggy herbs out of the crisper drawer and tossing them into the trash. This video has shown me that I’ve been doing it all wrong! If you treat them well, fresh herbs can last long enough for you to use them up. I now feel free to buy herbs with abandon, knowing confidently that they’ll stay equally fresh from the first pluck to the last. —Sohla El-Waylly, assistant culinary editor

Read more about how to store fresh herbs »

How to Make Tiramisu

[Video: Natalie Holt]

Tiramisu isn’t exactly the world’s most photogenic dessert, but this video manages to capture it in all its glory in the most beautiful light. —Stella Parks, pastry wizard

Read more about how to make tiramisu »

How to Assemble a Chocolate Cherry Layer Cake

[Video: Vicky Wasik]

On a cold day in January, I was hanging out with Stella at her Airbnb while she was in NY for her monthly photoshoot/recipe testing trip, and she made a chocolate cherry cake. I had my camera on hand, and we decided to make a spur of the moment cake frosting video. No lights, no fancy gear; just my camera, a tripod, and a cake. Cooking for video isn’t always easy, and I often have to contort Stella’s hands into odd positions in order to get the right camera angle, but here I just let her do her thing and hit record. It’s simple, one angle, natural light, but I find it really soothing and pleasant to watch. —Vicky Wasik, visual director

Read more about how to make chocolate-cherry layer cake »

The Tongmaster 2000 in Action

[Video: Sal Vaglica]

I’m consistently impressed by the work of the people on our video team, who often work under conditions that are less than ideal, but I’m going to go way off into left field for my pick. This video, which is all of 25 seconds long and contains no dialogue, shows Sal (or his torso at least), in his backyard, with a jig rigged up to a pair of kitchen tongs. He’s testing what I believe became our winning pair of tongs to see what kind of abuse they can take. It’s sort of our strange Serious Eats version of the IKEA Poang chair test. I’ll certainly never do that to my tongs, but I’m glad Sal did. —Paul Cline, developer

Read more about how we tested kitchen tongs »

amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit0"; amzn_assoc_search_bar = "true"; amzn_assoc_search_bar_position = "bottom"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "carmela-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "search"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_title = "Shop Related Products"; amzn_assoc_default_search_phrase = "cookware"; amzn_assoc_default_category = "All"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "b45319dac495d29e17b5eff312392025"; Source link