The Fairest of All Stars Should Be Your Next Read: a presentation by Di, the author
The Fairest of All Stars is my most recent project! A sapphic romance, pirates, sirens--god, what else can someone ask for?
Stars is a fun, short novel. It's currently only being posted on Patreon, but you'll be able to read it for free soon(ish). This isn't an ad for my Patreon, I promise. It's just my system.
If you're not super into fantasy but like some elements from the genre--this is good for you. There's no big magic systems or other worlds, but there is lore behind the sirens.
You'll be able to read it for free in 2024:
On Patreon (join for free)
On AO3
Right here on Tumblr!
It'll be a good time.
Transcript of presentation under cut:
What's it about?
Are you in the mood for some lesbian pirate/siren romance? Of course you are! When are you not?
So, listen, we have Andy. Everyone’s favorite gremlin. She’s the captain of a pirate ship, recovering from not so great tropical fever that wiped out a good chunk of her crew.
One night, her ship comes across a siren tangled in fishing net, not doing so hot. Andy takes her aboard and while the siren recovers, learns a lot about her.
But uh-oh Andy is wanted by a Navy Captain, and he manages to find her ship after years of hunting.
--
Okay tell me about Andy and Syan
Andy:
Never meant to be pirate captain but here she is. Living the dream (not really).
Andy trusts very few people. Despite being brilliant, a brutal fighter and cutthroat at sea, she has a hard time running her crew.
Syan:
The runt of the litter. Not as strong as the rest of her choir, she got left behind during an encounter with fishermen.
She’s curious but prone to bad moods. She’s a loner looking for a place to belong.
--
More about them
Andy panicked years ago while cornered by Captain Bettridge and stabbed him through the hand. She’s been hoping to get her knife back ever since. Bettridge really wants her dead, though, so she has to be careful.
Syan and Andy would be pretty badass in normal circumstances but they’re poor little meow meows in this story
There’s another cool guy. His name is Pinkey. He’s the ship’s gunner. You guys will like him, I promise. He’s Syan’s bff.
Syan and Andy are immediately attracted to each other. Andy is a monster-fucker and Syan is into messy women who are hoarders and misplace everything under piles of junk.
--
Okay but tell me more about the story
Set in the Golden Age of Piracy, Andy and her crew come face to face with danger--mythical and imperialistic. There’ll be sword fighting and gun-wielding and all sorts of adventure.
It’s not really found-family, either, it’s more of like found tolerance.
Is this well-researched? No. Not really. But it’s fantasy, and it’s fun. We can make some excuses here and there.
--
*whispers* is there lesbian sex?
yes of course there’s lesbian sex you think Andy is going to pass up on that opportunity?
--
Can I read this anywhere?
Right now, the only place to read bi-weekly updates is my Patreon--but I promise this isn’t an ad for my Patreon.
I’ll be posting it for free once a substantial amount is up on Patreon. You’ll be able to find it on AO3, Tumblr, and you’ll be able to see it for free on Patreon once I made it public.
Keep your eye out for it! btw, you can also join my Patreon for free and get notifications for when the story goes public.
A bit ago I was looking through someone's blog on the tumblr and they were a big Bura x Goten proponent and I was looking at all of the stuff and marveling at how much there was and how much people cared.
Well I was just thinking about that the other day ... my personal dballzposting interpretation of that pairing is that they're like those two scenes from Clone High (season 1) where Joan moves her arm and JFK reflexively flinches (seen below)
Cartoonish rendition seen below
Sorry I gave Goten this epic swag ninja rattail thing. Don't know why it came to me. Won't happen again sir. Also I gave him a facial scar becasue one day he and Trunks were playing with swords and Goten wasn't paying attention and Trunks got him good. Well anyway
It's like well there is an age gap of 13 years between them so this wasn't easy for Bura to pull off. But she's a force unto herself and as soon as she set his eyes on him she wasn't gonna take no for an answer. At first it was just sort of uncomfortable but as she got older and more serious Goten started to get the sense that he was in over his head. And that this was a battle that he wasn't going to win.
Still though he held out for as long as he could and there would be momenbts where Bura would show up at the sword training dojo that he runs with Trunks and he would Not Look At her and focus on the sword in his hands and say "Don't bother me Bura I'm busy training with swords. Your brother is in the other room" and she would say "You know that I'm not here to see him you darn dirty candied son of a bitch."
Like OKAY: Here's my complete explanation. But first here are some memes for them
^ I couldn't find the precursor to this one which as I recall said "me and my bitch don't argue she tell me to shut up and I do." well thats the one that I want here
First here's the shit that I think is true about Goten and Bura always, no matter your purpose:
Goten has lived a really well-lived life I think. Which is to say, for the most part, he has had total autonomy. Obviously he will always bow to the orders of his mother, and he has always been respectful toward his elders, but it comes from a place of love and respect and he feels that those things are reciprocated. His perception of life has been expansive and sunshine-filled. He's always excited for another day. He feels as though he has power over himself and his actions, but also, he's comfortable enough to surrender a certain amount of control to fate. He's secure enough to be vulnerable.
He's always been Trunks's BFF and he hangs out at Capsule Corp quite a bit. When Trunks's new sister was born, it was a time of growth for the both of them: Trunks began to internalize for himself all the big-brother-habits that he's seen in Gohan over the years, and Goten finds the joy of witnessing a new generation below him. It's not a tough transition for him to relinquish his baby status to his new niece and Trunks's new sister; rather, he's excited to be a loving support figure, same as was always and still is shown to him.
So while he's been living his life to the fullest, he's also been somewhat present for the younger crowd. But keep in mind that he's still a youth himself. He definitely does have the virile life energy of a nubile tomcat. He definitely does make throes of city friends and he definitely does become an honorary member to many frat houses over the years. And by the time we arrive at GT times, he's self-absorbed and sort of shallow, in the way that a 23-year-old man might be. He's got one thing on his mind, and he's always been self-honoring. He's chatting up GIRLS.
We can assume that as he gets older he becomes more worldy and wise because .. well that's natural. We can also assume that more of his energy is spent sitting on deck chairs and cracking open a beer than it is spent on doing keg stands at parties.
Eventually, and I don't know if the timeline was ever disclosed, but he does canonically open a sword-training dojo with Trunks. Fuck yeah. That's the coolest shit.
So that's a schema of Son Goten right there.
Goten has always been nice to Trunks's sister becasue yknow that's what you do but he definitely is not obligated to care about her the way that he is about his niece. That's one of the strong points of Trunks and Goten's relationship actually, that they're not under familial obligation to give a shit about the other, which is why it's extra meaningful when they do bond, and it keeps channels of honesty open. And yknow, Goten and Trunks aren't gonna be MEAN to Trunks's kid sister, but it's no surprise that, in their self-serving interests of youth, they frequently find her to be a nuisance.
But here's the thing about Bura. She's a freak of nature. She's perfect. She's the perfect blend of her mother's insanity and intelligence and her father's fierceness and conviction. She's born knowing that she's of a special family and she takes to it very well. She was born with a Saiyan regality that Trunks just does not have. And she's damn stubborn. As a kid, if she wants to hang out with her family, then she will. Trunks isn't allowed to be mean to her so he has to kind of do what she wants to do. He can roll his eyes or complain or avoid her, but if she demands Mario Kart then Trunks has to play Mario Kart with her. He can set limits and compromises but she's still getting some Mario Kart time out of him. She's not the princess in a mocking way, she's genuinely a born princess.
Furthermore, she frequently considers GOTEN & TRUNKS a bore. As a baby they're fun but more and more as she ages, she's sort of fed up with them. She's 6 years old and she thinks they're annoying as hell when they're not bringing her to fun places. At age 7 she's speaking computer lingo like her mother and grandfather, and finding camaraderie in the 1's and 0's. She has friends of her own, and I know this because a spirit like hers would not content herself with isolation. She goes out and grabs life by the horns. She takes what she wants. She has this inborn fire. By age 10 it's undeniable: her presence of character way exceeds that of Trunks. Trunks finds himself avoiding certain rooms in the building that he senses are her territory, and though we can all pretend otherwise, on some level he knows that he no longer holds any sort of seniority or power over her: if he speaks and she complies, it's only by her grace. And it's a relief when she chooses to listen, because you will not win in a fight against her. This she gets from both parents: Bulma's womanly way of bringing the hammer down in verbal battles, and Vegeta's fiery persistence and confidence. When dealing with Bura, you get the sense that she has something unbeatable in reserves, and it's best to quit while you're ahead.
She's taken to power in the house naturally, and it makes perfect sense, given the circumstances. But Trunks just completely isn't like that. He never knew there was power to claim, and even as an older sibling, he could never establish a respectable presence. He bossed around Goten their whole lives, but then even the healthy Goten emotionally matured ahead of him. Maybe it's just Trunks's personality - in good health, he's easy and cool and chill and doesn't want any fire or electricity or anybody to hold power over anybody else. Or maybe some early life event set him in a weak direction, like a difficult birth or Bulma's inadequate new-mother habits. WHO KNOWS. But he just doesn't have what Bura has.
This is all something that is believable always. I will say this always. By age 9 Bura had already MASTERED fashion, as her outfit in GT so clearly shows.
You literally cannot improve upon that. She nailed it. And I'm of the belief that she stays winning.
So anyway. That stuff is true always. Now back to the bullshit
So essentially if you ask me how I think a Bura x Goten plot could go, there is really only one answer and it goes exactly like this:
Bura for whatever reason sets her eyes on Goten and that's it. Her will is written in stone. As soon as she set her eyes on him his fate is decided and that's it. She's an unstoppable force and he is not an immovable object. This is inevitable fate. Not even King Yemma can help him now
What happens is that Bura, for whatever reason, as she moves through puberty, decides that that Son Goten fellow is worth her attention. This is already so funny on its own. Do you know those stories of endangered birds in zoos imprinting on humans, and then falling in love with a zookeeper, so the zookeeper has to hang around and act as a bonded pair with this bird in order to encourage it to raise eggs properly? And it's so fucking bizarre but so so so beautiful too? It's kind of like that. When she's 15, he is a straight-up a 28 year old man. LIKE....? WHY......?
HE IS A FULL-ON 28 YEAR OLD MAN .......... WHY ?! He walks around in man jeans. He picks his nose when he thinks that no one is looking. He listens to Rob Zombie. He's sort of a disappointment. WHY HIM...??
I..... It's so funny but you can't argue with her becasue she's always right. She sees something beautiful and we're all going to let her have this. But it's just ... yknow ... she could have her pick of anyone in the world. She has friends her age I'm sure. She has boy band dudes at her disposal. She doesn't have to be this way. Why would she be this way. I was trying to make the argument that she's beyond formidable but maybe with great power comes great insanity...? That seems to be a trend. For example Bulma is a genius but she's also crazy. Dr Briefs & Bikini are crazy. Everybody's a weirdo here
I don't even think there's any "reason" like "her parents had her when they were old so she imprinted upon older individuals and can't help but to be drawn to them and to find herself in their midst" like NO that is NOT BURA. She's improbably invincible and won't be affected by reasoning like that. She's just weird. Or maybe she could sense that Goten is the kind of guy who would let a chick eat him alive and so she's just feeling chemistry between their natures idk. Either way, Goten looks young for a 30 yr old given his Saiyan blood, and it's not uncommon for pubescent kids to crush on matured adults, right? So this is a harmless situation, right?
Bura is very forward when she has something to communicate so this little crush of hers doesn't remain a secret for long. And Goten is whimsical enough to have a laugh of it. He's like "haha Trunks not to brag but it seems like your sister thinks i'm cute. I just turn all the heads. Poor thing can't help it. I'm sort of the epitome of male attractiveness so it makes sense ... she's a girl becoming a woman after all." and Trunks tells him to PLEEEAAASE shut up but Goten thinks it's funny. He lets himself be flattered but wholly unaffected. If anything he's sympathetic: "I remember being that age. I got a crush on a mannequin I saw in a window once. It's a weird time but I've no doubt that she'll persevere."
Trunks is frowning over it but Goten has a laugh of it. Ultimately, he's too busy being TWENTY-EIGHT YEARS OLD to care much. Trunks is still president of Capsule Corp, but the both are talking these days about getting back to their roots. This is the seed that'll later become their sword training dojo, but for now it's just bittersweet reminiscing and a subtle sense of being lost.
They don't know that Bura's little fixation is anything more than ephemeral and senseless, or that it'll become a viable problem. Goten doesn't know that when Bura visits Pan to hang out, she's begun to ask her questions like "your uncle doesn't usually stay with a girl long, right? Do you know why? What are the odds that he'll be married away in the next, oh I dunno, 10 years?" and Pan every time is like "Bura I'll shoot you in the forehead if you ask me that again."
Bura is like "Pan your uncle is cute af" and Pan is like "YOU'RE INSANE!!!"
Bura is like "the boys at school are cute and all but they all have so many opinions that they think I care about. The only opinion I care about is whether Goten would want a big wedding or a local affair" anbd Pan is like "THERE is something WRONG WITH YOU....!"
I mean they have the ability to hang out as normal and talk about Literally Anything Else, and they do, but Pan just has to be made aware that her friend Bura has evidently dedicated herself to weirdness with a fierce conviction, and this is just who she is now. Pan is trying to look ahead and figure out a career while Bura already KNOWS that she's going to usurp her brother as President and make a husband out of that Son Goten yet.
So now: while Goten has had an expansive and sunshine-filled life thus far, he's beginning to settle in spirit, and he's beginning to feel a touch of discomfort at the semi-frequent moves made by Trunks's teenage sister. At first it was endearing, but now - just a bit - Goten is starting to feel affected. Like he's involved. He wasn't really involved before. He was free to do as he pleased. But now he's feeling a smidge uncomfortable, and he feels pressed by circumstances to say something.
It's just a bit, at first. In theory, he still has total autonomy. He could turn around and walk home at any point. But he says something like "Okaaaaaaaaaay Well Trunks would you mind having a chat with your little sister about boundaries and personal space and appropriate language and whatnot?" But all Trunks can do is shrug and concede that "I don't really have any power over her Goten......."
It's a little harrowing. But ultimately harmless: she'll grow out of it.
But again, Bura is a force to be reckoned with. This does not diminish with time, but instead she picks up not just INTENSITY but EFFICIENCY. She becomes more and more sold in her ways. Goten can't "Does Your Mother Know" by ABBA his way out of this one
youtube
(sidenote this is in my top 10 fave songs and has been as long back as matters .. the looping bassline drives me crazy .. And i think it's really classy too. So tbh just let me have this)
Anyway. So over the years one gets the sense of "oh shit she wasn't messing around." "Oh shit she really means this." "Oh shit this isn't going away." "Oh shit."
Goten has always enjoyed his freedom, but lately, he's begun to feel like a shark is sniffing him out in the water. He keeps pretending that there's nothing going on and nothing to fear, and this denial keeps him safe from the realization that: Bura is a strong-willed Saiyan woman who has made her decision. It's only a matter of time now.
Goten for a while at least has the defense of "Not until you're a day over 18 sister" but that's all semantics. Time is inconsequential and will dutifully pass.
It's like this growing spiral of constriction, if you will - every new attempt at rediscovering that old sense of a boundless world is met with another hang-up or closed door, and it's subtle, but Goten can't run forever from the reality that he is being tracked like an animal and that his place of power has long since melted away.
And there's a lot of hang-ups - life is tumultuous right now. In the family, Pan is undergoing a spiritual discovery herself, and her ineffective searching is unnerving even to others. She eventually works on the family farm for a while, which is something that Goten is trying to uproot and leave behind. But he can't seem to keep a woman, and if left to his own devices, he would settle into the melancholy and respect the beautiful sadness he's seen until love blooms anew again; but seeing as his single status is a threat to his livelihood as it is tantalizing to the shark, he is nervous. Trunks is at his breaking point when it comes to his job, and Goten hasn't felt nourished by their friendship in a long while. He wishes he could help, but Trunks can't realize his fantasies of running off and playing with swords in the mountains until there is somebody to take his place --- and it all comes back to Bura doesn't it. She's 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, then 21 - Goten is in the middle of nothing until she finally relieves Trunks of his presidential duties and takes the chair.
Then Goten and Trunks are free to run off and fuck off, which is cool, and life is good again. It was a bit tense for a moment there but it's good again. It was a bit scary for a moment there, and Goten in a moment of weakness had seen for himself the inexorable reality that is his romantic predispositions as a male saiyan, and he had grabbed Trunks by the shoulders and begged him to please do something about his huntress of a sister, becasue Goten was only a man after all and of the stock of his father and he knew how it had gone with his parents and he knew how it had gone with his brother and he knew how it was going to go for him and he wasn't ready to lie down and take it yet and he needed Trunks to do soemthing to stop this becasue Goten at this moment felt that if Bura made one more convincing pass at him then he wouldnt know what he would do. And Trunks, feeling affronted, and in the knowledge he too is powerless, and in a transitory time in his life as well, could do nothing but punch Goten in the jaw and then cry into his chest.
But that was like a few months ago and it feels like years and it's all good now. They can forget all about all of that. That was all bullshit anyway. Now they can follow their passions and play with swords. Bura is too busy with the new job to be a nuisance. Trunks doesn't have to mourn the way that he feels like he never got to have a relationship with his sister becasue he was always fecklessly trying to keep her away from his BFF and he just had to pick one. It doesn't matter because he can play with swords now. He doesn't have to think about the devout fearful aversion that he holds for the strong-woman-eats-man dynamic because hes out in the mountains playing with swords with Goten. He doesn't have to witness that pattern in his parents and grapple with the way that his own conception revolved around the dynamic of a man lying his spirit down, or submitting to a womanly force. He doesn't have to think about the way that his father of strong character had warned him about women like that. He doesn't have to witness that dynamic in his parents, or in Goten's parents, or in anyone, because right now it's just he and Goten up there in the mountains playing with swords. Trunks doesn't have to face the horrific distress of bearing witness to his best friend being hunted and shot down by a woman of will. He doesn't have to see Goten grip at his shirt in fearful desperation, the fear of a man who already knows who is in possession of his soul; the fear of the body wanting to live and fighting against the spirit who can see and accept death. And Trunks especially doesn't have to sit and try to digest the ungodly amount of rage he feels toward his own sister, who has always gotten her way, who is trying to steal Trunks's most important friend from him, and who has forced Trunks to reconcile with his own weakness and vulnerability at the courtesy of her own strength.
So everything's good up there in the mountains. And I'm unsure on the timeline but they play with swords and do some exploring and traveling and discovering and eventually they see it fit to open their own dojo. Life is good.
But Bura will still come around like she always has and she'll walk into the dojo that they're trying to renovate and her red heels will clack on the ground like it's nobody's business. And she'll talk to Goten and he just has to stare at his sword and avoid looking at her and sweat stoically and insist "I'm with another girl again now you can't keep pushing your shit Bura..." and she just stands there in her perfect outfit with her hands on her hips knowing damn well that this battle was over with as soon as it started. And over the years life has been good and bad and scary and fun and they've had their laughs and tears. And it's really no big deal. Bura could have anyone in the world, if she wanted them. Right now she's perfectly satisfied in her professional life. She sort of misses the female camaraderie but she's willing to wait until Pan is done with her soul-searching journey before reconnecting with her again. She trains enough and socializes enough and feels enough that she's doing really good for herself, like always.
She's 25 years old and she stands at the attention of this poor 38-year-old bastard. Goten avoids looking at her in the eye, or at all, same as Vegeta did to Bulma when he first started to feel her effect. Bura instinctively knows the signs.
Goten is an open kind of person. He doesn't like denying and repressing things for long. It's counterintuitive to him, someone who places a certain amount of respect in and relinquishes a certain amount of control to fate, to keep fighting against the current for forever. He craves the comfort and relief of lying down with grace. Saiyans keep fighting until they're dead, but only for interests of the self, and Goten doesn't see it fit to keep fighting against himself like this.
He doesn't look at her because he knows that she's already won. He's just biding his time. Obviously he would have preferred that things had gone differently, and he wishes that a woman of his generation would have committed to him the fierce way that Bura has, but them's the cards. At the end of the day, Goten is very much a "Oh well. Play the cards that I'm given" kind of guy. Meanwhile Bura is the one who's dealing the cards.
He doesn't look at her until all of him is ready to. There's still some fight in him that hasn't accepted fate yet. That's fine. We've all the time in the world. It marches dutifully on.
There's literally a day where Goten and Trunks are cloudgazing in silence and then Goten slowly gets up and says "........yknow what Trunks. I'm um. I'm gonna go visit Bura.. See what she's up to." And he doesn't hang around for a response, he just starts walking away. And there's nothing of worth that Trunks can say because he knows exactly what that means and he can't stand to see it. He would rather spend his whole life fighting the will of a woman, to prove that he has power, and that it's possible for him to win. He could never accept the outlook that it's inevitable, that that's just biology. He's been fighting on Goten's behalf for years, keeping he and Bura in seperate rooms, trying to vain to talk some sense into the both of them, making sure to keep Goten's fighting spirit up - and to think that all of that effort could amount to nothing...? That Trunks cannot vicariously heal the wound and insecurity that he inherited by circumstances of his conception and by witnessing his parents' relationship...? That Goten's submission is a mark of grace and strength, and not of anything else, is obvious but incredibly difficult for Trunks to digest.
Anyway, though. I don't know why a 25 year old woman would want to be with a 38 year old man but Bura is just funny and crazy that way. They get married too. She marries a 40 year old. IDK why but it's funny. And BTW I forgot to weave this in but all of their parents have opinions on this arrangement too. Sort of. Goku doesn't care. Chichi has many qualms, such as the age gap, or Bura's busy lifestyle hamstringing her housewife potential, but she's also glad that FINALLY her second son is to be married! Bulma takes start but of course sees beauty in the way that her daughter will do as she will. She probably thinks it's funny in the end. Vegeta's opinion is really the one I want to talk about though because it's so simple and straightforward and factual to him
See unto his son he's imparted the idea subtlety that: women are stronger than men. He tells Trunks to never stop training, to keep improving, to be stronger than the world, etc. Out loud, he says things about minding your own strength and that chivalry is needed when it comes to women, because you cannot abuse your own strength. But in his BEHAVIOR, it looks to Trunks less like chivalry, and more like getting pussywhipped. Vegeta TRIES to argue with Bulma and ALWAYS loses. This has set up Trunks to feel distrustful about his own vulnerability and about aggressive women in general.
Unto his daughter, Vegeta has implicitly imparted these beliefs of his. While he never SAYS outloud anything about men and women and their dynamic, his beliefs regarding do come through. He raises Bura to be completely confident and self-loyal. He encourages all whims and passions of hers. He even bends to her opinion sometimes, like in GT when he shaved his mustache because she said that he looked awful with it. Why would she have that opinion? She's just a fashionista 9 year old who is saying shit. She may change her mind tomorrow. Who's to say that she's right about anything? She's 9. BUT he not only honored her opinion, but deferred to it. This is the reality of Bura's upbringing. And when she bears witness to strife between her parents, she always feels assured that it is her side who will win in the end.
So when it comes to Bura maintaining a committed crush on Son Goten, Vegeta's opinion is simple: GO FOR IT GIRL! The fuck! What're you asking me for?! You come from a long line of people who win hard. Furthermore, all of your opinions are correct and your spirit is perfect. Your path of maturity has been only beautiful and your potential is pure. I will do whatever it takes to ensure that nobody will surpass me and I expect you to do the same and if I die by your hand I will be proud of you. That won't happen because I'll never quit ever but if it did happen I'd be proud of you. Anyway. Love is a woman's prerogative and you've made a decision. We are all going to respect that.
And then Vegeta looks at Goten for 3 seconds one day and in that 3 seconds perceives the perfect truth: That this bloke will be a respectful husband and will absolutely do as his wife says. He'll be the strong man behind the even stronger woman. This is fine and natural. All is right in the world.
You may think that he'd have opinions about his daughter being with a son of Kakarrot but he doesn't. He's always treated his children as self-realized individuals and they are free to do as they do. Their ways aren't up to him. He can do his best to inculcate nerve and honor in them but he cannot, and is not interested in, controlling them. He has absolutely no opinion on his daughter getting with kakarot's son.
Anyway. Back to Goten and Bura and the ever-apparent vortex that she has him in that he eventually concedes to.
See Goten has Saiyan blood first of all so of course he likes strength in a woman. Nothing speaks of strength more than the tenacity of a huntress. Second of all, his upbringing. Look at his mother... she's strong, strict, decisive, forceful, stern, controlling. This is Goten's perception of women. He has been trained to respond to sharp orders by a woman. He responds well to it, actually. His mother has always loved him and he feels like he belongs when a woman tells him what to do. He feels like a good and proper husband when his wife tells him what to do. And he does what she tells him to do, too! He doesn't want to cause grief like his father caused his mother by being defiant or careless. This is his nature and upbringing. He responds very well to forceful treatment. Reciprocation to this is his love language, in a way.
He began to sense this with Bura a few years in, which is what fueled the fear - the idea that he was up against something that he was weak to. But eventually, he does have the grace to accept love, in any form, as it comes to him, and he does bow his head to circumstance, and he feels love by doing so.
This is the very thing that Trunks is so strongly against, and perhaps part of why his romantic exploits have always gone cold is because he in unwilling to accept that a piece of this is in his nature as well.
But yeah. Bura marries a man 13 years her senior and it's her prerogative. She and Goten have 3 kids exactly 2.5 years apart in age. Goten is a househusband and he's soooooooo happy to do it. He learns how to cook from his mother and he loooooves taking care of the kids. He's soooooo proud to have them and he loves them. He is so touched by beauty and pride for his wife's offspring, and he's so honored that they're his kids too. He's 40 years old and was starting to fear that he wouldn't have the time to be a father. He's so grateful that a young woman with ample reproductive potential chose him, because he almost missed his chance there. Sometimes he feels that it's too good to be true. He loves being a parent
When the second one was born he was sitting with Trunks and holding the baby and Trunks could see the remarkable tenderness, gratitude, and humility radiating off of Goten, and it made his stomach tie up in a knot. And then Bura (who has taken maternity leave to nurse the baby) calls from the other room - some sort of command - she summons her husband or something or another - and it's not a bark, because she's much too dignified and serene, it's just the loving order of a wife - and Goten responds reflexively - "yes dear" - and then seems to feel love as though the reflex were deliberate. He rises with the babe in his arms - and it's a healthy baby, too, though it's too early to say much else - and he doesn't properly excuse himself from he and Trunks's conversation because he assumes that Trunks, as a man, would understand and respect the beckon of a wife. This is the necessity of family.
But obviously Trunks hates every single part of this. He hates his sister for this, and the hate is too strong for him to engage in without losing himself so he just shoves it away. He misses his BFF and feels like he has nobody. Ideally Goten would have taken on literally any other woman as a wife, and then Trunks could maintain some closeness, but his sister has lived a pervasive pattern of running him out of his own territory (house space, parents's attention, work) so he can't even just sit here. He wants to be delighted by his nephews but he feels so difficult inside about it.
It's soooooo miserable for him but Goten loves it. He LOVES not having to think too hard or make difficult executive decisions - Bura already has opinions, a plan, Bura already knows. I imagine that their age gap makes it weird sometimes - Goten has this old man wisdom while Bura is a girl of the city - but they are able to close this discrepancy with surprising frequency and efficiency. Bura can maintain a thoughtful, emotional, perceptive conversation. Goten can feel honored by her words. She responds to him with consideration, in her assertive way, and he even forgets his place sometimes and tries to get her to open up before she chooses to. She likes this about him.
Obviously everything to up to her and she decided that she wanted 3 kids 2.5 years apart and he was like Ok. And she already knows what she wants to name her first son and her first daughter, and she not only lets Goten but WANTS Goten to name the other(s). She does love him. For some reason. We still don't know why. But now that it's all said and done, they do play well together.
The first kid is a boy and she names it something like Thong or Sock idk to fit the nomenclature on her mother's side. The next one is another boy so Goten gets to name this one - and obviosuly obviosuly OBVIOUSLY he names it Gohan III. The last one is a daughter named Eschalot. Obviosuly.
Anyway that's my post and unsolicited opinion on Bura x Goten.
A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed.
Seiji Katayama x Nicholas Cox (Fence)
Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter (HP)
If you want to read my Fence related answers, jump to letters: M N O R S T V or Z
B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind.
Nastu Dragoneel x Gray Fullblaster (Fairytail) - I’m mainly a gruvia shipper BUT I came across this brilliantly written gratsu fic a few years back and it rewrote my brain chemistry entirely.
C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.
I don’t like saying mean things.
D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t.
Shinsou Hitoshi x Kaminari Denki (MHA) - Monoshin has my heart <3
E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?
I wrote about an established relationship where character A wanted to give character B a gift. A asks B’s bff what to give him. Bff tells A to give B a rock. A proceeds to spend the day meticulously picking out a rock to give to B. A later presents this perfectly picked out rock to B, and B loves this little gift. This story oddly resonated with a lot of people in my old fandom lol. Moral of the story? People love rocks. Give your friends rocks. They will love you.
F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom?
About a decade? I started watching Pokémon for as long as I can remember (still love it!), but I fell out of the fandom when my parents stopped paying for cable.
G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it?
Zutara. Zuko and Katara were everything to me. Fire and water? Their antagonistic relationship? There was so much tension there. It just made sense to me.
H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)?
The first half of my life was dedicated to TV shows (when I had cable). The rest of my life is dedicated to printed material (books, manga, comics, etc).
I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?
No. I only joined this platform about two months ago. I haven’t come across any negativity on this side of tumblr.
J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.)
Little Goody Two Shoes (indie game)
Temeraire (book? I think?)
K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?
Juvia Lockster or Flare Corona (both Fairytail)
L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.)
Can’t think of a character I actively loathe or dislike at the top of my head.
M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend.
Sungchul Park (Fence) - He seems cocky and I like that.
Luna Lovegood (HP) - She’s just got the VibesTM you know?
N - Name three things you wish you saw more of in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).
Nicholas coming over to visit the Katayamas for winter (or summer!) break.
I want to get severe secondhand embarrassment from something that Nicholas does in front of Seiji. I want to fluster that boy so bad. I want him to feel so embarrassed he could melt into a puddle of liquified Cox. And after all of the chaos I want Seiji to find that Nicholas actually looks rather cute when he’s blushing and flustered :) I’m evil.
‼️ MORE ‼️ BLUSHING ‼️ NICHOLAS‼️
I also want to explore more of Nicholas’ (fandom assumed) fear of the dark.
Would love to see more of Nicholas being vulnerable around Seiji.
I want to see more of the Leventis/Levantis twins (I’m writing something myself, but still. Would love to see others interpretation of the boys)!
Nsfw-wise… I’d like to see more bottom or submissive Nicholas. I think fandom has mostly pegged him for a dominant top lol.
O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of?
Kiss Me - Sixpence None the Richer is how I envision Robert Coste and Nicholas’ mother’s relationship to be like in one of my unfinished pieces. An au where Nicholas doesn’t know who his father is and has a loving relationship with his mom.
P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas).
Needing to make dinner but the jar of sauce won’t open so character A visits their neighbor character B and asks for help in opening the jar.
Character A is staring at character B while walking down the sidewalk and accidentally walks into a light pole. A scurries away in embarrassment while B finds that kinda cute.
Accidentally blurting out a romantic confession whilst in the middle of an argument.
Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’ve abandoned any fandoms, just outgrew them (show finished), left due to circumstances (no more cable or show on hiatus), or lack of inspiration to continue writing. It feels wrong to say “abandoned” because I still love these fandoms and would still go back to consume their content. I’m just not actively involved anymore.
Kuroko no Basuke. Miraculous Ladybug. Fairytail.
R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?
The Leventis/Levantis twins (in my own personal interpretation of them). I have a sibling so I’ve mostly based their interactions on my own. The kind of relationship where you annoy each other but love each other fiercely.
S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)
I think that Seiji would own a dog.
Also!! Headcanon that Seiji runs warm and Nicholas has wonky blood circulation which leads to wearing tank tops and shorts in the winter but hoodies and sweatpants in the summer.
T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending?
Seiji is a dog person.
U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.
Reese from Scarlet Hollow - I yearn for starving artists. And he likes horror movies? Score! He’s also a little shy but also very cute. 10/10 would romance again.
Sebastian from Stardew Valley - Quiet loner that enjoys tabletop games similar to D&D? And he rides a motorcycle? Brb swooning at his feet.
I can’t pick a favorite from Fence ;v; I love Nicholas but I also love Scott and Thomas and Sungchul and Nate aaaaaaaaa
V - Which character do you relate to most?
In Fence? Nate Spencer. I was originally going to say Nicholas but after further evaluation I realize that I am in fact Nate. The kind of person that brightens up the room but also tends to gravitate to one person in particular despite getting constantly ignored (Aiden sksks).
W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom.
No happy ending. Hurt no comfort. Break-up fics.
X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.
Enemies to lovers. Rivals to lovers. Sickfics. Inexperience (first kiss, first times). Not actually unrequited love. Secondhand embarrassment. Sex pollen/lust potion. Truth serum. Party games (i.e. truth or dare).
Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)?
Call of Duty.
Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.)
I’m surprised by the lack of rarepairs in Fence. There’s so much potential with the amount of characters that have been introduced so far, but I guess I can see why. Nichoji are just so throughly entwined with each other it’s almost impossible to envision them with anybody else. Other than that, I would gander that there’s more interest in the main ships than exploring newer characters and even newer relationships. (I aim to change that though, a new rarepair is on the horizon!! Hopefully by Valentine’s day 👀💘)
I’m also rather surprised by how active this fandom is despite the small size of it. It’s nice and cozy here though and I like that.
This fandom is actually making me want to try drawing again. Just speaking out to the void here lol. I was pretty decent at drawing chibis when I was younger. Blushing Nicholas here I come… ✍️♥️✨
the duality of woman is having one ear for Mendelssohn & Dvorak and the other for Exo & Dua Lipa
I got abducted by Mendelssohn when I heard his concerto in the movie The Violin Player (Viulisti, Paavo Westerberg, 2018) early in the year
here's the scene:
I desperately want the director to give me his music recs because my Dvorak phase was also ignited by that movie
anyway my bff knew I wasn't being normal about any of it so as a birthday present she got me a ticket to go see the concerto live 💞💞💞
which happened three days ago:
I enjoyed the performance but it cemented my love for orchestra scenes in movies
classical concerts are so damn arid and static irl, you gain a lot from watching them through cameras that can move around and zoom in on hands and faces — I want more drama, is that so wrong
what's loco to me is that the (12-minute!!) Mendelssohn song has already made its way into my top tracks "of all time" (since I started tracking)
Well Well Well … - 4 : JK: “Hello Dear My Brides …”
Listening to the whole album DIM by the GazettE
[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]
–🐺–🐺–🐺–
My day was amazing. I witnessed the happening of the “Hope-Cole World”. I successfully texted, unbothered, friends, family and my lovely S/O. I worked peacefully, for once this week, quick and pleasant meetings, with no bitching emails and no gen Z causing problems 😬😜😘🫰🏾. The day finally ended in a night of debauchery with my bff and now that I finally got home, it is stupid o’clock, and instead of sleeping, perhaps just like JK, I’m allowing my deep thoughts/inner self or whatever you wanna call them to take over and do as they please; because why not?
Thing is, to people like myself, “Stupid o’clock” is a very attractive place to be in. It usually is a period of time belonging to the beginning hours of the following day, but because most people are usually sleeping, it doesn’t actually feel like the following day has begun, meaning that for a couple of hours, you feel like you are kind of in a limbo, where time has stopped ant this, to people like myself, who feel like we have no control whatsoever over our time, people who feel like we are constantly running out of time, this temporary limbo, feels extremely comforting.
This limbo feels like we can finally have some sort of control over our own time. Yet, as one of those people, I have finally come to realise and accept that my perceived sense of constantly “running out of time”, is the main cause of my insomnia and today’s life has made me wonder if perhaps JK also feels the same? … Who knows right? But actually, this is just me rambling and heavily projecting.
So let’s leave my insomnia and losing-time-paranoia aside for a second. As you might have read from the beginning of this blog, where I always tell you what I am listening to, I am currently listening to the GazettE’s album DIM. I started listening to the GazettE a good 15 years ago, at least. Back then, they became all I listened to for a good couple of years. Presently, I do still love them, also got to see them live in 2019, however, I only listen to them occasionally, cause the GazettE are not your everyday happy-go-lucky band. No. They are a band you listen to when you have angst, so much angst you could “sell it for a living”.
So, yes, I am angsty. And, yes, JK’s live made me angsty. JK’s respectful regards towards those who are causing him harm made me angsty and made me think of the GazettE’s song DISTRESS AND COMA in particular. Hence, until I let this angst out, I will not be able to sleep, though I will most likely end up falling asleep from exhaustion, and most likely wake up feeling like I hadn’t slept at all which what's the point? So allow me to address how I perceived JK’s not-absurd request, through this particular song, which I feel describes the scenario quite perfectly, at least it’s beginning.
DISTRESS AND COMA (which is in the album I am listening) begins like this:
🎶Until your distress sleeps
Fill me up with your grief
Until your distress sleeps
Until your distress sleeps
Fill me up with your grief
Until your distress sleeps🎵
This part I associated with JK being awake at Stupid o’ Clock for his own reasons. What ALL these reasons are exactly we will never know unless he tells us directly. However, feeling like you “you don’t want to sleep” when you are clearly sleepy, in my personal experience, is sort of like trying to battle with yourself in order to stay awake, which you might think of as being directly opposite to insomnia, however if you keep at it for long enough, you’ll end up distorting your regular sleeping pattern, which eventually will lead to insomnia (as you will feel like sleeping during times when you are supposed to be awake, and can’t sleep because of work, while consequently end up being awake during times in which you are supposed to be sleeping).
The song then continues:
🎶Hello dear my bride,
何を見ているの (what are you watching?)..🎵
After this, Ruki (the GazettE’s vocalist) begins to talk about his relationship with his “bride”, which isn’t a bride in the sense of a female partner he married, but a particularly tragic symbolic figure. In the same way, when JK so candidly and honestly spoke to us about his “boxing stalking incident”, he was talking to someone with whom he had a deep connection, someone with whom he promised he’d walk together for better, for worse … kinda like a bride. So it felt to me that, like in this song, JK was talking to us and nonchalantly started the live, as always, by saying “Hello dear my brides, what are you doing? …
From here on, Ruki goes on talking about the toxic-relationship he has built with his “bride”. How he doesn’t mind getting hurt and hopes that the resulting scar will not disappear; as long as they are both able to finally fall asleep, he’ll gladly take on his “bride’s” DISTRESS AND COMA instead. But here is where JK is trying to change the song. He still wants to be a vessel for his “bride” to be able to sleep and not be distressed, HOWEVER, in a healthy way, as they both are at a point in their relationship where neither needs to get hurt, neither needs to lose sleep, neither needs to be scarred.
Having to actually hear JK address this made me feel like shit. NGL.
Not even going to address the perpetrators cause nothing I can say can ever express just how much I despise you. NOTHING.
His tone wasn’t angry, it wasn’t condescending, nor demanding. And although he wasn’t crying or pleading, the gentle and calm demeanor with which he asked for his privacy to please not be invaded, hurt so much more than it would have had he resorted to any of the aforementioned manners. It hurt, it hurt, as an empath, it hurt so fucking much.
It hurts because he shouldn’t have to say this. And we all know that. It hurts because the person that stalked him can't call themself ARMY. And we all know that. It hurts because he is trying to be understanding, and find a solution, amicably, because he always feels a connection to ARMY and perhaps he feels like it is his duty to try and reach out. And we all know that. Reason why it hurts knowing that there are people out there who never gave, don’t give and will never give a fuck about any of these. And we all know that, as I am sure he knows as well.
But I guess that sometimes, even if you know it may be futile, you still want to give it a try? And in JK’s case I’m sure he was aware that maybe it was going to work and most likely not, but at least he would have tried, so at the very least, he’d have no regrets, right? And if his effort did end up failing, if, for example in this case, the once-a-sasaeng-still-a-sasaeng keeps being a problem, then maybe he’d have to resort to the more drastic measures, which he was trying to avoid.
Something tells me, that even though in my opinion they’d deserve all of it, he’d still feel sorry about it, but ultimately he’d make peace with it, because he’d know that, like everyone else, he is also human and he has the right to basic things such as being able to enjoy a bit of privacy. But then again, he’d cross that bridge if he got there, I guess. For now, the important thing to JK is perhaps that he thought it was worth for him to try and express himself, to vulnerably open himself up to us for better or for worse, and perhaps this had nothing to do with his insomnia, or perhaps it did, as always, we’ll never know, REGARDLESS OF ALL MY RAMBLING, I’m actually glad that he lost the stay awake battle! though that beautiful candle ended up becoming a bit triggering 😬 …
So I apologies for confusingly waxing poetic over this, imma now try and go to sleep myself.
1. were you named after anyone? Michael Jordan, ha ha. No, really, my mom's a huge fan. She's followed his career ever since his UNC days. I love telling people that's how I got my name. For the record, although I have an obligatory fondness for my hometown team and a nostalgic love for the Bulls in their Jordan Era, I'm currently a Bucks fan.
2. when was the last time you cried? It's really difficult for me to cry. It's such a relief at times, tho. I cried a few weeks ago, when I realized my special needs dog was having some epilepsy-related issues. I've mostly accepted that I'll probably never see him with a grey muzzle, but I really hope we can share more time together. There are still so many things I want to show him.
3. do you have kids? Nope. Sorta did, once, but I don't really talk about that much. It was a good experience, and I still love/think about her. But my kids are all the critter variety these days ;) I enjoy hanging out with my friends' kids, but they're all growing up too quickly :/ What even is time
4. what sports do you play/have you played? I never really played anything professionally, but I liked soccer, basketball, and running when I was younger. I got into boxing and Muay Thai when I was a little older, and also did a lot of hiking. Unfortunately I'm crippled, so I'm limited in what I can/should do. I try to go on lots of walks with my pup and swim whenever I can. Sometimes I still wrap my hands and hit the bag, which is fun.
5. do you use sarcasm? No, never. (/s obvs)
6. what's the first thing you notice about people? The way they treat other people - especially the most vulnerable - and animals. Physically, eyes and smile. I'm more impressed by people who can be genuinely kind without ulterior motivation.
7. what's your eye color? Hazel.
8. scary movies or happy endings? Depends on my mood! In terms of scary films, gore feels lazy and boring to me. I need a film to get inside my head in order to be scary. But I'm a sucker for happy endings too, which is a lot of projection on my part, ha ha.
9. any talents? Err. Uh. Writing, I guess? Remembering a lot of random info? Friends are consistently surprised that I'll remember so many little details, especially if it's like ... me surprising them with something they mentioned liking at some point. Funny enough, I'll frequently forget why I walked into a room these days, but I'm glad some parts of my memory still excel! I'm also told that I'm extremely patient, if that counts as a talent.
10. where were you born? Charlotte, NC.
11. what are your hobbies? Writing, reading, watching movies and television shows (mostly with the BFF), random crafts, DIY home improvement stuff (I painted my entire house despite my health worsening over the years and I'm very proud of that), canine behavior/training, and playing video games. I don't have as much time for games, but I still enjoy it. Started a new game of Red Dead Redemption 2 this winter, and I've been spending hours just roaming the land with my horse.
12. do you have any pets? Ha, yes! I do a lot of animal rescue and have some life goals related to that, so hopefully I'll always be surrounded by critters. My beloved dog (Skippyjon) passed away in 2022 (old age and CHF). I had a cockatiel for 21 years - a birthday present when I turned 8. We basically grew up together, and the house is still way too quiet without him. I had other dogs (Smokey and Locke), and a lot of fish. In college, I had an "illegal" hamster, Kai (Kaizoku). He was fat and wonderful. I chose him because he squeezed past his siblings, sat in their food dish, and started shoving food in his mouth. King behavior tbh. I had a rat named Stevie in my late 20s. Currently, I have a deaf special needs dog (Oscar aka Ozzy), a cat that I hand-raised because she was found abandoned shortly after birth (Swayze), and a rabbit (Shasta aka Bad Bunny). At some point, I decided that all my rabbits would be named after soda brands, ha.
13. how tall are you? About 5'10".
14. favorite subject in school? Literature, Spanish, Philosophy, sometimes History, Classical Studies, Art. Anything that wasn't math, because I always struggled with that.
15. dream job? If I could make a living off of writing and spend a lot of my time doing animal rescue, I'd be content. Even if I was wealthy, I'd ultimately pursue a simple, cozy life without a lot of fanfare. I'd love to have more money to invest in animal rescue and local community welfare (kids should always have basic necessities imo). Maybe someday ...
Tagging anyone who feels like doing this! Feel free to reblog or tag me if you wanna let me know that you did it. Thanks, this was fun :3
My best friend from high school was here this past weekend for the baby shower. It’s an interesting situation - we were SO CLOSE in hs, and then she also was best friends in grade school with my current-day BFF (B)- they went to the same private grade school and then to different public high schools.
….I think a lot of this next part I’ve already written about here; so feel free to skip to the bottom couple paragraphs to get to present day update…
This friend, C, went to BU for college and met a guy there and got married (I think my youngest-married friend! Right out of college). So she settled her life fully in Boston right from the start.
Meanwhile, B and I went to the same college - and C was like “oh I hope you’ll be friends, you’re my two best friends, that would be so cool!” Initially I did NOT want to be friends with B cause I thought she was not “cool” enough (lol) but once it dawned on me that I was also not cool and had not made any friends, I embraced B and we’ve been BFFs ever since! But as it turned out, C was NOT so thrilled that we were BFFing it up, while she experienced that classic problem of “getting first boyfriend early in college” - you focus so much on “omg I have a boyfriend!!” that you forget to make other friends…oops.
Over time, the distance and C’s prickliness about B and I being friends led to us growing apart. We also would all hang out together on school breaks and so on, with often bleh results that I now see were because, while all of us were friends, it was more several discrete friendships that had never really overlapped, ie we didn’t grow up as “three best friends” or anything and so we tried to do best-friends transitive property and that did not work.
Further complicating things is that C’s mom is out and out insane, and abusive, similar to my mom but way way worse, so that made her not really want to come back here, and so visits became rarer.
The distance between us kept growing, and then I had kids whereas C very vehemently has never wanted them, so that made us grow further apart…I can be friends with people without kids, but her lack of interest, and strange stilted way of trying to appear interested, really put me off! I came to think of her as an obligation friend. I always “owed” her a call, and because I avoided them, whenever we talked it always took HOURS to fully catch up (I had not yet learned the skills of being more assertive on getting off the phone). So then that made me avoid harder, her feelings were always hurt, etc etc.
About five years ago, I was in the process of talking with a therapist about how to effectively “break up” with her (ie, “I’d love to catch up with you if you’re in town, but I am not a phone person and I can’t keep this up” type language)…and then she asked B and I to call her together, and when we did she let us know that she’d been diagnosed with MS.
So I shelved my break up plans indefinitely to try to be there for her. Which was challenging - SHE became really avoidant and non-responsive to contact attempts - because she was depressed as hell about her diagnosis and she pretty much shut down (understandable of course). Talking to her about it was difficult. I wanted to show support and interest, but not make every call into “so how’s the MS?” …she acknowledged that nobody could say the “right” thing and she was always angry, because she wanted people to care but she also really didn’t want to talk about it. So B and I did our best, but it’s hard to contend with that level of anger and hopelessness, or to know what to say back.
In the intervening years, a few things have happened - we settled into a slightly more comfortable pattern of not calling each other, and C started getting therapy, which has helped her become a little more relaxed and open (oh, due mostly to her family situation, she was prone to compartmentalizing things, and there were certain things she just would not talk about, and if you accidentally got too close to them she would shut down and it could be very awkward -through therapy, she does that a lot less now). I think there’s also more acceptance now around the fact that B and I live in the same town and see each other all the time, we’re doing the kid thing, we’re going to be closer to each other and that’s just how it is.
…but I did still feel like more often than not, I owed her a call, and I have also found more and more over time that I HATE TALKING ON THE PHONE I just never want to do it, and I am actually okay with drifting apart from people I don’t live near, based solely on me not wanting to do phone (or FaceTime or zoom or anything). And that probably sounds shitty and cold, but…it is what it is, maybe I’m cold. So I’d once again been contemplating a “hey I’m never going to do phone” talk with her.
ANYWAY all this brings us to her coming to the baby shower - as soon as I saw her, I felt this rush of emotions - “omg I MISS HER!!” I can almost cry thinking about it. She stayed the whole weekend and left yesterday afternoon so the three of us hung out several times. Now that we’re full adults and have stopped trying to force “we’re all best friends!” we actually ARE close as a group and can hang out happily. I’m realizing now - I got so hung up on the guilt and avoidance cycle that it clouded what I actually think of her, as a person, which is that I love her very much! And that in this case, the friendship probably IS worth me trying a little harder. Also some of my avoidance has to do with anxiety and is not always something to say “that’s just how I am” about.
She said that she and B have been having success with doing a call on a planned date, and then setting the next date at the end of the call so as to skip the “oh yeah I’ll call you sometime soon…” dance. So I said I’d be willing to try that too. And I will! And I’ll see how that goes, and report back! GROWTH, I suppose.
Is it possible Kaylor broke up in 2016 but got back together? 6 year relationship. e.g. Blind Item of Kar moving out + love triangle; Maybe Tay had a rebound (Tily?). Taylor gets mad at Jack as soon as he questions her Betty explaination (Long Pond). She likes it that the songs feel like a SORRY. Why? She also says James was a fool. As soon as Jack questions it, she gets mad and tell him he was a fool and almost lost the love of his life. What do you think?
hi anon! thank you for your question.
i think that for me, when i was earlier on in my kaylor journey back in 2018 and the most recent album was reputation, things felt a little more up in the air to me, or that, they should be, for the sake of a sort of empirical ideal of fairness. but after observing things about the girls and the dynamics of the fandom for 4-5 years, and having listened to 4 more albums of music, the idea that they have just been together this whole time has only come to feel more and more solid. not that this is something they would ever fully reveal.
so while i think there are aspects of taylor and karlie’s relationship that were lost in 2016, and for very obvious reasons, i don’t really subscribe to the idea that they broke up at some point. moreso that they decided to mask their relationship and board up the public aspects of it, and have had to deal with how hard that is to do!
and i think there is a growing collection of songs that describe this process. but i feel like that would make this post far too long so i will leave that as something for later ☺️
i mulled over what parts of your ask to give attention to but presently i’m just going to focus on one thing
the six year relationship thing (i’m assuming you mean her explanation of lavender haze) can be two things, in my opinion. for one, it could just be her describing a relationship with karlie longer than 6 years via the details of her narrative with joe (although she actually doesn’t even say his name in the clip), and i think it’s perfectly acceptable for her to do so given the idea that they are bearding, that’s kind of one of the points or features of bearding. to use the bearding to mask the real relationship. for me the takeaway from this clip is that she’s talking about a many year present tense relationship, which i think was a huge admission!
but maybe this is an unsatisfactory explanation and so if we are going to take a look at what else the 6 year length could refer to, i would submit to you the grammar argument: she specifically says “for 6 years we’ve had to dodge weird rumors, tabloid stuff” which grammatically speaking does not define the full length of the relationship. it is her saying that the past 6 years have been hard. and if we subtract 6 years from album release you neatly get autumn 2016, when the US presidential election was, when trump was elected, when karlie got tied up in the political situation, and what marked the transition of taylor and karlie’s public relationship from being bffs to enemies, which was a narrative spurred on by… weird rumors and tabloid stuff! 6 years ago also matches up with glitch’s 2190 days of our love blackout. i also think it’s the same as the love lock down.
basically i just think everything she has given us has contributed to this idea that she’s had one girl in her story and that their story incurred something calamitous in 2016. this narrative truly only fits one person, and it fits one person so damn well.
So as some of you know, I moved to a new apartment, in a new city about two weeks ago. It's been a new experience, being so far away from family and alone in a new city. I wouldn't say I'm lonely or anything, but I do miss my BFF a lot.
I'm trying to work on the requests, so I can open them again at the beginning of the year, I'm aiming for the first of January. I have five or six requests left, though I think there's still one phantom ask haunting me.
I have an exam on Monday, an oral group exam to be exact, and I'm dreading it. The topic is mental health, and I was reading for it today and noticed an error in the teacher's PowerPoint, which was very fun. Honestly, that particular teacher knows nothing about anything, and it's infuriating. Mental health is a pretty easy topic for me, to be fair, but I don't like the whole "oral group exam" part of it. Also I'm so lucky I got to move here a couple of weeks ago, because it would have sucked to come to the school for the 40 minutes that the exam lasts, because we have no other lectures on Monday.
I've almost finished all my school stuff for this year, and I passed swedish too, so hell yeah! I need to do the medical calculations stuff and finish the first aid course on Tuesday, and then it's all done. At least I'm pretty sure. I also need to start prepping for the lecture I'm supposed present to my professional growth group with another classmate, but I feel like it's going to mostly fall on me. That's gonna be in January though, so I still have time.
So, I guess I should preface this with the acknowledgement that I came into the MCU rather late - like, pre-IW era - and that I had no previous attachments to any other version of Steve and Tony before meeting them through the movies. I feel like I should say this because I think this is one of the reasons MCU Stony hits for me while, for many comics!Stony fans, it falls flat. I came in without any expectations of how I'd like their relationship to be, and without much understanding of how it could be.
When speaking about Stony as a relationship, the question of them being or not being friends is often central. Because Steve and Tony are best friends in the comics, but they're really not in the movies. In fact, I think at a certain point, it's not unfair to question if they were ever friends at all, in the traditional sense. While they weren't always antagonistic towards each other, they also often weren't far from being that, either. Steve and Tony are built as very different characters who embody contrasting virtues - Steve represents an ideal, Tony represents the possibility to evolve through change; Steve embodies the past, Tony embodies the future.
Those differences are present in nearly every interaction they have, which, combined with the added backstory of Tony's father neglecting his own son to obsessed over Steve, creates a constant underlining tension that to me is just. so. good. They clash and mix in the wrong ways, misjudging and repelling each other, and yet. To me anyone who says they hate each other misunderstood the assignement, because there's so much respect and admiration in the way they talk to and about each other to others. And it's fascinating to me that all that doesn't translate into a smooth, comfortable friendship like Steve's with Natasha, or Tony's with Bruce.
To me it makes the few moments of honest conection between them - the end of AoU, their small exchange in the bunker in CW before it all goes to hell, Tony giving Steve the shield back in Endgame - all the more precious, because we know they're so fragile. They're tentative, hesitant. And yet, the desire for conection, the desire to reach an understading, is still undeniably there. That thread that connects them is so frail and yet so strong that, every time Steve and Tony exist in the same movie, their storylines are paralleling each other - most often through direct clashing, but also through more subtle theming as well. Tony's ending is making the choice Steve made forty years ago. Steve's ending is living the life Tony suggested he tried out. There's echoes of them all over their character's stories, essences. I find it beautiful, fascinating.
And I understand why others might not! It's still a very messy relationship, arguably with many more negative moments than positive ones, which is a sharp contrast to the stronger bond they have in other mediums. But in my time in fandom, I've found that it's the one interaction that truly appeals to me the most. Maybe I would have still shipped it if they became BFFs after Avengers (2012) and everyone lived together in the tower, who knows? But I was deeply touched by what we got instead, and I really, really appreciate it.
(send me ☕️ + [topic] and i’ll tell you my opinion on it!)
[image description: a purple banner that has the words “work in progress” on it. end of description]
I think maybe I need another sideblog for this, lol. It's turning into a monster.
Epistolary/fake reddit post take 3: Ruby/"Pearl", in her own words.
Originally posted here by u/princess_and_the_pearl on r/relationshipgoals:
Princess And The Sweatpants
(or, Prince Charming Magically Transforms a Sick Day into a Spa Retreat)
Bear with me. Brain fog is a hell of a drug.
I (26NB) was diagnosed with fibromyalgia two years ago after about six months of symptoms, which was astonishingly fast for anyone and downright miraculous considering that at the time, I still thought I was a cis man, and I presented very much that way. There are people who don't believe that's even possible. Several doctors have questioned my diagnosis, asking suspiciously isn't that only in women?
Strangely, when I'm wearing a dress, they don't do that.
Anyway, I have fibromyalgia, which means I constantly feel like I did that time in high school after I played a football game while actively suffering from acute appendicitis (it burst within forty seconds of me getting on the field, because duh, and I almost died— thanks, Dad, for making me play when I had a fever of 104 and I was telling you I felt like someone was spearing me through the back— but that's another story.)
Feverish, sore everywhere, sick to my stomach, like my skin is bruised. The worst part is the fatigue. I get so tired during flares that I can sleep 14 hours a day and wake up exhausted. The only other time I've felt like this was when I was sixteen and fighting off sepsis.
I bring up football mostly because I look like a football player. I was a heavyweight before I got my diagnosis (though I've dropped a lot; my MIL keeps "just happening to be in the neighborhood"— two hours away, mind— with baked goods and stuff). I'm close enough to 6'6 to round up to it if I wanted. I have been told I have the rugged, thoughtful face of a stern, ancient Roman politician. I wear shoes so big that half the time they don't even make them in men's sizes.
And most of the time, that's fine! I'm okay with it when, as my (genuinely) Dear Husband/Prince Charming (27M) puts it, my "gend-o-meter" is pointed towards guy, which is still more often than not.
But it gets to me otherwise, which Charming knows. He also has this very eerie ability to tell where that meter is pointed without asking me. He says it's something about my posture, but he's not sure exactly what. All I know is he's never wrong, and he always knows the best time to pop his head around the corner, smile his sweet smile, say "Hey, babe, guess what?" and then burst into a corny pop song.
[Relevant comment from PC himself:
girl you got my heart racing in your skin-tight jeans~ 🥰😍😚💙💙]
Last week (midsummer for posterity), I was having a hell of a time with a rash of thunderstorms. Everything hurt so badly I could barely think straight. It was like every injury I'd ever had was fresh again, and being a football player, I've gotten banged up a lot. I had five migraines over the span of eight days. I lost a scary amount of weight because I could barely keep anything down.
Eventually my BFFs (we'll call them BFFa, 26F, and, BFF1, 25M, because I don't want to rank them against each other) came out and stayed over the weekend. They made an enormous batch of corn chowder, which was so good it overrode my nausea and lack of appetite and was all I could manage for about 3 days straight. (It's really excellent chowder.)
I'm glad they were here, because I've never had gender dysphoria come on in the middle of a flare before, and I freaked Charming out pretty good when I got halfway through my food and suddenly had enough energy to burst into tears. BFFa is very calming and good at talking people through things, and she helped me articulate while making sure my husband didn't panic. BFF1 isn't as comfortable with emotional displays, but he makes a damn good rice pudding and it's really hard to stay upset when the house smells so nice.
DH, anxiety managed, was able to throw himself into planning mode. He started by calling our mastiff (5F) and having her lay with me while he drew a bath (she's allowed on the bed after a specific command; she was already trained as a service dog when we inherited her, which was incredibly lucky for me because I realized I needed one about a month later).
He's helped me take care of myself before. I quit football because of an injury that destroyed my mobility, and for about three months I was completely reliant on him for almost everything. He helped me stand up to pee. I can't ever pay him back for what he's done for me, but he says the same thing, so we must be even in his mind.
He's always been sweet about it, but he really went all out this time: he lit dozens of beeswax candles, put rose oil and floated petals in the bathwater, set up the shower stall with my chair and a rose-vanilla shower bomb, and hooked up my iPod to the bathroom speakers so he could shuffle through my playlist of all the love songs he's ever sung me.
Then he got me out of my depressed college student chic (the aforementioned sweatpants and my alma mater's t-shirt), helped me into a silk robe that didn't hurt my skin, and supported my weight as we walked.
He got me settled in the shower chair, then stripped and joined me. I didn't have to lift a finger, which was good, because I couldn't without my shoulder seizing up. (He took care of that, too. He's the only person willing to massage me hard enough that I can actually feel it. Everyone else gets too worried about hurting me. Ha.)
After I was clean, he brought out a razor. That man shaved my legs for me, and I have a lot of leg, so that's no small feat.
I'm honestly not sure if I was crying. I think I must have been, because he kept kissing my knees and ankles every time he finished a pass. He sang along with the playlist, too. When you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while. I got sunshine on a cloudy day. I don't know why you're being shy. I think you're pretty without any makeup on.
...yeah, in retrospect, I was definitely crying.
I felt so much better it didn't matter. He washed my hair, then helped me into the bath and knelt beside the tub and rubbed my neck while I soaked and let the water support my joints.
Let me tell you: if you've got a partner suffering from chronic pain, this is one of the best ways you can make them feel pampered and loved. 100/10; do recommend.
And that wasn't even the end of it.
While we were in the bathroom, BFFa was going through my wardrobe. Charming helped me back into the robe, and when I got back to our room she'd changed out the sheets and set out my softest, most comfortable cotton maxi dress.
It's very pretty. I made it out of fabric my husband's best man (28M) whipped up for me with fiber from his partner's cashmere goats. He used blue potato peels for dye, which gives it a beautiful muted color that transitions from blue to pink via clever use of anthocyanin reactions.
He also dyed some cashmere yarn to match it, which I found out when my baby SIL (minor) gave me a gorgeous crocheted shawl for Christmas last year. It was laid out beside the dress, which was perfect, because one of my symptoms is that I can't regulate my body temperature very well; having it available to take off and put on as-needed was great.
It felt wonderful on my skin. They got me settled in bed again, our dog in her own bed on the floor (still tall enough for me to scratch her ears 💜). Then they facetimed Prince Charming's gf (29F, she's also married to my drag mother), and she walked him through putting on my makeup and styling my hair into a pixie.
I honestly never thought it possible that I could feel cute and pretty with short hair. That's part of why I was upset. When my head hurts like that, wearing a wig is asking to end up in the hospital with an intractable migraine, and my face is so angular that without long hair to soften it, the image can be really jarring.
(That was how I figured out I was nonbinary, actually. I was rehearsing a drag routine and I just felt Wrong and I couldn't figure out why, until my girlfriend (26F) suggested I try practicing in my wig and I saw myself in the mirror and suddenly it clicked.)
Somehow, he pulled it off. It might partly have been the flower hair clip that BFF1 made me with a soldering iron and some copper wire. Most of it was my face. I had no idea DH knew how to contour, but I looked...soft. Feminine. I felt like a queen.
Not that he's ever failed to make me feel like one before, but this time, he really outdid himself. I looked how I felt. That's not an easy feat for me in this context. He pulled it off flawlessly.
It was also just fun, and after such high pain levels I needed fun almost more than I needed validation.
NOTES: good fucking lord tumblr what have you done with your post editor it took me literally almost half an hour to get it all indented why is there a "character limit" on indentations now
BFF1 and BFFa are of course Piper and Leo, Prince Charming is Percy, Percy's girlfriend is Silena (married to Charlie ofc), Ruby's girlfriend is Annabeth, Percy's best man is Grover; if you read the other posts in this genre, you possibly get the idea. I know, I know, it's getting convoluted.
PING LIST: @perseusjackson-jasongrace @elaborateruses @starlightshadowsworld (lmk if you want me to stop pinging you in Ruby stuff, I'm sort of assuming lol.)
As always, let me know if you want in on (or off of) the ping list!
Heyyyy guys so this is a bakugou x reader I’m sorry if it’s bad I did this like ages ago leave requests if you want me to write you in a specific story The name of the character and like if you wanted to be fluff angst or smut or if you want the  characters name to be like yn or an actual name and I do any type of stories anime,Riverdale,vampire diaries and umbrella Academy I do any characters just send me the name of the person or what film or series they’re from btw English is not my first language so sorry if there are misspelled words<33
BAKUGOU X FEMALE READER
FLUFF
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was your first day at UA and your bff was not in the same school so you don’t know where you were going you put your headphone on to avoid the noise and you accidentally bump into someone...
“ Watch where you’re going Dumbass !” As you looked up it was Bakugou your Old friend “I- I’m sorry “ as you walked off with your head down. in your head thousands of thoughts went through like didn’t he recognised me what class is he in how’s his family why is he so handsome now you didn’t even realise it was time to go to class you were late in your first day. You were supposed to go to class at 8:55 but it was 8:57 You were late and the teacher was going to kill you and you had no idea where your dorm was you were lost in the corridors of UA.
As you rushed to class you didn’t know if you should go in or find your dorm you didn’t want to get into trouble so you went in you are expecting a class full and a teacher angry but it was only half of the class and the teacher in the sleeping bag taking a nap you weren’t expecting that so you walked back out and went to find your dorm The only person that could help you was your brother he was in class 1B you are the lucky one you were in class 1A your brother was shinso you knew when people found that out it was gonna be something you also have the same quirk but yours is stronger you and shinso are pretty close. no one was there for you guys. he was The older one so he was the one that got to boss you around well only older by 3 months but he still liked to rub it in your face.
The only two people you knew in class 1A was denki, todoroki and bakugou. denki is your brothers boyfriend and todoroki is a Close friend you’re also the only person that knows that toya is dabi. You were the only person that Todoroki told. you Had saved up money to by the decorations for your dorm in a little job it was not much but it was a couple of energy drinks and a couple of led lights and stuff you boat your brother a present because you were actually going to be able to finally see him except from a couple of calls and messages he really wanted this new book so your gotten it for him The only thing you want to do was to see him happy. you saved up a lot of money so you can also buy a TV and a Xbox it was a long 1 year of saving for it but so worth it.
You found your dorm by yourself and you looked at the person that Had the dorm next to you you’re not a boy and you ended up near Bakugou you guys used to be like best friends because you guys had the most powerful quirks and you guys used to go to every school together. you made friends with Todoroki and you guys became pretty close like bff bakugou Went out of your life when you guys were 7 he asked you out and you said yes you guys dated until you guys were 6 but we broke up and stayed best friends but then he just disappeared out of your life then todoroki came and you and him became BFFs and that is the History between you and your boys bffs. it is sad that bakugou left he was really special to me but now that I moved into UA I get to see both of them in a regular basis. Specifically because bakugou is on your left and todoroki on your right. I think they had no more rooms in the girl dorms I think that’s how I ended up on the boy side of the dorms!!!
You were hungry so you walked to the kitchen wen you Arrived you could see everyone in class 1A in the lounge todoroki looked at the kitchen to see you but he knew that you didn’t like attention so he didn’t say nothing he told everybody to go because he was going to clean no one wanted to help todoroki so everybody went to their dorm in a hurry when ther was not even a sol he approached you “hey fire” you and todoroki were bff for a while. Now you didn’t know that he didn’t like you like that and you like him a little bit not to much like a size of a pee “hey icyhot lol” when you looked down you saw that todoroki had his arms straight like he was not trying to get to close to you.
You were worried intensely. a blonde boy with spiky hair and anger issues was walking to the kitchen and you and todoroki were so carried away with the argument that you didn’t realise that bakugou was approaching the kitchen wen he looked at you he knew it was you his old BFF it broke him a little bit he didn’t realise that you guys were arguing. to see you with todoroki he thought in his head that you were dating todoroki bakugou was Trying to convince himself that you were just a extra and no more then that he rushed to his room to avoid you. It broke him to think that your dating that stupid icyhot have you forgotten about him. Deep down he still had feelings for you. feelings that were never forgotten. you guys were 15 now but those feelings from when you guys were 6 never left yeah it has been 9 years but for some reason that spark those memories. we were so young yet I think we were In love. But now she could be with todoroki and feel love with that damn icyhot. He was broken hurt just to see you with todoroki. to him it looked like you guys were kissing and him thinking about it just broke him more. He didn’t want her to feel love with todoroki he wanted her to feel love with him. he wanted her to fell Love with him again he wanted her to graduate ua with him on her side not todoroki he wanted to buy a house with her. he wanted to live the rest of his life with her and yet it broke him that she could be in love with someone else.
Todoroki went to his room bakugou walked to the kitchen to see you in tears he run to you “B- bakugou wait you probably don’t even remember me” as you turned your back to him “teddy bear Who did this to you tell me” you felt two arms around you
He calmed you down you felt a sleep in his arms he felt a sleep two wen you woke up you saw bakugou his head was on your shoulder it was So sweet as you look up you saw denki and shinso it was Weird the were cuddling in the couch. it was good that they didn’t even know that you and bakugou were there if they knew denki would have teased you and your brother would have killed bakugou. Your brother is a bit over protective when he had found out years ago that you had dated bakugou he wanted to walk to bakugous house and kill him on the spot. Your brother wasn’t a villain but when it came to you he would do anything. He would kill someone he would jump of a bridge you were everything to him and he was the same to you.
Bakugou looked up at you like there was no other girl in the world you cold here denki and shinso kissing in the back you didn’t like the noise you looked down to see that you were cuddled up with Bakugou you looked up at him and he said “ I’m going to kill icyhot he is. Dead” you smile and said “you remember me you remember me” you looked so Shocked wen he said “ of course y wold I Forget my teddy bear wen I saw you with icyhot I thought you guys were dating I was so heartbroken it was painful” you were surprised he never admitted his filings to no one and you were the first. You felt special. In that moment all those feelings that were locked away that love and adoration for him started flooding back in. That’s when it hit you. You were falling for bakugou all over again.
“Bakugou do you still have feelings for me” I asked I was curious because if he did maybe I’ll have a chance. “ don’t you get it Dumbass I like you will you be my girl friend” he said. you smiled and quickly said “yes yes yes pls don’t tell me you’re joking” he looked at you and said “ok good so now we ar dating im not going to let not one boy have you” You looked so flustered Bakugou laughed you covered his mouth “ my brother is with denki “ you whispered he was the only one that knew that Shinso was you brother. It’s a long story between bakugou and your brother having an argument. Was it because of you maybe but still your brother said it was “sorted out” so I just took his word for it.
5 weeks went by and you guys heavens kissed yet. And no your brother didn’t see you when you guys were sneaking out the  kitchen. every one already knew you. You and bakugou didn’t tell anyone that you guys were dating. he says that he loves you wen there is no one around. deku your oblivious best friend was flirting with you and you were oblivious to it but bakugou wasn’t. in front of deku bakugou came to you and said “hey teddy bear~” He grabbed your hips and kissed you in front of deku showing deku that you were his and only his deku was. Speechless and know one believed deku you went to give your brother the book and bakugou insisted to come with you so you said yes you said hi to your brother and with the most straight face he said “y is he here you guys Friends again or something” Without hesitation bakugou looked at him and said “we ar dating she is my love and I’m going to take good care of her extra” your brother looked pissed but simply said “you better if you dare hurt her you’ll lose more than a leg” you just rolled your eyes and gave your brother a kiss on the cheek and walked off holding bakugous hand. off you two went to get ready for your date the end
OKAY THIS IS THE LAST THING I WILL SAY ABOUT THE CRYSTALLINE ROSE CAUSE IM PRETTY SURE PEOPLE ARE GETTING ANNOYED
CUPID
if you could give the crystalline rose that can kill someone and will not stop until the person is wiped completely and successfully from the face of the earth
Who'd it be?
So there's 2, my hatred for these girls are endless.
This girl who's name was literally meant cow poop. Which tbh I never picked on her for until now. And she deserves it. She was the new girl before me, so I kinda stole her shine.
Well she framed me to my teacher, got me in serious trouble made me lose my friends. Because when I brought bff charms they tried pressuring me into giving one to her? AND YOU KNOW WHY? BECAUSE SHE BROUGHT a handful of coloured popsicle sticks. (She should learn colour theory) Which were more in quaintity then my bracelets.
You know why I'm still mad. Because the bracelet set was matching, one for me, rest for them. They wanted to me to give up my own for her. And this was after the framing incident.
The second one would be this girl. Lets call her... " P " now P was the same religion, and culture as me (Bengali) which is rare to come across. So I thought we'd be great friends. Welp that year went horribly. We did a shared language presentation for CTV and she stole my script the one my parents made me. And did it as her own.
She also constantly threatened me, "like I'm gonna tell the principle that you stabbed me!" context - She was annoying me and I said jokingly I'm gonna hit you with a ruler, and I simply gave her a small light hit. ( This was a couple years ago and I do admit it was wrong of me to touch her without permission ) anyways she started crying. And I felt super bad and immediately apologized. I'll tell you why I hater her now.
A year or so past and now were in middle school. And she choose to no re-make this scenario and make me sound worse and spread it all over. People came up to my locker and said "Oh your the girl that stabbed P!" and she and her friends harassed me to no end.
I finally got sick and tired and went to guidance. When she gets there the teacher had a call. And when the teacher left. She burst out crying in front of me and said "We can be friends" and "I'm sorry" and so I choose to drop it. Because I was that soft and easy back then.
The moment we walked out of the room, she casually wiped off her tears and ignored me.
There were also an incident where she forcefully showed me the scar she gotten. And then I realized later on, that the scar looked nothing like one she would've gotten if I actually stabbed her. And I merely smacked her very lightly with my ruler?
Anyways. I know she's not a good person mainly because her then bff, came to me. All lonely and told me a lot. Oh my god. I learned a lot, from that person. And I learned a lot about how she would use people for her own benefit carelessly.
There's a lot more shit these girls did to me, that I wont go into rn.
So now I'm in highschool, upset about how I was to insecure to speak out for myself when I needed too.
!THIS ALL HAPPENED IN ELEMENTRY AND MIDDLE SCHOOL!
And because of that and some comments I came across lately (e.g. one analysis about Mikasa showing more development in the manga but being reduced to Ereeeh in the anime) I am thinking I need to go back and re-read it especially now that I have such a different perspective on things and not only do I tolerate and understand some characters better than I ever did when I first read it (looking at you, Floch, still despicable AF but hey I get you, homie) but also I'm sure there were things that the (less-wise) me from 6 years ago missed out at that time.
However, for the sake of writing my thoughts down here as a journal and perhaps getting some quick answers from fans that have a better memory than I do, I will touch on a possibly controversial topic and, actually BECAUSE I have surrounded myself with Levihan fans, I am optimistic that I will get the answers I need, from people who can stay objective and see things as they are and not as they make them out to be.
I don't want to engage in any ship wars or dismiss the validity of any relationship. I'm just curious.
So I was watching some videos on character analyses and at some point I noticed how common it was to say that Levi and Erwin were best friends, Levi was incredibly loyal to Erwin, Erwin was Levi's rock, etc. And I for sure started out in this fandom with the same thought, but for the life of me now, I can't remember....Why?
People tend to say Erwin was Levi's best friend but now I can't help but think Levi had two best friends, Erwin and Hange. What part of Erwin and Levi's friendship got translated to ULTIMATE BFFS in the fandom?
Again, I am not looking to start a war, and even if I don't get an answer now, I'm sure I will when I re-read the manga, it will just take some time.
But here's what I thought, and only based on memories I have from either the anime (which I have revisited in the recent years, unlike the manga) and the levihan analysis posts I read a long time ago.
To me, judging by the way I've experienced the fandom, it almost looks like the friendship between Erwin and Levi was "told" for the most part, whereas Levi and Hange's was "shown."
Other than Levi deciding to follow Erwin because "he could see something he couldn't" (and of course, because Erwin's speech was that great, that enlightening, that motivating), other than him trusting Erwin's judgement each and every time because he knows his reasoning is flawless, other than the choice a heartbroken Levi makes (to put Erwin to rest)...I can only say these two were great friends because I remember fandom saying it for so long, so it feels like I was "told" they were great friends but the manga showed it only a few times. Interestingly enough though, even these few examples I mentioned are actually presented in the form of sentences uttered by none other than Levi, either as a monologue or in a dialogue.
Whereas with Hange and Levi, I can count already from the top of my head some of the instances that show a different dynamic, and hint at a close friendship as well. Their famous telepathy, the way Hange understands and translates Levi, the way she oversteps and he lets her, the way she was the first to treat him as a friend etc. And we see these from the interactions and conversations but never do we hear impactful or emotional monologues from Levi (regarding Hange).
How do I describe this? It feels to me that the ExL relationship is revealed mostly through Levi's words (and fandom's words - for now, until someone can remind me some other impactful scenes that hint otherwise) whereas the HxL relationship is revealed mostly through characters' dynamics.
Personally, what I want to believe, regardless of whatever the fuck Isayama wrote as canon, is that the three of them were besties, that Erwin and Hange were as great friends as ExL and HxL were and that is my ultimate headcannon and no one can convince me otherwise :D
Still, I was curious to know if other people shared the same experience of how the two relationships were portrayed, and if someone can remind me of some essential scenes that depicted ExL friendship because it's been so long that I don't remember anything else, and I don't want their canon friendship to be reduced to "they are best friends because people say so" for me.
I'm currently starting Act II and having a grand old time. I came into the game with little knowledge of its plot or characters, though I was familiar with Faerun due to having played in two D&D 3.5e Forgotten Realms campaigns in college.
I made a wood elf Ranger named Alsvid with the intent of having him be a reincarnation of my Ranger from my Ragnarok Online days, which were about 15 years ago (!!!) but things went... very differently.
My RO Ranger was a handsome, pale-skinned, soft-spoken sort with social anxiety and a low self-image, who was slow to open up to people due to military-related PTSD. He was also aro/ace, though he had several close platonic friends.
I started with a similar face, hairstyle and eye color, but then things got a little weird. I'm playing on my partner's PC because he's the one who owns the game, and its graphics card is just barely up to running it. So, I turned up the maturity sliders and freckles and makeup and whatnot just to give his face a bit more depth since most of the detail would be lost. It looked like most of my tweaks did nothing in the character creation menu, but when I got to the actual game I realized they did EVERYTHING. So cute anime boy trashed his skin and now looked like an old rock star - I'll post a pic of him once I can get one over to my own PC. Also I had him try the penises on like hats until I found one with just the right amount of pubes.
Then I started to meet the party members, and I found the more shy and aloof dialogue options very unsatisfying because I really liked all these people and wanted to know as much about them as possible. So I started picking the dialogue options that I thought they wanted to hear were the friendliest, most considerate ones possible.
Bitchy, condescending vampire who tried to bite me in my sleep because he's starving and feels sick? Sure, think of my blood as your bowl of warm chicken soup and I hope you feel better!
Secretive, distrustful cleric of an evil goddess with a powerful macguffin that she refuses to talk about? Religious trauma, amirite? I'm here if you need to talk, no judgment!
Pretentious pedant of a Wizard who might accidentally blow up an entire city if he doesn't get expensive magic items? Well, I'd better get you a hell of a nice birthday present!
Foul-mouthed hell soldier with a flaming engine in her chest that burns anyone who touches her to ash? I'm just so sorry I can't give you a big hug.
Cocky, self-important Warlock who made a deal with a devil and is now whining about having to suffer for it? Don't be sad friend, you did it for all the right reasons.
Volatile, humorless Fighter who clings to her callous and cruel warrior culture at the expense of all her relationships? Your queen would be so proud if she could see you now!
So, the majestic lone wolf became a happy, bouncy golden retriever slobbering on everyone. And speaking of slobbering - I threw the ace part out the window for much the same reasons as I threw out the social anxiety. I thought I might romance Gale since that scene where he helps your character tap into The Weave was utterly charming, but then I recruited Karlach. She quickly became my BFF because gigantic, outgoing, foul-mouthed ladies are the best, but I was still on the Gale train. Then one night my boy was in camp and she sat down next to him and said she wanted to "ride him until she saw stars" and I just... can't say no to that. Haven't gotten to the point where she can touch him yet, but all the innuendo has been delicious and I look forward to her snapping him in half like the twig he is instead of just incinerating him like... well, the twig he is.
And now I want to write him a backstory. That said, this game's a lot more elaborate than my usual fare and I was afraid of sucking out loud, so I picked my class features and feats and whatnot based on utility and not for RP reasons. Its gonna be fun working backwards to justify them.
A 30-year-old enby presents to her physician due to new onset dry skin, broken fingernails, and some weight gain. Past medical history is significant for asthma, atypical depression, and anxiety. She experienced her first seizure episode with some psychotic features 4 months ago, for which she received valium and supportive care. She was recently started on lamotrigine and has been taking prozac and wellbutrin for the past 4 years, with a step down from 300mg to 150mg for the latter, immediately following seizures. She takes clonazepam a few times a week and reports more fatigue than usual since decreasing her wellbutrin dose. At the time of her seizure episodes in May, CBC showed electrolyte abnormalities. Additional laboratory studies show:
A) schizoaffective disorder
B) adjustment disorder
C) hypothyroidism
D) hyperthyroidism
E) mood disorder with psychotic features
F) sick thyroid syndrome
---
i definitely have hypothyroidism, and it's probably an autoimmune disease called hashimoto's, which is the most common form of hypothyroidism in the US (if i remember correctly)! caught it before my T4 went significantly lower, but i'm still feeling it. it's kind of validating.
i got my blood drawn yesterday after emailing my primary care doc and psychiatrist over the weekend, and lab results came in last night when ben and i had just started rewatching battlestar galactica. i'll go to school to pick up the thyroid replacement meds today or tomorrow.
---
this morning, i also found out that my firstborn cat baby, my son since the 8th grade, is being put down tomorrow. his name is marlowe. he lives in texas, although i took him to RI with me for my senior year in college, and he demands ice cubes in his water bowl. parents didn't let me take him to st. louis, and i haven't seen him since i went back to get my wisdom teeth removed in 2017. i've already missed him a lot over the years, and i know i'll always be connected to himb. i feel better after being around ben when i got the news, and talking to friends after. i'll get to facetime with marlowe tonight and hope he can get something out of the sound of my voice. bff stephanie is going to be there with me to see him. i hope he can meet sophie sometime.
---
also, we get the keys to our new apartment in FOUR DAYS. right now, i feel like taking stock and packing my first load of stuff to move over, probably lots of winter clothes. my roommate moved out yesterday, and i have a lot of empty space to use. dissertation stuff is going okay. i think i have room to take a deep breath.