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evelhak · 9 months

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📚

Since some people have evidently found my books through Tumblr despite of me not being very active on the Finnish side of it, I thought: why shouldn't I post about my books? It doesn't matter they are not available in English (yet, anyway) because I would be curious enough to read about stuff my mutuals do even if I couldn't read the actual material.

So, I plan to make a post about every book I write, do cover art for, or am otherwise involved with. Best case scenario is someone finds something new to read, worst case scenario is someone is bored.

This time, I'll introduce you to my debut novel:

☁️ Unitytöt ☁️

(dream girls)

Published: 2021 by Nysalor

Genre: New Adult, Fantasy, Slice of Life, LGBT+

Certainly not the first book that I wrote but this is my first published novel and my first cover project. ✨ I wrote this book in 2017 when I was about to graduate university, trying to juggle a full-time job as a mail carrier, nearly daily ballet training and writing both my original work and fanfiction which I also started doing the same year. The schedule turned out to be too much for my autistic brain and physical conditions. Regardless, I'm so happy I wrote this book!

It's a story about a technically bodiless creature, Venna, and a human, Aiju. Venna's species lives in people's heads or musical instruments because they need music to live. Venna is an outcast, and has been living in a wind chime to avoid people and their overwhelming array of feelings, which Venna's kind experiences directly in the human brain they are living in. Circumstances force Venna to move into the head of a young woman, Aiju, who is starting her studies at a temple (=a magic university). Unlike Venna's previous humans, Aiju can hear and feel Venna and is curious for, rather than scared of a new friend in her head. Aiju is also able to control and create elaborate dreamworlds where she and Venna can meet in their own separate forms. The two begin to live their life together, studying, enjoying music, maybe even falling in love when an older student is intrigued by Aiju's peculiar behaviour. It's a story about sharing a body and partially a mind, about merging, sense of self, neurodiversity and particularly sensitivity, and also abuse and healing. It's a slow love story, a fantastical exploration of the subconscious, a fantasy focused on characters and dreams that also touches on the larger context of the universe and existence.

I wrote this book because I had read many body sharing stories and was dissatisfied with the lack of portrayal of the ordinary every day experiences that would come with it, as well as I was with the ease with which body shifting creatures always seem to adapt to their new circumstances. I wanted to see more of the reality. I wrote this book because I had briefly introduced and later edited out a music eating demon in another fantasy story of mine, who possessed a girl and made her dance in a tavern until she fainted. I was curious what a story about a similar but gentle creature would be like. I wrote this book because themes of merging and separating your sense of self were relevant to me and I wanted to explore them through a fantastical world but also reality based concepts.

I was so much more nervous about the cover project than I was about actually publishing the story. I had zero experience apart from my personal cover doodles, no graphic design studies, and had only recently started learning Photoshop. Thankfully I'm still pretty happy with the cover, although there are technical details I would do differently. The most glaringly obvious one is the ginormous bar code. It was hard to tell how big it would actually look and my publisher had warned me not to make it too small, so I overdid it. My publisher is small so there are no resources to make test copies of the books, and it's due to the smallness of my publisher that I even had the opportunity to design the cover myself despite having no experience, just some visual skills.

I still like the cover art itself, the only problem which I did suspect back then too, is that in an attempt to make the cover dreamlike, it turned out a bit like children's literature. I was the only one who was worried about it, but in some libraries people have clearly thought this is aimed at 12-year-olds. I'm sure some of them would enjoy this, but it's a bit off. A lot of people have told me not to underestimate children, but it's not that I'm doing that, I'm simply aware that this book is not written in a way nor does it contain themes or life events that are relevant to very young people. It's a very psychological story and its issues are the most relevant to people in their late teens and early twenties. It's not that there's anything in this book that a 12-year-old couldn't handle, it's just going to be boring for most of them because it would be a lot to ask from a child's attention span to be interested in stuff they can't relate to for 400 pages. Even if many 12-year-olds still like to read about characters older than them, characters they can look up to, this book is written with people in mind who can relate to 20-year-olds. Of course there are exceptions. I probably would have loved this book as a 12-year-old. But I'm sure 90% of my peers would not have cared enough to finish it.

The cover seems to have done some of its job well too, because I know some people (adults) bought this book because they thought the cover was pretty, so that's good at least. Most of the feedback I've received has been really positive, the book seems to have found some of the readers it was clearly meant for. Some relevant criticism has also come my way and I believe I've learned some things since writing this book. The only really negative review I came across so far contained so many factual errors that it seemed the reviewer had been too busy to actually process the book. From that perspective it seems like the cover has also worked well enough to draw mostly the intended people towards the book.

The most memorable experience in its publication process was probably how it was chosen for an interview at the biggest national book fair by high school presentation/communication students who hold interviews on one of the stages there every year. It was such a good interview because the two students interviewing me clearly loved the book, related to it, and were excited to talk about it with me, and asked really thoughtful questions. I couldn't imagine a better first interview as an author. It was also the day the book officially came out. It was also my first time at that book fair (I don't often visit the capital) and I was the first author from my publisher to land an interview there, so I was really very nervous at first. I was unfortunately a COVID debut author so this was the only place I was able to present my book physically that year, which obviously affected its already marginal distribution. But it was such a lovely event for me that it is the more memorable for it.

I wish this book would find more readers who love dreamy, character driven and fairytale-esque fantasy. It's not without plot, mystery, or danger, but it's definitely not the best pick for someone who needs an epic, fast paced and world-shaking chain of events from their reading experience. This is for the other sensitive dreamers out there who just love to drown in characters, experiences and subtle magic, and would rather stop to contemplate it than to rush forward at all times.

#eve's books #cover art #unitytöt #finnish books #nysalor #author life

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redd956 · 1 year

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Singing Nonhuman Whump Scenarios

I hoard Siren OCs due to how my worldbuilding layout is. I have them in all sorts of different types and demographics. I also have a lot of OCs who use enchanted or magical singing for one reason or another.

And when it comes to whump I don't discriminate (I feel like I’ve done this before, but I wanna do it again anyway)

Singing Whumper

Whumper who uses mind control by entrancing Whumpees with enchanting voice

A whumper who singing heals or numbs pain, forcing a whumpee to beg for them to use their voice after a session

Whumpee being brought overboard never to be seen again after a whumper siren saw them on the deck

Whumpee every day becomes betrayed and heartbroken by Whumper, only to forget immediately when they hear Whumper’s enchanting voice

Whumpee never thought Whumper’s inhuman voice to be an important characteristic. They never thought twice about Whumper being inhuman. Now that Whumpee just witnessed their “Caretaker” forcing Whumper to sing, they’re having second thoughts about being saved.

Hearing whumper’s voice is not only disgustingly enchanting but causes immense pain at the same time in one way or another

Whump Ideas

Prolonged singing

Whumpee being forced to sing for long periods of time no matter how exhausting or difficult the task becomes

Their throat becoming so sore that when they’re done they can barely speak, or they lose their ability to sing for a good time

Them being punished for not taking good care of their voice, despite the Whumper’s action being the cause to them losing their voice

Whumpee being punished for messing up in song or breaking their character

Whumpee eventually can no longer sing at all. Their vocal cords have become too damaged, and if they ever want it to heal it would take tremendous work

Magical Properties in singing

Whumpee’s singing serves a purpose to whumper (healing, lulls to sleep, soothing, maybe just good to hear), and because of that whumper expects the most from them

Whumper doesn’t care how tired they are, what time of day it is, or what they are currently doing. When they need whumpee’s voice they don’t have any other options.

Whumpee feels guilty for anything that happens to whumper when they fail to preform at their best, and whumper plays into that heavily

Maybe whumpee has two whumpers, and only one requires whumpee’s aid. When they fail the other whumper makes sure that they’re dealt with “properly”

Caretaker could really use whumpee’s voice, but they are far to frightened to use it. Or maybe its the opposite, and Caretaker is tired of hearing whumpee attempt to help them all the time

Other

Whumpee is of a species that has a powerful voice, however they can’t sing even to save their life

Whumper sung with magic, and so does Caretaker. However when Caretaker is attempting to help whumpee with their soothing voice, they find whumpee instead terrified and shaking in front of them

Whumpee’s voice does harm instead of good. So they were muffled in one way or another, maybe by restraint, and they haven’t even heard their own voice in forever

Caretaking Ideas

Imagine if Caretaker has the enchanting voice instead, singing a restless or frightened whumpee off to sleep

They stroke their fingers through whumpee’s hair while doing so, starting with a hum at first then allowing their magic to take its place

Imagine if Caretaker and whumpee have the enchanted voices, and they duet together, happy just to know they aren’t the only ones

Caretaker also learning to lose shame for how they originally felt about their abilities, while whumpee learns to heal

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silyabeeodess · 1 year

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FusionFall Headcanons: Fuse VS. Gems

Same as with other shows that had only began as FusionFall was wrapping up, I'm going to keep the events of Steven Universe with what was available around that time in-mind when it comes to these ideas. This won't give us a very big window to work with, as Steven Universe began in 2013 while FusionFall ended that same year--meaning we're largely confined to Season One. Nevertheless, since both Fuse's and the Gem's history extends much further back than the show's events, I can talk some about that, so that's what this post will mainly cover.

As both Lord Fuse and the Diamond Authority are intergalactic tyrants that regularly scour new worlds to conquer, it's inevitable that the two have crossed paths at least once in their many years of terrorizing the known universe. Maybe Fuse even tried absorbing one of the Diamond's colonies. However, fighting the Gem species was much more difficult than Fuse could've ever anticipated. For one thing, they're inorganic beings and their bodies are projections. This means that fusion matter wouldn't harm them in the same way as an organic being--if much at all. Fuse's army would need to face them head-on. In turn, the Gems wouldn't be able to do much damage to Fuse either thanks to their lack of imaginary energy or similar power.

This leads to the second issue though: Even if neither side could really harm the other, that says nothing for the world they'd fight over. I imagine that, once it was clear that the colony was a lost cause, one of the Diamonds said, "Fine then... No one gets this planet!" and completely wasted any remains of it so Fuse couldn't absorb it. The Gems have proven to be more than capable of wrecking an entire world, even if it may take them some time--be it from the Lapis Lazulis' terraforming or an experiment such as the Cluster--so I wouldn't call this impossible. We'd also have the added consideration of said planet's already unstable state from Planet Fusion breaking it up pre-absorption. Preventing Fuse from absorbing another world, even if it was still destroyed, would both be in-line with the Diamond's personalities and a strategic play to keep Fuse from getting even stronger. Furthermore, the Gems could then implement this same strategy by attacking Planet Fusion directly--splitting apart a few of the worlds he'd already claimed. Eventually, what this all ultimately led to was a silent agreement between the two forces to keep out of each other's way. There's simply more for both sides to lose than to gain by fighting each other.

While Gems can't be infected by fusion matter, the creation of Fusion copies is still a possibility. Still, the worst danger Fuse and his army can pose to the Gems is what he can do with Gem Shards. Possession through fusion matter is often extremely difficult, as the substance is deadly/corrosive to most beings and their own willpower will fight the fusion hivemind's. Gem Shards are a major exception, as they can't create a stable, physical form to fight back with and can only maintain a "powerful, partial consciousness." This partial consciousness, as dangerous as it can be when it itself possesses objects, can easily be dominated by the fusion hivemind. Since it would be fusion matter primarily supplying the physical form for these Shards, even if that consciousness can fight back against the hivemind, it is then just simply abandoned at Fuse's command, so there really is no threat to Fuse or his army by attempting to control them.

What can be created from the combination of a Shard and fusion matter depends on the strength of this partial consciousness. In some cases, it's basically just a fusion monster variant of Gem Mutants or the individual, regenerated limbs we've seen in the show. In other cases, the hivemind "stabilizes" the mental state of the broken Shard. If the Shard maintains enough of its original will, rather than be suppressed by the hivemind, it can join it. Its will is bent by Fuse, which will also affect its appearance somewhat, even if the being created appears more whole--albeit greatly disfigured or even more monstrous like a Corrupted Gem. At the same time though, the Shard will show hints of its old personality and a much higher intelligence compared to normal fusion monsters or Corrupted Gems, including the ability to speak. Granted, when they can speak, it often comes out broken, like Semi-Corrupted Nephrite's or like when Steven spoke with the Cluster.

The thing is, when a Shard is corrupted by fusion matter... it often doesn't want to fight back against the hivemind. Consider how the Gems in the Cluster screamed that they wanted to form back in "Gem Drill." With fusion matter supplying the means of a stable body and a shared consciousness to lean on, the Shard will give in to the hivemind out of terror of returning to its broken, isolated state. It doesn't matter to the Shard if it becomes a monster just so long as it can feel whole again. Chances are, Fuse has some of these Shard monsters on Planet Fusion from past battle(s) with the Gems. It will take a long while for any of these Shards to ever find freedom or hope of recovery.

While Gem society isn't unfamiliar with the idea of using Gem Shards, it was seen as a horrible, extremely utilitarian fate. It was something to fear as a punishment for betrayal or failure, something you wouldn't wish on anyone, but that nevertheless gave a fallen Gem some continued purpose to society. That is, if the use of Shards was even successful, going by Pearl's story in "Frybo." The fact that, through the hivemind, Fuse was able to utilize them successfully and against other Gems only made it even more horrifying.

Nevertheless, despite their past interactions, it's highly unlikely that it would make the Diamond Authority care about Earth's fate: They were planning on destroying it anyway with the Cluster and if Fuse tried controlling that jumbled mess of countless minds all forced together, well... good luck to him! The war could even play in their favor if the Cluster was absorbed with the planet and then erupted into its huge, horrifying form while stuck to Planet Fusion. The only thing the war would do is make the Diamonds pay a little more attention to Earth--yet another incident adding to the surprising list of activity all occurring at once on that abandoned blip in space. From hearing whispers on the success of the war, they might even pluck a couple of humans from the Zoo to see if imaginary energy is truly a threat to be reckoned with. (Though these tests wouldn't bear any fruit since the residents of the Zoo likely wouldn't use much imaginary energy at all due to how they live. Any imaginary energy born with them was likely stamped out in childhood, as they are overly content and aren't prompted to create or explore much of anything beyond their tiny world.)

As for the Crystal Gems, their behavior wouldn't change much from that of the show. They've sworn to protect the Earth and they'll fight for it against Fuse too. Still, that might just mean telling what little they know about Fuse to the Fusion Fighters and searching for Corrupted Gems and Gem Shards with even more urgency so Fuse can't get his hands on them. Other things they might help with are teleporting fusion fighters quickly to warzones using the warp pads/warp whistles and, of course, stepping into battles themselves when necessary.

At this point, Steven is still very young and the Crystal Gems are hesitant to put him in any danger due to his age and lack of experience. With the war being planet-wide, however, and little excuse due to kids like those from the KND joining in... they'll have to let him fight. This will make Steven much more experienced in combat early on compared to his show counterpart. The same can be said for Connie. Connie's mom would still be strict and protective, but also very used to seeing victims of the war as a doctor. Her father, as a security guard, would be the same. Their initial reaction would be to be even more overbearing with Connie in order to keep her safe, but there would be an even faster realization that it's impossible to do if Connie doesn't have a means of defending herself.

#fusionfall #headcanons #video games

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samglyph · 6 months

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oh so the Fae like. Change the seasons? (Pixie hollow) cool! What sort of abilities do they have? Are there “castes” or just different types/species of Fae?

1. sort of— the courts help the seasons function in the fae realm to keep everything running “naturally” (in a scene in the original comic, Halys (winter) mocks Pieridae (spring) for being ‘late as usual’ which is meant to be a dig at them being irresponsible and not doing his job) What’s important to understand is that unlike pixie hollow, the fae realm in Woodward isn’t technically a place on earth. You can’t just hop back and forth between the two easily— it’s closer to narnia/wonderland, or maybe the upside down, in the sense that the two places are connected but it’s more of another dimension then another country (unluckily for Steller)

2. I’m gonna answer the last one first because it will make things a little easier. Sort of both, but the caste system is really just The Queen, high fae (fae that She made/her children), and minor fae, which is essentially everyone else. There are also beasts, which technically aren’t fae but are still magical. There are a lot of different categories of minor fae that Steller has made a note of, (mushroom folk, bug fae, changelings, trolls, etc etc) but the fae care less about those distinctions.

3. All fae have minor magic abilities but that can depend on their role or species. The court you belong to often influences what type of magic you have. High Fae have more magic than any other fae. I’ll give you a run down of their abilities.

- Halys can control ice and snow, he also has intense hunting abilities (and I mean magical hunting abilities- think a high level dnd ranger)

- Hespera can control storms and other summer weather phenomena. She can also influence plant growth, but not much. She can also speak to non magical animals, which is not actually a skill all fae have.

- Psyche is a shapeshifter, and also has better powers of persuasion than any other fae, save the queen. As I’ve mentioned before, Psyche’s mind control really just leaves people very suggestible, but they don’t use it for anything nefarious, because most people will do what they ask anyway.

- Pieridae is often considered the weakest of the four, though not because her power is bad, but because they lack good control. Pieridae can control plant life ie. Poison ivy, and has some control over non living matter as well, but only in small amounts (ie. He can make a small rock a different shape)

- All fae also possess name based magic, which is simply a power of persuasion over people whose name they have, but it only works if the other person actually believes you have some power over them (for instance, a random minor fae couldn’t go up and demand that Pieridae hop on one leg. Dae would laugh at them. If Halys told Dae to though…. This will also be explored further in comic. Some fae share their names freely, most do not.

Boy that’s a bunch! Like I said, all this will likely be reiterated in the comic! Thanks for asking!

#my ocs #woodward #woodward webcomic #asks #anon

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234df6sdk5y · 1 year

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myyy friend has been having me watch tri//gun stam//pede and as new episodes come out (keep in mind having not watched the original, but i will), i have thoughts so im gonna copy + paste my brain dump here for reference but like, keep in mind this is just my scattered rambling, not coherent or complete thoughts, kinda got threads going in directions,,

i think the emotional implications of the series are really interesting bc its what is essentially two demigods duking it out and humanity is collateral Nai hates humans and wants to separate Vash from them by destroying all of them probably bc in his own fucked up way, Vash is the only thing he can connect the concept of love to, and keep in mind I say concept of love, not actual love. like he's an independent so he feels sympathy for plants and thinks he and Vash should be in control because in his own way he thinks he is doing the right thing, humans are hateful, violent, destroy and harm themselves and others, never seem to learn from their mistakes, but what Nai doesn't understand is that he's no better in his decision that he gets to decide what is best for an entire civilization and he in a lot of ways perpetuated the problem, under this guise of getting Vash on his side. Vash on the other hand seems lost in who he is, because he has more in common with humans than Nai yet cannot fully integrate into being one and relate to them (wow i relate), yet he feels this unconditional love for them that drives him to want to protect them and see them not hurt each other, like he doesn't even take sides because he just wants them to realize they aren't each other's enemy, no one has to be each other's enemy. But it feels so futile because while they squabble about things that do not matter, Nai is also destroying them in front of Vash who feels powerless to stop it yet just wants to help. Nai realizing that taking the people Vash loves away from him won't make him trust Nai or take his side, Nai's way of thinking is so childish, like "if i take away Vash's toys he'll play with me" logic. But what he fails to understand is it won't work that way because humans aren't toys or a lesser lifeform to Vash, he loves them, faults and everything.

[8:09 PM]Idk where i'm going with this but

[8:09 PM]there's a lot to unpack there

[8:10 PM]Nai doesn't seem to understand love as a concept, and his obsession with Vash is the closest thing he can connect it to. Maybe he does love Vash but it's not an unconditional love that respects him for who he is and lets like, a seed grow into a flower, but one that tries to suffocate and control. And Nai feels like the only way he can get Vash to see things his way now is to wipe his memories because destroying Vash's "toys" didn't work

[8:11 PM]I can understand how Nai feels about humans but his decisions and expressions are, extremely, wrong, so deeply wrong i don't think i need to explain how

[8:11 PM]But Nai really thinks he is a good person doing the right thing

[8:11 PM]even the implied sexual assault/rape is like, in his own misguided mind, he is doing something good for plants and liberating them from humans and getting Vash back by wiping his memories

[8:12 PM]Like Nai really thinks he is the good guy here because he sees humans as an evil that needs to be burned out

[8:12 PM]and plants as victims

[8:12 PM]and so a little collateral doesn't matter to him if it means ultimately "saving" his own species

[8:14 PM]Vash on the other hand in his need to not want to hurt anyone, and trying to see the good in everyone, has let more harm befall those around him because he doesn't want to cause harm to prevent harm, which i get his position its like, it feels like no decision he makes is good and he also feels responsible for everyone's suffering because all these actions happen because he refuses to stop loving humanity unconditionally despite how much harm they've caused, he refuses to judge them as a collective for past harm, in a lot of ways he has forgiven them and just wants to see them grow into better versions of themselves and so has no bone in his body that wants to punish anyone even if they've caused deep harm to others

Honestly I wonder if Vash is meant to parallel Nai in like, his inability to want to fight against even the forces causing harm, he perpetuates/enables a cycle in the way Nai feels his decision is correct also

[8:16 PM]uh hard to put into words

[8:16 PM]but they are lke

[8:16 PM]like

[8:16 PM]two sides of the same coin

[8:16 PM]but also i don't feel like Vash being a more violent person or deciding some people deserve harm is the answer either

[8:17 PM]bc I rly get his pacifist stance

[8:18 PM]But yeah there's a TON to unpack about Nai and Vash's individual stances on morality and what is right and also the way they are both opposites and mirrors of each other

[8:19 PM]In a lot of religious/spiritual and enlightened teachings its said the most radical form of unconditional love is forgiveness

[8:19 PM]and so I think about that reflected in Vash

like he is unconditional love in its purest form

[8:20 PM]Nai on the other hand is like, the way humanity perceives love, as something you can force/control/dominate, deciding who deserves it and who doesn't. Like how Nai loves Vash by trying to exert ownership and control over him, it's like, funny bc despite how much he hates humans, he is behaving exactly like them, from a place of low consciousness.

[8:21 PM]really, much 2 think about

[8:21 PM]because ive been mulling these morals over irl actually for the last months or so

[8:21 PM]basically in our actual reality, we are in a love/fear based duality

[8:21 PM]action guided by fear disguised as love is Nai

[8:21 PM]action guided by unconditional love is Vash

in a lot of ways, Vash is like religious figures like Jesus, up on the cross and people full of fear and hatred and he still forgives

[8:23 PM]Nai can be compared to religious figures who use religion to control, Gods who want to be worshipped

[8:23 PM]but this is

[8:23 PM]not what the Universe truly wants

[8:23 PM]um

[8:23 PM]im kinda

[8:23 PM]getting beyond the point but the parallels and palatable

#talks #i have zero desire to share my takes with a fandom bc i cannot deal with people anymore #but #yknow how it is

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tetrisfinished · 10 months

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the most important lesson i've learnt thusfar in 2023 - or maybe perhaps in my whole life to date is...that it is crucial to allow yourself the grace to feel your feelings.

feel ALL of your feelings.

the good, the bad, the ugly. the happy, the sad, the angry. the pride, the rage, the petty....let yourself feel it all. we do this a lot - as adults and as humans...where we're faced with an emotion and because that emotion doesn't quite fit into the moment that we're in, we try and push it aside. and we try and make ourselves not feel and process that emotion. and we push ourselves to forget and be happy and move on with our lives.

well i've got news for you. that shit doesn't go away. your negative emotions (because of course, typically those are the ones that are shunned or ignored or pushed under many rugs) stew and fester just under the surface forever.

until one day you realize you're harbouring SO MUCH RESENTMENT as a direct cause of them!

as part of my current journey, there are certain decisions i've made in my married life. yasir and i are...well, we're not okay at best. i've more or less stopped communicating with him about much of anything and i've also stopped expecting change of him.

although that last part is not totally true. what started out as an effort to change myself to force yasir to bring about change in himself has turned into something totally different.

maybe the original intention of it was incorrect. but now i'm realizing the fault in my thinking. me, changing my actions to try and control the way someone else reacts to them is STILL ME trying to control things that WERE NEVER IN MY CONTROL TO BEGIN WITH.

of course, while we speak on the topic of control i'd be remiss not to mention that of course we as a human species don't actually have any control over anything. that control will of course always lie with Allah swt. but we do have free will (to the extent of our own situations) and we have the abilities to act on our free will.

but anyway. whatever little control we have of our own situation lies only in the control that we have over ourselves. i can never hope to control the next guy any more than they can hope to control me.

in any case, i've been harbouring a lot of resentment for yasir because i am constantly feeling like i've been hurt by him - he does not care, he does whatever he wants, he does not spend time with us (his wife and kid), he does not stand up for me. and while, yes, all of that on it's own is not great - the fact of the matter is that earlier this year i made the decision to stick this marriage through. and frankly...my decision has not changed. i'm in it now and for my own reasoning that i am actively choosing not to share, i will continue to be in it, unless of course things take a turn for the even worse. which frankly, at this point, very little change in the worse direction would make me change my mind (abuse obviously being the big main one).

but the thing that is (was) causing part of the resentment was always me thinking he doesn't do any of this crap for me - but i continually do it for him! i visit and see all of his family and speak to them despite being unhappy or dissatisfied with the ways in which they treat me. i give them a lot of respect despite feeling like it is often or sometimes not reciprocated. and frankly whatever other issues i have with them, i firmly believe i could overlook completely if i had the support of my spouse with me. but i don't feel that i do.

so that is partially the cause of a LOT of my stored up resentment.

but this eid, i decided i wouldn't be meeting or spending time with them (read: bari eid, 2023). and then, lo and behold, i actually had the balls to go through with my decision.

and you know what happened? that imaginary fear of being trapped into doing something i don't want to do - that fear that my world will implode the minute i actively do something that i 100% know for a fact will make folks upset with - THAT FEAR WAS NOT REALIZED.

i didn't go. the thing happened. yasir went. he took esa. and here i am alive and well enough to tell the tale. isn't that nuts!? forget all the petty reasoning in the world - i finally realized that actually no one is forcing me to be the way that i am. it's this innate thing. it's ME. not HIM. or THEM. or ANYONE ELSE.

yes. my innate thing was grounded in mutual respect and care for the folks that i was sharing it with - but the mutual part of it i never saw or experienced. so when i took one step to try and level the playing field - nothing happened except for that I WAS ABLE TO BREATHE A SINGLE SIGH OF RELIEF.

i did it. i can do it. i can actually act on the things that upset me. maybe i'll go to hell for it, but at this point there are many other reasons stacked against me for that anyway. but MAYBE...in my lifetime....i'll learn to respect the way i feel!

maybe, i'll become the parent who champions the way their kid feels. maybe i'll become the person who thinks about my feelings when they hit. who tries to get to the root of them. who actively tries to wade through them, allow myself time and grace, feel them, and then get PAST THEM.

and maybe...i'll be a better person for it.

i used to speak like this before too (or at least i'd like to think i did). but now...now i'm actually actioning it. now i'm truly understanding it. and omg guise do not bottle yourself up.

let yourself feel your anger. let yourself feel the hurt.

understand why it is you feel those ways. are you hurt because you feel like someone didn't do something you would have expected them to? did you ever communicate that feeling? work through your shit so you can come out the other end and close that fucking chapter in your life.

so here's to the remainder of 2023 - may i fucking grow through my feelings. may my hurt be healed. may i become stronger and more patient.

may i be the person i expect others to respect and may i FINALLY AND TRULY AND SINCERELY afford myself that same level of respect.

ameen sum ameen.

much love,

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perpetuallyfive · 3 years

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If people want me to believe that grimm that isn’t even the same species as her is somehow Summer Rose, they’re going to have to give a pretty convincing argument for why she would attack her own daughter and particularly why the writers would create such a dramatic moment and not do anything with it, not even a moment of hesitation or recognition from the grimm to pay off with the reveal later.

#rwby spoilers #rwby v8 spoilers #i feel like people literally just don't think of yang as summer's daughter #so they aren't thinking about how much that doesn't make any sense???#it would be TERRIBLE writing in my opinion on multiple levels #if salem can de evolve and also evolve and also mutate people cross species #(not just combine grimm elements with human elements as she did with cinder)#and also maybe mind control them no matter what their original species #all while being unkillable #after a while you cut out all narrative tension if you make your bad guy that op because nothing the heroes do matters in the face of that #but it's also bad writing to set up a dramatic moment between mother and daughter and not actually include ANY suggestion that's happening #you'd at least expect the framing to emphasize it more if that was the case #like i get that the idea is all red riding hood theme stuff but on every other level it just doesn't make any sense to me?#i hope this doesn't sound defensive i just don't even know where this reasoning is coming from #i really really don't want this to be rude which is why i didn't want to put it in the main tag #i just hate the idea that the writers wouldn't acknowledge the importance of yang and summer in each other's lives AT ALL #that feels like it would be such a clumsy retcon of a scene we just saw to be like #''there was something else going on here and we NEVER hinted at it AT ALL.''#rwby

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mystery-star · 3 years

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Waiting for you - Spock

Pairing: Spock x reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: mentions of injury and death

Words: 1838

Star Trek universe: AOS

A/N: Just a lil thing I wrote because I haven’t written (at least for Spocko) in ages. And didn’t feel like writing on a series.

“She’s here. She’s here” you heard someone shouting beside you and looked around and finally you could see the Enterprise approaching in one of many tunnels above you. You smiled and stepped forward a little and waited for the crew to dismount. When you saw the first of them, your smile got broader and you got onto your tiptoes to look out for your husband. Not many people of the Enterprise had someone waiting for them and those who did seemed overjoyed. It made you look down for moment because you had a feeling that Spock wouldn’t greet you like others greeted their loved ones. Finally, you could see him and slightly raised your hand, hoping he’d see you. When he did, he came straight towards you, stopping half a meter in front of you

“(Y/N)” he said “What brings you to Yorktown?”

“I’ll give you three guesses” you replied and just threw yourself around his neck “I’ve missed you, Spock” you breathed against his skin and he hugged you back slightly.

“Am I therefore right to conclude that you came here in order to see me during my shore leave?”

“Right” you let go of him but only that you could kiss him. He cupped your face and kissed you back. At some point his hand found yours, slowly stroking his first two fingers against yours. But then he pulled away from you all of a sudden, just holding your hand. You turned around and saw two older Vulcans behind you.

“Commander, might we have a word? Alone?” you wanted to ask why you couldn’t come when Spock threw a glance at you and squeezed your hand

“Do you mind?”

“Just be quick” you pecked his cheek “I’ll be waiting for you, okay?” you handed him a keycard of the hotel where you had booked a room for you both. He gave a nod, then let go of your hand and followed the two men. With a sigh you looked after him and returned to the hotel, knowing he would be clever enough to find it when he was done.

But he only came when it was dark and you were already in bed, reading a magazine on your PADD.

“Have you been waiting with sleeping until I return?”

“Well, you got some days of shore leave, then I won’t see you for another two years. I want to use every minute with you that I can” he gave a nod and sat down on the bed, placing a device on the nightstand. “What did they want?”

“I will tell you in the morning”

“Alright” you put the PADD aside and stretched yourself a little before sitting up, crawling closer to him and wrapping your arms around him again, kissing him. “We now have better things to do, don’t you think?” he kissed you back and placed one of his hands in the small of your back, pulling you closer while he ran his other hand over the side of your face. After the kiss he leaned his forehead to yours and you bumped his nose with yours. “Did you have fun out there on the mission?”

“I have written and called you three times per week, as we have agreed on, and informed you about what you call ‘adventures’ and have also answered each question concerning them I was allowed to answer”

“Well yes but your last message was two days ago. I need a recap of the past two days. Or retell me your favorite mission. Doing it face-to-face is much better” you pecked his lips. He gave a nod, pulled you into his lap and started telling you how the Captain had attempted to make peace between two species that didn’t work out as planned. Then he went on to their arrival to Yorktown and suddenly his communicator beeped “Tell me that’s your private comm”

“It is not” he leaned forward to get it and you just wanted to stop him but let it happen with a sigh. Placing you back on the bed, he gave your hand a squeeze, took the comm, opened it and left the room. With a sigh you fell back on the bed, glancing to the PADD and considering if you should continue reading but then looked at the ceiling, repeating everything you had planned to do with Spock in the following days in your mind. Soon Spock returned and you sat up with a smile but his words ruined it “I must go”

“Go? Go where? Aren’t you on shore leave?”

“I am. However, there is a matter that requires my assistance”

“What is it?”

“I cannot tell you much but I must leave Yorktown”

“You’re shitting me”

“I do not joke”

“But… but… will you at least get that time off later on? How long will you be gone?”

“I suppose it should not take longer than 36 hours”

“Oh well…. Then you owe me yet another debriefing upon your return” he gave a nod, came closer to put his comm on his nightstand and pecking your forehead.

“Please make yourself a pleasant day tomorrow”

“Okay. And then I’ll be waiting here for you… again”

But Spock didn’t come home the evening or morning after he had left, so you decided to make yourself another nice day exploring another area of Yorktown. In the late afternoon, you suddenly heard how the station went on alert and after looking around you saw that a swarm of tiny ships tried attacking Yorktown. Around you everyone was in panic, screaming, rallying kids and running away while you stood there frozen, staring at the many little ships on the other side of Yorktown.

“We have to leave. Come. Now” someone next to you shouted, pulling on your arm

“Can we go somewhere safe? Like a… bunker?”

“A bunker on a Starbase?” the man started laughing slightly and shook his head.

“Or can we do something? Something to help? Is there a defense station or militia? Or help evacuate people?”

“That’s Starfleet’s business” as if on cue, there was an announcement, informing the public that there was an attack and that you should not panic. You let out a snort and watched how the people around you seemed to panic even more. You looked around and finally saw a security, officer, going over to him.

“Excuse me, Sir?”

“Don’t worry, we’ll all be safe, just stay calm and…”

“No, I wanted to ask if I can help something.”

“Help?”

“Yeah. Weapons, evacuate people or something” he looked at you, considered it a while then said he’d have to check it out. But before he could return, they managed to somehow blow up all the small ships. Somehow you couldn’t believe that this was everything and sure enough, there was another announcement informing the public that a great part of the ship had been destroyed but that three of them had gotten into Yorktown but that they still had the situation under control and would do everything to stop them. For some reason, you found that three ships hand entered Yorktown almost worse than the initial attack. Because you knew there probably wasn’t much you could do unless the ships came to that part of Yorktown, you sat down in a café, ordered a drink and watched the news on the big screen that gave a permanent update on the situation at the other end of Yorktown. Not even 15 minutes later, you heard that everyone was out of danger and the intruders had been rendered harmless. After a sigh, you finished your drink and then returned to the scene of the action, maybe there now was something you could help, like tidying up damage or helping the wounded. You stayed there and helped until it was dark and the volunteers were sent home, so you returned to the hotel. But you didn’t get far and the receptionist called you over.

“You are (Y/N) (Y/L/N), right?”

“That’s me, yeah”

“I have message for you, from a doctor Leonard McCoy”

“I know him. He’s the doctor on the Enterprise. What is this message about?”

“He lets you know, that your husband… Commander Spock will spend the night in Yorktown hospital”

“Ho-hospital? They’re back? What does he have? Is it bad? Can I visit him? When did they get back?”

“He only told me that so you know where your husband is and in case you wish to see him. I don’t know anything else” you nodded and with a thank-you you ran out of the hotel, to the hospital, where you had brought a few people earlier today. You went to a visitor station to register your visit and once you knew where your husband was and that he currently could be visited, you rushed to the elevator and then to his room. When you saw Spock lying in bed awake, you let out a deep breath and moved closer.

“Spock” you breathed, not sure what to say and having a hundred questions at the tip of your tongue. "How are you?” was the first you asked

“I am well, (Y/N). The doctors insisted I stayed the night to ensure that my condition does not become worse” you nodded and came closer, taking his hand, pressing a kiss to it as you sat down on the edge of the bed. To your delight, he squeezed your hand.

“What happened? To you, I mean?” he explained how on the mission his side was impaled by a piece of metal and that McCoy didn’t have the correct equipment to properly treat him. “At least you’re safe” you ran your free hand through his hair. “When did you even get back?”

“4.2 hours ago”

“That was… that was when the attack happened” he agreed and said it was them who played a great role in stopping them. “Oh so that big ship that destroyed the central plaza was you, the Franklin?”

“Indeed”

“And what about the Enterprise?”

“She has been destroyed”

“Oh no. What about the crew? Are they safe?”

“We have not yet been able to ascertain who has survived the attack on the Enterprise and who lost their life, however, I am certain that at least 350 people have survived”

“Out of 428 that’s still a lot that could have died”

“Besides, I also know of at least 16 casualties from the crew” you gave a nod

“And what now? I mean is your mission over? The Enterprise is gone”

“We do not know yet but it is certain that we will remain her for longer than the originally scheduled 12 days of shore leave”

“Well, then we got more time to do something as long as we’re here. And I get to see you longer. Ha that visit was worth it” you leant down to kiss his forehead. “Now we just gotta make sure you’ll be on your feet as soon as possible because I have lot planned for the next days”

Taglist: @softsapphicideals

#spock #spock x reader #spock x you #spock imagine #aos spock #imagine

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swaps55 · 3 years

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I’ve reached endgame. Don’t be surprised to see some, uh, thoughts, as I muddle through it. I’ll put them all under a cut to spare those who don’t wanna deal with it, and please feel free to block the tag “tow cables on the citadel.”

I do not blame anyone who doesn’t want to hear my approaching ten-year-old grudge about the Mass Effect endings, so I will take no offense if you ignore/block/whatever these posts.

I have not played the non-MEHEM ending since the extended cut came out in 2012. Extended cut did nothing to change my mind about the endings. Extended cut fixed nothing. All it did was provide a conduit for emotional release, which the original, vanilla dumpster fire did not. That’s something, I guess.

Worthless color coded choices aside, though, the disaster starts before you even send the fleets to Earth. The vein in my forehead starts pulsing the moment I finish vandalizing TIM’s house.

YOU CAN’T FUCKING MOVE THE CITADEL.

How the fuck do you move it?? Even if you could create a mass effect envelope to reduce the mass of an object that weighs 7.11 billion metric tons, what is your source of thrust???? It doesn’t have engines. At least none that anyone has EVER mentioned.

You have to get it to the Widow relay, then once it arrives at the Sol relay, you still have to get it to Earth orbit.

HOW DO YOU PUT IT UNDER THRUST? TOW CABLES? Are the reapers now fucking oxen, now? JESUS FUCK.

Also. It is 44.7 kilometers long. How long is a mass relay? FIFTEEN KILOMETERS.

Now, maybe that doesn’t matter when it comes to shooting something through a mass-free corridor of space, but I’d be kinda surprised if the MASSIVE SIZE of the Citadel, which is in and of itself, a relay, the MASTER RELAY, if you will, doesn’t pose a challenge to standard mass relay travel.

Also.

WHY.

WHY BOTHER.

WHAT IS THE TACTICAL ADVANTAGE OF MOVING THE CITADEL???

ONCE YOU HAVE THE CITADEL, YOU WIN.

The only reason this cycle did not lose the game straight out of the gate is that the reapers did not succeed in taking the Citadel. The Citadel is the master relay. Once you have it, you can turn ALL THE RELAYS OFF. You cripple travel. You completely fuck communications, because comms rely on comm buoys that, wait for it, depend on the relays to transmit signals. You cannot launch an all-species assault on a single location, because no one can talk to each other, and no one can get there.

THE CITADEL IS SAFEST RIGHT WHERE IT IS.

The reapers are the dumbest immortal AI race ever.

Also.

How. Does the Illusive Man. Fucking call the reapers and tell them the plan. Does he have a fucking Reaper Phone? Did he tap a husk on the shoulder and say, ‘hey tell your boss the Citadel is a Kill Reapers button?’ Do his fancy new implants give him telepathy with Harbinger? Sure, he was fucking with the reaper signal thing, but I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE THIS ALLOWS HIM TO JUST PASS INTEL TO THE REAPERS, given they weren’t really sure yet how to control the reapers with that signal, but WE’RE GETTING AHEAD OF OURSELVES. I haven’t listened to the bullshit the star shithead spews at you in nine years, so.

Jesus christ. I haven’t even called the fleets to Earth and I want to stab someone.

Also, Kai Leng is the dumbest fucking villain I have ever seen and he is not worthy of the best renegade interrupt in the trilogy.

#tow cables on the citadel

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elia-de-silentio · 3 years

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Recap on Luna, part 2

One of my first recaps was about everything we knew about Luna back then; now has emerged some additional information that makes me want to update that.

First of all:

(On the air of Grazie Roma): Enby Luna! They finally gave us an answer! Enby Luna! Enby Luna! Which gave some representation - at this point, any is good to go!

Ahem. Going on. What actually surprised me, is how dorky she seemed. At Moreau's laboratory, she seemed pretty sheepish and uncertain around the kids, like it was the first time she found herself in front of someone so young.

But whetever they are socially isolate in general or is just about kids, is something I'm not certain on. They mentioned that other people had given them names, which they didn't really like but still indicates interaction. They claimed the house they brought Mainagioia (our Vanitas, thus called to avoid confusion) and Mikhail in belonged to some friends of theirs, alchemists who didn't have much trouble working with vampires. They didn't know how to cook, implying that they aren't used to prepare food for themself.

But his statements that the house belongs to friends is put a bit into question when Mainagioia notices that the place is filthy, like it has not been lived in for quite some time, despite its opulence. Do Luna's friends live elsewhere and use it as a secondary residence? Or was that a lie?

Moreover, there is their comment when Mainagioia gives them the name of Luna: they like it because it will make them feel close to anyone who watches the moon. Sounds like a really lonely person, who longes for contact with other people.

So, their relation to other people, be it vampires or human, is a bit ambiguous. We know a new, interesting detail: they are 'unlike anything else in this world'.

Which at least to me sounds rather different from just a vampire who happened to have been born under the blue moon. It makes them sound like they are an entirely different species; and in fact, they don't like the name of 'vampire of the blue moon'.

On one hand, Luna has a lot of traits of a vampire, or at the very least, more in common with them than with human beings. They drink blood, they leave possession marks, they can manipulate world formula.

On the other hand, they have a lot of uncommon traits. Their blood is blue. They have an extremely in-depth knowledge on the World of Formulas, far superior to any vampire we have seen so far, and is able to control Malnomen, someone nobody who isn't affiliated to them can do. Their possession mark is appearently able to 'rewrite' people, while it doesn't seem like there are such adverse effects for the marks of other vampires.

Personally, I think the origin story we got right at the start of the manga was wrong. Here's my theory: Luna wasn't born to regular vampires on a night of blue moon, Luna was one of the first two beings created by the Babel accident, alongside Faustina, the first vampire of the Red Moon.

Now, the details of the Babel incident are shrouded in mystery: we don't know exactly what happened and why some people were affected by vampire trasformation and others weren't. We know that the Vampire Queen, as the first, has enormous power and every other vampire obeys her, even being compelled to do so while desiring otherwise. We also know that she looks very similar to Luna, something that was remarked in-text.

Is it possible that they were actually related? Siblings, maybe, who were involved with Paracelsus experiments somehow, and got control over two different domains of world formula - something a bit similar to the 'Alice' situation in Pandora Hearts?

Now, at the moment I don't really have enough elements to give credit to this theory. To begin with, this doesn't explain why Faustina's kind appeared spontaneously all over the world, while Luna remained something unique in its own kind. Still, this might have something to do with how adamant Luna is about nobody knowing something she revealed to Mainagioia.

Then, there is the whole matter of the Marks of Possession to the kids: giving them was a way to save their life, and she required an informed consent of sorts. Misha gave it wholeheartedly, no issue here; but Mainagioia refused, yet he still has it.

Why? Did something happen that made him change his mind, or Luna just ignored their refusal? Both siblings appear to have issues with the concept of 'consent', so for Mainagioia, it is possible that this accident continued the pattern of ignoring his desires that Moreau started. On the other hand, Luna himself says that he doesn't want to use that particular method to make them his kin, probably because the 'rewriting' thing substitues a problem with another, so he probably would have respected Mainagioia's decision.

Still, there is the question of how they knew the process would be damaging. Was it because they already tried it on someone else, maybe in an attempt to create someone similar to them? Or was it because it was already giving problems to them specifically?

Again, it all comes down to 'that day', when Mainagioia killed him. The way the situation is framed in the human boy's mind, it seems like there was some degree of accord between the two people involved, enough that Luna managed to recommend him not to let anyone take his memories before dying (they probably were thinking specifically of Archivistes? Why, had there been any previous encounter?).

So, this is all I could come up with insofar. Look forward to other information that we will hopefully get this arc.

Thanks to anyone who bothered to read my ramblings!

#vnc #vanitas no carte #the case study of vanitas #vnc meta #vnc analysis #vnc theory #vnc luna #vnc vanitas #vnc mikhail #elia's recaps

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earthlyyan · 3 years

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Organic Antidepressants

(Slight Yandere Ferid Bathory x Suicidal Reader) originally posted on my AO3

Warnings: Ferid being touchy, suicidal depression, intrusive thoughts. Reader is of legal age

first person pov (ew)

(Originally Posted on AO3 On 1-9-2020)

The days were far longer than they were before… at least it felt that way.

I knew I should’ve died that day. I wish I had died that day. The day the trumpets of the apocalypse decided to ring gloriously over our god forsaken planet.

Anyone younger than thirteen? What a fucking joke.

The cot stuffed with hay was one of the few things that brought me comfort in the day to day. The odd number of children allowed for me to be alone. I liked it that way. More me time. And the most I wanted to do was return to it. But instead, my feet dragged down the busy streets, making my way to the blood bank.

On my way though, I could hear the guards making excuses to their superiors. Apparently three humans on the register were found dead in their terf.

“They committed suicide. You know how they get when they’re cooped up. I didn’t touch them, honest.”

“They got sick. Died of their illness I guess.”

Bastards took them for themselves. Everyone knew it. But were they going to confront them? They weren’t protected. The vamps just thought they could get away with it.

“Hey we have enough. Three won’t make a dent.”

Not even caring that those children had futures. Well, would’ve had futures. Those were stripped away as quick as the adults were.

I wanted to be happy. We all did.

But in this place? Laughable. You had a better chance of being an astronaut. Well… maybe not. But it sure felt that way.

You know how to be happy right?

“First and Last name?”

I answered.

“First open table.”

No matter how many times I’ve done this already, the dread won’t leave. The feeling of their eyes. I could see the barely restrained hunger. If anyone was left alone, they’d take a bag for the rations and the kid for themselves.

You could ask the vamp to take extra.

I shuddered and plopped myself on the medical bed. “Good morning.”

An unamused grunt was my reply. I was the scum of the earth not worth talking to, apparently.

He’s right, isn’t he?

The needle was quick. He hadn’t even bothered to give a warning. It was a pinch, a wave of nausea, and then it was over. He tossed the pouch of their nasty sustenance formula in my hands and pointed to the door.

“Thanks.” I walked out and threw myself on the floor beside the benches. I opened my disgusting capri-sun wannabe and began to suck on it. I cringed at the taste.

There were two boys on the stairs. One obviously more displeased about the situation than the other. He crinkled the full bag and threw it across the clearing. If I had the balls and the same cripplingly low amount of braincells as he did, I would probably do the same.

The other boy, far more mature than the other, stood up after chugging his to throw his pouch away. He seemed to be taking the situation much better than the other. He had beautiful blonde hair and deep blue eyes. If he wasn’t in this hell hole, he could’ve been a child model.

The thought made me sad. What could’ve been. I could’ve been somebody.

Maybe you’ll get a fresh start in the next life.

Apparently, I had zoned out far longer than I thought because the next thing I knew, a fight had broken out.

If you could call a young boy threatened to be chucked off the ledge a fight anyway. He was soon thrown to the side with enough force to send him reeling.

A well-dressed vampire walked with purpose down the stairs. Shoulders back, chin up. He seemed regal.

He certainly looked like royalty.

“Lord Ferid!” The little blonde boy ran up to him. The two seemed close enough, which sent my mind reeling.

How does a kid get that close with a nobleman like him? They seem friendly.

“Ah~ Mika!” The noble -presumably named Ferid- gave him a kind smile. “What on earth seems to be the matter?”

He talked like royalty too.

I couldn’t stop staring. After a few minutes of banter, the noble took his hand from the blonde’s face and sent him on his way. He had said something about meeting at his mansion. I brought myself up from the floor and chased after the blonde.

Two days after the talk with Mika, I stood at the noble’s door.

“If you give your blood, he’ll give you anything you want!”

I rose an eyebrow. “Really? Anything?”

Mika nodded proudly. “Yup! Though he’s busy tonight. But the day after I’d try it.”

Maybe he can take the pain away.

I took a few controlled breaths. This screamed danger. It’s a vampire. They kill people

Why are you so scared? It’s not like your life could get worse.

I knocked on his door.

It swung open, seemingly on its own accord. The motion invited me in. Once I was past the threshold, I gently closed the door and looked inside.

There he sat, lounging on a tasteful white couch with gold accented frames. In the dim candlelight he almost resembled an angel.

An angel of death, perhaps?

He looked up from his book and turned his attention towards me. My body froze. I felt my self-confidence leave. Not like I had much left anyway.

He called my name, somehow. Mika must’ve told him or something. Though, something nagged at me. I don’t remember telling Mika my name. Mika hadn’t even told me his. It was all overheard. Then how?

“Come, sit.” He patted the seat next to him on the couch.

I sat down on the chair across from him instead.

“Over here, my dear.” He patted the spot next to him louder, trying to coax me over like I were an animal.

Though, that’s probably how he saw my species anyway, isn’t it?

“My dearest Mika had told me about your visit a few nights ago. I wouldn’t have thought he would’ve told anyone about the little arrangement I have going on here, but I’m not complaining.” He sighed, seemingly content. “I wasn’t expecting someone of your age to be here, how are you still here? You have me curious.”

“If I’m honest, milord, I don’t quite know.” I said, trying to keep my voice as steady as possible. But the calculating feeling of his gaze made it harder. “Luck? Possibly?”

“Luck?” He leaned back and turned himself towards me. “Is it truly luck?”

“With all due respect, what’s that supposed to mean?”

You know what he means, and you know he’s right.

He smiled at me, not meeting my eyes. Ah. Okay.

“So, what are you hoping to get out of this?” He scooted closer. “As much as I’d like to think you’re here out of the kindness of your heart, we both know that isn’t the case, now is it?”

I nodded; heat crept its way up my face. “Yeah, but I suppose that doesn’t make me irregular.” I grumbled. “But I suppose that also makes me boring doesn’t it?”

He shrugged. “That entirely depends on you, my dear.”

I tugged at my uniform and cleared my throat. “Yeah I guess that’s fair.”

“Back to the topic at hand, yes?” He smiled and placed a gloved hand on my shoulder.

I suppressed a shudder. “Right. I guess I should cut to the chase.” I finally had the courage to look into his eyes.

Those damn eyes, despite the almost ravenous look in them, I couldn’t help but find them entrancing. Like shiny rubies in where his irises should be. He raised his eyebrows, awaiting an answer.

“Antidepressants.”

And I would’ve never thought his grin could get bigger. “Antidepressants? Now that’s something I haven’t heard before.”

In a place like this? Really? “I’m sure you would’ve heard everything by now.”

“And I thought I would’ve heard it all by now too. But I suppose not.” He ran his hand down my back

I gingerly grabbed his hand and put it back on his lap. “Sorry.” I mumbled.

“No~ Don’t apologize. It’s quite alright.” He folded his hands in his lap, he smiled at me. “If I were in a situation like yours, I don’t think I’d want to be touched either.”

My gaze fell. “Right. A situation like mine.” I slapped my cheeks gently to liven myself up. “Back to the deal though.”

“Actually, before we continue, what do you need them for? Medicine isn’t allowed down here unless regulated, considering how it effects the blood. Someone as old as you should know that.”

“Yeah, but why else would someone need antidepressants?”

He stared at me. His expression left no room for argument. He wanted an answer. His lips tugged into a smile. A kind looking one, but it left something unsaid.

“Why do you really need them?”

It’s not like you have anything else to lose, right? Tell him. You’ll feel better. He can make you better.

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair, leaning back onto the couch. “Look, how old do you think I am?”

“Too old to be here at this age, certainly.” He shrugged and made himself comfortable next to me. Close enough to grab me, but far enough not to invade my personal bubble.

“And why do you think that is?” I looked to the wall, hoping to find a distraction to focus on anything else but how close he was. But found nothing but pristine white.

“This world’s god is cruel.” He said. “It seemed they chose to bless you instead of damning you to the fate of your elders.”

I laughed. “Bless me?” I ran my hands faster through my hair, tugging at the ends to ground me. “What kind of blessing is this? I’m stuck down here to live until old age, vitamin deficiency or illness takes me? I’d rather be with my friends and family.”

You could join them. There’s plenty of spaces to do so. You could fly like an angel.

“You could always make your situation better.” His voice softened.

“That’s why I’m here.” I took my hands from my hair and began to fiddle with my identification tag. “I thought if I struck a deal with you, I’d get the opportunity to make things better. To make things as they should be.”

“But if you were to make things as they should be, then I know the real reason you want those pills, don’t you?”

“I didn’t mean it like that I—” I felt my throat close. Tears stung the back of my eyes, I fought desperately to bite them back.

This didn’t go unnoticed.

“You did, and it’s okay.” His hand made its way to my hair. I couldn’t find the strength to fight him. It’s not like he was going to harm me if he wanted this deal to work. “You know your very existence is a burden to you. And you want to fix it. You humans were always so independent.” He whispered. He paused to take off his glove and used his sharp nails to comb my hair. “But you know it’s okay to ask for help, right?”

“Nobody would give me help. They wouldn’t understand or wouldn’t care. I’d rather just…” I swallowed hard.

“End it? Now don’t be ridiculous.” He placed my head on his shoulder, presumably for easier access. “What if there truly isn’t a happy end if you end it? You’d lament not fixing it while you could. And suicide isn’t beneficial to anyone, little lamb.” His hand reached to touch my face. Despite his hands being cold, something inside me warmed.

This can’t be right. It isn’t right. He’s a vampire he’s just like the rest of them—

But he cares.

No. He doesn’t he just wants me to think he does.

But what if he truly does care?

“Why are you even trying to talk me down? Wouldn’t it be better for you to just give me the pills and then you get a drink?” It’s not like I didn’t have a plan B if he said no.

“How selfish do you think I am? I’m wounded.” He pulled my head onto his lap, his hands playing with tufts and braiding the longer pieces. “Who would want someone else to take their life for the sake of a meal?”

I averted my eyes. I sounded like a dick now. “I didn’t think of it like that. I’m sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. That seems to be a nasty habit that you’ll have to break.” He said. “And I have an idea that could be beneficial to both of us in the long term, if you’re interested.” His hand moved my head to look up. I could see his furrowed brow and soft smile. I felt the remaining fears I had slowly dissipate.

“Yeah?”

“You can stay with me. I think I would miss you if you were gone.”

“You… You would?”

“Of course, I would. You’re full of untapped potential. And I think I could help ease those pains preventing them from coming to fruition.” He smiled. “All you have to do is say yes~.”

I slowly sat up, taking in his words.

He could make you feel wanted. You didn’t need to run anymore.

“I…”

You could have someone take care of you and like you for you, isn’t that all you’ve wanted? Someone who knows how to make things better? Someone who can save you?

“I think… I would like that.”

His smile reached his eyes. “As would I, my dear.” He hoisted me onto his lap. “Now, to seal the deal.” He unbuttoned the top few buttons of my uniform and removed my identification collar. “Have you ever been bitten directly?”

I shook my head.

“Now don’t worry. It won’t hurt for long. Like a pinprick.” He gave my nose a small bop. “Like a more organic needle. Just, try not to squirm too much. I don’t want to accidentally rip your internal carotid, and I’m sure you wouldn’t want that either.”

I took a deep breath. “Okay…” I tried to calm my nerves. “okay I can do this.”

He placed his hand on the small of my back and gently pushed me to his chest. “On the count of three, alright?”

I flexed my fingers, trying to ease my nerves. “Alright…”

“One…”

I felt his warm breath on my neck, making me tense.

He rubbed my head with his free hand. “Two…”

I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Three.”

It was much more painful than he had said. It felt like two spears digging perpendicularly into my skin. Slow and agonizing. I gripped his coat tightly. His hands continued to attempt to soothe me.

“Shhh~ The pain won’t last much longer.” He cooed. I could feel his lips moving on my skin at he talked.

The pain didn’t go away, but something arose within. The area where his fangs pierced me grew numb. I could still feel his fangs in my skin, its presence foreign. But it wasn’t uncomfortable.

It felt like warmth and welcome, if those feelings could resonate inside. My mind grew foggier. Pleasantly ignorant. I couldn’t hear anything else but the faint slurping and my own heartbeat. It was nice. I felt my eyes roll back and my body grow weaker. I gave Ferid’s coat a fatigued tug.

He pulled away slowly, and I whined at the loss. I slumped against his shoulder, the last of my remaining strength left along with his fangs.

His hand moved from the back of my head to my shoulders. He stood up with me in his arms. My eyes fought to stay open. I saw the faint image of Ferid’s face with a small stream of blood falling from his lips.

The light from the candle illuminated the space behind him, bathing him in a heavenly glow. He seemed a little livelier than before, too.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

I tried to get a word out, but it came out a strangled whimper.

He smiled and shook his head, tutting softly. “I think I took too much, don’t you?” He walked down the hall with my limp body in his arms.

Ferid arrived in a large bedroom and placed me neatly under the covers and tucked me in. He sat next to me on my left side. He brushed a few stray hairs from my face and gave me a small kiss on the forehead.

“I do believe you need your rest. I’ll be back when you wake, my dear. I promise.” His hand moved from my forehead to my cheek as he gave it one final caress.

In my failing consciousness, I heard a gentle laugh

“Sleep well my lamb you’ll feel better in the morning. You’ll never feel empty again.”

And in the enveloping darkness, I saw him smirk.

#yandere seraph of the end #yandere ferid #ferid bathory #yandere owari no seraph #yandere writing #reader insert #yandere vampire

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duhragonball · 3 years

Note

What version of the Saiyan Tuffle War do you prefer: the Tufflew subjugated the Saiyans or the Saiyans just straight up obliterated the Tuffles

Between the two options, I think I prefer the first one, simply because all the Tuffle characters we've seen have been diabolical villains, and it sort of undermines them as bad guys if the Tuffles were innocent victims in the war. But that's just a personal preference.

I'm not suggesting that the Saiyans were all sweetness and light either. But it seems a little naive to have an advanced civilization just welcome a bunch of Saiyans onto their planet with no ulterior motives.

I say this because most of what we know about the Tuffles is based on Baby's appearances in Dragon Ball GT. Supposedly, Baby was created by the last survivors of the Tuffles, and they "infused" him with the genes of their king, whatever that means. Baby only had two objectives: to take revenge on the Saiyans, and to to convert or destroy all non-Tuffle life forms. And that's... pretty fucked up when you stop and think about it. Baby was such an over-the-top villain in GT that it was easy to just go along with whatever crazy shenanigans he was up to. But he was programmed by the Tuffles, and presumably the Tuffle King was totally on board with this. If he had lived to see Baby Vegeta ruling over the restored Tuffle Planet with the entire population of Earth infected with his nasty mind control eggs, the King would probably be pleased.

And yeah, the Tuffles would want revenge against the Saiyans, but what did Earth ever do to them? Or any of the other planets Baby menaced? You can make the argument that Baby was a doomsday weapon that went beyond the intentions of his creators, but I think he did exactly what the Tuffles wanted him to do.

And that begs the question: If Baby's reign of terror was the last gasp of the dying Tuffle species, then what sort of weird stuff were they up to before? I'll put some thoughts on this under the cut.

First off, I think it's kind of weird how there's not a clear picture of what a Tuffle is exactly. I went looking on the DB Wiki for some pictures and found this Tuffle design by Akira Toriyama.

That design prevailed in DBZ Episode 20, and also in Plan to Eradicate the Saiyans, when King Kai explains how the Tuffles welcomed the Saiyans to settle on their planet when they crashed there in a wrecked spaceship. The implication from Plan is that the Saiyans didn't just show up one day. They were refugees who needed help, and the Tuffles invited them with open arms.

But it's weird how the Tuffles in DBZ #20 are depicted as being much smaller than the Saiyans, but in Plan they're basically to scale with each other. Maybe that's a continuity glitch, and no big deal, but then you have Dr. Lychee, who looks like this:

He starts out as a regular-looking guy, and then he becomes this blue creature who looks a lot like a prototype for Baby. The blue form is supposed to be nothing more than one of the phantoms created by Hatchiyack in the OAV, like the phantom incarnations of Frieza, Turles, Cooler, and Slug. But those phantoms looked the same as the originals. Why does Lychee look so different? Is this a form that Tuffles can naturally assume?

Which brings me to Baby and his "Tuffle Parasites". By the end of his run in GT, Baby basically identified as a Tuffle, rather than a creation of the Tuffles. When he started infecting Earthlings with his eggs, he called them Tuffles too.

Then you've got Kamin and Oren from Super Dragon Ball Heroes. Apparently they're considered "Neo Machine Mutants", which are Tuffles modified become like Baby, for lack of a better explanation. I'm not sure if this was established in the DBGT days or not, but I guess the current lore is that Baby, Oren, and Kamin were natural Tuffles who were augmented into the form we see here.

I guess what I'm driving at here is that the Tuffles seem to have a very broad definition of what a Tuffle is. For them, it seems to be more about a way of thinking and feeling than any particular appearance or body plan. A machine can be a Tuffle. An Earthling infested with a parasite can be a Tuffle. So maybe those miniature humanoids in DBZ #20 were just one more variety of Tuffle.

I get a real transhumanist vibe from the Tuffles, particularly from the notion of archiving their King's DNA into Baby, and the way Dr. Lychee continued to exist as a "Ghost Warrior" after his natural death. Oh, and the Tuffles of Universe 6 augmented Kamin and Oren. That wasn't for revenge, by the way, they just wanted to see if they could do it, and apparently Kamin and Oren were outraged enough by this that they turned on their creators. Throughout the Dragon Ball franchise, the Tuffles are known for their advanced scientific knowledge, and also for making all these freaky creatures.

And maybe they weren't all evil. I wouldn't go that far. But I get the feeling that their leaders welcomed the Saiyans to their world because they saw a potential resource that they could exploit. Maybe they just wanted the Saiyans to pacify the uninhabited parts of their planet, or maybe they though the Saiyans could help them against other enemies. But maybe they saw the Saiyans as potential test subjects for their experiments. Just a thought.

I don't think the Tuffles necessarily subjugated the Saiyans, but it might have been more of a case of rising tensions. They lived in separate parts of the planet, with the Tuffles in the cities and the Saiyans in the wilderness, but the Saiyans grew more numerous, and the Tuffles probably saw that as a threat, and the Saiyans probably started to wonder why they needed the Tuffles at all. A lot of things might have instigated the war, but it wouldn't surprise me if the flashpoint involved Tuffles experimenting on Saiyan prisoners. If something like that came to light, then it would become a matter of survival. The Saiyans would have to wipe out the Tuffles to avoid being "Tuffleized" or worse. And the Tuffles would have to crush the Saiyans in battle to maintain control of the planet. There could be no return to the status quo; it would have to be total war until one side was completely defeated.

Once the war began, it must have taken a long time for the Saiyans to win. King Kai said that the lunar cycle on Planet Plant was eight years, and that each full moon allowed the Saiyans to gain ground in the war. So this implies that it took several full moons to end the war, so the conflict might have lasted decades, or maybe even a century. There might have been a few armistices or truces during that time, as each side would want to try to regroup and get as much momentum as possible before the next full moon. At least, that's how I'm picturing it.

One causus belli that sticks out in my mind is that the Tuffles were apparently a spacefaring people, but the Saiyans couldn't do much in space until they made contact with the Arcosians, and then King Cold's organization. So maybe the Tuffles were purposely keeping the Saiyans confined to Planet Plant, either to prevent them from escaping, or to isolate them from other civilizations. The Saiyans would take this poorly, I'm sure. So that might have a lot to do with it.

To be sure, the Saiyans of this era were real rat bastards, no doubt. I'm sure a lot of Tuffles of the time would make the argument that they were trying to contain the Saiyans as a matter of self-preservation, or even for the good of the greater universe. But I also suspect that the Tuffles aren't just friendly-looking anime folks. Creatures like Baby, Hatchiyack, Kamin, and Oren give us a peek into their more inhuman qualities, qualities that the Saiyans probably knew firsthand. It's possible that King Vegeta thought he was the one doing the universe a favor when he wiped the Tuffles out.

Something else to consider, in Episode of Bardock, we meet the Plantians, who were apparently the original inhabitants of Planet Plant. At some point, they were gone, and the Tuffles were living there instead, and then the Saiyans showed up and wiped out the Tuffles. So what happened to the Plantians? Did they just migrate to another world, leaving Plant empty for the Tuffles to move in? Or did the Tuffles do something to them? Food for thought.

#dragon ball #tuffles #i really ought to write some sort of fanfic about the saiyan-tuffle war #if only to crystallize my thought about it #i thought about using a tuffle villain in luffa but it seemed a little too obvious #like there was a whole war between saiyans and tuffles and that's where that conflict belongs #luffa's not part of that era so it shouldn't be part of her story #it'd make a good nanowrimo project if i ever finish the luffa thing #which... probably won't be for a while

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yelena-bellova · 4 years

Text

Don’t Be Afraid: Poe Dameron x Solo!Reader - Chapter Twenty One

Chapter Twenty One: Old Friends

Series Masterlist

Plot: Y/n and Poe pay a visit to Maz Kanata, but don’t find what they expect to.

Warnings: maybe one curse word

Word Count: 6.1k

A/N: This day has been...a day...and I almost didn’t get this one out because of how long it took me to edit. There’s so much dialogue in these chapters that can’t be cut (especially about planets created for Resistance Reborn lol) so sometimes I feel like it’s a bit messy. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

————

“Y/n. Sweetheart, wake up.”

I groggily moaned as I forced my eyes open, blinking a couple times till my vision was clear. I hadn’t intended to fall asleep but as soon as Poe had said it was going to be a while till we arrived at our destination, I was out like a light. We were flying a one man ship so I’d inevitably ended up sitting on Poe’s lap, the sound of his heartbeat had soothed me to sleep.

“We’re coming into the atmosphere,” he announced.

“Good,” I yawned, “Anything from the Falcon?”

Poe shook his head, “Nothing yet.”  “Wow,” I breathed as I took a look at the planet we were approaching, “That’s Ephemera, huh?”  It’s beautiful, Bee commented.

“It is beautiful,” Poe replied, bringing one hand off the controls to squeeze my thigh affectionately.

What kind of planet is it?  “It was once a mining planet, like Bespin. But here they mined the tibanna gas to extinction.” Poe explained to the droid, “After it was all gone, the Empire abandoned its colonies and most of the settlers ran with them. Good riddance, from what I hear. It left the planet back in the hands of its original inhabitants and a few holdouts who weren’t there just to cash in but had grown to love the place. And then, surprise, they discovered tuusah.”

“What’s tuusah?” I asked, still admiring the colors of the planet.  “Residue from the mine runoff. Turns out tuusah has medicinal properties, so a new industry was born. Maybe it wasn’t as lucrative as the Empire’s strip mining, but it was a heck of a lot kinder to the planet’s flora and fauna.”

When were they ever kind?  “You’re right,” he said. “The Empire has never been kind. But the planet is a resort destination now, and the capital is called Wish. What a name, right? It used to be Outpost 665 or something boring like that. But now? Wish. It’s one of the largest spas in the galaxy. All kinds of mineral baths and healing treatments and some kind of legendary oxide therapy that’s supposed to make you look younger.”

Poe and I had both seen our share of the galaxy and anytime we’d go on missions together, we’d get into a debate of who knew more about the planet’s history. Once we knew where we’d be going, we’d both usually try to cram as many facts into our heads in an attempt to outsmart the other.

“What?” he chuckled as he caught me staring at him.

“Nothing,” I grinned, “Just enjoying the lecture, Professor Dameron. When’d you find time to study?”

Poe’s lips tugged upwards into a small smirk, “Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you’ve got nothing.”  They don’t have any treatments for droids, right?  “I think you’re safe. Bee,” I laughed, “We’re not here for facials, we’re here for Maz.”  Poe flew us through the pastel clouds of the planet, it was absolutely gorgeous. I wouldn’t have minded coming back at some point. But the thought of visiting planets purely for recreation seemed like a distant dream. Maybe one day Poe and I could vacation somewhere but for now, our trips were centered on war.

A transmission came in from the landing strip.

“Welcome to Ephemera airspace,” came from a breathy, zen-like voice, “Please identify yourself so that we can grant you landing clearance.”  “This is…” Poe hesitated in giving his name, we hadn’t thought whether or not we should’ve been using aliases. Was it likely that the First Order was hiding out on a planet known for their spa facilities? No. But being cautious never hurt anyone, especially people in our situation.

“Poe Dameron, is that you?” a familiar voice came through, “Oh, give me that mike, dear, I can take it from here.” There were more muffled protests on the other side, leaving us confused.  “Maz?” Poe called.

“What? Of course it’s me, you fool. Who else would have asked you to this backwater?”  “Maz, is everything all right?” I asked.  “Baby Solo! Your boyfriend didn’t tell me you were coming too!” she cried happily, putting heavy emphasis on the word ’boyfriend’.

“Yeah, it sounded like something was going on.” I replied.

“Bah. Just some people getting a little possessive with the equipment. Nothing to concern yourself with. I’ve handled it. Now hurry up. I haven’t got all day.”

Poe furrowed his brows as we looked for a place to park, “Uh, I’d be happy to land, but I don’t see anything that looks like it’ll hold the ship up. Am I in the right place?”

“Oh, you’re right. Isn’t that funny? Some kind of security measure, the locals assure me, but really I think they’re just partial to the undulation.”

“Undulation?” I repeated.

“You’ll see. Everything here sways a bit. Now...let me...”

It took a moment of hearing various sounds on Maz’s end before one of the platforms solidified before our eyes.

“What in the...?” Poe mumbled to himself.

“It’s perfectly safe, Dameron.” Maz assured, “Now are you going to land or not? I thought you were on urgent Resistance business.”

I shook my head in disbelief, only Maz could have picked a place like this. “Copy,” I said. “We’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Good, good. See you soon. Oh, are you hungry? Have you two eaten? I should have food brought up, shouldn’t I? I’ll have to ask them to prepare something special unless...you don’t have time for a psychedelic experience do you?”

Poe chortled at the question, “Not today, Maz. Like you said, urgent business.”

We landed on the, surprisingly stable, platform Maz had formed for us and headed into the grand looking facility. For all my years of knowing Maz, I still sometimes didn’t understand her. Her connections spanned across the galaxy and back, she knew everybody from beggars on the streets to political diplomats. She had eyes everywhere even if she didn’t move around all that much. Out of all the people the Resistance was seeking aide from, I had no doubt that Maz could probably help us the most.

————

“I’m not helping you with anything,” Maz said, adjusting her goggles to see us clearer. Our faces were nothing sort of shocked. “If you recall, last time I stuck my neck out for the Resistance, the First Order destroyed my castle. Do you know how much I loved that castle?”

“I know, it was spectacular.” I replied, memories of that day flooding back.

“The best. Do you know how long I had had it?”

“A thousand years?” Poe offered.

“A thou...” Max paused, and shot daggers at Poe, who offered her a playful smile in return, “Longer than you’ve been around, flyboy, that’s for sure. So don’t sniff at me like I’m being unreasonable.”

Maz put her hands in a bowl of colorful thick goop and pulled out a handful. It reeked something awful but she didn’t seem to mind as she offered us some, “You want?”

“No, we’re fine.” Poe answered for both of us, my face was scrunched up in disgust at the odor.

Here we were, sitting on lounge chairs inside one of Wish’s day spas putting everything out on the line. And here Maz was refusing to help us. She was perfectly content to sit with her feet soaking in mud and having attendants bring her various teas. She hummed as she rubbed the gelatinous stuff into her face without a care in the world when Poe and I bore the fate of the galaxy on our shoulders.

“What is that stuff? It smells horrid.” I commented, taking another whiff of the air and immediately regretting it.

“Feline poop.” Maz answered casually, “From some species that’s lived here so long that it’s practically native to the planet. Imagine. A planet with no solid ground but plenty of cats. The story is that the founder of Ephemera was a Rothkahar philosopher. He domesticated this species because he thought them of advanced intelligence...or maybe they domesticated him. I forget. Anyway, later on, he found that their excrement had healing properties. High concentrations of tibanna gas, naturally processed into tuusah. Does wonders for the skin.”

Rubbing animal feces into your body to achieve better looking skin. Sure. Totally normal.

“That’s great, Maz,” Poe said, changing the topic quickly, “But can we get back to the topic at hand? The Resistance needs your help.”

“Yes, you told me.”

“We need a place to hide and regroup. It needs to be outside of prying First Order eyes but able to handle our needs for housing, supplies, communications...” Poe explained.

“Didn’t you say there were only a handful of you left on a single ship? What needs could you have?” she replied.

Poe and I glanced over to each other, surprised at how insensitive she sounded. This wasn’t the Maz I knew.

“There’s going to be more,” I pointed out, “The Resistance is scattered across the galaxy and we’re going to continue to grow. We need shelter but we also need people like you. Leia was the only member of our leadership that survived, we need your help in leading the Resistance.”  “Lead the Resistance?” Maz’s eyes moved suspiciously between Poe and I, “I thought that was your job.”

“We…” Poe began, biting his tongue almost immediately. Very few knew about our demotions but we wore shame as if the whole galaxy mocked us.

“Expecting me to do your job for you?” Maz grumbled with a humorless laugh, “You two are the commanders in the room. Or has that changed?”

“Nothing’s changed,” Poe replied quickly, causing me to turn to him in confusion. Were we supposed to lie and cover up the fact that we’d lost our titles? Either way, Maz didn’t seem to care as she lay back in her lounger and closed her eyes. We waited for something, anything, to come out of her mouth. She always had some sort of unique and cryptic wisdom to offer. It was when light snores escaped her lips that it seemed like it was a hopeless cause.

Poe rose from his seat and offered me his hand, “This was a waste of time. We should go.”

“No!” Maz shouted suddenly, grabbing hold of his wrist. All of her trademark personality had left the one eye she had opened and she was dead serious. “Listen closely to me, Poe Dameron. You see me like this, and you think me a fool. Good for me, because when an enemy perceives you as foolish or weak, that is when they are most vulnerable in their arrogance. That is when you strike.”  Upon her last word, she yanked down on Poe’s hand and his feet went out from under him. He landed harshly on his back and had the wind knocked out of him on impact. I rose to help him up but Maz forcefully pushed me back onto my lounge chair with her other hand. She climbed off her seat and stepped onto Poe’s chest, bending over so that her face was almost touching his.

“I see arrogance in you. And that is what gets you in trouble, causes pain.” Maz observed before blindly pointing to me, “And fear in you. It’s controlled you all your life.”

I hated when Maz did this, or at least when it was directed at me. While my ego played a part in the mutiny, fear had been my main motive. Fear played a bigger part in my life than Maz even knew. It stopped me from picking up my lightsaber, it stopped me from telling people that I was Force sensitive, it delayed me from deciding to train as a Jedi…

“We learned our lesson,” Poe gritted out, still pinned down and I didn’t dare to help him.

“Have we?” Maz asked, looking between the two of us.

I struggled for words, I didn’t want to have to recount the events again. Especially to someone who could see right through me. The few times I’d slept since Crait had been filled with nightmares containing the transports exploding and the screams of my fallen comrades. Asleep or awake, I was being forced to relive my mistake constantly.

“You asked if we were still leaders,” Poe started, he could tell I was too wrapped in my thoughts to speak, “The truth is that I don’t know. W-We made some mistakes...”

“Mistakes?” Maz repeated.

“We led a mutiny,” I blurted out, the truth flowing from my lips quicker than I could manage. “We were being kept in the dark and didn’t trust the person in charge. I had just lost Dad and Mom was in a coma and I panicked, alright? I-I felt like I had to do something! I didn’t want anyone else to die and we ended up killing so many.”

“And did you?” Maz jutted her chin up as she looked at me, “Have to do something?”

 I blinked away the tears that filled my eyes, guilt rose in my chest as I thought of Holdo. Standing in the hanger as she watched our transports flee the Raddus, she had everything under control while I’d been scheming behind her back.

“No,” I trembled and ducked my head as if that would shield me from her vision.

“Dameron?” 

“No,” he said, “I’m a soldier and she was my commanding officer. All I had to do was trust.”

I peered up to see Maz plop down on Poe’s chest, a sight that should’ve amused me, but didn’t. The moment had drained me of every emotion that wasn’t sorrow or guilt.

“And now what?” she asked.

“What?” Poe said, his eyes rested on me to make sure I was relatively alright.

“Let’s say you’re right. That your actions, your arrogance, got many people killed. Led the Resistance to where they are now: broken, on the run, destitute, and begging for help.”

As I stayed silent, Poe spoke up, “We fix it.”

“How will you do that?” she asked. “You can’t bring the dead back. You can’t single-handedly rebuild the Resistance, although,” Maz snorted and looked between the two of us, “If anyone was going to try it would be you two.”  “I can bring down the First Order.” Poe answered.

“Alone?” Maz raised her eyebrows in amusement

“If I have to.”

She shook her head, “Arrogance. Still.” Maz adjusted her position so she was kneeling over him, “You know who else is arrogant? The First Order.”

“The First Order is evil, Maz, that’s not a fair comparison.” I stuck up for my boyfriend, sniffling after, “No one knows that better than me.”

Maz adjusted her goggles again, seemingly staring straight into my soul. While I’d never explicitly told her about my family history, she’d always known. If you knew the Solo family, it wasn’t hard to connect the dots as to why we suddenly became a permanent party of three one day. I hoped she wouldn’t push it, that was one wound I didn’t need reopened.

“I’ve seen evil in many forms, children. The First Order is no worse than the Sith, or the Empire, or countless others who would use the dark side. As always, they must be countered with the light. But...” Maz finally climbed off of Poe and came back to sit on her lounge chair, removing her spectacles as she did, “I have my own way of fighting. Not everything is about armadas and starfighters, you know.”

Poe sat up finally, rubbing at his sore back and stared at Maz. I was just as surprised, I never thought that she would be the one to disappoint me. She seemed so…

“You think I’m callous,” she finished my thought, “But I’m not. You will be fine without me.”

I scoffed at her dismissal and stood up, “You’re the last person I would’ve expected to say no to helping, Maz. Especially after what happened to Dad…”  “I sure hope you’re right, lady,” Poe said bitterly, “Because if you’re not, me and mine are going to die. And you can sit with that for a thousand more years for all I care.”

With that, we silently made our way out of the spa feeling like even bigger failures than we had when we entered.

————

I dried the last of my tears as Poe asked for clearance to leave for the second time, only to be denied. One of his arms was tightly wound around my torso, Maz’s questioning had opened a floodgate I’d been trying to keep shut. The mutiny, Holdo, Dad…I wished more than anything that my father was here, he would know exactly what to do. How to rebuild, how to lead, how to atone for my sins…

I growled and smacked the side window of our ship, “Why won’t they just let us off this damned planet?”  Poe tried again to be met with the same breathy voice with a different message, “Negative, pilot. You have company.” 

We looked around through the pastel fog that surrounded us and found nothing. A sudden knock on the window had us both jumping and reaching for our blasters till we saw who it was. Maz.

“Open up,” she said with another tap on the glass.

Poe opened the cockpit and Maz leaned into the small space.

“There’s something I meant to tell you before you ran off like that. But first, where did you get this ship? It’s a relic.”

“It’s a loaner.” Poe answered exasperatedly, “I told you we’re down to scrap metal, everything else destroyed. Now what do you want?”

“It’s a relic, but it’s also a collectible. When you’re done with it, come see me. I might buy it.”

I sighed frustratedly, “Maz, what do you want? We’ve got places to be.” That was a lie, we had absolutely nowhere to go.

Maz waved us off as if we had all the time in the world. “We’ve long suspected that the First Order has been taking children and disappearing people on the margins of the galaxy. But things are escalating now: arresting people on phony trumped-up charges. Small crimes that they’ve blown up into capital offenses, or charges simply fabricated out of nothing. People going missing in the dead of night, their families having no idea what happened to them. Nighttime raids or picked up off the streets and vanished. And the people most likely to disappear? People with ties to the old rebellion. And interestingly enough, we’re seeing it with some old Imperials, as well. Those who have been outspoken about their distaste for the First Order, but also those who have remained neutral. Anyone who might pose a threat, now or down the line.”

“Do you think that’s what happened to our allies?” I thought out loud, “They could’ve been arrested?”  “Maybe. Possibly.” Maz answered with a shrug, “But the First Order used to do it in secret. Now they don’t bother. They snatch people off the streets and don’t even pretend to have whatever planet they’ve infiltrated hold a sham trial. Just death or labor camps.”

“Labor camps?” Poe breathed, it was a heavy revelation.

“Someone has to build all those fancy new ships, eh?”

Poe and I shared a look, trying processing the information. “Thanks, Maz,” he said thoughtfully, “Leia will want to know about this.”

“Yes, I thought she might. Rumor has it that there’s a list somewhere of all the people they’ve taken. A big list. No one’s seen it, but I’ve got people chasing it down. I hear something definitive, I’ll call you.”

“Please do,” I responded with a single nod.

“You sure you don’t want to sell this ship?” Maz gestured to our ship once more.

“Not ours to sell.” Poe replied.

“A shame.”

Poe began to close the cockpit just as Maz called our names, “Poe! Y/n!”

We turned our heads to see a knowing smile on her face, “Be the light.”

————

We’d just gotten off Ephemera when we began to discuss the visit.

Bee initiated the conversation, What’s wrong?

“I guess I expected more.” Poe answered, earning a hum of agreement from me.

Well, what did you expect?

“Anything. I’ve known Maz a long time and never once has she disappointed me.” I shook my head, “Guess I can’t say that anymore.”

I’m sorry.

“Maybe our expectations were too high.” Poe let out a heavy sigh.

I leaned my head back against his shoulder and let out a similar sound. My mind was swirling with chaos, most of which I’d created for myself. I felt like there was going to be a dark cloud of shame that followed me around for the rest of my life. Poe’s reply to Maz back in the spa still had me thinking though, we had to fix our mistake. We couldn’t bring back the people we’d lost, but we could try to make amends. The question of how we would do that, I still didn’t have an answer for but I was determined enough to figure it out.

Communication coming in, it’s from the Millennium Falcon.

I sucked in a breath, it was the first contact I’d had since I’d left the ship. What was waiting on the other end? I felt my anxiety building once again at the extreme scenarios that filled my head. As if he could read my mind, Poe grabbed my hand and squeezed hard. His nerves were just as high as mine.

“Put it through, buddy.” Poe requested, his thumb rubbing over my hand lightly, “This is Poe Dameron, everything all right?”  “Poe!” Rose’s voice greeted, “Good to hear your voice. Wait, isn’t Y/n with you?”  “I’m here, Rose. Is everything okay?” I held my breath as we awaited her answer.

“Falcon’s on land,” she answered, “We’re hoping you and Maz will join us.”

“Maz isn’t coming,” Poe said regretfully, “I’m afraid she’s decided to sit this fight out.”

“What? Why?”

I didn’t want to lie to Rose but didn’t feel right telling her just how disinterested in our sufferings Maz appeared to be. “It’s a long story. Where are you guys?”

“That’s a long story too but the short version? Leia secured us temporary shelter on Ryloth.”

“That’s great news, Rose,” I sighed, turning to Poe who seemed to be lost in his own thoughts and giving him a nudge. He shook himself out of his daze, “We’ve got a place to land. Ryloth system.”  “The Ryloth system?” Poe repeated with a small chuckle, “How did Leia pull that one off? I thought Ryloth didn’t pick sides.”  “She’s Leia,” Rose replied.

“She is, indeed,” Poe reenforced as I grinned, I was beginning to think there truly was nothing my mother couldn’t do.

“I’m sending BB-8 the coordinates now.”

I watched as the coordinates appeared on the display screen, Poe examined them, “This says head for the outermost moon. Is that correct?”

“Ambassador Yendor has asked our starfighters to meet there. Once everyone’s collected, he’ll bring you in under cover.”

“Ah,” he said, “So we’re not officially on Ryloth.”  “It’s a bit of a stealth mission. The government knows we’re here but they can’t acknowledge us. We’re working directly with the Ryloth Defense Authority.”

“The Ryloth Defense Authority? I don’t know what that is, but it sounds promising.” Poe said, I heard just an ounce of hope in his voice for the first time in a while.

“Leia can explain once you guys are here. Any word from the rest of your Black Squadron?”  “Negative,” he answered, “But we’re just clearing planet orbital space. We’ll follow up with Black Teams One and Two shortly and give them the coordinates.”

“Affirmative. Leia also wants you to follow up with Inferno Squadron and give them the coordinates, too.”

“We will.” I replied.

“Great. See you soon.”

“Out,” Poe said before ending the transmission, “If I haven’t ever said it, your mother is incredible.”  “I’m pretty sure you sing her praises in your sleep,” I jested, earning a pinch to my side.

 “BB-8, open a secure channel to Black Team One.” Poe directed.

After a few seconds waiting, Snap’s voice came through, “Is that you, Poe? Y/n? Everything okay?”

“All good, here, Snap.” Poe stated, “Checking in on the status of your mission and to give you coordinates to a meeting place.”

There were muffled curses through the speaker of the ship followed by a voice shouting “Yes!”. Snap followed, “Copy that, Poe. And your timing is excellent. Karé and I have left Akiva with Norra and Wedge in hand.”

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Nothing we couldn’t handle. Some local opposition and some less than effective surface to air cannons. We took care of it.”

“Good to hear,” Poe replied, “And everything’s good with Wedge and…and your mom?”  “Oh, she’s crazy as ever,” Snap laughed, “But aren’t we all these days? It’s her life, right? I’m going to let her live it.”

“I’m glad to hear that, Snap” I smiled, “I’m going to send you the coordinates right now.”  “Received.” he answered after a moment, “I’ll get them to the team. Listen, we’re going to make a couple of detours to see if we can find any of Phantom Squadron still kicking around.”

“Phantom Squadron?” Poe asked, “They haven’t flown together since my mom was still an active pilot.”  “We need people, right?”

I shrugged, “It’s worth a shot, they’d have experience.”  “See, your girlfriend approves. It won’t take long. We’ll see you on Ryloth before you know it.”  Poe chucked under his breath, “Alright, watch your back out there, Snap.”  “Always do.” Snap answered just before Poe ended the communication.

“So are you calling the shots now for my squadron?” Poe asked with a smile.

I snickered, “All I did was endorse the idea. One pilot is enough for me to manage, I don’t need five of you.”

Without even having to ask, Bee started connecting us to Sura and Jess.

“Poe! Y/n!” Sura yelled, causing us to jolt back in our seat, “I can only talk for a sec. Real busy here!”

“What’s going on?” Poe’s voice drained of all humor, “Are you and Jess under fire?”

“Uhh...you could say that.” Suralinda screamed just as the comm ended suddenly.

“Bee,” I hurried, “What happened?”

I don’t know!  “Well, can you reconnect?” Poe cried, nerves had over taken him.

I’m going to try.

“Keep trying,” he replied, “Something’s happening to them, why did I make the call to send them there? I should have-“  “Stop,” I said, attempting to keep my anxiety at bay for Poe’s sake, “We don’t know anything yet. Do not start beating yourself up before we even know what happened.”  He attempted to take some deep breaths as I kept a hand on him, but I didn’t sense his panic decreasing at all. We waited for several minutes, consumed by fear that our friends were dying, until the connection finally went through.

“Poe?” Jess’s voice rang through, “Is that you? Y/n?”  “Jess,” Poe breathed, his body relaxing back into the seat, “Is that you?”  “Oh yeah. I just tagged Suralinda into the ring, so she had to go,” she answered as she panted for breath. There was an unmistakeable roar of a crowd in the background.

“Ring?” I asked, “Jess, where the hell are you?”  “Barterus. Gladiatorial ring. The ex-Imperial Suralinda was looking for? Teza Nasz? She wouldn’t see us unless we bested her greatest warriors in hand-to-hand combat, so Suralinda thought-”

“Fuck,” Poe cursed and threw his head back, “Suralinda thought she’d throw two very much needed Resistance pilots into the death pits of Rattatak for the sake of simply talking to an ex-Imperial who may or may not be of help to us?”

“Well,” Jess responded meekly after a few seconds, “When you put it that way.”

“Get out of there, Jess,” Poe ordered, “It’s not worth losing either one of you. We need you flying for Black Squadron more than we need this Teza Nasz.”

“Yeah, I’m afraid it’s a little too late for that, Poe. The Rattataki don’t take kindly to quitters. It’s sort of a win-or-die situation. But don’t worry. We got this in hand. Oh!”

There was a crash in the background and the sound of a vibro-ax being charged up. It was going to be harder now to reassure Poe that everything was going to be fine…

“I’m up! Gotta go, don’t worry!”

“BB-8 is going to send coordinates for our rendezvous point,” I said, “Get there in one piece as soon as you can.”   “Don’t mess around.” Poe said, ”And don’t die! That’s an order.

“Order received!” Jess announced before disconnecting the communication properly.

“Insanity…” Poe grumbled, though I couldn’t help myself from laughing, “Something funny?”  “I’m sorry,” I said in between my giggles, “I really hope you appreciate that the rest of your squadron are just as hotheaded as you are.”  He sighed irritatedly at me before I felt his chest begin to rumble with laughter. For just a few brief seconds, everything felt okay. Sitting in Poe’s lap, flying together and laughing.

“We need to make one last call,” I said, asking Bee to put it through.

“Shriv here.”  “Shriv,” Poe greeted, “It’s Poe and Y/n, how’s your mission going?

“Oh, you know,” he answered, ”Lots of flying around and getting doors slammed in our faces. But we did find a couple of old friends of the Rebellion. I think Leia will be pleased.”

“I’m sure she will. We’re headed for Ryloth,” I spoke up, “Does Inferno Squad feel like joining?”

 “Absolutely.” 

“Great. We’re sending the coordinates now.” Poe replied as he pressed the button. 

Shriv answered soon after, “Received. We’re on our way.”

“See you there,” I said and ended the transmission, “Well, that’s a little bit of good news.”

“Yeah,” Poe adjusted a control before asking Bee to jump to lightspeed, "We’re going to need a lot more of it though.”

————

We were one of the thirteen ships that landed on Ryloth in the middle of the night. I was happy to see as many ships as that in the hanger when Poe and I dismounted, it was a good start. He was the first one to spot Mom,

“Leia!” he called out and we jogged across the hanger to get to her. Even though I’d known she was safe on Ryloth, I couldn’t relax until I’d actually seen her with my own eyes.

“Commander,” she said with a nod to Poe. He was so embarrassed by his casualness that he hadn’t even realized that she’d called him ‘Commander’ again.

“General,” he greeted again as he blushed, “Sorry for the informality. Just glad to see you again.”

“I’m glad to see you, too, Poe. You too, Commander Solo,” she said, with a wink directed towards me, “Walk with me and tell me what we have.” I’d have to ask her later what we’d done to earn our titles back.

We made our way through the hanger and explained as many people as we could.

“The two pilots there you know from Black Squadron, Jessica Pava and Suralinda Javos.” Poe pointed towards the duo, plus a recently added third person, “The woman with them is ex-Imperial-officer Teza Nasz. They found her on Rattatak after fighting in the death pits.”

Sura and Jess looked…well, they could’ve looked worse. Jess’s dark hair was matted with blood, Sura had a few bruises and her lip was split. Teza Nasz was easily the most intimidating person I’d ever seen in my life. She wore a one-shouldered jumpsuit made up of various animal skins and mismatched pieces of armor. There were lines that were cut into her arm, no doubt by a knife and she had dark red dreadlocks down her back.

“That warlord is ex-Imperial?” Mom asked, I could hear her stifling a laugh.

Poe explained her backstory and how she’d been an officer in the Imperial Navy, strategist in the Battle of Jakku and was assumed dead shortly after. Suralinda and her had known each other at some point.

Mom was thinking it all over, “Well, she looks like a warrior, not a strategist, but perhaps I shouldn’t judge by looks alone. If she dropped off New Republic scopes that thoroughly and was able to rise to power on Rattatak, she’s probably both. What’s her name, again?”

“Teza Nasz,” I answered at the exact moment the warlord turned around and locked eyes with Mom. There was some sort of silent standoff between the two of them, they were both powerful in their own right. Only once Nasz turned away first did we continue our discussion.

“Who else?” Mom asked before a voice called her name. We turned to see a young girl behind us eagerly waiting to shake Mom’s hand.

“It’s good to finally meet you in person, Zay,” she greeted, “Where’s Shriv?”

“Over here,” the Duros said, walking up to join us. “Good to see you General.”  Shriv had been a Rebellion, now Resistance, fighter. He’d seen everything from the Battle of Endor to the Battle of Jakku during the old days. If you wanted to hear some good war stories, Shriv was your man. I’d only heard of Zay from my mother, I knew that she was recently orphaned and an excellent pilot. Naturally her story tugged at my heart.

After we’d caught up and Shriv had excused himself, Mom asked Zay if they’d located anyone. We made our way over to the civilian transport where she said she thought we’d be happy with what we found. She also filled us in on what had gone on during their mission. Once she got to the point where they were unable to locate many of the people they’d been trying to find, I decided to jump in.

“Maz told us something similar,” I said, “It seems like they’ve disappeared.”  “What does it mean?” Zay asked.

“The First Order, most likely,” Poe answered, “If we know about these potential allies, so do they. They’re just getting to them first.”  We made our way to the transport and took a look at the group. There were two native Twi’lek’s handing out hot towels and water to our allies, everyone was in their own conversations that seemed to die as they noticed Mom’s presence. A single figure broke apart from the small crowd and began walking toward us.

“This is-“ Zay began to say.

“I know who this is,” Mom said quietly before greeting the older man, “General Rieekan.”  As they embraced, I finally placed where I’d heard the name. He’d been a General during the Rebellion, working closely with my mother on Hoth and everywhere else the Rebellion had taken them. Poe, Zay and I broke away from them to let the two old comrades catch up.

“I can’t believe you and Shriv found him,” I patted Zay on the shoulder, “Good job.”  “Thanks,” she beamed at me, before her eyes caught my lightsaber on my hip, “Wait, you’re Commander Solo.”

“Last time I checked.”

“You’re a legend!”  Poe and I exchanged a confused look before I turned back to the girl, “How so?”  “Crait! You took on Kylo Ren all by yourself!” Zay exclaimed, her hands flying to her head, “It’s all over the galaxy how you battled each other. A-And then I heard Luke Skywalker showed up and the two of you fought together. Oh man, I can’t believe I’m actually talking to you!”

How the hell had that story gotten out? I assumed that moment would live and die on Crait, maybe it would spread slowly through the Resistance. I didn’t think I would turn into a galaxy-wide tale. Much less, that it would be told falsely with the embellished storyline that my uncle and I had fought together. I wished that was the truth.

“Well,” I awkwardly smiled, “That’s not entirely true.”  Zay’s face fell as if I’d just crushed some dream of hers, “So you didn’t battle Kylo Ren?”  “Well,” I rubbed the back of my neck, “I did, but-“  “So you are a hero!” she grinned before excitedly shaking my hand, “I can’t tell you how excited I am to meet a real live Jedi knight!”

I could tell I wasn’t going to get in a word edgewise, the girl already looked up to me seemingly. But I felt unnerved at the thought that I was letting someone else think I was a hero. Heroes didn’t lead mutinies and they certainly didn’t get their soldiers killed.

Shouts began to rise behind us in the hanger, we turned to see a crowd was beginning to form. I could clearly hear the punches that were being thrown.

“A fight!” Zay excitedly shouted.

Poe, Shriv and I ran off together to see what was going on. I should’ve known things were going just a little too well to continue that way.

————

A/N: Fun Fact: The conversation between Zay and the reader is based on the ending of TLJ with the three kids reenacting the lightsaber fight. As always, thank for all the support on this series! I’m having the best time writing it 🖤

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shinriaaa · 3 years

Text

Venus

Chapter 1

Summary: As his world faced the near extinction event, Levi Ackerman was coincidentally contacted by his cosmic relative. Unbeknownst to him, they are both alone in the universe as Ackermans. Not going to be replicated just like the others in different worlds, but to disappear once they’ll... die.

p/s another unedited fic soooo yea, please leave out your comments below if u guys wanted to let me continue this!

—

He was sure that the universe is playing his fate all along as if the mysterious void of different celestial bodies is just another speck of reality embedded in humanity’s mind like a whirlwind of eternal misery. Just another mind fuckery, making their species insane and pretty much useless if the world just began and ends in a blink of an eye.

Taking a break from his head aching stupor, he stood up and poured another cup of tea, an Earl Grey, which is safely tucked in a drawer of his domain at the moment for the past 70 years. The owner might have left it there for his pleasure but died like everyone else that was left in the world at the moment.

Sitting back on the swivel chair of the office, his computer— no, supercomputer suddenly gave a message. There is an email, an email and his eyes widened like it’s the most surreal thing that has happened ever since he was born on Earth. Emails er are long gone, and it was replaced by those electronic texts and all of the sudden, another automatic message receiving device has been invented that you immediately receive it to your head via a chip implanted there.

Levi stifled a laugh, much to his chagrin, he grinned silently. He clicked the notification, but his eyes widened when he saw the sender.

Mikasa… Ackerman.

To be honest, he doesn’t know her. He had no relatives with that name, and even if he did somehow, probably she’s on another side of the planet because of her name, which sounds Japanese. But why all of the sudden? Is she even alive? But where?

All those questions suddenly made him shiver when he realized that the Japanese peninsula was obliterated a year ago and the survivors fled into space.

He slowly read the letter, his eyes not even blinking. He swore that it all baffled him, like the universe itself and the world around him.

——

Dear Levi,

Hello. I’m Mikasa Ackerman.

I came from another world… and upon searching among the worlds that may still harbor life, I saw your surname. As silly as it is, I am hoping for you to email me back since I am all alone in the universe. You know that… we are the only ones who existed in the whole universe, even parallel ones. We are singular, Levi. We have only one life among the stars, and we are not going to be copied like the rest of the world be.

I wanted to reach out to you… Please. We are on the brink of extinction right now. An Ackerman alone in the universe is a terrible thing, and if I’m gone, no one will be like me again. Also you… you will turn to dust like the others, except you will not be copied into another universe. There is a wormhole, and I sent this to you at the quickest speed of light. I am in another universe, a parallel universe like the millions around us.

Save me and be with me. Please live. I cannot lose you.

Sincerely yours, Mikasa

——

He stared at the screen, his emotions are now in a sudden haze of confusion and bewilderment. As if on cue to his shocking discovery, he staggered back on his chair and fell on the floor when an explosion probably a thousand miles away from where he was temporarily living is obviously… obliterated by the force and the sudden drop of temperature made him shiver.

Another Higgs, and he’ll surely kill himself rather than being blasted by that damned bomb. He stood up, luckily the supercomputer wasn’t harmed and the bright light emitted from it made his place illuminated in contrast to the world outside his makeshift abandoned facility from decades long gone.

80 years ago, wars broke out. The earth slowly turned into ruins, and millions and billions of people died. The people lost control, and some of them ventured away towards the stars. The humans left here in this damned planet are always higged, turned to ashes, just for the sake of destruction. The Sun warmed, too warm and it killed everything.

The year 2113 wasn’t getting better either, it was far worse. It was almost an extinction-level event, and he feared the worst. The planet could potentially be obliterated by the species it gave life with, only the said species became its demise.

Now, in his apocalyptic world, he was sitting on his swivel chair, now called vintage by his timeline, and stared at the email outrageously, and remembered a story about a certain girl who wanted him to respond from years long gone. Levi heaved out a sigh, and if there’s any way that could get him out of this fucked up planet, he’ll do it. Even if it has consequences, or he will be eaten by aliens or whatsoever that awaits him up there in the void, he will find a way.

It’s not like humans can’t still offer a ride up to space and go to another hospitable planet, but unluckily for him, he was not a millionaire or a billionaire in this world. He can’t afford a seat— hell, he can’t even come inside that fucking rocket without a cash payment to offer. Because surviving is a damn expensive venture he’ll get into, and even though he’ll rob a bank here and now, he will probably end up dying or find nothing there.

Humanity is long gone.

And he was still here, looking at his computer, like he was so lucky, so lucky in fact, to even be contacted by someone even though it’s from another world or anything in this matter. As long as someone is still worried about his well-being.

Finally, after he pondered for a moment, he clicked the email button, well, a reply would suffice. His fingers hovered the keyboard, and it was so foreign for him to act like this— even to the world as living in at the moment, that he sent a message through a keyboard and a fucking computer at that.

He typed and typed, leaving out the details and he sighed. There is no turning back… he will just wait and see if there is a possibility that he will be free.

——

Dear Mikasa,

Hello… Yes, I’m Levi.

I’ve received your email. Please count the hours since you sent it so that we can properly talk through this… old type of sending messages. I am unlucky living on this Earth, probably too far away to reach you. If you need my help, it is probably too late. We are getting obliterated right now, and there’s more to come.

Mikasa, how can I save you when I couldn’t save myself from this fucked up world? Tell me how and I’ll gladly do it. Thank you for reaching out, even though you don’t need to.

By the way… are you safe? Because I’m fucking obviously not.

Yours, Levi Ackerman

——

Sending it… he slumped back on his not-so-comfortable swivel chair as the loading continued. But after a few seconds, he saw the ‘sent!’ notification and a small smile lit up his lips. By the thoughts of it, he hoped that it may reach her somehow… if not too late. Extinction, like his world, is probably common among the worlds that have a common ground— parallel. The multiverse is a common concept, and not like it was originally taken kindly, some people still doubt it until now. Levi thought if she was from another universe that is parallel to him, or maybe… if it is parallel to his world, she would probably be in front of a computer talking to him at the end of the world.

Sighing, he closed his eyes as the smell of apocalypse lingered around him. It smells filthy, deranged and he hates it. Loathes it, in fact.

Freedom… did it even exist? He wondered as he saw another thunder and a blast from up above, silently praying that there are no casualties in that land to become one of the dead.

But pondering what Mikasa said, they are luckily replicated to the other parallel universes. Maybe the people here are living there peacefully without the Higgs, and maybe they die but luckily be buried underneath the Earth.

But not him.

He never felt so alone until her email. If the universe is playing his fate, they sure want him to suffer.

—

It was a few minutes after he took a nap and a message suddenly came into his bright supercomputer, like it was a fire ignited from the wood. He looked up, seemingly deluded by the fact, that someone was communicating with him. Like it was not just a dream or trickery from his mind throughout this madness.

It was all true.

Mikasa is still alive, somewhere… but still alive.

Slowly clicking the email while his eyes glued to the screen, he finally read her reply. Bit by bit, slowly… like he can finally see the light.

——

Dear Levi,

Thank the Gods you’re alive!

To answer your request, I received your email after a few minutes when I sent my email to you. I think you quickly answered it, right? Also… I’m safe. I’m in a spaceship at the moment, but as you can see, humanity in this universe is on a brink of extinction. We are nearing the wormhole, in case you’re wondering why I can quickly send the message. Apparently…

We’re probably coming to your universe.

I doubt it… but I saw the map and it was headed towards your universe when I first searched your name, it has an address, and I knew, we’re going there. Levi, I can save you. I’ll save you if I can, I’ll control the spaceship since everyone is asleep…

Find a way to get into a rocketship. And I’ll meet you at your world’s moon base (if there’s any) and I’ll get you.

Sincerely yours, Mikasa

——

Levi inwardly smirked, as an idea sparked in his mind. Speaking of moon bases, he has a friend in NASA, still here at the Earth as of this moment. The flight towards the moon base will happen this afternoon… if he can see exactly the sun in the dark skies that indicates it was still morning.

He replied to her email, grabbed some supplies for his venture outside towards the 15-minute walk towards NASA's main building, and locked the door.

It was not a luxury seat on a starship ride, but the Moon is the door to his freedom.

——

Dear Mikasa,

Thank you. I think I found a way. I’ll meet you up. Though the ride will take place after three days, two and a half days is the minimum time of travel. Perhaps you can meet me after four to five days if possible.

Please be safe. And thank you for saving me. Email me up, and I’ll answer you later since I’ll be going on an errand.

Yours, Levi

——

Chapter Two

A/N Please let me know in the comments below about your thoughts! don’t be shy to leave a note, hehehehehe ily! ✨

#rivamika #snk #fanfiction #levi ackerman #mikasa ackerman #snk levi #snk mikasa #levi #mikasa #venus #sci-fi #apocalypse #au

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cipher-fresh · 3 years

Text

Just Out Of Reach

Posting on tumblr due to Discord's character limit, this one's a lot longer than my other ones. A prompt from @marlinspirkhall about how food on the holodeck doesn't exist once you step off it got me thinking. TW for violence, injury, blood, food, eating disorders I think (?? rather safe than sorry) and long-term distress. Thank you for the Federation gothic prompt!

It's fuzzy, you remember the ship leaving spacedock after repairs, and some of the anticipatory silence as the odd lack of Dominion ships greeted your rush toward the Bajoran sector to help recapture Deep Space Nine and the Bajoran wormhole. You had never been this far away from home, but you'd tried to steel yourself. The red alert had blared in your ears, and you don't remember much else. You look down. You're bleeding. You curse, and look around for medical supplies.

You're in a dark building, with debris strewn around. A force field makes it's presence known as a hurtling piece of Dominion ship tailwing is stopped in it's tracks from perhaps it's original destiny of destroying wherever you were. If there was a forcefield up, there must be an energy source. You find you had crash-landed here, as there's an escape pod near the fallen bulkheads. You saddle up with the materials from the escape pod, and hunt around for any available resources on whatever man-made, oxygenated building you'd been lucky enough to land in. You put your bag down, and take off your Starfleet outer shirt. You're still wearing the gray undershirt, and over it you tie the main shirt over the wound. You wish it had been an easier area to tie, like your lower leg, and press on. After a trek over fallen metal, everything from large carts, a whole shuttle, bulkheads and PADDs, you find the opposite wall, marked with a plaque designating it the Miyamoto, a mini-space station hardly the size of a neighborhood street. Some place, you scoff. It feels like a shadowy castle fallen into disrepair, with the flickering lights looking like the occasional sunbeam brightening it. Atmospheric, at least, if it wasn't going to comfortable. It feels as if you could almost hear sad music, accentuating just quite how dark the station was, cold and alone. The Miyamoto station echoes sadly, the destruction and carnage of Dominion and Federation ships making their final stand above the station feeling long off, although you could place it as happening mere hours ago. Continuing onward, you clear a path the best you can of the debris on the ground, in case you round this area again.

You see places that look like shops- the *Miyamoto*, as per it's informational plaque, was a station commissioned and controlled by Starfleet, but it had housed many Federation-aligned planets, that is to say, planets that hadn't joined the Federation for one reason or another, but remained in contact with it, politically or economically. Your journey around the station ends as you look back down at your outer shirt, wrapped around your torso wound, and it's too red with blood for comfort. You take an unfortunate, seething inhale, processing what this might mean. You have no other than the most basic medical supplies on your bag, and you're alone on a mini-space station with debris that was ripe to fall over and crush you at any time. Nobody else seems to have crashed near you. You're alone, on an at least semi-functioning, mini-space station. And you were determined to survive. The bleeding cut on your torso should be dealt with first. Can't look for food or set up a distress call if you're bleeding to death. You take a tricorder from the bag, and scan around for anything useful. It picks up gauze a few meters ahead of you. Better than your shirt, certainly. You navigate toward it with the tricorder's map, and it navigates you to a holodeck, you recognize from the doors. Gauze in the holodeck? You thought the violin music had been a symptom of a bleeding body and the brain processing your day, but no, the violin was louder. Getting closer to the holodeck, that made more sense. It was extremely lucky the program was still running. You walk inside. The inside is a gothic, turn-of-the-century sort of laboratory. Indeed, a holodeck character playing a violin spots you, and huffs.

"You're bleeding. Are you looking for my partner, Dr. Watson?"

You take a moment- oh, this was a Sherlock Holmes program. You doubt Dr. Watson could help you, but then you take a moment to think. Emergency Medical Holograms are just as holographic as Dr. Watson here, and they have helped millions of people. You're too tired to act, so you ask him, "Yes, I need a doctor. Can you get him?" Too much also eating at your mind to enjoy the program, Dr. Watson fixes you up in the flat. You wince at the old medical technology, and wish the two of them lived in a period of time with more current medicinal knowledge. - Wait. "Computer?" you say. "Change the time period to, uh, 22nd century. No, I mean, to today. 24th century. Keep Sherlock and Watson with me." The computer responds to your request, and you see the program change around you. You laugh at the mystery-solving duo's updated outfits for the 24th century, then look back at Dr. Watson. It's a little jarring how seamlessly they continue from the jump in time, but better that than their program stop working. Watson asks a replicator- a holographic replicator, which makes you laugh a little bit, for a dermal regenerator, and you get patched up. "Stick around for a cup of tea?" Watson asks. "Sherlock really wants to know why you broke into our flat." You consider it. You've heard jokes from non-Federation species when trying out holodecks for the first time, "Calories don't count on the holodeck!" Anything you eat here wouldn't sustain you, the minute you left the holodeck. You could activate this program so long as there was energy to the station, but food was a priority. Assuming the *Miyamoto* had been in a tussle just a few hours ago during your fly-over to Deep Space Nine, now was a crucial time to find genuine replicators before they went offline. You leave the holodeck. You see the gauze over your injury (kept for good measure) disappear as you exit the holodeck, but not the skin you'd grown back from the dermal regenerator. The gauze was holographic, but the stimulated skin cells and tissues were not. You follow the path set by rounding around the small, circular station, and tracing your steps back through the cleared path you made. Your injury healed, you could now look around and find something to eat. You follow around a downloaded map of the *Miyamoto* from the plaque's infochip, and hunt down all the replicators marked on the station. One by one, they're all broken, in pieces, or missing. Maybe the station was in poor shape to begin with. You take another trip around- at least you're getting plenty of exercise in, you halfheartedly cheer- and visit all the food shops. You raid the fridges, cabinets and cupboards, and still find nothing. Intending to not be disheartened, you sit down for a moment. Your hunger is suddenly made aware to you, your vision swirling. Not good, you decide. Your stomach hurts, and you try to remember the last time you ate. Breakfast on- on the *USS Halay*. Maybe tea with Dr. Watson wouldn't be so bad, you assure yourself. You have some food with the two of them, think of a new plan, then go back out there and find some food. Some water, while you're at it, too. You walk back, and almost trip over debris you swore you moved out of your path. You enter back to the holodeck, and smell the fresh air. You find Watson and Sherlock again, and you're offered a pastry you can't remember the name of. You eat, and have some tea, and you feel at peace. You're still directly aware of the stakes, you're stuck on a space station in the middle of nowhere, but you're at least still alive. And going from desperately hungry out there to the sweet scent of buttered pastries in here in a still-peaceful London before the Dominion invaded was a sense of home you'd missed. You sat down, and considered your optics. If you left now, you'd probably be just as hungry as before, but here, you could come up with a plan, and make the time before it worth it. You clued in the holographic Sherlock and Watson into it, without exposing to them they were holograms. Quite tricky, it was, but you were glad they got over

their suspicions and were just willing to help. You and the two problem-solvers looked over the schematics of the *Miyamoto*, and found from your walkaround of the station, the replicator at the Bolarian food shop was the least broken- it had gotten halfway to forming bread before it puttered out. Although not quite a chief engineer, this seemed to be your only option. You picked back up your supplies from the escape pod that you'd kept with you, and journey off to the replicator. You feel the distinct hunger pangs as soon as you leave, and almost regret leaving. Little matter. You'd already gone and done it, you might as well make it worthwhile. You get to the replicator, and try to recall your engineering training. Basic engineering design over necessary machines like replicators and transporters were required classes at the Academy, and you couldn't remember a thing from it. You open a hatch at the back and fiddle with some of the wires and steel EPS hubcaps, and put everything back into place. Not ever quite sure what to do, you feel a fog in your brain, you know you're putting a square peg in a round hole as you try to fix this. You screw things on and off, scan it, flip a switch. Closing the hatch, you hit it for good measure, and try replicating food again. It produces a gray slop of what could only technically be edible, organic material. You take your tricorder out and get a holo-scan of it. A moment of darkness in your vision, you fall to the ground. You're really feeling it. You hold a hand to your stomach, and close your eyes tight. It hurts, it does. You could make the feeling go away, if you just went back.

A deep breath, and you turned around. Just back for a second.

Desperate to get back to the holodeck, you're assured you can figure out the replicator's problem with the holo-imager scans. You get back inside, and feel the pleasant, clean air, and walk back inside. Ravenously, you scarf down the food given to you, and you can feel your mind finding clarity again. If you could find a way to fix the replicator while inside the holodeck, you'd be set. You could fix it there, and only be hungry from the minute you walked over to the replicator, no brain fog as you tried to fix it. Maybe engineers had "Don't fix things on an empty stomach" as a rule. If not, they should. You spend a few more hours there, going over the specs of the replicator, sitting in the nice flat. It's an amalgamation of every depiction of 221B ever put to screen, and all the books are real, wholly scripted ones. You chuckle, certainly sure only a man of fiction could read so many books, bookshelves stacked wall to wall. Many of them had frantically scribbled notes and writings in them. After some time, you fall asleep. You're woken up by Watson, telling you again that you need to wake up. You rub your eyes, and consider everything from the day previous. Hungry, stuck on a space station with no food, and surviving in the holodeck. This would be a lovely nightmare to wake up from, eh? Lovely, for the fact you're waking up, you joke. "-get out there and find something to eat or your body will starve. Please. The program-" You burst out from under the blanket on the couch. Dr. Watson looks at you. "Sherlock and I put together that you're on a holodeck. Incredible inventions, truthfully, but what is more important now is your life. You haven't eaten in how long? A human would starve after not eating for-"

"About a week. But without water is a different story. Three days, at most." Sherlock filled in. You swallowed. Wonderful. You look back at Watson. "Please, we're trying to help you. You need to head back out there." That's the last thing you want to do.

Neither of them were being helpful. "Look, we can't leave the holodeck. All we can do is-" "I don't care!" you yell. "I'll just-stay in here until I figure it out." The two exchanged looks with each other. Watson got closer to you. You feel small. Threatened. "You're Starfleet, right? You haven't even given us your name. How about you-" You lash out. "Computer, delete characters Sherlock and Watson." "Not possible." "Fine! Delete whatever you need to get rid of them." "Confirmed." the computer says. The two of them phase out of existence. You breathe heavily. You hope they won't be mad at you. "Computer, change scenery. Somewhere on Earth. As far away from Sherlock as possible." "Changing location to Dunedin, New Zealand." the computer replied. You stop, and catch your breath. You'd just- stay in here. For a while. Yeah.

The systems of the Miyamoto station degrade. The holodeck, over time, begins to lose critical imaging projectors. One corner of the holodeck shows the depressingly bare and black wall, the whole program not covering the entire room. You try not to mind. You sleep. If you could just- just learn how to fix the replicator....no. You have everything you need right in here. Everything....you need. You take an arduous breath. The holodeck doors have sealed shut. The imagers have stopped working. You're trapped inside. A lone Starfleet officer starves to death on a holodeck, over an agonizing three days, just as Sherlock predicted. The Miyamoto station is destroyed by the Breen a year later, unimportant and completely alone. If one listened closely, passing an unimportant, tiny little station, they may have heard faint music of a violin.

#star trek #my writing #federation gothic #uss lilac #blood #dominion war #ds9 #wasn't planning to add sherlock holmes to the mix but when I had the injury and the violin i couldn't resist

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