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it-happened-one-fic · 3 months

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Ink and Magic - Tactician of the Scalding Sands

Author Notes: Part 4 of this sort of halfway non canon compliant what if with the overblots and their aftermath! A lot of what I said for part 1 counts for this section too. This isn't exactly romantic. in fact, I would say it counts as more platonic, but it certainly can be taken as shippy. This will also be a series, though the Diasomnia section won't come out until that entire matter is resolved in game. As per usual, reader is gender-neutral. I hope you enjoy!

Spoilers for Book 4: Schemer (Tactician) of the Scalding Sands!

[Heartslabyul] [Savanaclaw] [Octavinelle] [Scarabia: Youre Here!] [Pomefiore] [Ignihyde] [Diasomnia: To be released]

Type: Gender-neutral reader/ fic series/ Can be platonic or romantic/ fluff/ angst/ comfort/ Spoilers for Scarabia overblot.

Word Count: 1809 Words

The blot monster strained upwards, its giant arms reaching up towards the sky, before it burst apart, splattering ink everywhere as Jamil stood, fighting to stay upright even as everything fell around him.

Scarabia students were collapsing everywhere as his spell gave way under the immense pressure of the blot monster being defeated, but even then Jamil strained against this defeat.

A frustrated cry ripped itself out of him before he spoke; his breathing labored as he slowly began to succumb to exhaustion, “I was finally going to be number one…”

He stumbled forward, his arms trembling as he looked up first at Kalim before he continued, his voice shaking with emotion that he usually restrained, “I was finally going….”

His gaze shifted and his dark eyes met mine, causing me to go still as he held my gaze with an expression that contorted his handsome, but usually neutral, face into an expression that spoke purely of frustrated anguish.

And that was when I felt it. The familiar pang of sorrow that would spur me forward even as Jamil finished speaking, “To be free….”

I was in motion before he’d even finished his lament and began to pitch forward toward the floor. Distantly, I heard Kalim cry out something akin to my name, but he went ignored as I rushed towards Jamil’s already limp form.

I caught him in my arms with a grunt, the weight of his plummeting body forcing me to my knees even as Floyd and Jade appeared on either side of us, one’s mismatched gaze meeting mine before a loopy smile curved across his face. Floyd.

I felt arms supporting me from behind as I was eased the rest of the way to the hard ground. And this time, I did briefly fight it.

I didn’t know why this kept happening, but I shared Ace’s concerns about my connecting to each other overblot victims. But it was too late. I was already slipping away into the dark place where all would be explained.

It wouldn’t be long before I learned exactly what had driven Jamil to the breaking point.

But what greeted me wasn’t darkness this time. Instead, I found myself frowning at an unfamiliar room where two easily recognizable boys were playing a game.

A younger version of Kalim looked up, his wide red eyes sparkling as he gazed at Jamil. Even as a child, his face was full of affection and joy as he leaned towards his playmate, “Hey! Let’s play, Jamil! I’m gonna beat you this time for sure!”

The small Jamil let out a sigh, already worn out from playing whatever game it was that Kalim wanted to continue, and let out a tired protest, “This again, Kalim? You know I’m just going to keep winning. Can we play something else instead?”

Kalim hardly had time to react to Jamil’s tired words before the darker-haired boy had received a harsh rebuke from the two adults present, whom I quickly realized were Jamil’s parents. After all, they looked so similar….

“Jamil! Don’t you take that tone with Master Kalim!”

I cringed in sympathy as the woman swatted at Jamil while the man apologized profusely to the young Kalim, who was looking in startled confusion between Jamil and the two adults, “Master Kalim, thank you for playing with our son.”

Kalim looked perfectly confused and startled as Jamil’s mother also turned to him, a nervous smile on her face, “You’re kind enough to share your company. Truly you’ve been brought up well.”

The woman had barely finished speaking before I heard Jamil’s voice from right next to me, just like the other overblot victims had been when I’d seen their memories.

“My very first memory as a child was seeing my family bow before Kalim and his parents. I couldn't stand the sight of it.”

His tone was calm, just as I was so used to hearing it be. But what progressed through his memories and narration was deeply entrenched resentment. All towards the cheerful boy who called Jamil his best friend.

It made me wonder exactly how much of who I’d been interacting with was the real Jamil and how much was carefully faked. But in the end, no one could be as calm and unperturbed as Jamil had pretended to be.

I listened and watched patiently, though, learning about Jamil and Kalim’s shared past scene by scene of this odd black-and white-film made up of Jamil’s memories.

Apparently Jamil had been forced to always be second best…

And in many ways, his frustrations reminded me of Leona’s, save for the fact that Leona’s dissatisfaction seemed… Well, more aged.

Plus, unlike Jamil, Leona’s trouble seemed to be more fueled by the fact he couldn’t succeed. Jamil, on the other hand, seemed more upset that he couldn’t show his numerous skills and talents. Instead, he always had to let Kalim shine while he remained in the background. A vigilant shadow to Kalim’s brightly shining presence.

And perhaps all of it was made worse by the fact that Jamil’s bitterness was tainted by what I could see was clearly genuine affection.

It was obvious from his voice and their interactions that, despite everything, Jamil really did care for Kalim. And how could he not when I could quite literally see the amount of love Kalim held for his retainer?

He was frustrated because Kalim was what was holding him back, and it was obvious that he desperately wanted to hate Kalim. It was also obvious, though, that Jamil deeply cared for the young man who was always cheerful and supportive of him, even if Kalim didn’t realize that he was the one holding Jamil back.

As scenes of Kalim repeatedly talking about how Jamil was the one he trusted most, Jamil’s facade started to crack.

“We’ll keep helping each other out, Jamil!”

The break was restrained at first, with only a slight bit of tenseness to Jamil’s voice as he spoke, “Stop.”

But Kalim didn’t stop. He couldn’t hear Jamil, and he couldn’t see what he was putting his retainer through as he smiled sunshine through each memory.

And then the last one came. Different from the others in that Kalim was actually showing some seriousness towards his friend, as he smiled in an almost sad way that clearly spoke of how much he meant the words that came from his mouth.

“I know you’d never betray me, Jamil.”

There was no restraint this time as Jamil almost screamed his response, his voice cracking with weighty emotion as he all but pleaded with Kalim, “Just stop!”

I almost grimaced at the raw pain in his voice. Because, as much as he might like to pretend otherwise, I could clearly hear it in his voice and see it in his memories. Jamil didn’t hate Kalim. He may want to, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

And the fact that he couldn’t truly hate Kalim made his situation that much worse.

After all, just like so many adults had said in Jamil’s memories, Jamil was clever. He knew Kalim wasn’t really at fault. Rather, it was the situation.

“Kalim, your mere existence means that I…. I… I have to live my whole life deferring to you!”

I almost flinched at his yell, directed at nothing as the black and white image of Kalim faded out so that now only darkness was visible as Jamil finally broke down.

But I understood it now. Jamil was wracked with guilt, frustration, and pent-up hatred that he couldn’t direct at anyone.

By the end of the narration, Jamil had almost completely broken.

The last thing I heard was his quiet, broken voice from out of the darkness yet from right beside me, where I couldn’t see him, “I… Even I… I wanted to be number one, too.”

My eyes flew open as I inhaled in slight surprise at the bright lights overhead, and the first thing I heard was Kalim sobbing Jamil’s name and Grim grumbling about something.

Jamil didn’t wake up immediately, though, and I slowly realized that I was lying on the floor with his arms wrapped loosely around me.

I pushed myself up, my arms still trembling ever so slightly as I shifted into a sitting position, unable to fully extract myself from Jamil’s hold.

“Ah, Angelish, you’re awake,” Azul's voice came from behind me, but he soon stepped around me. Causing me to look up at him as Floyd and Jade slowly slipped away from Kalim’s side, where he knelt next to Jamil.

Azul’s gaze flickered between me and Jamil before at last coming to rest on me, “So, did it happen with him too?”

I nodded silently, looking down at Jamil’s peacefully slumbering face before speaking quietly, “Yeah… I saw everything.”

Azul pursed his lips at my soft words but straightened, beckoning Jade and Floyd over, “We monitored you while you were out. While we couldn’t wake you, you also didn’t seem to be in any danger. However, it did seem like you were enchanted or something.”

I opened my mouth to respond, half-touched that the three of them had kept a check on me, but I stopped as Jamil groaned slightly and rolled over, one arm sliding off my lap while the other remained curled around where I sat.

“Where am I?” He even sounded groggy as his eyes flickered open and, surprisingly, quickly, landed on me.

I smiled slightly at him as he slowly sat up, his eyes widening as soon as he spotted me before he frowned and a guarded expression appeared on his face.

And he wore that same frown and kept glancing my way during the entire, lengthy explanation. In fact, it wasn’t until Kalim offered to be equals with him and suggested that the two of them should start off as friends once more that Jamil’s focus finally left me so that he could tear into Kalim.

I cringed in sympathy for the pale-haired boy, but I also couldn’t say that I was upset to see Jamil finally letting loose.

After seeing his memories, I’d been concerned about the two young men’s relationship and had wondered how they would move forward. Being totally clear with Kalim would be necessary, and, unfortunately, that would mean Jamil snapping at him sooner or later.

And, as soon as Jamil’s gaze met mine after telling Kalim that he wasn’t going to hold back anymore and would never throw another competition again, a small part of me wondered if he somehow knew about my concerns.

But my worries about him and Kalim weren’t the only thing on my mind. The more it happened, the more I was beginning to wonder what it was that drew me to these young men who overblotted and why I got to see their memories and hear their thoughts.

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tossawary · 1 year

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I forgot how fucking funny Shen Yuan is. He’s such an unreliable narrator (at least in my interpretation of him) partly because he’s genuinely oblivious to some things and partly because he’s sometimes intentionally ignoring problems like his own trauma, but also because he’s just cracking jokes all the time. It’s hard to know just how seriously he’s taking things sometimes or whether or not the situation is genuinely Like That, because there’s often a chance that Shen Yuan is exaggerating or underplaying the situation in the noble pursuit of 1) The Bit or 2) dunking on Airplane.

Couple of my favorite random, mundane examples of him being hilarious at the beginning of SVSSS:

Shen Qingqiu was an easygoing person.

Since his residential address had already been changed to Proud Immortal Demon Way, and since he’d already kicked the bucket in his original world, he figured he might as well try making it work here.

He’d arrived in a cultivation setting, received a body with decent martial ability and swordsmanship for free, and was also part of a famous righteous sect. If he wanted to stand out, he could stand out, and if he wanted to lie low, he could hole up on Cang Qiong Mountain Sect’s Qing Jing Peak and be a recluse. What was there to complain about?

The only slightly difficult thing would be finding a girlfriend. In this sort of male power fantasy stallion novel, any woman inevitably belonged to the male lead, as long as she wasn’t ugly. Everyone knew this.

Still, Shen Qingqiu was a man of few needs; he would have been satisfied just idling away to a ripe old age. In that way, it wouldn’t be that different from how his previous life had been going.

- SVSSS, Vol 1, Ch 1

Shen Yuan cracks jokes rather than deal with any grief over dying (handwaves over the whole thing, we don’t get to see his quiet moments in the beginning), optimistically acknowledges landing in a very sweet situation for his new life even if the character role isn’t good (kind of reads to me like he’s telling himself he doesn’t have a good reason to complain, so he’s telling himself not to be sad), and then cracks a joke about how hard it’ll be to get a girlfriend.

I read the next bit as him dunking on stallion novels slightly, although I do also think Shen Yuan has some unexamined misogyny going on even if he’s a good guy. He reads as a little sexist at the same time that he brings up problematic elements in the writing in Proud Immortal Demon Way. This flaw feels realistic to me for a young man who reads these kinds of stallion novels and I enjoy it.

And then he jokingly dunks on himself for not having a girlfriend in his past life and is up front about the fact that he doesn’t really want one anyway. A lot of the SVSSS characters give off asexual spectrum vibes for me personally, but Shen Yuan really, REALLY gives off asexual spectrum vibes. It kind of reads to me as Shen Yuan making a joke like, “Lol, imagine what I’d be complaining about if I was the type of person to care about getting a girlfriend! ‘Oh, no! I’ve died and landed in the role of a scum villain and there’s a digital tyrant refusing to let me act out of character! How will I get a girlfriend now?!’ Priorities, am I right?”

The second bit is when Shen Yuan is at the Chen Estate in Shuang Hu City, hunting the Skinner Demon. Ning Yingying has just come to his room to ask him to escort her to the market and he has to turn her down.

At the same time, how could he not want to go out and play? Up until now, he’d been hunkered down inside Qing Jing Peak’s Bamboo House, forced to fake being an awesome master of arts and literature, meaning everything he did had to be done “blandly”: blandly speaking, blandly laughing, blandly practicing the sword, blandly being a poser - bland to the point that he often had the urge to scatter a handful of salt over his head! What a damn pain!

And now when he finally got a break to take a trip down the mountain, he was still trapped in his room because of the System’s stance that “the original Shen Qingqiu liked quiet and would be unwilling to mingle.”

Shen Qingqiu didn’t even want to pretend to meditate, so he lay on the bed, just pretending to be dead.

- SVSSS, Vol 1, Ch 2

Shen Yuan has been going stir crazy, unable to talk to anyone properly, and he just wants to be loud and undignified and enjoy himself by playing the tourist for an afternoon! He calls himself out for faking everything! He admits that he doesn’t know what he’s doing! He doesn’t like being cold and calm and collected all the time. He sounds like he’s desperate for some friendly company and a distraction from his own thoughts. He wants to be nice to people.

The OOC function won’t even let him chill and chat with people. Which is a little funny because when Luo Binghe was being bullied, Shen Yuan said, “Fuck the System!” and anonymously interfered with flying leaves because he couldn’t bear Luo Binghe’s suffering, even though it lost him a bunch of points. He got the points back, but he didn’t know that when he interfered! For all he knew then, he was bringing himself closer to a risk of death. He also later invited Binghe to ride in the carriage with him after another bullying incident and argued with the System as to why his actions weren’t out of character. If Binghe is involved and suffering, then Shen Yuan can’t help but rail against the OOC function.

Shen Yuan calls himself out for “pretending to meditate” before now (he knows he’s kind of a hack! He so lost and he’s doing his best anyway) and just... lies on the bed “pretending to be dead”??? It’s not stated whether he’s lying facedown or facing the ceiling, but it’s funny either way. Shen Yuan is so fucking done with the System’s micromanagement with the OOC function that he just sprawls on the bed for the day. He sounds so depressed.

#tossawary svsss #tossawary rereads svsss #shen yuan

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 1 year

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More Batman head cannons please and thank you!

Hi! 💖 Thank you so much for the ask! I always love sharing these or talking about this series!

Batmom Before Bruce:

Batmom's mother was killed in a robbery when she was a baby. Her father raised her alone, teaching her from a young age how to protect herself. Then, when she was 8, her father got sick. Batmom tried to take care of him but he passed away six months later, leaving her all alone. She ended up on the streets but thanks to what her father had taught her, she was able to survive. She picked up more skills from others around her and soon became quite an accomplished petty thief.

When Batmom was 17, she met Selina Kyle who was only 13 at the time. Selina was new on the streets and didn't have the knowledge or skills to survive. Batmom couldn't just leave her on her own, so she let Selina stay with her and she taught her what she knew about fighting and thieving.

Bruce x Batmom:

The two of them eloped a few months after getting engaged. They tried planning a traditional wedding but the tabloids never gave them a break. They all tried spinning a "Cinderella Type Fairytale" where the wealthy Prince of Gotham was marrying a poor, ill-mannered, woman of questionable background. It soon became too much for Batmom so Bruce surprised her by flying them both to a private island owned by Wayne Industries. They were the only ones at the wedding besides Clark who flew there just for the ceremony to officiate and then left them to celebrate alone. Their anniversary is March 4.

Batmom absolutely ADORES Alfred and now sees him as just another part of their family. However, when she first moved in, she was very uncomfortable having someone do things for her all the time especially when she was capable of doing them herself. It caused a little bit of friction since Alfred was accustomed to having his things just so and not having others messing with them. Bruce eventually had to step in and mediate between the two most important people in his life. They both compromised slightly and, over time, Batmom felt more comfortable letting Alfred do more for her once she realized how much pride Alfred had in his job.

Dick x Batmom:

About seven months after they were married, Bruce took Batmom to the circus where they witnessed Dick's parents' murders. While everyone seemed preoccupied with the bodies, Bruce noticed her focus never left the poor boy huddled in the corner with a blanket around his shoulders. Bruce asked if she wanted to see about giving him a place to stay while this was all sorted out and Batmom jumped on the idea. A few days later when they found out Dick didn't have any other family to take him in, Batmom asked him if he wanted to stay with them and Dick shyly said yes.

When Dick was 18, he was shot by the Joker while on patrol as Robin. He recovered but the incident shook Bruce so much that he said he was retiring the mantel of Robin and thus, Dick. Dick was furious and the two fought with Batmom trying to keep the peace between the two. Finally, Dick packed up and left Gotham to Batmom's devastation. Bruce was hurt by Dick's leaving and the fact Batmom hadn't fully supported his decision to bench Dick. For a few weeks, they fought almost constantly and slept on separate sides of the manor. Eventually, they began to try to work things out and the discovery that Batmom was pregnant only helped speed up their reconciliation. Dick was overjoyed to hear the news, but was still mad at Bruce and refused to come home. Only the loss of the baby and Batmom's depression afterward got him to the point he was willing to face Bruce face-to-face (as well as the fact that Bruce had also just lost a child). The two reconciled though Dick decided he still needed to branch out on his own and find out who he was beyond Batman and Robin.

I have a ton more so if anyone wants more or specific HCs, please let me know! 🥰

HC’s Part 1, HC’s Part 2, HC’s Part 3, HC's Part 4

One Bad Day.... Series Masterlist

#thanks!#anon ask #one bad day....#hc #batmom #batman #bruce wayne #bruce wayne x batmom #dick grayson #robin #nightwing

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monochromatictoad · 13 days

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For the ask: Trevorcard, Hector and Isaac :P

Trevorcard!

1. favorite thing about them: Trevorcard's devotion to his family, but also to his own humanity. He worked his ass off to get his father to see he's worthy of redemption, while also never succumbing to the vampire curse.

2. least favorite thing about them: The fact he never told Simon who he really was. I get why he didn't, but it doesn't make me happy about it.

3. favorite line: "You'll pay for what you did to me and my mother!" Specifically as young Trevor in the Castle portions of LoS2. It seems like a strange quote, but this is the first thing Trevor said to Dracul before their first battle, so it's how Trevorcard gets Gabriel to see the young boy is him.

4. brOTP: Trevorcard and Victor. Honestly, not much is known of their relationship, but I'd like to think they were pretty close.

5. OTP: Trethias (Trevorcard x Mathias) and Trevorcard x Sypha. (Gavor)

6. nOTP: Satan x Trevorcard. Listen Satan. Possessing the body of your crush's son, is not how you get your crush to like you back.

7. random headcanon: Trevorcard watches over the Belnades after he became a vampire. It's one thing he could do as atonement for causing his wife's death, but also because of the changing political stance on them. After the Belmonts split from the original Brotherhood of Light (another headcanon), he begins to watch over them too.

8. unpopular opinion: I think he's the coolest looking Alucard, and I like how they show that he refuses to give into the curse by perpetually starving himself of blood, which shows on his actual character model.

9. song i associate with them: uhhh....

Animal by Disturbed.

10. favorite picture of them: have some baby Trevorcard, ft. Dracul's hand.

Hector!

1. Favorite thing about them: The fact he broke away from Dracula and Isaac, finding his own place in the world, free from their toxicity.

2. Least favorite thing about them: Hector, honey, maybe don't try to the woman helping you. (I hope I'm remembering that panel of the manga correctly)

3. Favorite line: "Damn him! So be it. I must descend into darkness and reclaim that accursed power once more... Heed my words. I will hunt you down like the beast you are. I will have my revenge!" Like? My guy? That goes so fucking hard.

4. brOTP: Alucard and Hector. Weird adopted brothers, who are each other's only sanctuary.

5. OTP: Hectaly, Isaactor, and Mactor

6. nOTP: can I put N!Isaactor? I'm putting that.

7. Random headcanon: I really like the ones that portray Hector treating his Innocent Devils as like little pets/children.

8. Unpopular opinion: honestly? I don't think I have one.

9. Song I associate with them: Uhhh... Maybe..

The Death of Peace of Mind by Bad Omen

10. Favorite picture of them: I know he's barely visible, but like, the size difference between him and Dracula? *Chef's kiss*

Isaac!

1. Favorite thing about them: unhinged bastard man, causing death and destruction in his wake. What's not to love about that?

2. Least favorite thing about them: Maybe don't burn your adopted brother/ex lover's wife at the stake? And expect him to like you still?

3. Favorite line: "I've been waiting quite a long time to plot my revenge. Not only did my Lord die because of you -- you stripped me of my pride, my home. Now I shall make you suffer as I suffered. You shall die a most painful, gruesome death." Isaac, honey. Like, this line is painful, but it shows so much about Isaac and his mentality around Dracula and the Castle.

4. brOTP: Joachim and Isaac. I just can't visualize them being in a relationship.

5. OTP: Isaactor, Isaastle, and Gabsaac/Isabriel? Basically Isaac x Gabriel.

6. nOTP: same as Hector. N!Isaactor

7. Random headcanon: I think Isaac could play a few instruments. I don't know... He seems like the type to have, like, a bass or, like, a steel guitar.

8. Unpopular opinion: Isaac is perfect as he is. He is chaos and depravity, and I love him for that. He's so unapologetically awful in every way, and I love that in a character.

9. Song I associate with them: Sick Like Me by In This Moment

10. Favorite picture of them: This is just a fantastic image of Isaac.

#snailmail #isaac laforeze #Hector #Trevor 'Alucard' Belmont #akumajou dracula

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thislovintime · 2 years

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Peter Tork teaching; photo 1 published in People magazine, April 5, 1976, photographed by Anthony K. Roberts.

Peter Tork: “[W]hen you ask me if I’m doing anything important between then and now, I hear you asking me: have I done anything that has been noticed particularly by any large body of people? The answer is no, I haven’t had a large influence, I haven’t made a loud noise, and I haven’t done anything that has reached a lot of people in a lot of ways. I taught school for three years, and to me, that was pretty important because I was dealing, you know, at the closest level possible on one-to-one. But that’s not going to get me my fame and fortune. It’s important, but it’s not loud.” Q: “I really didn’t mean to ask you, have you done anything to make yourself famous.” PT: “Well, what did you mean by important then? (jokingly) You didn’t know.” Q: “(laughs) It is a vague word. Sort of meant memorable. But again, it’s a vague word.” PT: “Memorable? Yes, but memorable by whom? I think some of my former students are gonna remember that I was their teacher for a while. That was all right. The fact that… you know, and also, you have to remember that, in this society, teaching is not regarded as a very important pastime by those people in charge of setting budgets and national priorities and that kind of thing. Because if it were, they’d be paid a vastly greater amount of money than they are. Not, you know, double doesn’t begin to get it. Triple, quadruple, that kind of thing maybe. And the fact that teachers are paid as poorly as they are indicates what the priorities are. Nurses make what garbage men make, that kind of thing. It’s not a, you know, it speaks... well... ill, it speaks very poorly and very loudly about our priorities. That’s not my business in the large sense, all I can do is play the games as they are laid out before me. And having some modest influence in the style with which I play them. That seems to be about it.” - KTRU, August 28, 1983

“In the 15 years since the Monkees broke up, Tork estimates he has worked in a dozen rock bands, including a 35-voice ‘Aquarian age gospel music’ choir. Tork also worked as a teacher for three years in southern California, teaching English, math, drama, ‘even typing — I do a mean 50 words per minute,’ he laughs.” - Washington Post, July 27, 1983

“[After Marin County] I went to Southern California and sort of assembled a family. My daughter from my previous marriage came to live with me and my woman, who I then married and had a son with. Then I taught school. There I was, a married father of two, and a nice square career teaching school.” Q: “I guess you intended to give up the music business.” PT: “Well, it was the best offer I had. (Spoken in hippie drawl) Hey, man, I just go where the four winds blow, man. I taught for a year and a half, then the organization collapsed. It was called Pacific Hills School in Santa Monica and it was gorgeous. I was teaching English, social studies, tutoring a little bit of math, science, phys. ed. and music. I had a rock band class — there was one guy whose fingers just flew. I had one woman who played flute in the rock band and with her on cello and me on guitar we did a Bach piece together; it was splendid.” - Goldmine, 1982

"I was a schoolteacher in Southern California, and I taught music as well as academics, and I really very much love to teach, and, and I think that if circumstances show me that I am not to entertain anymore or my entertaining career per se winds down, I would very, very much love to coach young entertainers." - Peter Tork, Headquarters radio, September 1989

“[A]s a teacher, I realized that in order to teach something well you need to understand what your student is going through as they try to learn.” - Peter Tork, The Journal Times Online, August 12, 2005

On a 2018 blog post at the Monkees Live Almanac, one former student, Mark, commented: "Best high school teacher I ever had [...]. Tremendous empathy."

“In the mid-’70s, Tork got jobs teaching English, social studies and music at two private schools in the Los Angeles area. The first job, which he enjoyed, was at ‘a radical progressive school in Santa Monica.’ The second was at a school he describes as ‘a holding tank for budding fascists. I couldn’t hack it. I found more integrity in being a singing waiter’ — his next job.” - Los Angeles Times, October 20, 1992

(You can read more about, and see more photos from, Peter's time teaching in an older post.)

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dirtyvulture · 6 months

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😎 You didn’t answer the question vulture , Does the defense hold water ? ( a little My Cousin Vinny reference, love that movie) . And do you take or leave the ✨bonus points ✨ post and if so which version ( 1 or 2) ? Also when Nat does pass out when R offers her hand the first time, is it in the context of the bonus points( because remember in R’s mind all of those actions were for their old friend and not Nat ) or is R is fully conscious of it because then she only does it when explicitly asked to ( R is a consent queen 👸and there is nothing sexier than consent) and R is filled was mixed emotions ( happy - nat trusts her even a little bit after the confrontation, sad - nat is this touched starved that it causes this type of reaction, and satisfaction for own touch starvation- this is the only touch not based in violence or cardinal relations she has had since her old friend . But R isn’t focused on her own touch starvation , only Nat’s) and having R’s face looking semi soft and peaceful ( well as soft and peaceful and one can manage with decades of hardness and trauma ) with her eyes closed. Either way Nat would be sitting down and in no danger of hitting her head ( in one context she was already sitting down in the car and in the other R would make Nat sit down and make sure she wasn’t in danger of hitting her head) .

Now on to you question about Nat’s reaction to R falling asleep and R’s head falling onto Nat’s shoulder. It would have to be in the car and R would literally have to pass out and the car jostles her into Nat . Remember it is canon that Wolverine has nightmares every night. So while R was so worried about Nat’s sleep deprivation , let’s talk about R’s . R has not slept since the confrontation with RR ( it was also said that R felt that she just gotten to sleep when she heard the RR , so if she did sleep she didn’t for very long) . The only reason she allowed herself to sleep ( if that was R’s plan to sleep at all that is ) with Nat there was because Nat was sleeping in the bedroom away from R and it was only going to be one night. So if(when) R gets a nightmare and her claws come out, Nat is safe in the bedroom and all she will experience is R screaming in the next room . But now R has taken the unspoken role of driver on this little road trip and refuses to sleep near Nat in enclosed spaces but everything takes its toll and at the end of the day R still needs to sleep. R begrudgingly excepts the fact that she has to stop driving because she is going to pass out , R knows that she would survive a crash but not a guarantee for the woman next to her ( this is about Nat’s safety and not R’s comfort) . R grunts asking Nat if she knows how to drive and Nat tells her that she does so R lets Nat take over. R gets in the passenger seat and was pressing herself as far away from Nat as she could in the enclosed space with her arms wrapped around her and her knuckles facing towards her stomach ( we are learning from the movie Wolverine. Ladies, Gentlemen, Genderqueer and Nonbinary) , as soon as R is settled in the seat she is GONE . Passed the FUCK OUT! At some point the car violently jostles sending R into Nat and R’s head into Nat’s shoulder. Nat’s first initial reaction could only be described as surprised pikachu face ( google surprised pikachu face meme if you don’t know what i am talking about) and then shock that R didn’t immediately wake up and bolt away from her as fast as R could. Then upon looking down at R’s face Nat’s heart simultaneously melts and shatters , the look of absolute peace and softness on it and all the weight and hardness in R’s shoulders and body are just gone in this moment of tranquil NEEDED sleep. Before this Nat has only seen small glimpses and cracks of the person ….the young girl R used to be before life and the world was unkind. But now is the clearest picture of that girl under all the roughness and hardness of the person R became. It all comes to an end when R bolts up screaming in pain ( a pain that goes beyond the claws plaguing into her stomach) yelling (* ) “ GOD YOU VULTURE, GIVE HER ( him , them , the pronouns of R’s friend) BACK OR TAKE ME WITH HER( same as before) !” A softer more pleading cry of “ take me with her ( same pronouns) passed R’s lip’s before she slightly wakes up. R Looking down at her shirt ( still loopy from blood loss and awakening up ) pouts saying she really likes this shirt , ( Insert friends pronouns ) always said that this color looks really good on R ( I am thinking red or blue , just darker colors in general) and R was pouting about ruining the leather seat … before promptly passing out again. And no she doesn’t remember this when she wakes up again.

(* ) The all caps letters are a part of song lyrics from “ A MATCH INTO THE WATER” not my typical taste in music genre but it is still a good song but make sure to listen to the lyric video if you listen to it. I will post a separate post explaining how some of the lyrics would be perfect for R as a character and her feelings about her old friend and even a bit with Nat .

(Don't mind me trying to catch up on all your asks 😭)

Hmm, I suppose if you would like an answer, I think your second version fits in more with my imagination of these two. (I think there was some confusion on the topic of when R first offers Nat her hand, which is addressed in another ask of yours I still need to post lol.)

The driving scene kind of reminds me of the one from "Logan" where Wolvie falls asleep on Laura's lap. 🥺 I'm sure R and Nat would recreate this at some point if they felt comfortable enough around each other.

Thanks again for sharing your thoughts! I still have a lot of them to get through, but thanks for being patient!

#😎 anon #vulture answers #darkest knight au

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starbugforest · 1 year

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I'm about 60 chapters into this manhwa called "I Married The Male Lead's Dad." Ridiculous title, right?

Well here's the premise: a young woman, who is a self-described "simp" for her favorite character Able from a novel called Pandora, dies. She wakes up in the body of Aisha Heathcliff, a woman who lives in the world the book takes place in, years prior to the events of the book. Able is a child at this time, and Aisha winds up catching the attention of his father Hades. She jumps at the opportunity to become the mother of her favorite character. Shenanighans ensue.

Absolutely ridiculous premise, right? Like, if I described the initial premise of this story to anyone I know in real life, I think I'd die of shame just talking about it, and they would never look at me the same.

But here's the thing y'all:

That initial premise gives you NO hints about where this story is going, and where it's going is GOOD.

Like "I can't sleep because I'm lying awake thinking about it" type of good. Like "I'm cursing like a sailor and giggling and kicking my feet while reading" kind of good.

I'm gonna ramble on for a WHILE. So here's a cut. Feel free to read on if you care to know more.

Okay so let me give you some background first in case you've never resd this type of story before and also because I just like explaining things.

I like reading this particular type of isekai manhwa where the general trope is that a woman from our world dies tragically and then wakes up in the life of a character from a novel she'd recently read.

Sometimes the exact flavor of this trope is a little different, like maybe the MC (main character) wakes up in the life of a character from a dating sim, and a common subtrope is the MC waking up as the villainess of whatever work. (Actually the villainess subtrope is possibly more common than anything else in this type of plot...)

Usually the world the story takes place in is some kind of magical nobility fantasyland where everyone dresses in the fanciest possible clothing and absolutely everything is pretty all the time and the slightest little cut is treated like a dire emergency because no one you care about is ever going to be hurt to the degree of there being long-term consequences, especially not scarring on our female protagonist. (I love how pretty everything is, but I do feel a little embarrassed for the protagonist when she gets a cut on her finger and it's considered a medical emergency...)

The MC is usually isekai'd into a position where she must use her knowledge of the plot to fix events into a happy ending or else face dire consequences. She is usually a bit bumbling about it and often oblivious of the fact that she can or is actively changing things for the better, even if things get temporarily dark.

Oh, and absolutely everyone falls in love with the MC not long after meeting her. Always. Inevitably. If a classically pretty character is introduced? They are going to fall in love with the MC.

Shameless wish fulfillment fantasy stuff. Lots of fun to read, but usually I've forgotten the entire thing a day after reading it because they're all kind of the same really.

With a few notable exceptions. This being one of them.

Now that I've given you the general shape of this type of story, let's begin examining how IMtMLD breaks that mold.

1. First, our MC has not been isekai'd into any character recognizable from the novel of Pandora, so she has no extra knowledge to go on about her own character's fate. She's free to live as she chooses, completely outside of the events of the novel unless she decides to get involved. There are no dire consequences if she doesn't get involved. At least, not for her.

No, she gets involved because she, the self-described "simp," just wanted to catch a look at and give gifts to her obsession, little Able. Creepy, but whatever. People get weird about celebrities and fictional characters. What else is new.

2. Secondly, Hades is not an asshole. It really, really cannot be overstated how much this type of work uses the appearances of characters as shorthand for their personalities. Most drawn media does this of course, but I feel like this particular genre is worse about it. It's one reason they all sort of blend together in my head after a while.

For example, Hades is a handsome man with sharp features and red eyes. He has dark hair and a way of moving and gesturing that screams of arrogance and competency. His smile is always more of a smug smirk. Usually, this sort of appearance would be shorthand for a character that is harsh and aloof and somewhere on a sliding scale ranging from anti-social to sociopathic.

Instead, Hades is a loving father and devoted fiance and encourages open communication and honesty with Aisha and with Able. He does this incredibly cute thing where he'll confidently name his own good qualities, yet still act surprised and get flustered when Aisha flirts with him. Overall he's just very sweet and honest and devoted, with a good sense of humor.

Oh he still breaks out that "anime boyfriend" temper where he will happily cremate his enemies (i.e. anyone who threaten/disrespects his wife or child) but otherwise he is astonishingly reasonable and likeable.

(By the way, this method of appearance shorthand being not quite entirely subverted... Sidestepped? Anyway, Hades is not the only character for whom this gets played with.)

3. Thirdly, Aisha has an identity crisis. Pals, I cannot tell you how long I've waited for one of these isekai protagonists to go through this. Somehow they never do? They always just wake up in a new and prettier body and move on with their lives! And like honestly Aisha is still not having the identity crisis I feel like most isekai protagonists should be having. No, Aisha's having an even WORSE one. Aisha is having the identity crisis to end all crises. Honestly I can't even blame her for latching onto her self-description as a simp because what else does she even have at this point? Like hotdamn.

4. Fourthly, it has Actual Fucking Plot. The story may technically be primarily a romance, but the author did not take that as an excuse to just write random scenarios connected only by two people learning to tolerate each other. No, the author instead decided to play fuck, marry, kill with god, fate, and the very concept of isekai itself - not necessarily in that order.

5. Fifthly, I'm not sure how to word this properly. The romance is a motivation for our dual protagonists, not just a plot device to hang misunderstandings and shenanighans off of. Aisha and Hades are engaged basically day one, he falls for her within like, 10 chapters (partially because he thinks she's in love with him) and Aisha takes a little longer (chapter 40? 50?) but she's also totally gone on him at that point, like from one moment to the next. Honestly it's a little awe-inspiring how quickly these two decide to devote themselves to each other. The awe-inspiring part is that it doesn't feel forced or fake. Instead it's a natural progression of their characters that they would fall like that. That's the sort of people they each are.

The two quickly fall for each other, and the focus is on staying together, rather than slowly falling in love. Is it just me or is that rare for a romance story?

6. Sixthly, we actually get lore??

In short, the main characters are all actually quite lovable and interesting, and the plot very quickly evolves into something far more than just another run of the mill "isekai'd noble" story. Highly recommend, have very much enjoyed.

✨8/10✨

(2 points deducted for simping. Because that's just awkward, bro.)

#reading ratings #i married the male lead's dad #I've not finished the available chapters yet #so i might come back and change this #but right now it's an ✨8/10✨ sparkle rating #sparkle ratings

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briarcrawford · 9 months

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A Short History of Warriors Turning Out To Be Women

Warriors in history are more likely to be of the male sex, but that does not make being of the male sex an absolute. Despite that, archeology has a long history of deciding the sex of a body based only on what that person is buried with.

Any weapon, and the body is dubbed "male." Anything like weaving equipment, combs, or mirrors, and the body is dubbed "female." However, now more and more studies are reexamining those bodies and showing something perhaps not surprising; humans are unique and don't always follow the expected path.

I understand this may be controversial, but I just want to be able to write women warriors without comments of how "warrior women could never happen," (which is extra odd considering I write fantasy in fantasy settings, not historical fiction).

Iron Age Warrior Buried With a Sword and Mirror Was a Woman, Study Says

"Now, researchers say they have the answer to the mystery that stumped experts for more than 20 years: The grave belongs to a woman warrior who played a leading role in warfare, according to a study published yesterday in the Journal of Archaeological Science: Reports."

DNA proves fearsome Viking warrior was a woman

"Excavators first uncovered the battle-ready body among several thousand Viking graves near the Swedish town of Birka, but for 130 years, most assumed it was a man—known only by the grave identifier, Bj 581"

Warriors and women: the sex ratio of Norse migrants to eastern England up to 900 ad

"Most of the data gives the impression that Norse females were far outnumbered by males. But using burials that are most certainly Norse and that have also been sexed osteologically provides very different results for the ratio of male to female Norse migrants. Indeed, it suggests that female migration may have been as significant as male, and that Norse women were in England from the earliest stages of the migration, including during the campaigning period from 865."

The Amazons: Untangling Fact From Fiction

"A typical Scythian warrior’s grave of the fourth century BC. Except that this particular warrior was a young woman. She was buried in a kurgan (mound) on the northern Black Sea, near ancient Tyras on the Dniester River. Tyras was a Greek colony (founded ca. 600 BC) in the territory of the Tyragetae (‘Getae/Thracians of the Tyras’). This tribe had migrated to Thrace from Sarmatia, another Amazonian homeland. We can guess that the woman in the burial mound was one of their best warriors."

For a final note, even if you ignore sagas and such, there is still documented history of women warriors. For example, the Dahomey Mino (often called "The Dahomey Amazons") was an army of women warriors.

Image 1 Link, Image 2 Link

Something being "less likely" does not mean it could never happen.

Bonus example: The Ivory Lady

#history #warrior women #fantasy writing #writing fantasy #fantasy #writeblr

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doubleddenden · 2 months

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We need a new Columbo type show, but rather than a shameless reboot we honor the spirit of the original

- the audience sees who does the murder at the beginning, including the method and disposal of the body

- a real gremlin looking guy shows up to investigate. Real friendly, loves his increasingly interesting wife we never get to see, and loves his dogs he brings sometimes

- killer inserts himself into the investigation to throw off the chase

- investigator knew it was them the whole time and traps them with fact and logic

- not a show with explosions and shaky cameras and bad cgi, it's a methodical and careful mystery

- murderer is usually bourgeoisie af and thinks they're untouchable or some cops that thinks they got away. Clipped by a guy whose car is falling apart.

For a modern version I think it'd be a neat start to have him be a private investigator or nosy journalist that investigates corrupt cops. Like these assholes think they got away with murdering someone innocent because she gave them lip- then a strange little man shows up, real friendly, snoops around, and he sleuths them out.

And I mean a strange little goblin man. I don't mean hunky guy or handsome gent or silver fox, I mean something like Danny DeVito if he had a lazy eye. Also important, because times have changed, he should not be a cop- at least not anymore. In fact he should investigate corruption and rich people or politicians quite regularly and get them locked up.

The wife just needs to be Barbie- not in the sense of looks (although it could be a funny Jessica Rabbit situation), but experiences, and again we never see her. He references her a lot, calls her often. They love each other very much despite not being able to see each other much.

"Well it's funny you say that, you see, my wife was a nurse in the Philippines for a summer- beautiful place and friendly folks- she had never met a doctor that didn't wash their hands regularly."

"Ah see that's where you're wrong. My wife, beautiful woman, she went kayaking in Japan- can't remember where exactly, but that's not important- you see she tells me you should never go kayaking by yourself. Someone probably went boating with the victim."

"Yes, well, my wife- love her so much- she lived with Amazon natives for half a year in her youth. She told me of an untraceable poison made from a plant grown there... that looks an awful lot like the plant in your windowsill."

To add some excitement, he has a HUGE family. Brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, he and his wife have like 8 kids that have left the nest and he's also a grandfather. Also uses them for references because they're ALSO just a bunch of Barbie types.

"Well you see, my grandson- he's 16 and in college for coding, brilliant young man I'm so proud of- he told me in a phone call that you can't go anywhere on campus without an ID- so how were you in the campus medical lab at 2:42 am on a Saturday if nobody else besides the victim was there, Officer?"

"You see, my niece- lovely girl, her and her wife own a nice deli in Alaska- she told me once that you have to be careful to not lock yourself in the freezer, and that most have an emergency release of some kind."

"My son works with my brother as an auto mechanic in Germany- he told me that this vehicle has one of the best transmissions he's ever seen. So how did this brand new vehicle suddenly need to be taken to an auto shop unless it was tampered with?"

"You see, my nephew, nice young man, lovely wife and kids, makes the best spam and rice- he collects Pokémon cards he sells out of his hobby shop in Hawaii- he told me once that a... holographic? H...hologram? A real shiny Charizard card- just like this one- can go for anywhere between $5 to much as $1 million, especially if there's a factory error. Funny how the victim has the receipt for a booster pack in his pocket and you have a 'Carizard' card in a display case, Senator."

And mind you this guy is still broke somehow. He's a good person, donates to charity, animals love him, his family is amazing, he and his wife send most of their money to grandkids, starts off each episode getting off the phone with a relative and learning a new piece of trivia- and yet his car he's had since the 80s makes noises that scare seasoned auto mechanics. Maybe has a limp from an injury. He's got like a chihuahua and a pitty that are best friends and ride shotgun. Collects model trains and has a deep fascination with them- Just a strange guy, showing up and buzzing around rich people, knowing they committed a murder- he just has to solve them.

Anyway that's my pitch for a show, I'll expect an offer in my inbox

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lollytruecrimeworld · 1 year

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Melanie Hall Murder

A Cold Case from Bath UK

This is a case that my team are currently reviewing in hope that we can put out a documentary about it. This murder seems to have been committed in 1996 but the victim’s remains were not found until 2009. This murder has to date never been solved.

This is one case that we as a team believe can be solved and in fact, should have been solved a long time ago.

Melanie Hall was born on August 20th 1970 and disappeared on June 9th 1996 after a night out at the Cadillacs Nightclub in Bath, UK.

Melanie had graduated from from the University of Bath in in 1995 having achieved a degree in nursing. She went on to get work as a clerical officer at The Royal university Hospital in Bath.

On 8th June 1996 Melanie had made arrangements for an evening out with her boyfriend Philip Karlbaum and then spent the night at his home afterwards. Her mother dropped her off at Philip’s home amd it was from there that they set out with another couple to Cadillacs nightclub in Bath city centre.

During the course of the evening Philip apparently saw 25-year-old Melanie dancing with another male and as a result an argument ensued. He left the club upset and headed home. She was last seen sitting on a barstool at 1.10 am in the early hours of June 9th 1996.

There was an unconfirmed sighting of a woman arguing with a man between 1.45am and 2am on Old Orchard just around the corner from the nightclub. Whilst police say that they cannot rule out that the woman was Melanie but at the same time there is no way to confirm that it was her.

There is also a report of a male seen talking to a woman matching Melanie Hall’s inside the nightclub. He was described as white, around 27 years old, 5ft 10ins tall, medium build, dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, bushy eyebrows and clean shaven.

His clothes were described as black trousers, black shoes with a brown silk shirt. The person who gave the description could not be certain but it seems quite possible the male had a gold hooped earring in his right ear and a flashy gold watch on his wrist.

Despite a massive police operation Melanie was not found and she was declared legally dead by a court on November 17th 2004 but without her body being found

Now before we go any further it is right to day that it has been suggested that a serial sex offender who preyed on women in the Bath area between 1991 and 2000 could potentially have been responsible for Melanie’s disappearance and death but thus far this has never been confirmed.

Officers from Avon & Somerset Police have said that they cannot rule out that the ‘Batman rapist’ was responsible for Melanie’s murder. The rapist is known to have attempted to carjack a woman at knifepoint in the same area of Bath as the club where Melanie was last seen just a few hours before Melanie is believed to have been abducted.

The victim of the attempted carjacking was left wouded when she fought her attacker but managed to escape.

Coming back to Melanie Hall’s murder the night of her disappearance is a night that may stick in some people’s memory as it was the evening of the opening game of the Euro 96 football championships, England played Switzerland and drew 1–1.

Melanie was wearing quite distinctive clothes and shoes on the night that she disappeared namely a pale blue silk dress with a round neck, black suede mule shoes with straps across the front and an open toe, size 5 or 6, a cream single-breasted, long-sleeved jacket and a black satchel-type handbag. Her jewellery consisted of a Next watch with expanding bracelet and silver drop earrings.

She was also known to have had her Midland bank cheque book and cheque guarantee card with were in her handbag and have never been recovered.

Maybe you were in the club that night? Did you speak to or recognise Malanie Hall? She was a very pretty young lady with very distinctive blonde hair. Were you a can driver in Bath in 1996? Did you take Melanie and a male somewhere in the early hours of June 9th 1996?

Were you offered the items of jewellery to purchase? or even the high quality handbag?

If you know anything at all that could lead police to solve this heinous crime, please contact the police on 101 or Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

If you are willing to discuss the case were a friend or colleague of Melanie and would be willing to speak to one of my research team then please get in touch.

Our contact details:

Email: [email protected]

or: [email protected]

Follow me on:

Twitter: https://twitter.com/LollyTrueCrime

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/LollyTrueCrime

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lollytru

#true crime blog #murder mystery #unsolved crime

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barelysanereviews · 1 year

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2022 Top Hits: We're back! Sort of

Hello, 2023. Hello, same old us. We're hopping back in here to share some life updates and tell you about some movies, series, and books that made our hearts expand in 2022. How have you been, Barely Sane friends? We wish you a year of ease this 2023.

Colleen

2022 was kind of a whirlwind for me. I did this thing at the start of the year where I wrote myself a hopeful letter. It kind of steered me into this path of exploration, of saying yes to new experiences. So naturally, a lot of new things happened and I didn't get to read/watch a lot of things. I also went back to taking my master's, so I died half of the year. I managed to watch 85 films and 38 shows and finish 22 books. Some of my favorites I have already shared in past posts, so the six things I'll share here are those that I haven't yet talked about.

Nobody Knows (2004) - Dir. Hirokazu Koreeda

I always talk about Koreeda because his work always manages to exceed expectations (wellll except for Broker, which was still good! but I don't like it as much as the other Koreeda films). Nobody Knows is one of his most-known films, so I had high expectations, but the film still exceeded that. This was a tender, quiet ache, and—as what Koreeda usually does—delves deep into issues of home and family, and the mundane flawedness of humans. Koreeda captured what it's like to be a child thrust into a harsh, indifferent world, but his characters aren't resentful or full of hatred. Until the end, they choose survival—but they also choose hope. Link to more info here.

2. The Worst Person in the World (2021) - Dir. Joachim Trier

I didn't think much about this film after I saw it, but I guess the fact that I still remember the plot months after having seen it says something. I wouldn't be friends with this girl, and I couldn't relate to some of her struggles, but I felt invested and I wanted her life to turn out fine. I also appreciated how Trier showed his unique style throughout the film, and there's even one sequence that I sometimes still think about to this day due to my curiosity about how it was shot. Not my ultimate favorite, but would recommend. Here is the synopsis.

3. Pachinko by Min Jin Lee

There's nothing that hasn't already been said about this book, but I'm adding it to my list because it's one of the few memorable books I read last year. I found this very interesting because I didn't know a lot about the Korean diaspora in Japan. But this also tackles a lot of other things, aside from having a whole cast of characters whose depth made the story feel so real. I get that the TV adaptation changed a couple of things to make it more hopeful, because this one was tragic. It reminded me of Do Not Say We Have Nothing, which I also highly recommend.

4. Not Here to be Liked by Michelle Quach

I usually don't read young adult romance anymore, but the premise of this one reminded me of the type of YA that I liked. The main couple had clear chemistry and I think younger readers would appreciate how it tackles feminism. Looking forward to reading more Michelle Quach!

5. Yellowjackets (Season 1)

This one has a very interesting premise: a high school girl soccer team survives a plane crash in the 90s through (spoiler) a ~smattering~ of cannibalism and shady cult activity (spoiler). (Actually I'm not sure if this is still a spoiler since this is what it's known for). The show follows the girls before and immediately after the crash, and as adults with a dark past. This was thrilling, scary, and unpredictable, and I loved that this was executive produced by Karyn Kusama who directed Jennifer's Body. Melanie Lynskey, Christina Ricci, and Juliette Lewis, and the girl from The Book Thief are part of the main cast. And Frodo is part of season 2, so yay!

6. Street Woman Fighter (Season 1)

I already talked about Our Beloved Summer and My Liberation Notes in another post, so I'm going to talk about a dance competition show instead to lure you into checking out Korea's reality/variety shows. Street Woman Fighter put a spotlight on the street dancers of Korea, and on top of that, the competing groups were really fun to watch. It made me want to try dancing, even though I have zero skills.

#books #movie #film #tvshows #street woman fighter #yellowjackets #michelle quach #not here to be liked #literature #pachinko #minjin lee #min jin lee #joachim trier #worst person in the world #hirokazu koreeda #nobody knows #asian films #asian cinema #korean shows

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phddis · 1 year

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Intro Post

Hi, I'm Max (24, she/they, gmt+1), if you wanna plot with good old Charles like this post or send me a message xx

character’s full name: Charles Francisco Xavier character’s nickname: Professor X, old friend Age: 43 MBTI: infj zodiac sign: Aquarius powers: omega level telepathy

Physical appearance

Height: 1,78m Body build: lean, strong shoulder strength Shape of face: angular Eye color: dark brown Glasses or contacts: glasses when working, usually toys with it if not working Distinguishing marks: days old beard, kind eyes Predominant features: greasy hair Hair color: brown Type of hair: straight, curly at back of neck Hairstyle: often let down, strands stuck behind his ears, will sometimes tie it up when it gets too long Voice: clear and calm Physical disabilities: paraplegy (both legs paralyzed), needs a wheelchair to move around Usual fashion of dress: old man style Jewelry or accessories: always his Swiss watch on his right wrist, a hairtie next to it

Personality

Good personality traits: empathetic, generous, loyal Bad personality traits: manipulative, secretive, stubborn Mood character is most often in: tired but contempt Sense of humor: bright and sarcastic with his close friends Character’s greatest joy in life: knowing he was able to help others, no matter the way Character’s greatest fear: being responsible for someone's death Why? I don't think the worse would be the guilt, honestly, it might be the fact that other people's opinion about him could change Character is most at ease when: teaching, sleeping Most ill at ease when: his team is off fighting, he has to debate in public with morons Enraged when: injustice happens under his nose Depressed or sad when: stuck in a loop about his past or hearing a student of the school talk about their own shitty past Priorities: the school aka all his kids' safety (he's a father of hundreds yes) Life philosophy: "you have to die a few times before you can really live" If granted one wish, it would be: for durable universal peace Why? so he could get a good night sleep once and for all Greatest strength: the fact he truly believes peace can happen between mutants and humans Greatest vulnerability or weakness: his kids Biggest regret: not opening the school earlier Biggest accomplishment: opening the school

Past

Hometown: New York Type of childhood: very privileged but also very lonely, would spend ages without seeing his parents and had no close relationship with them (or anyone for that matter); quite estranged from his childhood and doesn't like remembering it Pets: none Most important childhood memory: his last birthday celebrated with his father, right before his death Childhood hero: Noam Chomsky Dream job: owning an ice cream empire Education: went to Harvard and Oxford, got PHDs in genetics, biology and biophysics, as well as a doctorate in psychology

Present

Current location: still his family mansion at Westchester, which he transformed into a sanctuary for mutants, he also has a flat near the Columbia University where he teaches thrice a week. Religion: atheist Occupation: Professor of genetics, advocate for mutant rights, Headmaster of his school of gifted kids Finances: wealthy as fuck

Family

Mother: Sharon Xavier Relationship with her: very conflicted, she was a violent woman who went through hardships, and Charles was often at the end of her wrath. Died alone and drowning in alcohol, she truly fucked him up Father: Brian Xavier Relationship with him: Charles' father died when he was still quite young, and the memories he has of him are pretty nice, He was one of Charles' childhood heroes and he made him fall in love with science Siblings: depends uwu Spouse: none Children: none that he knows of for the moment

Habits

Hobbies: reading/writing, playing chess,doing research Plays a musical instrument? learned piano and cello as a kid Plays a sport? not really, does exercise when he has time though How he/she would spend a rainy day: either catching up on paperwork or gossiping with the kids in the common room Smokes: not anymore Drinks: has a few glasses of whatever's in his cabinet every day, used to get completely trashed during the day but had to stop, will get completely trashed whenever possible Other drugs: not anymore What does he do too much of? worrying What does he do too little of? sleeping, eating well, resting Usual body posture: leaned on his side, elbow on an armrest and chin resting in his palm

Thanks for taking the time to read everything!!

#394intro #hi there #it's a bit long and all over the place but here we go!

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yeonchi · 4 months

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Sea Princesses: Into the Liamverse Part 15: Wendy Naral

Original post 1/Original post 2

The next few instalments of Into the Liamverse are going to be a little bit different as they aren't about any princes or princesses; in fact, they are about the Salacian Combo Rangers, or rather the child actors and actresses who played them.

The Salacian version of Combo Rangers was created by Ryujitaro Saitan. A total of eight seasons were broadcast between 1979 and 1987; three for the original series, two for Combo Rangers Zero, one for Combo Rangers Revolution and two for Combo Rangers Go Go Go, which adapted Himitsu Sentai Goranger.

In the Sea Princesses animated series, the Combo Rangers made cameos as Drylander children in The Pirates. They also made appearances as random Drylander adults in episodes such as The Head Top and The Big Mess. Compilations of the Rangers' cameos and their original designs are included at the end of each instalment.

Name: Wendy Chammel Naral

Occupation: Actress (former), dancer (occasionally), performer (current), Swordfish Queen (future)

Race: Salacian

Residence: Marina Central District, Atenesia City, World of Salacia (this is not the main metropolis)

Kingdom: Swordfish (also her favourite sea creature)

Gender: Female

Date of birth: 11 July 1971 (age 36, Cancer ♋)

Hair colour: Medium brown with dark brown tones (young)/Orange with blonde touches (adult)

Eye colour: Emerald blue

Skin colour: Peach

Ethnicity: Caucasian

Height: 90 cm → 152 cm

Relationships:

Mrs Naral (mother)

Mr Naral (father) ✝️

Amanda (daughter)

Freddy J. Fox (ex-co-star)

Kenjy Shi-Label (ex-co-star)

Federico do Roseiras (ex-co-star)

Teresa Cherrouse (ex-co-star)

H.J.R Misser (ex-co-star)

Ryujitaro Saitan (creator of Combo Rangers)

Swordfish Queen Pietra (girlfriend, future wife)

Marli (friend, future stepdaughter)

Flikin (future stepgrandson)

Sailfish King Ferrel (brother-in-law)

Sailfish Queen Maggie (sister-in-law)

Miss Marla (friend)

Enemies:

Marshall Hellander (former boss, stalker, abuser and biological father of her daughter)

Teresa Cherrouse (enemy)

Marcos (for hurting Marli and Pietra)

Gusman Pigbad (for hurting and overexploiting Marlo)

Mr Bernardo (for working with Marcos)

Television executives (for her poor treatment)

Status: Alive

Sexuality: Lesbian

First appearance: Comic – The Breakup of King Marcos and Queen Pietra (6 August 2022, old)/Drawing (19 November 2023, young)

Skills: Dancing, flexibility, acrobatics, acting

Weaknesses: She does not know how to defend herself and so can be easily intimidated by her attackers.

Likes: Swordfish, children, spending time with her friends, dancing at carnivals, performing at birthday parties, Marli, Pietra, Flikin, reading, spending time with her mother, the Combo Rangers (formerly)

Dislikes: Being treated badly, being intimidated, being bothered, having anyone touch her without her permission, having her work taken away, being judged for her physique or sexual orientation, the Combo Rangers, being typecast, King Marcos

Body type: Curvaceous

Wendy Chammel Naral is a woman who lives in the city of Atenesia. She was a child actress in her youth and is currently a dancer and performer. She is the mother to daughter Amanda, love interest and later wife to Pietra, stepmother to Marli, stepgrandmother to Flikin and the future Swordfish Queen.

History

Wendy was born in the city of Atenesia in 1971. Since she was little, Wendy was a very shy and adorable girl who liked to read, play and look at swordfish. From a very young age, Wendy showed interest in acting, which led her to make her debut in 1979 at the age of 8, initially appearing in commercials before getting her breakout role in the Salacian adaption of Combo Rangers, helmed by series creator Ryujitaro Saitan, as Lisa Lima, the Yellow Combo Ranger.

Wendy loved being on Combo Rangers even though wasn’t very amicable with the rest of the cast; Kenjy Shi-Label (Kenji/Blue Combo Ranger) didn’t talk with anyone much as he was very reserved; Freddy J. Fox (Fox/Red Combo Ranger) and Federico do Roseiras (Kiko/Green Combo Ranger) treated her like a nerd; and Teresa Cherrouse (Tati/Pink Combo Ranger) was always rude to her and made her feel insecure.

It was also around this time that Wendy began going through puberty, earlier than any average Salacian female. As her voice and appearance changed, the production team realised that Wendy no longer reflected her initial appearance. For the fourth season, Combo Rangers Zero, Lisa became the team’s tech support and her place as the Yellow Combo Ranger was given to the character of Maya Cooper. However, later on, as others noticed Wendy’s attraction to other girls, the crew harassed her to the point that she decided to leave the series. Unfortunately, Wendy found herself being typecast as she was unable to take off her career as an actress.

Over the years, Wendy’s body began to mature, giving her a beautiful figure and slender appearance. Eventually, in 1993 at the age of 22, she managed to get her own children’s program for which she made her own swordfish costume. The program was produced by legendary child actor Marshall Hellander, who told Wendy that she would play a tender and adorable girl, but her appearance and skimpy outfit brought complaints from parents. On top of that, Marshall stalked and sexually harassed Wendy, threatening to fire her and cancel her show if she sued him. Wendy went so far as to sleep with Marshall to keep her show on the air, but when she fell pregnant and refused to get an abortion, Marshall fired her and cancelled her show. Luckily, Wendy had enough money to get her through her pregnancy.

After the birth of her daughter, Amanda, Wendy went back to being an entertainer, performing in carnivals and parties. One day, she received a call from Swordfish Queen Pietra, recognising her as the actress who played her daughter’s favourite character and wanting to hire her for her 8th birthday party. Wendy accepted and went to the Swordfish Palace with her team, but Pietra was shocked by her appearance and tried to ask her to leave. Marli liked her, however, so Pietra relented and let Wendy perform.

A year later, Wendy met Marli again, this time accompanied by a little baby she had never seen before. Marli recognised her too and they became close friends. Marli also introduced Wendy to Miss Marla so she could have another royal friend. After Marcos’ crimes and mistreatment against Marli and Pietra were discovered (leading him to be exiled from the Swordfish Kingdom as a result), Wendy felt sympathy for Marli and visited her more often.

Gradually, Pietra began feeling attracted to Wendy, admiring how beautiful she was and realising that she was hiding her feelings for her for some time. One day, they managed to be alone in the Swordfish Palace when Marli had to go out just as Wendy came to visit. As they interacted, Pietra and Wendy realised that they had a lot in common and they confessed to each other. The two later came out to the other kings and queens and Wendy would become the Swordfish Queen (alongside Pietra) and live in the Swordfish Palace with Amanda, finally getting the happiness she always wanted.

Personality

Wendy is a nice, optimistic and happy woman with a good heart who is almost never seen upset, at least on the outside. She may seem fun and exotic, but while her shy and quiet self shines through sometimes, she is eventually able to open up her true feelings. Many consider Wendy an extremely attractive woman and although she is aware of this, she is quite modest with her figure and doesn’t boast about it to others.

After giving birth to Amanda, Wendy began to doubt that she was capable of continuing as a children’s entertainer, though she regained her confidence after some time as a carnival dancer. Being a mother, she knows how to deal with children and entertain them, becoming a maternal figure to many boys and girls. She also likes company, which is ironic since throughout her life, she did not have many real friends who weren’t coworkers.

Appearance

Age 9-11: Wendy was a thin looking girl of short stature. Like most children, her head was large and round and her brown hair reached below her shoulders in curls with darker brown touches. She also had a small nose, emerald blue eyes and wears round glasses. Her most iconic piece of clothing that she wore as a child was a short sleeveless yellow shirt that showed her midriff, an explorer’s vest, brown shorts, a black belt and brown shoes with white socks. As she went through puberty, her body became more curvaceous which made her clothes become tighter and revealed too much of her body.

Age 12-19: During her adolescence, her body continued to change as she grew up. Her legs accumulated fat even though she was very athletic and her hair gradually became orange over time which she tied into a ponytail.

Age 20-36: Her body became completely developed in her 20s, becoming a voluptuous woman with a thick waist and legs along with a thin stomach and torso. Her hair is light orange with blonde touches and a lock of grey hair. She wears a beige sleeveless blouse that leaves her stomach exposed, tight shorts in a light brown colour, green and pink bracelets on her arms and brown sandals.

When she was the presenter of her children’s program, she wore a self-made costume with a green, yellow and light brown bikini, gold bracelets, a gold necklace with three blue jewels, golden heart-shaped earrings, dark green sandals with ribbons on her legs and a swordfish ornament as a festive crown. She would continue wearing this costume when she worked as an entertainer.

Relationships

With the cast of Combo Rangers: Much of her relationship with the cast of the show has already been detailed in her history. She never had any contact with the cast after leaving the series, though she looks back on her time as the Yellow Combo Ranger fondly. In 2010, she enjoyed watching the 30th anniversary special, Once & Always: Combo Rangers Forever, even though it was widely panned by fans and critics.

Pietra: Wendy and Pietra met by accident when the latter hired the former to perform at Marli’s 8th birthday. Later on, they would get to know each other and eventually become a couple.

Marli: Wendy gets along quite well with Marli, sympathising with her situation after Marcos’ exile.

Curiosities

- Her design is influenced from certain dancers and presenters on children’s shows in Brazil and Latin America (most notably Xuxa) who unconsciously look attractive as they tend to wear revealing clothing.

- If Wendy lived on Dryland, she would be a woman of Brazilian ethnicity.

- Her child design uses that of “Combo Ranger Lisa” from The Pirates. This episode would not be canon in the Liamverse and those children would be the child actors on the Salacian Combo Rangers adaptation.

- Wendy’s experiences on set were based on those of David Yost, who played Billy, the original Blue Power Ranger. David Yost revealed years after leaving Power Rangers that he left due to harassment from the crew over his sexuality.

#combo rangers #sea princesses into the liamverse

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realpokefarmconfessions · 7 months

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the chrischan of clicker games, the infamous firefuck. firewolf lmfao

all of these were from 2020, obviously before she changed and "revised" a lot of it. a lot of the points still stand though. here's chapter 1:

"Truly, it never ceased to amaze her [no matter how much effort she put into losing weight, she never lost any]" (p1, ch1) was the last sentence of the first paragraph, paraphrased in brackets and then immediately into the next we get "The truly astonishing thing was [balancing her alignment w Team Rocket vs her family's gym]" (p2, ch1) The first usage undercuts the impact of the second. Unless your fic doubles as a weight-loss journey, the fact you gained literally a pound or two is not on the same level as the fact you work for both a criminal organization and a Gym. PRIORITIES.

First paragraph of her revision is all about her weight.

REVISED:

Angel swore under her breath as she attempted to pull on her leggings. She’d gained a few pounds this month. A new chocolate had been released recently, and couldn’t get enough of it. Sadly, it looked like she was going to have to cut back on it just a tad bit. Soon, too. Her father would be very disappointed if he found out she’d put on a few pounds so soon after losing a hundred. Not that it should really matter, as her new daily routine kept her busy enough to keep her pear-shaped physique. But her father was convinced that, with the way her sweet tooth was, it wouldn’t take much to fall back into old habits. Sometimes she found it hard to juggle all the parts of her life. With too much free time on her hands, trying to find an hour or two to take care of the family finances or travel for her assignments for Team Rocket could cause an overwhelming amount of stress on her. Her life was so very simple, made complicated by her inability to manage her own time. It was difficult for her to make even a tiny bit of time to draw or watch Pokémon in their natural habitat.

She also has a habit of capitalizing random shit which has thankfully been toned down. She keeps capitalizing "Challenger" and "Challengers" in her revised script though, which is both stupid and annoying:

"as well as anyone who came to Challenge," "they’d drawn dozens of tourists and three Challengers." "Of their thirty Challengers so far" "Their last Challenger" "After the Challenger left," Christ, woman. Does that not look like a word anymore to anyone else?

The gym was called... wait for it... the All-Star Gym. SomeBODY ONCE TOLD ME-

Again with the truly. "Her gym was truly a masterpiece" (p2, ch1) Someone please get this girl a thesaurus. I Ctrl+F'd this shit. Truly gets used 4 times and this is the third.

"Syl! Syl, Syl, Sylveon!" (p3, ch1) I don't read many Pokémon fics but I desperately wish she didn't make me read that. With either the voice inside my head, or my own eyeballs. I cringe.

"Alexandria had been known as the Pokémon Whisperer from a young age due to her uncanny ability to read the body language of a Pokémon and "communicate" with them after enough time" (p4, ch1) SHOW DON'T TELL. Also, Pokémon interpreters exist in the Pokéworld, ya know? There's Simon/Lang from The Poké Spokesman, there's N, and I think a few others. You're not special, honey. Which brings me to my next point. This is just... You have a gym specializing in all eighteen types. You've got an MC whose affiliated with both a gym and [insert favorite Team here]. And that MC has this special ability that allows her to communicate with Pokémon and has been recognized for it since she was a wee one. God, I don't like throwing around the term Mary Sue but...

"Alexandria gestured her hands soothingly towards Sylvie, and told her to stay put before she headed down to the foyer [...]" (p5, ch1). First of all, the sentence? Too long for all the things that are happening in it. Second, was dialogue just too hard?? Couldn't you just? "With a soothing gesture to Sylvie, Alexandria put a finger to her lips. "Stay put." <p> She headed down to the foyer where [blah blah Giovanni]." Boom. Done. I also couldn't figure out her positioning in this room. Is she just standing there in the middle, is she sitting on her bed trying to put on her leggings, what?

"Despite the courtesy in her words, her disapproval of his unannounced visit was obvious" (p6, ch1). If it was, you wouldn't have needed to say that. Just suck his dick already, Jesus. "Not that he'd ever care. People in power never seemed to." Brilliant observation!

"One of these days, she'd have to ask him why he'd took such interest in her" (p6, ch1). Probably because from a young age Alexandria been known as the Pokémon Whisperer?? As she's made abundantly clear already. If you aren't useful, you aren't needed. That's how people in power work. It shouldn't be a mystery to the character who knows she's got this special power unless she's never stopped to think about it. And why hasn't she? Otherwise, that should be the first thing that comes to mind. Especially since she mentioned having to balance her duties to both her Gym and Team Rocket. God, can she be any more speshul?? Does the author think we're dumb?

Dense.

There was a bit where a glass of wine just appears in Giovanni's hand which was unintentionally funny and a genuine highlight.

"Brows furrowed into a frown, and her head tilted in confusion before she could stop herself" (p8, ch1) ok... "Eyes widened a bit in shock and fear, quickly hidden as she bowed her head" (p9, ch1). And we're gonna stop right there. First, get rid of the and. Second, did you really need to use shock and fear? Does "eyes widened" mean something different to you? Do your eyes not get bigger when you see something shocking, or when you jump at something scary? ALSO, HER ACTIONS IMMEDIATELY AFTER SHOW HER EMOTIONS JUST FUCKING FINE, YOU REDUNDANT SONUVABITCH

"'How bad can I be when I've never instructed you to do something inherently wrong'" (p9, ch1)? He's da bawse, I'll allow it.

"Some people just couldn't give compliments, no matter how deserved, and so they hid it behind insults to save face" (p10, ch1). What has Alexa done that deserves to be praised? Put on her leggings in spite of her extra pound of weight?

Oh, right. The character used to be named Alexandria before she changed it to Angel. There's a drawing she made that shows what she looks like, which was completely inaccurate as well as into the second chapter (which was iirc as far as the critique got since fw muted blocked and stole their words).

"'[Blah blah hinting at Shadow Pokémon] Rumors say they're stronger than normal Polémon, which is allowing them to wreak havoc on even highly skilled Gym Leaders'" (p11, ch1) It's good to know what you might be up against. BUT!! -scrolls up- "He waved his hand dismissively. 'You know better than to listen to rumors'" (p9, ch1). You just told her not to believe in rumors a few sentence ago, my dude. My guy. GIA. "'You've worked for Team Rocket for, what is it? Ten years now?'" (p13, ch1). She's twenty-three and just now taking over the HEY NOW YOU'RE AN ALL-STAR Gym, AND she's been working for Team Rocket since she was thirteen? ok. "Your various talents have been an asset to the organization."Various talents?? Don't you mean just the one? "Specifically, your ability to speak to Pokémon. You've brought so many wayward Pokémon back without drawing attention. Unlike a certain trio." Don't mind me I'm just having the big boss man in charge suck my own dick! All of this is garbage. Alexa knows all this. Gia knows all this. "So many!" Mention notable incidents, Gia, or it doesn't count~ Was it a Tauros too hard to tame, a Gyarados too wild to face? A fucking Togepi that refused to hatch? What?! Fucking hell... Don't be rude, Gia. Put that glass you conjured on the coaster. (p14, ch1) Also "He had set [...]" Be careful when using had before verbs. Just set would've sufficed.

A large problem is her using past perfect tense when it's not needed (past perfect means putting had in front of verbs - ie: he had set) rather than simple past (ie: he set). Set is one of those words which can be both past and present tense depending on the context. In this case, since the story is in past tense, we read it as such. Like read and read. "I read 10K words a day" (present) vs "I read that book last night."

"'You've read over the data and blueprints I gave you. Do you feel you can break into this lab and take back the supplies that were stolen from our facility? The lives of dozens of Pokémon depend upon your success'" (p17, ch1). Okay. This is what I had a problem with. Alexa's given the Confidential envelope and is going through it while Gia's talking to her, okay? Fine. We don't know what's in the envelope, just that it's "data". Good! I love that. Withholding info like that builds intrigue. What mystery! Love it! And then Gia ruins it by directly asking if she can do the thing. Welp. THERE GOES THE INTRIGUE. How good would it have been to keep us in the dark wondering what the fuck he's asking of her, thinking it's some shady sinister shit, only to have us realize at the last second "she's stealing back stolen goods"?? Way to kill it.

"He didn't mention her rank in Team Rocket, but he didn't need to" (p17, ch1). Then why the fuck is this here? "It was obvious in the tone he used failure would not be accepted" (p17, ch1). I mean it's also obvious when he specifically says "'The lives of dozens of Pokémon depend upon your success'" but GO OFF I GUESS New character speaks, new paragraph, please. Minor mistake, easily fixed. (p18, ch1) Again. New character speaks, new fucking paragraph, Pokémon or not. (p19, ch1)

"Despite her words of encouragement, Sylvie still hesitantly walked down the stairs" (p19, ch1). I'm not one for adverbs when you can show. "Despite her words of encouragement, Sylvie's steps were slow/Sylvie took her time coming down the stairs." Boom. Stronger sentence, showing not only conveys the same thing but beefs your word count. Your audience is not stupid, we can infer things.

Emotions warred within right now" (p21, ch1). Strike that "right now". Get it off. You're this close 🤏 to switching to present tense.

And all this is just the first chapter. There's still one more to go so this won't be a recurring thing for those worried about the longask asks. Lemme know if you want it. (the next chapter has her shilling Daddy!)

And she wanted to get things published?

She updated the work in August, actually! Chapter 14. And things... don't look all that different even on a skim-through 😬😬😬

Lorrrrrd. So this is the one that someone tried to give her constructive criticism on and she says it's bullying/harassment??? 😭 😭 oh please do another part, shilling Daddy is my FAVE

#pfq #pokefarm q #pokefarm #pokefarm tea #pokefarm drama #pfq drama

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witflitmanict · 7 months

Text

Trauma in the Living Place

As stated in the rules, if I miss one day I need to make it up the next day. Whether I missed 1 day or 2 days is a little up for debate because technically I did not think of this idea until I was in bed late on Oct. 1. It may have even been Oct. 2 by the time it truly occurred to me…but also I said for the month and well…it is the 3rd.

Who cares? Here is a short essay based on a discussion my brother and I had last week.

….

When I was growing up I kinda knew that the world I was growing up in was off. Mostly I felt this because the TV was very good at showing me this. But I was also painfully aware of how cliche it was to compare your life to the people on TV because TV was fiction and life was real. I have always been far too painfully aware of my own existence.

The thing is I look back on baby me and I think “Damn I was right.”

The environment I grew up in was kinda fucked up. Not in a horrendously violent way, although it did have these peaks of violence, but more in just the way that every day felt like a battle and it felt like that for me from a very, very young age. And worse, as far as I could tell it felt like that for everyone around me. And I was pretty sure that couldn’t be right.

It was the therapist I started seeing after my most significant manic moment who pointed it out to me. This therapist, a kindly, sweatered, not that old man who had an office in an old apartment building in Japan that smelled like cedar and had sliding windows that opened up towards the railway, was the first one I had ever seen with any amount of seriousness. I had seen others before, but it’s hard to go to therapy when some of the things you struggle with most came at the hands of a therapist. Kinda puts a real damper on the whole trust bit.

But this therapist, he was different. He didn’t just want to talk, he didn’t want to tell me what I could do to ‘improve my condition’ (shortcut to me - don’t tell me what to do). Instead he had a focused approach he wanted to do - EMDR.

EMDR, for those who don’t know, is a type of therapy that uses what to me, a lay person, comes across as almost a hypnotic approach. EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing”. And that is what the therapy is. Some therapists use a sound, some use a motion, others use light…but basically, they give you an external stimulus to focus on. Then, they ask you to share a traumatic memory. They guide you to go deeper and deeper into the memory, asking about details, asking you to locate where in your body you are feeling the memory (ie is your stomach tight, your neck flushed, etc) and then they try to help you relieve that emotion through breathing exercises, visual exercises, whatever.

Here is a nifty little youtube video that tries to visualize it for you.

How EMDR works? Look at this animation (English)

The point of this therapy is to try and deal with your trauma. It originated from a woman, Francine Shapiro, who said she noticed while working in the woods one day that moving her eyes side-to-side like this reduced her anxiety (or something like that, you’re on the internet you’ve got Google). She then took this movement and used it when working with trauma victims, and found that there was demonstrable improvement in their flashbacks and the way they reacted to the trauma. Thus, EMDR was born. It is, in fact a bit controversial as some people say it is just another type of exposure therapy but it is also recommended by a lot of health agencies to deal with trauma. And, as a personal aside, I found it incredibly helpful.

So, it was in one of these sessions, that my therapist asked me, essentially, what was the first time I remembered recognizing that the adults around me could not in fact take care of me. He was likely working off the theory that I had to “grow up” at too young an age, and it had left me quite affected.

And so, I started in on the first strong memory I have of recognizing that adults are useless. I said I was about 9, maybe 8. I was at a friend’s house with my siblings. It was the sort of house that seemed to always have people about, but the mother was a wonderful woman who cared a lot about us, and her kids were about our age. This particular day there was a group of adults and some kids I was less familiar with. I remember this even now, some 20+ years later, that I was particularly curious about a bleach blond lady who seemed off to me. She just seemed like she was trying too hard, and I didn’t really like her…But it didn’t matter, the kids were in kid world and the adults were doing whatever adults do, so I just ignored her.

At least it didn’t matter until suddenly it really, really did. We were playing outside when an adult came rushing out and told us we all needed to get inside right this minute. It was clear this adult was panicked, and we were mostly all old enough to understand that an upset adult meant something dangerous, and obliged. We made our way inside and into my friend's room, the one farthest down the hall on the opposite side of the house. We sat on her bed and were wondering what was going on when we heard a lot of noise and looked out to see a man walking past her window to the back of the house.

The guy, I registered him only as “adult” at the time, had shaggy brownish blond hair, a white T-shirt and jeans. And a look on his face that sent me into a panic. It was intense. He didn’t look our way, instead he seemed really focused on something else. Something none of the rest of us could see. He walked with such purpose towards the back of the house and everything about him screamed danger.

And in the panic that followed as we all realized that this must be why we had to come inside, I realized that my younger sister was nowhere to be found. She wasn’t in the room with us, and as far as I knew she wasn’t with my brother. So I went out and tried to get an adult’s attention. But they were in hysterics. That blonde lady was crying and the other women were trying to reassure her. My friend’s mom had her new baby in one hand and her phone in the other and was calling…her boyfriend. Not the cops.

This is the moment where I first had the thought that adults really can’t do anything. I understood that we were in danger. That the man I had seen outside was a bad guy and he would hurt people. And rather than call the cops these grownass adults were calling the boyfriend of my friend’s mom who was all the way in Plymouth, a solid 20 minute drive at least. And more importantly, none of these adults seemed to have noticed that my baby sister was standing in the glassed in backroom, directly where that guy had been headed, playing pool by herself.

The guy came around the bushes and headed towards the sliding door of the pool room. And I yelled at my sister to get over here, so scared to go down and get her but desperate to get her out of there. The image of her looking up from chalking the pool stick and seeing me, and then the guy, as he began to kick the sliding door, is still pretty fresh in my head.

For me, that’s where the memory ends. My brother remembers the next bit. We were all taken into the mom’s bedroom, and told to stay there until the adults came to get us. There was a lot of commotion going on, but my brother and his friend, they were old enough to recognize that they needed to do something to hide it, and put on some dumb 90s comedy. He doesn’t remember what it was, just that we all sat and watched it until the adults came and got us, and we went back home shortly after.

I guess my trauma figures that I don’t need to worry about the part where someone, another child really, took over the situation. But I do need to remember the moment I stood in the kitchen, looking at the adults, and recognized that they were not taking the right steps to protect us. That their flimsy plan of calling a boyfriend who would take at least 20 minutes to get there would not protect us from whatever was happening in that moment. And I remember that after this I began to view other adults with increasing distrust and a distinct impression that they would, in fact, not be able to take care of me or my siblings.

I relayed this story to my therapist and he was stunned. Normally we would move into talk about how this felt and what I saw when I relayed it, but instead he asked me, eyes a little wide and voice full of concern, if I thought this was typical of my childhood. Did things like this happen often?

Not really, I’m sure I told him. At least, things didn’t usually explode to this level. I mean sure I can remember other instances of being places where I knew there were dangerous adults. Dads who showed up to softball games they weren’t supposed to be at. Uncles or brothers or whatever of friends of mine that I just instinctively knew to stay away from. I knew that there were parts of the woods you could go to, and parts where the cops had been run over and shot at. But these things didn’t really have to do with my family directly. They were just around us.

And that’s when he laid down a truth that struck so true that to this day I consider it one of the greatest revelations to have been revealed to me…”That is not a typical environment. It sounds like that whole town and a lot of the people you knew were dealing with a lot of trauma of their own. I think you have a really skewed perspective of what ‘normal’ is.”

Reader let me tell you that in the 27 or so years of my life that I had been grappling with the fact that my life was not like that on TV, never once had it occurred to me that I might actually be correct in thinking that my life was the odd one out. I had simply lived it knowing that TV was not real, and that my life wasn’t as bad as others. After all I wasn’t the kid of the guy who kicked in the back door and shattered that sliding door while a 7 year old ran up the stairs. I wasn’t related to the men who then grabbed him and held him down as they smashed the car door onto his head until he collapsed. Sure, I was friends with the girl whose dad would hit her and her brother with a switch, and I was close with the one whose dad disappeared and reappeared at softball games unexpectedly…but that wasn’t my trauma. My trauma was tame in comparison to that.

Except that, just by being around all that trauma, I had convinced myself that anything bad that happened to me or my family wasn’t that bad because I mean damn look at what the people around us dealt with. And of course my parents both worked in social service-like jobs, so we knew full well the reality of the world around us from a very young age. There were no starving children in Africa who would happily finish the food on our plates, there were starving kids in our town or the homeless shelter down the street.

But it took seeing this therapist in his safe dusty office 9000 miles away from where I had been born for me to realize that all of this was really, really wrong. And to be clear here, there is nothing abnormal about towns like this. Places full of disenfranchised people whose only outlets, or only chance of survival, are drugs, drinking, and illicit activities exist everywhere, in all countries. But just because they are normal doesn’t mean they are ok.

Places like the town I grew up in breed generational trauma that no one can get out of. And they distort what is “normal” for the people who grow up in them. And that distortion means that they are more likely to put up with things that are in fact traumatic for the entirety of their lives because, well, it could be worse couldn’t it?

Except that just because something is normal doesn’t mean it’s the standard to base our lives on. And that then became a through line for so much more in my life. Yeah sure, I only got migraines once or twice a month, and that was a great decrease from growing up where I would get them weekly…but it’s probably not normal to be in that much pain, is it? Or for that matter, it isn’t normal that my stomach hurts and I want to throw up almost every day, or that my joints seem to ache so badly that I can’t move them sometimes…or for that matter, that soy seems to make my mouth feel like it is full of tiny little cuts.

And once I realized that I needed to stop basing my idea of “normalcy” on what I grew up around and instead see what people outside of it all had to say, I gotta say, my life got a lot better.

Word Count: 2397

#Writing #nonfiction #childhood #trauma #generational trauma #therapy #thinking about it

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