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kitsune024 · 2 months

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Stucky Fic Recs Part 2 - will add later

Bucky and Steve's Excellent Adventure by blue_beans I Chapters: 48/48 I Completed Post-Avengers: Endgame Bucky Barnes is very suicidal for a good chunk of this, Sentient Infinity Stones, Fix-It fic, Action/Adventure, Time Travel, slow burn

Six months ago, Steve set out on a final mission to return the infinity stones to their proper timelines, and returned a minute later having lived out a life of peace and contentment with Peggy Carter in the past. He died in his sleep a few days later, surrounded by his friends. Or so Bucky assumes. He wouldn't know, he'd been busy being locked up on the Raft while the government decided whether or not to pardon him for the whole Winter Soldier thing. What with the court-mandated therapy and the constant surveillance by alphabet agencies and the crushing weight of his past, he's not sure if giving him a chance at "normal life" is more cruel than the alternative. But he's doing fine. Great, actually, so don't ask. He didn't have a nightmare. Especially not that strangely disturbing one about Steve... *** AKA I wanted to write the reverse time-heist and I'm still salty about Endgame. This is the result.

Seasons of War by eretria I Chapters 11/11 I Completed Friends to Lovers, World War II, war horrors, Dark

Chasing Bucky, always a step behind, Steve remembers the cycle of seasons that took him from the raw and naive young man to the Captain America who led the Howling Commandos into hell and, except for Bucky, out again. As his memories center on Bucky, one question haunts him: Is the Bucky he knew in the war the same one he knew before?

ampersand by kaydeefalls I Chapters 1/1 I one shot World War II, Friends to Lovers, the Winter Soldier started long before Bucky fell from the train

They've been steveandbucky since they were kids, but that ignores the parts of their lives that don't wrap around each other, that never did. (Bucky needs to figure out who he is, just him, with or without Steve.)

In Vain by kireteiru I Chapters 1/1 I one shot James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers(unrequited), Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Endgame, All hurt no comfort, not a fix it :(

"Nothing of the heart remains, Even if we could've stayed, We've been here long enough, Long enough to know it's all in vain. Everything we tried to say, Up until the final day, I guess we said enough, Said enough to know it's all in vain." _ "In Vain", Within Temptation (Resist) A choice was made, and now the world will bear its consequences.

i'm the furthest thing from heaven, but the closest to home by @buckyismybicycle I Chapters: 6/6 I Completed Guardian Angel Bucky, Identity Reveal, Canon Divergence, Memory Loss

When Steve loses Bucky in Kreischberg, he’s lost the only thing left he cares about. He crashes the Valkyrie into the Arctic, ready to be reunited with his love, but instead, he’s saved by an angel. Except this angel isn’t like the ones he’s read about — no, his angel is armed to the teeth and has wings the colour of blood and night. Yet, there’s something eerily familiar about this angel.

Good God, Let Me Give You My Life by @bellefyre I Chapters 6/6 I Completed Bucky/others, One-Sided Relationship, Non-Consensual Touching, rape, Hydra, Steve/Bucky is Endgame

5+1 meme, five people over the decades who fell in love with the Winter Soldier and died because of him and the one person the Winter Soldier loved and lived because of him.

How to Woo the Winter Soldier by @writeonclara I Chapters 6 /6 I Completed funny fic, gift giving, Steve falls for the Winter Soldier before finding out his Identity, Courting, Identity Reveal, Identity Porn, bad ideas

“I think I’m ready to date again,” Steve said. “What,” Natasha said. “What?” Clint said, lowering his binoculars. He blinked at the dumbstruck look on the Captain’s face, then followed his gaze to where he was staring dopily at—at the Winter fucking Soldier. “Steve, no,” Clint groaned. Or: Steve courts the Winter Soldier.

Ready to Comply by @exclamation I Chapters 31/31 I Completed Canon Divergence - Post-CA: The Winter Soldier, Dehumanization, Hurt/Comfort-But Mostly Hurt, Angst, Protective Steve Rogers

The asset's orders at the end of The Winter Soldier weren't to kill Captain America, but to capture him, so that he could be wiped and turned into another asset. The asset has succeeded in that mission, capturing its target and taking him back to the Hydra base. But the Hydra soldiers are dead, captured, or fled, so there is no one there to give the asset new orders. Alone with its captive, the asset has no instructions on how it is meant to act. But the more time it spends with its target, the more old protocols start to assert themselves, like the protocol that when that face is hurt and bleeding, the asset is supposed to clean away the blood.

From Grit to Pearl by @bluesimplicity73 I Chapters 38/38 I Completed Bucky & Rebecca Barnes, Bucky Recovering, Body Horror, BAMF Bucky, BAMF Rebecca Barnes, Angst, AU - Canon Divergence, Hydra

He does not have a name. He has been called many things over the years; a weapon, a ghost, HYDRA’s Fist, the Soldier, and from what they have told him his work has shaped the century. But he does not have a name. His name, like so many other things, has been taken from him, stolen. Forgotten. Until the day it is not, and remembering, he breaks free, killing his handler and making his escape in a desperate bid for freedom. Frightened, lost and hurt, he seeks out the last person in the world he can trust, his baby sister, now an almost eighty-year-old widow, somehow knowing she is the only one who can help him. It is a difficult journey, one filled with pain, tears, and things that should not be possible. But also with recovery and redemption, rebirth and miracles, family and hope. This story is a love letter between Bucky and his sister Rebecca, the world, and eventually his childhood best friend, Steve Rogers, the boy he once loved. But ultimately, it is the love letter Bucky writes to himself, as he reclaims who he once was, discovers who he is now, builds a new life for himself and realizes he might, just might, be as strong, as beautiful, as precious as a pearl.

Bookmark Series

Til the Sun Goes Down by @scyllaya I Part 1 - 2 I Bucky & Loki, Thor & Loki, Kid Loki

Stucky with Fanart

to memory now I can't recall by @etharei | Chapters: 16/16 I Completed Time Travel, World War II, Memory Loss, Identity Porn, Alien Technology The Good Monster by Taste_is_Sweet | Chapters: 2/2 | Completed Canon Divergence, Transformation, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Body Horror, Self-Sacrifice, Self-Harm despite the threatening sky and shuddering earth (they remained) by @praximeter | Chapters: 20/20 | Completed Non-Consensual Body Modification, Canon Divergence, Identity Reveal, Drug Withdrawal, Body Horror, identity Porn, American Sign Language The Second Labor by @aidaronan I Chapters: 18/18 I Completed wartime imagery and violence, pre-serum steve, Alternative Timeline, Psychological Torture, Medical Torture, AU - Canon Divergence

Bookmark Series

Ipseity by @skyisgray I Part 1-3 I Completed Dissociative Identity Disorder, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Torture

#stucky fanfiction #steve x bucky #bucky x steve #steve rogers #bucky barnes #ao3 fanfic #fic rec #fanfic rec #stucky #winter soldier au #stucky fanart #fic recs #I ain't gonna put in all the tags in each fic so yall better read the tags some of them are dark #stevebucky #my rec list #stucky fics

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blondrichclosetwitch · 2 years

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Today is 9/22/22, this today’s special numbers are 9, 22, 19, 10, 1

836 body memory bjork

836 New Year’s Day Taylor swift

900 precious lord take my hand Elvis

902/903 gone gone/thank you tyler

909/9:10/911/912 European son iggy pop (just got that it’s a reference to me going to italy after the baby first came to me, and how italy somehow charged the spell, if you will.

9:19/9:22/9:31: some version of all too well 10 minute version

936/938/939swan song lana del rey- I’ll follow you

1002/1003 fables interpol

10:03/10:09/10:11/10:12the master’s breath as in God breathed on the playlist imho

10:19/10:22 go On ahead liz Phair

10:22 grace jeff buckley

10:31 party hard pulp

10:31 me & the devil Gil scott heron

10:36/10:38/10:39–delicate taylor swift

10:48/10:49 just my imagination running away with me Rolling Stones

10:58 (past lives) Stella was a diver and she was always down interpol

10:58 tell me u luv me juice wrld

11:02/11:03 nail it to the wall

1109 the color that your eyes changed

11:10/11:11/11:12 shine on house of love

11:19 marcel her’s

11:22 guns and roses lana del rey—I FINALLY got this one after hearing it five million times. Psychic Jakk was always either talking about guns or wanting

Me to get him roses, if he was going to come over. Guns and roses were mentioned constantly, I almost feel dumb that I didn’t Get the reference.

11:31 shine on house of love—

11:39 spiritual death patti smith—“these are the words I took down: See what is up before you above all start to question the reality of this world; from what authority could you judge it?

do you know what absolute reality is ?whoever starts on a voyage must start from wherever he is.

She must not think the destination is already reached just because he has an accurate and detailed itinerary in her hands, and she has drawn a line on a map. It has no meaning unless she can pinpoint her present location. You as well. look at yourself. I mean wake up! wake up. find yourself. the place where you are is where you have to be. The place where you are is where you have to begin .wake up. find yourself. The place where you are is the place where you have to begin. the present state of consciousness together with all that is contained in all our speculation. Wake up. Wake up. Find yourself. Remain awake. Do you know what absolute reality is? Do you know what absolute reality is?

only a memory sweet as death.

When Light sees the eye and sound hears the ear and thought thinks thee, and love has made and remade you, the C/sea claims you.”

11:57 I think I can animal collective —I think maybe since 2016 I’ve heard this song 25 times at most; the call being “can I move on soon?” And the response at the end repeated, “I think I can.” 57 is the number of 3 of swords.

12:02/12:03 Nancy from now on father john misty

1203 drum set Fiona apple

1209 shakin all over The Who

12:11/12:12 reanimator versus

1219 Christine house of love

1219/12:22 songbird Fleetwood Mac

12:36/12:38 my love lykke li—I admit I haven’t figured this one out yet

1238/1239 silver springs live Fleetwood Mac

1:02/1:03-diamond dogs live bowie

109/111/112 partyisntover/campfire/bimmer tyler

119 that’s the way love is paul young

1:22 neptune city death in Vegas

1:31 heads we’re dancing Kate —

1:36 1 inch rock Marc bolan

138/139 all of the time plants & animals

1:46 ampersand amanda Palmer—I don’t know who the 46 is, but they said to put it at 1:46. I’m not the one who’s crazy.

1:48/1:49 kooks dave d bowie—back in the day this would play when I was at my wit’s end when I thought I was talking to stella and Jakk, and this was a sign not to give up.

1:57 won’t get fooled again —again, the pertinence of 57 being the 3 of swords/heartbreak

2:09/2:10 Marjorie T.S.

2:10/2:11/2:12 black & white serge gainsbourg—the has the line “an American who was drinking blood”

2:12 a rush and a push and the land is ours

219 suicide blond—at first, I thought this was a ref to all the times I was told blond killed herself, and then I heard it in the voice of her mainstay. And then I couldn’t unhear it.

2:22 hallucinogenics lana del rey—no comment

2:24 your time is gonna come.

Always playin your game…drive me insane

3:01 stoned at the nail salon

3:09/3:11/3:12/3:14 space dog tori live Toronto 10/23/07– Andromeda stood with those girls before So sure we were on something The hair in pairs it just got nasty Your feet are just on the ground And now those girls are gone

3:19/3:22a punch up at a wedding radiohead

Don’t infect me with your poison

336lazy eyelids Carissa’s wierd

338/339 maggie Mae the Beatles

3:39 trying to get to heaven bowie

3:49 high by the beach

4:00 aneurysm nirvana live —I guess that’s what they’re hoping for with all the falls?

4:00/:01/:02/:03pale blue eyes VU

4:09 save me from what I want st. Vincent — keys are in my pocket; honey, what revealed you is what you try and hide away

4:09 Salome house of love

What is interesting about the 4:09 combination is literally at least a dozen times when I would be sobbing from some storyline, this song Salome would play with the line “I love the way she cries “ which of course flustered me and made me cry harder. But earlier today when save me from what I want played, all I could think was…the 50,000$ question remains: Was it worth it?

#9/22 #part one

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wiseabsol · 2 years

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I feel like Truth of the Divine by Lindsay Ellis is the equivalent of The Last of Us Part 2, in a way: It's not the story I wanted, but it's a story I can appreciate.

More thoughts below the cut:

- It really felt like Kaveh's book, rather than Cora's or Ampersand's. I understand how this happened. Cora and Ampersand were both wrecked in this book, with their points of view being exhausting and potentially triggering to follow. We needed to be able to look at them, at the other amygdalines, and at the political conflict in this book from a more stable perspective. Nonetheless, I missed Cora and Ampersand and the softer interactions between them.

- Cora and Ampersand barely interact in this book, and when they do, they hurt themselves and each other. This was unpleasant and definitely not what I wanted. The sweetness between Nikola and Kaveh made up for it some, and it did seem like an intentional contrast to Cora and Ampersand's relationship, showing us just how unhealthy it is at present.

- The philosophical discussions about what personhood is, how legislation can be twisted to hurt marginalized peoples, and how authoritarians take advantage of fear and tribalism to accumulate power, all felt very important and hit hard, considering the shit that's been going down in the U.S. over the last several years, especially with the attempted coup on January 6th, 2021.

- Cora, Ampersand, and Nikola's respective traumas and mental health problems were excruciating to read. However, I appreciate the unflinching look at how depression and suicidal ideation wrecks you and makes you a passive player in your own life.

- Cora and Kaveh's relationship was a mixed bag for me. I think she loved him, but wasn't in love with him. I think Cora needed someone who understood her mental health issues and could offer her stability and emotional support. I don't think I minded the age gap (though it would have been super weird if she was his source on all things alien, versus him having an alien buddy, from a journalistic perspective), and I appreciated that he didn't patronize her by denying the sex she wanted. But it was uncomfortable at points, and I have a hard time pinning down why I was feeling that way. Was I uncomfortable with Kaveh having sex with Cora when she was having a breakdown at the time? Was it because it didn't seem like the sex was really helping Cora, since she seemed to be forcing herself through her discomfort at points? Did I not like it because it felt like it intruded on the main ship of the series? All of these seem like flimsy reasons to be uneasy with the relationship, especially because Kaveh himself was very kind to her. Would I have felt this way if Ampersand was the one engaging with Cora this way? I feel like the answer to that is no, but why is that? Is it because there's baggage behind the concept of an older man with power, or at least more power than our female protagonist, having a sexual relationship with a younger, psychologically unstable woman? Isn't Ampersand also an older, more powerful "man" when species is stripped away? As you can see, my thoughts on this are a mess. Overall, I do think Kaveh was a good person who meant well, and I was genuinely saddened by his death. He was absolutely the hero of this book, even if his relationship with Cora made me squirm.

- Speaking of Cora needing emotional support this book--where the hell was her aunt throughout this? Her mother and siblings? This feels like such a missed opportunity. If Ellis is limited to a three-book series (she'd planned out five books), I doubt that we're going to get much more of them, since her father is definitely going to take center stage as an antagonist when he appears in a later book.

- While we did have the discussion of gender in this book as it applies to aliens, I am disappointed that we still don't have any more aliens who use she/her pronouns (besides the Genome from the last book). I was so hoping that Nikola would identify as a gal, but no dice.

- Kaveh's article at the end was very moving. Also the "you won't hear the shot that kills you" was a brutal bit of foreshadowing. Good job, Ellis, you made me cry a lot during this book.

- I do really love the idea that Ampersand is questioning if Cora and humans in general qualify as people or animals, in part due to how advanced they are compared to us, technologically (I won't say socially, because while humans are violent, they haven't actually killed a whole planet's worth of people yet). That's such a delicious reversal of the norm in books like these.

#Truth of the Divine #Book thoughts #Overall I do think this was an excellent book #It definitely wasn't the fun and romantic romp I was hoping for #But the social commentary in it is lethal in how cutting and relevant it is

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demonphannie · 7 years

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dan and phil - june 2017

6/12

first week (1-7): dan wants to eat and be alone for his birthday. phil likes snuggling with cats. politics and pizza and chill. new gaming video: ARE GAMERS NERDS? - Google Autocomplete Game! dan puts the succ in succulents. barbecue becomes floorbecue (context but dan and phil have barbecue with dan’s grandparents). phil is recognized as the dan and phil guy! dan and phil release a shirt to support manchester. phil relaxes with some attack on titan. dan liveshow! (highlights: new webcam, gonna make a new youtube banner, loved the one love manchester concert, at his all boys school when they got shots they all punched each other because it would hurt more, his grandparents visited, his grandma brought an or-rey-o cake, cake scene whom, he and phil and friends played dungeons and dragons and dan was a fucking edgelord, he went to the gym and jogged 10km and couldn’t move the next morning, he went because phil wasn’t there and he was bored, cavemen over dinosaurs existentialism over nihilism, he has nothing against wearing dresses, he’s practicing piano more, he has ten succulents) + bonus thumbnail. new gaming video: MOTION CONTROL VIOLENCE - Dan vs. Phil: ARMS.

second week (8-14): dan wants you to VOTE. phil wants you to VOTE. edward snowden and jeremey corbyn interact with dan on twitter. obligatory democracy selfie. phil liveshow! (highlights: listened to a sexual podcast when going to the gym, he ate very unhealthily as a child, beauty tips with phil: dry shampoo in hair before you go to sleep, toothpaste on pimples, don’t drop things on your feet or they will bruise, daddy cleaned us, cake scene whom, the ampersand is broken, he was gonna live in the gaming room but decided they needed more space for the gaming so now he lives in a broom cupboard under the stairs, martyn moved, he’s been watching love island, his bday gifts for dan are things phil wants, he has two coffees a day). jeremy corbyn is one thicc bih according to dan. new gaming video: THE MOST FRUSTRATING GAME EVER MADE - Dan and Phil play: I Am Bread. dan loves wonder woman. dan and phil went to wahaca (food for before dan’s bday). DAN’S BIRTHDAY!!! phil posts a pic of dan playing mariokart and it’s like pretty cute. “i don’t feel 26 but when you consider i have a 16 year old’s body and the crushed soul of someone aged 36 it kinda makes sense” (does dan know how to do math). bryony posts some cute pics on her insta story confirming they went to a sushi place and a sky bar (1+2+3). rare birthday boye pic. it stops the bees tweets from cat for dan’s birthday. phil bought dan (himself) a fidget spinner. new amazingphil video: TRY NOT TO CRINGE - My Dating Emails (tinder ad). phil almost blinds himself with the fidget spinner. dan’s life is on hold now that nintendo is releasing a pokemon switch game (and also he’s going to leave dead animals on nintendo’s doorstep if they do not make an animal crossing game). dan changed his twitter icon from this to this. dan liveshow! (highlights: birthday, comic sans, phil’s used the fidget spinner more than him, also got a weather crystal thingy from phil, dan also got sunflowers, dan HATES sunflowers, i HATE dan, terrarium of the day, his family has a pattern of giving dan colin themed gifts this time being a tshirt, friends got him a skull filled with vodka, he loves the babadook, phil is away, no phil liveshow, dan is phil’s pr agent, pokemon gotta catch em all, rant about how annoyingly perfect chris pine is, steven universe discourse, he cringed at phil’s video). also dan’s tweet for his liveshow mentioned (and friendzoned) phil for no reason. also here is some weird shit dan thought he would make his icon. wow young people these days and their exam memes. phil is a finger guns kinda guy. new gaming video: DIL GETS PREGNANT - Dan and Phil Play: Sims 4 #41.

third week (15-21): when phil is away dan will post irrelevant sceenshots of what they text each other and it’s sorta sad sorta cute. angery wasps. dan’s houseplants are thriving. phil craves that mineral. new daniel howell video: The Memeing Of Life. centipede drama with documentarist phil lester (also phil doesn’t have wooden floors in his room but ok). dan wishes happy fathers day to dil? phil liveshow! (highlights: thank you for all the fathers day wishes, strong air conditioning in his “room”, he got his dad jams and hacksaw ridge, he has a big family and a lot are in australia, dan was scurred of the centipede, he’s trying to get louise to name her new baby phil, dan is worth £6, he hurt himself with the fidget spinner, not watching love island anymore, chris pine is distracting, some beauty tips, flat earth). “england more like fuckimmeltingdeargodhowcaniescapethisunbearableheatimsweatingoutofmyeyeballswhereisallthebloodyrainweresupposedtohaveland.” some limited edition merch. dan and phil appear in an anthony padilla video. new gaming video: THIS GAME IS TOO BLOODY HARD - Dan and Phil play: Keep Talking And Nobody Explodes #3. oh no phil almost went live in the bath. wow going to america (or are they). phil likes topless guys showering horses. dan and phil appear in #youtubers4grenfell livestream.

fourth week (22-30): dan and phil #spotted at the airport. dan and phil at vidcon! night of community where dan and phil have a bicker about whose fault it was that they missed their flight to la (run down: dan lost his passport and phil booked the car late and they almost missed vidcon). also the try guys do a funny impression of dan and phil. dan explains. nice pics of the night of community. pics of dan and phil leaving the night of community. phil slept nice. youtube water. dan and phil and tyler. dan and phil meet and greet (not all the pics but some highlights: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten). lil peek into a markiplier vlog. dan and phil @ a party just eating and playing ddr (one + two + three). dan and phil with cute doggo. new gaming video: HELP WE ARE SO LOST 🌎🤔 - Dan vs. Phil: GeoGuessr. dan apologizes for being extra even tho he’s always extra. dan’s an edgelord. dan and phil are jean jacket boyes. dan and phil on the fine bros instagram story + on twitter. dan and phil and badly drawn models. dan is angery on facebook. phil is going to another dimension. new amazingphil video: DAN CURLS MY HAIR! fine bros video: YOUTUBERS REACT TO NICKI MINAJ CHALLENGE (#NICKIMINAJCHALLENGE). dan is an edgelord pt 2. they are on cat’s insta story. ACurlyPhil selfie. dan and phil in a tomska vlog (@ 22:57 and 33:00). just touched down in london town. new gaming video: WATCH US WRECK SOME LOSERS ONLINE - Mario Kart 8 Deluxe. dan and phil play with cat’s new pup in this video which made my entire body tingle. wow crash bandicoot is out.

the floor is my undying love for dan and phil.

#phan #dan and phil #daniel howell #amazingphil #2017 timeline

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tijuanabiblestudies · 7 years

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Buffyverse tagging meme: tagged by @drelliotreidmd, not directly but they did do the do-it-if-you-wanna-and-say-i-tagged-you thing so WHEEEEEE here we go

*top fifteen characters?

in the order in which they occur to me, so maybe a little bit of a preference ranking there but also sort of randomly:

1. wesley wyndam-pryce 2. rupert giles 3. buffy summers 4. william “spike” pratt 5. lorne (that longer name is his deadname and i shall NOT be calling him by it, also I’m too lazy to look up the spelling) 6. charles gunn 7. winifred burkle 8. tara maclay 9. faith lehane 10. dawn summers 11. anya jenkins 12. drusilla keeble 13. jonathan levinson 14. daniel “oz” osborne 15. cordelia chase

*favorite minor characters?

anne steele, kendra, clem, those two kids who dawn befriended in that one early-s7 episode where it looked like they were setting them up as Scoobies: The Next Generation but that didn’t go anywhere and why the hell not, oh fuck LARRY. WHY’D THEY HAVE TO KILL HIM OFF, A LONG-TERM CHARACTER ARC FOR HIM COULD HAVE BEEN SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

*ranking of favorite seasons of both shows?

btvs: 5, 3, 6, 2, 1, 4, 7

ats: 5, 3, 2, 1, 4

.....huh. interesting bit of numerical coincidence there.

*top ten episodes of both shows?

again with the listed-in-the-order-they-occur-to-me-so-blah-blah-blah thing

btvs:

1. once more, with feeling 2. fool for love 3. the body 4. lovers walk 5. intervention 6. the gift 7. helpless 8. band candy 9. the replacement 10. life serial

ats:

1. waiting in the wings 2. the girl in question 3. a hole in the world 4. billy 5. not fade away 6. through the looking glass/there’s no place like plrtz glrb (counting them as one) 7. i’ve got you under my skin 8. five by five/sanctuary (...and again) 9. smile time 10. the house always wins

*ats or btvs?

tough choice. I kinda see the two of them as a full package, but if forced to pick, I’d go with buffy, because there’s just....more to it, I guess. more humor, more stuff that I relate to personally, more visceral emotions, more variance in tone, more light to balance out the dark.

*least favorite main character?

I’m gonna have to reluctantly go with xander here. I do like to take a reinterpretive view of him, see him for what he could have been, but when you look strictly at canon, the fact of the matter is he’s kind of a huge dickweed.

*top ten ships?

WOWZA okay here we go

1. giles/wesley 2. fred/wesley/gunn (I’ll take wes/gunn over either fred/gunn or fred/wes but the ot3 is where my heart truly lies) 3. spike/angel (i’ve got loads more spike ships but if i’d listed them all there’d be no room for anything else and this is the main one so) 4. xander/oz 5. faith/buffy 6. spike/angel/faith/buffy (I know I already listed those two ships on their own but like, I enjoy them both as their own separate things and this ot4 as its own separate thing that also encapsulates what fascinates me about the individual ships and makes the whole thing way more deliciously complicated) 7. spike&dawn (ampersand, AMPERSAND, a non-romantic ship is still a ship and i sooooooo do not want to see this one as romantic but it fascinates and delights me on its own terms) 8. willow/tara 9. cordelia&willow (another platonic one; I really like the ace!cordy fanon and I also liked the way their friendship developed in canon and would’ve liked to see more done with it) 10. lorne/happiness (look....................shut up)

*do you write fanfic?

I’ve written a few short pieces here and there. would really like to do something longer (and have multiple ideas in mind) but y’know, multiple mental disabilities and full-time job and all that

*what fanfic do you read?

m/m stuff mostly (surprise surprise). whichclothes is one of my favorite authors; so is wesleysgirl, but her website fucking disappeared a while ago and I shall never be over it. tea and biscuits (which is a collab between her and two other authors) still remains, however, and i’ve already recced it eleventy billion times but CAN’T STOP WON’T STOP, IT IS SO GOOD YOU GUYS

*when did you start watching?

way back during my Year in Exile, which is what I call the span of about a year and a half (early 2012 to late 2013) where I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and was living with my parents and unemployed and isolated and depressed as all hell. the show may have kindasorta saved my life. people had been recommending it to me for ages, and I finally decided It Was Time, and...yup.

*show recommendations for Buffyverse fans?

“not supernatural” is really all I’m coming up with here

*do you own/collect anything related to the shows?

I’ve got a t-shirt I never wear even though the design is cool as hell because it’s a women’s large (so, you know, “large”) and it doesn’t fit right. oh, and a big hardcover collection of the season 8 comics.

*how often will you watch an episode?

seldom, lately. still haven’t finished the big rewatch I started back in ‘14. I was so close to the end of it, too. still haven’t completely given up on that one. sometimes I’ll watch an individual episode on a whim but that doesn’t happen often

*how many times have you watched either show all the way through?

all the way through? just the once. see above

*five unpopular opinions?

1. ships don’t have to be perfectly pure and unproblematic for you to ship them 2. characters don’t have to be perfectly pure and unproblematic for you to love them or relate to them (and in fact their flaws often make them MORE relatable) 3. yes the franchise has a lot of great female characters and I love them dearly but also I am a fully grown gay man and I do kinda gravitate towards male characters to whom I am attracted and my attraction does factor into my enjoyment of them as characters and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that (nor with liking to think about them in a woobifying hurt/comforty way) 4. I like to let my thoughts and feelings about the stories remain separate from my thoughts and feelings about joss whedon as a person (although that gets hard sometimes, as with the whole s4-of-angel clusterfuck where his shitty behavior DID affect the story for the worse) 5. I both love and sympathize with dawn AND find her severely annoying at times. did you know you can do both? it’s true

*least favorite thing about the fandom?

oy vey. I mostly try to steer clear of the fandom at large these days, save for a few close friends who share my love of the show and are capable of at least agreeing to disagree. the reason I noped out of the fandom was....I’m tempted to just say “the discourse,” but I’m gonna get a little more descriptive and say it’s the moralizing. I know this is a franchise that deals heavily with morality as a theme, but do we have to let that permeate the way we engage with it? the way I like to treat fiction is thinky and analytical but also highly emotional and subjective, and I don’t like having it reduced to black-and-white, good-vs-evil (or pure-vs-problematic for that matter); hell, the show itself almost explicitly tells us it’s not that simple (at the end of “lie to me,” for example). I hate the entire concept of guilty pleasures. I want to like the things I like and acknowledge their flaws and still feel good about liking them without having to constantly reiterate how aware of their flaws I am.

and that about wraps it up. not tagging anyone.

#buffyverse musings

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blondrichclosetwitch · 2 years

Text

The past, it isn’t far away. In spite of all of us, it’s here to stay.

(Also, these are somewhat out of order, tho listed correctly in the hashtags. This playlist was started in 2017, and is 127 hours & 58 minutes. Christmas Day, 10:58-12:34)

“I know how you feel inside, I’ve been there before.”

“I love you in my dreams. “

“Haven’t got a Deathwish, just want a little more.”

“It was only make believe.”

“Don’t want to know the past. I want to know the real deal.”

“I really don’t want to know that. The less we know, the better we feel.”

“ I am well acquainted with villains that live in my bed. They beg me to write. And I’ve grown familiar with villains that live in my head – – they beg me to ride them.”

Goddamn right, you should be scared of me.

“ now it’s, a, kind of strange, and, a… Kind of awkward for me to talk about… But I thought maybe you could help… Him… When we start getting physical, rather than having intercourse, he ends up just masturbating himself, and I end up feeling very alienated and unsatisfied, and it’s really come between us.”

“ I am already five years older, I’m already in my grave. my angel wings were bruised and restrained. My belly stings.I want to go home.”

“ I want to turn you on.”

“ And you need to resist the devil so that he will flee.”

(Don’t cry played again at 11:33; the emphasized lyric was and please remember I never lied. Also the someday maybe, baby line.)

“I don’t need if I don’t care.”

“Because when a lover aches, that’s when a lover breaks.”

“They’ll kill me.”

“We won’t be long.”

“That’s about my little brother. He’s an interesting character. I feel our lives are similar (similar in the way that we are both)..Freaks of nature, freaks of society… I always keep going back to some thing by Henry Miller. No matter how much he smiled, told jokes, shook hands, padded people on the back,… People still looked at him funny, they still sensed something wasn’t right. I’ve always felt that way. That no matter how normal I appear… I was treated differently.”

“Baby, maybe someday.”

“You almost had your hooks in me, didn’t you. You nearly had me roped and tied. Altar-bound. Hypnotized. Just a pawn outplayed by a dominating queen.”

(for fun reading, search the following words: altar, and satanic ritual. It should lead to some transcriptions. Oh, and marriage proposals.)

“They can’t stop me. Say I can’t do it? Bitch, watch me. All you lame hoes turn hating to a hobby: Damn, watching me got to turn you on. I should have my own category in porn.

Miss one, catch one. I ain’t new to fish.”

“ You tell me once, I ask you twice. We did the things you said, all right. God, where’d you go?”

“No sign of what’s ahead.”

“Illusions are seducing me to consider my options.”

“You cannot compare me.”

“I let you down.”

“Until then, I’ll glorify all my vices and just roll with the punches. Oh, the moral of the story almost always ruins every word in it.”

“I’ve been corrupted. And by now, I don’t need a fucking introduction. I fuck like a demon. Have you noticed?”

(once I went to see my medium/channel/angel boy who helped me put the pieces together in 2017, and he started laying down cards with a gasp, saying they showed she was working with Lilith, and then he proceeded to tell me Lilith is considered a demoness.)

“And please remember that I never lied.”

“For months the memory of this night haunted him.”

“My mind is like a deadly disease. I couldn’t stand the person inside me.”

“I tried to hold the secrets inside. “

“I sat alone in bed, crying “they’re coming for me.”

“ I turned all the mirrors around.”

After ampersand played for the 5th time in a week, I got a bit fatigued and remarked that I was getting tired of doing lists every day. They told me to press on. Yesterday I ended up listening to a tape that was related to what all the fuss is about “porno” playing. I admit, it was upsetting. Brought up some uncomfortable feelings, like guilt and shame. I think I had a thought along the lines of how did I fall for this and how did I let this happen. And then I heard someone say it wasn’t my fault. Ampersand to me is the epitome of a confrontation between me and my masters, if you will. I loved each of the three leaders very deeply. I revered the tarot reader. The salon master was my best friend. And bubbles I was convinced was courting me out of love. But It turns out love and anger are two sides of the same coin. The thing that gets me the most is the mastery of the plan. His and her headstones. We’ll never get that innocence back.

“ tell me, are we finished now?”

“ my love for falling down.”

“ I remember when I met you. Thought the universe sent you. Thought you were someone I could vent to.” (Little did I know you would sell my deepest secrets.)

“Disconnected from the scene at the hotel.”

“And they all give you things that I can see. When it’s you that’s on the cover, baby…Awkward: things that you decided that you think will make you happy.”

Stella says I should talk to you straight. I’m not sure how you got pulled into this, but that makes two millennials who said I was like a mother figure to them who are involved in this mess. When I heard you during rituals in 2020, I trusted you. I trusted that you wouldn’t fuck me over again. I don’t know how you got involved, but right now in my mind I see you weeping. The girl who connected with me over Persephone at Burning Man. Who gave me her shoes (even though they gave me blisters.) You are the exact kind of girl who needs me.

“Turn it around. Make it all right.”

“ on the edge of sleep, my old familiar friend comes in lies down next to me.”

This also played at 10:02.

The last song, also at 12:34 PM was the wild ones. The lyric?

“All we see and believe is the DJ, and the debts dissolve.”

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