#and an extra i made myself

[inkskinned]

it mattered because when my brother asked me what if this is the happiest you'll ever be? the best you'll ever get? the thing i felt was fear, not peace. everybody thought you were so perfect for me. even i thought you were "helping me grow". i had to challenge every internal clock. make myself more thoughtful, more kind, more beautiful.

i told my therapist it was good because i like the changes i made and there's something so strong about saying i did that. the problem is that i can like the difference all i want, but i changed for you. something akin to getting your name tattooed, all my progress is stamped with fuck you.

it was the happiest i'd ever been and also the best i'd ever gotten. i would still get in the car and think what the fuck just happened.

#warm up #writeblr #i spent a lot of time picturing our future #how funny to think: in each version of our future #i was never myself #i was someone smarter kinder braver #better adept. #who could navigate the way you shouted and got angry at small things and never fucking believed the best of me #i would never be needy and you'd never get tired of me #people usually talk about how we picture people as being “fixable”. but i assumed i was the problem. my idyllic picture wasn't of you. #it was a version of me that wasn't ill. that needed no extra help. that could be your wife and happy #the fact i wasn't happy was because there is something so wrong inside me. it's always been that way. i convinced myself: #if i stay i can change. if i stay i can make it worth it. i can apologize and fix this. and make us both okay. #for the last year i've been thinking about how you blamed our whole breakup on me. how it was my fault for whatever thing. #and i agreed with you. because of course i did. you'd trained me to believe everything was my fault . that you wanted to love me and i made #it far too hard. that i was always finding ways to ''set you off'. #a few days ago while i was doing something else #i realized that while i was in crisis you told me to fuck off and find someone else to get help. and you never fucking apologized . #you said i made you do that because i wasn't being sensible. i had been crying too hard to speak clearly. #you said: you're doing this to manipulate me. #you forgave yourself for that. i had to forgive you without apology. you said you were right to react that way. and then you were SO #SO annoyed. any time i said: i feel like you aren't nice to me. it is hard to trust that you love me. #i don't think about you that much anymore. but these days when i do: all i can think is that im not sure u ever really understood kindness #you were the cruelest to the people closest to you. and most of the time. that meant it fell to me.

[humans-are-tasty]

#sir crocodile #one piece #shooketh #this is from july #cross guild ep coming yay #my art #update wow the episode was great the new outfits will take some getting used to but honestly i was too happy to see them again to care #mihawk was so adorable and soft im going nuts :) #and blackbeard in the preview ohgod im not ok #croc is so purple now #buggys VA is so entertaining... kuro chan ohhmggg #OK BUT THEY MADE CROC AND MIHAWKS CALL EXTRA ROMANTIC WWRHURRRURUU #very hard to push myself to draw anything lately. makes me wonder if im cut out for this #my sleep schedule is the worst its been since i was 13 #idk how many ppl even read these tags #do you play aram in league? play with me if u want #i want to start drawing like i did 2-3 yrs ago again.

[shadow0-1]

driveaway

#call of duty #modern warfare #call of duty modern warfare #MWII #CoD MWII #blender renders #Simon Riley #Simon Ghost Riley #Johnny Mactavish #GhostSoap #SoapGhost #Ghoap #was fun trying to jam them into the back of the truck there #I /could/ have just made them clip #but no I like making extra work for myself

[mainyqn]

Tried drawing the cast + loop in my own style for a change!!

#isat #in stars and time #isat spoiler #implied for the second image #isat siffrin #isat isabeau #isat odile #isat bonnie #isat mirabelle #isat loop #First image is a ref sheet i made for myself (for color picking purposes) #and the second was just extra doodles #funfact if u zoom into bonnies eyes u'll see smthn veryyyy silly :) #i think i struggled drawing odile the most #i just cannot get her energy right #mira and isa were very fun to draw!! #i am forever a blue mira truther sorry red mira truthers #maim art #mirabelle chevalier

[deoidesign]

I've been told my comic feels like it was written by AI.

I suppose I'm not trying to be groundbreaking. I'm not interested in pioneering genres. I'm not writing for the purpose of literary analysis.

But written by AI...?

I'm already someone who has my humanity questioned. My identity erased. My existence disrespected. It could be worse. Anything could be worse.

But AI?

I spend weeks writing single scenes, toiling over the implications of single lines. I have goals. My writing has intent.

If you cared to read deeper, perhaps you'd see the themes. Maybe then you'd see the value. If you tried to analyze it maybe you'd see something there.

Maybe you'd see me.

Someone told me my comic seemed like it was written by AI.

And my humanity was denied one step further in that my voice was not seen in the work I've poured years of my life into.

#this is a comment that has bothered me for... a long time. #it really sat with me. #its insulting of course... #but i get insults all the time #thats not what bothered me. #there was something more to it #something more to how this hurt my feelings and why it lingered so long in my mind #and i think its because of this. #it removes me. it removes my humanity. #in a world where i already feel so invisible and invalidated #where i express myself. my love. through my work #to be told it seems like something a literal robot coild make #a conglomeration of marketable ideas #god. jts so insulting on a completely other level. #its straight up dehumanizing #so. watch the things you say seem like ai #when its actually made by an artist #especially if you know that it was made bh someone #they have a heart an theyre trying to show it to you #i know its not that deep or whatever. #but isnt it? #isnt the point of our art to connect to others? to love them? to spend time with them?? #im being dramatic #but i also care #and sometimes a little extra drama is what gets my ideas across. #i would know #im a writer

[goldenlol]

I’m struggler

#dark choco cookie #red velvet cookie #wildberry cookie #caramel arrow cookie #pastry cookie #cookie run kingdom #Bro practically all of those hashtags were in my options LMFOAO like the little thingy that pops up for it #Someone asked who the struggler was on twt and I’m like..does the way I draw choco not look like choco? #Is he too different? 😭 I always thought he looked like canon choco but fluffier (?) but ..THAT COMMENT MADE ME QUESTION MYSELF LFMAOO #Supposed to be at work rn but I’m goin in at 5:40 *snif* (it’s 5:17) ...so idk if I should get extra sleep or stay up..

[televised-eyes]

i’m determined to finish reading good omens tonight! just got to the part where crowley shows up at tadfield air base and the bentley falls apart ! poor bentley

i just love how any time the pov switches to aziraphale or crowley i start kicking my feet with happiness :3

#good omens #so like 50 pages left!! #gotta give my televised eyes a break from the scene #i really do appreciate all the extra fun stuff they gave crowley & azira to do in the show! #even made myself a cupperty! #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #crowley #gomens

[wigglebox]

Suptober - Day 31 || Trick or Treat

—

“Come on Barbie, let’s go trick o treating!”

ALL DONE with this year’s Suptober!

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH for this past month!

I will make an updated post about revisions before the lineart from this month is released to download and color yourselves.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN AND HAPPY SUPTOBER! 🧡🎃💚💙🥳

#suptober23 #destiel #Destiel fanart #dean winchester #castiel #supernatural #spnfanart #wiggleart #there were many reasons why I made Cas as ken but the main reasons is Ken wore an over shirt that reminded me of the trench coat #in reality they both call each other Barbie #lol #GOD I DIDNT THROW OUT MY WRIST OR ELBOW THIS MONTH HALLELIJAH #AND ITS TIME TO GO BACK TO COLOR #thank you all so much for this last month #I know I made it a full month challenge for myself which gave me extra work but I’m happy for it

[chiropteracupola]

in the mood for a modern au. banishing them to Community Theatre.

#em draws stuff #hornblower #william bush #horatio hornblower #archie kennedy #sometimes I receive a Highly Specific Divine Vision of Putting Them In A Situation. here's that situation. #would being hit by my Become A Stage Manager beam fix hornblower? probably not but who can say #he Would like three-ring binders though. [quickly cross-references] pity he perished before they were invented. #archie's tattoos are borrowed from jon dxppercxdxver's ideas and bush's are from one of sanguinity's fics! #(except for the wrist rope... made that one up myself because it felt like he needed a little something extra) #thank you to the normal men chat for understanding that bush's cargo shorts are 'in a lesbian way'. this is v important. #name suggestions for archie's service dog are welcome and if anyone comes up with something particularly wonderful #then I may do another drawing or two in this au... we'll see.

[loppiopio]

in a flash.

#durarara #izaya orihara #shizuo heiwajima #shizaya #a cheap imitation #i made a thing #back with more aci posting!! #for chapters 39 and 40 #i didn't draw the second one though #my good friend @eriunleashed on twitter helped me out with that one #i came up with the concept and thumbnail for it myself though #most of it was there #except for the positioning of the hands #erica put a little of that artistic rizz on 'em thanks eri <3 #i don't think she drew it with a full understanding of what i intended for it so the way it worked out is great :) #after she left me with the lines and some flats i went ahead and played around with the colours myself #to try and sell the kinda vibe i wanted to convey #i even took a picture of the coloured art on my screen to give it that extra oomph #isn't it cool?? #i thought i was big braining #please someone get it 🙏 #i love the photo snapping scene btw #it's sooooo cute #wrhghghhghh they are so !! #izaya's the silliest.... #and shizuo is so <3333 #ugh #i spent soooo many long arduous hours trying to figure out his hair in that one #i REFUSED to just let him be ugly like my friend so unhelpfully suggested #i really like how soft he turned out in the end 🥺

[sysig]

I can't remember if you've done any drawings for this before, sorry, but I have a requestober prompt! Vargas ladyverse snake charmer au? Or ladyverse dryder au Scri, I feel like the potential for pretty spiderweb clothes is high there. I would request both, but I want to respect the rules ^^ Thank you!!

Day 27 - Skillfully spun sheer shawl

#My art #Requestober #Vargas #Scriabin #Spider #So fun fact: I did do a couple Ladyverse!Snake Charmer!Scriabin doodles but they were just concept sketches so I never posted them #I still have at least one Ladyverse!SC idea written down but I haven't done anything with it lol #I never made it as far as Ladyverse!SC as a drider but then you said ''fashion'' and that's one of my sleeper words I Can't Not lol #I may have gone a little extra on this one but I was excited! I got sidetracked with those stones in the BG lol #Rock textures are still very fun ahh I can't help myself #The whole thing is extra! The web-cloth needed to contrast against her skin so I needed the directional lighting so I needed the background #Every step needed the next! It was decently fun tho #Not in small part of getting to look at some Acanthoscurria Geniculata <3 #Funny actually haha; my step-sister went to the zoo recently and there was That Specific Species of tarantula there! #She took a picture for me :) Cute #Pretty spider <3 And pretty drider! #I'm still very normal about Lady!Scriabin >.> And backs lol they're fun to draw! #You'll notice under the webbing she's wearing a similar top to what I drew Classic!Drider Scriabin in that one time #This one's a halter-top tho :) Leather halter top haha #I think it breaks up the shapes nicely :D #And her little urticating hairs poking through the webbing hehe ♪ She's very cute! Very pretty :)

[its-hyperfixation]

just have patience. it’s not how you spend the time, it’s if you waste it.

happy early birthday my beloved @bellamyblakru , i love u so much. thank u for being my friend <3

#PHEW it’s been so long since i’ve gifed #low key forgot everything LMAO it took me a second to get myself together #made this gifset in one sitting in true ashley fashion 🥰 #hope you like this merwaincelot x louis gifset!! #tried to make it extra angsty for u #okay it’s 5am i’m gonna schedule this and go to sleep #i love u happy birf goodnight #ayman gifs #merlin #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #lancelot #lancelot gifs #gwaine #gwaine gifs #sir lancelot #sir gwaine #bbcm #merlin gifs #merlingifs #merwaine #merlance #merwaincelot #louis tomlinson lyrics #louis tomlinson all this time #faith in the future lyrics #bellamyblakru #happy birthday my beloved 2023

[sheepalmighty]

Some more of that Chai joins Vandelay for half a day AU. Or just a picture of a kinda OOC Kale chilling if you wanna gloss over those comics. I'm still not sure if the colours are too garish or not.

These were mostly done with the premise of treating Kale's office like the hideout. I also really like how mundane, or familiar, the interactions between Chai and Kale can be in the game so I wanted to draw some stuff exploring more like that. But also, there's the ulterior motive of shipping so I included an out of context scene because I can't bother drawing the rest of it (though it seems like a huge jump in their relationship as a result. I think they're so big headed that they get stuck in a feedback loop of stroking the other's ego if an excuse comes up to do so)

#hi-fi rush #hi fi rush #hfr #kale x chai #kale vandelay #hi fi rush chai #hi fi rush korsica #i didnt spend any time finding a ref for kale's shoe sole so i made something up #besides that though i owe my life to all the uploaders of reference pics and interesting details in the game #sorry about the korsica comic i probably had no choice but to cram all those words into one panel. also i like the typo on that webpage #i gave myself an arbitrary deadline of the end of last month but found the pages to be too messy so i spent an extra week on them #whether that helped or not no one will ever know. i have to work on other things so im putting a hard cutoff now #i wonder if my want to draw perspective stuff freehand is a case of fearing what my limits may be or if its just a fear of the line tool #i adore that this game lets you add more to the music through your inputs (dashing on the beat etc) #just like the games i have thoroughly enjoyed from tetsuya mizuguchi #i seem to have too much time on my hands #thinking up scenarios is quick and easy to do while carrying on with the day to day #its when the brain decides you need to try to draw them that the problems occur #'tis mine

[vintageskeletons]

oh my FUCKING god your new sokka icon is so fucking cute holy FUCK thank you for blessing our eyes (how the fuck is he so adorable i‘m gonna riot)

AAAAAA THANK YOU THANKYOU HE WAS SUCH A JOY TO DRAW🥹🫶🏽

HE'S JUST A LITTLE GUY I LOVE HIM SO MUCH INSTANT SEROTONIN BOOST

bonus points to anyone who knows the reference i used heheh

#avatar the last airbender #atla #sokka #fanart #my art #askies #anonymous #sorry im yelling did i mention i love him #made him extra cute and for what? heart palpitations for myself??? #hope you're blessed to the brim anon :) <3

[izloveshorses]

here's a little wip share!

Since I've been out of art school for a while now I've been craving a good long term project, and what better subject than my favorite show? :) I'm pretending like Anastasia is an animated production/video game/whatever and I'm in charge of putting together a 'concept art book'/illustrated guide (for lack of a better term). Which means there would be extensive artwork of each costume, character lineups, background/set paintings, and prop studies. I'm currently still working on drawing and rendering all the assets and once they're all drawn I'll arrange them in a page layout as if they'll be printed in a big book!

But since it will be several months/year+ before it's finished I thought i could share some of my progress so far and possibly document the process as we go along. Here is an act i lineup of the principal characters, some examples of character costume sheets, and a couple screenshots of some ensemble costumes in various stages of completion. I've also rendered several props and I've started a couple background paintings, but I'll share those later.

Why embark such a tedious project, you ask? Well! because. i want to. So far it's been pretty fun. my obsessive collection/scholarly archive of reference photos of this show are finally being put to good use 🙈

Feel free to send any questions about the project my way! <3

#anastasia broadway #anastasia musical #anastasia #my art #fan art #iz draws #i need a tag for this hmm #anastasia illustrated guide #i guess akhsjldf #anyway #i'm trying to share wips more often so we have that Accountability #idk how long this will take bc i haven't made a hard deadline for myself yet but i'm currently working on it pretty steadily so idk #but stay tuned :) #also pls take a moment to admire count ipolitov he turned out really nicely #u can tell my crush on constantine is showing aslhdkjf #ur like why does that one ensemble man keep appearing Extra Handsome? 🧐 #bc... this is for me #also we're using his gleb ashlkdjf #bc. it's for me <3 #and dima is turning out well too <333 #his head is so empty #these may be adjusted several more times as the process goes on but rn i'm just trying to keep moving along instead of getting stuck on one #next post i should share my spreadsheet and reference folder aslhkdfj #bc it's almost neurotic #but i don't want to forget anyone alhskdf #but yeah pls click for better res :) #wip

[sunshades]

Obviously a complicated subject to navigate but the theme of "a person's worth" in the canto is a very interesting adaptation of the book and I'm enjoying it very much.

Heathcliff's attitude towards and understanding of his own upbringing shapes how he acts with the second generation- it's a sort of experiment for him, as he sometimes likes describing it in scientific terms. Talking about the boys with Nelly he draws this distinction between Hareton and lil Linton, that Hareton is an incredibly smart child and very aware of his own situation and degradation- especially as he meets other people his age, namely the younger Cathy, for whom he quickly develops feelings for, and love becomes yet another thing he cannot be allowed to participate in.

While in game it's someone else who ends up saying these lines, what they're actually referring to + what they represent in the book is actually shown through Hindley, the degradation, relegation to servant and denial of education as well as the condemnation that to Hindley is the most cruel and most important: losing the worth "necessary" to be loved.

In the end book!Hindley's efforts go through in making Heathcliff a horrible person just like him, though neither his nor game!Hindley's plan ever manages to actually deprive Heathcliff of his sister's love (though they certainly work in making him believe that!), but book!Hindley's plans are further defied by Heathcliff becoming rich and educated, and book!Heathcliff's plans go off the rails even further as Hareton is not only smart, but also manages to become a legitimately good person- which is where I think it's very clear how game!Hindley is inspired by Heathcliff's book self. This line describes game!Hindley's behavior towards Heathcliff and Catherine just as much as it describes book!Heathcliff's towards Hareton and young Cathy.

But in the end the point is there's this awareness of being hurting and turning a person into something they're not, something worse.

I think it's also very important to note those first rate qualities he talks about are very heavily referencing Hareton's ability to learn. While Heathcliff doesn't talk about this when referring to himself by this point it's obvious his own learning abilities are something he's quite proud of, all through the book he's adapting and changing to what he's faced with (from his first appearance as a child, where he doesn't even speak the same language as the family, but learns soon after, to his final plan for his own burial) and by comparing himself to Hareton he's recognizing those same qualities in him. And I feel like with what we've seen of game!Heathcliff ever since the first chapter, and what we see of him in the different identities and mirror worlds, this is gonna be quite important in part 3- all the abuse has never deprived him of his ability to improve, to learn new things, to trust in new people, just as it's never deprived him of the love he no longer feels worthy of. So! Hope we'll get to see you realize that soon, Heathcliff!!!

#bell.txt #limbus company #canto vi spoilers #canto 6 spoilers #I WAS LIKE IM GONNA TYPE A SMALL THING REALLY FAST AND INTEAD I BURNED MY HAMBURGERS WHILE WRITING THIS #this is also part of why heathcliff? is not book!h and specifically he isnt part 2!h. #his revenge is turned completely inwards instead of being outwards which makes them completely different characters #heathcliff? is specifically a deviation of timeskip!h: i was planning on doing justice on myself; until i heard your voice #it is a version of him thats never heard cathys voice again- it is the version of him whos never realized he was loved #that voice changes him! it is the reminder that she (and her love! and a future happiness!) existed- and that i have lost her! #that is a very important point in all his further behavior: all that rage is because he KNOWS they couldve lived a life together if they #hadnt been separated by circumstances and injustice. he KNOWS that was injustice that was done to him. okay im done. THANK U FOR LISTENING #edit: added alt thumbsupemoji. made me remember the extra Cycle moment in cathy mentioning the cudgel #while heaths log mentions earnshaw presumably beating hindley w/his cane. i believe hindley also fights w/one in the rabbit fight doesnt he