#and apparently i posted this before and deleted it

[redpenship]

#i made this in 2020 and i love it bc apparently it has spread around in some places before #which i dont understand because i posted it in a now-deleted twitter reply (that got 2 likes) when my account had like 10 followers #idw sonic #sonic the hedgehog #redposts

[obihoe]

i think its so crazy the way having power as a shinobi always seems to be such a double edged sword on naruto. like on one hand, u need it, its a tool for survival and it earns u respect from ur peers. but on the other .. it can also lead to the exact opposite. if u have too much power it can lead (or contribute) to isolation and becoming ostracized from ur community bc it makes people fearful of u .. this is applicable to madara i think and to naruto and gaara as well. madara isnt ostracized only bc of his power, it is also his lack of skill in forming bonds bc he has trust problems but his power is a major contributing factor. he is feared for his power (but also admired) and the more he gets isolated, the more he starts building his own identity around it as well and starts thinking its the only thing valuable abt himself. naruto as well is feared for his power as a jinchuuriki even tho he is also a bit of a special case since its only the grownups that know abt this so his peers ... they ostracize him for the opposite thing. he's a failure at the academy and a difficult learner so he gets no respect. it is only when he starts gaining more power (or controlling it better) and using it for the sake of the village that he gets everyone's respect and acknowledgement. he's a hero even all of a sudden. but gaara is an even more extreme case. gaara is also a jinchuuriki and he's ostracized for it to such an extent that he does not get to build bonds at all and in a bit similar fashion to madara starts self-identifying only over his power. both him and madara end up consumed by their power but while madara decides to use it for the sake of saving the world, gaara just fully decides to just live for himself, fight for himself and love only himself ... madara also becomes a bit self-absorbed but its not something he does purposefully i think. gaara just goes, well, everyone fears me and despises me anyway, so i might as well give them a reason. my only purpose in this world is to kill ... i have no other reason to live. i forgot where i was going with this but .. something something isolation, objectification and dehumanization from others on account of ur power and it leads to the person internalizing it and seeing themselves also as either below or above being human .. madara perceives himself to be above it, he develops a god complex and comes to think that he is the messiah who will solve the world's problems (with power) and gaara seems to perceive himself to be beneath it .. as a tool and a servant. both to his village and to the bloodthirsty voices he hears in his head.

#gaara #madara #naruto #posts #.. had a whole other chunk of text here that i deleted bc i thought it wasnt that relevant to the topic of thr post #but i still think its interesting so i'll put it in here #when i said gaara hears voices .. i was going to say mdr doesnt but then realized that thats not true? mdr also hears voices #presumably. he heard kuro zetsu speak to him in his head during their first (well majority actually) time that they spent together #in the cave. mdr seperates him from himself when he gives him to obt. and he seems to believe that to have been the moment of his creation #anyways but i think its so interesting how both him and gaara have a seperate identity with them that benefits from this? #they benefit from their corruption. the ichibi benefits from gaara's bloodlust and hatred and kuro zetsu benefits from mdr's power lust #and they both drive them to further pursue it ... there is something in there i think. something abt how experiencing isolation etc #will make u susceptible to ill-natured manipulation or influence. from the outside #gaara apparently can handle having to live with shukaku after he gains his first bond (naruto). and he isnt susceptible to it anymore #mdr wouldnt have gone down his path either if his bond w hsrm hadnt fallen apart #naruto is saved bc he does not give up on trying to find bonds. putting aside how it kinda sucks for him to have to prove his worth #to his village first. it is ultimately abt him never giving up. always trying ... and eventually finding the right people #to bond with #mdr never finds this up until the end of his life ... and its the reason he cant find his peace ever before #but i also think its interesting how both kuro zetsu and the ichibi .. i mean they dont outright manipulate their targets #theyre moreso just feeding into whats already there .. its why mdr/zetsu work great together narratively i think #but it also applies to gaara as well. gaara wants to shed blood bc he wants to share the same kind of pain he has experienced #just like mdr wants to gain power/become god cuz he longs for control and is fearful of depending on others #and both the ichibi and kuro zetsu want that as well. the ichibi hates how the humans have treated him. he hates being confined to #a jinchuuriki's body. he wants to be free. and if he cannot be free he will use his host to go punish the humans who did that to him #and kuro zetsu well ... he wants to be powerful i guess. but he moreso wants mdr to think that he is #so that he can become host to kaguya who will explode the fucking shit out of him #there's more even .... gaara seeing himself as a tool to others since he believes the voice to be his mother's .. and mdr seeing himself #at the center of everything cuz he thinks that the voice is his own. mdr bc of this being even more self-centered #but then also more altruistic. bc he's the savior. running out of tags here unfortunately but yeah .. much to think about

[liesmultixxx]

Hi🫶🏻 this is peak stream of consciousness writing so beware: cringe ahead (nonetheless I’d be happy if someone read this lol it would mean a lot)

——-

The sky is blue

The grass is green

Still my mind is playing tricks on me

if what I feel and what I see would be less real

Then maybe I’d have a lot less ghosts

roaming around and fighting me

i am so tired, do you know

it takes everything in me to be this strong

I cannot stay, but I cannot go

who the fuck wants to die alone?

I guess I do, It’s all I know

an eternal curse put on to me

thanks to my lovely family

I do love them, I cannot lie

it’s just this feeling i’ve got inside

would someone love me for

who I am, this wretched mess

who am I kidding- of course they won’t

This life is all just for show

wish someone had told me this once before

just let go of your fears and ghosts

they’ll come back sooner or later anyway

no point in driving yourself crazy

wish I could believe this sage

I still choose to put the blame

all on me

it’s kinda sad

i don’t why

i won’t be loved, I won’t be liked

what can I do?

maybe I should just stop

#my poem #original poem #poetry #my own thoughts #my writing #my words #mental health issues #mental health awareness #i swear I’ve written better stuff before #but i just felt like posting this #but who am i kidding I’ll probably delete it later anyway #lol #liesmultixxx talks 🩵 #this is me hi #my thoughts #maybe someone can relate #kind words are appreciated! #and constructive criticism of course #I’m no writer i just like to express myself in odd poems apparently #feeling insecure

[hyacinthsdiamonds]

Seeing the same people who perpetuated or sent vicious misogynistic hate to Hannah Schmitz, as well as disgusting racist abuse towards Yuki and Alex because of FUCKING CONSPIRACY THEORIES and those who just straight up ignored it, now up in arms regarding whatever the fuck is going on between the FIA and the wolffs is beginning to piss me off. Because now that it's not someone red bull affiliated involved, it's somehow now unacceptable.

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #who knows wtf is going on not the fia and not the teams but anyways #i will say toto needs to be investigated because of previous info breaches #but I've been saying that for years long before F1 academy was ever a thing #there's just been too many instances of him having info he shouldn't and things quietly and quickly changing for his benefit #I'm tired and stressed with trying to finish everything up for the semester hence why I've been less active #but this is just pissing me off #i never forgot or forgave the bs and abuse hannah yuki and alex got and i won't ever forget or forgive #i remember after monaco 22 i saw the anti red bull gang were claiming toto fucked up by “allowing' alex the Williams seat #apparently it was alexs fault ferrari fucked up and red bull were turning the tide smh #the bullshit ted began about hannah and yuki he will never see heaven i swear #and i know not everyone calling out the situation partook in the aforementioned but I'm seeing certain people who did #and they don't seem to notice their hypocrisy or double standards #anyway i get my one annoyed post that I'll probably delete later but at least I've got it out and can now return to watching the clown show #and ignore those with doublestandards #anyways bed now because i think I'm slowly losing my mind #it's not a good sign when you hear the imperial march in your head when thinking of college work is it

[bambiraptorx]

sometimes i forget that being depressed isn't normal honestly

#bambi's rambling #i mean like it's normal for me and has been for years #possibly always #like i remember crying myself to sleep and thinking no one loved me at like age five #i just didn't really understand the concept until like. fifteen or sixteen i think #at one point i looked up an online 'are you depressed' quiz #even before my mom put me in therapy cause she was concerned #but it said i had 'mild depression' so i was like oh well that doesn't really count obviously #(the ironic part was that it was the same test that the therapist used to see if i was depressed. so apparently it was legitimate) #but like i dont know how not to be depressed #i know its getting worse lately but like. what do i do about that #i'm so horrendously uncomfortable talking about this kind of thing even in online settings #like there's a 50/50 change imma delete this instead of posting it it's that bad #prolly gonna delete this even if i do post it #how am i supposed to get help when i can't even ask for it. that kinda thing #not like it matters all that much anyway lmao #it's just my brain being stupid like normal #vent #tw vent #tw depression #tw mental illness #cw depression #cw mental health

[sometownie]

Whitewave College: Special Round II

I played en extra round of college back when Aada Puhto and Emilie Hunt were introduced to the hood but didn't want to include their college adventures in my normal rotation. So, now it's time to properly introduce ex-townies Meri Broman and Aamu Simola! Both are rocking Finnish names courtesy of my Finnish game.

Aamu (means morning, blonde hair) is a student and a secret society member at the college, who has been dating Apple Farwood. Yeah, I admit. The reason I wanted to play this special round now is purely because I wanted Aamu out of college. She's an art enthusiast and therefore studied art in college, specializing in paintings (like Apple's mother!) and flower arrangements.

Meri (means sea, brunette) was, once upon a time, a teenaged friend of someone's, I absolutely have no idea anymore. I sent her to college but forgot about her entirely. I wanted someone to accompany Aamu, so I threw them together in the same dorm. Meri has been a bit of a challenge for me, both in deciding how she should look like and what her purpose/fate/future should be. I always plan ahead with my sims, but for now I have no plans for Meri. She is a science enthusiast and studied physics in college.

Once they graduated, Meri rented an apartment and Aamu moved in with her. It's a small apartment, but Aamu probably won't be hanging around for too long :)

So, in other words...

Welcome back to Whitewave!

#household: college #hood: whitewave #i was going through my blog and started missing whitewave so much #so i picked up from the farwood residence and played a few days with them #until i remembered i was supposed to get aamu and meri out of college first #and i had deleted my college length mod so i avtually played 3/4 of the college WITH THE VANILLA LENGTH fjjfjdjfdjf #until i gave up and downloaded a 48h semester mod #good thing i did that before i get to the actual college round i would've died #ts2 #the sims 2 #simblr #oh and i don't plan on forgetting about the heirloom challenge! i have at least one post in drafts #but apparently i screwed up and either i've deleted one post or i've just numbered them wrong oops

[swordsonnet]

on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day

#i feel pretty bad about it because my update schedule has been really inconsistent for the whole fic :/// #and now the final chapter is going to be even more epically delayed than the other ones #should've probably finished the whole thing properly before i started posting it but you live and learn i guess #my chronic illness really messed with my ability to write and i hate it #like the chapter is almost done. under normal circumstances it wouldn't take me long to finish it #but it's like my brain has forgotten how to make words happen. ugh. #i don't want to let people down by making them wait so long for an update #but i also don't want to let them down by giving them a mediocre chapter y'know #if all goes well the new meds might help with both the chronic fatigue *and* the depression which would be an absolute godsend #but ngl. the side effects are rough. and they can apparently last for up to six weeks #and i've only been taking the meds for about 2 1/2 weeks so i've still got a long road ahead of me #i also started my period yesterday which certainly doesn't help lmao #delete later maybe #just needed to vent for a lil bit. and as everyone knows there's no better place to discuss your private business than tumblr dot com

[plague-of-insomnia]

.

#insert long rant about how it's like if you don't update constantly on ao3 apparently you get totally ignored? #it feels like it's not always been like this? #i've had longer droughts where I didn't update and I still had regular traffic #but synch has stalled completely even though it has only been 4 mo since I updated it! #idk it just feels like there's like 2 people left who give a shit about me in the fandom and if I'm not cranking out translations for peopl #to steal then I'm worthless apparently #i'm just so tired and checking my email was like my ONE little pick me up and now I don't even fucking have that #like even when I couldn't update regularly I was getting a kudos a day at least #now I'm lucky to get a single one in a week #don't mind me #probably delete later i guess #better turn reblogs off BEFORE I post this time so I don't get some jack ass reblogging me to make it look like I'm saying something I'm no

[theygender]

Did staff just like. Remove the ability to edit posts where you're responding to an ask??

#i went back to try and edit that post where i responded to the insulin scammer bc like #even tho i know they're a scammer and they obviously aren't even reading my responses anyways #given that this is the third time they've tried this on me after I've continued to call them out #...i still felt bad about cursing at them #but when i went back to remove the fuck word from my response there's no edit post button?? only the delete post button? #and that's how all my posts responding to asks look now apparently??? #wtf. i know we were able to edit ask response posts up until recently. i did it myself #i frequently misword things and then have to try and quickly go back in and edit it before anyone notices asfhjfd.... #why the sudden change? is this a feature or a bug? hard to tell with staff #rambling

[born-to-lose]

Missing people and regretting shit o'clock

#why did i even let it come this far. 7 fucking months and i didn't realize what was going wrong so i could have saved it #i want him back fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #was thinking of this notebook i filled for him with memories and poetry and quotes and general mushy things and goddamn #why am i crying i just looked at my desk and i don't have the heart to put everything in a box so i don't see it every day when i wake up #i know i can't change it and it's probably over for good now after i fucked some things up extra hard but fuck do i miss him #i wish i could have done something in time before even the thought of breaking up came up #just when i thought for once things are working out for me and it was really fucking good and happy until a week before it ended #guess i just can't be happy. i never could #i was really really willing to talk things out and fix whatever needs to be fixed while staying together #not go separate ways and maybe not so maybe definitely not possibly maybe see if we can try again in the future #which we (spoiler) apparently won't and i kinda came to terms with that but i still wish there was a possibility #or at least i would have liked to know from the beginning and not spend weeks hoping for a reunion and working towards that specifically #while i seem to be the only one with that goal #idk i just wish it had been more thought through and talked about properly so there wouldn't be the misunderstandings we deal with now #and like boundaries for the first two months or so after that but it takes two i guess #disclaimer i'm not bitter or mad at anyone just sad and nostalgic. if the person in question reads this i love you ok that won't change #deleting later but now i need to go back to sleep before i kill myself on a whim #mel talks #depressed bitch posting #i know i know i know i did some shit too that wasn't great and i'm not saying i'm innocent here i'm just so depressed about the situation #it's been seven goddamn weeks it never took me this long to get over anything before

[martyrbat]

👍👍

#im bout to be whiny before getting nauseated at being kimda vulnerable and end up deleting this but just #shoutout to my friend (who was the only person i ever shared my writing with for over a year) #just telling me they've always just skimmed my fics AND infodumps because they dont care. like has read at most a handful of me talking & #usually skips any rare audio message that i sent when SUPER excited and made up drama to have an excuse to change topics #again. for over a year. #then getting guilt trippy when i was hurt by it until i apologize instead which !! lmao fuck ok ! #its just... very hmpth :/ bc it eas already a shitty night and week of nonstop migraine. and then this #and taking into account im someone who NEVER blocks any of my friends tags or doesnt read and invest myself in their interests #even if i dont like it; i love seeing people (even strangers) excited and talking about what they like so of course im going to #at least watch them talk on it and/or actually research into it because i want to be able to understand their happiness! #and because its whats important to them !! i dont expect the same and im not shaming anyone for not doing the same its fine I guess #but to tell me? and to say they dont read my writing or give a single shit about me talking about something #when i always put 100% into their interests? am i that shitty of a writer and that obnoxious to listen to lmao #like i feel shitty for even being hurt over it and even venting because you guys arent here for that and its mean to force it on ur dash #and i dont want to be too whiny but also. jfc man #ill stay silly starting tomorrow and post about batmans balls or whatever. sorry for the vent just. bleh. #that ‘december please bro please im begging just a break please man’ post but its me throughout this February too apparently

[lightningfilledsaber]

sigh I’m not doing yaoi discourse in 2023. takes three seconds to look up how it originated versus other gay genres/subgenres like yuri, shounen-ai, bara, or BL. I seriously don’t give a fuck if people create/engage with yaoi but ignoring its origins is not helping anyone especially if you’re trying to reclaim the genre.

#mud rambles #yaoi is not yuris counterpart and people pretending it is. is like. ridiculous #men writing yuri and women writing BL in of itself is not an issue but like. yaoi was literally created out of the fetishization of gay men #by women for the consumption of other women. that is not 'pushing a bias' or what the fuck ever it takes two seconds to confirm that #reclaim the genre! idc! but again ignoring how it started isnt helping anyone #it's very distinct from BL bara and shounen-ai #i have a love hate relationship w yaoi as a genre bc it was a big part of my self discovery journey #and it's not even inherently bad. its just that. AGAIN. you cant ignore its origins in favor of having an aesthetic pair with yuri #ive been researching and learning about this shit since i was a teen #anyway seriously. this is the last im gonna b talking abt this #dont send me shit i am not engaging w it further #this was brought on bc somebody screenshotted tags i left on a post i reblogged but have since deleted #cause again. not doing fucking. yaoi discourse of all things as a fucking grown man lmfao #again. idfc if people create/consume/etc yaoi i literally would just like people to actually be critical of what they consume and #not ignore shit because they cant deal with the reality of how certain genres can come from shitty origins #okay bye <3 back to my regular blogging experience #dont reblog this or screenshot this or whatever this is my post my blog if i could figure out how to turn reblogs off for this post i would #i was able to do it before on the mobile app for other posts but that function apparently just does not exist on the web for me specifically #and i deleted the app a while ago. anyway. k bye