#and as such it would be understandable if some people had vitriol to him

[notherpuppet]

I know they’re probably not going to go into this (which i understand, there’s only so much time in an episode and they’re telling a different story) but I think about Al’s background a LOT. Get ready if ur in the mood for a read.

To be a mixed Black person in America is a…bizarre experience. You come to realize that due to the coincidence of your genetic makeup, white folks may divulge information that they keep so closely guarded from the ears of “more obvious-looking” black folks. Im gonna bring it back to Alastor, but lemme give some personal context. I’m mixed with Filipino, so I’m pretty obviously not white, yet my ambiguous ethnic makeup in a predominantly white suburbia seemed to make white peers and people feel much more at ease in relaying their criticisms or prejudices of black people to me. I would hear someone feel comfy enough to spew vitriolic racist shit with me, then toe the line like a circus acrobat when around someone a few shades darker in skin tone and a few coils curlier in hair texture. It was constantly infuriating and holding my tongue was a practice to both investigate someone’s true nature and preserve my own safety. I did abandon that method of navigating life in America, and experienced the switch-up white folks made when I started ‘broadcasting’ my blackness. (E.G. beyonce pre vs. post Lemonade). The criticisms and prejudice confessions just came less often, til I saw them being caged up completely after white peers experienced backlash from me. After they realized “OH this bitch is a n*****!?”

Now this is from someone who is brown, but i also wanna talk about my white-passing cousin with a similar racial makeup as Al, who is from the south and oh BOY. (Let’s call him J for this post’s purposes). J’s navigation though simple daily life is such a constant contradictory experience, of which he is still working through in therapy. I think of one moment when he was manager at retail gig and his boss told him that whenever a Black customer enters, it’s policy to give them “exceptionally attentive customer service”. Essentially, “follow that n***** around”. This is just one modern incident of when J would hear the quiet part out loud, despite his Blackness, because his appearance was white enough to make white folks drop their guard. Eventually, my cousin and I took to the same direction where we used our advantage of disarming white folks against them when the time came. We would keep note and record of racism and unlock a sort of “this you?” when the opportunity to expose that person’s true nature came. It’s pretty vengeful thinking ngl, but it is really REALLY hard to resist exposing an asshole rather than attempting to teach an asshole to change their ways. Especially given that such an attempt is an ARDUOUS uphill battle. The experience of KNOWING the truth about what someone thinks of your people, and being opened to opportunities and information that you would not have access to if the chance of your genetics was only slightly different is bIZARRE, horrific, and fuel for constant inner turmoil. (It sucks y’all)

Now back to Alastor; to have been a mixed person in the Deep South in 1930s America—it’s not too difficult for me to imagine how traumatic and convoluted that experience must have been. Especially when legally and socially, things were so much more Black and White. And when you’re on the line in between that, when society does not prepare a place for your existence, it can be SO isolating. You may consider the absurdity of such an arbitrary method of determining class, status, and/or caste much earlier in life than peers, which only further isolates you. You hold a resentment of society now that you know exactly how the other side is operating to ensure your oppression.

And then I think of Al’s weird ass moral code. How he arrived in Hell and (according to Mimzy) began killing overlords with reckless abandon. This is someone who likely had to develop the cunning to navigate 1930s Deep South America as a mixed, murdering, psychopath without getting caught by authorities who are already gunning for you. And now he is in Hell where the rules of society have gone up in smoke and he can fully embrace his rage, resentment, and vengeance. A desire to burn down the powerful people of the world can be accommodated and ANY previous inhibitions can finally be released. The morality of rising above someone by cutting them down (instead of developing emotional/spiritual healing) has become the easier and satisfying option. Finally the opportunity to show the power-secure villains of the world how easily you can tear them down when nothing is holding you back any longer.

TLDR; The trauma of racism in America is pretty sufficient cannon fodder for a severe psychotic break, the development of socially debilitating behaviors and isolation, and a quest for profound vengeance. So maybe that can explain some of the enigma that is Alastor.

And this is just ONE facet of Al. I didn’t even get to bring up the isolation that comes with being an aroace nonbeliever in the 1930s Deep South. Like FUCK. I’m a mixed, aroace nonbeliever from a modern day conservative town and yall….what a weird experience for sure lol but anyway lemme get back to my life. Whole point of this was—-WHAT AN INTERESTING FUCKEN CHARACTER TO THINK ABOUT

#hazbin hotel #alastor #hazbin hotel spoilers #it’s an alastor analysis yalllll #character analysis gives my media and art engagement brain the wiggles #also I hate racism!!!! :)

[inkskinned]

one of the things that's so frustrating is how often the arguments against us are actually happening to us. we said - you need to watch out, this will evolve into allowing fascism into legal statute. and we were told: you're a sensitive snowflake. you're annoying and stupid and have no concept of reality. nobody really believes that stuff.

but it's indoctrination for kids to even see queer people. it's grooming for kids to even be around queer people. it's disgusting to even put rainbows on kids clothes. it's inappropriate, shameful, still-an-argument. like any of this is new - we know already. for you, even seeing someone unashamed is the same thing as "forcing" it onto you. because god-forbid you confront any internal thought you have. because god-forbid you practice empathy. rage is better, i guess. it keeps you pretty.

this has always been the way of some people - a while ago, it would have been "sinful" for my white mom to marry my hispanic dad. once, in the year of our lord 2015, someone told me that "mutts" deserve a woodchipper. that one particular insult stayed with me - not because it was the first or last, but because there was something so unbelievably violent about it that i couldn't figure out how to hold it. the idea that someone is so assured of their bigotry and rage that they would paint this kind of a picture. even jokingly, even with the anonymity of the internet, it kind of centered things for me. a sense that, for some people, their rage burned so unimaginably large that it blocked even the basic fact of my humanity.

at one point, while i still had enough fire in me to get into long arguments, one of the bigots i was "debating" (being harassed by) said: to be honest, it's about the sex, not the love. between you, me, and the four walls of this blue hellsite, i actually didn't really care for "love is love" as the slogan of our community. it seemed so placid, so gentle, so ally-focused. where was the vitriol? where was the hours i spent agonizing over myself? where was the quiet moments of my life, filled with the sound of other people's hatred? this static that settles over everything; even for the action of holding her hand.

the world is unfair. i am an adult, and without the veneer and small-pond syndrome of my teenage years, the slogan has started sounding more desperate. the more places i went, the more people i met. love is love. love is defending him on a rooftop bar. the drink she throws at me goes down into my shoes while i stand there, wishing i had a better retort than what the fuck. love is both of us, keeping our heads down, the black SUV full of frat boys (?) pulled up next to us, howling, for five whole blocks, until we both gave up and had to stick our bare legs into the thicket by the side of the road, giving over into tick country rather than let it go on any longer. love is a lazy spring afternoon, my hand on her belly, the fan spinning overhead. did you hear the whole thing about target?

did you hear about being the target? that's a fun little parallel, isn't it. it almost feels like the game that-is-about-me is being played without-my-participation. someone wants to set fire to my life, and i have to wait for a response from a capitalist institution. i am watching a tiktok where a white woman under white lights complains about adult swimsuits, even though i think a lot of people would benefit from having swimming options that are not "instagram-inspired bikini" or "impossible to move in but otherwise pretty".

sometimes it just seems so fucking stupid. like, just to check, the rage you feel and the hatred - you could really just avoid all of that by minding your fucking business. sometimes (and this is true): it's not about you, and people don't need your permission. like, i don't understand any obsession with sports, but it seems to make other people happy. american football literally results in grievous bodily injury - and yet there are onesies for babies that say future quarterback. i personally don't love it, so i just don't buy that stuff. i walk by it, and don't let it bother me. there have been so, so, so many times that i was told - "so what if he's a little bit homophobic, if you don't like him, don't watch his movies." "so what if they fired her. don't buy their product." "so what if they wouldn't make a rainbow cake. just don't support them."

sometimes i feel the meaning of it scud against my body, an orca whale inside of me, threatening the boat. it is too large to see from my place; this shadow of a thing that dwarfs my petty other-concerns. i need to find a dress for an event, and florida is passing more anti-gay legislation. i need to text my friend back and confirm our plans, and someone is throwing beer bottles to the floor in a walmart because a different case had rainbows on them. it is a long fall, if i look down into it; this sense like the bottom doesn't exist. like i have only ever dipped my toes in.

sometimes i am unbelievably tired of talking about it. it feels like it has become too trite in my own poetry - queer writer complains about the state of the world! how original! - and then something else happens, and i am here again. i remember that it isn't a moment. i remember it isn't a scattered population of cartoon evil-doers, intent on world domination from behind handlebar mustaches. it is a concerted effort of real people with real power who really-do want to see my end. it is a lifetime of dodging the beercan as it sails out of the back of the van. it is a lifetime of not-kissing once we leave the apartment. it is a lifetime of watching someone protest our existence and then, very slowly, giving them the finger. it is a lifetime of holding my friends' hands and hearing the same agony in their life that i lived through. it is us, together, our faces turned upwards, the night sky so vast, milky way overhead like a lacework zipper.

it is a lifetime of staring down woodchippers.

#writeblr #this got away from me #i love you #whereever you are. u are mine. i am yours. i am sorry this is happening

[jennaimmortal]

Musings on OFMD Season 2

I’m feeling a bit sad today for the OFMD writers. After rewatching S1 & 2 a couple times, it’s become blatantly clear to me that Izzy’s arc this season was a very obvious love letter to both Izzy fans & the great Con O’Neil. Izzy was very clearly written to be an obstacle to Ed’s healing & personal growth, a snare that Ed needed to be freed from, albeit with plenty of nuance hiding under the surface. It would have been much easier for them to kill Izzy off while he was still the toxic, abusive, sadomasochistic terror of S1E10.

Instead of taking the easy route, though, the writers flipped the trope on its head! They utilized every bit of the potential buried beneath Izzy’s super fucked up shell. This season Izzy got

• a fully fleshed out redemption complete with terrible consequences of his 1x10 actions

• a realization of the possibility of another way of thinking & existing that he’d spent all of S1 running from & trying to destroy,

• genuine love & support from his crew mates which he was actually able to accept,

• exploration of the long abandoned softer side of his nature,

• an apology from Ed w/o first offering one of his own,

• a powerful, devastatingly poignant speech that mentally demolished a new nemesis, and finally

• a beautiful, meaningful death in the arms of the man he’d dedicated so much of his life to, known that he was truly loved by him & completely accepting of the fact that Ed’s love was not in the form he’d always hoped for.

It was so much more than we could have hoped for, and was very obviously done in service to the MANY fans that had fallen in love with Izzy even after S1, as well as to give Con a storyline worthy of his immense talent. Considering the face that Izzy was never going to end up becoming the show’s third protagonist, it was more than we could have hoped for!

OFMD has two protagonists, Stede & Ed. All the secondary character narratives that haven’t directly involved Ed and/or Stede have been icing on the cake, but the cake has always been the Gentlebeard love story. I feel like some people forget this, expecting them to treat the secondary characters as if it were an ensemble show instead of a show with leads.

Izzy’s arc really was an amazing gift! The writers gave us this incredible journey for Izzy this season, and what did a disgraceful number of people do? They attacked David directly, insulted the entire show, the writers, & other characters, even wishing actual harm & misery to other characters or even to David himself!

While I know that comparatively speaking, the percentage of show fans who reacted this way was relatively small, it was still an astounding amount of hatred & vitriol thrown at the people who had obviously worked very hard to give Izzy fans something beautiful to hold on to after his inevitable death. Much of the discourse honestly shocked me, considering the fact that OFMD isn’t even an adaptation of another work.

When fans get angry at shows written as adaptations of books, it’s a bit more understandable for them to have extreme reactions. They’ve had certain ideas and headcanons about characters they’ve felt very strongly about for a long time. It can be really jarring & painful when expectations like that aren’t met, the characters or plots are taken in totally different directions, or even excluded entirely.

OFMD, however, is an original creation. This is David Jenkins’s story. These are David Jenkins’s characters. He knows his story, his plotlines, his characters far better than anyone else does because they came from HIS brain! So while we as fans can have our own interpretations & head canons, they are always going to be at risk of being proven totally wrong by the ACTUAL canon.

One of the worst aspects of fandoms, in my opinion, is the way people become so proprietary over the story & characters, insisting that their own interpretations & theories are the only correct ones, which is exactly what happened with Izzy. Fans’ individual & collective interpretations, theories, hopes, & other head canons became concrete & true in their minds. So much so that when the actual story didn’t meet those expectations, so many of them lashed out in some truly unpleasant, sometimes hateful ways.

My only hope is that the rest of the fandom’s love, appreciation, constructive criticism, heartbreak, pain, joy, & excitement has been enough to drown out the deluge of vitriolic comments directed at David & the other writers.

If you stuck with me through this unintentionally long diatribe, thank you! Maybe take a moment to give the writers some comments or replies on social media, showing your love! I know I will!

#our flag means death #ofmd #ed teach #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd season 2 #ofmd s2 #ofmd izzy #izzy hands

[cvrnelians]

blue monday (drabble)

dark!Bucky Barnes x reader: People make mistakes all the time. As much as he loved you, Bucky knew that you were no exception to the rule, especially after telling him you wanted to cut ties. It was hurtful, sure, but everyone should be allowed a little slip-up every once in a while, right? Sometimes people just needed a little help correcting their mistakes, and help was exactly what he intended to provide. What kind of boyfriend would he be if he wasn't there for you when you needed him most?

warnings: kidnapping, stalking, non-con elements. minors DNI.

Deranged. 

You had used that word with him a lot these past several months. A lot. And he would never admit it, but for whatever reason, that—out of any and every insult you hurled his way, that one in particular—still stung.

Bucky didn't understand it. Or rather, you didn't understand it. It was you. You were the culprit. This was your fault, all of it. To think you had been damaged to the point of calling someone “deranged” for trying to love you, for trying to show you how invaluable you were…it was shameful, really. Didn't you know how much it killed him to see you like this, so determined to shut yourself off, to deprive yourself of affection, to push all those thoughts and feelings and memories away?

To push him away. 

And for what? To wallow in pain? To suffer so needlessly, to punish yourself for how you truly felt?

Stubborn. You were always so fucking stubborn.

But there were no two ways about it. You did, in fact, care about him. You always cared. Knowing you, you probably always would. Why was that such a crime to you all of a sudden? Why did your love for him now equate to some sort of moral failure?

Kindness wasn't a synonym for weakness. It was startling. He thought you of all people should know that.

You used to.

You made a mistake. It was just a mistake, that’s all. Completely accidental. You hadn’t meant what you said, the day you tried to break up with him. You couldn't have. You weren't thinking clearly. Your family, your friends...they were getting into your head. Of course they were. You wouldn't have ever come up with something like that on your own. He had tried to warn you about them. He really tried.

But again, you chose to be stubborn.

How did that work out for you?

At least once a week, if not more, he found himself saying it:

“You can’t carry all this weight on your shoulders forever, you know.”

All that crying, complaining, those moments where you pretended to hate him. At some point, you were going to have to let it all go. Otherwise, you would inevitably snap under the pressure, and by that point, he didn’t know if he would be able to put you back together again.

Bucky always thought you were a smart girl. His smart girl. But lately, you weren’t acting like it. Lately, you were acting like you didn’t have a clue what was good for you anymore. And so, he had to show you how much he loved you. Eventually, maybe you would start loving yourself just as much as he did. 

Probably not, though. No one could ever love you as much as Bucky.

That was why he brought you here. Not because he wanted to exert control over you, or own you, or any of those sickening things you loved to yell at him whenever he tried to get close to you. You didn’t understand it. You didn’t want to understand it. Where was all that forced vitriol even getting you? You were only angry because you felt like you should be, because your family and friends would want you to be.

But how did you really feel? Were you really that disconnected from your own emotions? Were you really that far gone?

“Aren’t you lonely? Aren’t you lonely like that?”

He knew he could convince you to love him. And if he had to hurt you to help you, if he had to keep you here to make you see just how happy you could be, he would do it. He would do anything for you. 

Sure, he could indulge you. Play your little game. He could let you try and escape, but that would almost be cruel. Seriously? Where would you even go? You were miles away from anything or anyone. Even if you did manage to stumble upon something, you didn’t know your way around Sokovia. 

You probably didn’t even know you weren’t still in Brooklyn.

You’d come around one day. You had no other choice. You loved him, too. You always had. You always would. You promised him, didn’t you? All those years ago. You promised.

You did.

Bucky wasn’t one to break promises. He wasn’t one to go back on his word.

You weren’t, either. 

Not on your life.

🌙

#dark!bucky barnes x reader #dark!bucky barnes #yandere bucky barnes #yandere marvel #yandere bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader

[skepsiss]

Modern Problems, Modern Solutions pt 1

Pt2

I have like 4 other parts to this written already but I'll post em when I have time to edit. Yearning with extremely awkward teen Steddie. Eddie as a proper 17 year old would be awkward as hell! I think at least. Additionally, there is quite a bit of swearing so you've been warned. Generally, I just wanted to explore EDDIE catching feelings first and being put out by that.

Modern day AU, or more or less modern give or take 5ish years circa 2015/19. I don't think this takes place in the Hawkins we know from the show.

Small American towns can be kinda backwards, but it varies a lot as to how open and accepting each town/state is. So, suspend disbelief and imagine it as a place that is tolerant of queerness. Also, read with the understanding that in a lot of places in this generalized time people think queerness is actually kinda "trendy" in some ways. It's not taboo but it's also extremely dependant on the person that is queer and "how queer they act". "be gay... but not too gay" etc.--

---

"Did you hear? Steve Harrington just came out as bi--"

Eddie looked up from his phone, feet propped up on the desk in front of him. The boy who had popped his head into their mostly empty homeroom had delivered the news so quickly that everyone there was quietly shocked.

"Son of a bitch," Eddie grumbled, putting his feet down and getting clumps of dirt on the linoleum floor. School hadn't even started and he was already having to deal with this bullshit.

"What?" Gareth asked, laughing a bit awkwardly. He sounded confused like he didn't understand where Eddie was directing his vitriol.

"Leave it to some preppy, jock, rich-boy to make 'being gay' cool--asshole," Eddie's words were drenched in sarcasm and mockery, going as far as to air-quote when he said being gay.

"I've been fucking gay since 8th grade and now some 16-year-old wannabe happens to be queer it's big news?" Eddie sat back with frustration, crossing his arms over his chest and slouching in his seat.

"I don't think you're supposed to say queer--" Jeff started to correct only to shut up quickly when Eddie whipped his head around to him and glared.

"I can say whatever the hell I want. I'm the one that's queer!" Eddie spat, hating that so much of this 'being gay is okay' culture circled around the heterosexual perspective of what was and was not okay.

Eddie grouched for the rest of the day, keeping his head down and feeling his nostrils flare every time a whisper of today's big news passed by him in the hallways. Who fucking cared? Steve Harrington was thee popular boy in school and was talked about as if he was their generation's teen heart-throb. It was to a point where Eddie knew who he was despite him being an underclassman. He was in grade 12 and he still had to hear about Steve Harrington as if he mattered. Sports star, good-looking, daddy's boy.

It was so goddamn annoying. Eddie had been out since he was thirteen and he had suffered through the humiliation of 'being queer' all the way through high school. He had the scars to prove it and it pissed him off that four years later it felt like people were singing Steve's praises for being brave enough to come out. Who fucking cared? Being gay was cool now or something--it gave you an edge and despite the fact that Eddie was bi himself, it truly felt like bisexuality was a cop-out to get girls to think you were hot with no intention to do the whole gay part of it. That was unfair to think, but in his biased opinion, some popular boy didn't deserve to be treated delicately while he had been in the trenches over it.

Eddie glared as the school day ended as he walked outside into the Autumn air. He could see Steve across the parking lot chatting to a gaggle of people around his car. He was smiling and laughing and everyone seemed so eager to let him know they accepted him. Or whatever the fuck. He couldn't actually hear what they were saying.

"Does the torture of high school know no fucking end?" Eddie grumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets, not paying attention to where he was going.

"Tell me about it."

Eddie looked up at the sound of a voice; the words that were spoken dripped with sarcasm. Robin was leaning against her bike by Eddie, bag slung over her shoulder as she watched the fanfare from a safe distance--same as Eddie. Robin was president of the LGBT-Alliance club, and Eddie knew her from band. Robin was two years younger than him, but she had come in hot and loud about being a lesbian straight from jump. Despite how meek she was in many regards, she was smart and dedicated to her beliefs. Eddie could respect that.

"Get a load, huh?" Eddie asked, scoffing as he glanced back over at Steve.

"Hmm," Robin offered quietly, staring for a moment before starting to put on her helmet, "he's been coming to meetings pretty regularly over the last couple of months, you know."

Eddie looked back at Robin, surprised to hear her... defending Steve Harrington? He thought it was unanimous that geeks and weirdos like them hated guys like that.

"You'd know if you ever showed up for meetings," Robin said a bit flippantly, and Eddie frowned at her.

He had tried the whole LGBT-Alliance thing and it just wasn't his space. It was boring and he hated that the group generally just talked about events and progress they should make. He didn't want any of that, he just wanted to hang out with a couple of people that were queer like him. He didn't want to be scheduling and painting signs or whatever the fuck. He had his own things to do after school--band, D&D, chucking dirt wads at a wall--anything was better than sitting in what was essentially a business meeting.

"Come on," Eddie grumbled, not wanting to acknowledge that if Steve had been attending the LGBT-Alliance meetings that this 'leaving the closet thing' had been a long time coming.

"He's actually a decent guy," Robin defended as she adjusted her helmet straps, "all things considered."

Eddie huffed a laugh, scoffing at Robin.

"Didn't think I'd be hearing this from you, Buckley--I thought lesbians were supposed to hate all men or something," Eddie retorted, not really meaning it but feeling confrontational.

"Don't be a drag," Robin sighed, rolling her eyes at the comment, "talk to Will Byers about it or whatever. He's in your D&D thing, right?"

"Hellfire," Eddie corrected, thinking about that for a moment. Will was in both their clubs and he was close friends with Dustin--who also seemed to adore Steve Harrington for some reason. It was stupid, he didn't understand why half the kids in his after-school club liked the guy. Eddie had never had any personal conflict with Steve, but he fit the shape of every guy Eddie had ever taken issue with.

"Whatever," Robin retorted, getting onto her bike, "you know we're having a mixer next weekend. You should come."

Eddie looked at her, frowning again. He didn't want to go to a mixer, whatever she meant by that. Robin seemed to pick up on the mild confusion he had around the comment, explaining further.

"Geez, there's like posters around the school, Eddie. Our alliance and like 4 other schools in our district are having like an LGBT dance, mixer, party or whatever. Hosting in Talho on Saturday. We've got a pretty big turnout already, tickets are five bucks."

"Five bucks?" Eddie huffed, acting as if that number was ridiculous for an event like this. He didn't want to admit that it sounded kind of... nice. With four other school districts... that meant there would be a lot of guys that were undeniably queer he'd get to meet for the first time if he went. That was something. It'd really be something if he walked away with a date.

"I'll think about it," Eddie said, waving Robin off and continuing his slouch across the parking lot to start his long walk home.

—--

"Call me if you need a ride," Wayne said as Eddie shuffled out of the cab of the truck. He stood at the door, having to look up at Wayne in order to see him from how much the suspension of Wayne's old gas-guzzler hoisted the truck off the ground.

"Yeah, yeah," Eddie huffed, feeling put out already for having decided to come. He was having second thoughts as he stood there, holding Wayne's door.

"Eddie," Wayne said a bit more firmly, looking for a straight answer.

"I'll call if I need a ride home-- or whatever," Eddie replied, sounding annoyed as he shut the door and turned towards the school gym.

It was obvious where the event was being hosted and he felt weird showing up alone. He had decided to come after much lamenting, resigning himself to just chatting to Will all night if he hated the damn thing. It felt weird, and he quietly hoped that at least some people his age would show up. He didn't want to be stuck as the oldest person there amongst a sea of 14 and 15-year-olds.

The event wasn't formal, but Eddie had tried to clean up a bit. He'd left his leather jacket and vest at home, opting for just an old denim jacket and a T-shirt that didn't have a band or logo on it. Other than that, he was still in scuffed-up shoes and ripped jeans, but he hoped that didn't put people off. Not that it mattered. Not that he ultimately cared. He didn't want to talk to anyone who had a problem with it to begin with, but it still made him feel self-conscious. Really, he hadn't dressed up because he didn't have anything to dress up into. Even the debate of if this was worth five bucks or if he should save it in order to get the luxury of sub-par pizza next week had been a difficult choice to make. He hated showing up to things like this and sticking out like a sore thumb--he hated being easily marked as poor.

Eddie paid his entry fee and stepped into the gym; the decorations were tacky and everything screamed 'event put on by teenagers.' There was something kind of charming about that though, even if it felt a bit pedestrian. It was sort of as he feared though... there were people here--a decent amount--but everyone looked so... young. The realisation made Eddie tense a bit as he moved over to the refreshments table and idled before getting a drink.

Great. Just great. He had spent five bucks for an awkward night leaning against a wall and drinking fruit punch.

"Eddie!"

Eddie turned to see Robin waving at him. She had a vest with a button on it signifying that she was a leader in the club. She probably had responsibilities to attend to during the night, but she did look mildly excited to see him there.

Feeling like he didn't have much of an option, Eddie migrated in her direction, feeling very self-conscious about the whole thing.

"Hey, you made it," Robin offered, a few people hovering around her. It was sort of obvious that she was busy, but Eddie appreciated her taking the time to say hi.

"Yeah, figured I'd check it out at least," Eddie said, talking into his cup as he looked around the room. He didn't really have time to lament though as a small commotion worked its way towards them.

"Sorry--sorry!"

Eddie looked to see Steve Harrington making his way over to them with what looked like 4 dozen balloons. It was kind of comical really, seeing him try to fight past the sea of bobbing, colourful globes.

"Steve!" Robin said sharply, her volume subdued but still stern.

"Sorry--there was a hold-up--" Steve replied, awkwardly trying to move the balloons to see past them and talk directly to Robin.

"Oh—oh-How-what? A holdup?" Robin mocked back, tisking as she took a bundle of the balloons from Steve and handed them to the girls beside her.

"Uh, yeah, Buckley. There was a holdup, you gagging on ten-dollar lipstick or something?" Steve retorted quickly "looks good by the way." He was gesturing to the make-up Robin had on and the bright red lipstick she had applied which was fairly different compared to her usual look.

Eddie snorted into his cup, choking slightly as he tried to hold back from laughing at the burn. Robin looked offended for half a beat before smacking one of the balloons directly into Steve's face and taking the rest of the handful.

"Ow--hey," Steve complained, getting aggressively jostled as Robin walked past him.

Despite what was being said, the whole exchange had been... friendly. It was weird really, it looked and sounded like Robin and Steve were actually friends. They were toying with each other and being bitchy in a way Eddie had only ever seen best buddies do, which was really goddamn weird to see coming from a superstar, jock hunk, and the local raging feminist, band geek.

"You're on my shit-list," Robin commented, pointing over her shoulder at Steve and then bustling off with the other girls and the balloons. Obviously, they had been meant for decorations and Robin was now rushed to finish setting everything up. The whole exchange had been so quick Eddie hadn't even been able to properly react before he was standing there... with Steve.

Steve turned towards him and Eddie averted his gaze, still holding his punch glass up to his lips.

"Hey," Steve greeted, sounding much too charming.

"Hey," Eddie mumbled back, turning slightly and facing the room instead of looking at Steve. He didn't walk away, that felt like a bridge too far, but he wasn't going to open himself up to a conversation.

"Eddie, right?" Steve asked, and Eddie glanced at him, watching Steve push his hair back into place. He hadn't realised, but Steve was panting slightly, obviously catching his breath from... probably running in here to deliver Robin's balloons.

"Yeah," Eddie confirmed, looking away again as he slouched. Great. He was stuck talking to Steve with no obvious escape plan. Perfect.

"Steve--"

"I know who you are," Eddie replied, not letting Steve finish his introduction. It had probably just been to be polite anyway, but it was obvious that Eddie knew who he was. They went to school together. They had mutual friends. It wasn't rocket science.

That shut Steve up for a moment and chewed at Eddie's guts. That had been a bit rude. Steve hadn't actually done anything wrong, yet, so really he should just save it for another time. Steve was stuck here too after all, with a bunch of kids just like Eddie.

"Pretty... young," Eddie said, watching the gym as people mingled. It really was just a bunch of 14 or 15-year-olds chatting with one another. They seemed to be having fun, and Eddie was glad for that since he hadn't had anything like this when he was that age.

"Hm, yeah," Steve replied, sounding kind of amused for some reason. "Always the damn babysitter, huh?"

Eddie glanced at him for that comment, not really understanding where it was coming from.

"Yeah..." Eddie offered, wondering if he had said it because Hellfire Club also skewed younger. He had seen Steve drop Dustin off before, scolding him like a mother would over something, but he had never come inside to meet anyone at Hellfire. Eddie had just noticed it was all.

An awkward silence drew out between them and Eddie could tell that Steve was starting to feel uncomfortable too.

"You seen Will Byers anywhere?" Eddie asked, looking for an out. He knew that Steve knew Will, he was one of those mutual friends.

"Oh, yeah," Steve offered, not making a motion to point anywhere, "but I'd leave him alone tonight if I were you."

Eddie quirked a brow at Steve, something of a challenge in his stance as he looked at him. Why on earth would he leave Will Byers alone tonight?

"I drove him--" Steve half explained, obviously realising that he needed to elaborate, "that's why uh I'm--it doesn't matter. There's a boy here that he likes."

Eddie's eyebrows shot up at Steve's explanation, looking back at the floor and the sea of dweeby, little gays circling each other awkwardly. Oh. Right. This was a lot of people's first chance to do anything with someone queer like them. He hadn't considered that Will would have someone here he intended to talk to.

Eddie laughed, both at his own stupidity and the charming realisation that he was glad this whole thing was happening, even if he wasn't having a good time.

"Good for him," Eddie snorted, cheersing the room and taking a swig of his punch.

"God," Eddie sighed, finding the humour in this whole thing now, "who the hell am I supposed to bother now?"

He was lamenting for no real reason, wondering quietly to himself if he should hold out and wait to see if anyone else his age showed up or if he should just cut his losses and start the long walk home. At least then, once he got back, Wayne would just assume he got a ride and had a good time. He didn't want to admit to Wayne that he ditched, not after he had agonised over whether or not it was worth it to spend the five dollars. Wayne had supported him going and assured him it wasn't a waste if he wanted to go. Eddie didn't want to prove him wrong.

Eddie glanced at Steve, wondering how he was going to excuse himself now that his out was occupied. He caught Steve looking at him and quickly looked forward again, surveying the room. That was weird. Eddie took note of that, slowly looking back at the party unfolding before them.

"So... Bi, huh?" Eddie offered, not sure why he was trying. He'd give it until he finished his glass of punch and then he'd walk home if no one interesting entered the party.

Steve seemed to laugh a bit awkwardly to that, doing this weird thing with his hands where he clasped them behind his back and then swung them forward to clasp at his front. It was the most uncomfortable Eddie had ever seen him--not that he had paid a ton of attention to Steve before now.

Oh. Eddie realised, feeling his chest clench a little, this was a lot of people's first chance to talk to another queer person. He was the oldest one here, closely followed by Steve... they were both fish out of water. Steve had the club, but there weren't a lot of guys their age that Eddie knew of who were queer. Steve had been mingling with kids this whole time. He was the elder here... weird.

"Yeah, I didn't really expect it to become a whole... thing," Steve replied, shaking Eddie from his thoughts. Right, he had pointedly questioned Steve's sexuality. Classy.

"Yeah, well, they'll get over it," Eddie retorted, feeling a bit bad now that he had been so dismissive of Steve's attempt to talk to him.

"I mean, it's been fine, I guess," Steve replied, sounding unsure of himself but not exactly bothered. Eddie could understand that, he didn't have the same experience per se, but all the guys at Hellfire knew he was queer and it was fine. He could remember being unsure though how gay he got to act around them all. It had been awkward and uncomfortable to find the rhythm of where you all sat, even if no one was blatantly rejecting you.

"Feels like you and everyone else are walking on eggshells about it, right?" Eddie asked, sighing as he leaned back until he hit the wall behind them, slouching.

"Something like that," Steve replied, his words coming out slowly as he watched Eddie and then took half a step back to join him against the wall.

"My advice? Just don't fall in love with your best friends," Eddie joked, only half serious. It verged on real advice, but it wasn't like it was something you could help.

Steve laughed anyway, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Yeah, as if. No thanks."

Something about that made Eddie smile a bit. Steve had been so dismissive of the idea as if the mere mention of having a mild interest in some jock was unheard of.

Eddie took a swig of his punch, swallowing hard as he started to relax a little bit.

"I'm bi too, you know," he said, sucking his upper lip to get the rest of the juice off.

"I can't remember if I used that word when I came out though--people just sort of figured with me, I don't think I really had to tell anyone."

"Yeah?" Steve asked, sounding interested but not sure how to progress.

"Uh, c'ya, what do you think?" Eddie mocked back, flipping his long hair over his shoulders and then flicking it back with his hands from side to side as if he were walking down some kind of runway. Long hair didn't mean you were gay, but it was a step towards making people think you were.

Steve laughed at that too, properly this time without that edge of awkwardness to it. That, in turn, made Eddie smile a bit. He liked it when people found him funny, it felt good to make people laugh. It felt better still to be joking about something gay and not having to correct or explain anything to the other person. Steve was queer too, even if he was new at this, there wasn't that same level of judgment. Huh... funny though that he suddenly just accepted that Steve was queer when he had been put off by the idea initially.

The night carried on like that and Eddie was surprised to find... that he didn't mind talking to Steve all that much. There were quite a few cultural touchstones that he didn't have when it came to 'nerd shit' but he didn't seem to be annoyed by Eddie explaining those things to him if it was necessary. Eddie had gotten a bit louder and more loose before too long, even if he wasn't exactly buddy-buddy with Steve. And Steve, surprisingly, had stuck with him the whole night. Really, the event hadn't matured at all and Eddie had little desire to go mingle with the kids--especially when the kid that he knew here was probably trying his best to flirt. What the hell was he supposed to do? Walk up to a group of youngsters and just ask what they were talking about? "Trust me, trust me. I play games with children all the time!" Yeah, no.

Eddie's watch beeped at him and he looked at it, turning the little digital screen off. It wasn't that late, just past 10 really, but the longer he waited the more miserable the walk home would be.

"Well, that's my queue," Eddie said, pushing off the wall and leaving his cup on a table by them. "I should go."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets, not regretting having come after all, but not really feeling like staying either. Steve had made the night bearable, but Eddie wasn't all that eager to keep it up.

"Why? Or you'll turn into a pumpkin?" Steve asked, teasing a little.

Eddie snorted at him, finding that line incredibly cheesy and in turn kind of funny because of that.

"Yeah, I've got to go traipse into the woods and take root or I'll start sprouting weeds like a chia-pet."

Steve chuckled at him, looking over to the doors. Eddie started walking towards the exit anyway, and Steve seemed surprised that he was actually going. He got off the wall and walked a few paces with Eddie before they both stopped, lingering a bit.

"I've just got to start walking home," Eddie explained, pinching his brows in, finding it kind of amusing that Steve seemed... concerned? He wasn't sure, it felt out of character for a cool guy to be following him.

"Walking home?" Steve asked, again, sounding surprised. "To Hawkins?"

"No to the moon, Bilbo was writing about me. Yeah back to Hawkins," he answered sarcastically, jamming his thumb towards the doors. Steve didn't seem bothered by the reply, even if he squinted for a moment with confusion with Eddie's mention of Bilbo.

"You live at Hawkins Trailer Park, right?" Steve asked.

The question instantly made Eddie tense, and he set his jaw a bit.

"Yeah, why?" He asked, sounding a bit defensive. He didn't like this line of questioning. It always felt weird when people commented on the fact that he lived in a trailer park. It especially felt weird coming from rich-boy Steve Harrington.

"Jeez, chill. I'll give you a ride, I live near there too," Steve explained, taking his keys out of his pocket and jostling them, "Hawkins is too far to walk to from here."

Eddie blinked at him a moment, floored by the offer for some reason.

"You don't have to do that, man," Eddie replied, feeling extremely awkward all of a sudden. "You should stay."

"And do what?" Steve asked, sounding amused. He looked over his shoulder at the crowd of young teens chatting and mingling before looking back at Eddie with a raised brow.

"Fair enough," Eddie replied, banishing his guilt for now. Steve was right though, Hawkins was far to walk to from here and there really wasn't a lot keeping Steve at the mixer. Will was getting a ride home from his brother and Robin was too busy fussing over every little thing to mingle. Plus, the event really would be closing soon so Steve didn't have to stay.

Eddie still felt awkward as he walked up to Steve's beamer and prepared himself to feel awkward the whole drive back to Hawkins. It was a nice car and he couldn't help but constantly think about how he had never been in a car this nice before. It wasn't brand-spanking new, but it almost felt like it with how clean it was. The car was spotless really and it was obvious that Steve took extremely good care of his ride.

"This is... uh, a nice ride," Eddie said, running his hands over the dash as Steve drove, before sitting back again.

"Thanks," Steve replied, chuckling a little. Eddie really was admiring the car; he wasn't a gear-head but he could appreciate a nice ride. Thrill bubbled in Eddie's stomach all of a sudden as he glanced at Steve.

"How fast can this thing go?"

Steve looked at him in turn, the moment drawing out between them before Steve's lips cracked into a smile.

"Want to find out?"

Eddie's eyes widened and he smiled back, surprised and pleased that his ask was being met. God, it was so stupid. They were being such teenagers right now. Steve in his daddy's bought, fast car with the punk, bad-influence kid in his passenger's seat ready to tear it up on the freeway.

Steve pulled off the main road and Eddie's stomach swooped with excitement. He didn't know where they were going but he figured Steve knew somewhere they could drive without hitting anyone. He didn't want to be stupid about it, maybe a bit reckless, but hey--they were young. When else were they going to do this shit?

Eddie leaned forward, turning on the radio and fiddling with the dial.

"What're you doing?" Steve asked, sounding amused as they drove towards some back, country road. Perfect.

"Finding the right music!" Eddie replied, sounding equal parts excited and exasperated for being asked. He was flicking through the dial quickly, only pausing for a beat or two before switching again until he found what he was looking for.

"You done?" Steve asked as Eddie paused for a moment longer to confirm that he liked the song. He looked at Steve before cranking the volume dial and sticking his tongue out.

"Let's fucking go," Eddie whooped, sitting back and bracing himself as he felt Steve hit the gas and they started rocketing down the road.

Fear mingled with thrill as Eddie sat back, holding onto the door as they drove down this pitch-black road. He shouted with excitement, obviously stressed but having a blast. Steve seemed cool as could be, smiling with the thrill of it too but none of Eddie's anxieties.

"Fuckin' hell--" Eddie managed as they reached a bend and Steve slowed down to take it. He started to decelerate, their quick little drag race having finished.

"We should do that again!" Eddie continued, panting a bit as he felt his heart pounding in his chest.

"Chill out--" Steve snorted, falling back into the rules of the road as he stopped at an unmarked rail crossing. "Cops like to drive around here--we'd be risking it."

"Boooo," Eddie called, smiling in a joking way. He understood and he wouldn't push it even if he wanted that adrenaline rush again.

"Another time then," Eddie replied finally, pausing for a moment as he realised he had assumed he'd be in Steve's car again for some reason.

"Sure," Steve answered back easily, chuckling a little.

Eddie glanced at him, before reaching to turn the music volume back down. He didn't turn it off though, needing the quiet metal to help settle him.

Steve sure did laugh a lot, didn't he? Was Eddie really that amusing?

Eddie felt his pocket buzz and he squirmed before taking his phone out. It was Wayne. He was asking if Eddie needed a ride, surely expecting that Eddie had lost track of time or something like that. Eddie let the car fall into silence as he replied back to Wayne, feeling a bit weird all of a sudden. He kept typing and retyping what to say.

No, I got a ride from a friend. Were Steve and him friends?

I'm good. Too vague, it would worry Wayne too much.

Some guy gave me a lift. That sounded sketchy as hell. Eddie just settled on 'no, I got a ride' and left it at that, but it made him feel weird regardless.

"Everything okay?" Steve asked, drawing Eddie's attention back to him.

"Oh, yeah, no, yeah. Just my uncle wondering how I was getting home," Eddie explained, feeling weird about Steve asking him something like that. Robin had been right... he really wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"So," Eddie said, breaking the silence, running his hands over the seat, "this car get you mad puss?" He asked, his tone jovial and teasing as he stuck his tongue out between his fingers, being lewd on purpose. He didn't know why his default was raunchy humour, but it had tumbled out of him before he thought too hard about it.

"God, shut up--" Steve replied in good humour, sounding surprised and amused by the sudden comment.

"I know I've got a reputation, but jeez, man," Steve laughed, driving them back onto the main road towards Hawkins.

"So... that a yes?" Eddie teased, enjoying this little banter.

"Yeah," Steve confirmed, before glancing at Eddie out of the corner of his eye with a wry smile.

Eddie burst out laughing at that, finding it more than a little amusing that Steve was leaning into the tease and taking it on the chin.

"Fuck, dude," Eddie giggled, not sure why that was just so amusing. It felt so weird to have good-boy, Steve Harrington talking to him about getting laid. This was so fucked up. This was so fucking weird.

"So," Steve started as Eddie stared out the window, still grinning to himself a bit, "how long have you known you were..."

Eddie glanced at Steve before lounging against the door, smiling at him.

"Queer?"

Steve looked at Eddie from the corner of his eye, obviously a little unsure of himself.

"You can say it you know," Eddie offered, crossing his arms and looking nonplussed. "If you are one, you get to say it as long as you're not like slurring it at someone or something. Welcome to the restricted section."

"Alright..." Steve replied, sounding a little unsure still. Eddie smiled at that too, finding it a bit charming how baby gay Steve was over the whole thing. He felt a bit superior all of a sudden, and he liked that feeling with Steve. He was in a fast car with the most popular boy in school and he was talking to him about how to be queer. What a trip.

"Since forever," Eddie replied, "I've known since forever. It was more weird for me to figure out that not everyone felt the same way. Like, girls--guys, whatever. Hot people are hot, end of story."

Steve nodded to that and Eddie tucked into the corner of his seat, feeling cool and relaxed as he watched Steve drive.

"You?"

Steve seemed to waffle a bit at the question, putting too much thought into it no doubt.

"I don't know," he finally replied, looking dissatisfied with his own answer, "somewhat recently, I think? It's like... I acknowledged it maybe a few months ago but, I don't know. Before that, I sort of felt like I was being dramatic or something? Like, obviously, I like girls so that's fine, it felt kinda... cliche?"

Eddie cringed a bit at the phrase Steve used, nodding his head and glancing away. He had much the same judgment towards Steve until recently. That had been unfair. It didn't matter that Steve was popular or that there had been less risk involved in his 'coming out' compared to Eddie. He was pretty and sporty and even if there was something a little cliche about an all-American boy like him turning out to be queer it didn't mean it was wrong.

"Your folks know?" Eddie asked, talking softer, not wanting to pry if Steve didn't want to talk about it.

"Yeah," Steve answered easily, his tone unreadable. "They knew before I uh... came out socially?"

Eddie nodded, rubbing his head against the window and feeling the car vibrate under him.

"They... cool?" He asked, feeling a bit weird about the whole thing. He was older than Steve, but he didn't really feel like he was. Steve had so much... going on. He had his own car, activities, career paths--he seemed so put together. He was perfectly coiffed and dressed, his car spotless... Eddie was the exact opposite. He wanted to be a musician and he worked hard at it, but sometimes it felt like he was putting all his eggs in one basket.

"Uh.... yeah, mostly," Steve replied, sounding a bit hesitant.

"That great, huh?" Eddie asked, smiling lightly and trying to sound sympathetic.

"No, well, my mom seems pretty accepting of it. Unsure like... nervous? I don't know. My dad... I don't really know what he thinks yet. He's--it doesn't matter."

Eddie frowned slightly as Steve cut himself off. It was a personal topic and he didn't blame him for not wanting to share, but it felt kind of bad to hear Steve say it didn't matter.

"What about your uh... uncle?" Steve asked, sounding awkward as he shifted the conversation.

"Yeah, he's cool," Eddie replied, looking back out the window, "I don't think he really knows how to be supportive necessarily so he's just like... trucking on but he's never dropped the ball. Treats all my... gay shit as if it was just normal shit." Eddie replied, laughing a little bit. He knew he was lucky to have Wayne. Not every queer person had a supportive family and once upon a time, he hadn't had that either. Wayne was a saviour... in more ways than one.

"That's... cool," Steve answered and Eddie snorted a little at how awkward the delivery had been.

"What?" Steve replied, sounding a bit amused.

"That's... cool," Eddie mocked, making his voice sound girly and vapid.

"Shut up," Steve scoffed, drawing up the syllables a bit.

Eddie grinned, liking that Steve seemed to be easy to torment. He went for the bait every time, but he never seemed overly offended.

"Gee wiz, Eddie, your uncle seems like such a cool guy," Eddie continued, being annoying on purpose. He kept it up as Steve started to laugh in mock annoyance. "Let's you go to a pre-teen party and everything."

"Stop--" Steve booed, glancing at Eddie quickly before purposefully wobbling the steering wheel and making the car quickly veer back and forth.

Eddie jolted up right at the movement, grabbing the door.

"Shit--don't--" Eddie squawked, smiling despite how that had made his stomach drop.

"Asshole--" Eddie jeered, looking at Steve who was grinning back at him. Okay, so Steve was actually fun? Was this why Dustin and those kids liked him so much? Mr. Uptight-jock was actually a little bit of a wild child hidden behind good hair and a dazzling smile?

Eddie settled into his seat, feeling kind of good about the night as he looked back out the window and let the rest of the drive grow quiet. They weren't far from Hawkins now and a part of Eddie felt kind of strung out from the weird emotional whiplash of the night.

"You know," Eddie said as they pulled up towards the trailer park, "you're actually not a bad guy, Steve Harrington."

Steve looked at him, eyebrows pinched in with mild concern.

"Thanks?"

"It's a compliment," Eddie scoffed in a friendly way, unbuckling his seatbelt as Steve drove slowly down the gravel road.

"Oh, well, thank you then," Steve reiterated a bit more sarcastically.

"You're also kind of a bitch," Eddie retorted, smiling at him and getting an incredulous sound from Steve. The car pulled to a stop and Eddie climbed out. He shut the door but lingered a second until Steve rolled down the window. He leaned over the frame and looked in at Steve.

"I can see why those kids think you're kind of cool," Eddie continued, feeling kind of... charmed. "Guess that makes you cool in my books too."

"Cool? Or cool?" Steve asked, mocking Eddie's previous buffoonery.

Eddie laughed, shaking his head as he leaned back.

"You're a bit of a dork too, you know that?"

He liked dorky guys.

"A dork? This? Coming from you?" Steve asked, inching his car forward a bit to keep Eddie in view of the window.

"Oh, cram-it," Eddie retorted, flipping Steve off through the window. He patted the doorframe lightly, careful not to hit it with any of his rings.

"Thanks for the ride though," Eddie swallowed, not really looking at Steve but still trying to be friendly.

"Yeah, man. Don't worry about it."

Eddie nodded, feeling weird about just walking away. He kind of wanted to stay out, chat more, and just listen to the radio with Steve which was... a weird thought. They didn't really have anything in common, and somehow Eddie knew that they weren't going to talk again at school. Steve was popular, he wasn't. Eddie was graduating this year, and Steve was 16. They ran in completely different circles.

"Kay, well, later then," Eddie offered, half waving his hand in front of the window before sticking his hands in his pockets and walking towards his trailer. Steve didn't say anything back, but he waited for Eddie to get his door open before pulling away like a proper gentleman.

The whole night felt... so odd to Eddie. He didn't know if he could say he had a good time, or even what had happened during the night, but it had been... nice. It had nothing to do with the mixer or anything Eddie had prepared himself for that night but instead, his good mood rested solely on his interaction with Steve. It was so weird and it left him feeling like he was in limbo. Like this night had been a weird pocket event and he'd never have a repeat of anything like it again. Nothing big had happened, nothing important, and there was nothing to remember about it really... but it felt like he wanted to hold onto it somehow.

Eddie huffed and stretched his lips, before finally taking the last few steps into the trailer. There was no point dwelling on something he couldn't touch and thinking too hard about it would probably ruin everything anyways. This could just be a one off. He could just look back on this and think about how nice it had been to bond... with Steve Harrington.

#steddie #in later chapters Eddie pretends to be a dorky vampire #steddie fic #stranger things #eddie munson #steve harrington #my_writing #i really love writing them “getting together” #i think it's so fun to explore all the different ways it could happen

[graveyard-cuddles]

If you attack ascended Astarion at the epilogue party as a mindflayer, all the rest of the companions will join in the attack with you. Which doesn't make a ton of sense from my perspective because frankly, they should all be just as scared of mindflayer Tav as they are of ascended Astarion, if not even more so. Let's just be real and admit that Astarion, as "mean" as he is when he breaks up with mindflayer Tav, is 100% correct. Tav is not Tav anymore. Ilithids don't have souls. They're not a person anymore. And Tav can prove it by attacking him out of the blue at a peaceful-ass gathering. Even Astarion with how cruel and egotistical he becomes when ascended is still more "human" than a mindflayer because he at least retains his soul and personality, as warped as it becomes. That's all besides the point, though.

My main point it I just find it weird how so many so-called Astarion "fans" revile in this scene and find it so funny how Astarion "gets his comeuppance" in this scene or whatever. And I don't know about anyone else, but I find this scene incredibly sad and tragic. Both Astarion and Tav have lost themselves completely (Tav even more so than Astarion, I would argue). And it kinda baffles me how so few fans of Astarion can see how much he's clearly hurting here as well?

He claims he hasn't thought about Tav in the past 6 months, and he delivers the line in a way that is clearly meant to sting as much as possible. People point to that moment as a "gotcha" moment that Astarion genuinely doesn't miss Tav. But he then immediately contradicts this a few sentences later when he says thinks all the time about what could have been if they had stayed his consort and never became a mindflayer. And that all his power is nothing without Tav by his side (paraphrasing).

"OH he's just manipulating Tav" why would he say anything that would make him look weak or vulnerable? If anything, he should be bragging about how GREAT he's doing without Tav. How awesome his life as a vampire lord is without them. And at first he does just that, the first half of the conversation is all bragging. But the longer he talks to them, the more the little hurtful truths slip out behind the hateful words. Like for as much as fans claim to understand that Astarion will often say one thing but mean another some of them sure are shit at being able to tell when he's clearly covering up his hurt with vitriol.

And again there's something weird about cheering on mindflayer Tav when their turn can be considered just as tragic as Astarion ascending. Like don't get me wrong I enjoy letting a monster do their thing. But it's like this weird double standard where mindflayer Tav's monstrosity is good and cool to idolize and joke about them wanting to eat the brains of their friends but the second someone has fantasies about being Astarion's consort they need to be psychoanalyzed.

And it's also ridiculous that if you even so much as suggest that hey, maybe there's more going on with ascended Astarion than meets the eye, maybe he actually is suffering in his isolation, ect. you get called a delusional idiot because people just really want to believe Astarion is truly a 100% different person from his ascended self when that's simply. not. true. Again the writers have confirmed the ritual didn't consume his soul. The ritual amplified all his worst personality traits that he already had.

I'm not saying you need to love ascended Astarion BUT if you love his character for what he is you should be able to at least appreciate him. You should be able to at least find him tragic and compelling. Kinda annoyed that many fans, who are seemingly uncomfortable with being confronted with this side of him, would rather turn him into a big joke or reduce his full spectrum of emotion to just "smug apathy."

#just to be clear im NOT saying ascended astarion = good #im saying ascended astarion = complex #bg3 #baulders gate 3 #baulders gate astarion #baulders gate tav #astarion #astarion ancunin #ascended astarion #tavstarion #astarion x tav #astarion meta #bg3 epilogue spoilers #bg3 spoilers #bg3 act 3 spoilers

[spagyricqueen]

Discourse on Ascended Astarion

These are just my thoughts. I have them. This seemed like a place to share them. I dunno...

So, I think the discourse on this subject is a little wacky, but as I read through some of the comments, I think I understand a little better? The new kisses for AA are causing all kinds of vitriol among the fandom, and I'm just trying to understand it.

People seem pretty upset that Tav (or Durge) has 'victim' expressions when Astarion is forcefully kissing them. I get the upset, if you're RP is related to the idea that maybe they want/like the forceful kissing or subjugation. The new animations, for me, did not surprise me and honestly made it a little more clear as it leaned into the idea of the Ascendant that I had all along; he becomes toxic, with a twisted idea of what 'love' is.

However, I've read very strongly opinionated defenses regarding the relationship as a whole. Primarily this idea that Astarion makes Tav/Durge their 'vampire bride'? I'm sorry, what? I thought it was pretty clear from the dialogue that you become his spawn (albeit his 'special' spawn, but still a spawn), and when you ask him if he would ever make you a 'true vampire', he deflects with saying something to the effect of, "All in good time. You need to adjust first."

I read somewhere that the dev notes on that line of dialogue specifically states that this is a lie. He lies a lot to you during that whole exchange. He is not the same person. Perhaps there is some strong debate over whether or not he kept his soul (in my prose, I describe his 'losing of his soul' to imply his core essence and not his actual immortal soul). But the power he gained fundamentally changed his perspective on life, on his relationships, and on how he views himself.

A vampire bride? First of all, from what I understand of D&D rules, this requires a lot of criteria that Astarion does not have. If I recall, it's a ritual that can be performed by an "ancient" vampire or greater. It takes more than one feeding from the sire to achieve this. It's a whole thing, called The Dark Kiss ritual. Astarion only granted "one drop" of his own blood, and he is not an ancient vampire.

They are a spawn, and that's all there is to it.

The expressions of fear, however, I'm not sure I have too much opinion about. Again, me personally, it makes sense and reinforces the idea of Astarion becoming comfortable with his power over Tav/Durge - perhaps a little too comfortable. This could always change later on in the relationship, perhaps, with Tav/Durge asserting themselves or learning to manipulate her sire (Astarion) in return. That's the beauty of fanfiction. Play with those 'what-ifs'.

In the end, it's all just fiction.

#astarion #baldur's gate 3 #writing #ascended astarion #vampire ascendant

[incognito-lionbeast]

Also, sitting here thinking about a Mundane AU where SY & Airplane actually meet IRL. Like, at some point during one of their many needless arguments online, Great Master Airplane dares his almighty hater over DM’s to meet him at an upcoming ACG* convention to yell In Person if he’s so mad about it-- not even once considering that Cucumber might actually accept the invitation. Shit, now he’s gotta find money to go to a convention?! He’d already nearly wrecked his computer earlier this week...

They’re both a little stupid & in too deep to back down. RIP Internet Safety, but at least they’ll be in literally one of the most public places possible, right... haha...

It’s agreed that they’d meetup by one of the Official booths (of a shared interest), and shockingly Airplane is the first one there. Just. Awkwardly piddling around on his phone for a while, honestly hoping that Cucumber-bro had chickened out. Like, sure, he’d have wasted money on nothing, but yknow??? Maybe this wasn’t a great idea???? Actually??

Until he gets a Ping over Legally-Distinct-WeChat, asking if the weird guy in a tacky button-down--the one staring at his phone--is him. And rather, Shen Yuan’s only late because he decided to bring one of his older brothers. Y’know, he has that privilege. Though, upon confirmation that this “friend” of Yuan’s is just Some Guy, his brother doesn’t stick around them too long.

Neither Shen Yuan nor Airplane know what to do. Admittedly, neither had planned past this point. Though, inwardly, Airplane’s a little annoyed that apparently?? His #1 hater is some scrawny, conventionally attractive rich kid.

Outwardly, Airplane decides that he’s going to treat this situation like he would online, as much as he possibly could, anyway. He also refuses to use the very obvious Given Name SY’s brother used, preferring to call SY “Cucumber-bro” -- A little professional distance between he & his loyal “fan”. Not that Shen Yuan is complaining. He’s not sure what he was expecting Airplane to be like, but this annoying early 20-something felt about right.

Though, somehow... all of this accumulates into them just sorta. Hanging Out. Awkwardly at first, but the banter picks up after they’ve had some time to get used to being around each other. If Shen Yuan was the sort of person to admit to these things, he’d almost say he was having fun. Neither of them, but especially not Airplane, have actually had friends to hang out with for a while...

Frankly, Shen Yuan kinda forgot what it was like to be social with people who weren’t family... and after some consideration, he realises this guy seems really lonely. Airplane dodges any conversation about real life, friends, or family like the plague--whether its his or Shen Yuan’s. The only acceptable “family” he’ll talk about is Luo Binghe’s (which, frankly, Shen Yuan is much more interested in, anyway).

In the novel, Luo Binghe’s parents never really made an appearance, so hearing about Tianlang-Jun & Su Xiyan directly from the author was a little exciting?? And maybe a tad infuriating. Wasted potential. So much wasted potential.

At some point, Shen Yuan’s righteous indignation manages to squeak out the confession that Airplane’s dirt poor & gutted his own story because... well, that’s what made money. It is what it is. Sorry you hate it so much, but then--like he’s been saying the whole time, why’d you keep reading it??? Not that he minds. To be honest, responding to your vitriol is the highlight of his day. Wouldn’t be the same if you gave up.

Shen Yuan asks if he’s really happy with that?? And well, no, of course not! But based on how liberal Shen Yuan’s been with his money throughout the course of the ‘con, he clearly wouldn’t understand what it’s like, huh? Angry lil rich kid getting mad online at shit he could easily stay away from. So, unless you wanna admit that you actually really like it, then he’s not accepting criticism at this time. :v

ANYWAY, inb4 Shen Yuan promotes himself from “hater” to “editor” -- nearly on the spot, but he manages to restrain himself til after they’ve parted ways... many days later, still thinking about their conversation. Something, something You can you up...

Which. Of the possible outcomes, Airplane had really expected their meeting to be a one-and-done situation, but now Cucumber-bro’s paying his train fair to drag him & his ~vibrant personality~ out of his comfort zone (his shitty apartment) and back into the Real World. Because this is perfectly reasonable human behaviour?! Though, honestly, Shen Yuan’s family is just happy to see him finally applying himself, so they don’t mind indulging them.

For the record, though, Shen Yuan’s sister is the only one who really knows who Airplane IS... and she thinks it’s really quite funny. And she can’t wait til Yuan’s comfortable enough to actually bring him home. Then she can show Mr. Airplane her brother’s stash of Luo Binghe merch. (✿◡‿◡)

Get adopted, loser.

All in all, though, fine! If this guy wants to throw money at him so they can Fix his story?? Sure, why not! He’d say he’s had worse first dates, but would imply that Airplane’s dated before. And that that first encounter was a date, but yknow in retrospect. Might as well have been.

but anyway, this got way longer than I meant it to. So I’m capping it there. >u< I still have Thoughts (many of them!), but they are mostly “I would like them to kiss.”

#*animation comics & games #this rapidly turned into storytime #rather than me summarizing an idea asdfgh #cumplane #Shen Yuan #Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky #SVSSS #also I'd say this is a fluffy fic concept #but I know what's coming #tho that's a hot mess for another time #so for now we stay silly :3 #and we don't look at the Bingge under the rug #(I lied. it's not a mundane AU. Not entirely)

[ingravinoveritas]

cloud-based-and-rainpilled replied to your post: 

Someone mentioned in a comment that Michael got ‘downgraded’ to boyfriend, so my tinfoil (again, could be wrong/insane) is that AL & GT referring to each other as wifey is to downplay the previous MS ‘wife’ jokes, since people keep commenting about a poly thing going on, moreso than the past. Also since MS is in London rn, he’s with DT more, so I think there’s a bit of insecurity going on. a lot of (doomed) poly couples have an ‘out of sight, out of mind’ rule, or think the swinging being gay 'doesn't count/isn't a threat,' which could be why the posts feel forced. (parasocial, creepy, bad person, etc., whatever, I calls it as I sees it and have seen it before 🤷‍♀️ )

lepqueen replied to your post: 

My biggest question on this was actually about the song choice, given that I am reasonably sure Sting said at some point Every Breath You Take is a stalker song.

@cloud-based-and-rainpilled I had a similar thought about the insecurity. I think Georgia and AL trying so hard to give the appearance of everything being "fine" and everyone getting along only makes it feel more like things in reality are not exactly what's being presented on social media. I personally did not see "boyfriend" as a downgrade (because from my perspective, "other wife" reads as more jokey/unserious, but boyfriend is...softer, somehow), but I can see why some folks could interpret it as a downgrade when it's actually a readjusting of whatever the dynamic is between all of them.

Going back to the insecurity, I had also wondered how things would play out while Michael was in London for such a long time during the run of Nye, and it makes all the sense in the world that things would change with Michael and David being able to see each other in person frequently. And you make a salient point about the gay swinging being seen as less threatening (which I think is why it's been easy for Georgia and AL to start up with that, and why we have never seen even one reference to David/Anna or Michael/Georgia and swinging). It could be that shipping Michael and David was also seen as less threatening and easier to play along with a few years ago, when it was all still new and Michael and David hadn't gotten as close as they have now. So yes, I do think something has changed, and though we may never be privy to what specifically, we can still see its aftereffects and reverberations in a variety of ways.

(I also wish the antis/people making vitriolic posts in the tags would understand your final point, which is that some of us have seen these things before and are speaking from a place of experience--unlike their assertions (and I have actually seen someone say this) that we have never had any close friendships or relationships like these, and therefore know nothing.)

To your comment, @lepqueen, I also found myself raising an eyebrow at the song choice. You are correct that Sting has described the song as being creepy, and I found one quote from him in particular attesting to this:

I'm not really sure how this fits into the context of AL's post, though, or what made her choose it. Is the David pillow watching her every move? Is she watching the pillow? I have no idea. But that was certainly a choice, so there you go...

#cloud-based-and-rainpilled #lepqueen #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #i'm sorry but if this was a man and a woman there is no earthly way their relationship would be described as 'platonic' #truth disguised as a joke #there are different kinds of love in different poly relationships #but i can see where things could go south very quickly #choices #not all of them good #but i will leave it to my followers to make up their own minds #thoughts #discourse

[elvisabutler]

hiii! absolutely loooove your writing!!

was wondering if you’d be willing to write something about either Elvis or Austin and he helps reader when she’s on her period and super hormonal. like maybe she’s cranky and horny??

if not, totally fine!! my periods been vicious this month and would love to see how you think one of them would react to it!! thanksss!

crimson

summary: you are having a bit of a rough go around this time with your period and your boyfriend- well he just wants to help. fandom: austin butler rating: m pairing: austin butler x plus sized female reader word count: 1432 warning: oral ( f receiving ). implied potential p in v sex ( future ). period sex. blood. descriptions of period cramps. author’s note: so hi anon. i have no idea how you feel about me making this a plus sized reader and having this be a period sex smut but at the very least i hope you enjoy. but also thank you for the compliment about my writing! i went for austin because well- because @butlersxbirdy helped me choose and because truly i have been lacking in my austin content lately. if the mood strikes i might write something come- well probably when my period comes next with them like in the damn bubble bath or curled up in bed. also you don't have to read it this way but in my head for some reason- i kind of saw this as being in the same universe as pop goes the bump. don't ask me why but ya know. also moodboard is not indicative of the color of the reader's skin. i just have wanted to use the beanie and austin pics since i saw them.

Your best friends today have been your bed, a heating pad, copious amounts of chocolate and a sweatshirt that Austin wore despite being far too big on him and making him look like a very tall Ariana Grande. All in all, you've had worse periods with less assistance than you do now. You've had worse periods alone with nothing to comfort you. Sure, you're technically alone right this second, but according to Austin there was something about the way you answered the phone, all vicious snapping and vitriol spewed from your lips that clued him in to the possibility that maybe- just maybe you might be on your period. Maybe you could use some company in your time of need and pain.

The thing is you and Austin pride yourself on being honest with each other, telling each other when something bothers you or when something doesn't work clothes wise or actions wise. It's how you can tolerate the gossip of him with costars and the gossip of people thinking there's no way he'd be with you. You know there's every way he would be with you because he tells you why he's with you. It's easy to realize and understand. The downside to this is that sometimes he forgets that there's a time for tact and little white lies. Case in point the exact words that leave his mouth when he opens the bedroom door to find you in a blanket burrito and with Bridgerton playing on your television.

"You look like shit." He murmurs, leaning against the door as his eyes trail over your body.

You wait a moment before you respond, wondering if he honestly just said that before you finally glare at him. You like to think if it could the look would murder him. "Great boyfriend you are, asshole. I feel like shit so if it feels like shit, smells like shit and looks like shit, it might just be shit."

Austin for his part winces at your words, realizing that what he said was uncalled for and probably did more harm than good even though he had meant it to be playful. It takes him a second to stop leaning against the door and slowly walk over to your shared bed, carefully as if he thought you were a caged animal ready to strike and kill him. "Or it might just be a woman experiencing a very rough week," he states calmly, as the bed dips with his weight next to you. "Taken your pain meds?"

"More than my liver would have liked me to." You answer, the words coming out as a bit of a whine as another cramp seizes and twists at your insides. "It hasn't helped that much. They're normally-"

Your eyes shut from the pain as it cuts off your words and Austin finds himself pulling you into his arms, rubbing your back in some form of comfort. "They're not normally this bad, I know baby."

"I woke up at 4AM like this. I'm tired, I hurt, I want to eat my weight in every food known to man and I'm-" You stop yourself and feel your blood rush to your ears and head in embarrassment as you shift a little next to him, trying to find some relief. He doesn't need to hear the last part, that's too much to ask of him or anyone.

Austin watches you, watches how you are on a roll explaining what's wrong until you get to the last bit of what's bothering you. He notices how you stop and start to shift against the bed a little in a way he only knows you to when you're- well- when you're feeling horny. Ever the actor though, he manages to school his face into something that doesn't give away that he might have a clue as to what's going on. His hand moves from your back to your hips, rubbing in a motion that's meant to be comforting but that he also know has a tendency to drive you wild. "You're what? Does it have something to do with how you're moving against the bed?"

A breath catches in your throat as you feel the warmth of the embarrassment you feel flood your body. Of course Austin would catch on, he knows you. He knows how you are and knows every single one of your tells. "Austin- Don't, it's nothing, if you're not going to be helpful or comforting just-"

Your words are stopped by a shaky exhale as you feel Austin's lips on your neck, trailing down to your chest. "I want to be helpful and comforting. I want you to feel better, babe," he whispers against your skin before pulling away slightly as his hand moves to cup your breast, noting how you hiss in equal parts pleasure and pain. "Too much?"

"Just the nipple. Not the whole thing." You answer, grinding against the bed a little. "They hurt too much to be touched."

A hum leaves Austin's lips as he keeps up his work, his thumb flicking at your nipple, sending shocks down to your core. Between your legs is throbbing not only because of the pain your period has wrought but because of how that simple touch has your clit aching for attention. Attention you're praying that Austin will provide it as he moves to be on the floor by the bed and tries to pull you to the very edge. It's a position he's been in once before, it's a position you've seen him in multiple times since you first started dating and yet in this moment you want to keep your legs shut, trying to keep your desires to yourself before you hear a chuckle. "Babe. Let me, please. Consider it my last ditch attempt to make you feel better."

It's as if those words are the magic ones to hear as you open up your legs, shivering at Austin's touch on your thighs. At his subtle squeezing of the plump fat of them and at how he takes your underwear and your shorts off with an ease that makes you love him that much more. Your hands drift to his hair, messing with it, allowing your fingers to grasp at his locks and yank just slightly earning a groan from him. Your thighs tighten around his head reflexively as he inches closer and closer to your cunt and yet he still manages to make his way there. His tongue laps at your clit, earning a sharp cry from you at the new sensation. You swear you feel his lips curl into a smirk as he continues a soft and slow onslaught, licking gently while stoking the fire of arousal within you. It makes your stomach clench in a way that is a little painful but feels like it's relaxing at the same time. It's a clench that promises relief at the end instead of an unending deluge of pain. Your chest heaves as Austin takes a hand and moves to play with your nipples once again and you feel something- you feel what you think is an orgasm start to build within you as you try to use your grip to pull him away. Only to have him shake his head and take your clit between his lips and just suck at it.

That action, that simple action that normally you detest has your thighs tightening so much around his head that you're liable to hurt him as you come, your fingers yanking at his hair and a low moan leaving your body as the coil of tension inside you and the sheer clench and twist of your insides relaxes at least for now. You try to catch your breath and relax your legs as Austin pulls away from between your legs and continues to play with your nipple almost absentmindedly.

His mouth is red, almost like messed up lipstick and you can't help but feel your cunt clench a little in want for more. The two of you stare at each other before he smiles and raises his eyebrows. "Better?"

Your eyes take in how his pupils are flushed and how his cock is pressing against his pants and you can't help but lick your lips and grind against your bedsheets once more. "I think I might need one more- dose, Austin. Just to be safe."

A smirk crosses his lips as he moves back to his former position, ready to give you what you ask for. "Just one more. Then we'll see if you need something stronger."

taglist: @ab4eva, @blurredcolour, @butlersxbirdy, @precious-little-scoundrel, @eliseinmemphis, @prompted-wordsmith, @lookingforrainbows, @araxw, @thatbanditqueen, @ellie-24, @austinbutlersgirl67, @heartbrake-hotel, @ccab, @18lkpeters, @slutforsomegoodlettuce, @dkayfixates, @kendralavon7, @chasingwildflowers, @slowsweetlove, @kxnnxy, @meetmeatyourworst, @purejasmine copy and pasted from the last austin fic, sup y'all, feel free to tell me if you don't want to be tagged, etc etc.

#austin butler #austin butler smut #austin butler x reader #austin butler x you #austin butler x y/n #austin butler x plus size reader #austin butler fanfiction #austin butler fanfic #austin butler fic #ally writes #austin butler fluff #is that last tag true? meh.

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

If you’d feel up to it, perhaps a little something about doting Bruce now being EXTRA protective of reader after her latest run in with criminals?

"Y/N-"

You flinched and Bruce froze.

He knew what he'd been doing. Trying to make you back down. Trying to protect you.

But you flinched.

The same way you flinched when one of your parents said your name. When you were anticipating a fight. It was involuntary. You couldn't stop it. You might not even know you did it. But his heart cracked all the same.

You hadn't said a word but you may as well have slapped him.

"Sweetheart." He reached for you and you pulled away, wincing when your ribs protested the motion. "Come to bed?" he coaxed. He didn't know where you'd been sleeping. Not in the bedroom- probably the couch in your office. And it bothered him.

"I'm not tired. I've got a meeting tomorrow."

"With who?" he asked, not reaching for you again.

"I can't-"

"Is it for your case?"

"One of them. Dent wants to avoid a trial."

Bruce nodded slowly. It was a lie- almost. Dent wouldn't want Falcone on trial. Juries could be bought. And you tended to represent people who wouldn't do well at trial for a variety of reasons. You'd managed to get him to cut a lot of deals on that alone. "Sounds like a long day," he said.

"Could be worse."

You hadn't looked at him but your hands had stilled on the keys. The rapid typing had stopped and he knew you weren't working. You were waiting. Bracing for him to cut at you. To find and use some vulnerability. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for the caring to turn to vitriol.

"Sweetheart," he tried again. "Did you eat?"

"I'm not hungry."

"You need to-" Another flinch. Smaller but still evident.

"I know you think I'm an idiot," you tell him quietly. "And I know this is just for your image. What I don't understand is why you'd care if they kill me over it."

It felt like there was ice in his stomach. You could have just told him you were having an affair and he probably wouldn't feel that devastated.

When he doesn't answer, you continue in the same quiet voice, "If you want a divorce I understand. You need someone who can- I mean. Once the new wears off a divorce would make for pretty good cover and then you wouldn't have to-"

Bruce felt sick. You weren't going to back down. You were going to let him go. "Is that really what you think?" he asked.

"I mean I'm not- I'm just- It's not like I'm doing you any good-"

"i don't want anyone else," he said, careful not to raise his voice.

"Yet."

"Y/N- I didn't. You're not here because it's good for my image-"

"You don't have to lie it's okay. I get it. I'm just some random girl- I'm not anything i just-"

"Sweetheart," he said, swallowing hard. What's worse is that you aren't upset. You've been sitting with this for a while. Made whatever fragile peace- took the information you had and drew a conclusion. Occam's Razor- and came up with him not wanting you anymore. Or ever. That all the promises he'd made were just- fluff. Like a half built treehouse or pain that had gone bad waiting for your room to be painted. A camping trip that was never coming.

He crossed the floor slowly, kneeling next to your chair so he wasn't towering over you. "I just wanted you to stop," he said. "i wanted you to back down- They could take you and I can't-"

You don't look at him and he feels his chest ache. He can't tell where your head is. If you really hear him.

"I'm so tired," you sigh, staring blankly at your keyboard.

"Come to bed," he pleaded, reaching up carefully to wipe an errant tear off your cheek with his thumb. "Please."

And when you nod, still hesitating, he picks you up carefully, angry at himself when you don't relax against his chest. "I love you," he said softly.

"I love you too." And even without seeing your face, he knew that you did. But you didn't believe him.

#Bruce Wayne #Bruce Wayne x reader #doting husband!bruce #ask answered #minors dni #reader insert

[dear-evan-fansen]

So many criticisms of Dear Evan Hansen revolve around the show being messy/morally convoluted as if that was an overlooked flaw in the writing and not the whole point of the show.

Everything in Dear Evan Hansen is intentionally messy. Everything has two sides. Social media is a positive place where people can come together to make a difference AND it's a breeding ground for hate and vitriol. Evan is a deeply caring, empathetic person AND he does a horrible thing. Heidi is a dedicated, loving mother AND she works so hard that she never spends any time with her son. Connor is agressive, angry, violent, AND he is a depressed, lonely person, ostracized by his peers and longing for connection. Larry Murphy is a domineering authority figure who treats his son like a criminal AND he's a frustrated parent that wants to help Connor get better the only way he knows how. Evan's lies are harmful and manipulative AND they give a family that was tearing apart at the seams time to come together, reflect, and grieve.

All of these things can be true at the same time, and one doesn't have to overshadow or cancel out the other. In ignoring one to focus on the other, you're wilfully missing the point of the story. Real life is messy and complex, and that's exactly what the show is trying so hard to emulate. That's not bad writing, it's just being realistic.

Pasek and Paul said that in its earliest form, the show was meant to look at why people insert themselves into tragedy through a much more cynical lense, criticizing people like Evan. But somewhere in the writing process they found that it's not that simple, because people don't just do that shit for no reason, and it's naive to believe they would. Evan didn't do what he did to be popular or get a girlfriend or gaslight a grieving family. He did it because he saw a chance to help people who were hurting. In the process, he found connection that he had longed for his whole life, and allowed that to complicate things, making him a lot more reluctant to do the right thing and come clean. But the show makes it explicity clear that his initial intention was rooted in helping someone else, not himself. And as bad as it was, it did force the Murphys to come to terms with their loss instead of running away from it, to come together instead of drifting apart.

Yes, the morality of everything that happens in the show is deeply questionable, complex and muddy and that's the ENTIRE POINT. It doesn't mean the show is endorsing what Evan did. The vast majority of the fan base doesn't endorse what Evan did either. Most of us understand what that final scene in the orchard is getting at. It's not arguing that what Evan did was somehow morally correct, or handing him some magical "get out of jail free card". It's acknowledging ALL the consequences of his actions (good AND bad, the healing he brought about AND the hurt he caused) and letting us come to terms with that along with him and move forward. That scene encompasses one of the most important messages of the show: that doing something bad doesn't make you evil. One mistake doesn't have to define you for the rest of your life, and it doesn't make you less human, or any less deserving of growth and self acceptance.

#i'm sorry this is so long #i have so many thoughts about this show and i'm so tired of seeing it dragged through the mud #dear evan hansen #deh #ben platt #will roland #mike faist #connor murphy #laura dreyfuss #zoe murphy #heidi hansen #larry murphy #jared kleinman #alana beck

[jewish-vents]

My entire life, I've yearned for the kind of community the Jewish community and Judaism have provided me. I found out I had Jewish ancestry when I was a kid, I looked into it more later and realized my most recent Jewish ancestor (like three-ish generations back) was almost certainly forcibly converted out, and decided to convert to like. Make amends for that I guess and also because I really vibed with the holidays and how we turn up everywhere in history bc we keep doing cool stuff despite consistently shitty circumstances.

But I digress.

I have waited my WHOLE LIFE trying to experience the joy becoming Jewish has shown me, and that gets shit on constantly.

My sister has started making a truly obscene number of Jew jokes. My mom scoffs at all the 'nonsense rules' and has said repeatedly that she thinks choosing a 'restrictive' religion is dumb and I've made a mistake. She even said it's an insult to HER parenting skills that I would seek out religion after she tried to teach me to know better.

My dad is dead but I never ever in a million years would have told him even if he were alive, and my sister thinks it's funny to threaten to 'out' me as Jewish to his relatives even though they're basically KKK-adjacent so she actually enjoys threatening mg safety at this point. (Yay family right?)

My friends have turned everything into an Israel/Palestine discussion lately and I know damn well what they're doing when they start saying truly horrible shit about Israelis and looking at me. They get mad if I try to temper their extremism so I've given up. I barely talk to them anymore and I spend more and more time with other Jews from temple and I don't want to like. Isolate myself from all non-Jews I guess bc I've always felt like that leads to weirdness and perpetuates shit about Jews being unfriendly I guess idk?

Anyway I digress again. My point is I'm really sick of constantly being expected to tolerate it when people think I shouldn't be Jewish.

Other queer people think I'm somehow compromising my queer identity by being Jewish, leftists think I hunt Palestinian children for sport now apparently, right-wingers think I traffic good Christian babies for organ harvesting or some shit idfk, my friends think that if I'm not being more vitriolic in my hatred of Israel than they already are I'm some kind of secret rabid Netanyahu fan, my family think I've been recruited into a cult apparently and the only other people who show me even an ounce of compassion or regard are other Jews and Gd knows there's like ten of us and that number is unlikely to increase.

Just. Fuck. I've put blood, sweat, tears and money into this, I invested more time and emotional commitment into this than I have into going to college or choosing a career, I love it more than anything and have only loved it more the more I learned about it, and all I get when I express this or even just let slip that I am Jewish and chose to be, I get nothing but hatred. I will never understand how a religion that has spent all 5000 years of our existence minding our business and arguing about the same book over and over can possibly have offended this many people with our existence.

Dmn anon, that is a lot you're dealing with right now. I'm so sorry you're surrounded by people who clearly don't respect you. Because yes this is a lack of basic respect, and it is antisemitic. Now I don't know how old you are and how safe you are, but if you can safely do so, set very hard boundaries. Do not tolerate this amount of disrespect towards who you are. It is hard, and many of us have had to go through similar situations, as you can read all over this blog. But I think having to spend your life surrounded by people who make you feel unsafe and disrespected is worse. I know sometimes there are situations in which people cannot safely set these boundaries, I hope it's not your case, but if it is feel free to come here to vent again.

I know you don't want to isolate yourself from goyim. Many Jewish people don't want to. Sadly, when people disrespect us like this, they're the ones isolating us. It's not your fault. Seek people who love and accept you. Sadly, a good chunk of goyim won't - I'm not saying everyone, obviously, but a portion. Having a good Jewish support network seems to be more and more important, whether it's irl or online.

I hope you can soon be in an environment that's safer and more accepting

- 🐺

#jewish vents #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #jewish convert #i feel like i need to clarify #while i said that a good portion of goyim are disrespectful and antisemitic #i dont mean every goy is #so if someone is coming in the comments to call me goy-phobic i assure you i do not have the patience to deal with that #i mean what i said #thats not an attack on goyim #its just an observable truth stated by literally every jewish person I've ever spoken to #if you feel offended at being called antisemitic try not to be antisemitic #like im sorry i sound so mad but i am just very tired of seeing my community suffer while everyone else just looks the other way

[002yb]

Jason feeling miserable bc of some mf telling him that the only way he had to gain Dicks attentionwas by resurrecting bc theres no way in hell Dick would've been with him if not. And Dick about to kill this mf bc how could someone not want Jason? Even before his death and resurrection he was perfection all along.

The punkass spewing that vitriol? It's Jason.

Influenced with something that forces the truth out of him and unfortunately most of Jason's truths are his boundless insecurities.

And Jason hates it, but they're there - caught in his throat and spilling past clenched teeth because they're too many. They suffocate him, overwhelming him until they can be spoken out into the world and made more real than Jason wants to let them be.

Everything about Jason that he kept so close to his chest? Exposed.

Oh, all of this but not even particularly dickjay (yet)

Where Jason bites his lip bloody and nearly bites through his tongue to keep himself from letting anyone know how deeply hurt and disturbed he is. Some things he's admitted before, others need to die with him a second time:

'He took me away from you,' because that wasn't a manipulation - it was so heartrendingly genuine.

'You saved Robin, but not me,' because while Jason understands it, while he's made his peace with the why of it all, it still hurts; it doesn't matter how irrational it is.

'I cried for you,' and 'I shouldn't have clawed my way out of that grave,' and 'it would have been better if I suffocated six feet under - no one would have known,' and oh dear this could go so many different routes??

Something something Jason struggling with self-image issues after the pit because he doesn't recognize the body that's his as being him

(It's not that he doesn't like it; it's a weapon better suited to everything he's ever wanted to be. Strong enough to overpower someone in a brawl, big enough to act as barrier and shield, imposing enough to be intimidating whether he tries to be or not)

More something something about Jason not feeling good enough for the family with all their conditional love and conditional acceptance; what is Jason's worth beyond what he can give to others? He'll give and give because it's the only way he knows to make anyone stay (and yet even then he ends up alone)

Endless hurt scenarios, really. And Jason doesn't have a say in the matter; he can't shut himself up. It's violating in a way he's never experienced before - as bad as when he was a child, when he was thrown in the pit, etc etc.

And then it gets to Dick. And maybe they aren't together quiet yet? But they're friendly. And Jason feels hope in it and hope is such a scary fucking thing.

But the ugly insecurities come out: how Dick only feels any sort of warmth towards Jason because of how the cosmos brought Jason back from its fringes - because Death turned Jason away. Because Dick has his hero complex. He has a need to save people that are falling, only Jason isn't falling anywhere, he's fallen; crashed and burned.

It must be guilt. All the attention Dick affords him a superficial thing so that Dick can repent and feel better about their lacking relationship from a lifetime ago.

Because there's no way Dick actually cares or likes him or respects him. Not a fucking chance. Why the fuck would he? Golden boy wanting a black sheep? Hah...

Jason trembling from how he fights to keep all those truths to himself, those vulnerabilities. Eyes wet with unshed tears -- all resentment towards himself and frustration because shut up, shut up, shut up

Every time Dick tries to protest something Jason says, Jason fights back. More and more vicious. All his bluster and bravado falling away to expose just how tormented he is by himself.

There's no talking through it - not when Jason is still in the throes of whatever he was dosed with

So Dick wrestles Jason into a hug instead. Holding Jason tight despite how Jason initially fights him to get away before holding fast to Dick's back and dropping his head into Dick's shoulder

It's miserable for Jason. Humiliating and violating and he hates it. Make it stop. Shut him up.

Dick shares vulnerabilities of his own

Terrible things, vulnerable things

But he turns his head into Jason's and his voice is steady, his hold on Jason firm and assuring

Jason protesting because Dick doesn't need to do this

And Dick knows. He does it anyway until eventually it's just Dick talking. The things he says doesn't hurt Jason's heart as badly as time passes. Eventually, Dick shares softer things. Like what he likes about Jason; the things that stayed the same (that biting wit and sharp tongue and playful orneriness; his bravery and compassion and kindness - how tough he is and how it contrasts a beautiful sensitivity. More and more until Jason is lulled into a calm trance by the pitch and cadence of Dick's voice, how it rumbles through his chest, a pleasant thrum before Jason has enough sense to raise his hand and cover Dick's mouth because stop -- stop.

The tips of Jason's ears stained red. Same as the back of his neck. And Dick can't see Jason's face, but he can feel the heat in it.

Dick smiling into the press of Jason's hand and letting that silence speak for him: his genuine awe and fondness and affection

#dickjay #jaydick #prerelationship vibes

[fanfic-obsessed]

Lured to the Light on Accident

Ok, all you Jedi, Sith, and Force Nulls (and anyone who is none of the above), here we go again. Just a warning, Palpatine gets off far more lightly than he probably should. Also I keep having deja vu as I write this, but can’t find any indication I have posted it before. If someone knows different, please tell me.  It makes me wonder if I thought about this one so hard I thought I wrote it…

It starts at the end of the Naboo crisis.  Sheev Palpatine, Darth Sidious, is all too aware that a man of his power requesting the company of a young boy, without his guardian, from a group of people he has an unbelievable amount of control over is not a good look on anyone.  Even with that young boy being a hero on his planet, particularly since there were two living Jedi heroes of the Naboo Crisis. 

So he invites both Obi Wan and Anakin to meet with him. Obi Wan, though he does have some suspicion around most politicians, is also grieving, hurting, too young, and trying to keep up with a nine year olds energy without letting on that he is struggling. He thinks, incorrectly, that even implying he might need help from anyone in the Jedi temple means that Anakin would be taken from him (this belief is preyed on by Palpatine, who is very good at making people doubt each other). And frankly Palpatine can get Anakin to sit quietly for an entire hour, even take a nap occasionally. 

There are days that Obi Wan would have nominated Palpatine for sainthood on that alone. 

Of course Palpatine sees a chance to corrupt another Jedi, plus corrupting this particular Jedi would pave the way for him to take control of Anakin, and he could just kill him later if need be.   So he starts these ‘devil's advocate’ debates with Obi Wan where he picks qualities of the Jedi and Sith (as he perceives them) and tries to make Obi Wan choose one or the other and defend it. As far as Palptine is concerned he can work with whichever choice Obi Wan chooses, can refer back to the debate if he wants to make Obi Wan seem hidebound or a hypocrite when the time comes to break the relationship between Obi Wan and Anakin.

Only…Obi Wan does not quite cooperate. No matter what the ‘qualities’ that Palpatine chooses (always geared to be backhanded insults to the Jedi Order), Obi Wan always, always, always argues that the key is to act with compassion.  And he’s good at it. Obi Wan thinks that Palpatine is helping him teach Anakin how to disagree with someone without getting nasty, how to debate for fun and games, so goes into each debate with all of his focus and energy and effort but no vitriol.  By the time Palptine even thinks to make an argument to make compassion seem like a weakness, he is intrigued by these debates. By this argument of acting with compassion first and foremost. 

It should be noted that, for all that Palpatine was working toward the genocide of the Jedi and was creating all kinds of vaguely plausible propaganda, he had actually rarely interacted with the Jedi beyond the superficial, until Obi Wan and Anakin, (even with Yan Dooku, since the focus was on corrupting the Jedi, not understanding him) so does not actually know what what is and is not a Jedi trait outside of rumors.  

These debates change Palpatine. Oh, not at once, not in weeks or months or even years. But with such a creeping slowness that it is unnoticeable, Palpatine changes. The compassion Obi Wan talks about so enthusiastically sinks into his bones. Of course, every time Palpatine finds himself acting with compassion, he has a ready excuse for himself (to gain an ally, hurting that person would be more effort than it was worth, etc.). He also finds that he genuinely begins to enjoy Obi Wan and Anakin’s company (and begins to feel somewhat paternal toward them), and can genuinely call both master and padawan his friends. 

This does not stop Dooku’s corruption, though Palpatine is more careful not to let the Jedi know he is a Sith. It doesn't even stop the clone wars.  The first large effect that this infusion of compassion has is with the Coruscant Guard. These were the first beings that Palpatine interacted with that were, without a doubt, innocent. In Palpatine's mind he could make an argument that every other being or group has some responsibility, no matter how small for what is coming. But the Clones do not. What’s more, Palpatine perceives the Coruscant Guard as his. They were his personal clones. Palpatine is still undoubtedly a Sith, and though Compassion has infected him, he is obsessively protective of what he considered his. 

Palpatine quickly manufactures reasons to do away with, by death or other means, many of his more odious allies. All of them for the crime of laying a hand on his Coruscant Guard. He treats the CG with all the compassion that he had, instead of just paying lip service when cameras are on.  And in return the CG are as loving and loyal to him as the rest of the GAR is to the Jedi generals.  In fact, for every act of compassion he performs, he finds that he is rewarded with admiration and later love (and not just from the clones). It becomes a cycle of reinforcement drawing him from the depths of the evil he has sunk to.  

Do not get me wrong, Palpatine is not a good person. For the first two years of the war he is still actively working toward the death of the Jedi and the enslavement of the clones.  He is still leading both sides of the war, if a little more hands off from the Separatists. He may consider Obi Wan a friend, but that mainly means he intends to make sure his death is painless (as even now he could see how Operation Knightfall and Order 66 would hurt Obi Wan immensely and wanted to spare him that). 

Then comes the day when Obi Wan brings his Commander to meet the Chancellor. They have come to, among other things, announce their engagement and their intention to marry after the war was over.  Obi Wan wants Palptine to officiate. In this world the Anidala elopement is well known, and accepted, and both Obi Wan and Palpatine have playfully bitched to each other (and to Anakin and Padme) about not getting to be there for the wedding. 

Palpatine is beyond flattered, and ecstatic for his friend and the love that he had found. In his head he begins to plan the outfit he would wear as the officiant. It is two hours later, in his apartment, that it hits him. He had been thinking about how Fox, one of his commanders, had talked about his brother Cody. How much Cody loved Obi Wan and how happy Fox was that they were getting married. Palpatine realized that if things go as planned, there will be no wedding, as both the grooms would be dead, or as good as. That epiphany it trailed into the realization that his clones, even if they remain free, would have to face their enslaved brothers. The brothers he enslaved. Somehow that shakes him as nothing else, the thought that the Coruscant Guard might lose their regard for him for enslaving their brothers.

In that instant he decided that the love he could feel from the clones was more important than any Sith plan. (Frankly, I can think of few things more Sithlike than deciding their own wants mean more than the 1000 year plan that is almost complete) Which meant that he would need to dismantle the plan without giving away what he was. 

Luckily he has always had a patsy around, just in case the great Sith plan was discovered too early. 

His first step is to arrange the deaths of anyone who knows that Sheev Palpatine is Darth Sidious (frankly there aren’t many).  Then he pulls out the fake correspondence he has on hand for this kind of occasion (Not for nothing Palpatine is a planner, I have no doubt he has a plan to frame someone else as Sidious) that does a very good job of implying that Sidious had control of Palpatine, and would use him to enact Order 66 and a report about the chips by the Kamionoans to Dooku.  He uses the same techniques he had employed to hide his Dark presence, to create a facade in his mind. 

Then he has Commander Fox, and a handful of other CG, to escort him to the Jedi temple.  He makes a show of acting strangely, closing in on frantic one moment, dazed the next, saying strange things about needing to tell the Jedi and ‘forgetting’ he said anything a moment later.  Generally do an excellent job of appearing as if he was breaking through some kind of control. They get him in front of the Jedi High Council, the members still on planet (Mace Windu, Obi Wan Kenobie, Yoda, Ki Adi Mundi) and he hands over the information. In between ‘fits’ (at one point letting his darkness out to change his eyes, then having it change back) he describes waking up in his office to see the documents on the Padd he handed over. Realizing first what it meant for the Guard, then what it meant for his friends in the Jedi.  Feeling like he is fighting against something to even bring the documents this far but knowing that it was critical, to protect the Coruscant Guard. 

His act is bought. The trail he leaves (with just enough hints of evidence that doesn’t fit to keep it seem like it is frame-up) leads the Jedi exactly where he wanted them, to an aide in his office that has been with him since his earliest days.  This Aide (who is little more than a mindless puppet, with enough Force sensitivity to fool whatever tests the Jedi will do) claims to be Darth Sidious, does the villain’s monologue, shoots Sith lightning, and is killed by some very angry members of the Coruscant Guard. 

With the ‘Sith Master’ dead, the war ends swiftly.  Dooku surrenders for the Separatists on the condition that he gets an invitation to Obi Wan’s wedding.  The Clones begin the process of dechipping, and are given citizenship (with all the rights and back pay and a planet of their own) spearheaded by Palpatine, which wins him major points with the delegation of 2000. 

Palpatine is ‘cleared’ by the Jedi mindhealers (who contrary to their name do not actually look into anyone’s mind) and the small amount of darkness that lets show is listed as a side effect of being puppeted by a Sith for so long.  It is eventually decided, encouraged by Palpatine, that is was Palptine’s love for the clones that gave him a chance to fight back against Darth Sidious, but it was his friendship with Obi Wan and Anakin that gave him the strength to even break free enough to love the clones. Both Obi Wan and Anakin are required to go to mind healers as well, just in case Sidious did anything to them in the form of Palpatine. Because Palpatine chose, fairly early on, to not corrupt either of them but the natural damages of being at war were also discovered and worked on (In this universe Anakin did not slaughter the Tuskans. Without Palpatine actively sabotaging his and Obi Wan’s relationship, they were able to discuss his vision a bit more openly and Obi Wan got Vos to go save Shmi. Ironically her time held by the Tuskans, who were deeply impressed by her kindness even in the face of torture, let her learn enough that she was able to a major part of a treaty between the Tuskans and the Moisture Farmers).

Palpatine gracefully retires, making sure to give back all the emergency powers (so that the next Chancellor cannot use them) and steps into an advisory role, discovering that he has almost all the influence he had as Chancellor and none of the responsibility or blame. The death of his patsy gave Palpatine a reputation for being nigh on incorruptible, because all of of the small, infrequent acts of compassion or kindness throughout his time a Chancellor were seen as his true self breaking through the control of the horrible Sith (who was considered to have taken control of him as a child). In addition the Jedi made it extremely clear how rare it was to have the mental fortitude to break through Sith control.   

With all of the accolades, his all but legendary hero status through the Republic, the way his advice is accepted practically as law and good, Palpatine quickly realizes that he actually got everything most of his Sith Ancestors would have wanted.  Yes, the Jedi still live but he is welcomed among them (the perfect position to, should he decide to, corrupt the order from the inside out), and any darkness on his part will be ignored and remnants of ‘Darth Sidious’. He may not have an outright empire, but his advice continues to be sought out and implemented (99% he advocates for compassion, whatever is the most compassionate answer to the problem) and his influence is near universal. It did not matter how long a feud or argument had been going on, both sides would accept whatever compromise he suggested. 

He does get to be the officiant at the CodyWan wedding, most of the beings there are using the ceremony as another reason to roast Anidala for their elopement.  

Somehow everyone does get a happily ever after.

#star wars the clone wars #the clone wars #codywan #anidala #sheeve palpatine #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #commander cody #commander fox

[nightswithkookmin]

I'm not shying away from the discourse. I just have a tendency to READ THE ROOM. I understand tensions are high and a lot of JM stans are very sensitive- justifiably so. I don't see the point in engaging in a discourse that's only going to exacerbate the issue.

Just because you have something to say don't mean you have to say it RIGHT NOW. That's counterintuitive and unproductive if you care about the message and it's reception.

As I said, my space is a safe space for you. I recieve praises and rants and I'm not gonna judge. But when your rant is not about releasing pent up emotions or frustrations but mixed up with targeted hate and vitriol towards a member, me or anyone else I will not indulge you. Simply bcos I don't hate no body and I cant get get behind that sorry.

Like I said, I understand the frustrations and the need to compare how different artists are treated differenrly under the company.

But while it's easy to go berserk on the company, it takes much effort and detachment to understand that these people we are fighting for have agency in the equation. And because I've talked about this in the past I hate having to repeat myself over over.

I really wish I cared enough to dig into my archives to reblog those posts. I don't want to- it's not fun🥴

But yea, once again, I'll point out to you that all these JK was sent here and was given that and that only speaks to the faith and chance the company was willing to take on him and the lack of faith they had in JM as an artist. They undermined and underestimated JM and to an extent just didn't know what he needed or how to nurture his talents.

They could see his potential as an exceptional dancer and even incorporated dance into the groups act mostly because of JM. They could see he had the looks and a unique voice but at the time of inception it wasn't what they needed for a hiphop group.

People made fun of a hip-hop group dancing as part of their routine and some of the members didn't want to dance- cough Suga, cough Namjoon- Namjoon💀 bless his heart😩

Then they were made fun of for being pretty boys and for wearing make up as hip-hop artists and all that was challenging to them all because they were all being molded into what they are today.

And believe it or not JMs street dance style together with his overly masculine and toned body was more priced in the hip-hop industry at the time more so than his unique voice which wasn't very suited for rap.

And while we compare JM and JK- understand that within that context of the past, at debut, JM didn't need dance classes🤷🏾

In fact, JM was the ideal body type at the time and the others were pushed to attain his body type and imitate his work ethics. Context really matters.

We can talk about members like suga who hated to dance and felt it was stupid and who desperately needed those dance lessons but couldn't afford it and had to work as a delivery boy to support himself. One would think, he could use that dance class investment no?

At debut JM was taking rap voice training. He didn't need to get flown to the US for this training because guess what? The entire team were flown out to participate in vocal training and rap training- on the show we have agreed not to mention on my blog💀

Cringe.

Sometimes when we talk about our dislike for the company, I feel we hate the company for opposite reasons. For instance, I am not too particular about what each member is given. You know why? Because THEY PAY IT BACK eventually. every dime.

The resources they give to the boys is not for free. hybe is not into charity. And I remember pointing out moments of JM himself talking about this. He would be having a meal or drink with the members and he will point out how this will be taken out of their stipends. Everything is paid back. Even the food at the hotels they stay at. The flight they take, the studio time, their vocal lessons, dancing lessons etc.

It's an artist managerial contract.

I feel we've all been in the Fandom long enough to have these concepts at the back of our heads all the time. Hybe is a business not a charity.

The only reason they may not be investing much in an artist is if they feel that artist does not have much selling power or potential to sell to begin with or if THE ARTIST THEMSELVES DECIDES THEY DON'T WANT TO BE INDEBTED TO THE COMPANY.

Sadly, these companies don't care about how talented you are all they care about is how much money you can make them. You could have the biggest fanbase in the world, if it's not translating into money you are a high risk for them to invest in.

I feel, and this is just an opinion you can disagree with it, that they thought JM was alright vocally speaking- because his voice is the most exploited out of the vocal line💀

When I say exploited I mean, he's always harmonizing, providing adlips, hitting high notes and not given much range and dynamism to experiment with his voice. It's an opinion I could be wrong about this.

I feel it's why the first thing he did on his album Face was to experiment with his voice. And it's why a lot of people felt confused about it because they were used to hearing him do one thing over and over with his voice. Where as for the others you don't place them in the same box and say well Tae is all low registers and it's weird hearing him sing falsettos now. But if JM deviates from his high key almost feminine range then suddenly it's "that doesn't sound like JM"

It can be objectifying you know?

And for hybe they seem to have an idea of what they think will sell and to a degree they might be on to something with that. However that leaves no room for experimentation with their artists. You either conform or fit the mold.

When I say I have a feeling the members have a similar but unique terms of contract with the company people act like its the most absurd thing they've heard but if you can tell just by looking at how much they disproportionately invest in the boys then you can conclude they have different contract terms that allows for these different treatments. Otherwise a contract that mandates JK to take dance lessons abroad would mandate JM or Tae to do same. Because it's one and the same contract.

The company has resources and it decides how to distribute those resources to artists based on their intuition about those artists and also based on the statistical returns on those investments. They are a for profit venture after all.

The company had their money out on some members and not so much on others. Jimin, Tae- dead ass hid Tae for the entire duration of predebut and had Jimin walking around uncertain he was gonna debut with the group. And not just that they had him worrying if he didn't work twice as hard nearly to perfection that they would drop him

Imagine the brain fuck that is and for a minor nonetheless.

For a company that began as a hip hop dance group their primary concern was of course THE RAP LINE. Jimin was pushed to rap even though he hated it and thought rap just wasn't for him. Yet they were pushing him to take rap lessons when he didn't have the passion for it. The results? They left him full of self doubt and confusion and stripped him of his sense of self and his confidence simply because they couldn't nurture his potential.

If I hadn't had a breakdown over him choosing to conform to mainstream male body standards by buffing up, old me would have spiraled hearing him rap on Set me free and yall would have canceled me again 🙃

For me, I'm triggered easily seeing him dabble in things that he'd said he'd been traumatized by and coerced into doing in the past. Rapping, working out, exposing his body, the list goes on. They've been coerced into conforming to certain things and my eyes twitch whenever I see them accepting and conforming to things they weren't comfortable with- like Jm saying he pushed himself to tone his abs thinking they were all going to be showing off their bodies only to find out he was the only one that was going to do that and how uncomfortable he had felt.

These men will share their trauma with us but keep us in the dark when they healing through those traumas and spring surprises on us having us looking crazy😐

Do yall remember him saying, when he was reviewing their sexy photos during Be that now that they were grown concepts like that suited them? These men were coerced into objectifying themselves for our entertainment as minors and we don't talk about that💀

Things like that is why I hate the company. The exploitation, objectification, and frankly I don't think they paying these men WHAT THEY DESERVE to be putting them through all that. Bang PD rich rich when it's the boys killing themselves to make him all that money🥴 I'm looking at you hybe

Yet these I feel, how much resources they allocate to an artist depends entirely in the artist. Now they have agency and bargaining power and enough resources to invest in themselves.

Company investment is like a loan to them which they have to pay back and I think now they are in a position to say no to that especially if those charges are ridiculously high.

Remember, they are paying the company to manage them not the other way round. So if you are going to push for more resources to be assigned to them take a minute to consider if it's a debt the artist wants to take on or something they are willing to pay the company back for.

And remember the company themselves raise funds through venture capitalists or bank loans which they have to pay back eventually so they don't just cut the checks on a whim. They need to justify to stakeholders and account to them what and where they put those monies so they don't end up losing all their money and going into debt.

Hybe nearly went bankrupt before BTS. Suffice to say, they do trend carefully.

Besides, Jimin's potential isn't something the company has always seen or recognized. It's why many of us were drawn to Yoonmin in the first place. He nurtured jimin through some really difficult moments of indecision and identity crisis trying to find his place and purpose within the group.

With hybe I feel they have too many talents than they know what to do with sometimes and most times they are winging it and dare I say hoarding talents because while they don't know what to do with them they fear letting them go because if there's one thing they know for certain is that the market is unpredictable.

When we support Jimin, we show the company he is marketable and profitable as an artist and worthy of investment and shouldn't be underestimated. Forget who else sells. Yes Jungkook would get a BB number one too and so will Taehyung. Inshallah. BUT THEY HAVE NOTHING ON JIMIN.

JIMIN'S SUCCESS DOES NOT TAKE AWAY FROM THE OTHERS NOR DO THE OTHERS TAKE AWAY FROM JIMIN.

LET'S JUST FOCUS ON DOING OUR BEST AND GROWING OUR COMMUNITY.

IF NO ONE WILL GIVE JIMIN A CHANCE WE WILL TAKE A CHANCE ON HIM.

HE IS WORTH IT.

Summary

1. Hybe wasn't investing in JM bcos in my opinion they undermined him or couldn't recognize his potential. THEY SHOULD LOOK AT HIM NOW

2. Jimin has enough bargaining strength and resources outside the company to invest in himself now even if the company refuses to do that for him

3. He controls his destiny. He has agency. He decides the direction of his career and if the company is holding him back as a SOLO artist and not giving him resources for his MV or to tour- even though his tours can be paid for and sponsored by companies and brands HE CAN DROP THEM COS HE A BAD ASS

4. FUCK HYBE

Also just because I have a lot of girl boss gifs don't mean I'm a lesbian. I could be a feminist. Please don't judge.

Let me know if this post makes sense