#and bc thats what my brain says an ed looks like it says i dont have one bc im not doing those things

[theallegedbird]

LITERALLY

Like

For example "6up 5oh (cop out)" IS LITERALLY THAT ONE POLICE EP FROM S5 where Jonny said the disclaimer at the beginning OR or bro c'mon literally "dr sunshine is dead" is about the dark OR "hand me my shovel, I'm going in" is about the buried or I personally connect "Mr. capgras encounters a second-hand vanity: tulpamancer's prosopagnosia/pareidolia (as direct result of trauma to fusiform gyrus)" to the stranger bc he keeps singing "you're trying to replace yourself" which I think really fits and also the song "skeleton appreciation day in vestal, my (bones)" also reminds me of the buried but also a bit of Jane Prentiss/the infestation and the jarchivist himself and also the rot yezyez the rotting too and also the beginning of the song "front street" where he sings about the slaughterhouse and meat...yes It's the flesh and the slaughter!!!!

And bro c'mon will wood is just so bbgirl his songs just fit SO WELL it's almost as if he wrote them specifically for tma

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I'm low-key obsessed with him and I don't even listen to all the songs (I have the entire "everything's alot" album downloaded >I love it really mutch + a few other ones so I hope this counts ❤️)

Have a nice day btw love youuu❤️❤️❤️❤️ (I hope I didn't squish your brain to death with this friggin paragraph I just wrote :'] )

[ID of image in ask: a screenshot of a caption of a tumblr post by theallegedbird that the ask is responding to, it reads "memento mori- will wood, i can and will find a way to relate every ww song to tma istg". End ID]

NO LITERALLY,, YOU ARE SO RIGHT

kind of got carried away so um. long post

completely agree and feel the same about 6up 5oh cop out, dr sunshine is dead and mr capgras

6up 5oh cop out to me especially could be linked to daisy and the guy you mentioned as well as the hunt as whole because of both of them being heavily tied to and criticising the police/police brutality

warning for discussion of eds in this paragraph

skeleton appreciation day for me is the flesh,, dont get me wrong i can see your ideas too but i always interpreted the song as being about eds and negatively/unhealthily watching your weight in order to achieve "the perfect body" by society's standards; by being skinny,, "tell me you can see my bones" , "to cut down on my silhouette" and the whole end dialogue, so that fits into the flesh for me considering another situation of someone wanting the "ideal body" is something that is discussed in a flesh statement (mag90-bodybuilder), but i can see some themes in the song that can could be corruption, plus both the flesh and corruption are pretty closely linked at times (and smirkes system is just inaccurate to begin with)

dr sunshine is dead is as you said the dark to me,, in the sense of someone maybe becoming an avatar (song starts with narrator afraid of the dark/not knowing and ends with them embracing it) but also could be seen as the stranger or even spiral because of its themes (like most of ww's work) involving identity and the self

for hand me my shovel,, may i propose it is also s2 jon coded. very s2 jon coded. it is very much his paranoid need for the 'truth'. do you. do you get me

id also like to propose some other ww songs that are also extremely tma coded,, to me

blackboxwarrior!! ok stick with me but yknow that one dialogue bit that starts "hello, welcome. why don’t you take a seat?" that whole section. thats og elias and jonah in elias' interview. do you see the vision. its them. i always take it as jonah being the narrator when looking at this song with tma in mind,, with the "you’ve lost your mind and almost lost your life before, so you’ll be fine" and "for what it’s worth if it was going to kill you, boy, it would have by now" being directed at jon. please say im not insane for this i. i listen to this song a lot.

on the topic of jon and jonah your body my temple. because. because hes using jon as a pawn,, "your visage my visions" (i know this songs about sydney and elijah ch&t but can be tma too. if you think about it)

again with jon and jonah (i despise jonah and the godforsaken thing that is jonelias but their dynamic is so interesting) laplaces angel,, dont know how to put this one into words but do you Get It,, could be both or either of them really,, certain lyrics include: "it doesnt take a killer to murder it only takes a reason to kill", "the difference twixt fate and free will is whether youre singing", "whatever you think of me, if you were in my shoes, youd walk the same damn miles i do"

against the kitchen floor could also be jmart,, especially these parts: "i just havent learnt to be as human as you are yet", "i still dont know who you are, only that im still lonely", "apologizing for my life and ever entering yours" "im not a good person, im barely a person at all"

cicada days,, jon. jon coded. i really want ro make something with especially the in case i die live show version bc it just fits. so well. "it just feels inhumane to lose this much", "let all my red flags fade to white yeah i give up", and biggest one to me "here at the end of days, my god what have i done?" as in mag160,,

cotard's solution is the stranger,, again with the identity

there’s more but i’ve just realised how long this already is so ima leave it there

pff sorry for hijacking your ask but i’m a sucker for media analysis and any opportunity to do that with not one but two of my special interests causes me to black out and the autism to take over <33

also you’re so real for everything is lot,, favourite album

have a great day or night :D

#id in alt #not really comfortable talking about front street #yes its one of my favourite ww songs but the actual meaning of it isnt something i want to discuss throughly on here #tma #the magnus archives #will wood #wwattw #asks #avery rambles #long post #cw eds #cw eating disorders

[panie-wanie-dean-bean]

Thank u so much for the lore answer, I love the cotton candy sweetness of fluff but ima lil drunk right now, so i wanted to share a f-ed up question if that's okay, (you'r free to not answer if not,) but since Bo is so determined to like not fuck upnot be sent back n stuff what kind of stuff would he avoid doing around MC 4hat he used to do around his previous masters?

and like, if its related or not, i had this headcanon that im glad u gave some bo backstory for bc where it was like, wat would happen if he accidentally caused a accident with all his adorbs puppy energy, like he's playing tag with Jack or somethin and with Bos megahuge beach boy buff arms just knocks MC down the flight of their fancy imported italian marble stairs edged with silver (they say this as they're fallin down btw 'ah! Im falling down my fancy imported italian marblestairshks Im stupid)

but anyway yea they break something or get like super injured or something and ofc the ambulance has to be called and they're taken ro the hospital to stay for awhile, which sucks bc like ofc society looks down on hybrids so everyone is side eyeing this adorable zoo mansion bc they're lame and 1 brain celled and like "thats wat happens when u have a house full of wild animals they should be put down if u ask me" and MCs attitude is like a grim but professional "if i had both my arms Id beat ur ass bitch, wats ur @? Soon as this morphine drip is done its over for u hoes" but like they probably have a cast or somethin . Anyway MC's worried about the boys, and me the OP is worried about Bo bc like Trauma city would hit his brain harrd, and i dont even know if the other guys would be so forgiving and stuff bc i mean they Should they're a family, but that was two(2) flights of imported italian marble dude, fuck, why play football tag,, in the house?? And idk i just felt bad bc jack n Bo esp probably would feel double bad even tho MC loves him so much he's just a hyper guy, he cant help his zoomzooms, i dont/cant fathom wat he and the boys would do in this situation probably pack his one thing (an old mc shoe) ina rucksack n try to run away miserably or maybe 24/7 at the hospitsl despite all the nasty looks and comments bc they're hybrids or magbe even hiding away bc he absolutely believes that mc will send him away once they lock eyes again, but regardless of either of those things, if MC has to roll up to the house in that (yknow that spongebob character guy who was born with glass bones and paper skin ass Giant ass full body cast on rollers??) To go find that boy and over the grand table firmly tell them not to harbor any horrible thoughts about themselves or each other, bc it was an accident and about lovin them unconditionally and being a family, i might cry or somethinf, the table is also imported italian maple btw MC-s parents had a thing i think they fucked an italian architect guy, or somethin anyway i luv u, im gonna eat a burrito so let me know if u want any thing from the kitchen luv u

Lemme know if tuis text is broken up enough bc i skimmed over it and i was like this is like the stat wars openin or some shit i put gaps in

🖤

First of all, sweety, for me, take a sip or two of water, ok? And make sure you sleep on your side if you're still drunk by then, forehead kisses all around

Anyways, Bo would just mask everything that brings him joy by the time you adopt him. No bouncing, no stimming in general, no talking unless asked, no indulging in his hyperfixations or special interests, he even tries to limit his tail wagging. He's come to correlate his own joy with bad behavior so he's just straight up not him when you first meet him

Holy shit, this is good, but fuck man. Bo wouldn't know what to do with himself. Once the ambulance takes you away he thinks you died. He's in full shutdown, no talking, no eating, no moving off your bed and your scent

Jack would also be distraught, both because he was playing with Bo and because he cleans those stairs so often they're just a little more slippery from how clean they are. He stays with Bo most days, Rory coming in with meals to make sure they don't starve in there. Jack eats a little. Bo doesn't

Rory feels bad for Jack and Bo, he knows they didn't mean it and trusts Jack's recount of events. Nick keeps himself busy by visiting you in the hospital, Shaun wants to go too but since cat's are a popular allergen he's not allowed in unless he needs care. Ian goes as often as he can so he doesn't have enough time to plot Bo's death. Jean and Berry are pissed and openly talk about kicking Bo out. They know better than to talk about Jack like that with Rory around. Joseph is stuck as peace maker until you get back, making sure that no fights break out and they Jean doesn't poisons Bo's food with onions, not that he'd eat it anyhow

When you finally get home and tell everyone that you forgive Bo seeing as it was an accident Bo finally lets everything hit him and cries. He's on his best behavior the months following, you'll have to reteach him to drop his "good boy" mask and be himself

#🖤 anon #whispers of an angry god #hybrid au #sdj Jack #sdj Rory #sdj Jean #sdj Joseph #sdj Bo #sdj Nick #sdj Shaun #sdj Ian #sdj Barry

[thatbitchsimone]

(Trigger warning for anyone struggling with their relationship with food!!!)

I know this probably isn’t the best place to ask this question, but I don’t know where else to go to get an honest opinion and I’ve read your replies to a lot of messages and they’re really insightful and honest!

Do you have any advice on how to deal with weight gain in recovery from a ed? I’m struggling to find reassurance that’s it’s okay and normal and a good thing. I want to keep going in my recovery but I’m finding it really hard the further I go.

i cant fully grasp that dread anorexics feel about gaining weight since once again i havent experienced it but i can however ofc relate to the uncomfortableness u feel when ur body goes thru changes so thats the perspective im kinda gonna use here

the way ur body looks in the process/beginning of gaining weight isnt really the way ur body is gonna look once the weight has been stabilized and ur body has kinda ”settled down”. like ur gonna get bloated. ur gonna have water retention. theres gonna be puffiness. but thats not how ur gonna look forever like ur body is just trying to get accustomed to ur new intake and lifestyle. ur body has probably been deprived from A LOT during ur ed and thats gonna play into the way it first reacts to and handles the increase in food and weight as well. ur also not used to it yet. like ur brain needs to catch up. the goal of weight gain in recovery is also not to go from underweight to overweight. like ur not gonna get actually fat. the goal is to get u to normal weight. rn that may look fat to u but thats ur disordered brain distorting things like ur very blinded by ur disorder when it comes to whats normal and whats not like ur brain isnt even fully functioning rn bc its starved. idk what else to say like its gonna be hard but u just gotta ride it out. its like quitting smoking or drugs. u gotta ride out the withdrawal period like thats the first and hardest obstacle and then it will kinda even out and u will get some confidence out of the fact that u got thru the first trial like ur gonna be like yeah i did that i could do that like ur gonna feel strong and proud and thats whats gonna motivate u even further. overcoming hardships builds ur confidence more than anything and thats the sort of confidence that goes above and beyond the superficial like ur gonna gain this new appreciation for urself and ur body that is way more solid and real then just ur body looking a certain way or whatever like ur gonna start gaining true confidence. ur gonna be happier. focus on that like focus on the end goal here dont let temporary feelings and thoughts stop u from evolving. u already know this is what u want. ur gonna feel like shit sometimes but thats part of it like thats what recovery is u are recovering from bad shit and its a messy and sometimes terrifying exhausting road but u stay on that road. maybe u will stop and sit down at a bench on the sidewalk just to recharge and get a bit of a break but then u get up and keep walking again like u know u can do it and i know u can do it too

[saltielena]

ok this post may be lost to time because i cant FUCKING see the text im writing but okay look at me uhhh jrwi disabiliry / mental condition hcs because im normal. actually i should use colors to make sure i can see. itll also TRAP YOU into looking at my hcs

pd. uhhh ashe has POTS. ambulatory wheelchair user i think. will has EDS and spent a lot of time in deadwood fucking destroying her own bones and it is NOT kind to her after death. needs a damn cane. dakota is HOH and as we know like autistic+. and i think. weird thought. vyncent has synesthesia. yeah. it just feels right. also he has hypermobility in his hands. and theyre ALL autistic btw. will also had ocd adhd and bpd. i am liking plurality vynce hcs more and more as time goes on too. dakota has dyslexia and dyscalcula. i cant spell it. fuck me man. uhhh is that all i had to say. OH ashe has c-ptsd and bpd too </3

riptiiiide baby. uhhm. jay has scoliosis and has an extrenal spine prosthetic. its like stegosaurus scales but theyre gold and magicy. jay is Absolutely at LEAST hard of hearing bc she uses guns all day. jays also a little colorblind. and has dyslexia too. chip obviously has phantom pain from his pinky. chip cant recognize faces that well i forgot what its called but he does have that. hes also pretty nearsighted. chip needs a cane but never uses it SOMEONE get him some tension wraps please. compression is NEEDED on this boy. gill has several balance issues that didnt present when he was undersea because of the obvious differences in gravity. gill hs tics i think.. tourettes boy… clearly autism i mean look at him. but also bpd. he definitely has varying muscle spasms hes just ignored his whole fucking life too. and yeah theyre all autistic yada yada yada

blood in the bayouu baby. blood in the bayou more like what thE FUCK kian stone has very thin blood. and autism and adhd but the weed calms her. maybe did too i havent decided. rand absolutely has ocd do not even try me and add and autism sorry theyre all audhd maybe not rolan hes too weird. rolan has ocd too and keeps every thought in his head in his own brain no matter what it is . i dont know if thats a thing but it is in this case okay. kians like half blind at this point mostly because she looked at the sun as a kid but also because her genes decided to fuck round and find out. rolan has lowkey audio processing issues fr… i dont actually have too many hcs in terms of bitb bc its so little content :(( make me sad

hokay its apotheosis time now look me in the eyes look at me look at me did/osdd rumi. umm . also bpd. peter.. w crutches.. makes me happy. no idea if i can make a warforged have phantom pain but i feel like its only fair to m babygirl thanny. love him.. peters clearly autistic.. also he has aphantasia because i SAID SO!!! (i have that)

ok i think my rant is over. umm. i cant wait for vampires to come out i cant wait i cant wait!!!!

#jrwi #prime defenders #jrwi riptide #jrwi bitb #blood in the bayou #jrwi apotheosis #william wisp #ashe winters #vyncent sol #dakota cole #jay ferin #gillion tidestrider #chip bastard #chip jrwi #jrwi chip #rolan deep #kian stone #timothy rand #jrwi rumi #peter sqloint #jrwi thanatos

[bulldagger-bait]

Long rant about my feelings and health or whatever

My feeding tube is causing me SO MUCH THROAT PAIN OH MY GOD

And there's nothing i can do to soothe it. Its sore because there's hard plastic where it shouldn't be.

This tube is so much more of a pain than my other one. Its just flat out a worse tube. Its a thicker french which is fine so far, but the material is firmer. Its not bouncy silicone. It doesnt give. The connection point also sucks like its cheaper plastic and its just nasty.

Like my first tube was fit at a private hospital, and this one in a public. Like is the quality in funding that intense that private health patients get better feeding tubes?

Ive also been on a NJ for 4 months. I should have a more permanent one. Like nasal tubes are just not long term options. I guess when i see my gastro in 3 months from now i can point out that, "hey, ive been on a nasal tube for 7 months. Weaning isnt working. Ive tried and the amount of food i can eat is not enough to sustain me and if you take me off this tube i will start starving. We can do that, i'll starve until im dangerously thin again and then we can talk about placing another tube, or we can accept that i cant eat enough with intervention to sustain my body and i need a more permanent solution."

Like the guidelines say that if someone is going to require a feeding tube for more than 3 months, a PEG or PEG-J should be placed.

Its also getting to the point where im having difficulty swallowing. Again. Like im starting to choke. Food hits the back of my throat and gets stuck and i cant swallow completely. And i dont think the tube is helping, i think its making it worse.

Like its getting to a point where im struggling to take my medication. Im pretty sure im going to have to start crushing some of my pills. (I cant crush all of them bc some of them are longer release and thats frustrating. And crushing pills every day is very quickly going to become something im going to struggle with as an ADL but i cant keep choking on my meds, and the last thing i want is another damn pill ulceration as well)

Pretty sure my NJ tube is also now an NG because i had to pull it out a little bit after they placed it because i wasnt able to access it at the length it was. But despite it probably being NG i cant tolerate high volumes of feed. I feel full on 50ml an hour and if i push it above 85ml i start feeling nausea.

I also cant throw up because if i do throw up the tube comes with it. So not only do i already eat like a mouse in order to avoid nausea but i also eat way less than i physically can because if i do i will vomit and i cant risk the tube.

Its just so frustrating.

I have global dysmotolity since its affecting my oesophagus and stomach. I have HSD and POTS as well so this isnt an unusual presentation of gastroparesis. I just. I need a more permanent solution than irritating nasal tubes that keep getting yanked on and cause constant discomfort.

And i know a PEG-J will have its own host of problems. I know ill likely have some serious problems with a stoma because im prone to keloiding and hypertrophic scars. God knows id likely get granulation tissue. I just think this whole feeding tube thing is more permanent than the initial short term that was suspected.

And 3 years of avoiding nausea and living with this has made me so avoidant of food. Ive developed a really fun, cool, awesome eating disorder. Sometimes that even feels like a cop out because its OSFED and doesnt look like what most ED's ive been exposed to should look like. Like years of starvation have completely fried my brains ability to regulate my hunger. Like i barely have any hunger signals during the day and im a champ at ignoring them anyway because i want to avoid nausea and pain, only then to be prone to waking up in the middle of the night to binge (read: eat a normal amount which feels like murder on my stomach). Ive gotten so used to nausea that nausea and feeling full feel the same. Like. How fucked up is that.

Im on antipsychotics that are supposed to help with nausea and they do to a certain extent but im just fed up with being on so many meds. Like i easily spend $150 on meds and thats WITH most of my meds being $7. Like its just so frustrating.

And seasonal depression is kicking my ass so bad that im worried im gonna need another stint in the psych ward at this point, but once again theres no time in my life. And theres so much to do at home and i just have no energy to do any of it. I dont even have energy to look after myself. And the house is a wreck and i know i have to get it in order but it just feels impossible. And adequate nutrition is helping with the fatigue but i still feel so unmotivated down to my bones.

Im pinching my gf's ADHD medicine just to be able to function enough to get shit done and i still cant even take care of myself, its just so frustrating. Disability and mental health have woven themselves into such a tight downward spiral that i just feel trapped. I feel trapped in my body. I feel trapped in my house. I feel trapped in my head. I just dont know what to do. I feel so out of control and useless.

I need to see my psychologist again because im spiraling. Like even my partner said that in the last two weeks ive been in a serious nose dive. But i cant get my stupid NDIS stuff sorted. Like i have all the funding i need to see her i just cant get it implemented because i dont have a support coordinator yet and its just driving me mad. I had one and then she quit and that was a month ago and im still waiting to even have an intake appointment. And its one of those things where i dont know the first place to get started doing it myself, but i also feel like even if i understood what to do just just wouldnt be able to do it.

And money is such a worry because im supposed to save up at least a 1.5k, if not more for this trip overseas which im really looking forward too. Like i get to see family i havent seen in a decade, im stoked. But im worried about how im going to feed over there, and how im even going to afford the trip. Then theres the fact that i want to save up enough money for christmas gifts and an engagement ring and on top of all that i had plans for two health related things that i wont get to until next year.

I need another ulnar nerve transposition done, but its going to be 2.5k to afford it, which is a lot of money. I could talk to my dad about affording it but hes already given me so much money this year and i dont want to ask for more. Then theres the fact that im trying to save up to get tested for autism because im fairly sure i have it and thats another grand. And it would be worth it because if i do have it i could get so many more supports than i have now. It would also just make me feel like im not failing at life anymore. Because right now i feel like i dont have a reason to be struggling this much because nothings wrong with me. Nevermind that i have so much shit going on i dont know what to do with it.

Ive just been stressed about money for so long at this point. Ive been stressed for a year about it, like. Its driving me mad. I make half of minimum wage on DSP, which is frankly appalling because im disabled and therefore all of my shit is more expensive. And then theres the energy bill which is going to be insane because theres a cost of living crisis and everyone is getting price shocked.

Im just so stressed and all of the stress just rolls one thing onto the next onto the next like this damn post started with me ranting about my feeding tube and here we are.

I just dont know what to do to make things easier. I know tidying the house would dramatically improve my mood, but i cant do it by myself. I feel completely swamped and overwhelmed. I just need support. I just need someone to sit with me while i try to get through everything. But by the time everyone comes home ive already spent all day stewing in my stress and im exhausted and have no energy to do anything.

Im also frustrated by the fact that ive been needing help with showering lately. Like i used to be able to do that by myself and now i cant. It used to be that id be a little lazy about doing it too based on how much it would wipe me out, and now its like it doesnt matter how much i want to do it, i just physically cant.

I dont know how im going to manage overseas without totally grossing out my family. The last thing i want to do is ask my mum to help me bathe. And theyre not going to have a shower chair that i can use over there so im going to have to sit on the ground because its getting to the point where standing is so completely exhausting. I dont even want to let my partner see how much it wipes me out. I dont want anyone to see how much im struggling, i just want to be able to do things.

Im sick of feeling like im useless.

#az.text

[boyfhee]

hi!! well, i dont know what to say - i do have a bad luck with stumbling across the saddest quotes like that EVERY time i read angst :/// i truly believe it is the universe mocking me! 

okay *pretends that if love sick was a person is not in the same timeline* oh im fine now 🙂

im probably not okay, but thank u! u should be PROUD af cuz htgbwye is a masterpiece, im not kidding, the moment i realized that u got me thinking about it and rethinking the way i view/ed life u know u did something truly special !! and im sure its not only me :))

 i know that the plane already took off, but i can't let go, i truly cannot let this work go and i was thinking about where heeseung is now… and its wrong and its painful and i would love to buy his poetry book - thats all i have to say 

also another taylor swift comes to my mind- “right where you left me” - if u want u can check it out if u want to ofc ^^ some of the lyrics are  just hee coded, like the title ALONE is- okay i wills shut upi should stop doing that too but i cant ,comparing two masterpieces is what i live for <3

anyhow

i would love to be an anon!! that sounds super fun ! i should be swift anon at this point ? my brain is not braining and thats the only thing i could come up with, is that okay?

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, im so so very sooooooo excited for “fair and square” !!!! time to relax and enjoy something more fluffy....... i hope !!!!

ps. i seem to be unable to write short asks lol, i hope u have a great weekend!!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

nah that is SO foul, but the way i never come across cute happy fics after posting angst 💀 like i always see angst . it's the price i have to pay bae we're in this together 😞

honestly htgbwye is somewhere adapted from my thought process while i was thinking about switching career lanes, ofc i didn't have it as bad as yn godbless like i hope no one goes thru that, but that thing surfaced from the deepest corners of my brain, and i spent around 6 months writing it so it's definitely something i hold close to my heart :) AND HEE'S POEMS actually i have a short list of things he'd write about, i even wrote a poem— red wine, the one i mentioned in there!!!! it was supposed to be there in the fic but it felt unnecessary ( plus, im not that good of a poet ) though, I'd love to read his works as, and i can confirm that he's doing good!!!! htgbwye heeseung visits the memorial for the victims from time to time to see yn, kinda sad how he's the only one growing older but it's fine!!! ( this is not helping u with the trauma is it )

AND NOT TAYLOR AGAIN that woman needs to stop writing sad songs . it's enough bc i think i will end up writing another heeseung angst at this rate :/ ALSO U DEF CAN BE SWIFT ANON that's super cute actually!!!

fair and square, i hope i don't overdo the angst there even if it's supposed to be super short :") but other than that, it's a cute fic, more like comedy. thank u sm for looking forward to it, and dw ab long asks ^^

#—swift anon. #talking to u is so fun omg u seem like such an interesting person #@ : htgbwye.

[golisopod-mutual]

:/

#dont read these ok im just upset lol #vent hours lol #i HATE that im still not convinced i had an e.d. im stuck between feeling like i do and feeling like i dont and i hate it bc it ends up w m #just feeling like i might have one? but i also might be invalid and faking it #and so i end up just feeling shitty and invalid. and like i dont deserve help and/or couldnt get help if i wanted to #i had an ok day today. i ate approx. 1500 calories. which is a lot for me and its causing some anxiety im trying to ignore #but now im like 'oh i ate a lot today so surely i dont have a disorder right?' #like i KNOW i fit the diagnostic criteria for atypical anorexia. i know i do. but i feel like i dont #i feel like i should be afraid of carbs and eating 200 calories a day and obsessively exercising. and im not like that #and bc thats what my brain says an ed looks like it says i dont have one bc im not doing those things #and then theres the whole 'oh you cant have a restrictive e.d youre overweight' thing that i cant shake #every time i start to really believe i have an ed the invalidating thoughts pop back up and i go back to feeling like im a fraud #i wish i was sicker so i could just know for sure and so ppl would take me and my problem seriously #and i know wanting to be sicker is not something a normal healthy person does! i know that!! #i know ppl without an ed dont do half the shit i do. and yet i still cant convince myself i have one #and i hate that if i came out and said to the ppl in my life 'oh lol i think i have an e.d' ppl would assu #assume i was lying #bc im not thin or sick enough!!! #and everyone just wants to tell me how great i look now and how awesome my weight loss has been and how ive inspired them to diet too #and i really cant stand it!!! thinking bout that tweet thats like 'ppl wont tell you you're fat but they'll tell you if you USED to be fat' #everyone tells me how great im doing bc nobody cares if im starving myself and purging after i eat. #all they care abt is that the fat girl is losing weight #and idk how to cope w that!! how do i handle ppl unknowingly encouraging me to starve myself bc they cant shut up abt how cool #my weight loss is and how much better i look now? #and i hate the discrepancy between my brain n my feelings bc i know logically i fit diagnostic criteria for an ed but i dont FEEL like i do #and the feelings usually win out over the logic and then i feel like a big fraud whos faking it

[spohkh]

Hi hello!!! Will you please tell me some of your ofmd headcanons??

hello hi!!! here are some thoughts that have been rattling around in my brain :-)

stede helps brush out ed's hair ONCE (one (1) time) and after that ed's like oh okay this is going to be your job forever now ❤️ so every night stede will brush it out and braid it for him. VERY important part of their nightly routine that also soothes ed into sleep :-)

VERY obsessed w the idea of stede being like. im a pirate. i NEED a tattoo. the convo i imagine is like theyre just lying in bed and stedes looking at eds tattoos and is like hmmm... i think i should get one. and eds like. holy shit absolutely. but of what? stede: maybe the flag of the revenge? ed: LOL which one we have like 5. stede: all of them! why not!! right down my arm! ed: stede i admire your ambition but maybe start small. anyway i think itd be cute for ed to give stede like a small stick-and-point star or something on his hand and then eventually they will get matching lighthouse tattoos thanks ❤️

weve already seen that stedward are CANONICALLY that annoying ass lovey-dovey couple and i KNOW once theyre actually together its going to be a ZILLION times worse and the crew of the revenge is going to be like voluntarily walking the plank just to get away. its not even necessarily PDA its just this like aura of Devoted Love they give off that has a 5-mile radius its insane. lucius and pete are like we openly make out in front of people but somehow yall are even more annoying. fish in the sea are like bro. the thought i keep having is of stede holding a meeting and at the end hes like ok any questions? and ed goes yeah ive got a few questions and the crew collectively groans and is like alright meetings officially over see ya. and stedes like what??? no its not!! lucius: every single time ed has a "question" at the end of our meetings that he needs to "ask in private" and then we dont see you guys for like an hour he just means he wants to make out. we know bc you guys are NOT quiet. and it happens LITERALLY every time. stede: thats not true! that. well. it doesnt happen EVERY time. does it? (looks at ed) ed: no yeah it does sorry but you being all captainy really gets me going. stede: oh! ed: yeah ok so lets go. and stedes like well cant argue w that

stede almost immediately starts using my love and darling and sometimes sweetheart at ed which makes ed absolutely high-five angels every time hes like ME??? ...ME... and conversely while i think ed may OCCASIONALLY call stede like, babe, or even love, i dont think any word will compare to just saying stede's name for him. but also he DOES keep calling stede mate, which he canonically uses a ridiculous amount and absolutely means it in a "dude (romantic)" way

on marriage: i really really love the idea of them exchanging rings in a literal sense, as in stede giving ed his turquoise ring and ed giving stede one of his ruby rings. i also have a different thought abt what they might do instead of a ring exchange but i shant say here bc im writing it into a fic :-) i also like the idea of them being like. ok we're husbands. like fuck a "proper ceremony" or whatever they just decide it and its law and then they throw a shipwide party after that the end

ok let me stop here but these are the main thoughts haunting my brain recently! :^)

#sowecanbepirates #ask #stedward #ofmd

[headofhelios]

Ok I am a single follower but I like hannibal tv but would enjoy ur movie thoughts I like some of the books too and have been meaning to get around to the movies 😳😳

OKAY I'M EDITING A READMORE ONTO THIS LOL I REALIZED THATS SOMETHING I CAN DO! so now my incredibly waaayyy too long answer abt my thoughts on 2002 will is under there. apologies bc this is less "movie thoughts" and more "2002 movie will thoughts" but well thats how the chips fell

GOD okay sooo for the record i am reading the red dragon book and am like 7 or 8 chapters in and full transparency im not like. enjoying it lol. the book pisses me off with its misogyny (all the women in it are either dead or it feels like you're supposed to think theyre Selfish Bitches or theyre just there for like. bizarre and uncomfortable sexual moments like the guys talking abt that woman in the elevator, or that one part of mrs. leeds diary which is like. i guess could be there to Show Her Humanity or whatever but 1. there are more ways to do that 2. the book doesnt seem particularly concerned with her humanity considering she's barely even given a first name and so far the novel hasnt seemed to disapprove of how will thinks of her as a possession of her husband) and its inconsistency with will's most important character trait or whatever (he's so intensely, extremely empathetic towards EVERYONE, even serial killers, which makes him really good at finding them! and he can never turn this off, to the point where every time he has a conversation with someone, he ends up mimicking the way they talk, even if he tries to stop! but also he never empathizes with the victims or HIS OWN FUCKING WIFE? HELLO? so it really feels less like "extremely strong empathy for everyone that he cant control" and more like "he can empathize with serial killers extremely well and also other people if we want to Make A Point in one scene instead of letting the point show through the whole book") BUT UHHH ANYWAY. MOVIE THOUGHTS. THE MOVIE THOUGHTS YOU ASKED FOR COMING RIGHT UP!

okay this is what i am worried will either 1. draw annoying tv will graham stans to my blog like flies or 2. end with me being hanged in the town square BUT. it must be said. i prefer 2002 red dragon will graham to tv will graham. and quite frankly? so far? i think 2002 red dragon will graham is better than book will graham. i cannot lie.

my reasoning: because 2002 will actually empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss! y'know! like you'd assume someone with constant extreme empathy would! the difference between the first scene with molly in the book vs in the movie are SO striking to me now that i've read that part of the novel. in the novel he seems very... rough, i guess, and like he doesnt care about molly's worries. he doesnt seem to see things from her perspective, which especially feels like a kick to the gut because MOLLY! SEES! THINGS! FROM! HIS! PERSPECTIVE!!! she literally empathizes with him more than he does with her! what the fuck! MEANWHILE in the movie, he does seem to care about her. his assurances that he wont get too involved seem like assurances rather than him trying to get her off his back. he hugs her and tells her he loves her and i actually believe that yeah, he loves her, he knows she's worried about him, and he wants to comfort her and ease her worries. and the victims! AGAIN such a stark difference to me! in the book, will is like... uncomfortable empathizing w the red dragon, of course, but he doesnt seem to empathize with the victims all that much, ESPECIALLY not the women. he doesnt care about them. he sees them as possessions belonging to their husbands and its so fucking gross. despite already suspecting that the red dragon chooses families based on the women, he decides to waste time focusing on the husbands as a way of "asking permission to look at [their wives]." what the fuck? meanwhile in the film, he feels for the victims so much that he can barely even say that the kids were shot in bed! when he watches the tapes, he focuses on the women! because that's his fucking job!!! and we see him empathizing with them! wow!!

siiigh okay im gonna stop talking abt the book vs the movie now bc again im only like 8 chapters or so deep. but now we come to tv will vs. 2002 will, which is admittedly gonna be more subjective and part of that it bc i cant remember a whole lot of specifics from the show bc my memory is Very Bad. but anyway

let's get the shallow stuff out of the way. yes i prefer ed norton's face to hugh dancy's. call hugh dancy "gender" or whatever have your fun i support you and your right to call any blood covered man a gender but by god is that not even REMOTELY my experience. next shallow thing to get out of the way: ed norton's line delivery is like music to my FUCKING ears compared to hugh dancy's i am so sorry. like the jokes about will shaking like a damp chihuahua before taking 5 minutes to stutter out "he's killing them....... On Purpose, jack." are funny and all but christ i had SUCH a hard time watching the show bc of that im not lying. literally hearing 2002 will just say "he's not keeping them. he's eating them." nice and quick, matter of factly is better than well im actually gonna end that sentence there but you get the idea. like YESSS you little blonde bitch get to the point i love you!!!

OKAY NOW less shallow points but also less uhh idk man i just dont remember a lot of hannibal. but basically: after seeing how caring 2002 will is, i'm kind of... idk i'm just so over tv will and how abrasive and harsh he is in comparison. like i fell in LOVE with how vulnerable 2002 will is, how he feels like he cares deeply about the people around him (and honestly... idk i cant remember a moment in the hannibal tv series that made me feel the way i felt when 2002 will can't say "the kids were shot in their beds". it's like... yeah this is a guy who feels so deeply for everyone around him at all times. i believe that.) and i just dont remember getting that same feeling from tv will. i have been gently spoon fed the most excellent chocolate pudding and everything else in my memory is just a snack pack. i guess tv will has those moments (what comes to mind is when he brings gideon to hannibal's house and is crying and he says "please dont lie to me") but idk they just didnt really do for me what 2002 will does. and then their scenes with reba! wow! i rewatched the tv version after watching red dragon, bc the film version made me tear up, meanwhile the tv version i barely remembered and i wasnt sure if that was just bc of the different mindsets i was in while watching them or what. and ok i just rewatched the tv version again and like... yeah. it's the wills lol. i LOVEEE tv reba SO much she is giving everything in that scene!! she sounds so like... broken, both bc of dolarhyde's apparent suicide and bc of finding out who he was + what he was doing, she sounds so fragile and guilt ridden! she's amazing!! but will. idk. tv will's delivery just seems... idk this feels dumb to say but it sounds like writing. i admittedly LOVE the line "people who study this kind of thing say that he was trying to stop because you helped him." and his delivery there is good. but between tv "you didnt draw a freak, you drew a man w a freak on his back" and the 2002 version, the 2002 delivery seems more genuine while the tv delivery sounds rehearsed. idk overall the 2002 version of that conversation just makes me feel more? its like. idk i can feel the 2002 version gently holding my heart while the tv version is a scene that is nice in h/nnigram gifsets or w/e.

umm ok this is already suuuper long and my brain is getting a bit mushy so i'm gonna start wrapping it up lol. i'll probably compare book will and 2002 will again after i finish the book, and then i miiight rewatch hannibal, or at least parts of s3. but right now my thoughts are basically: book will is a fucking dick who has an easier time empathizing with serial killers than with his wife. tv will is a nothing girl after being so completely catered to + also idk he doesnt have the same fragility that i want from my wills now. and 2002 will is my little caramel apple. he has this delightful vulnerability and feels like he cares so much and empathizes with more people than serial killers and his boss and 4 people in a diner for one scene! 2002 will made me care about will graham! which is honestly kind of a feat!

#long post #like so so so long #my condolences anon and also anyone following me who doesnt want this on their dash #but yeah 2002 will is my booboo bear my cinnamon swirl coffeecake my little heavensent angel #and ed nortons performance made me feel more than hugh dancy's #i think ed norton does a really good job at giving his characters that kind of vulnerability and i LOVE that!! #like yeah whatever 'you're gat arent you dont you just think hes hot' sure say that but also like #have you seen him in primal fear? its a movie thats a firm Its Complicated for me but his performance is so good and he feels so vulnerable #and even in fight club and kingdom of heaven i think he gets that in there! idk i genuinely think he's a good actor #personal #red dragon #if im writing an essay i may as well put it in my tags #asks #anonymous #<- FORGOT TO ADD THOSE TAGS. anyway #EDIT: NOW FEATURING A READMORE LOL.

[kurtanaaa]

if glee hadnt ended, what songs do you think they wouldve done between 2015 and now? (or like in the past year i guess bc 6 years is a long time lol)

OH THIS IS SUCH A HEFTY QUESTION THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING THIS.... I GOTTA THINK HEAVILY

ok its easy to say jokes or just what i Want them to sing, but here are my honest thoughts:

probably all the stuff thats been super fuckin popular, i.e. shape of you, old town road, justin bieber's stuff, closer, blinding lights

on that note, definitely more ed sheeran, justin bieber, the weeknd, billie eilish, ariana grande, dua lipa, cardi b, khalid

despacito. im completely fucking serious theres no way they wouldve gotten away without doing this song

definitely a lot of billie eilish. teenage girl reaching extreme fame early in life? perfect for glee

i think theres a possibility they wouldve also done something in honour of my chemical romance's comeback bc that was a fairly big thing

i think they almost definitely would do tiktok songs. like i dont think it would work out for them because social media trends change so rapidly now that something becomes cringy and outdated before it can actually be put in a show, but they sure would fucking try

there probably wouldve been a definite rise in musical theatre songs once hamilton became so popular. i can see them going back to doing their yearly musical just so they can do some of the musicals that have become cult classics since hamilton made everyone a theatre nerd

oh they would absolutely do songs from the moulin rouge broadway musical

i think that, had glee extended more into taylor swifts 1989 era, there wouldve been WAYYYY more of that too. shake it off gcv seems like its supposed to exist but it somehow doesnt

i know it kinda sounds like im regurgitating all those posts about "thank GOD glee ended before blah blah blah im boring and i hate fun" but i do seriously think they wouldve tried to cash in on these

songs that i personally want to see and think are semi reasonable mostly:

uma thurman by fall out boy

daddy lessons (the version with the chicks) by beyonce

black tar and nicotine by dorothy (im fucking obsessed with this song i need to finish listening to this album)

washing machine heart by mitski

athena by nova twins (this is def too metal for glee but look at me not giving a shit)

only angel or sunflower vol. 6 by harry styles

big god by florence and the machine

FAMILY BY MOTHER MOTHER OH MY GOD I WANT THEM TO PERFORM THIS SO BADLY

did it to myself by orla gartland

i cant go on without you by KALEO

cherry by rina sawayama

ex's and oh's by elle king (yeah i know this is her big song idc thats the only one i know and i wanna see it)

love on the brain by rihanna

sunflower by post malone and swae lee

best part by daniel caesar ft. H.E.R.

thank you SO MUCH for asking this!!!! im sorry my answer is so long i have a LOT TO FUCKIN SAY DJDKSJDKSKZ anyway thank u again i hope u enjoy this💞💗💗💗💖

#glee #glee headcanons #? i guess #long post #rae talks #asks

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

#tw eating disorder ment// / #long post// / #tldr;;; hey guess what guys. you know what you should do if you think you see a body check?? #compliment em. just avoid the topic of their weight/size/etc or their disorder (even to encourage them to recover. dont start there) #literally pm them and tell them you like their hair. their clothes. their voice. their personality. their art. their username. ANYTHING #that HUMANIZES THEM AS A PERSON OUTSIDE THEIR DISORDER #and BUILDS FOUNDATIONS FOR SELF LOVE!!!!! #/UNCONDITIONAL/ SELF LOVE that reminds them their value lies in MORE THAN THEIR BODY TYPE #that is so unfathomably fuckign IMPORTANTTTTT YOU GUYYYYS DONT UNDERSTAND I #literally please at the very least if u arent comfy with that just stop . Insulting. underweight bodies. that is literally. #'''enabling''' their habits. u have to be literally impossibly ignorant to think that wont make them worse. so. fuck you #if you actually 'care' abt these suffering ppl the way you claim uhhh improve your behavior after hearing all the flaws with it pointed out #puhlease #? #instead of just. sticking the r3xies in the corner and saying 'it makes me uncomfy so if i cant see it it doesnt matter' #like why tf do ppl assume so much of this is about 'attention' or rather positive attention for self destruction #and therefor ANY ATTENTION AT ALL must be bad and shunning is the right answer. like???? #bro just. put in literally an ounce of effort here and give them the right KIND of attention which is easy to figure out if ur educated. #godddddddduhh #yes im sorry but the mentally ill slowly dying ppl DO require your attention actually. if ppl are in danger 'for attention' its uh. #more important that you just. dont ignore that and figure out the most nuanced responses Later actually #yall just dont want the responsibility on you if you say the wrong thing and im sorry but to an extent thats just... kinda... selfish #they need ya buddy you dont have to be bffs with every single one of em but you could just like. treat em like a person at least shruugg #all im asking is that yall educate yourselves a little better and stop this horrible shit

[insomnihan]

han’s Entire Thoughts & Feelings on WJSN THE BLACK’s “Easy”

this entire thing embodies this: 👁👄👁 ………………………

there are no read mores here so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ALRIGHT SO-

BICTH WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN- THE SONG is jUST SO GOOD LIKE ITS SO SMOOTH LIKE BUTTER i have to say that upon first listen i really couldve never listened to this and then never again bc it is jusT TOO GOOD TO BE REAL its so Groovy™ and that bass is catchy ALL THROUGHOUT THE DAMN SONG and i be nodding my head to it (back and forth or side to side it do NOT matter) liKE theres a whimsical feeling about it oN TOP OF THAT the way all of them are singing is not so gentle yET it is gentle its breathy but not TOO breathy very very easy on the ears then the LYRICS THEMSELVES oh my god they are SO hot for this-

that rap exy……………………… im nothing but a carpet- im SO glad it didnt break away from the overall vibe of the entire song i expected a rap of sorts from her (tho the singing oKAY MULTI TALENTED QUEEN-) but i wasnt sure how it was gonna happen in a song that sounds like this bUT THEY DONE DID IT™ AND THEY DONE DID IT GOOD AS ALL HELL

👁👄👁…………………… THE DANCE I- EXCUSE ME UN MOMENTO POR FAVOR WHAT IN THE ACTUAL DAMN- i love women i love women in suits i love women who are sexy and tHEY JUST EXUDE THAT™ SO MUCH IN THIS VIDEO ALONE- OFF THE BAT THE BEGINNING SEOLA AND EUNSEO YOU CANT JUST DO THAT AND EXPECT US TO STILL BE BREATHING THEN EXY RIGHT OVER I AM AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA- literally EVERY👏INSTANCE👏 of the ‘eeeeeesaaayyy~~~~’ part of the chorus……………… someone take the wheel froM ME- the back to the camera the slow sway……… the whipping of hair around……… that dance move after ‘i make it look good for you’……… ALL OF THEM GETTING ON THE FLOOR……… SOMEONE HELP ME BEFORE MY HEART GIVES THE F UCK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay okay okay theres a clear storyline in this mv THE VISUALS ARE THERE I SEE THEM tbh it does get lost for me at the end or im just stupid which is also possible like OBVIOUSLY seola and eunseo are cops and bona and exy are criminals stealing money and they get caught and interrogated- its a good balance between seeing the story and then seeing the dancing and singing tho there is LITERALLY NO BREATHING ROOM for me to catch my breath and let all of it sink in WHICH ISNT A COMPLAINT

SOME SCENES THAT I LIKED AND WANNA MENTION: (mayhap)

T H E M

ANY OF YALL WHO KNOW ME™ KNOW THAT ALL IT TAKES TO END MY ENTIRE LIFE IS PUTTING WOMEN IN SUITS-

seolA AT THE BEGINNING IN THAT PINSTRIPE SUIT AND THEN PULLING HER HAIR TIE OUT I AM A CARPET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! her being dressed in that white dress shirt and tie with the GLASSES IS ACTUALLY A LOT FOR MY DUMMY BRAIN TO HANDLE- that hair on her is a real blessing from god she is SO OH MY GOD

bona…………… i have feelings for you- that dress with the red jacket on her shoulders i nearly d*ed right there AND THE MUSIC ISNT EVEN PLAYING YET AT THAT POINT!!! its the blue dance outfit for me where  her hair is kinda wavy thats too much for me to comprehend i legit short circuited during the bridge

exy the woman that you are with your gray plaid suit rather than black and white LIKE her hair is like brown and blonde and she pulls it off so well and then that leather outfit while she was on her motorcycle during her rap………… she shouldve just k*lled me it wouldve hurt less and then looking hot as hell as a dj LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gray haired (bonus points for the waviness too) eunseo and looking bomb as hell in a suit its like shes trying to attract women or something- no seriously hahahahaha whaT THE F UCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like im literally just gonna talk about the suits like she really worked those I CLOCKED THOSE CHOKERS I KNOW I SAW THEM-

LIKE this is SO MUCH MORE THAN I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE i dunno WHAT expectations i had tbh I DONT THINK I HAD ANY i was just trying to live as an ujung and THEN THEY F UCKING SLAP ME IN THE F UCKING FACE WITH THIS MV AND SONG LIKE THIS IS SOME GOOD F UKKING FOOD- okay no seriously just to talk about the song the song S L A P S™ so hard its so catchy and it got me pretty much immediately not to exaggerate or anything but this song is like DAMN NEAR perfect

IN CONCLUSION: THIS SONG IS SO EASY TO FALL IN LOVE WITH

#i need a minute............................... #i have two more afterthoughts post for this group #drinking game: take a shot every time the word suit comes up in this post #wjsn #wjsn the black #not dc #han.txt #han's mv afterthoughts

[welttrichter]

🔥🔥🔥 [pop off.]

Meme || Accepting!

I just can't stand the fact that people are so entitled that they make people choose them or the partner they dont want to see write with. Like let people decide for themselves who they wanna be around. They have their own judgements if they dont wanna write with them they dont have to, and if you dont wanna see the person that they write with that you have a problem with just freaking blacklist the url? it literally takes two seconds to do that. Don't make people choose you or them that shits toxic af.

I happen to ship things that people would shun me over but -- i ship the ships when ed is of age. thats all im saying and before u say oh u aged ed up just to ship? no i didnt he literally ages in both canons and is over the age 18 in my verses for him. i have different verses for him in different verses. I wouldn't ship ed too young. because i do not feel comfy doing that. I DO NOT FEEL COMFY WRITING SHIPS WHEN ED IS TOO YOUNG. I'm fine with him being 17 if the character is 17 too. but I wouldn't dare shipping someone way older than him unless hes 21+ the latest which is eds main verse.

OH REMEMBER THE DOUBLE STANDARDS BIT? FMA FANDOM SHIPS TRISHA ANDS HOHO BUT HOHO MET TRISHA AS A CHILD AND NOBODY BATS AN EYE ABOUT IT BC ITS A STRAIGHT SHIP AND THEY MADE ED AND AL. DOUBLE STANDARDS!! oh and lets not forget Ed and winrys relationship was toxic af at the beginning with wrench throwing in the face or brain but no its slapstick comedy. *i refuse to rp that part of the ship because thats just wrong and terrible* sorry im just heated right now.

but they act like some ships that people like are wrong. but they dont look at how some canon ships are wrong. and im probably gonna get heat for this but i've stopped caring. im done caring about what others think of me in this fandom bc im not even in the fandom anymore im just in my own little circle.

#salt cw

[heartfucksmouth]

Let's turn this back into a health journal bc my body is a piece of trash and I hate venting about it directly to people bc of guilt/caretaking habits.

You may read at your discretion/leisure/sadomasochistic need to indulge in my melodrama.

TW: needles, blood, menstruation, scars, overall gross body stuff idk where this will go rn

Ohhhkay 1st: my ivy rash is doing gr8, I took my last prednisone today. I have levels of scarring going on but they look like some might fade after some time + care.

I just went to get my labs done now that I dont have poison ivy so close to my elbows. I'm pretty sure it wasnt going to affect it, but idk. It was only 2 available days that I waited anyways.

Uh. So. The phlebotomist was super nice and we are talking a bit about my poison ivy experience + the prednisone and I look down and... blood is running down my arm from around the needle currently in my vein. My blood is the consistency of water. Like. Fucking water. I've always, always noted to myself how I seem to have thick(er) blood? Like it takes a bit to drip, if you get what I mean? I am not a drippety drop runny blood kinda bitch.

"THATS never happened before" I said, as she was like "oh wow look at you" and trying to wipe me up a bit. At some point i had mentioned bruising easily and having bruises on my stomach from scratching my rash through my shirt, bc I have a genetic condition (meaning EDS). She asked if I was a hemophiliac and I was like "um well, we're doing these labs to make sure I'm not anemic bc I'm getting my period every other week and its BAD... and then she said maybe I have endometriosis bc that's what she has and I'm like idk idk I'm just a sickly human and I'm tired of having diagnoses honestly (hahaha but no really pls stop body)

Soooo needless 2 say. I prob have low platelet and/or hematocrit my mom said (she was a phlebotomist) and I'm like WHY THO. WHY. I DONT LIKE THIS.

But it explains how fucking actually stupid I've been feeling - my focus, concentration, my memory!!! I thought maybe my higher dose of topamax was legit killing my brain cells or something. Maybe it's because I have WATER-BLOOD that wont stay in my fucking brain.

And also why I almost pass out every time I get up from sitting/crouching etc. Water-blood prob just wants to stay in my feet and shit. Idk. My heart rate has been all over the place. It was 130 for a few hours at one point and lately if I try to do any physical activity I get nauseous and not-right feeling and when I check my heart rate then it's like 40bpms. And I'm like cool I'm passing away.

But do I tell people this? Do I tell my doctor(s) all of this? Nah. Bc then I'll be a hypochondriac and/or they wont find anything wrong with me anyways so I'll look crazy (aka a hypochondriac). I am traumatized by the medical field and by society. Thanks America, thanks World.

Me and my water-blood will be over here waiting for the complete test results. And oh yeah I have to get a fucking uterine ultrasound which is just more fucking trauma-trigger shit I dont have the capacity to deal with.

I'm also due to get me bi-weekly period so of course I'm crying.

#personal #blood tw #needles tw #chronic illness #chronic illness probs #stupid fucking body problems

[snaaaaaaakee]

OC Meme Compilation (part 1) (part 2)

like i said i got tagged in a bunch of these, mostly by @socksual-innuendos but @worthlesssix also tagged me in one and i might have been tagged in other ones idk these are just going around right now

I split them between Kerrian and Nikolai, so here’s Kerrian’s half! I also gave both of them the companion one bc that one was really fun to answer, and Kerrian is objectively the worst companion possible

i think almost everyone i know of has been tagged in these so far, so im gonna tag specifically @sas-afras and @curriersix then in general if you’ve got a fallout OC and want to answer these do it!! pick whichever ones you want im gonna try to make it visible which ones are seperate ive realized this way of posting them all at once is. weird

COMPANION MEME

Name: Kerrian Tartakovsky

I think we should travel together: “Awesome, let's get in trouble.”

Use Melee: "That's a joke, right?"

Use Ranged: “Wanna see me hit a bloatfly at 100 yards?”

Open Inventory: “Do I look like I've got room for your shit?” (his inventory is full of junk and electronics. he gets overencumbered easily. if you take any of his stuff he gets mad like when you take boone's hat)

Stay Close: “Just don't jump into anything stupid, alright? ...Or make any weird smells."

Keep Distance: “Alright, but you'll miss me soon enough.”

Stealth: (Karen's voice) "Sneaky sneaky."

Back Up: “Quit shoving, tough guy.”

Be Passive: “No complaints here.”

Be Aggressive: “You haven't got a better plan than that?”

Use Stimpack: “Man, what's in that stuff?”

Wait Here: “Ugh, for how long?”

Follow Me: “Oh thank God, I was getting so bored.”

Send her to the Lucky 38: “Yeah, see you at the Fucky 38, then.”

Send him Home: “Alright, you change your mind you know where I'm at.” (can be found in some workshop in freeside or something)

Aggression: aggressive/not aggressive/very aggressive/frenzied

Confidence: cowardly/cautious/average/brave/foolhardy

Assistance: helps nobody/helps allies/helps friends and allies

Companion perk: Mostly Pacifist (Bonus chance to cripple enemies)

Weapons: Dart gun, Varmint Rifle with scope

Karma: Good

Nine Layered Dip for OCs (okay sure)

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

Name: Kerrian Tartakovsky

Eye Color: Blue

Hair Style/Color: Orange, shoulder length and a mess

Height: 5'4"

Clothing Style: bits and pieces he's just sort of picked up wandering around, but if he weren't living in a post apocalyptic wasteland he'd actually like having more fashionable/feminine clothes

Best Physical Feature: He does actually have very pretty eyes

LAYER TWO: THE INSIDE

Fears: Spiders, not being able to find his dad/his dad being dead, not seeing any of his family again

Guilty Pleasure: i dont know if hes capable of shame or guilt for anything he enjoys but he does like cute/girly stuff in a pseudo-50's culture so he probably doesn't like showing that

Biggest Pet Peeve: Being told what to do, or people trying to say they can predict his actions or control him.

Ambition for the Future: i dont know if he has any idea what hes gonna do after he finds his dad. His vague idea is "robots"

LAYER THREE: THOUGHTS

First Thoughts Waking Up: “alskfjslkdfjsllsdf Oh God I'm Awake"

What They Think About the Most: Nerd tech shit, random garbage, animals, whether anyone's looking at him and whether or not he wants to be looked at

What They Think About Before Bed: Anything to distract him from everything long enough to fall asleep (he usually has to listen to the radio or holotapes or something)

What They Think Their Best Quality Is: His charisma- if there's anything he can't do he can always just get someone else to do it for him

LAYER FOUR: WHAT’S BETTER?

Single or Group Dates: Depends on the people

To be Loved or Respected: Loved

Beauty or Brains: Brains

Dogs or Cats: Cats

LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Lie: dont believe a word he says please he lies to people for fun

Believe in Yourself: Sometimes not enough, sometimes too much, but never a reasonable amount

Believe in Love: Yes

Want Someone: idk if this means someone in particular but most likely tbh

LAYER SIX: EVER?

Been on Stage: If he was he'd get kicked off immediately

Done Drugs: Karen gives him Med-X when she shouldnt so he did that, but now he refuses to have any in his inventory ever because of her. He also tried mentats once, they help him focus but he doesn't like the side effects.

Changed Who You Were to Fit In: Probably tried when he was a kid but physically could not restrain his personality from being 200% at all times

LAYER SEVEN: AGE

DOB: fuck i dont know i ruined my fallout timeline

How Old Will You Be: “i wanna get to my early 20's and then not get older but also not die, i dont think thats gonna happen but it sure is what i want"

Age You Lost Your Virginity: N/A

Does Age Matter: yes

LAYER EIGHT: IN A BOY OR GIRL

Best Personality: "Fun and Nice and Weird"

Best Eye Color: All

Best Hair Color: All (if you try and ask him to pick one he gets caught up thinking about why all of them are so nice and refuses to be able to pick)

Best thing to do with a Partner: Causing trouble

LAYER NINE: FINISH THE SENTENCE

I love: “My family, and ED-E, and geckos, and snack cakes,"

I feel: “Everything, all the time, way too much"

I hide: “Myself, literally and figuratively. See what I did, it's cute"

I miss: "Everything before dad got stuck outside of the vault"

I wish: “Everything could just be fixed"

[insvisiblestrings]

I’m about to fall asleep but I log on at 2am and read one (1) post about Taylor having an ED and there is no source so I assume its in the doc and I am just. shook to the core. for a lot of reasons to uh tw going forward bc I have some 2am anorexic thougts but am on mobile and cant put a read more

oh. my god. I’m Very recovered these days, my last relapse was about 6 months ago but recovery is sticking this time. but to know taylor dealt with this immediately puts me into that… exhaustion. now, disabled and dealing with chronic fatigue I dont come near close to the exhaustion that is a life built around hating yourself. the exhaustion that comes after a skipped meal. I dont have words for this feeling in my gut but its exhaustion. and I feel guilty. because when I was 14 my mind was not my own and I used taylor as thinspo. I used every person as a reference of camparison but specifically this woman I so admired. 1989 was wonderful but mostly I enjoyed and envied her legs. and thats a bit sick. I didnt ever publicly spectate on her weight but I still feel to blame for this. which is silly but. I feel that. maybe somehow my starving self using her photos as sustenance instead of actual food translated onto her. which isnt how things work. but I feel that.

and then I just feel. hm. idk. what to call it. she looked so healthy during rep tour and I was happy for her. but I also hesitate to use the H word bc I know how much it absolutely devestated me to hear it about myself. eating disorders make you skinny and eating disorders are unhealthy so healthy must mean fat. none of that is true. but its a thought thats a product of a disease. I just feel a gaping sadness that taylor ever experienced such a hell. I’ve dealt with EDs since the year debut released and I was fasting the day Lover released and that is my entire life and to think Taylor ever shared a day of it with me makes me sick.

I care about her. I feel like we know her enough for that to not be weird? But I would do anything to make it untrue. she doesnt… deserve that hell. nobody does but, especially taylor. my anxiety is very high right now and my ears are ringing. I am fully recovered and my reaction to this visceral. I wish I had less lengthy imprecise words to say this. But my brain is scrambled right now.

#eating disorder tw #ed tw #personal