#and because my mom died that same year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

opens-up-4-nobody · 19 days

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#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

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electoons · 14 days

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guys this "keeping myself busy with distractions so I don't get sad" thing isn't working

#my mom is basically scrubbing the house of all traces of her bc thats how she copes. thats what she did when dad died #like two days later she was cleaning out all his medical equipment and stuff #i guess thats a way of dealing with it :( just doesnt really work for me because it makes me feel their absence even harder #like for me i personally wanted to keep Dad's stuff around for a while because. idk i guess it just felt like he was still kind of there #in a way. i guess. i dunno #obviously losing a pet is easier to deal with than losing a parent but it still blows dude i hate this #(* a parent that you had a good relationship with. i know that im very fortunate in that regard. not everyone had that and i need to count #my blessings)#idk this feels harder than losing my childhood dog because jojo was basically my constant companion for the past several years #after dad died i got suicidally depressed and didnt leave the house and was unemployed for a good chunk of time and she kept me company #taking her for walks and hikes was the only thing i enjoyed doing and the only thing that got me out of the house. she was always there #(also there's probably some psychological component to the fact that we adopted her specifically to be a companion for dad #when he was wheelchair-bound and couldnt go anywhere. so she kept him company. and then after he died she did the same for me #so. idk. like.... i feel like theres something there lol)#mia.txt #animal death

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dragons-and-yellow-roses · 2 months

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Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?

#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want #when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving #and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)'#so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will #both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this #im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen #i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me #i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together)#everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking #because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore #so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit #last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said #'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me'#and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august #im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will #its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not #after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig #i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral #i wonder if any of them would come to mine

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blue-kyber · 4 months

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Cartoons from the 80's had a lot of anti-drug/anti-drinking messages, with plots surrounding the consequences. I saw these when I was really, really little, so some of the lessons probably stuck.

Even though I've been drunk, I've never driven. I knew not to way back when I was a kid, because media pounded into our heads not to do that, and I have real life and family examples of what happens if you do.

I've also never smoked anything, or done any drugs because I never really wanted to. Truth be told, the lessons were probably in my subconscious (along with real life examples of what happens) helping me make the right judgement calls.

It obviously didn't work with every Millennial, but it got through to a few of us.

This cartoon even tackled prescription drug abuse, and how it negatively affects people and those around them. It also hit on issues of elderly loneliness, how little lies can lead to big problems, owning up to your responsibilities (wherein Henry Bigg -yeah, the human - leaves a baby he volunteered to babysit with the Littles so he could play touch football with his friends across the street and fire breaks out because of the actions of an unsupervised baby. And also Plot.).

80's cartoons went hard with these messages.

This cartoon from my childhood I'm binge watching, The Little's, had a good idea at the end of one of the episodes that showed the dangers of being drunk, how it effects people and themselves, and drunk driving with an incident that almost killed one of the Littles:

A contract between kids and their parents.

Both parties write up a contract that states that kids will call their parents to come pick them up rather than driving, or getting a ride with someone who could be drunk, or otherwise compromised.

Parents agree to go pick them up; no questions asked. Period.

Not a bad idea, honestly.

If I had kids, I'd probably do this. It gives the kids freedom to go out and have fun with friends, while also giving both a sense of trust that the other will abide by the contract.

Trust from both sides is insanely important.

#a helpful tip for parents and kids #what cartoons can teach us #80's cartoons #I was born in '81 so I barely remember them. And yes I am a Millennial. I'm at the beginning of that generation. Mentally I'm in the middle #but it was an era huge with the 'Just say no' messages #probably holdovers from the bullshit people got into in the 70's #Personal bit #Drugs ruined my older sister's life #and drinking and smoking killed my grandpa when I was 7 years old. 1985 or 86.#He was in his late 50's.#I never got to know him. My memories of him are vague #but I remember his funeral #I remember seeing his body in the casket during the viewing #and I remember my mother breaking down in tears and hugging me and my siblings #First my sister cried then my brother then I did because everyone else was crying and I felt that.#I remember my mom saying 'he looks like he's sleeping.'#I never got to know my grandpa on my dad's side either because of the same reason.#The grandparents I remember are technically step since my grandma on my mom's side remarried #I never got to know my biological grandparents aside from my mom's mom. Not even my grandmother on my dad's side #whom I was told I met once when I was 4 before she died.#I was too young to understand death #and that my grandpa wasn't coming back.#I'm an empath. I feel things at a higher level. I cried because everyone around me was grieving.#I didn't know why but I knew they were all in pain.

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lionblaze03-2 · 8 months

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Yknow guys. I have my moments but honestly I’m really glad to be alive and get to experience this beautiful world... like the birds outside my window or my beloved beast bella (there is an animal!!! In my house!!! And she LOVES me!!!) and getting to see my best friend and watching tv and movies together and engaging with media and taking long car rides. Life is so beautiful and I’m so glad I never forget it too long. Every little thing that makes you feel joy is a reason to be on this earth, so cherish every last one, because you deserve it. You deserve to feel how beautiful the world can be. Even if it sucks dick sometimes. Sometimes everything sucks and then you see a cardinal out the window competing with another for a female and everything’s okay again. Theres joy in every day, so please go out there and feel it as hard as you can, embrace everything that makes you happy. Live. We deserve it.

#lion’s lair #me #I. Idk I’m just. Looking forward to another day of seeing my best friend #And the world. And tv. And eating food #positive #tw from this point forward in the tags #I just.#okay so as kids me and my cousin always shared a birthday. Because it’s like 6-7 days apart right and we were best friends #And I loved that. We liked the same things so it was never a problem #As we got older his parents got jealous of the fact he liked staying with our grandparents more and stopped letting him come much #So every birthday was a spectacular treat. That and thanksgiving. Because he’d be there #Then in like 2017 his mom fucking died. Suicide. And he started staying with us a lot again #I almost called him my brother opening this part of the post. Because he is. To me #Just a year older than me #But again his dad heard how much he preferred us to him and stopped letting him come around. Even on the holidays #The last day I saw him was halloween. 2018. Also the last time I saw my non-relative bestfriend at the time #And I can’t even remember if I gave him a hug goodbye. I hope I did.#He died in January the next year after his dad threatened to take away his job. His like last refuge #A lot more fucked up shit happened to him I won’t divulge but. That man made him miserable.#That man killed him. Even if he didn’t use his hands #And I miss him so much. Every day but it hurts so much around my birthday #And every year I’m so scared to age and feel so bad because I’m getting older and. He’s not #He’ll never get any older because he’s dead. Hell never see any more marvel movies or shitty b movies. Never play red dead 2 again #He doesn’t get to have those little joys in life anymore. And it makes me so fucking sad #So please please please just always remember the little joys. The birds out the window and the things and people you love #Because there’s a lot of fucking hate in this world. But there’s so much goddamn love in it too #And wonder and whimsy and things worth living for. Even when life sucks every day. There’s always something. So please stick it through #I’m so glad I’ve stuck it through. I never thought I’d make it to be an adult when I was younger let alone 20 #I miss you.#Happy birthday brother. You should be here.

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lisascr3ature · 10 months

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hahaha WOW a bunch of teenage trauma is coming up today (:

#i just now found out the lead singer of one of my fav bands died #2 years ago and i didn't know #because my mom yelled at me and made me feel like shit for listening to them so i stopped #like sorry mom ur daughter is autistic and likes listening to the same stuff all the time #because i like it?????#makes sense to me #anyway so i felt bad about myself and pushed myself to move on #because i could no longer listen to their music without feeling like i was doing something wrong #and im pretty sure i got rid of my vintage 80s casettes #because she made me feel so bad when she snapped at me #and now im sad about that #cause i would've liked to listen to them again after all this time #and show you the covers #but yeah......#ouch #and ironically #shes the one who gave me those casettes and cds and introduced me to them #so.... when i actually loved them....... she got mad??#ok well if you don't want me to over play music and make you hate it then don't get me into it lmao #im bitter

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dimonds456 · 11 months

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it's 4 AM so you know what that means! Time for me to make a list of all my disabilities so I can clearly lay them out for both myself and the nonbelievers to see! Like a normal person!

Yes, I'm able-passing, and there were days previously where I questioned whether or not I'm actually disabled or if I was just faking/exaggerating it, but no. Not anymore. The sheer length of this list alone is enough, let alone if I had just one or two of the things on here.

I have: - Chronic Depression - Chronic Anxiety - ADHD - Autism (more than likely, not confirmed) - Graves Disease / Hyperthyroidism - Balance issues - Weakness in knees / elbows - (Tendency to fall the fuck over because of this combination) - Aversion to heat above 60º F (15.5º C) - Need glasses - Astigmatism / sensitivity to light / Graves eye bulging - Audio processing disorder - Fucked memory / focus / CANNOT read numbers quickly idk why - Breathing issues (I deadass just. Forget to breathe sometimes.) - Shakiness in hands (thank fuck it's mostly gone away, but not 100%) - Inconsistent heart rate - Unsteady grip / "chronic butterfingers" as I've been calling it - Back pain - Hip pain - This one doesn't have a name but I walk on the sides of my feet instead of just stepping down normally because nothing I have ever done in my entire fucking life is normal - Bad leg that never healed properly - Trauma - More trauma - Holy shit there's so much why is there so much of it and why am I only just realizing how much there is holy fuck - I know I'm forgetting some but this is all I can remember off the top of my head

But yeah I'm able-passing. :)

#dimond speaks #is this a vent?#idek at this point #i'm just tired of people not fucking believing me when I say that i need a minute or that there are Many Things Wrong With Me #I feel like i'm really self-aware as a person but i have to be because of aforementioned Trauma™ from my past #i don't want this shit to define me- i really really fucking don't #but at the same time i literally cannot ignore any of this shit #all of it gets in the way of my every day life too fucking much #people are wondering why i need a cane to walk even if “i'm fine”. this is fucking why #i'm NOT fine and have not BEEN fine since like 2nd grade #i'm tired of hiding my pain #i'm tired of shoving it down and pretending that it doesn't exist #doing that made me actually traumatized from fucking SUMMER. y'know- the SEASON?#i ignored my needs and forced myself to work during the summer just so i could get a bit more extra cash that A) i didn't need #and B) so my mom would stop bugging me about it #i deadass almost died last year. and now we're gonna do it again.#i'm in a better spot both physically and mentally than i was last year but still #if i feel like this is getting to be too much i'm quitting and finding a different job.#this is me making a promise to myself right now.#i honestly like working at dollar general. i really really do. but i am promising myself right now to give it up if shit hits the fan #until then... i'll keep trying to stay positive. i hate dwelling on this stuff but i'm also tired of running from it #i shouldn't be running anyway lol i'm gonna have a heart attack #...that wasn't funny i'm sorry #the moral of the story is that you never know what others are going through i guess #disabled #actually disabled #chronic illness #chronic disability #graves disease #hyperthyroidism

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layla-carstairs · 1 year

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#I can't sleep rn because of family drama I found out today 🧍🏻‍♀️#one of my aunts is contesting my grandma's will and the person who is getting fucked over the most is my dad #she wants a share in our family farm despite never giving a shit & my dad being the only one who loves farming #might never see two of my aunts again 🤪#one of them into qanon and stuff so it's not a huge loss but still #also potentially some of my cousins? idk qanon aunt has 7 kids but they're all adults now #some of them I will very surprised (& heartbroken) if they take their mom's side but idk idk #also the whole thing is stupid she apparently requested my grandpa will too like. that man has been dead since before I was born 😐#there's no way you're going to be to contest that #also shockingly oldest aunt is on our side (dad and Uncle). she once told my grandma to stop spending their inheritance so 🥴#my dad's side of my family is crazy I surprised they've made it this long without a rift #my grandparents literally tried to pay off my one aunts boyfriend lmao #same aunt who's contesting the will btw #she has issues ngl my grandparents didn't name her for weeks bc they wanted a boy 🙃#but like she's 60 now & has a phd in psychology & her parents are dead! very very dead!#and she's taking it out on her brothers so #she's been trying to do this for years & told my mom as much when my dad was hospital 🧍🏻‍♀️#also other qanon aunt is backing her up and she's got issues too #when her partner died she made their FOURTEEN YEAR OLD son the next of kin #my cousin had his dad autopsy addressed to him at 14 let that sink in #my grandma ended up organising and funding the whole funeral pretty much because my aunt refuse to do any of it because she was made at him🙃#they had seven kids & she nearly didn't go to the funeral #it was really traumatic for them (obviously) and she made it worse. my cousin was handed the Irish flag at 11 w/o being told #my mom had to take him away bc how obviously broken he was #I should stop talking about this now #I might delete this later idk #bella talks

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tinyorangepotato · 2 years

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crazy how much better other family members parents are than mine

#tiny talking #like my cousins son (lives with his mom. not my cousin) has gotten so many cool things fr9m his parents #like he got the switch as it came out. oculus quest whennit came out. just got a 400 somehting dolalr lightsaber #and so much more and his mom and step dad dont really make too much money. like theyre still living a house too small for the members that #live there. my other (girl) cousins son (hes 7 and they both still live with my aunt) and my actual cousin who is 10 that all luve in the s #same hosue get sucb cool shit too. leo (7 year old) just got an electric scotter after bwgging for it. got 2 hoverboards over the yeras #has a mini dirt bike. has a 4 wheeler and so much other shit that is expenaive and he never uses #and all that menawhile i myself have only gotten a ds for christmas when i wa slike 10 #the switcj i have i had to buy with cgristmas miney which i had to pay half of and my brother paid the other half #laptop i had to save up myself and buy #and hell my dad even owes me over 1000 dollars #like even when i was young my dad was constantly working and my mon was off doing who knows what #my brother and i we were all with our grandparents because god damn how much worse we couldve had it #and im grateful but like my mom also died when i was 11 and then my dad had us move to another city #and then he was once again constanly working trying to provide for way more people with my 'step mom'not doing shit #and not making money or anything. so i guess we just felt bad and didnt ask for expesive stuff #like when my younger brother asked for an xbox one for christmas. he got it form our grandparents but as a joint present #it was his and my older brothers present all together.#and again i know hwo privileged this is. god it couldve been so much worse but still #im so very jealous because no one in my dads sude of rhe family is well off with money #but my dad has it worst and i guess #i mena now we are all back living wirh our grandparents #(my dad and all three of my brother and me) so like that move didnt work out #but fuck man. i wish i was able to ask for expensive things as a kid. i yhink i knew even then that it was yoo much so i just didnt #and he loves us and same with our mom but man i wish we had money #kids are coming to school with brand new cars cuase they just got tgeir drivers license #and im lucky enough that my dad know peopel so he got some cars for a cheap monthy payment and my great aunt cant drive anymore #so i help her out and in return i drive and take care of her car so like others have it way worse and our family is pretty mid with the #stuff we have but still #idk where this was going but it started off as my cousins son (the firat one) coming over and showing off his expensive lightsaber he got

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egregiousderp · 2 years

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I WAS old enough to remember 9/11 in the US because I was in middle school.

Funny thing is, we went to a Christian High School, and we were in the middle of something called Breakout Week, which was one of those week long morning people rally things about Christianity where they tried to hype people up to do better at things.

So all I can really remember thinking through this whole things was “wow, this is a really detailed and prepared what-if.” Because the dude kept spinning it without any emotional nuance, the same earnest Youth Pastor Voice to a bunch of middle schoolers crammed onto the bleachers of the freezing basketball court.

And then legit my second thought was “Oh no. It’s my sister’s birthday. She brought cupcakes.”

#personal skuun #see the thing is my sister grew up with real serious food allergies #so our mom made her a bunch of little cakes and things and a Seperate Baggie of her little chocolate rice cakes #and she’s like. just turned six.#and doesn’t understand why all these kids keep leaving the class. because It’s Her Birthday #so anyway this is a long story short of saying this year I made my sister three cakes #because while she laughs a lot about ‘well it’s not the WORST birthday I’ve ever had. ^^’ it’s like #at the same time kind of 😭😭😭😭😭😭#like yes okay a few people died #and we killed a bunch more #and killed a bunch more again out of fear #and killed yet more overseas #and now a bunch of pundits still want to use this as a reason why we should be more racist and more supervised in everything

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skeletalheartattack · 2 years

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whats the game for the "describe your favorite game as poorly as possible" post?

paper mario the thousand year door!

#ask #anon #for ref the tags were:#playing with my paper cutout of a weird guy #redo: using my paper cutout of a weird guy to open a door #i guess mario isnt really a weird guy but still #i think its the closest game i can call my favourite. cant really think of any others offhand #theres not really any other i can compare. atleast that i have physically #i think ive always classified TTYD as my favourite #i remember going to target one day with one of my parents. i say one of because i remember sitting in the front passenger seat #like i remember us going to a gas station after and i was just holding the case and reading over it #but yeah we went there but not for the purpose of buying a game. i think we just went there to shop for stuff #i played the demo the same day before we got it (i think...? i definitely remember the demo... kind of)#my mom fuckin hates TTYD but she loves the platformer mario games #i think TTYD reminds her too much of pokemon. i dont think she likes RPGs at all #i think the only thing i dislike about TTYD is theres no post-game content. like at all #like i have a save file from a year or so back where i played through the entirety of the game. beat the 100 trials and bonetail #and even got to the point that i was doing a danger run (i think i was doing a danger run before the trials and before i beat the game)#i had beat bonetail on the first try but only died in the trials once beforehand #did the glitz pit round 2 and can easily defeat rawk hawk in one turn #it kinda feels bad to go through all that and not have any post game to use your badges on #hell you cant even fight bonetail a second time #i havent 100%'d the game since that takes a long time to do #last i checked the 100% speedrun is like 8 hours. and a lot of that is due to the cooking iirc #i also remember when i was a kid and first got the game. i thought chapter 1 was going to be the whole game #for some reason i saw hooktail flying towards their castle and i was like ''oh. thats bowser.''#and so it was kind of wild to me to see there being more after that chapter #anyway thank you for asking :)

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amaradangeli · 2 years

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😭 emails with my dad…

12:22am Dad writes about Mom's anxiety over new house building & how she can't sleep 12:32am I reply about mom's anxiety over new house building & how she feels like he's not valuing her experience with this stuff

(important context: dad=stepdad, mom's high's school sweetheart, they reconnected 21 years ago and have been together since, but they had whole adult lives & marriages pass without each other)

12:42am Dad thanks me for my insight and hopes he didn't wake me. 12:43am I read the email but don't reply so I can pretend I didn't see it. 8:06am I reply that I read email #1 because I was still up but went to sleep immediately after 9:26am Dad says "bummer - don't want to need to worry about both of you not being able to sleep" 11:07am I confess I was awake chatting with friends (I left out Chenford week shenanigans which is *really* why I was up) 11:27am Dad says "perfectly(!) good reason to be up late. Thanks for letting me know. 🙂"

Why are parents sometimes so wonderful?