#and blocking everything else out

[litteredcorpses]

have i mentioned i think dark smells like a rotting corpse yet

cause i do

#Wilford Warfstache #Darkiplier #wkm #markiplier egos #artag #sorry he just does to me #a wet rotting corpse #wilford dolls him up constantly but otherwise he just doesnt care #dark seems like he's so focused on revenge that- #-he really just blocks out everything else most of the time #thats just me tho lmao

[mishapen-dear]

oh im gonna be SO annoying about bbh in a minute. i keep saying the same thing over and over again but his character is too fucking complex motherfucker is like:

"i'm a demon who is 11,000 years old and i refuse to acknowledge that im a demon nor that i do bad things (like steal furniture) but i will help people every chance i get despite saying im going to stop doing that and i am going to devote my life to protecting these fragile little eggs even though i know im going to lose them one day because i love them too much (and i know i can do that and it will one day be okay, because i have an immortal diamond to keep me company even if he isn't here now). when my friend throws himself beneath the spokewheel of the federation i will be there, bitter about my loss, but i will not start a revolution until he proves he deserves one. i will do what i can to safeguard his system against corruption because i am afraid the federation will use him to hurt us. i know he doesn't want to hurt us. he keeps hurting me. he is isolated by our distrust in him and he is still working hard to try to be a good person in an inherently corrupt system that cannot be fixed so i will build him a statue. i will not kill him when he takes a picture of me in the presidential chair (that was almost mine) and puts it on his wall and calls me 'employee of the month.' i didn't do all of that work for the federation i did it for him like i do it for others because they are my friends. i will exhaust every option i have to build a reason to NOT start a revolution. to not kill him. because i have to say that i tried. i feel like i have made so many compromises. i have held myself back to try to find reason. i will still remove his access to my base. when the island turns against me and he locks me in a cage for a crime i did not commit, i will remove everyone's access (except for my family the french and my family the eggs). i am having fun. when the eggs appear the next day with cracks and dirty shells i will worry, but i know they're strong. they'll be okay. (when i find my son's secret lab and his unethical experiments that cause him harm i will be proud because he has done what i do. he has helped. i want him to be safe but we are never safe and i trust him more than anyone else. i know now, and i can help him be safe.) when the eggs go missing i will be silent. i will look for them, and i will destroy for them, and i will bargain for them, and i will cry for them, and i will not accept their loss. when my friend who is president who once built a safehouse that saved my eggs' lives is finally damaged by the federation (like i knew he would be when he became president) and he starts to hurt people by pushing the same treatment onto them i will not be surprised. i will be surprised when he tries to marry me. i will not blame him (much) when he tries to kill me. our children are missing. he is forced to pretend that his is not. i wish i could too. i will not tell him yes or no because i need an open avenue to manipulate him (because to save him i will have to manipulate him). i will not marry him because he is out of his mind. i have said marriage is overrated. i have also said that i want to live with him in a house with our kids and my skeppy. when he tells me that he wants to be happy with me i will still say 'aw' because it is the most genuine thing he has said to me and i miss my friend. i will still try to kill him. i fail to kill him with someone else's plan. i don't place a block to lock him in place. i hesitate. it doesn't matter if it's on purpose because the next plan works. i will reveal an item that could destroy me to my closest allies (and tubbo) because it will let us save him. we save him. when he kills himself 18 times over i back away from the explosion in surprise and then step close again. while i have grieved i have thrown myself into mines. it doesn't matter. i am numb and want to feel something. everything has lost colour. we save him.

i visit federation workers and ask them about my eggs and they do not tell me anything. i know they are lying. i visit the graveyard to talk to my lost eggs. i have lost all of the eggs. i do not know how to save them. i lay in the mud. it rains and rain signifies the monster has returned to kill my children but my children are not here and so i do not care. when i go home i will become so angry and i will go down to my basement (which i have locked like my friend locked the entrance to his greatest fantasy. we are so alike and our delusions are different. he child was real; here is the secret to finding my children) where i have locked a federation worker away. i will not wash away the blood stains.

i am also part-time grim reaper and i only ever dress up in robes to make people drink more water."

#this was supposed to be a quick summary of his character. help. #this is a quick warning about the other bigger post i am writing about him and how his Whole Deal and World View is and why he's being so #soft with forever despite the Nightmare Horrors #to put it more simply: he's built different #qsmp #bbh #q badboyhalo #qsmp character analysis #<- more like qsmp character 'here is everything about this character but hang on there's even More' #HELLPPPPP IM IN THE TRENCHESSSS #did you know there's a 4096 character limit on a block of text. guess how i found that out #but everything is SO IMPORTANT to how he reacts to everything else #he holds grudges like nobody's business but he's also a hypocrite and plays favourites #he's stubborn and Chooses enemies and friends and there are always lines to cross but he understands context #and the forever thing has the context of bad looking at him and going 'i know what you're feeling. i know why you're doing this.' #'i know i would be worse'

[gayofthefae]

"X is the biggest Byler proof" - me all the time about everything

But it's this. It's this. Because this is what converted me. This is what made me go "there is heterosexual explanation for this" without even realizing it until I had a homosexual one. It's this shit.

#byler fight #stranger things #s3 fight? he was defending el and it came out wrong #everything else? they're just...um...very close #emotional intimacy doesn't have to be romantic yaknow! #but...wtf was this bullshit #you sound like nancy it's just that murray isn't there #(yet) #*cough* 'sexually experiment' murray quote *cough* #byler #as i like to say #this only has two explanations #homo(phobic) or homo(sexual) #i only came up with first because of mental block but threw it out immediately because duh to just be confused #until of course #homo(sexual)

[nburkhardt]

Let’s have some fun 😈 @i-less-than-three-you & @artiststarme

His knees hit the ground, pain shooting up and burning. His eyes red and wide, tears running down his face with a sob on his lips.

This wasn’t supposed to happen.

They were supposed to be fine.

Laying on the floor just a foot away from him is the two people he cared most about. They’re bodies still and drained of color. Red drops, splashes all around.

How did this happen?

How could he let this happen?

His whole world is shifting, he’s lost without them. He feels his heart break. This is the ultimate pain.

This wasn’t what he was expecting to see when he ran back here. He was supposed to see them laughing and waiting for them.

Why did he think splitting up a good idea?

Why did he let them go?

He can’t look away, he refuses to look away. This is where he’ll stay. His body screaming at him to move, his heart falling apart and his world no more.

How did he let this happen?

Steve gasps and quickly sits up, his heart beating way too fast for just being asleep.

He nearly jumps out of bed when something snakes around his waist, whipping his head to find Eddie’s arm around him and the man blinking up at him.

“Another nightmare, honey?”

Steve breathes, coming out harsh and short. He takes a moment before relaxing into the touch. Slowly makes his way down the bed, “ye-yeah”

Eddie hums, pulling him closer and squeezes him, “I got you, no need to worry”

He shakes his head, shifting to grab hold of the walkie on the nightstand. Eddie loosened his arm, letting him shift again to sitting up. Letting out a slow breath, he turns it on before putting it next to his mouth.

“Dust, you there?”

It’s quiet then, the only sounds coming from the wind blowing the trees, crickets singing and their breathing. He feels Eddie shift next to him, pulling him into his chest. He’s about to speak again when the walkie crackles to life

“I was sleeping, dude”

His lips pull into a relieved smile, that’s one of his favorite sounds.

“Sorry, just- had to hear you” he whispers into the walkie, not at all sorry.

Eddie presses a kiss to his temple, as Dustin’s voice comes through again “oh. Nightmare?”

He feels himself nod before, answering back.

“Yeah, go back to sleep. I’m good now”

Dustin immediately answers back, “you sure? I can bike over there”

He huffs out a laugh and feels Eddie chuckle, smiling and shaking his head.

“All good, love you shithead”

“Love you too, asshole”

______

I guess I couldn’t leave it completely angsty 🤷‍♀️

Hope I broke your heart and healed you within minutes 🥰 because that was most definitely the goal. Also it probably reads as many other fics oops, but what’s not broke don’t fix, ya know?

Permanent Taglist: (if you want to be added, let me know!)

@spectrum-spectre @itsfreakingbats @mysticcrownshipper @artiststarme @thereindeerlady @justforthedead89 @ronniescontinuum @freyaforestafay @littlewildflowerkitten @estrellami-1 @gregre369 @zerokrox-blog @bookworm0690 @flustratedcas @carlprocastinator1000 @marvelmwah @solliesolesito @navnae @i-less-than-three-you @strangersteddierthings

#angst #henderfam #steddie #mini fic #nburkhardt writes #I just started typing and this is how it turned out #I’ve got writers block for everything else again #stranger things #steddie fic #steve harrington angst #hurt and comfort

[ectonurites]

ZACH TAYLOR x MODERN BASEBALL on JOSH TEMPLETON and ALLISON BANNISTER

[ BROKEN CASH MACHINE | ROCK BOTTOM | THE OLD GOSPEL CHOIR | THE WEEKEND | ALPHA KAPPA FALL OF TROY THE MOVIE PART DEUX (2 DISC DIRECTOR'S CUT) | EVERYDAY | HOURS OUTSIDE IN THE SNOW | NOTES | I THINK YOU WERE IN MY PROFILE PICTURE ONCE | HOME | REVENGE OF THE NAMELESS RANGER | INTERSECTION ]

#super dark times #sdt #zach taylor #josh templeton #allison bannister #sam edits #the number of songs and gifs don't line up bc i used multiple bits of a few of the songs (bcm rock bottom & revenge of the nameless ranger) #anyways was having a 'listen to mobo's dicsography' day + some lines stood out... idk if this is comprehensible to anyone else but oh well #zach is simply sooo mobo coded To Me </3 originally i was gonna do 'zach & josh' and 'zach & allison' as separate sets but i kinda liked #the combo... it's all so twisted up together man!!!! everything happening with josh/the daryl situation being this Thing that blocks #zach from feeling able to pursue her and all (as most clearly laid out during the sex dream where the sword & josh loom over them lol) #oh and if its unclear: pink = zach (bc his cast <3) orange = josh (bc his coat) yellow = allison (bc her sunflower shirt & her daisy shirt) #(even tho those aren't pictured here. those are the costuming things tht stick with me for her) #also sorry this is LONG but i simply have. lots of thoughts. believe it or not this is the pared down version i originally had even MORE

[leopardom]

these have been sitting in my askbox for some hours now and i really didn’t want to bring them here but it looks like someone from the fandom has beef (if i can even call it like that) with me and idk what to do about it anymore

yes i do rant and yes i’m aware that sometimes i’m exaggerating and want validation, but i never have brought my rants into the hashtag. this is the first and the last time i’m doing it because i’m tired. idk what the hell i’ve done so wrong when all i want is to try and exist and connect and share whatever kind of content i can in here, but whatever that is, it seems to bother some people. so whoever you are, if you see this, PLEASE block me and stop bothering me from idk how many different accounts

#again i apologise for dropping this in the hashtag #idk what else to do anymore #i’ve already blocked two anonymous people like how many are there? wtf is happening? #btw if you wanted to make me question everything then congrats you made it #now i do feel like a bother so i’ll see myself out #joker out #this is emma speaking

[risingsunresistance]

i cant stop thinking about this so you guys get to see it too

also here's a closeup of his hotbar with the century cakes, it's the red and pink ones :]

#blocked out everything else i said bc it's not relevant here i was just chatting with everyone on priv :P #also if you havent seen this pic i thiiiiiiink his dad posted it to reddit?? not sure tho i just happened across it #technoblade #chat #priv

[yandere-daydreams]

back in the emergency room bc my kidneys keep trying to walk out of the job 🙄 pls send miguel thirsts of you have any to aid in these trying times.

#i'd also accept genshin #just really want the hornyness to block out everything else rn

[electrosquash]

I wish US Americans would at least specify the country their PSA posts are relevant to. If not tag them something i can filter. I don't need to get alarmed over new t-mobile fines only to dig out the keyword "all 50 states" at the bottom of a unsourced un-alttexted screenshot making the rounds. I only have so much care in a day and i'd rather use it for stuff actually relevant to me.

#if only it was one notorious poster that i could block. this stuff is everywhere. and it's drowning out actually relevant information. #if only it was one notorious poster that i could block. but no. us news is everywhere and unfilterable and drowning out everything else. #us centrism #ok to rb maybe it will change something. #i swear everyone else manages to have a tag for their local stuff. #and no i am not talking about things that require international solidarity. i am talking about t-mobile fines in this one instance. of many #it's especially bad with legal advice!

[chirpsythismorning]

I just wanna talk about this quick and then I’ll shut up forever.

I HATE byler kiss manips (not talking about fan-art, I’m talking about photoshopped byler edits using milkvan scenes). I hate them with a burning passion. The only exception to this would be when bylers use them as a response to homophobic anon asks... now that’s funny. But that’s it 🤣

Like I get it. It’s mostly all a big joke, but it’s just cringy to me..? And weird?? Why can’t we wait for the real thing???

AND YET! AND YET!… Even though I’m kind of contradicting myself by making this post in the first place, I honestly don’t see much value in confronting fans who do this or staging a whole call out about how it makes me personally feel uncomfortable for reasons x y z.

Because that’s just me. I’m sure there are some fans who agree with me and I’m sure there are plenty who don’t. But still, I don’t see the point in policing anyone that disagrees with me on this, to make them feel bad for engaging in fandom differently than me, to make a big spectacle about how it upsets me, bc the reality is, nuance exists!!!

While there are some people out there with horrible, even offensive or concerning takes, not every single disagreement of opinion needs to be put on blast as if that person is bad for whatever point they’re trying to make. Because now suddenly everyone is giving their two cents, clogging the tag to the point where no one can escape it. Now we’re all uncomfortable. Who is that helping?? No one!

So if you’re like me and there’s certain things that make you uncomfortable, no matter how small or even major, BLOCK.

Maybe you are just like me and you give someone a few chances, only to finally block them after one too many posts that are just 😬

Or maybe you block right away the moment you see something you didn’t want to and don’t want to risk seeing again.

I just hate this tendency fandoms (it’s all fandoms, not just st or byler) have to attribute one or even a couple hundreds of fans opinions, to the entire fandom… and then project that onto the rest of us like “IF YOU THINK THIS! YOU ARE BAD!” Like be real, there are hundreds of thousands of us, exponentially chances are there are gonna be a great deal of people you won’t agree with. That doesn’t mean we have to ruin this space for everyone.

I really don’t want to do this again, bc like I said, im basically contributing to the very thing I hate. I hate that I feel this need to voice my feelings on something everyone is already talking about, and now i’m also taking away from the aspects of fandom that can be fun and welcoming and worthwhile.

It’s just unfortunate how all fandoms put themselves in this situation. We allow one or a few to control the vibe of the tag and suddenly you can’t find theories or headcanons or just fun banter between fans. All you see is virtue signaling and people trying to find someone to blame. And then we wonder why fandoms fizzle out with resentment. Because we ruin it for ourselves. We turn on each other for the sake of being right. And it just sucks.

At the end of the day, everyone has the right to say how they feel. By all means, that is your choice and you can do whatever feels right to you. But just know that not everyone is going to agree. And that’s not always a bad thing. And even if and when it is, we don’t have to make it EVERYONES business.

#byler #honestly this could apply to literally any fandom drama #recently with the whole hose joke… #or the hc that Mike has an Ed #fans discussing these concepts aren’t inherently bad or wrong #that’s my opinion #you can feel differently and voice it and that’s your choice #but let’s not turn it into a war of you must think/feel this way bc that’s how I feel #some of us are more sensitive #some of us are more confrontational #if we were all the same there wouldn’t be much to talk about #there are pros and cons that come with fandom #it comes with a territory #if you see something disturbing and want to call it out! go right ahead!! #but also. #BLOCK #and let’s move on. #let’s not make it everyone in the tags problem to contend with #or else this isn’t going to be a space anyone will want to be apart of if we have to all agree about everything #sometimes you disagree with mutuals takes but that doesn’t mean you need to put them on blast #i disagree with ppl I love sometimes #we exist #i love u all #might delete l8r #but still I just had to get this off my chest even tho i contradicted myself by posting it in the first place 😭 #the byler tag is already over it too so pls ignore this post and let’s all move on 😅

[1pcii]

SHADAHKNKAS saw u in the notes of some kuina posts and that made me realize that there is simply a bond with kuina and tashigi fans, who may even often be the same fan, because AOUGHHH KUINA I CARE HIM SO MUCH episode 19 literally changed me forever. swords + gender struggles are all you need to hook me on a character sometimes Maybe. the whole greatest swordsman promise... sob. also. something about zoro promising his name will reach the heavens and trans kuina. which made me think.. what if kuina and The trans fear of dying then having your deadname on your tombstone that you can't do anything about because you're dead. kuina dying before they even get to figure everything out and all of a sudden he's just known as kuina forever, and then zoro making a name for himself in kuina's honor or something idk (i like zoro's backstory) (KUINA )

THERE ISS. people who theorise that they are secretly related or the same person or direct parallels are so close to getting it but don't imo (no shade to those theories tho, I just personally find them narratively unsatisfying).

like they are parallels in that kuina is symbolic of the sexism people suffer and tashigi is an adult woman who has come out the other end sword swinging but ultimately so unsure of herself as a result. also the (trans)genderisms, we are all hand in hand 🤝.

MAN KUINAS STORY BROKE ME DOWN ON A BASE LEVEL AND REWIRED NY BRAIN. I had to take a break from reading just to let it soak in it's so good, a swordsmans promise indeed, that scene was beautiful, I love zoro the world's first a accidental feminist <3. zoro carrying on her dream with his will never not have me in hysterics.

FUCK YEA THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I have soo many thoughts about baby!zoro and kuina and trangenderism. egg kuina cis zoro, egg kuina STEALTH TRANS ZORO ABSVDJFBKSHDKDN <333.

little baby zoro looking at his grave with the uncontrollable urge to carve out those letters. to carry and rearrange them and make sure they get back to him in the afterlife spelling 'worlds greatest swordsman'.

trans kuina makes me so emotional because ultimately I don't know if they were canonically trans but it's my FAVOURITE 'what if' for them. they never really got to be anyone outside the dojo masters daughter. the failure of a heir and the girl who beat zoro 2001 times. who would they have been if they got to grow up? come to terms with themselves and unlearned all that heavy, painful biases pushed onto them? as a transmasc who's studying into a (cis)male dominated field myself ik, the feelings of 'betrayal' and 'proving misogynists right' and imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues and perfectionism they might've gone through,,, sobbing my eyes out HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO MEE.

zoros backstory is genuinely one of my favourite parts of the manga idc how 'simple' it was it's still beautiful.

#kuina being the greatest swordsman of heaven and zoro being the greatest in hell. and they're besties and everything is good and nice :') #I fucking love him so much it's insane #him and zoro and koushiro are such interesting characters it's kinda a shame all ppl rlly focus on is the mundanity of their death and #how it 'sets a tone' and establishes a sence or mortality for zoro #like those things are important but let's talk about HER TOO!!! #the girl who wanted to be a 'boy' for her dream #who started out in self hatred but could've maybe grown to love of masculinity when exposed to healthy example of it #and I learning the internalized misogyny implanted by his father from within #psii.txt #text #ask #the-neighbours-kid #shimotsuki kuina #<-ooh using the official character tag for organising so if you see this in tag search I have a zero tolerance for ppl calling me or anyone #else a misogynist for having this hc. EPS my fellow transmascs who know what we're talking about #I will just block you #anyway cookie TY FOR SENDING THIS ASK YOU DONT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE KUINA... SHAKING UR HAND RN THEY ARE SO FUCKING GENDER 🤝🤝🤝 #trans headcanon #trans kuina #trans zoro

[licorishh]

Replayed Modern Warfare 3 2011 on Veteran tonight and goooooooood night. Blood Brothers never gets any easier to watch no matter how many times you've done it and the ending really never misses huh

I apologize for the amount of yapping in the tags I reread it all on mobile and started giggling because it went on for so long but eh. Blessed are those who won't shut the freak up and all that

#call of duty #modern warfare 3 2011 #i just. wow. wow wow wow wow wow #i've played these three games so many times over the last several years and i just. #they literally. never get old. #loose ends and blood brothers will never not make me cry and endgame and dust to dust will never not make me smile so hard #ending it with price smoking the cigar like he did in the first mission in the first game wHEN HE FIRST MET SOAP JUST UGHHHHHH. #i know y'all don't care but i don't care that y'all don't care i could literally yap about this until i shrivel up and die #i have never ever ever in my LIFE seen poetic justice played out so beautifully like it is at the very end #JUST. WOW. WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW. WOW WOW. WOW #they do not frickin make games like that anymore DADGUM #i also forgot how frickin sad down the rabbit hole is?? like jeez louise they didn't have much screen time but gosh #i also have never in my life heard such gut-wrenching anguish from a grown man in my life like price in that one scene #I KNOW Y'ALL KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT THAT MAN MAKES ME FULL ON S O B IN THAT PART HE HAD NO BUSINESS #anyway i'll keep cutely living in denial and pretending literally any of the main characters besides price and nikolai are fine <3 #foley and dunn and their team seemed just fine at the end of modern warfare 2 so i will accept that small mercy #at this point these games have taken everything else i love away from me so #y'all probably think i'm wild for how insane i get over these games but the nostalgia bit is a big part of it as well #like they're honestly in my opinion genuinely the greatest video games of all time #but the fact that i have that connection with my dad makes it so special #crazy cause he said he also cried in blood brothers and my dad is 54 and i have seen him cry one (1) other time in my entire life #heck infinity ward but also bless them i hope the devs live long beautiful wonderful prosperous delightful exciting fulfilling lives #Lord bless them and their entire bloodline for the contributions they have made to humanity not even joking #AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FREAKING SOUNDTRACKS DO NOT GO THERE OAUSYDJAKAKDN #MW2 AND MW3 CREDITS. EXTRACTION POINT. COUP DE GRACE. RETREAT AND REVEILLE. CONTINGENCY. PARIS SIEGE. PRAGUE HOSTILITIES. RUSSIAN WARFARE. #UGHHHHHHHGHHHH everything about these games is so unbelievably perfect and immaculate #i have got to get over my art block NOWWWWWWWWWW #makarov is also the best villain i've ever seen idc bro he's frickin awesome #i mean obviously he's horrible and a disgustingly evil human being but as a character he's stupidly well-written

[arctic-hands]

The subject came up today and I can't decide so I'm throwing it out there because I don't give a fuck and also having survived all of this kinda makes me sound like a badass

#my life sounds exciting here but between the exciting parts it's really quite boring #ages: #8. 9. 10? 16. 17. 18. 21 I think. 23. 27. still living #near death experience #also it may have been category one but Wikipedia described Isaias as devastating so there #i want to say it was the dogs because even as scary as the too-close tornado was I really felt like I was staring down death that moment #but also is that fair in the face of everything else I've survived? #fuck it why not set it for a week I'm curious about what other people think of my life #also that tornado was less than a block away but mostly stayed in the soy field. ripped off some of the roofing of the house tho #it was either EF0 or EF1 I forget but obvs I didn't know that while hunkering down #turns out tornadoes really DO sound like trains and the air gets a bit thin #or maybe I was just panicking lol #also when my heart nearly stopped I was forced to watch while unable to speak as they readied the shock paddles which. uh. wow #luckily (?) my heart shot back up to two hundred plus beats per minute #but I lived bitches. thru everything #mecore #i don't feel awkward asking about this bc I'm p sure I've talked about all of these at various points here

[bravevolunteer]

me: just sitting here

brain: anyway. tma michael's apocalypse fear domain would be a small restaurant building that, when you enter it, is full of seemingly endless hallways and rooms that are a recreation of the restaurants. it invokes a feeling of bittersweet childhood nostalgia, almost LOOKS like the local places you went no matter where you were, but the air is hot and suffocating and the further you walk the more everything starts to look progressively melted until all of your surroundings are up in flames. you are compelled to try and play the assorted arcade games because for some unexplained reason you're convinced they'll provide an escape and it's Your Life, it's your life and in it everything you've ever loved is slowly ripped away and you can FEEL all of it as if it's actually happening. but the worst part is the guilt, it's all your fault and you know it, why not just walk into the flames and become part of the destruction you created? and at the center of it all where you'd expect the charred remains of its victims is just a childhood bedroom. the figure there is in flames too.

me: WOAGHWOAHWOAH WOAH OKAY. OKAY. ALRIGH-

#WHERE DID THAT COME FROM!!!! #i swear to god . it's possession that's how this happens because what the hell #anyway... now i'm . hooo boy okay #where the tenement block is the fear of having one's home destroyed... this is the fear of destroying it yourself #it wasn't your fault you had everything ripped away from you but no matter how much you tried to say that it persists back #with yes it was. it WAS YOU. it's drilled into your head until you believe it and don't know how to do anything else but keep destroying #yeah michael has a very FOCUSED goal on targeting his father but uh. apocalypse?? would kinda throw all that shit out the window #You're Getting A Domain #⁂ ･ﾟ: i was looking for a job‚ and then i found a job‚ and heaven knows i’m miserable now ➛ ooc #ask to tag #??? HEAVY-

[vulpinesaint]

mkay not to be like. a little insane or anything. but god i've been going crazy over religion (catholicism) and blood lately. did anyone else drink blood as worship every week since they were seven. was anyone else inundated with images of open wounds as holy. is anyone else consumed by the thought of holding onto a crucifix tightly enough for the edges of it to draw blood. i turned in a poem about drowning in communion wine in an empty church while bleeding from crucifix-inflicted hand wounds and trying to talk to god and my creative writing professor gave me extremely normal critiques i feel like i'm losing my mind

#is ANYONE ELSE here. #also i made my poetry insta and i was gonna backpost but i think i might just sit and stare at it until april sfkghsd #it's me and my few hundred tumblr followers on my poetry acc. and the five thousand pornbots on this one ig #life is so. like. #i CONSTANTLY think that being raised catholic didn't do that much to me but obviously it did SOMETHING #you know what. yeah. cause i didn't end up with guilt over being queer but i did end up having my whole world view torn away from me #cause when god is the fundamental building block to everything... #my parents were extremely reasonable about things all things considered #but losing trust and faith in god is like having the bottom block pulled out of your little tower #and since i was fifteen i feel like i've been trying to either get it out fully without letting it all crumble #or trying to push it back without causing more damage #and the tower's never gonna be the same no matter what. you know. #i suck at self reflection so i never actually think about this stuff but dear god does it consume me #like no i did not end up with catholic guilt really. however being asked to examine yourself as a sinner at 7 will do things to you #HATE myself why am i still awake. so fucking upset i need to be up so early tomorrow skdjfgh #screaming and crying. anyway anyone else up thinking about catholicism and blood??? #valentine notes #catholic tag

[joyridingmp3]

i have been doing this thing where i have been accidentally eating nutritious meals, not drinking caffeine, not smoking, not drinking alcohol, and not eating any junk food and holy shit i feel amazing??? my mood has just increased so much and I'm NEVER tired and I've been having rare if no negative thoughts. has anyone heard of being healthy this is insane?

#to be fair i smoked like 4 times in the last two weeks #bc those were stressful days #but also considering everything else I've given up im fine with that #the fact that i #a guy who struggled with body image and anorexia and bulimia and binge eating and has an insane sweet tooth #bought a block of chocolate #over two weeks ago #and I still haven't eaten it #because I've been like. eating proper meals #is HUUUGE #i can't believe it! #my skin is glowing! a bunch of my coworkers complimented me earlier this week #i know what I'm like and I'm not going to completely cut out chocolate or anything #but the fact that i haven't even Wanted it is just insane to me #I've also been setting so many boundaries at work and in my personal life #not doing things that i don't want to do #this last month has just been amazing #ever since my naming ceremony ever since november i feel like I've literally physically (as well as figuratively re singing lessons) #cut out all of my shit that I've accidentally let grow #guy who recently discovered eating 3 nutritious meals a day: hey has anyone heard of this? #i do want to do more strength based exercise for my longevity just in case I'm fortunate enough to make it to old age #so I'll buy some weights later on but I've been doing yoga for now which has been cool #never thought I'd be this kinda person #I just kind of assumed I'd be living off monster energy zero and cigarettes for the rest of my life #I've also been enjoying logging all of my food that I eat into my phone app #because it breaks down how much of which vitamins and other nutrients you've eaten #and shows you where from #mine #anyway. this is the most sober and heslthy I've perhaps ever been in my life and holy shit this is transformative for me #feels weird to say it but I'm so glad i got sick that one week and went off food and coffee and cigarettes