#and boy i cannot WAIT to experience that shit again because i love pain apparently

[mageofseven]

Hi I just recently discovered your blog and I’m in love with your writing! I have a little request if you don’t mind. The brothers (and undateables I’d you want to) finding MC bruised and beaten and later discovering they got into a fight with another demon. Thank you in advance if you decide to write this!

Awww thank you so much! I might end up doing the Undateables in another post, but I'll just stick to the Brothers for this one.

And thanks for requesting 😊

TWs: violence, vague s*xual assault

Spoiler warning: 1st year spoilers in Lucifer's and vaguely in Belphie's section

~

Lucifer:

Was checking out the area under Diavolo's orders.

Apparently there have been some people sneaking around in the old Colosseum and normal methods to keep other demons away from the historical landmark have been futile.

That and word has made it's way that some criminals have been using the place to secretly make dealings

So when he got there, he had expected to find some such people lurking around

Instead he found MC on the ground in the center, bruised and bleeding with their arm bent in a very concerning way.

He rushed up to them, calling their name and checking them for signs of life.

Honestly, the man was having major flashbacks to the day he lost his sister.

This was exactly where Lilith fell and Lucifer had to watch his sister, all broken and in pain until Diavolo came and he had to make the deal that changed everything

The deal that eventually led to MC's existence

Yet here they were now, in exactly the same place and state and the demon couldn't help but break down for a minute with panic he tried so hard to conceal.

The human let out a groan and the man could only sigh in relief.

"MC, oh thank the Devil..."

"Luce...?"

"You'll be alright." He promised. "I'll take you over to have Simeon heal you."

Despite the internal panic and flashbacks of such a traumatic event, he still handled the situation well.

Once MC was all healed up, he asked them what happened.

Apparently, they found a note that someone had stuffed in their school bag, asking for them to meet at the Colosseum.

They thought it was weird, but curiosity had gotten the better of them so they went and were attacked while exploring the ancient building.

The demon had meant to kill her, but sensed Lucifer approaching so they dropped the human and ran for it.

Ends up getting as much info from them about the attacker as he can.

Even if MC doesn't want the demon to die for what they did, they get no say in the matter.

Because of their status as exchange student, this attack is a political issue and the consequences Lord Diavolo warned his people about originally must be put into play.

Politics aside though, Lucifer would never let any being who hurt MC get away with it.

Becomes a lot stricter with what they can and cannot do

Like, they're not even allowed to go for a walk around the block without either him or his brothers accompanying them.

Even changes up their class schedule to make sure they have at least one of his brothers with them per class and they even have to walk MC to their next one.

Any arguments about this from MC or the brothers fall on deaf ears.

He will never let anyone lay a hand on them again.

Mammon:

School day had ended and he was on his way to pick MC up from their class.

Since Lucifer decided the day they came that he was responsible for their safety, he always had to do stuff like this.

He was late today though since his teacher held him back after class.

Blah blah F on the test, blahh blah summer school, blaah blahh blaaaah. Whatever man; he wasn't listening

And because of them, he was late. So much so that when he arrived at the human's classroom, they weren't there.

Lowkey panicked.

Shit. Shit shit shit, where'd they go???

Practically runs in the halls trying to find them

Knows Lucifer will have his head for this if he can't track 'em down.

Ends up hearing some kind of ruckus in the courtyard

And finds a big group of students forming a circle and chanting "Fight!"

"Oh yell!" Is momentarily distracted from his problem and joins the group. "Fight! Fight! Fight--."

Oh shit. That's his human in the circle!

Mammon's brain just started buffering as he watched MC dodge and weave, even getting some good hits in. The second brother was actually pretty impressed.

The lower demon in the fight eventually lost his footing and fell to the ground, giving an opening for MC to give a big kick between his legs and the demon let out a shrill scream. His green skin started smoking and changed to grey as it hardened and suddenly seemed more like stone than a person.

The circle of students started cheering and Mammon's jaw practically hit the floor.

Holy shit, the human did it!

MC fell the ground, panting heavily and bruised from head to toe.

Mammon finally rushed up to them.

"Damn, MC! You're gonna give me a heart attack!"

All of a sudden, some students started running and others just quickly jumped back, revealing Lucifer and Diavolo.

....yep, he's dead.

The two older demons started asking MC questions as they caught their breath and Mammon tried to sneak away.

Lucifer grabbed his brother by his jacket, but otherwise paid him no mind as MC told their tale.

Apparently this demon that sits behind them in their Devildom History class had been giving them crap for a while; calling them names and pushing them around. Today they even started touching them in places that made them wanna break the demon's hand.

MC snapped and told them such. The demon only grinned. Honestly, he was probably waiting for them to say that.

From there, he dragged them out by their hair and the rest is rather obvious.

Diavolo had some of his men carry the demon away. Apparently, the stone-like skin is defense mechanism, essentially the equivalent of a turtle hiding in their shells for that sub-race of demon.

The prince assured MC that the demon will be dealt with and tasked Lucifer with getting them healed up.

Mammon was hung upside down from the roof for a few hours for letting this happen, but MC was patched up and okay in the end.

Leviathan:

He usually buys all of his otaku stuff off of Akuzon

But occasionally, he likes to go out and by manga at this store downtown.

It's a once in a blue moon sort of thing, but he still does it

MC felt like taking a walk so they joined him

The two explored the shop as Levi fanboyed about seemingly every other series he passed.

The otaku had already started a pile of manga he planned to buy.

He didn't even notice when MC left his side until he approached the counter to pay

Boy just assumes you bailed on him at first and sinks into self-loathing mode

Until he heard a scream from outside.

He abandoned his manga and raced out, just in time to see another demon run for it and MC leaning against the building.

Their right arm was bleeding from the holes and claw marks made into it.

The third brother started freaking out and rushed them home, even leaving his books there.

When they get back, Lucifer patches them up with a first aid kit and a little bit of a potion.

MC explains how they were shopping with Levi when all of a sudden they saw Beel outside the store waving at them

She went out to talk to him, but then suddenly, it wasn't Beel anymore.

Apparently, it was a shapeshifting demon and, since they specifically choose Beel's form to take, Lucifer assumed that they must have been watching them for a while and planning this attack. They likely chose Beel because they knew he was someone MC would let their guard around.

Levi felt like crap for letting them get hurt, but MC said it was their fault for being tricked.

Lucifer decided it was both their faults and gave them both a long lecture

Satan:

The fourth brother invited MC out for coffee

The blonde actually really likes the atmosphere of coffee shops and wanted to share it with them

The two ordered their coffee and sat at their table while talking about books. He recently read a book on artic fauna from the human world and was comparing the information he read with their own knowledge

It was a very relaxing experience like most of MC's quality with Satan.

Before the two of left, MC had to stop in the restroom.

That demon waited patiently for the human at their table, but when almost ten minutes went by, he became a bit annoyed and puzzled.

Not wanting to be rude, but also ready to leave, Satan approached the bathroom door

He paused mid knock when her heard a low growl followed by a cry from MC

Now in his demon form, the blonde kicked the door off its hinges. It wasn't locked or anything, but the man was super pissed.

Found a demon pressing MC, who had a gash in their head, against the opposite wall

'An eye for an eye' is more or less the philosophy he followed here, or rather, a head for a head.

He took the demon and slammed his head into another wall over and over again.

MC had to run up and tell him to stop after the other demon passed out.

They left the demon on the floor of the bathroom and Satan, with his arms around MC to keep them close, headed back to House of Lamentation

The human didn't want the other brothers to see them like this and worry so Satan snuck them into his room and went to get the first aid kit.

It was quiet between the two as he patched them up.

"I'm sorry for scaring you." He said as he finished with their stitches. "Seeing you hurt like that just made my blood boil. They deserved it, but you shouldn't have had to watch."

"It's okay... thank you for saving me."

The two spent the rest of the night huddled together in his room, reading and just settling down from the incident.

Asmodeus:

Shopping trip!

Asmo was a bit too enthusiastic about it, but that's part of why MC was all too willing to go

He mainly just wanted to see MC in cute outfits, but also bought a few for himself

Any self-consciousness MC might feel on her own is long gone when they spend time with him. He's always hyping them up and complimenting them and overall making them feel beautiful.

Time spent with Asmo is always a good time and well spent.

The fifth brother does actually leave their side for a bit after they found someone hot to flirt with

MC didn't mind and just let the Avatar of Lust do his thing as they continued to look through the racks.

At some point a very good looking demon approached them and started flirting with them

It became obvious that this dude was one of Asmo's demons, another demon of lust

Even with this in mind though, their attention really did make the human feel special, even if they probably said such sweet words to everyone

MC underestimated the demon, thinking that just because Asmo wasn't the aggressive sort that the demons under him wouldn't be either

Ends up following him out of the store and makes out with him against the wall of the building

They didn't understand why they were doing this, but the human's mind had been feeling foggy for a while now.

Suddenly, MC's whole body started to feel heavy and they were so dizzy that their vision was just a blur

Ends up passing out and waking up a few minutes later to Asmo crying as he stood over them and begging them to wake up

"Azzy?"

The man threw his arms around them.

Finds out that the fifth brother went looking for them when he saw that they weren't in the store anymore. He came outside just in time to see one of his underlings try to suck their soul out of their body.

As soon as they heard their superior's voice though, they dropped the human and ran.

The two went straight home and Asmo was extra clingy with them for the rest of the day.

Beelzebub:

The two of them went together to Madam Screams since they were both craving sweets.

Beel was really hungering for a cherry pit pie (though of course he planned on order other things as well) while MC was really hankering for some chocodevil cake.

The two happily got in line to pick out their treats, but MC stepped out to get a clearer view of the case with all of the treats to see if they wanted anything different instead.

Ends up getting attacked by a famished, minor demon of gluttony and slammed down on the glass case containing the sweets.

Beel jumped into gear; he changed into his demon form and threw the other demon off of them.

During the skirmish, the two ended up breaking down a wall and crushing three tables.

When the fight ended, the big guy rushed up to MC to make sure they're okay.

The human was bleeding and had a lot of glass shards embedded in their back and arms.

Though worried, the sweet boy keeps himself together and carefully takes out the bigger shards.

Rushes them home, treats forgotten.

Once home, Lucifer is the one who gets the rest of the glass out of their back and cleans up their wounds.

Beel stays by their side and lets them squeeze their hand when Luce's clean up hurts too much.

Luce gives his younger brother a lecture for all the stuff he had broken back at Madam Screams, but is surprisingly lenient with him.

The older brother didn't say it (and honestly, he should have), but he was proud of his brother for stepping up and protecting MC, but at the same time, expected nothing less from him.

Yeah, Lucifer will likely get sent the bill, but MC's safety is more important.

Belphegor:

Belphie had fallen asleep during class; no surprise there.

The rest of the students left the room when class ended, but the seventh brother continued to sleep at his desk.

MC found his sleeping face cute and didn't want to wake the demon

So instead, they hung around the classroom, waiting for the Avatar of Sloth to awake; the school day was over and the classroom wasn't going to be used for anything else so they thought there'd be no harm in hanging around.

Sadly, they were wrong.

Another student, a jerk from their Seductive Speechcraft class had waited for them to leave the classroom in order to harass them, but when they didn't come out, he came in.

Eventually had them backed up against the wall and forcing their hand up their shirt, causing the human to yelp.

He tried covering their mouth with his other hand, but MC bit them, angering the demon and leading them to putting their hands around their throat as he yelled at them.

The entire time, the minor demon never saw the Avatar of Sloth sleeping at his desk.

Big mistake.

Belphie woke up and saw the scene before him, turning into his demon form real quick.

Didn't hesitate to grab a hold of the bastard and make him let go of MC, who was now gasping for much needed air.

The seventh brother used his miasma aura to weaken the demon as he was now the one doing the choking with the lower demon.

MC covered their face and cried in their corner on the floor.

It was too similar to That Night™️ and the human was bordering on panic attack because of it.

Once the minor demon passed out, Belphie turned and saw MC crying on the floor.

He rushed up to them, but stopped once MC started screaming and begging for him to stay back.

That look in their eyes... it was the same fearful look he remembered from That Night™️

And it killed Belphie inside because he never wanted them to be scared of him ever again.

He waited for the human to calm down and, with their permission, slowly approached them.

He wanted to hug them, but was afraid that they'd just be reminded of it even more so he held back.

Surprising him, the human hugged him instead.

He held them tight for as long as they needed and started to notice the bruises forming on their neck

The two went home after that and reported the incident to Lucifer before Belphie dragged MC with him for a nap.

He chose Beel and his' room since he knew the attic would probably be too much for them right now.

Cuddled close to them and apologized for all of it. For falling asleep and leaving them defenseless. For the other demon's attack. For scarying them. Above all, that he was sorry for That Night™️

~

Masterlist

#obey me #obey me otome #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me mc

[wherethingscomebackx]

Top 25 Larry fics of 2019

It’s that time again!

You may be familiar with these lists:

Top 25 Larry fics of 2016

Top 25 Larry fics of 2017

Top 25 Larry fics of 2018

As always, I read a lot of fic and the majority of it is Larry. I like making lists and I like Larry so I thought I’d do some minimal research of the top 25 larry fics published/completed in 2019 in order of least to most kudos (with links). All of these fics are top notch so you should all check them out! 

25.) Foolishy Laying Our Hearts on the Table by @runaway-train-works (11k)

“You think Harry wants that?”

“Dunno. Maybe. Wanna make him happy.” Harry takes advantage of the red light he’s pulled up to turn and look properly at Louis’ face. He’s not even looking in Harry’s direction though, focused instead on something out of his side window, head drooped, mindlessly playing with the string of his hoodie between his fingers, lost in his own world somewhere. For some reason, it makes Harry’s spine straighten.

“Because he’s your best mate?” Harry questions carefully.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

He couldn’t have heard him right. “What?”

Louis releases a deep breath, still not turning around. Harry wonders who he thinks he’s talking to right now. “He’s so pretty. Want to kiss him all day long. And buy him a big house and give him presents and marry him.”

Or

The one where Harry is in love with his best friend Louis but doesn't think he stands a chance until some wisdom teeth and a rather unusual confession might just change his mind.

24.) Tainted Saints And Velvet Vices by @toomanydreamers (126k)

A self-fulfilling Hogwarts AU in which Louis is new to seventh year and Harry is the resident devil-may-care Slytherin set to make his entire experience a living misery. Due to less than favourable circumstances they're forced to forge an unwilling, tentative relationship for their own survival. Repressed emotions, decidedly unromantic ballroom dancing, Triwizard Tournament tasks, creative jinxes and twilight flying above the Forbidden Forest ensue.

23.) all we can do is keep breathing by @avocadolouie (310k)

“Harry, I-I’m so sorry…” Louis stutters out, trying to keep his voice level and even, to portray a depiction of strength, but with the way Harry is looking at him, staring at him like he has a personal passage way straight to Louis’ soul, it’s so hard, nearly impossible.

That simple opening phrase, that short introductory acknowledgement that is often rushed out so easily, painlessly, at a safe distance. Giving a doctor the ability to portray empathy without true emotion, without feeling the full brunt and sheer force of the underlying pain itself.

But Louis feels it, he feels the crushing agony laced behind the phrase, he feels the weight of the painful words slipping from his lips, the cause and effect that the three-word expression holds. The distantly empty “I’m so sorry” that doctors throw out in self-preservation, isn’t at all empty for him. Louis recognizes it, he understands it, he feels it.

--

a fated story of two broken and battered boys who barely survived the unimaginable and how the love of one little brave girl defies all the odds and somehow puts them back together.

22.) Raise a Glass to the Four of Us by @2tiedships2 (25k)

Louis stared at his luggage.

Well. Apparently not his luggage, because the clothing he was looking at currently was a: worth more than everything he currently possessed, b: not his size at all, and c: more suited for a fancy ass lawyer than a holiday in NYC with his best mates.

“Ooh, nice loafers,” Niall said as he pulled one out of the suitcase. “I love the rainbows.”

“Okay,” Liam began. “What do you want to do first? Eat, shop for new clothes, or spend hours on the phone with the airline?”

Louis continued to stare at the luggage.

21.) You Have to Retreat to Advance by @2tiedships2 (18k)

“What am I going to do, Perrie? I can’t go on this retreat by myself. My boss literally said he wants to meet my omega.” Harry paused. “Okay, not literally but he definitely expects me to be bringing him.”

“Don’t people go on these things by themselves?” Perrie asked.

Harry shrugged. “Of course but that’s not the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“My boss is expecting to meet my omega! I don’t have an omega!”

“Is this a paying gig?” Perrie asked.

“You mean paying an omega to spend the weekend with me? I’m sure the resort has nice amenities. Does that count?”

“I take that as a no,” Perrie said with an eye roll. “It’s okay, Louis might be willing to do it for free.”

“Who’s Louis?”

Or the one where Harry is expected to bring his longterm omega to the company's mountain retreat. Since he hadn't told anyone that they'd broken up months ago, he now has to find someone willing to play the part.

20.) A Darker Shade of Love by LittleSpoonStyles94 (750k)

Louis is a 30 year old multi-billionaire with a very dark past. He is violent and is a sadist with a taste for pain. Harry Styles is a 19 year old student who sets out to London after being kicked out by his homophobic father to follow his dreams. He wants to go to the best University to study but he needs a lot of money so he starts to work as a part time stripper at a gay club to support his studies and his life. The club he works at, Garland's, is part owned by Louis Tomlinson. When they meet, its life changing for the both of them.

19.) You Still Make Sense to Me by @amories (37k)

Harry, Louis, and their family navigate life together through the years.

18.) Like Water Over Fire (Like Water On Fire) by @mcssymon (119k)

“I’m sorry your highness, I think I misheard you, did you really say that you are hoping to meet your husband?” Oh god, Louis panicked. Was Prince Harry gay? Was he even allowed to be gay? Surely he wouldn’t be allowed to have a selection from a group of men, right?

Prince Harry looked partly like he wanted to laugh, but also very, very nervous about what he had just admitted, “Yes, sir, you heard correctly”

Or Prince Harry has 46 men and 13 weeks to find the husband of his dreams, Louis has a limited amount to time to live out a royal fantasy. They might just be exactly what the other needs.

17.) waiting for the tides to meet by @nauticalleeds (59k)

Louis lets out a deep breath, thinking about Harry’s soulmate. Thinking about how Harry’s soulmate is probably as beautiful as Harry, some person that Louis cannot compare to, and how the universe has chosen them to be Harry’s. Fuck the universe. “Fuck you,” he calls out to the universe. He’s aware of how crazy he sounds.

Maybe he is crazy, with how he’s falling for Harry. And fuck that, too.

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

Featuring a lovely cup of OT5, a road trip down the coast, and a scene where Harry eats a whole head of lettuce. Don't ask why.

16.) Call Answered by @vondrostes (249k)

The day after his 27th birthday, Harry Styles attempts suicide. Louis is flown to his bedside to unravel the mystery of why he did it after a flash drive is found with a note attached, addressed to Louis. On it are a collection of 78 songs, all written for different dates from their past.

15.) Counterbalance by @louandhazaf (44k)

Harry Styles loves two things: teaching ballet and racing motorcycles. Those two worlds collide when his greatest rival on the track, Louis “Tommo” Tomlinson brings his tiny siblings to Harry’s class.

14.) Everywhere and Nowhere by @2tiedships2 (16k)

Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food."

"What has he given you?" Liam asked.

Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though."

"Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school."

"What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?"

"I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you."

Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

13.) Swallow The Knife by whoknows (76k)

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

12.) and oh, all of your saturdays could end up in woe by ihavetoomuchfreetime (70k)

a fic in which louis' in a long-term relationship with an abusive asshole, niall, zayn and liam are so far but not really, and harry is that all too friendly guy who works in sainsbury's.

11.) thinking about the t-shirt you slept in by @absoloutenonsense (52k)

Harry's alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam's latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis' financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.

10.) Consequences by @allwaswell16 (78k)

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

9.) Strawberries & Cigarettes by @dimpled-halo (76k)

Harry looks up and immediately freezes. Next to Ms. Archie stands the boy from just the other day. The boy with the leather jacket and chipped black nails, that might or might not be sketched in the very book Harry has just placed on the table in front of him. The leather jacket is missing today, probably because they aren’t allowed as part of their required uniform attire, but Harry can still see the fading black nail polish on his nails, and eyeliner around his eyes. Harry’s mouth goes a little dry. This boy is so intriguing to him.

“Ye-yes, Ms. Archie?” Harry tries to play it cool, but he’s almost positive that his cheeks are burning red, and he’s relieved neither of them can tell how fast his heart is beating in his chest.

The boy seems to also recognize Harry, because his lips curve into a knowing smirk.

“Harry is at the top of his class. He’s your best bet at getting familiar with things around here.” She explains.

Louis nods, his smirk still very prominent on his face. “Thank you Ms. Archie. I’ll be sure to take advantage of young Harold here.”

*

Summary: Two stories, eleven years, and the two boys that never stopped loving each other.

8.) Pain makes people change by Deidei (113k)

An organization called Canis Lupus existed solely for changing humans imprisoned in their wolf form back to their human form. Some people after experiencing some traumatic event can only ‘’protect’’ themselves from the pain by forgetting everything. To do that, to feel safe, they shift into their wolf form.

Which they'll be stuck in forever should no one intervene.

Louis Tomlison went through a traumatic experience at the age of twelve in which he lost his mother, to make the pain go away he shifted into a wolf and fled. He survived in the wild as a wolf for five years until Canis Lupis caught him... Though he wasn't alone, he had a pup at his side.

7.) Pretty Please (With Sugar On Top) by @angelichl (113k)

Harry is a sugar baby omega who cons rich alphas for a living. Louis is a rich alpha with too much self-control.

6.) Enemies with benefits by ssii8 (267k)

Where Harry is captain of basketball team and Louis is captain of football team and they hate each other. But somehow this doesn't stop them from having sex.

And everything is perfect until they start to feel something more.

5.) Ready To Fall by whoknows (21k)

“Ninety and rising,” Nick says triumphantly, as though making Harry’s heartbeat pick up by thrusting an obscenely attractive person in front of his face is any kind of success. “Louis Tomlinson has just walked into our control room and suddenly our dear Harry Styles has lost all ability to speak. Could this be some kind of strange coincidence?”

“I hate you,” Harry hisses, forcing his eyes back into Nick’s direction, uncaring that the mic must have picked it up. “I thought we agreed that you were going to play fair.”

“I’m sure I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Nick denies, except he’s holding up a picture of Louis’ face now, sharp cheekbones prominent, soft lashes nearly sweeping against his cheeks as he looks down, and his fucking mouth –

“A hundred and two!” Nick crows, all but clapping his hands together in glee. “The highest it’s ever been!”

“To be fair, I did bend over the desk on purpose,” Louis’ voice comes crackling in the headphones. Harry practically breaks his neck whipping his head around at the sound of it, gaping at him through the glass panel. “You can’t really blame him for getting a little excited about that, can you?”

4.) Close to Nowhere by @angelichl (34k)

“I will kill you in your sleep,” Louis threatened as he quickly stepped out of his jeans.

“I don’t think that would work very well baby, seeing as you talk to dead people all the time.”

“I’ll kill you in your sleep and ignore your ghost. And don’t call me that.”

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

3.) Play Pretend, Find a Friend? by @angelichl (40k)

They had to pull back for air. Louis surveyed the guy’s face, in awe of his blown pupils and sharp jawline, the way their shared spit glistened on his lips.

“Hi,” he breathed. He blinked, and came back to himself a little bit, blushing at his own boldness. “Sorry. Is this okay?”

The stranger removed his right hand from the curve of Louis’ waist in order to cup his jaw, tilting it up to the angle he desired. He pressed their lips together, murmuring, “Definitely.” And then he kissed harder.

When Louis sees his ex-boyfriend kissing a random girl at a party, he acts out of blind jealousy. He kisses the first guy he can find. It turns into a thing.

INSPIRED BY CLOUDS.

2.) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat by @angelichl (34k)

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

1.) All My Colours by IceQueenRia (267k)

Green… yellow… red. Red! RED!!!

Some people were born Dominant and others submissive. Sixteen year old Louis Tomlinson was a submissive and was proud to be so… until he was forced to his knees for the first time. The man before him was every subs nightmare, an abusive Dom, the kind who didn’t believe in the colour ‘red’ unless it was in the form of blood.

There were others, but Louis was the ‘favourite’ and he was the one the Dom liked to ‘play with’ the most. In fact, when the rescue team arrived, Louis was the one currently providing ‘service’ to the Dom.

Or

Louis, Zayn and Niall are abused subs. Liam Payne is their devoted new Guidance Counsellor who just wants to make Niall smile and hear Zayn speak. As for Louis, he knows his guidance won’t be enough to help the boy heal. No, Louis Tomlinson needs something very special and very specific. He needs Harry Styles.

#larry #larry stylinson #harry styles #louis tomlinson #fic rec #larry fic rec #one direction #1d #one direction fan fiction #larry fan fiction #larry is real #larry fic #dom/sub fic #alpha/beta/omega verse #1d fan fiction

[frecklef0x]

Mass Effect 1: Playthrough Masterpost

At last, I have finished Mass Effect 1!

I have heard some mutuals say they wish they could play it again for the first time, and you kind of can--through me! I’ve been posting little “episodes” of live-tweet-stream-of-consciousness as I play, and now I’ve compiled them into one post to make my life easier.

Anyway, here’s the first one, the rest are under the cut. :)

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode one

My ass looks great in this uniform, first of all

Impaled robo zombies, yikes

Cheap shot, Saren, smh. How will I pass my spectre test now?!

Why does he have robot eyes? Is he like, Geth-Turian? Why? Is he a robo zombie also? Was it the beacon???

Cool beacon nightmares, I'm sure this is fine

This Kaiden guy has implants? ORTEGA?!??!?

"Call me princess again and you'll be picking your teeth up off the floor" lol obliterated

The citadel elevators are very realistic, five minutes of tense silence huh

Ya girl got a PROMOTION and a DOPE SQUAD time to catch a TRAITOR

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode two

First things first, gotta go find the blue scientist to join the gang

This galaxy is HUGE! How many of these places will I actually be able to go?!

Only two friends at a time????? D:

Ah, a distress signal, let's see wha--A DESERT CENTIPEDE NOPE ABORT ABORT

Robo aliens? In MY Theronian mining facility? Its more likely than you think

Running over dudes in my Mako is extremely satisfying tbh

*runs over geth troopers* *runs over geth armature* *runs over geth colossus* ... *backs over geth colossus*

Working elevators in the ancient ruins ✔

Oooooooh man hope this nerd is gay

Wrex, a friend of yours? Nope, not a friend, too murdery

"ShAaaAame about the ruins Shep, sOooOo much collatoral damage, SHEP" stfu Council, "ruthless" was in the resume when you promoted us, 10/10 would shoot lasers through archeological digs again

When Kaiden calls us "ma'am" I am, uh, into it

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode three

Time to talk to the gang! Gotta meet the fam proper

Oh dear seems we got a shmee of racism on board, compatriots

Wow Raina, good foot-in-mouth moment with Wrex there huh...sorry about the eventual extinction of your race, lost this round of Pain Olympics

OH SHIT OH SHIT BLUE HOTTIE BIGENDER? THIS IS NOT A DRILL???

“hi I’m Kaiden wanna hear about my last crush ;)” “hi I’m Liara wanna hear about Asari mating rituals? ;)))” damn we really slidin right into the DMs no chill

Garrus: fuck rules and red tape amiright Raina: oh u right ;)

Guess I’ll actually do a mission now LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

Honestly rolling out with Tali and Liara is a mood, squad goals

Raina @ every corporation on Noveria: I would sell you to satan for one(1) corn chip

This reactivation puzzle is some shit

I see some Mistakes were made

We already killing moms at this stage damn BioWare

FUCK FUCK BENEZIA KILLED ME AND I LOST A FUCKTON OF PLAYTIME

THERES LIKE NO AUTOSAVE IN THIS BITCH FUUUUUUUUU

fuck fuck fuck god damn it gotta shoot a bunch of deranged baby bug people again god DAMN IT

Okay we killed Liara’s mom in front of her hope that’s fine

And we let mama bug go free because after talking to Wrex, Raina’s like “this galaxy is a little trigger happy with the genocide, good luck out there bug mama ❤️ be cool please”

I have literally watched the scientist in the hot labs get killed three times now

So far the debreifs with the council have not gone very well

“You let bug mama go?! How many generations until they take over everything???” “My money’s on two :D Place your bets now assholes or stfu :DDD”

Asked Liara if she was okay and she seems pretty Cool With It

I hope to one day return to Noveria and Death Star it into oblivion

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode four

Talked with Tali and this situation with the Geth and the Quarians is giving me an existential crisis

You “inspect” my beautiful ship? You got somethin’ to say about my crew??? Talk shit get hit, bitch I will kill you

Yoooo my old earth gang, yeah what the hell, I’ll help ou—oh nope nvm he’s a xenophobe, you hang him and I’ll shoot his friend in the face, thx for your time

Went to the citadel to finish some assignments, left tasked with twice as many

“dOn’T cUt CoRneRs” fear not dear Kaiden, I have a permit: this piece of paper that says I do what I want

Still with the elevators, I really cannot with this

“You make it all sound so...dangerous...” ;) ;))))))

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode five

Headin’ to Virmire to rendezvous with the Salarian team

A cure for the genophase?!?!?! :D

Oh wait oh no are we for real gonna talk about destroying the cure like Wrex isn’t standing right here omg

SHIT GUYS NO NOT LIKE THIS WREX PLEASE

Phew for a conversation that basically started with guns drawn, it went pretty well... “What Saren has isn’t even a proper cure, he’s just fucking with the Krogans at this point. Are we gonna stand for that? Or are we gonna murder?” “Damn Shep, you right, we gon’ murder”

Okay Ashley, go join the aliens, try not to die

Shadow Team!🎵 tearing through the base 🎶 disabling all the     defenses 🎵 (you gotta sing it to the tune of the Trogdor song)

We free the prisoners!!! :)

We shoot the prisoners??? :(

“Raina? How can you shoot them where they stand?” So it’s more merciful to let them explode? NAH FAM

This scientist is responsible for the mind control stuff? For Benezia? Fine     I’ll let her go but I hope she explodes

We did not learn our lesson concerning beacons I see

Wait if even Saren is worried about his mind control ship does that mean there are larger forces involved here?

Oh. Oh fuck

Ugh Ashley I EXPLICITLY TOLD YOU NOT TO DIE

(so we really never found any info about that genophase cure huh? disappointing)

Oh Seren, you dumb dumb. You absolute fool. Clown man.

When Raina slings Kaiden over her shoulder to carry him to the ship—mmmmmmmmwoooow I am very bisexual

Bruh Raina takes every council call and she disconnects pissed off every time

WAIT I literally just hung up with the council, ASHLEY is DEAD, and Kaiden needs a DTR RIGHT NOW?!?!? Boy, NO, READ THE ROOM

This has been a stressful day

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode six

Shepard will avoid her feelings and go to Faros instead

Seeing Ashley’s figure greyed out and her locker inaccessible makes me sad

Wrex and Garrus, let’s go shoot some geth 💪 

A mind controlling planet—of course!

Shep gets all her renegade points shooting capitalists

Saved, uh, about half the colonists

If I have one more bad acid trip I stg

Oh nope here’s another one

Shep needs a nap

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode seven

Ah, the council. Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal.

At least Liara is good at pep talks ;)

Joker, you cockblock

Haha DUDE we airborne, you THOUGHT

Now that I am exiled from the Citadel, guess I’ll run some galactic errands:

o   Killed corporate scientists who though we would rescue them lol

o   Destroyed a bunch of geth camps helping Tali on her pilgrimage

o   Disabled a nuke and killed some pirates

o   Shut down some evil Cerberus experiments

o   And illegally traded information!

Okay time to get back on track

So we may or may not be flying to our doom

OH GOD LIARA LOVES ME!!! RAINA, YOU DISASTER, YOU DID IT AAAAAH ❤️❤️❤️

frecklef0x plays mass effect: (ME1) episode eight

You know what I love? Being murdered by geth armatures

All these Ilos ruins be looking the same

Security panel is only kinda helpful

Oh, luckily I know Prothean now!

“CANNOT BE STOPPED” wow very encouraging, thanks

After that super motivating message and disabling security, its time to go down, down to goblin town

Vigil? Oh word?

My girlfriend is GEEKING out

I knew something what wrong with that fucking Citadel

Vigil: information is power. Also Vigil: What does it matter why they do what they do? All that matters is you stop them

“non-essential” personnel die first, huh? GROSS, VIGIL (gotta be honest that hits different in 2020)

Garrus gets it, I knew we liked that guy

Okay, find conduit, save galaxy, break millennium-old genocide cyle, nbd

Ugh Mako you gotta do me dirty one last time I see, I hate this thing

THE CONDUIT STRAIGHT YEETED MAKO

The citadel robot says we’re doomed : )

This shootout is SO fun, seriously

Saren get it toGETHER

Renegade Raina can kill with a conversation apparently, well done then

Concentrate on the Sovereign—why am I gonna save a council that hates my guts, sorry, but I have a JOB to DO that you ACTIVELY HINDERED

Great, zombie husk Saren, just what I needed as I mull over the possible consequences of my galaxy-altering decision

GO JOKER GO

Humanity-only council seems…questionable. Raina didn’t love the council but this sits wrong. Couldn’t we just appoint a more diverse council, including a human?

Anderson seems like a good enough dude, so…we’ll see.

TIME FOR WAR BOYS, GODDAMN WHAT A GAME

#thirteen years late to the party but boy i am HERE NOW #I crushed ME2 in a weekend so they are not in episodes but I will post that hot mess soon #I have so many feelings #if anyone wants to talk about their shepards message me because I am so down #I haven't played ME3 yet so no spoilers pls #raina shepard #mass effect 1 #frecklef0x plays mass effect #Mass Effect #mass effect trilogy #mass effect playthrough #mass effect shepard #frecklef0x #me1 #garrus vakarian #liara t'soni #tali'zorah #kaiden alenko #urdnot wrex #mass effect joker #the normandy

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

#m. #did i procrastinate watching this since it came out and only watched it now bc my sister nagged me to when i said we should #watch karate kid over the holidays? #and then binged the whole thing in two days?? #mayhaps and what abt it #cobra kai #the karate kid #its funn #y bc like karate kid is a Childhood movie but i wouldnt say #it was like particularly special for me? #like i wasnt in a fandom or anything #but now. #i might be invested #maybe #talvez

[bssaz97]

RWBY Ancestries Chapter 8

I’m back! With a new chapter of RWBY Ancestries! Thank you all once again for supporting this AU and hope you all enjoy this one. I had one of my buddies @laserdog10 help me with the plot for this chapter so by all means go check him out! He does great posts and he’s a joy to have around. But without further wait let’s get back to it!

-Schnee Manor-

Whitley currently had a million thoughts that were running through his mind at this moment. For one, he was apparently running for his life from a group of people he did not know but the one Father had acquainted a few days prior. Secondly, these people seemed to have an objective of being here tonight, but what could that possibly be alluded him. Thirdly and most importantly, he needed to get somewhere safe. During all of this his mother had been leading him by the arm in their escape from their pursuers, who seemed to be catching up to them.

By some miracle they had it to the main stairway of the manor, from here it would be easy to make an escape to the outside where they could call the authorities to rescue them. Both mother and son both started descending the stairs at a quick pace, trying to get to the door before their pursuers could catch them. They were almost free from this nightmare, they only had to reach the door. However, when they both made near to the end of those steps Whitley stopped dead in his tracks. He could see and feel his mother trying to pull him along but his main focus was what laid down in front of them only a few feet away from the base of the stairway.

Whitley: “F-Father...”

Whitley looked on to see the still figure of his father, Jaqcues Schnee, laying in a puddle of his own blood. The man who had not a few hours ago smacked him across the face, who expected to be shown respect by him and others at all times and seemed untouchable was now laying on the floor dead. It was a surreal experience to take in and honestly disturbing, to have talked with the man one moment and then find them dead at your feet the next. He could still feel tugging on his arm and has seemed to harshly pull on it now. What was he doing again?

Willow: *Faint* “Whitley, we need to hurry! They’re coming!”

Whitley: “...mother...?”

The moment was broken when Whitley and Willow both are tackled to the ground by their pursuers. On his right he could see that the man in a ponytail had gotten his mother to lay down on the floor, pressing her face against the pristine flooring tile. On his end things were not that much better, he was pressed down in the same position but feels a pressing weight on his spine that does not feel like a human leg should feel like. He could also hear the sinister cackling of the man whispering about how ‘pretty’ his mother looked, and things he was most certain would not sound in any way flirtatious to a woman. As if to add insult to injury they were faced towards the main doors, just to remind them they were so close to escaping this nightmare, with Father’s corpse just lying there in front of them.

?????: “Hehehehehee! Oh how fun this is! Not only do I get to kill one Schnee today, but I can get a triple kill in the same day.~ I bet Ironwood would just eat that all up!”

?????: “Enough Tyrian!”

Whitley and his mother turned to the right as they heard the footsteps of the two other intruders join up with their pursuers. The man who he recognized as the mustached stranger along with a green haired girl. She had her pistols in hand and walked up to stand by his silvered haired captor. When the tall mustached man walked in front of them, then kneels down so that he is eye level with the two of them. He takes a look at him for a brief moment then dismissively turns away to look towards his mother, who he sees look at the man with look of shock, distress and ...familiarity.

Willow: “A-Arthur...you’re alive?”

Arthur: *smiles* “Hello dearest Willow, it has been quite sometime.”

Willow: “But...James told us that...you had died.”

Arthur: “A greatly exaggerated rumor. Then again I did want the rumor to be convincing. I’m sorry if these two caused you any serious pain, they’re not to most gentle of colleagues.”

Willow: “Arthur...why? Why did you do it?”

The lanky man, who Whitley now knows goes by “Arthur”, stared at his mother for a long pause without reply. He seemed to be thinking about what to say to her as if he cared about her opinion of him. This puzzled Whitley because normally his mother never seemed to look at someone with such familiarity and concern. Then again Whitley has never seem his mother sober long enough to really know who she knew personally or by acquaintance. Everything about today seemed to be turning inside out for him. Firstly his father was killed, secondly his home was invaded by intruders who seemed to do them harm, and lastly not only was his mother conscious of the whole situation but was also familiar with one of the intruders in their home.

Arthur turns his gaze over to him and the expression he got from the man was a cold, stone face that showed no emotion or remorse but seemed to be analyzing Whitley like a scientist would analyze a specimen. It gave Whitley chills down his spine from how such a man could look at him with such a lack of empathy. This brought back to his mind the first time he saw this man visit his home, he said ‘evening child’ then practically walked himself right in, like he was a family friend that didn’t require a invitation to enter his family’s home. He asked and later questioned Father about this man but he received none and was told to never mention that he was ever here. Now he was beginning to understand why.

Arthur: “I suppose this is your son? He looks a lot like you my dear. I bet this is quite confusing for you to understand any of what’s going on so I’ll be brief to the point. I require suitable means of transportation for myself as well as my colleagues here. I seem to remember Jaqcues owning quite a few of these ships in stock, but unfortunately we came to a...disagreement.” *he shrugs*

Willow: “So you killed him...” *she voice faint*

Arthur: “To be fair I asked nicely.”

Whitley: “You’re a murderer!”

Arthur: “That would be a word for it. But to be fair to my colleague here he did do most of the messy work.”

Whitley: “You won’t get away with this! We have a security detail and when they arrive-!”

Arthur: “Oh but of course! The security team, how can I forget about them. They were a wonderful bunch of fellows, a shame they won’t be coming anytime soon. You should really send some wine bottles and a gift basket for all their families and loved ones. Again, you can thank my two colleagues here for that.” *gestures to the two holding both of them down*

Willow: “Arthur how could you-?”

Arthur: “I do apologize but I’m sort of in a short pinch of time at the moment, so if you would please I really must need that ship right now.”

*Gurgle! Cough! Cough!*

A momentary pause spread over the group and the intruders and residents look ahead of them to see the presumed dead man Jaqcues Schnee heaving and choking on what was his own blood.

Arthur: “Jaqcues you’re still alive? Tyrian, I thought you killed him!”

Tyrian: “I did!” *hissed angrily but seemed also as confused*

Arthur: “Well it appears you did a very piss poor job of doing it.”

Tyrian: “Well he should’ve been dead by now! I injected him with enough poison to put down a man twice his size!”

Jaqcues: “*spits!* Do...you..really think...this is...the first time...a Faunus has tried to poison me...in my own home?”

Arthur: “‘sigh’ have to do everything yourself. Excuse me a moment dear, I just need to take care of a pest.”

Arthur gets up and walks towards the bleeding out Jaqcues, the weakened man trying to back away but the pain of his stab wound overpowered and is unable to flee from his imminent demise.

Jaqcues: “w-wait! Arthur...we can...be reasonable-Gah!” *clucking his lower abdomen, which was in a deep scarlet on his normally white suit*

Arthur: “The time for being reasonable is over Jaqcues, I gave ample opportunities to be reasonable but you seemed deadest on ending our arrangement. It’s a shame really, all the good we could have done for Atlas if you had just kept your nerves in check.” *Points his revolver towards Jaqcues face*

Jaqcues: “Wait! Please...I can still be...useful...You want a ship? Fine! It’s yours....just please don’t kill me!”

Arthur: “You know I would have considered that hadn’t been such an ass earlier. Besides, you know too much. You’ve seen mine and my colleagues faces, and I cannot afford to have James knowing about my involvement here.So...”

Jaqcues: “Wait! You...want my silence...you can have that too! I won’t say a word...to Ironwood...I never really liked him anyway! ‘Cough! Cough!’ In fact if you want...the scene to be convincing...I can just say some...White Fang thugs attacked us! He’ll...eat that up, you know how...paranoid he is! ‘Breathes’ If you want it to look convincing...you can have your people kill my wife and son there...make it look real!” *he explains while nervously laughing*

Willow/Whitley: “What?!!”

Mercury: “Shit. He’s giving my old man a run for his money.” *he whispers*

Willow: “Jaqcues you-you’re just going to have these people murder us!”

Jaqcues: “You...would only talk! Don’t think that...I don’t know about your little secret surveillance system all around the house woman!”

Arthur: “Did you say secret surveillance system?”

Jaqcues: “...Oh dear.”

Arthur: “Well I think that statement just cemented your family’s fates Jaqcues. Thank you for giving me an excuse.”

Jaqcues: “Wait! Please just spare me... they’re unimportant! I swear I won’t say a word!”

Willow: “Jaqcues! I can’t believe you! You-YOU!”

Whitley: “-motherfucker.” *shakes*

Willow and Arthur stared surprised at the boy’s voice cutting in, but none more so surprised than the bleeding man on the floor who Whitley directed his outburst towards.

Willow: “Whitley...”

Jaqcues: “B-Boy...what did you just-?”

Whitley: “You fucking piece of shit. After everything...after all these years of kissing up to you, I thought you would at least have some semblance...some, some form of love and affection for us. I thought you cared about us deep down! But now, now I can see that all of that was just the wishful thinking of an ignorant boy who thought that despite the beating, the manipulation, there was some care in your actions. There’s no love in your heart, maybe there never really was to begin with! Jaqcues Sc- no, calling you a Schnee would disgrace the name you claimed to gain. Jaqcues Geles, you sir are a motherfucking, child beating, clip on tie wearing piece of shit! And I hope. YOU. ROT!!!”

Whitley finishes his venting and starts breathing in and out. This was probably the first time he’s ever actually stood up to his father in...ever really. His only regret wasn’t doing so earlier. He felt...weightless.

Arthur: “Are you done? Good.”

*BANG!*

That weightlessness was then quickly replaced with the gravity of grim reality as he witnessed this man named ‘Arthur’ shooting his father in the head. Whitley begins to notice that a few drops of liquid make contact to his face. He does his best not to think about where it came from, even if he has a good idea. Willow on the other hand was speechless at what she had witnessed, Arthur had mercilessly killed a man. True she no longer held any love or sympathy for Jaqcues but to witness the man be killed in such a manner, in front of his child no less...it struck something in her.

Mercury: “The hell Doc! You couldn’t use a normal dust round?” *wiping specks of blood off his face*

Arthur: “Time is of the essence. Now, where were we?”

Whitley: “...you are really going to kill us.” *his voice so faint one could barely hear what he said*

Arthur: “‘sigh’...I don’t expect you to understand any of this boy, but her Grace is on a mission looking for someone in this kingdom tonight and I have no doubt in my mind that she will do her upmost to find them. Even if she must tear down or burn everything in Atlas and Mantle in order to do so. Honestly, killing you right here and now...is a mercy.”

Willow: “Arthur!” *she pleades once more*

Arthur: “Willow I take no enjoyment from this, I can only promise that it will be quick. I am sorry it’s come to this.” *he aims his revolver at her son*

Willow: “...I’m sorry too. Old friend.” *a glowing glyph appears under her hand*

Arthur: “..! What?!”

Before any of the intruders could react, a massive glyph appears under their feet and then suddenly a glowing white Nevermore appears and with its powerful wings flings their would be executioners off herself and her son. Arthur and those with him are flung across different sides of the room while he himself is hurled at the front door, nearly causing the frame to crack. The Nevermore* cries out, ready to defend its master having been dormant for so long. Arthur is surprised when Willow gets up, her eyes cold towards him. Then she turns to look upon her son.

Willow: “Whitley, I need you to get up my child.” *speaks in with a firm voice*

Whitley hesitates but ultimately does what his mother asks of him. He’s never seen her use a summoning before. In fact he never knew she even could! He always assumed she was like him and Father in not having her aura unlocked but what he was seeing definitely shows he was wrong. His mother had use her semblance, the Schnee family’s semblance, to save them both.

Willow: “Whitley I need you to listen to me, do you remember where the emergency scroll is in Jaqcues’ study?” *she asks*

Whitley: “Yes I do. But why-?” *confused*

Willow: “My child, I need you to go find it and call for General Ironwood. Ask him for help. Can you do that?”

Whitley: “What?! But-!”

Willow: “There’s no time Whitley! I need you to go find that scroll and call for help! I can occupy them but you need to go!”

*BANG! BANG!*

*Twing! Twing!*

The Nevermore summon blocks the shots that Arthur fired at them once he heard of their plans. Arthur curses this chain of events and continues waits for the opportune time to attack. He looks towards Tyrian, where the the Faunus assassin meets his eyes then he smiles wickedly, eager to even up his kill count.

Tyrian: “hehehehe~”

Whitley: “Mother I...I don’t think I can...” *he feels unable to move his legs from sheer terror*

Willow: “Whitley please.”

Whitley: “I’m afraid!”

Willow: “If you run you have a better chance at living, now go! I know you never had any reason to have to listen to me before but listen to me now!” *she turns to look at her son*

Thhat was a mistake. With her gaze momentarily on her son, Arthur was able to fire three shots that the Nevermore summon blocked but this also allowed Tyrian the chance to charge at them. He was able to slip under the Nevermore by sliding on the pristine tiled floor. Willow looks back and sees the crazed Tyrian close in on her, his smile wide and his eyes changing from golden color to a glowing purple, he draws his hand forward in a forward arc motion towards Willow. With short time to think she summons a Glyph in front of her. Upon making contact, she is shocked to see Tyrian as uses only his glowing purple hand to tear through the Glyph like it was merely cloth! Once the Glyph breaks apart, Tyrian continues his assault by hurling his left arm, his weapon deployed and ready to taste blood. Willow upon seeing the incoming strike she calls forth a second Glyph in place of the first and upon contacting with Tyrian’s weapon forces the assassin back as he is forcefully pushed back, the soles of his boots creating a screeching from the tiles of the floor. He looks to Willow with surprised but reverts back to his sadistic expression then proceeded to laugh disturbed gleeful way.

Tyrian: “My, My! Looks like you will be a lot more fun than your husband ever was! I wonder where all that fight was hiding before~ By all means...”

Tyrian deploys his second set of blades on his left arm before he bending his knees and then pounces into the air and closes in on Willow.

Tyrian: “-SHOW ME!!!”

Willow: “Whitley! RUN!”

Willow summons two more Glyphs, one to block Tyrian, stopping him once more and another under Whitley’s feet. Then suddenly Whitley feels a pushing force that sends him back towards the top stair case. He lands with his torso down before he follows over to look back in the direction of his mother, where he sees her doing her best to keep Tyrian occupied with the assistance of what he could only guess was a Grimm Knight? It looked awfully familiar to the statues that were placed at the bottom of the staircase. Were those based on Grimm?

Now wasn’t the time to think! This was his chance to escape and call for help! But Whitley looks back at his mother, his sole remaining parent, as she prevents anyone from getting past her. She was fighting...to protect him. His legs suddenly began to regain strength and with it he uses his arms to push himself back up and his legs to kick off the ground as he runs back up the remaining flights of stairs towards the left wing. Towards Father’s study!

Running with purpose, Whitley escapes out of the sight of Arthur and he starts losing his normal composure.

Arthur: “Damn it all! Sustrai! Black! I need you to-!”

Arthur turns to fing that both of them had left his side and after looking around he cannot see where they had gone. Did they runaway?! But after a second look, he looked past Willow where he sees both Emerald and Mercury had reappeared and started towards the direction of the boy. How did-? After a moment of thinking Arthur deduced that Emerald had used her semblance on both herself and Mercury to sneak past Willow while she was distracted by Tyrian.

Arthur: ‘Clever girl...’

Arthur returns his attention to the battle at hand, taking aim with his revolver towards the Nevermore summon and selects a Explosion Dust round.

*BANG!*

- To Be Continued -

A/N:

* Yes, Willow is able to summon a Nevermore, does this mean the DC Comics are canon to this AU...I don’t know but probably not.

1) I haven’t personally read any of the comics so I don’t really have an opinion on the story of them. If you like em that’s great but unless we something from the comics be mentioned back in the show it’s pretty much else world for me.......also talking bird form Raven. CA-CHAW!!!

2) I know I have hated on the art of the comics in the past (come on, they don’t even keep the way the characters are designed consistent) but I did like that Willow was able to use Glyphs and Summoning so I decided to include that. My AU fight me XD

Ok I would like to say before you all roast me on a pike for yet another cliffhanger after a such a long hiatus on the story, there’s a part 2 that I’m currently working on and will finish soon! (I promise I’m not gonna leave you guys hanging, especially you @thehtg-therealone) I really tried fitting everything into one chapter but I got very creative with the dialogue this one and couldn’t be satisfied with concluding the chapter here....... Except I am by ending the first part here instead of shorting the story or going to one of the other main characters perspectives. Where was I going with this?? Oh yeah, I appreciate all of you being so patient in waiting for me to update and after I complete the second part of chapter 8 we will return to the (J)NPR’s perspective. So there’s that to look forward to y’all! Again go support my buddy @laserdog10, he helped tremendously with this one and I owe a lot of the storyline to him so go ahead and give him some love. Take care you guys and be good people!

#rwby ancestries #rwby volume 7 #whitley schnee #willow schnee #arthur watts #mercury black #emerald sustrai #tyrian callows

[docholligay]

The Time Traveler’s Bullshit

@katrani comissioned me to write out my full review of The Time Traverler’s Wife, my most hated book of the year thus far, and I feel like it won’t be dethroned. nearly 3,000 words and I skipped a whole section I was going to write about, ENJOY

Three dollars and ninety nine cents will buy you a Big Mac. It will buy you four hours of downtown parking in my city. Three dollars and ninety-nine cents will buy you a latte made with burnt coffee at Starbucks. For Three dollars and ninety-nine cents, I can get a can of terrible beer and have a dollar left over for tip. All of which would have been a better choice than what I ultimately spent that three dollars and ninety-nine cents on, which was this book. 

I am careful to read hyped books out of their time, so that I’m not influenced by something that has been so lauded no book could ever hope to reach those heights. So when this first came around, and I saw many women talking about how much they had loved it, I figured I would just read it later. I buy books used, so this is generally what I do even outside of worrying about being affected. 

I finally picked this book up after a reader of mine told me it reminded them of my writing. 

After reading it, several years after all the hype, I have one question: Are women who fuck men okay? 

(“Why not just straight women, Doc?” you may rightly ask me, and I, unfortunately, am forced to answer that I know a number of bisexual women who also enjoyed this book, leading me to believe that the trouble is far worse than previously imagined.)

I found this book to be borderline insulting, and if I didn’t know any better, I would have claimed this book was written by a man. The entire way through I felt the constant assault of the idea that this reminded someone of ME. What have I been doing wrong all my life, I asked? I should probably give up writing. 

Let’s go into the book itself!

The core of the novel hinges around the idea that Henry goes through time without wanting to and with no consious conrol, and so in a sense lives his life out of order. This is a fascinating idea but for the fact that book’s main hinge is the relationship between Clare and Henry. 

Who Henry meets, as an adult out of time, when she is six. 

And proceeds to groom her to be his wife someday. 

Oh, it isn’t put that way, of course, it’s simply that they end up married and so, I suppose the author might say, it’s only natural that Henry interact with her when he comes the “the Meadow” nearby where she lives. But this sort of “things are already decided” that the author is extremely fond of does not remove this intensely squicky framework from their relationship. Henry begins with Clare when she is six years old, and it comes on VERY fast that they are supposed to get married. She is at a sleepover, still as a literal child, ELEVEN YEARS OLD, when the Ouija board spells out his name as the boy who likes her. 

The book takes pains to describe how he won;t have sex with her until she’s 18, but how difficult it is for a thirties to forties man not to have sex with her when she’s 15, 16, 17. I want to say there might be a part where he describes it when she’s 14, but I can’t find it in the book right now, so we’ll pretend it’s not there. “But they’re married in the furute!” one might say, listen if my wife had to resist having sex with sixteen year old me, and didn’t see me as a fucking child, I would think she was gross. It’s gross for a thirty-something to forty -something dde to struggle not to fuck a teenager, period, end of story. 

All of this is wrapped in the book’s idea that this is romantic, instead of the idea that Clare’s “date with destiny” is tragic. She doesn’t ever have a boyfriend, because she is “waiting for Henry”. She sleeps with one of Henry’s friends before he and Clare ever officially “meet” and bursts into tears because she feels as if she has been unfaithful. Meanwhile, Henry is out having girlfriends like no one’s business, and “Well Doc he doesn’t know” why is Clare the one who has to bear this arranged marriage? 

Clare herself even alludes to the way she’s being groomed to be the woman he wants in a way that I DO NOT THINK the author intended, as the author is desperately wrapped up in the idea that this is sexy and romantic and not deeply fucking unsettling. 

Pretentious-ass Henry is dropping German into a casual conversation with a thirteen year old so that you know he is learned and cool, and explain that it’s from Rilke, one of their (note: Not your, but OUR) favorite poets. 

Clare responds: “You’re doing it again!” 

“What?” 

“Telling me what I like.” Clare burrows into my lap with her feet. Without thinking I put my feet on her shoulders, but then that seems too sexual, somehow, and I quickly take Clare’s feet in my hands again and hold them together with one hand in the air as she lies on her back, innocent and angelic with her hair spread nimbus-like around her on the blanket. (Sidebar: I can only fucking imagine that the sort of people that are into this are the sort of people who think nothing at the idea of some Victorian gentleman marrying his attractive young ward, as apparently there’s no problem with having seen someone as a child and then having them marry you! It’s not deeply fucked up at all!)  …..

“Henry?” 

“Yes?”

“You are making me different.” 

“I know.” 

These brief asides are meant to make us feel that Henry has done enough to assuage his guilt, that we are meant to forget that what he is doing is wrong. The book goes so far as to have sixteen year old Clare be the aggressor with a 37 or so year old Henry, as a way of trying to tell us, “Oh look none of this can be Henry’s fault” and an absolutely cringeworthy section where Henry goes and beats up a kid who took Clare on a date and proceeded to assault her. (She dates him to prove she’s not a dyke wow what a great book and thank you for reminding us that Clare never wants to see anyone else for her own sake even as a teenager, very healthy)

All of which would make me a hell of a lot more mad if I managed to like Clare even a little bit. But it’s not at all surprising that I don't--Clare is hardly a character in this story so much as she’s a cardboard cutout that exists for Henry. 

Each of her desires and thoughts revolves around him, from the time she’s a child, save for minor pouting incidents when Henry either won’t tell her something, or disagrees with her. But she always caves, but for the exception of having a child, another horrible thing we’re meant to feel sorry for them in, but I, at least, never really do, as they know the problem, they know how horribly Henry’s life has been affected, and yet they persevere. I find myself asking why in the fuck they don’t use donor sperm, but I suppose that would not fulfill Clare’s real use as being Henry’s vessel. It might have been very touching to write about their experience of infertility if they were likeable at all, or the chapters were anything but flat and emotionless despite dealing with really high-emotion topics. It’s essentially Clare saying “I want a baby inside me” and having a series of miscarriages. I’ve read more compelling narratives on online message boards. 

Not to mention when Henry suggests adopting and Clare says “That would be pretending” bitch fuck ALL THE WAY OFF. I repeat: WE ARE MEANT TO LIKE THIS CHARACTER. NOTHING ABOUT HER IS SHOWN AS A NEGATIVE. 

A fair amount of time in the book is spent describing how hot Clare is, and it’s a bit cringey to read about a super hot redhead with great tits and also rich, who’s a visual artist, and then flip to the back and see a redheaded visual artist as the author. It’s not that I don’t believe that authors are ever allowed to find themselves in a character, quite the contrary, but one hopes that there would be a level of detachment or at least plausible deniability. But no, Clare is nothing but wish fulfillment for the author, but unfortunately cannot fulfill any of ours. I get the sense that these characters are far more complex and layered in Niffenegger’s head, but they fall completely flat on the page, sketches of annoying human beings. 

Clare seems to have been raised in an Austen novel, where the home is noted for its architecture and we ‘dress for dinner’ which could be intensely compelling if they ever went anywhere with it. But we don’t. Because of course Clare’s raising in a straightlaced, extremely wealthy family has no affect on her and she is a very cool girl who is laid back and likes the right music and poetry. (Sidebar: The name dropping in this novel is SO TIRESOME. Every band, artist, poet, etc has to be named and identified so your are aware of how absolutely well-read and smart and cool Niffenegger is) 

The we’re meant to feel for Henry when her family finds out that he is half-Jewish which I suppose is meant to be shocking when he doesn’t practice or isn’t different in any marked way from her family? The character has no Jewishness in him but as a side note and dare I say for shock value. Her family isn’t even written as believably against the union, as no one can resist super cool hipster protag Henry DeTamble (Even his name sounds INSUFFERABLE) 

The problem, of course, is that the very wealthy can buy their way out of many problems, meaning that an author has to have a particular deftness of hand in order to make you feel something for them. This is not that author. Any sympathy one might have for Clare goes immediately out the window when she’s complaining about having only a small room for a studio in which to create, while she’s living off the INTEREST from her trust fund, and hiring a cleaning service because neither of them is willing to vacuum. Not her trust fund. The INTEREST from her trust fund, which means there must be so much fucking money in there we all want to scream. 

Of course, Henry goes into the future and wins the lottery so they can give her a new studio, I shit you not this is a thing that happens in a novel where we are supposedly meant to identify with the characters and feel for them. They buy a nice house with a separate studio in the backyard, not even in the house, just a large brick edifice where Clare can do whatever she wants because these people don’t have consequences until Henry’s death, and by the time he dies, we’re all thanking God that at least there’s one thing they can’t weasel out of. The book has the audacity to have them, later, describe having a private box as one of their “little indulgences” friends a private box is the realm of $1,800 dollars for ONE showing of an opera, and while I am a believer in the good of occasionally saving up to do something that is an experience, there is no way I would describe that as an ‘indulgence” but these people have such wealth that they never need worry about anything at all, except the central point, which is that Henry drifts in and out of time and we would like to sentence a child to that. 

Henry himself is a collection of traits rather than a person--it is so important to the author that we know he is a real punk with great musical taste, that he knows German and poetry and Chicago--it’s all rather a laundry list of the long-haired, tall, punkish but very classically learned boyfriend Niffenegger would like to have rather than someone who has a heart or a mind.  But the luck of it all is that she clearly cares about henry far more than she does Clare, and so he gets a bit of fleshing out with a tragic anime backstory and all that, and from time to time we see bursts of real humanity in his character. 

Their love, even if it were not burdened by the exceptional trouble of CLARE BEING GROOMED AS A CHILD, has the weight of air. Henry is a womanizer with a drug problem, but then he meets Clare, hot rich redhead who proves she’s known him her whole life, and suddenly the magic swelling violins are in the background, love has found its day, and no more is ever said about it.The book refuses to get anywhere deep into how they feel about things and why, it is only glancing blows that seem to suggest an emotion rather than allowing ourselves to get into their minds.  

The bulk of the description of their love is sex. Sex sex sex. I get it, they are hot for each other, I am trying very hard to get over the fact that they are married when Clare is 22 and Henry is thirty, but you’re giving me nothing to pin their relationship on but the fact that they enjoy railing each other and Henry has been around since Clare was a child. I don’t understand the why of their relationship even once, it all seems so accidental, and I wanted there to be a lesson, or something to be said about humanity and relationships, but I found nothing save for maybe the idea that women are fully engrossed in their relationships and men basically luck into them and then drop out from time to time? But even that is far far deeper than I think the novel deserves credit for. 

The side characters are somehow worse, mainly racist stereotypes or one note characters who ALSO exist to have their lives enhanced by the protagonists. Even their friends only exist so that Gomez can have the hots for Clare for years, because Everyone Wants To Bone Clare. 

The writing itself is terrible too, written in the style of a script, almost, rapidly shifting between first person narratives in a matter of one or two paragraphs, often, helpfully telling who is talking by, I shit you not, putting “CLARE:” or “HENRY:” before the paragraphs, so we can enjoy who it is that is navel gazing and picking over the conversation without saying anything really, save for how badly Henry wants to fuck his super hot wife, who may or may not currently be a teenager, and how desperately Clare loves him, and has loved him since she was a child, for reasons that remain unclear. 

It’s padded out and ridiculous and reads like some of the drafts when I am being a complete garbage pile, and thank you to the person online who had already typed this out so I didn’t have to:

Henry:

Clare is wearing a wine-colored velvet dress and pearls. She looks like a Botticelli by way of John Graham: huge gray eyes, long nose, tiny delicate mouth like a geisha. She has long red hair that covers her shoulders and falls to the middle of her back. Clare is so pale she looks like a waxwork in the candlelight. I thrust the roses at her. "For you."

Please try to read that with a straight face and get back to me, i could not manage it, and it was early on the book, and this sort of thing goes on for pages, if you don’t like hearing about how pale Clare is, and that she has red hair, her two most dominating character traits, you are in for a very, very rough time. 

The narrative voice of the characters is identical. I mean, I suppose I should thank whatever god is responsible for this clusterfuck for the CLARE and HENRY bits because otherwise I would have no clue who was talking from moment to moment. Does NIffenegger think all people think alike? That their internal monologues are the same? It seems to me she must because I can’t figure any other way that one could write two characters and have them, even when their opinions differ, sound like the exact same person. 

I did enjoy the letter at the end of this story--and this is where I saw where my reader connected me to this book--it almost seems as if it was written for a different novel, a novel about a doomed love between two people that truly loved each other and had rich inner lives. It’s beautiful, or it would be totally removed from this novel. 

This review has, in itself, gotten to be as rambling and listing as the novel, and so I will let it rest here. I read incredibly fast. This took me something like five or six hours to read. It was a waste of every single one of those hours and I wish I had gotten a Big Mac instead. Save yourself, save six hours, save three dollars and ninety-nine cents, and read literally anything else. 

#Doc Reads

[xeunoais]

Mr. CEO(part 2)

(A/N: i actually like the way that this turned out so i might keep doing things where i have a part one and a part two or i might even go a little crazy and start a series?!! who knows😉)

Summary: Shawn Mendes is one of the youngest CEOs’ in the world. He was also one of the most popular fighters out there. He had a thing going with his personal assistant Y/N. That was until it started going downhill. Will they be able to fix the damage?

-

-

“I knew it! Did he get punched? Beaten? By who?”

“Y/N, he broke his wrist.”

“Wait. Huh?”

“The impact of his punch was too much and his wrist snapped.”

“He’s so stupid. I cannot believe him.” I muttered under my breath.

“I know. I will text you all the details and stuff. Get there as soon as you can.”

“Alright. I’m coming.”

I grabbed my car keys and was out the door in a matter of seconds.

-

“Thanks for coming.” Brian said as I entered the hospital.

I followed him to the fourteenth floor which was apparently reserved for Shawn only. When we entered the room my heart shattered when my eyes landed on him. He looked at me and sighed.

“See. I told you she was fine.” Brian stated.

“Yeah, alright. Now can you drop her back off at home.”

I gritted my teeth and anger shot through my blood.

“I’m done with this game, Shawn. Tell me what’s going on right now.” My voice cracked. I can tell it was because I’m still very upset over the sight in front of me.

“Alright.” Shawn nodded.

“This is my cue to give you love birds some space. I will be back with lunch in about an hour.” Brian said as he walked out.

I walked over and sat down in the chair beside the hospital bed and took in what I saw in front of me. The love of my life was laying in hospital bed hooked up to IVs and a cast on his hand. He looked like he was in so much pain and all I wanted to do was take all of it away from him.

“So when I started fighting, I was apart of this gang. But after a year or so, I became an individual fighter. This had the gang I was apart of very angry. They thought I was going to let out their strategies. So they conspired to try and kill me. They sent threats to my family, to Brian. But I always made sure that my people were safe. Once I became CEO, they backed off a little bit. That was only because if the media found out about their illegal games, they’d be locked up. When they realized I have a girlfriend, that is you, they thought they could threaten me again by harming you. I didn’t want that to happen. That’s why I was behaving in this way. Because I was scared something was going to happen to you. And if anything did, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Woah.” I mumble finally understanding his what his intentions were.

“But I can’t stay away from you, Y/N. I just can’t. I’m fucking miserable without you.”

“Then don’t.” I say quietly.

“But then you’ll be in danger.”

“Shawn, I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t know if I can protect you.”

“Shawn I think you underestimate me and yourself.” I smile.

He rolled his eyes. I smacked his uninjured arm.

“I hate you, Shawn Mendes.”

“No you just hate that you love me so much.” He said with a grin on his face.

-

*Two years later*

-

After all of the ups and downs from the past two years with Shawn. Today was the day. I’m finally getting married! My stomach filled with butterflies at the thought. I’m marrying the love of my life today. I’m about to experience one of the most unforgettable moments in my entire life.

I looked at myself in the mirror one last time. I couldn’t be happier. I had my dream wedding dress on. It was exactly what I had visioned it would be when I was a little girl. I felt like a literal princess. Everything was going perfect.

“Y/N? Where are you?” I heard Shawn’s mom, Karen, say approaching the room I was in.

“I’m coming, don’t worry.” I spoke out softly, turning and looking at her as she walked into the room.

“Oh my gosh, Y/N! You look so beautiful!” She said to me. Karen was like the mom figure to me. My mom passed away a year after I met Shawn. My mom was my best friend and losing her broke me entirely. Karen eventually became the mom figure in my life almost the second I met her. I talk to her like she really is my own mom.

“Thank you! You look beautiful too. I love your dress.” I said as I ran my hands over the front of my dress, smoothing out the fabric.

“My dress is nothing compared to yours, love! Shawn will be knocked off his feet when he sees you.” She said fanning her face. I started tearing up at her words about Shawn. Oh my god, did I miss him. Everyone insisted that we couldn’t see other the day before the wedding or the day of. I hate being apart from him because he always calms me down.

“Speaking of Shawn, let’s get there. I wanna see my boy!” I spoke up.

As we walked out of the room my best friend, Aubrey came running up.

“OH MY GOD! You look gorgeous!” She squealed running up to me and Karen.

“Thank you!” I said smiling widely at her.

“I cannot believe my best friend is getting married!”

“Where is everyone else?” I said referring to all my other bridesmaids.

“Here!” Joe yelled running my way with my other two best friends, Addy and Hannah. Joe he worked for Shawn, but he was also my gay best friend. I couldn’t have my wedding and not have him in it.

My other two bridesmaids looked beautiful in their dresses. Their white dresses matched almost perfectly with mine. And Joe looked amazing in his black tailored suit. I have seen my maid of honor yet though and that kind of worried me.

I asked Aaliyah, Shawn’s little sister to be my maid of honor because she had become my best friend. I was close with Karen but I was even closer with Aaliyah.

“Who are you looking for?” Joe asked me.

“Aaliyah.” Aubrey answered him for me.

“She’s already waiting on you now. The groom and the others just left so we told her to not come back since she had already been helping you.” Addy added. I nodded at her understanding.

“Well she is Shawn’s little sister. And she told me she wanted to help as much as possible.” I said and they all nodded.

“Alright well. Let’s go make you a Mendes!” Joe shouted and all of the girls squealed. We walked outside and everyone helped me with the train of my dress. The helped me to my bridal car where I met Aaliyah. Everyone else all went to their cars and she helped me with my dress.

“Thank you.” I said to the chauffeur as he opened the door for me. I got inside and took a deep breath. The chauffeur started the engine and we went to the Cathedral while the media chased us. My wedding was labeled as the most awaited wedding of the year. I didn’t want much spotlight originally but Shawn’s parents wanted it to be grand. So we both decided to just let it happen.

When I arrived at the church I was met with my older brother at the door waiting to walk me down the aisle. He was in a black tailored tux almost identical to Joe’s.

“You look beautiful.” My brother said as he greeted me and opened the door for me. He helped me out of the car and escorted me to the entrance. I thanked him with a smile because my nerves took me over and I simply just couldn’t speak.

When the time arrives for me to walk down the aisle my hands were shaking and my palms were sweaty. What was wrong with me? My nerves were attacking me. Was this even normal?

“Relax. Everything is going to be alright.” My brother said softly to me. We heard music begin to play and that was our signal to enter and walk down the aisle.

I gripped my bouquet tightly and linked arms with my brother. He murmured reassuring words to me to make me less nervous. Who wouldn’t be nervous when you are about to promise your life for a very long commitment. As we walked, guests stood up smiling in our direction. But my eyes we set on the love of my life. He looked so handsome standing tall and proud in his black tuxedo. He smiled at me and that had me so distracted I didn’t even realize we arrived at the altar.

I was getting married. This was no longer a dream. I broke myself out of my trance and looked as his parents shook my brother’s hand. My brother and Shawn nodded at each other as they shook hands.

“Take care of her.” My brother said to Shawn. He turned and kissed my cheek before walking to his seat. Shawn nodded again and offered his hand out to me. I accepted it and took some steps up until I was standing in front of him.

-

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride!” The priest announced and everyone clapped at his words while some men whistled.

“Finally.” Shawn whispered to me. He put his hands on my waist and pulled me up against him and kissed me tenderly. I was happy.

“I love you, my angel.” Shawn whispered as he pulled away looking me in the eyes. I admired the man in front of me, who I now can call my husband, before I spoke.

“I love you too, Shawn.” I replied softly. He kissed me again.

“Let us now welcomed, Mr. And Mrs. Mendes!” The priest announced and the crowd erupted into another round of applause and whistles again for us. Shawn proudly waved at everyone with a smile plastered on his face. He looked like he was on cloud nine. I smiled and waved my hand too mentally giggling at the sight oh Shawn.

“Making you Mrs. Mendes was the greatest decision I’ve ever made.”He whispered in my ear before kissing my cheek. I looked at him and took in everything. I felt happier than a little kid on Christmas morning. Nothing could top this feeling.

Well maybe one could..

-

*6 months later*

-

Oh shit. This is actually happening. I’m pregnant.

Shawn and I have been trying for a baby for a little bit. I knew it was bound to happen at some point but i didn’t expect it so soon.

I cannot wait to tell Shawn! He’s going to be so happy. He has had me take pregnancy tests every time I start to feel weird or even if he just thinks I should.

He tries to play it off like it doesn’t bother him when the test comes out negative but really, he gets so bummed out. Its actually kinda sad.

How should I tell him? I have the day off today but he had meetings till about 11:30 today. I have Aaliyah and Karen over right now with me because we had a girls day. I don’t wanna tell them first though. Shawn would literally kill me if he wasn’t the first to find out.

-

“Babe? Liyah? Mom?” I heard Shawn call out.

“In the kitchen, love.” I yelled so he could hear me.

I hopped of the counter and ran to meet him in the doorway. I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. He instantly hugged me back and lifted me off the ground.

“Well if that wasn’t a welcome home then I don’t know what is.” He laughed as he kissed my lips gently.

“I have a surprise for you.” I said with a big grin on my face.

“A surprise?” He asked a smile rising on his face. I nodded excitedly and smiled as I kissed him again.

“After dinner though.” I patted his chest softly and turned around then walked back to the kitchen with Karen and Aaliyah.

-

Karen and Aaliyah left after dinner and it was just us two. I was laying on the couch with a book in my hands when Shawn came over to me. He took the book out of my hands and lied on top of me where his head was on my stomach.

My hands made their way to his damp curls. He closed his eyes and smiled.

“Tired?” I said as he nodded his head softly.

“Well we can go to bed after your surprise.” His head shot up at my words. I love him.

“I totally forgot about the surprise.” He said as he got off of me and pulled me up off the couch.

“Its in the room.” I spoke as I started walking in the direction to our bedroom. He followed, hot on my heels the entire way. I walked over to my side of the bed and got a small box that used to hold a bracelet I got for him. I handed it to him with a smile rising on my lips again.

“This is the same box that my bracelet was in that you got me for my birthday?” He said kind of confused.

“I just looked for a box, baby.” I said smile never leaving my face.

I watched his face closely as he opened it. Once he took in what was in front of him he looked up at me with a big smile on his face and a gorgeous sparkle in his eyes.

“Y-you’re pregnant?” He stuttered. He stared directly in my eyes as I nodded.

He threw the box on the bed and wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up. I was thrown in a giggling mess when he started spinning. He eventually stopped so we didn’t get to dizzy and he put my down but his hands traveled up to my face and kissed my repeatedly.

“Oh my god. You’re actually pregnant! Baby! YOU ARE PREGNANT!” He shouted with excitement. He was so fucking cute.

“I know! I know!” I squealed.

“We’ve been trying for what felt like forever and now its actually happening! You’re pregnant. Our baby is in there.” He said pointing at my stomach. I nodded again. He bent down and kissed my belly before speaking.

“Hi baby. I don’t know what you are you yet but I’m your daddy. I already love you so so so much.” He continued to ramble talking to the baby in my tummy.

Our family was just getting started. And I couldn’t be any happier than right now.

-

*Two years later*

-

Two years ago, Braxton Raul Mendes made his entrance into the world. I wasn’t surprised at how much Braxton looked like Shawn. It honestly made me adore him even more.

It was his 2nd birthday today so we had rented a water slide for kids. His theme was a Finding Nemo because that was just what he requested because he love that move. We even has a fish named Nemo.

“Braxy, you wanna go down the slide?” I asked him. Braxton giggled as he nodded. I started to make my way to him but I stopped as he got lifted up by his daddy and went to the slide with him.

“Mommy look!” Braxton yelled. I watched as Shawn somehow managed to fit his big figure in the little slide. As they went down it was a mixture of laughs coming from Shawn and Braxton.

“My boys are so adorable.” I cooed taking a picture of the two of them smiling and having fun.

Shawn stepped out of the little pool at the end of the slide and let Braxton go run and play with all of his friends. But instead as he stepped out he felt his sons hands wrap around his leg.

“Again, Again!” Braxton yelled. Of course Shawn obliged to his little boys needs. Shawn lifted him up and took him down the slide again. I watched as they did it a few more times while I talked to all of my other mom friends.

I got caught up in a conversation with them until Shawn walked over to me holding Braxtom in his arms. His head was rested on Shawn’s shoulder, face tucked into his neck.

“Someone’s tired.” Shawn whispered trying not to disturb his sleeping boy in his arms. I nodded with a smile and watched as Shawn started to walk away.

“I’ll be back.” Shawn spoke up as he walked into the house to put Braxton down for his nap. I got back into a conversation with my friends and Karen joined in.

Shawn came back out and wrapped his arm around my waist from behind.

“I love you.” He whispered in my ear, kissing my neck softly.

“I love you too babe.” I replied as I turned around in his embrace to face him.

“You know what else I love?” He said smiling.

“What?”

“I love our little family.”

“Me too.” I replied a smile rising on my face. I meant that too. I really did love out family. And I was excited to see it grow.

-

Everything happened so fast. I found out I was pregnant. I went to my first three doctors appointments. I even started picking out baby names with Karen, Aaliyah, and Shawn.

That was until everything came crashing down. I woke up in the middle of the night with horrible stomach pains. And when I stood up I saw blood on the bed. Shawn and I rushed to the hospital and the doctor informed me that I was suffering a miscarriage.

Shawn was in the bed holding me as we both just cried together. The tears just kept coming. My whole heart was empty and broken. It felt like my whole world was ripped away from me in a second.

“You’re ready to leave now, Mrs. Mendes.” The doctor said as he handed Shawn the release papers and then walked out.

Shawn got off the bed and offered me a hand to hold but I couldn’t bring myself to move. Shawn instantly caught onto that and he lifted my off the bed and carried me out to the car.

The ride home was silent. Shawn had his hand planted on my leg rubbing it gently with his thumb the whole way. He didn’t fully understand what she was feeling but he knew her well enough to know she was hurting.

Thank god Braxton was with Aaliyah because honestly I didn’t want him to see me like this. He was such a mommy’s boy. And anytime I was upset he broke down into tears. It was so bad.

When we arrived home, Shawn came to the passenger side of his jeep and he got me out of the car and carried me inside the house. He put me down on the couch and went into our bedroom to change the sheets around.

While he was in the it was almost like a whole new wave of emotions struck me and I broke all over again. Shawn heard me almost instantly and came running to me. He was by my side and his arms were around me almost instantly.

“It just wasn’t time, angel. We have so much more time to try again.” Shawn whispered, almost like he was afraid to speak.

“I love you.” I managed to get out as I curled myself into his embrace and continued to sob into his chest.

“I love you too, babygirl.” He said kissing the top of head.

I know he didn’t quite understand what I was feeling in this moment but he had to be in so much pain too. Yet here he was holding me while I cried. My heart almost broke at the thought of that.

I picked my head up and looked at his face and took in everything. I studied it but his expression was almost unreadable. All I could see was the pain in his eyes.

“Baby..” I whispered as I saw his eyes tear up when they met mine.

“Its okay, angel. I’m okay. Life just decided that it wasn’t our time.” He said with tears falling from his eyes. I don’t understand how he’s being so strong right now. My hands held his face and I kissed him.

This kiss felt so different from the rest. It held so much emotion and desire in it. I pulled away and wrapped my arms around his neck.

“We are gonna get through this together.” I mumbled softly. He nodded and kissed me again.

My heart was so empty and so broken but I had everything I have and will ever need in life in front me in that moment. And that gave me so much hope.

-

Panic set through my veins. Multiple doctors were asking me multiple questions at once. It was so overwhelming. And considering Shawn wasn’t here I was even more on edge.

Shawn had a big important meeting this morning and I knew he couldn’t cancel it. So I have Karen here with me until Shawn can get here.

I’m at a fertility doctor. A while after the miscarriage, I’ve been having pains everywhere, I felt tired constantly, weak, and just so much more. Shawn and I decided that the safest route to take wa to get everything checked out. We didn’t want to risk anything.

After so many tests and so many questions, the doctor came in.

“Mrs. Mendes. We have your test results back,” She paused and I nodded slowly.

“I don’t know how to put this, you have fibroids and with your consent, we would like to take you into operation to remove it. But it would mean that you will not be able to get pregnant in the future.” She explained. I felt everything come crashing down again. How was I supposed to tell Shawn?

“Will it cause me any harm if I don’t agree?” I asked with tears flooding my eyes. Karen grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

“Its a tumor sitting of your uterus wall, Mrs. Mendes, Its honestly hard to say.” She admitted to me. I couldn’t think straight. I need Shawn. I need him right now. I can’t go through this without him.

Karen somehow got me to calm down and helped me with everything. Shawn met us at the hospital where I was going to have my procedure done. He held my hand the whole way and reassured me that everything was going to be okay.

-

Some time after my surgery. I was at home in bed and Shawn was there with me. Karen took Braxton for the weekend to give us some time to cope.

I had been doing well but today had me really down. Shawn was laying beside me and I just broke into tears.

“Angel? What’s wrong? Talk to me.” He spoke up immediately panicking that something was going wrong with me.

“I can’t give you anymore kids. I can’t give you your little girl. I’m so sorry.” I broke out in between sobs. Shawn instantly pulled me up onto his laps carefully and held me close. Shawn knew that already. He already had the idea that they could adopt. He was already planning out what the future would be like from here. But he also knew that I was in a different mindset than he was.

“Angel. Look at me,” He said as he looked me in the eyes.

“Another baby or not. I will love you until the day I die. Do you hear me? Until the day comes that I stop breathing I will continue to love you. I will always be here for you. Always. Don’t ever doubt that. You and Brax are all I need in life.” He explained. I nodded not having any words.

My lips met his and I knew that my life was complete. Broken or not, I was complete. And I couldn’t have wished for anything more in life.

-

*A year later*

-

Its just Shawn, me, and Braxton. We decided to just let it be us. We didn’t want to expand or anything. We just left it as it was because this was really all we needed. Braxton was now 4 almost 5 and he was really getting so big. He’s slowly becoming more of a daddy’s boy and Shawn loves it.

I was happier than ever with what I had in life. For a long time I was sad and broken. I was so empty. But Shawn kept me going. He helped me get through that time. He helped me where I am now. I couldn’t have done it without him.

Shawn’s family was a big help too. They took Braxton all the time. Manny was his best friend. Braxton adored him. I couldn’t have gotten through that time without them either.

But at the end of every day. Shawn and Braxton were my main focus. They were my world. I didn’t wanna ever live a life without them.

I couldn’t have wished for anything more in life at this moment. I had everything I could have ever needed right now.

“I love you Shawn. And I love you Braxy.” I said watching both of my boys playing in the backyard.

“I love you more, mommy!” Braxton yelled running around giggling to get away from Shawn.

“Yeah! I love you most, mommy!” Shawn said catching Braxton in his arms and ticking him until he was a giggling mess.

Watching the two of the made my love grow even more. I had everything I have ever wanted. A loving husband and little boy.

My life was actually complete.

-

THE END

(A/N: AHHHHHH!!! i cannot believe it’s finished. i’m actually kinda sad that its over🥺 but frfr i’m so happy with how this whole thing turned out. all of the feedback had my literally crying from happiness. but i need you all to let me know if i should continue writing things like this or if i should go back to the little blurbs? let me know!! and remember feedback is highly appreciated!❤️)

taglist: @shawn-youth @ashwarren32 @meatte @green-lxght @shawnmendes048 @sixwyrxstuff @mendesficsxbombay @weirdowithnobeardo @lilya-petrichor

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes x y/n #shawnpeterraulmendes #mendes #shawn #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes imagine #ceo! shawn #mr. ceo

[wingheadshellhead]

endgame time

okay i figure i might as well post all my thoughts on the movie and get all of it out at once

the good shit (oh yes i loved iron man 5)

the tony and nebula interactions were so good. so soft. love that sweet validation of them being stuck for 3 weeks and getting along. TONY OFFERING HER THE BLUEBERRIES on their last day of oxygen and her pushing his hand away and tony immediately scarfing them all. tony thinking of a complete stranger’s needs before himself even as he’s dying. fucking good shit a+

when he stepped off the jet and it was STEVE who rushed immediately to catch him lmao my heart nearly leapt out of my chest. a beautiful cinematic stevetony moment.

“i lost the kid, i lost the kid” holy shit superfam........ SUPERFAM. how he looked so distraught and heartbroken like he knows he took a teenager up to space with him to fight the greatest villain the world has ever faced and he LOST him and the way it broke him saying it out loud as steve was holding onto him

the catharsis of tony having his big “I WAS RIGHT FUCK YOU” speech and then collapsing afterwards. SHIVERS. and it was fantastic seeing rdj physically weakened and looking like crap surviving for 3 weeks on the ship with zero supplies. WHEN HE TORE THE REACTOR OFF HIS CHEST AND SHOVED IT INTO STEVE’S HAND. “where were you when i needed you” “we’ll lose together. you said we’d do that together too, LIAR” (not a paraphrase) oh my gOD. fucking deserved. his righteousness, his betrayal, his hurt. so excellent. loved that for him. all the avengers watching him with mild concern but also resignation knowing he WAS right and they’d treated him like he was crazy two years ago for nearly losing his mind because he was so worried about the threat of impending invasion.

5 YEARS LATER. steve holding support group was such a great moment of continuity from him watching sam holding the veterans group (a first win for samsteve in the movie), i loved him still wanting to create a space for others to share their trauma and to talk. the painful irony of having a whole cap trilogy and 4 avengers movies and having so few scenes of steve actually talking about his trauma and instead having his experiences filtered through other people’s dialogue has been so fucking painful and endgame continued to screw him over (see below lmao) with this one but i thought this scene was still a nice touch.

really enjoyed natasha saying she’d found a family and a purpose in THEORY but it wasn’t backed up enough by the context. she was running point on what was left of the avengers essentially but it felt more work related than “oh we’re a FAMILY” which the avengers has never been as much as they might try to act like it for one line of dialogue that’s meant to be so meaningful

AVENGERS ENDGAME AS A TIME TRAVEL CAPER. holy fuck a literal au come to life. loved it. we got a whole stevetony going undercover in the 70s on a mission which was awesome. spy!steve and spy!tony shenanigans. the throwbacks to 2012 avengers and continuations of the scenes we saw in the movie were so so much fun. 

america’s ass. god bless. tony thirsting after steve in every world in every universe in the multiverse. 

“i missed that giddy optimism” he also missed that ass, apparently

they really fucking WENT there with the hail hydra but i thought it was a smart (if smug) wink to the audience of steve one upping the hydra guys and taking the scepter from them.

STEVE LIFTING MJOLNIR!!!! steve WIELDING mjolnir and doing the lightning thing. THAT’S MY BOY!!!!!!!!

being 90% sure that tony was going to die going into this movie i knew it was nails in the coffin the MOMENT we saw the 5 years later flashback and we were at this beautiful house and tony was married and playing with his kid. it seemed gratuitous, it seemed too good to be true. and it’s everything tony deserved and more. the domesticity, the beautiful simplicity and quietness of having a wife and a kid and being surrounded by so much love. I LOVE YOU 3000. i love you 3000. holy shit. you cannot tell me or anyone that tony isn’t the best dad in the whole damn universe. that kid was so loved, so adored. all along, all tony has wanted is a family. he just wants people to love him and people that he can love that will stay. and he got exactly that. he got five years of that and maybe it’s not enough but being a superhero it never is. i’m glad he got that 5 years. 

RESCUE PEPPER was incredible. gwyneth got more screentime than i thought she would. seeing pepperony flying their suits in the sky was SUCH a trip ironfam really won this whole event. 

tony being bitter and putting up a front when natasha, steve and scott came to visit him. it was so jarring watching steve seeing tony with the happy family and life he’d never been able to have, always an impossibility to him. steve jumping the gun with “is pepper pregnant” in cw. such a bittersweet moment. it’s one of those very classic comic moments in the multiverse where they have a wild au concept and they lull you into a false sense of security that everything is beautiful and perfect and happy until they have to ruin it all again and go be heroes. it was very that. except the happiness and love was all REAL and tony got to have it.

their conversation about how everything had worked out for him and how he had a family he couldn’t leave behind..... bro he really got me (and the avengers) there. do you really think THE tony stark could ever live happily ever after knowing half the world was dead? either he’s going to die trying to bring them back or he won’t be able to live with himself at all. the simulations were such a satisfying move. his conversation with pepper. her telling him he wouldn’t be able to rest. it was tony asking permission but also telling her that he was going to go and leave behind their life to do what he had to do. the subtext of that whole scene was really fantastically done. 

PETER AND TONY. THE PHOTOGRAPH. HIM LINGERING ON THE PICTURE OF PETER LIKE OF FUCKING COURSE HE HASN’T HAD A MOMENTS REST NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM.

so anyway. tony invents time travel. we love a genius. he also invents an infinity gauntlet. incredible.

i was holding my breath the entire scene of tag when they were tossing the gauntlet back and forth mf wAITING for it to land near enough to tony. i knew it was coming but like,,, jesus christ part of me wasn’t sure when they had bruce do the snap. they skipped a lot of the technicalities of wielding the actual gauntlet (like not going mad from power and having the whole weight of the universe inside your head at your fingertips) probably to keep from weighing the story down but THAT would have been a brilliant touch to seeing tony finally getting the stones. and having them slot into place on his OWN GODDAMN ARMOUR. TONY STARK FUCKING DID THAT.

“i am inevitable.” “I AM IRON MAN”. literally the most iconic line of the entire marvel cinematic universe and tony gets to say it as the biggest fuck you the biggest villain they’ve ever faced. loved it.

so yeah the gamma rays taking tony, baseline human out, vs. bruce was a much less satisfying end than having it be the weight of the whole universe and the promise of madness and infinite power. but this is the ending tony deserved. we always knew that one or more of the OGs would die and it was tony and this is exactly the way this should have gone.

tony died saving the entire universe. he died sacrificing himself and HIS future with his family for the avengers and for the universe. the story of the mcu begins and ends with his sacrifice. he wouldn’t have had it any other way. to know that what he did, what he’ll be remembered for, is saving the universe. it validates all the selflessness and heroism and grace we’ve always known he has when it comes to being a hero. tony isn’t the hero that gives speeches and moves peple to action, he’s the hero that just DOES the thing that needs to be done. the one that will lay his life down on the line to let everyone else crawl over him because he wouldn’t be able to live knowing he hadn’t done more. him dying meant that he’d finally done enough. he finally gets to rest. and getting to die surrounded by the ironfam was such a beautiful touch. tony stark is unquestionably a hero. his legacy will always be one of sacrifice and heroism and creating the possibility of a better future. he has always, constantly, relentlessly been working to build a future he will never see that is better and stronger and more resilient than the present; it’s inherently a part of being a futurist that he will never get to see this world that he’s willingly given up everything for. and in the climax of the final battle, he gave up HIS future so that the rest of the universe could have one, and if that isnt the most tony stark thing i’ve ever heard idk what is. 

the unsolvable problem of the avengers

how do you write the culmination to a grand universe of 22 movies with the avengers being the cornerstone of that massive cinematic vision when your avengers aren’t even really a team? what are we supposed to root for when none of them seem to visibly friends or even like each other except when they’re in pairs? what “TEAM” are they referring to? 

the avengers from day 1 aren’t a team. they aren’t a family. there’s no sense of camraderie in any of the movies between them all as a unit. 

we had ONE scene of teamwork in the movie where they were locating the stones and planning what to do with them. the shot of nat bruce and tony lying on the conference table was great, but unearned. why should we care when they haven’t shown us how these people care about each other outside of saving the world once every few years? we don’t watch superhero team-ups for the cool fight scenes we watch them because we want to see these heroes actually care about each other and the BOND between them that makes them a worthwhile team on AND off the battlefield. 

there’s no sense that even strategically, they work well as a team. steve is the leader sure and tony provides the tech but apart from that? there’s no spark. there’s no connection between them that makes us thing oh shit, this could really work. they’re on the same wavelength. they’re going to try and do the impossible and it shouldn’t work but it just might because it’s them.

cannot emphasise this enough: not enough carol danvers. she was yeeted out of the movie after her intro and then came back for the final battle and that was it. she should’ve been THERE in the war room coming up with plans and going to the space destinations with the teams. it was ridiculous to have the future leader of the avengers and the legacy of the mcu not be front and center with the (non-existent) team dynamic. it fucking bewilders me that CM could write and develop a fury + carol friendship better than her dynamic with ANY of the avengers, her future friends and teammates. 

so, the avengers aren’t really friends. they’re coworkers who occasionally put up with each other to save the world and that’s fucking depressing and arguably why all the avengers but tony were so badly fucked over in the character development and ending of endgame.

the bad shit (full circle rip)

thor and bruce were treated like comedic relief for too much of the movie. i wasn’t expecting bruce to have much of a storyline because he never does but his conflict was solved with a handwave explanation in the beginning “oh i have the best of both worlds now, i’m both banner AND hulk the brain and the brawns”. was such a bizarre fucking feeling. and the insinuation that he’d just been chilling in the 5 years post snap with his new updated hipster wardrobe taking pictures with fans??? what the fuck? what kind of storyline is THAT? he should’ve been WITH natasha helping her deal with the fallout of the snap and working with the remainders of the team. what the fuck.

thor was done EVEN dirtier in this respect. it’s as if all the ugly stans that hated and mocked tony’s im3 ptsd storyline decided to put their messy caricature of him into a character arc. hemsworth pulled it off, to his credit and comedic delivery, but it wasn’t a story fitting of the mighty thor. there IS a way of writing thor going through trauma, trying to process the loss of his entire world and family and people, without reducing him to an absolute farce. imagine a thor, treated with gravitas and respect, lost and kingdomless and peopleless wandering the world, a recluse and a hermit, like the better side of the coin to hawkeye, but being called back to heroism because he couldn’t stand by and do nothing. idk if its the taika effect or just the massive turn that the thor trilogy took but i think the overt humour was the wrong way to go with thor and it made his entire storyline seem regressive and like they were laughing at him more than they were laughing with him. i would’ve accepted taking a leaf out of dc’s book (i.e. diana and arthur in JL) if they had to go down this path with thor’s story, of having him retreat from the trauma and grief of what he’d lost. because his pain was understandable, you could very clearly sympathise with what he’d been through but they turned his pathos into bathos and let his storyline play out in jokes instead of being the noble warrior and hero finding the strength to believe in people and have hope and fight for the world again. endgame really made a mockery out of thor’s legacy and not knowing if there’ll be another thor movie............... god he deserved better. 

clint?? we don’t speak of mcu clint but idk. i gUeSs the russos achieved what they thought they wanted to achieve with ultimates clint going full rogue and becoming a lawless deadpool but without the jokes. (ugh 616 clint... you will always be the only clint ever.) of all the characters that SHOULD have a lighthearted ironic storyline, it’s CLINT BARTON. he semi redeemed himself by wanting to die instead of natasha??? thereby absolving him? idk whatever lets not think too hard about mcu clint. 

i think most of fandom has long given up on mcu natasha so it’s less an issue of “this isn’t the natasha we deserve” and “well how badly can they fuck this up”. i think natasha’s development was well-handled and it was a Relief to have her final moment be between her and clint, purely driven by platonic love and all the shit they’ve stood by each other through. i don’t know that she needed to die, clint easily could’ve fallen instead of her lmao. but her being prepared to die for the fate of the world has been a theme since aou and i was glad it played out her seeing the necessity and pragmatism of sacrifice. i liked how she said “you think i want to do this?” because of course she doesn’t, ofc natasha romanova who’s lived through the rise and fall of empires and died so many deaths, wants to live. but she’s also a hero, and she’s spent so many years working to be a better person (when she said the avengers made her better g o d loved that line) and she knew what she had to do. idk that this was a fitting end for her but i thought her character development was well done (even if the team itself is a shallow non-existent “family”) and her sacrifice, alongside tony’s saved the universe.

ok don’t let the shortness of these points belie how much they annoyed me but CAROL deserved more screentime RHODEY deserved more screentime. SAM AND BUCKY deserved more. for characters that are so charismatic and bring so much life and dynamism to the avengers it was a fucking shame that they didn’t make the most of them. carol and rhodey especially. the lack of carolrhodey air force interactions and tonyrhodey was offensive.

sam getting the shield and the little moment of passing the shield was amazing but At What Cost

so..................... steve. oh boy. oh fuck here we go. the mcu has never known what the fuck to do with steve and i have written countless answers and thinkpieces and meta posts about it. the most heartbreaking part of steve’s story is that the avengers is literally his life. it’s tony’s life. and it is to many other avengers but all of them have always had something else to fall back on. steve has always only had the avengers, or the army or SHIELD or whatever affiliation he’s currently part of. his purpose and his drive is part of the team and whatever Thing he’s part of that he can throw himself into and embody. not having the avengers be a fully functioning team and misfit found family really handicapped his entire storyline and possible development. you could argue that steve found a family with the capfam but it’s really having a Team of people to lead and befriend and become family with that’s integral to steve’s character. his story as steve rogers, not captain america, is about finding a home and a family in the 21st century. making peace with what he’s lost in the past so he can live in the present and fight for the people of the present and future. 

it’s ironic and tragic and an absolute abomination for steve’s plot to literally be about regression. as if nothing has changed. he hasn’t learned anything from tws he hasn’t moved on, he hasn’t been able to let go “but not us” (AND WHY THE FUCK NOT RUSSOS?) he hasn’t been able to grow or make peace or find catharsis. he was SUPPOSED to, burying peggy, letting go of her. getting bucky back. but the setup of the mcu and the failure of the avengers as a team and family has actively kept steve from being able to ground himself in the present. the mcu ripped sharon carter right out of their universe so she never stood a chance. bucky had to go back under ice. natasha was running point with the 5 years later vengers. so in the end capfam is just???? sam and steve? his only support system is two and a half people?? it fucking breaks my heart. steve DESERVED a family. steve DESERVED a home. and even if mcu wasn’t going to let that be all tony stark-related there should’ve been SOMETHING.

of all the endings they could’ve pulled out of their asses

of all the fucking endings

this shit was straight out of the comics

straight out of the bad place darkest timeline scenarios

the ramifications of it all. hydra? bucky? sharon? homewrecking peggy’s own family and happily lived life just to get them back together? steve willing to risk it all for a dance and a woman he knew for a few months over the friends he’d spent nearly a decade with? we’re supposed to believe THAT’S steve rogers???????????

a literal fucking mess.

captain america as we know him in mcu ends with tws thats it

also, my expectations for stevetony was 0 but we got more than i thought we would. there was no development in terms of their actual relationship but as the filthy stevetony shipper i am happy with the cheap meal we got. there should’ve been a conversation between them about what happened, about what went down, something to tie together the avengers and the “trust” they wanted to establish between them. something like tony keeping the phone with him all this time. a little comic parallel “we still friends?” “never stopped”. just. Something. we needed more than “you trust me” “i do” in the time crunch of a mission. it was unearned. idk how this conversation would go, literally there are a hundred choices that i’m sure we’ll see play out in fic but one final big conversation between the two cornerstones of the mcu involving heroism, sacrifice, where they stand as heroes, how they see each other, who they are to each other. something like tony and steve always, at the end of everything, at the heart of who they are, seeing through each other’s masks and facades and personas and SEEING who the other person is. a tiny mcu nod to “you gave me a home” that ties the past and present and future together. tony believing in steve. steve believing in tony. i could’ve forgiven mcu all it’s other stevetony sins if we just had that.

just spitballing but – tony: you know, i never wanted to be a part of this thing. the super secret boyband. it was never supposed to be me. steve: we made it work though. for the most part. until we didn’t. tony: even when it looked like there was no way of ever getting the band back together a part of me still believed you. gullible of me, i know. but i wanted to think that if there ever came a time when we had to make one last stand, as avengers, we’d do it together. like it was always meant to be. steve: i know. tony, i – tony: i should’ve called. steve: it’s a two-way line. i could’ve, too. tony: that’s how it always seems to be with us, huh? shoulda woulda coulda. always just missing the mark. always just out of reach. steve: i’ve thought about it a lot. about what i would’ve done differently. what i would’ve said. tony: that’s why you need me, cap. i mean, hell, it doesn’t have to be me but we all need someone to tell us to get over ourselves sometimes. to stop beating yourself over the head with your own mistakes. steve: [laughs] that’s rich, coming from you. tony: maybe. but i’m a firm believer in second chances. steve: you think that’s what this could be? a second chance? tony: i know it. futurist, remember? i’ve seen it all happen. steve: oh, good. we could use one of those. maybe you could tell us if we survive tomorrow and save everyone. tony: we will. because things are different this time.  steve: this time? tony: the way it should’ve been. you and me and everyone else. together. we can win. steve: now who’s the one with the giddy optimism? tony: i prefer to call it hopeful pragmatism. after all, i’ve run enough simulations. steve: i do, tony. i trust you. tony: well, we’re betting the future of 5 billion lives on this. steve: i know. and there’s no one i’d trust more to do it. 

#endgame spoilers #avengers spoilers #a4 spoilers #spoilers #type: text #text: meta #universe: mcu #film: endgame #original: meta #@

[headoverjojo]

Can I ask for BucciG with a S/o that has an unearthly patience but when they finally snap, well... You'd better run because Ghiaccio, Fugo and Josuke just got fused together?

Hello there! Ooooh, snap babe coming!

Bruno’s gang with a s/o who has an unearthly patience but when they snap they’re terrifying

(Under the cut for length!)

Bruno Bucciarati

One of the reason Bruno fell so hard for his s/o was their incredible patience. They were always so calm, even the most troublesome thing didn’t seem to touch them. They accepted it with a smile and immediately worked in order to solve it. Their patience seems unlimited: they don’t complain when Bruno comes home late, due to work, when the boys are louder than usual, when, during a meeting some Caporegime is rude towards them -Bruno’s assistant- and Bruno himself. Bruno, not to cause more chaos, usually bite his tongue, if it’s nothing offensive. He -and the Don- don’t need more troubles than usual.

He chose his s/o to accompany him to every meeting right due to their apparently unlimited patience: Narancia was too loud, Fugo was already present at every meeting as Consigliere and strategist -but no one dares to fight with him-, Mista was with Giorno as his right arm, Abbacchio couldn’t bear even the slightest insult to Bruno… his s/o, instead, was placid and patient at his side, biting their tongue as much as him when someone said something inappropriate.

Still, during one meeting, everyone assisted to a very rare event: Bruno’s s/o snapped. And they snapped really bad. As one of the other Capiregime said something bad about the “rockie one”, they snapped so bad that Bruno had to catch them before they flew to the Caporegime to beat them in a pulp. Still, the murderous aurea they’re emanating is enough to keep them all in line for that and future meetings. And, from that experience, Bruno learned about a new side of his s/o: never make them angry! Even if he’s a little happy, since they unleashed their wrath for him. Now he knows how it feels!

Leone Abbacchio

His s/o’s patience was what, in the end, lead them to be a couple. Abbacchio was so unsure, so scared to hurt them and lose them not to realise that he was losing precious time right now. Someone else would have given up and let him go, but not his s/o. His s/o waited for him, with sweetness and kindness, without forcing him. And this lead Abbacchio, in the end, to finally admit that yes, he was in love, and yes, being with them was worth every risk. Their patience never leaves them even when Abbacchio is on one of his moody periods -even if he tries as much as he can not to weight on his s/o-, when he’s silent and closed in his world… they always wait for him. And Abbacchio knows it.

Abbacchio tends to retire in his shell especially in certain periods of the year. His birthday -for a long period he wished not to have been born, so his birthday was painful-, his ex partner’s birthday and the day he died. He’s grateful, even if he doesn’t say it aloud, that his s/o is understanding and leaves him the time he needs, every time. When he has grieved alone, he always comes back to them, hugging them and relishing in their warm presence, happy, deep in his heart, to see they’re still here.

This doesn’t mean that their patience is unlimited. They’re human, after all! And, the first time it happened, it wasn’t against Leone, as one could expect, but against other Passione’s members. They had to assist Abbacchio in a reconnaissance mission, to cover his back while Moody Blues was replaying. It was one of the “bad periods” and his s/o was more protective than usual. This was what lead them to knock down a fellow Passione soldato when they criticized Abbacchio for “being so gloomy and with a stick up in his ass”. Abbacchio too was baffled by their reaction and had to physically restrain them from beating the other too. He scolds them, but, also, he’s grateful… it’s nice to be defended, sometimes.

Guido Mista

He’s so in love with his s/o that sometimes he feels overwhelmed. They’re so kind, so fierce and intelligent… and also so patient. Their apparently infinite patience was what hit him more than anything else: when they had to wait for a target to appear, they never complained about it -while Narancia would have already started to whine and complain, making him lose his focus-, they just stayed near him, ready as him to shoot. It was on these moments of wait that they bonded, finding out they shared a lot of common points of view on life and world. He’s not a man who usually makes people nervous, but he knows that his phobia can be a bit unnerving, so he’s grateful for his s/o’s patience.

His lifestyle is not luxurious or over the line: even if now he’s the Don’s right hand, he still enjoys the small joys of life, nothing more and nothing less. The sun in the morning, his s/o’s hand in his, their kisses… it’s more than enough to make him happy. Still, a lot of people judges him bad for this: he could have everything, seen his position, and he’s content with just some crumble? Stupid. Mista know what people say, but he doesn’t care: this doesn’t stop him from doing his work as he should, so it’s fine.

Still, his s/o knows that, even if Mista doesn’t get angry or doesn’t show it, he’s a bit affected by those words. He’s not going to change his lifestyle because of it, but… it hurts, after a while. And his s/o suffers seeing Mista like this. Still, they tried to restrain and restrain until, at the umpteenth bad comment, they violently snapped even charging with their stand. Mista was totally caught unprepared: he never saw his s/o reacting so badly!! He tears them away from the poor soul, holding them in his arms to prevent them to beat the other up again. He confronts them, baffled and surprised, even more when they see that, after all the punches, kicks, screams and insults, they’re back to their sweet and patient self. What happened?? Did he just dreamed everything??

Narancia Ghirga

Let’s be honest, to keep up with Narancia one must be really energetic and, most of all, patient. Other than loving physical contact and cuddles. Luckily, his s/o is all of this: they’re energetic, always ready to follow him in every mission or prank he’s planning to do, often being his voice of reason, they adore cuddles and are not shy about holding his hand in public or smooching his cheeks and lips and, most of all, they’re patient. They have the patience of a saint. They’re not bothered by Narancia’s problems with math, they’re not annoyed by his loud and brash personality… they love him as he is. And Narancia is immensely grate for this.

Now that Fugo can’t be anymore his tutor, it’s his s/o the one who does it. With a way calmer and more positive approach, Narancia managed to do many progresses, even in math, to his s/o’s joy and pride. Still, many people look down at him, still considering him the weak link in the group. They see him as a kid, so the easier to defeat, just to face Aerosmith’s bullets. It’s easier when they’re enemies, but when those words come from other Passione’s members… he can’t even react. He just boils and keeps his anger inside.

Everyone thought that Narancia would have finally exploded, one day. But, surprise, it wasn’t him but his s/o the one who had a rage outburst worth of Fugo on his worst moments. They didn’t even call out their stand: they just beated them with bare hands, screaming how much they were done with all this crap, that they have to leave Narancia alone and stop with all this shit. Narancia is so shocked he can’t even move a muscles; when they’re finally finished and back to Narancia, he’s almost scared that they could unleash their rage on him, but almost immediately he notices that they’re back to their usual self. He doesn’t talk about this episode anymore, just hoping not to ever be their victim when their patience ends!

Pannacotta Fugo

Fugo absolutely needs a person who’s patient and can stand up on him when he’s being stubborn. Gentle but firm, kind but strong, this is the person who could steal Fugo’s heart. And his s/o is so. They’re strong and determined like a real warrior but compassionate and kind like an angel. Plus, they’re the patience itself and he’s still amazed when they say they’re not annoyed by his anger bursts -more worried that he could hurt himself- or perfectionism tendencies. He knows he can be, sometimes, such a neurotic mess, but seeing that they’re still here and love him anyway helps him really a lot.

Even if now he’s one of the most respected people in Passione, as Consigliere and strategist, someone still talks badly about him, saying that he’s in his position just ‘cause he’s a Don’s friend, that he’s a violent, an uncontrollable angry man, that soon or later it will end badly for him… even if he tries not to listen to these words, mostly not to have a rage burst or breakdown in front of his s/o, it affects him so, so much, mining his already low self esteem.

But it’s when someone whispers about his tragic past, about the thing with his old professor that his s/o, to everyone’s dismay, snaps. They are even more violent than Fugo, a force that cannot be stopped, as they scream to shut their trap up and not to dare to speak about things they don’t know. Just when the other has passed out they stop, going back to Fugo, who was too shocked to stop them, and tell him it’s all fine, now. Fugo is seriously worried that they can have anger issues as him, but when they say they just snapped, after bottling up for so much time, he begs them to vent, when they need, in order to prevent such outbursts. He doesn’t want them to get hurt!

Giorno Giovanna

Being a Don isn’t easy. He knew it and his s/o knows too, but Giorno still feared that it could have been too much for them to handle. He’s always travelling from city to city to check how Passione’s various settlements are doing, he has meetings, when something serious happens he has to go personally, he has to always be ready for every kind of emergency… it’s not easy for them. It’s hard to have a free day just for them two. But his s/o is doted of an unearthly patience. When Giorno has to go, they just kiss him and tell him to be careful, if they can’t go with him. Giorno is so grateful to have them in his life, a safe harbor to always come back to.

Still, seeing his young age, some members are reluctant to follow him or to respect him -even if, after one look to GER, they understand how this young man won against the apparently invincible ex Don- but still, words go around. Someone doesn’t think Giorno is suited for the role, someone else that with him on charge Passione will fall down, someone else that the “brat” is too young to be a Don… Giorno knows his abilities and power, but he’s still human. These words affect him, even if he maintains a stoic face.

Until the day when, during a meeting, after the umpteenth veiled nonsense criticism from a Caporegime -and Giorno just clenched his jaw while coldly said he would have thought about that- they snapped. Badly. Since it was a Caporegime they couldn’t beat them up as they wanted to, but still their words are sharp and hit as fists. After that, no one dared to move against their Don, always eyeing the menacing presence near him. Giorno had problems to keep up the stoic façade and, the instant the meeting was ended, he asked for explanations. Not that he was disappointed! It had been amazing. Just… why? And this already happened without him to know it? He knows that bottling up feelings is unhealthy and he wants his s/o to feel comfortable to vent, not to always be the patient and kind one, if they need to.

#jjba #vento aureo #bruno's gang #bruno bucciarati #leone abbacchio #guido mista #narancia ghirga #pannacotta fugo #giorno giovanna #neutral s/o #patient s/o who snaps bad #headcanons #sfw #anon ask

[failes-xtra-bits]

 CHAPTER 7

             So they take off for Marlas the following morning, after a public hanging that does NOT put Makedon in good spirits. Damen and Laurent evenly matched, riding side by side. 

Damen was taller, but nothing could be done about that, Hendric, (the Veretian Herald) had said with an impenetrable expression. 

Damen couldn't tell if he was joking. He rode closer to Laurent.

'At Marlas, we’ll stay in adjacent chambers,’ said Damen. ‘It’s protocol.’

‘Of course,’ said Laurent, his eyes also on the road.

Laurent showed no sign of distress, and sat upright in the saddle, as though nothing at all had happened to his shoulder. He spoke charmingly to the generals and even made pleasant conversation in response to Nikandros, when Nikandros spoke to him.

‘I hope the injured boy was returned to you safely.’

‘Thank you, he returned with Paschal,’ said Laurent.

When they reached Delpha...

'Welcome home,’ Nikandros said.

Akielos. He drew in a breath of Akielon air. In months of captivity he had thought of this moment.

Damen glances over at Laurent, who is of course, above it all. To be fair, Delpha used to belong to Vere and the people there are more excited to see him, this must make him feel some kind of way.

Damen doesn't recognize Marlas when they arrive. It's grown lush and green with beautiful wildflowers, so drastically different from when they battled there. Also this.

Damen looked at the courtyard. The parapets were broken down and reshaped. The stonework hacked off. The stone itself carted off for use in new building, the splendid rooftops and towers levelled into an Akielon style. Now it looks bare and barren to him. Laurent does not react to the changes but thanks Nikandros for his welcome.

Inside the household is waiting for them. 2 dozen slaves lining the walls. At first Nikandros is upset because the King's preference is known, until they realize that they are for Laurent. Laurent, ever the gracious guest picks a young slave with the coloring of Damen and Nikandros(hmmm), named Isander.

‘I like that one,’ said Laurent.

The slaves were dressed in the northern style, in light gauzy silks that threaded through the link on their collar and covered very little. Laurent was indicating to the third slave to the left, a dark, bowed head.

‘An excellent choice,’ said Kolnas. ‘Isander, step forward.’

Damen realizing that Isander is pure frowns.

'The slave remains wholly untouched, kept pure for the first use of the Exalted.’

Laurent’s eyes lifted to Damen’s.

‘I never did learn how to command a bed slave,’ said Laurent. ‘Teach me.’

‘They cannot speak Veretian, Your Highness,’ Kolnas explained. ‘In the Akielon language, using the plain form of address is appropriate. To command any act of service is to honour a slave. The more personal the service, the greater the honour.’

‘Really? Come here,’ said Laurent.

Isander rose for the second time, a faint tremor in his body as he came as close as he dared before dropping to the ground again, his cheeks bright red. He looked a little dazed by the attention. Laurent extended the tip of his boot.

‘Kiss it,’ he said. His eyes were on Damen. He's such a little shit, toying with Damen. He knows what he's doing. Poor Isander.

Damen is preparing for the banquet and reflecting on how homecoming is not quite what he expected. I would even say he's feeling a bit misunderstood, alone, his world is bigger now so he doesn't quite fit. 

When the last laurel leaf (how did I never see this?) was arranged, the last piece of fabric wound into place, Damen proceeded with his squires into the hall.

Men and women reclined on couches, amid scattered low tables or on low, cushioned benches.

 Pallas, the handsome officer-champion, reclined with the easy posture that spoke to his aristocratic blood(and this! He isnt just a lowly soldier,  this feeds in to my theory on Laurent and Jealousy).

So they are now at the banquet Laurent and his immaculate manners and besotted slave to do his bidding, Damen brooding. Time comes to talk about pledging support.

Barieus stepped forward. ‘I want assurances that Vere does not hold undue influence over Akielos.’

Undue influence. ‘Speak plainly.’

‘They say the Prince of Vere is your lover.’

Silence. No one would have dared speak that way in his father’s court. 

‘Who we take to our bed is not your concern.’

‘If our King takes Vere to his bed, it is our concern,’ said Barieus.

‘Shall I tell them what really happened between us? They want to know,’ Laurent said.

Laurent began to unlace the cuff of his sleeve, drawing the ties through the eyelets, then opening the fabric to expose the fine underside of his wrist—and then the unmistakable gold of the slave cuff.

So apparently the cuff means ownership of the royal family. I don't think that Damen thought of it as ownership like his people do, just part of a shared experience and sentimentality over what brought them together. He's shrewd enough to know he's laying some kind of claim, but I bet Laurent thought the whole thing through and realized the complete meaning of the cuff or how people would see it. OWNERSHIP, deeply pledged to the royal family. 

Do I have the question clear?’ said Laurent, speaking in Akielon. ‘You are asking if I lay with the man who killed my own brother?’

Laurent wore the slave cuff with utter disregard. He had no owner, the aristocratic arrogance of his posture said that. Laurent had always possessed an essential quality of the untouchable. He cultivated a faultless grace on the reclining couch, his chiselled profile and marble-chip eyes those of a statue. The idea that he would let anyone fuck him was impossible.

Barieus said, ‘A man would have to be ice-cold to sleep with his brother’s killer.’

‘Then you have your answer,’ said Laurent. (I love this, because he answers the question, but it doesn't mean what they think, I'd they think differently he knows they won't press the issue.)

There was a silence, in which Laurent’s gaze held that of Barieus.

‘Yes, Exalted. They pledge to Damen.

Laurent requests The Fall of Inactos, Damen broods some more, jealous of Isander.

The wine came. As he took up the cup, he saw Jord approaching Aimeric's parents to pay his respects.

‘Thank you, soldier.’

She gave him the token attention a lady might give to any servant, and turned back to her conversation with her husband.

Before he realised it, Damen had lifted his hand and summoned Jord over. Approaching the dais, Jord made the three prostrations as ungracefully as a man wearing a new armour suit.

‘You have good instincts,’ Damen heard himself say.

It was the first time that he had spoken to Jord since the battle at Charcy. He felt how different this was to the nights they’d sat around a campfire swapping stories. He felt how different everything was. Jord gazed at him for a long moment, then indicated Laurent with his chin.

‘I’m glad you two are friends,’ said Jord.

‘It’s good that you could trust each other,’ said Jord. And then: ‘I think before you came, he didn’t really trust anyone.’

Damen said, ‘He didn’t.’

 He and Jord part ways Damen see's Laurent whisper to Isander and head out the door. He goes to follow him and realizes that he's abandoned the slave and gone for a ride. He finds Laurent at the site of his brother's death.

Clearing a last jut of stone, he saw the curve of a shoulder in the moonlight, the white of a loose shirt, his outer garments stripped, all wrists and exposed throat. Laurent was sitting on a stone outcrop. His jacket was discarded uncharacteristically. He was sitting on it. Stone slid under his heel. Laurent turned. For a moment, Laurent looked at him wide-eyed, young, and then the look in his eyes changed, as though the universe had fulfilled an ineluctable promise. ‘Oh,’ he said, ‘perfect.’

Damen said, ‘I thought you might want—’

‘Want?’

'A friend,’ said Damen. He used Jord’s word. His chest felt tight. ‘If you’d prefer me to leave, I will.’

‘Why cavil?’ said Laurent. ‘Let’s fuck.’

He said it with his shirt unlaced, the wind teasing the opening there. They faced each other.

'That isn’t what I meant.’

It might not be what you meant, but it’s what you want.’ Laurent said, ‘You want to fuck me.’

Anyone else would have been drunk. Laurent was dangerously sober. I really want to know what he'd have done if Damen would have taken him up on his offer.

‘I came because I thought you might want to talk.’

‘Not particularly.’ (again, there's an undertone that I missed before, sure he's trying to put Damen off, but is he really? I think he might want comfort but is disgusted with himself and can't really ask for it).

He said, ‘About your brother.’

‘I never fucked my brother,’ said Laurent, with a strange edge to the words. ‘That is incest.’ 

They were standing in the place where his brother had died. With a disorientating sensation Damen realised they weren’t going to talk about that. They were going to talk about this.

‘You’re right,’ said Damen. ‘I’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.’

‘Why?’ said Laurent. ‘Was I that good?’

'No. You fucked like a virgin,’ said Damen, ‘half the time. The rest of the time—’

‘Like I knew what to do?’

‘Like you knew what you were used to.’

He saw the words impact. Laurent swayed, like he’d been dealt a blow.

Laurent said, ‘I’m not certain I can take your particular brand of honesty just at the moment.’

Damen said, ‘I don’t prefer sophistication in bed, if you were wondering.’

'That’s right,’ said Laurent. ‘You like it simple.’

All the breath left his throat. He stood, stripped, unready for it. Will you use even that against me? he wanted to say, and didn’t. Laurent’s breathing was shallow too, holding his ground.

‘He died well,’ Damen made himself say. ‘He fought better than any man I’ve known. It was a fair fight, and he felt no pain. The end was quick.’

‘Like gutting a pig?’

Damen felt like he was reeling. He barely heard the rumbling of sound. Laurent jerked around to look into the dark, where the sound was growing louder—hoof beats, thundering closer.

‘You sent your men out to look for me too?’ said Laurent, his mouth twisting.

 ‘No,’ said Damen, and pushed Laurent hard out of sight, into the shelter of one of the huge, crumbling blocks of stone.

They hide from a troop of riders.

And then they were gone, passing them as quickly as they had arrived, disappearing across the fields towards a destination in the west. The hoof beats receded. Damen didn’t move, their chests pressed to each other, Laurent’s shallow breath against his shoulder.

He felt himself shoved back as Laurent pushed himself out to stand with his back to him, breathing hard.

Damen stood with his hand against the stone, and looked after him across the landscape of strange shapes. Laurent didn’t turn back to him, just stood holding himself still. Damen could see him once again as a pale outline in a thin shirt.

‘I know you’re not cold,’ said Damen. ‘You weren’t cold when you ordered me tied to the post. You weren’t cold when you pushed me down on your bed.’(Damen! Theres a threat! Get yo head outtake yo ass!)

 ‘We need to leave.’ Laurent spoke without looking at him. ‘We don’t know who those riders were, or how they got past our scouts.’

‘Laurent—’

‘A fair fight?’ said Laurent, turning back to him. ‘No fight’s ever fair. Someone’s always stronger.’

And then the bells from the fort began to ring, the sound of a warning, their sentries belatedly reacting to the presence of unknown riders. Laurent reached down to snag up his jacket, shrugging into it, laces hanging loose. Damen brought over their horses, unhooking his reins from the stone column. Laurent swung up wordlessly into his saddle and put his heels into his horse, both of them riding hard.

[tidesreach]

what are your top 5 clips/scenes from s2 of skam italia? (i know it's hard to choose)

This was incredibly difficult, anon. How dare you? But l gave it a good go. This took longer to answer than I intended because I am me and thus I could not stop prattling on. Sorry? But here we are:

1. La Grotta / Martino e Niccolò

Tied first place because it is impossible to separate them. I refuse. I know I have already talked everyone to death about both of these clips but I just adore them. Every single thing about them. They are so important. La Grotta took my breath away. Both Rocco and Fede did such an incredible job at conveying the emotion of this moment. Because the thing is, Marti's issue was never entirely to do with Nico having a mental illness. Despite what happened in Milan, Marti still wanted to see Nico, to know that he was okay. Marti's struggle was predominantly with the idea that Maddalena (*side-eyes*) planted in his head that Nico's illness somehow voided their relationship and his feelings for Marti. Nico's illness never made Marti love him any less. In fact, Marti was afraid of the opposite. That Nico's illness meant that Nico didn't love him. And all of that is just so apparent in this clip. Because as soon as Marti realises that Nico is truly in love with him, not even God himself can fucking stop him from getting to that terrace. The entire scene on the terrace is utterly heart-wrenching and breathtaking. One of the most beautiful things about that moment is that Marti does not stop smiling through it all. It is the most certain and understanding and reassuring smile. He looks at Nico with so much softness and conviction. Because he knows that Nico loves him now. And that's all that really matters. Yes, it's going to be tough. But it's worth every second. He breaks through Nico's shame. He literally kisses away his tears. He soothes Nico's deepest fears. And all Nico can do is watch in silent awe that this boy really exists in front of him. That Marti's not ashamed of him or abandoning him. Like, it's so beautiful? Everything about it is just so beautiful.

Martino e Niccolò is just as beautiful. I've talked about this before so I'm not going to write an essay, but Nico's fragile vulnerability hit me like a fucking train. I can feel every single moment of his conflict and shame in this scene. Of how utterly terrified he is of Marti witnessing a depressive episode. Terrified that he's going to drag Marti down with him and that Marti will inevitably end up hating him and leaving him. And Marti handles it with such care and reassurance. So much gentle certainty. I am truly in awe of that boy. He is such a grounding presence for Nico. It was so lovely to see Nico respond the way he did. Because despite how completely horrible he feels he manages to smile. And that's a wonderful thing.

(Also I love when Marti's on the phone to Maddi and she says, "It's not true that he only wants to be with you because of his illness" etc. Because Marti's face is so funny? His expression literally says, "Yeah, cheers, but I already fucking know that now. No thanks to you." In fact, he doesn't even dignify the comment with a response. I love you, Martino.)

2. Due Ore

I will never forget the night that clip dropped (or the previous night when we were all sat waiting for it and it didn't drop, what a fucking time). I love every single second of Due Ore. The atmosphere -- the feeling -- of that scene was just incredible. It was like an exhale. You could feel it. Could feel the relief, the finally, this is where we're supposed to be, after the tumultuous push-and-pull of the last couple of weeks. You could feel the inevitability of it when they were stood there staring at each other. Nico's nervous anticipatory smile as he waited for Marti to make the first move. Marti grinning back at him in earnest. They both knew that there needed to be an actual conversation at some point. But in that moment it just wasn't necessary. It could wait. Because everything was written on their faces. This is what I want. You are what I want. We talk about fate a lot with these two -- the red string of fate! -- and I never felt it more strongly than I did in this scene. You could almost see the damn string tying them together. It was inevitable and they both knew it.

3. Patatine e Marmellata

Getting to see them wake up together was such a blessing. The way Marti was sleeping on Nico's chest, gosh. They looked so peaceful and content. It was wonderful. And their conversation -- the conversation that they inevitably had to have -- about Maddalena was important. "I want to figure out how I feel for myself." It gave us an important insight into Nico's headspace and the way the people around him treat him and his illness. When Marti directly asks him how he feels, Nico's face just lights the fuck up. It hurts my heart a little. When was the last time someone asked him that without trying to dictate the answer for him? His soft, whispered answer of "You know perfectly well. And it's never happened to me before." He knows how he feels and he can finally say it and not have it questioned. Marti's smile and his little breath of a laugh -- like he just can't contain how delighted he is that they feel the same way -- before his "Me neither". And then of course, Buon Viaggo. The way they literally cannot stop grinning at one another. Their soft kisses in between serenading each other. I mean, you could not make this up. And god, the way Marti stares up at Nico when he starts singing absolutely floors me every time. He is so in love with him he is completely incapable of keeping it off his face. Then he just straight up calls him the man of his dreams. And not forgetting the boys and their incredible dance and sing-a-long while cleaning the kitchen. How was this clip even real? What a fucking blessing.

4. Nel Mio Letto

Soft Boyfriends(tm). This is always my first go-to clip when I'm feeling particularly awful. Because there is just something so incredibly comforting about it. It's like a warm blanket and a hot cup of tea on a bitter cold winter's day. I think it's to do with the cosy softness of it all. The way they're intertwined. The sleepy cuddles and kisses. The coffee. The coffee heart. The song. It's like a wonderful bubble of contentment. Like Nico's bed is its own little safe haven. I love the whole atmosphere of it. It really does feel like they are the only two people in the world. Which ties in perfectly with their conversation about the last man on earth. (Still sad they didn't get their three days in bed though.)

5. Halloween

HALLOWEEN. Everything about this is iconic. The giraffes on the beer glasses? Marti dramatically ditching his mask in front of the Catholic church? The lighting in the pool? That shot of them underwater where they're surrounded by an endless expanse of water like they're in the ocean? Nico somehow managing to never stop fucking smiling at Marti even when trying to hold his breath underwater? I love that Skam Italia managed to make the pool scene their own. It was a world away from the OG scene (in the sense that it has a completely different feel to it) and I love that. I love that they're both essentially the same scene but evoke so many different emotions. There was this sort of giddy anticipatory feeling with Marti and Nico. Their kiss was like taking that first breath after being underwater for so long. The way they clung to each other? The way they were so in awe of each other? Like in Due Ore there was that overwhelming feeling of joy and relief. Finally.

Honorary mentions, because just five is too hard:

Tu Non Sei di Milano

It feels a little bizarre to call it a favourite clip. It would perhaps be more accurate to say that it is a clip that particularly resonated with me. I have only watched this clip in its entirety three times. The first time I was on a bus to London -- frankly I should have known better than to watch it in public -- and I almost had a panic attack while watching it. I sobbed in a public bathroom for a good twenty minutes, it was quite the day. Because I recognised so much of myself in Nico and his behaviour and I felt so much empathy for him. It hit me like a fucking train. It was the most difficult clip to watch, but it was also incredibly important. It took me a long time to rewatch it. The second and third times were difficult too. But also cathartic in a way. When you suffer from an illness like BPD, it can be incredibly isolating. You can feel like there is no one else in the world who can possibly understand what you're going through or what it feels like. Sometimes I think, "I'm ridiculous. No one else does this crazy shit. Why am I like this? Why can't I just snap the fuck out of it?" Watching that clip was validating in a lot of respects. It was difficult to watch but it also reminded me that I am not alone. That there are other people out there who experience the same struggles that I do. Who battle with episodes like this too. It was an incredibly tough watch, but it was so important.

Also, veering away from the more painful aspects of that clip: I absolutely love the way Nico seduced Marti in front of that damn neon light. Marti's soft and naive voice when he's attempting to read the "how fun". Nico's "no, no, it says Marti and Nico" and insisting Marti look again just so he can catch him by surprise in a kiss. Those achingly slow and soft kisses they exchange are probably my favourite kisses of theirs. That scene was just so intimate and beautifully done.

Vediamo

One of my favourite things about this season is the dynamic between Marti and his mother. It was so lovely to watch them heal and slowly but surely repair their relationship. Vediamo really captured the essence of that. Marti's misplaced anger towards his mother during the fallout of Milan. The brutal yelling. The way they both sit on opposite sides of the door. Marti's quiet and tearful "Are you sitting there?" His mum asking him if he thinks she would have a problem with it and then her sobbing "You are the most important thing in my life." The two of them just bloody sobbing on either side of the door. I am tearing up thinking about it. Good grief. I absolutely adore Mamma Rametta. And of course, "Vediamo" and her calling it Martinese for "No." Their tearful laughter. I love it so much. They have their ups and downs but they really do love each other unconditionally.

Effettivamente

This might just be one of my favourite coming out scenes that I have ever witnessed. Fede did such a wonderful job at conveying Marti's inner struggle. The way Marti has to fight to get the words out. The way he falters a little when he says "It's not a girl." It makes my own heart falter every single fucking time I watch it. You can see him wrestling with the words. And Gio, darling Gio. I love Giovanni Garau with a U (it's Sardinian), resident Love Wizard. He's such a wonderful friend and I just really adore the way he handles it. The way he stops playing FIFA to give Marti his full attention. That wonderful and supportive smile of his. How he asks questions about Niccolò and lets Marti get out some of the shit he's been holding onto. He really puts Marti at ease. You can see the relief seep into Marti's body when he realises that nothing is going to change between them because of this. Marti's huge smile when Gio says "He needs to leave his girlfriend" and then ruffles Marti's hair. I love supportive best friends.

And there you have it. Sorry, you asked for five and I gave you about nine. You probably didn't want a novel. But what can I say? I have a lot of love to share.

#skam italia #aela answers things #do i ever shut up? #skam italia: thoughts

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #214

“if you are dead or still alive, i don’t care.”

Do you wear perfume or cologne? Very very rarely. Typically if I have to go somewhere formal or something. What was your favorite grade in elementary school? Probably 5th. Do you own a debit card? No. A credit card? No. Are you in debt? I don't pay for anything that could cause me to be in debt. When is your birthday? February 5th. What song are you listening to now? "I Don't Care" by Apocalyptica. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup with Jason. Have you ever lost a friend to drugs or alcohol? Kinda. Who was your childhood best friend? Her name was Brianna. Are you still friends now? We just drifted apart. If not, why? ^ Do you believe in Karma? Nope. What do you thinks happens to us when we die? I don't pretend to know. I hope some sort of eternal peace for those deserving, but who the hell knows. What age do you think you’ll die? Idk. 70s/80s? My grandparents lived pretty long. About how long was the last book you read? I haven't a clue. Have you ever read a play before? Yeah, in school. A play not written by Shakespeare? I don't think so. Have you ever read a play outside of school? No. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? A lot... I'm one of the admins at the Silent Hill wiki, a content mod or something I don't remember on the SotC one, and I occasionally edit the meerkats wiki, which is an atrocious mess that I try to clean up where I can. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? A lot. Do you use your phone as an alarm? Yep. Do you listen to music while you sleep? No. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I don't get "scared," just very paranoid of germs. Are you realistic? In some ways. Do you own a romper?  No. What popular social media platforms AREN’T you on? Snapchat, and then I have a Twitter solely to like Mark's shit lmao. What does your computer’s slow-loading cursor look like? It's a spinning light blue ring. Do you prefer Microsoft Word or Pages? I've never heard of the latter, so. Would you rather have a trampoline or swimming pool? A pool, please. Do you have the same favorite colors you had when you were a kid? Pink, yes. What do you like to put in your tea? N/A What do you like to put in smoothies? I don't really drink them. Do your stuffed animals have names? Some. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? Bitch miss me with that haunted doll shit. Do you sell any products? If so, what? No. Do you know how to knit? No. Do you have an inspiration board? I have one on Pinterest of hair colors I like. Do you have a colored teddy bear? Maybe up in the attic somewhere. On what day is your local grocery store the busiest? I'm sure it's the weekend. What day do you usually go grocery shopping? Mom doesn't have a designated "day." Do you own a bobblehead? No. What do you make wishes on? Nothing. Wishes aren't magic. Well, I do on birthday candles, but that's only as a tradition sorta thing. What’s the best natural pain reliever? It depends; sometimes nothing natural works. What’s your favorite Paramore song? "That's What You Get," probably. Do you like scrambled eggs? Yes. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Have you ever done a craft that you saw in a magazine? I don't believe so. Are you bitter about anything? I am permanently and inexplicably bitter towards my former primary doctor that fucked up my entire body thanks to keeping me on a medication and her being an ignorant fuck to the side effects, apparently. What is your favorite color for cars? Burnt orange. What is your favorite color for bridesmaid dresses? *shrugs* If applicable, what’s your favorite dance costume that you’ve had? It was some sort of black dress-ish thing. I can't remember clearly. What’s your favorite flavor of mouthwash? Minty? Just ffs don't have alcohol in it. Do you drink CapriSuns? If there's nothing else to drink, sure. Do you prefer caramel or peanut butter? Peanut butter, I think. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. Do you like butterflies? Yeah, they're my fave insect. Do you know any dances? Only the ones that literally tell you what simple move to do lmao. Did you go anywhere yesterday? No. Do you like yellow or blue more? Blue. Do you wear rings? Only one. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? French toast sticks for lunch yesterday. How often do you go for walks? Never, sadly. Walking along my road is scary with how busy it is, I CANNOT handle the heat, and for the time being, I can't walk far at all with my knee problem. Do you go on the computer or watch TV more? I say enough I don't watch TV, but I'm always on my laptop. What is something you’ll never eat again? Why? Brussel sprouts. 'Cuz they're fucking disgusting. What is currently happening that is scaring you? Abortion rights being taken away/wrongly modified is pretty scary, honestly. What would be your personal hell? The Christian Hell because fuck that heat lmao. What made the ‘weird kid’ at your school weird? He, I shit you not, would not say a word, but if he absolutely had to speak, he kept it very very short and quiet. He was always looking down and isolated himself. I felt really bad for him; he was so obviously depressed, but I was always too unsure of how to approach him and try to be a friend. What is a word you personally find offensive? "Retarded" when used incorrectly. What instantly puts you to sleep? Instantly go to sleep??? Please teach me how. What song is in a language you don’t speak, but you love it anyway? Well, I don't speak German fluently, so like, a shitload of Rammstein songs. What is something you would like to do if you weren’t judged for doing it? Tbh cosplay sounds so fun. What’s a movie you think everyone should watch? Why that one? Johnny Got His Gun. It shows just how fucking disgusting war is. What was the most unexpected good thing that’s ever happened to you? Senpai Noticed Me. What is the funniest fact you know? Idk. Oh, I might be mistaken, but I think the guy who invented the segway died via driving off a cliff on a segway. Big 'ole oof. What’s the kindest way a stranger has treated you? I remember as a little kid, the people in front of us in line at McDonald's paid for our meal. What is the biggest design flaw of your body? I have this random, deep dimple on my right ass cheek like what the fuck. What is the strangest thing you have ever felt? OKAY SO when I was in the process of having my ears cleaned back when I had that wax adhered to my eardrums, one step was having warm water like pounded into my ears, and it somewhat tickled but also felt oddly good, and it was just really weird. What makes someone immediately unlikable? Acting like they're above everyone else. Who’s a villain you sympathize with and why? Darkiplier hunny my poor husband. I won't answer "why" because yeah spoilers. What is something you regret to NOT have done? Fuck it, I wish I'd had *complete* sex w/ Jason. I was in love with him, and I'll probably never experience genuine sex again so like- What’s the weirdest thing you put in a microwave? Idk? What movie changed your life for the better? I'm not sure. Oh, wait, I remember when I was still Christian, God's Not Dead really touched me, but we know how I am religiously now. What’s something your relatives don’t know about you? Many probably don't know I'm bi. What’s something your parents did, which you have sworn never to do? Have children before marriage. Back when I wanted kids. What’s the most annoying thing your pet does? My cat is obsessed with trying to lie on me as he'd done as a kitten, but then I can't see over him to see the laptop. Teddy scratches a lot and won't listen to "stop" for anything. What’s the biggest sum of money you’ve won? Uhhhh. I have no clue. Have I ever? Idk. Have you ever smoked weed on April 20? No. Tell me about the last event that made you really, truly happy? Oh boy. Can you name three good things about your most recent ex? He's funny as fuck, super intelligent, and hard-working. Have you ever thought about how the world will end? Yeah. What object do you own that has the most sentimental value to you? The pebble I got from my partial hospitalization program. What’s the best memory you have of your father? Him teaching me to ride a bike. What was on the last sandwich you ate? Ham, cheese, and mustard. Do you prefer gold or silver jewelry? Silver matches more things, but I'm allergic to it. I find gold in general prettier, too. Have you ever gotten back together with an ex? No. What is your favorite Thai dish? Never tried Thai food. When was the last time you made out with somebody? February. Are there any candles in your bedroom, and what scent are they? No. When was the last time you went to a birthday party? Last month for my niece. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A whole lot. What brand is your toaster, if you have one? We don't have a toaster, but a toaster oven. I don't have the slightest clue what brand it is; it's ancient. Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? No and nope. What’s the name of the store you usually get your groceries? Wal-Mart or Harris Teeter. Would you rather travel to Japan or Scotland? Oh man, I don't know! I guess Scotland. Does your house have a porch/balcony? We have a decently-sized back porch. There's a front one as well, but it's tiny. What was the last movie you saw and who did you watch it with? I watched The Shining by myself. What’s your favorite type of bread? Pumpernickel. Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? Yes. Can you cry on command? If so, have you ever used it to your advantage? No. What time does the sun go down where you live at this time of the year? Like, 8:30-ish. Would you rather pay to get your nails done or do them yourself? If I literally had to get them done for whatever reason, I guess I'd pay. Me doing them myself would be a nightmare, especially with tremors. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? I haven't taken it yet. Do you have any stickers on your car? I don't have my own car. Blackberry, Droid, or iPhone? iPhones. Do you like diet soda? NO. I don't just not like the taste, but the artificial sweetener gives me crazy headaches. Do you watch Pretty Little Liars? No. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket? No. How old were you the first time you drank alcohol? I don't remember. WAIT shit dude, I was young. I grew up going to a Catholic church, and during that "eating the blood and body of Christ" thing (I forgot what it's called), we sipped real wine. Yes, even the kids. That shit was NOT grape juice. Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one. What was the last fight you had with your parents about? Dad, I've got no clue. Mom, about her constantly shit-talking my dad and I no longer wanted to hear any of it in my presence. Does your car have a sunroof? N/A Did you ever have braces? Yes. Are you from the South? Yes. What does your last status on Facebook say? It was something about the bullshit Alabama abortion law, I believe. I barely ever ever make my own statuses. Do you tip your server when you go to a restaurant? I never can because yeah, no money, so I can't even pay for the meal. If I could, of course I would. Have you ever snuck out of your house? No. Are you friends with people on Facebook that you actually hate? No? Name your favorite Ke$ha song: I guess "Take It Off." What’s your favorite place? Ah man, the tattoo/piercing parlor I go to. What was the last comic book you read? It was one of the Silent Hill ones on the app years ago. What’s the worst trouble you’ve ever gotten into? Probably when I ran away from home in like middle school. Do you know anyone your age who has a child? A good number, but I mean I'm 23 so that's not exactly strange. Ever had a friend online for a long time without seeing a photo of them? A few. The last time you threw up, what caused it? Medicine that was known for nausea. Did you have any foreign exchange students at your high school? I don't think so? Any foods from other countries you would like to try but haven’t yet? Not off the top of my head. Do you think the world would be more peaceful without any religion? Maybe. Probably. Idk. Have you kept the same icon here for a long time? Yeah. I don't really take pictures of myself, so. Why did you choose your icon, anyway? It's the most accurate representation of how I look on the daily. And it's not horrendous. Does it hurt your feelings when people talk shit about things you love? Sometimes. It doesn't hurt my feelings, but rather it makes me deathly embarrassed because I feel stupid for liking it and like they're making fun of a part of me. Can you be friends with people with opposing political views? Yes. Are there any fandoms you used to be in, but left? I don't think I exactly "left" them, just lost big interest, like Rhett & Link/GMM. I still love the guys, but I don't watch them anymore. Warriors is another example. Do you prefer ruffly or regular potato chips? Ruffled. Do you write down your own recipes, or just commit them to memory? I don't cook. Can you do any impressions? No. What color do you want to dye your hair? Currently I want to dye it lilac, but I can't afford a professional to do that. What is a food you enjoy, but don’t have very often? Shrimp. Favorite fictional world? Wonderland. Do you carry pepper spray? No, but I want to. Have you ever had to use it? N/A Have you ever been kicked out of a public place? Why? No. Do you donate to any associations that care for animals? I don't have my own money. Have you ever worn those Drunk Goggles? Yes, in D.A.R.E. Can you agree to disagree, or usually get upset over conflicting views? It depends on the topic, but it's generally very easy for me to agree to disagree. Rodeos – entertaining, or cruel? Animal abuse. Who is the best female rocker? Why? Ohhhh good question. I like Lita Ford, for one; great singer and she fucking slays the guitar. She seems cool, too. Do you care what kind of toilet paper you use? Not really, no. Do you still have any decent arcades nearby? No. Bullfighters who get gored kind of had it coming, right? Yes. They fucking deserve it. Have you ever accidentally found porn when looking for something else? Thank God no. What do you like on your burger? Cheese, ketchup, mustard, a little bit of mayo is fine but not mandatory, pickles, and very little onion is okay. What do you NOT like on your burger? Lettuce and tomato. Do you like 'loose meat’ sandwiches? Like sloppy joes? Yeah. Have you ever seen an unwrapped mummy in person? No, but that'd be pretty fucking cool. What things have people shamed you for? Besides the obvious disagreements like political subjects, I don't know. Do you always reply to private messages? (On any website) Yes, unless it's spam or advertisement. Are there any 'adult stores’ in your area? I wouldn't know. Have you been inside of them/shopped there before? No. Who was your favorite actress to play Morticia Addams? Anjelica Huston. What is the next film you want to rewatch? Idk. I don't really watch TV or movies to begin with. What is the next film you want to see for the first time? I've been wanting to see Jacob's Ladder for a very long time, but I have to find a time I actually *really* feel like it to possibly enjoy it. A movie you love even though it’s cheesy? I'm sure there's something, but idk. Share any song lyrics you misheard? When I heard "Purple Haze" by Jimi Hendrix for the first time, I swore the lyrics were "excuse me while I kiss this guy" instead of "kiss the sky." What was the last song you heard for the first time and enjoyed? I both enjoy "Bad Girl" by Avril Lavigne and see it cringy as fuck at the same time. Who are some of your favorite female fictional characters, and why? Heather Mason from Silent Hill 3 is up high 'cuz she's a badass, CYNDER FROM THE LEGEND OF SPYRO SERIES BECAUSE SHE'S COOL AS ALL HECKIN' HECK AND ALSO #AESTHETIC, and I've fallen more and more in love with Tyrande Whisperwind from World of Warcraft now that she's become vengeance-crazed and more interesting than she already was. Oh, and then there's Bayonetta. Why? You know why. A character (in anything) you wish hadn’t been killed off? In recent news, BRING BACK STAN THE MOTHERFUCKING WATER MAN, MARK. Have you ever had to hit up several stores in search of one item? What was it? I'm sure I have at some point. Do you have any calluses on your feet? From when I used to walk outside for hours, you have no idea- What was your last big purchase? A plane ticket. Have you ever eaten grits? I HATE THEM SO MUCH. Do you always dress right after a shower, or do you like to chill in your towel/robe for a while? I put clothes on right away. Have you ever looked up your state’s laws and read them? I don't think so. Have you ever had to talk to a lawyer? I feel like I did have to once for something...? Have you ever been in pain so bad you passed out? No. I sincerely don't know how I didn't when I had to get that cyst drained, though. I have no words for that pain. Can you have kids? Well, physically, yeah. Doesn't mean I ever will or even want to. If you could get rid of one of your allergies, which one would it be? POLLEN. Do you have any cousins that look like you? No. Who do you know who is dating someone that looks way too old for them? Idk. Have you ever gone on a Facebook deleting spree? Yeah. What's a good example of "don’t knock it till you try it"? Waffles with peanut butter spread over them with syrup. What is surprisingly painful? Hm. "Surprisingly." OH, something I say as well as many others: Getting your nose pierced is more painful than you'd think compared to other piercings. Which person shaped you the most? Probably Jason. Or Mom. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Yes. Do you live anywhere near the woods? There's a wooded area beyond the field. Do you have any important anniversaries you celebrate? Mine and Sara's. Can you rap? I don't even have to try to say no. Do you know how to use a DSLR camera? Yes. Tell me about the sickest you’ve ever felt. Oh man... I remember in elementary school, 3rd grade I think, I had the weirdest 3-day "sickness" where I felt every single moment like I was right on the very verge of vomiting. I went to the ER on the third night, but they couldn't detect what was wrong. Next day, I woke up miraculously fine. Those days were horrifying for someone who is terrified of vomiting. Any important birthdays coming up? My nephew's isn't far off. If you could play one instrument flawlessly, what would it be? Electric guitar. Have you ever heard of Hollywood Undead? Do you like them? I love some songs, like others, don't enjoy or care about a handful, and then truly haven't heard most. Have your friends ever told you something really personal? Was it weird? Well yeah, close friends do that often. It's not weird. Has anyone ever called you a coward before? Who called you that? No. Have you ever written a whole song before? What was the title to it? No. Are you a Jeffree Star fan? Or no? Do you think he’s awesome/dumb? I loooove that funky alien man. I find his work ethic incredibly inspiring and he seems so super accepting and is just very radiant and positive. Has your grandmother ever made you anything? Not including cookies. I don't think so.

#survey #quiz #questions #bored #random

[allpromarlo]

f1 fans complain about silly season but i raise you one: TRADE DEADLINE

#i know it's a few months back by now but lord jesus the fucking CHAOS that day #i had to say goodbye to gary on the blazers those damn kyle lowry lakers rumors and was confused asl as to why everyone wants lonzo ball #like f1 silly season is pretty much over the whole damn season. trade deadline is ONE DAY and it's chaotic asf #and i know that when silly season comes to its heights its also stressful but its NOT ONE DAAAAAAAYYY #these trades in the middle of the season (like drose to the knicks) rarely happen at all #and boy i cannot WAIT to experience that shit again because i love pain apparently #both silly season and the trade deadline btw #wait i just realized that the off season and their tradery is also gonna be a fucking mess- #oh noe #OH NOE #f1 #nba #silly season #trade deadline

[qqueenofhades]

A doc request where Karen is in labor and there’s a complication such as the baby being breech and Frank attempts to help and support her.

Frank Castle has never actually been present for the birth of any of his children before. He didn’t even get to see Lisa’s, aside from cell phone pictures that his mother-in-law sent him, because he was in the middle of a firefight with the Taliban in Kabul. He did get to see Frankie’s, watched it on his phone with his headphones in (so as not to scar his unit for life) in the dead of night up the ass of fuckin’ Waziristan. Waved at the screen, blew a kiss to Maria, finally got home and the kid was already walking, had no goddamn clue who he was. Cried and ran when Frank first stepped through the door in his fatigues. It was thinking of Maria that stopped him from shooting the female suicide bomber, the one who took out Curtis’ leg. He doesn’t have any experience with this, and frankly, given how nervous he already is and has been for nine months, he’s fucking terrified.

It’s been a few hours now, and he’s mostly managed to prowl around the hospital room and piss off the nurses, who keep suggesting that Mr. Castiglione could wait outside, but neither Frank nor Karen will permit that. Things are going almost-but-not-quite-normally. Karen is hanging in there, and has accepted the drugs because she’s not a martyr, but sweat sticks her hair to the back of her neck, and her grip in Frank’s hand is crushing his fingers. His anxiety ratchets up with each minute that drains by with no apparent change. It feels malevolent somehow, personal. Facing something where he can’t kill anyone to fix it, and in fact can’t do anything at all. Stuck, like in a nightmare, watching it unfold.

“C’mon,” he says, more as a reflex than anything, feeling stupid, because of course she’s fuckin’ trying. “Come on, sweetheart. I got you. I got you.”

Karen’s breathing hard, but she gives him a look as if to say she knows that, and she’s grateful. Frank first tried to suggest that she take someone else into the delivery room – Foggy, probably, Foggy seems like he could keep his shit together – but after it’s hard to say whether Karen or Foggy was more horrified by that idea, here Frank is instead. It’s not like he doesn’t want to be there, doesn’t want to support her. He’s just… well.

(Terrified.)

Karen’s fingers claw at his again as another contraction hits, Frank really wishes somebody would goddamn do something instead of standing around staring at charts, and evil-eyes the midwife, who comes over and says they might need to adjust, that the baby isn’t in the right position. Frank thinks it’s perhaps no surprise that his kid is coming into the world as a stubborn cuss from the fucking start, determined to throw two middle fingers at everyone and do things their way, but it’s still a pain. He doesn’t know what to say, other than rough, murmured encouragements. Karen whimpers. He hates the entire world.

“You okay?” he mutters, as they’ve finished whatever they need to do and Karen has fallen back against the pillow, breathing hard. “Karen, you okay?”

“Yeah. I think.” She gulps and grimaces, using her free hand to wipe her forehead. “Next time, I’m just having a damn C-section.”

That catches Frank like a blunt instrument between the eyes, not least because it suggests there will be a next time, that this is something real, something that he can hold onto, and he isn’t sure he can trust in that. It’s too late to take this one back, and he would kill the entire hospital to protect it and Karen, but his pulse spikes almost painfully, and he has to let go of her hand and step away for a few minutes. Jesus Christ. Jesus, what is he thinking. He can’t do this again, he can’t survive it, he can’t feel this much. He is too shattered, too raw. He will love like knives, like bullets, like punches. He is too violent for tenderness, for such a small and perfect thing. That memory of Lisa dancing, dancing. How could anything that beautiful come from me?

(And yet. And yet.)

Things finally start to get going after that, Frank returns to his post as chief hand-holder, and mutters nothing, nothing in particular, as he holds Karen’s head and kisses her sweaty temples. She lets out a few proper screams, because it’s her goddamn right, and he says, “I got you, Karen, I got you, I got you,” because he does, he won’t let go. It feels like both of them are straining, struggling past all human limits and endurance, and finally the shrill screams of a newborn fill the room, Karen sags back into his arms, and Frank loses his mind a little.

He can’t breathe, he can’t focus, he is only vaguely aware what’s going on, as the kid is taken off to be sure its knuckleheadedness (no idea where it got that from) has not done any permanent damage. It takes Frank another moment to remember to ask if it’s a boy or a girl, as they didn’t find out before. He couldn’t stand it, exactly, felt it easier to leave it as an enigma. Didn’t want to wonder too much about Lisa or Frankie or one versus the other. And yet –

The answer is that it’s a boy. A son. He has a son again. They have a son. For the first time since the first bullets started flying at the carousel, Frank Castle is a father again. It feels like a terrible mistake.

The kid’s brought back, washed and wrapped, and put into Karen’s arms. She coos with weary, delighted affection, lets it – lets him – hold her finger. Jesus, Frank thinks numbly. The fuck are they going to name it? They obviously have a list of names that won’t work because he has some mortal enemy of that description. Can’t name it Matthew. Definitely fuckin’ cannot name it William. Anything Irish is likewise on shaky ground. Fuck. Fuck. God, he’s blowing this.

“Here,” Karen says. “Do you want to hold him?”

Frank does, he goddamn does, he wants it so bad he feels he’ll split in half. But he also isn’t sure he can stand it for the first time in a room full of strangers, doctors and nurses and whoever else. There are people waiting for the news – Curtis, the Liebermans, Uncle Matt and Uncle Foggy – and Frank lurches to his feet. David’s out in the waiting room. David’s a father too. David will get it. Maybe help him make some calls. Maybe do it for him, if he has to go somewhere and break down.

“In a bit,” Frank says. “In a bit, huh?”

And with that – he tries to smile for her, he kisses the side of her head, but he really needs to be alone right now, and he hates it with all his heart that he can’t stay there, right there, forever – he runs.

#kastle #kastle ff #kidfic #anonymous #ask

[gigiree]

the hedgehog dilemma

a/n: despite goodwill, human intimacy cannot occur without mutual pain. they never thought it was supposed to be literal. in which some idiot cursed the Ladybug and the Cat to experience pain whenever they touch.

a one shot for MariChat May Day 12- touch starved.

It is often said that you’ll see stars if a kiss is good enough.

Ladybug is fairly sure this isn’t what was meant, but it’s a somewhat humorous thought that flashes through her mind as the pain lances up from her lips and runs through her body. A sharp, stabbing pain that leaves an acrid taste in her mouth, mingling oddly with the fading scent of the menthol chapstick that had been on Chat Noir’s mouth.

It’s working. A gambit she knew would cause her pain is paying off. The only price is a few seconds bent over in agony, fighting off waves of nausea and stars shooting across her sight.

Somewhere to her left, Chat Noir has broken out of Dark Cupid’s spell with a high pitched yowl, hands furiously wiping at his mouth as if that somehow could relieve the sting of the magic.

The stars in her sight begin fading, and she looks at an irritated, confused Chat Noir with an apologetic, pained grin.

“Sorry Kitty. It was the only way I could think of to break you out of it.”

His mouth works to say something beyond the pain and the grogginess settling over him, post-hatred induced stupor, but Dark Cupid makes his entrance again and it’s all lost to the heat of battle.

She gives Chat Noir the usual air salute once it’s all said and done, the space between his fist and hers giving him that same old familiar longing. He hides it well and she usually seems unaffected, save for this time.

There’s something too melancholy in her expression to let him feel like this all ended on a good note.

“Ladybug...is everything okay?”

She shakes her head, nervously looking from him to a point over his shoulder, avoiding eye contact.

“Look...the kiss, I had to break the spell somehow. Figured something stronger than the regular pain would work best…” She wrings her hands together, anxiety punctuated by the beeping of her earrings. Time and circumstance are not on her side today.

“Wait kiss...What kiss? I thought….” He is cut off by another set of high pitched chimes coming from his own ring.

“I should go.” She shoots him another sorry smile, before sprinting off into the distance.

His quiet goodbye is left to fade in the growing space between them, swallowed by the backdrop noise of the bubbling fountain.

He touches his fingers to his lips, piecing together her words and the lingering threads of pain that made them slightly sore to the touch.

“HOLY SHIT. She kissed me?!”

——

“You’re drooling again.” Plagg points out unhelpfully, in between bites of Camembert. He’s curled up on a clean sock, tucked away in a corner of Adrien’s desk that’s hidden by a computer tower.

“Am not.” Adrien says petulantly, but wipes away at the corner of his mouth all the same. He sticks his tongue out at Plagg, who returns the gesture.

His fingers linger unconsciously on his mouth, straining to remember anything beyond the memory of pain. Searching for something pleasant that he could hold onto.

“She had on strawberry flavored lip gloss. And her lips might have been really soft.” He muses, and decides that these will be the few details he’ll savor. He knows the curse won’t let him touch her without pain, but he is a boy in love, and he’d rather keep his rose tinted glasses on. For the sake of his sanity, more so than anything.

Plagg shoots him a look full of pity that Adrien isn’t willing to indulge. It would be all too easy to fall into a “woe is me, I can’t even touch the person I love” bit.

He’s...mostly just happy he met her at all.

“You…” Plagg begins, but there’s something melancholy in Adrien’s stubborn clinging to his feelings and optimism. So the little god merely sighs, and pats his boy’s wrist. “...your priorities are a mess.”

Adrien gives him a wry smile, curling his fingers to scratch Plagg under his chin, glad that at least he can express this form of tactile affection.

—

She’s finally able to hold him, to touch him and encircle him in her arms, hold his sturdy weight and lay him down on her lap.

This isn’t what she wanted.

This isn’t what she imagined.

His breathing is as heavy as her heart in her chest. His words are sweet, and sickly as the blood pools in the corner of his mouth.

She’s holding him and her hands are pressed against the wound in his side, and the world is bathed in the golden hour, touching them delicately with a goodbye.

“Don’t go. Don’t go, Kitty. I need you.” She says.

His eyes are pained, but he tries to speak.

“I….I love…”

She leans over him, her red hair (this isn’t right) drifting over her shoulder and the edges dangling just above dark chainmail.

(This can’t be real.)

She kisses him without thought and there is no pain save for the sadness in her heart, her sobs sieving through her clenched teeth as he drifts.

“You have to stay. You can’t just leave!”

And when her tears clear up, she notices that his brown eyes (that’s not right) are dull. The emotions that well up in her chest and hurl out of her mouth in a grieving scream are hers and not hers.

This is too much. This is lonely. She doesn’t want to feel this. Feel him and his dead weight in her arms.

She wakes.

Her mouth is dry and open in a silent scream. Her cheeks are damp, and she’s curled up in a ball under her sheets.

Tikki is soothing her, whispering words of comfort as she smooths back her hair.

“I’m so sorry Marinette. It will be okay. It wasn’t yours. Those weren’t your memories. Breathe.”

And Marinette is crying but underneath all the horror and lingering bits of sadness that root into her chest, she wants to yell. She wants to rip the earrings from her ears and hurl them into a drawer.

But she swallows that frustration down and finally manages to choke back her tears.

Tikki is always apologetic when these dreams happen. Past Ladybugs who’d lost their Black Cats. To injury, to circumstance, to betrayal, to life.

But she’s only as powerful as what she knows. And all this little god knows is that it was the guardian a few hundred years ago that decided there had been too many dynamic duos broken apart because they’d managed to fall in love.

And it was this same guardian who had never told the Kwami how to undo the painful restrictions he’d placed on future Ladybugs and Chat Noirs.

Any other time, Marinette would have laughed. It was akin to a strict teacher, placing a ruler between a dancing couple and asking them to leave room for whichever deity you chose.

But the memory is fresh in her mind and no matter how sorry Tikki is, no matter how much this isn’t her fault, all

Marinette can manage is a broken “I know. I know.”

“It was for your own good. For his good too. Maybe the Guardian was a bit overzealous, but...there were so many...” Tikki says.

Marinette lets loose a bitter laugh, the sounds of nightly  traffic outside swallowing it up.

“I get it. Things get messy when there’s emotions involved. I’m not going to fall for him. I already love someone else...I just want…”

Tikki politely doesn’t mention that Marinette is already falling for her cat. She simply doesn’t know it yet. And Marinette goes on with her reasoning.

“It would be so much easier if I could touch him without it hurting. When he’s injured? When we have to work together? Even just telling each other good job and bumping fists? Something so simple like that shouldn’t hurt that much, Tikki.”

As wise as she is and as much as she tries to seem like she knows everything, there are somethings she simply cannot defend.

To Marinette’s excellent point, all Tikki can manage is a sad “I know.”

——-

It is at some point in this ever frustrating situation that Marinette cracks.

She stares at her Lucky Charm in disbelief, and sitting innocently in her hands are a pair of cheerfully polka dotted oven mitts.

“This Akuma can fly, and you give me oven mitts?” She shouts at the universe in particular.

When she’d first accepted this role, she’d accepted without hesitation that she’d be keeping her identity secret. Standard hero cautionary measures. What she hadn’t expected was the “no touchie the kitty” stipulation.

Tikki had apparently forgotten to warn her, and after their first “Bien Joué” had been swiftly followed with both of them bent over, clutching their hands as the brief sting faded away, Marinette had learned the hard way.

She’d taken it all in stride. But the Akuma had become increasingly difficult, and this condition had long passed the point of being irritating. It was dangerous.

The plan she comes up with is inelegant. Blunt force, but it’s all she can come up with.

She places the oven mitts on, checks with a befuddled Chat if he’s on the same page.

“How well can you land on your feet, Kitty?”

He grins.

”Good enough, I guess. Need oven mitts to hold me because I’m so hot?” He quips, and his smile softens as she laughs warmly.

“You wish.” She says, before hoisting him in her oven mitts and launching him at the incoming Akuma.

When all is said and done, and several aerial puns have been made, the little boy is back in his mother’s arms, clutching onto his good as new toy airplane.

Ladybug flings the oven mitts up into the air with a little much vindication cresting her expression, but the situation is resolved.

They give the same familiar “Bien Jouè”. The space between them is a sad thing to watch, and she withdraws her fist away faster than usual because she doesn’t like being reminded.

Chat Noir leaves first this time, a thoughtful expression crossing his face.

—-

The next time she sees him, his left foot is tangled in the fairy lights ringing her balcony, and a sheepish grin plastered all over his face.

Chat Noir has a strange relationship with Marinette. Something that teeters the fine line between very good friends and strangers that will trust each other with things simply because they can judge but it won’t affect their everyday life or relationships.

He has on occasion come asking for cookies or a midnight snack, and ever since she’d helped him defeat Illustrator all those months ago, she’s been sort of content to let these chips fall where they may.

But he comes to her today with a request.

“You’re the only one I could think of to ask for this.”

He hands her a crumpled piece of paper while at the same time, trying to untangle his leg from the lights. She peruses it, the sounds of a struggling Chat serving as her background noise.

She takes in the childish sketch. A scribble of what looks to be a stick figure with cat ears, sporting some sort of clear colored overcoat. Below is a list of hastily written out ideas

Gloves over gloves

Apron

plastic

A onesie

She’s not sure if she wants to burst into laughter or tears after seeing this list, but the silly cat looks ready to leap away back into the night if she so much as cracks a smile at his expense.

Chat...what...is this for?” She asks, her mind already blaring an answer that’s both heartbreaking and ever so sweet.

He runs at his arm, eyes askance as he struggles to phrase his answer.

“You’ve...uh...you’ve noticed right? I’m sure most of Paris has by now...especially after that Ladyblog theory article.”

Marinette plays dumb. It’s her only tactic in this moment when her emotions threaten to tear her tongue loose into a confession that is not needed.

“What theory? I haven’t been keeping up lately.” Her voice pitches too high at the end, and she winces. He doesn’t seem to notice.

He’s sheepish.

“Oh...the uh...speculation as to why Ladybug and I never really touch? It was...a pretty good breakdown. Whoever runs that blog has a good eye...and probably too much time on their hands.” He laughs, but it’s hollow.

Marinette gives him a reprieve.

“You can’t touch her...for some reason? Right?”

He nods, and she feels her chest lurch with the realization that he’s been suffering just as much as she has.

“Is it something to do with your powers?”

He withdraws further into himself, as if saying it all out loud is the final nail in his predicament.

“Chat...do you want me to design something that can let you two touch?”

He unfurls into the most awkward defense, a flush spreading across his cheeks just below his mask.

“I-it’s for our teamwork to be better. It’s been getting harder and harder to execute things together when it’s like this. I...i promise it’s not for weird, perverted reasons ...I just...want things to be better.” He finishes, with a breathless plea.

He’s nervous, standing now too close to her, looking down at the drawing with something like hope.

She doesn’t have the heart to deny him this.

“It might take a while to come up with something good. You can stay for a bit...there’s some cookies that just came out of the oven.”

His face breaks into beaming happiness.

“Thank you so much Princess! You’re the best!”

She feels a rush of heartache when she has to dodge his embrace, and he lands on the ground behind her with a yowl.

She shakes her head, and steps over him. Her heart twisting in her chest because she can’t even offer him a hand up.

“Uh...sorry...not good with touch, remember?” She says quietly.

He looks a little crestfallen, but is completely understanding as he apologizes profusely.

She waves it all away with a sweet bit of laughter, wishing that she could just reach out that short distance. Help him up when he falls, Give him a playful pat, ruffle his hair or lean on his shoulder like she does with all the other people she cares about.

Yet she’s so scared. She’s so unsure if the rules still apply when not suited up. She’s terrified of finding out.

(And deep down, it’s so much more than just the fear of physical pain.)

But for now, she can still enjoy his company. Can still laugh at his quips and dig in a few jabs of her own. She has that at least.

——

He stays over for three hours. Three hours spent with her viewing him from all angles, having him strike pose after pose.

Hours spent with her sketching a few ideas, bouncing them off him for opinions.

“Okay okay! Idea! A super soft, super comfortable cat onesie? It can be stylish and easy to wear!? Perfect right?” He

She has to resist the urge to shove a cookie in his mouth when he pouts ever so adorably at her.

She catches the small twitches at the corner of his mouth. The glittering mischief alive in his pretty green eyes. The tuft of hair that keeps falling into his face.

Something within her aches, yearns for something she never would have counted as a loss. She quickly tosses a pillow at home to distract him (and herself) and swivels her chair back to her current sketch.

It’s with an almost painful awareness that she feels the smooth wood of the pencil in her hand, the hardness of her desk where she rests her forearm. The crinkling of the paper as she moves.

It seems her mind is intent on reminding her how much touch can distract.

Marinette is a tactile person by nature. So this inability to bridge that final gap, the totally normal inclination to share human warmth, it’s become so much more than an annoyance.

It’s dangerous in a different way.

But he seems to take it so much better than she. He’s unbearably understanding. Gentle and careful when it comes to her, as Marinette or Ladybug.

She feels the tears prodding at the corners of her eye , and she spies Tikki’s sympathetic glances from behind the computer monitor.

She gives her a small smile, but it devolves into a disbelieving laugh when she hears thin snoring come from behind her.

She turns in her chair, and sure enough, Chat Noir has slumped against her divan, mouth wide open, and a thin line of drool at the corner of his mouth.

With a sigh, she pulls a spade blanket from the edge of her bed, and carefully drapes it over him, all the while avoiding touching him.

The blanket is finally settled, and he still hasn’t woken up. She’s closer than usual, and her wide eyes take in the lovely planes of his face, the lines of his jaw and the shadows that ring his eyes.

The lopsided tilt of his mouth, the recognizable scent of some luxury perfume.

“Marinette!” Comes Tikki’s startled voice, hissing a quiet warning.

That tuft of hair has once more fallen into his face, and she finds that her hand has begun moving to brush it away.

Her trembling fingers stop, just inches away from his forehead, and she backs away with a yelp.

This is certainly a dangerous situation, her heart sings in her chest.

She’s inclined to agree.

——

She wakes to the spare blanket draped over her shoulders, her head on her desk and her neck stiff.

Tikki bids her a good morning, and points to a sticky note stuck on her computer monitor.

Thank you for everything, Princess. You’re paw-sitively amazing. I didn’t want to move you to your bed because I wasn’t sure you’d be comfortable with that, but I hope the blanket helped. See you soon!

-CN

She tacks that note with a fond smile to a sketch that holds promise, and then moves to begin her day, grateful that she hadn’t dreamt of memories that weren’t hers to grieve.

—-

She sees him sooner than she’d expected.

Hawkmoth doesn’t exactly care for regularity, and today is no exception.

She’s ready for the nearly ritual routine. So is Chat.

He arrives, wrapped up in a scarf and mittens awkwardly placed over his leather gloves. He is ungainly and unsightly, the powder blue scarf out of place against the leather of his suit and the orange of the mittens is too loud.

Ladybug does not laugh this time, because she understands what he’s trying to do and it hurts her all the more how hard he’s trying.

“I’m sure there’s got to be technicalities to this whole thing, My Lady. But for now, I think we can manage it like this.” He tells her, sheepishly holding out a mittened hand to her, smile inviting and nervous.

He’s so vulnerable and she can’t help but overcome her fear just a little, and place her hand in his.

“Bien Joue, Kitty.” She tells him, gives his fingers a quick, affectionate squeeze, and then swiftly devolves into business mode, the loud monologuing of the Akuma sounding closer and closer.

She rockets off in that direction, and Chat follows close behind, all the while relishing in the momentary, pain-free warmth that had drifted from her hand to his.

——

He begins to suspect something is intensely strange about Marinette’s aversion to touch.

As Adrien, he’s watched her embrace and pat and touch just about everyone in the class, including him.

Their friendship has become something of a blessing to him, outside of his costume and in. She’s refreshing, bright and earnest in a way he hadn’t expected when first meeting her.

She’s grown more comfortable with him as Adrien, enough that she’d even consented to a brief, friendly dance with him.

Still, there’s an openness she displays with him as Chat Noir. A sharper tongue, a more raucous laugh, a head full of strange imaginings and teasing.

In a way, he thinks she’s closer to Chat than Adrien. In another, he wonders why, if that’s the case, she won’t seem to touch him as casually.

He wonders why, when fitting nights, turn into movie nights, there’s always a number of pillows shoved in between them on the bed. Or why everytime she finds herself too close, that he feels her hastily move further away.

He’s still hurt by it, but he will respect her space, ignoring the familiar yearning that tugs at his chest.

But in his mind, he’s begun to connect things. The avoidance of touch, little moments, little quirks, all building up into a wondrous, terrifying conclusion.

He wonders how thick he had been, to not notice the obvious similarities. Plagg doesn’t want to give him answers, no matter how much he bribes and pleads. But he doesn’t seem to dissuade him from his line of thinking either.

The only problem is he’s unsure how to prove this to himself, or if he even should. He feels ashamed for even thinking about this, remembering his promise to her to keep their secrets.

But it’s on the final fitting session that he finds the problem taken out of his claws so to speak.

—-

He finds that her design is the best solution. A hooded grey cloak, draping long and lightweight against his body.

She’s added small details. Little cat ears to the hood, a simple system of straps and buckles meant to hold his baton in back to allow him easy access to his suit should he need it.

Long cuts on the side to allow for ease of access. Matching gloves that aren’t cumbersome over his original ones.

It’s exceeded his expectations and he’s at a loss for words as he looks in her full length mirror. He catches the bright green lining, and the hidden interior pockets she’s sewed in.

“I uh...I don’t think I can add much more without making it heavier, and it’s a rush job, but I hope it’s okay.” She finishes, waiting with trepidation for his final verdict.

Fortunately, his enthusiasm is palpable. His eyes are wide and doing that stupid adorable shining thing, and his hands are clasped.

“Marinette...this is...the coolest thing?!!” He exclaims, whirling around happily to let the panels of the cloak float out around him. “It’s like straight from a video game or like a ninja cloak!”

She lets out a snort.

“I’m glad you liked it, Charuto.”

He laughs too, a wild, happy sort of sound that makes her own heart leap in answer. But she feels the giddiness of the moment thread through her muscles, it works through her jaw, preparing her to say something, but he beats her to it,

“Maybe...we should test it out?”

He stills for a moment, and sees her reflection in the mirror behind him open its arms wide and her smile turn nervous.

He turns to see exactly that. Marinette looking at him with something akin to hope, inviting him for a hug.

He strains not to leap forward and gather her up into the warmest embrace, his excitement fading in the remembrance of how his touch was always avoided.

“You...you sure, Princess?”

She nods quietly, and lets out a yelp of surprise when he closes the distance between them, and ever so slowly, pulls her into a gentle hug.

The cloak rests between them at every possible interface, and she finds her body slumping in his arms with relief.

The loophole had worked. But she’s been angry for a long time. The warmth between them, painless and natural and everything that should have been theirs long before this makes the decision she’d been contemplating for a while solidify in her mind. she throws all caution to the wind when she tells him…

“Bien Joue, Kitty.”

He stops breathing for a second, she can feel the little hiccup of his breath and she marvels that something so small as that seems miraculous in this moment.

As scared as she is, she’s only human. (She knows Tikki May disapprove, but Marinette is only human.)

She doesn’t move either, and then, with equal parts fear and joy, she’s pulled further into his embrace, her chin resting on his cloaked shoulder as his gloved hands come to press against her head and back.

“Bien joué, My Lady.” He says, and pulls away, tears welling over the edges of his eyes and trailing down his mask.

He gives a watery laugh at her startled expression.

“What?”

“You...you’re not very surprised.” She begins, but then shakes her head in frustration. “I guess the no-touching thing made it kind of obvious.”

“Just a little bit.” He says, but his grin is far too big for his face and even if they’re hugging right now, she still has to stop herself from pinching his cheek.

It’s a bit of a damper on their newfound discovery, but they decide that small victories should be celebrated too.

——

They become a little braver, a little more reckless. Despite the increasing frequency of her dreams and Tikki’s apologetic kisses, Marinette feels braver. Not enough to complete this whole reveal, because she’s scared that whoever he may be underneath the mask, would be lost to her too because of this curse.

The next time they meet, he plays with his ring, twisting it up and down his finger and she figures what he wants to ask before asks it.

“I...I’m sorry Chat...not yet. Soon, but not yet. I don’t know...if I’m ready to find out who you are yet.”

He wants to ask why, but the sorrow in her gaze stops him. He hides his hands in the folds of his cloak, and returns his gaze to the droning television, absentmindedly latching onto the conversation being had by the melodramatic actors.

Marinette falls into silence, but he sense she wants to say something more.

“Can we try something?”

He turns his gaze towards her, and he struggles to swallow his heart beating in his throat, because she’s lovely in this moment.

Fear and worry and burgeoning expectations linger in her expression, flashing through her face like a deck of cards. The dim light of the television throws her face into stark relief, deepening the shadows and reflecting off her large eyes.

Suddenly, his cloak feels too warm, even though Marinette had done an excellent job of making it with all sorts of weather in mind.

He shifts uneasily, imagined static building up in the space between them as Marinette lifts one of her hands up from behind the pillow barrier, and raises it, palm towards him.

There’s a flash of terror that lances through him, but it settles down as he sees the resolve wind its way into the set of her mouth.

She looks so determined to try, and he finds himself answering her call to bravery, peeling off a glove, and raising his hand, letting his palm hover inches from hers.

Parallel, never touching because of some overzealous idiot from eons ago.

She swears can feel the molecules of air, bouncing, kinetic, between their hands. She can feel the heat radiating through the leather, can see the way his fingers tremble.

She looks at him once more, just to make sure she’s not pushing him into something potentially fraught with pain.

He gives her his goddamned best smile, and she answers it by meeting palm to palm, and twining her fingers through his.

She’d expected pain. She’d expected to see white spots dancing in her vision and to be curled up in a ball.

Instead there’s nothing. It’s almost disappointingly anti climactic as they stare at their clasped hands.

Then the realization settles in.

“Holy crap...it worked.” He says.

“We can touch...like this.” She breathes.

And then, her hands are on the clasp of his cloak, and she barely manages to eke out a hasty apology by the time she unfastens it, and he shrugs it off.

When it’s all said and done, she’s fully embracing him now, head tucked into the crook of his neck, hands threading through his messy hair. His fingers patting her back, holding her close.

So much warmth and and long overdue affection flowing between them. When they separate for a bit, Marinette laughs and smooths back the bit of hair that keeps falling over his eyes. And he runs his claws gently through her ribbons, awed.

Wordlessly, they lean forward until their foreheads touch, and they remain like this. Both of them half laughing and half crying in disbelief as the space between them disappears in this moment.

And whatever may come, and whatever future struggles they may face with this curse, they’ll be okay, so long as they can celebrate these little victories.

—-

#marichat #ladynoir #mircaulous ladybug #marichat may #half a month late but it got away from me

[dopecoffeetimemachine]

So this will be an incredibly long blog post.

This is my story. It’s like 3 pages, so take your time to read it if you are interested. It is the reason I need people to be aware of sexism and vow to stand up against it. Please join me here and irl, my next posts will be short ;)

Hi! I started this blog, because the past few days I started to feel obligated to educate the people around me about sexism. How do you do that? And when is the right time to stand up against these kinds of situations? I decided to write about the daily sexism I experience in my life to make the situation of mankind a little bit more clearly for those who don’t (want to) see this side of life. Male, female or other, I hope we can all see the world a little bit clearer and not get discouraged, but empowered to stand up. So one day, sexism will be unfathomable to our kids. Or even ourselves.

So, first things first, what is my story? Well, my story is not like that of anyone else (or at least anyone’s I’ve heard of). One of my parents is from a family with a lot of abuse. Amongst other things, they were sexually abused from a very young age, as were their siblings. As they went on in life, each of them chose different ways of adapting to deal with the cruelties that were done to them. It now so happened that one of my parents brothers started to have some feelings for children that he didn’t want to feel. Having a kid on his lap made him feel sexually aroused, among other things. Horrified as he was by these things that he felt, but didn’t want to feel, he did the thing that makes him one of the most courageous people I know: he told my parents. He felt that the only way of making sure that he wouldn’t commit such a horrendous crime as was done to him in his youth, was to warn the people that were his closest family. He wanted to protect their children at the chance of being thrown out of the family. But my parents didn’t do that. They chose to love him as the victim he was, but at the same time never let me or my brothers alone in a room with him. We never went over to his house, never had sleepovers, we were always with our parents when he was around. They tried to give him a chance to heal from the assault he suffered, while at the same time protecting their children. They loved, but they were not naïve.

However, something went horribly wrong. You know how sometimes people say: when I was a kid for a long time I thought life was like this or that, because I didn’t understand the grownup world and I reasoned like the small kid I was and I totally misunderstood? Well, I had that, but in a funny anecdote kind of way.

Because I was a very affectionate child, my parents decided to explain to me why I couldn’t hug my uncle anymore like I used to. They said: “You know how you always hug your uncle when he comes visit us? Well, you can’t anymore, because when you do that, he feels things that (I don’t know exactly how they explained it, but my six-year-old self knew they were talking about sex).” Of course, I was shocked by this and firmly promised that I would never do that again. I mean, no six-year-old wants to be involved in anything sexual ever. After this, we never spoke about the situation again and this knowledge started its own life. You see, even though the explanation of my parents could be interpreted the way they meant it, it was very vague. What I got from it was this: 1) you shouldn’t hug men, because you will make them feel sexually aroused; 2) you are the one that should take the responsibility not to make them feel aroused. Otherwise, if something happens to you, it’s your own mistake; 3) you are not safe within your closest family or with the people you love and trust. Could my parents know that this would happen in my mind? Probably not. Should they have spoken more about this situation (more extensive, talk about it at other instances, etc.)? Maybe. But as one of them was a sexual assault survivor, it is not very hard to understand this was a tough topic to guide their children around. It still hurts, though, because it could have prevented so much pain.

Anyway, as time went by I got more and more scared of men (I think this is the one and only advantage of the very heteronormative surroundings I grew up in: I never thought women could feel sexual attraction towards a girl). Now someone who doesn’t see the sexism surrounding us might ask: why would you? They didn’t assault you now, did they? No, they didn’t. But here’s the thing: NOTHING IN SOCIETY SPOKE AGAINST THOSE ASSUMPTIONS I MADE IN MY HEAD! I was told to sit up straight, because it would be weird if I lay down on the couch on a birthday (Why? Boys can lay down? Is it too sexual?). I wasn’t supposed to wear clothes that were ‘too tight’ or ‘too revealing’. Did my clothes make me a risk for my own safety? What is wrong with the female body that I cannot show a little cleavage but my brother can wear tank tops that have armholes so wide the only thing you cannot see is his belly button – at least until he bends over? Apparently boys didn’t get raped for having a body. Why was I not allowed to bike home alone from a school dance when I was 15, but it was okay if my 12yo brother with a bowl cut (sorry bro), horrible braces and barely reaching my shoulder accompanied me home? He definitely couldn’t defend me, however much he would try (love you man), so it just had to do with the fact that I was a woman?

All these things confirming that solely being a woman was enough to be unsafe in this society and that it would be my own fault too, resulted in behavior that can only be described as distorted. As I grew up, I refused to wear my hear in any other way then pulled back. Wearing your hair down is sexual, we all know that. As soon as I started growing boobs, I started to wear shawls. The bigger, the better (the shawls I mean 😉 ). At some point I had more shawls than pants or shirts. When I was older and started to work in a supermarket, I never made eye contact with any male customers. If one of the male customers smiled at me, just being friendly, nothing weird, I felt terrible. Why did I do that? Now there was an even bigger chance he would feel like he could take me!

All this time I didn’t know this shit was shit. And I was scared of every man in my life. The only person I was not scared of was my dad (and maybe two friends). Notice that not even my brothers are on this list. I remember one time I was like 12 and me and my younger brother were having a good time, as you do as siblings between yelling how much you hate each other. He has always been a very loving sweetheart, so he wrote me a note that said: I love you sis. It scared the shit out of me. I threw it back into his room, screamed at him and locked myself in in my own room. As I grew up, I was scared of my friends, my brothers, my teachers and most of my family. And it could be that way, not only through the horrible things that were done to my parents family and the trauma that followed from that, but also through the casual sexism ever so present in society.

Around the time I was nineteen, I was lying in bed, thinking about the world as one does, and suddenly realized that none of my female friends were scared of their uncles. I had been to their birthdays and they just laughed with them, hugged them, played rough house. It started to dawn on me that my situation wasn’t the usual. Not all men were like that. And that might mean that I have been thoroughly misunderstanding a lot about life.

Realizing that this might become a huge shifting point in my life, I decided to push it away. It had to wait until the holidays I had planned with my best friends. These girls are my safe house and I knew I would need them when this was about to go down.

The first day of that week I gathered all the courage I had, not knowing if I was stupid or overreacting or actually mentally disturbed or whatever. So I told them about all my fears and how I was not sure if they were normal and what they thought about it. And they were the sweetest, most caring and loving friends I could have ever asked for, supporting me in every way. They hugged me, were understanding, cried with me as I started to realize how fucked up my mind was and how all these years of fear were for nothing. They promised me one of the most helpful things anyone had ever done for me to help me recover: I could tell them all my fears and disturbing thoughts and they told me if they were true. Now I could wave goodbye to the fear of being snatched away and raped by that man standing behind me in the crowd. I didn’t need to be afraid of making eye contact, no normal man would take that as a sign that he could have sex with you even when you’d fight him. I started to gain perspective and that helped me to discern my thoughts when I was alone, so I could keep fighting this battle in my mind. It has been a terribly hard fight, with many (mis)understanding counselors, shocked but supporting friends and many other people along the way.

And it made me think. How could I protect other girls, growing up in this world, trying to understand this big thing called life? How could I make sure they had no reason to be afraid of the loving, good men around them, thinking their safety is at risk at all times and that it would be their fault? Of course, I can’t make sure no one ever grows up in a family with victims of sexual assault.

But I can work at a world where sexism isn’t natural anymore.

No (implied) inequality, sexist jokes, different expectations and standards, no ignorance. So I will do that through this blog. It might not be read by people not actively looking for this content, but it will remind me to speak out to the people around me, and maybe it will do the same for you.

Feel free to react!

#feminism society change abuse girls metoo equality sexism masculinity #standingupforyourself #and for others #feminism is for everyone