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#and bucky just .....doing that 😭😭😭😭
sansaorgana · 2 days
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👀 Gale showing his wife just how much he missed her overseas?
hello, love! 😌 I've already written a smutty fic like that here so this time I went with a scenario of Buck coming back home and the emotional aspect of this situation since they haven't seen each other in almost two years 😳😭🥺
my inbox is open for blurb/short fic requests for major cleven 🤗
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When Buck was leaving his wife to go to Europe, he was planning to come back to her quickly after finishing his twenty five missions as fast as possible. Or he would die, which was also a possibility. But he certainly wasn’t planning to get shot down and end up in a German camp for the rest of the war.
Every day, week, month he spent there was filled with one thought only – lost time. All the time he was losing on surviving at all costs instead of living his life at home with his wife who was bravely and patiently waiting.
“Do you think they're still waiting for us? Our girls?” DeMarco asked one evening when they were playing cards and killing time.
“You’re asking as if you were so faithful yourself,” Bucky teased him. “Plenty of men back home hunting for the military wives.”
Buck shot him an angry glance for a second. He had been faithful to his wife. And he was sure she had been faithful to him, too. He wanted to be.
“Don’t look at me like that, Buck,” his friend pushed him playfully. “You guys have seen his wife?” He asked the others and they nodded in response. They all had seen a picture of Mrs. Cleven because Buck always kept it with him and occasionally stared at it with soppy puppy eyes. “What I’m saying is that I’m sure there are lots of men ‘round town who chase her,” Bucky explained.
“Thank you for clarifying,” Gale gritted his teeth.
“And she’s only a woman after all, we’re all humans with needs,” DeMarco joined the teasing. 
Buck stood up as the men looked up at him, confused.
“Come on, we are teasing,” Bucky grinned at him.
“I will not participate in this,” his friend sat on his bed instead and opened a book to read.
It was none of his business how his friends treated their wives and relationships but he was serious about his and he respected his wife more than anything. However, their jokes and teasing had planted a seed of insecurity in his mind. 
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When she held him for the first time after his return, it felt surreal. Her hands were so soft when they cupped his face, yet they squeezed him so tight that he felt like she would crush his organs. Gale couldn’t stop looking at her face, her sparkling eyes, her smile, every tiny wrinkle on her face, every little detail that he had forgotten already; that the black-and-white picture failed to capture.
He was back home but he felt like he was put in a glass jar. People’s voices sounded as if they were coming from another room. His wife’s hand squeezed his and it was the only thing grounding him. Even his own house felt odd and strange – he had remembered it differently. Now it was decorated with Welcome Home signs and filled with the neighbours patting his back and asking him millions of questions per minute.
So when they all left and he closed the door behind the last couple living down the street, Buck sighed with relief and turned around to face reality. The house was dark at this hour but there were dim lights turned on in every room on the ground floor. His wife was taking care of the dishes in the kitchen and he looked at his face in the mirror by the front door.
There were scars scattered all over his cheeks and he looked exhausted. But other than that, he was a lucky bastard who had gotten home safe and sound. Even if it had taken him much longer than expected.
Gale fixed his hair in the mirror and entered the kitchen, awkwardly leaning on the doorframe. It was his home but it didn’t feel like his space anymore. It was hers now – his wife’s. She was humming a song and washing the plates and cups with an apron put loosely over her cocktail dress.
“Where did you get a dress like that?” He asked softly and she turned around with a smile.
“Oh! You startled me for a second,” she gasped. “I’m not used to having someone creeping up on me like that,” she admitted and Buck approached her to start drying the freshly washed dishes with a cloth. He wanted to help in any way. “I bought it last week. Been saving money for something special for your return and since it took you so long to come back to me…” she chuckled nervously, “I saved quite a lot.”
“I’m sorry,” Buck blushed at her joke.
“No, baby, don’t be sorry. It was them Krauts who didn’t want to let you go, am I right?” She pushed his shoulder with hers and went back to washing the remaining cups. “If I was them, I wouldn’t want to let you go either,” she added.
She always tried to joke about almost anything, to turn everything into a situation worth laughing or at least smiling about. It was one of the things Buck adored her for.
They finished washing and drying the dishes and she took her apron off with a sigh.
“I’ll finish cleaning tomorrow,” she told him.
“I will do it. Tomorrow,” Buck told her and she smiled faintly at him.
“Come, sit on the porch with me,” she held his hand as if he was made of glass and led him outside. There was a wooden bench on the porch and a small light turned on, flowers in the pots and an ashtray.
“You smoke now?” Buck raised an eyebrow at his wife as he sat down.
“No, only sometimes. You see, I had women coming here in the evenings,” she explained and sat down next to him, “and we would sit here for hours just like that. And talk,” she added and laid her head on his shoulder.
He nearly flinched at that gesture. It was such a long time that he wasn’t used to affection anymore. Yet he craved more of it.
“I’m glad you weren’t lonely,” he whispered and put his arm around her.
“Oh, but I was… So awfully lonely,” she looked up at him and he looked down to meet her gaze. Her eyes filled with tears.
“My friends were teasing me that…” Buck swallowed thickly, “...that a woman like you… Well, that she’d be chased ‘round town by all the men here.”
He felt stupid admitting that and he knew that this sort of accusation would hurt her. But she didn’t look angry nor sad. She only chuckled.
“No men left, no,” she shook her head. “All the best ones were away or dead,” she hugged his chest and he sighed with relief. “And what about you, Major Cleven? Am I supposed to believe you’ve been faithful?”
“Not many women in a camp for the captive pilots, you know?” Buck rubbed her back.
“But I mean before that,” her finger played with one of the buttons of his shirt.
“You can ask Bucky if you don’t believe me.”
“Oh, I believe you,” she laughed. “You know, my friends teased me, too. They were saying there ain’t no way my man’s no cheater. But I knew you would never do that. I said, my Buck would rather die than look at another woman. And they all thought I was crazy,” she told him.
“You aren’t crazy,” Buck shook his head and leaned in to kiss the top of her head. “And you smell so nice. Is that a new perfume?”
“I didn’t use perfume,” she answered.
“Then it’s just you. You smell so nice,” he hummed to himself and buried his face in her hair.
She curled herself up in his arms and bit on her lip before asking in a shaky voice:
“Do you still love me?”
Gale’s heart skipped a beat as he looked down and raised her chin to make her look up.
“What do you mean?”
“Do you still love me?” She repeated the question and he took a deep breath in but she didn’t let him answer. “I know you think you do. And you had my picture but I am not that picture, Buck. I know you loved the picture and your little scenarios you were creating inside your head to keep yourself alive and I am not angry at you, not at all. But now when you’re back and when you see me, do you still love me or are you disappointed? Perhaps some part of you wishes I was that picture instead?” Her lower lip trembled as tears streamed down her cheeks.
“I don’t know what to say, darling,” he admitted and wiped her cheeks with his thumbs. “But I can show you. Come,” he stood up gently and raised her up with him to lead her back inside and pick her up bridal style to carry her upstairs to their bedroom. Her bedroom. He hadn’t slept there for almost two years.
Buck switched the light on and laid his wife on the bed gently as she kicked her shoes off of her feet. He hovered over her on bed and joined their lips together in a sweet and gentle kiss as his fingertips caressed her jaw and neck.
“I missed you,” he whispered after breaking the kiss and looking deep into her eyes. “I missed the real you. That picture was never enough,” he assured her and she smiled at him before throwing her hands around his neck to pull him down for another kiss. Hers was more eager, though; it was hungry and sloppy and it encouraged him to roam his hands more freely all around her body.
“I’m scared,” she breathed out. “I’m scared that I’ve grown too used to being alone.”
“You’ll grow used to having me around again the same way. I’m not letting you go, sweetheart,” he bopped on her nose and she rolled her eyes with a chuckle.
“Buck Cleven, my hero,” her delicate hands cupped his cheeks and caressed the scars with her fingertips.
“I’m no hero,” he protested.
“To me you are,” she insisted and furrowed her brows. “You had to be in so much pain and I wish I could take at least some of it.”
“I would never want you to,” Buck kissed her wrist softly. “It would spoil all your sweetness.”
“Oh, it’s already spoiled. You haven’t seen me at my worst,” she confessed and he looked at her face, worryingly. “When I was going crazy without you here all alone. You’d send me to asylum if you saw.”
“I would not,” he assured her, seriously. “You haven’t seen me at my worst either. I don’t think you would like me like that,” he swallowed thickly as the horrific memories flashed in front of his eyes. “The things I did to come back to you…”
“Shh, I don’t have to know,” she pulled his face down and placed soft kisses upon his cheeks, nose and chin. “Unless you want to share it with me one day. But you don’t have to tell me anything, Buck.”
“I’m just so happy to be home,” he whispered almost inaudibly, their faces so close that their lips were touching.
“And I’m happy to have you back, baby,” she smiled and fixed his hair.
“Every breath was for you, every step, every bomb I dropped, every bullet I avoided, every day and every night. Just to come back to you,” he kept looking deep into her eyes. “I’m sorry it took so long.”
“Major Cleven,” she shook her head and rubbed her nose with his, “your wife would wait a million years for you, don’t you know…?”
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hii love, hope you're doing well!! 💗💗
thank you for responding to my mamma mia au thingy, it's so cool, i loved it!! I'm rooting for pietro being the dad but bucky being her true love (like sam) and tan being the gay uncle and everyone just lives together in peace and butterflies and rainbows 🫠
anyways if you're okay with doing some text messages with bucky, I'll be totally grateful (I'd prefer them to be sfw as it's still ramadan and I'm refraining from reading smut hehe)
thank you angel, you're my comfort writer really! 💗💗💗
— 🦢
hii my love!! I am and hope you are too. ofc!! you’re always welcome, it was such a fun idea! it this was a little harder to think in the mind of how bucky texts, im so used to tan😭 I am??🥲 you’re the sweetest, thank you so much!! 💞💞💞💞
TEXTS WITH BUCKY BARNES.
click on the first, and swipe through —
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was really hard to think of how a 108 year old previously weaponised man texts and talks 😭😭 I feel like he’d be really dry? but unintentionally??
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thewriterghost · 12 hours
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Lovely!!!! Would you write something about Bucky x reader/ friend who moved to another state for work? They used to be really close and talk a lot but as things go with life and distance they drifted a part a bit? But maybe from time to time she’ll think she’ll see him from behind or a side profile walking home at night and think of him and send him a “thinking of you / we should catch up! text not realizing that from time to time that who she saw was Bucky. He will check in on her and see how she’s doing in her new life
Hello!! I'm so sorry, this is so late 😭 between school and internship I hardly got any time to write. In fact, I wrote this at work lol, hopefully you like it! Let me know what you think!
Summary: You moved away from the compound because of school. It's been a lonely few months now. That's definitely the reason you think you're seeing Bucky from the corner of your eye every time you look around, right?
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An autumn breeze catches you off guard, right when you are leaving your school building for the day. It was warmer during the day, you think as you walk to your bus stop. It's a lonely time of day, an orange glow of sunlight illuminates the empty bus stop.
As you make it a point to crash every red or yellow leaf you see on your way without being too obvious, out of the corner of your eye you catch a glimpse of a familiar metallic glow. That same feeling you always get around him, the butterflies and the hippos come back to your stomach, making your heart beat a million times a moment. Your eyes snap towards it, but it disappears all too fast for you to spot, leaving you with disappointment and longing.
You miss him. You try not to, but it's not easy not talking to him everyday like you did before, not being able to hang out on 3 am when both of you are too stubborn to go to sleep, or not being able to just exist at the same place at the same time with various animals in your stomach (figuratively).
You grab your phone from your pocket and click on his name on your messaging app. You hand hovers over the text box for a while, until you decide to just write to him. It's not like you haven't been talking since you left, it's more like you didn't want to talk all too much because of how much you'd want to just drop everything and go to him. Still, you think, enough is enough.
"Hey, you busy?"
You wait for a moment, anxiously nibbling on your lower lip. It doesn't take him more than 60 seconds to write back.
"Nope. You?"
You write back, biting down a smile.
"Nope. Just got out of school, going home."
You can almost hear his grumble-ish answers through your phone. A message pops up.
"Isn't it late? I thought you got off at 4."
You must've told him your schedule, but your mind doesn't come up with a memory to support it. You shrug it off and type.
"Yeah, I had to make a presentation and I was the last one of the class so the professor just agreed to do it now rather than next week."
"Does that mean you're free next week?"
You can't help but smile brightly. Looks like you're not the only one missing the other.
"Does that mean you miss me?"
You can almost see his scoff. You giggle to yourself.
"Does that mean we can meet?" He answers. You jump at the opportunity almost too fast.
"Yeah, sure. When are you free?"
"Whenever you're free."
"You don't have a mission or anything?"
"I'll bail." His answer makes you laugh out loud, maybe the first sincere laugh since you've been here.
"If it's not going to be a trouble for you."
"It won't. When should I pick you up?"
You check your schedule on your mind. You would be free tomorrow afternoon.
"Tomorrow afternoon? 2-ish maybe?"
"Sounds good."
You contemplate on whether to write it or not, but then think why not and type.
"I missed you, you know." And you put the phone on your pocket, face starting to burn up.
Your phone buzz, and you get the phone out faster than light.
"I missed you too." Your eyes glance over the letters more than once, each time smiling even more, until you find yourself giggling to yourself at 6 pm on an empty bus stop.
"I'll see you tomorrow." Another text appears on your screen, leaving you happier that you've ever been since the last few months.
Next day goes too slow for your taste. You keep finding yourself shaking your knee up and down with anticipation.
You are out of the door when the clock hits 2 pm. As you arrive at the school gates you realize you haven't told him where to come. You pull out your phone to type, but stop at your tracks when you hear it.
"Hey."
Sitting on a black motorcycle, blue eyes and black jacket catches you off guard. A smile creeps on to your lips.
"Hey." You return the sentence as you find your feet and move towards him. He has a gentle smile as well, uncharacteristically for him as people would say, but not for you. You've seen him like this before. When you were up all night and baked not one, not two, but three batches of cookies together, you've seen that same smile everytime your eyes have met. Or that one time when it was raining too hard and you were too sick to go to mission, and he stayed to look after you, cuddling you since he can't get sick because of serum.
He takes your helmet from the back and after looking at you with that sweet smile of his for a moment, he puts it on for you, clipping it with delicate movements.
"Hop on." He instructs and you obey, hugging him from behind with a pair of red cheeks which thankfully can't be seen thanks to your helmet.
As he takes off, you don't bother to ask where to. After a brief 10-15 minutes, he stops in front of a small cafe near a park.
"Were you around here yesterday?" You ask, recalling the silver glimmer you saw yesterday evening.
"I was on a mission." He shrugs.
"Huh." You mumble. Seeing his puzzled look, you add. "I thought I saw you yesterday, after school. Right before I texted you, in fact."
"You must've missed me a lot." He smirks, opening the door to the cafe for you. Always a gentleman.
"Must've." You return the smile as you walk in.
As you both get your coffees and pastries, you decide to ignore the fact that he probably was here yesterday. In fact, he probably was around since you moved here. Watching out for you, worrying about you, missing you.
"What are you smiling about?" You come back to real life when he gently nudges your shoulder with his.
"Oh, nothing." You shake your head. "I was just thinking, we should meet more often. It's been too long."
"Yeah, agreed." He replies with a smile of his own. You don't realize the look in his eyes, confirming your theory.
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avonne-writes · 23 hours
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https://www.tumblr.com/avonne-writes/746138624855293952/and-yes-imagine-the-day-after-when-gale-is-all
STOPPPPPP THESE WERE SUPPOSED TO FUNNY.
do u think bucky told him to stop or how did they come to that decision that it was just not working? like i don’t know i feel like bucky should’ve known that it wasn’t gonna happen but maybe he didn’t wanna hurt gale’s feelings so he let him keep going😭
and how do u think bucky would make it up to him 💔💔💔💔 this is TOO SAD.
😅😅 everything can turn into angst in Mota haha. But the others will be funny!
Bucky was super drunk and horny, and he probably begged Gale for it. Gale starts and it all seems good and Bucky is making the appropriate noises, but he goes on and on and his jaw is starting to ache. He asks Bucky what he needs, Bucky says he’s enjoying what's going on, but some more time passes and nothing happens. And for a drunk, time is different, but Gale feels it crushing him, so he pulls away again. Bucky is confused, doesn’t grasp what's wrong. Tries to tell Gale he liked it but Gale doesn’t believe it. Maybe, he thinks, like in vino veritas, this is actually the truth of how he performs in bed or how much Bucky truly wants him.
Gale tells Bucky to go to sleep and leaves and feels like shit all night. It continues in the morning.
Bucky will have to first realize what went wrong, then apologize and tell Gale why it went wrong, then accept it when Gale says no drunk sex ever again, then be very appreciative the next few times they have sex. It would take some time to rebuild Gale's confidence.
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magneticghouls · 22 days
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epiphany: a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something
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plantswithme · 4 months
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someone should write a fic where sam and bucky get interviewed by buzzfeed as they play with kittens
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rillils · 2 months
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No Bc Stop
steve saw it happen right in front of him, steve saw bucky start to remember himself right in front of him
steve saw the recognition appear in bucky's eyes, right in front of him, in real time
its missing them hours and guess who rewatched tws
HONEY, HONEY, I'M GOING TO CRY ALL OVER AGAIN FKHDKSLS I CAN'T 😭😭😭
it hurts so much 😭 he DID see it happen, he did see bucky recognize him at last, and if you look closely you can almost see steve smile when he's telling bucky that he's "with him to the end of the line", even through all his pain
and then it finally happens, and suddenly he's falling, and it's too late to say anything else 😭
do you think steve finally felt at peace while he was falling out of the helicarrier? because this time, he'd done everything he possibly could to save bucky? because he got to see bucky, his bucky, one last time? because bucky wasn't truly gone forever, he was still in there, and now he could finally break free from hydra, and build a new life for himself? do you think this was the only way steve could have gone peacefully 😭😭😭
and then bucky saves him, because that's what they've always done for each other, without thinking twice about it, and and and then I cry, god please these boys I cannot 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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becca-e-barnes · 11 months
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Hey lovely! I love your work so much honestly you’re absolutely amazing! I was just wondering if you’d ever write anything for sbf!bucky again? I re read your work about him all the time and I’m a little bit of a whore for him 😅 no pressure whatsoever, it’s just that sweet baby has my heart 🥺
Sbf!Bucky has been really heavily requested recently and now I feel like I've been neglecting him 😩 I really enjoy writing him and it lets me dabble in my dream of being a milf some day
But I feel like he has a real sweet tooth. He's a dessert guy, 110%. Not like your husband or your son.
From the very first Sunday that your son brought Bucky over for dinner, he's been so into your desserts because a good dessert is something he's really missed during his last couple of years at college. It doesn't even really matter what you make, every week he tells you it's even better than whatever you made the Sunday before.
The store bought, dry cakes he sometimes treats himself to don't even come close to the fluffy sponges you make for him. He tells you your lemon meringue is better than the one his aunt used to make and your pies are probably a cure for sadness. He exaggerates but at least he sounds sincere.
And it's nice. It's nice that he appreciates your effort. It's nice that your desserts actually get eaten and enjoyed. It's nice that you're not sitting at the dinner table alone after lunch. Company is nice. Compliments are nice.
"I know it's late but I don't want you to think I'd forgotten." You made yourself busy in the kitchen, talking a little louder so Bucky could still hear you in the dining room. He usually helped you plate up dessert but not today.
"What are you talking about?" Bless him, he sounded so confused. "I can give you a hand if you like?"
"No, it's okay. Close your eyes." You thought your instruction was clear enough but Bucky still protested.
"Just close your eyes, Buck." You could've sworn you felt him raise his eyebrows but he did as he was told anyway.
You set the plate in front of him and laid a little dessert fork above his placemat. "I know your birthday was last Tuesday but I thought we could still celebrate it today. You're only 24 once." Bucky opened his eyes to the most mouth watering slice of chocolate cake he swore he'd ever seen in his life.
Two thick layers of moist chocolate sponge with a rich chocolate icing in between. The cake must have been heated for a couple of minutes, making the icing warm enough to make the layers slide slightly. Thick, warm chocolate sauce rolled down the sides, taking with it a light dusting of powdered sugar, almost washing away the single lit birthday candle. The plate was decorated with a perfect scoop of cool vanilla ice cream and some fresh strawberries, left overnight in a teaspoonful of sugar to draw out their juice.
"You didn't need to make a whole cake just for me!" His genuine excitement was heartwarming, quickly blowing out his candle before wax melted onto his dessert.
"Sweetheart, I make a whole cake just for you every week. Happy birthday." You lifted the little dessert fork, slicing through the sponge with it, making sure to add a little ice cream and a slice of strawberry before raising it to his lips.
You could swear he actually moans when the cake passes his lips. He makes the same noise at dessert every Sunday and you swear you never get tired of hearing it. It's so close to the noise he makes when he first sinks inside you and God, that sound is beautiful.
Your foot grazes his leg, gently but deliberately and there's a battle going on behind those eyes when he takes the fork from his own mouth. On one hand, your husband is in the next room, sitting beside your son, Bucky's best friend. On the other hand, Bucky needs you to know how much he appreciates this. Appreciates you. And if he's honest with himself, your husband and son being so close has never stopped him before.
"Fuck, you've ruined me." He groans, pressing his lips to yours in a hurry. Somehow you manage to stifle your surprise, catching up when he presses you back onto the dining room table.
"You and those fucking desserts. It's not fair. You get me half hard during dinner and then you feed me the best chocolate cake I've ever had? Do you know how unfair that is?" His hands are all over you, pulling your skirt up in between frantic kisses.
The chocolate cake is all but forgotten, the ice-cream left to melt while Bucky kisses your neck before he tugs your panties off, tucking them into the back pocket of his jeans.
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astxrwar · 29 days
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hm. thought too hard about 50+ y.o. gray-haired senator bucky. have to lie down
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yourbuckies · 11 months
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what a good way to start the day..............................
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thevalkyriecrash · 2 months
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The madripoor scene
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storiumemporium · 2 years
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UH...
Hi everyone
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lesbiradshaw · 2 years
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.
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faeriecap · 2 years
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which park do you think each of the cap quartet would like the most?? personally i think sam would like magic kingdom because he went there as a kid with his family and now he takes sarah and the boys, steve would like DAK bc of conservation stations animation experience, obvi bucky likes epcot and natasha would hate all of wdw as a precedent but would have really fond memories of running under cover stings at pleasure islands clubs in the 90s lol
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rillils · 3 months
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imagine post endgame bucky having to go alone, without someone to support him, to say sorry to all the people whos family he killed and he keeps saying that he didnt have a choice as his excuse
and he keeps thinking that its not a good enough excuse, that hes not good enough
no, you see, you see!! one of the things that made me uncomfortable about their treatment of Bucky, back when I was watching tf*ws, is precisely this
gonna slap this under a cut because BOY I have things to say
I WWILL NEVER STOP BEING MAD ABOUT THIS. I MEAN.
deciding that he has to apologize for all those deaths implies that he murdered those people willingly, while he was perfectly aware of his actions, of their consequences, and just did it anyways. so now, you know, he has to "atone for his sins", or make amends or whatever. so we're just going to send him off to those dead people's relatives to immolate himself because of course that's the only right thing to do. BUT idk, say what you will, this entire concept just sits wrong with me, I can't help it.
like first of all, we're acting as though killing all those people was a conscious choice on his part, as though he were completely 100% in control of himself and actively chose to murder a bunch of people, just because it suited him or something, when we know, WE FUCKING KNOW, WE HAVE BEEN LITERALLY SHOWN THIS, IT'S A RECURRING THEME IN AT LEAST 2 OF THE CAP MOVIES, that THIS. was NOT. the CASE. and fuck anyone who says any different tbh, mcu included
second, they might argue that by walking up to the victims' relatives and apologizing, Bucky's giving them closure or something, but. just. look at this from their point of view, right. as far as they're concerned, this is the guy who murdered their loved ones in cold blood, and he's just! walking free! getting away with murder(s), apparently without suffering any consequences whatsoever for all his crimes and all the grief he has caused. is that REALLY gonna give anyone closure? or is it just going to hurt them more/make them even angrier/unnecessarily reopen old wounds when there's nothing, really, that can heal or soothe them at this point, but rather just make them more painful than they already were????
so, it doesn't give them closure. and it sure as fuck doesn't give him closure, either.
they send him on this horrible, tragic, terrifying, sad errand, and all he gets out of it is torturing himself some more. seeing the pain and the hatred for him on all of these people's faces, the moment he says "yes, it was me, I pulled the trigger, I killed this person you loved". like, torture, yes, torture!! that's all this is!!! that's all it earns him!!! no peace of mind, no sense of closure, no hint of forgiveness! just more pain!!!!!!
just. I just hate this, you know, I just. I really, really hate this. I especially hate how, as you said, the way they insist on him having to personally apologize is just going to make him feel like his own hardships (aka being physically and emotionally tortured until he broke down and had his identity, agency and free will stripped away from him) were just "an excuse". as though a victim (because THAT'S what he is, THAT'S what he always was, a victim himself) needed an excuse for all his suffering. as if he brought it upon himself. as if he was "asking for it".
nah, all of this, it's just going to make his sense of guilt grow stronger and deeper over time, making him feel even more Unworthy (unworthy of love, unworthy of acceptance, unworthy of living a normal life after everything he's been put through, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of being seen as a whole person, as a human rather than a murderer) than he already felt before, making his own pain so overwhelmingly powerful that he might end up feeling like his entire existence is a mistake, and everybody would be better off if he just wasn't around anymore. and that's just so horrifying that I refuse to contemplate it.
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angrythingstarlight · 4 months
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She loves holding the flashlight for him when he's under the car. And he's never made her feel bad for all the times that she's dropped it on him.
Help 😭💀💀I literally get war flashbacks when I think of how my dad would yell at me if the light even moved 2 cm away from where he was looking when working on his cars I love that u included this!!!
Paring: Mafia!Bucky x Reader, daughter nicknamed Bumblebee.
Word count: Drabble.
A/N: I'm sorry he did that when you were just trying to help. Bucky has never yelled at Bee, if he did raise his voice around our toddler, she'd laugh, assuming he was playing a game, and probably yell back.
*Part of the Bumblebee series.
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Sometimes Malyshka will walk into the garage to tell them it's time for dinner and find them huddled around the engine, Bucky crouched down with a greased streaked towel over his shoulder and Bee in her matching overalls standing on a chair as they discuss what to do next.
Other times, she'll hear the soft clunk of metal striking Bucky before she even reaches the door.
It's always followed by Bee's soft, worried "I sorry, Papa."
"It's okay Bumblebee. Do you want to try again?" He picks the flashlight off his chest, holding it out to Bee.
Her gaze flicks between his hand and his calm blue eyes. She leans on one foot, gingerly reaching out for the light. "You still wants my help?" she asks with a hopeful smile.
"Of course. Couldn't do this without you, Bee."
The way her face brightens as she beams at him with a sweet, chubby-cheeked grin on her face, makes his heart swell. These moments with her are what he lives for. He couldn't be upset with his little girl if he tried.
The best part is how Bucky always laughs it off. Every time. Even if he's clutching his eye and quietly hoping it doesn't swell. He knows that she tries her best to keep the flashlight upright. He knows that her little arms get tired after a while and it's inevitably going to slip from her hand. He knows that she has a knack for dropping it on his head. And she's getting better. She really is.
Tomorrow he's sending one of the guys to buy her a smaller one. Preferably one with a handle.
Until then, he's willing to risk getting the flashlight dropped on him so he can spend this time with her. She's worth it.
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