Tumgik
#and by customization i obviously mean literally every aspect of this god awful game
sylvaur · 3 years
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the fact that i can't have my pokemon go avatar wear his gaudy beret *and* his gaudy earrings....... jail for niantic! jail for niantic for One Thousand Years!!!!
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I genuinely do not know how to engage with the Loki fandom anymore without regularly tanking my mental health, and I have no idea what to do about it.
the thing about my brain is that it sucks, see, and one of the big ways in which it sucks is that it is incredibly easy for me to miserably fixate on anything that upsets me, which then often expands to include all kinds of other tangentially related things that also upset me, thereby becoming a very bad spiral even if the thing that originally upset me was objectively not a huge deal. (I��m also really, really good at catastrophizing, which just accelerates the whole process.) at best, I then find it completely possible to do much of anything, like work on anything creative, or do my actual job that pays my actual bills, or in general remember that anything good can ever happen again. about all I can do to reset my brain when that happens is to ignore every single one of my responsibilities and do something really distracting like playing a game so my brain is engaged in something other than eating itself alive, or maybe just take a sleeping pill and go to bed. (if neither is an option, then it just sucks even more.)
for reasons that I certainly hope are obvious, that’s something I prefer to avoid.
the thing about Loki is, he’s been my absolute favorite character for about a decade now. he’s my comfort character. I can’t reliably write anything except Loki fic (which would be enough of a personal investment even if I hadn’t written a fic or two that helped me deal with the death of my dog a few years ago and my generally unhealthy feelings about death as a concept, but I did that too). I’ve spent a not-inconsiderable amount of money--again, over the past decade--on my collection of Loki stuff because it makes me happy, and I’ve invested probably even more thought and emotion than money into this character. Loki, in general, is very important to me, if for no other reason than that he’s been part of my life for a long time.
and the thing about the Loki show specifically is, I mostly like it. in part this is because I want to like it, because I’m invested for all the reasons mentioned above. there have been aspects of every episode so far that I’ve enjoyed without reservation or qualification...and there have been aspects of every episode so far that have made me cringe or genuinely upset me for one reason or another. but because I want to like it, and because I have that tendency to fixate on things that upset me in a way that makes me absolutely miserable and renders my brain completely useless for doing anything except continuing to be upset, it is genuinely unhealthy for me to spend much time at all reading negativity about the show.
some of the criticism I don’t totally understand and that’s less of an issue, but a lot of it has merit, a lot pretty obviously comes from a place of actual pain, and there’s a lot I agree with (or at least understand even if a specific thing doesn’t bother me as much). so if I read much of it, I will fixate. I will lose sleep. I will be pretty much unable to do things I actually need or want to do. if I want to avoid those things, it’s not enough just to avoid reading really intense criticism of the show; I have to actively seek out positive opinions, both to reinforce my enjoyment of things I already liked and to provide additional viewpoints on things I didn’t particularly like on first watch so I can keep myself from fixating on them (which my brain is quite happy to do on its own, without even seeing specifically negative posts, so you can probably imagine how much worse my brain gets having the negative opinions reinforced).
like--maybe this all sounds kind of silly, I don’t know, but I’ve lived with this garbage brain for more than three decades and I have a pretty good idea of how it works, at least in terms of what makes it even more garbage. to take care of my mental health, I have to approach certain things in certain ways, and I’m...working on not feeling like that’s silly all by itself. in this specific case, that means avoiding a lot of the negativity and making an effort to seek out positive opinions. as long as people tag appropriately, that shouldn’t be hard, right?
well you’d think so, except actually no, because I’ve had the worst time finding people who like the show and don’t also spend a significant amount of their time dumping on fans who hate the show or just, like, have any issues at all with any aspect of it for any reason. it starts to feel like people think that if you’re not worshiping at Marvel’s feet and loving every second of everything in this massive profit-driven franchise, then you are deluded, whiny, entitled, stupid, sadistic, or some combination of the above. and you know what, maybe it’s weird but I absolutely find that just as upsetting as negativity about the show itself. constantly seeing that stuff is equally bad for my mental health, equally likely to make me miserably fixate on it and lead to a spiral of “everything is bad and hopeless and nothing will ever get better in literally any aspect of life so why even bother trying?”
for reasons that I once again hope are obvious, I still want to avoid that! regardless of the cause! and apparently...I don’t have that option. people typically don’t tag criticism of criticism, or at least not with anything specific enough to be really useful, and it sure seems like I can’t look for the positive opinions that help me enjoy the show and avoid unhappily fixating on things I didn’t like, while also avoiding the negative opinions about other fans that also get me unhappily fixated on things that upset me. so the only alternative is, what, take several steps back from fandom entirely? well, I’d have to stop using Tumblr at all for at least a couple weeks, probably avoid the finale for quite a while, stop writing for the most part because Loki fic is too tied up in the overall fandom and I struggle too much with writing anything else, stop reading most fic for the same reason, stop working on customizing any Funko figures or other action figures that aren’t just for Etsy, and generally give up a lot of things that make me happy. weirdly enough, I don’t want to do that either. 
if everyone in this fandom 1) tagged appropriately and consistently and 2) stopped being unnecessarily mean to and about their fellow human beings, I’m pretty sure it would be basically fine. and of course there’s no possible way I can make that happen. if I want to keep enjoying something that does genuinely make me happy often enough to be worthwhile to me, it seems like I just have to choose between two different types of mental-health minefields rather than, you know, being able to avoid all the mines.
so what am I supposed to do with that?
(this is...more or less okay to reblog if you’ve felt at all the same way, wherever you might fall in your opinions about the show itself, as long as you make sure to not be an asshole about it to anyone. this is not the place to talk about how much you hate the show, and it is also not the place to talk about how awful Those Whiny Fans are. take that somewhere else and for god’s sake put a useful tag on it.)
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hashtagartistlife · 6 years
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Thoughts TM on the Live Action (hard spoilers ahead. Also, warning: it’s long.):
- Firstly, the casting. The absolute Best casting decision in this whole movie, visuals-and-acting-wise, is Isshin hands down. He LOOKS like Isshin, he ACTS like Isshin-- actually, Movie!Isshin > Manga!Isshin. They toned down the goof a tiny bit, played up his love and concern for the kids, and put him in an APRON for 90% of his screentime and made him the homemaker. (A++++ MOVE, WHY THE HELL WAS YUZU COOKING FOR EVERYBODY AT THE AGE OF NINE. BAD DECISION KUBO).
- Second best casting decision is Kuchiki Rukia. I remember when her stills first came out I wasn’t 100% on this casting because sure she was gorgeous but she looked????? SO YOUNG????? but guys, she nailed it. NAILED IT. Hana Sugisaki based goddess and if u aren’t her fan now you will be by the time the movie ends.
- Sota Fukushi as Ichigo.... hm. Given that my only criteria when drawing Ichigo is to make him as hot as humanly possible, it was 100% guaranteed that any actor they put up for the role would fall short of my visual expectations from an Ichigo. NGL there are more good looking men out there than Sota Fukushi but to quote both Ro and I from our rabb.it chat during the movie...... sota fukushi hard smash 
(- ok but a serious dilemma: are we attracted to him because he’s attractive, or because he’s playing ichigo and ichigo’s attractive????
-also, chad’s actor hard smash as well)
- SPEAKING of Chad.... he had. Minimal role in the movie but I love that they showed a bit of his bromance with Ichigo. It was always such a cute friendship and they did it justice with what little they showed! Anyway, I like his casting and Orihime’s too, visually speaking. 
- The other casts were fine. Not !!!! worthy but like not terrible casting either. Honestly I feel like Miyavi as Byakuya could have really worked if they hadn’t given him that... AWFUL hair. The hair is even more awful in the movie than it is in the still cuts. Believe it. 
- A final note on the casting... I really hated noticing this but Orihime’s actress? Erina Mano? Looks a LOT like the actress they cast for Masaki and i hate noticing it but I did. But it’s not time for the ir tea/ih salt yet that comes later
- Secondly: Characterisation. Overall decent, but you can really tell that like... they spent the most amount of care on getting the central IR dynamic right and sorta just went ‘lol that’s good enough’ for the others. It’s almost like they spent all of their characterisation budget on IR and had minimal left over to spare for minor characters (e.g: Orihime). You’ll see what I mean.
- Once again, hands down best characterisation in the whole movie is Isshin and Rukia. Isshin’s bodily comedy with Ichigo was done SO realistically, in a way that’s funny and not too over-the-top. The way they kept playing off each other as slightly overbearing father and moody teenage son was FANTASTIC. And one of the moments that had me MOST emotional in this movie was when Isshin was shown by Ichigo’s bedside, taking care of him while he’s recovering from injuries. Ichigo, upon waking from a dream of his mum, asks Isshin if he ever dreams of her. Isshin’s answer? ‘Every night’. EVERY NIGHT, MOTHERFUCKER. GOD I was never a hard isshimassa stan but this movie got me FEELING things for them 
- Hana’s interpretation of Rukia is FANTASTIC. Unbelievably spot on. The emotional unavailability, her rigid initial adherence to what she believes is the shinigami code, the adorable naivete re: human world customs, the way she steamrollers over Ichigo, the way that, no matter how hard she tries to be aloof, she can’t hide the fact that she cares. She cares so much. And honestly, if there’s one thing this movie does well, it’s how they managed to get those manga-panel comic violence situations to translate so well to reality. Isshin-on-Ichigo violence translated well, and the Rukia-on-Ichigo violence translates excellently as well. Their little bickering scenes play out EXACTLY how I, at least, imagined them to go, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Also, I honestly think her looking really young works to her advantage, because it really gives you a sense of like… how bemused Ichigo must be by this whole situation. My predominant thought every time hana is on screen is SHE’S SO CUTE AND LOVELY I CAN’T DEAL WITH IT, except this tiny girl who you can only think of as ‘cute’ is like…. Bossing you around and beating your ass with a sword and instilling fucking philosophy lessons in you. It’s so surreal? And if it’s surreal for US then just imagine how surreal it must be for Ichigo.
- Sota’s Ichigo.... once again, hmm. His ‘trying to be cool’ acting (i.e. during the fight scenes) was cringey, but I can’t tell if that’s his acting skill or just the fact that what looks ‘cool’ on manga panels inVARIABLY look cringey in real life. Probably the latter. And I think he’s a LITTLE too growly for my taste, but then again, I’m used to post-timeskip Ichigo who’s a bit more... low-key cynical rather than prickly. Initial Ichigo was pretty abrasive, so I guess that’s in-character. Also, his most-said line of dialogue in this movie is ‘HAH??’ which is hilarious and very in-character. Honestly, Hana as Rukia is straight up excellent for the whole duration of the movie but I definitely think Sota shone MOST when he was acting in combination with Isshin or Rukia. Whatever I think about his individual acting skills, he definitely had chemistry with those actors in terms of dynamics.
- Guys, the IR in this is fantastic. Brilliant. Like I said, their bickering plays out to a TEE how I imagined things to go. Literally cannot fault their bickering. Their soft heartfelt moments are SO GOOD too. And they were all shot so…. Intimately? Their softer scenes were shot with such heartbreaking tenderness and I just….. ugh. Hana Sugisaki REALLY brought her acting A-game. ALSO THE WAY LITERALLY EVERYONE THINKS THEY’RE DATING??? RENJI SHOWS UP AND IS LIKE ‘OOPS I THINK I KILLED YOUR BOYFRIEND’ TO RUKIA. RENJI SAYS THAT. BYAKUYA THINKS SHE’S TOO ‘EMOTIONALLY INVOLVED’. Not to even mention Keigo and Tatsuki and Orihime……. God. Absolutely unbelievable.
- Now, if I was being picky and HAD to talk about a few gripes…. Let’s see. It takes Ichigo more time to warm up to Rukia than in canon, and he’s more of an asshole to her in this time period too. But y’know, that’s a very minor gripe. The other teeny tiny gripe I have about the IR is like…. A gripe but also not a gripe at the same time lmfao. OK so at the end when Renji and Byakuya are trying to take Rukia away, Ichigo plants himself in front of Rukia and says ‘I’m going to protect you’ and he repeats this multiple times in the fight, which, yes, extremely shippy, I’m going to die on the pavement et al, but also… this might be a weird gripe for some, because the ir dynamic has always been them protecting and saving each other. But not in so many words? It’s always been a very equal protection dynamic, partly because Rukia won’t LET him be her protector. I subscribe to the meta that this is precisely why she’s good for Ichigo. It’s also what drives him up the wall, because WHY WON’T SHE LET HIM KEEP HER SAFE, but it’s the fact that Rukia REFUSES to be one of his ‘protected people’, the fact that Rukia DEMANDS equal footing to him, that quashes down the more destructive aspects of his will to protect. But yeah, I feel like that line – ‘I’m going to protect you/her’, repeated multiple times—sort of erases the inherent equality in their dynamic and puts Rukia in the ‘protected’ pile. But that’s just because the movie didn’t have enough time for the rest of the arc. Look honestly the ir in the movie is FINE. The only reason I’m even bringing this up is because I have the manga version to compare it to, and it’s an unfair comparison to begin with because obviously the manga has so much more to work with. Overall, if you’re worried about the IR characterisation in this movie—don’t be. They hard carried the whole thing. Sota and Hana are an absolute DELIGHT to watch playing off each other. They have GREAT chemistry supported by well-shot scenes and good dialogue. 11/10 worth watching just for these two alone.
- Yuzu and Karin. Even though they changed their designs to look identical in the movie (I’m guessing for the instant visual cue of ‘oh they’re twins!’), I’m glad they kept their personalities the same. Karin is snarky as ever, Yuzu is sweet. So +1 for that. But then they made Yuzu (Karin?) say ‘Onii-chan, I’m scared’ during the fishbone D attack, rather than the canonical ‘get away, you’ll get hurt’. Which… look, fair, she’s eleven, I think that’s more realistic, but ALSO YOU JUST???? CHANGED HER WHOLE CHARACTERISATION. CAN WE PUT SOME RESPECT ON HER NAME PLEASE
- Uryuu……hmm. They made him a LITTLE more chill than he was in the manga, but he was such a dramatic character in canon already that he still comes off pretty darn dramatic in the movie. I did really like his characterisation, but he had such little screentime that I’m finding it difficult to like… do any substantial comparisons to his manga character. I’m thinking I might need a rewatch to solidify my opinions on Uryuu. But his little scene at the very end with Ichigo after they all lose their memories of Rukia is very sweet and makes me wonder about their dynamic if they hadn’t had all this quincy-shinigami bs to sort through.
- Chad was in the movie even less than Uryuu, but I have no complaints about his characterisation. Pretty accurate to manga canon.
- Guys I LOVE Keigo in this movie. ‘He died on the spot’ Iconic roast. LET KEIGO ROAST ICHIGO 2K18
- Tatsuki was eh. She wasn’t in the movie long enough for me to really have an opinion on her characterisation, and it’s unfortunate that the only part of her character they brought from manga canon was the ‘give Orihime bad advice on how to date Ichigo’ part, but whatever. It’s not technically WRONG characterisation, just not the FULL characterisation.
- Orihime…………… god, Orihime. Look you guys know that even though I have my ‘and NONE FOR ORIHIME BYE’ days, they’re mostly in jest, and I actually do appreciate her as a character. I like her, mostly! I think she’s fascinating to write about and explore! I think she deserved good things, better things than what the ending set her up for!
- But I’d strangle movie Orihime without hesitation. Bye bitch
- OK, you know how you thought anime Orihime with her constant ‘Kurosaki-kun’s was annoying??? Movie orihime was WORSE. Movie Orihime? Straight up yandere. She literally doesn’t have a single appearance where she’s not talking about Ichigo or being weirdly jealous of Ichigo and Rukia’s friendship or worrying about Ichigo in an overbearing, over-the-top way. And I’m actually really frustrated and disappointed about this, because early Karakura Orihime was ACTUALLY A GOOD CHARACTER!!!!!! Orihime, imo, is the most egregious OOC in this movie. Which is a shame, because the rest of the characterisation was actually… ok and decent
- Renji and Byakuya….. ohhhh boy. Renji and Byakuya are characterised as straight up villains for the whole movie with no redemption. There’s no nuance of them being possibly friendly and/or having concern for Rukia at all throughout the whole movie, which could be OOC depending on how you look at it, but honestly it makes sense considering this movie only covers up to chapter 56 Broken Coda and does NONE of the SS arc. Basically, their characterisations are how we would characterise them based on the one time they came to collect Rukia. They’re cold, uncaring, think humans aren’t worth anything, and that emotions are a human weakness. RENJI STRAIGHT UP SWINGS A SWORD AT AN UNARMED CIVILIAN CLOTHED RUKIA (yes I know it happened in the manga too but. It’s a lot more shocking watching it happen real-time) and also STABBED!!!! URYUU!!!!!! IN THE BACK!!! WHILE HE WASN’T DOING ANYTHING THREATENING!!! So, uh, this movie really said ‘fuck renji rights’. God I’m imagining like… if ur introduction to Bleach was through this movie, and you decided to look up how the manga ends and it’s RENRUKI and you’re like ?????????????? THE DUDE SWUNG A SWORD AT HER????? Like FORGET IH, this movie really fucking hated rr. Which… im not mad about lmfao
- Final note on characterisation: as usual, IR fucking hard carries, but what ELSE is new for this franchise. Isshin was a surprising dark horse. Overall, characterisation FINE, not OOC with one glaring exception, but sometimes because of time constraints certain characters didn’t get their FULL RANGE of characterisation.
- THIRDLY: overall technical excellence of the movie in terms of script, camera angles, choreography, CGI, etc etc
- My one line summary for this is…. It’s an anime live action adaptation. I hope ur not expecting much from this department at all
- Like, in terms of is it a GOOD movie? Lmfao. I enjoyed the hell out of it, sure, but I don’t think someone who has no idea what bleach is would a) understand what the heck is going on OR b) find the story to be well-paced and well-told. Like, I KNEW what was coming and what was going on, and even I found the movie to be a bit disjointed, kind of like old metal machinery that needs oiling to get going.
- Honestly this movie is similar to the manga in that… technically speaking it’s not great, but its strengths lie in the character arcs and the overall poetic parallels it tries to pull. It may not have been the most artistically executed, but I could tell that they really tried to put the parallel in between IR protecting each other and Masaki dying to protect Ichigo. Like, an attempt was noted! It was appreciated! Obviously they don’t do it with as much grace as the manga did but y’know, they tried!
- The script was actually really great in this movie. Bleach is a very snarky manga and the script really showcases that. Everyone shows a lot of sass. I like that. The one exception to the script being good was whenever a hollow opened its mouth to speak. They really gave the hollows dialogue like ‘I WANT YOUR SOUL’ and ‘GIVE ME YOUR SOUL’…. Like. Someone got paid for that dialogue and they really shouldn’t have.
- I honestly don’t have an opinion on the CGI. Ro kept saying that the cgi was BAD and like I guess it was, but I’m pretty lenient about CGI in general. I already know it’s going to be CGI so unless it’s BLATANTLY fake I overlook it.
- But there is this ONE SCENE of Renji going into shikai that looks so awfully fake that even I was like ‘ok no that was BAD’ so I guess CGI bad
- The choreo in the fight scenes is messy and disjointed and very cringey. I can’t believe they managed to pull manga-style comical violence in REAL LIFE and make it look believable and funny, but couldn’t choreography a decent fight scene……. Man idk. I guess they really DID spend all their budget on making IR as excellent as possible.
- Overall: technically speaking it’s a terrible movie, but will that hinder your enjoyment of it? Probably not. Watch it just for the excellent banter.
- FINALLY: Miscellaneous yelling about various scenes through 120% Ichiruki-filtered glasses.
- Guys, this movie. This movie. They really sat down and said ‘ok give them literally every single early-karakura ichiruki fanfic trope situation ever’ and that’s it, that’s the movie
- ICHIGO KEEPS LEANING DOWN RIGHT INTO RUKIA’S FACE!!!! THEY HAVE NOOOOO CONCEPT OF PERSONAL SPACE!!!! Which I guess is canon but THEY KEEP!!!!! LEANING!!!!! INTO EACH OTHER!!!! I will DIE
- The sPARRING????????? THE SPARRING?????
- Ichigo smirks while sparring her. She’s kicking his ass and goddammit, he LIKES it
- They legit made Rukia tackle Ichigo and pin him to the ground and then they made Ichigo flip them around
- And then they made ORIHIME WALK IN ON THAT
- UN!!!! BELIEVABLE!!!!!!!
- (Sidenote: they made Orihime act so weirdly jealous of that?? Like… wtf orihime. You’re not his girlfriend like she has no rights to be acting like this…. Look the Orihime characterisation in this movie is A Mess)
- They have conversations through shut closet doors while ichigo’s lying on his bed THIS APPEARS IN EVERY. SINGLE. IR EARLY KARAKURA FIC EVER IM
- Ichigo: CAN YOU GET OUT OF MY CLOSET. NO YOU CAN’T LIVE IN MY HOUSE
- Also Ichigo, the INSTANT he can’t find Rukia in his closet: WHERE IS SHE. LET ME JUST RUN AROUND IN THE DARK OUTSIDE TO FIND HER. HEY URYUU HOW DO I GET TO THE AFTERLIFE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN’T BRING HER BACK. SO WHAT IF I DO, HUH? WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT. FIGHT ME
- Also ichigo becomes so much SOFTER towards Rukia after a certain point in this movie and…. God…… I love that you can see that switch in Sota’s acting. I’m going to CRY
- OK THIS IS A VERY SHORT SCENE BUT AT ONE POINT RUKIA LANDS ON A ROOFTOP WITH AN INJURED ICHIGO AND SHE LIT. RUBS HER HANDS ALL OVER THE BARE SKIN ON HIS CHEST BC SHE’S RUBBING MEDICINE INTO HIM!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!! WHERE’S THE M-15 RATING ON THIS MOVIE BC SHE LEGIT!!! HAD HER HANDS!!!! ALL OVER HIM!!!!! Ro and I shouted abt this so much God
- The final fight is RIDICULOUS in terms of HOW MUCH ICHIGO WON’T STAY DOWN and it’s framed SO dramatically lmfao but y’know, it’s shot in a very IR light, I’ll take it
- Ro and I literally were just like IT’S THE POWER OF LOVE BITCH bc he legit just KEPT getting up it was ridiculous
- Also rukia’s final speech to ichigo after she does her whole broken coda ‘don’t touch my brother lowly human’ spiel is…. Beautiful. Fucking excellent
- ‘you’re rude and brash and I’m sick of all humans especially you’ but like. Why is this literally kate’s ’10 things I hate about you’ speech at the end of that movie
- ICHIGO DOESN’T TAKE HIS EYES OFF RUKIA THE WHOLE TIME SHE’S ERASING HIS MEMORIES. DOESN’T EVEN BLINK. THIS IS SOME EP 342 TEAS ALL OVER AGAIN. FUCK. I’M GOING TO!!!! DIE!!!
- Ok so my opinion on how they changed the end: it was necessary to tie things all up in one movie but that doesn’t mean I don’t hate the fact that ichigo ostensibly forgot rukia when in canon HE’S THE ONLY ONE THAT REMEMBERED
- I guess the final scene where he looks at her writing on his textbook and smiles could be a sort of clue that he’s starting to remember. Man idk I think I’d just feel really cheated as a viewer who isn’t coming from a bleach manga/anime background, that everyone just conveniently ‘forgot’. It’s equivalent to an ‘it was all a dream!’ kind of ending imo. It’s a copout. But at the same time I can see why it was necessary :’/
- Also, this exchange with uryuu at the end where they exchange hellos before pulling up short and going ‘wait- do I know you?’ ‘no. but good to know you’ was SO HEARTBREAKING BUT SO GOOD I REALLY DID LOVE THAT
- Whoo ok I’m SURE I’ve forgotten some details but this is already EXCESSIVELY long so. Final FINAL thoughts:
- The quality of the movie is, obviously, not great, but if you were worried about weird chara interpretations and relationships, don’t be. Unless you’re an IH/RRstan or an Orihime fan. This will not be a fun movie for you. But then again, you managed to work through 686 chapters of a manga that clearly wasn’t fun for you and seemed to be ok with it, so maybe this movie won’t bother you either.
- The script is surprisingly solid and has genuinely good, occasionally touching, snarky, sassy dialogue. Good attempts at poeticism and various parallels and callbacks.
- Ichiruki fucking hard carries, and so does isshin. I love uryuu but that may just be my uryuu bias talking.
- Objectively, maybe a 4, 5/10. Ichiruki-wise? 8/10. Obviously this was written in a high straight after the movie and like, maybe after a few days or like a rewatch or w/e my opinions may change. But rn? God I love stanning legends, viva la ichiruki fuck you
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francisrochon-blog · 6 years
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Blog #1: A Reflective Month
I have a general idea of what makes a good blog, or what a blog is really supposed to be: It can be about anything. I think that’s the main appeal of it. So I decided that maybe I’d give it a try. That once a week I’d challenge myself to just sit down, think of something (literally anything) to talk about, and just talk about it. Doesn’t matter how boring it might be, or personal, or funny or whatever. I want to try and just put out my honest thoughts on certain aspects of my life, other’s life, the world around us. Again, this can be about anything. Some points might be more serious, some more reflective (see what I did there?) and some might just be about me talking about my favorite games or favorite music or whatever. No matter what, I just want this blog to be about me, and hopefully all of you will be able to enjoy this too.
*Takes a deep breath*... So without further ado, here goes my first post.
Some of you may know this, but I used to have a part-time job a little over a month ago. I won’t be saying the name of the workplace or using specific names for some of my co-workers for the sake of keeping people anonynomous by default (and protecting myself if I ever go too ham when I’m trying to criticize something), but the people that know me in real life (for the most part) know where I worked. And I have a LOT of things to say about the place, but I’ll try and start with the good stuff to not sound like a total hater here.
The work itself was not bad... for the most part. When everything that was meant to be done was done, when everything was organized and when shifts went well, I had no issues with the work at all. Obviously there’s always the feeling of getting up and telling yourself “Fuck I need to shower, get dressed and go to work at x place”. But on a lot of my shifts (mostly nights/closing shifts) I always found myself looking back on it when one of my parents picked me up to drive me home, and thinking “honestly, today was not a bad shift at all”.
Now granted, and I’m not trying to gloat here, but I was pretty good at my job. There’s a reason that I was offered a supervising position about 4-5 months after I started. I did decline the first time, sighting that I wasn’t fully ready to take on that responsibility (despite literally every single one of my fellow night-staffers told me I was more than capable of it). But about a month later they were pretty desperate to have another supervisor, and this time I said yes. It’s always important to challenge yourself and to push yourself to your limits to see what you’re truly capable of and to eventually push past those limits and redefine them. That’s how people grow and become stronger overall.
But anyways, back to the quality of the job itself: although when everything went smoothly the workload was fine, it honestly would have been a much less enjoyable experience if it wasn’t for the people that I worked with. I’ve made so many new connections and friends through working at that establishment for only eight months. It really surprised me just how easy it was for those people and I to get along and just talk. Obviously it took some time to get used to each other, and teamwork to get things done quickly and efficiently is a priority at those kinds of workplaces, but it was pretty much always an enjoyable experience. There are so many names that I could name on here that I could just praise endlessly for how hard they’ve worked despite the odds, how much I’ve seen them grow simply by being their co-worker/supervisor. It really gave me perspective on how a having people around you can boost your confidence and self-esteem, just by knowing that you have the mutual effect for them as well. 
On top of that, a particular person I met at this establishment really resonated with me. This was someone who showed me the ropes on my very first shift there, and who ended up being not only a co-worker, or my supervisor, or a mentor: They became a true friend. Never would I have imagine that working there would yield me such a strong and beneficial friendship. You wouldn’t believe how happy I was to look at the schedule, see that person’s name a little over mine on the same date, with the same hours. “Fuck yes, I’m working with X tonight!”
And the reason that this gets me so work-up is because we both have this mutual respect for one another, as we’ve both experienced certain things in life that is hard to share with other people. Yet this person found themselves comfortable sharing some fairly personal things with me, and vise-versa for me to them. We trust each-other, care for each-other (in a platonic way) and respect each-other. Not only that, but holy shit this person was amazing at their job. I knew that everytime I had a shift with this person that the shift was going to be fun, that things were going to get done and that I’d be able to just be comfortable knowing that everything would be alright. We worked so well together as well, almost knowing exactly what was on the other person’s mind just by looking at them. It’s hard to describe, and it might sound somewhat hard to believe, but that’s literally what we had. We had worked so many shifts together that we knew each-other’s workflow and could rely on one another.
I’m certain that if this person that I am describing is reading this, they know who they are. Working with you was by far the most enjoyable experience I had working at that place. No matter if one of us was having a bad day, or was feeling a little bit sickly or whatever, we always had each other’s back. When I first started supervising, this person made sure to give me all of the pointers while not putting too much pressure on me. If things got a bit crazy, they didn’t mind taking the wheel for a bit until things went steady. This rarely happened mind you, but having that reliable safety net is always going to help. So for that, I thank you very much. I think that I’m a very lucky person to have had the chance to meet you and get so close to you on a personal level, and I hope that our friendship can last for as long as we can remember each-other’s name (hopefully it’ll last forever, but you get the point!).
Unfortunately... that’s where the positives end when it comes to that workplace. Not to put this place under the bus, but pretty much every other person that I talked to that had worked in customer service always felt EXTREMELY bad for me once I told them where I worked. Comments like “Oh my god I’m so sorry for you” and “I could never work there” were only two of countless comments that I received. I found it quite comical, but at the same time it’s comical because it isn’t innaccurate. 
Now I don’t think this is entirely the fault of the brand itself. It is a popular brand for a reason, with some very die-hard customers who love the product to the point of purchasing it religiously. People can get mad if their product isn’t as perfect as it was the day before, or the week before, or the month before, or year before etc. That’s fine, I can understand that. 
But HOLY SHIT!!! Some of the types of customers I saw when I worked there was out of this world. Like honestly how do these people have friends or jobs when they can be total fucking assholes? (I know, I know, rich coming from me, right?). Like honestly, just from working there I’ve gained so much more respect and sympathy for others working in customer service establishements. I’ve worked in it: We’re humans. We fuck up. It happens. You know it does. You fuck up too. Everyone fucks up! Accept the apology your server gave you after making a mistake, take your re-made product and leave with a smile. There’s nothing good that comes from telling that person that they’re garbage at their job and should learn how to do something “simple”. I could literally go on a whole fucking tangent explaining how much harder working in that environment looks like, but I’ll keep that for another day. This blog is already long enough as it is, and I don’t want to extend it by another 300 000 words.
But again: the brand itself is not at fault here. But the specific location I worked at was... well, to put it simply, poorly run compared to how it should have been. I’m not going to go into detail, because some of it was not its fault, but when it fucked up, it fucked up really big. For those who know what I mostly did over there in terms of work... you’ll know what I mean when I say “Why did they order this much stuff? We don’t NEED this many of this product!”. It got to a point where I loathed Saturdays because I knew that was a delivery truck day, and more often than not I’d get boned by it. And not in the good way.
But some of the management staff there... really pissed me off. Now I had it very easy over there. I never once felt like I was disrespected by my higher-ups or anything of the sort. However, many people that I worked with told me bits and pieces of some of their issues with the management staff, as well as some of the work staff. And my God, some of this stuff was downright psychological abuse. 
Nobody deserves to work in that kind of environment. I mean fuck if I wanted to get psychologically abused I’d go r/dota2 and write a poste about how League Of Legends is the best game of all time and that Dota 2 can suck a big fat cock or go on r/leagueoflegends and talk about how Dota 2 is for the pros and League is for the casuals. And you’re telling me I can get PAID to get told that I’m worthless, ugly, awful at my job, a good-for-nothing twat who’s only faking all of their problems for attention? Like really? How were these abusive people not getting fired on the spot? Some of the MANAGERS were saying these things, mind you. That’s how bad it was.
And this all ties in to why I’m not working anymore. Again, none of that abusive stuff happened to me, and this had mostly happened when I was not on shift, or before I even worked there. I didn’t have any experience with that kind of behavior head on, so I was okay with working there for the time being. But then it happened.
That person that I talked about early, that friend who was probably the hardest-working person at that store, who devoted multiple years of their life working for that establishment througout all of the awful working conditions and the abuse... that person was fired. They were fired without a valid reason. 
Now again, I won’t go into detail here. I won’t go into this person’s personal life because it is not for me to put that out there. But this person was the LAST person who deserved to get fired by a fucking mile. And it sickened me that these people didn’t seem to see just how much effort this person put into everything they did when they worked there: the hours they put in, the quality of the work they did. Yet for some reason, they were not appreciated or liked by the higher-ups. 
And as much as I praise this person for everything they’ve done, they aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect, you’re not perfect. Nobody’s perfect, we all make mistakes. But this person’s very slight mistakes at that workplace did not deserve the treatment they got. All of the logical reason that I can think of as to why they would get fired... honestly, by that logic they should have fired literally everyone in the goddamn store. Like, you should have SEEN the effort this person put into every shift to make sure that when we left at the end of the night, that everything was as spotless and organized as possible. Yeah, of course it won’t be perfect every night. Maybe it was their fault, maybe it was mine, maybe it was the fault of another of our co-workers on that shift. But either way, it happens to everyone. The way that they got rid of them was also very unfair and honestly cruel (Also a topic that could easily extend this blog to be double it’s current length if not more). And when that person sent me a message that they had gotten fired, I had made up my mind.
I’m not going to work there anymore.
Now this wasn’t the only reason that I left that workplace. I am a college student, and because my school schedule was so sporatic in terms of timings (as well as living 45-90 minutes away from the college, depending on if I go directly by car or take the public buses) the only reliable schedule I had was to work on the Evening Weekend shifts. Every weekend. For like 6 months. 
So there’s that: it was quite draining. Not only that, but I currently in the fourth week of my field placement in my college program, which is a five day a week work day. I get up at 6:30 in the morning, and I get home at 5:45-6pm at night. And then imagine having to work the weekends, my only two days off, on top of that. Just thinking about it makes my head hurt. It would have been awful.
Not only that, but I was already considering perhaps finding another job during the summer after school ended. For some of the reasons mentionned above, I was considering moving to another work-place, but also because I would have wanted a little bit of a break as well, as these last months have been pretty crazy for me on a personal level. But when my friend told me they got fired for the very little reasons they did, and knowing the history of abuse and horrible treatment... I had enough.
I didn’t want to willingly work somewhere and promote that kind of behavior. And the more I thought about it, the more I saw that they disrepected what they saw as “the weaker-workers”. That was very insulting to me, seeing as I had been working there for 7-8 months, and yet they were treating others that had started working around the same time as me (and in some cases far longer than me) so much worse. It sickened me to be a part of it, and what sickened me most was just how much I didn’t speak up about it, or fight for my co-worker’s respect. This was a way that I saw that I could at least try and make-up to them for that. 
So I gave my two weeks. I decided it was a good time to just focus hard on my field placement to make sure that everything goes right, that I can have a good balance of work and pleasure (hehe) as is recommended. This would also help me transition into a more traditional adult lifestyle, what with the work hours and the liberated weekends.
And I can tell you... This is so much better.
Now obviously this isn’t for anyone, but I’m not even getting paid for my placement, doing work that these people get paid to do, yet I am so much more comfortable and happy working there than I was at that other place. The people are obviously a big reason as to why I enjoy working there, but even just the workload itself, although hefty, is manageable, and I don’t have the added pressure of having to maybe serve 70 different customers in the span of 45 minutes. I get to focus on one task, get it done without much interuption, and then move on to the other task. Especially when it’s something that I love doing, such as writing, it makes it all the most enjoyable.
So if you’re going to take anything from this absurdly long blog-post, please take this: It’s worth it to keep at it. It might be difficult, or seem impossible or like it’s a waste of time and money, but it really isn’t. I’m near the end of my college experience and am about to embark into the adult world. I am scared, of course. But I’m also confident, thanks to my field placement and because of the people I have around me that support me no matter what. Life can be fucking rough at times, I know. It ain’t always easy. But it does get better. You just have to step over those hurdles of life as they unexpectedly come your way. And no matter how much time, energy and effort it might take for you to get over them, if you can manage to get over them...
Then you are the true champion.
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