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an-unraveling-unknown · 28 days

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I'm interested in Deimos, in general, care to ellaborate on them?

(what's their taste favorite food?)

YES ABSOLUTELY (bit of a long one again, sorry!)

Deimos, as previously stated, is the Embodiment of Human Fear - human fear specifically, being a result of rather than a wielder (as all the embodiments are really) and only coming into existence once homo sapiens became a thing (twice), but he is the fear by all accounts. Some miscellaneous stuff: 1. Essentially retired by this point in terms of his title. The Embodiments as a whole used to be a lot more 'around' per se, but the lot of them all kind of split off and humans do all the fear-mongering for him now, which is both fascinating and sad.

2. Bit of a bastard (/aff), likes to poke fun in his own eloquent way but knows when to back off. Maybe backs off a little too often, he prefers to avoid conflict when the option is available. Can and will read anyone like a picture book made for five y/o's and is a huge Shakespeare nerd (which probably has something to do with a chance encounter in London circa. 1592) 3. He's gone by countless names and forms, and the very notion of sticking to binary gender is laughable, (though he/him is the latest preference,) but 'Deimos' kind of became the default after Locke threw it at him as a nickname and it stuck 4. He's fond of referencing pop culture, (something of which Locke has no hope of ever understanding,) but it's either pop culture thats slightly too old for the current age or slightly too new. Slightly too old is self-explanatory, but what I mean by slightly too new is that since its naturally ingrained in him to pick up on the social patterns of humans, he will slightly nudge something forward in the public consciousness attuning to those patterns that will inevitably pick up in popularity because he finds it incredibly amusing. 5. Alas, he can't take credit for TikTok trends 6. Literally radiates terror to anything in a five mile radius that isn't dead. When he and Locke used to meet up in various points in history, they'd meet at around midnight to early morning as to not alert the local population, which unfortunately had the additional consequence of freaking out the local wildlife. Locke had to reason with the outraged birds that they could sing at dusk instead, saying that its just like morning but backwards. It took much convincing every time. and a hefty bribe of seeds. 7. Found the Woods a little while after he and Locke split up for the last time. To his knowledge, this vast stretch of wooded area somehow exists in several places simultaneously all over the globe while also not technically existing at all, looking at a decent map. Those that enter with good intentions exit, and those who enter without seem to blip off the face of the earth. It's usually pretty silent. And theres a big hecking house plop in the middle of it in pristine condition, looking wildly different in appearance depending on who's looking at it - so naturally he sets up camp in it and stays there for the next 300-something years 8. HAVE SOME CONCEPT ART, he does little things with his appearance every now and then for fun (colorful markings, scales, runic symbols, that sort of thing) but generally keeps up the base appearance of not quite fitting in seamlessly with reality, like a memory blurred around the edges.

the odd cross where his face should be is to remind myself where the heck he's looking lmao (he likes dressing casual-fancy because it makes him feel sophisticated) 9. He was close with another embodiment of fear early on in his existence - Phobos was moreso the reaction to fear and wasn't restricted to just humans for Some Reason. The two of them haven't spoken in ages though, for good cause. 10. He was debating reaching out to Locke for a while before they ended up in the woods themselves- despite his own interests, he's always preferred to let them do what they wish, especially given the extenuating circumstances 11. However, these extenuating circumstances say nothing on a plethora of curious children dragging the android in to stay a while (12. he doesn't really need to eat, and he has to fashion a whole digestive system for that, but Deimos does have a fondness for sweets - pastry items, chocolate, you name it. He'd also never admit it in front of the children ever)

#also- Serial adopter. This man cannot help himself #he collects children like pokemon cards #mind- all of them are A. dead or B. not even remotely human #but that doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things #either way he would destroy the world for the lot of them #i have no idea if i've made this interesting so my bad if its not!! i have a tendency to just throw everything out there lol #this stuff is all sort of in a limbo development stage so it may be a little sparse #let me know if you have any questions!! thank you for humoring me and my ramblings this has been a delight #many hugs to you friend :D

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thealphabard · 2 months

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Alright kiddos, Daddy Jace is going to sit you all down for a long post. With twitter (and probably tumblr?) implementing genai i decided to take it upon myself to test both Nightshade and Glaze so you don't have to. Or to maybe clear some stuff up regarding both programs bc i myself was not able to find info on the quality in relation to stylized art! I'm risking my own butt for this lol

lets start with Glaze since that's just what i opened first. for clarity sake, this is what I'm chucking into it. i decided to go with 3 levels of images, starting with a basic no background fairly simplistic piece, a more detailed subject, and a full background piece from a long abandoned wip in favor of redoing it in a sense.

now there are 3 main settings I've noticed for glaze, its a default medium and high setting (there's render times too, but for this test I'm staying on the default render time which is medium and takes about 2 minutes per image)

For the most part it hasn't crazily distorted my images but you can still see some discoloration in the art. not a big deal for me personally, as you can still make out what's going on just fine. it gets pretty rough in some of the background on the big image, but thats probably the worst of it for this setting. next we will do medium!

haha ooookay just for your knowledge, I'm writing this in real time. OKAY yeah so, medium is where you will see the diminishing return it seems, while it probably really fucks with ai, unfortunately at this point my images look pretty distorted especially in backgrounds and high detail areas. but i will do high just in case anyway

Yeah so this is where the full distortion happens in all 3. again, you can still see the subject and key details, but its a bit unsavory isn't it?

now i want to make something clear. the program itself will give you feedback if the protection is enough, and for all of these tests it was fine so unless you aren't too worried about how the pictures look on social media (ie, if you share a full version in patreon/send the raw com to the owner) you can most likely choose default without any issues.

we are moving onto nightshade! in nightshade it has roughly the same UI, with the option to select a poison tag. we will come back to this later ass you can only use it on 1 image at a time. its settings are low, default, and high with similar rendering times and i will be using the same images to test them out :D starting with the low setting!

Now, i don't know if its just because I'm fresh out of the high settings from glaze, but i personally prefer this setting on my artwork. it doesn't have as much of the "oilspill" look that glaze has and is harder to notice the distortion at a glance. onto the default setting though!

Once again, prefer this over the medium for my style in particular. a lot less muddling and color distortion . obviously still there, but not effecting the details as much. High next!

This is definitely the too much gene lol however i would compare it to the medium of the glaze. Though, and this is important, please choose based off what you feel fits your needs. for me, nightshade is what i will use but it wont be the same for everyone. i just hope this gives a good comprehension on what each program does! now, to explain the tagging. in batches it will automatically tag, but it seems this is just to make an invisible coded footprint if you will in everything you do. you can overwrite them in your results, or if you do image by image (ie, if you make a new image, and put it through nightshade) you can tag it there. i will personally just be using my username as my tag going forward. and to show how that looks on an image with standard settings just to show that's its not effecting your image any extra on a visual front.

and that concludes Jace's decent into madness.

the biggest stipulation, is these are both windows/macos based applications for now

HOWEVER while I am able (given I'm not swarmed) i am more than happy to help those who would like to protect themselves and do not have the means to and i encourage others to do the same if they are comfortable. please reach out. FUCK AI ART

#digital art #fuck ai art #glaze #nightshade #protect your art #ai is theft #jace noises #this took forever #this was just a couple hours of messing around btw #if people need help using the application based on what ive learned #ill do what i can!#also if that tag info is incorrect please inform me #that is just what ive gathered from messing with it

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naumin · 1 year

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2022 in review

in an effort to blog about art on my art blog more i will be writing a post covering my work in 2022 and maybe some aspirations going forward into 2023

2022 was the year of learning to paint! at the beginning i was really frustrated, a lot of my pieces were very hit or miss and i couldnt tell why some sucked and some fuckd. i nibbled at some online courses for fundamentals, James Gurney’s Color & Light book and Marco Bucci’s painting videos, and was looking for a mentor at one point but i think i stopped cuz i broke my thumb briefly lol

a piece from december 2021 that is just a bit random and i think representative of my stabbing in the dark

studying...

in June i split a schoolism sub with emma and it was an amazing decision. i think if you have limited time to practice drawing or dont know where to go the best thing is to take a course, and ive taken cheap or free courses online but the tutors on schoolism are top of the industry and the quality of their teaching is stellar imo. literally felt my brain explode with knowledge they are the best of the best. i finished the painting workout course with wouter tulp and ive dipped in and out of numerous others since then. its cool bcus u can study at your own pace.

July was artfight, i did talk about it here so not gonna repeat myself heh

then i was really busy with my MA, its been so fun and so exhausting. a year is so short and i want to try all the printing techniques and ceramics and everything cry. but hey now i know indesign and can make my own zines and stuff which is amazing. i also tabled at my first market :) i did really like it and would love to do more, dont want to put pressure on myself to do that this year but at least wanna visit them and scope out the audiences and stuff.

school really is making me appreciate traditional art again, tbh it is nothing like digital. you just cant get that chaos or physical resistance from your materials in digital, everything is very deliberate and constructed and almost predictable. ive started to incorporate more traditional work into my pieces where i can, especially photobashing. i can use photos i offhandedly took years ago and it feels really nice to get to repurpose them.

a spread from my school project, a book about one of my passions (i chose the story of how i got into elden ring!!!) i made it from paper cutting, photobashing, and digital. (im going to sell pdf and physical copies in the new year)

so circling back to the start of the year, i think you can see marked progress in my illustrations that ive posted here. i think i learned a lot about techniques within a painting but i want to learn more about pictorial composition bcus my default tends to be 3:4, portrait, charas centre, and i want to break that habit and tell more effective stories :)

over the past 2 years ive been incorporating more realism into the characters i draw and trying to be really deliberate with what features, proportions etc they have.

a 2021 isa and a 2022 isa

i think i want to maintain this level of detail because its descriptive enough for my needs but i want to push it to be more dynamic and stylised. i really admire the way disney animators like jin kim do it. its because im not confident enough with structure and anatomy to really play with it.

on the other hand with life drawing i really want to do more realism and capture exactly whats in front of me because i think i rely on style as a crutch too much hahaha.

from december. proud of these!!!

thats whats on my mind really. again really dont want to put any undue pressure on myself and i am going to be really busy until october at least. i am seriously proud of my progress in 2022. and im really looking forward to playing bloodborne x

#diary

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br1ghtestlight · 6 months

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20 questions for fic writers

1. How many works do you have on Ao3

2. What’s your total word count?

109,996

3. What fandoms do you write for?

bob's burgers, inanimate insanity and there's like one steven universe fic in there. i have written for other fandoms in the past but not on that account lol (and mostly unpublished)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos

zeke running away fic, genderfluid gene fic, louise hat fic, bob mom fic, tinimmy week fic (the problem with naming all my fanfics after really long complicated song lyrics is that i simply will not actually call the fanfictions by their Actual Name. also not linking them bcuz im lazy)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i always try to respond to comments but tbh people dont comment on my work very often?? i also dont reply to comments on my old account bcuz i dont have access to it anymore

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i dont know if ive ever written anything angsty tbh?? thats not really my favorite thing because it makes me too sad. out of my published fanfics probably the fic about bob's mom wins by default and out of my unpublished wips uhh maybe my louise and tina focused fanfic. it has a happy ending (maybe) but its a real downer at times. or maybe my tinimmy fic is bittersweet depending on how you read it

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

maybe my fanfic where bob gets a garden LMAO or my genderfluid gene fic

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no!!! actually a secret about me in that my almost 10 years posting art fanfics etc online i have never gotten a single negative comment on anything ive made. i feel very lucky :)

9. Do you write smut?

never have and never will (nothing wrong with it in most contexts but im asexual and smut is extremely Not My Thing. i actually tried writing a smut fic once to challenge myself a few years ago and spent like 1000 words describing the way the candles were lit in their bedroom before i realized its simply not for me and thats fine)

10. Do you write crossovers?

no but if my hyperfixations ever gave me an opportunity to crossover maybe?? any bob's burgers character on the infinity train would be hilarious. any hfjone character would be heartbreaking

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

i dont remember but im gonna go with probably not

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

nope

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

NO I THINK IT WOULD BE REALLY FUN but im too much of a perfectionist w/ my writing and i would be worried about dragging the other person down with me. maybe if my ocd ever gets medicated idk

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

it depends on my mood but right now i have been thinking abt tina and jimmy jr a lot. not even romantically their relationship is just so interesting. jimmy jr/zeke/tina is also great. marshall lee and gary.... bryce and liam??

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

i have like over 30+ wips so thats probably a lot of them FJDMDMSJSKS something i would love to finish at some point but probably never will is a fanfic about how bob and linda overcame the cycle of abuse with their own childhood memories vs how they are with their kids. maybe i could write that with somebody else and we each do like a chapter at a time (they write linda's memories and i write bob's etc)

16. What are your writing strengths?

people always tell me that im really good at capturing character's voices and personalities and making them feel in character?? i always want my stories to feel like something that could actually happen in-universe and make it make sense with the characters etc. i think part of this comes from working w/ my own ocs and thinking so hard about how different people express and communicate things and then applying that to other characters is easy. and bcuz of how my autism works i can memorize how a person or character constructs sentences and create new sentences inside my head in their voice :D i really pay attention to peoples speaking patterns & how they phrase things

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

probably how perfectionist i am about grammar and using certain words phrases punctuation etc that it takes FOREVER to get anything done. i also think im too wordy. i can turn a fifteen word sentence into a fifty word sentence easily which is great for essays but kinda annoying when you're reading a silly bobs burgers fanfic

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language?

i dont mind doing it for my ocs but to my knowledge none of the bob's burgers characters speak another language as their native language?? so i cant see it coming up in anything i write

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i dont really wanna say bcuz its embarrassing and i was pretty young LMAO but it was like youtuber fanfic on wattpad (wayy before whatever youtubers you're thinking of they were never famous)

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

hmm either my tinimmy week fic or my genderfluid gene fic it changes depending on the day. right now its my tinimmy week fanfic <3

#txt #bob's burgers #long post #<- im assuming

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bmpmp3 · 2 months

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I FINALLY watched that barbie movie that came out, i watched it last night! it was cute and pretty solid i thought. and then immediately after finishing that i watched the 1989 found footage tv movie ufo abduction/the mcpherson tape?

barbie was mostly very funny (that smallpox joke is inexcusable tho) it seems aimed for maybe a tween-teen kind of audience? i havent heard of many big huge movies aimed at that demographic recently so thats really nice

you know i was worried id be insufferable to both barbie movie fans and barbie movie haters because i have 1) a doll hobby 2) too much interest in doll history and 3) a complete lack of trust and respect for mattel as a company in the past decade and i figured you wouldnt be able to talk to me about it without me um-actually-ing every two seconds BUT it wasnt as egregious as i expected in regards to doll history myths

im especially glad they didnt call stuff like happy family midge and earring magic ken like "recalled" or "banned" or whatever 'cause thats just one of those myths LOL BUT discontinued is a weird term... yeah they were discontinued but like. all dolls are some day. from what i can tell both those dolls werent even like prematurely (heh) discontinued or anything most reports seem that happy family midge sold okay (although there seems to have been controversies at least with the wedding ring and cardboard cutout husband situations) and earring magic ken probably didnt sell well. because hes ken. the earring magic barbies in the line probably sold better LOL i guess a better term could have been like. controversial barbies? infamous barbies? sugar's daddy ken is true and hilarious tho, although if i remember correctly it was like a collectors doll meant for adults that just never got released in the first place

I DID love tanner's inclusion. i love that stupid shitting dog so much i wanted it so bad as a kid but i didnt care about the barbie so it would have been a waste of a playset

speaking of not caring about the barbie so like. i didnt really like barbies as a kid. i didnt really like dolls. i was a furry i only liked animal shaped toys LOL i did have one barbie i picked out myself, fairytopia kindlee who i loved and adored and lost and i dream about her forever. but yeah nothing less interesting to me both as a child and as an adult than a default face sculpt blue eyed blonde barbie toy, which is, as most adults interesting in the modern day toy industry can attest, the reason for our disdain for mattel HFJDKHFDJS actually its more than that - weirdly inflated prices for cheaply made clothes and low quality printing, strangely dated fashion, the weird all or nothing either bare minimum 5 points of articulation or full out double jointed mtm bodies (where is single jointed elbows...i miss her....), THE DECADE LONG REIGN OF TERROR OF THE GLUE HEAD (although we're finally past that), why are those collectors dolls so expensive they look the same quality, why did they make that collectors mermaid ken white from the brown guy in the concept art, in canada the pricing and availability is wacky so i imagine its even worse everywhere else outside the US, this is a personal thing but why does every mattel doll ive ever owned like combust at its joints randomly. am i cursed? do i have a mattel curse? ive been thinking about this for years why does the plastic just disintigrate the second it enters my home what god did i anger. what plastic god did i anger. help me my bloodline has been cursed by some sort of polyvinyl based deity beyond my comprehension

anyway as i was saying it was a little sobering watching a movie with a good fashion and prop and set budget do a take on the memories of what barbie dolls used to be and then thinking about that absolutely dire state we're in rn. bro i kept looking at outfits like modern mattel would never. theyre too busy making half printed t shirt dresses with a random ruffle attached on the side <3 but vintage mattel would also not be as diverse. although neither mattel has an actually fat doll so. um. thats the saddest um-actually im gonna do :(

ive been joking to myself for years that barbie is the name of the species, ken might be some kind of subspecies, so it is funny to see the brand in both real life stores and also this movie lean into that. barbie really is a species. they do move in herds. wait im getting distracted anyway years ago barbie had a big refresh where they leaned into the idea that anyone can be barbie - everyone is barbie: they brought out new body types (standard, tall, short, and slightly curvy) which was a big step, a bigger range of skintones and all kinds of new face molds and screenings, also theres like bald barbies and barbies with prosthetics and wheelchair barbies are made way more often. and all this is fantastic. but unfortunately the blonde blue eyed millie sculpts still haunt most non-fashionista releases.... stereotypical barbie u dont know what u are.... its a shame they didnt reference the millie sculpt in the movie i woulda died LOL

but i always thought it was pretty wack that they made all these cool dolls and then relegated them to wear t shirt dresses for eternity. i like that the budget line is so diverse and i dont even mind the lack of articulation that much (although i do miss basic 9 point articulation where are my elbows and knees) but GOD those outfits. can be ROUGH. and WHY do they never put like half of the diverse dolls in other playsets WHY cant basketball barbie be bald WHEN will i get that prosthetic leg barbie as a fairy like youve put all this effort into all this diversity and then ur doing NOTHING with it mattel im begging u. im begging u. make a fantasy wheelchair barbie i know you can do it. i know you can do it

im not even talking about the movie anymore sorry im just complaining about barbie dolls even tho im not a huge barbie collector JFKDHJRKF i was just picky about toys as a child and i want kids nowadays to get cool dolls too. i think a kid deserves a nice thing to play with that looks like them or like their family or other people around them that also allows to imaginative play you know

okay. okay in the context of the movie its fine and makes sense but lemme tell u. being so deep in the current state of mattel hearing america ferrera's character suggest "ordinary barbie" made me fucking jump out of my seat and point at my laptop screen i almost said outloud "YOUUU" jgekfjfd it was her.... she did this.... jk jk its a sweet message in the movie but just so u know in mattel's mind "ordinary barbie" translates to overpriced cheaply made sack dress barbie. orz

wait back on topic back on topic its a nice movie, im glad it resonates with a lot of people. the plot was a little strange but i dont mind, the sets and outfits and everything was so good anyway, i loved that big huge chunky necklace as a touch, its some fashion brand symbol i dont remember sowwy but i like how huge it is LOL also the music was pretty great, i liked the needle drops and the music composed for the movie was fun too, what was i made for is fantastic but i knew that already its been a hit for a while now and i heard a vocal synth cover of it that sounded nice so i was already on board HJKDHJKFDS sometimes the. racial aspect of the movie was. jarring? they really only mention race like thrice (one of those times being the aforementioned awful smallpox joke) which. you know sometimes i get a little annoyed with a lot of contemporary movies and shows bringing up race just for little quips and jokes here and there while completely ignoring anything substantial about the topic, i know this is a tween movie with a two hour run time and they wanted to focus but i dunno man. it always feels like they're making a joke about elephants while the ignoring the elephant in the room staring u down. but whatever. i'll just lock someone into an unskippable cutscene conversation about history in regards to race and dolls irl later LOL cute movie tho. i like when movies have cool sets and outfits

NOW to the second half of that very odd double feature i gave myself last night UFO ABDUCTION its basically considered the first found footage horror movie, as a tv movie from 1989, and lemme tell u IT IS hard to watch LOL not because its like scary but like. because its a little bit bad <3 but its okay i dont mind, the main character behind the camera got pretty insufferable near the end (would not shut up and made it hard to hear the other actors orz) but it was only an hour and had like no budget - plus i love seeing where so much of the genre came from. im glad to know people screaming at the main character to shut that damn camera off has been here since the very beginning. i also loved the stupid alien costumes its such a shame theyre only in there for like 3 scenes they were the best part: genuinely kind of creepy at the first sight at the ufo landing because theyre so far away and low quality, and also really silly and goofy when they walk right up to the camera <3 <3 <3

i truly madly deeply genuinely without a shred of irony adore found footage so im always happy to see more! even when its bad :) i like it when cameras shake and people scream OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT

#and this has been. bmpmp3 watched some movies and is talking about it. thank u and goodnight

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editrevue · 8 months

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hiiiii hi hi haiii guys!!! ^_^ I don't rlly know much about these revstar girlies (the anime is on my to watch list! i just have to wait for the stars to align in my brain to. let me watch it 🥲) but i wanted to send in a request so!!!! how bout y'all make something self indulgent!! And to wanna make it interesting..... maybe you can make something for a kin/comf that isn't too popular by. fandom standards? or is just underappreciated in general?? if that makes sense?? okay thats allll have a nice day guys have fun bye byeeeee :33

-Cherry @/sunbedo 🍒💕

CHERRY!!! here's hers and here's mine!! @sunbedo

Hiii hi hi hiiiiiii!! omg don't worry, this was incredibly fun to do and it had us both thinking about the popularity of certain characters and who we'd like to see more content of, so we appreciate you sending this in! also I'm sorry for the wait to post this ask, it got completely lost in the drafts for a while and I wanted to ramble a bit under a cut ajsdakhd oh and let me know if you want to be 🍒anon at any point! ily and thanks again!! have a good night cherry 🥺

I only put this under a read more so I don't ramble too much but omg if you get into revstar let us know!!! it's still raging strong as a special interest and hyperfixation and we'd both love to talk abt it with you!! and please take your time there's never any rush to get into it! might i add that i love the usage of "if the stars align" here because if that ain't the most befitting for this source that you could've said... kjDSHASD <- revstar is very "star" themed, literally and figuratively! but hmm. if I had to kin assign you anybody especially from the anime I'd say probably Futaba and/or Karen!!! It's a little harder to say from Starira but I just KNOW you'd love Frontier and their found family tropes. Aruru? Misora? who knows but I also think you'd enjoy the Siegfeld Juniors a lot, especially Minku and Kuina for some reason. But yeah! the anime only focuses on the Seisho cast so that'd be your first introduction if you started with the anime and basically like the only introduction unless you looked into the mobile game or stage plays! which we can always help you with because we both have the resources. the cast is fairly small (if you don't count side characters and background characters which in of itself is few and far between) totaling about 40ish or so, roughly. so it's both easy and difficult to find "obscure" or underrated characters that don't get attention in the fandom because they're all loved by *someone* but there are characters that aren't as popular by default at the same time (like Frontier, Seiran, some Siegfeld, etc.) so that's why I went with Shiori Yumeoji for a kin, and Sun went with Tsukasa Ebisu for a kin as well! If we went with ccs, I would've chosen Misora or Stella, and I think it's funny because we got a few rqs for them recently since we've done this rq so it really worked out that way! Sun said she probably would have done Shiori as a cc if love didn't chose a kin too which worked out since I ended up doing that for myself. um anywaysss yeah! omg! I hope you enjoy it whenever you have the motivation and do not hesitate to talk to us about it or send in anything else for us to do in the meantime! this was very good for the soul

#✧. ┊ moon intermission #✦. ┊ position zero!#✦. ┊ star performance

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goblinrockcandy · 1 year

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hey guys im BACK baby and i have some words

here are links so you can still find everything, but be wary that these links are probably gonna break any minute when i start moving everything around. lets hope i can remember to fix them and that i dont take a year to get to doing that: ARCHIVE MY ART OTHER ORGANIZATION TAGS

IM STILL ALIVE. i like to think that i never rlly left, but I havent posted in a damn while and part of that is because life stuff caught up with me and moreso because uhhhhhh Well im not quite satisfied with the way my blogs formatted right now, it makes posting and organizing and navigating harder than it has to be and it makes it Not Fun to post things.

SO. what we're gonna do is revamp things a lil bit. we're fucking doing this we are Making It Happen. what this'll do is itll make it easier for me to post things without having to remember every silly tag and rule i have set up here, and ill also just have a bit more of a laid-back and fun kinda art blog. i tried to do an elaborate tagging system, but MAN i am too forgetful for that.

so im just gonna keep it simple. character, fandom, content warnings, and maybe some other flavourtags. the sorts of things thatll make it easier for me to just pop up a quick drawing on even a busy day without having to go through a silly step by step process on how to tag things. because i love sharing my art and posting :)) but not so much when it is difficult </3

but hell who knows how thisll go after i reboot my bloggo. i think she was due for some maintenance for a long while. *pats the sidebar like you would soothe an agitated horse* there there girl, its gonna be alright. maybe ill even start making... casual posts? text posts? things like that??? damn Maybe.

im also gonna private some organization posts until i can properly wrangle then and sort out their kinks and oddities, and im gonna disable my blog theme for a bit. when i get a braincell on how to do an html and a css properly, THEN i can have a pretty theme. in the meantime, ill probably just set myself up with one of the tumblr defaults.

anyways. *ahem* for anyone who doesnt know me and this is their first stumble upon my blog while i move things around. feel free to click the read more if you want to subject yourself to the silliest introduction i could make for myself possible.

hi. i like to draw but lately my art skills have been a bit shakey, i think im out of practice so im probably gonna start out doing some studies. my styles and designs for characters are always changing, but lately ive been trying to cement some designs that are in my brain Onto Paper.

im goblinrockcandy but you can call me GRC if that's a mouthful (thats what i call me because i do not have time for 5 syllables). im a Knight of Heart and sometimes that gets shortened to KoH and so sometimes people call me koh. now KOH is also the chemical formula for potassium hydroxide, but no one calls me that (a real shame, it flows right off the tongue and i think its a lovely set of sounds), but potassium hydroxide also goes by another name and that is lye. so sometimes people call me lye. i don't have a name so if you want to refer to me you have to get creative or pick up my blog by the scruff of its handle like a really ugly cat and point at it and say "this motherfucker right here".

same goes for pronouns. my pronouns are none/applicable. you gotta BE CREATIVE if you want to refer to me... pronouns are a crutch. they were your training wheels and now im the final boss. you have to fight me with your other words, this is what you have been training for.......

im trans queer person of colour, painfully unfunny and addicted to bad jokes, and i love homestuck. my faves switch up every once in a blood moon but right now i really fuckin love jake english. you might have discerned that by the very subtle hints of I talk about Him all the time & dirt striber avatar.

#announcement #intro post

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pinkseas · 10 months

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[parasocial bestie] I HAVE TO BE FRFRFR WITH U IT TAKES JUST AS MUCH PRACTISE. AS WRITING I THINK. altho with my current experience in Writing thats not walls of texts of Ramble and Self Indulgence i be thinking writers wud have it harder esp vocabulary.... like man how u words how do u get the pacing right YOU DID GOT IT SO RIGHT HAVE U ANY IDEA REREADING UR TWO SILLY FICS + VIOLENCE FIC STILL GETS ME IN TEARS or i am just that of a sucker to specific emotions in general SKDFJHSDKJFH LIKE IDKKKKK like holy facken shit it took u a decade and my first attempt at just Writing even 500 words it felt like forever...... turns out intense eyeballing on chunks of words in great fics do not work like i do to improve in art nods nods [takes notes] yes that is my only way of even Understanding how art works LMAO

"words of someone who would KILL to be able to accomplish this tone and such in So Many Fewer Words but who does Not Know How To Do That so ten hundred billion words it is" HAHRGKADFKSDJH I WONT STOP UUUU ALTHO ITS A BIG BEEG STRETCH I WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT YEW WITH MY LITTOL ANON HANDS SHIELD U WITH MY COOL ANON SHADES....... in these cases u shud not stop someone from burnout by blocking da way u shud JOIN THEM AND PUSH ON TOGETER AND DAS A MOTTO

NO BUT THAT SILLY GENUINELY MAKES ME A LIL SILLY A LIL UEUEUEUEUEUE i didnt expect that extra comment like srsly cus like UHUHUHUHU IM GLAD U THINK THAT WAY and i honestly think its either a natural response to me or not cus me with my own circle of close friends we'd always support each other in ways it's on equal respect depending on what need to be treated like yknow?? altho by default we're all nice to the other its always a main thing not to let another person's slip ups slide, bad moments carry them away or get our egos inflate so hard so that sort of morals we had tgt kinda ingrained on me to treat any other person like dat like its normal... im nawt gonna lie to u i used to be Way more insensitive and impulsive before and our exchanges coulda been wildly different if it werent for my own besties and it helps me gather!! more besties out of my safe space!!! LIKE YEAHGHHHHAHHHH KDSJFHSDKJH AND IT GOT ME TO U!! AND I WANNA BE GENUINELY NICE AND SUPPORTIVE TO U WHEN I CAN EVEN BEHIND THESE LIL ANON SHADES!!!!!!!!!!! cus its always been. a normal human thing 2 do. like yknow. and i am not gonna keep contradicting myself when dats something id want to influence on my stories and silly lil brainrots too anyways i also got a lil silly but idc ilysm <333333333333333 AND U DESERVE ALL DA KINDNESS FROM ME AND ALL UR BESTIES TOO :muscle_arm: x2743573495 cus i am sending this ask thru pc sob

vocabulary 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 my bestest friend my worstest enemy im so srs it is Everything to me and also i cannot stand it. horrible. awful. beautiful. perfect.

YOU CANT JSUT TELL ME YOU RTEREAD THEM ILL FUKINGCCG EXPLODE OH MY GODFDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD i need to write violence fic part 2 and maybe even a part 3 where its not the same little world and the violence is scaramouche himself hunting dottore down ohhhhh that'd be so lovely but also i dont think im good enough or creative enough with gore to do that thought justice im gonna be SO fr. YOU CANT JUST SAY THEY GET YOU IN TEARS I WILL FUKCVINFG EXPLOFDE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dies. dies. dies. anyways. i will never forget being like 11 or 12 years old and roleplaying warriors cats on my kindle <- genuinely my introduction to writing for fun outside of just school stuff. i wrote for YEARS and then i all but stopped writing for Also Years to the point where i genuinely thought i just. couldnt do it anymore. gone. i barely managed anything no matter what i tried and i got sooo frustrated and also just didnt really enjoy it? but thats bc my mental health was fucking horrific and the better i started doing the more i started really writing who would've thought LMAO no bc like 2?? years ago ??????? id basically given up !!!!!!! and then there were a couple tiny fics and then photosynthesis and i was like oh. i Can still write and i Do still have so much fun with it. and now i am unstoppable amen

writing is weird bc reading fics CAN help but i think reading books helps better? and its this constant state of like. ive heard with art that tracing genuinely helps, ofc you cant claim it for your own or anything but there's that sort of muscle memory and learned proportions and the practice of doing the same thing over and over again i think is a good thing? i think ??????? and in writing you rly cant copy anyone word for word and get anything out of it, it doesnt teach you anything it doesnt get you any further there's no sort of muscle memory connected with it. but what ive done a lot is looked at writing i rly loved and been like. okay so if i wanted to do this how would i accomplish it? i cant guess other writers thought processes but i can figure out how id reach a similar end goal ig ?? and in my own writing if im failing to accomplish what i want its a matter of ok, what DO i want, what if i change pov, what if i change the setting, what if i change the circumstance, etc etc which i think you could probably do the same thing in art if smth felt off or wasnt looking right ?? maybe ??? idk at this point my writing is a massive patchwork quilt of countless other authors and fic writers and a surprising amount of my own experience and ive noticed a lot of repeating elements in my own writing whether fics or original content and i dont really know How i got here but here i am. and ON TOP OF THAT actually seeing fanart ALSO helps my writing because ill see an expression or design or setting or anything that i really love and immediately start thinking of how to describe it in words yknow ???

im literally rambling so much today this is so fucking awful. awful day for the pinkseas community or at least pinkseas herself god help me

JOIN THEM AND PUSH ON TOGETHER............ UR LITTLE ANON SHADES............................. crying shaking sobbing bawling ily so fucking bad :((((((((((((( /pos we r pushign forward Togehter...

my rly close friends and i are the same way its SO so so lovely, having that constant respect and support and helping each other grow and learn its soooo. dsfmgndfmgfd. and trust me i also used to be a lot more insensitive and impulsive than i am now but ive learned sm and my own friends have helped sm and !!!!! we are soooooooo handshake emoji rn 10 million handshakes for us

UR SENDING IT ON PC AND IM ANSWERING ON PC </33333333 no bc organizing my thoughts on my phone is the worst ever but on my pc i dont have a bunch of heart emojis to spam at my fingertips its so sad....... sometimes when i rly wanna include them ill save as a draft and just put the emojis in and post it on my phone LMAO

#parasocial bestie tag #I WAS GONNA DELETE LIKE HALF OF THIS AND THEN REMEMBNERED WHAT U SAID ABT DELETING STUFF #and like this isnt rly writing thoughts or ideas or anything so idk if it coutns but #i am Strong i will Not delete my silly rambling i will simply press on

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keefwho · 2 years

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July 16 - 11:09pm

I have to remind myself that it’s okay to exist. My mind defaults to THREATS when I’m not doing anything. I should just be enjoying the moment or looking forward to things I like. At this very moment I’m supposed to chill until bed and I’m catching myself thinking about all the future struggles I MIGHT face. My thoughts aren’t real, and aren’t base on anything. I appreciate what my brain is trying to do, its just there for my survival. But it’s in overdrive. I will acknowledge the thoughts and move on. I choose to be my conscious self, not what my brain wants me to be.

Im currently worried about how windy it is going to be on monday. It seems like it could be bad enough to threaten the power. So that whole day (Which is also my weekend) is going to be stressing about how it COULD go out at any moment. Which won’t be that big of a deal if my tummy feels okay, but thats what it all comes back to. My brain keeps making me think all this is inevitable. I keep imagining the worst case scenario like its going to happen.

Here is what I fear: My tummy will feel bad. Maybe I won’t be doing so well in the bathroom. I’ll be scared that I have food poisoning or something. It’ll get VERY windy, and the power will flicker. Then It’ll go out. I’ll be stuck in that uncomfortable position with the fear of being sick too. If I actually get sick, I won’t have my usual comforts and it will be miserable.

Here is what is likely: My tummy might be a little upset that day, but it will be due to something I ate or stress. It is a VERY common occurrence that my stomach is mildly upset at some point in the day. It is nothing to worry about. Actually getting sick or food poisoning is extremely unlikely. Catching a virus is almost impossible since I never leave my cabin. I can’t recall having food poisoning in the past decade or longer, I am very food safe and it just isn’t that common to begin with. The wind strength might not be as bad as they say it will. Even if it is, it’s been this windy before without threatening the power. The reality is that everything will probably hold up, at least where I am. IF It doesn’t, the power shouldn’t be out for very long. It won’t be strong winds ALL day, just the evening. I won’t mysteriously fall ill, and I have plenty of ways to get cozy without power. I still have my phone with internet service, and tons of batteries and lights. I can always just lay in the corner on my blanket and watchin streams or videos. I will be okay.

No matter what happens, all hardships will pass and everything will be better. I always forget that and think that whatever I’m dreading is simply the end. I forget to imagine past it.

#journal #anxiety #fear

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wooahaes · 2 years

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hiiii! i absolutely adore enouement & lhc and i was wondering if you were planning on making it a whole series? with each of the boys? i honestly really enjoy the universe you made and the whole dynamic between each of the character. i also really enjoyed a chubby reader that is about other insecurites rather than their weight. it was refreshing!! i'm not trying to pressure you or anything i am just really curious. i do really enjoy your writting :D <3

so im kissing u on da mouth rn for this ask /j

first of all i wanna say it: ur so sweet!!!! thank u for enjoying my writing!! it means a lot <3

aaa okay so fun fact.... i had like... two more fics kind of planned for tht universe? one was another chubby reader w vernon (i think i've talked abt it before maybe?) and another was a gn!reader with dino where they were fake dating. vn fic has more planned for it as of rn (it kinda deals w some fatphobia n body image issues that arent exclusive to reader!!) and genuinely feels like a slightly heavier read? but its still something i'd enjoy writing lol

like at one point in lhc i mention seungkwan having to give up movie tickets and chan immediately snatches them up bc the other two ppl were vernon and a friend? that friend was gonna be the reader of dino fic!! they're friends lol the entire premise was "ppl gettin fuckin NOSY abt chan not dating anyone so he pitches the idea to his friend with a plan to stage a breakup later and whoops idiots fell for each other" bc im a cliche bitch!! which tbh could work as a later fic if i decided to write more members before then bc i could hit maybe on the pressure of dating someone when ur friends all start getting together w ppl. theres less planned for this one (i wanted to finish planning vn fic since chronologically it happens after lhc but before dino fic) but i did have like. a long convo planned out of chan dumping reader bc he caught feelings and his friends confronting him over it.

im not sure if i'm 100% down to write a fic for each member but like... i do genuinely rly like this universe? i'd have to keep track of how much time has passed between fics tho since LHC takes place a few months after enouement and untitled vernon fic takes place like... the following fall? im using western school year shit sue me lmao

but i'd at least be interested in doing it!! idk if i'd do multi-part fics for ever member or if i'd go back to a longfic like enouement for a few of them. i feel like there's def potential for more set in the universe! esp considering the number of members still in school lmao

like im open to a fem!reader in general. im open to more fem!chubby readers bc i rarely find those fics myself and im happy to help other ppl in my boat like... find representation written specifically for them yknow? but im also open to more gn!readers for the saga? i think i'd def want a balance in there ykno if im gonna write more fem!reader fics. i wouldnt want every fic to be fem!reader bc i feel like thats unfair to ppl who dont identify that way yknow?

also idk just know it like... genuinely means a lot to hear feedback on lhc and ppl who are glad i wrote a chubby reader whos insecurities arent fully abt her weight? lhc didnt really net that much attention which is fine lmao i really don't write for the attention i'm getting otherwise i'd write for a bigger group too. its just nice to know that other people also were kinda bothered by the way chubby reader fics default to the "im insecure bc im not hot :(" mentality since imo being chubby is like... way more than that. it just weirdly reinforces the idea that we should hate ourselves and our bodies for just existing.

like. vernon fic would have a chubby reader who deals with body insecurities but its more so "people are harassing me now bc of my body and its making me self conscious after i finally thought i grew past hating myself" than just the generic "i think i am ugly :(" feelings if that makes sense? also theres a reason for that harassment (this fic was Also once a smau like lhc was). like i said, kind of a heavier fic compared to lhc.

anyway ill stop rambling but to answer ur question for good: im interested! nothings really on the table outside of vernon + dino fics, but im def interested >:3

#wooahaes.ask #asks.anon

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2nerd4this · 3 years

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Me- ‘Huh, I haven’t had a breakdown in a few days. Things certainly aren’t going great, but I’m not dead yet.

Brain- ‘Oh, oh yeah, I forgot to mention, you’re due for one.’

Me- ‘.....one of what?’

Brain- ‘You can’t guess? Self-depricating depressed spiral of course.’

#in conclusion im having a bad time #and i want hugs and/or someone to knock me unconscious for a few months #i hate my brain #and by default maybe myself too but thats not the point #dont worry about it #because i blame everything on my brain #but brain is me #so its just me #its all on me #anyway ill shut up now #i overhshare a lot

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weirdmageddon · 3 years

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good lord what a fucking stressful day

driving up to class there was a truck in front of me for like ten straight minutes that was going 19 mph on a 35 mph road and there was a car behind me and i could just feel his pain too. it was taking all my mental effort to not blare my horn. soon as that fucking truck turned onto another road i pressed down so fucking hard on the gas pedal to get across the message to the cars behind me that i was pissed off we had to go that slow and that it was not my decision like sort of an apology to them like “you saw that fucking guy?? im not gonna keep putting you through that”

then when i got out of class i drove to the bookstore and was told i have no funds in my account to buy books and that i need to go to financial aid office. then i got anxious because nobody there knew where it was (i dont live on-campus so idk either) and i couldnt find any answers online because the map wasnt loading.

so then i looked at one of those “you are here” maps around campus and saw that financial aid was on the other side of route 41/tamiami trail (left side of campus). so i waited at that stupid light for 5 minutes and once i got to the other side i had to find a place to park which was annoying, and i still couldnt find the stupid office. i asked inside the first building i saw and the lady said it was across the road (pointing to the OTHER road, not route 41) so i walked over there. didnt look like the financial office but i checked anyway and it was locked, (and it wasnt the financial aid office). btw i’m in florida if it’s not obvious by “tamiami trail” and i have a heat intolerance (im 99.99% certain i have POTS, all i need is an official diagnosis but i havent had the appointment yet) and i started getting really fatigued and i was sweating my ass off and couldnt think straight and i felt that i was starting to get teary.

so im trying to find this stupid office in this oppressive heat. with a heat intolerance. and wearing a mask which made it feel a lot harder to get in air. i tried to ask this random kid but i broke down in front of him because i couldnt hold my shit together over something so minor as being unable to find this fucking office and i bet he thought i was insane or mentally unstable and i realized this so i was apologizing to him. when i inhaled it was so loud they were like gasps and i couldnt do anything about it and it made me so embarrassed...like the kinda gasps people do after running for their life. not quite hyperventilation because it wasnt fast but whenever i took in air it was like a sharp wheeze 😭 like my throat was so tight the air getting squeezed through it made a loud noise

so idk i think i maybe had a panic attack outside because i couldnt find this motherfucking financial aid office in this 90°F 70% humidity weather where it feels like 104°F so i could barely breathe to begin with and no one had given me good directions. then i involuntarily began holding my breath because it was embarrassing to be making loud sobbing gasps while walking.. which made it even harder to breathe but at least i wasnt drawing attention to myself.

i walked over to the student recreation center to get into the air conditioning and get some water. i sat down and i noticed i was STILL involuntarily holding my breath. they’re not breath-holding spells like babies do, like i dont do it until i get blue in the face but it’s sort of an automatic response as though to not make any noise? but it’s really involuntary it kinda becomes my default mode of breathing instead of normal respiration (anyone else do this when crying btw?? i tried looking it up but all i got was breath-holding spells in babies)

so taking few minutes while trying to calm down i took my phone out and searched for the financial aid center’s location on google and i still got nothing descriptive. i asked a more students around if they know where it is, one said he didnt know, and i was about to leave but near the exit there were like 4 students playing billiards and i asked them if they knew where it was. and i think one of the kids knew me from middle or high school because he remembered me and looked sort of familiar and said “sara are you okay” and i broke Again and i felt absolutely pathetic, but they ended up actually helping me this time find it and were really nice. turns out it WAS on the online campus map the whole time but i overlooked it because it was labeled “Palmer D / Financial Aid” and my tunnel vision ass just did not even recognize it because i was looking at the first letters going down the key list. and i felt so stupid. all of that for nothing. i couldve just stayed parked where i was for class earlier on the other side of tamiami trail. then i trudged back through the heat to my car and thats when i turned from feeling lost and panicky into frustrated and irritable because i KNEW where i needed to go but it felt like everything around me was so goddamn slow. i had to wait at that light for the full 5 minutes again because it turned from green to yellow just as i was driving up to it.

once it was green, i pulled back into that parking lot i was in at the beginning of the day and walked into the financial aid office and actually got something accomplished. i filled out a form (that they never made clear last year due to covid 🙄) which makes my bookstore funds automatically deposited and i helped walk a freshman who came in through the exact same steps after i finished mine. so that made me feel a little better.

at this point i was so full of adrenaline and cortisol and i acutely noticed how fucking DISGUSTING it was outside, the air was so muggy and it was overcast and like 90°F just an absolute swamp ass jungle. and i got back into my car and waited at that fucking tamiami light AGAIN and some stupid lady was like one whole ass car space behind the light so i couldnt turn into the right lane until it turned green and i was sittingthere for 5 mins just WAITING for this idiot to pull forward. then i waited at ANOTHER 5 minute light immediately after that before being able to actually drive home. just so many minor inconveniences all throughout my day that made everything feel so much worse.

i’ve been home for 4 hours at this point, i already showered but my body still feels like it’s full of stress hormones. my body is actually still has very minute tremors from all the stress. great start to the semester already.

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ghost-in-the-stalls · 3 years

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Something thats been bugging me for literally years that I honestly want to hear other peoples takes on because it just doesn't add up for me.

Wlw ships. Where tf are they.

And this isnt a demand to fans or an accusation of anything.

I'm lesbian. I love fandom. Its been a big part of my personal discovery and growth as someone who's had minimal-at-best opportunities to explore myself growing up. But the ships I love have always been mlm. My favorite characters have always been men. The characters i PROJECT onto have always been men.

And I look around and see the same thing everywhere else. Its not just me. Its other lesbians and wlw women too.

Is it that even "well-written" female characters still feel flat and unrelatable in comparison to their male counterparts? Is it that even when the characters are well written, the relationships written between female characters are never fleshed out nearly as well as those with or between male characters?

Is it just large scale internal bias and internalized misogyny that we gravitate towards the men? I doubt it because when something is this widespread you can't tell me its just personal.

Its just very frustrating. Even as someone who doesn't give a shit about canon and runs with aus like crazy.

I can count the wlw ships that have made me feel anything on one hand - canon or not.

I just saw a post about how some people aren't very interested at all in the main fanon wlw ship in a certain fandom thats very dominated by male characters and relationships. Not in a negative way, just in a "im not really into this popular wlw ship sorry :/ it just feels default". Which tbh i feel too and its valid.

Meanwhile, I bawled my eyes out for 20 minutes straight during the last episode of bly manor because I was so touched and thrown by dani and jamie and I felt like I was being given something that had been denied to me for so long - something I thought I'd never get. Not just the representation but the emotional connection to the wlw characters and their relationship. I cared and was invested! To the point where I wanted to look into the fandom!

Do I just not watch enough decent wlw content? Maybe! But once again, is it just me? Not from what I can tell.

Does anyone else experience this? Hmu pls I wanna talk about it

#thobm #bly manor #wlw #lesbian #bisexual #fandom #feminism #aftg #tfc #renison

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britishsass · 2 years

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stream ramble collation

stuff you said aloud is in quote marks and paraphrased usually because of the fallibility of memory

traeh: junior agent communal pinboard is SUCH a good idea

also they ABSOLUTELY keep hiding chloe but its gone from 'keep her secret keep her a runaway' to a game

compton and fred talking about hats together

ace: it adds to the mysterious arua

[owl] "Chloe is having so much fun hiding"

traeh: yep my thoughts exactly, they no longer think she needs to be hidden but shes having fun being Sneaky

and the junior agents are having fun being Sneaky as well

ace: honestly it would count as good covert-op training

owl: [something about fred and compton friendship & fred not being in ps2 which i didnt fully process]

ace: And, now I'm thinking about Fred's T-rex arms again

traeh: yeah the junior agents get SO good at stuff like illusions etc

owl: "Compton's proportions, he is so short"

ace: man needs those grabber-nabber things just to function

traeh: raz already is fantastic at bluff checks - boy managed to get through 2 and a half obstacle courses for levitators and telekinetics while not knowing how to levitate

but all the others get good at just BSing etc

ALSO please picture norma using her pyrokinesis to wield

owl: "Some of the interns would have already been good at making stuff up, especially Morris. He runs a pirate radio he's going to be so good at making stuff up."

traeh: yeah morris is SO good at just making things up

Owl: "Morris annoyed me but he grew on me over time. All the interns did, I didn't like them at first because of how they acted towards Raz. Also there's no way Gisu is straight."

ace: Still got my bi hc loaded

traeh: i saw someone saying theres no way shes got an older sibling

shes either an only child or an older sibling

ace: I say it everytime I get the chance, hah

quantum: re: gisu siblings(?) the "I'm not a baby" "yes you are" line radiates 'I have at least one younger brother i bully affectionately' energy

traeh: norma, lizzie, morris, and gisu assembling a bunch of metal poles and glass panes into a huge fishtank while adam and raz flop in the corner with psipops

sam has gone to pester whoever is in charge of the fishtanks about salinity etc

ace: seeing fishtank and flop defaulted me to fish flopping and it is... an.. image in my mind's eye

traeh: reusfdk hahaha thats not what i meant

also quantum YES gisu with a little brother

owl: "Fred deserves more friends, his proportions are stupid and I love him, and the Bonapartes have to be a pretty well-known family because they're literally related to Napoleon Bonaparte, and then one day Fred just vanishes! Because there's no way his family would have told people that Fred was thinking he was Napoleon! I think about that a lot. I think about that a lot. Like, Gloria is famous and it'd be well-know she was going to Thorney Towers, but the others? Fred, Edgar, Boyd - well Boyd might be famous for setting a place on fire, but Edgar's a nobody and Fred's just the Bonaparte boy. Fred's just...a nobody, he's not the strongest he's not the smartest, any adjective you pick another Thorney Towers resident probably is it more, he's got so much pressure on him as a Bonaparte and he needs to learn the world wont end if he takes a break, thats probably me also talking about Otto and myself too"

owl: "Sorry about rambling about Fred so much, but I think about him a lot. Out of all the others he does stand apart i think."

Owl: "I'm just getting pictures of everyone. I need a picture of Cassie. I'm sorry, Cassie, you deserve so much better than me."

ace: I've been thinking more about Markie again. I think she just got worse and worse. Maybe she can be a decent person but oh boy that's gonna come with a lot to make up for

Owl: "Yeah, Markie needs to make up for a whole lot at this point."

Owl: "Helmut looks so soft and huggable. Man, I want to hold him close and just snuggle up to him. He's so kind. I love Helmut Fullbear."

[owl is drawing a many armed nightmare at this point]

ace: the nightmare is armed and dagerous.

I'm sorry for the half though out puns but my brain demands it

traeh: the pun goes in the ramble submission

ace: thus my role is fufilled, hah

keeping out of reach is probably advisable

traeh: oh a fact about the handwraps thing that got brought up in frankies stream: similar fabric wrapping techniques were/are used by broke people in cold countries like russia to keep the feet warm

when theres no access to warm enough shoes/socks or they have damaged shoes or w/e

ace: ah, cool!

traeh: implying that nona would possibly prefer to be wearing gloves!

This, my friends, is why you join the streams-- I go off on tangents, Ace shares great puns, and we've got amazing ideas and aus.

Thanks again for gathering this for me! I'll re-read when I have the chance.

#queue #ask response #submission #stream talk #anon

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sunflowerhazzavol6 · 4 years

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breathless

Y/n and Harry have been in a casual sex relationship for the better part of his tour, until Harry invites her to Paris with him and leaves her questioning the nature of their relationship. 3k words of pretty much pure fluff in Paris!

Being with him was suffocating.

Not in a bad way, but in the way where she was constantly breathless. Was this what love was? It felt like it. Swept off her feet, wondering where he was, what he was doing, if he was thinking of her. She felt like a part of herself was missing when he was gone, moping around in her dark apartment until he would make his way back home. He was light.

He was light now, sleeping on his stomach with his arms under the pillow. Sun made its way into the room between the curtains, running along his bare back. In her sleep she had forgotten he was there. She was so used to missing him that it was her default, but now he was here breathing in and out softly.

“H...” She whispers, wrapping her arms around him and resting her chin on his shoulder. He doesn’t stir. “Harry.” She kisses his neck, then his cheek, then his temple.

“Would you knock it off? M’tryna get some rest here.” He mumbles.

“Haz.” She pouts, wiggling her way under his arm. He smiles softly, his eyes still closed.

“Hello.” He tightens his arm around her, nudging his nose against hers before pressing their lips together. His lips were soft and slow with sleep, savoring the time. She lived for these slow mornings, mornings together when neither of them had to run off to do this or that. Mornings when she could melt completely into him and pretend like the outside world didn’t exist.

“I missed you.” She whispers, running her fingers along his back. He adjusts himself so both arms are around her, finally opening his eyes. He sighs, tucking her hair behind her ear.

“Me too. I’m glad you could come to Paris at least, before the next leg of the tour.”

“Why would I turn down an all expenses paid trip to the most romantic city in the world with my sugar daddy?” She teases, kissing his chin. “And an added bonus, he’s great in bed and doesn’t have saggy balls!”

“And with that, my confidence has increased tenfold.” He laughs, kissing her again.

“So what's the plan for today?” She says after a while, pulling away and getting up out of bed. He grins boyishly at her body while she pulls on his shirt, moving his hands behind his head.

“You mean we have to leave this room? Or more specifically, this bed?” He nearly whines.

“Harry, we’re not in Paris solely to shag each other.”

“Shag? I really am rubbing off on you, aren't I.” He sits up on the edge of the bed, wrapping his arms around her middle and pulling her to him. “What would you like to see, darling?” He kisses her shoulder. “We could see the Louvre.” Her collar bone. “Maybe get coffee first.” Her neck.

“That sounds nice.” She murmurs, playing with his hair.

“If thats what you want.” He stands up, cupping her face in his hands. She nods, biting her lip. “Well fuck, y/n, don’t do that. Then we’ll really have to just stay in bed.”

She pulls away with a laugh. “Alright, get showered then.” He sighs dramatically, kissing the top of her head and going into the bathroom.

It felt good to be with him like this again. She visited him a few times while he was on tour, but even with her present there was still work to be done and she had to respect that. Now, with him taking a break, there was time to just be. Be a couple, be friends, be whatever they wanted to.

That was the thing. They had never established what they were to each other. The lack of labels was infuriating to her, which she hated to admit. In the beginning it was liberating, being free to see him but not to be tied down to him. Now it was plain frustrating. He could see whoever he wanted to, and she supposed she could do the same, but any fling she attempted paled in comparison to this. To him.

She knew he had been seeing other girls while on tour. If anything they were honest with one another, especially when it came to sex and other flames. He hadn’t said anything for the past few months though, which meant he either thought they were past telling one another their sexual conquests or he hadn’t had any. Y/n didn’t even know where to begin with that. She herself hadn’t been with anyone in awhile now, and being with Harry only made her want him more. He had never flown her out somewhere to be with him and him alone, sans entourage of his band and management team. They only had one body guard with them now, and he was only around when they left their room (which hadn’t exactly happened yet). That had to mean something, right? Paris, the most romantic city in the world, and he had wanted her there with him.

“Y/n.” His voice pipes up from the bathroom door. She turns from her suitcase, dressed in a floral wrap dress, to see him standing with his hair wet and a towel around his waist. “Shave or no shave?”

She laughs a bit. “You’re asking me?”

“Well, I plan on kissing you, so yes, I am asking you.”

“I like both.”

“So half shaved and half not?” He raises his right eyebrow. Fuck. Maybe they should stay in.

“Hardy har, very funny.”

“Shaved it is.”

“Shaved it is.” She confirms, following him into the bathroom. Yet another moment she yearned for when he was away. The mundane kind. Getting ready together.

Not long after, Harry was holding the door open for her, his bodyguard waiting outside and nodding at them. Harry says good morning and then takes her hand, leading her to the elevator. That was something to consider, she supposed. Although Kenneth was nice enough, they could never be truly alone. Harry always had eyes on him, and although it was something he was used to, she wasn’t.

“There's this little cafe just down the street.” He says. “They’ve got some outdoor seating and excellent lattes. We can grab a bite and then go to the center of the city to see the Louvre.”

She nods, holding the strap of her purse. He lets go of her hand, touching the scarf she had tied in her hair to keep it half up. “I like this.” He says, looking at her. “You look beautiful, y/n. You always look beautiful.”

Before she can say anything back the elevator door opens and his hand falls to his side, leaving her flustered as they exit.

The busy cafe was cute and as Parisian as y/n thought it could get. Granted, her version of Parisian was the things she had pinned to a board on Pinterest to help her contain her excitement for this trip, but that's besides the point. The outdoor seating was basking in the mid-morning sun, a few pigeons poking around for little morsels and crumbs. The guests were speaking all sorts of languages. The locals French, of course, but y/n also heard many others, tourists like herself. Only a few people seemingly recognized Harry, but no one went any further than a simple gesture to their table-mate.

Harry pulls out a chair for her, glancing through the window to look at the menu inside. “What would you like, y/n? I was thinking a pastry and a coffee myself.”

She sits, looking through the window to the inside. A group of teenage girls are looking through the glass at them, giggling and taking their phones out. Ah, she had spoken to soon. “Whatever you think I’d like is fine, and get me a cappuccino please.” He squeezes her shoulder and then goes inside with Kenneth.

As if on cue the girls all go silent, until finally a brave one separates from the group and shyly walks up to Harry, introducing herself. Y/n sees Harry laugh before gesturing to the other girls to come over. They all join their friend, talking excitedly to him as they all exchange hugs and take photos. Harry carries on talking to them until he has to order, hugging them all goodbye.

When he comes back out he’s smiling, shaking his head. “What?” Y/n asks, watching him sit down.

“That first one asked very politely if they could get photos with me and said that they all were massive fans and couldn’t believe I was here. And then another one asked who I was with.”

“Oh? And what did you say?”

“I just winked.”

Y/n blushes. “And why would you do that?”

Harry just shrugs, smiling when their coffees and pastries get set down on their table.

“You’re such a flirt, Harry.” She pushes his shoulder.

“I know. Isn’t it infuriating?” He grins, taking a bite of his pastry and groaning. “Fuck. Now that is delicious. Can you believe that food this flakey even exists?”

“Because you’ve got loads to compare it to?”

“I consider myself a pastry connoisseur, darling. Let me take a bite of yours.”

She smacks his hand away. “Greedy! Let me have a bite first.”

“You won’t appreciate it as much as I would.” He pouts teasingly, sitting back in a slouch and crossing his arms. Y/n laughs and takes a bite, cupping her hand underneath the croissant to catch the crumbs.

Harry was right. It was incredible. Flavors of butter, bread, chocolate, and strawberries all perfectly swirled together into one delicious bite. Every croissant she had had in the states was nothing compared to this. She lets out a moan.

“Hey now! Can’t be making noises like that without sharing.”

Y/n covers her mouth as she swallows with a laugh. “Let me try yours. What is it?”

“Apricot. Bloody hell, not that big of a bite.” He snorts at her eagerness, nudging his foot against her calf. “Can’t take you anywhere.”

“Who me? The messy, impolite American?” She says through a mouthful of pastry.

“Thank god you’re such a good shag or I’d have nothing to do with you.” He teases, handing her her pastry back. She laughs a bit but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. There was probably some truth to that, but she really didn’t want to admit it to herself. If she did it might rip her to shreds.

When they’re finished Harry cleans up their table and waves goodbye to the group of girls before coming back to y/n with a glass of water. “Let's take a taxi to the Louvre, shall we?” He hands her the glass, causing her to look at him quizzically. “Don’t give me that face. They probably have a shite food and drink policy at that place and I don’t want you running solely on caffeine and sugar.”

“I’m always running solely on caffeine and sugar.” She takes a sip. “Just admit you’re worried about me being dehydrated.”

“Now who’s flirting?” He grins, sitting down in front of her.

“I don’t like you watching me chug water, Harry.”

“Why, think I’ll find it unattractive?”

“Yes.” She says plainly.

“Don’t mind me, love. Just want to watch some water dribble down your chin.”He coos. She smacks his shoulder, and before she has time to even properly register what's happening he’s grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it gently, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles.

“Harry.” She hisses, pulling her hand back. She can feel the heat in her cheeks. “We’re in public.”

“I know.” He shrugs, standing back up. “Now finish your water so we can go.”

The entire taxi ride Harry chats merrily with the driver, commenting on a soccer team in the UK that was doing well. While y/n always found it endearing the way he called soccer “football” and how his accent got thicker whenever he talked about it with a fellow fan, her thoughts were racing. Why was he being so publicly affectionate all of the sudden, but was still joking about the sexual nature of their relationship? Why was he not dodging questions about them dating like he used to? Why did he care about whether or not she was dehydrated?

“Look at that.” He says with a grin, looking out the window at the glass pyramids in front of the museum. “Well, I hope your bets work out in your favor, mate. Can’t let those bloody irishmen get the best of ya. I know that from experience.” He pats the man's shoulder and hands him the fare for their cab ride before reaching over y/n to open the door. “My lady.”

Y/n steps out, followed by Harry and Kenneth. Within moments a tall, lanky man with dark hair and glasses makes his way over to them, wearing a pressed uniform with a name-tag reading “Pierre.”

“Monsieur Styles, welcome to the Louvre. I ‘ave been asked to escort you today inside of ze museum.” He says with a thick French accent. “We have taken ze necessary precautions to ensure that you are kept secure and comfortable inside.”

“Thanks mate.” Harry says, taking y/n’s hand. He was just full of surprise PDA today. “Ready?” Y/n nods, looking into his eyes to try to read him. Nothing but his cheeky smile.

Y/n knew Harry loved art. He had always told her that he felt that art was the best way to express oneself without uttering a single word. That’s why he dressed the way he did, paying close attention to every detail of what he wore when he wanted to say something with his outfit. She admired him for that, especially the way he expressed his femininity with ease. Him embracing that side of himself was wildly attractive to her, and she was always baffled by the way he was able to do that without ever taking away from his masculinity. He just used his clothing to re-define what masculinity was.

“Harry.” She murmurs, moving her free hand to his forearm to pull herself up to his ear. Pierre had led them into an empty hallway, where a museum security guard had joined them for their tour of the museum.

“Hmm?” He hums, putting his hand over hers.

“We can’t see the whole museum in one day, can we?”

“Probably not.” He nods in thanks when a door is opened for them, leading them into a room full of tourists. A few people stare in recognition, but he looks back down to her. “I guess we have to decide what we want to see the most.” He frowns when people start taking photos, dropping her hand. Her heart sinks.

“Well,” She starts, attempting to distract herself. “How about we just walk around and see what catches our eye?”

“Sure.” Harry says, still distracted. His eyes scanned over the crowd of people in the room, cautious and on edge.

“Harry.” She sighs. “Harry, look at me.”

His eyes shift back down, softening ever so slightly when they meet hers.

“Don’t worry about them. They’re not even here. It’s just us, okay?”

“Alright.” He smiles the tiniest bit, gently knocking his fist against her chin in a play punch. “Lets go look at art”

As much as Harry loved art, y/n loved it too. But while Harry loved it for the aesthetic, she loved it for the history. It had survived centuries and wars, and had seen more than she ever would in her lifetime. To any unaware passerby, they were just mediums on a canvas, but to her they were eras etched into time.

“Can you believe that people used to just live with this in their house?” She asks, looking at Harry. They were standing in front of Louis XIV, Harry’s hands clasped behind his back.

“Not exactly a house.”

“No, but you know what I mean.”

Harry looks at it, wrinkling his nose. “I suppose that is strange. People travel from all over to see this portrait and it was just a part of their decorations.”

“Harry!” She gasps. “We should go see Psyche Revived by Cupid’s Kiss!”

“Should we now?” He smiles at her enthusiasm.

“Don’t act coy.” She says, starting towards a directory. “If only there weren’t so many rooms.”

Harry moves to stand behind her, resting his hand on her lower back. “Hey, there it is.” He points with his free hand. “We just leave this room and take a right. Come on.”

It was better than y/n could have imagined.

The story was romantic in itself. Cupid, sent by his mother Venus to curse the love life of the beautiful Psyche, instead fell in love with her. From that blossomed an innocent and nearly naive romance, completely entrapped in the bubble that love had created. Hidden away from the world. Y/n couldn’t help but shift her gaze to Harry, studying his profile. His eyebrows were soft with awe, lips parted in wonder. He looked like they did; statuesque, something to be preserved and admired. Timeless. She couldn’t help but feel that their stories were one and the same. Hidden, illogical, naive. Yet there was nothing and nobody that she was more sure of. And now here they were, seeing for themselves Cupid tenderly holding his lover like she was the only thing grounding him to earth.

“Did you know Psyche is represented by a butterfly?” Harry says finally, clearing his throat.

“Is she?”

He nods, rubbing his chin. “It symbolizes immortality, innocence, and transformation from one being to another.” He bites his lip, looking at her. “I like the idea of that. Being able to change but still remaining true to yourself. Who you once were.”

She looks back at him, gnawing on her own bottom lip. “Do you feel like you’ve changed?”

“Undoubtedly.” He says quietly.

Y/n looks back at the statue, unable to hold the intensity of his gaze. “From what?”

“Y/n…”

She pauses before opening her mouth, just to close it again.

“Y/n?”

“What are we doing, Harry? Are we together? Are we just friends? Are we just-” She lowers her voice. “Are you just in it for the sex? Because if you are that's fine, I can live with that. We can continue whatever this casual thing we have going on is, if that's what you want.”

He doesn’t respond.

She swallows. “Unless you’re not just in it for the sex anymore. Because I don’t think I am.”

He bites his lips together, contemplating something.

“Forget it, forget I even-” Before she can finish her statement he cuts her off, cupping her face in his hands and pressing his lips to hers.

They had kissed loads of times before, but never like this. Those kisses were heated, desperate, and motivated. The pressure of his lips against hers was calculated this time, pushing and pulling like he couldn’t think of another way sufficient enough to show her how he felt. For the first time in his life he was cautious, taking his time in the way she tasted. One simple kiss was enough to tell her that he felt the same. Had probably always felt the same. Grounded.

“Does that answer your question?” He breathes.

“Not quite. Maybe kiss me again?”

#harry styles #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry edward styles #fine line #love on tour #harry styles fluff

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