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omniscientoranges · 3 years

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Dean gives Cas a book to read. Or, well, a passage from a book.

(basically, Cas reads a part of Lost and Found)

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"Hey, Cas, can I talk to you?"

Cas stops in place at Dean's voice, a few feet in front him. They're standing in the middle of the library, where Cas had just been trying to stealthy avoid Dean noticing him walking by.

It's been a little over a week since Dean (with some help from their friends) had pulled Cas out of the Empty. Since then, they've been not-so-obviously/obviously avoiding each other.

The reason being that, basically, they haven't talked about what Cas said. Yet. Maybe they wouldn't ever talk about it. Honestly, Cas would be absolutely fine with that, if it meant he got to keep Dean as a friend. That would be absolutely fine and not at all painfully heartbreaking in any way. Not at all.

Cas nods. "Of course, Dean. What is it?"

Dean shifts on his feet. "It's, well, it's kinda important."

"Okay," Cas says, smiling slightly even though his heart has started to beat erratically in his chest.

"Look, I- shit. This is-" Dean stops himself, and shakes his head as his eyes dart back and forth across the concrete floor. Then he pauses, eyes fallen on one of the shelves, and looks back up at Cas.

"Just gimme a minute, I'll be right back."

Cas squints, "Alright, I'll just-" he starts to say, but Dean's already ran off to some far-flung corner of the bunker — taking whatever he wanted to say and whatever idea he's suddenly had with him.

Cas stares after him, but stays rooted to the spot.

Time passes. It is — possibly — the longest string of minutes Castiel, former Angel of the Lord and current Angel of Absolutely No One (Except, Maybe, the Winchesters), has ever experienced.

After an eternity passes in 10 minutes, Dean walks back into the library. He's carrying a beat-up cardboard box, with a single book resting on top of where the box has been folded closed.

Dean drops the box onto a nearby table, and the old wood creaks under the new weight. Before Cas can see it, Dean quickly grabs the single book off the top and holds it tight to his chest. It's angled in a way that Cas can only make out that it is, in fact, a book; but not anything else about it.

"What are these?" Cas asks, moving the cardboard flaps out of the way to peer into the box.

"Books." Dean answers.

Cas rolls his eyes, "I know they're books, Dean, I mean what-" and Cas finally catches sight of one of the covers.

Carver Edlund.

"Oh," Cas says. "They're, um. Our books, I suppose."

Dean rubs a hand over the back of his neck. "Yeah. I guess, uh, I guess Chuck kept writing. Sammy found them when he went to check out Chuck's old place a few weeks back. Looks like the rest of his books never made it into circulation though. I think he just mojo-ed up some printed copies for himself when he finished with 'em, pompous bastard."

Dean's mouth forms a thin line at the thought of Chuck, but wipes it away as quickly as it came. "But anyways, here," Dean holds out the book he was carrying between them. "Take it."

Cas reaches out apprehensively, and pulls the book from Dean's grasp.

"I promise it'll all make sense," Dean insists. "Just, um, flip to the page I have marked."

Cas takes a moment to look over the book before opening it. The paperback is a stark black, contrasted by a stylized funeral pyre adorning the front, which is set at a distance so the majority is taken up but a long trail of smoke curling up until it disappears beyond the edge of the cover. 3 figures are silhouetted by the flames, and they stand apart from each other. Separate. The title reads Lost and Found by Carver Edlund.

Cas opens to where Dean has dog-eared the book only a handful of pages before the end, and reads.

Dean held the lighter close to his chest, almost like he was holding a candle at a vigil. In a way, he was.

Dean had been to a lot of funerals, built a lot of funeral pyres, but something about this one had broken him in a way he wasn't expecting. It broke him in a way he had spent years — decades, really — fighting against.

You see, Dean wasn't the kind of guy. He was a red-blooded, beer-drinking, pool-hustling, bacon-cheeseburger-eating, classic-car-driving, skin-mag-reading American male. Guys like that don't have game-changing feelings for other guys. They just don't.

At least, that's what Dean always told himself.

But standing in front of that pyre, watching the smoke rise, he told himself something different for once. Dean told himself it was all a bunch of bullshit, because he was still all those things he was before, and he wouldn't ever stop being those things no matter what. He was just something else extra, too.

Because Dean would have traded anything in that moment to get Cass back. Would have traded all the cheeseburgers and beer in the world. Would have traded his life. Hell, he would have traded his car if it meant he'd get another chance at this. Another chance with Cass. Just one chance to finally tell him what he'd been too scared all these years to say. Because Cass had always been around, even when he didn't need to be — he was there. But now he wasn't. And Dean wanted more than anything else in the world for him to be there so he could finally say—

"Dean," Cas says, voice wavering. The paragraph cuts off mid-sentence; if he wants to read the rest of it, he'll have to flip to the next page to see. "What is this?"

"Your funeral, after Lucifer killed you."

Cas shakes his head, not quite believing Dean's words, or Chuck's for that matter. Surely this couldn't be, he couldn't really mean—

Dean interrupts Cas' swirling thoughts. "It's Chuck's words, but it's- it's all me. He writes it more flowery than it really was, ya know, up here," Dean taps two fingers to the side of his head, "but it's the truth." He laughs to break the tension, but there's an edge of nerves there. Cas can almost hear his heartbeat across the room. "Don't tell Baby this, but I really would've given her up if it meant getting you back."

Cas shakes his head harder, tears springing loose and dropping onto the page, smudging the ink.

"Dean-"

"Turn the page."

"What's on the next page, Dean?"

"You know what."

"I-"

"Cas, just turn the page."

Cas turns the page with an unsteady hand. It's blank, likely formatted that way for dramatic effect, save for 3 words in the top left corner.

I love you.

Cas makes a choked sound and breathes out in disbelief, in sheer amazement. He runs his fingertips over the letters, traces the shape of them, feels their weight and knows it's heavier in his hands than any cheap paperback ever could be. It feels too much all of a sudden. Like something so remarkable shouldn't be confined to print — like 3 typeset and faded little words shouldn't be enough to shift the core of him so intensely that it makes his whole body ache.

Then, the feeling of hands brushing over his pulls him out of his own head, and he looks up to see Dean (Dean, of course it's Dean, who else would it be? Who else could it ever be but Dean). Dean shifts one hand over Cas' around the spine of the book, and uses the other to push Cas' fingers away from where they rest on the page. He gently pulls the book out of his grip, and sets it on the table next to them. They both stare at it for a long moment, and then Dean is moving his hands back onto Cas, bringing both of them up to cup his face.

Dean looks at him, eyes shining. "I meant it, I mean it. I know I'm not the best at showing it all the time, and I know I should've told you a million times before this, but I really do mean it."

"I know you do." Cas wraps one hand loosely around Dean's wrist, and lets the other dig into his hip; anchoring both of them in place. "I- I mean it too."

"Yeah?"

"Of course."

They smile at each other and rest their foreheads together, just standing there breathing the same air like it's the first time they've let themselves breathe for months.

When they kiss, it's not a storybook. It's not bargain bin horror fiction. It's not a bestseller. It's not scripted, or planned out, or lighted particularly well. It's a kiss. It's a little awkward, a little unpracticed, a little gross through the tears.

What it is, is the promise of another. And another after, and after that, and after and after and after. As many as they want for as long as they want.

Their life isn't a story anymore, not in the way that they're used to. And it's no longer getting written down to be conveniently handed to each other to read whenever they have a hard time expressing their feelings. But, for a time, it was a story. It was their story.

And it was a hell of a story, all things considered.

#its been like. over 2 months since i finished something lmao #destiel #deancas #destiel fic #deancas fic #spn #gina.spn #gina.writing #destiel fanfic #deancas fanfic #&fic

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aoitrinity · 3 years

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The “Me Too”

DISCLAIMER: I am about to put forth further speculation about a major Destiel-related event from this season, specifically the confession scene in 15x18. This is 100% pure speculation and I do not claim to have any insider knowledge AT ALL. If you are not in a place to read such things, please go take care of yourself instead of reading this. Do not cause yourself any additional pain.

If you are here to be an asshole and call me delusional...uh...I mean, go for it, but like I really don’t get what that’s doing to make your life better? If shitting on people’s desire for understanding a TV show brings you joy then uh...that says more about you than it does about me?

With that out of the way...read below the cut for my theory about the “me too” line.

I know I just unloaded my theory about the finale on all of you the other day, and that I should probably give you all a break in between my bouts of theory-dumping, but I had to get this out here tonight.

If you somehow haven’t seen it yet these last few (painfully exhausting) days, there is a rumor going around of a cut in episode 15x18 of a specific line--a “me too” that Jensen supposedly recorded during the 15x18 sequence, which would have given us all textual validation not only that Cas is in love with Dean, but that Dean is in love with Cas. Various people have been trying to confirm or deny this rumor since it surfaced. We all figured it would have happened during the final scene, with Dean crying, alone. It would have been there in place of the crying, and we hypothesized that Jensen had to dub it over with AMR of his sobs. It was an interesting thought, but we had no real proof it ever happened. I, for my part, started to assume it was entirely false.

But then tonight, on the Latin American CW, we apparently discovered that in the Spanish-language dub of 15x18, they had taken Dean’s last line to Cas, “Don’t do this Cas,” and dubbed it as “yo a ti”--translated to “me too,” seemingly confirming to us that the line did exist!

I watched the clip of the dub excitedly, hoping for some secret new shot that we had been robbed of in the original episode, but the “me too” was simply dubbed over Dean’s line of “Don’t do this Cas,” which is definitely something Dean very clearly said in the original recording. That wasn’t a dub, Jensen said that line.

So what gives? Where the heck did the “me too” come from?

Well, as apparently I am wont to do recently...I talked @winchester-reload‘s ear off and was eventually hit with a stroke of realization.

I don’t think the “me too” went in the crying scene. I think Dean said it to Cas’s face, and we were robbed of it.

Before I go any further, I want to again remind you that this is PURE SPECULATION. PLEASE JUDGE FOR YOURSELF AND ALWAYS BE SKEPTICAL.

So.

The original end of the scene runs as follows:

Dean: Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Cas: Because it is. I love you.

Dean: Don’t do this, Cas.

*a longing exchange of looks, with Cas smiling through his tears even more broadly than he was earlier*

*the Empty appears and Dean starts to panic*

Cas: Goodbye Dean.

*Cas throws Dean out the way, smiles at him one last time, and is taken*

Now that always struck me as a sort of weird exchange because...I mean, Dean can tell Cas not to “do this,” but whatever he was going to do that would get his ass taken by the Empty, he had clearly already done. But I originally handwaved it as Dean begging Cas not to go and leave him again by dying, even though it was too late, because I was too entranced with the beauty of the scene and of the performances to imagine anything otherwise.

However, after this Spanish-language dub story broke this evening, I started to wonder if the exchange had initially gone a little bit differently.

What if the “don’t do this, Cas” was pulled from earlier in the scene?

I would have originally imagined that it actually went between the “Because it is” and the “I love you,” but in the leaked shots of script we got a few days ago, there doesn’t seem to be any line there--Cas goes straight from his “because it is” to the “I love you.” Thus I conclude one of two things: either the line it was adlibbed or added by Jensen on the spot, between the “because it is” and the “I love you,” or it was dialogue that originally came earlier in the scene.

Either way, what matters is that I think that line, “Don’t do this, Cas,” was moved to after Cas’s “I love you” in the final cut and replaced the “me too.” I think the initial episode probably followed the Latin American dub instead, and went like this (with the one line inserted where I feel it best fits, though again, it could have come from earlier):

Dean: Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Cas: Because it is.

(Dean: Don’t do this, Cas)

Cas: I love you.

Dean: ...me too.

*a longing exchange of looks, with Cas smiling through his tears even more broadly than he was earlier*

*the Empty appears and Dean starts to panic*

Cas: Goodbye Dean.

*Cas throws Dean out the way, smiles at him one last time, and is taken*

Well.

Doesn’t that all hit a bit differently now? Doesn’t it now make sense why, after Dean’s line, Cas starts smiling more broadly than he was during the entire rest of the scene? Doesn’t it make sense now that when Dean turns to look back at the Empty emerging, there are way more tears in his eyes than there were in the prior shot? Doesn’t Dean’s body language line up better between shots if we read it this way? Doesn’t it make Cas’s sacrifice hurt both more and less at the same time, because he could go to the Empty knowing he was loved in return? That he had the one thing he wanted most?

To me, at least, it does.

Unfortunately, I think that, similar to what I speculate happened with the finale...they were told by the network that they had to cut Dean’s reciprocation because the CW panicked about coming off as too gay at the last moment. You can read all about that in my other post.

Anyway, here’s more food for thought. Remember @oceaxe-ifdawn’s post about how she had spoken with a cast member about how the script for the finale was being frantically rewritten in March, the weekend after they finished shooting for 15x18? Why would they suddenly have to start tossing out their own ending in MARCH? TWO WEEKS before they were supposed to start filming the finale?

What if it was because that was the moment when the network started to pivot? If their contacts on set told them how very beautifully homosexually gay the scene was, and that was the moment that the CW decided that they couldn’t risk losing a very specific (conservative, heterosexual) part of their fanbase and needed to start toning down the gay before it got out of hand? And since they couldn’t obviously go back and reshoot anything for 15x18, given everyone then immediately went into quarantine for COVID, they had to remove Dean’s reciprocation from the script and replace it with another, earlier shot, that could have FEASIBLY gone in its place. But they couldn’t take Cas’s confession because it was entirely necessary to the whole plot of the season (and that, I think, was a fucking genius move by the writers to at least get us this much--god bless you, Bobo).

And this way, the CW could actually have their cake and eat it too--they could claim they were still being accepting of queer people (look, we let Cas confess his affection for Dean!) while avoiding the potential loss of their favorite cishet male audience (whom they really want to transition to Walker after all of this is over because MONEY) that they might suffer if that audience discovered that one of their two “traditionally masculine” lead characters was in love with another man this whole time.

The only reason they didn’t carry it all off is that, when they needed to send the script over to the Spanish-language dubbers for recording, there was some sort of screw-up. They somehow forgot to have the dialogue swapped out back in March and the lines were never replaced in the dub script.

And that is how we got the “me too” line from Dean in Latin America tonight, a line that we had heard rumors existed, but had no actual evidence of... until now.

I’m sorry to have pulled you guys into this theory with me, but... It just lines up too perfectly. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, yes, but sometimes that cigar is actually a dick. A big, beautiful, gay dick that your stupid homophobic TV network executives are censoring because they are afraid of the reactions of their more conservative viewership.

On the plus side, I think that this more than ever confirms that Destiel is and was always canon. Textually. Reciprocally. 110%.

And the CW fucking robbed us of it.

#supernatural season 15 #spn finale #destiel #destielgate #speculation #fuck the cw #trust the story #we were robbed #i hate that I keep having to sound like a fucking conspiracy theorist in order to make sense of what happened #god forbid they had just KEPT TO THE FUCKING PLAN THE WRITERS HAD SO BEAUTIFULLY SCRIPTED #that would have made too much fucking sense #and been too beautiful #and too perfect #no #we had to have some fucking executive fuckery #i hate it here

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writingtoforgetreality · 3 years

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You’re A Winchester? - Part Two (Castiel x Winchester!Reader)

[Supernatural-Masterlist]

Part One

Summary: The case in Wisconsin got complicated. In more ways than one. Cas was not sure what happened to you but you were acting different. He had to find out why. He had to know if he did something wrong.

Words: 4,053

Warnings: language, kidnapping, angst, little bit of fluff?, Sam has the brains, angels are dicks, I feel like this could actually become a miniseries?, Do you want me to continue? I’m not sure…, (Y/E/C) = your eye color

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

The drive to Wisconsin was slow & exhausting. Throughout the long hours, you did some more research on the case. It looked like an easy one, actually. Almost too easy for your liking. But who were you to bad talk an easy hunt? After all, you were still somewhat new to this business. Though, nobody would realize that. If they did not know, they would believe you had been hunting for your entire life.

“We’re almost there.” Cas broke the silence that had been accompanying the two of you for a while. A look out of the window & you could make out the small town you were rolling in. Almost immediately, a strange feeling washed over you. By the way Cas’ body tensed up, you knew he had a similar impression of this place.

“Cas?” you questioned. No way would this turn out to be an easy case.

“Yes, I know.” he soothed your thoughts a little. Something was off & neither you nor Cas could tell what it was. Not yet, at least. The ’78 Lincoln Continental Mark V came to a halt in the parking lot of an old-fashioned motel. Same old, same old. Back in your universe, you had never had enough money to afford an actual hotel so usually, the cheap version had to do. So, not that much had changed.

The two of you checked into a room, not bothering to get one with two beds since Castiel did not sleep anyway. The motel literally looked like every single other one across the country. Same uncomfortable bed, same ugly wallpaper, same ancient furniture. Moments like this, you missed the bunker an awful lot. Deciding to give your brothers a call, you dialed Sam’s number.

“(Y/N), hey! You already there?” Sam’s voice came through the speaker.

“Yep, it took forever.” sighing out tiredly, you plopped down onto the mattress. “I gotta say, though…something seems a little off.”

“As in…?” he inquired curiously.

“We don’t know yet.” your head was put into your hand. The traveling tired you out & you craved a few hours of rest.

“Okay. And besides that? Everything alright? It’s not…weird, is it?” it almost sounded like he was uncomfortable while asking this question.

“Should it be weird?” your eyebrows furrowed at his use of words.

“I don’t know, you tell me.” you could hear the smirk in his tone. That was when the realization kicked in.

“You’re talking about me being alone with Cas?” looking around, you were glad that the angel was still outside, grabbing your luggage.

“I might be.” Sam mumbled, then his voice got louder again. “Look, all I’m saying is take care & uh, use protection.”

“Oh my God, Sam.” shaking your head frantically, there was another sigh from you. “I’ll call when we’re done here. You’re a horrible brother, by the way.” your body was on fire. Embarrassed that now, even Sam called you out on your crush.

“I love you, too. Bye, (Y/N).” the call ended & you fell back onto the mattress. A second later, the door opened & Cas walked in. At least he missed that talk with Sam. Otherwise it would be painfully awkward between you guys.

In the morning, Cas & you went to investigate a family. They were close to the person that had been mysteriously killed & you hoped to receive a bit more background information from them. The couple seemed nice. Wealthy husband being incredibly happy with his beautiful wife. An apple pie life. Like the one Dean wanted Cas & you to have. Obviously, that would never be the case. Not when you were part of this business. Not when you were a hunter. When they offered, you thanked them for the coffee they brought you. Something that Cas could drink as well. The talk was not necessarily helpful. Nothing you had not already found out yourselves. Still, you acted politely towards them. After all, they had been very hospitable. Before leaving the house, you asked if you could use their bathroom. The man showed you the way. This family was not connected to your case, not in a way that helped you anyway. Which meant that you had to do more research. Yay. Finishing in the bathroom, you were confused when the door did not open. Like it was stuck. Rattling on the door knob a few times, you used your other hand to knock on the door. You had to bring their attention to you. But it seemed like nobody heard you. The bathroom was not that far away from the living room area so it did not make sense to you that they did not hear you in there. The lock clicked & you sighed out in content when the man who had lead you here helped you out a second time today. Your warm, thankful smile faltered when something hard hit your head. Darkness met your body after that.

Heavy eyelids opened slowly. The light blinded you & out of instinct, you squinted to avoid it. After a few more seconds, you adjusted to the light. Looking around, you found yourself inside an unfurnished room. The chair you sat on the only piece. But wait. Your wrists were tied to the armrests. Your legs strapped as well. Tightly. Painfully tight. No matter your efforts, it did not move an inch. How did you get here? Where was Cas? Looked like your assumptions about this family were wrong. Because kidnapping was not part of your plan. And you being trapped here changed your entire view of this case drastically. That strange feeling you had in this town was not for nothing. But who were you up against? No vengeful spirts, no demons, no witches. What else could it be?

“Would you look at that, the princess is awake.” the same man from earlier entered the room, a creepy smile adorning his features. It made you gulp. Your heart quickened its pace. You were skilled when it came to fighting but right now, there was not a lot of room left to move around. Which left you vulnerable.

“Aw, honey. You scared her. Can’t you see the fear in her eyes?” his wife followed, that sweet voice of hers erupting the room.

“(Y/N)…Can I call you (Y/N)?” the only response he got was a deathly glare from you. One, that made him chuckle enthusiastically. “The newest addition to the Winchesters. Leaving her universe behind to go live with her brothers.” he recapped the last months for you as if you had forgotten already. “You shouldn’t even be here.” remarking with sympathetic eyes, he walked closer to you. Kneeling down so you were on one level.

“You see…we wouldn’t care much for you. Another Winchester do deal with? Okay, fine. But there’s one thing we cannot accept.” the woman spoke up again.

“And what would that be?” sarcastically asking, looking between the pair in front of you.

��We can’t have you close to Castiel.” the kneeling man finished. Your expression turned into one of confusion. “Don’t play innocent here, sweetheart. We’re not that stupid.”

“You’re angels.” you concluded after piecing everything together. “That case in Wisconsin. It was a trap so you guys could get to me.”

“100 points for our contestant.” the woman fake cheered.

“You know, there would’ve been easier ways to catch me.”

“True but where would the fun be in that? Besides, we couldn’t have you close to those brothers of yours. Too protective over you for my liking.”

“Okay, Mister. But you do realize that Cas is here somewhere & he’ll try everyth-“

“Ah, I’ll stop you right there.” his finger lifted to shut you up. “You cannot reach him here. It’s…how do I say it? Castiel safe.”

“What do you want from me then? You wanna kill me?” though it was hard, you tried to hide how scared you truly were right now.

“I know you’re smarter than that, (Y/N). If we wanted you dead, we would’ve killed you already. Castiel would be after us if we did. We simply wanted to warn you. Stay close to him & you’ll regret it.” his threat was intimidating.

“How do you define close?” it was a legitimate question.

“You know what we mean…This room will be Castiel safe for a bit longer. After that, you can pray to him & he’ll hear you. If I were you, I’d think of a good excuse in the meantime. Don’t forget…one wrong move & we’ll be back. Goodbye, (Y/N).” & with that, the two of them left you alone. They did not tell you when it was possible to send out a prayer. They did not tell you where you were exactly. All you knew was that they were serious. And you should not mess with them. When Dean had told you that angels were dicks, you did not think that was what he was warning you about. Their condition was simple. You should stay away from Cas or you would regret it. And you assumed that these angels were a lot stronger than you could handle. You did not want to die & neither did you want to risk Cas’ well-being. Immediately, you started prayer after prayer. He had to hear it sooner or later. All you could do now was try.

It felt like days passed. Hundreds, thousands of prayers later & still no sight of Cas. Maybe that was your end. All those years of unsuccessful searching for your family only for you to end up in another universe. Reunited with your brothers. And that was how you would go? Not what you imagined your life to be if you were completely honest. You were close to passing out. No food, no water, nothing. Your body was weak. You were weak. By now, every last ounce of hope had vanished.

“(Y/N)?” the last thing you saw before falling unconscious was Cas running to you.

Castiel had finally heard you. Begging for him to help you. To rescue you. No time was wasted. He found you soon after, shocked by the state you were in. Three days ago, he left you out of his sight. He had not stopped looking for you but it seemed useless. Until a small, broken voice appeared inside his head. Yours. Desperate words reached him. He knew he had to act fast. How he had lost you? No idea. Everything went so fast. Before he knew it, you were gone. Of course this family hid more than they let on. The second he found you, a weight got lifted off of his shoulders. No way could he bear losing you so shortly after you got closer. Immediately, he went to heal you. No bad wounds were adorning your body. Just your weakness was present. Yet, you could not stay awake any longer. Cas did not know how long you had been in there but from your exhaustion, he assumed just as long as he had searched for you. Freeing you of the ropes that were holding you to the chair, he picked you up bridal style. Teleporting to your motel room where he laid you on the bed gently. Looked like you were not planning on waking up anytime soon. So Cas packed all of your stuff & got his car ready. He no longer cared about this case. All he cared about was you being safe. And the bunker was the best safety you could get. He could deal with this hunt later.

Sam & Dean had no idea about your state, they thought the two of you were still in Wisconsin. Wrong. And they started worrying like crazy the moment Cas entered the bunker with you in his arms, unconscious. Question after question was thrown at Castiel who seemed to ignore his surroundings entirely. He just wanted to get you to your bed. The entire drive was spent asleep & he knew you would be like that for a while.

Sore. Your body felt sore. Like you had not moved in ages. Like the smallest movement took too much strength. Strength you could not muster right now. A familiar smell filled your nostrils. The sheets welcoming you. These were no motel sheets. No. You were home. How did you make it back? You definitely were not in Wisconsin anymore. Wait a second. There were no angels to hold you hostage anymore. Had Cas heard your prayers? Seemed like it. You could yell for him, for your brothers, but no words came out as soon as you opened your mouth. The hours of sleep you got did not change the fact that you were incredibly tired. Exhausted. Groaning, you stood up from the comfort of your bed. If nobody was here with you right now, then you had to take matters into your own hands. A glass of water. Something. You needed something. Your body made this task unnecessarily hard, though. One step after the other. Small, slow steps & you would reach the kitchen not long after. You got this.

Your walk to the kitchen was cut short when Sam saw you walking unsteadily. Running over to you, he picked you up a second later & brought you to the main area in the bunker.

“(Y/N). Why didn’t you yell for us?” the concern was audible.

“My voice.” creaking out, Sam’s eyes widened in realization. He left only to return a second later with a glass of water in hand. Gladly, you took it from him & enjoyed the cold liquid soothing your throat. Downing the glass, you handed it back to him. In this moment, Dean & Cas entered the room. Noticing you were awake, the two of them jogged over to you.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?” Cas cupped your cheeks, caressing your soft skin with his thumbs. How you wanted to enjoy this moment. How you wanted it to never end. But your conversation with those angels came into your mind again. You leaned back, out of Cas’ reach. Eyes training down, you hoped nobody would question you.

“Um, yeah…I’m okay now. Just a little sore.” three pairs of eyes bore into you. They knew something was off. Dean was the first one to speak up.

“What happened?” sighing loudly at his question, you knew you had to improvise now.

“I didn’t do enough research. The case wasn’t as easy as we first thought it to be. The couple Cas & I were investigating? Witches. It was my fault they caught me, really. I should’ve been more careful.” after finishing, you risked a look at the three men in front of you. Did not look like they bought your little lie.

“There were no hints of witches there. We would’ve noticed.” Cas argued & you rolled your eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Were you the one they kidnapped?” snapping at him, your voice was sharp. It was not your intention to sound so rude but everything overwhelmed you. Jumping up a second later, you ran back to your room, leaving them behind dumbfounded.

A soft knock was on your door. Maybe if you kept quiet they would leave you alone. Today was not your lucky day, apparently. Dean opened the door slowly, peaking his head inside to make sure you were not sleeping.

“What do you want, Dean?” you sat on your bed, back pressed against the headboard.

“Something’s wrong.” he noted, approaching you.

“I guess being kidnapped does that to you.”

“Cut the crap, (Y/N).” his voice raised slightly, immediately shutting you down. Your head hung low. “What’s wrong?” now, much softer, he took a seat on the edge of your bed.

“Nothing, Dean.” sighing out, your head was thrown back, eyes closed in frustration.

“I think I know you well enough to notice when you’re lying.” & he was right. There was not a lot of things you could keep from him. Sam did not always tell when you lied to him but Dean could see right through you. “So, let’s do this again…What’s wrong?” his sincere eyes locked onto yours & that was when you knew you could not keep this from him. Not all of it.

“Cas kissed me.” Dean’s eyes widened at your statement. It took you two long enough. But when he saw your features change, he could tell that something about this was bothering you.

“But?” his question followed up.

“But it didn’t do anything with me.” your own words broke your heart but you could not risk it. Could not risk Cas’ safety. “The witches I could handle. Well…you know what I mean. They didn’t hurt me, just trapped me.” fiddling with your hands in your lap.

“What are you trying to say? You don’t like Cas?” Dean was confused. More than once had you let on that you liked the angel & when he talked to Cas about all of this, then he found out that he liked you, too.

“No. I do. Just not how I thought I would.” quieting down, you were done with the conversation for now. “I’m tired, Dean. I’ll join you guys later today, alright?” Dean nodded, stood up & left your room without another word. Though, his mind was running. Something about this entire situation felt wrong. Right now, he could not tell why. But he was sure he would find out sooner or later.

“Cas, man. What the hell did you do?” Dean was livid. For months, you had had eyes for the angel. And now, you told him he kissed you & you did not feel anything? What was going on?

“What?” Castiel was confused. Confused by Dean’s angry tone & by his accusation. Did he do something?

“You & (Y/N).” he pointed out.

“What about us?”

“Seriously? So I have to watch you guys dancing around your feelings for months only for her to tell me that when you kissed her it didn’t do anything with her?” his eyebrows raised, clearly waiting for an explanation. Cas, on the other hand, did not understand a single thing.

“She said that?” the angel’s voice was barely above a whisper. You kissed him back. Before you drove to Wisconsin, it was you who kissed him the second time.

“Yes. So you owe me an explanation before I kick your ass.” there it was. Dean’s protective side. He did not think, when you first came into their universe, that he would care for you on such a deep level. But here he was. And he could tell that Cas broke something in you.

“Dean, nothing happened. I kissed her, yes. But she kissed me, too. I thought we were fine until she woke up & didn’t want me to touch her.” it did not make sense to him. Was all of it a lie? Were you just playing around? He did not think you to be that kind of person. Whatever he did, he had to make it right before it was too late.

Later that day, you risked leaving your room once again. Hopefully, you would not come across anyone. You still had to greet Jack but that could wait. For now, you just wanted a little something to eat. It had been a while since you had your last meal & your stomach was rumbling with protest. Cas’ silhouette was in front of you. Shit, you really were not in the mood to interact with him. Yes, it hurt to know that whatever the two of you started the other day could never be. Before you could turn around & leave again, Castiel faced you. The hurt in his face was present & the guilt set in. He was like that because of you. You were the reason for his pain. And this thought itself hurt you more than anything. His feet dragged him over to you. A little step back from you made him stop. Apparently, you did not want to have him close.

“(Y/N)?” his tone brought tears to your eyes. But you would not let them fall. You could not. “Talk to me, please.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.” you were being cold towards him which was uncommon. It was not in your nature to act like that. You were the sweetest soul Cas had ever met. Whoever was standing in front of him right now was not you.

“What did I do?” his concerned eyes locked onto your (Y/E/C) ones.

“You didn’t do anything, Cas. Believe me, please.” your plea was almost inaudible. No longer could you bare looking at him. You would break down in tears.

“Something changed you when you were trapped.”

“Cas, can we not do this right now?” closing your eyes briefly, you let out a sigh to calm yourself down. Leaving him no time for a response, you left the room again. Still no food inside of you. But you lost your appetite anyway.

The next morning, when you made your way back to the kitchen area again, you were glad when you were only met with Sam. His warm smile was welcoming. Something that let you feel at ease.

“Good morning. Coffee?” he offered you a cup & you gladly accepted. “I made pancakes. Are you hungry?”

“Starving.” chuckling when your stomach grumbled. Sam handed you a plate & you sat down, quietly munching on your breakfast. At least he did not ask you about the case.

“What do they hold against you?” Sam asked after a few moments of silence.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I did my own research on your case. No witches whatsoever. Though, it was a good excuse, I gotta admit.” your eyes widened. Shit, if he found out what went down then he sure as hell would tell everyone. “Everything leads to angels. They didn’t hurt you. But they told you something. So…what are they holding against you?”

“Sam.” you sighed loudly. “You have to keep it a secret. Please.” staring at the tall man sitting opposite of you, you saw a sympathetic smile on his face.

“(Y/N)…”

“Okay, you wanna know what happened? Those angels threatened me. Said if I stay this close to Cas, I’d regret it. That they’d come after me or Cas. No way in hell will I let this happen.” due to your rambling, you did not notice Cas entering the room. Only when Sam coughed did you look around. What was it with him overhearing conversations?

“(Y/N).” like the night before, Cas approached you carefully. This time, you did not move away from him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I’m scared.” you admitted quietly. While you were a great hunter, you were not sure if you could handle fighting against angels.

“Sam & Dean are your brothers. Jack is the strongest being I’ve ever met & you’ve got me.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t there, Cas. We really shouldn’t mess with them.”

“And you thought it was a good idea to ignore Cas?” Sam chimed in. Right, you had almost forgotten that he was still there. Casting your eyes down in embarrassment, you suddenly felt an arm wrap around your shoulders. It was Cas.

“I won’t let anything happen to you, (Y/N). I promise.” he put a soft kiss on top of your head. You knew that. Castiel would do anything to keep you safe. But those angels scared you so much. You could not live with it if you were the reason of Cas getting hurt. Or worse. Looking up again, you noticed that Sam had left the room during your little interaction. Cas’ hands cupped your cheeks. Barely. Scared that you would not want to be touched by him. You did not move, though. No, you leaned into his touch. Closing your eyes to fully enjoy this intimate moment with him. His lips pressed against yours. Softly, as if your were fragile. When the two of you moved in sync, every little ounce of uncertainty washed away. You knew you could not stay away from him. But at the same time, you knew they would come after you now. This kiss would change everything. Whatever was awaiting you, it could not be good. But maybe, just maybe, if you went ahead & dealt with this together, nobody would get hurt.

~to be continued? (idk just yet)~

Published (03/31/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624, @ayamenimthiriel, @teelagurl558, @babymango-writes, @hollymac79, @longinusfilibuster, @insanebot109, @down-down-inanulearan (thanks for your support <3)

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shivroyslut · 3 years

Text

I just listened to the whole Evermore album and I’m now on my second listen so here is Evermore songs I think are destiel related and whether they’re from Dean’s or Cas’ perspective (or both) - add more lyrics/parallels if you like

willow - both

“Wherever you stray I will follow”

champagne problems - okay tbh i dont see this as either of them but that one line...

“Your Midas touch on the Chevy door November flush and your flannel cure” - MS SWIFT ??? ARE YOU A HELLER ???? CHEVY, NOVEMBER, AND FLANNEL IN THE SAME SENTENCE ???

gold rush - Cas

“Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush; I don't like anticipatin' my face in a red flush; I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch; Everybody wants you; Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you; Walk past, quick brush; I don't like slow motion, double vision in rose blush; I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush” - yeah this is just Cas simping on Dean for so many seasons

“What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?” - But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester

‘tis the damn season - both

“There's an ache in you, put there by the ache in me; But if it's all the same to you; It's the same to me” - uhm this is just them fighting every season then making up a few epis later

“I escaped it too, remember how you watched me leave” - PURGATORY

“I won't ask you to wait if you don't ask me to stay” - THIS IS JUST THE ENTIRE DESTIEL ARC IN THE FIRST HALF OF S15 LMAO

“Now I'm missing your smile, hear me out; We could just ride around; And the road not taken looks real good now” - this is Dean brooding every time Cas dies

tolerate it - Cas

“I sit and watch you; I notice everything you do or don't do”

“I wait by the door like I'm just a kid“

“If it's all in my head tell me now; Tell me I've got it wrong somehow”

“While you were out building other worlds, where was I?” - okay this is dean though

“Where's that man who'd throw blankets over my barbed wire?; I made you my temple, my mural, my sky; Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life” - this is Cas when they are fighting

“Always taking up too much space or time; You assume I'm fine, but what would you do if I; Break free and leave us in ruins” - again when Dean is being an idiot and they fight

happiness - Cas

“But there was happiness because of you” - Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. You changed me.

“Past the blood and bruise; Past the curses and cries; Beyond the terror in the nightfall; Haunted by the look in my eyes; That would've loved you for a lifetime; Leave it all behind” - ms swift are you a Cas girl ??

“All you want from me now is the green light of forgiveness” - literally Cas just wanting Dean to forgive him for everything

coney island - Dean

“If I can't relate to you anymore; Then who am I related to?” - every time Dean feels betrayed by Cas but especially in s6 when Cas teams up with Crowley, like my man had so much trust in Cas only for him to be wrong

“Sorry for not making you my centerfold”

“The question pounds my head; What's a lifetime of achievement; If I pushed you to the edge?; But you were too polite to leave me; And do you miss the rogue; Who coaxed you into paradise and left you there?; Will you forgive my soul; When you're too wise to trust me and too old to care?” - no offence but this is exactly what went through Dean’s head when he was sitting there crying after Cas got yeeted into the empty

“Over and over; Lost again with no surprises; Disappointments, close your eyes; And it gets colder and colder; When the sun goes down” - Dean mourning every time Cas died after the second time

“And when I got into the accident; The sight that flashed before me was your face; But when I walked up to the podium I think that I forgot to say your name” - uhm Dean seeing Cas as his life flashed before his eyes when he got impaled by the rusty nail and wanted him by his side but the writers were cowards he got caught up in the moment with Sammy and didn’t pray for him to come

“But I think that I forgot to say your name; Over and over” - i just think Dean is hard on himself for not keeping Cas closer to him after Cas died in 15x18

ivy - Dean

“How's one to know?; I'd meet you where the spirit meets the bones In a faith forgotten land; In from the snow; Your touch brought forth an incandescent glow; Tarnished but so grand” - I’M THE ONE WHO GRIPPED YOU TIGHT AND RAISED YOU FROM PERDITION

“And the old widow goes to the stone every day; But I don't, I just sit here and wait; Grieving for the living” - Dean just wanting a win (Cas back) in s13

“I wish to know; The fatal flaw that makes you long to be; Magnificently cursed” - you know just Cas being very cursed throughout the whole show, and the fatal flaw is his love for Dean humanity

“I'd live and die for moments that we stole; On begged and borrowed time” - i think this is for both cause Cas’ line “Dean you know I always appreciate our talks and our time together” but Dean definitely feels the same way I mean he made Cas watch all those movies

cowboy like me - both (very destiel)

“Never wanted love; Just a fancy car; Now I'm waiting by the phone; Like I'm sitting in an airport bar” - this is painfully obviously Dean

“Eyes full of stars; Hustling for the good life; Never thought I'd meet you here; It could be love; We could be the way forward; And I know I'll pay for it” - very obvious Cas line

“And the skeletons in both our closets; Plotted hard to fuck this up” - just the universe not wanting them to be together

long story short - Cas

“I tried to pick my battles 'til the battle picked me”

“And I fell from the pedestal; Right down the rabbit hole”

“When I dropped my sword; I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door; And we live in peace; But if someone comes at us, this time, I'm ready” - Cas always coming back and willing to give up everything for Dean

“And he feels like home”

“Now I'm all about you”

marjorie - both (but mainly Dean)

“Never be so kind; You forget to be clever; Never be so clever; You forget to be kind”

“And if I didn't know better; I'd think you were talking to me now” - No I’m not talking to him, *proceeds to talk to and protect each other*

“What died didn't stay dead” - yah

“I should've asked you questions; I should've asked you how to be; Asked you to write it down for me; Should've kept every grocery store receipt; Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me” - Dean keeping the trench coat every time Cas dies

closure - Dean (but a little Cas)

“And seeing the shape of your name; Still spells out pain” - Dean after 15x18 seeing ‘Castiel’ on the table

“It cut deep to know ya, right to the bone”

“Don't treat me like; Some situation that needs to be handled” - can be Cas too

“I'm fine with my spite; And my tears, and my beers and my candles” - his anger stage when hes undergoing his 5 stages of grief after 15x18, and like every time he and Cas fight

“I don't need your closure” - ^

evermore - both ( this song is so destiel make this their fucking theme song)

“Motion capture; Put me in a bad light; I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone; Trying to find the one where I went wrong; Writing letters; Addressed to the fire” - Cas whenever Dean kicks him out and he doesn’t understand why or when Dean just let’s him go; and Dean in purgatory when he realises Cas was hiding from him, when he changed his memory to believe he let go of Cas, when he found out that Cas is the one who let him go. There is honestly so many examples for this line

“And I was catching my breath; Staring out an open window; Catching my death; And I couldn't be sure; I had a feeling so peculiar; That this pain would be for evermore” - Cas when he realises that he is in love with Dean but he can never be with him; and Dean when he thought he left Cas in purgatory and every time Cas died

“Hey December; Guess I'm feeling unmoored; Can't remember; What I used to fight for; I rewind thе tape but all it does is pause; On thе very moment, all was lost; Sending signals; To be double-crossed” - Cas when heaven pushed him away repeatedly and also when Dean pushed him away repeatedly when he was the whole reason he rebelled; and Dean when he just wanted that win in s13 and every other time he had doubt

“Cannot think of all the cost; And the things that will be lost; Oh, can we just get a pause?; To be certain, we'll be tall again; Whether weather be the frost; Or the violence of the dog days; I'm on waves, out being tossed; Is there a line that I could just go cross?” - you know like whenever they feel hopeless; reminds me of the diner scene in s14e14 where they are talking about Michael

“And when I was shipwrecked; I thought of you; In the cracks of light; I dreamed of you; It was real enough; To get me through; I swear you were there” - Cas simping for Dean; Dean after escaping from purgatory seeing Cas everywhere

Anyways these are just my thought and links don’t attack me I’m just out here wasting time on a ship I was obsessed with in 2015 (I mean I am on break from uni and am jobless). Feel free to add more lyrics or parallels I’m pretty sure I missed quite a few. I do acknowledge that the album is definitely not about destiel and about Taylor herself but its just fascinating to find all these lyrical links to Dean and Cas’ relationship.

#destiel #supernatural #spn #taylor swift #evermore #dean winchester #castiel #jackles longcon #jensen ackles #misha collins

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expectingtofly · 3 years

Text

One Hell (Heaven?) of a Situation

2.6k

also posted on ao3

thanks to @callenofthenorth for beta-editing :)

15x20 Coda, Crack and Fluff, Jimmy and Kansas are in Heaven

I have no good explanation for this. I was in the middle of writing a "serious" coda... then the stuff about Jimmy and Kansas came out and this happened instead

Dean opened his eyes to a bright, blue sky.

“What the fuck?” he muttered, realizing he was lying on the ground outside. Sitting up, he looked around, trying to get his bearings, then everything came flooding back to him. The vamp mimes, that fucking piece of rebar, piercing pain—he looked down at himself and frowned. These were not the clothes he’d been wearing on that hunt.

“Fuck,” he said aloud as it hit him. “I’m dead.”

Getting to his feet, he stared at the building he’d ended up beside. The Roadhouse? He thought his Heaven was setting off fireworks with Sammy. Then a familiar figure stepped out onto the porch and called, “Dean!”

“Bobby?” Dean asked as he approached the porch.

“What the hell are you doing here, boy?” Bobby asked, pulling him into a hug. “Thought you had several more years in you.”

“Yeah, well, bad luck.” He really was gonna have to come up with a better story for how he got here than death by glorified rusty nail.

Pulling away from Bobby, he looked at the lit windows of the Roadhouse. Was that "Dust in the Wind" playing from inside? “What memory is this?”

“It isn’t one.” Bobby clapped him on the shoulder. “Heaven’s completely different now. Jack changed everything. Everyone’s together, we can go wherever we want, do whatever we want.” He gestured to the Roadhouse door. “Turns out that means a lot of parties inside.”

“Shit, alright.” Dean smiled. “Way to go Jack.”

“Wasn’t just his idea, though. Castiel helped.”

Dean’s heart skipped a beat, or would’ve if it was still beating. He stared at Bobby, afraid he hadn’t heard him right. “Cas helped?”

Bobby grinned. “A week ago, or something like that—time passes strange here—Jack showed up and introduced himself. Brought Cas with him.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Dean interrupted. “A week ago? What the hell? Why didn’t Jack bring Cas down to Earth? Sammy and I, we were going crazy—” He cut himself off. He didn’t want to remember his last days on Earth. The way he and Sam had poured through books of lore, trying to find a spell, something, anything, to bring Cas back. The long, sleepless nights, the way his eyes burned as he scanned yellowed pages, the fear that they might never get Cas back, that he might never get to give Cas a reply… Even after defeating Chuck, returning to run-of-the-mill monster hunts, nothing had seemed normal. Nothing had seemed right.

“I don’t know,” Bobby said, frowning. “Cas said he had work to do here first. He’s inside—”

The words hadn’t left his mouth before Dean was wrenching open the door to the Roadhouse and rushing inside. Calls and greetings rose around him, but he couldn’t pay them any attention, too intent on scanning the room.

There, in the corner, sitting at a table near a stage where a band played. The angel he never thought he’d see again. “Cas!” Dean called and rushed forward.

A woman at the same table nudged Cas’ shoulder, and Cas turned from watching the band. His eyes met Dean’s, then widened, and a look of horror crossed over his face.

“Wait, wait!” he exclaimed, lifting his hands up in defense, and holy fuck—Dean skidded to a stop in front of the table, the words, I love you on his tongue. That was not Cas’ voice. And the man in front of him was not Cas.

He was Jimmy.

Dean stared at him, the joy and relief that had urged him forward giving way to shock and disappointment. If he’d paused for one second before running over, he would’ve realized in an instant that the man in front of him wasn’t Cas. There were several giveaways. For one, the polo shirt and khakis Jimmy was wearing. Two, his arm around the woman sitting in the chair next to him—his wife, Dean was assuming.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Dean managed, realizing he’d been staring with his mouth open. He shut it and tried to not look as betrayed as he felt.

“I live down the road,” Jimmy said, looking affronted. “Well, not live, because I guess we’re all dead—”

“Where’s Cas?”

“He’s, um,” Jimmy rubbed the back of his neck and looked around the room. “He was here a moment ago, but I don’t know where he went.”

Dean blinked at him, then turned to scan the room. “Anyone seen Cas leave?” he called desperately. He got a mixture of noncommittal sounds and shrugs. Just his luck. The one time he was finally ready to tell Cas how he felt, and Cas was nowhere to be found.

Bobby reached his side. “I see you’ve met Jimmy. Again.”

“Yeah.” He stared at Jimmy, who shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “This is one hell of a situation.” Which was ironic, considering he was in Heaven right now.

“It’s not my fault!” Jimmy protested. “I wasn’t expecting Castiel to show up looking like me! Besides, I thought angels didn’t go to Heaven when they died.”

“Well, Cas is special,” Dean spluttered. “He gets to keep his vessel, I guess. And if anyone deserves to be in Heaven, it’s him.”

Tearing his eyes from the imposter, he turned to Bobby. “What the hell is going on?” he muttered. “Why is Jimmy in my Heaven?” It wasn’t that he hated the guy; it was just incredibly difficult to look at him—Jimmy having the same face as Cas and all.

“Like I said,” Bobby explained patiently, “it’s not your heaven. It’s everyone’s. Case in point, your dad has a house not five minutes from here.”

“Fuck.” Sam was gonna love that. “Wait.” He scanned the room again, slower now. There was Ellen, Jo, Mrs. Tran—fuck, he was gonna have a lot of explaining to do about Kevin. “Where’s mom?”

Bobby grimaced. “Her and John split up, pretty hairy situation. She’s doing well now, though, much better off without him. Do you know a stuck-up British guy by the name of Ketch?”

“You’re joking. Not him and mom… Together?” Bobby nodded and Dean swore under his breath. “This place isn’t what I was expecting at all.”

“If I might add,” Jimmy spoke up and Dean looked at him. “Castiel has been creating quite the disturbance since he got here. Heaven was… peaceful before him. Not so much now.”

“What’s he talking about?” Dean asked Bobby.

“Well, turns out Cas isn’t such a fan of John—”

“He nearly started a fight!” Jimmy interjected. “This is Heaven, for Heaven’s sake!”

Dean couldn’t help but grin, and Bobby returned the smile. “Come on,” he said, leading Dean away from Jimmy. “Cas will turn up soon enough. I’m sure Jack will too. There’s a lot of people here who are happy to see you.”

“Right, yeah,” Dean said, trying to hide the fact that, at the moment, the only person he wanted to see was Cas. He let Bobby lead him to the bar where Ellen smiled and waved at them. “Icarus-Borne on Wings of Steel” filled the air and he frowned. That sounded pretty good for a cover band.

He glanced at the stage and stopped in his tracks. “Is that… Kansas?”

Bobby nodded. “They all died when their tour bus crashed. I would say it’s a shame, but I’m enjoying the live music too much.”

Dean shook his head in disbelief. First Jimmy, now Kansas. Heaven was… interesting, to say the least. Overwhelming was another way to put it. If only Cas would show up, he could start to appreciate it all.

Cas? he prayed silently. I’m here, buddy. I wanna… I wanna see you. He waited for the sound of wings, but none came, and disappointment sunk in his chest.

He made his way through the Roadhouse, greeting old friends, making up a badass story for how he died—thirteen vamps, an epic car chase, and liberal use of his grenade launcher—but his smile felt forced. Where the hell was Cas? Maybe he was angry Dean had stayed silent during his love confession. In Dean’s defense, Cas had thrown a lot at him all at once. He’d been in a state of shock for days after. Even now he wasn’t completely sure he hadn’t dreamt the whole thing up.

“Jimmy,” he called, returning to the table. He caught the way Jimmy rolled his eyes before looking up at him.

“Yes?”

“Cas, he’s been alright, hasn’t he? I mean, did he, um, has he said anything about me?”

Jimmy’s eye twitched and his wife laughed. “What has he not said about you—that’s the real question,” she answered.

“He won’t shut up,” Jimmy added. He gestured to Kansas, to the bar. “All this, it’s been for you. Giving Kansas a gig here, the free, unlimited liquor. He acts like he’s designing Heaven for everyone, but it’s painfully clear it’s all for you. He even brought in the Impala, which he won’t let anyone near, by the way.”

Baby was here? Obviously. She was as good a car as cars got. Of course Cas understood that. “So, he’s not mad at me?” he pressed.

Jimmy let out an exasperated sigh and looked at his wife. “This is the nonsense I had to put up with, the whole time Castiel was possessing me.” He looked back at Dean. “No. Not that I know of. Did you two really not get together on Earth? After all this time?”

“We’ve been busy,” Dean protested. “Saving the world, defeating God—we haven’t exactly had time for heart to heart talks.” That wasn’t strictly true, but the truth wasn’t something he was proud of. All these years and he’d never worked up the courage to tell Cas how he truly felt. But now he had a second chance, if only Cas would show.

“Well, hopefully you two can talk it out soon because if I have to see Castiel stare at you longingly across the room one more time, even if it’s not through my own eyes anymore, I’m gonna request a transfer to hell.” With that, he turned back to his wife, and Dean stammered for a snarky retort. Unable to come up with one that preserved the last shreds of his dignity, he slunk away.

Joining Jo and Charlie at the bar, he listened as Charlie told him about the recent larping tournament she had organized. He paid attention, nodding and laughing at the right moments, but his eyes kept searching the room for any glimpse of a trenchcoat.

The door to the Roadhouse opened and Dean turned expectantly, his heart racing. Rufus raised a hand in greeting as he stepped inside and Dean sighed.

Please, Cas, he prayed. I have so much to tell you.

His eyes returned to Jimmy again. Same hair, same face, same eyes as Cas. But so different. So human. Cas, though… Cas was gorgeous—the way he stared at Dean so intently, the way he carried himself, the way his eyes glowed with angelic strength, such blue eyes, and his hands, holy fuck...

“For Pete’s sake!” Jimmy exclaimed and Dean startled, realizing he’d been staring for who knew how long. Jimmy jabbed his finger at a door on the back wall. “He’s hiding in there.”

“W-What…?”

Jimmy looked heavenwards—well, at the ceiling—for a long moment before meeting Dean’s eyes. “Castiel panicked when he heard you were here, something about not expecting you so soon—”

Dean stopped listening, already shoving his stool aside and rushing to the door. The doorknob didn’t budge so he knocked. “Cas? Cas, are you in there?”

A long pause, then a muffled, “Yes.”

Dean leaned closer to the door to hear better. “Cas, what the hell, man? What are you doing in there?” He waited for a response, but none came. “Cas?” he pressed, afraid the angel had flown the coop.

The door opened slowly, and Dean took a step back. Cas stood with one hand on the doorknob, an embarrassed look on his face. “Hello, Dean.”

The sound of those familiar words, in that familiar voice, made Dean weak at the knees. He forced his voice to be steady as he said, “Hi, Cas.”

Cas studied him. “You died so soon.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “Yeah, sick joke, right?”

“How did it happen?” Cas started to ask, but Dean waved his hand.

“Not important. The better question is, why have you been avoiding me?” His voice faltered at a sudden fear that he wouldn’t like the answer. Maybe Cas had had too much time to think since the night he died, maybe he was regretting everything he’d said, maybe Dean’s silence had spoiled the moment—

Cas ducked his head, studying his shoes. “I wasn’t sure… I never expected to see you again. I thought my death was final. Then Jack awakened me and brought me from the Empty, and...”

“And?”

“And I wasn’t sure how you would react to my reappearance.” Cas raised his head to meet Dean’s eyes. “I said a lot of things before I died, and I don’t know how things stand between us now.”

“Then let me speak.” He glanced over his shoulder to see everyone watching them. In all the times he’d pictured this moment, he’d never imagined having an audience, let alone background music courtesy of Kansas. But he’d be damned if he went one moment longer without telling Cas the truth.

Focusing on those blue eyes again, he took a deep breath and said, “You were wrong.” Cas frowned a little and Dean continued, “You can have me. I love you, Cas—have for years now. I just never… I never knew how to say it.” Cas watched him, face serious, eyes intent. So undeniably Castiel. “I love you. So goddamn much. Please say it’s not too late. Please tell me you’re not having second thoughts.”

A smile slowly spread over Cas’s face. “It’s not too late, Dean. I’ll always love you.”

Relief rushed over Dean. Before he could think twice about it, he stepped forward, grabbed Cas’ tie, and pulled him in to kiss him. He felt Cas’ hand rise to his cheek, then Cas was kissing him back and people were cheering, but Dean ignored them all, wrapping his free arm around Cas to pull him closer.

“I thought you didn’t love me back,” Cas whispered, pushing his forehead against Dean’s when they broke apart after seconds, or maybe years. Time in Heaven was different, after all.

“I can’t believe you hid in a closet to avoid me.”

Cas laughed a little. “Not my finest moment.”

“I almost confessed my love to Jimmy; I thought he was you.”

“Oh, yes. I suspect his being here is going to cause some confusion.” Cas pulled away to frown at Jimmy over Dean’s shoulder. “And he was not supposed to tell you where I was.”

Dean laughed. “I’m just so glad you’re here.” He kissed Cas again, deeply, slipping his hands under the worn fabric of the trenchcoat. Cas’ fingers slid along his neck and in his hair. Finally, after so long...

Though his mind was spinning, he caught Jimmy’s voice rise above Kansas playing “The Wall,” “First I had to hear all of Castiel’s thoughts about Dean while he possessed me, now I have to share a Heaven with them—”

“Get a room!” Jo called. Dean waved her off as Cas pulled him into the supply room. He’d make a comment later on the irony of hiding in a closet. Right now, he nearly tripped over his feet in his haste to keep kissing Cas while fumbling to pull the door shut behind them. Time to start enjoying the afterlife.

Tag List

@becky-srs @xojo @marvelnaturalock @cas-you-assbutt-dean-needs-you @aelysianmuse @prayedtoyou @letsjustdieeveryone @spookyskeletonsandallthezombies @good-things-do-happen-dean @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @theninthdutchessofhell @famouspsychicpizzabandit @madronasky

Let me know (message, ask, comment) if you’d like to be tagged in my other destiel fics or removed from the list :)

#i read so many posts about jimmy and cas in heaven #that they're all melded in my mind #but if i accidently took someone's idea and ran with it #lmk and i'll give credit where credit is due #i find this whole jimmy thing endlessly amusing #i now accept jimmy and kansas in heaven as canon #crack fic #fluff #destiel #dean and cas are idiots #expectingtofly writes

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lifeisdabubbles-undersalmondean · 3 years

Text

Carry On

Pairing: Sam x gender neutral reader

Fic summary: Quick little short about the aftermath of Dean's death if Sam had a partner. I just couldn't stand the idea that Sam was all alone to handle Dean's death himself.

Word count: 2,500k

Warnings: major character death (Dean), angst

A.N.: The "vision" for this story came to me while listening to Neoni's cover of Carry On Wayward Son, so I highly recommend putting that on on a loop while reading this. So hauntingly beautiful!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam entered the bunker slowly. He was in a daze and could barely breathe. His body felt like wet clay and his vision was blurred, but his muscle memory walked him directly to your room. Your door was open and he found you folding some laundry across your bed. You were standing there, dressed in sleep shorts and one of Dean's ratty old band shirts he reluctantly let you rescue from the trash heap.

"Shouldn't you be wearing your boyfriend’s clothes?"

"Well if I had one maybe I would," You'd answered off-handedly, refusing to look at Sam. You'd given him back all his shirts.

Dean had given him so much shit for breaking up with you.

"Don't you dare give me that 'it's too dangerous' crap," He growled. "Our whole lives are dangerous. So, why not enjoy yourself with someone who--inexplicably--wants to enjoy yourself with you?"

"Just shut up and leave it alone, Dean. If anything happen--"

"No, YOU shut up and listen! They're making a choice to be here with you and they know the risks all too well. Their death would not be on your hands anymore than mine would ever be."

He closed his eyes tightly and swallowed an agonized groan at the memory.

You didn't notice him at first, standing with your back toward the door while you hunt through a sea of fabric in the basket in front of you for the match to the sock you're holding. After a few moments of futile searching you wonder if maybe the match wasn't one of the loners in your top draw, so you turned to check.

"Christ!" You yelped at the sight of a dark figure in your doorway. A relieved breath escaped you as you relaxed, realizing it was just him.

You’d been trying to keep your distance from Sam. The ex-boyfriend who broke your heart into a million pieces six months prior by breaking up with and with whom you are still painfully in love. The day it happened, you thought you were going to die, which was ironic considering he claimed preventing your death was his reasoning in the first place. But you’d had no place else to go and you’d had Dean, Cas, and Jack to comfort you and shovel manure pile after manure pile over Sam for his decision.

Once you’d made the decision to stay at the bunker, despite how painful it was, for the sake of overall peace you swallowed your anger and had been able to build a tense, yet agreeable working/living relationship. It was still difficult for you whenever you found yourself alone with him though.

His presence in your doorway was surprising; the boys were obviously back from their trip. You opened your mouth to smart off at him about not texting a heads up when you realized something was very wrong.

“Sam?” Something about the way he moved--or didn’t move--caused your stomach to begin a slow descent. There was a cold heaviness in your chest and all the hairs on your entire body stood on end. You began to eliminate the distance between you quickly, asking, "Sam, what is i--SAM!!"

When you got close he collapsed to his knees and sobbed.

"Sam, oh my god! What?! Sam, what!! What is it?!!!" You squatted down and grabbed his shoulders, shaking hard. You had never seen him this way and you knew the amount of things that would cause Sam to be in this state were very few. They were also awful and unthinkable. A black hole of terror began forming in the pit of your stomach.

No! Though, in the back of your mind, you knew.

In response, Sam tossed his head back with an agonized grimace, tears pouring down his face. He opened his mouth to speak but sobbed instead, dropping his head again.

"No," You choked, grabbing either side of his face and forcing him to look at you. There was an ache in your chest, as though your heart was vibrating at hyper speed. Every fiber of your being fought against the knowledge beginning to creep into your consciousness. But the moment you met his cloudy, bloodshot eyes filled with despair, you knew.

In an instant you were crying but you fought hard against it, begging, "Sam, no! Please, please, please, nononono! NO!"

The agonizing moan he gave in response was all the confirmation you needed. Your rapid heartbeat ceased with a painful jerk as your heart broke.

Dean was dead.

Breaking eye contact, you shot back upright in front of him, tears flowing like flood water. Your mind raced and you were taking large, gulping breaths. You couldn't believe it. You knew, fine, OK, yes, you knew, but you didn't fucking want to! Your eyes squeezed shut tight. Holding both hands over your mouth, you suddenly let out a muffled scream of pain that makes the ache in your chest grow stronger.

Sam grabbed tightly onto your hips and pulled you to him. The action startled you and with a gasp, you were jarringly reminded of his presence. Your hands dropped and you wrapped your arms around his head, squeezing him as you both cried. His arms moved then to your back, clinging to you desperately. Burying his face into your abdomen he began screaming against you while you squeezed him tighter. It took all your willpower not to break down and scream again along with him.

Everything hurt, yet you felt so numb you were shivering.

"Sam!" Came a desperate gasp as your whole body jerked with a sudden thought. Gripping his arms and trying to pry him off, you shouted this time, "SAM!" He stopped screaming, pulling away from you and groaning in pain. Your tears built up again and you shook him determinedly, "Sam! We can bring him back! You can bring him back! I know you can, there has to be a way--I can--I’ll help you and we can bring him--we can bring Dean back!! We can--”

“No!” Sam responded to your sorrowful begging with a fierce tone, grabbing your arms tightly and shaking his head. "We can't! We have to… let him... rest," he barely made it out before falling forward and placing his forehead on the ground, scream sobbing once more. Your legs gave out and you dropped onto your ass ungracefully. Leaning forward you flung yourself across his back, holding him tightly, alternating between attempts to calm him and getting lost in your own painful sobbing. He was so raw with emotion, it overwhelmed you.

When it seemed as though Sam was at risk of hyperventilating, you pulled yourself together and began to rub his back and shush him gently. With all your might you pulled his weighted body to you and laid his head in your lap. He grabbed onto your thigh tightly and kept sobbing.

Through tears, you began to beg in a murmur, "Shhhh, Sam. Shhhh! Breathe, please breathe. It's ok! It's--" The consolation had escaped your lips without thinking and caused you both to sob painfully.

It wasn't ok.

Hours later, the two of you were still in a crumpled heap on the floor and had barely moved. Miracle had joined you, too, though neither of you could identify when exactly he’d showed up. Sam was laying on his side between your outstretched legs, head resting and arms wrapped around your left thigh. Miracle was stretched out along your left leg with his chin up on Sam’s arm. The crying had eventually died down and you’d all been quiet, save for sniffling, ever since.

Just as you were about to pass out, draped forward over his shoulder, Sam finally shifted. Though sunken with exhaustion, you recognized the look of resolve on his red, splotchy face. You supposed he was right; no point in putting it off any longer. It took you both a long time to peel yourselves up off the floor. Then, as if on auto pilot, you shuffled to the garage.

At the sight of Dean’s lifeless body, you'd had a somewhat violent outburst as your grief twisted painfully around your muscles. Again, you begged Sam to let you try to find a way to revive him, clawing at his chest desperately in your grief. He comforted you this time. Wrapping his large, strong arms around you and squeezing tight, he tried to still you; to force you to stop dodging your emotions and just feel them. It took a while but eventually it worked.

Surprisingly, you and Sam made it through the rest of the process with only two and a half more breakdowns between you. Otherwise, you’d set about your tasks in mostly silence, following Sam's lead as you prepared Dean’s body for a hunter's funeral.

When it was done, you helped Sam load the shrouded body into the backseat of the car. You knew he needed to do this alone, so when he walked away to collect his tools you leaned forward and placed your forehead gently on Dean’s cloth covered one.

So many thoughts flooded you in that moment; many of them unproductive and unhelpful at stopping your tears. You felt a long nonsensical, angry, grief filled diatribe bubbling up in your throat, preparing to rain down on him. As you clenched your fists tightly, you had the urge to punch him. How could he do this? How could he leave Sam?! Leave you? You hated him so much!

“I love you.” You whispered slowly through your quiet sobs. Ultimately, it was the only thing that made sense.

Swallowing everything else down, you stood up and took a deep breath. Gently closing the door, you squeezed your eyes shut and wiped away the tears that fell. You were fairly certain you’d never stop crying and it filled you with a ridiculous amount of rage.

Sam, who’d been waiting patiently for you at the trunk with Miracle, walked up and placed a hand on your shoulder, squeezing tightly. You reached up to touch his wrist and adjust the watch--Dean's watch--he was now wearing. You made the mistake of looking into his eyes and almost dissolved again. You realized in that moment that the thing making you the most angry was the fear that you’d never see Sam happy again. The sorrow in his beautiful hazel eyes might just be permanent after a loss this terrible.

You hugged yourself tightly, watching as Sam drove off to give Dean a proper goodbye. You prayed he would have the strength to make it back. You couldn’t lose them both.

________________

When Sam returned, he found you in the rotunda, leaning over the map table next to a mug of cold coffee, snoring. With a concerned brow furrow, he walked over and lifted you up out of the chair carefully. His overtired, abused muscles screamed at him but he couldn’t have cared less. Without thinking, he took you to his room and tucked you into his bed softly. Sitting on the edge next to your resting figure, he watched you for a moment.

Every day you're out there and you're li… And you're living and you're fighting, 'cause you… You always keep fighting. You hear me? I'll be there every step. I love you so much. My baby brother.

Sam squeezed his eyes shut tight, tears streaming once again.

________________

You woke with a start a short while later, realizing you weren’t where you left yourself at the map table. Sitting up in bed slowly, you realize the room is familiar but not your current setup.

“Sam?” You say into the empty air and listen. No response comes, so you get up and start searching.

You didn’t have to walk the bunker halls long, finding Sam sitting on the edge of Dean’s bed. He was crying and petting Miracle, who--bless his heart--was trying to comfort the poor, grieving man.

When he finally notices you in the doorway, he gives you a quick, guilty, joyless smirk through his tears. You can tell he feels awkward that you caught him, even though you would never judge him, so you gave him a kind smile back and came over. He hangs his head as you approach, which makes you walk faster and hug him fiercely, wanting to comfort him. He falls into you and holds on tight, more tears--mostly of guilt--stream down his face and into your shoulder.

You’re both startled by a buzzing noise from the desk to your left. After sharing curious expressions, Sam stands up slowly and walks over to it, opening the top drawer and searching through the pile of old phones to find the ringing one. He gives you another strange look, then answers it slowly.

“Hello?” You watch as he listens and then stutters, “Uh, this is… Agent Bon Jovi?” You closed your eyes as a painful twinge shot through your heart at the reminder of Dean.

As the man on the phone spoke, Sam realized it was a hunt and suddenly the wind knocked out of him. Dean’s dying words had been echoing in his head on a loop for hours. He wanted to keep fighting but not them, not the monsters. He wanted to fight for you, for your relationship. If he didn’t have his brother, then the world could go fuck itself while he f--was with you. He’d been arguing with himself about when was an appropriate amount of time before telling you. He’d hurt you a lot already and knew he had some things to atone for; he also didn’t want to rob you of your time to grieve by confusing you with his change of heart. But the call, the prospect of a hunt, had startled him into the realization that he didn't want to wait another fucking second to tell you how he felt.

You watched him curiously during the long silence until he turned his head and made eye contact. The look in his eyes startled you into taking a step back and you heard him say, “Uh… Sorry, I… I can’t help you.”

Blinking in confusion, you watch him snap the phone closed and toss it back into the drawer definitively. Then, he turned on his heel and marched toward you. In an instant, his arms have you wrapped up in a tight hug, his lips crashing down onto yours passionately. Your poor shattered heart starts beating painfully hard and you don’t know if you’re crying from pain or joy, but it doesn’t matter. As long as Sam is in your arms, nothing else matters, so you allow yourself to plunge headfirst into him without a second thought.

“Sam,” You gasp when his lips finally disappear from yours. You look into his eyes and something unspoken passes between the two of you. With a gulp, you beg, “Make love to me.”

The next thing you know, he’s swept your legs up into his arms and is carrying you back to his room. He kicks the door out of habit and just before it closes, you think maybe it could be OK.

Eventually.

#supernatural fanfiction #sam winchester fanfiction #sam winchester x reader #gender neutral fanfic #gender neutral reader #angst #canonish #major character death #sam winchester #supernatural #spn #sam x you #sam x y/n #sam x reader #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x y/n #spn 15x20 #15x20 fix it #post 15x20

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thran-duils · 3 years

Text

Profound Impact

Title: Angel, Turned Human (Part 3) Summary: One shot (not anymore!) Reader/Human!Cas Words: 2,161 Warnings: Smut Author’s Notes: It’s been three years but I finally got inspired. Thanks, a lot @ the final season. I feel like I need some fluffy Cas right now and I don’t think I am the only one. And what better way than to go back to this series and add a new chapter? (I am sure there are better ways but I have such a soft spot for human!Cas andddd it’s Christmas and this fits!). I am doing a special tag list for this, adding people who asked for more after the last update; I won’t add you guys to the permanent taglist unless you specifically ask me to! If you asked to be tagged and I did not, it was because tumblr was being stupid and wouldn’t tag your name.

Chap 2 || Masterpost (mobile) || Fanfic masterpost

“It’s an acquired taste,” you told Castiel as you carried a box containing Christmas decorations from your closet.

Castiel was on the fence about the eggnog you had given him. He licked his lips and placed the glass on the table. He stepped closer and asked, “Is the tree in there?”

It had been a month since Dean and Sam had visited. After what Dean had told you about Castiel at the bar, it had barely left your mind. You knew he was right; he had said as much before Castiel had lost his grace. Drunkenly, more than once, Dean had pointed out that Castiel was awkward around you, more awkward than he was around other people, and he surmised that Castiel might be developing a crush. You had been elated to hear this but brushed it off outwardly because you did not want to get your hopes up or have Dean playing match maker. Plus, thinking about you being with an angel… that was frightening and unprecedented.

Now that Castiel was human, well…

You laughed as you placed the box on the coffee table, “No. It’s in a long box.”

“Oh…” Castiel said, cocking his head. You opened the box and he peered in, seeing the smaller boxes containing Christmas music boxes as well as trinkets. He looked back up at you and asked, “What are these?”

“I got them from my grandma and great grandma. It’s a tradition to put them out,” you told him. “My mum gave me a few so I could have them here.”

Castiel ran his eyes over the assortment of boxes and asked teasingly, “A few?”

“Alright, a lot,” you laughed. “There’s music boxes that play different Christmas songs and they’re cute. Plus, there are a bunch of classic figurines like Santa – obviously – but Frosty, and Rudolph.”

Castiel shrugged, picking up one of the boxes carefully. “I am not familiar.”

You grinned broadly, “Oh, I’m aware. Which is why I am extremely excited to show you all of the clay-mation movies along with all the other ones that I love.” He was opening the box and you pointed at it, “That one plays ‘O Christmas Tree’. Try it.”

He wound up the dial and held it as it began playing a soft melody. A warm smile crept across his face, taking in the design of the box.

“It is very cheerful,” he admitted.

“Of course it is. It’s Christmas!” You suddenly remembered what you had purchased at the store when you had gone yesterday. “Oh! I forgot to show you!” You rushed over to the table and picked up the bag hanging off the back of one of the chairs and brought it back over to him. Holding it out, you said, “This is for you!”

Castiel carefully placed the music box down on the coffee table before he took the bag from you. He pulled out the green striped stocking, turning it around to examine it. You were practically bouncing on the heels of your feet as he looked at it.

“There’s more,” you pushed.

He gave a little laugh at your excitement. “I can see that, Y/N.” He put the stocking over his shoulder so it would not fall to the ground and then reached into the bag for the heavier box. He examined it, brow creasing. “Two?”

Nodding excitedly, you explained, “I got two new stocking holders so that they are matching. I really like my old one, but I figured it would look nicer if ours matched. So, there’s one for you and one for me. I know you have a stocking at the bunker – thanks to me, as per usual – but you don’t have one here. Here, let’s put it up and then find mine!”

Without waiting for him to respond, you rushed back down the hall to the storage closet to grab another box of decorations that you were sure had your stocking in it.

You encouraged Castiel to hang the stockings, telling him it was a great privilege for the Christmas season. He knew you were teasing but he did it all the same, beaming as he did so. He stepped back and you grasped his arm, standing close. When you looked up at him, your smile faltered slightly seeing the look on his face at your close proximity. His lips were parted, his eyes lingering on your lips. Time grew taut, if only for a few seconds.

Forcing yourself to smile wide again, you pulled away, “You positioned them perfectly, Cas. Here. We can put some of the music boxes up there with them.”

Turning away, you exhaled shakily. That had been close, and you wanted to kick yourself for pulling away like you had. That would have been special to share a kiss then and there, but you were still too afraid that everything would change. And the silly thing was that you wanted that change simultaneously.

<> <> <>

A few days later, you brought out the wrapping paper and placed some of the presents you had purchased for the guys. Castiel was more than eager to help you; ever since the stockings, he had offered to help you with everything. Castiel was a helpful person but it was pointed now that he was trying to get closer like you had invited and then tore the rug out from underneath him. You just needed another moment like that again and you prayed it would happen soon.

“No, no. Like this!”

“You’re being controlling, Y/N.”

Your mouth fell open and Castiel said, “Now that I have you distracted…”

He turned back to the table and began folding the paper again, taping as he finished wrapping up the gift. He held it up to you and said, “I may have used more than three pieces of tape, but this looks good to me.”

Rolling your eyes, unable to argue because he was right, you said, “Fine. Yes.”

Castiel smiled happily at your approval. “And when I wrap your gift, I’ll make sure to only use three pieces because I know you’ll probably notice if I don’t.”

This made you chuckle, “You’re not wrong.”

“Are we going to the bunker for Christmas?”

His question caught you off guard. Shrugging, you said, “Oh, I haven’t really asked them yet. But I’m assuming so? They don’t have anywhere to sleep here with us. As much fun as it was when they visited, Dean complaining about his back was more than I could handle.”

“I offered him the couch,” Castiel muttered, placing the present back down on the table. He reached for the next unwrapped gift for Sam.

“I know. And I offered for him to sleep in my bed next to me—” You did not miss Castiel tense slightly at this. “—right when we got home from the bar and he told me no,” you sighed in response. “So, we both put in valiant effort to relieve him and stop the whining. So, I think the bunker is probably the best bet.”

Castiel was quiet, staring at nothing. You worried you had hurt his feelings by mentioning you asked Dean to share a bed with you. Stupid stupid stupid. You tried to play it cool.

“Hey, you here on planet Earth still?”

He focused back on you and it was painfully obvious that his smile was forced. “Yeah, yeah. Um…” he trailed off, looking down at the present he grabbed. It was most definitely not okay.

Cocking your head, you stepped closer. “Do you not want to go to the bunker? I mean I don’t want to pressure you to go if you would rather stay here?”

“No, that’s not it. I’ll always go where you go. Don’t worry.”

Your breath caught in your chest. He said it so simply, but the impact was profound.

Time slowed to a crawl and you felt like molasses as you moved to him. Castiel turned his head to you in what seemed like slow motion and his hands left the present, turning to you fully as if there was a magnet between the two of you. As soon as your lips touched, you fell in quickly, time speeding back up. There was passion behind the kiss, your arms wrapping around his neck. The pair of you barely came up for breath, all the pent-up fervor bursting.

And as soon as it had started, you heard him say harshly, “Y/N!”

Stung, you pulled back instantly. “I-I’m sorry,” you stammered.

Castiel shook his head, “No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why… that was stupid. Trust me, I have wanted to. So badly,” before pulling you back in for another deep kiss and you welcomed it gratefully, pressing yourself against him. He tasted sweet and you never wanted to stop feeling his heartbeat so close to yours.

He was clumsy, quick in his movements. You smiled against his lips and grabbed his hands, stilling his movement. You lazily kissed him, relishing in the feeling of him against you. He stumbled a bit at the change, but you moved your hands up, holding him behind the head to cradle him close to let him know you did not want to stop. His hands rested at your sides now, just holding you. It felt right being held by him, like you were meant to be in his arms.

You began edging him towards the couch and he sat back, you crawling into his lap your lips still locked. You only pulled away to take your shirt and bra off before diving back in. His tongue begged for entrance and you granted it. Clothes disappeared, the two of you quick in your movements not wanting to stray from the other’s embrace for too long. His skin was warm, his cock hard brushing against your thighs. You could not help but to grind yourself against him, drawing a soft, lustful sigh from him.

“Protection?” Castiel husked.

“Yeah, we are fine,” you told him breathlessly. “Birth control.” It was a fleeting, amused thought that he even remembered to ask.

He was back on you, his hands running up your sides, grasping blindly as you towered over him, positioning yourself. Sinking slowly onto his length, you moaned softly. Castiel was staring up at you starry eyed, drinking you in as he bit his bottom lip trying to hold his noises in. You smiled sensually at him, leaning forward and kissing the tip of his nose with him fully seated inside you. He twitched, his fingers digging into your hips.

“You can be loud if you want, Cas,” you whispered before sitting back up.

He exhaled sharply as you slid back up painfully slow and came back down, beginning to set a steady rhythm. He nipped and kissed at every spot of your skin he had access to, leaving a wet trail. He brought your nipple into his mouth, sucking earnestly. You whined his name, begging him to not stop kissing you. You repositioned the two of you, him lying on his back. One hand pressed into his chest, as you rode him quickly, chasing your high with every brush of his cock deep inside and your other hand stimulating yourself.

Castiel’s breathing was short and hollow, grunting out loose, incoherent words. It was not until he came with a shout that you realized he was speaking Enochian; it was nothing you had heard him say before. Feeling him fill you up pushed you over the edge and you clenched around him, drawing yet another low praise in his mother tongue.

Lying panting on his chest, you stared at the lights on the Christmas tree, your eyesight still slightly blurry from your high. The two of you were covered in sweat, the sweet smell of sex sticking to yourselves. You focused in once again on his heartbeat, listening as it began to slow, dwindling back down from a thump to a steady beat.

Lifting your head, you looked at him. His gaze was already burning into you; he looked unsure, like he was afraid you were going to bolt. To squash any thought of that, you moved up to nuzzle your nose against his cheek.

“What were you saying?” you whispered.

He blushed slightly and swallowed sharply. “I was encouraging you.”

Chuckling, you said, “Well, it worked.” He smiled in response and you gave him a long, soft kiss. “Do you want to move to the bed…?”

“I would rather stay here,” Castiel responded gently. His fingers traced the side of your face, staring down at you with adoration. “Together, of course. I am tired. Plus, I am comfortable here.”

Smiling, you said, “That is fine with me.”

Arm draped over him, you snuggled into his side as he covered the two of you with the blanket from the back of the couch. Inhaling deeply, you smiled again feeling him lay a soft kiss on the top of your head.

~~~

CASTIEL FOREVER TAGS: @willowing-love @perseusandmedusa @greenappleeyes @afanofmanystuffs @earthtokace @shikaros-blog @marisayouass @splendidcas

Angel taglist: @mathle0matle @starletzombie @sleepy-nyx

#castiel x reader #castiel fic #castiel fluff #castiel smut #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #human!cas #human castiel #human cas #my shit

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lov3nerdstuff · 3 years

Text

Voluptas Noctis Aeternae {Part 7.14}

*Severus Snape x OC*

Summary: It is the year 1983 when the ordinary life of Robin Mitchell takes a drastic turn: she is accepted into Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Despite the struggles of being a muggle-born in Slytherin, she soon discovers her passion for Potions, and even manages the impossible: gaining the favor of Severus Snape. Throughout the years, Robin finds that the not quite so ordinary Potions Professor goes from being a brooding stranger to being more than she had ever deemed possible. An ally, a mentor, a friend... and eventually, the person she loves the most. Through adventure, prophecies and the little struggles of daily life in a castle full of mysteries, Robin chooses a path for herself, an unlikely friendship blossoms into something more, and two people abandoned by the world can finally find a home.

General warnings: professor x student, blood, violence, trauma, neglectful families, bullying, cursing

Words: 5.7k

Read Part 1.1 here! All Parts can be found on the Masterlist!

______________________________

The first few weeks of classes went by in a breeze. With potions and herbology out of the picture now, Robin had a lot of time to study for those four classes that she still had left to take, and she also got around to doing plenty of work on her own research on the side. The evenings however remained reserved for working in the lab or the office, for chatting and overall for spending time with Snape. Their work was either of a more experimental nature these days, or consisted of basic tasks imposed on them by the school. At the same time they tried to slowly work their way through the almost countless ingredients they had gathered over summer, experimenting with different modes of preservation and use.

During the day however, Robin soon found herself with an underwhelming amount of work to do, while Snape was obviously busy, as were her roommates, and she often found herself already bored by noon. Four classes… it wasn't a lot, even if she read ahead and did her assignments more thoroughly than anyone could expect of her. So she picked up an old habit and read up on random things in her freetime, whenever she had seen enough plants and dead animals on dusty book pages for a day. Whether it was books and articles on the dark arts, ministry decrees and political dealings, or something as pathetic as Cas' collection of glossy magazines… Robin read anything she could get her hands on.

Surprisingly enough, there had been no further issues with Morgan after the welcoming feast as of yet, and he merely gave Robin poor grades one day and the highest scores the next, as if he himself couldn't even make up his mind about what the situation between them was supposed to be like now. He did throw Robin the most bone chilling glances at times though, full of yearning and hatred and craze that even the other students commented on occasionally, but that was it. Honestly, Robin was glad about it and she knew that Snape was too. As long as Morgan stayed subtle in his insanity, they wouldn't bother with him either.

In the third week of term, Dumbledore had invited Robin to tea indeed, like he had announced before the holidays, and Robin had accepted for the sole purpose of finding out more about what the man was playing at. Of course it hadn't been that easy though, it never was, and she had left his office no wiser in the end, and with more questions than she'd started out with. The headmaster truly was ineffable by default, a mystery she just wasn't able to solve and that grew more complicated the longer she pried. But it had been painfully obvious to her at least that he knew something he was keeping from her on purpose, something that wasn't as simple as a reason for ignoring the assault on a student. However she had quickly come to realise that if she called out Dumbledore for protecting Morgan, she would cut into her own flesh, seeing as he was protecting her 'ties' with Snape just the same. In a way, Robin had admired Dumbledore for getting her caught up far enough in his system of liabilities that she wasn't in a position any longer to call him out for his wrongs. She had become a threat to him somehow, or an unpredictable factor in his game at least, and he had easily put her on a leash to keep her under control. It was a brilliant move, to her disadvantage admittedly, but brilliant no less.

One good outcome of having tea with the headmaster was that Robin had been asked to occasionally assist the professors in a few of the more practical classes for the lower years, such as herbology and care of magical creatures, but not potions however, which Robin had taken immediate notice of and was honestly glad about. She couldn't imagine working with Snape as anything but equals at this point, and it probably wouldn't be the best idea to showcase just how close they were in their friendship in front of a class full of his students. But assisting the other professors from time to time when they needed a hand would certainly take some access time off her hands and perhaps prevent her from going through Cas' collection of YA novels next, and that definitely was a gain more than a loss. Maybe she could mention it in her CV at the end of the year, when she would be done with school and left to find a job to pay for a living. Gods, she had no idea what she would do then… she didn't even know what kind of job she could do at this point. But she still had a few months to figure that out after all, and for the moment, she preferred to remain in blissful ignorance of the more distant future.

… … …

Before long it was the middle of October, or more precisely, the nineteenth thereof. A day prior to Robin's birthday, and in remembrance of the last one, she actually found herself excited for it this year. Not because of presents she might or might not receive, she honestly still didn't care about that all too much, but mostly because she'd actually had such a lovely day last year, and she hoped that she would have an even better one this time around. Actually she was quite sure that she would, because for the first time in all her years at this school she wouldn't have Morgan's class on her birthday, which in itself was already a huge improvement to any other year before.

For days on end, however, Jorien and Cas had pleaded Robin to celebrate into her birthday together, if celebrating even was the appropriate word for spending the evening in their room together doing whatever it was the two girls were thinking of, and after days of hearing their begging, Robin had finally agreed on a compromise. That's why in the evening of the nineteenth, Robin found herself in a sudden hurry upon catching a glimpse at her watch at half past ten at night, and she finished her coffee in one big gulp in return.

"Are you alright?" Snape quirked an eyebrow at her in question, obviously startled by her sudden jump into action after hours of calmly sitting across from him with her legs crossed on the chair.

"No, I'm late!" She sighed in return and gave him an almost sad half smile. "I told you I promised the girls to spend the latter half of the evening with them for once, didn't I?"

"Right… I merely hadn't realised that it was quite so late already."

"I feel like I should be more excited for this evening than I am. After letting them pierce my ears last year, I'm honestly not sure what they will try to do to me this time, and I'm not all too eager to find out. Especially since they insist on staying up until after midnight."

"Most likely they simply want to spend the evening with you because they care. But you obviously believe that whatever they have planned won't be all too enjoyable for you."

"Would you like to spend an evening with two overly excited fourteen year olds who have been planning this evening for weeks?!" She asked with humour in her voice. She liked the girls, very much so… and she was happy that they cared about her enough to want to spend this evening together. But she also knew how overbearing they could be in situations like this, and how they had a very much different idea of 'fun' than she did herself.

"Actually, I would rather drink poison." Snape replied in absolute neutrality, and only when Robin let out a snort he allowed himself to smirk as well. "Good luck. You have my utmost sympathy."

"Thanks…" She groaned under her breath in exaggeration, then smiled and finally made for the door. "See you tomorrow morning?"

"Obviously. Have a good night despite their efforts, yes?"

"I'll try. However if I don't show up for breakfast tomorrow, you should start being concerned." She turned around to him once more, and a part of her wished she didn't have to go. "Have a good night yourself. Perhaps you could use the opportunity to actually go to bed before 3 in the morning, it might do you good to get some rest after that almost-explosion in class you mentioned."

Snape rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, making Robin smirk as she forced herself to leave the office at last. While she made her way down the hallway towards the dorms, she tried to recall when she'd last parted from him this early. She couldn't actually remember; usually it was way after midnight when they decided to call it a night. Returning to her room this early now just felt oddly wrong. But on the other side, the closer she got to her inevitable fate of whatever sleepover scenario the girls had planned, the more she actually felt happy at the prospect of spending some time with them. Whatever immature things they were going to force her into, she promised herself to try enjoying it at least. Who knew… perhaps they would surprise her.

The very moment she entered her room, she was already welcomed by the smell of tea and chocolate cake, mingling with the always lovely fragrance of a burning fire in the oven in the middle of the room. So far so good! While both girls immediately started complaining that Robin was two minutes late, she moved to drop her bag by her bed, then undid her robes and finally flopped down on her bed and caught a pause in their rambling to bring out her own apology. Her sincerely apologetic expression along with it obviously appeased the girls quickly enough, and they moved on without dwelling on her miniscule delay. Both of them were in their pajamas already, but they didn't give Robin an opportunity to change into hers as they ushered her onto the only empty bed and already pressed a plate of cake and a teacup into her hands, then sat down with her to enjoy their own. Admittedly, tea and cake in the middle of the night was as normal to Robin as reading before bedtime was to others, and thus she enjoyed the start to their little celebration more than she had anticipated. They chatted about nothing particularly important, mostly about the remarkable mishap of a student in their potions class that day, which Robin had already heard about from the other perspective. Getting a full picture now however proved to be highly amusing to her, and together with the cake and tea, she actually felt quite comfortable in the situation. Happy, even. Perhaps she had underestimated the girls' taste in having fun… they weren't kids anymore, after all.

She stayed in that mindset until right after tea, when she realized that they weren't kids anymore indeed, but something far worse. Teenagers. Because as soon as her plate and cup were out of her hands, Cas supplied them all with some odd kind of facial mask, which she plastered thickly onto Robin's face before the latter could even put her hair up. It really was a messy endeavour; sticky, weird smelling, dripping onto her clothes and getting stuck in her hair, which perhaps was more due to Cas' less than expertly way of applying it to Robin's face than because of the substance itself. Meanwhile Jorien decided that it was absolutely necessary to paint Robin's nails, luckily deciding that Robin would probably prefer black over the glittery blue she herself wore, and thus got started on that while Cas was still busy smearing the mask onto every path of Robin's skin she could find. It was a living hell on earth in a way, but Robin just let the girls do and actually found herself so very amused by it that she actually had to try not to laugh out loud. It was such a cliche thing to do, such a stereotypical situation… but she would let them dress her up as much as they wanted tonight, for it was humouring either of them after all. Robin just happened to be amused by it in a different way than the girls.

For quite some time they continued their work on Robin, and finally also on each other in such a practiced manner that it left Robin guessing if they did this regularly. She never was around in the evenings after all, she had no clue what their nights looked like. Before long it was almost midnight, and Robin was sitting on the shared bed again after she had been allowed to wash off the mask as good as possible once the girls had been sure that her nails were dry enough for that by now.

"Say, do you ever miss your best friend these days?" Jorien asked Robin out of the blue, after previously discussing something entirely different. "You said you spent all summer together, so… you must be pretty close."

"Of course I do, I always miss him when he's not around." Robin replied with a small frown, probably sounding as surprised by the inquiry as she felt. "Why the odd question?"

"Oh, you know…" Cas shrugged in feigned indifference. "We were just wondering if we should keep trying to find you a date, or if perhaps you aren't interested in a relationship because you already ARE in a relationship."

Robin's jaw dropped for a second, then her brows furrowed to act over her rising embarrassment. "I can assure you that I'm not in any relationship other than entirely platonic ones, but I'm still not interested in you finding me a date."

"Well, you aren't getting any younger!"

Now Robin just straight out laughed at them. "Guys, I will be eighteen in five minutes, not eighty! You don't have to push me into any kind of relationship just for the sake of it, I'm not interested in that kind of thing."

"But you are interested in something else?" Jorien quirked an eyebrow at her, a smug expression on her face as if this entire conversation had been one big trap for Robin to fall into. And she most definitely just had, going by the grins on both girls' faces.

"Look, this really isn't-..." She tried, but was cut off immediately.

"Oh come on! You can't tell us that in eighteen years of being alive you've never had a crush on someone. Not even YOU despise people that much!" Cas argued, and Jorien nodded her approval to the statement. "This is a girls' night, which obviously is something you haven't done much before, alright, but let me assure you that we are supposed to talk about boys now!"

"I don't know any boys other than my classmates." Robin shrugged. "And they're all idiots not worth talking about."

"But what about your mysterious best friend, then? Tell us more about him. About your summer together."

"I already told you many of the stories of what we experienced in summer. I even told you about some of it twice!"

"Yeah, but you never spoke of what happened between you and him, only about the things that happened to the two of you."

"Nothing happened between us! Why do you even want to know about that? I'm sure you have plenty of stories about Simon to tell… And hasn't one of his friends been oddly nice to you lately, Jorien?" Robin tried to change the topic, feeling more discomfort in the current situation than she had while they had 'beautified' her. Not only was it already difficult as it is to keep her existing friendship with Snape a secret, but the girls' prodding about what exactly she felt for him just made it almost impossible to keep her feelings locked up. Perhaps they didn't understand that… couldn't know that having a crush was entirely different from truly and desperately loving someone. Hell, even that had to be different for everyone, love surely didn't work the same for all people. Either way, Robin didn't want to talk about it. Not with them, and not with anyone else.

"You always say you speak the truth no matter what… and you insist that you never break your promises. So tell us straight out that you're not crushing on anyone, and we'll leave you be." Cas argued back, entirely ignoring Robin's attempt at a change of conversational direction.

"I swear that I do not have a crush on anyone." Robin insisted seriously, locking gazes with both girls respectively. "And I would very much appreciate it if we could use the one minute left before my birthday to talk about something else now."

"Fine." Cas sighed sadly. "I believe you. Too bad though, crushes are fun. I honestly don't understand why nobody ever asks you out, you're amazing."

"Change of topic, idiot!" Jorien hissed at her friend and nudged her in the side. "It won't do to make her feel unloved!"

"Oh, I feel very loved. You painted my nails and smeared goo on my face, what more could I want?" Robin gave them a teasing half smile, and the girls couldn't help giggling in return. "And I really appreciate the efforts you made to make this evening a small celebration. Thank you."

"Oh, but it's not even over yet!" Cas grinned, and scrambled off the bed, almost tripping over the way too long tracksuit bottoms she had probably borrowed (or stolen) from Simon. Poor boy… Cas really was a handful, but as far as Robin could tell, he really did like her a lot, and he was absolutely lovely to her. The thought made her smile, just when Cas jumped back onto the bed with a surprisingly large box.

Just in time, the clock hit midnight and both Cas and Jorien started singing a desperately off-key but very much heartfelt happy birthday, which made Robin smile even more. Yeah, she did feel loved indeed.

"Happy birthday, you old person!" Cas practically squealed at her, then dropped the box on the bed and wrapped Robin into a tight hug to which Jorien followed, and both girls together squeezed all air out of Robin's lungs, which she happily let happen.

"Happy birthday Robin." Jorien added in barely audible words that were muffled by Robin's blouse.

"Thank you guys. You really got me to start liking birthdays." She smiled, then frowned a little as the two still wouldn't let go of her. "You're not trying to suffocate me, are you? I'd like to make it to nineteen as well."

"Oh, sorry." Cas said, and both finally let go of Robin to sit back down in front of her. "It's just… this is your last birthday we're celebrating together like this. And we want you to remember it in the future."

"I most definitely will, don't worry."

"Good! But to help you with that nonetheless, we got you a different gift this year. Not jewelry for once." Jorien explained, while she handed Robin the large box in an almost festive gesture. "So you will remember us."

Robin already felt sad before she opened the box. It was true, this was her last birthday they would celebrate together. Or was it? "Just because it's my last year doesn't mean we won't see each other again afterwards, you know that, right?" She asked even before she opened the box. This was supposed to be a cheerful occasion, not one filled with sadness about a future that wasn't as depressing as they likely made it out to be in their heads. "Perhaps we can't celebrate my birthday for a while, but you won't be in school forever either. And there's no rule saying that I can't come and visit you guys on Hogsmeade weekends."

"That's true…" Cas sighed, and her smile quickly lost the sadness to it. "But right now you're still here in the first place, and you're the birthday girl. So open the present already!"

Rolling her eyes for show, Robin still obliged and took a peek first before opening the lid entirely at last. Inside, underneath a layer of colourful paper, lay a beautiful wooden picture frame that held a moving photograph of her little group of people. Jorien, Cas, Simon, his two friends who Robin had actually almost grown somewhat fond of at this point, and also Robin herself right in the middle. They were all seated in the great hall on both sides of the table, smiling into the camera.

"I remember this…" Robin heard herself saying in astonishment. "A classmate of theirs… what was her name again…"

"Patricia." Cas was quick to reply, and Robin's smile widened.

"Right… She asked if she could take a picture of us because we looked so happy. That was just recently, in the second week of term, wasn't it?"

"Yep. It actually was Simon's idea to give this to you as a gift." Cas went on to explain. "He got Patricia to make a copy of it for him, and Jorien and I got the frame."

"Thank you, honestly, this is… wow."

"We actually managed to leave you short for words for once, hell yeah!" Cas laughed, giving Jorien a high-five. "It's probably not the most extraordinary present, but-..."

"It's perfect." Robin was quick to interrupt. "There hardly are any pictures of me as an adult, other than those in the paper, and none at all of my friends. Nobody ever bothered taking a picture with me, least of all frame one with me in it, and I honestly love it more than anything else you could've given to me."

"You're most welcome." Jorien replied with a smile. "But a third of the effort was Simon's, don't forget that."

"I'll thank him too, first thing tomorrow morning. But now we should probably call it a night, it's gonna be a long Friday for you guys and I don't want you to lose any more sleep over me."

"Yes, mom." Jorien rolled her eyes with a snort. "Morning's gonna come no matter when we go to bed, you know. But Morgan's announced a test for tomorrow, so we probably should go to bed indeed."

"Great!" Cas clapped her hands, grinning. "Now that we're talking about tomorrow morning, or rather… today's morning anyway, I have something fun to tell you guys!"

"There's something fun you haven't told me about yet?!" Jorien fake-protested with a glare at Cas, while Robin moved off the shared bed and back towards her own, where she placed the picture frame on her nightstand.

"Chill, I was gonna wait for you to see it yourself, but it's just too funny not to tell you." Cas giggled to herself, and Robin frowned when she sat back down with the girls. When Cas found something funny it was usually at the expense of others, and that always should make one weary at least.

"Out with it now!" Jorien nudged her friend in the side to stop her from giggling, while Cas almost rolled off the bed just laughing to herself. "C'mon, don't do this to us!"

"Yes, fine…" Cas sighed, as she tried to regain some composure. "So you know how Parker is friends with Dave, and Dave is Martin's friend, and Martin is friends with Gideon."

"Get to the bloody point already!" Jorien groaned, and the only thing Robin had understood was Gideon's name, who was one of Simon's friends. The one who didn't fancy Jorien; that one was Michael.

"I was about to!" Cas rolled her eyes. "Anyway, Simon told me that Parker and his friends are setting up this practical joke for tomorrow morning, and it's going to be absolutely hilarious!"

"What's it about?"

"They will put salt into the tea and coffee for the head table, and charm it so that people will only taste it two seconds after drinking it!" Cas was back to giggling to herself. "Just imagine, all the professors spitting out their drinks!"

"That's horrible!" Robin replied instinctively.

"That's hilarious!" Jorien laughed at the same time, and all three girls looked at each other for a moment of hesitation.

"I think it's going to be bloody hilarious indeed." Cas finally sighed, and made her way over to her own bed at last. "Our entire class could need the laugh before Morgan's stupid test, and I think he's set one for the sixth year NEWT class for the afternoon, too. But Simon isn't taking defense classes anymore, so I don't particularly care."

"Yeah… it's gonna be great." Jorien smiled and made for her bed as well. "Especially since nobody can hold us accountable for it."

Robin stayed sitting on the empty bed for a moment longer and didn't say anything at all. Practical jokes weren't her thing in general, but this one just seemed absolutely childish and unnecessary. Sure, it wouldn't do any harm either, but still… knowing about it now left her in a position she didn't want to be in. She could tell Snape about it and prevent him from getting pranked, but on the flipside that meant she would betray the girls, in a way. And it would be painfully obvious that she had been the one talking, at least to Jorien and Cas and Simon. For a moment, Robin felt angry with Cas for putting her into this situation in the first place. Then again, the girl hadn't meant any harm, and probably only wanted to share something she thought would humour her friends. But geez, couldn't they have done this any other day?! This kind of predicament wasn't such a great start to her birthday…

"Robin? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, just… thinking." She replied evasively and finally snapped out of her head, only to see the girls already all settled into their beds. "I think I'll take a shower before going to sleep, some of that goo is still stuck in my hair. I'll be quiet when I come back, as always. Don't wait up for me."

"Alright." Cas sighed softly, and even as Robin got up and made her way to her own bed, she could see the girl smiling. "You're gonna have an awesome birthday, Robin. Don't worry."

Robin returned a quiet hum, not wanting to lie nor to spoil their enjoyment of this complot, and then she quickly gathered her things to make for the showers. Once alone in the dark bathrooms, she first tried to scrub the goo out of her blouse so that she could wear it again tomorrow without any pinkish stains, and once that was accomplished half manually and half magically, she finally went to scrub the goo off herself under the steady stream of hot water in the shower. Really, as soothing as the water was, as soothing as the night was, she still felt torn about the situation with the practical joke. Why, just WHY did that one piece of information have to put an otherwise very entertaining night on the line like that?! If she was honest with herself, Robin knew what she was going to do. But she still felt bad about it nonetheless. Then again, she shouldn't! It was her birthday and besides that she was very much in the right to spare her best friend from whatever kind of agony he was facing unknowingly. Telling him was the right thing to do.

Once she was cleaned up and dry again, she put on her pajamas and twisted her still wet hair up into a bun to fix it with her wand like she did so often by now. Then she grabbed her things and was on her way back to her room, still in full determination that she would find Snape before breakfast tomorrow and warn him of the impending doom at the head table. But after she had silently stored away all her items and taken a seat on her bed, that plan of action was shaken with a start.

"Robin?" Jorien's whisper carried over to her so very quietly that she barely even heard it in the first place.

"Huh?"

"Can… can we talk? While Cas is sleeping."

"Yeah, of course." Robin was quick to reply, frowning to herself however as she motioned to the door before stepping out into the hallway herself, with Jorien following two seconds later. Only once the door was closed entirely, the girl came straight to the point.

"I don't want that prank to be played, Robin…" She said in a quiet voice for they still could be overheard, especially out in the dorm hallway at one o'clock at night. "And I know you don't either."

"You seemed to be quite fond of the idea just an hour ago…"

"I certainly don't need to tell you out of all people what an act is." Jorien rolled her eyes, but the almost pleading expression still remained predominant on her face. "Sometimes getting along with people just requires adaption, and if it's not gonna be sincere, then an act will still do."

"Consider me impressed in that case." Robin raised her eyebrows at the girl in surprise for a moment, then came back to the problem at hand. "But why do you tell me this?"

"I know there is some weird understanding between you and Professor Snape… and I'm fairly sure you will want to warn him in advance, probably tomorrow morning. You see, I would like to spare Professor McGonagall the unpleasant experience, too, if I can… I really like her."

"Right… I remember that." Robin sighed under her breath, and then was back to frowning to herself. "And yes, I'm going to tell Snape about it tomorrow morning. Would you like me to tell McGonagall as well? I'm sure I can find her before breakfast."

"See, there exactly is the issue. You can't tell anyone before breakfast tomorrow."

"You can't talk me out of it, I-..."

"I'm not trying to talk you out of it, Robin! I'm trying to tell you that you literally will not be able to talk to Snape before breakfast tomorrow, because there's this plan that Cas and Simon and I have made, because of your birthday, and we will be around you at all times before the meal. You understand what I mean?"

"You mean I won't have an opportunity to tell him without Cas and Simon knowing what I did."

"Precisely." Jorien nodded, then sighed. "I know you can do things like this… And you've done things like this before…"

"Out with it."

"You have to stop that prank. Please… I know you can do impossible things, and I know you have way more to say in this place than anyone else I know."

"I don't have anything to say around here, Jorien. I wish I did, and I wish I could just call that Parker kid out without any evidence, but if I'll be caught up in you guys' scheme from my waking point tomorrow, I don't see how I could prevent it from happening without putting a serious strain on my relationship with Cas, and on hers with Simon."

"I know it's complicated… But that's why I need you to take care of it!" Jorien almost looked like she might start crying any moment now, and honestly Robin found herself surprised by how much the girl seemed to care about her favourite professor. It wasn't something she had seen in anyone but herself before now. "Please, Robin… I know it's silly to be so upset about it, but I know that letting it happen would make you as unhappy as it makes me. That's why I told you that we have these plans for the time before breakfast. Maybe play surprised at least when we tell you about it again tomorrow morning."

"Of course…" Robin nodded, then sighed, and her mind was already working on a solution. "I'll do what I can to stop the prank, okay?"

"Yes! Thank you!" Jorien let out a long breath in obvious relief, then tired a half smile. "I mean, at least you can be sure that Snape is still up at this time of night, huh? You usually return from your work with him way later than this."

"Yeah…" Robin replied absentmindedly, tracing the scar on her neck with her fingers as she frowned ahead at the hallway. Perhaps it really wasn't the worst idea to find Snape now and save him from the joke at least, if she already couldn't stop the entire thing; Jorien was right when she said that one o'clock at night was still early for them. He certainly wouldn't mind another brief visit from her even at this time, especially if it was to his own advantage. And if Robin bargained correctly, she could get him to warn McGonagall in the morning indeed, which would keep her ends with Jorien sealed. It wasn't even such a big deal now that she thought about it, and a decent solution to the problem. Why hadn't she thought about that right from the start?

"Earth to Robin!" Jorien said in that moment, drawing Robin out of her freeze even at the quiet sound. "You're daydreaming again."

"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about why I was once again being weird and trying to make things more complicated than they are."

"It's just who you are. But it always ends in something great, so don't worry about it. I should probably go back to bed now though, if I don't want to give myself away entirely tomorrow. You won't tell Cas that I actually hate this stupid joke, will you?"

"Of course not. I promise."

"Thanks…" Jorien sighed, then opened the door and waited for Robin to go in first, which however she didn't.

"You go to bed, I'll deal with the prank." Robin whispered to her, giving her an encouraging smile. "Goodnight."

"Night… And Robin? I love that you're weird, and so does Cas. Don't ever change that."

______________________________

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dannifielding · 3 years

Text

Supernatural Snippet

This has been in my head for a thousand years, so I’ve finally started to write the whole scene down. It’s not finished, but thoughts would be nice :)

It’s from Season 12, Episode 22 (Who We Are)

The song is Make You Love Me by JT Music (Doki Doki Literature Club warning for the song)

This is a little more grusume than I tend to write, so it’s not the best, but I thought I would share it.

~0~0~0~

Amelia frowned slightly as she looked around the large, endless, white space she had found herself in. It had been many, many years since she had died, but she was sure this wasn’t her heaven. She was sure that she should have been on a hill just down the road from her old house with Dean, when they were both much younger, rocking out to Cheap Trick.

She reached up and touched the back of her head. She wasn’t sure how she felt about being killed by that bastard Ketch, but she went the same way her dad had died, so at least that was something. She would have to go find him. She missed him terribly.

“Hello.”

She spun around, startled by the voice that greeted her from behind. Just down then… well, the endless void, was herself. Well, not quite herself. Whatever it was had her face, and her voice, but her clothes were very plain and she was wearing a skirt that Amelia wouldn’t have even given a second thought about in a store. In fact, the whole outfit screamed librarian, or church mom, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about seeing herself in that context.

“Hello?” she replied, a little more unsurely than her counterpart.

“I imagine this is very strange for you,” the other Amelia started. “But you don’t have to be afraid. I’m here to help.”

“Help?” Amelia repeated. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m dead.”

The other Amelia nodded in some form of fake sympathy. “That is very true, yes,” she agreed. “However, I can change that, if you like.” She placed a hand on her own chest. “I’m you, but a different you, a you that happened to go down a different path.”

“And that makes you want to help me?” Amelia asked and she nodded. “But why? What’s it to you if I live or die?”

“I could go into the intricacies of cross universal existence, but we really don’t have time for that,” the other Amelia replied. With a wave of her hand the void flickered and, next to them both, an image appeared. An image of Ketch approaching Dean, who was still strapped in to the machine, trying to save his mom. “If you let me help you, you can save his life.”

~0~0~0~

Dean blinked, disorientated like he had been rudely awaking from a dream before he was ready. The world was a little blurry as he felt the drying streaks of tears on his cheeks. The first thing he saw was his mother still in front of him, still asleep, with the nodes still stuck to her forehead. He woozily looked around, trying to get his bearings, when he saw the British bitch on the floor, her neck cut. He blinked again, his senses quickly coming back as he looked for the other blonde he wanted to see. Just next to Bevell was Amelia, a bullet wound in the middle of her forehead. Dean shook his head once.

“No,” he breathed, as his stomach turned and he was overwhelmed by the devastation he felt at the sight of her dead on the floor.

“Oh yes,” a deep, British voice replied smugly. He turned his head and saw Ketch hovering above him. It wasn’t hard to put the pieces together and all the anger that quickly built up inside burst forward and he lunged at Ketch, hands around his neck. Unfortunately, being both dazed and injured, it wasn’t hard for the British man to fight him off and he chucked him into some of the bookshelves. Dean cried out in pain and his leg hit the stone ground.

~0~0~0~

Amelia had woken up in the void with not much knowledge of her death except that she was shot in the head by Ketch, and she’d not had time to give it much thought. Seeing him attack Dean, and so easily, had her chest tightening painfully and she couldn’t help but take a step towards the image. “He’s going to kill him!” she exclaimed in panic as Dean slammed into the bookshelf.

“Oh, most definitely,” the other Amelia replied calmly. “I can stop that, though, if you let me.”

“How?” Amelia demanded. “What even are you? Angel, demon or other?”

“I’m you,” she said, trying to reassure her. “But I can still help. I can help you save him.”

Amelia looked at Dean again as Ketch approached him with the swagger of a man who knew he was going to win. Dean tried to get off the floor by using a chair for support, but Ketch easily took him down with a swift kick to the knee.

“For what price?” Amelia asked. “What do you want to help me save him?”

“Nothing.” Amelia snorted, looking at her in disbelief. “No, really. I just want you to know that I’m only here to help. That’s it. And when you’ve saved your…” she looked at the image. “Well, shall we stick with ‘friend’ for now, hmm? When you save him, I’ll be gone.”

“Until you need a favour, right?”

The other Amelia smiled. “Isn’t that how all favours go?” she replied. “What do you say? Do you want my help, or not?”

~0~0~0~

Dean didn’t think anything had hurt like his leg did at that moment. It burnt deeply, and right up and down it, like someone was tearing it apart with their bare hands. He could barely see a thing as his vision went white and he felt like he was going to throw up. He couldn’t, though. He didn’t have time to do anything about it. Bevell was dead, Amy was dead, and he was the only thing left standing between Ketch and his mother. He couldn’t save the other two – he couldn’t save her – but he’d be damned if he let Ketch take anyone else.

“Oh what?” Ketch said, slowly walking over to him, his voice dripping with derision. “Thought you’d get your mum back?” Dean hated the sound of his voice then more than he’d ever hated it before. “Sorry, Dean, that’s not how this ends. This ends with me ending you.”

He took a swipe at his leg, sending Dean to his knees and then punched him straight in the head to send him to the ground. Stars exploded in his head, but Dean just snarled up at him. “I want to kill you,” Dean told him through panting breaths.

“You won’t,” Ketch replied, fists up, obviously in a fighting stance he’d learnt back in Britain. “But I’d very much enjoy it if you try.”

Dean pulled back, ready to take the first swing, when the whole room was illuminated by a bright light that took both of them by surprise. As he blinked away the spots in his vision he turned his attention back to Ketch, who was stood, eyes wide, completely still.

“As soon as you stepped in the room, I heard your heart go Doki-Doki.”

He knew that voice anywhere, and he looked over at where Amy had been lying on the floor. Instead, now, she was stood up. Her arm was outstretched in front of her, proving that she was the source of Ketch’s sudden paralysis, but that had become very secondary in his head. She was stood, yes, but it was like someone was propping her up. Her head lolled forward, her eyes were closed, and her arms and legs hung like she wasn’t bearing any of her own weight.

“Amy?” he called to her unsurely.

“Now who are you going to choose? Baby, take my hand and I'll make you love me,” she continued.

I promise, I’ll make you love me.

His gaze shot up. It had been years since any kind of voices joined her when she sang, just the once with Chuck, but he still would recognise the noise instantly. This was not that. The voices were broken, mixed up, like they couldn’t work together. It was if she was struggling to get them to come together under her control.

Amelia giggled – a noise that he definitely wasn’t used to hearing from her – and he looked back at her to see her whole body jolt as if she had been let go. She stood straight, under her own strength once again and her eyes snapped open to show the white glow of angels that none of them could mistake.

He shook his head, flashbacks of when Cas had controlled her when he’d decided that he was the new God, when they’d all seen her massacre hundreds for the angel. “No,” he breathed again, as this seemed so much worse that her being dead.

With a wave of her hand, she sent Ketch flying into the wall. He crumpled to the ground and she ignored him, like he was an afterthought. She smiled at Dean but it felt fake. She started to step forward and he did his best to move over to his mother. He wasn’t sure what was going on, but he knew better than to leave Mary unguarded until Amelia was at the front again.

“I've heard all about you, I'm so glad to have met you. Can I be the one that you're gonna sit next to?” she sang. “Read my poem full of dreams and hopes. I know you hang with Sayori but I'll show you the ropes.”

She turned her attention to Mary, her head tilted like she was observing something adorable but uninteresting. “Under the surface, no one is perfect,” she continued, reaching out to cup Mary’s face. “So don't you ever let your feelings hide, my heart's an open book, come take a look inside.”

Mary, with a gasp, woke up with wide eyes, completely disorientated. Whatever Amy had done had pulled his mom straight out of her head, a feat they had all struggled with, but she acted like it wasn’t even worth considering. “I can’t get you out of my head,” she sang, reaching up to her own head. She stuck two fingers into her wound without even a wince, wiggling them around. “A voice tells me I’ve got no choice.” She pulled out the bullet and chucked it onto the floor. Her movements were becoming more and more fluid, more and more natural, but the glow in her eyes definitely said it wasn’t her. “I've read your destiny and I'm at the conclusion. Free will and agency are all but illusion, because.”

She turned to face him, meeting his eyes so he couldn’t look anywhere else. “You're the very air that I breathe, if you leave, you're taking it from me. I hate how much you're making me make you love me.” Her eyes flickered and the neutral look disappeared. She frowned, looking at him for answers as her eyes dimmed. “Is it real, what I'm feeling?”

Almost immediately, before he could respond, or help, she flickered back and straightened, smiling at him once again. “Don't mean to rush it but you're a part of me. I can't promise that I won't succumb to jealousy. Why do you keep running, honey? You gotta trust me.” She reached out and cupped his face. “You'll come to love how much I make you love me.”

He’d been so entranced by her, trying to work out if she was dead, or alive, or possessed, that he hadn’t noticed Ketch stand up and move towards them. The anger that appeared on her face said she did, though, and she turned and held her hand out. He froze in place again and it was obvious that he’d really pissed her off.

“Literature gives us no definitive answers, so, how do you interpret cryptic words in my stanzas?”

She walked towards him, letting him go with a wave of her hand. Dean quickly turned to Mary and helped rip the nodes of her forehead. “What’s happening?” she asked him but he shook his head.

“I think- I don’t know,” he stuttered. “I have an idea, and we need to move.” He all but pulled her out of her chair and she helped him hobble to the back of the room. It was like watching some sort of horror movie as Ketch seemed to have lost all of his confidence and was now preparing to fight for his life.

“You must embrace your depression,” Amelia continued, her voice dropping, the angels that sang with her also changing to something much more sinister than he’d ever heard them. She reached up to her own face, dragging her fingernails down it and leaving deep, bloody marks in their wake. “Because pain can create an impression.” She didn’t flinch as her blood dripped down and instead of wiping it away, she let it trail down like war paint. “To suffer is the artist's true catalyst.”

The greatest agony is simply to exist

The deep, broken, eery voice that sang out around her proved to Dean that whatever was possessing her wasn’t the angels that she’d controlled before. It had to be demons, because the sound of them alone felt evil, and wrong.

Ketch whipped his gun out, but she easily took it out of his hand with a flick of hers and it reached the stairs out of the bunker. “Now you can't get me out of your head,” she continued, approaching ever closing to him.

How you want me

“A voice saying you've got no choice.”

And you love me.

Ketch pulled out a knife and took a swipe at her. She caught it with her hand, the blade going through the middle. She pushed down until she could wrap her fingers around his grip and his eyes widened as she didn’t even flinch. She used his hand to pull him closer. “I've read your destiny and I'm at the conclusion. 'Cause your autonomy is nothing but a fucking illusion, because.”

She flung him away and he took the knife with him. He hit the briefing table with a thud and tumbled over it with a cry of pain. Amelia raised her hand again, the blood pouring out, and he was flung against the wall again.

“You're the very air that I breathe, if you leave, you're taking it from me. 'Cause you keep my heart beating. I hate how much you're making me make you love me.” She looked over at Dean again, the brightness dimming. “Is it real, what I'm feeling?”

She was still in there, wasn’t she? Something hadn’t taken over her corpse, she’d allowed them in. That meant that she wasn’t dead. “Amy!” he barked. “That’s enough! Kick them out!”

She looked, for a brief moment, like she agreed with him. But then the light was back and she tilted her head away. “Don't mean to rush it but you're a part of me,” she continued, like she was singing to herself. The grin on her face suggested that whatever was inside of her was trying to convince her against fighting. “I can't promise that I won't succumb to jealousy. Why do you keep running, honey? You gotta trust me. You'll come to love how much I make you love me.”

She turned her attention back to Ketch, who had decided that his best option was to retreat. He was heading to the staircase out, probably to get some better weapons to take down the Winchester family. Amelia, evidently, had other plans and she disappeared from in front of Dean and Mary and reappeared instantly in front of Ketch. Her grin grew more manic and she backed him up towards the wall.

“I am the personification of your sickest obsessions,” she told him, the voices around her mimicking her with a horrifically creepy tone. “I am the manifestation of your darkest fantasies.”

The man’s back hit the wall but she didn’t stop until was stood in front of him. “But you're not evil, you're human, you're an animal.” Her features to feral and the voices, again, dropped down to match the evil, unnatural growl that came from her. “Now love me…” She punched forward and shoved her hand into his chest, ripping out his heart. “Love you until you die.”

He dropped to the floor, dead, and she held the heart out in front of her like it was nothing at all. The voices around them all disappeared as she stared at the blood-splattered wall. “I'll make you love me,” she sang softly.

Nothing happened for a moment and Dean looked down at his mom, who he knew had absolutely no idea what was going on. Not like he did, to be perfectly honest, but at least he’d had some experience with her angels in the past.

Amy looked at her hand, where she held the heart, then at the wall again. “Did-Did I pull a bullet out of my head?” she asked softly, timidly and it jolted Dean.

“Amy?” he asked, surprised, as he quickly made his way over to her, stumbling slightly until he reached her side. He could see her eyes were already starting to flash.

“I think- I think,” she started, her head twitching to one side, her neck snapping painfully, like she was a glitching computer game character. “I think they’re leaving.”

“Make them heal you,” he commanded, desperately, as he looked her over. She was alive, but her injuries were so severe he wasn’t even sure how they could heal her on their own. “Now, Amy!”

She looked down at her other hand, where there was hole from the knife she had caught. Then she turned to Dean, looking down at his broken leg. The hand started to glow but then she pressed it against him. He cried out in pain for a moment, before the familiar feeling of the absence of pain filled him as he realised that she’d healed him instead. The light finally faded from her eyes and she rocked on the spot.

“Can I- Can I drop the heart?” she asked meekly before she fell against him. Mary helped hold her up and Dean wondered when she’d come over – he hadn’t noticed.

“Let it go,” Mary encouraged gently and she did. They all ignored the splatter as it hit the ground. “We need to move her to the table,” she instructed her son. She knew the look of panic on his face and knew that someone needed to take charge. He took her instructions gladly and helped her over to the briefing table, where they sat her down. She was shaking violently and Dean sat next to her, her less damaged hand in his. She didn’t hold it back, but he just knew if he removed it she was grasp it back tightly with all the strength she had.

She was an absolute mess, with blood still dripping down her face from the scratches as well as the wound from the bullet hole. It was a miracle that whatever had possessed her had healed her up to some degree. Even now the knife wound looked painful and gruesome, but not as bad as when the knife was first torn through it.

“Dean!” his mother barked and he quickly snapped out of his thoughts as he realised that she had been calling his name a few times. “Go get the first aid kit,” she instructed. As the one who was normally in charge, he was glad for a moment where Mary had taken in the role.

As he suspected, the moment he stood up Amy’s hand tightened around his, even if she did nothing else but stare at the briefing table with barely any focus on anything. “I’ll be right back,” he promised her. “Mom will take care of you, alright?”

It took another moment but her grip loosened and he quickly rushed off to the infirmary to grab whatever he thought they would need to fix her up.

#amelia #snippet #make you love me

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