#and catboy just kind of feels like a temporary speed bump in that

[polyamorouspunk]

Hug

Thank you

#I’m kind of feeling like I’m going through my breakup again #I think a big part of me hasn’t accepted it because nothing really changed between us #but now he’s saying he’s not comfortable acting the same way we always have even though he’s the one who didn’t change anything #like I still feel like I belong with him #I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him #and catboy just kind of feels like a temporary speed bump in that #but my ex is starting to make it clear to me that we aren’t going back to the way things were ever #it’s weird to be like I’m basically already in a new relationship and I just feel like I’m dealing with my breakup #and not in a polyam way #like for the past while it’s been my ex/fp who I go to when catboy hurts my feelings #but now he’s the one calling me up when I’m crying because my ex/fp hurt me and making me laugh #and honestly both of them have a lot going on and in a heartbeat I would have pushed aside catboy for my ex/fp #and I honestly was like I will never talk to him again if you get back with me #but now it’s like he’s the one I want to focus on and I feel like I need to push my ex/fp away because they’re a lot to deal with #like I need to focus on the person who (hopefully) wants to be with me because I’m getting something out of that at least #if my ex isn’t putting the same amount of effort into our ex relationship which is valid because it’s not one anymore #then I need to stop putting that amount of effort into it as well because it’s too draining to be there for both of them #and I hope I can focus on catboy more even if his stuff is a lot harder to deal with #but it should be over soon at least minus the scars that haven’t and won’t heal #I never really felt ‘broken up with’ but I need to accept that I have been #and being in a new relationship will help me with that so I want that #besides all the other reasons I want my catboy to be mine of course #and my ex/fp is going to start transitioning which should help me kind of detach the person they were to me before and who they will be #it’s hard #personal