#and christ was it hard

[mossy-rock-in-a-field]

Several weeks ago, my retirement-age mother requested that I play Baldur’s Gate 3 for her because she has trouble with controllers/keyboards and wanted “to see what all the fuss is about with that cute wizard boy.” For context, my mother and I have done this sort of thing in the past with certain RPGs (dragon age, mass effect, etc.), but it’s been a few years since she’s personally requested a game like this. Basically, I control her Tav but let her make all the choices so she can determine how the story plays out without worrying about mechanics. She treats it like a choose-your-own-adventure book.

Anyway, here is a list of some of the things my mother has said and/or chosen to do throughout the course of BG3 in no particular order:

She is (obviously) romancing Gale. She is quite smitten with him and his passion for books and learning; she also thinks he’s polite and qualifies as “relationship material.” She also REALLY likes the things he’s said about his cat so far (my mom is a cat lady), so I know she’s gonna flip shit when we meet Tara in Act III.

She’s playing a normal druid Tav with a generally good alignment. Her favorite spell is Spike Growth because she thinks it’s hilarious whenever enemies walk into the AOE and die. I usually end up having to cast it at least once per battle per her request. Sometimes twice.

Contrary to her alignment, my mother tasks me with robbing every single chest, crate, barrel, and burlap sack we come across; this also includes people and their pockets. The party is always at max carrying capacity. ALWAYS. She doesn’t like selling things because “what if I need them.” The camp stash is in literal shambles. There is no hope of organizing it. She’s got like fifty seven sets of rags and a billion pieces of random silverware.

She MUST talk to every animal and corpse in the game. I think five hours of her total playtime so far (47ish) has been spent speaking to animals as many times as humanly possible. Like, I was thorough in my own playthroughs, but this is on a whole other level.

She did NOT get Volo’s lobotomy, but she did let Auntie Ethel take her eye in hopes of a cure for the tadpole. I did not understand the logic then. I still do not understand it now.

She is far more interested in fashion than equipment stats. Do you have any idea how much gold I’ve had to spend on dyes just to make things match? SO much. Same vibe as that “please someone help me balance my finances my family is starving” tweet but instead of candles it’s thirty thousand fucking bottles of black and furnace red dye.

We broke the prisoners out of Moonrise, but they got on the boat too early and bugged the fight by leaving Astarion and Karlach behind. Wulbren Bongle somehow got stuck in combat mode even after engaging the cutscene on the docks below Last Light; he he kept trying to run ALL THE WAY BACK TO MOONRISE nine fucking meters at a time while I frantically tried to finish the fight with the Warden, otherwise Wulbren would have run straight into the shadow curse. (I would’ve let him go; fuck Wulbren Bongle, all my homies hate Wulbren Bongle. But my mom didn’t know that, and she wanted to keep him safe. So.)

She had me reload a save like eighteen times to save the giant eagles on top of Rosymorn Monastery. Wouldn’t even let me do non-lethal damage just to get past things. I think getting that warhammer for the dawnmaster puzzle took us like an hour and a half alone. (Yes, I know you can use any warhammer, but SHE didn’t.)

She’s started keeping an irl notebook to keep track of her quests between play sessions. She writes down ideas and strategies when she thinks of them during the week, then brings them to her next game session at my house. I think she wrote about three pages on possible approaches to the goblin fortress alone.

She insists that I pet Scratch and the owlbear cub before every single long rest, no exceptions. Sometimes I have to do it multiple times until she is absolutely sure that the animals know exactly how much she loves and cherishes them. She has also commissioned a crocheted owlbear plush from a friend of hers and is very excited.

I’m sure there’s a bunch of stuff I’m forgetting, but those are some fun things I thought of. She’s enjoying the game and is telling all of her retired friends to get it and play it for themselves. She asked me “what is Discord” yesterday and I think my life flashed before my eyes.

anyway shout out to my mom for being neat

Part 2 — Part 3 — Part 4 — Part 5

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale #gale of waterdeep #astarion #gale dekarios #laq talks #I talk #she stares at me real hard after she makes a choice too #like squinting to see if my expression gives anything away #if it was a good or bad call #I keep my face blank as shit it’s hilarious #I have not told her I’m writing fanfic for this game #nor will I ever #jesus christ

[vi-visected]

my therapist: how are you feeling in the wake of your (autism spectrum disorder) diagnosis?

me: well it makes sense doesn’t it? i was the one who requested testing. like on some level i kind of figured.

my therapist: yes, i’m personally glad we pursued it because it helps me better understand parts of your behavior and how to accommodate you. but how do you feel about it? you said before that you were in heavy denial about the possibility when you were younger.

me: well yeah, i had a preconceived idea of what autism was that i know now wasn’t true. but at the time it was distressing and i didn’t want to think about it too hard.

my therapist: how was it different then? what was your idea of autism then?

me: it was, you know, severe developmental delay. i never thought i had developed abnormally at all, so to try and match up the severity i associated with autism and the way i viewed myself, i just couldn’t.

my therapist: but you did.

me: sorry?

my therapist: you did develop abnormally. both socially and academically.

me: socially yes, but i had no problems with academics. i always especially excelled at reading comprehension, more so than anyone else in my grade. i started lagging in high school but i think that was a lot of burnout and depression and ptsd, probably. i was incredibly smart. hell, i spoke in full sentences earlier than most of my peers.

my therapist: violette, that’s still abnormal development.

me: …huh?

my therapist: developing abnormally fast is still developing abnormally.

me:

me: oh.

#nothing in our sessions has ever hit me as hard as that #it was almost a year ago now and i still think about it #i’ve never had one of those ‘moments of clarity’ in therapy outside of this #but god damn did i have to sit with it for a bit #developing abnormally fast is still developing abnormally #jesus Christ ellen #actually autistic #actually asd #hashtag autism posting #autism #autistic adult #autistic feels

[rinhaler]

@saturnsatnin HAS STOLEN MY WORK

So I wrote this fic for a collab back in early November and this person has decided to steal not only the entire thing, but my requests and drabbles too. I haven’t had a proper look but I am SHAKING with anger. The only thing they changed is the characters involved. I’m not sure if they’ve stolen anyone else’s work, but you know people like this are too lazy and in creative to write their own stuff so please make sure to see if anything of yours has been stolen.

I am FUMING I have no idea what to do in this situation.

#🧚🏽‍♀️ — luxe chit chat #tw stealing #tw discourse #I guess #Jesus CHRIST if you want to fucking get clout just write your own shit it’s not HARD #austin butler smut #dominik szoboszlai smut

[fellas-is-it]

got tired of all depressing and hating yourself for being aro vibes on legit any other platform besides tumblr (looking at you tictac app) so wanted to listen to positive aromantic playlists and legit could NOT FIND ANY??????

And the ones that were vaguely positive were made for aroace ppl. Which is great! But im not ace!!! So WHERE'S MY POSITIVE AROALLO REP?!?!?!

Anyways i solved this hyperspecific problem myself and made a POSITIVE AROALLO playlist:

Larger image of the playlist cover i made

#plz i am starved #if anyone has a positive aro playlist SHARE WITH THE CLASS #no hate towards us bonding over our share anger/grief at the world its important and we SHOULD talk about it #but not ALL THE TIME???? #it SHOULDNT be THIS HARD to find good vibe songs for us #ive BEEN thru the hating being aromatic stage I GET IT #but jesus christ we can LIGHTEN UP A LITTLE?? #aro #aromantic #aro problems #aro culture is #aroallo #aromantism #aromatic positivity #aro pride #aro posting #aroallo pride #lgbtq #arospec #aspec #aro discourse #pride #alloaro

[ourtubahero-blog]

I don’t know where to go with this. He’s too pretty for his own good!

#michael sheen #good omens #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #good ineffable omens #welsh seduction machine #good ineffable husbands #the white curl #i’m fangirling too hard #that smile makes my heart melt #so much happening here #jesus christ michael #michael sheen the man that you are #michael sheen is a dilf #michael sheen thirst #aziraceow

[amity-png]

it's that time of night where i draw dumb jokes

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #for the future #edric blight #amity blight #luz noceda #my IMMEDIATE thought after seeing edric was this #jesus christ that made me cackle i had to literally pause the episode because i was laughing too hard #this isnt even going in my art tag

[dragonpyre]

Heyyyyy heard you had the idea for an au where Jason thinks he's a clone of the real Jason? Cool idea, can I hear more about it??

Ok, SO

Basically the premise is Jason has some weird fucked up version of Cotards Syndrome and also is massively dissociating cuz holy shit the amount of the trauma that boy has.

But after coming out of the pit, he realizes present him and past him are almost two entirely different people. They react to things differently, he’s far easier to anger (a symptom of PTSD), he can’t really remember parts of his old life, and when he does, it doesn’t have the same emotional connection he remembers it used to. Also, people don’t come back to life. Ever (Superman excluded).

All of which leads him to the conclusion of “I’m a clone of the deceased Jason Todd”

Because, apparently being a clone of a dead boy is easier than admitting to severe untreated PTSD…

#then he goes on a while goes chase trying to find out what happened to the “real Jason Todd #which does not go well #the only person not convinced by Jason’s insane idea is Dick #who’s trying SO hard to convince jason that no #you’re actually just a traumatized teenager Jesus Christ #dc #ask #jason todd #fic idea #Batman #thanks for asking btw!

[adizzyninja]

myhouse.wad spoilers (incomprehensible if you haven’t played it (WHICH YOU SHOULD DO)),

But here’s some YouTube comments that shortened my lifespan by 27 hours

#you don’t understand how hard this wrecked me #turning my least favorite parts of the game #into the most devastating parts #Jesus fucking christ #myhouse.wad #doom #gzdoom

[cosmicvaca]

I finished Dungeon Meshi…

#genuinely the best thing I’ve ever read #but jesus christ what the fuck #I loved it #the clip file is Vore.clip and i feel like its within the spirit of the manga #also does the quality look good? i feel like im just being hard on myself because ive been looking at this for too long #Anyway read dungeon meshi please #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #Laios #laios touden #winged lion #My art #adri blabs #cw blood

[fallinforgyu]

pretty bun can u PLEASE talk more about how perverted enha nd txt are !!! I'm pretty sure they would be all such a perverts pls pls pls

u are 100% correct anon bc one thing about enha + txt is that they’re both FULL of pervs. but lemme tell yall who’s been on my mind lately: PERV. SOOBIN.

specifically!!! pervy roommate soobin who always seems a little bit nervous around you. his cheeks always seem a little bit pink and his hands are always a little bit sweaty but he just can’t help it, he likes you so much :(

it gets worse the first time he hears you touching yourself through your shared wall. he hears a faint buzzing, a hum, but he assumes that it’s just you using your electric toothbrush. that’s until he hears a tiny little moan. his eyes widen, he claps a hand over his mouth, and then he slowly presses his ear to the wall. and what else is he supposed to do other than slip his dick out of his pajama pants and hope that you don’t hear him jerking off to your cute noises?

and then you notice is your panties slowly going missing. at first they disappeared somewhere between the washer and the dryer, but as time progressed, they started vanishing from your dirty clothes hamper. soobin keeps them in a drawer at his desk and he only takes them out late at night, pressing them to his nose (and occasionally letting his tongue swipe across the salty fabric) while he fucks a fleshlight.

he’s mortified when you finally confront him about it, of course, but give him even the tiniest hint that you want him and he’ll be begging for you. “y-you don’t even need to touch me, please, just let me touch you,” he’d plead, desperate just to get his hands on you. he almost comes in his pants just from squeezing your boobs, so imagine how insane he’d go when he’s finally kneeling between your legs. finally getting to taste the real thing, not just the essence left behind on your panties. he’d get a little lost in it, i think, his eyes glazed over as he drools all over you, fucking you with his long fingers while he sucks your clit <3

and if you actually let him fuck you??? omfg i think he’d be SO rough. he’d wanna absolutely ruin you. he’d shove his fingers in your mouth, making you gag on them until you’re crying while he fucks you with that huge dick. “been thinking about this for so long, pretty girl,” he’d groan in your ear, “making such a mess on my cock like i knew you would. perfect little pussy taking it so well.”

#that was way too long jesus christ #i love perv soobin #txt hard hours #txt hard thoughts #soobin smut #bunny's mailbox 📬

[notcapableofbeingtheguy]

Just invented a new emotion watching Walt barely mask his disgust at Flynn’s fund-raising website

When your son is sitting there calling you his hero— praising the qualities he sees in you that he admires: kindness, patience, dependability, decency. and he’s giving straight from his heart to you in direct emulation of those qualities he loves in you… and you’re sitting there FURIOUS that he is getting attention instead of you. blood BOILING because you are not getting credit for the qualities you WANT him to see in you: power, virility, bread-winning, dominance…

How could you miss the point so badly?

#breaking bad #brba rewatch #Flynn rights rewatch #Flynn white #Walter white #ABQ #Jesus Christ this hits HARD AS HELL

[coyoteworks]

MARTch, day 13: warm colors | print

#hey guys its 2am on the 14th here jesus christ i need to be up in five hours for class FUCK #dont look too hard at this you can kind of tell where i lost patience for details as the night went on im tired as fuck #martch #martch2024 #coyoteworks #oc #mwnn #illustration #original character #original art #cowboy #western art #artists on tumblr #ALMOST TYPED COWBOYS ON TUMBLR. BOY HOWDY I AM GOING TO BED

[cowardlykrow]

“I let him die / Taking your advice”

#Hey fam is this anything #Edit: someone compared this to the Red string of fate and I’m dead. they’ve killed me. #spies are forever #saf #we'll collectively pretend the blood pouring from one hand to the other does not look weird at all #Okay but cHRIST i fully colored and recolored curt so many times #and I still don’t think I’m happy with him lol #I think it’s because I really can’t shade clothes no matter how hard I pretended to #also I always forget my freebie art program hates big canvases and pixelates the colors really weird when I blur so #sorry if u see any of that bs #owen carvour #agent curt mega #Curt mega #blood #??????? #fanart #tcb #tin can bros #I think next time I draw him I’m gonna attempt to make him look a little less like Joey #if I even can #digital art #art #digital drawing

[silvermoon424]

It.... it's a manga................

#I laughed so hard at this #my brother in Christ look at the help page in the back that literally EVERY manga has lmfao #manga #amazon reviews

[knifearo]

ultimately i will always be fine being the mean nasty problematic aro cause guess what. you bitches wouldn't like me if i was the sweetest most niceys guy on earth either. so i think i will just make posts about my frustration with allo people without censoring myself for the sake of mollifying some bitter losers on an ego trip with nothing better to do

#for real if you're on the internet pushing ace exclusionism in the year of our lord 2023 i am laughing SO hard at you #this long and you STILL haven't gotten a life? jesus christ. what a pathetic tragedy #anyway tee hee i love receiving hate anons negative attention is still attention #talking #aromantic #aromanticism #arospec #aspec

[niobiumao3]

#star wars #the bad batch #phee genoa #tbb tech #this scene is so hard to cap #jesus h roosevelt christ