#and conversely a LOT more mistrustful

[thedeviousdevilxx]

It’s quite disheartening to see just how pervasive this attitude in society that women(cis+trans) are inherently distrustful. This isn’t about how women cannot lie, cheat, manipulate or abuse(women are ppl too which mean they can and do possess the whole gamut of good/bad traits etc), this is about the OVERARCHING sexist and misogynist attitude still very much held in wider society that by nature of being viewed as a woman, your voice, thoughts, opinions, and motives are viewed with suspicion and mistrust even without reason to doubt. 

#you just gotta look at the whole anti-abortion shitstorm going down in the US #it's much more complex than mere distrust/mistrust but it plays a part #you also see it professionally with afab folk being constantly undermined or dismissed even if they are experts or it's their job! #a lot of it also stems from christian beliefs about women you see in deeply conversative sects of Christianity #not to oversimply but it relates to the madonna/whore complex you're either Mary or Jezebel #again because regressive ppl love their fucking binaries #I do apologize using gendered language but trans women face a whole transmisogyny layers I am not equiped to speak on

[patronsaintofelsewhere]

Thoughts on Angel Crowley & Healing from Trauma

(Minor Good Omens S2 Spoilers)

As someone who’s endured my own Trauma and dealt with the resulting PTSD, watching Crowley’s journey from a joyful, silly, and entirely innocent angel to a withdrawn, lonely, hyper-vigilant demon as a result of the Fall both shattered my heart and confronted me with the fact of myself, and I’d like to talk about it. 

When you* experience Trauma, you experience an existential disorientation and a profound sense of grief over the world you thought you knew–one where you were safe and nothing bad had ever happened to you. “Innocence died screaming,” and all that.

You're also therefore mourning the loss of who you were, and struggling to make sense of who you are now. Which is why this conversation is so gut-wrenching:

“I know you.” “You do not know me.” “I knew the angel you were.” “The angel you knew is not me.” 

This dialogue admittedly still makes my eyes swim. It’s reminiscent of the many conversations I’ve had with people close to me who knew me Before and After. Not only are you grieving the loss of your own innocence, so are those around you, and it feels like you’re wearing their loved one’s face like a mask.

And then underneath the grief, there’s a river of–what you’ll later discover is misplaced–guilt. They want you to be who you were. Fuck, you also want to be who you were -- to not have experienced what you did -- but you can’t.

And when they catch a glimpse of something that reminds them of Before-You -- because it's not like that you has just up and vanished, you've just changed -- they say things like, “I feel like I have you back!” Like the After-You is a consolation prize, something to be tolerated while they wait for the Before-You to return.

It’s not malicious. They love you. They want you to be happy. But it just serves as a reminder of your loss and suddenly you’re acutely aware of how alone you are with the Thing that hurt you.

After trauma, you’re lonely and you're afraid. But those emotions make you feel quite naked, because both of those things would require you to depend on other people to feel better and, at this point, the thought of doing that is far too scary, so to the world, you’re angry. Thus begins the cyclical self-fulfilling prophecy.

And that cycle goes a bit like this: People see the mistrust and the bitterness and the volatility (the shield that keeps people at an arm's length and helps you feel safe). They don't see the profound sustained fear underneath, the desperate need to feel seen and accepted. And so people pull away.

And that real or perceived abandonment feeds the monster that’s taken up permanent residence in your ribcage and screams at all hours that you’re not worthy of love, that you’re irreparably broken, and you’ll always be alone. And you pull away from the people that love you. And the cycle repeats. And you start to believe all of the bad things about yourself that the monster tells you.

Being confronted with a character who you adore and who you also relate to closely is bittersweet in that it’s both immensely painful, but also offers you an opportunity to interrupt that cycle, to explore a different -- perhaps more forgiving -- lens through which to view yourself. To practice self-compassion by proxy, if you will. After all, we tend to extend far greater empathy and forgiveness to others than we do to ourselves.

Angel Crowley, "who squeaked and squealed when he was happy; who flailed his arms around and made explosion noises with his mouth to explain nebulas; who preened when told his stars were pretty,” (joycrispy) reminded me a lot of “Angel T,” or rather myself before Trauma.

And Crowley's story is tragic. I was heartbroken and angry for him; I felt the depth of the betrayal he experienced at the hands of someone he loved who he'd believed loved him; I found myself wanting to protect him, to comfort him. Crowley did not deserve what happened to him.

And, over a decade later, I realized that I’d finally accepted that I’d been an innocent, just like Crowley had, and I didn't deserve what happened to me, either.

And -- if you find yourself relating to this post -- neither did you.

Once we can tell ourselves that and actually believe it, we can start to lower the shield. We can allow people closer, including ourselves. We can bring the parts of ourselves we may have hidden away back to the surface. We can soften again. We can truly start to heal.

Crowley, at his core, remains the same. He is still kind, deeply loving, playful, silly, and – against all odds – hopeful. But his trauma has changed him; his innocence is gone.

He struggles to trust others; fears abandonment; engages in unhealthy coping mechanisms; finds it easier to prioritize and tend to Aziraphale's needs and desires than his own; and has difficulty expressing his emotions.

But he also gained an abundance of empathy, a deep love for humanity, and a strong sense of justice.

We adore Crowley exactly as he is now; we don't wish for him to be who he was before the Fall. And neither does Aziraphale.

In kind, we won’t be who we were — nor should we try to be — but we can be something new, a different version of ourselves that is equally good, equally worthy, and equally deserving of love. 

After over a decade, I think my Trauma wound has mostly healed, as much as Trauma wounds can, anyway; it’s a dull ache rather than an acute pain. Yet Crowley's story assuaged that remaining hurt like a salve I hadn’t realized I needed.

So thank you to @neil-gaiman for giving us such a beautiful story, and to David Tennant, Michael Sheen, and the rest of the cast and crew who bring the characters we love to life on screen.

Good Omens truly is a gift. May it continue to inspire us to offer kindness and love to ourselves and one another. 🖤

* I am aware that I say “you” when I should use the singular first-person “I,” but I still struggle with this when talking about my own trauma. So I’m using “you” and you, reader, will deal with it x

#good omens #good omens season two #good omens 2 spoilers #aziraphale x crowley #anthony j crowley #angel crowley #anthony crowley #crowley #crowley good omens #good omens crowley #crowley trauma #gos2spoilers #go s2 #go season 2 #good omens 2 #aziracrow #david tennant #good omens character analysis

[germiyahu]

There's such an intricate interplay between antisemitism and islamophobia from the slacktivist left. For every reason they can think of to delegitimize the Jewish People's connection to Eretz Yisrael, it's propped up by some Noble Savage presumptions about Palestinians/Arabs/Muslims.

Since Jews in America are seen as a model minority, seen as having accessed whiteness and privilege, and "antisemitism" is at worst having to explain what Hanukah is to clueless Christians, the Left is confused as to exactly why Jews care about Jerusalem and the Land of Israel so much. Shouldn't they be above such petty and barbaric and outdated concerns such as a dusty old book from 2,000 years ago?

They should be more enlightened than that. They're all rich suburban secular Democrats. They're the leftist religion, according to bloggers on this very platform. There is no room for Judaism to be a religion, there's no acknowledgment of ancient customs, rituals, and the deep mysticism that's still alive and well in the Jewish community. There's no attempt to understand Jewish history and culture and why a group of people you think shares your vaguely atheistic vaguely liberal (and not in the Tankie sense) vaguely smug detached Western worldview... is more complex and unique than that.

Jews should be happy living in Diaspora because clearly the problem of antisemitism is fixed now, and never really was a problem in America. There must be something sinister behind a desire to reestablish a country by and for Jews. There must be something colonial, oppressive, European and White about it. Because why else would they do it? They have it good here. And no we won't acknowledge where Israelis primarily descend from because that requires us to do research and have a shred of nuance and integrity when it comes to Jews. No thanks!

A lot of the modern left is nonconsensually dragging Jews kicking and screaming from their own unique demographic toward the banal Norm. To themselves. But not totally. See they think they relate to Jews and vice versa, but not enough that when they think Jews should "know better," or haven't "learned their lesson," from the Holocaust, it engenders a deep seeded disgust and mistrust and rage that's not felt for actually privileged mainstream dominant society.

Conversely, the slacktivist Left sees Arabs as savages. Silly desert people who eat sand and worship a big black cube and cover every inch of their bodies for some reason. How quaint! When the Palestinian/Arab/Muslim cause explains that Jerusalem is important to them, the White Western Leftist nods sagely and says "Your culture is so valid queen," because they don't care. They just accept that Muslim society would be willing to fight over an ancient city proscribed as holy in dusty old tomes. Because that fits the narrative already surrounding Muslims.

They're seen as backwards, but the Left, reacting to their conservative parents and the Bush era, see "Muslims are backwards," and says not "No actually they're modern groups of people with practical geopolitical goals," but instead "Yeah and that makes them better than us!" Especially with this new crop of baby Leftists who think Islamo-Fascist "Feudalism" or whatever the best term would be, is aspirational or at least harmless... because it's not capitalism :)

So Muslims are infantilized and condescended to because the Western Leftist is still just as racist as their parents, but they feel guilty about their parents without considering their contribution to White Supremacy and the Post Bush surveillance state. And all the while Jews are reprimanded and held to an impossible standard because the Western Leftist, again, rejects their conservative parents' philosemitism, and decides that Jews Must be Punished when they step off the pedestal that Suffering the Shoah placed them on.

Jews should be above nationalism, Jews should know that demurely suffering pogroms and ethnic cleansing and genocide and general inequity and humiliation will earn them their divine reward in the end. Muslims should not be above nationalism, because they're not capable of being above it, and can't we throw them a bone, after all Obama was the worst president in history because of the Drone War and let's not mention George W Bush at all :0

Hot take, but I believe this is an essential underpinning of where the average disaffected White millennial/zoomer Leftist's head is at with regard to Israel and Palestine. They won't acknowledge it of course, but I can generally see through things like this.

#jumblr #israel #palestine #antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #islamophobia

[drdemonprince]

I'm a trans guy and tbh I feel like I don't fully understand the transandrophobia debate. Based on my understanding of intersectionality & transfeminism, I think that trans men (largely) experience transphobia and misogyny, while trans women (largely) experience transphobia, misogyny, *and* transmisogyny -- I also think it's necessary to discuss issues that specifically affect men without describing them as forms of oppression or discrimination against men. But that's just accounting for intersecting identities (including both marginalized and privileged identities) rather than only accounting for intersecting oppressions, right? I feel like some people using the term "transandrophobia" either seem to be confusing these two concepts or mistaking gender essentialism for discrimination against men (though some just use it to describe a subset of transphobia rather than an intersection, it seems like). In any case, even though misandry isn't a real systemic issue, I can understand why some people feel like there's missing language or frameworks when it comes to discussing the ways men, and trans men specifically, are treated (and the ways they/we treat each other). I'm not sure what better alternatives are available, but I'm sure some are possible. I'm wondering if I'm misunderstanding something or if you have any other thoughts on this. Thanks!

It sounds like you understand this 1000% better than every sincere transandrophobia poster. Not every unique experience is a locus of oppression that needs a systemic oppression label -- but yeah, of course, it merits being talked about.

For example, lots of trans men have a hard time in coping with the shift from being treated with emotional deference and warmth by strangers, to suddenly being treated quite coldly or even in a mistrustful way by strangers. That is a real, painful experience -- and it's one that is wrapped up in damaging gender norms that do also negatively affect cis men. It's not androphobia, but it is a consequence of sexism and the gender binary that sucks, and it merits speaking about.

Where things get dicey and fucked up is when men (either cis or trans) take a painful experience like that and declare that it means they're actually more oppressed than women.

(And, as Lee ButchAnarchist often points out, women's emotions are even more policed than men -- yes men are denied tenderness and warmth from total strangers, but they are showered in affection and caretaking by the women close to them, and they are allowed rage a whole lot more than women, in general. so it's overly simplistic and sexist to say men are more societally emotionally repressed. this dynamic plays out among trans men too -- we are given a lot more latitude to be emotionally explosive. trans women, meanwhile, are told they're being "scary" if they have any negative emotion. This is all also racialized -- Black people of any gender are basically never afforded the chance to voice negative feelings in public no matter how much they police their tone.)

I think a lot of trans masc people have a sudden rude awakening that being treated as a man can be painful and complicated, and that the gender binary harms everyone, and that there is a social price to pay for the privileges of being deferred to, respected, and so on. They also don't want to acknowledge when they are being respected and deferred to -- owning up to having any male privilege feels dirty and wrong to people, which is silly because it's just a reality, it has no moral bearing on the person experiencing the privilege. And of course it's often an incomplete privilege because of sexism and transphobia. But it still happens. Particularly within trans spaces.

I don't think this conversation will move forward productively until more trans men are capable of acknowledging that many of us have privilege and that we are very capable of hurting other people, being sexist, and speaking over trans women. And that's why we gotta make this transandrophobia stuff just completely socially unacceptable in our spaces. It is exactly the same as being a Men's Rights Activist. There are real men's liberation issues! Any worthwhile feminism will also liberate men! There are lots of aspects of the gender binary and patriarchy that are harmful to men, and that's worth talking about. Same with transphobia. But we can't have that conversation when men commandeer it to talk about how actually women have it better and all that vile shit. That talk is used to silence women, trans and cis alike.

[thosewildcharms]

We talk a lot about Rick saying he knew he was in love with his son's best friend, but we need to discuss Michonne's love for, and loyalty to this man since they met. He's always been the one for her.

oh for sure, she chose him from the beginning even if she wasn't fully aware of doing so. btw, if you haven't seen it already, i would recommend this post by @glamaphonic (which is basically required reading in my opinion) for the full trajectory of michonne's feelings for rick.

while I don't necessarily think she was in love with him since day one, you're absolutely right in that it was building from the moment they met. these are the things that stick out to me but let's be real it's not a comprehensive list because she loves him so much. she loves him so so much!

the way she pretty much instantly decided the prison was safe and that she wanted to stay there because of rick. not just by understanding why he was mistrustful of her, but by seeing how he had built a legitimate family from the way he reunited with carol and thanked daryl for taking care of judith. it took her five minutes to clock him as a legitimate leader and has supported him ever since. so much so that in 7x12 she tells him, completely honestly, that he should lead all of the communities. she genuinely admires him, and thinks there is no one better or more capable than him (of course, that's not true: she is lol i'm always so ticked by how surprised she is when he asks her to lead with him in 7x12).

when she sees rick having hallucinations, instead of treating him like a wild animal that you should only approach slowly and carefully (like everyone else did) she sees herself in him and goes out of her way to make him feel better. if anything it actually makes her trust and understand him more. and she gets him to crack a joke and smile!

the fact that not only was she not angry, but told him she completely understood that he had to consider giving her up to the governor, who she *knows* is a psychopath. that SHE of all people was the one to empathize with him for having to make that choice? that is truly bonkers when you think about it. a level of loyalty and understanding and care that makes very little sense considering how they still barely knew each other then. but it ~*~must have been something else then~*~

the way she bursts into tears of joy and looks to the sky in thanks after finding carl and rick after the prison. you know she would have been glad to find anyone when she started following that trail but you could tell that those two are who she wanted to find more than anyone else. and the fact that doing so seemed to restore her faith? shut up???

after she finds rick and carl she asks him "is this home? or just a stop along the way?" she was willing to stay put and build a home with just him and carl without bothering to look for anyone else. as @glamaphonic said, she claims them right then and there. (btw i noticed that a similar conversation happened with carol and tyresse in The Grove, and also with sasha and abraham in...some later episode idk which one, but they're in an office building. i just thought it was interesting! i wonder if the carol/tyreese instance was a nod to the comics?)

rick thinks that killing a man with his throat is the worst thing he's ever done. certainly carl saw it as monstrous (as it made him think he was a monster too, for being too similar to rick) even daryl backed away from it. only michonne saw it for the heroic act it was and it made her fall in love with him. and she made him feel better too. again, she sees a kindred spirit in him as someone willing to do anything, including things most people would not do, to protect his child.

she is always ready to back him up and fight with him, as well as for him. the only time she disagrees with him is when she knows there is a better option for them, and even then she's gentle and supportive while she convinces him there's a better way (directing the group to alexandria, "i'm still with you", the fight against n*gan, the end of towl 1x04, probably more that i'm forgetting). she considers him her equal in every way, and considering how self-reliant michonne is, that says everything.

okay but seriously the EASIEST way to piss michonne off is to talk shit about rick, talk shit to rick, put your hands on rick, or even just look at rick in a way she doesn't like. she just starts yelling and/ swinging, which is hilarious because she's normally so collected.

on the other hand the only thing that makes michonne lose her shit completely and genuinely panic is if rick is legitimately in danger (the end of 6x09, the bridge)

if she thinks he's dead, she straight up just. stops. mid battle. just drops her weapon and stops. i'm almost glad we never got flashbacks to the time immediately after the bridge because it might have been too devastating to watch.

she never rejects him. even when they're at odds, she's still goes out of her way to show him she still supports him (5x16, their kiss in 7x08).

rick straight up would not have survived losing carl if he hadn't had michonne. she is so loving and patient and gentle with him even through her own grief it's incredible. she loves him SO much (and i have to point out, rick is the same for her. as devastating as carl's death is, watching them work through it together was beautiful).

she is always trying to ease his burden and be a legitimate partner to him. there are countless examples of this but the big one for me is how she considers n*gan her responsibility after season 8. rick made the call but she backed him and kept backing him even though everyone was against them, even when they both had doubts. she completely meant it when she said she wanted for them to make all of their decisions together and for once he's not completely alone as a leader.

speaking of the n*gan thing. michonne stands in maggie's way until maggie asks her what she would have done if it had been rick who had been butchered in front of her, if she could have just let that go. definitely, the answer was no. just like rick couldn't have if it had been michonne.

(because she can't live without him anymore than he can live without her).

she was flipping over dead walkers for months after the bridge and did not move on for over 6 years because she could *feel* he was still alive despite all evidence to the contrary and also simply because there was no one else she wanted. it's him or no one. just as it's her or no one for him. you can actually see her flinch a little toward the end of her kiss with ezekiel.

wearing his clothes and wrapping them around herself like a hug when she really really missed him

talking to him long after he was gone

setting off to find him on foot over nothing more than a hint that he was alive

all of the ones who live. like, that would honestly need its own post but do we even need it? that show dialed this love story up to like a twenty. she spent an entire episode saving him from himself. almost died trying to find him in the first place. jumped his ass out of a helicopter. her faith in him and them saves the entire world.

truly, her response to his proposal/vows is spot on: "it could only ever have been you." it was always him, it was only ever going to be him. it's him, or it's no one.

#richonne #for as long as this is idek if i really answered your question or if this is what you wanted anon i'm sorry lol #btw honorable mention: holding those nasty old boots to her face when she found them like my god woman that's real love i could never #oh also i suspect she just wasn't the marrying type before rick #i get the feeling mike asked and she said no fjdslafdl just a hunch/headcanon though!

[total-drama-brainrot]

Island Assistant Noah AU, Noah stays Chris' Assistant all throughout Island + Action + World Tour... How would this version of Assistant Noah react to Alejandro's flirting?... Would Alejandro be amused, when he later learns that Noah got himself eliminated ON PURPOSE in Season 1, and Noah became 'Chris Mclean's Assistant' as a punishment? 😎

Well, honestly I imagine most versions of Noah would react to flirting with the same level of scepticism and mistrust- he's not exactly a catch, and he's aware of the fact. Having someone as conventionally attractive and evidently conniving as Alejandro display interest in someone as not those things as Noah is would be a major warning flag for anyone with any semblance of sense.

Of course, Alejandro's interest was initially a ploy to try and weasel out information from Chris' personal assistant- someone who's high enough in the pecking order of internship to at least have some rudimentary knowledge on the oncoming challenges, but unimportant enough to fly under the radar when it comes to helping the competitors- but after Noah's initial refusal, Alejandro finds himself genuinely interested in him, at least in the same curious way a scientist regards an outlying factor in their studies. Mostly because Alejandro's very much so not used to being spurned, so Noah's blatant dislike of him is enough to fuel his curiosity (similarly to how Heather's hostility to him piqued Alejandro's interest in canon).

So he goes out of his way to bother Noah at any given opportunity. Not that it's hard; due to Noah's job he's practically always somewhere on the jet, since it'd be pretty hard to, you know, personally assist someone without being in their vicinity. Noah's disgruntlement with the constant flirting isn't quite enough to warrant him putting in the effort to avoid Alejandro, however, so the two of them consequently end up spending a lot of time together. Most of which is Alejandro trying and failing to fluster Noah, or otherwise pry competition-valuable information from him. Or, as their conversations become more frequent, he tries to get Noah to disclose something about himself that isn't already apparent- to very little success. Alejandro does find out that Noah's oddly touchy about his position as Chris' PA, though, and stores away that little tid bit of information to exploit later.

Alejandro inevitably finds himself almost enamoured by Noah's caginess and his dry wit. He's surprised to find that he actually enjoys Noah's company, even when it doesn't offer him any of the advantages he initially sought out the assistant for, which is such a novel concept for him. So of course he resolves to spend more time around Noah, to try and figure out what this feeling is, and if it'll affect his stance in the competition- not at all because he wants to spend more time around the cynic, obviously.

And he inevitably becomes more and more comfortable around Noah's stoic bluntness, so much so that he starts showing hints of his true colours around Noah. To the point where the bookworm's initial distaste for Alejandro begins to thaw under the warmth of his actual personality, instead of the coldness of his "perfect Burromuerto" mask. (This is the part where mutual feelings begin to blossom, if you couldn't tell.)

Alejandro ends up spending more time with the off-screen assistant than he does with the entirety of his actual team, which grates on the producer's nerves since they don't have a lot of non-challenge footage of their main antagonist (outside of his frequent use of the confessional, that is). So, he's asked to spend less time around Know-it-all Noah and more time around his actual team, so they have some footage to work with, as Noah's PA contract prevents them from using "unnecessary footage" of him on the show; since he doesn't interact with anyone during challenges or plot-relevant moments, the editors are practically forbidden from using any of the footage Noah is in. Alejandro reluctantly complies.

And it's during this enforced bonding time with his team that the topic of Noah comes up. Owen's the one who initially comments about Alejandro spending a lot of him with his "little buddy", which absolutely doesn't (does) spark an ember of possessive jealousy within Alejandro, prompting him to ask how Owen's so familiar with Noah if he's not even supposed to interact with the contestants. Owen reveals that Noah was a contestant, at least for a little bit, before he was eliminated early in Island.

Alejandro's interest in Noah and the mysteries around him skyrockets. As a former contestant and, apparently, someone who's familiar with pretty much all of his competitors, Noah has even more potential to supply him with valuable information that would assist him in winning the million. He later chases down the cynic and confronts him about his extremely limited time on the Island, to which Noah is initially evasive about, before he- in a ticked off outburst, since Alejandro just won't drop the subject- admits that he got himself eliminated on purpose and working as Chris' PA is pretty much just his punishment for doing so.

And Alejandro's curiosity turns into confusion. Why would Noah intentionally have himself eliminated from the competition when a million dollars is on the line? Noah quickly corrects him that, in the first season, the prize money was a measly 100k, and then proceeds to explain exactly why and how he got himself booted from Camp Wawanakwa- Alejandro watches the annoyance on Noah's face gradually soften out into a smug sort of pride as he recalls his past endeavours. Then that pride is quickly wiped away by a bitter sourness as Noah recounts how his stunt essentially trapped him under the employment of Total Drama, namely Chris McLean.

But Alejandro's still caught up in the glimpse he got of Noah's scheming potential. The glee he saw in the other's eyes as he explained how easy it was to rile up his former teammates enough to vote him from the island, how just a few carefully worded comments were all it took to grant Noah an extended vacation at a five star resort.

Dots are connected; Alejandro suddenly understands why Noah's so resistant to his manipulative efforts, why Noah always seemed to clock exactly what he was attempting to do and shut it down with cold indifference or a snarky comment. The pessimist before him was his equal, at least in terms of strategy. Though how he applied his trickster mindset was a little unconventional. The archvillain is more than intrigued by now, he's utterly smitten... with the idea of having Noah as his "right hand man". Nothing more.

Alejandro's left to wonder just how much more he could accomplish within the confines of the jet if he had Noah's brilliant mind assisting him in his schemes.

#uh. ran out of steam there at the end ngl. #something something alejandro goes from trying to exploit noah to trying to recruit noah as his sidekick #meanwhile noah's just there like: 🧍‍♂️i work here. leave me alone. #as much as i really love aus where noah gets to scheme i don't see assistant noah helping alejandro at all no matter how much-- #alejandro tries to convince him. he's already saddled with work he's NOT implicating himself in a cheating scandal. #duncan's already got that drama covered #essentially alejandro's initially interested in noah because he's the only person who doesn't fawn over him #and then later on he's interested in noah because noah's Just Like Him but without a driving force (and family trauma 🤫) #total drama #td alejandro #yd noah #alenoah #assistant noah au #others' ideas #replies

[vixentheplanet]

illicit nights

“a little less conversation and a little more touch my body.”

shuri x black!reader | 18+

Summary: You were born and raised in Wakanda, but you chose to leave to pursue a modeling career. You've amassed global fame as an international model, gracing runway shows, featuring in luxury campaigns, and appearing in fashion magazines. You're in the spotlight, and the entire world is watching your every move. After a very public breakup, you decide to return home to reconnect with your country and the people you love.

You didn't expect to catch the attention of your sister's best friend in your attempt to get over your heartbreak, let alone end up in a private sexual relationship with said friend. The Wakandan Queen.

word count: 5.9k

themes: model/famous reader, queen shuri, childhood friends, hookups

warnings: sex, drinking, idk i forget y’all read this before

hi! 🤧😔 this is actually kinda hard because i never title my stories in the documents and i make copies when i’m editing in case i delete something and i want it so i’m going through so many documents to find the right one and then all the outfits are gone. i can’t remember the themes and warnings i put… anyways, y’all good sister is back up

When you decided not to attend Wakanda University to pursue a modeling career, you did not doubt that you would succeed. Your parents wanted you to follow in the footsteps of your elder sister, but subjects like physics and calculus never piqued your interest. There was a lot of debate regarding your decisions, especially when you told your family that you were leaving Wakanda. Many Wakandans live beyond the borders, but you weren't looking for a simple life.

You were blessed with breathtaking beauty and the qualities for which others were willing to pay millions. It's hardly surprising with a face like yours, in just a few years, your career has skyrocketed to unfathomable heights, catapulting you into worldwide fame. Every fashion week, you're on the runway, traveling worldwide for campaigns, fittings, and numerous billboards of your face.

While you like the acclaim and spotlight, you quickly learn that being such a public figure in the entertainment industry has drawbacks. You have been in a highly publicized relationship with actress Mya Hope for nearly two years. Maybe it was your naivety, being new to everyone, but you and Mya hit it off immediately. It was lovely initially, but as your relationship progressed, it was just continuous disputes, mistrust, and resentment. You endured it because you expected things to change one day, but then Mya cheated. You learned through a gossip article that several individuals provided you with via text and social media.

Because her infidelity provided concrete evidence that things weren't working out between the two of you, you broke up. It was awful after the public found out. You've had relationships in the past, but they were the silly childlike attachments all kids have as time passes. Nothing has ever been this long or public. Being followed around and pressured into making a statement about something so personal was a culture shock. Who in their right mind wants to expose their private grievances to the rest of the world?

This month was an emotional roller coaster, and after wrapping up a photo shoot for Dior's upcoming campaign, you instructed your manager not to arrange anything else. You needed some alone time and wanted to go home and rest away from everything and everyone—home, not LA.

With the help of your older sister, Izara, by the end of the week, you'll be back in the safety of your rightful home, Wakanda.

Your mother never approved of Mya, and despite your best efforts to keep your family informed, she had kept up with your activities in your work through Western media, including your relationship. You guessed it was because she was afraid you'd end up permanently residing outside of Wakanda, but maybe mother intuition told her the relationship wasn’t right for her daughter.

When you arrived at the house where you'd grown up and rushed back to your mother's arms, she didn't criticize or tell you that you should have listened. "I expected you to say I told you so." You inform her.

"A mother can only guide her child and hope that they will listen, but it's our responsibility to be here when you fall," she adds as she pulls you tight.

The next day, your sister comes over first thing in the morning. Izara was four years older than you. You two were close; she was your elder sibling, and you naturally respected her intelligence and accomplishments. However, as you matured, you came to see that you had different interests despite your shared affection for one another. While Izara excelled at technology and engineering, you discovered a love of fashion and beauty. You loved your nation and knew you could build a successful career in Wakanda once you found you wanted to be a model, but you wanted to be known worldwide.

Being the baby of the family, it was difficult for your family to accept that you were going, but they realized deep down that there wasn't much they could do to influence you or your choices. As they witnessed your success, your family became increasingly supportive and proud. The only disadvantage is that your career has kept you away from Wakanda and the people you care about. It was challenging to find time to return home while growing your profession. You weren't worried about taking time off now that you were in a secured position in the industry.

“What are you moving back in?” Your sister makes a joke about all the things you brought. One packing rule you had was that it was better to be cautious than sorry. You’d rather overpack than need something thousands of miles away. After all, you didn't arrive by plane. A Wakandan aircraft had no weight restrictions.

Your mother is quick to reprimand her. “Hush. My child is always welcome to come back.”

“I- I don’t know about moving back yet,” You admit, dismissing any thoughts your mother has about you moving in. "But, I'll be here a little while." Though you did not intend to stay in Wakanda indefinitely, you weren't in a hurry to go. The combination of fresh air and your mom's homemade pastries positively impacted your mood.

Later, you and your sister relaxed in the living room while your mother was in the kitchen. She was so excited to see both of her daughters under the same roof after such a long period that she rushed to prepare tea and lime cake. Your favorites. “No moping. Your sadness is going to make me sad,” Izara says, frowning at you.

"I'm not moping," you say with a sigh. “It wasn’t even going to last. We fought a lot. I knew I was unhappy, but all the attention was overwhelming. It simply has to blow over." Your sister was the only person who understood the ins and outs of your previous relationship. She was your closest confidante and had warned you to leave Mya so often that she was probably exhausted by how stubborn you were.

Izara hums understandingly. “Don’t worry. It will. Those silly foreigners will find something else trivial and pointless to focus on. In the meantime, you need to be out and enjoy being single.” She advises. “Like, when’s the last time you had sex?”

“Izara, shut up,” there’s a warning in your tone. You confided in your sister about many things, but that was where you drew the line. She didn't need to know what you did, and you didn’t need to know what she did. Though the question did make you think, it’s been over a month since the initial break up, and you and Mya had long stopped being intimate. The passion just wasn’t there.

Izara is always persistent and keeps talking. “What! We’re both grown. We can talk about that now.”

“Absolutely not.” You groan, deciding to change the conversation to focus on your sister, “How is work?” She’d recently been promoted at her job working in the laboratory at the palace. She had called to tell you, but you had been in the midst of a photoshoot. Part of you felt bad you couldn’t give her your full attention upon hearing the news.

As the director of research methodologies, she spent a great deal of time in the various villages conducting focus groups to determine where improvements were needed. She then brought the data back to the lab, where they worked to enhance the areas that needed it. “It's incredible. I feel good knowing that my work has a positive influence.” Your sister has always been active in the community, dedicating her life to helping others.

“That’s amazing, Izara. I’m proud of you.” You say because you genuinely are, even though you didn’t take after your sister and her love for science. Her drive and passion are admirable. “It’s okay. It’s your job not to be fucked up so I can be the rebellious one.”

That gets a laugh out of your sister. You’ve missed that sound. “Not to brag, but I’ve been considering returning to University for my Ph.D.. Shuri is encouraging me.”

Shuri. Since childhood, the Princess, now Queen of Wakanda, was your sister's best friend. They attended the same primary school and connected instantly. You recall when Izara snuck Shuri into your home for a playdate, unbeknownst to your mother and the King and Queen. The Dora Milaje arrived at your mother's home with spears in hand before learning that the mischievous princess had sneaked away to play with her new companion. Your cheeks rise as you recall that day. "There's that smile again!"

“Just remember the time you almost got our entire family executed.” You chuckle, and Izara groans. She hates this story.

“We didn’t know any better!” After that day, Queen Ramonda invited your sister to the palace to play to prevent any other misunderstandings. Shuri would occasionally come to your house, allowing the two girls to form a lasting bond. “You had the biggest crush on her. You used to follow us around whenever she’d come over,” Izara added, laughing as if it was the funniest thing in the world.

For the record, it was a brief crush. The wooden doll house you had collapsed a few weeks before your seventh birthday, and you cried all night about it. Shuri presented you with a fully equipped doll house for your birthday. You recall looking on with wide eyes as she demonstrated all of the functions, the lights switched on, and water poured out of the sink. Still, you'd never acknowledge it. “I did not have a crush on her. I was following you. I wanted to be just like you until I realized how boring you were.” You snickered. A look of disbelief crosses your sister's face, and you laugh harder.

"I should thank Shuri," you say once you've quieted down. When you told Izara you were planning to return home, she enlisted the assistance of her best friend, who made every effort to ensure your safe arrival. You're not sure you could have endured another moment amid the chaos.

“You should, and she would love to see you.” Your sister agrees. “I have to go to the office tomorrow. Actually, we can stop over there, and then we can go to the shops. I have to buy Aneka a birthday gift.” Aneka, another one of your sister's friends. She had such a bold personality but was always kind to you. “Oh, and you’re coming Saturday.”

"I-" you start, thinking for a moment. There's no justification for you staying at home, feeling miserable over a failed relationship that wasn't going anywhere. It's been a little more than a month, and you're supposed to be unwinding and having fun. Izara squeals and orders you to be prepared by an ungodly hour after you accept.

You and your sister traveled to Birnin Zana the following day. You knew the Golden City but had never been within the Citadel. While your sister is likely to be familiar with both the interior and outside of the high-rise glass tower, you have never stepped foot inside. With all the Dora Milaje present, it was a little intimidating, and you did your best to keep up with your sister in your heels. As Izara was a few steps ahead of you, someone you imagined was a staff member gave you a strange look. “Stop walking so fast.”

Izara ignores your request and keeps moving. "No one told you you had to wear those shoes." She lets you catch up by coming to a halt in front of an elevator.

“It’s not the shoes. It’s you.” You argue, coming up to her as you wait for the elevator.

As you rode the elevator, your thoughts turned to the new Queen. Several years have passed since your last interaction with her. Shuri had always impressed you with her intelligence, and she was extraordinarily strategic and visionary. She undoubtedly carried those attributes with her when she ascended to the throne.

“I didn't tell her you were coming. She’s going to be so surprised.” Izara scans her badge and enters the lab. You follow behind her. “Shuri, I have the file you asked for; sorry, I was reviewing it over to make sure we caught all the errors from the last trial and-”

Shuri had looked up when she heard your sister's voice, but you saw her eyes widen in your presence. “Y/N?” You watch as she blinks a few times, taking you in.

Shuri’s hair was short now, the sides shaved, and her hair coiled into a mohawk. She wore a light gray boiler suit. Truth be told, you did have a crush on Shuri when you were younger but grew out of it. It was the projection of a childish imagination. It faded with time and age as you ventured away from your sister and developed your own relationship with friends, no longer in the same space as the Wakandan Princess. But now, she looks good, very good.

“Hi,” you say, happy to see another familiar face. After being surrounded by strangers and new faces for the past few years, the familiarity of home was comforting. "I appreciate you arranging transportation for me to get here." You instantly tell her, knowing the reason for your visit. You did not intend to disturb her.

Shuri is quick to respond, “Of course, Izara said you wanted to visit. It was no trouble.” It was the honest truth. You know Shuri would do anything for your sister and, in relation, you.

Izara smiles, “I’m happy to have my little sister home though I wish it were under better circumstances. I’m trying to cheer her up.” Your sister pinches your cheeks and immediately moves away from reach when you swat her hand away. She might be a little obnoxious. You are not a baby.

“I am not a baby.” You vocalize, rolling your eyes.

"You'll always be my baby," she replies with a childish pout. "Now, wait right here. I’ll be back. I’m going to grab something from my office.” Izara says as she walks out of the lab, leaving you and Shuri alone.

You begin to appreciate the painting on the cylindrical pillar in the room, assuming you won't bother Shuri anymore, but Shuri speaks. “To what do I owe this visit? Not every day, I have Wakanda’s most famous supermodel walking into my lab,” she jokes.

It’s clear she’s being humorous, but your face heats up. “Oh, I wanted to see you and say thank you. I’m just following Izara around, and we’re going to pick out a birthday gift for Aneka.” You explain, trying to ignore the sensation in your cheeks.

Shuri is now leaning back against one of the tables, completely focused on you. "What did Izara mean when she said 'better circumstances'?" She inquires, her gaze fixed on yours.

She patiently waits. You pause, unsure how much you should reveal. All the arguments and nights of crying make you question if your sister ever mentioned Mya to Shuri. You make the decision to keep things simple. “I’m going through a very public breakup which means nothing to anyone here but everything to the media out there.”

“You know how hard it is to be walking down the street and be harassed with a thousand questions about your ex?” It was a rhetorical question. The media was ruthless and would stop at nothing until they could pull enough out of you to exploit for their own selfish advantage.

Shuri, being the intellect she is, probably realizes you'd rather not discuss this and moves on. "Wakanda, thankfully, does not have such an animalistic journalism system." Culturally, there was a high level of respect and awareness throughout the community that your business was private. Wakanda was far more developed and gave little thought to gossip and drama.

You were thankful for that. Breakups aren’t easy, no matter how shitty the relationship was. External stress wasn’t helping with your mood. You finally felt like you could breathe. “Exactly. Anyways I’m happy to be back.”

“Any plans?” She asks.

You shake your head. “Other than spending time with my family, no.” Further into your stay, you’d probably come up with some type of itinerary, but you were laying low for now. “Izara thinks I should be out enjoying being single.” She or your mom would probably try to set you up sooner or later.

Shuri nods in agreement. “She’s right, you know? There’s no reason to waste time thinking about someone who isn’t thinking about you when you could be having fun.”

The bluntness of Shuri’s words surprises you. “I suppose I’m young. I should be doing what I want with who I want.” You remark in a lighthearted tone.

Shuri glances at you, licking her lips, and winks. "Exactly," she replies. Your heart rate increases. Is she hitting on you?

Izara returns, and you both say goodbye to the Queen before heading to the shops. The brief exchange has left your thoughts in a frenzy. You spent the rest of the day trying to persuade yourself. Shuri was undoubtedly attractive, but there was no way a years-old crush would be rekindled within seconds of seeing her again. A crush you had when you were five at that, but the way her tone held so much suggestion.

Wakanda's nightlife was always lively. People come together, clubbing at the same venue, existing at the same time in the same place. It was an essential aspect of the culture and many people's choice for a social gathering or celebration.

The next night, you're on Elixir's second floor, famed for its massive and powerful alcoholic beverages. Aneka's party had the entire floor to themselves, and she leaped up and down as soon as she noticed you. “Ah! Baby Izara! We see your billboards when we’re on missions outside Wakanda.” She tells you, and you feel shy under all the attention. It was nice to know that the people at home were supportive in seeing you thrive. "Thank you!" You exclaim as you hug her. You said hello to a couple more people before ordering a cocktail and settling in. You're seated alone in one of the many round booths. Your sister and a few others had gone downstairs to join the sea of crowded and sweaty bodies.

You had the idea to go down there. Dance on someone, make an emotionless connection, and return to their apartment, but you know in the back of your mind that it wasn't for you. Impersonal connections lack the comfort of knowing each other's bodies and personalities.

There's quite a commotion at the club's entrance, and you peek down to see all the excitement. Shuri navigated the crowd with a small group of individuals following behind her. The woman was dressed in all black, with form-fitting pants and a tailored blazer—dark shades, shielding her eyes from those around her.

You felt something stirring deep within you the entire time your attention was drawn to her.

The sheer strength and command of her presence divides the crowd. She doesn’t have to ask. Everything about her screams dominance, and you can't deny that you're drawn to it, trying not to let your imagination wander into the illicit territory. This was not a crush. This was pure want. Shuri makes her way up the large metal steps, where she is embraced by the bubbly birthday girl who has had too many drinks. “Shuri! You made it,” Aneka says excitedly. The sweet look Ayo gives her excited girlfriend warms your heart. They're adorable.

Before hugging Aneka, the Queen leans in and says something only she can hear. She fades from view as she moves deeper into the scene, most likely conversing with others. When you see Shuri again, she's walking over to you, drink in hand, her steps purposeful.

She slides into the booth across from you without asking. “I’m surprised you’re not down there dancing. What happened to being young and single?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Please," you retort. "So I can have sweaty men press their balls on my back. Thank you, but no." Your lips were pursed.

“So you came out to sit around?” Shuri comments. “In such a pretty outfit,” she notes. Her eyes are covered behind those black shades, but her statement indicates she's checking you out, taking in the way your boobs sit nicely and the tiny skirt displaying the silky flesh of your upper thigh. There's a trace of something in her voice as if she's coaxing you to reveal more, understanding there's more to your decision to isolate yourself. Again, a tempting tone.

You’re not in the mood for mind games. “You ask a lot of questions. Besides, are you not doing the same thing?” Your voice is laced with skepticism as you eye her.

Shuri lets out a disagreeing sound. “I’m here to celebrate Aneka and enjoy my night.”

If she can tease you, why can’t you do the same? You twirl your tongue around the straw in your drink, and Shuri can’t look away. “Since you’re here with me, am I a part of the enjoyment?”

When your eyes meet, there’s a glint of danger in them. “I think you should behave.” Her tone was low and warning.

If she believed that would get you to listen, she was mistaken. That resulted in the opposite effect, as you felt arousal between your legs. "And what if I don't?" You push, your eyes innocent, as if you had no idea how provocative your tone was. She looked damn good in that suit.

You were putting aside the complication caused by the fact that Shuri was your sister's best friend and the Queen of your country. Something enticed you to make a move on her. You notice the cherry in her glass and immediately say, "I can tie that with my tongue." It was a cool trick you picked up from a model in Cannes. People were always shocked at how simple you made it look before trying it themselves.

Shuri glances at you as she takes the cherry into her mouth instead of answering vocally. The stem is just beyond her lips, and her brows are lifted, waiting for you. You bend across the table, making sure not to brush your lips together as you move the stem from her mouth to yours. She keeps a close eye on you while you concentrate on your task, stretching your tongue upward and trapping it against the roof of your mouth.

You stick your tongue out after pushing the end through the loop, revealing the knotted cherry stem to Shuri. She removes her glasses, folds them, and sets them next to her cherry-free drink. Eyes filled with fire. “Stop looking at me like that.” You could sense a level of hesitation from the woman. Behave wasn't a no; it simply indicated she was attempting to get you to back off since her resolve was slipping.

You roll your eyes as you remove the stem from your tongue and place it on a napkin. “You know you’re practically undressing me with your eyes.” You could see a glimmer of hunger in her features, and you knew you had her right there.

“Mmm, I’m not the one showing off tongue tricks,” Shuri smirks, sipping her drink.

Before you can say anything, a breathless voice breaks the tension between you. “Shuri!” your sister and two of the girls had returned from the dancefloor. “Scoot over. I’m taking a five-minute break.” Izara says. You can see the sweat on her forehead. You start to shift over to make room for everyone, and you’re forced to be pressed against Shuri, depleting the distance.

Upon their arrival, Shuri redirects her attention to her best friend, “Hey, Zar. I was just asking your sister why she wasn’t dancing.” Glancing at you with a smug look, she was enjoying this.

Izara nods, “I told her she needed to get down there and have fun. It’s been five weeks, and the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.”

As you drum your fingers across the glass table top, a sigh escapes your lips. I’m trying, you think. "I'm not keen on hooking up with strangers," you answer instead. You were discrete with your words. Sneaking a quick look over at Shuri when you say it, you find her already staring back at you. Her expression has now become unreadable.

Izara sighs. Her sole motive for inviting you was for you to have fun; she probably believed you weren't having a great time, but your attention was attracted to something you didn't need to search for. You wouldn’t tell her that, though. "Oh, Bast, you need more liquor." She approaches a waiter and orders a round of shots.

As soon as the waiter places the shot glasses on the table, all eyes turn to you. You reached forward, grabbed one shot, pinched the lime, and tossed back the tequila, promptly sucking the lime between your teeth and dropping it into the empty shot glass. "That's my girl," Izara says, clapping.

The five-minute breaks last a lot longer than five minutes. Your poor sister was utterly unaware that she was cock-blocking. She and Shuri were having a casual conversation about who knows. You weren't paying attention. Maybe she senses you getting restless beside her, but you feel a hand rest on your leg. Shuri continues to converse with Izara while her fingertips brush your left thigh. You let out a sharp, deep breath before composing yourself. The soft touch riles you up. Shuri taunts you by not moving her hand any higher. She rests it there, stroking your skin, knowing it’s driving you crazy.

Shuri is winning this game you're playing together, but you have a plan.

When your sister returns to the main level, she attempts to get you to accompany her, and you make up an excuse, promising to do so after you use the restroom. When you and Shuri are alone again, you slap her hand and glare at her. “You should move your hand if you’re going to start something you can’t finish. I’m not in the mood to be teased.”

As you get up to leave, you grab a second shot, downing it before smiling. It's a mind-numbing high that blocks all of your feelings except lust. "I'll be really upset if this night doesn't end with me in your bed." You whisper, walking away, not bothering to wait for Shuri’s reaction. There was no point in playing games when you wanted her, and she clearly wanted you. That’s why you knew she would follow you.

The bathroom is located down a dim corridor with purple fluorescent lights. You're walking down the hall when you hear quick footsteps behind you. A hand catches your waist, pressing you against a solid body. Away from prying eyes, Shuri holds you against her, moving your hair to expose the side of your neck, “Do you want to dance with me after?” She speaks with hushed tones.

Mission completed.

You shook your head and turned to face her. "I wasn't here to dance." Dancing was a waste of time because neither of you wanted to do it. Every second more you spent in this club was a moment wasted when she could be inside of you.

Shuri paused for a moment, her eyes clouded with longing. "You realize what you're asking of me." Your mind wanders to Izara. All the red flags were flying in your head. This was your sister's closest friend and her most recent boss. Shuri felt off-limits for some reason. But you swiftly block out all of that.

“Don’t complicate things. I wouldn’t be here asking you to bring me home and fuck me in the middle of a club if I didn’t,” you said. You've teased and flirted with the Queen all night, and now nothing stops you from ending the night in bed with her. “No kissing, no intimacy, it’s just sex.” You assure her.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” You gasp as Shuri thrusts back inside, making your body tremble in response. It’s one of the many compliments you’ve given her through the night as she takes you further into euphoric bliss.

Maybe it's because you haven't had sex in what seems like an eternity, but the slide in feels like heaven. The first thrust has you seeing stars, and every move since then has you letting out an endless stream of moans. You were on your knees, Shuri kneeling behind you, going at unrelenting speed.

You're both high on adrenaline and lust, making your body hum and your head spin—sweaty bodies work together as your heartbeats syncopate in a rhythmic acceleration. You can't recall the last time you felt so attuned to another person, so alive.

Her hands are all over you, one of her arms reaching from behind to support your upper body, cupping your chest while her fingers tease your nipple. You figure the mind of a genius is used to focusing on multiple things at once because despite her fast thrust, the fingers on Shuri’s other hand stroke along your clit, gently knowing what you need, where to touch you, and how to touch you.

“Harder, harder- fuck, don’t stop.” You reach around to find Shuri’s hips and hold them, following her movements in an attempt to feel her closer. “Such a bossy girl.” Shuri pants but drives into you with more force.

She eventually removes the arm that has been holding you up and pushing you forward. At this angle, she's hitting the spot inside you that has you unable to speak, trapped in an endless repeat of pleasure as the sensation causes your skin to prickle.

Collapsing onto the bed, you cushion your head on the pillow, and your back arches beautifully. “Fuck Shuri. C-close,” you stutter, your voice weakly coming out between your pants. The way Shuri was easily manipulating your body to take her deeper made you want to scream. "I can't wait to see you come looking for me." Shuri breathes and snaps her hips.

"You're going to look gorgeous." She goes on, talking you through it. "Should take a picture and put it on the front cover of every magazine. Everyone can see how pretty you are when you’re getting fucked so good.”

Shuri's comments fill your head with filthy thoughts, even though you've never considered yourself an exhibitionist. Imagine one of the world's most famous models being railed by the Queen of Wakanda on a magazine cover. You two are certainly an obscene sight. “Should I let everybody see what a good girl you are, or is this only for me?”

"Only you," you answer thoughtlessly. Your mind was only centered on pleasure now. As you inhale sharply, the heat inside of you grows, and your body is frozen in ecstasy. Your eyes slip back as your stomach muscles contract in anticipation of eventually feeling that relief. Your eyes widen, your brows rise, your breath stutters, and your eyes close tightly. So tight, and you’re coming. It's quiet for a few moments, and then you're screaming Shuri's name, your voice breaking, your nails sinking into the covers.

As you move your hips back, little gasps escape your lips. “You’re perfect. It feels so good. Want to keep fucking you.” Her words and tone are desperate as she pants, grinding into you, using the friction and pressure to reach her orgasm. You could get off just from the sound of her moans alone.

When Shuri pulls out, you fall into the satin sheets and turn over, sticky and satisfied, staring at the ceiling. You take a few moments to collect your breath and come down from your climax. You sense the bed shifting as Shuri fades from view.

On shaky legs, you stand up to scan the room for your belongings. There was no need for closeness or caressing. Both of you agreed to just sex, and you needed to get home as soon as possible. Your top is lying right in front of the door. That was the first thing to go.

“I’ll have a member of the Dora escort you home.” Shuri comes back into the room from the bathroom, a tee shirt and boxers on now while you’re still struggling to locate your underwear.

“Are you crazy?” You pull the straps of your top on your shoulders and try to situate your breast inside. “I’m not even supposed to be here.” You whisper-shout. The reality was settling in now that the fire inside you had been put out. Izara would most likely interrogate you in the morning, thinking you went home with someone and you had time to think of a lie once you were home.

“Imagine going to my mother's house with the Dora Milaje. - have you seen my panties?” Her head wanders sideways, and you follow her gaze to discover your underwear on top of the lampshade on the bedside table.

They undoubtedly landed there in her haste to strip you naked. Shuri takes them and hands them to you. "You're so messy," you mutter as you take them from her, leaning down to slip them on.

"You weren't complaining," Shuri chuckles. There goes that smug tone.

Before leaving, you get dressed, put on your heels, and turn to Shuri. “This never happened. I was never here." You're both consenting adults, but having your sister in the mix complicates the situation. It was acceptable for the one time you both received much-needed relief, but it couldn't happen again for the sake of preserving normalcy. The elder remains silent. "Did you hear what I said?"

A confused sound leaves her lips. “I can’t hear anything. I'm here by myself.”

You roll your eyes and walk out the door. That’s the end of that.

When you’re showered in bed and reflecting on tonight‘s activities, it's later when your kimoyo beads ring.

It’s Shuri.

“Yes?” you answer, ensuring not to disturb your mom. It was late.

“I just wanted to make sure you got home safe.” you knew her concern was genuine because Izara would never forgive her if something happened to you.

“Yes, I did. Thank you.”

She hesitates for a second, staring at you in contemplation before asking, “So, are we going to talk about it?” There’s humor in her voice.

Not this. “Didn’t we agree that I wasn’t with you?”

"I'm not addressing that," Shuri responds immediately. "There is something far more intriguing on your lower back," she taunts, winking.

Your lips form an unconscious gasp. “Shut up!” The first and only tattoo you’ve ever received was in Paris after your first fashion week. You and a few other models get tattoos while feeling celebratory and possibly under the influence of a bit too much champagne. A tribal butterfly is permanently affixed to the center of your lower back. "No, we can't discuss it since you've never seen it." You remind her of this, your face heated. You can't believe you overlooked that.

"I completely understand." She responds, but the way she looks at you and bites her lip suggests otherwise.

Everything about her was enticing. You decide to end the call, “Goodnight, Shuri.”

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

You went to bed vowing never to do it again, a commitment tainted by dishonesty because it happened again.

#cai fics #re upload #shuri x black!reader #shuri x reader #shuri fanfiction #shuri black panther #black panther shuri #shuri fic #shuri smut #princess shuri #shuri udaku #shuri imagine #shuri x y/n #shuri x you #mcu shuri

[olenvasynyt]

Similarities and Differences between Lucien and Azriel

Alright...Elriel vs Elucien.  And I am aware that this is a topic: this fanbase has very strong opinions!  I have strong opinions myself ofc.  But I am going to suppress my own personal biases and look at these characters from a logical, unbiased perspective.  And I’m not really going to talk about evidence that proves one ship is canon or anything like that, I actually will barely talk about Elain at all.  

I want to point out the similarities and differences between Az and Lucien because I think these will definitely come into play in the next ACOTAR book since it will most likely be Elain’s book and this ship war is probably going to be addressed (at least I hope)

Similarities:

Prominent Scars

Both have scars which is rare for High Fae, and the way they got these scars is very prevalent to their backstory.

2. Knowledgeable spies

They are both intelligent and sly and know a lot about Prythian because they’re both spies, Lucien was considered Tamlin’s spy / emissary.  They both seem to keep a lot of secrets even from the people they’re close to.

3. Childhood

Their history are similar.  Both were tortured by their fathers and brothers.  Their mothers might have been used against them in their youth to control them (Mommy issues for sure)

4. Found Family

They were taken in by their friends after a really traumatic experience—Rhys and Rhys’ mother took Az in, Tamlin took Lucien in.  And they developed a very strong loyalty to Rhys and Tamlin perspectively as their high lords but also their best friends.

5. Loyal but still speak out often against their HL

And both of them still say the issues they have with their High Lords.  Az is more confident with Rhys while Lucien is a lot more cautious with Tamlin especially after UTM and for good reason. 

6. Defending their loved ones

And they both have their moments of rash defensiveness, like Az choking Eris at the High Lord’s meeting when he insults Mor, and Lucien telling Amarantha to “go back to the shithole she crawled out of” in the first book.

7. Insecurity

And it’s hard to understand them because we barely got POVs from either but they both seem really insecure with themselves.  Az seems to think of himself as a monster he avoids looking at his scarred hands.  And Lucien blames himself for a lot of stuff, one of the most important things imo, Jesminda’s death.  It seems like they avoid a lot of parts of themselves.

8. Elain

And one of tne of the most important in this shipwar situation that makes them similar imo—that I never see anyone talking about—are the conversations they have with Feyre and Rhys perspectively.  In the Autumn Court Feyre and Lucien have a fight about Elain and the Night Court, and Feyre says that he is only tagging along “just so he can get what he thinks he’s owed,” referring to Elain his mate.  This is very reminiscent of what Rhys asks Az in the bonus chapter, “you believe you deserve to be her mate?”

And both of them don’t directly answer and say they think they’re deserving in fact they both address their mistrust/dislike: Lucien answers, “my mate is in my enemy’s hands” and Az says “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her.”

They are both very conflicted when it comes to Elain. Az is attracted to her to the point of infatuation, and he’s stuck on this idea of having love because both of his brothers found love and a mate but he hasn’t.  But being with Elain is forbidden and he kind of realizes he doesn’t have a plan laid out.  He knows all of this is wrong and kind of seems to think he knows he’s being irrational.

And Lucien has the mating bond and all of the emotions and attractions that come with that but he is sick of getting hurt.

He’s still thinking about Jesminda it seems like and he thought she was his mate so he’s already comparing the two females.  

And he also sees that Elain is not into it plus he feels like he’s being forced into it himself.

And I really think the differences between the two will come into play as well, and are probably more important when it comes to Elain and how both of these two males interact with Elain at this current moment in time.

Differences:

`1. Light / dark powers

The most obvious difference is their powers; Lucien has the power of the Day court and Autumn, so light and fire which is the exact opposite of Az’s cold shadow powers. A lot of people use that difference as evidence towards Elucien or Elriel being the next relationship.  But as I said before I just want to point out some other differences that aren’t about each of the two males’ potential with Elain but rather just a character analysis. 

2. Honor, heroism, and helplessness

Az is very much a white knight. He is a savior, a rescuer.  He has a reputation for saving females, including Mor, Gwyn, and Elain.  He kind of has a hero complex in a way at least from how I view it, mainly bc the reason for a lot of these complexes is the desire for affirmation, validation and a sense of purpose, which I think has Az written all over it.

Also, a hero complex isn’t all about rescue and “damsels in distress”.  It is all of these other things:

good at saving people, very perceptive and sympathetic

A need for validation

dismissing their own needs and neglecting self-care

difficulty accepting help

feeling overwhelmed and drained

emotional and psychological burnout

low self-esteem

resentment

fear of abandonment and rejection

guilt over perceived mistakes

issues with overstepping boundaries

I'll make another post about it but I think it's an important.

You can try to analyze this from a psychological viewpoint, like Az was abused and suppressed when he was young, he was locked away and could not help his mother until he was empowered by his Illyrian heritage and shadowsinger abilities and got out of his father’s imprisonment.  A lot of these rescues are because of this job but Az seems like the person who is honorable and would help these females anyway, even if his high lord didn’t blatantly order him.

Lucien has a similar history: he also didn’t have power over his father or brothers, he was helpless when it came to helping his mother. But he reacts differently to this trauma.  He is a lot more helpless. 

Lucien is a gentlemen and very good hearted, and again, he can be rash and he does defend his loved ones, (helping Feyre UTM, going to find Vassa and get help from the other fae territories) but most of the time he is very careful with the moves he makes.  And I don’t want to say he’s selfish because he has done plenty of very selfless things, but sometimes his trauma really drives his decision making.  You can see this with Tamlin in ACOMAF: he tried to help he tries to stand up to Tamlin a few times, but imo his trauma from Beron and seeing his mother being abused really influenced his actions and made him cautious.

3. Trauma from losing loved ones

There is a key quote from Lucien and Feyre’s conversation in the Autumn Court which really just defines how Lucien interacts with people especially Elain.   Lucien was saying he wants to see Elain “just once.  Just—to know.” And Feyre asks him “to know what” and he says “if she’s worth fighting for.” (Chapter 12 Page 114 ACOWAR)

I remember reading that for the first time as someone who fell in love with Lucien from the moment I met him and being like… “ooh 😐 damn.  That’s a little selfish lulu why aren’t you trying harder.” 

And in the bonus chapter, Az says to Rhys that he doesn’t think that Lucian deserves Elain as a mate because he probably just sees Lucien as a coward, he sees how Lucien interacts cautiously around Elain and he’s probably sees him as a coward. He’s frustrated and he doesn’t understand why Lucien is so cautious with his mate because he doesn’t know his history and trauma. 

Lucien is sick of losing people.  He has lost so many of his loved ones.  He has lost Jesminda, he technically lost his mother because most likely hasn’t been allowed to speak to her in centuries.  He’s lost Andras, and he just recently lost Tamlin.  He lost his eye which isn’t a person but it’s a loss still.

Jesminda seems to influence a lot of his decisions when it comes to Elain.  He does not talk about her a lot but in a way he does, you can tell he thinks about her constantly, even if it may have been hundreds of years.

Lucien was expecting a mating bond to snap with her.  He thought that his mate was murdered. 

And he seems very selfish in this conversation with Feyre but it totally makes sense why he said he wants to see if Elain is worth it.  He is sick of losing people.  He’s just like… “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

4. A supportive network

Azriel has had his own losses but he has a lot of people around him.  He’s got all of the inner circle who have supported him and loved him for centuries.  His mother is also alive and there are hints that he goes and visits her.

I think Lucien has a supportive network now with the Band of Exiles, but he lost so many friends and loved ones and allies along the way. He is constantly moving around, loving his spot and finding another one, while Az got a very stable home.

5. Revenge and serving justice

And another thing is, revenge.  Az has a lot more of a need for revenge it seems like.  He wants justice to be served.

When he got out from his step-brother and father’s imprisonment, Rhys isays that what he did to them was so horrible that he struggled looking at him for a while after.  And Az really wants to kill Eris for what he did to Mor, and the only reasons why he holds back are because he believes Mor is more deserving of that revenge and because of his High Lord and High Lady since Eris is a very important ally to the night court right now.

Lucien doesn’t seem to think about justice being served.  Justice has never been served in his life and he thinks it never will.  

He doesn’t seem to have a need for revenge.  He was rude to Feyre in ACOTAR in the beginning which was totally reasonable btw. She murdered and skinned his best friend of course his reaction is bitter hate.  Plus he was losing a lot of hope with the curse.  But he kind of got over it pretty well and Feyre became friends.

And in ACOWAR he encounters his brothers—who tortured him in his youth and held him down and forced him to watch his lover butchered, and also rooted for his torture UTM.  And we don’t really see any need to get his revenge for any of that.  Power came into play in the ACOWAR winter court situation bc him and Feyre were overpowered so they ran instead and that makes sense.

6. Running 

Lucien has a habit of avoiding problems.  He and Feyre ran in Winter (I know their powers were low but still), he ran from Autumn to Spring after Jesminda, he ran from Elain in a way to go help find Vassa.  In ACOFAS when he and Feyre fight on the winter solstice, he left instead of staying.  He just doesn’t want to invest because again, he’s sick of getting hurt.

And maybe not all the time but sometimes Az seems like he runs ahead with his eyes closed.  He bottles up his feelings but he explodes sometimes when he gets too invested, like with Mor and Eris and with Elain in the bonus chapter.

Comparing these two characters is pretty important in the future books, since we will get POVs from both, discover more of their story, and see how this whole shipwar thing ends up.

#elucien #elriel #lucien vanserra #azriel shadowsinger #elain archeron #acotar #tiktok video summary #This is a summary of two of my old TikTok videos lmao I felt like posting them on here

[jacevelaryonswife]

I want you so bad (it’s driving me mad)

You avoided thinking about your neighbor like that since he didn’t seem to care much about your presence. Even because he wasn’t even that handsome... (it was a lying thought).

pairing: Billy Washington x Fem!reader

warnings: smut, english is not my first language

ewanverse masterlist

Your new apartment was simple, just like the rest of the building. It was smaller than the house where you grew up, but it was exactly what your academic scholarship could afford. It was strange to be away from home and deal with different people, although you liked to get to know new places, you hated changes — especially in the first days. Your new home wasn’t also the most beautiful, but in addition to the previously mentioned, you opted for a basic place to be able to have other good things and live with a certain comfort.

Over time, things got right, new people came into your life and your neighbors became more receptive, one less: Billy Washington, your door neighbor.

He wasn't rude, he just appeared to be a reclusive person. At first glance there was a certain strangeness on his part with your arrival, you didn’t know for sure the reason, but you recognized a certain discomfort in him when being in your presence. Maybe he was an idiot incel, you thought, or just a handsome weirdo, but gradually some words were exchanged by you in the corridors and stairs, albeit few.

In fact, a little mistrust about you hit you at first, after all what did a girl like you do in a place like that? But the main factor that made you quiet and uncomfortable next to you was how hot you were, truly hot. He was going through a difficult situation, no girlfriend, no job, no nice friends, and his appearance and apartment were shit. You couldn't have arrived at a worse time. He tried to be apathetic to your presence in the first weeks, and even thought he had managed not to draw attention, but when he saw your sympathy with the other neighbors... damn, how he wished it was with him.

And how stupid he felt for having acted as he did, since at no time did you undo him or treat him like a loser.

In fact, you thought his disconcerted way was cute, really cute. Since you saw him, Billy had drawn your attention physically, with his tall size, attractive face, beautiful neck and incredibly large hands... your fertile period was too aggressive not to think about what those long fingers could do to your body. You avoided thinking about your neighbor like that since he didn't seem to care much about your presence. Even because he wasn't even that handsome... (it was a lying thought).

But then, in a touch of slow magic, he began to greet you — since that habit was put into partial disuse of you for him — and act more relaxed as much as possible. Soon, quick and usual conversations were exchanged between you. Questions about the traffic, the weather, or if any correspondence was sent by mistake to your home, until they evolved into personal questions, about your college, where you previously lived, his family, your family, his friends, his motivations...

In that time, Billy learned a lot about you and your friendly way, getting comfortable by your side as much as possible. He didn't want to look like a perv while looking at your body in those beautiful and well-chosen clothes you wore, which totally valued you in his eyes. But as time passed it was even more difficult not to imagine sexual situations with you, he can thank you for this, because for the first time in a time his apartment received a demanding cleaning to receive you, his own appearing also received an improvement by trimming his beard and choosing better clothes, on these days, he didn’t feel so discouraged to see sun rays enter through the window

As for you... well, Billy was a pretty little thing, wasn't he? His unique face fascinated you, with his icy blue eyes, attractive lips and sharp nose. His hair was also beautiful, in a dirty blonde tone that made him especially charming. Maybe what you liked the most was how shy he was, it was almost sweet to see, and for you it also started to get difficult not to imagine him melting below you. Damn it.

Now you two were in complicated positions on each other, both not wanting to compromise the thing that was germinating with vigor, but at the same time, desperately, you physically needed each other. Therefore, in a casual conversation in your apartment, while you were watching an average movie, you mentioned the desire to go to the new pub that opened a few blocks from the building, inviting him.

“We can go tomorrow if you want,” Billy suggested.

"I want to!"

Even thinking about the phrase, none of you wanted to say that it was a date. Even because it wasn't! (Or was it?)

No, you were just two adults who wanted to go out together, it wasn't necessarily a date. That day he had a job interview that ended at a time very close to the d-... fuck that, it was date, yes, that was what it was, so he didn't have so much time to change his clothes and preferred to go a little more formal. And hell, he almost fainted when he saw you in that black dress, he knew he should open the door for you to get, but was afraid that you would notice the suspicious volume in the center of his pants.

Fuck.

As soon as you got into the car, you almost ordered him to park in a dark and quiet place to fly in his bowels. God, he was so handsome and radiant that night.

As the hours passed, conversations and light drinks watered your table. Billy told about the interview with enthusiasm and was totally confident that he would get the vacancy. You congratulated him with a hug and kind words, truly happy for him. “I hope you make it, Billy, I'm rooting for this a lot,” you said.

That was the best moment you two had together, so far. See you back home.

“That was very good, we should go out more often,” he suggested when you arrived at his door.

“Totally, we really should do it again,” you leaned over to kiss his cheek, making him close his eyes briefly.

“I agree again,” he said shyly, circling your waist.

He couldn't be clearer in his actions at that moment.

Approaching to his body again, you whispered near his lips: "Perhaps, that’s not the only thing we should do." And so, you kissed him, slowly and experimentally, for fear of him denying it. What wasn't done. Billy held you by the waist and back during the kiss, as needy as you, doing his best to try to disguise it. "What if the night doesn't end now?"

“I think it's a good idea,” he agreed with a restrained wolfish smile.

Oh boy, any existing elegant restraint succumbed to burning desire. You brought him to your apartment, taking off the black blazer that covered him and discarding it on the couch. He kept kissing your lips as you guided him to the bedroom, kissing your jaw and neck when your legs touched the bed. Your eyes closed with his lips wetting your soft skin, holding on to him to let him touch your body from top to bottom.

As the search for a zipper on the cotton clothing was flawed, Billy slid your dress down, exposing your half-naked body to his admiration.

“Fuck, you're so beautiful,” he sighed as he groping your free breasts. He's never had sex with a girl like you before, and if he kept thinking about it maybe he would collapse.

“You too, baby,” you captured him for another kiss, having fun with his hypnotized look. Helping him get rid of the shirt, you were surprised how deliciously defined he was, how beautiful and attractive he was like that, he took off his shoes quickly and you anticipated to remove his belt and pants, delighting in his hard member over the fabric of his underwear. He let out a sly moan when you wrapped him with your hand and gently separated him, massaging for a few seconds.

So reactive, such a good boy.

He held your waist and squeezed your ass when you stopped your movements, laying you on the bed with his body on top. An open smile stamped your face when Billy began to kiss your body eagerly to taste your skin, sucking your breasts, kissing and licking your belly, squeezing your sides, when he finally removed your panties and came across your wet pussy and ready to receive him.

He almost moaned when he asked: "do you want me to get some lub?”

"No, just take the condom."

Billy was shy when he reached the package in his wallet in his pants pocket, removing his underwear from his back to give you a glittice of his delicious white ass. Damn, he was so handsome. A beautiful and nervous thing, since he was almost shaking when he tore the plastic carefully and put it on his hard and needy limb. He was so nervous that he didn't hear your movement when you got on your knees on the edge of the bed, but moved to kiss you again. That had to be a dream. But then, when he tried to climb over you again, your hands stopped him and silently instructed him to lie on the bed.

From that, when you fit over his cock, everything turned into a wet and hot blur. You melted into each other, moaning loudly in your initially slow movements. Your hips rubbed against his until they went up the first time, moving at a constant pace that made you close your eyes to enjoy how filled you were. Billy held your hips with his dear life, almost unable to think of anything else. He was noisy, which only made you go faster, killing the poor man of the heart.

“Fuck,” he moaned, beating his hips to yours, making you moan like a greedy whore. Suddenly, you realized that you wanted him to fuck your pussy from behind, stopping your movements to change position. Damn, he believed he was in the best place in the world when he saw his ass prancing just for him.

He wasn't so slow to fill you again, holding your hips and ass with possessiveness before hitting your wet pussy eagerly. Oh! The new angle was scorching, burning you whole body and making your toes writhe with pleasure. Oh dear, how he wanted to last longer, but when you started squeezing him and moaning loudly and constantly he knew you were coming, he longed for it, to fill the condom after his orgasm. He hit your ass

“Billy!” You exclaimed before coming on his cock, moaning loudly with the white heat that blinded your sight. Damn, your satisfied smile increased when he tipped your hips with his while standing still for a few seconds. Any self-control he intended to perform fell apart when his name echoed through the room. What did he do to deserve a girl like you?

“I'm going back,” he said when he got up with almost wobbly legs, walking to your bathroom to discard the condom.

You lay with your head on your pillow while you waited for him, a sly smile on your lips when you saw him red and embarrassed when you lay down next to you. He was so handsome. “So we really should do this more often,” you said, snaking his chest with your fingers.

He smile at you. “Yes, we totally should."

————————

general taglist: @chompchompluke @arcielee

ewanverse taglist: @aemonds-fire @partypoison00

#billy washington #billy Washington x reader #billy washington x you #smut #Billy Washington smut #fics #ewanverse #trigger point #billy x reader #billy x you #ewan mitchell

[iverna]

Not to be all "back in the day everything was better" but I watched Spaceballs yesterday and it struck me that something like the opening scene of that movie just... wouldn't be done now. Right? A visual gag that goes on for one and a half minutes? Way too long. I'm pretty sure the worry would be that nobody's got the patience for that, people would give up and watch something else.

And it's the opening scene. The first thing you see after the opening crawl is this dumb gag that takes one and a half minutes - and the fact that it takes so long is part of the joke.

It's something I've noticed with a lot of movies over the past few years, that they just don't take time for anything. Everything's moving and changing constantly. It struck me in the last GotG movie. Characters are having emotional important conversations while doing action-heavy things because we don't want the audience getting bored. There aren't any "filler" episodes in TV shows either.

I've seen people talk about the impact of this on character development etc but I think it's more than that. It makes the whole movie less memorable to me because I never have a moment to process what I just saw, because we're right into the next bit of action already. Sometimes I end up missing half the movie because I just zone out. Sometimes I stop watching it because it's too much, I stop caring because I can't care that much that fast.

The opening scene of Spaceballs has you watch, get impatient, realise what's happening, laugh, realise we're not done yet, laugh again, and then finish with a final little joke. The scene doesn't need to be that long, they could have easily sped it up, but the fact that it takes so long is part of the joke. Monty Python did a similar thing with the opening credits of Holy Grail. But it does require some patience from the audience and I don't know if we don't have that anymore, or we're worried that we don't have it anymore.

There generally seems to be less trust in the audience though. Everything has to be spelled out. And plenty of people expect things to be spelled out. There's this idea that if it's not explicitly shown or pointed out, then it doesn't count. And I think maybe the audience and the film/show makers reinforce each other's attitudes there, because there's less trust in the audience, but there's less trust in film/show makers too after the many examples recently of perfectly good franchises being run into the ground.

It's become this weird back-and-forth of "gotcha" and mistrust and lack of patience and goodwill, and it just becomes really obvious when you go back and watch older stuff. Which isn't to say that older stuff is always better or that all the new stuff is terrible. It just feels like a different dynamic between storyteller and audience.

#just some thoughts #random nonsense #my opinion

[bildads-shoes]

Ever since I saw this incredible post I've been thinking a lot more about the book vs show differences, and one of the things my brain keeps returning to is the very different presentation of Heaven and Hell.

In the book, I feel like the majority of the time Heaven and Hell are mentioned, it's simply in reference to them being adversaries. They're often just referred to in the context of being Aziraphale and Crowley's bosses, both equally uninterested in humanity or the details of their employees' actions. Hence, we really do see them as not being so different from each other, and dislike them both equally. Personally, I feel this is a bit different in the show.

In the show we actually get to see Heaven and Hell. We get to see Beelzebub for more than a couple of lines, we get to meet Gabriel, and we get to feel the atmosphere of Heaven and Hell as settings.

In terms of their general vibe, the difference feels pretty stark. Heaven is empty, cold, unfeeling; every interaction between the angels we see is laced with mistrust and two-faced scheming. Hell, on the other hand, does have emotion; it's a deeply unpleasant space, of course, but the way the demons complain to each other feels more honest. Take Uriel and Michael: we've seen them throughout both seasons, yet I can't recall either of them expressing a single honest feeling. Shax and Furfur, on the other hand, have had a lot of honest moments both with each other and with other characters. In a bizarre way, Hell becomes more relatable, more likeable, in the show.

Of course, there are massive issues with Hell, but they don't necessarily come across at first glance. The really dark aspects are almost always played off with jokes, to the extent that we don't talk about them that much. Beelzebub is pretty well liked from what I can tell, despite evidently having extensively tortured their employees - but it's part of a funny scene so we instinctively overlook it. Gabriel, on the other hand, seems widely loathed; he's just blatantly a dick in Season 1, and we don't see enough of him actually as himself in Season 2 to balance that out. I'm sure that's also in part due to fake-Aziraphale's trial being resurfaced in Season 2 as a serious, traumatic event for Crowley. We aren't shown the impact that Hell's treatment of Crowley had on Aziraphale, so once again Heaven ends up seeming like the more 'evil' side.

So I suppose it's no surprise that we end up having more discussions surrounding dismantling Heaven in Season 3, with Hell's toxicity being a slightly lesser topic of conversation. It does instinctively feel a little like Heaven is the 'bad one' in comparison, whereas we have to actively analyse those throwaway/comedic moments to acknowledge the massive issues with Hell. Therefore, to me, that neutral/equal presentation of the two 'bosses' in the book is no longer the case in the show.

Perhaps this is all because the show is shifting more towards commentary surrounding religious institutions as opposed to the Cold War energy of the book. Or perhaps we'll be explicitly shown more of Hell's dark side in Season 2 and will return to truly seeing them as equally bad. Or maybe you have a totally different interpretation (please let me know 👉👈). I don't know man, I just needed to get this thought out honestly lol.

#this turned out to be SUCH an overly extensive ramble sorry #good omens #good omens meta

[faramirsonofgondor]

I’ve seen a lot of people say that Padme’s death was Anakin’s breaking point/what pushed him past the point of no return but I honestly think that his breaking point was when Obi Wan said “you were my brother Anakin, I loved you.” Throughout their on screen relationship we see Anakin constantly striving for Obi Wan’s approval and love, whether he admits it or not. At the beginning of aotc Anakin literally tells Obi Wan that he sees him as a father figure. However, after Anakin’s mother dies there is a noticeable strain in relationship, which is probably due to Palpatine’s influence. Anyways, throughout the clone wars we constantly see Palpatine messing with Anakin’s perception of the Council and Obi Wan, making Anakin feel like he needs to prove himself in order to gain their trust/approval/love.

(Admittedly, Obi Wan did not really do a great job of making Anakin feel appreciated or loved either, especially with the whole Rako Hardeen thing. I think part of it is also that they have very different love languages too. Obi Wan seems to be more of an “acts of service” and “quality time” type of person while Anakin is a “words of affirmation” and “gift giving” type of person.)

I think at the end of the day, Anakin was looking for someone to give him some sort of paternal love and he needed some sort of verbal confirmation about it. Which is exactly what Palpatine gives him. Meanwhile, Anakin seems sort of resigned to his relationship with Obi Wan and he has a consistent belief that Obi Wan thinks the worst of him. This is briefly disputed in RotS when Obi Wan says he’s proud of Anakin and that Anakin is a great jedi, but I think his confrontation with Palpatine sort of shook that conversation from his mind. Furthermore, Anakin’s conversation with Mace Windu probably made Anakin feel like none of the council trusted him or took him seriously (which contradicts his earlier conversation with Obi Wan).

Also, trust goes both ways. Since the council had such a mistrust of Anakin, he felt like he couldn’t go to them with his issues, or like they were hiding information from him. But with Palpatine, he had to put his trust into the idea that he means something to Anakin and that he’ll be able to get him to fall. Palpatine doesn’t have to be coerced or found out by Anakin, he just straight up tells him that he’s a sith, which is an extreme risk to make. When presented with the option of entrusting the council (who does not extend the same trust to him) or Palpatine, the man who groomed him into feeling like he had no other options, he’s obviously going to pick Palpatine.

But here’s where Anakin’s breaking point comes in, after Anakin kills the Separatists, after he chokes Padme, after he kills the padawans, after he accepts Palpatine’s offer, after fighting Obi Wan and getting his limbs chopped off, after all that Obi Wan looks Anakin in the eyes and tells him that he was his brother, and he loved him. After all the heartache Anakin went through, after all the times he felt like he wasn’t enough for Obi Wan, after all the times he felt like he couldn’t confide in Obi Wan (and confided in Palpatine instead), after resigning himself to the idea that he’ll never have Obi Wan’s love or approval, that’s when Obi Wan reveals that he had it the entire time, that he cared for Anakin just as much as Anakin cared for him, that he had truly believed in Anakin and trusted him, that the distance between them had hurt Obi Wan too, and that Obi Wan was distraught to be opposing Anakin, that Obi Wan didn’t want to be Anakin’s enemy but Anakin hadn’t given him a choice because he thought he’d already known how Obi Wan felt. It must’ve broke Anakin to yearn for Obi Wan’s love for so long, and only realize he’d had it the whole time, and now he’ll never have it again.

All those times Anakin had believed Obi Wan disliked him, that he didn’t care for him, that he’d hated him for all the mistakes he made, and it’s only after he makes a choice he can’t come back from, only after he decides to return Obi Wan’s “hatred”, that realizes that it was never the case at all. That Anakin was the one who drew the line the in the sand, that maybe their relationship had been cracking, but Anakin was one who looked at those cracks and had decided that it wasn’t worth the effort to mend, that it was better to throw it away. All the while Obi Wan had looked at those cracks and loved Anakin anyways. And maybes that’s what makes him finally break, maybes that’s why he yells that he hates Obi Wan, because maybe if Anakin had known, he could’ve saved the relationship on his end, and maybe if he’d trusted Obi Wan, then maybe they could’ve saved Padme together, and defeated the sith. But Obi Wan never told him, and now the both of them were stuck with ruins of their relationship, always wondering about what could’ve been.

#anakin skywalker #obi wan kenobi #obi wan and anakin #star wars #star wars prequels #the clone wars #star wars the clone wars #revenge of the sith #attack of the clones #sheev palpatine #darth sidious #manipulation #grooming #parental issues #heartbreak #:( #tw sad shit

[baratiddyappreciator]

Hanma Brother HCs

Because these two deserve to have a loving family member that is actually there for them.

They don't show open affection towards each-other in the usual way. If you asked a casual observer, they'd say that Jack actually hates Baki and that Baki is trying to make Jack lose his temper. Ask either of them if they hate each-other and they'll just look confused.

Baki likes to elbow Jack in the side or the hips a lot when he walks past him. They're finally close enough to play around like that, and Jack indulges him. He's even started reciprocating, usually swatting at Baki's shoulders or grabbing at his head to push him away.

Given the chance to spar, both of them would absolutely take it. It looks concerning until you realise that they're genuinely sparring and not actually fighting. Jack isn't biting Baki, and Baki isn't using any genuinely harmful techniques on Jack. They're just basically wrestling until they get bored or are satisfied with the encounter.

He'll never admit it, but Jack genuinely thinks his little brother is adorable. He's got a baby face, he's small, and Jack really just can't help it. He's given into the urge to just pick Baki up once before and hasn't done it since, because he knows he can't get away with it.

Jack has complete confidence in Baki's skills and his progression in the fighting world, he can see that his brother is rapidly improving and has so much potential, and he's genuinely proud of him and the fact that Baki's getting further than he has so far. It's good that at least one of them is finishing high school.

Baki, like everyone else, knows very little about Jack's life before he came to Japan, but he can tell that Jack's had a really rough life, just by looking at him (most people can, it's pretty obvious) but he had no idea how rough until he went to visit Jack in the hospital after his fight with Pickle and Jack had been sedated and tied down because he kept trying to leave.

It took him a while to finally get Kureha to tell him why Jack had to be sedated in the first place. Turns out that Jack has a serious mistrust of doctors, and considering his past, that's understandable.

Jack is very frugal, if he can save money, he will, but Baki grew up with his mom's money, and he still gets some from his inheritance, so he's not actually too worried about saving money, but he does appreciate doing so. Stick them in a supermarket together and Baki will learn the ways of a bargain hunter.

Baki has absolutely stolen Jack's clothes once or twice while he was fighting just to see if he can make his big brother laugh. It's a rare occurrence, since Jack is so stoic, and he hasn't managed it yet, but he has gotten a smile out of him!

They have the uncanny ability to just know what the other is thinking about by just looking at each-other. Is some new fighter talking a big game? Pay attention to the Hanma brothers, and you'll notice that they start side-eyeing each-other as things get more and more dramatic and out of hand. They're having a full-blown conversation without saying anything in the slightest, and nobody can really interpret it.

Both of them are very protective of Kozue. Is she there when a new group of fighters is in? They're both standing close to her, within arms reach, one in front, and one behind. If Baki isn't enough to deter the newcomers from being rude to Kozue, then Jack staring down at them certainly is.

Baki has actually brought Rumina (that kid he apparently hangs out with semi-regularly) to come meet Jack, because Rumina didn't believe that Baki had an older brother. Jack didn't really know how to react to being bragged about by Baki, but the kid was respectful enough.

Baki tries to get Jack to try new foods whenever he can, be it a snack that he brings to the arena, or if he runs into Jack outside of the ring. He'll drag his big brother to the nearest restaurant and sit him down to make him try something. Jack can eat just about anything without complaints, but he's got a love-hate relationship with seaweed. Healthy? Sure. But he doesn't like the texture or taste all that much.

#baki headcanons #baki son of ogre #baki the grappler #baki dou #grappler baki #jack hanma #baki hanma #brotherly love #brotherly affection #brotherhood #hanma brothers

[merizonal]

You guys reminded me about my mermaid AU so lemme try to explain it

-okay okay so Riku, Sora, and the heart hotel are all members of the same mermaid pod. they're all different kinds of dolphins : )

-when they are younger Riku is obsessed with the surface and the idea of getting to see what's beyond the ocean. However at some point two of Sora's older siblings, Ventus and Vanitas are captured by humans. They never return

-Riku ends up becoming super over protective of his best friend Sora after this and grows wary and mistrusting of of both the surface and humans

-eventually Sora starts sneaking off to go to the surface because he befriends a human there, a girl named Kairi. mermaids are able to take on human appearances when they dry out so Kairi is the only person on the surface who knows what Sora is

-Riku finds out about Sora frequently going to the surface and while he chastises him for it and constantly lectures him on the danger of it he doesn't actively stop Sora either. It's more like he tries to stay with Sora more so he doesn't sneak off to the surface. It's only partially effective and Sora still goes to the surface somewhat frequently

-Until one day he doesn't come home

-Determined to find Sora Riku pushes aside his caution and travels to the surface. He soon meets Kairi and when she introduces herself he recognizes her name and aggressively demands to know where Sora is. Kairi tells him she had no idea Sora never returned home and that she hasn't seen him in over a week.

-This leads to Riku staying on Kairi's couch and borrowing her cousin Lea's clothes. At one point Lea drops by Kairi's apartment and asks what happened to that "Sora kid" and Riku flips out demanding to know where Sora is

-Lea doesn't know he just drops by Kairi's sometimes to hang out. He lives in an apartment's across town with his boyfriend Isa and they both work for a pretty large marine based corporation in the city(The Organization). He and Isa share a car and Isa has to drive him around a lot. He also sometimes talks about the two kids who he met at a skatepark one time who show up at his place randomly.

-Lea he finds out that Riku's a mermaid pretty quick into their conversation. He agrees to help with the search for Sora. He also helps Kairi show Riku how to better blend into the human word which Riku has no interest in doing

-At some point they go to a mall to get Riku new clothes and Kairi and Lea keep having to stop him from interrogating poor mall employees and random strangers. He does however seem to like all the clothing with a cartoon mouse on them

-So where has Sora been this whole time?

-At some point someone in the Organization that Lea and Isa work for found out about Sora being a mermaid and he never returned home because he was captured by the Organization. The Organization has been experimenting on him. Lea and Isa both have no idea of this as they don't have high enough clearance to know that mermaids even exist

-However the higher ups in the organization do know. In fact this isn't the first time they got their hands on one. Several years ago they captured two. Sora's siblings Ventus and Vanitas. Vanitas is the only one still at the Organization. In fact he works for them.

-At some point there was an escape attempt. With the help of the the heir to the company Terra, Ventus attempted to escape. They both disappeared soon after never to be seen again. Fearing for his own life Vanitas joined the Organization. He works there but he doesn't really get paid and his food and shelter are provided by the company's CEO Xehanort so he can't really leave.

-He runs into Sora while Sora is there being experimented on and while Sora seems to recognize him Vanitas refuses to help him remembering what happened to Ventus and Terra

-At some point Isa gets promoted and is told about about the whole mermaid thing. He soon reveals this information to Lea who relays it to Kairi and Riku and they hatch a plan to go save Sora

That's about all I have right now for the main plot. There's definitely a lot more going on especially with Vanitas so feel free to ask if you'd like to know more! There's also more about what happened to Ven and Terra and even a running gag with Demyx ; )

#kingdom hearts #soriku #sora #riku #kairi #lea #isa #vanitas #ventus #terra #text #kh mer au #leaisa #akusai

[trans-axolotl]

key takeaways from psych abolition discussions at the anarchist healthcare conference 2023:

Psych wards and asylums have not always existed, and we can tear down and create alternatives! As much as the system wants us to believe this is our only option for providing care and support for madness, that is simply not true and there are multiple historical examples of successful deinstitutionalization. We talked a lot about the Basaglia method and the application of that in Italy and Brazil.

Successful resistance within psych wards has required solidarity from both workers and patients. Patients are often understandably very mistrustful of the professionals who have perpetrated violence against us, and psych professionals need to actively work to build trust, collaborate in sharing the burden of risk that currently patients are the only ones holding, actively value patients lives above their job security, and must actively interrogate the power dynamics they are currently operating within. One area to start building solidarity can be around the ways that psych workers like behavioral techs are often underpaid, overworked, and exploited by upper management, and that many psych workers go into the field because they have their own experience with mental health. There needs to be much more room for patients to express our anger, rage, and distrust, and still be respected by psych professionals who want to organize with us.

This quote from Basaglia and the Democratic Psychiatry movement in Italy: " The debate about whether to work inside or outside institutions, inside or outside, presupposes that inside and outside exist as clearly separate and antagonistic positions. Inside and outside are created as opposite and completely separate poles by a social system that is based on divisions at all levels. If we accept this premise, we are already playing into the hands of administrators."

What resistance in psych wards can look like! We talked about everything from organized protests, group refusal to comply with treatment activities, individual noncompliance, breaking people out, trying to advocate through the approved means like ethics committees and patient advocates, sneaking in contraband, creating intentional peer support within those spaces, and also some more complex and nuance conversations around the fact that when all ability to access privacy and bodily autonomy is taken away, many patients will turn to self harm as a form of enforcing bodily autonomy.

Ways that professionals can act as accomplices, by refusing to sign psych holds, refusing to force meds, enabling peer support, breaking their hospital policies, letting patients get away with things, advocating for policies like cell phones in units, calling ethics consults. Also the idea of deliscensure, where therapists will go to school, get licensed, and then let that license expire and offer services under "life coaching," which has different legal responsibilities and creates less entanglement with the state and mandatory reporting.

The idea that coercion exists on so many levels in the psych system, from outpatient to inpatient. "involuntary holds" are not the only type of involuntary treatment that happens. Someone had a really good point that choosing between coercive and violent inpatient systems or being forced to have zero support on the outside is also not a choice free from coercion, and that any discussion of involuntary treatment needs to have a really broad understanding of how coercion and choice plays into treatment in so many levels.

Brainstorming what inside/outside organizing might look like in terms of how we as community outside institutions support people currently incarcerated. Some ideas included bringing in regular care packages with fun items for patients and also items like hair care products, especially for textured hair since psych wards rarely provide any hair care products for Black hair, and sneaking in contact info to local organizations and collectives, sneaking in radical zines about mental health support topics/psych abolition/harm reduction by giving them covers of approved topics on things like CBT, mainstream mental health, etc. Having hotlines for immediate mobilization for psych incarceration. Utilizing the wisdom and knowledge from people who are regularly in and out of hospitals, who might have a lot more long term knowledge of how a psych facility functions than staff who have a lot of turnover. Really listening to patients and peers and getting creative about how to reach people and remind them that they're not forgotten. We really grappled with how to do this type of organizing when considering that psych wards are often very transient spaces where people are there for only 5ish days, and how to set up structures that can offer support to people their first time they enter a psych facility. A lot of our conversations also looked at successful inside/outside organizing happening in prisons, and people felt like that would be a really good direction to go into.

Building our community capacity to deal with crisis, and also depathologizing crisis! We talked about how often people label others' experiences as crisis without actually seeing how the person feels about it, and how white supremacy culture really encourages this on a societal level, especially in terms of what public situations bystanders will call the cops/crisis hotlines. In order to build networks of community care, we need to get comfortable with crisis, and look at how crisis exists in context, instead of just labeling things as symptoms and disorders. Healing cannot exist in isolation, and alongside things like emotional and therapeutic support, access to substances, we need to consider how to integrate material support for things like housing, food, medical care, fighting against oppression, access to job security, things like that. We also need to address how to expand access to community spaces, especially when considering people who feel isolated from in person community and don't have support networks to rely on.

overall this conference was just a really cool convergence of mad people, psych professional allies, people working with harm reduction and alternative crisis teams and just a million different contexts! happy to expand more on any of these points I've listed above.

#personal #psych abolition #mad liberation #antipsychiatry #psych wards tw #mad studies #mental illness #neurodivergence #mad pride #psych ward tw

[okkos-ferrum]

gray's return in the show and how it defines gray as a truly morally gray character

i just gotta ramble more abt this scene, with it being one of my favorite scenes in the show. but really i just wanna talk abt how this scene encapsulates gray's ... grayness... of the moral variety

especially since it is done so effectively since, like i mentioned in other posts, our screen time with actual gray and not graham or whatever is limited.

this scene sees the return of gray in the plot, picking up directly where we leave off from all the way back in episode 2

Bye-bye, Black Sheep...

I assume you prefer I continue to call you "Carmen"?

as i stated previously on other posts, because of the silly brainwashing plot, much of graham scenes can be thrown out. in a sense, it's the writers' way to put a big old pause on his character

and these are only one of the two conversations carmen and gray have in current day as themselves -- with no mind wiping or brainwashing (not including flashback cuz the actual issues of the relationship that need to be addressed havent been established yet)

so resuming directly right where we left off with gray trying to kill carmen, we return back to gray trying to kill carmen :D

but this time he did recongize carmen's name, alluding to his change ... even tho he is waving his electric stick around -- mirroring their last encounter in paris

side tangent: something i, additionally, love about this scene is just how it is blunt and honest. much of carmen sandiego's drama/conflict is built of misunderstanding and misdirection and mistrust of the characters. Which while, yes, i am eating up, but unfortuntely can cause many characters relationships to be burdened with a lot of things that can be easily cleared up with a talk. gray for once just bluntly takes a stance.

something that i do like is that in their only two scenes with each other as themselves, carmen (the pilot flashbacks) and gray (this scene) open up so fast with one another. there's never any miscommunication between them during these scenes .... well until vile barges into the conversation....

ANYWAY here we get revealed gray's full perception of himself and his goals very explicitly, especially since his memories and alliances was the biggest question over the viewers' head for most of the show

here gray explains that he believes that he is not a good person, someone incapable of change.

from his perspective, the only way he was able to be a "good" person was when he was brainwashed. and he had just had however long with his chats with maelstrom emphasizing that he has always been a bad person by nature. with the knowledge vile will forever have full control over him -- either as a vile operative or as a mindwiped civillian -- gray essentially accepts his fate as a bad person, because at the very least he is himself.

carmen may have gotten away from vile, but he is told by maelstrom it is due to her being a naturally good person. because his own perception of himself is as somebody who is incapable of good, he will never be able to leave vile now

and carmen is right there in front of him. it was his hesistance that landed him into this debacle, and with maelstrom and bellum both just past the door and carmen alone, gray has every chance to right his wrong.

but he doesnt. because he realizes that the very least he can make the choice of is never hurting carmen. as i stated in other posts, gray's main motive is to be free from any standard that could get in between him and his success. but his want for this freedom ironically got him trapped within following vile's orders. he had been so caught up in following vile that he had lost sight of himself and what he cares about.

so now he explains to carmen his absolute refusal to hurt her again, begging her to give up in stopping vile

selfish and selfless

But I'm begging you, give up trying to stop us, because I don't ever want to be put in a position to hurt you again.

gray's plea to carmen here is so perfectly two-sided

he is acting out selflessly in not allowing his alliances against carmen blind him. i mean that is what he fucked up last time in the train, where it was clear gray wanted to spare carmen - with giving her time to share her side of the story and providing the offer - put unwilling to stand against his mission. like an actual human being, gray acknowledges his mistake and is trying to amend it by stating clearly that he cares abt carmen.

he, in essence, is apologizing for trying to harm carmen by expressing his major regret. moreover, he acknowledges their chat in the pilot, accepting carmen will not return to vile. it stems likely from the ink blot scene earlier, where maelstrom speaks about nature, making a distinction between vile, and by extension, gray's, and carmen's morals. he is finally reconciling that he and carmen will not be on the same side, no matter how much he wants it to be otherwise.

it can also be viewed as a sense of wanting to protect carmen. because he feels so small compared to vile, he barely can ponder how anyone can actually succeed in going against them. i mean they brainwashed him and easily gave and took away his civilian life. in his eyes, carmen staying far from vile is the only way she could be safe

however, viewing it from another perspective shows gray's selfishness in his plea. when he speaks about never wanting to be put in a position to hurt carmen again, he kinda places such a responsibility on carmen, not recongizing he himself is capable of changing that.

Essentially saying "hey quit while you're ahead so you don't gotta make me feel guilty when doing crime" while ignoring that he is making the choice join vile

It kinda stems from his lack of faith in carmen or his own cowardice against vile or a combination of both. What may just be the only way he can protect to protect carmen comes off in his own lack of faith in her ability. as i mentioned earlier, this practically is his own resignation to his fate that vile cannot be fought against. he took his own defeat as the only way to be safe, refusing to believe carmen can successfully fight them.

while he was able to get past the hurdle of accepting carmen changing and no longer standing alongside him, he cant seem to understand his own responsibilty in this.

he's being selfish by demanding a change in carmen's behavior while he continue along with his own desires. While yes, i did just detail the various factors that led to him to such a conclusion, the window was LITERALLY OPEN for him to leave

following carmen blowing up the facility and rejecting gray's demand -- SHE IS SO REAL FOR THAT I LOVE HER SM IN THIS EP -- the wall LITERALLY IS OPEN FOR TO LEAVE CARMEN WITH

Goodbye, Gray

Idk how intentional this is, but the framing shows carmen literally, by her own will, forcing an opening for herself out of vile (both figuratively in the past and literally right now lol) while gray watches on idly, too scared to leave the grasp of vile but just watching on.

and his cowardice is followed through in the finale, with after months of idly watching carmen slip deeper into evil by the brainwashing, he actually takes actions against vile by actively choosing to work with acme, abandoning tigress, and being the one to land the memory recovery thing on her.

it is what makes gray such a stand out character in this show, admist his frustrating back-and-forth and selfishness and sometimes wasted writing. he keeps making a mistake but proceeds to fix it right after. his growth into a better person requires him to make these mistakes, because unlike carmen and most people in the show on the side of good, gray doesn't work on any moral compass. he is not actively evil and wishing to inflict harm and conflict like paper star or vile facilty, nor is he driven by morals such as team red and julia. he is driven by whatever he selfishly cares abt. and from what we see of him both in the pilot and this ep, he makes as many mistakes as he does have slivers of good actions

basically gray is an interesting character cuz he literally fucks up his personal goals, but he makes an earnest attempt to make it better lol

#carmen sandiego 2019 #graham calloway #cs crackle #carmen sandiego #character analysis #i tried rip #he was getting too silly and then had to have a fake out death #character rambles #barely revised this lol