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deanwinchestergf · 6 months

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and why would an angel rescue me from hell? good things do happen dean. not in my experience. i'm not here to perch on your shoulder. i was getting too close to the humans in my charge. you. to everything there is a season. you made an exception for me. you're different. for what's worth, i would give anything not to have you do this. i learned my lesson while i was away, dean. i serve heaven, i don't serve men and i certainly don't serve you. but you guys aren't supposed to be there, you're not in this story. yeah, well, we're making it up as we go. i'm hunted, i rebelled and i did it all, all of it, for you. so what i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together? i need your help because you're the only one who'll help me. that's a pretty nice timing, cas. we had an appointment. what happened to you cas? you used to be human, or at least like one. but cas, you'll call right? if you get into real trouble? this is cas, guys. he has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freaking times, don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt at least? it sounds so simple when you say it like that, where were you when i needed to hear it? i was there, where were you? i'm doing this for you, dean. i'm doing this because of you. but we were family once, i would've died for you, i almost did a few times. i've lost lisa, i've lost ben and now i've lost sam. don't make me lose you too. cas, you child, why didn't you listen to me. you used to fight together, bestest of friends, actually. if you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time. the very touch of you corrupts. when castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost. i'd rather have you, cursed or not. well, i'll go with you. i prayed to you cas, every night. cas, we're getting out of here, we're going home. i mean you kept saying you didn't think it would work, did you not trust me? cas, it's me. we need you, i need you. i won't hurt dean. cause you didn't trust me? you didn't trust me. please, man, i need you here. nobody wants him here more than i do. you gave us an order, castiel, and we gave you our trust. don't lose it over one man. you really believe we three will be enough? we always have been. his true weakness is revealed. you draped yourself with the flag of heaven but ultimately, it was all about saving one human. i'm glad you're here, man. how are you, dean? and then you'll kill the angel, castiel. now that one, that i suspect would hurt something awful. and when you turn, everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. everyone except me. i'm not gonna send lucifer into battle inside cas, what if he doesn't make it? it's not an it, sam. it's cas. but you're always there, you know? i could go with you. you mean too much to me, to everything. i'm gonna cure you of your human weakness, same way i cured my own. it's a gift, you keep those. you mean we? yes, dumbass, we. we lost everything and now you're gonna bring him back. we got cas back, that's a pretty damn big win. just don't get dead again. it's good to hear your voice. so this is goodbye? but i swear if he did something to her, if she's- then you're dead to me. either get on board or walk away. i don't know what's god and what isn't, and it's driving me crazy. dean, you asked what about all of this is real. we are. you used trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt, now you can barely look at me. i think it's time for me to move on. you didn't deserve that. since when do we get what we deserve? maybe if you didn't just up and leave us. i left but you didn't stop me. i should've stopped you. you're my best friend but i just let you go. and i forgive you, of course i forgive you. i'm sorry it took me so long, i'm sorry it took me til now to say it. you did it cas. okay, cas, i need to say something. you don't have to say it, i heard your prayer. well, here's to being right. you know what every other version of you did after gripping him tight and raising him from perdition? they did what they were told, but not you.

#destiel #paula.txt

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lazarusemma · 6 months

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Nov 6 - Cas is

Nov 11 - He’s

Nov 18 - Sam says Mia says journaling helps. Sure.

Nov 19 - Should’ve been me.

Nov 20 - Sam, if you’re reading this thing, I’ll kick your ass.

Nov 21 - Spaghetti for dinner. Cas still dead. Journaling still stupid.

Nov 24 - I should’ve said

Nov 25 - Should’ve told him.

Nov 26, Thanksgiving - Not a whole lot of thanks around here. Thanks for dying in front of me, man. Thanks for saying all that. Thanks for disappearing again before I

Nov 30 - C not back.

Dec 5 - 1 month. C gone. J quiet. S annoying.

Dec 6 - Least Sam’s alive.

Dec 8 - [drawing of Castiel, half sketched]

Dec 10 - Not much of a friggin’ artist huh.

Dec 26 - No miracle.

Dec 31 - Gonna be another year without

2021

Jan 1, New Year’s - Midnight alone. You should be here. You should

Jan 2 - I should’ve

Jan 5 - 2 months

Feb 5 - 3 months since I should’ve fucking kissed you.

Feb 28 - If this was a leap year man I bet you’d be back tomorrow you always did shit like that surprised the hell out of me.

Mar 1 - So it goes.

Mar 2 - S thought the library here had Vonnegut. Didn’t.

Mar 5 - 4 months Went to get a library card in town.

Mar 11 - “And I asked myself about the present: how wide it was, how deep it was, how much was mine to keep.”

Mar 30 - Sam might have a hunt for us. Don’t know if

Mar 31 - Turned it down. Passed it to Jody’s crew.

Apr 1, April Fool’s - Real funny C. Joke's over. Come back already.

Apr 9 - There’s things I can’t say things I’ve never been good at saying but you gotta know

Apr 29 - He didn’t know he didn’t know he didn’t know he didn’t

May 5 - You died not knowing, you asshole. 6 months and you’re not back so I can’t tell you.

May 6 - You missed Star Wars day, you know.

May 7 - Didn’t even Han you. Well I didn't know did I.

May 8 - Did I?

May 9 - Maybe I

May 26 - “How nice — to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive.”

June 5 - 7

July 5 - 8

Aug 5 - 9

Aug 6 - What if you don’t

Aug 10 - You missed my birthday. S’s too. J’s.

Aug 11 - If you can hear me

Aug 12 - What would he even

Sept 5 - Nearly crashed the car today. S had to drive. Banged up my head leaning on the window in the backseat like a kid. 10

Sept 6 - Researching.

Sept 7 - Ain’t fair you missed a whole year. Gonna have a lot of catch up to play when

Sept 8 - …when we get you back.

Sept 18 - Been 12 years. You believe that, Cas? Since I came back. Since you brought me back. Guess I hoped today would be the magic bullet to getting you back. Like you’d tip your head at me and say Hello Dean. And I’d tell you how I raised you from perdition. Whatever. Just a day I guess. Universe doesn’t care it’s our anniversary

Sept 19 - Still gonna say it though. When it works.

Oct 5 - 11. It’s gonna work

Oct 31, Halloween - Never got to put you in a dumb matching costume. Next year though.

Nov 4 - Can’t sleep. Sam says time is powerful magic or some shit like that. Says an anniversary can have echoes. So we’re trying it tomorrow. God, this better work. Cas, you hear me? We’re coming for you. I’ve been praying all year and I’m hearing nothing back. I’ll tell you tomorrow. Gonna get this stuck mouth of mine to make good. It’s just the words, even on paper, they don’t—Tomorrow though, tomorrow I’m telling you everything. Promise.

Nov 5 - Today.

Nov 6 - !!! 🙂🙂🙂🙂

^ heh. check out this dork

#spn #supernatural #destiel #remember remember the fifth of november #my writing #tumblr fic #em og post #wrote this at work lol

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luci-in-trenchcoats · 9 months

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Imagine...Demon Dean Hunting You (Part 1)

Pairing: Demon!Dean x reader

A/N: Wrote this 7 years ago and forgot about it. Whoops

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“Y/N, where are you sweetheart?” you heard Dean taunt from somewhere in the bunker. Of course you had to be alone, Sam and Cas just had to go out together to get some more blood. You were going to kill Sam if you ever saw him again, forgetting the last bag you’d needed to turn Dean all the way back...he should be praying you didn’t get a hold of him.

A door slamming shut nearby made you shudder. Dean was getting closer to your hiding spot and you knew beating him when he wasn’t some super strong version of himself was difficult enough.

“I just want to talk to my, Y/N. I know you’ve missed me,” he said, voice only a hall away. You could risk running from the closet you were in, try to conceal yourself in some dark corner. It’d be pointless though, Dean was too good right now and he’d hear.

You titled your head up, holding in a groan as you heard Dean find your hall. Your eyes widened as you got an idea. You wasted no time, not caring about the noise you were making as Dean chuckled and you saw the light under the door be blocked out.

“Found you,” he sang, trying the handle at first but finding it locked. You nearly fell as you felt Dean ram his shoulder once and then twice into the door as it flung open. “Now where...” he trailed off as he didn’t see you in the small space.

“Up here,” you said, staring down from where you’d managed to pull yourself up into the air vent. It was gross and dark but for the first time since Dean escaped, you felt safe. He’d never fit, no matter what traces of demon he had left in him.

“Just when I thought we were done playing,” he said darkly. “Smart, I’ll give you that. But I’ll see you in a few minutes sweetheart,” you heard him say as he disappeared with a wink. You crawled further into the vents, toward the other side of the bunker, aiming for the garage when you started to feel warm, very warm.

“Did he...” you trailed off as you pushed on towards the garage, ignoring the heat. When you got there, you found the vent blocked, a heavy tool chest in front of it that you’d never move. And so it went, every vent you tried, Dean had put something in front of it or bolted right over it, all the while the heat got so bad the metal was beginning to hurt your hands. He’d turned the furnace to the max, the air barely breathable as you made your way back to the vent you came up in.

You hid out of view as long as you could stand it, until your lungs burned for cool air and your skin was begging for any kind of relief. You debated staying there but knew Sam and Cas would be home soon. You could handle Demon Dean for fifteen minutes. You had to.

Ungracefully, you slipped out of the vent, falling back to the closet floor, knees smacking hard as you let out a whine, the cold floor a nice reprieve. Until you saw a pair of boots step into view.

“Hi, Y/N,” said Dean, a hand in the back of your shirt pulling you up. “You’re coming with me.”

_______

A/N: Read Part 2 here!

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casdeans-pie · 2 months

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Did somebody say snippet from my current wip?? Misuse of prayer anyone????? I just wish I could get to the part where Cas says, "I really don't think you want to be doing this with your brother in the room." because Dean is inadvertently doing the angel equivalent of whispering intimately straight into Cas's ear. Angels are so goddamn weird and I cannot wait to write this whole thing.

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Boredom itched under Dean's skin. He hadn't even registered most of what he'd read on the last few pages, just turned over onto a new one every minute or so. His head sat heavy in his hand, elbow planted onto the table next to his book, and he had to resist the urge to yawn as he turned another page.

Dean glanced up at Sam, sat further down the table, with his nose pressed down close to his own book. If Dean had any hopes that Sam might be struggling to concentrate as much as him, he didn't see any evidence of it.

Cas, of course, looked as interested as he always did. He sat directly opposite Dean reading a huge book with an intensity in his expression that would be the same whether he was reading apocalyptic scriptures or nursery rhymes. A fond warmth settled in his chest.

Dean tried to follow their example and return to his own research, but after only a few minutes his leg began to bounce.

Eventually his mind wondered to the book that he'd been writing himself. It had been difficult to think of how he could write a book on Angels and get the information that he needed out of Cas without telling him about it. But a silent room, with all of Cas's focused attention on something else, felt like a perfect opportunity to get some material on prayer...

Dean tried to clear his mind (easy enough, not like he'd been paying any attention to his book) and had to resist the urge to physically clear his throat before starting.

"Cas," Dean thought, trying to make it loud inside his own head.

Dean peeked up, but Cas had had no reaction. Dude didn't even blink.

Huh.

Either his poker face is just that good, or it hadn't worked.

Thinking it loudly wasn't the same as praying, Dean supposed.

He breathed out slowly and stared at Cas, drinking in every detail of him. Praying meant faith, right? He had that. He absolutely had that. More fucking faith in Cas than anyone in the whole world.

"Cas..." slipped out of Dean's mind in a whisper, a plea, a declaration of that unwavering faith.

Cas jumped so violently that his knees slammed against the underside of the table. His eyes were opened wide and his breath came out in fast gasps like he couldn't catch it.

"Cas? You okay?" Sam called over, concern pinching his eyebrows together.

Cas stared intensely at Dean and he didn't even look away as he replied, "Fine, thank you, Sam. I- uh- I read something shocking in this book."

Sam looked unconvinced and switched his attention to Dean.

Dean shrugged in a you know what Cas is like way, and eventually Sam returned to his book with a small shake of his head.

So his prayer definitely worked. That much felt obvious.

Now he just had to do it again.

"Cas..." Dean prayed again.

This time Cas's eyes opened wider but he didn't react otherwise.

"Cas, blink twice if you can hear me..."

#this is soooo much fun to write #i cant wait to use some of my favourite tags in my own fic !!!#destiel #destiel ficlet

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castieldelamancha · 6 months

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"Dean?"

And Dean doesn't know what to make of the tone in the voice calling out for him.

"In the kitchen, Cas." He calls back, keeping an eye on the tomato sauce he was in the middle of making.

He hears Castiel entering the room, "you okay?" He asks, without turning around.

"I turned on my phone." And that something is still there, in his tone, something quiet and fragile, he sounds a bit choked up.

"Okay." Dean replies, slowly, wondering where this is going. "Something happened to it? We can get you a new one."

"You texted me."

Dean decides the tomato sauce can burn for all he cares, his grip on the wooden spoon he was using to stir it tightens.

"He doesn't quite know what he is feeling, it's not shame, he thinks, he just had forgotten about those texts. It feels a bit silly now.

He clears his throat, still not turning around, "I guess I did, yeah."

is this you?

The text says.

Then a picture of a small bird, a colorful starling, staring right at the camera. Head slightly tilted to the left.

"That guy over there landed on my hood, and it was staring at me, in that unnerving way," like it was trying to tell him something, Dean was desperate, like it knew him, Dean felt so lost," it wouldn't leave, guess it was tired or something." He shrugs. "It's pretty fucking stupid, I know." The bird ended up leaving, joining the flock waiting for him up in the sky, leaving Dean behind, staring at him until his eyes couldn't find him anymore among the other birds heading south.

There is another text, from that very same day, sent just a couple hours later.

i miss you.

He never texted Cas again, after that, didn't make any sense, it took him a bit longer to stop praying to him. Even if he knew his prayers could never reach him where he was, that darkness would have never allowed the tiniest spark of light to reach its twisted insides.

Strong arms wrap themselves around his waist, and he can feel Castiel's forehead pressed against his shoulderblade. It's tentative, the way he moves, like he thinks Dean will tell him to step back, he is testing the unknown waters they are navigating together now.

"Dean."

"It's fine Cas, really."

He gets some sauce in the spoon, lifting it over his shoulder, "here, try this." And Castiel does, humming thoughtfully, allowing Dean to distract him from the matter in hands.

"It's really good." He says, resuming his previous position, leaving Dean to quietly turn off the stove and put a lid over the sauce.

Dean turns around, putting his own arms around Cas, who rests his head on his shoulder.

"I would have found a way to see you once again if I had been able, I hope you know that."

Dean nods before realizing Castiel can't actually see them, he has to talk, through this heavy lump in his throat, "I know." He hushes.

Dean decides then that, as impractical as it might could be, he would very much like to stay right here, holding Cas close. He rests his cheek on the top of his head and he has never been hugged like this, for so long, so tenderly. Cas hasn't either, Dean doesn't need to ask to know, and that makes him hold on even more tightly.

Dean can't help but smile dopily at the way Cas sways them side to side, from time to time, as they stand there, intertwined, in the middle of the kitchen.

"Dean?" His tone is lighter now, like he can breathe again.

"Yeah?"

"Did it really remind you of me because of its unnerving staring?" There is no heat or offense behind his words so Dean laughs lightly.

"No, of course not, maybe just a little bit."

It was the color of its feathers, actually, because he pictured Castiel's wings when he saw them.

He doesn't say it out loud.

He can't, there are many things he can't say yet, he isn't ready yet. But Castiel understands, Castiel would wait a thousand years for him if it was necessary.

Not only in that bird did he see Cas. He saw him in the most beautiful sunsets, in the brightest stars.

He doesn't say it out loud.

He moves back a little instead, making Castiel move with him, but now allowing him to move back any further, keeping them tangles in this neverending embrace, he leans in, questioningly, Castiel crosses the distance that is left between them, kissing him.

#destiel #ficlet #vanessa writes ✨#long post #post s15

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sailorsally · 1 year

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ever since I watched 'lily sunder has some regrets' again I haven't been able to stop thinking about the angel magic she was using to gain powers and stay alive. so I've been thinking, what if after they defeat Chuck, Dean becomes obsessed w learning more about angels in general in hopes to find something that would help him bring Cas back and in the moment of desperation he remembers about Lily. So he tracks down the manuscripts she's been using and once he is confident he's fluent in enochian, casts the spell. And like magic, Cas is there standing in front of him, in flesh, and he is saying something but Dean cannot hear him. First he thinks it's because he is overwhelmed by seeing Cas back but when he says Cas' name out loud but cannot hear his own voice either, he understands that he's hearing is gone. Just like with Lily, he knew using magic came at a cost and he'd be burning off his soul. So he just reaches out and pulls Cas into a tight hug and prays to him 'I missed you' and 'You can have me' and 'I love you, Castiel'

When days later he manages to signs 'beer' perfectly an gets a thumbs up from Eileen, a beer from Sam, and a kiss from Cas, he once again thinks that he made the right choice. (and maybe Cas can't heal his hearing but he can hear his prayers and turns out can speak inside Dean's mind, which, interestingly makes the sex better than any other sex Dean has had. Or maybe that's just because he is in love with Cas)

#destiel #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #spn hcs #lily sunder has some regrets

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profoundbondfanfic · 5 months

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i saw the light

i saw the light by loversantiquities Rating: Mature Word count: 14k

“Sam, you gotta hear about this ghost story I found the other day,” Susanne says over the speakerphone, just as loud as she has been for the last half hour. For the most part, Castiel ignores her—or tries—and concentrates on the beads dangling from between his fingers, centerpiece pressed to his forehead. Praying doesn’t work, but some mornings, when the coffee doesn’t get him going and the walls feel more like a prison than a home, he sits at the library table and whispers empty words into the crucifix, like Jesus can ease the festering ache in his chest. He can’t—no one else can either.

I never would have expected to go through so many feelings within such a short fic.

The story takes place in the aftermath of Dean being possessed by Michael and the emotional and physical scars the traumatic event left behind.

We see the world through Cas' eyes while he and Sam have lost hope of finding Dean after he leaves the bunker without saying goodbye.

It makes your heart ache to read what everyone is going through, how hopeless and depressing the world is to Castiel without Dean.

And after they do find him, what we learn about what Dean went through will break your heart even more.

But this fic is also about hope, and it ends on a positive note that will leave you rooting for the boys' happiness and peace in their new retired life.

#destiel #fic rec #mature #10k to 30k #canon verse #canon divergence #mute #reunion #angst with a happy ending #hurt!dean #permanent injuries #hurt and comfort #spells #vessel #i saw the light #author: loversantiquities

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seraphic-elysian · 3 months

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@foolondahill17 have my attempt at the prompt you put about Dean sprinting to Cas. It's not perfect and I ended it without a resolution as I wanna write this as a whole ass fic but I really wanted to share this with you since your idea inspired the hell out of me. ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~ It happens in a moment. A heartbeat trapped between the milliseconds of time. Dean turns in the loose grip of his brother’s hands, green eyes trained on the golden crack of light that splits their world open to another, waiting for the sign of his angel. His heart is racing within his chest, adrenaline keeping him sharp and steady, as he waits with bated breath for his angel to emerge through the light. The image of Castiel stalking toward Lucifer as Sam pulls him to the portal is burned into his eyelids. He knows that it is almost a sickening parallel of the way that he had pulled Sam from his burning apartment all of those years ago but he can only pray that Castiel will not be killed. That he will not have to suffer the same agonizing heartbreak that Sam did when Jessica died. He refuses to entertain the thought of something happening to the angel, of him dying or being hurt while in the other world. That will not happen.

It cannot.

Dean steps close enough to the portal that he can hear the rushing of the wind and smell the heavy scent of gunpowder on the breeze. It pulls at his clothing in a tantalizing lure, a promise of taking him to where his angel is, but he refuses. He will not step back through the portal and waste the safety that Castiel had given him.

Sam’s voice is nothing but a gurgle of noises behind him but he does not need to hear him to understand what he is saying. Dean knows that he is too close to the portal for his brother to feel confident that he will not go through it to find Castiel. He knows that he becomes irrational and impulsive when his angel is in danger. That he has, in the past, openly let others be hurt and killed if it meant that those he cares about will be safe. Dean also knows that he has a history of suicidal tendencies, of throwing himself in front of others to take a hit or killing himself to trade someone else's life for his own, and that Sam has been witness to him doing that several times. And while he is aware that he would not hesitate to end his life if it meant that the angel would return safe and alive, he does not feel the need to do so. Not right now.

“Don’t be stupid, Dean! Cas is capable!” Sam nearly screams the words to him, voice only barely heard over the rushing noise in Dean’s ears.

And of course he is. Dean knows better than anyone what Castiel is capable of and how strong and intelligent the angel is. But even having the knowledge of that will not stop him from worrying about him. It will not stop him from desperately trying to keep the angel by his side where Dean is able to keep him safe.

After all, how can anyone act normal and as though the world is not on the verge of ending when the living personification of their heart is facing off against an archangel?

The portal flares a brilliant gold that burns his eyes and Dean’s breath leaves his lungs in a shaky exhale as Castiel appears in front of him. There is blood stained along his trench coat, his black curls are covered in dust, and his face is streaked with dirt but Dean has never seen anything more beautiful. Exhausted blue eyes meet his own and something that Castiel sees on his face makes the angel’s brows furrow and him to step closer to Dean. They are close enough that he can feel heat radiating off of the angel and the exhalation of his breath ghosting across his face and, for the first time, Dean does not step back or snap at the angel. No, he only sways forward as he is captured by Castiel’s orbit. He surrenders to the feelings that he has in his chest, this desire to put himself out there and show the other how he feels.

“D-”

Castiel cuts himself off as an angel blade pierces through the bottom of his chest with a sickening squelch. The shining metal is clean as it slides through the angel’s body without resistance before it is yanked out violently. Crimson stains his white dress shirt and Castiel’s grace flares brightly through the gaping wound. Dean is moving before he can think, arms gathering the angel against his chest as he sags, and pressing his hand against the bleeding wound on his back. He does not see where Lucifer goes as the angel saunters off but he knows that Sam will watch his back. Something heavy and soft curls over his arms and back, engulfing him in the scent of honeysuckles and wildflowers, but when he looks there is nothing there. The smell of Castiel’s grace slowly begins to turn acrid as his grace begins to burn and Dean collapses to his knees.

“Get away,” Castiel whines, weak hands pushing against Dean’s chest, “I can’t hold it back anymore. Get away!”

Dean shakes his head and tightens his grip on the angel, “No!”

A whine escapes Castiel’s throat as the light flares up brighter and hotter, escaping from his mouth and eyes. The invisible objects that he feels against him heat up rapidly, searing his skin even through his clothing, and the heat and light reaches its apex in a wave of agony before it shatters. A pained howl leaves his lips as fire scorches him, consuming him in a decimating blaze that he cannot escape. His eyes burn even through his closed lids and he turns his face away from the sharp explosion of light. It seems as though it takes forever before it clears, taking the scorching heat with it, and Dean weakly lays Castiel’s body down. He presses his forehead down against the soft cotton of his dress shirt as he processes the hell that he just went through.

Castiel is dead. There is no denying that, not after what he just experienced. The angel is gone in a shattering of holy light and the smell of scorched feathers. His shaking fingers come up and tangle in the rough wool of the trench coat as he raises his face, desperate to see confirmation that Lucifer has murdered Castiel. He needs to memorize the pattern of his beautiful wings that will be burned into the dirt of this little home. Sliding his eyes open slowly, he sees…nothing. An unending wall of bright white light fills his vision and does not leave no matter how much he blinks or shakes his head. He panics, sucking in a startled breath, body freezing in fear at the implications of what this means.

Turning his head toward where he remembers his brother standing, he asks, “Sam?”

“What the hell were you thinking, Dean!” Sam’s voice is rough with anger as he stomps up to where Dean is kneeling, “You know what happens when an angel dies. You’ve fucking seen that happen so many times! So, what the hell were you thinking being right at the center of that? Didn’t you think for a second about what that would do to you?”

“It’s Cas, Sammy,” his excuse sounds broken as it falls through his lips. He is in agony, arms and back still burning from the blaze that had licked across his skin, “I couldn’t just-”

“How many times has he died before and you’ve stayed back from it? How many times has he been killed like this and you’ve not put yourself at the center of his grace exploding?” Sam is yelling now, anger making him sound almost terrifyingly like John, and Dean feels far too vulnerable here on the ground, “I don’t even know how we’re going to heal that. Or if we even can. Fuck, Dean, we didn’t need this on top of everything else!”

He takes Sam’s anger without question or complaint. He knows that he messed up and that he injured himself right when they are about to be dealing with Lucifer. He knows that his vision being gone, however temporary this is, will make him a vulnerability and a liability. It is now completely up to Sam to be able to defend not only himself but Dean as well.

“I should be able to see again in a few days,” he responds once Sam pauses to take a breath, “We just have to lay low inside of the Bunker until then. I know I messed up, Sammy, okay?”

“You can’t see?” Sam is suddenly in his space, calloused hand gripping his chin tightly, and Dean stifles a flinch. His head is tilted back and forth and he feels his brother messing with his eyelids. It is incredibly uncomfortable to not be able to see what Sam is doing but he knows that he is in safe hands, “Is it just blurry or is it fully gone?”

“I can’t see anything,” he admits as Sam wipes something off of his cheek, “it’s nothing but white.”

Sam sucks in a startled breath, hands stilling against his face, before he moves and cleans off his other cheek. “Okay, I…I didn’t realize that you were blind.”

“Then what were you talking about?”

Sam does not answer right away and Dean huffs in frustration. He hates not being able to see his brother’s face and be able to read him. He has always relied on the fact that Sam is an open book to him, that he rarely hides what he is thinking and feeling, and now having that taken away from him makes him feel as though he is lost at sea without a life raft.

The trench coat is warm within the grasp of his fingers but he forces himself to release it, to smooth it back into place despite the shake in his hands. His palm presses against the flat expanse of Castiel’s chest and something inside of him burns at the fact that he cannot feel his heart beating or the rise and fall of his chest. That he can feel the heat dissipating from his body, leaving it cold and empty. There is something within the cavern of his chest that feels just as hollow as the body in front of him, something along his soul that screams at the idea of Castiel being gone, but he can do nothing about that. There is no cure or bandage that can heal a broken heart.

A hand lands on his shoulder and he flinches away from it violently, “What the fuck, Sam?”

“You know how angel wings are burned into the ground when they die?” Sam asks gently, continuing when Dean nods in confusion, “Dean…Cas’s wings aren’t…they…they’re burned into your skin, dude. From the back of your hands, up your arms, and across your back to either side of your spine.”

“But I’m wearing clothes,” Dean argues weakly, “How could they have burned through that?”

His brother exhales shakily, “Couldn’t his wings phase through things like that?”

The fingers of his right hand skirt over to his left, drifting across the back of it, and a pained noise leaves his lips as his skin flares up in red hot pain at the touch. He shakes his head, refusing to accept what Sam is telling him. There is no way that he is carrying the shadow-burn of his angel’s wings on his body. He is not holy enough, not good enough, to carry the image of that burned onto his skin.

Castiel deserves to have something more than Dean Winchester acting as a living tombstone.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up," Sam's hands grip his elbows and pulls him to his feet, "Once we do that, we can get Cas and Kelly ready to be put to rest."

Dean grabs onto his brother tightly, resisting the guiding hand that is pulling him toward the house. He does not want to leave Castiel lying here, alone, on the dirt. There will need to be a pyre and Castiel's body will need to be prepped for that but he does not think he has the strength to leave him. Not anymore.

"I can't," His voice catches in his throat, "Sam, I can't leave him."

He can see the furrow of Sam's brow in his mind as his brother responds, "Why not?"

"I love him," it falls from his lips like water, easy and free-flowing, "I love him so much I don't know how the hell I'm able to breathe. I can't just..."

"Okay, yeah, I get it," Sam answers, "How long have you...?"

Dean tries to smile but it pulls at his face wrong, lips twisting into more of a grimace. He turns his face toward the ground and welcomes the white void that consumes his vision. It is much easier to be able to be this open with his brother when he is unable to see his facial expressions.

"Years," he exhales heavily, the word nothing more than a whisper on the breeze.

Sam does not answer him but he does help Dean back onto the ground by his angel's body. His hands are warm as they squeeze his elbows once before removing them.

"Let me go get the stuff to prepare his body, okay? You can do it here and I'll handle Kelly."

"What about Jack?"

Sam huffs, "I have no idea what we're going to do."

"We raise him. We give him the childhood we didn't have. He chose Cas as his father and I'm not going to abandon his child just because his sperm donor is Satan himself." Dean tells him, "We educate him, we tell him about the spooky shit and about the stuff that lurks in the dark. We make sure that he's able to handle himself if he ever winds up on a hunt."

"And we tell him about Cas."

He nods, hand reaching out until it lands on Castiel's arm, "Yeah, we tell him about Cas."

Sam leaves him then, footsteps trailing off toward the house. Dean is left in the dirt, surrounded by the sound of waves lapping at the shore of the lake and insects buzzing around him. It feels wrong, to experience this peaceful moment while he kneels at the side of his fallen person. Castiel should be here. He should be the one that teaches Jack about humanity and the world around them. He should be the one to choose what, if any, of the hunting world that Jack learns. He should teach him about bees and flowers and the names of the constellations in the sky.

He should be here, raising the child that he loves, instead of it falling to Dean.

But he is not. He is dead, killed because he ensured that everyone got to safety. And now it is up to Dean to raise Jack.

He spends the next hour gently cleaning Castiel's body with the warm water and cloths that Sam brought him. The dirt and blood is washed from his skin as best that Dean can while his vision is gone before Sam helps him wrap and secure his body in a soft fabric.

Together, they lift his body between them and Sam guides him to the pyre, leaving him to lay Castiel down inside of it alone. The angel is heavy in his arms and makes his wounds radiate agony as they are agitated but he does not care. There will be time for him to heal, for his wounds to be cleaned and bandaged. But not right now. Not when he is resting the love of his life inside of a tomb made of wood, waiting for him to be set ablaze.

The fire is hot on his face as he stares unseeingly in the direction of it. Jack and Sam are on the other side of the pyre, talking quietly to each other, and Dean wishes that he had the strength to go join them. To find comfort in knowing that they are mourning for the angel together. He could go to them, he knows that, but if he moves from this spot he is not sure that he will be able to keep himself from shattering. The reality of Castiel being gone has not fully hit yet and he knows that the moment the fire burns down, the moment that the only thing left of Castiel is the feathers burned into Dean's skin and the ashes on the wind, that he will he consumed by grief. That the only thing he will be able to feel is the hollow void in his chest that signifies that his angel is gone.

"Can I stay here with you?"

Dean flinches at the soft voice that speaks, turning his head in Jack's direction. He does not respond to him, too afraid that he will say something he does not mean or begin to cry if he does, so he nods his agreement. The kid steps closer to him and his hand slips into Dean's. He takes in a deep breath and squeezes that hand gently, leaving them clasped at his side.

"He loved you," Dean tells him hours later when the fire has died down to almost nothing. Sam had stepped away to handle something some time ago so it is only the two of them left by the angel's side, "You should have your parents here to raise you. You shouldn't have to grow up without them."

Jack is silent for a moment before he speaks, "I have you."

"Yeah, kid, you do."

"He loved you, too," Jack tells him, as though those words do not sends spiderweb cracks along the wall holding his emotions back.

He stays quiet, unable to respond even if he desired to, and they stand there together until Jack tells him that the fire is gone.

Today he will kneel in the ashes of his lover's pyre, gathering the remains of him with clumsy hands, as their child holds the glass jar steady for him to put the ashes in. He will seal up that jar and cling to it for the several hour long drive it will take for them to reach the Bunker.

And, when he is led to his room by his brother, letting him sit the jar down upon his nightstand, Dean will finally allow himself to break.

#destiel #dean winchester #castiel #fanfic #spn #ficlet #sam winchester #jack kline #angst #major character death #major character injury #tw blood #Castiel's Wings #shitty writing #I really need more than three hours of sleep #I wrote this after having an urge to go fist fight god #though I'm ready to fist fight tumblr too since it keeps messing with my posts

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imagininghim · 9 months

Text

I hate you and I love you

A/N: I have had this imagine in my brain for so long and I knew I just had to write it, I was going to follow it with what happened in the show but I just decided to change it up.

There will be more then one part to this.

I hope you enjoy!

Ps: please tag me in all your favourite Lucifer imagines, okai byeee.

Pairing: Nick!Lucifer x Fem!Reader

Synopsis: (Y/N) finds out Lucifer cheated on her and had a baby.

Trigger warnings: cheating, smut, oral (fem receiving), swearing, choking,

"Mmm Lucifer..." I felt cold lips press against my thighs, refusing to open my eyes I attempted to close my legs with no luck. "It's too early." Ignoring my pleas, he spread my legs further apart and slid his forked tongue up my panty covered lips.

"But you taste so sweet, how could you expect me to stop?" He whispered pulling my panties to the side and pressing his lips to my clit but before he could continue, Dean began pounding on the door.

"Come on, (Y/N)! We got a hunt a few towns over!" Opening my eyes, I lifted the blanket to see Lucifer's crystal blue eyes staring back at me.

"And that's your cue to stop." I replied with a smirk. I began to sit up to only be pushed back down by Lucifer's grace.

"They can wait, I'm not finished yet." He simply replied, attaching his lips to my clit and beginning to suck. My back arched out as I moaned in response.

"Lucifer... I need to get ready..." Un-attaching his lips, he looked up at me unpleased. I smiled back, "Rain check?" I felt his grace loosen as I sat up.

"I wish I could my love but I am needed in Hell" I frowned back at him, sliding out of bed and beginning to get dressed.

"When will you be back?" I questioned sliding my shirt over my head.

"A few days give or take," He said making his way over to me. "But you know, I'm always a prayer away."

Few weeks later:

"I don't understand, why is he not answering?" I questioned while we drove back from our most recent hunt.

"Maybe, they threw him back in the cage. You know, stop the whole apocalypse plan." Dean suggested with a smirk, I threw a back a glare but before I could give a snarky reply Castiel appeared beside me.

"There is something important we must discuss." I nearly came out of the seat, as Dean swerved in the road from the fright Cas had given us.

"Dammint Cas! What did we say about doing that?" Dean questioned, pulling into the bunkers garage.

"I understand but it's important that we talk now." Before Dean could question Cas further, I spoke up.

"Cas, have you heard from Lucifer? I've been praying to him but he's not answering."

"Unfortunately, I have and that is what I need to discuss with you." The three of us shared worried glances. Dean put his foot on the gas, speeding the rest of the way to the bunker.

Walking into the library, my heart was in my throat. Was he okay? Did something happen? Was he put back in the cage? A million thoughts raced through my mind as we all took a seat at the table.

"What's going on Cas?" Dean questioned from beside me. "Where the hell is Lucifer?"

"Well, that's the thing." Cas begun.

"What thing?" I questioned looking at Cas worriedly.

"Lucifer is expecting a child." I felt my body freeze up as the words left Castiel's mouth. I could see his lips moving but could hear no sound.

"What?" I questioned but it came out as a mere whisper.

"Yes, unfortunately it is true. My brother possessed the president and impregnated his presidential aide. I have found their whereabouts and I think we should leave to go there now."

"Okay, let us just get a few things together and we'll leave." Sam spoke up, before turning and heading down the hall.

"(Y/N), are you alright?" I heard Dean question but I couldn't make a sound. Lucifer had not only left and cheated on me but he impregnated some other woman. I felt my mouth go dry, as tears threatened to fall. "I want you to stay here." Dean spoke again and this time tore a reaction from me.

"What? N-no! I have to go." I said shooting up from my seat to stand in front of Dean.

"(Y/N), we think it's best if you stay here. Let us handle Lucifer and his baby mama." I went to argue when Sam approached behind me and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Just let us take care of it." I let out a sigh and nodded, Sam squeezed my shoulder in response before moving past me and following Dean and Cas out the door.

It wasn't until I heard the door shut that I completely broke down, wrapping my arms around myself as a sob broke through.

Two weeks later:

Sam had called and informed me that they had found and excorised Lucifer out of the president's body but were too late to stop the birth of the nephilim, the woman had died in child birth and Lucifer had taken off before they could stop him.

"We're on our way back now but call us if Lucifer shows up." I scoffed at his response. In the few weeks of the boys being gone on the hunt for Lucifer and his child, I had went four of the five stages of grief. My current stage being anger.

"He better not or I'll shove an angel blade so far up his ass, he'll be tasting metal for a goddamn week."

"Tell us how you really feel sweetheart." Dean commented in the background, Sam had cut him off before I had the chance to lash out at him.

"Ignore him, we should be home in a couple hours. Try to relax, theres a few things we need to talk to you about when we get back." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in.

"Alright Sammy, see you soon." And with that I ended the call. Laying my phone on the counter, I ran my hands through my hair but stopping midway when I heard a voice speak up.

"Hello darling, miss me?."

It was Lucifer.

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nescaveckwriter · 4 months

Text

Paintbrushes And Romance 🥰🐞 - Part 8

Dean x Fem/Reader

Part 8 🥰🐞

A/N: Everything is happening all at once 😱 - Also side note - thank you for all the love, support... Y'all have been a Blessing 🥰

Warnings: Anger, swearing, violence, blood, scary surroundings, hospitals🙈

......

Damnit, Damnit, Sam hit's the steering wheel, Dean was afraid that bastard is going to do this, saying out loud, speeding to the Sheriff's station, I need to check up on him, make sure his not doing anything stupid! As the lawyer of the family, Sam is the more level headed one, while Dean has his Dad's temper.

Pulling up to the parking in front of the station, he doesn't see Dean's car, he reverses his car, and before he even realized it, his driving like some race car driver, to Dean's house.

Trying to call Dean, but no damn answer. Oh please, don't let him do anything stupid, he sends up a little prayer.

.....

The vibration of the ringing phone, brings it closer to the edge of the pooling blood on the ground.

....

Sam is pulling up into Dean's driveway, he spots the Impala, getting out of his truck, he runs towards the door.

His heart pounding in his chest when he sees his brother sit- laying against the car, blood glistening on his shirt, what the hell! Escapes his lips, he runs towards his brother, falling down onto his knees, almost to scared to check for a pulse, what if, Sam bites his lip, checking, damn he stil has a heartbeat. Sam gets up, hooking his big hands underneath Dean's arm's, carrying him to his truck, there's no time for the ambulance to get here.

Driving, like hell, to the hospital, checking the mirror to see if he's brother is still breathing. Come on man, just hold we are almos there, come on!

Pulling into the emergency services drop off, barely braking in time, he jumps out of the truck, and opens the back door, his brother's skin colour almost ghost like, he yells for someone to help, him.

Running towards him a nurse, she looks at Sam and the man who clearly needs urgent, care. Get me a gurney she shouts, two other men come running and they help to get Dean on the gurney, they rush him into the hospital, saying something about a GSW to the chest, and the amount of blood lost.

For a moment Sam just stands there, looking at his bloodstained hands. I can't loose him, he whispers underneath his breath.

.....

Standing in the hallway of the hospital, hearing the doctor say, that Dean has lost a lot of blood, suffering from a punctured lung, and that he needs to go in for surgery, is more than Sam can take, you better fix him doc, he angrily says, I can't loose him, not now, not ever, just fix him! The doctor just nods and says in a calm way, I'll do everything I can, and walks away.

The huge man that he is, falls to the closest chair, his hands covering his face, almost makes him look childlike. I... I should've got to him earlier, I should've done more, his voice breaking now, Dean has always been there for me, always damnit. I just can't, he can't...

Sam feels a hand on his shoulder. Looking up he sees Pastor Cas. Hey, Sam say's with defeat in his voice. You okay Sam? Cas asks with concern in his voice.

Its, its Dean, he's been shot, its bad Cas! Shock and worry visible on his face , that's his best friend! What? How? Sam gets up, I don't know, but if I find that bastard I'm going to make sure, his locked up and throw away the key, anger rolling over his lips. Looking at this huge man clearly spinning out of control, Cas puts his hand on Sam's shoulder, gesturing he should take a seat, saying all we can do now is wait and pray. Even though there's a storm of worry brewing inside of him, after so many years of being in the ministry he knows how to stay calm, even if he struggles sometimes with the fact, of why bad things happens to good people. They're both sitting in silence, thoughts racing, while waiting for some news!

.....

What's taking our bug so long tonight, she looks at Bill her husband, I don't know honey, she's always late, he says laughing a little, she'll probably be here soon.

I know darling, she says, but I'm just worried about her, her heart is broken, you should've seen her today, the question's, the tears, the sadness in her eyes, it broke me to see, what that man has done to our little girl, sadness all over her face...

Bill coming closer to hold his wife, Oh Caroline, sweetie, I hate seeing the girls in my life so sad, she'll be okay, you'll see my love, while comforting his wife, his thoughts wander to two days before the break up, where Dean called him, asked him to meet, that day Dean asked for his daughter's hand in marriage, a few threat's and laughter later, he agreed to Dean taking his daughter and making her his wife, knowing that's what will make his baby girl happy, he was at peace.

That's why when the news came that Dean broke up with her saying he's not happy with his life and the thought of having a white picket fence life, was making him miserable, he knew there was more to the story.

His wife pulling away from the embrace , interrupts his thoughts. I'm going to give her a call Bill she said. Alright honey, while you call her, I'll take a taste of this delicious dinner, he says with a mocking smile.

He was just about to take a spoon to taste the lasagne, his daughter's favourite, when he heard a scream from his wife's lips, running over to the kitchen where he found her on her knees, tears streaming down her face, look of despair and fear on her beautiful face, barely audible, he hears her say, she's been taken, again, shock in his voice , wha... What do you mean, grabbing the phone out of his wife's hands, reading the message.

Damnit! Anger boiling inside of him, the phone flung to the wall, before he could say another word, he hears his wife gasping for air, holding her chest. Love! He kneels done, picks her up, grabbing his car keys on the table, let's get you to the hospital, saying calming, knowing she needs that more than, the anger he feels, luckily they live about five minutes away from the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital, running to the passenger door, he picks his wife up, runs into the emergency room, I need help, his deep voice filled with urgency, She's not breathing Damnit, do something, a man came running to him, put her down here, gesturing to the bed, on his white coat a gold plated name tag, reading "Dr Stone" .

After what feels like hours to Bill, the doctor said to him that his wife had a severe panic attack but he gave her something to calm her down a bit! Thank you Dr Stone, Bill said with relief in his voice. Its a pleasure and please call me Gabriel he said with a welcoming smile.

After making sure, he's wife is calmer now, he walked out of the ER, into the hallway, in order to get the phone he left in the car, he needs to call, Joe his son , fill him in on everything that happened.

Almost at the exit he sees, two familiar looking men, its Sam and Cas, anger boils inside him, all of the sudden he wants to punch Dean, not really making sense of why, but maybe because if he was with his daughter, looking after her, like he promised he would, she wouldn't be taken!

Where's your brother Sam! He shouts with an angry voice. Sam barely looks up at Bill, mumbling something.

Grabbing Sam's shirt, what did you say?

Sam, towering over the old man, irritation in his voice, I said he's dying damnit! Sam retreats, he can't believe he just said that.

Cas getting up from he's chair, wide-eyed and sadness over his face, Bill he said Dean's been shot and they're currently operating on him.

I'm so sorry, Bill looks over to Sam and then towards Cas, What happened? Disbelief in his voice!

We, don't know who shot him, but he's in surgery, we are praying that everything goes well, says Cas giving a little smile.

I'm truly so sorry to hear, Bill says.

With curiosity in Cas's voice he asks Bill what he was doing here? With sadness and fear striking over Bill's face he tells them the story of how his wife couldn't take it when they received the message from their daughter, claiming the danger she's in.

Shit! Sam said , I'm so sorry, with everything that happened with my brother I completely forgot it!

That's how I found him, actually, I got the forwarded text from Eileen, Oh Shit Eileen! I haven't texted, or video called her, she must be worried sick! Sam excuses himself and walks away!

Cas now standing there shock on his face, how is this possible? I just saw her a couple of hours ago! I don't understand!

Bill interrupts him, yeah neither do I damnit, where do I start looking for her?

....

A couple of hours later, the sunrise, seeping through the big hospital windows, Sam's sitting holding Eileen, worry deepening on his face, Cas's head against the wall with his eyes closed, John holding his wife Mary, tears still visible on her cheeks, Caroline's head resting on Bills chest, she wanted to be close to Mary just incase she needs a friend, so Dr Stone said it was okay, he will check on her every now and then, and he kept his promise.

After so many tears cried, and frustration and anger outbursts, all they can do is wait and sit in the uncomfortable, thinking the worst, silence.

Eileen is the first to see the surgeon, coming closer she sign's to Sam that he is here. Sam gets up!

Everyone waiting with anticipation, exhaustion clearly on the surgeons face. He looks at Sam, and say with a tiresome voice, the operation went well, though there were a few complications and and severe blood loss, we almost lost him there, but he's a fighter, a smile forming on his thin lips.

The next few hours is critical, we are going to keep him in a sedated coma, until we are happy with his vitals, you can go and see him, but only family members. He smiles, and starts to walk away.

There's sigh's of relief and happy tears, rolling over the women's cheeks!

Mary, gasps for air, seeing her eldest son lying there, so many tubes, cables and monitor's connected to him, his pale, lips slightly blueish, but he's thankfully breathing, she thinks!

She turns to John, worry-some look on his face and then to her youngest, the look of defeat and anger in his face, no sign of the dimples, that always forms when he smiles.

Mary pulls a chair closer, taking Dean's hand into hers, hey baby-boy, I'm here she whispers into their hands, the pain of seeing him lying there just gets to much, and she can't fight the tears no more, it start flowing freely down her face!

Sam walks out of the room thinking he needs some air, he's barely out in the hallway when he sees Jack running towards him.

Is Dean alive? His words barely audible. Guilt and sadness written all over his face!

Jack! How'd you know about Dean, we haven't told anyone outside the family, Sam says, confusion in his voice.

I'm sorry, Jack's voice sounded shaky, I had no choice!

What the hell do you mean you had no choice, what does that mean me? Sam's voice sounded heavy.

I shot Dean! He exclaims, but I had good reason.

A good reason, to shoot my brother, he's face hardens, before thinking it through, it took only one punch for Jack to hit the ground! But Sam didn't stop there, he just kept saying you bastard, and kept punching him.

John and Bill had to drag Sam off Jack, he's face was a bloody pulp and well for Sam's fist , it didn't look much better.

.....

Good morning Vietnam! Come on now sunshine, wake up for me, you sleepy head! He says with a little laugh

You hear a man's voice but it doesn't sound familiar really, what? Confusing in your voice. Trying to adjust your eyes, barely seeing anything but darkness, it feels like you have a hungover, you body hurts, and you feel stiff.

Ah, how rude of me, let me take the blindfold off, he says with a smirk.

Remembering what happened, you try to bolt up but then realize your feet and hands are tied.

Taking in your surroundings, you are tied up in a steel cage, and there's a table in the one corner, and hooks hanging from the roof.

Welcome to your new home for the next few weeks, make yourself comfy, he laughs.

Breathing in and out silently, trying not to give away the fear you feel inside, eyes spitting fire, when you say, mind untying me, so that I can make myself comfortable.

Ummmm... Let's first see how you behave! He says mockingly!

Sorry for waking you so early, but I have some exciting news to tell you, he kneels down to your level, grabbing ahold of your chin. His smile sort of devilish.

Feeling his fingers tightly gripping your face, searching his eyes, for what he means , but you couldn't prepare yourself for the words that came out of the jerks mouth...

#Spotify #spotify #dean winchester fanfiction #dean winchester x reader #jared padalecki #jensen ackles x reader #sam and dean #benny lafitte #castiel spn #dean winchester imagine #eileen leahy

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achillestiel · 1 year

Text

for @destielmonth day 5 prompt: anniversary. Happy 5th y'all

In the dead of night, he woke with a start. Lungs gasping for breath and blood roaring in his ears. The dream had started just as it always did; the hallway and fear of their impending deaths. Strong hands guiding him along, practically dragging him towards the dungeon. A room that was home to nightmares, let alone dreams.

I made a deal... The price was my life.

Gasping into the dark, Dean looked around the room as his eyes tried to adjust to the dark. The subdued shapes around the room were out of focus and misshapen. For just one moment, he was back there. Back in the disparity. As he struggled to return his breathing back to something akin to normal, Dean groggily felt around his bedside table for his glasses; a byproduct of old age and one too many concussions.

The one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have.

The grayscale room became focused, the only light source coming from the moon outside the window. He wasn't there. He wasn't back in the room that had haunted him for two years with memories of tear-stained confessions, creeping oblivion and anguish.

The dream, like most of his dreams, had played out in memories. Jumbled up vignettes of a day he wished he could forget but was cursed with remembering for the rest of his life.

Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it.

His head began to swim with the onslaught of memories, twisting their way under his skin and rotting down to the bone. Dean could feel his breathing become more rapid and his chest constricted again. The beginnings of a panic attack, that was what his therapist had told him. Panic over the thought of being back in that room.

As a loud gasp escaped his lips, he felt the terror subside. A strong, warm arm wrapped around his waist. The skin was tanned and warm and alive because he wasn't back there. He wasn't back there. He wasn't-

"Shhh. It's okay." A sleep-filled voice said in the dark. Dean closed his eyes, letting the sound wash over him. "Dean, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here." Cas said, moving closer to wrap himself around Dean's body, the warmth of his naked chest seeping into Dean's own.

He was right. He was here. They weren't back in that room. They were safe.

They were safe in the small but cosy bedroom of their cabin. A place far away from Lebanon. A place by the lake so Dean could fish and Cas could grow a garden. A place where they could grow. Grow old together.

"I dreamt that we were back there... y'know... that day. Like I was reliving it all over again." Dean said in a small voice. The fear still thrummed under his skin, the worry that this too could be a dream. He'd wake up and be back on the cold dungeon floor. All alone.

"I know. We're not back there though, we're here. We're both here. We're not going anywhere." I'm not going anywhere. He didn't have to say it, Dean could hear it in his voice. "I was worried that you'd have this dream again, especially considering what day it is." Cas said, his careful hands soothing Dean's breathing.

November 5th. It had been two years.

Two years to the day that he'd lost Cas. It would take another six months to get him back. Cas had stormed Hell for Dean, gripping him tight and raising him from Perdition. Dean, in return, had fought his way into the Empty. He had saved Cas just like Cas had saved him.

"Dean, we're not back there." Cas' words washed over him, dancing across his skin and filling his body with warmth "We're here. Right here, right now, this is real. We're real."

What about all of this is real? We are.

Wrapped up in Cas' arms, Dean's breathing evened out. They were real. In the cosy bedroom of their cabin, with Jack sleeping peacefully down the hall, they were safe.

Sinking further into Cas' embrace, Dean said the words he'd wanted to say back then. "I love you."

He'd said hundreds of times since then. He had said into the dark, praying that Cas would hear him. He'd said it as he'd ripped Cas from The Empty's clutches. He told Cas that he loved him every single day and he would never tire of being able to say it.

"I love you too Dean." Cas whispered.

Yes. They were real, they were safe and loved.

They were home.

#deancas fic #destiel fic #deancas #destielmonth #destielmonth22 #I'm posting this now before i delete the whole thing

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sastiel-is-my-serotonin · 9 months

Text

Will The Stars Watch Over Me?

Sam could hear Dean and Bobby laughing about something in the living room. He wished he could focus on it, but all he thought about was the panic room. A looming reminder of why his craving was a bad idea.

He stepped out ages ago, walking around the property, pacing back and forth, biting his nails into nothing.

Reminding himself of the way he hated the taste of the sulfur, how it remained on his tongue hours later. The power felt great, the electric energy that flowed through his veins. But it wasn't enough. Not to go through a detox like that again.

Unsurprisingly, he found himself lying on top of the Impala, ignoring the cold metal, covering his exposed skin so he could gaze up without distraction.

The sky... If only words could explain the starry night that he reached up for. Stars crossed the entire sky, the moon stood tall, nearly full.

The stars swirled around in his mind, he pieced together the memorized figures him and Dean learned together. Despite knowing he's near, safe inside the only place they've called home, he felt lonely staring at the endless sky.

He sighed, remembering when he thought about the time he believed the stars were angels peering down at them. Watching humanity, watching over them as guardians, just like when he was younger, he prayed to them.

An open prayer that his thoughts cried out for, a dam of emotions pouring out. Wishing for salvation, how does one become clean? What does he need to do? He'll do it! God knows he would, given the opportunity.

Just give him the strength, tell him his duties, what is owed and he'll pay the price. He can't handle being a monster, it's the thought that appears whenever he sees himself in the mirror. Don't let that be his reality.

Dean sees it now, his Dad always did. Maybe his Mom saw it to, Hell, if it wasn't for Dean being here, Bobby would tell him to stay away. He's sure of it.

His hands are bleeding for salvation, does anyone see it? He can be good, what's the sign? Where does he have to be to be washed clean of his sins?

There was someone who heard every single word Sam prayed, his longing for something holy to ease his pains, Castiel touched down on Earth.

Following the voice that called out for salvation so loudly, so earnestly. It was devotion that even angels lack.

It led Castiel to the Impala, sitting in Bobby Singers yard. Where Sam laid, crying to the stars with the hope that dwindled every day.

"Sam?" Castiel called out. Normally Sam would turn at the sound of Castiel's wings, but he didn't hear them. He jumped hearing Castiel's voice, rushed to wipe of the loose tears that flowed down his face. Sitting up as if the Impala was now scorching hot.

He shook off his thoughts that were stuck in his throat, "Hey, Cas, Dean is inside."

"I'm aware," Castiel said, Bobby Singer and Dean Winchester were both soundly asleep. One of the parties snoring loudly, "I... I came to see you."

"I'm not doing anything I'm not supposed to," Sam said, laying back down, hands wiping his face, "Just... Staring at the sky."

There were many things Castiel wanted to say, but couldn't. Too many things jumbled together, the only phrase that made sense was one, "May I join?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah, yeah, of course," Sam said, scooting over, "Of course you can."

Castiel had intended to stay where they stood, but decided to take Sam's invitation to sit next to him, "It's a beautiful night."

"Yeah," Sam agreed, his mind tried to think of words that would suffice and paint their beauty but he couldn't think of anything. He let the idea go, letting the attempt die off his tongue.

Castiel took in the night sky, seeing more than Sam could, "I would pray to them too."

"I didn't, I didn't think it would be heard," Sam admitted, keeping his eyes locked onto the night.

Castiel looked at Sam's face that glowed beautifully underneath the sky's light, "Any angel could hear it, but many wouldn't listen."

"But you did?"

"Of course," Castiel said, looking back up at the stars, "the prayer came from you."

It sounded so simple and sincere, it took away Sam's breath, if it were anyone else, Sam wouldn't believe it. But Castiel is known for his bluntness and honesty, Sam had to believe it.

Castiel felt Sam shiver as a breeze flew into the, sending chills over both, "You're cold and tired," Castiel evaluated, "you should rest."

"In a minute," Sam said, his head spinning from Castiel's words. It almost sounded as if he was important to Castiel, but that couldn't be. Not in the way Sam wished to be.

Castiel carefully nudged Sam, "It's been a minute."

Knowing Castiel, it had been exactly one minute, Sam let out a sigh that hid his laugh, "Okay, yeah, it has been."

Sam sat up, finding Castiel's hand extended towards him, as they stood on the ground already. Sam didn't need it, but took it. Relishing in the warmness that was radiating off of Castiel.

One he planned to cherish for the brief moment, but Castiel didn't drop his hand, instead, Castiel led them inside.

Walking through the house, hand in hand, Sam could tell immediately the other two called it a night. Neither where they had been when he first got some fresh air.

Sam didn't know where Castiel was going until he stood in the room Bobby cleared out for him long ago, where he's laid his head plenty of times. Sam didn't know Castiel knew this was his space, and only once they were in, did Castiel let go.

Unwilling to let himself feel disappointed, Sam shed off his extra layers and shoes. Feeling a little awkward with Castiel right there watching, but he didn't want the angel to leave quite yet.

He delayed getting in bed, placing away his belongings that he'd normally wait to do in the morning. Walking slower than he needed to, but Castiel didn't say anything about it. So Sam didn't.

Castiel stood there waiting as Sam slipped into his bed, once Sam was content, as snug as could be, Castiel walked over. Pulling the covers up a little higher, "Good night, Sam."

Sam's eyelids were heavy, he yawned, welcoming the familiar feeling of falling, "Good night, Castiel."

Unsure if the words made it past his mind as his breathing evened out. While it was the cue to leave, Castiel stayed, hiding their visibility, sitting close by.

Castiel can't wash away everything Sam prayed for, can't give him that salvation, but he could keep the nightmares at bay. And hopefully, with their words, make him see the hero he is.

#sam winchester #castiel #sastiel #samstiel #samcas #sastiel fanfic #Writing!!!#I love it!!#Ignore me saying I hated it yesterday

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strawberrryangel · 3 months

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sorry but i need to talk about it again. because. the way. in “the man who would be king”. dean is trying SO fucking hard to stay loyal to cas. to stay loyal to cas. to stay. loyal. to cas. and even when dean prays for him to come to them after they discover cas has been lying, dean doesn’t wanna do it. he just. he’s SO clearly not wanting to believe it and wanting to hear what cas has to say, and hoping that they’re wrong about this. because why is cas spying on them??? what reason does he have other than he’s working with their enemy??? why did he lie about burning crowley’s bones??? “you gotta look at me, man. you gotta level with me and tell me what’s going on”. OKAY. SO. first off they are in love. cas is avoiding looking at dean after they had trapped him in holy fire. girl. and dean tells him to look at him and cas immediately goes quiet and looks so guilty. like oh. my god. i’m tearing my hair out rewatching this i forgot how fucking good it is. and dean just looks so SAD. ugh.

#i cannot talk about this enough #to be honest with you #going insane all over again #supernatural #spn #destiel #spn rewatch #strawbsposts

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zmediaoutlet · 11 months

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happy wincest wednesday!! you used a crowley gif so ..what did he hear in 5x20 that convinced him they were together?

Absented from the playing field he may be, but Crowley sees no reason not to keep the radio tuned to the broadcast. As it were. The morons really are blundering their way to the apocalypse but he thinks, hopes, prays (or whatever passes in his crippled heart as praying) that they manage to pull through. He really has zero interest in finding out what fresh sort of torture Lucifer may invent if he wins; Michael's victory, so far as he can imagine, won't be much more pleasant. His imagination, unfortunately, is rather good.

The morons manage not to give up the Michael sword to heaven. Barely. Crowley's on the run from half of hell and isn't terribly impressed. A charming bungalow in the Seychelles, cheerily bright for tourists, is his most recent hideout, and he closes his eyes against the sunlight and holds the charmed coin between his hands and his mind flows across oceans and continents to -- good heavens, a stretch of abandoned highway not far from Van Nuys, California, where it's a dark midnight and that ridiculous beast of a car is parked under a tree, hidden even from the stars, and he hears:

Seriously, you okay? // Stop asking. // Just checking in, man. I mean, I don't know if your lungs bleeding is a weekly thing for you but it seems, you know. Not great. // Dean, I'm fine.

Typical. Talking about their feelings, per tedious usual. Very little makes Crowley more relieved to be a demon than hearing humans go on about their bleeding little hearts.

What are we going to do? // I don't know. Going out with a bang was pretty much my only play. Don't suppose Lucifer'd be cool with deciding the whole apocalypse thing over a game of checkers. // Dean-- // Or, I don't know. Yatzhee.

A laugh. Very short.

I was so... pissed at you. // I know. // Like, really. Like, if Cas hadn't done it for me I might've tried to pound your face in. You've just... // I've what? // I don't know. Not like you don't got every right, but... you've been scaring me, man. How you haven't been...

A longer pause. Hasn't been what, Crowley wonders. Dancing? Practicing his Estonian? A rustle, and then a sharp hiss of breath, and then this scratching noise. Stubble.

Been a long time, Sam. // You remember? The last... // Before I went down. 'Course I do. In Colorado Springs, that motel with the... cowpoke motif. A/C was busted and I think you were trying to fuse with my back, or something. Woke up welded together, practically. // I know it's -- it's screwed up, man, and I know I haven't -- if you didn't want -- // Sammy-- // I'm just saying I miss it. Miss you. Feels like -- I don't know. If it all falls apart I don't want to regret this. // This isn't a 'let's screw before the world ends' speech, is it? Because, Sammy -- // I mean it. I'm sorry. But I really do. // I know you do.

Stubble, again, and -- ah. Mouths, tongues. Wet. Love, or whatever passes for it. Crowley can't see but he can imagine -- both big men, clinched there on the seat of that absurd car, gripping and grasping and pulling at each other's jackets, and shirts, and now -- yes, belts, jeans. Et cetera. Not exactly a surprise, considering everything else about them that he's ever seen or heard or known, but a bit bold to commit incestuous buggery when all of heaven and hell are looking to chew them apart. He'll give them this: it has panache.

#happy wincest wednesday #wincest #my writing #answers #just imagine sam's big sincere!face at the end of point of no return #cas and adam are missing but so what?#sam can blow dean very earnestly to prove his feelings #crowley is rolling his eyes but. he admires it. kinda.

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