#and despite the discomfort i feel w RPF now due to lines being crossed very easily old fics still bring me joy and comfort

[causticsunshine]

still on a break and feeling very lost but i’ve reached the stage of self care/coping where i started reading old 1d fanfics despite not liking or really understanding the appeal of RPF anymore and oh god it makes me feel like i’m in a warm cocoon of blankets... my time in the 1d fandom was pretty lonely and isolating most of the time save a few friends i made but there was always a lot of good fic to read....

god am i honestly considering redrawing some of the old crap fanart i did just to feel something again despite me genuinely not having as much fun drawing rl people....maybe will not confirm or deny and i prob won’t even do it lmao

#alex talks #text #fun fact i mostly did chibi art of 1d bc it did better than my 'real' style lmao god i wish y'all saw how i was in 1d fandom and how much #it explains shit about my behavior in harringrove + other things i've been interested in since #perspective and apprehension i have now w popularity circles and the treatment of creators in fandom #which has in turn affected how much i actually enjoy being involved in fandom but. it was also a good learning experience #and despite the discomfort i feel w RPF now due to lines being crossed very easily old fics still bring me joy and comfort #god i love these Idiots and even if some of them act like dumbasses sometimes i'm still grateful for the light they shone in my life #(why am i talking about them like they're dead lmao they're Fine) #one day i will have to see them in concert... seeing the jonas brothers last fall felt v coming full circle to me and i gotta do teenage me #some justice esp after i was in ft lauderdale for the last night of UAN and my cousin refused to take me :') #alright i'm done thanks for coming to this ted talk i'm gonna ghost for 3 days again and finish this 75k baby fic