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deadsetobsessions · 2 months

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Sea Cryptic! Danny AU- Pt.3

[Pt.1] [Pt.2] [Pt.4][Pt.5][Pt.6][Pt.7]

“Aquaman.” Batman swept into the room, beelining straight for the suddenly apprehensive Atlantean king.

“Batman. What can I do for you?”

“Phantom. Does he pay taxes?”

“Pardon?”

Batman makes a low noise that had Aquaman’s danger senses buzzing.

“Does Phantom have to pay taxes. Towards Atlantis.”

“No…? Why?”

“He wanted money, in exchange for… information, of a delicate sort,” Batman said, diplomatically avoiding the topic of Phantom bargaining for the identities of corpses in exchange for a measly $100 dollars per identity. Like a flea market dealer, that one was.

“You encountered Phantom again?” Aquaman perked up.

“Yes. Gotham’s bay is… polluted.” Batman paused. “With victims. Of murder.”

The entire area quieted as heads turned towards the Dark Knight.

“Yes, I am… distantly aware of Gotham’s waters.” By that, Aquaman gets green around the gills whenever he turns his awareness in that direction. There’s a reason he doesn’t enter Gotham, and the Dark Knight’s ban is only half of that reason. “Ah, but you’re correct. For what purpose would Phantom need mortal currency?”

“Hn.”

“Maybe he needs some stuff?” Flash zipped to a stop next to Batman, feet tapping as he dug into the pile of snacks cradled in his arms. “Us mortals are always coming up with new things, maybe he wants to try some games or something?”

Batman tilted his head down, seriously considering Flash’s suggestion. “It’s plausible.”

“Barry, Barry, Barry. He’s old as hell, right? He probably wants to try the new booze!”

“Hal, my man!” Flash fist bumped Green Lantern, who came up. “You’re back! What happened to John?”

“Dunno. He got called somewhere that way,” Green Lantern waved a vague hand towards the left. “Had to deal with a politician or something from that area.” He shrugged, swinging an arm over Barry’s shoulders to put him in a headlock and stealing a chip.

“Huh. Anyways, would our mortal alcohol even work on a demi-god or something?”

“We should ask!” Hal turned towards Batman. “You should ask if he wants to go for a drink, spooky!”

“He’s a child.”

“He’s been around for more than a millennia, Bats.”

“Informational gathering, right, Hal?” Flashgot out of the headlock, quickly munching on his snacks to stop Green Lantern from stealing them.

“Totally. Yup.”

“…Fine.”

“Wait, are we just gonna ignore that Gotham’s waters are full of bodies?”

“Yes.”

——

“What?” Danny asked, mind half on the bags he’s dragging out of the water and the other half on the essay he has to submit in about four hours.

“Green Lantern wanted to invite you out for a drink.”

Danny turned to the stoic Gotham knight, who had his wrist computer out to log the bodies’ info the moment Danny gave him the information. Some of them even told Danny who murdered them, so Batman could start building cases with solid leads.

Danny’s only twenty. He’s not legal yet but he doesn’t want to give any clues to who he is. How is he supposed to…

Ah!

“Can’t.” Danny shrugged. “I’m not legal. I died when I was fourteen so…” Danny trailed off, speechless at the drowned puppy face Batman was giving him. What the fuck.

“Anyways, fork over my payment.”

Batman wordlessly hands him a wad of hundreds.

“What do you need cash for?” Batman suddenly asked.

“Huh? Isn’t it obvious?” Danny tucked it in. “Material things, obviously. I need a blanket,” because holy shit, Gotham is damn cold this time of year. “Anyways, see you same time next week, litterer.”

“I don’t litter.”

“Tell that to the batarangs I found under the water,” Danny grumbled. “But I’ll stop calling you that if you get a signature from Poison Ivy. I have a friend who loves her.”

“An alive friend?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, weatherboy?”

Danny snickered and disappeared. He’s gotta cram that essay.

——

“There’s a possibility Phantom might be homeless.”

“Batman, I mean this in the nicest way, but for the love of Atlantis, please stop giving me headaches. It’s time like these I wish I stayed a lighthouse keeper.”

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bronzewool · 10 months

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Soul Eater by Lily Mayne is the first book in the Monstrous series, a monster/human romance set in the post-apocalyptic wasteland of America after monsters have invaded our realm and where humanity is at the brink. Each instalment follows a different human falling in love with a different monster as they try to survive in this new world.

The first book follows Danny, a soldier who is part of a frontal assault to capture a dangerous monster called, "The Soul Eater", who can turn into smoke and is immune to bullets. Against all odds, Danny is the only one in his unit to survive the encounter and The Soul Eater is transferred to a military compound with the rest of the captured monsters. The creature does not respond to any of the scientists trying to communicate with it and will only talk to Danny. Forced to enter the monster's cell, Danny tries to befriend it in the hopes of gaining vital intel about its species, where it comes from, and why it's killing so many humans at random. The monster reveals himself to be called Wyn and allowed himself to be captured to release his fellow monsters, and escapes with Danny in the ensuing chaos.

Now stranded in the wastelands with his kidnapper, assumed to be a traitor by his chain of command, and with nothing worth returning home to, Danny puts his lot with Wyn and follows him in his seemingly random trek across the desert to kill more people. Observing Wyn we slowly learn humanity has been plagued with a parasitic lifeform that infects its host and slowly takes over the brain, breeding before killing its host and infecting the next person. Wyn has not been slaughtering humans randomly, but targeting those infected by the parasites. Learning that Wyn and the other monsters are not evil puts a new perspective on Danny's worldview and they slowly develop feelings for each other.

This book kept showing up in every top m/m monster erotic list and is even a personal favourite of a friend of mine whose opinion I hold in high regard...so I feel bad for admitting I did not enjoy this book as much as I wanted to.

I don't know if it was the high expectations I had going in, but I found this story to be lacking in the world-building department. We spend a lot of time with our two main leads wandering the desert, scavenging supermarkets for canned food, hiding out in motels, killing the occasional parasite, and having freaky sex, but there's not a lot of plot after the first act beyond their growing relationship. We're not heading towards a set goal or objective. Wyn is not in any rush to kill the rest of the parasites and Danny has no ambition beyond wanting to live.

The book felt like an unfinished video game that was released anyway and is trying to sell you the rest of the game as DLC instalments. Do you want to visit the human camps? Well, you'll have to buy the DLC to explore that area of the map. Do you want to go see this portal that the army is guarding? There's a DLC for that coming out soon. Do you want to know what the deal was with that random purple people-eater who showed up for two chapters and walked right out of the plot? You'll have to read his story in his DLC to know who he is. Do you want to know what fuck was going on with the random five monsters that showed up in the last chapter to attack Danny and have nothing to do with the story we were just reading? Fuck you. Buy the sequel.

This book puts itself at a disadvantage by teasing these locations and characters that the reader will never see unless they read the rest of the series. This first book is the catalyst that unleashes the monsters from the compound who will have their own separate storylines, but that means our current main couple has no set pieces to explore so we keep hearing about these places without ever seeing them. There's no build-up to a giant nest that they're trying to get to or Danny developing into a competent Outlander. The only conflict they have are these two annoying military officers chasing after them and eventually capturing Danny and torturing him for information. This leads to a very confused ending where Danny is traumatized after this experience and Wyn comes to the conclusion Danny being with him will only bring him more pain, so they can't be together anymore. Danny stands up for himself and the two walk off into the sunset.

It's a nice sentiment, but Danny does not show signs that he can survive in this world without Wyn holding his hand. There's this theme introduced halfway through the book that Danny is not mentally strong enough to survive in this harsh wasteland and he will need to adapt quickly. The question becomes will Danny use his rifle and become a killer (The book defies Chekov's gun by giving out the protagonist a loaded gun and never letting him fire it. I give the author props for that subversion). The answer the book comes to is, Danny is mentally strong because he survived torture and stood up to a demon, so he can handle anything thrown at him...

...Except, Danny is not withholding information from the military because he's protecting Wyn or another demon, or even a group of human settlers, he's captured and brutally beaten because the military thinks he knows something. Danny isn't doing anything noble he's just been caught and slowly dying a painful death until Wyn arrives and rescues him. Danny didn't save himself, Wyn saved him. And in the final chapter when Danny is left alone in the hotel and ambushed by a group of monsters, he doesn't save himself, he beats one of them with a baseball bat, but the implication is they would have taken him if Wyn didn't show up in time to save him again.

The book ends on this triumphant note that Danny is going to be ok, but it gives no real evidence that Danny can take care of himself. He doesn't come to Wyn's rescue at any point or use any prior knowledge he's gained on their journey. He's the same person we started with only hardened by the cruelty he's been subjected to at the hands of other humans. I don't know if that's better or worse.

We had an entire book to show Danny learning survival skills that could help him in the wastelands, but he never learns how to hunt, track, forage, find water or build a shelter. We just keep going from town to town, sleeping in hotels and rummaging for food in abandoned supermarkets. The fact these places all conveniently have running water is the only reason he hasn’t died from dehydration. And it becomes a non-issue by the end because Wyn can just travel from one side of the coastline to the other and get Danny whatever he needs. Danny is walking through the waste for no goddamn reason. If Wyn can carry food, then he can carry Danny. They could have ended the book with them finding a cottage in the mountains and giving Danny a comfortable place to live. But no, Danny wants to wander the wastelands forever, even though monsters are around every corner. Danny is a dumbass.

I also hated the final page. One of my pet peeves when writing relationships is the "I was fated to fall in love with you". Unless the plot revolves around two characters strangled by the red string of fate, I hate that dynamic because it's such a lazy excuse for the author to not put any effort into writing a believable romance. You just have to take their word for it that these two are meant for each other.

I don't mind soul mates AUs in fanfiction, because I already know who these characters are and why their dynamic works for me. But with original characters, the author needs to get me on board with the romance, and I just don't buy it. The entire time I was reading this I was waiting for Wyn to answer the question, why is Danny so special? We know why he doesn't kill Danny in that original conflict. Wyn does not kill humans unless they attack first, and Danny going into shock and fainting was the only thing that saved his life. It's not that Danny had a good heart, he was just scared shitless. They don't bond during Wyn's time in captivity because the officers won't let Danny deviate from his script, so there's never a moment when he reaches out to Wyn and tries to make an actual connection with him on his terms. I initially assumed Wyn escaped his cell by turning into a shadow and somehow possessed Danny, and that's why the military thinks he's a traitor. But no, Wyn just wanted to take Danny with him because they're soulmates now.

And there are small things like that where the author didn't clarify what was happening early on that led me to overthinking certain plot points. For example, Danny tells the reader early on that none of the monsters we see in the compound have ever harmed a human. This made me think the military was in on some big conspiracy and was using the monsters as a red herring to blame them for the current state of the world. Only to then immediately witness monsters killing human soldiers outside of the compound.

Danny is also pro-monster before the book even begins despite this contradicting his backstory. He was raised in one of these military-governed cities on the coastline where the majority of humans have fled to, and are poor and homeless. Danny's mother dies in one of these cities and he's forced to join the military just to survive. His resentment for the military is justified, but not once does he blame the actual monsters who, as far as he's aware, are the reason the world has gone to shit. There could have been an actual story arc for Danny hating the monsters for what they’d done to humanity, and slowly learning through Wyn that it's more complicated than he thinks it is. Instead, the book goes out of its way to assure you Danny respects the monsters more than humans before he even meets Wyn. Why??? That might have been a character flaw, that he cares so little for humans he doesn’t give a fuck about them anymore, but we see through brief encounters he cares a great deal for people.

There's also this subplot where Wyn won't let Danny see his face, which still confuses me to this day because I don't know why he was hiding from Danny in the first place. Wyn says something to Edin about not having a normal human-like face and I don't know what he means by that. He has two eyes, a nose, a mouth, and a chin. What makes him less human than Edin? I think he was self-conscious about his facial scars. But Danny has not shown any discomfort about the scars on his body, so I don't know what the problem is. I might need to re-read that part again but he’s written as perfectly handsome by human standards.

I mean, I hated the reveal that he had a literal face behind that hood, but that's just me (stop giving my beautiful faceless boys faces!!!)

#charl's book journey #I hated writing this review #because I didn't wanna be mean #but I don't get it #and Kristen tells me this is her favourite book in the series #so I don't know if its worth reading the sequels #I just had too many questions and couldn't turn my brain off and enjoy the sex scenes #I even started researching what happens to 20yo shampoo #and it turns out Danny should not have been using that #and drinking the tap water in the buildings #its a wonder he hasn't died form lead poisoning yet

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siobhanromee · 1 year

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i know one of the three leads in the book i am reading is going to die... and i am 75% of the way through the book and the two in mortal peril are the ones I like more :/

#the one i dont care about just recovered from being poisoned so i dont think she will die in this book #but i feel sad that its going to be one of the other leads #i know this bc i read the back cover of the sequel and it mentioned that one of the leads of the first book dies at the end of it #... i just dont know which one

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theoutcastrogue · 2 years

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Copaganda does three main things.

First, it narrows our understanding of safety. Police get us to focus on crimes committed by the poorest, most vulnerable people in our society and not on bigger threats to our safety caused by people with wealth and power.

For example, wage theft by employers dwarfs all other property crime combined — from burglaries, to retail theft, to robberies — costing some $50 billion every year. Tax evasion steals about $1 trillion each year. There are hundreds of thousands of Clean Water Act violations each year, causing cancer, kidney failure, rotting teeth, and damage to the nervous system. Over 100,000 people in the United States die every year from air pollution, five times the number of all homicides.

But through the stories cops feed reporters, the public is encouraged to measure a city’s safety by whether it saw an annual increase or decrease of three homicides or fourteen robberies — rather than by how many people died from lack of access to health care, how many children suffered lead poisoning, how many families were rendered homeless by illegal eviction or foreclosure, or how many thousands of illegal assaults police committed.

The second function of copaganda is to manufacture crises or “crime surges.” For example, if you watch the news, you’ve probably been bombarded with stories about the rise of retail theft. Yet the actual data shows there has been no significant increase. Instead, corporate retailers, police, and PR firms fabricated talking points and fed them to the media. The same is true of what the FBI categorizes as “violent crime.” All told, major “index crimes” tracked by the FBI are at nearly forty-year lows.

The third and most pernicious function of copaganda is to manipulate our understanding of what solutions actually work to make us safer. A primary goal of copaganda is to convince the public to spend even more money on police and prisons. If safety is defined by street crime, and street crime is dangerously high, then funding the carceral state leaps out to many people as a natural solution.

The evidence shows otherwise.

— Alec Karakatsanis, “Police Departments Spend Vast Sums of Money Creating “Copaganda”” | Jacobin, July 2022

#Alec Karakatsanis #theory #the hired man #big thief little thief

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thevoidstaredback · 21 days

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Enough Caffeine to Kill an Elephant

Listen. It was an accident. He didn't mean to! It just kinda happened.

So maybe he brought a drink with enough caffeine in it to kill an elephant within a few minutes, and maybe he forgot to put the sleeve on his cup so he could tell it apart from the others, but it's not his fault! He didn't think anyone else was going to have the exact same Yeti cup as him! It's not like he'd seen any of the others carry one before. Besides, he worked with superheros. They should be smart enough to check before drinking someone else's drink.

Danny had been summoned by the Justice League Dark a few years back in order to help with a world ending crisis and he just didn't leave. It's not like he could go anywhere anyway. His ghost half hadn't grown past fourteen and his human half had stopped visibly aging at eighteen. He'd had to leave town as Danny Fenton, but he'd stayed in Amity Park as Danny Phantom. When his parents died of old age, thank god, he'd closed down the portal, stuck around for a few more years, before traveling the world as Danny Fenton.

Anyway, he'd taken up residence in the House of Mysteries after the JLD had summoned him. Constantine, at first, had been wary, but he and the rest of the JLD had grown to accept him. He was an honorary member of the team.

At some point, just after Robin had become Red Robin, Danny had been introduced to the Justice League. He liked those guys, too, and worked with them sometimes. Though, he usually only went to bug them.

Red Robin had been very interested in the fact that his was fourteen and working with grown heros, like he was one to talk, but Danny hadn't explained anything other than saying that he had died and come back. The following conversation was an interesting one that lead to Danny knowing that Nightwing was the Batman he'd met and that Batman was lost somewhere. He'd confirmed that the man was not dead, but he hadn't offered to help look for him. He probably should have, in retrospect.

Back on topic! Everyone in the JLD knew not to touch Danny's drink. They'd all seen him make it before and had been horrified on varying degrees. It's not like it could kill him. He's already half dead! So long as he only drank this specific brew as Phantom, he'd be fine.

The Justice League, apparently, didn't get the memo. He blames Constantine because Zatanna and Raven can do no wrong. No, John, he's not biased.

The point is, Red Robin just had a sip of Danny's drink. The horror he now felt was akin to the fear he held when he'd told his parents he was Phantom. (An interaction that had gone very well, thank you very much.)

Danny knew the exact moment that the vigilante realized he grabbed the wrong drink. His eyes widened to an astonishing degree, and, if he'd been able to seen his eyes behind the mask, Danny knew that the man's pupils would've completely overtaken the irises. His hands started shaking, too. Oh, no. The man's already addicted to hellish amounts of coffee. This is only going to make it worse!

Quickly, and without drawing any attention, thank the Ancients, Danny rushed over. "You, um, you okay, man?" Obviously not, but he tends to talk when he's anxious and he was certainly anxious right now. He could've possibly just killed a man via poison!

"What the fuck is in this coffee?" Red Robin asked, going to take another sip.

Danny pulled the Yeti from his hand and gave him the proper one. "Enough caffeine to kill an elephant."

"Obviously not, seeing as I'm still alive."

"Yeah, I can't tell if that's a good thing or not."

"Excuse me?"

"I-I mean-! I didn't-! You know what I mean." Caffeine is poisonous in excess, and his drink was way beyond excess, but it's the only thing that works for him as a ghost! Superpowered metabolism and all that.

"Do I?" The laugh in his voice answered for him. He took a sip from his drink and frowned at it. "I don't think any coffee will ever be enough again."

"And that's my cue to get my drink very far away from you." Danny turned, fully intent on moving to the other side of the room. Besides, the meeting was going to start as soon as the Flash and Kid Flash arrived, which would be soon. Something about one of their Rouges getting out?

"What?" Red Robin asked, "Why?" If he was a little desperate to get another sip of that coffee, he'd rather not acknowledge it.

"Because you don't need anymore lethal coffee," he muttered, "The sip you took will already keep you awake for three days at least, and it probably jump started an addiction. Best to stop it now. Besides, I need to go have my crisis on how the hell you're still alive after even a sip of this stuff."

"Again, rude." The bird themed vigilante crossed his arms as best he could while holding his cup. "If it's so dangerous, why do you drink it?"

Danny took a deliberate sip as he locked eyes with the technically younger man. "I'm dead. I don't need to worry about my heart stopping or having a seizure."

"Excuses."

"No, it's not 'excuses'. I'm saving your life."

"You're a kid. If I can't have that coffee, then you shouldn't be having it."

"First, I'm older than you. Second, I already told you: I'm dead. This isn't going to hurt me. Third, you can't tell me what to do."

"There's no way you're older than me. You're like, ten."

"I'm thirty-eight!" He balked, "I only look fourteen because I died when I was fourteen. We've been over this."

Neither noticed the entire Justice League looking at them. The two they were waiting on had arrived a few minutes ago and everyone was ready to start the meeting, but they'd been distracted by the two's conversation. Was that true? Had Phantom really died so young? They'd all been made aware he was not living, but they didn't think he'd died so young! Though, that was probably the denial speaking.

The Justice League Dark had been fully aware of this and didn't really bat an eye. Though, someone should probably get this meeting started. A potentially world ending threat was the topic, and that was a pretty important thing to discuss.

Captain Marvel was the first to pull himself together, though that was only after Atlas and Zeus had mentally slapped him out of his stupur. "As, ah, riveting as this conversation is," he stepped between the two boys- er, boy and man? "we really need to start this meeting."

Batman did not clear his throat because he'd not lost his voice in the first place. "He's right. Everyone take your seats."

Part 2

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katakaluptastrophy · 5 months

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Oh no now I'm thinking about the Fourth and the Fifth again and how Jod's awful colonial space feudalism poisons everything.

You are four or five years old. Maybe you're Isaac and you never knew your dad, only that he died at enemy hands in some far flung campaign and six years later you were made to ensure an heir for the baronetcy. Or you're Jeannemary and your mother defied orders, went beyond the rim, and jumped on a grenade. If either of you have surviving parents, they're not considered sufficiently important in this great process of ensuring a suitable heir with a suitable cavalier to keep you. There is no Baron until Isaac comes of age, and the leader of a House needs to be properly trained. You are four or five years old, and you are sent away.

You're five year old Jeannemary. You're not yet sworn to your necromancer, but you've been promised to him since birth and you've been sent away from your planet and your siblings to serve him. You are your generation's Chatur and this is your purpose. And when the cavalier primary of the House you have been sent to sees a little child struggling to see over the table at a reception and props you up with a cushion, you challenge him to a duel. You don't understand why all the adults are laughing. Your honour and your necromancer are all you have left of home. Far away, at the edge of the system, Harrowhark Nonagesimus decides that puppeting her parents' corpses as her House collapses around her is a better fate than yours. At night you are tucked into bed in a room that you don't have to share with any siblings and the man who is looking after you now reads to you from a book of adventure stories and strokes your hair until you fall asleep.

You're nine year old Isaac, swearing to be one flesh, one end with your cavalier in a foreign chapel on a foreign planet. You go to school. The woman who is not quite but almost your mother is helping you to discover spirit magic far beyond the thanergy fission you would have learned at home. She is teaching you to cook and to dance. She tells you that the parts of you which back home would have been considered flaws are your greatest strengths. You have friends and playmates who will never be on the front lines, whose parents write books or engrave stele or organise the bounty of empire from ledgers and transmitter boxes. You are loved and you love, but you are beginning to understand that love comes with a cost.

You are 13 year old Jeannemary. You are back on the Fourth and after last year's bombing you are now cavalier primary. As far as you are concerned, you are grown and ready to serve god and his empire. And you have been denied twice. You don't understand why the people who love you are going to such lengths to stop you from doing what you were born to do or why they have always looked so upset when glorious news comes from home about how someone you would have grown up with, had you not been sent away, has given the ultimate service to the empire. You are cavalier primary of the Fourth House and you fear you are still being propped up on cushions.

You are Isaac Tettares and you are Baron of a planet you spent most of your childhood away from. Everyone else your age long ago shipped out with the Junior Territorials. You are the Baron of a planet but you are not in charge and you have come to understand that your father wasn't in charge either. You love the closest thing you have to parents and they love you. You miss them terribly. You resent the fact that thanks to them you will never truly lead the Fourth. There is talk of a marriage alliance when you are older. You want to be family with them. You don't entirely believe you'll live long enough to marry him when you come of age. And if you do, your half Fifth children will be another crack in what's left of the Fourth House. You miss you dad's stupid jokes and your mum's earnest discussions. You're free of their meddling. You will never be free of their meddling.

You are Jeannemary and Isaac, properly off planet and on display as scion and cavalier for the first time, offered an unimaginable chance to serve god and his empire. You crave the security of your parents. You chafe at the idea that you might be perceived as children. But for a little while you are all together again. You are planning a party. You are making friends. You will all serve the empire together. Perhaps, when you are the fingers and gestures of god, none of these differences will matter any more.

They die horribly. And later so do you. God doesn't care.

#the locked tomb #tlt #isaac tettares #jeannemary chatur #abigail pent #magnus quinn #tlt meta

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bogleech · 8 months

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TOP TEN DINOSAURUSES

maybe you're wondering my most tenned favorite dinosauruses??? The science study of dinasacacers is called "dinosaurusology" by leading experts like myself, and it is constantly changing as we make new uncoveries almost every tuesday when we find new bones in my cousin rob's garage (he hasn't thrown anything out since the 90's!) As such bear in mind that up to two facts I am about to share could become dated over the course of the next century, however as both the king and queen of science this will only be true if I'm still available to approve the new facts. If I'm dead or kind of tired then nobody will ever know what's true anymore so you should be nice to me. #10: OVIRAPTOR

OVIRAPTOR was a good model for what all dinosacans were like: it was a wrinkly lizard that slithered in filthy dirt and had difficulty standing upright because its bones were made of rocks. This is why we have the term "the stone age," so be grateful you're living in "the bone age!" Oviraptor's name means "eggs velociraptor" because it was a kind of velociraptor that stole eggs. It didn't know what to do with them because nobody invented cooking yet and raw dinosaur eggs were disgusting, so every oviraptor starved to death.

#9: IGUANADON

This was the last known photograph of IGUANA DON (not to be confused with his cousin iguana dan) when george washington invented photographs 2 million years ago. Don was an ugly disgusting hilarious lizard monster with one horn on its nose and he died because he evolved a dining room in his torso exactly the right size for 21 cavemen to walk in and eat his kidneys. This was not helped by don's instinct to sleep on a big porch under a chandelier.

#9 DIMETRODON

DIMETRODON was the most common dinosaur of jurassic, which was the fifth and final era of dinosaurs after the ice age but before the ediacaran. In fact dimetrodon was the very last dinosaur to ever exist on earth before they were all eaten to death by the ediacaran's dominant predator: a species of swirly looking weird rock. Nobody knows why these swirly looking weird rocks died out, but it's most likely because dimetrodon was so poisonous from its diet of entirely pufferfish. You can tell it was a sea dinosaur because of its fish fin! #8: PTERADACTYL

PTERODACTYL was a regular dinosaur until it got married to a species of bat and its bat wife laid a bunch of pterodactyl eggs! This woodcut is however inaccurate: flying would not be invented until president obama discovered the first airplane in 1998, so pterodactyl couldn't possibly have stayed in the air and just immediately fell. The long 900 million year reign of the pterodactyl abruptly ended when the last one finally hit the ground (it took longer in those days because the oxygen disaster made so much more air) #7 SNORKASAURUS

SNORKASAURUS was completely unique among all dinocaurs by having a really long neck. It was one of the largest creatures to ever roam the earth at over 7 feet tall, or exactly 12 meters to those of you living in Liberia or Myanmar! This is the last known photograph of snorkasaurus, giving birth to the first cavemen. Snorkasaurus went extinct because all of them did this instead of making baby snorkasauruses. This is because like all dinosaurii they had only a tiny peanut for a brain, and nobody was around to give them 'the talk' because that wasn't invented yet.

#6 SMILODON

SMILODON was a very special dinosaurn because it was the first one to stand up on its hind legs after years of rigorous exercise and weight training. By inventing this new way of walking, Smilodon made it possible for the first monkeys to evolve! This is called "convergent" evolution.

#5 BULBASAUR

BULBASAUR was a majestic and beautiful species of neopet unfortunately disliked by the scientific community because it is the reason there are no flying dinosuars. Bulbasaur was the first ever flying dyanasar ever invented, 19 billion years ago on September 10, 2001, but the project was discontinued when its first test flight ended in a tragic accident. That's right: on September 11, 2001, Bulbasaur crashed into the stock market, causing the great depression that lead to the civil war :'( now to this very day, flying dinosarers are against the law.

#4 YOSHI

YOSHI is a type of dinersaulophus called a "bird," which was actually the second attempt by early neanderthal alchemists to manufacture a street legal flying dinnersauran, but the New Zealand government realized if dinophlofbuses can fly, then bats would no longer be special, and since bats are New Zealand's only major export it would have been an economic disaster. The queen of Australia (New Zealand's largest city) ordered the CIA to sand all of the wings off of these early prototype birds. Every bird tragically went extinct when it looked down, noticed how high up it was and remembered it could not fly, activating the effects of Earth's gravitational field.

#3 ANOMALOCARIS

ANOMALOCARIS was the dinosorcerous that discovered the first primitive cave painting of a modern day crab and invented carcinisation. All the other dinanders laughed at Anomalocaris for wanting to turn into a crab, but guess what??? Every single kind of dinosaur is dead but there's a crab still alive at 29, making it the oldest person in the world. Who's FUCKING laughing now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#2 EARL SINCLAIR

This is the last known photograph of Earl Sinclair, seen here as an uncredited extra in "Avatar 3: Lost in New York." Earl Sinclair was a sindonaur species that could disguise itself as a human by putting on sunglasses, a necessary adaptation in order to hide from the largest predator dancasore to ever live: Mellisuga helenae. However, near the end of the coal age, M. Helenae finally remembered that sunglasses hadn't even been invented yet. Look carefully, and you'll notice nobody is wearing sunglasses at all in this scene, making Earl Sinclair stick out like a sore thumb! If you're still having difficulty, here's a zoomed in image of this majestic thunder lizard:

Unfortunately......this wardrobe malfunction made Mr. Sinclair just as obvious to his ancient enemy, and the last Earl Sinclair's brains were sucked out on September 11, 2001, the darkest day in British history because he was the only one who knew the recipe to chicken mcnuggets (the only british food.) To this day all british people are extinct but you can still see their fossilized skeletons waiting in line at the department of motor vehicles.

#1 CONCAVENATOR

Concavenator was an Early Cretaceous carcharodontosaurid up to six meters in length with an unusual pointed crest on its back.

#science #dinosaurs #paleobiology #paleoart #nature #animals #lizards #reptiles #birds #ADAD don't get mad at me I actually hope if you ever see this you just find it cute and enjoy the convoluted references I put in

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