#and don’t believe in any of the work i do anymore

[holylulusworld]

Faking it all (2)

Summary: It’s date time. 

Written for @spnkinkevents SPN Omegaverse Week – Day 7 – Saturday, April 20 - Alpha/Omega for Hire

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Omega!Reader

Warnings: a/b/o, reader was an omega for hire, love-struck Dean, nervous Dean

Words: 700+

Catch up here: Faking it all

A/N: This is the last day of the event and the last story I wrote for it.

SPN Omegaverse Week Masterlist

Dean wrings his hands. He didn’t listen and came to your apartment instead of waiting for you at the restaurant. The alpha tried to act like a gentleman and pick you up.

Now the clock is ticking and he’s waiting patiently outside of your home.

“Y/N, I came here to pick you up. I bought you flowers and all. At the restaurant, you cannot put the flowers anywhere.”

You sigh and open the door. “I told you to wait outside the restaurant for me,” you purse your lips. “You can’t even follow a simple order. This is our first date and you already messed everything up.”

“I came here to offer flowers to you,” Dean grunts. “I thought you’d be impressed because I tried to be romantic. I even booked a fucking horse carriage to drive us through the park after dinner.”

You watch Dean despair. He looks at the flower basket standing next to your doorframe, huffing as he messed up the first date with you.

“I wanted you to wait for me at the restaurant so I can drive home alone. Most alphas want to pick a woman up, believing they get laid after the first date.”

“What? I—” Dean swallows thickly. His cock twitched in interest, but he shakes his head. “I didn’t think of getting laid. I only tried to survive the first date without fucking things over again.”

You cross your arms over your chest, simply watching Dean whine.

“Fine. Get the flowers and call that carriage dude. I won’t spend the night in a carriage. It’s cold, and I’m not in the mood to smell horse poop.”

“Poop?” Dean grins.

“Hurry up and get inside,” you open the door wider, walking with it to let Dean inside. He grasps the flower basket and hurriedly makes his way inside your apartment. “I got pasta, salad, and pie for dessert.”

Dean stops in his tracks to stare at you. “What? You cooked. But why?”

“I knew you’d not listen,” you coo and pat his shoulder. “Take off your shoes and coat and put the flower basket on the sideboard over there.” You point to the sideboard.

“You knew?” He quirks a brow. “How?”

“I knew the alpha hindbrain could not follow orders coming from an omega. And I knew you’re an eager puppy wanting to rub your scent into my stuff.”

His grin widens. Dean chuckles and crouches down to unlace his shoelaces. “I knew you were perfect for me.”

“Slow down and hold the horses,” you poke his back with your index finger. “You didn’t make it through the first date yet.”

“I…I don’t want you to work as an omega for hire any longer. I’ll help you find a better job or do anything to keep you away from other alphas,” he blurs out. “Shit. Fuck. Sorry. I didn’t want to say things like that. I’m not a control freak or try to dominate you.”

“As if I’d let you dominate me," you snort. "No alpha will ever tell me how to live my life."

Dean drops his gaze. He did exactly what he tried not to do. Now he lost the chance to get to know you better and win you over.

“Relax. My business went down the drain long before we met. The new girls did more than go on dates with my clients and ruined my reputation.”

You shrug and grab the flower basket.

“You don’t work as an omega for hire anymore?” Dean follows you hot on your heels. “Really? I mean…are you open to pups and nesting in my home? Maybe we can mate and look for a new home together. I got all these plans and…” He gasps at his words. 

You snort.

“Crap,” Dean curses under his breath. “Did I say that out loud? I’m sorry…again. Please, believe me, I’m usually not like this.”

You smirk.

“I swear!”

“Dean.”

“Yeah?” Dean whispers. He watches you turn around. His eyelashes flutter nervously when you cup his face with both hands.

“If you stop talking now, this can still be a nice evening,” you lean closer to peck his nose. “You should use your brain as a filter before speaking again. I don't need to know that you are planning to breed me like a horny dog.”

He chuckles nervously. It’s like you can see right through his cocky façade. “Okay.”

“Good,” you peck his nose again. “If you can tame your libido and stop saying stupid things, you can eat with me.”

“I promise to not talk about breeding or your job again. I’m an idiot, but not stupid.”

“As long as you’re not like your father,” you nip at his lips, making him purr against you, “we are golden…”

Tags in reblog.

#dean x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester x reader #spnomegaverseweek2024 #a/b/o #alpha!dean winchester #alpha!dean x omega!reader

[corruptedcaps]

Bitchy Besties: part 2

In the car ride over Tanya gabbed about everyone in high school and all their dirty little secrets. Kate couldn’t believe the insight she was gaining about the other students she had known for years. Tanya even spilled the beans on her best friends.

Kate figured Tanya saw Kayleigh as more of a peer than some beta follower like the rest of Tanya’s friends. Despite despising Tanya, Kate found it somewhat rewarding having her bully so enamoured with her.

Tanya brought her around to all the bougie stores and they tried on outfit after outfit and the two were having a genuinely good time together. Kate had never worn so many tight and revealing outfits but she had to admit that they all looked great on her.

Finishing up with a trip to the nail salon, they both got a matching set of new press on's. As the beautician worked, Kate entertained her bully with fabricated stories of her life, who thankfully seemed to eat it up. Some stories were just things Kate remembered Tanya had done but she tweaked certain details to be more ‘Kayleigh’-like, whatever that had come to mean.

Posing for a selfie together, the two girls proudly showed off their new nails.

“This is going to blow up on socials babe, two hawt bitches like us. What’s your handle so I can tag you?” Tanya asked.

Kate started to panic, a girl like Kayleigh would certain have more social media than anyone else but Kate had never bothered. She had to think of an excuse.

“Oh I don’t have any. Well not anymore anyway. Remember the cyber bullying I told you I was doing before? Well my parents made me delete everything, otherwise they weren’t going to fund my trip to Paris.” Kayleigh said sounding genuinely pissed at her fabricated parents.

“Well did you go to Paris?” Tanya asked.

“Eh yeah, remember I told you about the hot French guy I fucked there?” Kayleigh replied.

“Then the statute of limitations are up.” Tanya said grabbing Kayleigh’s phone from her hand before she could be stopped. Tanya was like a pro quickly setting up new accounts for Kayleigh. In 60 seconds flat she handed the phone back.

“Now to tag you in this gorgeous pic of us. Annnnnd posted. You’ll be royalty in this town before the end of the day. So naturally I gave you the handle QueenKayleigh. No need to thank me. Don’t you love it?” Tanya said with a gleeful smirk.

Kaleigh pulled up the post of the two of them and saw the caption read “Hanging with my new BFF @QueenKayleigh, add her now! She’s the real deal.” Kayleigh stared for a long time at ‘BFF’. She had never had a best friend before, it felt kind of nice even if it was Tanya. Speaking of which she realized that Tanya had been waiting for an answer.

“Oh babes this is amazing, we look like twins don’t we?” Kayleigh said to a waiting Tanya who beamed at her.

“Totes! A pair of bitchy babes. Oh looks like you’re blowing up already.” Tanya said as Kayleigh’s phone started a waterfall of chimes. Kayleigh looked down at her phone and sat a barrage of likes, comments and follow requests. It was kind of overwhelming but satisfying to see so many people give her attention.

Comments such as ‘dammmmmn! Who’s the new hottie?’, ‘queens!’, and ‘omg, instant follow!’ were quickly going to her head, she did look stunning after all. Each chime was like an endorphin hit.

“Thanks hun, this will help me jump the social ladder to the top, where sexy babes like us belong. Assuming I pick your school.” Kayleigh said with a natural bitchy purr.

“I hope you choose to come to our school babe, it’s a dump for sure but together the two of us would be unstoppable together. The names Kayleigh and Tanya will make all the losers shudder and all the boys hard. Speaking of which I think I see one checking you out right now.” Tanya said nodding over to a handsome guy sitting in the food court.

Kayleigh looked over to see a handsome college aged guy smiling at her. It had taken her years to attract the meagre attention of Cory and now the hottest guy she had ever seen was checking her out. She remembered the Evie stories and tried to picture what the girls in those stories would do. Standing up she turned and gave Tanya a wink and strode confidently over to the guy.

“Hey hot stuff, were you going to stare at me all day or were you going to ask me out?” She said with a tilt of her head and a sly smile. The guy seemed taken aback by the forwardness but quickly gained his composure.

“Eh yes of course I’d love too. How’s Saturday?” He asked. Kayleigh felt a power over him that she had never felt before. His eyes drank her in and he seemed eager to please. He wanted her and he would do anything she asked. She had to test it out. Remembering how Tanya snatched her phone from her, Kayleigh quickly took the guy’s phone from his hand and started to type.

“No. You’ll pick me up Friday, 9pm, got it? Here, you’re following me on Insta now. DM later for my address.” She said playfully as she handed his phone back to him.

Tanya couldn’t tell what they were talking about from where she sat but could see Kayleigh had the guy wrapped around her little finger. Kayleigh seemed to be having fun, giggling, touching his arm, playing with her hair.

“See you Friday Lucas, and don’t be late.” Kayleigh said wrapping up their flirtation finally. With a cheeky smile, she turned on her heel and strutted away. She felt his eyes on her butt and made sure he had plenty of time to take it all in.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Lucas shouted after her.

“Oh babes you’re such a baddie. He’s gorgeous. What did you two talk about?” Tanya asked eager to hear.

“We’ve got a date on Friday.” Kayleigh said with a nonchalance tone.

“Oh girl you work fast, I’m so jelly. I should have pounced on him first.” Tanya said with a smirk back to her.

“Oh you misunderstand me babe, when I say ‘we’ I mean you, me, him and his frat brother. They’re taking us to a club. Maybe we can swap at some point during the night, if you’re that keen on him.” Kayleigh said grinning as Tanya listened, her mouth open.

“Kayleigh, where have you been my whole life? You’re the baddest bitch ever.” Tanya said suddenly hugging Kayleigh.

The whole act seemed to momentarily dislodge Kate from what she was doing and stand back mentally from it all. Only yesterday Tanya was bullying her and she was an outcast and now she was suddenly her best friend with plans of a double date that she had orchestrated! What was she doing? The whole scenario was bizarre and she realized that this wasn’t her, she needed to wrap this up and fast.

“You ok babe?” Tanya said noticing something off.

“Yeah, yeah of course. Just been a long day.” Kaleigh said feigning a yawn.

“Yeah for real, let me drive you home.” Tanya said but Kate suddenly panicked. Tanya couldn’t see where she lived plus she needed to retrieve her clothes still.

"No my parents are expecting to pick me up at the school so you can drop me back there." Kayleigh said already getting up.

The drive back to the school was quieter than the ride to the mall. Kate was deep in thought, her mind at war with itself. Tanya continued to gossip but Kate wasn't taking it all in like before.

"Are you sure you don't want me to drop you home babe?" Tanya asked, sensing something still off about her new friend as she got out of the car.

"No I'm perfect hun, it will give me time to think about my choices." Kayleigh said with a smile.

"Well you know what I hope you choose, this school could use Kayleigh and so could I. See ya later!" Tanya said returning the smile and speeding off. Kate stood in front of the school unsure what to do next.

To be concluded...

#f2f #corruption #bitchification #self corruption

[deadlyashesart]

Alastor's dissapearance (Part 4)

Whoa, writer's block is finally gone?! No way!! Anyway, I'm sorry it's such a short chapter after such a long wait. This isn't the last chapter! I have a few more ideas I'd like to write that follow this timeline. It may be a little OOC, but I find it a little difficult to write vulnerable Alastor... Hope you enjoy anyhow, and stick around for more!! Thank you all for the support! <3

Part 3

-----

She didn’t dare cry, because how could she? She wouldn’t let her emotions over a guy she hadn’t seen in seven years affect her ability to work or protect her subjects. She wouldn’t allow herself to feel, at the very least until she figured out a way to minimize the impact of the exorcism that was coming in only a few months. She was a very busy woman, after all.

A week passed since, but It didn’t take long for it to reach Rosie’s ears that he had stepped foot back into Cannibal Town.

Alastor walked casually, a hand rested behind his back while the other held his cane. He could feel the stares of judgment from the cannibals burning into his skull. Usually, he wouldn’t give less of a damn, but the guilt that had been rotting him from the inside out was growing with each cold glance.

Eventually, he reached Rosie’s Emporium. It was fairly early in the morning, and the building was still closed. He knocked thrice, hoping a certain white-haired cannibal overlord would open the door.

His silent prayers to himself had been answered and his smile became a little more genuine as Rosie came to the door. She didn’t look thrilled to see him. She held back an annoyed groan and instead opted for a tired sigh. “What are you doing here, Alastor?”

“I believe I owe you an apology,” he answered, his voice annoyed her.

Rosie had to admit that Alastor looked different. More vulnerable, in a weird way, despite still having his usual smile plastered on his face. “Please leave. I don’t have time for this. Besides, don’t you have that little hotel to tend to?” Rosie attempted to close the door, but Alastor wedged his cane between the gap and made it impossible to.

“I fear our long-awaited reunion didn’t go to either of our expectations. I do not want our friendship to falter over a silly miscommunication, so please allow us to try again.”

“You disappeared for seven years and couldn’t even send me a letter regarding your return. That isn’t just a silly miscommunication, you’re just being an inconsiderate asshole.” Rosie’s tone wasn’t angry or sad anymore. Instead, it was stern, numb of any other emotion. This was her way of protecting herself.

Alastor’s ears flattened against his head. He didn’t want to act desperate. He had an image to maintain after all, and he was still standing in public. But he needed Rosie to hear him out or he’d never forgive himself. “I brought you something… As a show of good nature. I’m not here to start a fight or hurt you like I did before.”

Appearing in his hand from a cloud of dark smoke was a small bouquet, roses to be exact. He wasn’t a very creative gift-giver.

Rosie stared at him for a moment, taking the bouquet. She gave a deep sigh and opened the door fully. “Very well.”

“Thank you.” Alastor quickly took the moment to enter the emporium before Rosie changed her mind.

-----

They entered the staff room and sat down on the couch beside each other. Alastor’s eye twitched ever so slightly as he saw Rosie’s new radio sitting on the coffee table. To him, it was an abomination. How dare someone add a TV screen to a radio? But he couldn’t bring it up now, or he’d lose his chance to mend things with Rosie.

“Say what you have to say now, Alastor,” Rosie began, picking up a cup of coffee she had left so she could answer the door.

Alastor paused. He had a lot he wanted to say. He wanted to give her an explanation on why he left, but even the thought made the invisible chains on his neck squeeze tighter.

“I’m… Sorry, Rosie. I truly am,” he finally managed to say. “I allowed my pride” —that really stung to say out loud— “get to my head and distract me from what actually mattered.”

Rosie listened intently, taking a sip of her coffee. She almost choked on it when Alastor suddenly took one of her hands in both of his.

“You are one of the most important people in my hellish existance. One of my only true friends. Back at the meeting, I did feel remorse. Trust me, I did. But I was unaware how badly my disappearance had affected you, and I responded incorrectly.”

He let go of her hands and sighed, closing his eyes for a moment. He hated this feeling of vulnerability, he wasn’t used to it.

“I’m sorry I didn’t send you a letter… It’s inexcusable, but it truly did slip my mind. I promise you, from now on, I will keep in touch. Maybe we can go back to having our bi-weekly walks? What do you say?”

Rosie blinked, feeling conflicted. This was a side of him she’d never seen before. She was still upset, of course, an apology won’t fix the years of hurt he caused, but it was a start.

A small smile appeared on her face and she opened her arms, inviting him for a hug. He looked at her, his permanent smile finally reaching his eyes with genuine joy. He hugged her, and she hugged tighter.

“So… Is this forgiveness, my dear?”

“It’s definitely a start…”

“Thank you.”

They broke the hug, and Alastor’s eyes drifted towards the radio on the table. “Now, if I may ask, why did you purchase such an abomination?”

“Alastor.”

"Apologies."

#radiorose #platonic radiorose #alastor and rosie #rosie and alastor #hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin rosie #angst #hurt/comfort

[disgraceful-writings]

Love, Peace, and War

[requested : @immyowndefender]

“Will you do one where reader lives and shoves both Alys and Aemond into a burning pyre along with the rest of kingslanding or at least one where she makes Aemond her bitch?”

Whispers of another woman keeping his bed warm have swarmed y/n since he left for Harrenhal. He had supposedly missed her, she now believes it to be simply guilt, coming home despite orders from his king and making love to her until the early morn. Something had seemed off that night, and she wanted to question it, but she was simply happy to have her love back in her arms. However, now he seems to only be trouble. Both of their sons lie dead and wrapped in the finest cloth on a pyre. Vhagar rumbled from her perch, seemingly annoyed. Y/n took one last look at her boys and looked Aemond in the eye with a depressed rage. He only looked at her with remorse. For their sons? For possibly ruining her by sleeping with another woman? She didn’t know, nor did she care.

“Dracarys”, he spoke loudly to Vhagar. Warmth kissed y/n’s cheeks, almost drying her tear stains. “Goodbye my little dragons, protect each other, my strong boys”, she whispered. Y/n turned and walked to her horse, not acknowledging Aemond or his family. When they traveled back to King’s Landing, y/n rushed to her chambers with her maids in tow. “Lyliana, fetch some wine. I’d also like a bath.” Both girls got to work, Lyliana fetching the wine and Alessandra starting to warm some water. Y/n glanced to her bed and saw a plush toy shaped like a dragon sitting next to her pillows. She can’t cry anymore, she’d lost all of her tears. “Shall I help you undress, your grace?”, Lyliana asked softly, knowingly. 

Y/n nodded and proceeded to be undressed with delicacy. Sitting in her shift, both girls started to braid her hair and wrap it like a crown to not get it wet. Y/n asked, “Do you think they’re alright?” The girls glanced between one another, Lyliana answered, “They have each other, your grace, that is all we could hope for.” Y/n nodded and stood. The water was warm, something she needed after a while. Her muscles had been tense after what she’d been through. “I will fetch more oils, your grace”, Lyliana spoke after looking at the selection. Alessandra spoke quietly, “I lost my boy in the fall”, she paused her words and focused on scrubbing the dried blood missed from under the princess’s fingernails. “What did he look like?”, y/n asked. “He had these big brown eyes that were so curious of what was happening around him. He barely stayed asleep, I believe he thought he would miss something”, she smiled with a small laugh, “His hair was black like his father’s and thick. He had this freckle under his chin too. My mother always told me freckles were angel kisses.” Y/n and Alessandra sat in a comfortable silence, only the water could be heard. 

Lyliana returned with the oils and assisted in finishing the princess’s bath. When she had emerged from the water, there was a knock at the door. Lyliana answered the door only through a crack, as y/n was in a state of undress still. “Prince Aemond”, she bowed, “Your wife isn’t dressed yet and doesn’t wish for any visitors.” Aemond didn’t listen and entered the room, “Y/n.” “Ladies, you may go for the night”, y/n released the girls, having now been dressed in her nightclothes. She looked at Aemond standing in the middle of the room. “What is it?”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I am the reason our sons are gone. I just- I can’t have you not speaking or even looking at me anymore.”

She poured herself some wine and sat in a chair, “That is what we are doing now, isn’t it?”

Aemond got on his knees at her feet and placed his arms around the small of her back, “Y/n please, you do not have to forgive me, but please don’t do this.” He buried his face into her thighs.

Y/n looked at her cup, not once acknowledging his proximity, “How’s Alys?”

Aemond raised his head, “What?”

“The girl from Harrenhal. What did they say she was? Some wet nurse to her brother?”

“How did yo-”

“I didn’t know you had a thing for bastards. Thought you always hated them, especially if their roots were from Harrenhal”, she paused for a drink, “Was she your spoil from war?”

Aemond brought his head up to look y/n in the eyes, “Tell me, Aemond, was she any good?”

He stood up now, stumbling over his words like a child caught. “Well?”

“No, she never could compare. I was so alone and lost, I-I lost myself to weakness. Please, my love, I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well you did.” A knock could be heard through the thick air, “Come in.”

A man who looked very much like the prince without the Targaryen features entered the room, “Your grace”, he bowed, “Your spoils.” A bag was handed to the princess, glancing inside she was hit with the stench of death. “You may go, Alfred.”

With her back to Aemond she stated, “A parting gift for you”, she turns and hands him the bag. “I will be going home for my brother’s coronation. I won’t be back.” She walks out of the room to the maester’s. Aemond slowly opened the bag and found Alys River’s head inside, devoid of color. He threw it, landing on a dresser, and poured himself some wine. His movement erratic, he didn’t know what to do, so he drank and went to the training yard to get his frustrations out. Y/n had traveled to Dragonstone before returning home. She spoke with Rhaenyra of how she was the true queen, and the world was lied to for a selfish man’s gain. How Delbore would support her claim if called upon. Then they spoke, not as queen and princess, enemies, or friends. They spoke of their sons, what she would do when she goes back home, and revenge.

Before she boarded the boat, she turned to Daemon and Rhaenyra, “Kill him. Make it painful.” She looked into Daemon’s eyes, and he nodded to her. She smiled softly and set sail for home, for peace. Her kingdom was never called upon. 

The Targaryen’s had seemingly forgotten of the princess. Until one day, she sat in the gardens with her sister-in-law and queen of Delbore having tea. “Princess y/n, a letter has come for you”, a servant girl spoke like a mouse. “Thank you, dear”, y/n dismissed her. She noticed the black Targaryen seal on the scroll and took a deep breath. The queen placed a hand over hers and smiled gently. The words she had hoped to hear for months, almost a year now. Aemond is dead. In black ink, the details of how he had received his dues. Daemon had sacrificed his life in killing the prince, leaving him with a sword through his eye. Time went on and Targaryens died like flies. Y/n, however, flourished on Delbore Isle. She took another husband. A sturdy but soft man who loved her truly. He never left her side, even during the birth of their daughter. Y/n had finally found peace.

Taglist : @watercolorskyy

Masterlist

#aemond fanfic #aemond targaryen #aemond #aemond the kinslayer #hotd aemond #aemond fic #aemond x reader #aemond x you #Aemond smut #Aemond brainrot #Aemond targaryen brainrot #aemond targaryen fanfic #prince aemond targaryen #prince aemond #aemond targaryen fanfiction #prince aemond targaryen fanfiction #prince regent aemond targaryen #prince aemond targeryen fanfic #aemond x y/n #the one eyed prince

[hazelnut-u-out]

If God Exists, It's Fucking Me!

(Post 2/2)

A lot of this is a follow-up to Post 1, but I broke it up because I'm rambly.

Sidenote: I didn't realize how much Rick and Morty tries to confront the viewer with the question of what makes a god a god. Take from that what you will, lol.

Having a god complex is an essential component of Rick’s character. He can’t pull his sense of identity away from his relationship to God. 

'If God exists, it's fucking me!'

Even though someone may no longer believe in their god, they were still raised or programmed to serve them before they serve themselves. It becomes instinct.

I would imagine a god-like intellect could blur the line between one’s own needs and those of their god even more. For example, if Rick can value himself above God, then who’s to say he can’t do all of the things God has done for his own purpose? If Rick can prove that he exists and not that God exists, then what morally stands in Rick’s way? This is what makes Rick a good representation of what religious trauma can look like in someone exceptional. Working on the basis of this assumption, his god complex would arguably be inevitable. 

The final layer of tragedy is that C-137 isn’t all-powerful, is he? There’s one Rick that took something from him he can’t replace; one Rick– someone he can prove exists– is more powerful than him. How can C-137 argue that Prime isn’t in the right while still following the logic that his own power is what gives himself the right to ‘invent, transform, create, and destroy for a living’? Without being able to condemn Prime’s actions, what can C-137 do other than try to become him? 

'You think it's cool being the smartest man on Earth, but once we give you this technology, you become the smartest thing in every conceivable universe -- the Infinite Rick, a god.'

All of this relates back to a take I have on Evil Morty’s character. I believe he’s a lot like C-137 in that way, but his god; the being he was ‘programmed’ to serve; the creator he had to ‘defy’ was… Rick. 

Because Rick made himself a God. 

Even though Evil Morty and Morty Prime don’t seem to have faith in Rick, they were still bred to serve him. Evil Morty justifies his behavior because it’s nothing Rick hasn’t done. If Ricks justify their behavior through their abilities, then there can’t be anything wrong with being Evil Morty… Can there? 

Morty Prime, on the other hand, still serves Rick even though he doesn’t believe in him anymore. 

‘That's something you can't have when Rick shows up. Everything real turns fake. Everything right is wrong. All you know is that you know nothing and he knows everything. And, well -- well, he's not a villain, Summer, but he shouldn't be your hero. He's more like a demon or a super fucked up god.’

Morty Prime, despite believing in Rick’s power, also believes in a set of moral rights and wrongs that’s unadulterated from those demonstrated by Rick. Evil Morty operates within the set of moral rights and wrongs defined by Ricks on the curve. In my opinion, our Morty shows more potential to end the cycle than any Rick or even Evil Morty. 

Evil Morty didn’t break the cycle (though I 100% believe him breaking out of the curve was symbolic of that concept), he’s perpetuating it. He didn’t do what he did in the name of justice, he did it for himself and justified his actions with his ability. In the same way that Ricks had to create the curve to become a god, Evil Morty had to leave it. To become exceptional, Rick had to reject God’s exceptionality. Similarly, Evil Morty had to reject Rick’s. 

There are some important distinctions I want to point out that differentiate Evil Morty and Morty Prime on a fundamental level. 

- Selfish vs Selfless:

We can see a difference in the priorities of both Morty Prime and Evil Morty as early on as Season 1. 

‘Hey man, you seem to know how this place works. Is there any way we can… shut down that grid and rescue all those Mortys outside?’

‘It would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of defeating a Rick.’

I would just like to point out that no Rick put those Mortys on that wall. No Rick designed that 'symphony.'

But a Morty sure as hell made this one!

‘Alright Mortys, listen up! My name is Morty Smith, from Earth dimension C-137! I know you’re scared, because I’m scared! But that’s no reason to accept our fate. We’re Mortys! We’re not defined by our relationships to Rick. Our destiny is our own!’

Morty Prime proves that it is possible for Mortys to band together to take down Ricks. Evil Morty’s plan didn’t have to be at the price of hundreds-of-thousands to millions of Mortys’ lives. Evil Morty was prioritizing himself, justifying his treatment of other Mortys through his power to extort them. 

As a follow-up to this concept, Morty Prime tries to save as many Mortys as they can while Evil Morty finally escapes the curve. 

- Rick Complex:

Evil Morty, right from the start, believes that his abilities are an exception. (One could call it a Rick Complex, in this case, lol.) I believe that it’s actually his confidence, not his ability, that differentiates him from other Mortys.

Morty Prime, on the other hand, believes that Mortys are not defined by their relationships to Rick. Just like Rick is obsessed with being defined by his relationship to God, Evil Morty is obsessed with his identity as it’s defined by his relationship to Rick. He has to be better than Rick. Morty Prime seems more than happy to be the ‘Mortyest Morty,’ but let’s remember who’s the Rickest Morty. 

‘Because Ricks hate themselves the most. And our Rick is the most himself.’

I guess that means the Rickest Morty would hate himself, too, which checks out. Evil Morty, very intentionally, leaves no surviving Mortys on the Citadel. When Evil Morty is confronted with the result of abuse on another Morty, he never stops at hating Ricks. Instead, he opts for, ‘Pfft, you sell-out Mortys kill me. I'd hate you more than the Ricks you worship if there was any point.’

In conclusion of this pretty pointless blurb, I think Morty Prime is closer than anyone else to escaping the cycle, and I’m so proud of him. I hope it’s not too little too late. 

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #evil morty #morty prime #rick prime

[hesaykise]

Oops. 😭

So I might’ve hacked my life a bit right now in terms of an SP.

I met a dude a while ago. Found him super attractive. Affirmed that he was super into me. (He def was super attracted to me.) Buuuuut like…I felt as if he wasn’t giving me the communication I wanted. Went no contact for a lil bit, then he came back after I affirmed some more.

Well I met a different guy and I was like oh wow I think he’s super attractive and my current SP is kinda…not it right now. Lemme…test this out.

If you’ve been following or reading any of my posts - most of everything I have posted about has been me testing different manifestation methods or shifting experiences.

So to test my theory, I decided that “guy #1” was no longer my SP. I started affirming for “guy #2” to be obsessed with me, find me attractive, he can’t stop thinking about me, etc. Let me just say that….as of today I know it worked. “Guy #1” messaged me yesterday, but I didn’t see the messaged until later, when I tried to respond he got upset and blocked me. I couldn’t contact him anymore and now I know he won’t reach to me from here on. (Nice knowing you 😕) Now “Guy #2” was all over me today. Saying he’s super attracted to me, he wants me, things of that nature.

I have never done this before with the SP concept. I’ve been seeing this all over social media and I did want to test this out to see if it actually works. It does. Also, I’ll also be honest. I’ve been single for a very long time so I decided I wanted to get out there this year. I do find “guy #2” super attractive. So I didn’t just do this to play with someone’s feelings.

Using affirmations and persisting in the story. It’s real. Shifting…it’s real. 😭 I’m so mad I didn’t know about this sooner, but better late than never…

Thanks for reading this and I hope you find something of use in this post. Believe in yourself, believe in your power, believe that you have what you want. Don’t falter, stick to your truth. :3

Love y’all!

Kise out~ 🫶🏽♥️

#hesaykise #manifestation #manifesting #affirm and persist #law of assumption #law of manifestation #mindset #affirmations #successful #law of attraction

[gunilslaugh]

Curtain Call

Goo Gunil Summary: Gunil is harboring a massive crush on you and when you get casted as his fellow lead for your theater class he can’t help but fall for you even more. (non-idol au) WC:~1.5k Warning:none

Itallics- script

photo not mine credits to owner.

“Alright and now for the parts you’ve been waiting for. I’ll now announce who will be playing our main leads!” your theater teacher playfully held the cast list in their hands. “Eh-hm” your teacher cleared their throat. “Gunil and y/n! Let’s give them a hand.” The rest of your theater class started clapping for you two. 

Gunil couldn’t believe what he just heard. He was going to be acting alongside you, his crush. Just the thought of it had butterflies dancing in his stomach. He looked over to where you sat two rows in front of him to find you already looking back at him. You gave him a small smile and a wave. Gunil had to fight off the blush that was creeping up his neck as he smiled and waved back.

“Hey partner,” Gunil said, coming up to you after class was dismissed. 

“Hey,” you replied back to him, swinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“How do you feel about playing a lead?” he asked you. 

“I’m nervous, honestly. I never played a lead before. I don’t want to mess up.” Gunil was well aware how you never played a lead before. You had only played small roles in the past. You mainly worked behind the stage helping with costumes and props.

Your help with the costumes is actually what led Gunil to developing his crush on you. He distinctly remembers watching you put rhinestones onto a dress of the then lead. He swore that your eyes were shinier than the rhinestones and the way you looked so focused with your work, you were beautiful. From then on he always paid extra attention to you. He watched with fond eyes as you painted backdrops. He always went to you when his costume needed an adjustment or to ask you to run over his lines with him. He uses any excuse that he could find to talk to you. Now that you’re both playing the main leads, Gunil will have so many reasons to talk to you and he’s thrilled about it. 

“I’m sure you’ll do great. You always nailed your smaller roles and you wouldn’t have been casted as the lead if you weren’t a good fit,” Gunil tells you. 

“Thanks, but you're such a good actor I don't want to make you look bad.” You could never make him look bad Gunil thought.  His chest also swirls with pride at your words. You thought he was a good actor?

“Don’t be silly. I’m perfectly capable of making myself look bad,” he joked hoping to make you laugh and it worked. Your laugh was music to his ears too. He wanted to hear it more. “Don’t be so nervous, let’s just have fun.” 

“I’ll try,” you say. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gunil basically gets to spend all of class with you, which he loves. Class is definitely spent doing more than just practicing for the play. You two often find yourselves having side conversations completely ignoring the scripts that lay on your laps. 

“How are my two leads doing?” Your theater teacher pulled up a chair next to you and Gunil. 

“It’s going well,” Gunil answered. 

“Show me,” your teacher orders. 

“What are you doing here?” your character asks.

“I wanted to see you,” Gunil’s character replies. 

“It’s late. Couldn’t you wait till tomorrow?”

“No, I had to see now.” Gunil reaches out and takes your hand. It’s a part of the script, but your heart doesn’t seem to care as it picks up. 

“Why’s that?” You laced your fingers with his (as the script says to). Gunil feels his stomach do a flip. 

“I’d only lie awake thinking of you if I didn’t.” Gunil shifts his eyes from the script to look at you. He looks at you as if he loves you. He’s just acting, you have to remind yourself. Being completely unaware of the fact that Gunil didn’t have to act like he was in love with you.

“So you won’t lie awake thinking of me anymore?” You had to try so hard to not stammer over your words with Gunil looking at you like that.

“No, I’ll dream of this instead.” Gunil brings your hands up to your lips to leave a delicate kiss on your knuckles. You failed to contain your blush. 

“T-then you should be going now…so you can meet me in your dreams.” You hoped that your stutter seemed intentional rather than the reality of it. 

“You know I hate saying goodbye to you.” Gunil pulls you a bit closer using your linked hands. 

“This isn’t goodbye. It’s see you soon. Now go.” You let go of Gunil’s hand.

“I hate that I didn’t pair you two up sooner. You two have so much chemistry!” Your teacher raved. “Or are you two not telling me something?” your teacher implied. 

“No, it’s not like that,” you state. Or maybe it was. It was definitely like that for Gunil and with the way your heart was acting right now, it seemed like the feelings being portrayed were beyond your characters. 

“Either way I’m excited to see this play come to life,” your teacher says then heads off to see how the other students are doing.

“See you have nothing to worry about,” Gunil tells you. He was right, it looks like you don’t have to worry about being a lead, but your newfound feeling for Gunil. Those were something that concerned you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The more you practiced with Gunil the more you felt your feelings grow for him. The same he said for Gunil. He was already crushing on you hard, but the longer he spent with you the more he fell head over heels for you. It was safe to say that Gunil had to do very little acting when it came to the play. The feelings his character felt for your character were the same as the ones he felt for you. 

“Have I not made my feelings for you clear? Why are we doubting that what’s between us isn't love?” At this point you knew what you felt for Gunil was love, but did he feel the same?

“I know I love you but-”

“I love you too.”

“But-” 

“No buts. We love each other, so stop trying to pull away from me.” Gunil pulls you closer by your waist, arms locking around you. You feel your heart pound in your chest. Slowly your arms move around Gunil’s shoulders. Gunil wished that he didn’t have to act to be able to hold you like this. 

“Cut!” your teacher yells. Gunil and you still stay embraced a moment longer before you slip your arms away from his shoulders and Gunil reluctantly releases your waist. 

“That was perfect you two. I can feel the love radiating off of your characters. Tomorrow night is going to be amazing!” Tomorrow night is the night of your class’s play. You were nervous, but you also felt sad about your time with Gunil coming to an end. You thought about confessing, but you really didn’t know if Gunil felt the same way.

Gunil on the other hand was set on confessing to you. He just didn’t know if he should do it before or after the play. After spending the past month preparing for this play and falling all the more in love with you. He didn’t want to keep his feelings for you hidden anymore.

It was ten minutes till the curtain would rise. You and Gunil were sitting backstage while last minute touches were being rushed about. 

“Are you nervous?” Gunil asked.

“A little. Not as much as I thought I would be,” you say. 

“That’s good. If you ever get too nervous just keep looking at me. Forget anyone else is even there,” he tells you. 

“Ok,” you smiled. 

“Curtain in five, get in your places everyone,” someone announces. Gunil stands up taking your hand in his. 

“Let’s go.” He pulls you alongside him. 

“Promise you’ll stay by my side?” You look at Gunil with vulnerable eyes. 

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” He smiles, taking both of your hands in his. 

“I love you,” you(r character) confess.

“I love you too,” Gunil(’s character) confesses back. The final curtain closes. 

You had just gotten changed out of your costume, you’re walking out of the dressing room when you’re greeted with Gunil standing just outside of the door. He’s holding a bouquet of flowers. 

“Oh Gunil,” you say. 

“Here,” he hands you the flowers. 

“Thank you,” you take them with a smile. 

“I wanted to talk to you,” he tells you. 

“Go ahead.” You briefly bring the flowers up to your nose to smell them. 

“I was really happy when we were announced as the leads,” he states. 

“I was happy to be paired with you too,” you told. 

“I was happy because I like you,” he confessed. “All this time I didn’t really have to act because I already had those feelings for you.” 

“I wasn’t really acting either,” you reveal. Gunil looked at you hopefully. “I like you too,” you confessed. 

“So I can take you on a date then?” he checked. 

“Of course,” you agree. 

“There you two are, come on it’s time for pictures,” your teacher rounds the corner. If anyone looked close enough at those pictures they could tell that you and Gunil looked at each other the same way your characters looked at one another, with love.

Taglist: @purplelady85 @odesonnets @gingerjunhan @chewednails @ezlynkisses @mon2sunjinsuver @mxlly143

Also tagging @amelee23 cause I wrote this for them hehe I hope you like it!

#xdinary heroes #xdh #xdh imagines #xdh x reader #xdinary heroes imagines #xdinary heroes x reader #xh gunil #xdh gunil #goo gunil x reader #koo gunil x reader #gunil x reader #goo gunil #koo gunil #gunil

[deargravity]

akashi is actually not as good at everything as people like / want to believe but let me not get into that today

#i think people are missing the entire point of his character arc when they believe him to be perfect and good at everything #you have fallen for the image he’s projecting without noticing the cracks in the facade and the secrets they reveal #in my opinion people still have a largely one dimensional understanding of him #we have so much material to work with why do we refuse to discuss more than his supposed perfection #less about how perfect he is at something and more about the trials and tribulations he experienced in trying to be good at it #less about how calm and composed he is and more about how easily he breaks down in secret because he cant do it in front of everyone else #more about him being comfortable enough around his friends to risk making jokes #if you heard any of the headcanons i have about akashi you’d go into shock #give me more messy awkward akashi #or i’ll do it myself #Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it anymore #but it’s ok… i will be crazy abt him in silence #i just love him #knb

[bo0zey]

anyone else ever get in those silly goofy moods where u just hate urself sooo much that u instantly feel physically almost violently ill just thinking abt urself and also even tho u worked a 12hr shift w no breaks or water running off of the 2 cups of coffee u had for breakfast 20 hours ago, the thought of eating instantly sends bouts of nausea coursing thru ur soul while churning in ur stomach bc ur brain hates u so much that its convinced ur body that u don’t deserve sustenance or anything else that’s life sustaining or promotes ur physical well being because u subconsciously convinced urself that ur such a shit excuse for a human being that u neither deserve nor have any right to anything regarding maslow’s hierarchy of needs bc u r such an awful thing u deserve to be neglected n treated like the nonliving object ur own brain sees ur living body as or am i just mentally ill lol

#laying in bed everytime i think abt myself i feel literally nauseated n like it’s so weird #this feeling comes in waves intermittently just even .01 sec of ‘hm i’m hungry’ FFFFFNOPE HRRGRHFFF VOMITTY #i want to curl up in a ball and die forever i don’t care about me i don’t want to take care of me anymore i’m not even good at it #whyyyyyyyy did i stop taking my meddsssssss i guarantee y’all this is why i’m being such a crybaby on the dash lmaoooo #i have a headache i’m def dehydrated from crying n sniveling n barely drinking any water today while sweating like a mf at work #imma go to bed 🛌 if i don’t wake up i will be soooo pleasantly surprised y’all have no idea FINGERS CROSSED🤞 #real talk tho can someone tell me why my body is literally reacting this way for like no real reason #like am i truly that disgusted with myself i make myself nauseous just thinking abt me #ok yeah the answer is yes lol BUT LIKE WHY THATS SUCH A DRAMATIC BODILY RESPONSE TO MY BRAINS DUMBASS THOUGHTS??? #ik the body and mind have a super powerful link n the brain influences the body like crazy but like #why this why does my brain literally want me to berate and degrade myself and isolate me and make me cry alone n starve me that’s so mean #i’m not starving btw i’m literally always eating just these past 2 days i’ve been such a fuckup my body won’t let me do anything #i had a chocolate poptart for dinner last night (thurs) n threw myself to bed #i hope i don’t end up hurting myself that would be so lame #i literally don’t have time for that like i am Not doing wound care duty off the clock for my damn self lol #also don’t want to take care of myself so i wouldn’t bandage myself up properly sooo yeah i’m not gonna do anything actually #cleaning ur wounds r super important ok yall ur literally playing god if u don’t do good aftercare snfjfbdj #i can’t believe i’m in this nasty ugly depressive episode i hate this so much i don’t have time for this i hate this cycle #i hate being bipolar 2 n my moods n meds have been so fkcdd up lately that i don’t even have the rlly fun hypomanic episodes anymore #i’ve just been constantly having mixed episodes im unbearable to be around im so sorry for everyone that’s ever spoken to me im insufferable #ok that’s enough im done being dramatic lmao #im gonna give myself a bolus PRN dose of clonnie then i’m going tf to bed #ramblings #shut up cianna

[abby420]

trauma is so wild like what do you mean it’s been seven years. what do you mean it still makes me sick to my stomach. what do you mean this has forever changed how i view myself and my relationships with others. what do you mean that happened to me. what do you mean i can’t remember it. literally what. what do you mean i can never be normal about this now. what.

#i finally worked up to read the journal entries i wrote about this very specific trauma and i feel sick to my stomach over it #reading it like…that girl i was was real? she was real. i don’t remember her but she is me? #and i can feel myself regressing from it #i’m leaning back on those same coping mechanisms again and it’s…sigh #i just can’t believe it happened to me #and who would i be if that never happened to me? #how do i ever grow past it? #how will i ever be okay? how will i ever fully recover? can i fully recover? #last night was so rough for me when i finished reading those journal entries #i went into some weird manic state where i suddenly had to know everything about me during that time #i downed half a bottle of tequila and tore apart my room to find my old phone so i could read all my old texts from him and everything i #ever told anyone about him #i had to know #and i was listening to the playlist i made about it #it was just ugh #i never really worked through any of this like every therapist i’ve had i’ve skipped over this because i couldn’t face it #and now i want to face it and i don’t have a therapist anymore 🙃 #this is entirely my fault for consuming a piece of media i KNEW would be triggering but thought i’d be immune but too bad now im in it #i just wish it never happened #it never should have happened #ugh #sorry #vent post #i’ll probs delete later #but for now i’ll throw it out into the void that is my tumblr feed #trauma

[roses-and-tears]

feeling more and more unappreciated and unimportant by my co workers

#gotten to a point where I can’t believe their reassurance anymore bc like. I’m used to thinking that way #and they tell me the same things every time. #‘thank you for your help today’ that doesn’t feel as genuine as it did the first day. plus they’ve been calling it ‘help’ since day 1 too… #am I doing something wrong. is all the stuff i do always going to be considered ‘help’ #it’s also awkward to talk to them. I don’t have a problem with any of them but it sometimes feels like I don’t fit in with some of them #and that I’m bothering them and wasting their time #I’ve only been there a little over a month but I just feel so annoying still. and that the other employees that have been working as long #as I have aren’t annoying everyone else. it’s just me. always asking questions so I’m not fucking things up and in turn makes me annoying #sometimes I wonder how my boss would announce my death in the group chat

[catboywizard]

whelp.

#i was gonna try to skip out on the shabbat service this week #bc they’re zionists and it’s really been fucking with me #cause like i was so excited to join the community and stuff #i’ve already put in so much work the last few months #only to be confronted with the fact that these people that i’ve been getting to know and be friends with #all believe in something so morally wrong #and i feel like i can’t say anything or be shunned by this community i thought i was becoming a part of #but do i even want to become a part of that community anymore? #uggggghhhhhh #anyway that’s just something i’ve been really struggling with lately #i really don’t wanna hear whatever zionist shit i know they’re gonna say at the service #so i was gonna pretend im sick and stay home #but now apparently they moved it to zoom this week #so i don’t really have any excuse i can give to my mom #and i really don’t wanna have to explain to her the real reason i don’t wanna participate #due to complicated reasons #*sigh* #op #random thoughts

[salsflore]

ummmm

#oh mika there is beauty in life~ look at your future! everything will be worth it in the end~ #my favorite image on this device btw ^ #cw negative #cw vent #you know where this is going. apologies my mind is a mess and i really just need to get it out because i find its better than- #-writing a semi formal email to that One (1) emotional support organization and i’m afraid to make a call so #but i just genuinely believe things would be better off if i weren’t alive. a bit of a silly thing to jump to i know but #my tuition fees aren't cheap and i'm not even that great of a student or a daughter or a sister and i- #-have no talents or remarkable feats. i’m not impressive in any way. and i hate hearing shit about how ^_^ its okay! we all have something- #-special about ourselves! for example maybe you have really good hand writing and thats good enough ~ but that doesn't work for me because- #-i have nothing. my handwriting isn't good my singing isn't good i'm not artistically gifted i don't have some random affinity for puzzles- #-i'm not charming or somehow really good at calculation or super creative or a really comforting friend i really have nothing at all #i don’t want to die. i have no plans on doing that sort of thing anytime soon— don’t misunderstand me #i just wholeheartedly believe i don’t deserve to be here anymore not because i’m not loved. i just can’t stand myself and my teenage years- #-feel so long and i'm so fragile how much longer do i have to tolerate. i'm contributing nothing. why should my family have to feed and- #-clothe a burden like me who provides nothing. why should my friends care for someone like me. i’m not really that funny or sweet or great- #-with advice giving or pretty or helpful in any way. why is it that life is genuinely easier for others. what did i do? what can i do? #how much longer must i tolerate this? would you believe me if i said i really did try to change my mindset this time? #i have no one in real life to talk to. therapists are pricey and i don’t think mine was helping me in any way anyways. she was nice though #so every night i sleep hoping i wake up somewhere else. somewhere where i'm happier and i can live all my silly fantasies where i'm a fun- #-and lovely person who has everything she wants and nothing goes wrong ever!! #how much longer must i hang onto the little things. i’m in such an exruciating amount of pain that i want to kill myself without dying? lol #everyone repeats the same stuff. get bit #i can't rely on the joy of having coffee every morning or persevere for the sake of seeing cute cats on insta. nothing will ease the burden

[sassmill]

Hate that I’m having a huge fucking freak out after a really nice day

#we went to (town where my CSA happened and where my family that has disowned me for speaking up about it all live) #which was weird #but I kept trying to focus on the moment #going there for the first time as an adult with a group of women that I love who all support me unconditionally #we were having a great time #and I was reminiscing about the town with my boss because she grew up there #so we both have a lot of formative memories of the same places #but each time I would tell her of some happy childhood memory I also had this ugly nasty thing lurking behind it #like yes my family all live here and I don’t come visit them anymore because they’re defending my abuser #and have made it abundantly clear that I am not welcome or accepted or believed or respected #and I kept trying to shove that down we were having such a good time #and then it was also great because I got to spend the day with Woman I Have Feelings For #but her reaction to the birthday card I made her was not what I had hoped so I was overthinking things the second my day started #and then spending the day with her outside of work made those feelings bubble up real big #but we were in a place that I associate with my trauma and my last relationship ended really traumatically as well #so I had the combination all day of: #do not think about your CSA do not think about it do not think about how your entire family turned on you without question #do not think about how much you’re scared that she has been trying to subtly reject you and you’re embarrassing yourself by not taking a bin #don’t think about how if she does feel the same about you you can’t enjoy any intimacy ever #because of the CSA #and because of the last person you dated #and don’t think about how your body rebels and launches into a trauma response ar the very thought of intimacy #and don’t think about how you’re terrified that you’ll never be able to be intimate without panicking #and don’t think about how you tried to force yourself to be intimate with someone and ended up completely freezing going mute #being retraumatized in another way entirely #don’t think about how terrified you are of the fact that you cannot predict or control that trauma response #how even with your first girlfriend when you wanted to be intimate you would freeze up #and how she yelled at you that one time ‘you never let me touch you’ #so yeah lads I’m crying a little bit in the dark #googling ‘how to overcome trauma response during intimacy’

[whimsyprinx]

i know it’s selfish of me to want people to reach out first or like generally because people have lives, they’re busy, they’re dealing with their own shit, maybe they just don’t think to even keep in contact, etc etc but that doesn’t make it hurt any less or make me feel any less unwanted when it feels like half the people i thought were my friends don’t seem like they think of me as their friend.

#whimsy whispers #idk I think it’s made worse because like while I’m not busy not I use to work and be busy and still tried to create time to keep in contact #with people and like I struggle reaching out to people and keeping in contact but despite that for a while I like consistently tried to keep #in contact with people and message them daily even though I felt like I wasn’t wanted and was being annoying but like as you can see I’ve #since stopped that because like the feeling of bothering people only got worse especially when it felt like I was the only person trying to #keep in contact anymore #I know I shouldn’t expect or hope for people to go out of their way and comfort zone to talk to me and make me feel wanted or to prove that #they (still?) care about me but like I just don’t know what my role in peoples lives are anymore like am I even your friend? do you want me #in your life do you even like me? it just doesn’t feel like it and like I don’t expect anyone to see this post and to reach out because of #it or feel anything other than annoyed that I’m making a vague post about what’s up in my life I know that’s now how this works #I also know people avoid me when I get this way but as it stands im not getting any better #or idk I’d like to think I am I wanna believe I’m not as upset as I could be but some days it’s just so painful and I feel so alone and #disposed of like it truly feels like whatever relationship I have with people isn’t anything #it’s nothing I’m nothing and nothing is going to change that nothing is going to change in general

[voidmade]

i’ll probs start working at the most pretentious techno clerb in town and as a nude art model and i’m still filled with dread at the idea of labor yet again even tho life has its ways

#my brain is wired so inefficiently i just cannot do things i don’t enjoy anymore #in the broad sense things i do not believe in also #i’m so sad no one wants to pay me for the things i am good at and will do with passion :( #anyway literally why i avoided job promotions all my life #bc i truly do not give a crap abt menial jobs and will never put in any effort since they are all temporary to me #and one last thing i am not spoiled i never was i grew up in poverty and had to work my ass off for every single fuckin thing in my life