#and eddie making sure he convinces buck that buck is worth everything and is so loved

[harrowharkwife]

🚨🚨🚨 uh oh clown alert!

listen. listen to me. buck is going to win the lottery in the 6b finale "pay it forward" and then give all of it to his friends and family. possibly via anonymous "angel donation?"

and i can prove it too - spec under the cut!

these are all from 6a&6b episode transcripts. opening and closing a season with "let the games begin" and "pay it forward" can't be a coincidence! and we know hen filled out lottery tickets for everyone in the firehouse, so there's a ticket with buck's name on it that's already been played.

maddie's joked with buck twice now this season about buying lottery tickets- the second time, she told him he should play the lottery because he "got so lucky," referring to him surviving the lightning strike.

pre-lightning, we had buck telling hen in cursed that he was "having a run of bad luck" but that it would "turn around tomorrow," in reference to a non-anonymous DONATION (!!!) not going as planned.

what if the lightning, cleansing fire that it off symbolizes, basically "burned through" the rest of his bad luck, clearing the way for one helluva lucky streak?

we got the buckley diaz family joking that he might "gain more powers" as he "gets stronger." sure, math helps with poker i guess, but you know what else would help? luck.

the symbolism of buck, someone conceived for the express purpose of making a bone marrow donation he had zero say in, someone who only recently donated sperm (partially) because he felt, in his own words, like he "couldn't say no," receiving an unexpected windfall of cash, and having the freedom and the privacy to make financial donations on his own terms, of his own free will, with zero outside pressure, as opposed to making organ/tissue donations out of obligation? SO poetic.

he's not the guy who tries to fix things, anymore- he knows his own worth, and he knows he's loved, and he no longer values himself solely on what he can do for others. he doesn't think he has to earn people's love, anymore- he knows his family loves him anyway. but he'll always be buck. he'll always want to help. and there's a massive difference between helping someone just because you want to, and trying to fix everything for someone because you've convinced yourself it's what you have to do in order for them to love you back.

so: buck wins the lottery. he regifts all of it to the people in his life, quite literally paying it forward, echoing athena and hen's conversation in 911 what's your fantasy about winning the lottery and giving it all away "to people" in your community, rather than to charities. maybe some of it's anonymous, maybe some of it isn't- realistically, if everyone in the 118 suddenly gets anonymous checks in the mail, they're going to figure out it's buck eventually. but it's the spirit of the thing.

they were filming at a cruise ship dock for the finale- buck gifts bobby and athena tickets to a cruise, to replace the honeymoon cruise they missed. he probably makes a donation to bobby's AA chapter.

we know madney get in trouble with the IRS in 6x15 death and taxes, so maybe he helps them out of that jam. pays off their mortgage, helps with the renovation costs, maybe chips in towards a wedding celebration.

maybe he pays off hen's med school loans, or makes a donation to help karen's coworkers injured in the explosion, maybe a recurring monthly stipend they can use to buy fun toys for any new foster kids, something like that.

maybe he's moving in with eddie anyway, so he buys out the rest of his lease from his landlord and transfers the apartment to taylor, on the SOLE condition that she CANNOT run a news story that he's the guy who won the lottery. (i despise taylor just as much as the next girl, believe me, but megan west was on the fox lot for a hot minute, so if it ends up being for 911 and not some other show, then, well, here we are.) he did admittedly put her in a real shit situation, re: her lease and all the move-in drama. this might be a nice way of clearing the air. fucking with someone's living situation is a tremendously shitty thing to do, and i think he knows that. plus, it would make for a good parallel to abby leaving buck to housesit her place indefinitely with zero closure, and also, i just hate the loft and want it gone forever, sorry!

college fund and surfing lessons for chris, obvs.

vegas couples' trip for him and eddie.

which brings me to the connor and kameron of it all- i remember seeing a (very blurry, zero context) behind the scenes picture that looked like it MIGHT have *MAYBE*, *POSSIBLY* been buck talking to a pregnant woman in his loft. and connor's been acting real shady. and 6x13 mixed feelings had entirely too many lines about "blaming someone else for lies YOU told" re: fathers and sons. soooo... i think there's a fair chance connor could flake on kameron and leave her last-minute. he thought he wanted to be a dad, but he wasn't actually ready. or maybe he thought he'd be okay with using a sperm donor, but turns out he's not. or maybe he just liked the idea of being able to give kameron what she wanted, but he realizes it's not actually what he wants for himself. something like that. (side note: this would be SUCH a good opportunity to contrast him with buck and highlight all buck's character growth!) and he skips town- in the end, he's the one who winds up "being a father and walking away."

but buck has a chance to draw a real boundary, here! he's not this baby's dad, and he knows that. maybe kameron's ready and willing to take on being a single mom. buck already has his own family, with eddie and chris. he's not this baby's dad, because he's a dad already. but he *is* "responsible for the creation of new life," as he put it, and we heard an awful lot of talk from oliver about buck "owning his choices" and taking responsibility for them re: this plotline. so, boundaries: he's not the dad, just a friend who wants to help- he knows firsthand from eddie how hard single parenting can be, and connor taking off was a real asshole move, and kameron is a grown woman perfectly capable of raising this kid on her own, and she really wants to be a mom, but she DID get left in the lurch through no fault of her own, and that's not fair to her. so buck offers to set up a standing payment from his lottery winnings to help her cover childcare expenses and whatnot, at least while she finds her footing and tries to work some kind of formal divorce agreement out with connor, if not in perpetuity. (hell, maybe she's who he gives the loft to, not taylor!) but he helps her in some way- a sperm donation he was always sorta on the fence about, paired with a financial donation that he's certain is the right choice, and one he wants to make. standing by his past choices, honoring them, and helping nurture them.

(besides, he's saving on rent anyway, now that he's moving into the diaz house.)

maybe kameron, as a token of gratitude towards buck for helping her fulfill her dream of having a child, as a gesture of reciprocity for his assisted-reproduction donation, offers a parting quip of "well, buck, if you and your boyfriend are ever looking for a surrogate or an egg donor, you know who to call. i'd love to return the favor!" as her own way of paying it forward.

anyway, the point is this: in a season about games and money and paper trails and gambling and luck and winning and lottery tickets, i'd bet good money that we're gonna see buck win the lottery this season. how he'll actually wind up spending the money is just a guess on my part, but the actual lottery bit itself? that much i'm sure of!

#mark my words this will be my coma buck truther dodgeball of apollo moment ok I KNOW IM RIGHT #911 #evan buckley #buddie #911 spec #911 meta #if you saw me post this an hour ago with horrible formatting and then immediately delete it no you didn't ❤️ #im on mobile and fighting for my fuckin life trying to post this lol hopefully it works this time! #mutuals rb this i worked soooooo hard on it 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 #forgot to even add the gross 'you're a miracle baby buck might as well share it' from marge #but this would be an actually good and non-shitty way of him 'sharing his miracle' to highlight the importance of free will!

[chaoticgremlinwholikescheese]

Home Is You

Angst

Hurt/Comfort

Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV)

Protective Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)

Christopher Diaz is a National Treasure

Evan "Buck" Buckley is Christopher Diaz's Parent

buck is homeless

LA is expensive. Everyone knows that. Buck's loft had cost much more than it was worth. But with his salary, he was able to make rent with a good amount left over for necessities. He wasn't rich by any means. But he had enough to live comfortably. That wasn't the truth anymore. It had started slowly. But then the bills kept piling up. The medical bills, the lawyer bills, electricity and water. He couldn't keep up when he wasn't working. He was on disability for a bit, but as soon as he passed his recertification (with flying colors), that was revoked. And he was on reduced shifts, so he was barely making enough to cover groceries each month.

He couldn't make electricity. That was fine, he could live without electricity. The hot water got turned off. He showered at the station. And hey, cold showers are supposed to be great for you. Sure, he couldn't make enough to eat more than one meal a day when he wasn't on shift. But he got food when he was on shift. That could tide him over for a while. He convinced himself he could do it. But then he couldn't make rent. It was all too much.

He didn't have anyone to go to for help. He was alone. Is alone. He would just have to fend for himself, the same way he's always done. He sells most of his possessions. Everything else he packs into some duffle bags. He loads them into his jeep. His jeep is far from a home. But it's a roof over his head, a place to sleep. It's enough. It has to be.

LA has a massive homeless population. As of 2022, there was an estimated 69,144 people experiencing homelessness in LA County. He was now part of that number. It's not the first time he's been in this kind of situation. When he was traveling, and he didn't have enough for a hotel, he would sleep in his car. It was only for a night or two at a time though. This, this is different. He's not a wayward traveler anymore, full of whimsy and curiosity. Now he's a shadow. Ignored, hated, forgotten. He's alone. He always said everyone would leave. He was right.

Work is hell on earth. The people he thought were his family treat him like he's nothing more than a stain they can't wait to erase. He's harassed, bullied, treated like shit. He's nothing to them anymore. Maybe he's nothing altogether. Was he ever worth anything at all? Maybe he was never wanted, only tolerated. And isn't that the way it's always been? He's only wanted if he's needed, a tool to be exploited.

He thought he could handle it. The hate. But it wore him down, the way wind and sea tears at a cliff face until it collapses. Months on end of mistreatment. It finally hit him that nothing was going to change here. He was no longer welcome. He put in for a transfer. He had received odd looks, people questioning why he had fought so hard to come back and was now throwing it all away. He ignored the stares. He filed the paperwork. He went above Bobby's head, making sure that it was all pushed through without him knowing.

Today is his last day. He should feel sad. This place had been his home for so many years. All he can feel is numb. He doesn't remember the last time he actually felt anything. He watches the clock, counting down the hours. Finally, it's done. The shift is over. He goes to his locker. He empties it into a bag. He has a drawing Chris made him pinned on the inside. He carefully folds it and places it in his pocket. He can't see the boy anymore, so he'll cling onto what reminders of him he has.

The rest of the crew is loitering outside, getting ready to leave.

"Does Buck know about the barbecue at Bobby's?" Hen whispers.

"He does now." Buck mumbles. He doesn't even feel hurt. It doesn't matter anymore.

"Doesn't matter if he knows. He's not invited. It's family only." Eddie says loudly. It's said to Chim, but it's obviously meant for Buck. He flinches at the word 'family'.

"Buckley! Mop the floors before you leave!" Bobby shouts out.

"I mopped them earlier, Cap."

"Mop them again," Bobby orders. There's no purpose to this. It's punishment. Humiliation. And now, Buck doesn't have to sit and take it. Plus, what's wrong with burning a bridge that's already been destroyed?

"No."

"Excuse me?" Bobby's voice is sharp. Everyone turns to look at the two of them, silence falling over the station.

"I said no. You don't get to order me around anymore."

"I am your captain-"

"Not anymore. Today was my last day. I'm transferring. It's already done. So no, I won't do it." Buck's words come out calm. There's no emotion. He's simply stating facts.

READ THE REST ON AO3

#911 #buddie #911 fic

[imharnaannesta]

911 fic ideas I’m probably never going to write….

- Stripper!Buck Buck started working as a stripper while traveling around (it was a quick way to make a little extra money between jobs) but he honestly started to enjoy it and so he keeps it up on free nights between shifts (and the extra income has come in handy). What happens when the team finds out? (Initially unsupportive!Fire Fam but they get it together eventually) inspired by Pink Pony Club by Chappell Roan

- Buck and Eddie are both pretty fluent Spanish speakers (they both have the grammar and pronunciation although significantly different accents)but they have very limited vocabulary overlap. (Eddie spoke Spanish regularly growing up but didn’t have much opportunity as an adult, he has no idea how to talk about things like taxes, rent, he couldn’t buy a house, manage a bank account, etc. in Spanish if his life depended on it. And he has a very limited vocabulary for sex/sexuality. Buck learned Spanish from having to rent an apartment, get a job, manage his money, etc. in Spanish, he also has a pretty solid vocabulary for sex, but not any vocabulary for family, relationships, hobbies, etc.) Basically all Buck and Eddie can talk about in Spanish is food. Hilarity ensues. (Points for Eddie watching Buck comb through a leasing agreement or something in Spanish and being utterly confused but possibly a little turned on)

- The team finds out that Buck spent the bulk of his twenties homeless. (Maybe after a joke about how attached he is to his car?)

- Buck and Eddie get Chris an adaptive bike, family fun is had decorating it to Chris’s liking.

- Taylor finds out about Dr. Wells and goes on a mission to destroy her career. (Buck/Taylor friendship, possible Buck/Eddie romance, supportive!Fire Fam, Taylor being an actually good investigative journalist)

- Fake dating to Queer-platonic marriage!Buck/Eddie. Buck doesn’t like dating, sex is fine (it’s fun, it’s nice) but somehow dating makes him feel dirty, like a liar. But the team all keep pushing for him to get into another relationship after Abby. With the pressure to agree to a blind date with someone the team chose rising Buck turns to the internet to find someone to get them off his back. Single father Eddie Diaz is new to LA and really just wants another adult to talk to, his abuela and Pepa are great but he misses having someone his age around. Too busy to get out and meet people he turns to trying to make friends online. Buck is everything he needs in a friend, nonjudgemental, always ready to help, always free to listen, and he knows LA like the back of his hand, the catch? Buck needs a fake partner to convince his friends to lay off his dating life. And he’s a firefighter, at the station Eddie’s set to join. It’s a terrible idea, sure to end in disaster, but it might just be worth it.

- Alternate first meeting! Buck and Eddie both volunteer cuddling babies in the NICU. They strike up an easy friendship, but when Eddie joins the 118 and Buck feels his place in his family is threatened, will it shake their friendship, or will Buck’s team face the brunt of his insecurities?

- Buck got cancer in his 20s, he’s been cancer free for years when he joins the 118 but he’s keeping a secret from the team, they caught the cancer soon enough to save his life, but not to save his leg. But when Maddie comes back into his life it gets harder to keep that secret, and Maddie has a secret of her own, a family secret that could have saved Buck’s leg. (A “what if keeping Daniel a secret had medical repercussions for Buck” story)

- AU inspired by Cate’s Brother by Maisie Peters. Eddie joins dispatch instead of the fire department, he makes friends with fellow new dispatcher Maddie, bonding over trying to put down new roots in the unfamiliar city. Maddie decides to play matchmaker and introduces Eddie to her brother, Buck, who’s moving in with her after finally leaving Abby’s apartment. (Slight AU where Buck is openly avoiding living alone). Eddie is in love with Buck at first sight, but is Buck ready to commit to a relationship with a single father so soon after Abby?

#evan buckley #911 fox #eddie diaz

[221bsunsettowers]

idk if you're still taking prompts, but if you are... Eddie saying #14 from the caretaker dialogue prompt to Buck?

I’m always taking prompts, they are what keep me writing! :)

14) “You’re so cold...”

(This takes place during 3x05, in the grocery store, post Eddie and Buck’s fight. From there, it veers off canon. Also, there are a few mentions of blood in the beginning.)

Buck watched the team run out of the grocery store and into the parking lot, watched them start to handle whatever road rage incident was currently occurring. He stood there, an observer, a damn outsider, seeing Eddie with his back unprotected, an empty space where Buck knew he should have been.

But he’d blown that, hadn’t he? He’d tried so hard to get back to his team, to Eddie, and instead he was alone in a grocery store, holding a jar of that applesauce Chris liked the best (Buck had promised him they would learn how to make homemade applesauce, but that was never going to happen now, was it?), no one to share it with.

Another loud yell came from the parking lot, startling Buck out of his isolated mind, and the jar dropped, smashing on the floor. “Shit,” Buck muttered, bending down without thinking to clean up the mess.

A sharp slash of pain shot through his hand, and Buck winced, glancing down to see a large gash sliced across his palm, blood pouring out onto the piece of glass that had caused the unexpected issue. 

Rational Buck knew he was still on blood thinners, knew this was most likely a highly problematic injury, but the Buck who had been left alone in the aisle of the grocery store simply went through the motions, figured he could fix this up himself when he got home. Added gauze and large bandages to his basket, apologized for the mess as he paid for his groceries, and began walking out the door.

The door seemed really far away, much farther than normal, and the sounds from outside that had previously been so loud were now almost completely muted. Buck felt like he was trudging his way through swamp mud, every lift of the foot an effort, and why was he so damn cold all of a sudden? Was the cashier yelling something? Buck was suddenly too tired to turn around to find out. 

Too exhausted. Too exhausting. Right. Made sense. Too exhausting to be Buck, to be around Buck. Buck was glad he was too tired to hold onto any of these thoughts for too long, he imagined they might finish what Eddie had started, finish ripping Buck apart from the inside out if he could really get at the root of them.

Stumbling into the door seemed to make it open, so Buck found himself tripping an exit from the store, falling onto his knees. He let out an involuntary scream as he landed hard on his injured hand, then stared at the blood as it made rivers, following cracks in the sidewalk, creating pools in the crevices.

Oh, Buck thought. Oh, that’s bad. Oh, shit. He had never even considered this pathetic way of dying alone when he thought about it.

Then there were hands on his forearms, and he knew those hands, knew them better than his own, but when he tried to focus on Eddie’s face everything blurred together, so he closed his eyes.

“Buck! Don’t you dare close your eyes! Buck!” Eddie was screaming, and then-”Open your eyes, Evan!” 

Oh, Buck thought. That was new. That was nice. Evan sounds nice.

Buck tried so hard to blink his eyes open, he didn’t want to disappoint Eddie yet again, but everything kept getting just that little bit darker, that little bit heavier. He felt the combination of familar touches on his hands, Eddie’s skin, gauze wrapping tight, and then he was swaying backwards, the effort of staying even a little upright completely impossible.

“Hen!” Eddie screamed, his voice sounding hoarse, and then Buck felt the pressure switch, someone else tying the gauze off tight while Eddie encircled Buck from behind, arms around his chest, and Buck’s head landing limply on Eddie’s shoulder.

“You’re so cold...” Eddie choked out, voice shaking with a terror and sorrow Buck couldn’t understand, not in any sort of recent context, not in any world where that lawsuit existed. 

Buck knew the answer to this one, tried to get out "From blood loss," show he still knew what he was doing, but he was just too tired. The last thing he sensed was being picked up and carried off in Eddie's arms.

***

The beeping was what woke him up. By now, Buck thought, you would think that sound wouldn't even phase me, the number of times I've been in this hospital. He kept his eyes tightly closed. If he didn't open them, then he didn't have to see that he was alone again. That Eddie had just done what any firefighter would have, got the patient to the hospital and left.

"Didn't leave, Buck." Buck felt the comforting pressure of Eddie's calloused fingertips circling around his wrist, Eddie's breath on his skin as Eddie let out a soft, sad chuckle that sounded so much like a sob, Eddie's voice shaking as he said, "I never should have left you for even a second."

"Add thinking out loud to the list of stupid things I've done," Buck whispered, keeping his eyes closed as he turned his head away from the sound of Eddie's voice.

"Buck, what were you thinking?" Eddie asked, but there was no anger in his voice, only sadness teetering right on the edge of full despair. "You know you're on blood thinners, you saw how much you were bleeding, and your plan was what exactly? Did you really think you could get yourself home and just wrap that up with some gauze and be fine? We were right outside!"

"I'm already too exhausting," Buck mumbled, tears stinging his eyes as he pressed them tightly closed. "Didn't need to add to that. I need to get used to being alone, taking care of myself. Was always going to end up alone anyway."

"Buck, what-I don't-Buck, please look at me," Eddie pleaded. Buck felt Eddie's hand graze his cheek, cup it gently. "Evan, please look at me." Buck let himself lean into Eddie's touch, couldn't stop himself even if he could bring himself to try. Opening his eyes, there was Eddie, looking absolutely wrecked. His eyes were red and watering, hair disheveled, nails picked at to the point of splitting. 

Buck opened his mouth, but before he could speak, Eddie put a finger up and shook his head. "You are not allowed to ask if I am okay," Eddie choked out, rubbing his hands over his face. "It doesn't matter how I am, it matters how you are, Buck." Reaching over, Eddie grabbed Buck's uninjured hand, clutching it to his chest. "I need you to believe that, I need you to believe that it matters how you're doing."

"But I screwed everything up," Buck insisted, and Eddie shook his head.

"Buck, you just wanted to get back to doing your job, none of us could have known what that lawyer would do," Eddie assured him. "And we, the team, we want you back. I want you back."

"You do?" Buck hadn't known his voice could come out sounding so small. Apparently Eddie hadn't either, and Buck watched as fresh tears sprang into Eddie's eyes.

"There's nothing I want more in the world," Eddie promised, before taking a deep breath and lifting Buck's hand to his lips. "I'm so sorry. I screwed everything up. You matter so much to me, Evan. You are worth everything to me and to Christopher." He punctuated his words with soft kisses to Buck's fingertips.

"That's really nice," Buck said, voice stronger, a smile catching the corners of his lips, and Eddie sighed in relief, shaking his head with a laugh as he kept a grip on Buck's hand.

"What, the apology, or the kisses?" Eddie teased, resting his chin on their intertwined fingers.

"Well, both of those of course," Buck teased back, and then his voice grew serious. "And the part where you called me Evan, and when you told me..." Buck tilted his head back, trying to blink back tears. "When you told me I matter. That I'm worth something."

"Everything, Evan, you are worth everything," Eddie said firmly, pushing the chair aside to climb onto the hospital bed, carefully perching himself as close as he could to Buck. He carefully picked up Buck's bandaged hand, holding it delicately between his own like it was something precious. "You have to take care of yourself, and you have to let me take care of you, please. When I saw you outside the store, I was terrified. I can't lose you. I get worried when you get a damn papercut, let alone when I see you seemingly bleeding out like that."

"I'm so sorry, Eddie," Buck said earnestly, looking up at Eddie. "I had every intention of fixing myself up at home, I really thought I could do it by myself."

"I know," Eddie sighed, "I promise I know that. But you don't have to, okay? You don't have to do that alone, you don't have to do anything alone. I'm here. I'm not leaving. Christopher will be here as soon as Carla gets him from school. The whole team is out there in that waiting room, Maddie's on her way from work. You're not alone, Buck. You can let that worry go."

And oh, Buck thought, that's new. That's nice. Not worrying about being alone.

And then Buck found himself sobbing, full body cries, and Eddie was pulling him into his chest, holding him tight, murmuring soft words into his hair, words like love and got you and it's okay, it's going to be okay, always, Evan always.

When Eddie's lips moved from Buck's hair to Buck's mouth, it felt like a natural progression, that this was always where they were heading, all along. Together.

#9-1-1 #buck #eddie #buddie #buck x eddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #fanfiction #fanfic #writing #prompt #prompt response #apparently my trope is now buck in danger and probably getting whumped #and eddie making sure he convinces buck that buck is worth everything and is so loved #soft boys #hurt/comfort #hurt and comfort #whump #angst with a happy ending #they get so emotional baby #whump there it is

[matan4il]

I’ve been meaning to scream quietly into my fists about this since before the end of 5a, but what gets to me the most about the guardianship reveal in 414 (besides, well, everything) is the way the scene is constructed.

When Eddie explains the will change, he clearly does it because he needs Buck, this stupid, self-belittling, amazing man to stop thinking everyone would be better off if he were dead. And yet, Eddie doesn’t go into a whole speech about it. Normally on TV or even in movies, “You act like you’re expandable,” would be the lead into this kind of conversation, and then the inevitable “but” would come and the speaker would list all sorts of things about the one listening, pointing out how these were all forms of how incredible that person was, as well as proof that everyone around them loves and needs them. And then, if that turns out to not be enough, the speaker would also make some sort of a gesture or they would say something so meaningful, it would finally succeed in getting the point across.

But not Eddie.

He starts by telling Buck about being Christopher’s guardian in Eddie’s will for over a year. Just like that, out of the gate. He simply slaps Buck with the enormity of his trust and how much he sees Buck as integral to this little family, how invaluable and significant and loved and wanted and chosen he is.

And then Eddie gets to that, “You act like you’re expandable,” which lets Buck knows he’s seen and understood. Eddie continues to that critical “but...”

But he doesn’t launch into a whole speech. He just says, “but you’re wrong.” Just a statement of facts. No lengthy speech, no attempts to be convincing, no roping in everyone who they’ve ever known, no flowery compliments. Eddie is that sure that what he just revealed is huge and that Buck sees and gets it for what it is. That it’s enough to make all the difference.

It’s insane to think this way (well, as insane as doing what Eddie has done when he secretly changed his will), but what’s even crazier is that IT WORKS. That Buck gets exactly what Eddie means, so he just quietly takes it in, doesn’t once try to argue.

Basically, Eddie said in other words, I love you SO MUCH that I know it will be enough to convince you of your own worth.

And Buck wordlessly replied, I love you SO MUCH that it does.

Romeo and Juliet wish they could be this epic.

#buddie #911meta #buddie meta #911 meta #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #buddieedit #911edit #911gif #911 edit #911 gifs #mbm #mbg #mg #911onabc #911 on abc #911abc #911 abc

[halinski]

Okay but I need to get this off my chest

It's been confirmed since last season by Maddie that Buck is "very good at seeming fine" or better than he is. We have lots of proof of that on screen. We have Buck saying to a therapist that he hides his true emotions. We have many, many indicators on screen of Buck being neurodivergent, with low self esteem, being very perceptive, and putting everything into being what other people need.

If we go with that, with possible ADHD, or C-PTSD (which is trauma caused by prolonged traumatic events like neglectful/abusive parenting) - I feel like I should make a list of all the symptoms and signs that coincide with Buck - but point is, lots of neurodivergent people but especially those tend to do a thing called "masking"

It's exactly what it sounds like, aka they put on a mask around people to try and act how people expect them to. This act is perfected throughout the years and is very flexible. It's constant awareness of the situation, picking up on the smallest changes in the people around you and adjusting yourself to a "this is how I should be acting" setting, or "this is what this person/situation expects or alternatively needs right now".

Often times, you tend to lose your own self in there, you push aside all your own feelings and needs - which is what Buck admitted to his therapist. We also know he always feels like he needs to put on thee firefighter "costume" to feel worthy.

So basically, Buck puts up an act to be the best person he can, according to what the people around him need. I'm not saying it's not part of his personality to want to help people, because it is. But the problem is that it's to a fault. He will go extreme lengths no matter what his own feelings or needs say.

I mean, with Eddie it's a healthy thing bc man Eddie gives back. But again, Buck saw what Eddie needed and constantly immediately took initiative. He helped get Carla into his life, made sure Bobby knew about Chris and helped out there, he became a whole second parent to Chris bc he saw these two people needed it. They are two people who surprisingly returned the sentiment.

Which surprises Buck. Even after what 3 years(?) Buck still has to hear from Eddie explicitly that he's not expendable.

Buck believes he is, because he thinks he's just doing what he should be doing. It doesn't matter how he feels, this is what he does. It wouldn't change his behavior if Eddie did think he was expendable. (tho it would damage him further)

My point is, Buck is very good at acting. He is mentally very strong and resilient because he knows how to put his own self aside and be what people need him to be. (That unfortunately reinforces his idea that it's not him that's worthy, it's just his actions, which anyone can do, since of course Buck is just emulating what he thinks someone should be doing).

And in my opinion, we see Buck backsliding a bit since his parents popped up - which is practically inevitable, even without the whole new life changing revelation about his brother, which made things worth because his whole existence now was excuse as Buck just being there "for parts". It reinforces the idea in his head that he's just there to be useful to people, to be what they need, regardless of himself. And that's probably not a conscious thought 99% of the time.

I also haven't seen anyone mentioning Buck mentioning the therapist this season which would fit my backsliding theory, just based on myself who also grew up thinking I'm not allowed therapy bc I can convince everyone and especially myself "I'm fine", so he probably convinced himself he doesn't need it. Or it was too hard to keep fighting to recover, for now he just has to get through things, and that means resorting to old behaviors and habits.

It's how he copes and survives. Being what others need. Especially so he doesn't end up alone and unloved, because he definitely feels unloved. And he's desperate to prove the opposite, that he's worth something.

So what I'm saying is, Buck is very, very good at acting and being what other people need, while neglecting himself, and putting up a very convincing show of "this is me" and that's what BT is :)

#Yes im using this to rant against bt #Anti bucktaylor #Evan buckley #Is this what one would call meta #I just wanna talk about neurodivergent buck #I am so mad #Bc we finally got progress with buck #And I just want to see him healthy #There's way too much pain in neurodivergency #We all know what relapses look like #This is totally unnecessary and I am filled with rage #Ignore me #911onfox #Adhd!buck #Bpd!buck #Masking #C-ptsd

[wanderingwomanwondering]

Buck’s Slippery Sense of Self

This is a bit scattered but bear with me. Ravi’s comment to buck that he likes being himself has been bouncing around in my skull. Buck absolutely struggles in a big way with being himself. He’s painful self-worth issues in a trenchcoat of swag, charm, and smiles carefully constructed to keep people in his life, but he struggles to be fully and deeply honest about the shattered pieces of himself that he’s still trying to find, pick up, and put together. He’s grown a lot, become more honest and open with select folks but there are still walls to break down for sure.

Think about buck begins. He plasters on a thick heavy smile while telling his firefam that he’s defective parts. In 505 he gives taylor a halfhearted smile at the end when he thanks her. In that same ep he tucks himself into the side of the firetruck, alone, as he listens to yet another voicemail greeting from beloved family that won’t answer the phone. His face drops when he hears chim’s “greeting” then he shouts for ravi so that he can tenaciously train him and strengthen the firefam in the process. When he’s finally ready to deal with his pain over chim and maddie leaving, it’s just to say that “for the good of everyone” he plans to transfer. He legit thought they would just let him go and not miss him. He totally thought he broke one family and would break this one too. Buck honestly thought leaving was a noble sacrifice. He would excise himself so that the team could carry on free of his gross and obviously flaws. Buck nooooooo!!! The firefam loves you, even in your darkest hour. They see your flaws, and that does NOT negate your beauty and worth as a whole person in their family. “You’re stuck with us”

Buck thinks there’s value in parts of him - his skills, his strong body, his blood and sweat - but not in him as a whole person, not as a complete self. Flaws and all. He thinks people tolerate or ignore his flaws rather than actually 100% accept them.

I think ravi blew his frickin’ mind when he said he likes being himself. I think buck likes what he does and how he can serve people but I’m not convinced he likes himSELF. Honestly I think he’s struggling with what that even means AND whether or not he even matters in the grand scheme of things.

I think that’s the struggle that’s being explored with maddie and chim’s absence as the catalyst, and his attempt to replace himself with ravi on the team. Eddie’s chuckle at dinner when ravi asked if he was in buck’s seat struck me on a deeper level as being eddie almost saying “as if you could take his seat at this table!”. Then of course buck says that’s exactly his plan and eddie balks at that…HARD. But to buck it seemed like the most logical and reasonable thing in the world.

Even after everything they’ve all been through together, he doesn’t see himself as a worthy, valued, and loved enough for people to fight to keep him in their lives. Buck sees others’ worth so clearly but can’t quite afford himself the same grace. He gave ravi a hard time but if he didn’t think he was worthy he wouldn’t have invested the energy.

It makes me wanna cry so hard. I hate that buck sees himself in parts rather than as an amazing whole. As tiny shards of limited value rather than a whole of great worth. His pain this season is destroying me. The firefam helps bandage buck’s emotional wounds but I really think therapy and eddie are gonna be the rescue, the healing that he needs to find wholeness and self-worth.

It wasn’t an accident that ravi told buck he respects him but likes being himself. Buck getting to that same place is gonna be a thing this season. His relationship with taylor is playing into things too because she also only sees buck in pieces and parts. She sees ego and charm. She has no idea that all of that is a mask, it’s armor and it’s cracking.

I really think that using buck’s actual name, evan, at key points is a choice and it’s brilliant. I always felt that buck, like the firefighter uniform itself, was a kind of armor helping to protect and hold together evan. Evan has been hurt so badly in so many ways, but buck’s a “badass under pressure”, and spoiler alert: he’s always feeling pressure, always convinced that his life and himself are fragile and hanging by a thread, always afraid that people will finally figure out that he’s worthless. *crying now, give me sec* Maddie calls him evan at points, always in emotional scenes when she wants to reach and heal him. Eddie called him evan in the same way when he told him about the will. But. When taylor says evan, it feels wrong. It feels like she doesn’t know evan at all so her using his name feels off.

We are gonna see more evan this season i think, the vulnerable bits brought to the surface by all the crazy crap this weewoo show has thrown and will throw at him, and I’m hoping for more healing. Buck deserves no less than real healing.

#911 fox #911 5x05 #911 speculation #evan buckley #evan buckley studies #eddie diaz #buddie #ravi panikkar

[capseycartwright]

for the kiss prompts: buddie + 44 tentative kisses given in the dark.

Sharing a bed with Buck wasn’t necessarily unusual, in of itself. Eddie wasn’t sure you could be as close as they were, have your lives as intertwined as they were, and not ever share a bed – they’ve passed out drunk together, before, and shared a bed after a bad call when neither of them wanted to be alone, but not like this. No, they’d never shared a bed like this.

It had been a bad call. A five alarm fire – Eddie’s first, since coming back from medical leave – and it was a doozy. The building was so far below standards it was actually laughable, and the whole thing had gone up like a powder keg – shitty insulation, cheap framing wood, and a dozen other things making it so the place had burned brightly all night. Eddie hated those fires – hated the heat, the desperation, the way they were working against a clock from the moment they stepped on scene. Some fires, you could see how you could contain them, how you could secure the building and beat the flames down – these kind of fires, they were the kind of fires you just had to try and pull everyone out of, and let the building burn.

Bobby had called it, around 3am – everybody out, he’d ordered. The building was going to collapse.

Except – except Buck was convinced he’d heard a dog, of all things, and he was going to go back in, and they were ten metres from the door and Eddie just completely freaked out.

“Buck, you don’t need to be a fucking hero all the time!” Eddie had screamed over the roar of the fire, grabbing at his best friends sleeve.

Buck yanked his arm out of Eddie’s grasp. “Eddie – that’s the job description!”

“No, it’s not,” Eddie had argued back. “Buck, you don’t have to risk your life for everyone and everything else – not when, not when….”

Buck had looked confused. “I’m not going to stop doing my job, Eddie.”

“I’m not asking you to stop doing your job, Buck, I’m asking you to use your goddamn brain and only take the risk when its your only choice – because if you ever force me to watch you die, Evan, I won’t survive it.”

“Eddie,” Buck’s voice was a broken whimper, quiet amongst the noise of the fire.

“I love you, you stupid bastard,” Eddie said, grabbing Buck’s sleeve again, Buck letting himself be dragged out of the fire, that time.

They hadn’t really spoken, after the fire – Buck had seemed shell-shocked, and by time they knocked the fire down and packed up their trucks, and got back to the station, their shift was over. Eddie had taken longer than normal, in the shower – and okay, maybe he was catastrophising about how he might have ruined the best thing in his life because he hadn’t thought about his words properly – but Buck was sitting, waiting for him in the locker room.

He hadn’t said anything then, either – just wordlessly waited for Eddie to get his gear, getting into the passenger seat of Eddie’s truck, quiet as they drove though the still-dark LA streets. Quiet, as they got inside, and quickly ate some cereal together. Quiet, as Eddie had tugged Buck toward his bedroom, forcing the younger man under the covers before he could protest.

They had shared a bed before – but never like this.

It felt like all their secrets were sitting between them, now, out in the open and needing to be addressed – as though Eddie’s outburst at the fire had opened a box they couldn’t pack away, again. Not this time.

“Did you mean it?” Buck’s voice sounded impossibly loud, after so much silence. He was lying on his side, facing Eddie, and even in the dark of Eddie’s bedroom, he could tell that Buck’s brow was furrowed – with worry, maybe. Confusion, definitely.

Eddie swallowed thickly. “Yes,” he confirmed, because why would he lie, now? It was out there – Eddie Diaz’s biggest secret had been put out into the world and now he had to own it. He loved Evan Buckley.

“Can you – can you say it again?” Buck asked, a tiny smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “Maybe be a little less angry about it, this time?”

Eddie couldn’t help but snort. “Shut up,” he said softly. “Buck – I love you. I love you and I need you to come home to me.”

Buck was quiet for a second, before he spoke. “I love you too, Eddie,” he said. “I – I’m sorry I didn’t say it back, the first time.”

Eddie shrugged. “I just – I need you to hear me, when I say this, Evan – you have a family to come home to, and you have someone who loves you so much they wouldn’t know what to do if you weren’t here. So just – stop treating your life as though it’s worth sacrificing. It’s not.”

He felt tired, the exhaustion a physical ache in his bones and the mental exhaustion just as heavy – but Eddie couldn’t help but lean in, and kiss Buck softly, tentatively. It was dark, and the angle wasn’t quite right, and Buck mostly tasted like stale cereal and sugar, and it was definitely not one of those movie-style, swoon worthy kisses that knocked you off your feet – but it felt like home, and that was enough, for now.

The rest could wait until after sunrise.

send me a prompt from this list or this list

#911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #in which i ramble #in which lorna writes fic #lesbiandiaz #i hope u enjoy!!

[floralbuckley]

you are in love - a buddie fic

read on ao3

As the rain hit the windows of the new Diaz house, the credits to Christophers favourite move, Madagascar, rolled down the tv screen. Christopher, of course, was out like a light, soft snores coming out of his mouth and glasses crooked on his face as he lay on the couch in between Eddie and Buck. Eddie let out a quiet laugh as he looked at his son, then reached over for the remote and shut the tv off, hoping the absence of the music wouldn’t wake him.

“Do you want me to take him to bed?” Buck whispered, gently running his hands through Christopher’s hair and looking at him with nothing but pure love in his eyes. Eddie didn’t answer, a gentle silence lingering in the air for a moment. He was too busy staring at the sight in front of him- his son sleeping so calmly with Buck next to him, Buck’s face softly illuminated by the yellow streetlamp outside the front of the suburban house. He had a certain look on his face that he only ever had when he was with Christopher - like that boy was his entire world, like he would do absolutely anything and everything just to make him happy, to keep him safe and make sure he knows just how loved he is. It made Eddie’s heart ache to know that someone else loved Christopher as much as he did. And not just anyone, but Buck. Buck, who was Eddie’s entire world. Not that he could ever tell him. God, only in his wildest dreams did he ever tell Buck how he truly felt for him. Only in his wildest dreams did he ever run to Buck and crash their lips together and say those three words that had been on the tip of his tongue for so many years. And there they continued to sit, at the very edge, every single time Eddie was in the same room as Buck, threatening to slip out and ruin the second greatest thing in his life.

It wasn’t worth the risk.

He couldn’t mess this up.

“Eddie?” Buck asked, his arms already shuffling underneath Christopher as he looked to his friend with slightly raised brows, waiting for him to reply. It was the usual routine for Buck to be the one to take Chris to bed when he came over. He’d told Eddie that he felt it was only fair that he got to tuck him in on the nights he was there, because Eddie got to do it every other night, and God knows Eddie couldn’t possibly ever say no to Buck.

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Thanks,” Eddie said, attempting to shake himself of his Buck-daze. “And thanks for helping us move everything today.” They gave each other a gentle smile and Buck lifted the sleeping boy into his arms, stood up from the couch and kissed Christopher on the forehead. Eddie felt like his heart could explode at the sight. His smile grew wider and he watched Buck carry Chris across the living room, silently stepping over all the boxes of clothes and furniture and knick-knacks that covered the ground. His eyes stayed on Christopher’s doorway long after Buck had walked through it, and it took Eddie a few seconds to recollect himself and shake his head to realise he was being silly. He couldn’t keep lusting after his best friend this way. Not even his best friend, but his colleague, his teammate. It wasn’t right. He knew nothing could come from it, and he knew if he ever let those words slip out, it would most definitely ruin everything. It was time to let go.

Eddie walked over to the kitchen, the sounds of Christopher’s bedsheets moving filled the silent house, and Eddie tried his hardest not the let himself smile for too long over the image he had in his head. The one he played every time he or Buck tucked Christopher into bed. The image that one day they could be tucking Chris into bed together. As something more than just friends/

“Stop it, Eddie,” He whispered to himself shaking his head. “You can’t keep doing this.” He reached for a mug and turned the kettle on, starting to prepare himself a cup of tea. As he turned around to grab the tea bags, he stopped in his tracks. Buck stood there, curls starting to peek through as the day wore off on his hair, his blue shirt rumpled and his jaw soft. Eddie’s first and only thought was, God, how he wanted to run his fingers over that jaw. Press a kiss to that jaw. Feel the stubble on that jaw.

No.

He shook his head again.

“Can’t keep doing what?” Buck asked softly. He put his hands on the surface of the bench and leant forward, and Eddie could have sworn he was doing it on purpose as his muscles tightened against the fabric of his shirt.

“Uh, making tea this late,” Eddie laughed off. He reached for the drawer the teabags were in and pulled out a green tea. “You want one?” Buck scrunched his eyebrows and gave Eddie a look that said, “are you crazy?”

“Uh, no offence, Ed’s,” Buck started, chuckling as he made his way to the other side of the counter. “But I’d rather drink dirty dishwater than green tea.”

“Yeah, that’s fair enough,” Eddie laughed in return. He placed the teabag in the cup and filled it with the boiled water, then turned back to face his friend. Buck’s hips were resting on the lip of the bench and his arms were crossed over his chest, and his features instantly told Eddie that he was thinking very hard, trying to figure out or solve something that was battling in his mind.

Eddie looked back at him with a puzzled expression, silently asking him what he was thinking about. Both of their expressions said very different things. Buck’s said, “can’t you see that I can tell you’re lying. Can’t you see that I know there’s something you’re keeping from me?” and Eddie’s said, “God, I hope you’re not planning on pushing on this. Please, tell me what you’re thinking. I can’t handle the unknown anymore.”

Eddie couldn’t look at him for another second. It felt like Buck would find out all his secrets that he kept hidden between the creases in his forehead if he looked any longer. He diverted his gaze and focused it on his tea instead, running a hand through his hair and fluffing it up.

Eddie stuttered over his words for a second as he tried to think of something to ease the tension. “I could make you a coffee inst-”

“Eddie, c’mon,” Buck cut him off, shaking his head. “We both know you’re never going to stop making tea this late. What can’t you keep doing?”

Eddie let out a sigh. The one thing right now that he was hoping Buck wouldn’t ask. “It’s nothing, Buck, really.” He raised his eyebrows, trying to really sell it. Almost trying to even convince himself. It was nothing. Falling in love with your best friend was nothing. Imagining life forever with your best friend was nothing. Wanting to have another father for your son was nothing. It was all nothing. And Eddie couldn’t let all of this nothing ruin everything.

Buck raised his brows back. “Doesn’t seem like nothing.” He moved from the bench and reached over to grab Eddie’s tea from his hand, setting the steaming mug on the countertop and using his now free hands to grip the sides of Eddie’s shoulders. It made Eddie’s heart flip, made him feel like he was 14 and having his first kiss again, made him feel like he’d had something electric shock him. All this from a small touch of Buck’s hands. This was going to kill him.

Buck looked deeply into Eddie’s eyes, brows still raised. “Ed’s, you can talk to me about anything.” Eddie looked up for a second, his chin tilting up as he took in the height difference between himself and Buck. And there goes another heart flip.

“I know that,” Eddie replied, a sigh escaping his lips. He diverted his gaze down. He wasn’t sure what would happen if he allowed himself to meet Buck’s gaze for too long.

“Well, then, talk to me!” Buck was starting to sound frustrated, and it hurt Eddie more deeply than words could say. But these words would hurt him more if he were to say them out loud. Hurt their friendship more than anything. “Is it Christopher? Your Abuela? Is everyone okay?”

“Everyone’s fine, Buck. It’s okay.” He pushed himself away from Buck’s grip, not being able to handle the touch any longer. Before he could move away too quickly, Buck had taken a hold of his hand and pulled Eddie back towards him.

“Eddie. C’mon.” Buck said softly. “I can see that something’s going on. I’ve seen it for a while now. Just tell me. Please.”

“I can’t!” Eddie let out. The frustration that was slowly bubbling to the surface was now boiling over, slipping through the cracks of the walls Eddie had been building up so high for so long. Buck released him and Eddie took a step back from Buck. “I can’t tell you because it will ruin everything!” He was no longer thinking. Everything was just spilling so quickly. Buck pushed and pushed and now that wall was falling, and there was nothing Eddie could do to stop it. Buck looked at him with wide eyes and a crinkled forehead and flushed cheeks, and Eddie walked away from the bench, trying to create more distance between himself and Buck.

“Ruin what?” Buck pushed further, his curiosity getting the better of him. Eddie was always so calm and collected. And though Buck had seen him upset or angry or raising his voice, it was never quite like this. He knew something else had been sitting inside Eddie’s mind, and this was his chance to find out. “Eddie, what are you talking about?”

Eddie ran both of his hands through his hair, tugging at the strands. It was happening. He couldn’t stop this. And now that he had gotten this far, he was sure he wanted to stop it, either. Everything he’d built up was cracking more and more with every word.

“This!” He said, gesturing a hand between himself and Buck. “Us!” If I tell you, then that’s it. No more us!”

Things in Buck’s mind were starting to piece themselves together. Like Eddie was saying so much whilst saying absolutely nothing at all. It pained Buck to see the hurt and the frustration in Eddie’s face, and as much as he wanted to comfort him, he could see in those glassy brown eyes how much more Eddie had to let out. So he stayed silent.

Eddie still looked as if smoke should be coming out of his ears as he paced up and down the other side of the kitchen bench, Buck watching him carefully. “God, and you can’t even see it! It would be so much easier if you could see it! You’re the only person I want to tell, Buck! But you’re also the only person that I can’t tell! And it’s so obvious too, I don’t know how you haven’t already figured out how in love with you I am! And what about Christoph-”

“You’re what?” Buck said, his voice gentle, yet loud enough to cut all the anger from Eddie’s face instantly. The words had flown out of him so quickly and easily, he hadn’t at all realised what he’d been saying. And as he played those words back in his mind, he felt his face heat up and his stomach lurch. He’d actually said it. Out loud. And in front of Buck. And fuck, now Buck was looking at him like he was expecting him to say something. But how could he? How could he ever say another word to Buck? How could he ever let words come out of his mouth without tears spilling from his eyes?

Eddie’s gaze dropped to the ground as he felt his rage drain out of him. The cracks in that wall had spread so much that the wall was now completely smashed on the ground, and he felt every inch of that freedom and ease and feeling that he could breathe again completely engulfing him. He hadn’t even realised that Buck had moved until he looked back up, and there he was, just inches away from where Eddie had come to a standstill. There was a look Eddie had never seen sparkling in his friends’ eyes.

“You’re in love with me?” Buck whispered, his gaze focused on Eddie’s lips, waiting to hear what he had already waited so long for.

“I wasn’t meant to-,” Eddie shook his head, trying to think of what to say to fix this. Anything to get out of this. Anything to make this better and to stop the tears welling in his eyes. “I didn’t mean to say that.” He whispered finally, the gentle words cutting through the thick silence. He wiped a hand under his eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears that had started to spill.

“Yeah, but you did,” Buck replied, his voice just as gentle and quiet and soft. Eddie began to turn away, trying his best to escape the situation. Buck was one step ahead of him. Once again, he reached out and grabbed Eddie’s arm, pulling him back and close to him once again.

“I can’t do this right now, Buck,” Eddie whispered, shaking his arm away from Buck’s grip. Buck, as stubborn as he is, held on tightly and pulled Eddie closer to him.

“God, you just have no idea, do you?”

Eddie looked at Buck with squinted brows, a puzzled look taking over his features. He was so completely oblivious, and it make Bucks heart hurt.

“Ed’s, I’ve been in love with you since I first saw you,” Buck said, his other hand reaching forward and allowing both of his hands to take Eddie’s carefully.

Eddie’s brows raised. His hands burned where Buck touched them. His heart was beating so fast he felt like he could hear it. His legs were jelly-like and his face was warm, and a feeling in the pit of his stomach was beginning to pool. A feeling he could only describe as pure and immense joy mixed with elation and satisfaction and everything he’s ever wanted to hear. Finally, those words had been spoken. And they were real. It wasn’t just in another one of Eddie’s wildest dreams. Buck was really here. Holding his hands and telling him he fucking loves him.

Eddie released one of his hands and pinched Buck’s forearm. Hard.

“Ow, what the hell, Eddie!?” Buck let out, his other hand tearing away from Eddie’s and using it to rub the now red skin. “You’re meant to pinch yourself!”

“Oh, shit!” Eddie laughed. “I’ll go get an ice pack. I got one for Christopher after he fell off the skateboard. It’s actually really good, you know, it’s got this little pouch that you can-”

He couldn’t finish his story, because all too quickly Buck had grabbed Eddie by either side of his jaw with both of his hands and placed his lips on Eddie’s. It was gentle, soft and careful lips pressing against each other. Nothing but sweetness and warm cheeks and cold hands. It took Eddie a moment to realise what was happening, and before he could move closer or do anything with his hands or melt into the moment more, Buck had pulled away.

Moving his hands away from Eddie’s jaw quickly, Buck said, “God, sorry, I’ve just been wanting to do that for-”

It was Eddie who had cut Buck off this time, his hands quickly reaching forward and grabbing Buck’s waist to pull him into his body. His lips quickly found Buck’s once again, this time allowing himself to really feel the kiss. This one seemed to hold that passion, that longing, that spark that both of them had been feeling for so many years. It was hundreds and thousands of days worth of stolen glances and subtle flirting and gentle touches and accidentally brushing shoulders poured into a single kiss. Eddie held on so tightly as he moved his lips in rhythm to Buck’s, doing his best to keep up. Buck laced his fingers through Eddie’s hair and tugged down, earning a soft sound to come out of Eddie’s mouth and vibrate gently against their pressed lips.

It was pure euphoria. Like nothing either of them had ever felt in their entire lives. And finally, they understood what real love was. Real, true, powerful, overwhelming love.

As they pulled apart, a small creak in the floorboards caught their attention. Looking past the kitchen, there stood Christopher Diaz, a look of happiness unlike no other plastered all over his face as he held on tightly to his crutches.

“Finally!” He shouted. “Buck’s going to be my other daddy!”

#leah writes #leah writes 911 #buddie #christopher diaz #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck #buddie fan fic #fan fic #fanfiction #userbon #useroliii #love confession #pining #soft #fluffy #911 #911fic

[clusterbuck]

i could spend my life in this sweet surrender

(1.3k, rated G, complete) read it on ao3

Eddie splashes water over his face, as best he can with one hand. He lifts his gaze to the mirror, slowly, like maybe if he sneaks up on it he’ll take his reflection by surprise. Maybe it won’t tell him what he already knows.

He meets his own gaze, and there’s no hiding from it.

Eddie is exhausted. He knows this, of course; he feels it in the way every movement is like dragging his limbs through mud, in the way his bones are heavy like they’re beholden to something stronger than gravity.

But it’s one thing to know it, and another to see it reflected back at him. Dark circles spread like bruises under dull eyes, and his skin is pale, standing in stark contrast to the stubble that’s starting to grow in.

Eddie likes to think he’s been doing a pretty good job of hiding it so far, but this last sleepless night must have tipped him over the edge somehow. There’s no way he’s going to be able to walk out of this bathroom and convince Buck he’s fine.

Which, of course, doesn’t mean he’s not going to try.

He makes it three steps before Buck rounds the corner in front of him and stops in his tracks. Whatever good morning greeting he was about to utter is cut off. “Eddie, are you okay?”

“Just tired,” Eddie tries, and attempts something in the neighbourhood of a reassuring smile, but he thinks he’s mostly just gritting his teeth.

“Just—Eddie, I’ve seen you tired. This is more than just tired.” Buck takes a step forward, moves his hand like he’s about to reach out for Eddie, and then seems to think better of it. Eddie is both disappointed and relieved.

Disappointed, because at any given point in time, there is basically nothing he wants more than he wants Buck to touch him.

Relieved, because he’s barely holding himself together, and if Buck touches him right now he might come apart. He is too tired to keep a lid on his feelings, and if he starts talking, he doesn’t know what’s going to come out. And there are some things that shouldn’t come out, because Buck has done so much for him and Christopher these past few weeks. He doesn’t need to deal with the fact that Eddie is inconveniently, irredeemably in love with him on top of everything else.

“Really tired,” Eddie amends, hoping that admitting it will get Buck to leave it alone.

But it’s Buck, so of course he doesn’t leave it alone. “Nightmares?” he asks, with the sympathy of someone who knows exactly what he’s talking about.

And it would be an easy out—he could agree, and it would be completely believable, and they could move on from this conversation. Because it’s barely been two weeks since he got shot in bright daylight in the middle of LA. Of course he has nightmares.

But it wouldn’t be the truth. He has nightmares, too, but—they’re not what’s keeping him up at night. He’s used to nightmares, to waking up panicking and talking himself down, to sleeping around them enough to remain a somewhat-functional human being. Nightmares he can deal with.

What he can’t deal with is the ache in his shoulder every time he tries to close his eyes. At this point, he can’t even tell if his shoulder actually hurts or if it’s all in his head. All he knows is that no matter how much he tosses and turns, he can’t seem to land on a single position that doesn’t send waves of pain down his arm.

Which has been making it hard to sleep.

“Amongst other things,” he ends up saying. Which… it’s not not true.

“Like what?” Buck asks, narrowing his eyes. Eddie knows this look. It’s his I swear to god, Eddie, if you’re lying to me right now look.

Buck’s gotten a lot of use out of it the past few weeks.

“Just—” Eddie starts, and sighs. He doesn’t know how to explain it without sounding small, and weak, and a number of other things he spends most of his time trying not to be.

“Eddie,” Buck says. Gentle, encouraging, not a hint of reproach.

“There isn’t—I can’t find a position that doesn’t hurt,” Eddie mutters, and looks at the floor.

“Oh,” Buck says, like the thought hadn’t occurred to him. And Eddie hates that, hates the way he knows Buck is feeling inadequate right now, as if Buck isn’t the only reason anything about his life works right now.

“It’s fine,” Eddie says. “I usually pass out eventually, once I get tired enough.”

“It’s—Eddie, that’s not fine,” Buck says. Eddie thinks his tone could most closely be described as mildly horrified. “Sleep is important for healing, I know you know this.”

Eddie shrugs a little, like, what can you do? and then winces at the movement. Something like alarm flashes across Buck’s face.

“Okay,” Buck says a moment later. “Let’s get Christopher set up for school, and then—I have an idea.”

“Should I be worried?” Eddie asks, his default reaction to Buck’s ideas, but Buck just grins.

Half an hour later, Buck leads Eddie into his room and Eddie tries to fight off the instinctive dread that’s started filling him at the sight of his bed.

“Okay, so, I was thinking,” Buck starts, and Eddie thinks there’s a hint of nervousness in his voice. “Your shoulder doesn’t bother you as much when you’re sitting up, right?”

“Right,” Eddie agrees. “But I can’t sleep sitting up, I’d just fall over and end up hurting myself more.”

“What if you didn’t, though?” Buck asks, and gets on the bed, situating himself against the headboard. He stretches his legs out, impossibly long, and spreads them, gesturing at the space in between.

“Buck—” Eddie starts, then cuts himself off, because he can’t think of anything to say that isn’t entirely too vulnerable.

But then he looks at Buck, arms held out like he’s waiting for him, and some of that same vulnerability is painted across his face.

“Just try it.” Buck’s tone is soft, close to pleading. “Eddie, you’re dead on your feet. Surely it’s worth a shot.”

And it’s only because Eddie knows Buck so well that he hears the insecurity in his voice, like maybe Eddie’s hesitation is about Buck somehow. It’s what nudges him to take a step towards the bed, and then another, until he’s awkwardly clambering on and trying to position himself one-handed.

Buck’s arms come up to help him, guiding and supporting without manhandling. Together, they get him settled against Buck’s chest. He leans his head back, and Buck rests his chin on Eddie’s uninjured shoulder.

“Is this okay?” Buck whispers, and Eddie nods against him. His shoulder isn’t completely painless, because this isn’t a utopia and Buck isn’t actually magical, but it isn’t throbbing the way it does when he tries to lie down.

Buck is warm against his back, and it’s surprisingly comfortable. Eddie fights to stay awake, because he wants to spend several hours cataloguing every place Buck’s body is pressed against his so he can return to it later. But the weeks of sleep deprivation are catching up with him, and exhaustion weighs heavy on his eyelids.

He’s half asleep when he feels Buck raise his arms, hovering around him like he’s asking for permission. Eddie can’t find the words in his sleep-addled brain, so he reaches out with his uninjured arm, feeling around until he finds Buck’s arm and pulling it to his waist. There’s a soft huff of laughter in his ear, then Buck’s arms are tightening around him, tangled with his good arm.

Eddie can’t be sure, but he thinks the last thing he feels before drifting off might be Buck’s lips along his jaw.

#buddie fic #eddie diaz #evan buckley #911 fic #buddie #this is just some soft idiots unaware their pining is mutual #as per usual tbh #shush emma #emma writes #time-zone-wise this might be a real dumb posting time but here we are

[therogueheart]

I Know You (You’re Part of Me)

Please note this work contains spoilers for the 911: Lonestar crossover episode. This work does not contain spoilers for 911: S04E03.

TW: No trigger warnings.

“It was you, wasn’t it?”

They were docked at the 126, invited to stop over on their way from the fireline to use the showers and change into clean clothing. Buck had let the others go first and Eddie had hung back under the pretence of calling his Abuela to let her know they were coming back.

Buck was leaning over the partition wall in the common area, head tilted, looking at Eddie like he could see right through his ribs and into his heart. 

“What was me, Buck?” he asked, arching a brow with a half-smirk. A lot had happened over the past four days and there was a lot he could answer for. Buck pouted at him in that stop trying to play with me way. 

The kind of way that made Eddie want to reel him in and leave him gasping for air.

“How did you know we’d go darkside for a rescue op?” Buck asked in lieu of answer; brows furrowing. The last of the 118 had trickled out of the showers so Eddie scooped up their bags and headed in. 

“I knew you’d go darkside. TK was a good bet, but I was fifty-fifty on whether you’d convince him to stay and take the truck yourself,” Eddie confessed. He’d seen enough of Buck in TK’s eyes to go straight to the 126 crew, though. 

He began to undress and Buck hopped up on the polished counters, legs swinging as he looked at Eddie carefully. His silence begged further explanation, and Eddie complied. 

“I know you, Buck. I knew the moment you heard someone was trapped you were gonna throw your name into the bowl. And then you found out it was someone’s father - TK’s father - and I took one look between you both and knew that was the deal done. Especially when you were told no.”

And fuck, but it had terrified him. The thought of Buck, alone or with just one other firefighter, storming into the midst of a wildfire...Even to save lives, to save one of their own...

Eddie was selfish that way. 

“How did you know I’d go for a truck?” Buck asked, and Eddie shot him an oh, please look. Knowing Buck would go for a truck over a buggy was as easy as knowing Buck would throw his fool ass into the flames in the first place. 

Buck pulled a face and Eddie stripped off his shirt, moving to lean on the countertop next to him. 

“I kept an eye on you. I know when your head is working. And sure enough, I saw you sneak into the tent and lift the keys from the board.”

“Okay. So you knew I’d go, and you knew I’d steal one of the trucks,” Buck trailed off, clearly thinking. Eddie let him for a moment, then put him out of his misery. 

“Like I said. I know you. I know you enough that one look at you and I knew you were going. And I knew I wasn’t going to let you go alone. But I also wasn’t stupid enough to sneak off without telling anyone where we were headed,” he pointed out. 

Buck’s face pinched and Eddie knew with satisfaction he’d given Buck something to think about. He could never stop Buck from running into the danger zone, but at least he could make sure Buck wasn’t alone when he did it. 

“So I went to Judd,” he shrugged, pushing away, hands drifting to his belt. Buck’s gaze followed, pupils dilating slightly. 

“Judd said if you offered TK a line, there wasn’t a way in Hell he wouldn’t take it - get undressed, Buck. We move out in under an hour - so Marjan distracted the Captain and I figured out which keys you stole, and you know the rest”.

He didn’t miss the way that Buck frowned at the mention of Marjan, face going a little sour before he obliged and slid off the counter. He stopped and turned, though, biting at his lower lip. 

“You didn’t have to come. You shouldn’t have come,” Buck stressed after a moment. You have Christopher went unsaid. You’re worth more than me lingered between them. 

Eddie stepped closer, shorter but the point of authority in the moment. 

“Where you go, Buck, I follow,” he told him. Firm but soft, the way Buck received the best. Bobby had it down to a talent, especially after the mess of the lawsuit. Eddie hadn’t taken long to figure it out himself. 

The words seemed to devastate Buck, but in the good way, if there was one. It was the same look Buck got whenever someone included him in the definition of their family, or said they were proud of him. The kind of broken warmth in his eyes whenever Eddie saw right through his façade. 

"You really thought I wouldn’t know? That I didn’t know you well enough to understand you’d do anything to make sure someone didn’t lose the one they loved? That someone didn’t lose their Bobby?”

Buck crumpled at the words, gaze darting away. Tongue on his lip, head dropping lower. Buck never knew what to do when Eddie carved him out and handed him everything he’d tried to hide and away and protect.

“And you really thought,” Eddie continued, a hand reaching up to brush at Buck’s birthmark, thumb gentle against the pink skin. “That I’d let you go alone? Without me?”

We go together.

“I go where you go,” Buck murmured into the scant space between them. Nothing they hadn’t said before, but both of them could feel that the past four days had somehow changed the meaning of them. Given them more weight. 

“Good,” Eddie breathed, praise and confirmation at once. “And don’t you ever forget that I know you like part of myself, Evan Buckley. You ever try to leave me behind again and there won’t be anything left of you for Bobby to yell at,” he warned, helplessness and anger and insecurity creeping in for a brief moment. 

For a moment, they just stood there. Inches away from each other, silently reminding themselves that they’d made it out. They’d gotten through it, together. One more time rolling the dice on their lives and they’d won. 

And maybe they’d cashed in on another win, too. Finally reached the end of a game they’d been playing for three years now, one maybe neither of them had even realised they’d started. 

But here, in a strange station twenty hours from home still stinking of smoke and destruction, was not where Eddie was going to move his piece over the finish line. Buck deserved better than a rushed kiss in the bathroom of someone else’s second home, and twenty hours after where they couldn’t talk about it because they were cramped in with other people. 

He was in this for the long haul, and Buck deserved nothing less. 

#911 #911 (tv) #911 buddie #911onfox #911 on fox #911fox #911 fox #buddie #fanfiction #fanfic #911 fanfiction #buddie fanfiction #buddie fanfic #buddie fic #eddie diaz/evan buckley #evan buckley/eddie diaz #eddie diaz x evan buckley #evan buckley #evan buckley x eddie diaz #eddie diaz #911 crossover #rogue fanfic

[loveyourownsmiilee]

JUJU! I haven't watched the episode. Have read the spoilers. I gotta say, I resent the fact that we didn't get a hug but I think it's interesting that Buddie have been physically distant when they're not on the job (?)

It's almost DELIBERATE, and now my brain is trying to convince me it's because both of them have realized their feeling go beyond friendship and are trying to keep some distance while they either avoid or work through their feelings and am losing it slowly over here.

I know!! I’m bummed a bit bc I truly do think we’re overdo for a Buddie hug but I feel like it’s coming soon and it’s gonna be totally worth the wait ☺️

But there’s gonna be a deliberate reason that they keep showing Buck and Eddie with so much physical space between them. This is Buck and Eddie we’re talking about. They are always literally attached at the hip. They don’t know what personal space is. So the fact that this entire season we’ve seen them so far away from each other physically has to mean something. And it’s so obvious with the way they shoot their scenes that it’s done for a reason!

I truly do think both of them separately have come to terms with their feelings for each other but they’re dealing with it desperately. The shooting definitely changed things for both of them but I believe they still haven’t really talked about everything after the shooting. Eddie is probably dealing with all these feelings he has and he’s trying so hard to repress them which can be a reason for the distance. Because maybe he thinks if he’s close by with Buck, then he’ll show all his cards to Buck. They both really know each other so damn well and I’m sure they’re both trying super hard to keep their feelings away from the other. So I guess for them, it makes sense to not be in close vicinity with each other so those feelings aren’t known. My speculation is that Eddie is so good at keeping things locked up but as his storyline progresses this season, we’re going to see that tightly kept handle on his feelings burst. He’s going to reach his breakpoint eventually and that’s when all his feelings will pour outta him. Then Buck and Eddie will have to finally sit down and talk about every single thing that’s happened between them. I hope I’m making sense sorry I rambled a little haha.

#juju answers #ravens-words #buddie #911 spoilers #911 speculation

[confetti-cupcake]

tell me more about nothing safe is worth the drive pls 👁👄👁

Thanks for the ask, Rebecca! ❤️

Okay so Nothing Safe Is Worth the Drive is essentially an AU where Buck and Eddie run The Amazing Race together.

I was originally going to wait until after I finished my two other WIPs to start this one, but then I made the huge mistake of re-watching the premiere of the new TAR season from last week and got really inspired. Sooo then I spent all of last weekend researching countries and drawing up my own route and challenges, and I couldn't stop writing.

It takes place a little bit after Eddie breaks up with Ana, where everything about Buck and Eddie's relationship is the same as in canon, except it's an AU where only Buck and Eddie work at the 118 (so Bobby, Chim, Hen, etc. can be other contestants on the race) and Buck and Taylor never met. Eddie and Buck are both mutually in love with each other, but they don't want to act on their feelings out of fear they won't be reciprocated, and they've resigned themselves to the fact that it'll never happen. They rescue a casting director who works on the show from a fire, who approaches Eddie about being a contestant. Buck convinces him to do it, since Eddie's had a few near-death experiences lately and should do something for himself. Eddie asks Buck to be his partner, and they both think they can play it cool, but the traveling, sleeping in close quarters and only having each other to rely on makes it harder for them keep their feelings secret 👀

Not sure how long it's going to be, but I'll probably keep it to a one-shot if it's less than 20k. Anything more I might break it up into two or three chapters.

A little (unedited) preview:

As he emerges from the kitchen, a beer in each hand, he glances at the TV, "The Amazing Race" flashing in bold letters across the screen.

“Oh, come on. I thought we were done with this.”

“Just thought you’d might want to see what you’d be missing out on," Buck says slyly, and Eddie can't help but smile at the playfulness in his voice. "Did you know that the prize at the end is a million dollars?”

“I did not know that." He sits down and hands Buck a beer. "But we’re doing pretty good on money right now, so you might need to find another angle.”

Buck sighs. “Do you know anything about the show?”

“I know there's a video clip out there of a woman getting hit in the face with a watermelon. Christopher showed me." He raises an eyebrow. "Can I assume now that was your doing?”

Buck's impish silence tells him everything. “Well, I’m not trying to get hit in the face with a watermelon," Eddie continues, taking a sip of his beer. "Kimberly complimented me on my face, and I’d like to keep it intact, if possible.”

“You’re not going to get hit in the face with a watermelon,” Buck says, exasperated. He sits up and faces Eddie, almost willing him to look him in the eye. “I wasn’t lying when I said I thought you’d be really good at it, you know. You’re smart, athletic, good with people. You know another language. You have a halfway decent sense of direction. And you’re scared of practically nothing.”

Not entirely true, Eddie thinks to himself as he feels a faint blush spread over his cheeks.

Ask me about another WIP from my list!

#ask box #bvckleysibs #ask game #wip ask game #buddie #nothing safe is worth the drive feed #fic snippet

[an-optimist-prime]

Darling, feel better love

A Buddie 9-1-1 Fanfic

Summary: Eddie catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

-

Or, Buck gets injured (again) and it forces Eddie to confront his feelings for Buck.

Word Count: 2270

Rating/Warnings: T, N/A

AO3 Link

*

Eddie absolutely hates hospital waiting rooms.

More specifically, he hates how useless they make him feel. There’s nothing to do but patiently, and anxiously, wait for further news on Buck’s condition after his latest accident.

Buck’s doctor had been out about an hour earlier. He’d reassured them all Buck was stable, and while it would take time, he would in fact recover. It was a massive relief, but still, Eddie couldn’t quell the need to see Buck and assess his injuries for himself.

It’s the seventh time Buck has been in hospital in just under three years. And that’s just in the time Eddie’s known him. Based on the stories he’s heard from Bobby and Maddie, he’s always been disaster prone.

This latest injury had happened while they were on call to a building fire. In typical Buck fashion, he’d disobeyed a direct order to evacuate, deciding instead to do one last sweep of the floor he was on.

That, of course, was when the floor collapsed beneath him.

They’d barely had time to pull Buck out, battered and broken, before the rest of the building collapsed.

Eddie’s not too much of a man to admit that the whole situation had scared the shit out of him. As soon as he’d realised that Buck had not followed him out, cold dread seized him. It was only compounded by the dead silence when Eddie tried to raise him on the radio.

While it had only taken them a few minutes to find Buck and pull him out, for Eddie it had felt like hours. When Buck emerged lifeless and unnaturally still, it was like Eddie's heart had stopped, and only started again when Hen had said there was still a pulse.

Although, if Eddie’s being honest, the accident itself didn’t really surprise him. Buck has a habit of being a self-sacrificing idiot, with no regard for himself or his own safety. But if Buck keeps on this road, keeps doing things like this, there’s a real chance that it’ll kill him.

And Eddie isn’t sure how he’d survive that.

He’d grown used to being alone, given that for so long it’d been just him and Christopher. But then came Buck, who’d somehow managed to worm his way into their lives and carve out a space in his heart since pretty much day one.

Eddie isn’t sure at what point he fell in love with Buck, but in hindsight it’s painfully obvious.

And it tears him up, that Buck almost died, and he’s never told him how he feels. Because Buck deserves to know. Buck deserves to have someone brave enough to tell him.

Most of all, Buck deserves to have someone he wants back.

Because honestly, Eddie is pretty sure that Buck doesn’t feel the same way he does. After all, Buck gives 100% to everyone he cares about, and lives with his heart on his sleeve. Eddie’s also heard enough about Buck 1.0 to know that if Buck wanted him that way, he’d know by now. But throughout their friendship, Buck has never shown any inclination that he feels the same way.

The last thing Eddie wants to do is make his best friend uncomfortable, and ruin what they’ve managed to build together. So, he pushes it down, determined to move on.

But, every now and again, there’ll be a moment. A moment where their eyes will meet across a scene, or they’ll be watching a movie and Buck will lean into him. In those moments, Eddie thinks there might be a chance that Buck feels something more .

Needless to say, Eddie feels torn.

Eddie’s thoughts are interrupted by a nurse, speaking to the assembled group in the waiting room.

“Family of Evan Buckley?” the nurse asks. He’s not the only one there. Maddie’s there, of course, along with Chim and Bobby. Both Athena and Hen had been there earlier as well, but had to leave. “You can see him now. Don’t stay for too long though, he needs rest.”

They all follow the nurse through to Buck’s room.

His skin is pale and he looks completely exhausted, but he’s alive, and that’s all that matters. Buck instantly perks up the moment he sees them, his eyes lighting up as they file in.

“Hey guys,” Buck says, his voice raspy. There are no words for how much relief it fills him with, to see Buck alive and well enough to speak. The perpetual ache in his chest abates slightly, and Eddie hangs back as the others rush forward.

Maddie rushes straight to his bedside, quickly wrapping her little brother into a fierce hug.

“Hey,” Chim greets, perching on the end of the bed. “How’s our favourite disaster magnet feeling?”

“I’m the favourite?” Buck replies, always first out the gate with deprecating humour.

“Who else would it be?” Chim states. “You should ask them if they have a frequent flyer program at this hospital. What is this, like your sixth stay in three years?”

“Seventh,” Eddie corrects.

“Seventh?” Buck repeats, as if it’s only just now occurring to him that he’s spent an inordinate amount of time in hospitals over the last few years. After a moment, Buck breaks into a joking smile. “Two more and then the next one's free, right?”

“How about no more?” Maddie suggests as she pulls back slightly, her eyes glassy. Eddie wholeheartedly agrees.

“How about you listen to your sister?,” Bobby says. “Let’s try to avoid hospital stays in future.”

“Okay,” Buck says, and Eddie knows this is the closest thing they’ll get to a promise in regards to this. “Seriously though, I’m fine. The doctor thinks I’ll be home in a week or so.”

Even so, Maddie still fusses over him while Chim and Bobby keep up the conversation. Eddie, meanwhile, continues to hang back, trying his absolute best to shove down a conflicting range of emotions, and work out just what he’s going to do about them.

Bobby is the first to leave, obviously relieved to see that Buck is conscious and stable. On his way out, he pauses next to Eddie.

“You’re overthinking it,” Bobby says quietly, so that only Eddie hears. “Just be honest with him. I think you’ll be surprised at how well it goes.”

“Is it that obvious?” Eddie asks, more than a little panicked that he hasn't been hiding it as well as he thought.

Bobby doesn’t respond, instead just giving him a look before he leaves, and it’s answer enough.

If the Captain knows, there’s a not small chance that Hen and Chim know, and probably Athena too. And if Chim knows, then Maddie definitely knows, and Dios, that’s a realisation all of its own.

Eddie hazards a glance to the others. Maddie is too busy with Buck, but Chim notices, and gives him a look as well.

They definitely know.

Eddie barely has any time to come to grips with the fact that his massive crush on his best friend is apparently public knowledge at the firehouse before Chim and Maddie begin to leave as well.

“I’ll be back first thing tomorrow!” Maddie promises, as she and Chim make their way out.

“Looking forward to it!” Buck says, with as much enthusiasm as he can muster.  As soon as she leaves though, Buck deflates, no longer needing to keep up his energetic charade.

Eddie knows that Buck considers himself a burden to others. He sees it in the way that he always puts others first, and how he’ll always try to make others feel better at the expense of himself.

It speaks volumes about how far they’ve come, that Buck is comfortable enough around him to let his walls drop. To be vulnerable.

Eddie takes the spot right next to Buck that Maddie was previously occupying, making a mental note to not stay too long. Buck really does need to rest, but Eddie just needs a bit more time to convince himself he’s really okay.

As he sits, Eddie puts his hand on Buck’s arm, just above his wrist. It’s grounding, to feel his warm skin, a reminder that he’s alive.

“Tell Chris I’m sorry I’ll miss pizza night this Friday.” Buck says, sounding genuinely remorseful.

“I’m sure he’ll understand.” Eddie says, because he will. He’s such a good kid. He’ll bring Chris to visit him in a few days, when Buck has more of his energy back.

It says so much though, about the kind of person that Buck is. Even in a hospital bed, he’s still thinking about others first.

As bad as it sounds, it frustrates Eddie sometimes, seeing just how selfless Buck can be. Like he doesn’t think he’s worth the worry.

And now that he’s seen it for himself, that he knows that Buck’s okay, Eddie starts to get just a little bit angry. He can feel it, how the rage simmers just beneath the surface of his skin.

How could Buck do something so reckless? Does he really not see what it does to others, to those around him? Or does he just not care?

His internal strife must be pretty obvious, because after a moment, Buck asks, “Is everything okay?”

“Really?” Eddie barks out a humourless laugh at the absurdity of the question. “You almost died, Buck.” His voice drops to a hiss, sharper than he intended it to be. He catches himself before he can say something he’ll regret, and sighs. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. You just worried us. You worried me.”

“Come on, it’s not that bad,” Buck says, obviously trying to lighten the mood. “The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That’s where all the blood is supposed to be.”

And just like that, Eddie’s furious all over again. How can Buck joke about something like this? “Buck—“

“Eddie.”

“This is serious. You can’t just do things like that.”

“What was I supposed to do?” Buck asks, crossing his arms. “I thought I’d heard something, so I went and checked. What if someone was still in there? Am I supposed to just leave them behind?”

Yes, Eddie wants to say, but he knows that Buck is right. He probably would have gone back to check as well. He’s not going to win the argument on this front, so he changes tact.

“You almost died, again,” Eddie repeats, because really, that’s the important part here.

“But I didn’t,” Buck insists.

Eddie sighs again. They’re just going around in circles. He looks down, to where his hand is still holding Buck’s wrist. Now is the time for honesty. How would he have felt, if Buck had died and he never told him just how much he means to him?

But this isn’t about him - if nothing else, Buck should know that somebody loves him, the way he deserves to be.

“You can’t keep doing this, Buck. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” Eddie confesses. "I can't lose you.

"You won't." Buck promises, as if he could ever keep a promise like that.

He could take the easy way out, and just leave it there, especially since words so often fail him. But he refuses to back down, this time. Steeling himself, Eddie reaches out to grasp Buck’s hand, twining their fingers together. His skin is rough, calloused from hard work, but the pulse that beats against Eddie’s palm is comforting.

Buck's eyes go wide at the contact.

He meets Eddie's eyes, realisation dawning on his face.

"Oh."

His gaze flicks down to Eddie's lips and back up.

Taking a chance, Eddie leans in, closing the last few inches of distance between them. The kiss is gentle and chaste, but full of promise. Eddie breaks away after a moment, cognizant of Buck’s injured state. But before he can pull away, Buck reaches up with his free hand and pulls him right back in.

Their second kiss is just as good as the first, and Eddie melts into the softness of Buck’s lips against his own.

A pained exhale snaps Eddie back to reality and he reluctantly pulls away. “You’re not well.”

“I’m fine,” Buck says, slightly breathless but not seeming to mind. “Besides, I’ve really been hoping that would happen for a while now.”

“Me too,” Eddie says, heart thrumming in his chest. After a moment, he adds, “Why did you never say anything?”

“I didn’t want to ruin what we had, not when I didn’t know how you felt,” Buck admits. “I know that I have a reputation, and I didn’t want you to think that’s all it was about.”

“I never would have thought that,” Eddie says, his heart clenching at the words. He may not have ever met ‘Buck 1.0’, but in the time he’s known Buck, he’s never been anything less than loyal and selfless. He doesn’t like that Buck thinks he’d judge him for his past. “But, same. About not wanting to ruin it.”

“I love you,” Buck blurts out. “Sorry, I know that’s a lot, really early, but it’s true.”

“It’s okay,” Eddie quickly reassures. “It’s not too much, at all. I love you too.”

Buck lets out a shaky laugh. “God, we’re both idiots.”

“Yeah, we are.” Eddie ducks his head to hide his fond grin. “So what happens now?”

“I’m going to date you so hard.” Buck states, absolutely beaming.

“Well first, how about we work on getting you out of here?” Eddie starts. He can’t seem to pull himself away from Buck, although Buck doesn’t seem to want to let go either. “And then I take you out to dinner?”

“If you insist.”

*

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed it, please consider leaving a like/kudos or comment, either here or on the Archive (Fic Link).  I’m always up to talk Buddie, 9-1-1 and fandom in general, so please feel free to come chat with me, here on tumblr or on my twitter. Thanks again  ❤️

#my-fanfic #buddie #911 #911 fox #eddie diaz #evan buckley #fanfiction

[half-bakedboy]

a simply complex answer (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Warnings: Original Character Death, Loss of Parent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Sad with a Happy Ending Summary: “Do you have kids?” She asked abruptly.

“No,” Albert said almost slightly relieved. Katelyn glanced at Buck who—should’ve said the same thing.

Wasn’t it funny how one piece of paper could change everything?

Or... When Buck loses a parent on a call, he realizes just how important Christopher is to him.

“Alright, we’ve got two victims; Katelyn Raymond and her son, Dylan,” Bobby instructed. He started to say more, but Eddie chimed in before he could so much as start the next sentence. 

“How old?” Buck reached for Eddie’s hand and squeezed reassuringly. It always hurt more when it involved kids. 

“He’s sixteen,” Bobby obliged. “Dispatch reported a convertible hanging off the ledge, teetering on a tree just below.” He turned to Buck and Albert. “You two will go down and assess the damage. Eddie’s got Buck’s line, Chim, you have Albert’s. Hen will be waiting to treat the victims.” They all nodded as Bobby leaned over the edge to take in the scene below him. 

“What are we looking at, Cap?” Buck asked, clapping his hand on Bobby’s shoulder when he leaned over a little too far. 

“Kid took the brunt of the impact. Looks like his legs are trapped under the steering wheel. Mom got real lucky, but from the sounds of it, she’s not leaving without her son,” Bobby instructed. The look he shot Buck told him that it was his job to convince her otherwise. He didn’t much like that. 

“Albert, you ready to go?” Buck asked as Eddie clipped the harness in place, tugging at it to ensure it was secure. He trailed his hands up Buck’s chest before cupping the back of his neck with his hand and leaning their foreheads together softly as they took simultaneous breaths. 

Buck had waited years to start his relationship with Eddie and it was worth every second, but they were partners first on a call, and Eddie was about to lower Buck directly into danger. They had done it countless times before that moment, but it was different with everything out in the open. Eddie wasn’t only lowering his coworker down, he was lowering his boyfriend . Buck was entrusting him with not only his safety but his heart each and every day. It intensified every experience they had together. 

But Buck couldn’t let his focus stray. He nodded his head against Eddie’s and cupped his cheek softly, stroking a gentle thumb over his cheekbone. It wasn’t nearly enough—nothing ever was—but Buck heard Bobby shout for him and he knew he had to switch back to the task at hand. They sent each other one last nod and the silent agreement was that Eddie would pull him back up to safety just as he always had and Buck had no qualms that Eddie would do exactly that.

As he propelled down the side of the cliff, he heard, “Please, help us! Please!” 

“We’re coming. You have to remain calm, okay? Do not move,” Buck ordered. One wrong move and Buck knew they were gone without giving either him or Albert the chance to save them. Buck was all about chances. 

“Are you ready, Albert?” Buck asked because he could see the nerves building up in his friend. There was sweat dripping down his forehead, easily confused by the sweltering heat of the day, but Buck recognized it for what it was. “Shake it off, buddy. We’re almost there and we have to look like the ones that know what we’re doing,” Buck reminded him. Albert huffed out a laugh and it was as much of an understanding as Buck figured he would get. 

“Please, you have to help my son. My son, he’s—” Buck propelled himself directly next to where the mother was bracing herself against the dashboard. 

“Mom, let them do their job, okay?” The kid said, sending a desperate glance at Albert who had settled on his side of the car. “She’s such a worrywart, you know? I told her that we’re going to be fine but she—” He was cut off by an angry creak of the metal, reminding Buck of the time constraint they were on. Buck peeked forward just as the stump pulled a little further from the cliffside. 

“Katelyn, right?” Buck asked as he reached over to assess her for injury. The seatbelt embedded into her chest and her hands on the dashboard were the only things holding her in place and Buck had to scour his brain for a way to get her out. 

“Dylan,” she corrected, but Buck knew better than to feed into it. 

“Interesting name for a pretty woman like yourself,” he flirted easily, hoping to ease her in any way he could. The actual Dylan let out a pained laugh from his side of the car and when Buck glanced over, Albert’s hand was attempting to release his legs from where they were pinned. 

“My son’s name is Dylan and you’re going to get him out of here first,” she said sternly. Buck glanced at Albert who shook his head solemnly after he noted Katelyn wasn’t looking. Buck made a mental reminder to praise him for that later.

“Here’s the thing, Katelyn; once we get you outta here, there’s a much smaller chance this car will fall with both of you in it,” Buck tried to reason with her. Even Dylan knew it was pointless. 

“She’s not gonna leave. I’ve been trying to convince her since I realized I was stuck,” Dylan said. Even through the obvious hurt and panting breaths, Buck heard his childlike fear and he knew that Katelyn would, too. 

“Dylan, my friend, Albert, is gonna try to see if we can get you unstuck, okay?” Buck said, nodding at Albert to radio up to the team. He listened in to make sure Albert asked for everything they needed and then turned his focus back to Katelyn. “So, your mom is pretty stubborn, huh?” 

“Really?” Katelyn asked, sending Buck a glare. He shook her off and kept his attention on Dylan as Albert grabbed onto the jaws of life the team had lowered down. 

“Just callin’ it like I see it,” Buck defended, shooting Dylan a subtle wink. 

“I’m not stubborn because I—”

“You are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, mom. Even this complete and total stranger called it,” Dylan interrupted weakly. Katelyn reached over and grabbed Dylan’s hand in hers tightly, both of them wincing but neither of them caring about the pain. 

“I’m stubborn? Which one of us just had to prove to dad that the convertible was ready to drive, huh?” Katelyn tossed back. 

“I know it might not seem like it,” Dylan directed at Buck who had leaned over enough to hold the top of the steering wheel as Albert moved it into place, “but I was right. She drove like a dream.” 

Buck took a second to look over the car and noted, “Cadillac?” Dylan nodded through his wincing. 

“2005. My parents got it the year I was born for me to drive on my sixteenth birthday,” Dylan said sadly and Buck’s heart dropped at what he was inferring. 

“Sixteen, huh? That’s a pretty solid milestone in life. I gotta say, Katelyn, you don’t look old enough to have a son in his late teens,” Buck teased, earning a laugh through the open channel his radio was on. He recognized it immediately and an instant smile crossed his face. 

“This is how you relax people? Hit on them?” Katelyn asked, the nerves shaking her voice just enough for Buck to notice. 

“It’s what he’s best at,” Eddie said through the radio and Buck couldn’t hold back his chuckle.

“Mom, you’re a catch. Let the man hit on you,” Dylan chimed in before he took a desperate gulp of air. The steering wheel snapped off into Buck’s hand and he slowly raised it, discarding it and trying his hardest not to listen to it clamor down the cliff. 

The stump gave again at the small movements and neither Albert nor Buck shoved back as they should have even as Katelyn and Dylan shrieked in fear. They didn’t have much more time and the mother and son were still trapped at the odd downward angle with only their seatbelts holding them into place. Buck knew they would need two hands for each of them and tried one last time to convince Katelyn to go first. It would take much longer to free Dylan due to his injury and the uncertainty of what would happen when they did move him was too in the air for Buck to give up on Katelyn quite yet. 

When Albert was at his side, Buck said sternly, “Katelyn, it’s going to take a lot longer to get Dylan out, we need to come with us—” 

“Do you have kids?” She asked abruptly. 

“No,” Albert said, almost slightly relieved. Katelyn glanced at Buck who—should’ve said the same thing. 

Wasn’t it funny how one piece of paper could change everything?

“I—“ Buck hesitated and when he glanced over at the driver’s side, all he could see was Christopher. “I don’t—“ Why couldn’t he just answer her? He didn’t have a son, not like Dylan was to her, but the words were caught in his throat. If it was a choice between him and Christopher, Buck knew he wouldn’t hesitate. 

“He might as well have,” Albert answered for him, patting his shoulder as if understanding Buck’s hesitation. “That doesn’t make our decision any less true, Katelyn. Each moment we spend waiting is another that this car could fall with you in it.” Katelyn’s hand was still gripping onto Dylan’s tightly as he nodded in and out of consciousness.

“If this car falls when I’m out of it and Dylan isn’t? It won’t matter. Please, just—” Her eyes met Buck’s, wide and pleading. “Save my son.” 

She was putting her trust in Buck and he would be a hypocrite not to listen to her. He gestured for Albert to move back around to the other side of the car just as Bobby lowered down the backboard and tourniquet they would need to secure Dylan. Buck could see the blood spreading on the fabric of his jeans and knew one wrong move meant even more blood loss than the kid could probably handle. 

“Dylan, hey, you still with me?” Buck asked. He wrapped the c-collar around his neck before he maneuvered the harness around him, securing it as best he could with the seatbelt still in the way. Dylan moaned a painful sound that had Katelyn letting out a choked sob beside them. 

“Baby, you gotta stay awake, okay? They’re gonna get you outta here safe and sound,” Katelyn reassured, bringing Dylan’s hand up to her mouth and kissing gently. Buck tied off the top of Dylan’s thigh the best he could at the awkward angle and then pressed his arm over Dylan’s chest as he cut the seatbelt. 

The second Dylan slumped over, Buck shouted for Bobby to pull, freeing him from his seat enough for Buck and Albert to work together to get him strapped to Albert’s chest. He held on tightly, pressing some gauze into the wound on his leg as Chim and Bobby pulled them up. Buck felt the relief the instant they were out of sight and he climbed over to Katelyn’s side with a grin on his face. 

“He’s up there. He’s safe, okay? We’ve got our best medics working on him and now it’s your turn,” He promised her and she let out a sob of relief, reaching out to hold Buck’s hand in hers. 

“Thank you, I can’t tell you what—”

Buck barely registered the way her nails dug into his skin before the stump gave way and the car became a minuscule blip below him. He screamed, shouting her name desperately as if that would be enough to save her. He couldn’t save her anymore, not as the car crashed to the ground, the sound resonating through his ears like a bomb. He vaguely heard Eddie screaming his name, barely felt the sting of the cliffside digging into his back as his partner pulled him to safety. There was nothing but the sound of Katelyn’s fear like a ringing in his ears that he would never be able to erase. 

He felt hands around his harness, pulling him back to safety where he had promised to come back to, but nothing about it felt right. He stared at the sun beaming down on them, Katelyn’s screams morphing into the gut-wrenching sobs of her son as he realized what had happened. He was going to be okay, Eddie reminded him over and over, but Buck knew he wouldn’t. He would never come back from that day and as much as Buck tried not to blame himself, he also couldn’t stop. 

Later, when he’d rinsed off the day and found himself in Eddie’s bed, he let himself replay every moment. ‘Do you have any kids?’ She had asked and it froze him. It was as if ice had struck through his heart and then melted into a solid warmth around it. Nothing he could’ve said would have convinced her to let Buck save her life first. There was nothing he could have done differently to save her life. The moment her son sat in that driver’s seat and Katelyn sat in the other, their fate had been out of Buck’s still trembling hands. 

“You did everything you could, Buck. She wouldn’t—couldn’t listen,” Eddie stuttered to remind Buck after he had slid into the space beside him. 

“I know, Eds, I—I know.” Eddie stared at him with wide, sympathetic eyes, brows pulled to the center of his forehead in confusion. 

“You know?” He asked and Buck nodded, burrowing himself as far into Eddie as he could. He would have climbed inside of the comfort his boyfriend provided him if he could. 

“I looked over at Dylan and he was bleeding out. He was stuck underneath the wheel and getting paler with each second and he was joking. ” Buck let out a wet huff of laughter. “He sat there in pain, called his mother stubborn, and told her to let me hit on her and all I could think about was fucking Christopher. ” 

“I heard…” Eddie trailed off like he was just making sure Buck knew he was listening. 

“When you—” Buck cleared the emotion from his throat, “When I was taking care of Christopher after… He did the same thing for me. He told me it was going to be okay and made fun of my snoring, of all things, just to make me feel better. I was supposed to be the one making him feel better and he—” Buck shook his head. 

“You don’t snore,” Eddie commented and of course Buck didn’t. That was apparently just another way Christopher made sure they kept their spirits up and just when he thought all of his tears dried out, Buck wanted to cry again. 

“I realized that I would’ve done the same thing if I were Katelyn,” Buck admitted. Eddie pulled him tighter, his fingertips digging into the skin of Buck’s back securely. 

“Buck, no—”

“If it meant Christopher was safe, I would do anything, Eddie,” he began, tilting his head back enough to make sure he could look into his boyfriend’s eyes. “I’ve known since the minute I met Christopher that I would walk through hell for that kid, but I never thought I’d be allowed. That’s your job, you know? I never wanted to take that away from you, being the person who loves Christopher the most.” 

“I know you love him,” Eddie started, but Buck needed to finish. He pressed their lips together softly to calm his own racing heart and to make sure Eddie couldn’t say anything else. 

“I know you know that, but I guess I didn’t realize how much I already considered him my own son until you told me about that piece of fucking paper.” Buck let out another laugh and pressed his forehead to Eddie’s. “One piece of paper shouldn’t have meant so much, but—Fuck, Eddie, Katelyn asked me if I had any kids and my first instinct was to say yes.”  

“You are allowed—”

“He’s not my—”

“Evan,” Eddie breathed out in an eerily similar way to those few months ago when he told Buck about that life-changing piece of paper in question. “He is your son in every single way that matters and I know that you would sacrifice everything for him, just like Katelyn did.” He stared into Buck’s eyes, gripping onto him as if he couldn’t possibly think of letting go. 

“That terrifies me, Eddie,” Buck whispered, closing his eyes as the exhaustion of the day seemed to finally catch up to him. “He means so much to me, you both mean everything to me and I—”

“You need to get some sleep. We’re okay. We don’t need you to make any life or death decisions for us right now and we can only hope that’ll never be the case… again.” Eddie laughed softly and Buck had to laugh along with him. 

“I choose you both, in case that wasn’t clear. I would put you two before the world and myself. I never really understood how true that was until today,” Buck said, pressing another delicate kiss to Eddie’s lips to punctuate the weight behind his words. 

“I’d choose you two in a heartbeat, too.” Eddie wrapped his arm around Buck, pulling his boyfriend impossibly closer. “Now sleep, Buck, because Christopher is going to barge in here in a little under five hours.” Buck groaned. “He’s your son, too, remember,” Eddie teased, kissing Buck’s head before tucking it into his chest. 

And wasn’t that the most amazing thing Buck had ever heard? 

#buddie #buddie fic #911 on fox #911 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 fic #em?? #writing angst?? #in this year 2k21???? #what has this fandom done to me?!?!?!?! #i do hope you like it tho #my writing

[babybuckleydiaz]

Hey, I was wondering if you take request? If you do, may I please request a Buck and Eddie idea where Buck and Eddie are dating and Eddie's parents turn up unannounced and they hate buck for losing Christopher in the tsunami and when Eddie goes to work, his parents verbally hurt buck causing him to leave and Christopher overhears everything and tells Eddie when he gets home and they leave to get their buck? I absolutely love a caring and protective Eddie.

an/ i am so sorry to make you wait so long, and i hope that this was worth the wait, hun. thank you so much for prompting this, i enjoyed writing it. 

  Today was one of the rare days where Eddie had gone to work without Buck by his side, so the younger firefighter had been spending his Saturday with his favourite little Diaz. As much as Buck loved to be working alongside his boyfriend and making sure that the other was safe, he enjoyed having his one on one time with Christopher and just unwinding in a place that he knows he is loved. It beats the loneliness of his apartment walls. Right now found both Buck and Christopher curled up on the couch, a book opened up on the adult’s lap with the kid leaning heavily into the other’s side. Curled up and safe against Buck.

  The atmosphere had been peaceful and quiet, but that had all been ruined by a knocking off the door that caused both the people in the house to jump in freight at the sudden noise. “That scared the sh- heck out of me.” Buck chuckled, and the slip up he almost made caused Christopher to giggle as Buck jumped up to his feet when the knocking at the door began once more; this time a little louder than the first time. Opening the door, Buck is caught off guard and more than surprised at the two people that stand strongly before him.

  The last people that he had been expecting to see when he answered the door was Helena and Ramon Diaz, looking annoyed that he had been the one to answer the door instead of their son. “Oh, um. Hi?” Buck says, confused because Eddie hadn’t hold him that he had been expecting a visit from his parents, and he was underprepared for the two people to be standing before him. And outnumber because these two never once tried to hide their dislike for their son’s boyfriend.

  “Evan. Where is Edmundo?” Questions Ramon, pushing passed the young firefighter to get into the house and beginning looking around for his son. But the annoyance that was on his face was replaced with a bright smile when he saw his grandson sitting on the couch, moving over and pulling the young child into a hug; one that Christopher happily returned with an excited smile on his face. “Oh Christopher, my boy!” Happily says Helena as she too pushes passed Buck, who sighs before running a hand through his hair and down his face as he shuts the door behind them. “Sure, come on in.” He mumbles, only loud enough for himself and would have fallen on deaf ears anyway.

  “Eddie is at work, doesn’t finish for another four hours.” Buck explained in response to the question that had been asked of him earlier, and he is raising an eyebrow when Ramon stands up straight after letting go of his grandson. He whirls around and looks at Buck, who doesn’t miss the anger that he sees there. Nor does he miss it on Helena’s face when the woman turns to barely look at him before making her way to greet and hug her grandson.

  “And he left our grandson with you? Seriously?” Buck flinches back as if he had been physically struck by the older man, the question being one that he never expected to be asked. “U-Uh yeah? Why wouldn’t he, I’m capable of looking after Chris.” Was the response that he had given back, not too sure whatever the older man could be meaning when he had asked that. He was more than capable of looking after Chris for a couple of hours, the kid is most of the time a dream to babysit for the day. An easy kid to look after.

  “I’m just surprised he would make the same mistake after last time.” Ramon utters under his breath as if what he said was nothing more than an afterthought and Buck frowns deeply at the words. “Excuse me?” Buck is annoyed now, because he had no idea what the hell Ramon was trying to imply as he spoke, and he’s angry that these people who barely even know him have judged him so easily. “You know exactly what he means.” Helena adds in, having had let go of Christopher and is now standing by her husband’s side; Chris sitting on the couch and watching the scene going on in front of him. “Hey Chris, buddy?” Buck ignores the other two adults for a moment in favour of turning his attention to the child with a smile on his face, one that’s kinda and loving. At the sound of Buck’s voice, Christopher looks from his grandparents and turns to look at the firefighter. “Can okay to go in your room for a while, we’re going to be talking about some grown up stuff.”

  Buck doesn’t want Christopher to be around for this conversation, and it was as if the young boy could see that is exactly what Buck wanted and nods his head happily at the older male. “Course, Bucky!” Christopher announces, and uses his crutches to push himself off the couch before he is making his way down the hall and into the bedroom, the door slightly jarred and Buck sighs as he watches the kid he loves so much go.

  And as much as he doesn’t want to deal with this right now, he turns his attention back to the two Diaz parents who are looking at him with barely concealed anger. “What the hell is your problem with me?” Buck jumps in first before either of them can get a chance to start, confused and annoyed that these two have come and ruined a perfectly peaceful and nice day that he and Christopher were enjoying. “I haven’t done anything wrong to either of you.” Buck says, because he hasn’t done anything at all that could have made these two hate him as much as they seem to do. But at his words, Ramon snorts a laugh that holds absolutely no humour inside of it.

  “We almost lost Christopher because of you, I warrant that as a good enough reason to dislike you.” Ramon cruelly says, and for a moment Buck is absolutely confused as to what this man was getting out before it hits him like a ton of bricks. His body growing cold and eyes widening as it is made perfectly clear it was that Ramon was talking about.

  The Tsunami.

  “Are you serious, the tsunami was a freaking natural disaster! I did my best to try and keep Christopher safe!” Buck hisses, not wanting to let either of these people come in here and blame him for something that was a natural disaster, they have no idea what he or Christopher had gone through that day on the pier. “Oh really? Your best?” Helena huffed. “Then clearly your best wasn’t good enough, because you lost him in the middle of it! He could have been killed!” buck can understand why they are thinking like this, he really can, because he had struggled so badly with no blaming himself for losing Christopher but that doesn’t give them the right to treat him as they currently are. “You’re are not fit to be looking after our grandson! I have no idea why Edmundo left him in your care.” Ramon says distastefully, and Buck rolls his eyes as he scoffs. Because as long as Eddie trusts him then that is all he needs to focus on.

  But he can’t deny that that feeling of self-doubt is crawling back up his bones, because what if Eddie was still mad? Buck quickly shakes his head as if to rid himself of the thought. If Eddie didn’t still trust him with Christopher then he would have made it painfully obvious and wouldn’t have left his son in Buck’s care the day after the tsunami. But the words being screamed at him do nothing to help all the work that he has done to try and move passed that day and all the trauma that had come hand in hand with it.

  “Well, we are here now and you can leave. We’ll look after our grandson now, thank you.”

  Once more Buck scoffs as he shakes his head. “No way, Eddie left Chris in my care, he trusts me with his son.” Buck presses on, not wanting to relent to what they were asking him; but he can’t help when the trembling in his hand begins and his heart beats a little too fast for his own liking. But he stands unrelenting none the less.

  “ I don’t care if our son left him in your care.” Ramon begins, and Buck doesn’t say anything yet, instead he clenched his jaw and looked at the older man in the eye. Whatever they have to say will never be worse than what his own parents have ever said to him, he can easily take this.

  “We are Christopher’s grandparents and we cannot trust you to look after him, you are unfit to do so. You’ve done nothing but proved that, and we don’t want you to look after him.” Ramon is ruthless in what he has to say, and Helena standing there the entire time in support of what her husband has to say, nodding her head every few moments as Ramon continues to make his points. Leaving Buck’s heart dropping in their wake. “And we are not going to wait around and have the day come that you get him killed in your care.” Buck eyes widened, because did they seriously think that he was that unfit in watching Christopher that he would get the kid killed? We’re they seriously saying that right now? Buck really couldn’t believe what he was hearing right now.

  “I-I-“ Buck didn’t know what he was even going to say before he was cut off anyway, Ramon holding up his hand in front of Buck to silence him and Buck hates himself for how quick it worked. “Get out right now, okay? Don’t bother saying goodbye to Christopher, because we will convince Eddie to stay clear of you.”

  Not knowing what he can say to change their minds or even make them see common ground, that being Christopher’s safety, Buck just nods his head slowly. He looks down at the room that Christopher is in, and as much as he wants to ignore them and go and say goodbye to the kid, he doesn’t do that. He’s not about to give Ramon and Helena another reason to go off on him. Wordlessly, he grabs his jacket and his keys as he roughly puts his shoes on; lips pulled down into a sad and angry frown the whole time doing so.

  With one last look at Ramon and Helena, Buck is out the door without Christopher even knowing.

---------

  One thing that Eddie wasn’t expecting when he got home was the silence that filled the house, having had expecting the childish laughter of his son and his boyfriend as they caused absolute havoc on the house. But instead there is nothing of the sort, just the television playing softly and the chatter of two voices that Eddie hadn’t been expecting. Unlocking the front door and entering the living room, Eddie is greeted with the sight of his mother and father sitting on the couch, conversing quickly amongst themselves.

  The second thing that he notices is what Buck is nowhere to be seen, only now clicking onto the fact that his jeep wasn’t in the driveway where it was usually parked when he stayed over. Noticing all of this, Eddie can’t help that he is already annoyed and defensive; but usually his parents being here doesn’t always been the best news for him. “Ah Edmundo, you’re finally back!” Helena happily announces, seeing her son standing in the doorway with a frown on his face as he looks around. “Oh Christopher is playing in his bedroom, do not worry.” She says, as if that was the only thing that he was worried about in this moment, but he was able to hear Christopher moving around in his room so that wasn’t something he was too concerned about at this given moment.

 Instead he finds himself asking “Where’s Buck?” Before even giving his parents a proper greeting, but he isn’t in the mood for their dramatics right now, and them being here usually ends in arguments that he doesn’t want to deal with. Sighing, Helena just smiles softly at her son instead, knowing that he obviously wasn’t in the best mood right now. “Ah, once we got here he decided to leave and go back to his apartment.” At that, Eddie frowns because he already knows that isn’t the truth, he and Buck had a lot of plans for after work with Christopher, ones that Buck himself was excited for. But he knows that Buck wouldn’t have left without letting his boyfriend know that the plans needed to be changed. Buck has always contacted Eddie when he wasn’t going to be home if Eddie finished work long after he himself had.

  The sound of Christopher’s crutches clicking down the hallway distracted him before he could open his mouth to call them out on their bullshit, a determined but sad expression marring his features. “Hey buddy, you okay?” Eddie questions, forgetting his parents are even there and instead focusing on his son, who should never have to look as sad as he currently does. Christopher moves as quickly as he could to stand by his father’s side, looking at his grandparents before nodding to himself and taking a breath. “Hey, whatever you need to say just say it kiddo, don’t worry about them.” Eddie encourages, not caring about the displeased grunt that his father makes in response to his words.

  He and Christopher do not keep secrets from each other, and he doesn’t want the secret keeping to start now when it was clear that his son has something that he thinks is super important.

  “They’re lying about Bucky leaving, they’re mean to him.” That isn’t something that Eddie had expected to come out of his son’s mouth, and he grows a look over his shoulder at his parents before turning his attention back onto his son; prompting the younger boy to keep talking. But he seems hesitant when he looks over at his grandparents once again, obviously not wanting to make them mad but he’s clearly concerned for Buck and needed to say what it was he wanted to get out.

  “It’s okay, kid. Eyes on me, you can talk to me.” Eddie reassures with such a patient and soft smile on his face, Christopher’s eyes searching his face and nodding to himself before he begins speaking once more.

  “Bucky left because they told him to, they were yelling at him and were mean to him.” Christopher admits, and any anger that Eddie is feeling at those words, he’s pushing them down because he’s talking to his son right now. His parents will get getting a piece of his mind though, that was for sure. “They think he’s going to get me killed and that you shouldn’t trust him to look after me.” Christopher has tears in his eyes as he shakes his head though, because he feels as though he needs to explain to even his father that he’s safe with Buck. “But Bucky has always protected me, he keeps me safe! They blame him for the tsunami, but that wasn’t his fault!”

  Seeing easily that his son was getting worked up, Eddie pulls the kid into his arms and whispers something in his ear that no one apart from Christopher can hear. “It’s alright, Chris. Calm down, I know.” He sooths, running a hand through his son’s hair as Christopher listening to him; taking calming breaths like Buck had taught him not long after the tsunami had happened.

  “Now, why don’t you run along and pick out some clothes and shoes.” Eddie prompts with a smile, Christopher already agreeing with a determined look because he knew what it was that he and his father were going to do. They were going after their Bucky. “Okay, dad.” He responds even as tears still slide down his cheeks, and Eddie gives him a kiss on his forehead as he brushes his cheeks with his thumbs, dying the tears as they fall.

  With that, Eddie pushes himself to his feet and looks at his parents with nothing but anger written on his face.

  “Look Edmundo-“ Eddie doesn’t even give them the chance to speak their mind and trying to explain what they were doing because he doesn’t want to heart it. “Save it.” He cuts off harshly, he is so angry right now. “Who the hell do you think you are, telling Buck that he will get Christopher killed? What the hell is wrong with both of you?” And now, Eddie really doesn’t care that he is being rude because they had no damn right to come in here and tell Buck that he had to leave. He was beyond furious, because Buck does not deserve to be treated so horribly.

  “You also have no right to undermined my parents and decide who I should trust my son with.” Angrily states the young firefighter, and Ramon and Helena stay silent because they already know they won’t be able to explain themselves and their actions. “Who I trust my son with is up to me, and no one else. And I trust Buck to look after Christopher.” Eddie says, and it really is as simple as that. Because as he said before: there was no one else in this world he trusts with Christopher then Buck. He meant it then and he still means it now.

  “By the time I get back, I want both of you gone. I’m far too angry at both of you right now. You have no fucking right to do what you did.”

  Briefly, Eddie wonders if he is blowing this out of the water, if he’s going over the top for what the situation is. But then he remembers the expression on Christopher’s face moments ago and how Buck must be feeling to realise how he isn’t overreacting what so ever. He’ll deal with his parents later, when he has calmed down. Because right now he has a boyfriend to worry about and bring back home.

--------

  “Okay, I’m coming. Jesus.” Buck sighs tiredly as he makes his way down the stairs when hard knocking on the door had woken him up from  a light sleep. Jogging down the stairs and to the front door, he doesn’t even really bother to check who is here, just opening it and then making a surprised sound at the people who greet him.

  “Bucky!” Christopher cries out happily as he horrible forward and goes to stand by the older man, who bends down to hug him and kiss the top of his head. “Hi there, kiddo!” He happily says back, his whole mood having shifted seeing the kid he loved so much and his wonderful boyfriend, who is smiling softly at the scene. “Not that I don’t love seeing you both, but what are you doing here?” He questions, moving out of the way and allowing his loved ones to enter his apartment, Eddie closing the door softly behind him. “Well, Christopher told me what happened today so I thought I could come and drag your butt back home.” Eddie explained in response, as if it was the most simple thing on the earth and Buck can’t help but blink in surprise.

  “Eds, it’s no big deal. Go spend some time with your parents.” Buck says, nodding his head at Christopher who motions for the television; leaving Eddie and Buck to talk about things that he really shouldn’t have to be concerned with. “Hm, nah. I’m good.” Eddie smiles, and Buck can’t help but snort and shake his head before his small smile drops and a frown takes over his expression; and it makes Eddie sad to see. At the end of the day he thinks the only expression that should be on Buck’s face is one of pure happiness.

  Or Euphoria but that isn’t the point that Eddie was trying to focus on right now.

  “They’re wrong, Buck.” Eddie says before Buck can even begin to say what it was that he was going on, because the older man already knew what it was going on in that wonderful head of his boyfriend’s. “I meant it said when I trust you with Christopher, I know that you will always protect him as best as you can.” The tone in Eddie’s voice was serious now, and he moves to cut the side of his boyfriend’s face, thump gently tracing his cheek bone as he smiled something so soft and loving that it never failed to leave butterflies in the younger’s stomach. “In the tsunami, you tried with everything you had to find him, okay? I know you never would have given up.” Buck remains silent, but Eddie doesn’t miss the tears that begin to burn in his eyes.

  “I should have tried harder, Eddie. I never should have lost him to begin with.”

  This is something that will always be quick to break the older man’s heart so quickly; and that was Buck’s habit for blaming absolutely everything on himself without hesitating. “Baby, don’t do that to yourself.” Eddie pleads, an unusually soft tone that he usually keeps reserved for Buck and Christopher, and it’s so gentle and patient that the tears in Buck’s eyes fall down his cheeks. “Don’t get so lost in your own self-doubt that I can’t find you, because I don’t and never will blame you for keeping separated from Chris that day.” This is a repeat of a conversation that they used to have so many times, and Eddie can’t help but resent his parents for making them have it once more.

  “You were both caught in a natural disaster and you did the best that you could, love. You worked yourself to the bone until you had your eyes on that kid again.”

  That was something that the dark haired man doesn’t think he could ever get, watching Buck collapse to the ground as all the fight had left his body at the sight of Christopher in his father’s arms. He just dropped and just thinking about it makes Eddie’s chest twist so painfully. And he hates that he couldn’t convince Buck to stay with him and Christopher that night, that Buck would have gone back to an apartment alone and hurt; it’s one of his biggest regrets that day. He can’t help but wonder if Buck’s feelings about that whole day would have played out the same, of having himself and Chris there that night might have played in his favour.

  “Now, you’re coming home with Chris and I, okay. We will always want you with us, no matter what my parents say.” Buck doesn’t open his mouth to protest, and that is something that Eddie is going to take as a win. “Because they will always be wrong about you, I will always trust you with Chris; never gonna hesitate about it.” Buck just sniffs back tears as he seems to search Eddie’s expression, trying to find something that will counter every word that he had just said but he doesn’t find a single thing. But everything that Eddie had just said he means it with his whole heart and being. “You know, I really fucking love you, Eddie.” Buck whispers as he is pulled into a hug by the older male, burying his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck and taking a moment to soak in the love the other is offering. He can feel the other chuckle, the sound vibrating in Eddie’s chest as he brings up a hand to cup the back of the younger’s head; fingers trailing gently through his hair.

  “Good cause I love you too, and you’re not getting rid of us.” Eddie replies. “Ever.” And to himself, Buck smiles because that sounds like something that he could happily live with.

#buddie #buddie fic fill #prompt fill #evan buck buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #911 fic #911 on fox #911onfox #911edit