#and even your present perfect!!!

[stuckinapril]

I’m happy for the little life I built for myself

#there’s a lot of ways to go #i am nowhere NEAR the dream life I really want to attain #or the dream person I want to be #but high school me #hell even freshman in college me #would GAWK at the life I have so deliberately made happen. #the solid network of friends I have #the confidence I’m slowly but surely growing into #the discipline I’m harvesting bit by bit. i do not claim perfection but I am 100% improving #I’m just happy idk! i don’t compare myself at all now bc I know I’m on the right track #especially compared to where I was like 5 years ago. such a different mind state from now #and no one can take that away from me #there’s a lot more to go. a lot more. but I thought I’d pause and be intentionally grateful for what has been accomplished #bc it actually puts things into perspective to look at the past rather than just look to the present. it creates contentment #i get so caught up being hard on myself for not accomplishing certain things yet #that I forget I pulled myself out of such a deep rut by the skin of my teeth #and that’s important to keep in mind even as you progress to your goals #anyway <333 happy content in my own lane etc etc #p

[araneitela]

Me: Talks about the significance and intimacy (not automatically romantic, folks, but also there's an inherent romanticism) of hands, and touch and who you let into that space of comfort. Pinterest: Did you say hands? Here, we've adjusted your home feed you so that you. cannot. possibly. escape. them. you're. welcome. Me: I just wanted— what did I want, again?

... Did I end up rambling about anything but hands in my tags? Yes. Welcome to me, this is what you sign up for. Not my portrayal, not my writing, my tag rambles.

#[ ooc. ] don't try to make it logical or edit your soul according to the fashion. rather; follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly. #[ i literally don't remember what i went on here for. ] #[ i thought it was an icon but it was not. ] #[ instead i'm now thinking of the importance of her gloves. ] #[ and how they're a barrier between her and humanity. or everything inherently human; more so. ] #[ they're an aesthetic. yes. of course-- but it's more than that. in characters made by hoyo? everything always has 5 more layers. ] #[ at the very least. ] #[ ugh. i wish i could organize my thoughts and talk about the 'versions' of rather-- layers of kafka herself. ] #[ without it being 24 paragraphs long. ] #[ it's just gotten so complicated because you see her presenting herself in such way for so long. ] #[ voice. attitude. indifference. playfulness. and all of those remain except they falter more when she's around two individuals. ] #[ i can't even include sw and elio in this yet. because while kafka seemed to lean a little towards her more normal voice... ] #[ in the pier point dialogue with sw; it was only sometimes. it was so inconsistent. ] #[ same with sam. granted there's only one exchange between them so far. ] #[ but i digress-- then i get her story quest and in it she softens not even a little. but decently enough. ] #[ is /that/ the pretense? no you don't fake that. you don't fake how she says '...you're not leaving?' that delivery is vocal perfection. ] #[ but /that/ plays so well into all these other very human elements that she has. ] #[ i swear-- part of me truly believes she's already /on/ the path of 'learning' to feel a semblance of what fear is. or better yet... ] #[ what it /stems/ from. ] #[ because we say 'she has no concept of fear' but what does that MEAN. does that mean across the board? ] #[ concern stems from fear. you need /care/ and investment to feel fear. she /shows/ concern actively. she risks a lot to-- ] #[ be concerned about blade. and yes; she lacks the fear of them getting caught. but she's concerned for him. ] #[ and she's also practical and analytical; she knows if they get caught-- blade worsens. ] #[ and while it also endangers the 'future' a bit; she harps on blade. she also confides in the MC about her concern. ] #[ i just. ] #[ this is so much more complicated than i thought it'd be. ] #[ and also this whole concept of what humans fall into when they lack fear. how they become metaphorical 'demons'... ] #[ that pursue pleasure and thrill. but she became a /hunter/ of them. and yet she shows a lesser shade of it herself. ] #[ i just. think she's so inherently and stupidly interesting. HI GUYS. HANDS. i totally went on a tangent. ] #[ ... not about hands. ]

[bylertruther]

the day that fandom realizes that pointing out writing choices, the negative effects those choices have on other characters, and the less-than-kind actions of a character, aren't a personal attack on you, a call to arms for everyone to hate this character, or even a hate post in and of itself is the day that we will finally know at least a crumb of Peace in these e-streets 🤦‍♂️

#we can point out tht the narrative has made it so tht a) will brought forth his self-fulfilling prophecy b) mike comes off like an ass even #when he's right and c) that el has been powerless for some actions in the story and an active participant for others #you won't explode and die from acknowledging every part of the story presented to you not just the ones that paint your fave in a kind #light lol. and acknowledging ur fave's wrongs or actions doesn't make u a hater #nor does it make this character bad evil mean or irredeemable #good characters (in my opinion) are nuanced and capable of good and bad and the in-between #the byIer fandom is such a culture shock for me the way tht it can be so like . rigid n sanitized n set in its own way sometimes abt #certain things. n tht isnt unique to us obviously but im used to being in fandoms where the 'ugly' is embraced #and here it's like NOPE 🙅‍♂️ NO NUANCE NO GRAY AREA EVERYONE IS PERFECT KIND GOOD N FAULTLESS 100% OF THE TIME N EVERYTHING #IN THE STORY IS EQUAL AND THE SAME AND THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE IN ANYTHING EVER N UR A SCUMBAG IF U POINT TO THE CANON SCENES #THAT SAY OTHERWISE 🔨🔫⛔️🚫👎🔇🚮🗑 #like ..... ok then. ... i gues. .s... #makes me wonder how u can appreciate the show in earnest if ur not acknowledging wht it shows u but ok . .. .

[queen-scribbles]

.

#torn between tickled the commander has something they don't get to be the best at #and annoyed that it's apparently not possible to beat lana at dejarik even tho you can beat arcann at sparring :\ #like she already basically has plot armor and is presented as verging on perfect #she's the smart one. thee rational one. the one who always has your back and a snappy one-liner to tease theron/tau/rivix/whoever #and look half the time i would lose on purpose bc playing for fun and her kicking xander's ass was adorable #i just want the *option* to win #i like her romance but it really feels like she's the favorite sometimes and it kills the mood #BUT at the same time the outlander/commander ha been built up to almost mythic proportions with what they can do #so it's fun to have something where they Aren't The Best #(look when i get this far with cohlton i'll be 100% fine with him losing. game's like this aren't his strength #unfortunately he's back prior to kotfe ch 9 i think. and xander's a strategist. and he's SMART. it's possible he would sometimes win) #idk i'm just torn like i said 😅 #swtor date night

[7-oh-ta1]

I've been having an existential crisis for the past month and the worst part is that it's the kind of thing that like, you can't sit down and talk to somebody about without feeling awkward. Vaguely, it's a thing where like, the answer you'll usually get is that "it's different for everyone" but I want to understand the other side, too and that answer is so useless. Like whats your reasoning? Explain in 4-5 sentence paragraphs, please. Not in a condescending "I'm right, so why do you think THAT?" way either I mean in like in a, if I hear it maybe I'll understand too! It's a topic with layers and I need someone on the opposite side to sit down with me and peel all of them back. It feels like... there's certain truths to all humans, except I'm human and I don't know them. I feel like I'm operating on an entirely different system and I want to understand the human way and the things that everyone else but me knows and understands on a basic level. To add to that because these truths are universal absolutely no one will sit down and discuss them; they just assume everyone knows and is operating on the same page to not talk about it. So now I, the one wanting to understand, don't even want to talk about it because I know the other person either won't take me seriously or will clam up! Not even worth it.

So anyway I'm trying to focus on old hobbies to take my mind off of it!!!!

#lindsay speaks #maybe. i don't knoww that's the issue #i feel like every little grain that i gain in understanding takes me two steps back #i don't understand humans at all 😭 #and my brain is just stuck like ''i don't understand yet :('' and won't drop it #i think it's because I'll never understand the human separation between mind & heart. like when ppl say their mind is saying one thing and #their heart is saying another I don't get that. first of all it's both your brain. your brain is responsible for your emotions. yes the sam #place your logical decisions come from. they come from the same place. so to say it's saying different things... the same thing (mind) #is presenting information and deciding what to do with it. that make sense? it's all your mind. to act like emotions don't come from your #mind is dumb. and even further on that emotions are not illogical. they actually make perfect logical sense. chemicals and hormones and #information recieved about what's happening around you it's all put together to affect your emotional state. it's not fuckin wizardry. #so why the hell does everybody act like it is? and why should i accept that when it's not true? emotions ARE logical. #if i see a dead bird on the ground i feel sad. why? because that's a sad thing. it makes sense to feel sad about it. #is that not???? a logical sequence????????? #i grrrr #can't even look to dostoevsky on this one because he was a sexist christian

[gaysforbyler]

Guys, I really don’t want to edit ch24, can we just skip that one? (It’s probably THE most important chapter of the entire fic)

#it’s a MESS #There’s like 2k words and I need about 3.5k #i just wrote ‘presents…’ because I didn’t want to bother thinking of them at that time #and now I HAVE to #I promised that Mike would get him the best present in the history on mankind #WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? #< i have an idea… #but youre not going to like it… #I SWEAR this chapter is intirely dialogue #not even the stage directions or whatever tf they’re called #i have to get the timing and emotions perfect and DIKSKSJSJ #dont wanna

[musical-chick-13]

Oh not me avoiding a wildly popular piece of media that I’d probably actually like out of sheer spite.

#maybe this is my True Toxic Trait but I just get really annoyed when all I hear is 'this thing is PERFECT it's EVERYTHING it's the only #TRULY high-quality media to EVER exist it is OBJECTIVELY better than literally EVERYTHING else it's the MOST IMPORTANT thing of ALL TIME' #like...again. not that you have to issue a disclaimer for media discussion of every single one of it's flaws before you earn the right to #talk about it. but if people keep holding something up as The Best Ever No Exceptions with literally no other commentary I just kind of... #get irritated to the point where I don't want to engage with the thing #I think in this case it's really...Objectively This Is The Best. I think that's what bothers me. because there IS no objective measurement #of art. it doesn't exist!! and that's okay!!!! just be honest!!!!!!! #'but mc13 what about your relationship to cxgf' well if you go back through my episode reviews you will see that I very much #acknowledged that some things could be done better and that it is not a perfect show because perfect media ALSO doesn't exist #and I've never said that it's the ONLY '''right''' way to present the themes it explores. there are a million different ways to do that #and it is the Greatest of All Time in MY OPINION. that's not going to be true of everyone!! and you can think something is the Best™ #WITHOUT PUTTING DOWN OTHER PIECES OF MEDIA /ESPECIALLY/ ONES THAT ARE NOT EVEN IN THE SAME GENRE OR HAVE THE SAME FUNCTION?????? #I'm also so tired of people saying 'it's good because it's gay™' like that tells me NOTHING #and like. the ideas/themes/concepts presented in this thing (from what I can tell) ARE present in other types of media and y'all REFUSE to #engage in those other things??? like you write them off and disparage them and basically unconditionally hate the things in them but #THIS time it's okay THIS is the exception and there is just NO awareness or critical thought there at all. it's the hypocrisy for me #In the Vents

[yuorgirlfriend]

wish people would stop seeing men as The Evil Enemy but rather understand that we are all victims under patriarchal capitalism

#like yes i am also angry at all the ways men have hurt us in the past/present #but men arent shitty just because theyre men #and im saying this as someone who used to genuinely hate and fear men #the more we divide ourselves the easier it will be for said patriarchal capitalism to rule us #we have common ground and we are not as different as we've been made to believe #yes there are things men will never understand about us and vice versa #but responding to that by distrusting every single man you meet... youre gonna miss out on a lot of cool relationships #seriously talk to men in real life not all of them are misogynistic pricks #even if theres things they have to unlearn or if they arent perfect #talkies

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

i messed up the stupid multimedia essay comic for the fellowship application because procreate doesn’t remember undo and i didn’t back up all my lineart as a procreate file bc i NEVER have to do that (the mistake happened in coloring on the first page and it’s. kind of unsalvageable because i would have to apply that to the rest of the pages and i just feel so sick that i don’t even want to try anymore.)

it’s less than six days out from the deadline and i’m just ready to take the L. i’ve never felt more like crying in my life and my stomach hurts and i feel like shit that i feel like shit at all because look i don’t have much of a chance for this fellowship anyway so i’m trying not to get emotionally involved. but it’s a chance to work on the a320 however slim and i have this stupid hope that maybe i’ll succeed despite being woefully underqualified in my view and… sigh. picking my battles never felt so awful

#AAAUUUUUUGH #DONT USE FILL. DONT USE FILL NO MATTER HOW YOU THINK ITS GOING TO STREAMLINE YOUR WORKFLOW IT WILL ONLY EVER END IN PAIN #WHY HAVENT I LEARNED THIS ALREADY #but like. i wasn’t expecting to get anything anyway. i’m probably not even going to get it. i don’t have a perfect GPA and my research is #in a different field and i haven’t done any presentations and no prior internship experience and my job experience is in undergrad education #i probably don’t even fit what they want which makes me the fool for even trying #UGH I HATE IT HERE!

[0reblogufufu0]

Happy Birthday to @snoobins !

#Happy birthday! #I really hope you like the collages and edits i made! #i wanted to pay homage to what an artist you are and went on a deep dive down your creations over the years! #even though it was your birthday present #i had a lot of fun just seeing how your gifs have changed and the same with your builds in AC #It was hard choosing what builds to use because i honestly loved all of them! so i limited myself to a color palette of light and dark #then did rainbow for the edit #its my firsr time doing both so i hope they arent underwhelming or anything! #youve supported me a lot in everything I've tried to accomplish but dont always hold yourself to that same standard #i even saw you didnt feel good about your angles in the AC pictures but i thought they were perfect! #they showed off the details of the rooms really well and all the little stuff you might not see otherwise #Anyway #i just had a lot of fun making this and hope you enjoy it just as much watching it! #i wanted to appreciate you here because you're seriously the kindest person i know and if there is anything unconditional in the world #i believe it is your friendship and loyalty #so i want to repay that however i can especially on your birthday when i get to celebrate you being you! #never change and heres to another year together! #i love you so so so much #And thank you just for being the great human you are! #make sure to spoil yourself for me! #(ps if the video or the photo is too grainy i can send it privately) #i want it to be clear i didnt change any of the coloring on your gifs because they're perfect just how they are! i just compiled them! #<3 <3 <3

[redstrewn]

YOU CAN'T WASH AWAY THE MISTAKES YOU'VE MADE.

— Memorist, "Second Sequence"

#touchstarved type beat #i love singing this part #gothic fiction: the past haunting the present. #oh how our monsters are so haunted #being an adult is just being oh so flawed #youre no longer a child. you have no excuse. but you dont feel like you know any better. so many times you still feel like a child #making the same mistakes #nonetheless even if you grow from them sometimes the mistakes youve made in the past drags behind you #weighing you down #you cant wash them away #whats done will always be done #and sometimes that will always have consequences #that will haunt you until the end #the people youve hurt. the people youve left behind. the grief. the things that could have been but didnt because you werent the person you #needed to be #its true that everybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. true that these things are a natural part of life #but sometimes they weigh anyway #and yeah the weight is just part of life too #but just because its natural doesnt erase the fact that sometimes you really just feel that weight #especially at your weak moments #and so i close this mass of tags once again with a phrase i now associate with touchstarved: “and you just have to live with that.”

[lightthatibecome]

I have got to get visibly queerer I don't think anyone can tell I'm a fag by looking at me anymore

#i have to faggotize myself . im going to get a haircut and dye it or something idk #what about me compels men to treat me like im a flirty little sexgirl or something . I DONT WONT YOU I DONT CARE HOW HOT YOU ARE #i literally have the perfect most attractive fiancee and its not liek i dont talk about him All The Time #like no i dont wear a ring i will lose it #i promise i dont want you and plus you dont even know youre acting faggy by hitting on me #unless you do . then thats fine but i still dont want you #im going to start saying 'im gay' again when someone hits on me like yes im also engaged to a man. ask questions embarrass yourself by+ #digging into the mess of my gender identity and presentation. for real about to put my pronouns on my badge too idfc

[scuffle-with-spirals]

THE WAY MASAYUKI TAGAGUCHI DREW KAZUO STILL GETTING UP, STILL NOT FUCKING DEAD YET AND JUST BENDING IRREGULARLY AT THE WAIST ALL WHILE HE’S STILL TRYING TO AIM AND FIRE HIS FUN AT THE SHUUYA AND NORIKO WITH THAT VACANT ASS EXPRESSION ON HIS FACE OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK JESUS CHRIST FROTHING AT THE MOUTH IT’S JUST GENUINELY FUCKING BATSHIT I DON’T EVEN HAVE THE WORDS???

I’M DESENSITIZED TO MOST HORROR BUT THE ART IN THOSE PANELS WAS JUST MASTERFULLY CREEPY. WHAT THE FUCK. BURNED INTO MY RETINAS. S+ TIER TENSION AND HORROR. JESUS CHRIST.

#Battle Royale #battle royale manga #battle royale manga spoilers #gun tw #gun mention #kazuo kiriyama #rambles #i'm glad that takami's words in the end-commentary agreed on the fact that tagaguchi's art was perfect for the manga #I've always struggled putting it into words myself but the way tagaguchi can genuinely fluctuate from- #drawing something tranquil or taken from a genuine slice of life #to drawing incredibly accurate expressions of sadness and anger #to just obliterating your senses with viscera makes for his art just a constant source of stare material for me LMAO #i think kazuo's final scenes in the manga show off his work best. in present time i don't think he's drawn smiling ONCE #But the way he moves #the way his body is- even before he gets back up AGAIN - #like when you add that to the BRIEF context we FINALLY get on his backstory it's like #it SHOWs so much to the viewer and it just completely freestyles on your heartstrings #the fact that after 15 volumes too the fact kazuo's backstory is still kept incredibly brief (giving answers. but not like. overindulging-) #is just. immense self restraint jesus christ. #characters like kazuo never stop rotating in my microwave brain

[sirsparklepants]

Sometimes you read a story where literally everything in the background is set up for the perfect horror movie and you find the author is merrily charging past the implications of all that and writing a romcom instead.

#oh yeah it makes perfect sense for your modern au evil dictator to have a family home that's actually a plantation #and it makes sense for them to have a strained relationship they work on ignoring #it does not make sense to present the family as actually warm and caring with no irony and to say the house has 'happy memories' #or even acknowledge the fact that it's a plantation and the family money is inherited from slavery in favor of 'its a pretty house' #you've cut the trailer for a classic southern gothic story into love actually and I can't with it

[emometalhead]

Why do concert tickets have so many fees when purchasing them? 😭😭

#so my best friend's birthday is a couple days before a concert we both want to go to #the venue is really iconic and it's local but neither of us have been yet so we're really excited about it #I offered to buy the tickets because #1.) it's her bday present and 2.) she'll be driving and it's a bit of a commute to drive to my house and then the venue + gas is expensive #I have no issue spending a little more money than I normally would because I think it's going to be an awesome experience! #it'll be my first concert that's just a friend and I without any parental supervision #also I just love concerts in general #I've been wanting to see this band for years so the timing is just perfect #I'm just upset because the purchasing fees are essentially the cost of a 3rd ticket #like it's not that expensive for just the two tickets but the fee cost makes it hurt #ugh #anyway I'm not buying the tickets quite yet. I still need to figure out how I'm paying for them since I don't have a credit card #also I need to figure out what to tell my parents about it #I think I'm going to tell them the month before that my best friend bought the tickets and invited me #that way they can't get mad at me for spending my money and they'll put up less of a fight about me going #they've let me go to a concert with friends before under that circumstance but there was parent supervision then #I don't think we need it now since we're both 19 though. we can handle ourselves #especially given the fan base of this band is mostly teen girls and women in their 20s. I trust we'll be safe #ugh I hate ticket fees #there's also an option to like insure your tickets for even more money and I'm like f that #ashley rambles