#and getting something to brighten her depressing apartment

[cumikering]

Neighbour Keegan Russ x reader

3.4k | fluff Fake dating on Christmas but wishing it wasn’t. Hey, where did the rest of the wine go?

“Didn’t expect to see you here.”

Keegan turned to you standing at the door of the laundry room.

He chuckled. “Likewise. Seems like everyone’s already gone for the holidays.”

“You’re not going home?”

He shook his head. “My break’s too short to make it worth the trip. You?”

“I’m flaking.” You tipped your basket into the machine next to him. “I’m gonna say I’m sick.”

“Oh, why?”

“My cousin’s family is hosting. She’s not my favourite.”

He laughed. “What’s your beef with her?”

“She’s such a show-off, won’t stop talking about her boyfriend and the fancy gifts she’s getting.” You inserted the coins into the machine with more force than needed. “And I think it’s finally getting to my mum, because she’s asking about my relationship status.”

“Well, if you need company…” he said, trying to not sound too hopeful. I’d love to spend some time with you.

You turned to him, brow raised. “Wait, you mean, you want to come with? Be my plus one?”

“That wasn’t- well, yeah. I can do that.” He shrugged. “If you want.”

This wasn’t the direction he was heading for. He was going to offer to spend Christmas together, maybe exchange gifts, but he surely wasn’t going to take that back. Anything for a chance with you.

“Really?”

He always enjoyed seeing your face brighten like that, despite never getting the chance to see it enough. When you moved in down the hall a few months back, he’d always found you cute, even managed to exchange numbers ‘in case you need anything’. But between deployments, he was lucky to even catch a glimpse of you once a week, leaving any possible advances towards you simply a fantasy to him.

But the opportunity presented itself that late Sunday morning and he wasn’t going to let it go.

“I don’t mind. Spending Christmas alone is depressing anyway.” He smiled. “What do I need? Wine, gifts?”

You shook your head. “Just show up, that’s all.”

“I just need to look good?” he teased.

You laughed. “I didn’t want to put it that way.”

“That’s alright. I know my place. You’re welcome to dress me up.”

“Okay.” You looked down at your basket. “I’ll text you when I get the details. See you next week.” And with that, you left, avoiding his gaze.

He was out of practice, but was he that out of practice that he came on too strong and scared you? He certainly didn’t mean to make it suggestive. This was going to end before it even started. He grimaced to himself.

This fake dating shenanigan was never going to work if you could barely look at your ‘boyfriend’. Dress him up? That time you saw Keegan on a run shirtless out your window you had to sit down.

But he was casual about the offer. Obviously it meant nothing to him, just something to do for the holidays - anything was better than celebrating alone. You didn’t have to make it weird.

It was just a lunch.

So when he asked if you wanted to have dinner at his place on the 24th, you didn’t know if you were supposed to be excited or not. But surely he was just being nice. He was nice.

He didn’t speak much (you wished he did though because his voice was divine), but he was always nice ever since you moved in, telling you to not hesitate to text if you needed anything. You knew he meant it, but between his tours, he was still a busy man you didn’t want to bother. Instead, you delivered home cooked meals after each deployment.

Maybe he was trying to return the favour.

When you said yes, well, Keegan couldn’t contain his excitement. He made a run to the fancy supermarket after work. He’d been told that women liked guys who cooked and he wasn’t horrible at it. It was his time to shine.

He welcomed you to his apartment with a smile. He hoped you didn’t judge the state of his kitchen too much. He had underestimated the effort required for said dinner, but the way you lit up made it all worth it.

“Would you like some wine?”

“No, thanks. I don’t really drink.”

He sat down, the dishes across the table. “Well, then your family is getting two bottles.”

“Please, you didn’t have to.”

“Are you sure I don’t have to try to impress them?” Isn’t that what boyfriends do?

“You’re doing more than enough coming tomorrow. My mum’s going to like you too much.” You let out a small laugh.

You too, I hope. He helped you to a serving of potato gratin. “I really don’t mind.”

“This is delicious. I didn’t know you’re such a great cook,” you said after a bite.

He smiled proudly. You didn’t need to know he persuaded (or coerced, who knows) the cook at base to coach him for the night.

Your eyes flicked back onto your plate, but his remained on you. You were a pleasure to look at, and the fact that you were there in his apartment, letting him cook dinner for you, made him chew on his lip.

Having usually only met in passing, he finally had the chance to ask more about you. And you smiled again when you talked about what you liked doing for fun, the passion oozing out of you. He could listen to you all night.

He wished he had dessert as a reason to keep you longer, but the conversation moved to the couch after you helped him clean up. He breathed a small sigh of relief, feeling like a boy clueless on how to keep their crush’s attention.

“What are you wearing tomorrow? I’ll pick something that goes with you.” He figured he was too bold the other day with his statement.

“Actually, if you don’t mind, I might as well pick your outfit while I’m here.”

Well, he didn’t expect that.

Keegan sat on his bed as you went through his wardrobe. How cheesy would it be if he were to pull out his guitar and serenade you? He, too, was told the ladies liked men who played the guitar. Why do you think he picked it up in high school?

“I can’t pick between these two.” You held up a maroon sweater and a dark green button down.

“I probably I shouldn’t be offering after such a huge dinner, but do you need me to put them on to see?”

You looked at him with a little glint in your eye as you laid the clothes next to him. “If you insist.”

Oh, he loved making you smile.

It was adorable how you quickly everted your gaze when he took his shirt off (he was hoping you’d look), but at least he enjoyed the attention you gave him when he was in said tops. You settled on the sweater and black jeans before excusing yourself for the night.

“We don’t need to take a cab tomorrow,” he said at your door. “I haven’t driven anyone in a civilian setting in a long time, but I can drive us.”

You laughed. “I can’t even begin to guess why you feel the need to tell me this, but I am not reassured at all.”

“People at work think I’m a bad driver, but I’ve never been in any accident.” He placed a hand over his chest. “I promise to keep you safe.”

“You better.”

The next morning, as your (self-proclaimed) arm-candy for the day, Keegan did way more push ups than he needed to. He also managed to retrieve the cologne he hadn’t seen in at least a year. He’d made it his mission to make sure taking him to your family was worth your while.

He fussed with the car audio. “Would you like any music?”

“I thought the etiquette is the driver gets to pick.” You strapped yourself in, the belt snug against your dark green top.

“Fair enough,” he said with an amused smile. He pulled off the lot as the familiar intro to Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High played.

“Oh, I like this song!”

“Sing with me.” He turned up the volume.

The both of you sang wholeheartedly, and he knew he shouldn’t be looking, but he had to see the smile on your face. You were rather quiet in the short interactions you had, but you’d opened up the night before, allowing your playful personality to shine. You were a steady stream of glee that didn’t drain him and he couldn’t get enough.

He should have made his move much sooner.

“You wanna tell me about your cousin’s infamous boyfriend?”

“They started dating in the summer. Bella couldn’t shut up about how he went to Ivy League and got his masters, how much he’s making and his fancy vacations.” You chuckled. “Well, the first time we met, she dropped her very expensive earring at the restaurant. The three of us looked for it under the table and then he said ‘threesome’ under his breath.”

Keegan bellowed a laugh, looking over to you. “What the hell?”

“I wish I was joking.” You shook your head. “I don’t think he intended to say it out loud because when I turned to him, he looked like he was about to piss himself. He never looked me in the eye the rest of the day.”

He stifled last of his laughs. “If I were him I’d have left. Forever.”

“She’s always smiling with him so I’m happy for her too, but he’s definitely not as cool as she painted him to be.”

“Wait, that’s who I’m up against? I don’t stand a chance. I should have got a fancier gift than wine.”

“I didn’t want to compare, but you’re the far better company. Far better looking too.”

He didn’t have to look at you to tell you were smiling. He hoped you meant that.

“So I have to stare at you a bit to sell it, right?”

You laughed. “Well, you don’t have to.”

“What if I can’t help it?”

“Then I guess I’ll have to stare back.”

“Should I- can I hold your hand?” He was glad he didn’t have to look at you because he wouldn’t dare to ask otherwise.

When you placed a hand on his forearm, he gripped it against his thigh. His heart raced.

And yours now too.

Keegan went far beyond the extra mile for this silly lunch, and what for? It only made it hard to dilute your hopefulness that this meant the slightest bit more than nothing.

A sliver of dread crept up. If your mum liked him too much, and you knew she would, she’d keep asking about him, and what would you say? You wouldn’t want to break her heart, but most importantly, you didn’t want to break yours. How were you going to say ‘we won’t be seeing each other anymore’ without your genuine disappointment bleeding through?

But you were a big girl. It was your petty idea to rub it in Bella’s face that you had a handsome and well-mannered plus one with a stupidly silky voice. You told yourself you’d worry about that after.

You turned to him. He’d styled his hair differently and shaved that morning, his light stubble accentuated his jaw. He smelt good – fresh and clean. His sweater was snug enough to outline his strong arms and chest. You hoped he didn’t mind you looking. Maybe you should have taken his offer to dress him up.

He had loosened his grip on you, thumb now stroking over your knuckles. He had pretty hands, his long fingers curled over the steering wheel. You entwined yours with his.

Despite the weather, your hand remained warm in his on the porch. You looked up at him, rocking on the balls of your feet, but his gentle smile and the squeeze to your hand slowed you down.

It was your first time being this close to him. His beautiful blue eyes twinkled in the sun. The eye-contact lingered.

“Coming!” A voice called from inside as footsteps approached.

���Show time,” he muttered close to your ear.

Bella couldn’t hide her surprise when she opened the door and you bit back a smirk.

“Hi, I’m Keegan. You must be Bella. Nice to meet you.” He extended his hand.

She blinked before taking it. She swallowed and took another second before turning to you. “I thought you were joking about bringing someone.”

He chuckled. “Well, here I am in the flesh. Hope you don’t mind.”

“No, not at all.” She stepped aside. “Please come in.”

He followed behind you as the three of you made your way past the kitchen. You hugged your mum and aunt before introducing him.

“From us. Thanks for having me, ma’am.” He handed your aunt the wines and gave your mum a squeeze.

You went to the dining room where your dad and Bella’s chatted. Keegan addressed them with sir and exchanged pleasantries before you followed Bella back to the kitchen. You didn’t miss how the table was only set for six.

She linked arms with you, eyes narrowed. “Not bad,” she muttered.

I know. “Ryan’s not joining?”

“We broke up last month.”

You stopped to look at her, brows furrowed. “No. What happened?” You genuinely thought they were going to last a while.

“Oh, don’t worry. I’m not sad about it.” Her manicured fingers squeezed your forearm.

“Are you… Sure you’re okay? You seemed happy with him.”

“I am. I guess the honeymoon period wore off, that’s all,” she said with a shrug. “Anyway, for my birthday, he got me a Dyson Air Wrap gift set, but it’s so not in my colour.” She shook her head and continued to walk. “He should have known. How did he think I was going to like it?”

You blinked. You’d appreciate even a quarter of a Dyson Air Wrap, but you knew it was another one of her humble brags. You let her have her moment.

Your mum laughed with her sister over tea. They didn’t get to see each other often and you thought it was worth the hassle of enduring Bella that day to see her like so. She gave you a pleased look and a thumbs up as you grabbed extra tableware and you had to stifle a giggle.

Keegan flashed you a smile when you entered the room to set the table for him. Making conversation with your dad and uncle, he looked like he fit right in.

Lunch began shortly and the chatter built as the wine poured. Keegan sat next to you and helped you with the food before himself. He put his hand over yours when you mouthed ‘thanks’.

“I heard you moved to a new apartment? How’s it been?” your aunt asked.

“I did. I love it there.” You turned to Keegan. “Actually, that’s how we met. He’s my neighbour.”

She cooed. “How sweet! Looks like you settled right in then.”

“How big is your apartment? Mine is huge. It’s such a pain to clean,” Bella said offhandedly.

You blinked. Your aunt turned to her with furrowed brows.

“How’s the new job, kid?” your dad asked. “I hope better than the last.”

Before you could answer, Bella interjected. “Oh, did I tell you I’m getting promoted next month? They’re giving me my own office too.”

The table fell silent. After a beat you said, “That’s great. I hope you like the new office.”

“How’s your new job? Tell us,” Keegan said.

You gave him a small smile before turning to your dad again.

After lunch, the seven of you moved to the living room for the gift exchange. Keegan didn’t leave your side, a hand on your knee as you unwrapped your gifts.

You got your parents a couple’s spa trip, a tea set and a board game for your aunt and uncle, and a perfume for Bella. In turn, you received a pretty charm bracelet from your parents and a nice pair of headphones from Bella’s. You gave each of them a squeeze for the gift.

As Keegan helped you put the bracelet on, you ignored Bella when she asked what brand it was, thankful she didn’t even comment on the perfume. You didn’t expect much from her, but you definitely didn’t expect the gift card to the hairdresser and the little note that it came with. Hopefully you can fix your hair <3

You froze and Keegan leaned over to read the card in your hand.

“I’m sorry, is there something wrong with her hair?” he narrowed his eyes at her.

She shrugged. “Oh, it’s just dry, that’s all.”

Your aunt gave her a disapproving look, but she wasn’t looking.

“I don’t think there’s anything that needs fixing,” he said firmly, his stare unwavering. “Her hair’s perfectly fine.”

Before Bella could respond, you excused yourself to the kitchen and your mum quickly followed.

“Oh, I’m sorry for making you come,” she said, stoking your back. “I know you two don’t really get along.”

“It’s not your fault, mum.” You frowned as you poured yourself a glass of wine and downed it. “She can say whatever she wants. I shouldn’t care what she thinks of my hair, or my apartment, or my job.”

“Maybe she’s a bit envious today. I mean, you’re the one with the nice boy with you.” She smiled playfully. “You should see the way she keeps stealing glances at him. Too bad he’s too busy staring at you to notice.”

You let out a small laugh.

“That’s my girl.” She gave you a hug. “I like that he stood up for you. It’s the only way my daughter deserves to be treated.”

You smiled against her shoulder and the both of you stayed in the embrace for a bit longer.

The living room was tense when you returned to your seat next to Keegan. He gave you a sympathetic look as he rubbed your arm. Bella didn’t meet your eyes, her arms crossed over her chest. She’d been told off by her mum, and it was hard for him to bite back his laugh.

Your aunt broke the silence by suggesting a few photos by the Christmas tree before you left. He volunteered, making sure you looked perfect in them.

You bade your goodbyes and once again gave your aunt a hug. You left the damned gift card on the couch and took Keegan’s arm to the car. He had noticed you were more smiley than before the incident.

You groaned when he drove off. “Now you know why I was going to bail.” You slumped over, looking out the window.

“I’m sorry about what happened."

“M’glad you’re with me. Would’a been pathetic going home alone and pissed.”

“But the rest of your family’s very nice. I actually had a nice time.”

”Yeah, but how much of that was fake?”

“What?” He took a quick glance at you.

“Y’know, the hand holding, standing up for me.”

“None. Nothing I did was fake.”

“You sure about that?”

He laughed. “Were you drinking? In the kitchen?”

“Well, yes,” you hesitated. “How’d you know?”

He pulled over and turned to you. “If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have come.”

“Don’t joke around now.” Your eyes narrowed.

“I’m not.” He took your hand, lips quirked into a small smile. “Sometimes I linger around at my door so I can catch you, but I never do because I come home too late.”

Your frown remained and his heart raced as the silence ensued. Shit, he must have read the room wrong. How much of this would you remember?

“You should talk more,” you finally said. “Your voice is perfection, addicting,”

He let out a relieved chuckle, thumb grazing over your knuckles. “I sound that good?”

You shrugged, flashing him a playful smile.

“Can’t help thinking had I been more forward from the start, maybe I wouldn’t just be ‘someone you’re taking’ today.”

“There’s next year, no?”

He held your gaze. “If you were sober, I’d ask if I could kiss you.”

“Why not now?”

“I want you to remember, so I’ll wait until we get home.”

“That’s a shame, but at least the wine will make your driving somewhat bearable.”

He laughed, pressing your hand to his lips. “You better sober up fast, because I’ve been waiting too long.”

More Keegan: second chance on Tinder, werewolf AU

@glitterypirateduck @sofasoap @macravishedbymactavish @shadofireshinobi @keegansshark @tiredmetalenthusiast @caramlizedtomatoes @two-gh0sts @rowanyaboats @mysticslumber @tipsykeen

#codholiday2023 #call of duty #cod #cod fanfic #keegan x reader #call of duty ghosts #cod ghosts #keegan russ x reader #keegan russ x you #cod x reader #cod x you #call of duty x reader #call of duty x you #cod fluff #call of duty fluff #keegan russ fluff #keegan russ #keegan p russ #dear bella i know irl #this is for u n ur unused dyson <3 #njeng gw solti bgt

[sgt-seabass]

𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒅

✧˚ · . a collaboration between @navybrat817 and sgt-seabass

I just wanna see you bleed. Open you and set you free. (x)

pairing — bucky barnes x fem!reader w/c — 9.7k this is a dark fic. 18+ only. listening to —♫disaster

part of the Vengeance AU previous part - 𝑬𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑷𝒆𝒓𝒇𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝑾𝒐𝒓𝒍𝒅

warnings — bucky barnes is going through it, dark fic, the reader is having a hard time mentally (.... totally not self inserting heh), violence, slapping, spanking, use of a gun to threaten, non-consensual connotations and threats (nothing actually happens), mild mention of blood and injury, captivity, forced drugging via injection a/n — sorry this took so long. depression is a bitch. thank you navy for putting up with my delays!

The thing about love is that it comes with risks. And the biggest risk of all is loss, for a heart that does not yearn for another never truly knows the meaning of catastrophic loss until grief visits them. 

Love was still worth it to Bucky. Even with his wrenching heart and endless tears, the tenderness he shared with you was something that no one could steal or decimate. While the assailants had trashed your shared home, they could never take the memories - the feeling of your deft fingers brushing across his skin, the bright smiles you’d gift him, and the unwavering silent support that always held him upright. 

Bucky was a man because you motivated him to be his best self. He was no longer a ghost, a nightmare, a mirage of misery - he was human. 

You were gone. And there would be nothing stopping him from getting you back. 

It had been three days since you’d been taken, and frustratingly, Bucky felt no closer to finding you than the day when he’d first found the ruins of the apartment. He’d moved back into the tower with Alpine, taking up refuge in his old compound apartment. It was kept the same, like he’d never left. And he felt the same as when he’d lived there last – lost.

The whole team had become involved in finding you. You were family to all of them. And no one gets away with fucking with the family of the Avengers.

Bucky sighed and impatiently tapped his foot against the floor as he waited in the meeting room with Steve, Natasha, and Sam. Tony had been working on a reconstruction of what happened in the apartment since the security cameras were somehow turned off before the assailant’s arrival.

It was a planned hit; that much was clear. But they needed the rest of the details of what happened to know what they were looking at.

The room was silent. What could anyone say that hadn’t already been said? Bucky’s friends had already assured him they’d get you back safely, but those were empty promises said just to stop him from throwing himself off the top of the compound.

Bucky stared at the blank white wall ahead of him while his mind spiralled. This was his fault. If you were dead, that blood was on his hands. He should have known of the threat – had some inkling that this was coming. But he was completely blind-sighted. There was no indication that there was an incoming attack.

“Move the table to the side so we have room,” Tony commanded as he entered, his usual quips missing – quips that always made you laugh and smile, brightening the room with your aura.

“Hello to you too, Tony,” Sam said, assisting Bucky and Steve in pushing the meeting room table to the side so there was some floor space for Tony’s visualisation tool.

“Do you think she’s alive? Could she have survived the attack?” Were the first words out of Bucky’s mouth, his voice strained from the amount of crying he’d been doing.

“Yeah, I think she’s alive. Are you sure you want to see this, Barnes? It’s… It’s pretty brutal, even for your standards,” Tony sniped, earning a stern look from Steve. Bucky didn’t care, though; it was a fair enough jab when he’d been the one to kill Tony’s parents.

“Real smooth, Tony,” Natasha scoffed, crossing her arms.

Bucky set the awkward air aside. They weren’t going to get anywhere otherwise. “I need to see it.”

“Maybe you should wait outside, Buck—” Steve started, but Bucky raised his hand to shut him up.

“Don’t coddle me. I need to see it.”

Steve just put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze while Tony set up his small projection device.

Nothing could have prepared Bucky for the image that greeted him. There you were, or at least, an apparition of you. He wanted to reach out and touch it, but he held himself back. What he couldn’t stop were the tears that welled in his eyes. What if this was the last time he ever saw you? You already looked like a ghost in the odd blue hue of the technology.

Bucky gulped, his breaths coming out thick as you started moving from the bedroom to the shower. It played out like a macabre movie. Three assailants entered the apartment through the front door.

“They had keys?” Natasha asked, and Tony nodded in response.

Sam partially looked away when the assault began, Natasha and Steve’s faces hardening while Bucky had tears tracking down his cheeks. You fought hard, and Bucky couldn’t feel any prouder. You were his light – his fire, and you fought with every morsel of energy you had.

Tony was right – the ordeal was brutal and cruel. These men didn’t just kidnap you; they tormented you. This was personal.

“Any forensics?” Steve asked, his voice shaky.

“None. Whoever they are, they’re professionals,” Tony leant against the table. “And they clearly have a vendetta. Any enemies that stand out, Barnes?”

“Hydra is always top of the list.” Just the mention of the name had everyone in the room shuddering. Hydra had already done so much damage.

“Hydra fell when S.H.I.E.L.D did. They’re gone,” Sam reclined against the wall, hand rubbing nervously over his jaw, the same spot Rumlow had got a good hit on him during their fight at the Triskelion.

“You’re naive if you think that would get rid of them.” Natasha walked up to the projection, zooming in on the word you’d written on the ground. Blonde. “Although I don’t remember any of our known enemies being blonde.”

“Pierce was blonde.” Steve suggested.

Tony shook his head. “He was grey. And I highly doubt he’d be breaking into an apartment, seeing as he’s got a bullet-sized hole in his chest. Plus, he was an old fucker.”

Bucky forced himself to watch the whole recreation, eyes not straying for a moment as he searched for anything he was missing. It was a carefully executed but merciless attack. Tony was right; it seemed you’d survive physically, but what about your mind?

Bucky could hardly bear to think about what they were doing with you now they had you alone.

With you passed out on the floor, Bucky watched as the men bundled you up in a sheet to carry your bloody mess of a body out in. “There were no drag marks?”

Tony shrugged. “Nope. They carried her.” 

“Did no neighbours report anything?”

“It was early morning, so most had already left for work, and anyone who did see something aren’t coming forward. People these days aren’t keen on being a snitch since that puts a target on their backs,” Sam delivered sadly. To a degree, Bucky understood, but at the same time, he wanted to question every person in the damn building.

Realistically, his efforts would be better placed searching through viable intelligence sources. The more reliable the information, the better. These guys would have had to make some noise somewhere, and Bucky intended to find where.

“I’ll ask Maria to get the analysts onto where they might have gone. They’ll check every car that was spotted in the area if they have to. And we’ll see what we can get off the surrounding cell towers. If we’re lucky, they pinged off one of them. They can’t have just disappeared with her,” Natasha’s voice turned clinical. It was easier to be strategic without the emotional strings attached.

Steve nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Check all private flights and airspace as well. I expect they’ve left the country and gone somewhere harder to track. The fact they went to this effort and didn’t kill her outright means they have a use for her, which means she’s still alive.”

“Until that use runs out,” Bucky cut Steve off, his jaw twinging with how hard he clenched his teeth. “Then they’ll kill her.”

“We’ll find her before then, Buck.”

“We have to. She’s taken my heart with her.”

You’d been lucky in your life that you’d been sheltered from physical pain. You’d known grief, sadness, all the usual trials of life. But this level of absolute anguish was new. 

You were thankful you’d gone this long not knowing what it felt like to fear an impending death.

What even was death? An endless nothing? A light at the end of the tunnel? A world where you’re reunited with all those souls that had already left? Either way, it was the cessation of suffering. You can’t suffer when you don’t exist. 

Days had passed since your capture, and a routine had set in. In your dank, mossy-smelling cell, you ate, stretched, slept, shit, and brushed your teeth - a macabre rinse and repeat that had your mind dulling. You prided yourself in being creative, so having no stimuli apart from grey walls and odd smells was a special kind of torture.

Your captors left you alone for the most part. You only saw them when they delivered meals and your toothbrush, and even then, sometimes, they’d just slide the items through a small hatch in the bottom of the door, expecting you to return the items promptly.

Damien or Maddox would often leave with some snide remark, while Kage never said anything.

The thought of fighting back had crossed your mind, although you couldn’t do much with them watching, the blinking red light of a camera in the corner of your room a constant reminder that you were not alone.

Bucky would be closing in by now, right? Each time you heard steps coming to your enclosure, a morsel of hope would flourish like a blooming flower. And each time, those beautiful flowers had their heads sliced off. The disappointment was clear on your face each time, and a small whine would escape, normally ending in you devolving into a pit of tears.

Crying was the only solace. 

As the days had passed, you began to fear the opening of the door, because you expected death with his scythe and billowing black mist to be there waiting to cut off your head, like the way your hope had been deflowered.

Today was the same as all the others. Pain, tears, and acute loneliness all present. You sat on your cot with your legs to your chest, bandaged feet resting on the mattress so you could cry against your knees. Your wounds were healing slowly, bloody bandages changed by Kage each day, while your heart continued to break.

The wall vibrated subtly as music began playing upstairs, the reverberations traveling all the way down to your cell. You were underground, that much you had gathered. After your dinner, you would hear the music begin to play. You weren’t sure what they were doing up there, but you never heard any additional voices, so you assumed your captors were alone. Although, there could easily be a thick layer of concrete separating your roof from their floor, so you just might not be able to hear it.

All you did know was the music normally meant it was time to try and sleep. You had no sunlight, so you had to rely on the meals and music as your clock. You could have an opposite sleeping schedule for all you knew, but the men never said anything of it, so you assumed your intuition was right.

With a heavy sigh, you lay down, covered in an oversized t-shirt and cotton panties. It was cold, but with nothing more than a thin blanket, so you had no choice but to shiver and bear it.

The vibrations in the wall made a white noise that filled the room, and you preferred that over the silence. You couldn’t hear the music, so you liked to try to imagine what song it might be based on the tempo. 

You smiled to yourself as you placed your hand against the wall. Whatever it was, you knew Bucky would hate it. Deep bass beats were never his style. While you liked to imagine your boyfriend as John Wick, fighting along to electronic music, you knew the reality was far more grim. 

Thinking of Bucky, your eyes started to get heavy, and you slowly fell asleep.

It wasn’t a peaceful slumber, but it was rest - something you tried to get every chance you could. You didn’t know when you’d need your strength, so you tried to reserve it. 

And as it turned out, a situation requiring your strength was around the corner much sooner than you had expected.

The door to your cell swung open, and the loud sound had you shooting up with a squeak and wide eyes, no remnants of sleep in your mind as adrenaline surged through your veins. 

Nothing could have prepared you for the sight you’d be met with.

It was Damien who spoke first as they entered. “We caught ourselves a new pet. I have to say, this one seems much less fuckable than you.”

“Bucky,” you gasped, mostly in disbelief.

It wasn’t the rescue you’d dreamed of. Bucky hadn’t come in guns blazing and a smile of relief on his face.

No, Bucky was slumped, his metal shoulder being carried by Maddox and the other by Damien, while his legs dragged across the floor behind him and his arms were secured behind his back. He was dressed in his tactical gear like he’d come with the intention to save you. His face was bloodied and ashen, his hair sickly sticking to his forehead, and to your horror, there was a muzzle placed over the lower half of his face. You’d seen a picture of Bucky from when he was a soldier when you’d accidentally walked into a briefing room in the compound, his face scattered among others you didn’t recognise. But seeing him like that in the flesh was something else entirely.

You jumped up from the bed, ready to run to him, but Kage was by your side before you could act. He placed his hand on your collarbone, warning you to stay in place. “Your face is priceless.”

You couldn’t even feel the pain in your feet, as if the wounds were never there, as you whimpered at the sight of your lover.

“Bucky, are you alright? Bucky. Oh god.” You tried to move, but Kage’s hand gripped your forearm painfully, his digits digging in and leaving divots. Bucky tried to speak beneath the mask, but only muffled sounds came out. “No, please, don’t hurt him.”

“Bit late for that, don’t you think?” Maddox grinned, the pride clear as day on his face. “The mutt put up a fight, I’ll give it that. But it failed. That must really suck for you.”

They spoke like he wasn’t even a man. Not even a dog. Just an annoyance - a hindrance.

Damien and Maddox dumped Bucky on his knees a few steps from you. And that’s when he finally looked up. It was like he hadn’t wanted to accept that was your voice he heard, but once he set eyes on you, that was it. 

The dams broke, and both of you resolved into tears. “No, this isn’t real. This can’t be happening.”

“Oh, it’s happening.” Damien kicked Bucky’s back, sending him lurching forward, his cheek painfully hitting the concrete floor. The pained sounds that came from your boyfriend would haunt you for the rest of your life.

“Stop it!” You yelled, Bucky’s whimpers too much for you to handle. He was trying so desperately to speak, to move, but they’d beaten him badly and secured his metal arm away with vibranium cuffs. 

It didn’t stop him from trying though. Bucky rose to his feet, swinging his weight around so he could roundhouse kick towards Maddox and Damien. Maddox was faster though, pushing Damien out of the way and catching Bucky’s leg. 

There was a sick crunch when Maddox tripped Bucky’s stable left leg, his body buckling to the floor while Maddox held his right leg, allowing the joint at his hip to fold into an odd position before Bucky hit the floor on his side. He withered with a pained groan, while Damien took the chance to kick him in the stomach. It was like watching the most morbid film play out in front of you, and all you wanted to do was hold Bucky and tell him it was going to be okay. But the thing was, you never lied to him. And you had no plan to start now.

You tried desperately to wrench yourself from Kage’s grip, but instead he yanked your back to his chest, placing his arm across your belly so you were held uncomfortably against him. “He failed you. Do you think he still thinks this is all worth it? Or do you think he should have just left you to rot?” 

It was the most Kage had ever spoken to you, as if Bucky’s mere presence brought out a vitriol he kept hidden.

You shook your head, desperate to reject the baseless accusations. Even with his mouth covered, you could see in his expression alone the love Bucky held for you. You would never stop believing in him, even in death. “He hasn’t failed me,“ you gritted out, tears tracking down your cheeks. “He could never fail me.”

A sense of realisation took over you, the cogs turning as you looked upon your beaten lover. You’d wished for him to rescue you, to take you away from the pain and shield you from any further torment. But in doing so, you’d denied that Bucky was vulnerable - that he was the human you so dearly loved - made of flesh and blood and so dearly mortal. By placing him on the pedestal of a hero, you denied him his sensitivities, his feelings. You’d made him impuissant through your view of him as an impregnable force. You forgot that he is but a thing of atoms and material, so easily broken.

It was due to your expectations that he lay on the ground before you, bleeding and crying. Because he knew you were waiting for him. And here he was - just not in the way you had hoped. Now, hope was but a bird with broken wings, ready for death and the conclusion of existence. It was time for it to be put out of its acute misery. And it was time for you to mature and take responsibility for your future. 

“The only person who can save me is myself. It’s my path to take, not his,” your words came out shuddered, your hand raising to cover your mouth to try and hide your sob. It did little to muffle the sound as your eyes met the familiar cerulean blues. “Bucky. It’s fine.”

Damien pulled the muzzle from his face, and Bucky allowed a deep breath for what seemed like the first time in hours. “You have me, just let her go.”

Maddox laughed, shaking his head as he ruffled Bucky’s hair. “Trying to be noble, huh?” His fingers looped in the sweat-drenched strands, roughly pulling Bucky’s head back as he whimpered. “Do we look like we’re going to let her go?”

“She’s innocent in this, please,” Bucky begged, blood trickling down from his hairline as he squirmed on the cold floor. It was a painful, pitiful sight. “Keep me, but let her go.”

“Why would we when we can have some fun? She’s so pretty when she cries. The perfect toy for us to play with,” Kage husked, the hand on your stomach starting to dip lower towards your dignity.

You slapped his hand, an action which gained you a violent response. Kage threw you to your knees, the impact causing your bones to quiver and your cries to fill the room. You had to be strong, you had to be strong - the mantra didn’t help much as Bucky snarled protectively. “You touch her, and I’ll fucking kill you. I swear I’ll–”

“You keep running that mouth of yours, and it’s her we’ll punish,” Maddox gripped Bucky’s chin between his fingers, before spitting in his face.

“Please, I’m begging you. She’s just a normal girl, she’s innocent–”

“She’s not going to be so innocent when she has our cocks shoved down her throat.” Damien approached you, eyes raking your barely covered form. You stunk after days of not bathing, but that seemed like the least of their concerns.

“I can see why you picked her. She’s so much fun to have around.” Maddox forced Bucky’s viewline to you, arching his head on an awkward angle with the fingers tangled in his locks.

“You don’t own her,” Bucky rasped. “No one does.”

Maddox hummed with a shake of his head. ”That’s where you’re wrong. We all have our masters. Now we’re hers.”

"I will fucking kill you," Bucky snarled, trying to get off the floor, trying so desperately to fight. But he was easily subdued by Maddox in his weakened state.

Damien turned to your boyfriend with a smirk. "Not before we fill up each of her holes. So why don't you sit back and enjoy the show? Be a good boy now. Wouldn't want to have to muzzle you… again."

"We're going to enjoy breaking her," Maddox teased, his face getting close to Bucky’s, a staring contest of will beginning between the two. A contest that Bucky quickly lost when Maddox punched him in the gut. ”While you have your own appeal, I don’t fuck mutts.”

It was hard to process the scene playing out in front of you - the taunting, the threats, the hurt. It was too much to bear. You just wanted to be in Bucky’s arms again and have him tell you it was all okay.

But no, you had to be strong. “Please, don’t hurt him anymore. I’ll… I’ll do whatever you want.”

Kage held you firm, his free hand reaching up from behind to grab your jaw painfully. He didn’t speak, but you could feel his hot huff of breath against your ear, the remnants of a growl in it.

“You’ll do whatever we want regardless,” Damien commented, searching your face and soaking up all the emotion he could find.

Maddox left Bucky battered on the ground, but not without one more kick, this time to the underside of his jaw. Bucky’s head snapped back, a crack sounding as his teeth slammed together in the forced movement. 

You screamed, Kage and Damien’s hands beginning to roam across your body, feeling you like you were theirs. But it was like you couldn’t even see the three men anymore - just Bucky. Your vision had tunnelled to the focus on the one thing you cared about.

“Bucky! Are you alright? Bucky, please!” You couldn’t look away as his head lolled sickly, blood pouring from his mouth and nose. 

The hands keep moving over you, nausea roiling in your gut with each passing moment. But you still only focussed on Bucky. “Bucky, please. Bucky. You’ve got to get out of here. Somehow. Just go, please.”

The cell door was cracked open. He could logically make a run for it. But you knew he wouldn’t, not in his current state, and not without you. Maybe Steve was on his way? But you knew Bucky wouldn’t look so crestfallen if help was coming. 

“Please, Bucky.” You cried, not even sure what you were asking for at this point, all you could do was scream his name.

The more you yelled for him, the more you chanted his name like the only prayer you knew, the more the world began to warble. 

Bucky’s form began to waver, as did the rest of the room. Maddox, Damien and Kage had frozen in their assault, their skin rippling as your breath suddenly fell short.

What was happening? You couldn’t scream for Bucky anymore - you couldn’t do anything, as if your mouth had been glued shut.

As your tears fell and sobs bubbled from your throat, the world dissolved.

The nightmare was ending, allowing leeway for the real horrors to become apparent.

You woke for real this time with a jolt, your sounds muffled by the tape over your lips. You were sobbing just like you had been in your dream, and as you took stock of the room you quickly realised Bucky wasn’t here. It had been a horrible nightmare.

What was real, was Maddox towering over you, a roll of tape discarded on the ground and his gun to your head. He looked the angriest you’d ever seen, salivating and almost frothing at the mouth. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”

The tears started falling faster as you screamed against the tape, but it did little to quell Maddox. He forced each end of the tape down, the gun in his hand coldly pressing against your cheek. 

“Say his name again, I dare you. I'm not going to cut your tongue out. I'll fucking rip it out,” he growled, his words mouthed against your face and over your bound lips. His spit smeared over your skin, the heat of it warming where the metal of the gun had cooled.

All you could smell, see and hear was him. It was an overwhelming sensation that had you wanting to escape.

You writhed, but you couldn’t get away from him as he caged you in, kissing over your mouth again in a show of control, not endearment. He could take what he wanted from you whenever he wanted. You screamed and squirmed, but Maddox held you in place before ripping the tape off, allowing you to finally breathe in the musky basement air. “This fucking mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble.”

“W-What did I—“ Your heart nearly broke through your ribcage with how hard it was beating as Maddox forced the barrel of his handgun into your mouth, the metal sitting against your tongue and leaving a horrible taste. 

The struggle stopped, and you looked into Maddox’s eyes. The malice was pertifying. It wasn’t the same look he’d had during the assault in your apartment; no. It was worse. He was going to kill you.

His thumb moved in one swift motion to click the safety off, his finger resting on the trigger. “Say goodbye.”

You closed your eyes, fear clutching your heart and what felt like concrete in your lungs. You didn’t want Maddox’s face to be the last thing you saw, so you thought of when you and Bucky had adopted Alpine.

She had been found on the streets as a stray, only a year old with matted hair and a little injured paw. You’d both fallen in love with her, and nursed her into the ball of chaotic floof she was today. You thought of the moment where you first brought her home. She stayed in her carrier after the door had opened, too scared to venture out. So you and Bucky sat on the floor, cuddling and talking while Alpine slowly came out, before sitting next to you both. It was so peaceful. Such a small moment changed the trajectory of your life. It was those pockets of happiness you cherished the most.

You waited for the bang, the flash, the quick pain before the nothingness. But it didn’t come.

Instead, you heard rushed steps and yells before Maddox was hauled off you, the brunette slipping the safety back on as he let the other two pull him back. 

“What the fuck?” Damien snapped, a commotion starting.

But it was like water was in your ears as you stared up at the ceiling from your bed, the chain secured around your ankle rattling with the way your body couldn’t stop shaking. Your arms covered your torso, and it took you what felt like forever to open your eyes.

“She was calling for him! For that bastard!” Maddox yelled, and it was then you turned your head to look at him.

“What, so you were going to kill her? Mads! Stop! We just got her!” Damien grabbed Maddox by the shoulders, shaking him like it would bring him to his senses.

"One simple fucking rule. Don't ask to go back to him. She was wailing like a fucking banshee."

Kage was the only controlled one, ushering Damien out of the way so he could take Maddox’s face into his hands. “You’re not back there. You’re not being compared to him, not being tested on. Stop. You’re here, and you almost just killed her.”

“She. Called. For. Him,” Maddox said through gritted teeth.

Damien glanced over at you, and it made you curl a little closer to the wall. "She didn't mean to, Mads. You know she didn't. Just breathe. Come on.”

It didn’t stop Maddox from spitting on the ground, his breaths coming out in adrenaline fueled shudders. “That piece of shit. I bet he bragged to her. I bet she fucking knows everything he did and is playing stupid.” With Kage holding him, his sightline turned to you. ”You’re pretending like you have no idea what he’s done, aren’t you? You dumb fucking bitch!”

“You know that’s not what’s happening,” Kage quickly reasoned with Maddox’s face still between his palms. It was clear there was a brother-like bond between the three of them. It would be nice, if the context of the situation didn’t exist. If anything, it made you more scared of them.

The fear had your body feeling frail, and it took you a few tries before you could sit up on your cot. “W-Whatever I did… I’m sorry. I don’t k-know what’s happening.”

Even you were caught off guard with the weakness in your voice, but the apology did nothing to appease Maddox. In fact, it incited the flame again. He broke free of Kage’s hold, and you didn’t have time to defend yourself before he smacked you hard across the face, the sound resonating like a sick echo in the cell.

The pain came a few seconds later, a sharp sting spreading across your face as you sobbed.

“You fucking bitch. You think this is funny, don’t you? Playing the innocent act just so you can fucking laugh at me once I’m gone.” He was trying to goad you into something you weren’t. You wore no mask, obscured no part of yourself. You were just you. And in a world where so many people lied and deceived, you could understand where the line of thought had come from. But Maddox couldn’t be more wrong about you.

What was it he had against Bucky anyway? There was clearly history you were missing, some big piece of the puzzle that had been hidden.

You didn’t get a chance to respond before Damien was tugging him back, taking the gun from him and pulling him away. “Mads, you’re triggered. That’s enough. You’re not yourself.”

For a moment, you could swear there were unshed tears in Maddox’s eyes, but didn’t get the chance to tell before Damien had pulled him from the room, leaving you alone with Kage.

There was a long silence for a moment, just your cries as your hand rested on your throbbing cheek, with Kage standing by in thought. He looked to you, his icy stare not helping you calm down. “I’m going to have to punish you.”

You could still hear Maddox yelling as you rubbed your cheek, and when Maddox’s voice finally faded you curled your knees up to your chest, your sobs shaking you. Maddox would have killed you if they hadn’t intervened, but now you were going to be punished. It was cruel. “What did I do?”

“You broke a rule. You called for him. Subconscious or not, every part of you has to learn the consequences.” Kage rolled up his sleeves, crossing his arms. It was clear his conviction was settled, and there would be no point bartering. “First, you’re going to shower. You’ve pissed yourself.”

Fresh tears filled your eyes when you looked down and realised Kage wasn’t lying. The sheets stuck uncomfortably to your legs and panties, the hem of your shirt soaked. You weren’t even sure when it happened, having been so caught up in the nightmare and then Maddox’s rage. Your fingers gripped the edge of the mattress, head hanging so you didn’t have to look at Kage.

Part of you wasn’t even sure if you were humiliated. They’d stripped you so bare you didn’t have much left, not even the dignity that would be hurt from something like this. More than anything, you cursed yourself for not being braver.

You had to hold your own if you were going to survive.

Words failed you when Kage took your arm to stand you up, and you didn’t say a word as he released your chains started to lead you from the room. 

It was a slow walk as you hobbled on your injured feet, but it was clear Kage had no intention of carrying you as he walked a few steps ahead. He’d let go of his hold, so confident that you’d follow him that he didn’t even look back. You knew he’d overpower you without even breaking a sweat if you tried anything, and you didn’t have the energy to fight.

You were surprised to see the underground was more than just your room, with a small hallway connecting you to a large shower room. You assumed there must be more cells, because there were multiple shower heads and a few random lockers. Almost as if it was a prisoner gym shower. It was odd, and you cautiously stepped forward.

Kage just ushered you towards the shower, crossing his arms as he watched you limp onto the tiled surface. You went to take off your bandages, but he cleared his throat and shook his head. Flustered, you moved to your shirt and underwear instead, turning away from him as you stripped bare and dumped the soiled clothing on the floor.

You cautiously stepped forward to turn the shower on, shuddering when the cold water began pouring out. There was only one tap, and no indication that the water was getting warmer, so you turned back to your captor. “There’s no hot water?”

There was no response from Kage, just a stare that told you all you needed to know, as if he was silently saying ‘get on with it’.

You shivered as you stood under the cold stream. When the water washed over your face, it was like you were back in your apartment all over again, and you let out a panicked gasp before stepping back.

The way your body shook wasn’t only from the cold.

With a bated breath, you glanced back at Kage. But he was no closer. He wasn’t going to pull you out, going to attack you, it seemed. The danger still loomed, memories of your assault fresh in your mind.

You returned to the water, washing yourself off as you could feel Kage’s gaze burning into you, as if he was studying each of your movements. He finally moved when the water shut itself off, pointing to a grey towel that was the same dull colour as the rest of the basement.

The last remaining water droplets blinked from your vision as you stepped forward, taking the towel and beginning to dry off. You glanced around, frowning when you saw there were no fresh clothes. 

“Uhm… clothes?” You asked hopefully, to which Kage shook his head. It wasn’t surprising, but it was upsetting.

As you ran the towel across your skin, you couldn’t rid of the nagging question that was plaguing your mind. “Why didn’t you just let him kill me?”

“He doesn’t need the guilt,” Kage finally spoke, but his answer only made your brows furrow.

“Why would he feel guilty for getting rid of someone who doesn’t matter?” It was conflicting information. They’d said you were nothing while in your apartment, and had treated you as such. But of course, you weren’t given an answer. Instead, Kage began leading you back to your room, your waterlogged bandages making it hard to walk. “What’s my punishment?”

Kage doesn’t answer, instead leaving you alone in your cell. “Strip the bed. I’ll be back.”

You gently rubbed your cheek where Maddox slapped you as you stared at the open door. You could run, but that would just worsen the situation. And you were in no condition to make it far.

Your gaze shifted to the blinking red light in the corner, staring into the black lens before snapping out of it and beginning to strip the bed as you were told. You kept replaying the events in your head, but it just didn’t make sense. You didn’t know why Maddox was so furious, and why Kage and Damien stopped him before he did any real damage. There was clearly something you were missing, but you were too fatigued to notice.

You used the sheets to soak up any remaining moisture from the mattress, which was covered with some sort of dark waterproof fabric. Unsure of what else to do, you placed the sheets by the bed.

With the sheets on the floor, you sat next to them on the cold concrete, waiting until Kage came back in with fresh bedding. He held it out to you, waiting for you to approach him with an air of impatience. You hoped your punishment was a simple as making the bed, but you knew you were in for worse at the hands of these men. 

It didn’t take Kage commanding you to put the fresh sheets on the bed, his eyes not leaving you for a moment. He let out a hum when you finished, before taking a seat. “Come here.”

You let out a shaky breath before you approached him. There was something so ominous about the blue shine to his eyes, like a full moon bearing its magnetic energy onto you. You couldn’t help but feel pulled towards him, like your legs moved before you could even think. When you got close enough, Kage took your wrist into his grip. There was a beat of silence for a moment before he yanked you down. You yelped as you fell, your stomach hitting his thighs as he bent you over his knees. It was a humiliating position. As if they hadn’t caused you enough shame.

As naked as the day you were born, you lay across his legs, your ass raised, and shoulders slumped. There was no escape. You were under no illusion that there was no way you could reasonably get out without help. And without Bucky, or any of your friends, you were stuck.

You felt as if you hadn’t slept at all, and tiredness nipped at the back of your eyes as you resigned yourself in his lap. He seemed pleased, a near silent grunt sounding as he rubbed circles over the globes of your ass.

When the first slap landed, you yelped, a sharp pain on your ass from the impact of his palm.

“One.” You heard him count under his breath, before the second spank hit. “Two.” Tears gathered in your eyes, small droplets hitting the ground below as the third hit landed. “Three.”

“Why?” You croaked out. “Why are you doing this?”

“Four.” Kage uttered, another slap hitting you and causing your body to jolt. Four. The counting continued despite your pleas, the pain worsening with each hit. He wasn’t holding back, and the pain began to elevate to the point where you felt as if your bones may shatter. Five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

“Please, I don’t understand. I’m sorry- I’m s-sorry I said his name. But I didn’t do it on purpose,” your words are mottled with sobs, and you turned back to look at him despite the way you had coiled around his thighs. “I don’t understand. Why do you hate him?”

Eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty.

Kage’s icy glare met yours. In just a look alone he conveyed so much emotion, far more than words could ever express. There was anger and hurt all broiled up in a stew of self-pity. Twenty one, twenty two, twenty three, twenty four, twenty five, twenty six, twenty seven, twenty eight, twenty nine. His spanks didn’t stop, not even when your cries resounded off the walls like a ghoulish orchestra, your begs garbled with the agony coursing through you.

“Thirty,” he coldly said, his hand once against slapping against your abused ass. When he brought up his hand for another hit, he stopped. On his palm was little dots of blood. You whimpered at the sight of it, and his eyes narrowed. He’d been hitting you so hard he’d broken skin with the impact.

“Please, why? What’s going on?” You lamented, growing weary of his silence. “Just tell me. Why do you hate him? What did he do?”

Kage hit you again, more aggressive this time. You howled in pain as he held you still. His breaths came out in a huff as he calmed himself down. “Don’t act dumb. You’re his girlfriend. You know what he’s done.”

“I don’t!” You rebutted. “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

Kage’s steel blue eyes flashed with something dangerous, his hand rubbing circles on your skin and smearing your blood across your flesh. “You’re lying.”

“I’m not.” You were genuine, and Kage’s eyes narrowed as he considered you. “I’m sure you did some research before taking me. I’m just a girl.”

”What, your boyfriend didn’t brag of the lives he ruined? How he ruined our lives. We’re orphaned freaks because of him. Because the Asset couldn’t just do his fucking mission. But he had no problem doing his job just fine when he trained us, when he beat us to a bloody pulp making us wish were dead. Over and over and over again. Hydra’s fist hits fucking hard. And he leaves behind nothing but lost souls.” It’s the most you’ve heard Kage speak, but what he’s saying makes no sense to you. “The Asset doesn’t care about the wreckage he leaves behind as long as he’s happy – as long as he can continue on with his pathetic life.”

Bucky ruined lives? The surprise and confusion on your face said it all. From what you knew, he didn’t do anything. He was a prisoner of war, he was a soldier, but his involvement with Hydra was news to you. The most you’d heard of the organisation was from reports when the triskelion fell. It was broadcast everywhere. “He didn’t tell me anything. I only know who Hydra are from the news.”

Kage let out a dark, mocking chuckle. "Stop lying."

"I'm not! I swear. He never told me. He doesn't tell anything about his missions either. H-He said he couldn't. That it was safer that way." You remembered the first time Bucky came home from a mission. He was covered in soot and a mess. Being naive, you asked him what happened, and it was then you realised it was better for you not to know. The horrors of the world were not for your eyes… until now.

Kage’s fingers gripped into the plushness of your ass. ”But you’ve been to the compound.”

“As a guest - a friend. Never when a mission was happening.” You sobbed, your brain spinning in circles at the new revelations. “I’ve been there for dinner or parties. Nothing else.”

His nails made divots in your skin as he gripped you. "You really had no idea?"

"No, I didn't. And I'm sorry. For all of you," you hiccupped. You couldn't lie about that. Losing family is never easy. "I didn't know."

Kage didn’t seem convinced. ”But you know of Hydra?”

You shrugged best you could over his knee. “Sort of. N-Not really. I just saw the news when those big helicopter things crashed - uh, helicarriers?” You let out a shuddered sigh. “The news said Hydra was behind it.”

His fingers eased, moving to rub over the sensitised skin. ”Did you read the documents that were leaked?”

You shook your head, tears dropping to the floor. “No, why would I do that? I didn’t need an existential crisis. I get stressed enough about everyday news, like a mugger or a cat stuck in a tree.”

"So he kept you in a bubble," he said after a moment, more to himself than to you. "If you're lying—"

"I'm not," you promised, almost dissolving into more tears. "I swear to you. All of you. I have no reason to lie to you."

There was a beat of silence while your mind ran a million miles an hour. Bucky was a prisoner of war, you knew that – the world knew that. But… he was with Hydra? You pursed your lips. There was no way he would have been with them willingly. He was a prisoner of Hydra, you surmised. He’d made comments in the past about never being in control until now – always being ordered around by someone else. Admittedly, you hadn’t taken it as literal. A soldier takes orders, but this – this seems entirely different. There’s no way Bucky would hurt someone unprovoked, not unless he was being controlled. The man you loved was no villain.

Kage broke the silence. ”Do you resent him for not telling you?”

A heavy sigh left you, pain still flickering up your spine from your abused ass. “It’s his story. I’m not the one who can decide when it’s time to tell it.”

"But he's the reason you're here,” Kage said as his hand ran up your back before reaching your shoulders, pulling you up and guiding you to sit in his lap.

You whimpered at the pressure on your bruised skin as you sat on Kage’s thighs. "Better me than another innocent person."

Kage’s face was close to yours, his breath fanning across your skin. ”You wouldn’t trade places with someone else?”

You tried to move back, to get some distance, but Kage held you firm. “No. I couldn’t bring myself to subject someone else to this kind of pain.”

He seemed to be searching for something in your eyes. "You don't like others hurting, do you?"

The question surprised you. "No, I don't. I've always tried to help others if I can."

Your answer has the air in the room changing, some of the coldness turning a bit warmer as Kage brushed away some of your tears. Your blood was still on his hands, and you eyed the redness of his fingers as he touched your face.

A tremble coursed through you when you heard footsteps approaching, and your attention turned to the doorway, where Damien emerged with a salve, some wipes and fresh clothes.

His expression had changed too. Where there was anger was now a new understanding. They really thought you knew what they’d been through, you realised. You glanced between the two men, uncomfortable and distressed. Their anger was ruthless, but you feared whatever this was more. Kage’s hands over your waist were firm, but with an edge of gentleness.

You didn’t want them to like you.

Maybe you should have just lied and said you knew. But that wasn’t you. You weren’t deceptive.

Kage lifted you easily, placing you face down on your cot, your face wetting the fresh sheets below you as you cried. The overstimulation of your body and mind hit like a freight train, and you sobbed like never before.

“Jesus, try to calm down. You’ll make yourself sick,” Damien tried to placate as he sat next to you, wiping away your blood before beginning to apply some ointment to your battered skin. “You really did a number, Kage.”

You glance over at the blonde, and he didn’t seem proud of himself. Quite the opposite. His jaw clenched. “Shut up.”

“Hey hey, I’m just trying to break the tension here.” Damien kept applying the ointment until your welts were covered. “You took your punishment well.”

You think he’s trying to compliment you, so you respond with your head buried in the sheets. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he quickly responded before finishing up.

Your mournful cries didn’t stop, and they only got worse when Kage and Damien finally left, leaving you alone. You dressed yourself in the plain tshirt and panties, before it all became too much and returned to the bed.

All your bottled-up emotions spilled out into the mattress. You screamed, your sounds muffled by the bedding, not stopping until your throat hurt and your voice was course.

The more emotion you let out, the more fatigued you became. And slowly, you began to pass out, crying yourself to sleep. All you could hope was this sleep was more restful, and less eventful than the last.

Thankfully, you didn’t dream this time. Your rest was no more than a limbo between horrors – horrors which seemed very intent on continuing, with Maddox stood with his arms crossed, watching you slumber as he leaned against the open doorframe. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”

You nearly jumped through the ceiling in fright at the sight of him, your whole body flinching as you sat up, your bruised ass instantly sore from the movement. “You didn’t.”

“Good.” He tilted his head, the anger he’d been sporting gone behind his normal demure expression. “So, I had a chat with the guys. Look, we thought you knew all about us. And now we realise you really are innocent in all this. We feel a bit bad about the whole situation, so we’re going to let you go home.”

It sounded like a foreign language as Maddox spoke, your heart skipping a beat. “You’re going to let me go?”

“Seems only fair. I think we’ve put you through enough,” Maddox shrugged nonchalantly.

“But you were so angry,” you cautiously observed Maddox. It felt like a trick, and it likely was one, but you couldn’t help the desire that smouldered in your heart. You could go home. More than anything you just desired to be comfortable in your own bed again, with your cat and the love of your life.

Maddox pushed himself off the doorframe and approached, the movement making you shuffle back on the mattress. He chuckled, shaking his head at your scurrying. “I have no intent of hurting you.”

“Surely you can’t blame me for being afraid,” you squeaked as he towered over you.

“Oh, not at all. I’ve given you more than enough reason. But here, truce?” Maddox offered his open palm for you to take, to help you stand. You stared at his hand for a moment, taking in the scarred skin. It looked like he held the sharp end of a knife more than once. They weren’t kidding about having been through pain.

Anxiety was a thick sludge in your throat as you placed your hand in his, allowing him to be a crutch for you as you got onto your feet. Your entire backside hurt like something fierce with each movement, but you tried to not show it too much on your face.

“Kage really let you have it, huh?” Maddox grinned, leading you out of the door and to the left, where Kage and Damien stood at the bottom of concrete stairs.

“Ready to go home?” Kage said as Damien took your free hand in his.

“Yes,” you blurted out honestly. “Are you… are you really going to let me go?”

“Of course. We may be assholes, but we’re not liars,” Damien chided, the warmth from his skin heating your hand.

“What about Bu– I mean, my boyfriend?” You questioned, making wobbly steps up the stairs towards what looked to be a basement door. Your suspicions were right - you were underground.

“Don’t worry your pretty little head about him. That’s our business to attend to,” Maddox grinned, but it was akin to a shark showing their teeth. There was danger in the way he spoke.

Distracted, you missed a step, but they were quick to catch you, all giving out a soft laugh before you made your way to the top of the stairs.

You had guessed that you were underground. What you hadn’t expected was that you were under a house. You emerged into an open-plan living room and kitchen with a rustic aesthetic. 

“Do you like it?” Damien asked proudly. Clearly, he owned this place.

“... It’s nice.” You placated, taking your hand out of both Maddox and Damien’s grip. “I can.. just go?”

“Yes. Off you go. There’s a car outside waiting for you,” Damien said, and you could feel the soft rumble of a running engine through the floorboards.

You glanced back at the men, each of them looking expectantly at you. There wasn’t a moment of hesitation before you turned around and bolted for the front door, despite your body hating every moment. Your feet were still healing, and with your bruised muscles, it was torture. But you wanted out. No, you needed out.

You reached the front door quickly, and when you turned the knob, your eyes went wide. It was locked tight. There were multiple bolts on the door, which all seemed unlocked, but when you looked down, you realised the front door had a finger scanner. 

Reality began to set in when you placed your finger on the door and were met with a red flash and beeping. Access denied. “No... No, no, no. Not like this.”

You went to turn, but before you could, there was a sharp prick to your neck as one of the men plunged a needle into you. It became clear Maddox was your assailant as your legs went numb, and you tumbled to the ground with a gasp, seeing him standing behind you with dark eyes. Whatever the contents of the syringe were acted quickly, an odd floaty feeling spreading across your body as you lost control of your functions, your body stuck on its front on the cold hardwoods.

Their laughter became distorted as your brain fizzled, but you didn’t pass out. No, whatever they’d given you was keeping you awake, forced to watch as they circled your limp body. “She made it further than I thought she would with her injuries,” Damien smirked as he poked your side with his shoe.

“It’s cute in an utterly pathetic way.” Maddox used his boot to roll you onto your back before leaning down near your head. “Aw, is someone feeling a bit sleepy?” Unable to coil away, Maddox spit in your face with a cruel laugh. “C’mon, wake up, it’s playtime.”

Kage was next to torment you as you tried to roll yourself back onto your stomach to crawl away. His boot pressed painfully into your stomach, the steel tip digging in just below your ribcage. “Knock my foot away. Try it.”

You whined as you tried to use your arms to push him away, but you couldn’t. Your arms were like jelly.

“Mm, as fun as this is, we gotta move.” Maddox sighed as he straightened up, discarding the used needle out of your sightline.

You managed to get onto your stomach with Kage backing off, but all you could do was whimper as hands gripped your ankles, dragging you across the hardwoods and out the front door, your nose banging on the solid surface as you tried to dig your nails into the floor, but you had no strength left.

Your drool and blood from your now bleeding nose created a trail across the floor. At least if anyone found this home, there’d be evidence that you existed, your DNA staining the wood.

“Should we change her?” Damien asked, and from his voice, you could tell he was the one dragging you.

“She’ll be warm enough,” Maddox watched from the side as you were dragged to the porch stairs.

“God, she’s not going to piss in my car, is she?” Damien complained as Kage slung you over his shoulder, your body like a ragdoll, as he lifted you with scary ease.

“Just wrap a towel around her ass. It’ll do.” Maddox began putting bags in the back seat of the SUV parked outside.

Damien began to help him, but not without continuing to complain. “Just watch it. She already bled on my floor.”

Maddox laughed. “She bled all over her apartment and you didn’t even blink.”

“But that wasn’t my apartment,” Damien argued, a playful irritation in his tone.

They were having fun while tear droplets hit the gravel below you.

Maddox wasn’t giving up, though. ”You’re so materialistic sometimes, Dami.”

”When you pay for shit you can be too, Mads. Oh wait, you don’t pay for anything.”

”I’ve saved your ass enough times for payment.”

Kage sighed, his hand resting on your exposed ass. ”Would you two just shut up and help me get her in the car? I can do it myself, but then I’ll make sure blood and piss gets everywhere.”

Maddox sighed, too. "Yeah, yeah. Gimme a second. You leave the present in her cell?"

"Yeah. They'll find it."

You tried to speak, but only a groan came out. 

"Try not to talk. It won't do you any good.” Kage said as Maddox helped him haul you into the trunk of the car.

”At first, we couldn’t get you to talk, and now you won’t shut up.” Maddox started to wrap a towel around your lower half. "Just put some music on and drown her out."

“You… lied…” You managed to get out amongst your drooling whimpers.

Kage leaned in, his hand caressing your cheek. “We didn’t. You are going home.”

“Just not to the home you hoped for,” Maddox chimed in, derisively patting your thigh. “Rest up, babydoll. There’s a long journey ahead of us yet.”

Kage and Maddox pulled back, and their faces were the last thing you saw before the boot was slammed shut, and you were covered in darkness.

To be updated on when I post please follow @sgt-seabass-library and turn on post notifications.

To be updated on when Navy posts please follow @navybrat817-sideblog and turn on post notifications.

#ambs writes #navybrat writes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x reader #omc x reader #omc x you #bucky barnes fanfiction #sebastian stan #sebastian stan x you #sebastian stan x reader #fanfiction

[alicent-archive]

I’m sure what I’m about to say has been reiterated many times before, but the fact that there is not one interaction between Rhaenyra (Heir to the Iron Throne, the Kings firstborn, and head of Team Black) and Aegon (the Kings firstborn son, the other legitimate claimant to the throne, and the head of Team Green) is genuinely INSANE to me, and from a writing and narrative perspective…just plain BAFFLING.

Like, what do you MEAN that the two main figures of the ENTIRE Dance (Aegon being the literal reason there’s an inter-house war in the first place) don’t even interact BEFORE it begins?

What do you MEAN they’ve been in close proximity for YEARS and somehow not a SINGLE conversation has occurred for the viewer to listen too and say to themselves:

“oh so those two characters are going to be the MAIN figureheads for the fast approaching civil war that tears apart the realm and begins the demise of an entire house. gotcha.”

But what is worse is that there are literal episodes, literal SCENES, where this could have be done easily and without seeming like an afterthought or a weird insertion.

In episode 6, both teams are in the Red Keep the entire time, and yet, Rhaenyra and Aegon do not meet even once; Rhaenyra could have encountered him as she was making her way to Laenor, for example.

In episode 7, literally the entire family is at Laena’s funeral, Rhaenyra and Aegon could’ve, at any point, crossed paths. She could’ve said something about him being “in his cups” and he could say something about “needing a few more to get through this utterly depressing funeral” or something.

(+ bonus points if Rhaenyra gets upset because that’s her friend who just died “you drunk imbecile”).

In episode 8, the crème de la crème of episodes concerning crazy Targ+Hightower relations, how EASY would it be for hungover Aegon to say something petty and/or derogatory to Rhaenyra just before both families entered the throne room:

“Sister, what a surprise to see you here!”

“It shouldn’t be a surprise as it is a matter concerning my son inheritance-”

“I did not think you concerned yourself with any matters at all, but I’m glad you’ve returned, court has been lacking without its ‘delight’ to brighten up these gloomy halls.“

AND THE DINNER?! DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE LACK OF INTERACTION, THEY WERE ON OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE TABLE AND NOT EVEN A SINGLE WORD WAS EXCHANGED?!

LIKE WHY!

#house of the dragon #hotd #hotd meta #my own #team green #team black #rhaenyra targaryen #aegon ii targaryen

[frenchkisstheabyss]

♡ ｌｏｖｅｒ ｂｏｙ♡

Pairing: boyfriend!felix x chubby!fem!reader

Summary: Your new boyfriend comforts you during a depressive episode.

Genre: fluff/angst-ish

Word Count: 849

Warnings: mention of depression/some dark thoughts & feelings

A/N: Just wanted to write something for anyone out there who might struggle with depression and need some comfort ♡

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time...

But it was bound to happen at some point, you think, burying your face in your hands, a puddle of tears forming in your palms. Things have been going so well with Felix, better than they have with any other guy. From day one he’s been your Prince Charming.

Taking you on dates to botanical gardens blooming with flowers you thought could only exist in fairytales. Packing you lunch for work whenever he stays over with cute little notes tucked in the bag to brighten up your day.

Felix is a dream come true for you. You wanted, with everything inside of you, to be the same for him, but all of that’s over now. You’re sure of it. It’s the first night you’ve spent at his apartment, mere days after the two of you became official, and you’re curled up on his bathroom floor crying your heart out at 2 in the morning.

It’s nothing he did. He’s been a sweetheart, as always, cooking you dinner and making sure that you’re comfortable. Still, depression’s found a way to creep up on you, flooding your mind with thoughts that tear at the thin layer of confidence you’ve been pouring all of your energy into maintaining.

The pain is like a ton of bricks in your stomach. An invisible hand around your throat gripping tighter the more you struggle to twist away. The voice in your head, telling you that you aren’t good enough, mocks you for being silly enough to think you could hide this part of you from Felix forever.

He’ll see you, really see you, and he'll hate what he sees.

“Y/N, what’s going on?” Felix’s voice breaks through deep and scruffy from having just woken up, somehow remaining soothing in all of its power. Lifting your head up, you wipe your tears on the sleeves of your pajama shirt, positive you look a complete wreck. This is it. The end.

“I don’t…” you stutter, unsure of how to explain yourself, “I’m so sorry.” Based on the confusion that paints his face, you half expect him to back away only for him to do the exact opposite. He’s not running away, he’s grabbing handfuls of tissue, kneeling down beside you to tidy up your runny nose. 

“Talk to me. Did something happen? Did I do…” You sniffle, shaking your head, “It’s not you. It’s me. I’m just…fucked up I guess. Too depressed to keep my shit together.” Your head falls again, this time resting on your knees, and you close your eyes, wishing you could start this night over again.

For a brief moment, Felix shuffles around in a direction you can't pinpoint before two arms wrap around your body, hands clasped together where they meet your soft belly. He pulls you against his chest, strands of long hair brushing your cheek as his chin rests on your shoulder.

“You shouldn’t say that.”

There’s a sense of safety and connectedness within his arms that you haven’t felt in, well, ever. You're almost ashamed at how intensely his warmth shields you from the cold darkness closing in.

“You’re not fucked up. You’re just hurting and that’s okay. Well, it’s not okay but it’s…fuck I’m so bad at this.” Rolling your eyes, you reach a hand up to stroke his cheek, “Shut up. You’re not bad at this.” “Are we gonna sit here all night complimenting each other?” he teases, “Because we can. My butt will probably go numb though. I don’t have as much cushion as you. Don’t know what you see in me.”

The faintest giggle on your part has him kissing your neck, bear hugging you. “There’s my girl and that beautiful smile of hers.” “Don’t get used to it” you sigh, “It won’t last.” Felix just shrugs, “Doesn’t have to. I’ll still be here. I don’t care about you under the condition that you’re happy 24/7. You know that, right?” 

“I, well, I didn’t know…”

“Well, now you do.” 

His palm meets the back of your hand, fingers twining around yours to bring your arm down to your waist. “Let me be here for you. Give me a chance.” Hearing someone say that, hearing him say that, is more terrifying than you expect it to be. Trust is hard, trust is risky…

Felix leans forward to get a good look at you, a glimmer in his still sleepy eyes

…but if there’s anyone worth taking a risk on it’s the freckle faced boy staring back at you. 

“Uh…yeah…okay.” 

He smiles, “Yeah?”

 It’s impossible not to smile back, “Yeah.”  

“Good.”

Felix loosens his hold on you enough that he has room to lean his head on your back. “Want me to sing to you?” he yawns. You settle comfortably into the arms of your Felix, your safety blanket, letting your eyes fall closed from exhaustion. “Sing what?”

A stretch of silence lingers as he scans his brain for the perfect song to fit the moment.

“Oh! Got it! Fake eyes open…” 

“Felix!” you yell, slapping him on the knee.

“What? Bad timing?”

#lee felix x reader #lee felix x you #lee felix x y/n #lee felix fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids x chubby reader #stray kids x thick reader #stray kids x y/n #stray kids x you #stray kids x reader

[nhlclover]

enchanted | cole caufield

summary: an enchanting night with your brother's teammate changes the way you feel about dating

request: yes / no

warnings: NOT proof read, drinking, kissing

a/n: based on ‘enchanted’ by taylor swift. whoo mama she's a long one! also sorry if this lowkey sucks i combined two different fics into one, regretted my decision, but perservered

word count: 2.57k

You pause the episode of Survivor, tuning into the muffled conversation you could hear from the kitchen. It was Nick and Caitlin, although their raised volume indicated that they were arguing, which was bizarre. It had been a bit over 6 months since you’d lived with your brother and his girlfriend and not once had you heard them argue, let alone get in a serious disagreement.

Their voices approached your room accompanied by footsteps.  The room is brightened by the hall light as they appear in the doorway, dressed to go out.

“What?” You ask in a monotone voice.

“We’re going to Kirby’s house for a party.” He tells you.

“Okay? Have fun.” You say, wondering why he felt the need to tell you.

“No I mean we as in all of us. You’re coming too.” He says.

You roll your eyes, pulling the comforter over your torso. “I’m not really in the mood for partying with your teammates, Nick.”

“Don’t care. You’re coming with us, y/n.” Nick said, turning on the bedside lamp. “It’s getting a little sad, all of this moping. I mean I’m pretty sure it’s been a week since you’ve seen sunlight.”

“Nick, she just got broken up with, cut her some slack.” Caitlin says from the doorway. 

“Thank you, Caitlin. See this is why I like her better than you, she shows me compassion.” You say.

“To hell with compassion.” Nick rolls his eyes. “You guys dated for less than two months, he didn’t even know your middle name.”

“Can’t you just let me be sad?” You ask. “I don’t know why you want me to come with you guys.” 

“Because if mom knew that you were just lying in bed, eating chips and binging Survivor, she wouldn’t be happy with either of us.” Nick pointed out your depressing habits. He yanked the comforter off you, taking your laptop and putting it on the desk. “Now get dressed we leave in 15 minutes.”

You groan, watching him walk out of the room with Caitlin shooting you a look of sympathy before she walks out too. Not that he deserves the credit, but Nick was partially right. You had only been dating for two months, so your moping about this one guy was a little extreme, but he was the third guy that you had gone out with only to get dumped less than two months later. It was getting frustrating as you started to wonder if something about you was turning all these guys away.

Another thing he was right about was that you hadn’t left the apartment in over a week. Even you were starting to get a little disappointed in yourself. 

You forced yourself out of bed and into your closet to pick out an outfit. You pick out a black miniskirt and a black corset top, finding an oversized leather jacket in the closet to wear over. You got some block-heeled boots to finish off the look. 

You have enough energy to get out of bed and get dressed, but not enough to put any effort into makeup or hair. You took my hair out of its braid, tousling it a bit, while putting on a bit of mascara on your eyelashes.

You grab your purse, heading to the living room where Caitlin and Nick are waiting. Nick eyes your outfit, then shakes his head.

“No, that skirt’s way too short, go change.” Nick says. You go to protest but Caitlin speaks before you can. 

“Get off her ass, Nick. She looks good.” She says. She hooks her arm with yours as you head out. You get in Nick’s car, the short drive getting you guys to Kirby’s house in a few minutes

Immediately you regret your decision. You thought was going to be just Nick’s teammates but it became apparent that you were wrong as there had to be 100 people in the room. This is the exact opposite environment you wanted to be in at the moment, with sweaty bodies on either side of you as soon as you stepped into the room.

“Nick!” A voice shouts.

Kirby swoops in out of nowhere, scooping up Nick in his arms, giving his captain a hug.

“Hey, Kirbs.” Nick chuckles as he’s put back down.

You quickly zone out of their conversation, looking around the room at the different guests of Kirby’s party. You sport various Habs players and their significant others around the room, but mostly people you don’t know.

It was somewhere in the middle of another unamusing joke that you were prepared to exhibit some forced laughter when you spotted him across the room. His familiar face grinned as he downed the last couple drops of his drink, then began to make his way over to you. 

“Hey, boys.” Cole says as he approaches. “Hey, Caitlin.”

“Cole, wassup bud,” Nick says, dapping him up. 

Cole turned to you. “Hey, y/n.” He said, a smile tugging on his lips.

The first time you’d met Cole was two years ago during the Stanley Cup Finals when Montreal played Tampa. It was Cole’s first year in the league, and you had just wrapped up your sophomore year at Western.

At the time, you’d developed a small crush on your brother’s teammate. It was nothing huge, truly just a passing crush, like the ones you’d had on the boys you’d see once in your lectures.

Then you transferred to McGill and moved in with Nick. Cole became a frequent presence in your life, being a good friend of your brothers. Your once ‘small crush’ bloomed into something stronger. But Nick had already made it clear long ago that he didn’t want you crushing on any of his teammates. Ever.

So, you moved on. You let your crush on Cole get shoved down deep as you moved on to other guys.

“Nick!” Someone shouted from within the house.

Suddenly Chris Wideman is pushing through people, barreling towards your brother and engulfing him in a hug.

“C’mon man, you’ve gotta see Slaf right now.” He says.

Within seconds, Kirby, Nick, and Caitlin are out of the room, leaving just you and Cole. He looks over at you but you avoid eye contact.

“Did Nick drag you here?” Cole asks, making you finally look at him.

Oh, his eyes.

“How’d you know?” You ask.

“I’ve seen you smile, like a real smile, and the entire time Kirby was talking and cracking jokes and you were smiling? That was not a real smile.” He says.

He notices my smile?

“Um, yeah. Nick forced me here. Pulled the brother card.” You say, making Cole laugh. “I would genuinely rather be anywhere else, parties aren’t really my thing.”

Cole looks around, then back to you.

“Listen, I’ll go back in there, nab a bottle of something and bring it back.” Cole says. “We can find somewhere to sit and take a break from them. Because if I’m being truthful, I can’t stand most of the people here.”

You laugh, watching Cole enter the kitchen. He returns a minute later, an unopened bottle of Malibu in his hand

“Jackpot.” He says, holding it up.

The pair of you walk through the hall to the back door, exiting the stuffy kitchen. You guys head for the pool, sitting down at the edge, removing your shoes and sticking your feet in the crystal water. Cole unscrews the cap, takes a sip, and pulls a face as he swallows.

“I forgot I hate coconut.” He says. You laugh, taking the bottle from him and taking a swig. 

Conversation soon finds you naturally, not running out of things to say, topics flowing from one to the other. Hours passed by as you guys sat at the edge of the pool simply talking your way through the bottle of rum. 

“Who do you love?” Cole asks suddenly.

You choke on the rum you’d just sipped, laughing as a blush forms on Cole’s cheeks as he tries to backtrack.

“What…what I meant was are you… are you dating someone?” Coke says, eventually falling into laughter himself. “Fuck that was so weird of me, I’m sorry.”

Once your laughter subsides, you take a swig from the bottle. “Um, no one at the moment.” You say. 

“Really?” Cole says, a shocked look on his face.

“Yeah.” You nod. “I haven’t exactly had the best luck in dating these past few months.”

“That’s surprising.” Cole says.

“Why’s that surprising?” You ask.

“Well... you’re so… I mean…” Cole stumbles over his words. “Y’know you’re being a bottle hog.”

Cole grabs the bottle, taking a large swig himself. You allowed the moment to change but his question lingered in your mind.

It was somewhere around 2 AM when you finally checked your phone. Several text messages and phone calls from Nick and Caitlin appeared in your notifications.

“Shit.” You say, clicking on his contact and calling Nick back.

“Where are you?” Nick asks, a hint of anger and fear in his voice.

“I’m just in the backyard.” You tell him.

“Why the hell are you in the backyard?” Nick asks, then relaying the message to someone, no doubt Caitlin.

“I needed fresh air.” You say.

Nick continues to scold you, telling you how worried he was when he couldn’t find you or get a hold of you. He tells you that they’re leaving now and to hurry up. You stand up, grabbing your shoes in one hand. Cole follows close behind as you make your way to the front of the house.

“Wait, hold on.” Cole says, grabbing your hand and pulling you back slightly. “I can’t go around front. If Nick sees me with you, both of us wasted on Malibu, I don’t think he’d be too happy with me.”

You laugh, nodding in agreement. “Thank you, for tonight. I haven’t had this much fun in a while.” You say.

Cole smiles and agrees. The pair of you stand there, caught. Part of you doesn’t want to leave him just yet, feeling too much was left unsaid. You don’t know how long to two of you are standing there staring, but you’re yanked out of it as Cole pulls you into him, your lips crashing together.

His stubble lightly scratches your chin, goosebumps prickling down your spine. His hands find your hips,  and needing to close in the space, he pulls your body into his. You break apart, left a little shocked by what Cole had just done. 

“I uh… Nick’s waiting.” Is all you can say.

You spin on your heel, walking towards the driveway, leaving Cole there. You regret it as soon as you’re around the corner, spotting Nick in front of the house standing next to his car. You nearly turn around to go back to Cole, but Nick spots you, chastising you for taking so much time. You shove yourself into the back seat, looking out the window.

The kiss plays on repeat in your head the whole way home, your cheeks heating up as you remember his hands on your hips, gripping onto your jacket in an attempt to pull you closer.

You get home, beelining for your room, afraid that Nick or Caitlin would try to ask questions about your demeanour or why you were in the backyard. The kiss and the conversations keep you up, wanting to replay them over and over in order to not forget them. Eventually, you fall asleep, the feeling of Cole’s lips never leaving your mind.

You wake up in the late morning, the sun beaming in making the room a little too bright for your sensitive eyes. You trudge out into the kitchen, noticing the silent house. On the counter was a note from Nick and Caitlin, saying they’d gone to run errands and that they wouldn’t be back till later.

You took the opportunity to bask in the quiet apartment, making yourself breakfast. A few minutes later there’s a knock on the door. You open the door to Cole. His hands shoved in his pockets, a backwards hat on his head. Upon seeing you, a soft smile spreads on his lips.

“Oh, hey Cole.” You say. “Um, Nick’s not home right now.”

“Oh…I’m not here for Nick.” Cole says. “Can I come in?”

You step aside, letting Cole step in, shutting the door behind him. You’re suddenly painfully aware of your outfit, wearing an old McGill shirt and a pair of men's boxers that had been repurposed as sleep shorts. Your hair was pulled back in a messy braid, strands of hair having fallen out during the night.

“I think it might’ve been a mistake. Me kissing you last night.” Cole says.

“W-why?” You ask.

Cole’s brows furrow. “Well after I kissed you, you just said ‘Nick’s waiting’. Didn’t exactly seem like the reaction of someone who enjoyed the kiss.”

“Well, how else are you supposed to react when the guy you like kisses you out of nowhere? It kind of catches you off guard a bit don’t you think?” You blurt out. You clamp your mouth shut, but a small smile appears on Cole’s lips.

“What? Do you like me?” Cole asks. He steps towards you as you offer him no response.

Part of you, the rational part of you, is screaming at you to step back. Not only were you just in multiple failed relationships, but Cole was your brother’s teammate and friend. He was part of the one group of people you knew Nick would never approve of.

But the other part of you wants him to kiss you again. You want to feel that rush you got when he put his hands on your body, the chills that went up your spine when his stubble scratched your chin. 

“Do you or do you not like me?” Cole asks, taking another few steps towards you.

He’s right there. Right in your face. And you can’t help but kiss him.

Your hands go up to the sides of his face, pressing your lips to his. Cole doesn’t hesitate to put his hands on your waist, instead tugging on your shirt to draw you in. The same chill-inducing rush comes back, Cole pushing his tongue past your lips. 

You’re about to let him carry you to the couch and take control when you hear keys jingling in the door. You jump back, nearly pushing Cole away. Nick and Caitlin come through the door, grocery bags in hand. When they spot Cole, looks of confusion paint their faces.

“Cole?” Nick asks. “What’re you doing here?’

“I uh… wanted to see if you wanted to work out with me today. Maybe play a bit of tennis too?” Cole asks.

“You couldn’t text me? Or call?” Nick laughed.

“I left my phone at Kirby’s last night.” Cole says. 

You know Cole’s lying but Nick doesn’t and seems to buy his lie. “Uh yeah let’s do it.” Nick says. “Just let me put away the groceries and I’ll be good to go.”

Nick and Caitlin begin to put the groceries away. When they aren’t looking, you shoot Cole a look which he reads as ‘what the hell did you get yourself into?’. 

Cole quietly steps over, leaning over. “Looks like I’m going to the gym.” He whispers. “I’ll text you later.”

You shoot him a smile, walking to your room, replaying the events of last night and a few minutes ago in your head.

#cole caufield #cole caufield imagine #cole caufield x reader #nhl #nhl imagine #hockey #montreal canadiens #habs #hockey imagine #nhl fic #nhl fanfiction #nhl players

[hoe4sports]

Ruesha Littlejohn | “Leave it all on the field”

A/n: No trigger warnings detected.

Ruesha had camped in my apartment for the rest of camp, and I didn’t usually mind but it was getting very depressing. She was not her usually bubbly self, and I was trying everything in my power to brighten her mood. I had told jokes, danced or jugged, sang and made food. When I woke up the last morning of camp before we headed to Australia, The land of Caitlin Foord, I decided that I needed to do something to try and bring the old Ruesha back. “Okay pretty girl” I said as I opened the blinds while she was still sleeping. “Today is the day” I said and she huffed from under the cover. It was not my dream scenario to live with her, sleep next to her and spend ever awake moment of my life next to her as her bestfriend, but life has a funny way of making things play out just as it wasn’t supposed too.

Ruesha threw her pillow at me, and I decided to change my tactics. If there was one thing she loved, then it was a good breakfast. I made sure to leave her alone in her, or rather mine, depression room as I whipped up easy breakfast. Toast, eggs, paprika and watermelon. I made sure to make her favourite kind of blueberry tea, and then I went back into the bedroom. This time, I was more settled. She was going to get up. I grabbed her covers by the corner, and yanked it off of her. “Shite, Benedicte, won’t you leave a mournin to woman rest” she hissed. “Yes, I would. But you are not a mourning woman nor do you need to rest anymore. If you rest anymore then I’m worried that you will become one with my bed.” she sighted loudly and tossed around. I walked around the bed and hunched down on her level. “Ruesh, I’ve made breakfast. Your favourite kind, I’ve even made tea. You would never let a good tea go to waste now would yah?” I said as I stroke her hair, she sniffled as she sat up. “Okay, but only because I don’t like to let a pretty woman down.” she said as she marched to the kitchen. In my house, from my bed, in my clothes. Yet somehow, all she could talk about was Katie McAss.

I sat down next to her as a i bottomed a sugar free red bull while eating a protein yogurt. “Are yah ever gonna learn to eat real foods?” Ruesha teased me, and I shrugged. “Why would I? Nobody is seeing what am shoving down my throat when I’m alone.” I said and winked. She just shook her head as she devoured the breakfast. I examined my garmin watch for a hot second only to realise that we were running late. I threw on my jersey, and Ruesha threw on hers as we panicked our way to the arena. “Jesus, if yah would’ve gotten that pretty butt up from bed the first 23 times I asked, then Maybe we wouldnt have this issue.” I said as I tied my cleats next to her. She laughed, but was quickly take back by the view of Katie. Her now ex girlfriend.

“Ruesha, stop droolin’ would you, it’s not a good look” I teased as we walked out on the field. The coach shot us a weird look, which had me confused. “Is there a reason for your shenanigans now?” she asked as she raised her brow. Me and ruesha would often do dumb stuff to lift the spirits of the group, but this time I was confused. I shot her an even more confused look, as she pointed to the number on my jersey. “Is this yet another joke about mi number?” asked as the girls earlier had teased me for my high number, asking if it was my number or the amounts of yellow cards I had. I looked at Ruesha confused, and realised that she was wearing my number 30. I looked down to see that I was wearing her number 8. “Well, I suppose yah there is only one thing left to do.” I stated as I got into a weird stance with my phone in my pocket. It was already connected to the team speaker as i was the designated DJ. I then slapped on some “Tell me ma” and did a classic Ruesha jig across the circle the team was standing in. Everyone knew Ruesha was famous for her jig, so naturally that was the easiest way to resemble her.

Everyone including Ruesha was laughing hysterically, almost practically crying. Well, everyone excluding McCabe. She looked furious, but I gave no flying fuck as I went towards her and jigged around her in a circle as she tried to stumble me. “Yah have to work harder then that” I sang as I skipped over her legs. I then giggled my way over to Ruesha as I pulled my jersey of mid jig, showcasing my visibly toned arms and six pack. I did a last high kick and spun around going out in an extravagant pose as I held the jersey out to Ruesha. She was now hysterically laughing and her eyes were watering, some of the girls were even laying on the ground laughing. “Alright alright, miss comedian over there, let’s practice now shall we.” The coach said as she too dried off her eyes after my little show.

“Yah mad woman” Ruesha stated as she was still trying to compose herself. I waited for my jersey but it became clear as day that I wasn’t going to get it anytime soon. “I know you love a good view, Ruesh.” I smirked. Instead I warmed up without my jersey as we ran across the field and did our static stretching. Eventually, I put her shirt back on as I was boiling and was not too excited to be burned by the sun. I caught Ruesha looking on more than one occasion, and honestly I didn’t mind.

As warm up was getting close to being over I could see Ruesha visibly struggling with her focus as she kept losing the ball. I went over to her as she whacked the ball in the ground. “Aye, ruesh, what did that poor ball do to you?” I exclaimed as I catched the ball before it bounced away to never land. “I can’t focus, B, I keep thinking about things I shouldnt think about, and then I drop it.” She complained as I listened carefully. “Alright” I said, “let’s try to use this to your advantage. Use all that negative energy to work your hardest. Use it to proving why you are going to be the one on the starting roster.” I said as I dropped the ball down and kicked it up high to her. “Leave it all on the field, love”. She nodded and catched the ball as she started juggling it.

“Yeees, Ruesh!!!” I cheered as she kept tapping the ball showing her incredible ability to control the ball like no other. As she dropped the ball, I nudged her. “You are totally gonna get your spot in the roster. Believe me babe.” I winked as we continued practicing.

#woso imagine #ruesha littlejohn #republic of ireland #katie mccabe

[wannaeatramyeon]

Lookism and their silly lil hobbies

My headcannons of their less obvious interests!

Daniel: now he's in the fashion department and earning some money, he guesses he should take more of an interest in current trends. He's still wearing Jay's castoffs and he's happy with them but he takes a huge interest in women's fashion for his momma. She's worked hard and she deserves nice things and Daniel wants to spoil her 🥰

Jay: his hobby? Daniel. His thoughts? Daniel. His dreams? Daniel. But guns and motorbike? This boy has a thing for Hollywood action films and he has pretty good taste too. Classics-ish such as Matrix, Terminator, John Wick

Zoe: she loves watching animal rehab videos on social media, and even the videos of newtubers helping out homeless or down on their luck people. Most of it may be scripted but the act of kindness (even for selfish purposes) makes her melt

Vasco: you think this man doesn't have a Pinterest account? He doesn't spend his spare time putting boards together? His boards aren't public? He's not ashamed. He's got at least 1 for parties, 1 for golden retrievers and 1 for Hero Man pics

Jace: kdramas, the more romantic with as many tropes the better. He likes a good story filled with miscommunication, lots of crying, scenes in the rain and open eyed kisses 😳

Zack: sneaky little hobby of reading up on supernatural shit. After running into the ghost of J High, he's been absorbed with ghosts and demons - in particular how to avoid getting cursed...

Mira: meditation. Putting up with Zack all the time and the violent boys, she needs her moment of peace before she gets overwhelmed. She's also had some pretty traumatic experiences, so this helps her to centre and recollect her thoughts

Johan: unironically a sneakerhead. Started off researching expensive shoes so he can recognise them but now he's fully into the hobby. Way too tight to buy any for himself when he could be saving for his momma's operation but it's nice to window shop 🥺

Vin Jin: we all know he would be twerking to Dukes music. But apart from obviously his music (cos music is his life yknow), he would be leaving hate messages and death threats on Dukes social media and fanpages. He hate watches Dukes live streams but cant stop the twerk creeping up on him

Mary Kim: she's in the Vocal and Dance department but this girl can shred like no tomorrow. She has a band she's the lead vocalist and guitarist of that she keeps off Vins radar so he can keep the shitty rap to himself

Crystal: hiking and the outdoors. It's a way to keep her second body fit and get away from her desk and all the business bullshit. During the days that Gun acts as her bodyguard, she tells him to stay at least 50ft away so he doesn't ruin the mood

Jake: memelord. Cos at least humour is free. He collects pics and memes, and has so many shitty dad jokes up his sleeve to send to the Big Deal members and groupchats that he often gets kicked out or blocked. Hearing their exasperation at another one of his messages always brightens up his day

Samuel: lol drinking as a hobby. this man should be spending all his spare time in therapy but can't win them all 🤷‍♀️ Doesn't do much on his own time that doesn't advance his goals but enjoys sipping on some smooth expensive shit. Not the best for his health, but he needs something to block out the demons

Lua: not the queen of info for nothing. Spends a lot of her time on social media, forums and the dark web reading up on info (and gossip). Shes also kicked up a gear with her Muay Thai training so the assholes in Big Deal would stop underestimating her

Sinu: all that time being locked up with that little bit of chalk? You know what he did? HE'S A FIC WRITER. Headcannons of Big Deal, Sinu X Yeonhui. What the guys would be doing now, what sort of girlfriend Yeonhui would be (I wrote this as a joke but it's pretty depressing)

Gun: you thought that was a casual notepad and pen he had on hand for brekdaks autograph? No bitch its his actual autograph book. He lives and breathes fighting and fangirls a little internally meeting his fighting idols

Goo: anime and boardgames. Yes yes he's a nerd ok. He watched 1 too many anime shows and in his head he's the protagonist fighting his way to the top, with his sidekick Gun. But who do you think left all the boardgames in that shitty house? Gun is boring and Goo needs entertaining. It's one way to let them get competitive without beating the shit out of each other... Usually

#lookism #lookism headcanons #lookism hc #lookism x reader #jake kim #johan seong #zack lee #daniel park #jay hong #samuel seo #sinu han #vasco #vin jin #gun park #goo kim #mira kim #crystal choi #zoe park #lua im #mary kim #jace park #lookism fanfics #wannaeatramyeon

[climbthemountain2020]

A Heartbreak in Mid-December

Also on Ao3 | World's biggest thank you to @wilde-knight, my love, my light, my life, my beta reader <3

Synopsis: Lucien gets rip-roaring drunk after yet another failure of a Solstice and spends some time reflecting on the events that led him here. He decides that perhaps it's time to let go of the bond once and for all.

OR

CC couldn't stop picturing Elucien scenarios while listening to Neck Deep.

Highly recommend listening to December by Neck Deep before reading because it is screaming Elucien vibes to me.

Lucien crashed in through his front door, stumbling over his own two feet and slamming into the coat rack right within the doorframe. 

Shit. Fuck. 

He straightened it, blinking his eyes against the streetlight spilling into his dark apartment. The single, depressing Solstice candle he had lit before he left hours ago was still burning low. He fumbled his arm back behind him, searching for the door to slam it shut. It didn’t shut quietly, and he winced. It was very, very late–or, rather, early– and he hoped he hadn’t just woken his neighbors on a holiday. 

The sky was lightening far off in the distance, and the copious amounts of liquor Lucien had drunk roiled in his stomach as he made his way to the kitchen. Rifling through his near-empty cabinets, he found some bread and hard cheese, choosing to save himself the pain later of having gone to sleep drunk as a jester on an empty stomach. 

He chewed sloppily as he looked out the window to the brightening horizon of Velaris. It really was a beautiful city, the stars twinkling more brightly in the sky here than anywhere else he’d ever been. Every time he went into town, he was thrilled to find some new, fantastic oddity that kept his curious mind intrigued. He made friends with the shopkeepers, the artisans, the barkeeps, as he did everywhere he went. He truly could have seen himself making a home here. Except for the fact that every second of being here felt like rending his very soul from his body. 

Three years. It had been three fucking years now. Three Solstice eves where he’d gone out on a limb, taking his very carefully chosen gift like an acolyte bringing a sacrifice to an altar. Three years where he would sit through an awkward dinner with a family that wasn’t his and never would be. He’d give her the delicately wrapped parcel in carefully chosen paper, and she would politely smile and then…nothing. Not a word or even a nod in return. 

The bond might as well be a dead animal in his chest for the way it was rotting out his heart. She didn’t want him–couldn’t stand his very presence–and yet, he still tried, beating himself down and eroding more and more of himself in the process. He’d hoped, perhaps, this year would be a better year. He’d spent an egregious amount of time in the little tea shop in Day Court, combing through each of the hundreds of flavors and combinations available to choose the ones he felt she’d love. He’d bought a cinnamon, peppermint, and ginger mix, sharp and fragrant and interesting. He’d found a chai with milky ribbons of caramel that reminded him of Autumn. He’d found a breakfast tea there that hailed from the mortal lands, thinking it might be one she’d had before and warm her heart on the days that all the changes were too hard for her. Finally, he’d picked a lovely persimmon and lavender blend. It smelled like the flowers of her garden, and reminded him of warm days under the Spring sun. Rather than the physical gifts of the past two years, the enchanted gloves and the earrings, this was something simply for pleasure and enjoyment. He’d hoped this new approach would be appreciated, but just like every year, the placid smile graced her face and that was that. 

He wished, just once, she’d open that bond in her chest–let him know even the smallest bit of what she was feeling. What was he doing wrong? Was this all punishment from that god awful first moment where he’d unceremoniously blurted in his shock that she was his mate? Everyone had judged it as a claiming, a declaration, when what it had really been was a soul-gutting, horrific realization that it hadn’t been Jes. Lucien barely remembered the following events of that night–his heart and his mind cycling rapidly and frantically between protect your mate and you’d been wrong–she died for nothing. 

Lucien aggressively rubbed his hand down his face, sighing as he finished the bread, running water from the sink and sticking his face under it to drink. These were dangerous thoughts for a drunk mind. But with horrible lucidity, Lucien knew he wouldn’t be trying again next year. This had been it. As tortured as he felt about the constant rejections, he knew Elain must be tiring of his slow and steady attempts. He hoped that she could be happy here in Velaris, here in this fae body and fae life she’d never wanted, but three years of demurely rebuffed attempts had left him a ragged shell of self-hate. He couldn’t live this way anymore. 

Lucien had decided, somewhere between bottles tonight, that he was going to let this go–he had to. There was only so much a male could take, and he couldn’t keep gently offering his heart up to her only to have her crush it beneath her pretty, unfailingly polite fist. His centuries of life had been filled with so much heartbreak and torment, and he’d fought–fought like hell–to stay good. But there are only so many times a heart could be cleaved entirely in two before a person broke. He was on the precipice. He rubbed his eyes painfully as they began to burn. She owed him nothing, but he owed himself peace. 

Tonight, as he’d left the River House, kind words and hugs from Feyre, claps on the back from Cassian and Rhys, a cold side eye from the Shadowsinger, as always, he’d decided that he was going to go get rip-roaring drunk tonight. He’d allow himself this one night to drink until he forgot and wallow in his devastation, and tomorrow he would send a letter to Elain offering to sever the bond–urging her to. 

Would he go insane? Maybe. Was he already insane for allowing this to be drawn out for so long when he clearly wasn’t wanted? Perhaps. He’d tried so hard to give her the space she clearly craved these past three years, especially after he’d known she wasn’t going to fling herself off the balconies of the House of Wind. He’d been a perfect gentleman, never pushing or pressing, never overstepping. He’d been patient, tried softly to get to know her where the opportunities organically presented themselves, but he’d been foiled, one way or another, at every turn. She hated his presence as much as she hated his presents.

He’d see her every so often around town when she was walking around Velaris. It wasn’t a large city, so they were bound to see each other on his visits. She didn’t notice him, but he always noticed her, the sound of her heartbeat echoing down the bond and calling out to him like a beacon whenever she was close. She would be shopping, or talking to vendors in the market, or on her way to fix the garden of a Velaris resident. Her dresses would always complement her pretty, porcelain, freckled skin, and her hair would always be shining in the sun. Lucien would wonder, against all common sense, what it would feel like to simply sit with her at one of the many restaurants along the Sidra. He wondered what it would be like to eat lunch with her, exchange stories, get to know each other better, maybe even cause her to laugh at something he’d said. But instead, he noted her presence and moved on–Lucien never wanted to be the one to make Elain uncomfortable. 

His frustration led him to grab another bottle of liquor from the cabinet and drink straight from it as he collapsed onto the couch. What had he done in a previous incarnation to have earned such ire from the Cauldron? First, his family, then Jes, then Tamlin, now this? Lucien didn’t think he was a bad person. He’d made mistakes, sure, but he always tried to do the right thing, especially by those he cared about. But now he was here, in a city he couldn’t really call home with people he couldn’t really call friends. He’d barely bothered to decorate his apartment, choosing instead to put in a few small touches that reminded him of Autumn and Spring–an amber yellow woven blanket thrown over the back of his couch that reminded him of the maple leaves in late season, an aquamarine enchanted ceramic pot of ferns and hyacinths on the mantle from Spring. All just pieces of all the places Lucien had almost been able to call home once. 

There was no reason to torture himself and do more. He only stayed here every so often, popping in to report back to Rhysand, catch a glimpse of Elain, and hope beyond reason this would be the time Feyre told him that Elain had changed her mind. It never was. Sometimes he would see her in the halls of the River House, where she’d give a little curtsey and disappear before any words could ever be exchanged. Lucien hated the baser parts of him that the bond brought out, but most of all he hated how much her scent affected him. Honey and pears and the light smell of clean linens line-dried in the sun haunted him through the hallways, even long after she’d fled. 

Lucien swigged his harsh liquor and let the burn in his throat refocus him. He refused to lay here and think about how she smelled. 

She wasn’t interested, and she never had been. Lucien was a smart male; he wasn’t stupid enough to not be aware of Elain’s care for the Shadowsinger. At least two years now he’d seen the shared glances, the stolen touches. He was sure that Rhysand trying to avoid tensions was the only reason they hadn’t gone public with their relationship, whatever it was. He had once hoped that eventually, as a fae, she might understand the depth of a mating bond and at least want to give getting to know Lucien a try, but he’d put a time limit on it, and that was tonight. If she’d shown even the slightest bit of interest, he’d have waited forever for her. But she had shown him, again and again through her actions, or lack thereof, that she wasn’t. He couldn’t make himself be someone that he wasn’t, and she hated him solely for being her mate. He’d been raised to believe it was a blessing, and she viewed it as a punishment. What else could he do?  

Maybe it was a punishment. He’d spent centuries thinking it had been Jes, that he’d lost his one chance at real love when his brothers had cleaved her head from her shoulders and made him watch. His sweet, clever, mischievous Jes, with her kind eyes, and teasing words, and endless love for him. He’d never deserved her to begin with, and then his love had gotten her killed. A day hadn’t passed that he didn’t miss her. The worst part was, he actually thought Elain and Jes would have been fast friends–their care and love for nature and flowers and their gentle words. He could sense that Elain had a more mischievous side, not that he’d ever been allowed nor would he ever have a chance to see it himself. 

Lucien’s vision swam thinking about it all, his heartbeat a dirge within his chest for the life he’d suffered through. He had to remind himself that he, against all odds, was alive. It was enough to be thankful for, and he’d convince himself there were better times still to come, even without either of them. He pulled that woven blanket that reminded him so much of his mother around his shoulders, closing his eyes and placing the half-empty liquor bottle onto the floor next to the couch. Tomorrow he would send the letter to Elain and return to his friends; even listening to Jurian and Vassa banter as foreplay until they inevitably hate-fucked each other would be better than this torture. 

He’d leave Elain to her freedom–he truly hoped she would get whatever it was that she wanted from this new life she’d never asked for. The Cauldron had taken everything from her and left nothing she wanted in its place. Not her fae body, not her fiance abandoning her, and definitely not Lucien. More than anything, he hoped she found her way here and found a way to be happy despite all the horrors she’d seen. She could have her Shadowsinger and their little winged babies, and three brothers could have their three sisters, and Lucien could have some peace. 

Perhaps breaking the bond would blessedly drive him insane, and he could be rid of this pain once and for all. This looming feeling of inadequacy would leave him, or at least he wouldn’t be aware of enough to know it existed in the first place. He had seen enough, and now it all felt like too much. Maybe being insane would be preferable to all this, he thought as he began to drift off. 

Just as sleep began to take him under, he heard a light tapping. What was that? It happened again, three quiet raps on his door. He rolled over, pulling the blanket tight against the knocking and the dawn light beginning to pour through the windows. But the knocks came again, louder this time. 

Shit, fine. 

Lucien groaned and rolled off the couch onto the floor with a grunt, the knocks still ringing through his apartment like a thumping heartbeat. He swayed as he tried to get to his feet, moving the bottle to the table and stumbling to the door. 

“Hang on, okay? I hear you, I hear you.” 

Lucien was not in a good place to deal with a neighbor complaining about the noises earlier, but he supposed he’d brought that upon himself. He undid the latch and threw the door open, the early daylight peaking in as he grimaced and covered his eyes. 

But there, against the soft light of the rising sun, stood Elain. She was haloed by it, the light shining off her tousled hair, her cloak thrown hastily over her shoulders, cheeks bright red from the cold and her breath freezing into clouds in the chilly morning air. 

“Elain–” he gasped out. 

“Happy Solstice, Lucien.” He was at a loss for words, like every thought in his head had ground to a horribly abrupt stop and there was nothing left but empty space and confusion. “I came to check on you. I felt…well, I’ve felt nothing but anguish down the bond for hours. I’ve never felt so much from you, and I got worried.” She said, shyly. 

He could have rammed his face through the wall; he was mortified beyond belief. For three years, he’d kept those carefully constructed walls up night and day to keep from torturing her. One drunk night and he’d plagued her all evening with his self-loathing. 

“Elain, I am so sorry. I drank a bit much last night. I never meant–” She held up a hand. 

“It’s quite alright. But are you okay?” This was more words than she’d spoken to him at once ever. Maybe more than she’d spoken to him altogether over the past three years. Strangely, she didn’t look put-upon–likely her years of training as a lady in society. His shame was oily and horrid, and he immediately went to reconstruct those walls around the twisting gold thread in his chest. She looked up at him, eyes wide and…disappointed?

“Uh, yes. I’m alright.” He scratched the back of his neck. “I didn’t even know you knew where I lived.” He tried to lighten the mood with a laugh, his default. He was still drunk and trying to focus when something so insane was happening was nearly impossible. Surely this wasn’t just a dream?

A blush painted over her beautiful, freckled cheeks. 

“Oh, I actually do. I’ve come by a few times, but I’ve never had the nerve to knock.” A stiff wind could have knocked him clean out. She’d come here? She looked embarrassed to admit it, but Lucien was still trying to make sense of things, gaping and looking insane in the doorway. “Might I come in? It’s a bit chilly.” 

“Oh, gods, Elain. Yes, of course. I’m so sorry.” He ushered her inside, kicking himself repeatedly for ruining this. “Can I get you some tea?” He was immediately ashamed of his apartment–everything so sparsely put together and nothing fancy for her. Without thinking, he tossed a ball of flame to the hearth, warming the room for her. 

“No, that’s fine. I just wanted to come and check on you. When I felt some of the emotions coming through, I worried you might be in danger…I couldn’t just ignore it.” 

“I am so sorry, Elain. Truly. I never intended for you to feel anything.” She looked down. 

“I know, Lucien. You’re always very vigilant.” The words left her tongue with a bit more bite than he had expected, but it was enough to sober him. 

Fuck the letter. He was doing this now. 

“Elain, do you want to break the bond? I planned to write and offer you the option today, but since you’re here, I’ll just say it.” Elain’s eyes shot to his, her expression heartbroken and appalled, and Lucien suddenly got the first spark of feeling down that faded, dim tether that he’d ever felt. Devastation. 

“Is that what you want?” Her voice was a whisper, but Lucien couldn’t help the laugh that barked out of him. 

“Me? Gods, no. You. That’s what you want, isn’t it?”

“No, Lucien. It is not.” He felt like he was living in a fever dream. Maybe he’d fallen into the Sidra on his way home from the tavern and was slowly freezing to death beneath the waves. 

“Don’t you want to be with Azriel?” It was her turn to huff a laugh out, looking incredulous. 

“Cauldron, no. You know he’s mated, right?” Lucien did not know. “Yes, to Gwyn, Nesta’s friend. I mean, for full disclosure, at one point, there was some…tension. But nothing ever became of it. And it was a year ago.” Lucien had never been at such a loss for what to say as they stood in the entryway of his small apartment. He hated the relief he felt, hated even more than in his drunken state, she could definitely tell. 

His mate was there, in his home, speaking to him. Laughing. Her scent filled every inch of space around him–he may never be able to sleep here again. Could he seal the doors and keep it forever?

“So, you don’t want to break the bond?” He asked, tentatively. She sighed, walking to the couch and dropping heavily down, her head in her hands. 

“Lucien, I am so sorry. I have made such an incredible mess of this. I imagine you’ll never forgive me, and I understand if you’ve had enough. I never meant to make you so miserable, and I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am.” He must be hallucinating. How old had that liquor been?

“I was so lost at the beginning, so hateful and resentful. I had never wanted any of this, and for the longest time, every time I saw you, I was reminded of all that.” 

“I reminded you? But I gave you space, I–”

“It didn’t matter! You were just so fae.” She gestured up and down at him as if that made it make sense. “Your bright, braided hair, your beautiful eyes, your tailored, colorful clothes. You were so unequivocally inhuman that I couldn’t look at you without remembering.” He guessed that made sense. Human men were incredibly dull, and Lucien had always prided himself on his appearance. 

“After a long time, I just continued to push you away because I didn’t know how to fix the gap I’d made between us. I couldn’t admit I was wrong because it didn’t feel wrong that I’d been scared, but it did feel wrong to be apart from you. I just didn’t know how to fix it.” She got quiet at the end, and he came to sit on the table in front of her. 

“To accept you would have meant I was wrong, but it would have also meant I accepted everything that happened to me. It wasn’t fair, but it was what happened. I hate how horribly I’ve hurt you working through it all.” Her eyes were rimmed with tears as he looked at her. Elain. Here. Sitting on his couch mere inches from him and pouring her heart out at his feet. She laughed, somewhat mirthlessly, and met his eyes again. 

“You drove me mad. Bought me the most perfect gifts every single year. Not stupid, surface-level things, but things that told me you could see me when no one else could. The tea? How could you have possibly picked so many flavors and scents I love? You’re always there and you smell so good and it makes me want to act against every single thing I’ve ever been taught. I can hear the way your heart skips and races when you see me, and I hate that I know you can hear mine do the same. I hate to know that you feel how you affect me. I have no secrets; I have no defenses against you.” It had all come rushing out in a single breath, and she was left on the couch, panting and staring at him with wide eyes. 

Lucien stood, dumbstruck, jaw hanging and unable to form a thought let alone a sentence. Was this a joke? A dream?  

She stood too, pacing in front of the couch Lucien now stood next to, watching her like a male seeing the sun rise for the first time in his life. 

“More than anything, I hated how you always knew me. Knew what I needed, sunshine and the sea, while everyone else wanted to keep me inside. You knew the gifts I would love, the space that I would need. I knew you’d be there waiting for me, too. And I took you for granted, and that makes me the worst of all.” 

He wanted so badly to tell her it didn’t matter. If she truly felt this way, it didn’t matter. If he’d thought, even for a moment, that she’d just needed a bit more time, he’d have waited forever. He wanted to tell her he’d only offered to break the bond because he thought it’s what she wanted. He wanted to tell her he’d fall at her feet and stay there for the rest of their immortal lives if she wanted him. If she allowed him. 

“Elain, I–”

“Do you know I have your jacket?”

“My…What?”

“The one you wrapped around me when I was thrown from the Cauldron. I saved it. I folded it into a small box in the bottom of my closet. Sometimes I bring it out when I have nightmares and hold it close to my face, and it feels like you’re there with me.” 

Lucien was astonished, the beating of his heart and hers drowning out all remaining rational thought. Lucien hadn’t felt hope like this in centuries. 

“It’s starting to not smell like you anymore, and I can’t bear it,” she whispered.

Her eyes flicked back to his, and she took the smallest step forward. If his heart hadn’t been thundering like the hooves of a thousand running horses, he’d worry it had stopped entirely. All thought left him, all sense. In two long strides, he was across the room to her, her jaw in his hand and her eyes closed. 

“You smell like pine needles in the sun,” she whispered, her breath grazing his hand. He laughed through his grin, his thumb brushing across her cheek as she sighed and opened her eyes, soft brown like the leaves coating the forest floor in fall, to look into his own with a smile of her own. 

“If I offer you the moon on a string, Lucien, will you give me a kiss too?” He laughed again, not knowing whether or not Feyre had told her that tidbit or if she’d Seen it herself. But she smiled at his laugh, and the effect was blinding. 

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her lips, before he could change his mind. 

Her lips were soft, soo incredibly soft, and her hands wound through his tangled hair immediately, pulling him closer. He was intoxicated with the smell of her, so close and unfiltered. It was Elain who ran her tongue along the seam of his lips, begging for entry as he used his hand to tilt her head slightly. The smallest noise left her throat, and Lucien had to call upon every single bit of restraint he’d ever mustered to hold himself back from tossing her over his shoulder. She must have heard the thought, felt it even, as he noticed his walls had crumbled down again. He felt a smattering of emotions from her, elation, relief, arousal. It was too much, it was not enough, it was perfect. 

They might have kissed for hours, days, or minutes, but it tapered down into soft, quick presses of their lips against each other as they steadied their beating hearts. 

“Would you like to get lunch with me today, Lucien?” Elain said, breathless as they pulled apart, but barely. 

“I would like nothing more, my lady” she smiled against his lips, smoothing her hand over his chest. He felt as though every breath had been drawn out of him, his lungs simply existing in a void where he floated blissfully on a cloud. 

“Then you better rest up. You’ve got about six hours to sleep, then I’ll be expecting you on the bridge by the market. We’ve got some catching up to do.” She pressed a small, wrapped parcel into his hand, then stood on tiptoes to give him another kiss on the jaw before walking back to the door, looking over her shoulder to say goodbye. 

“Happy Solstice, Lucien.” She smiled as she pulled the door closed behind her.

Lucien hoped beyond reason that this wasn’t a dream, but her lingering scent swirled around him as he let himself drop back to the couch. He looked down at the parcel in his hand, wrapped delicately in white and silver tissue paper, folded neatly at the seams and wrapped in a bow of twine. 

She’d given him a Solstice gift. 

He undid the bow carefully, fully planning to save every single aspect of this present as long as he lived. He peeled back the carefully folded corners of the paper, making sure not to rip it. Inside the beautiful paper was a folded, cream colored handkerchief. He picked it up and unfolded it to find the smallest embroidered fox in the corner, the colored threads somehow catching the mischievous glint in its eyes. Beneath it was a round piece of glass–no–resin. Pressed within it were bright Autumn leaves, layered in yellows, oranges, and crimsons held at the peak of their color forever, suspended in time. A piece of his very first home to have here and hold close. 

He’d never received such gifts in his life. They were both so perfectly him–things he would have been drawn to immediately at a market, but would never have bothered to purchase for himself. It made up for a million Solstices. 

He laid back on the couch, holding the gifts to his chest and closing his eyes as he drifted off, the smell of pear and honey wrapped around him like the yellow blanket that reminded him of days spent running through the woods of Autumn. 

I hope you get your ballroom floor

Your perfect house with rose red doors

I'm the last thing you'd remember

It's been a long lonely December

I wish I'd known that less is more

But I was passed out on the floor

That's the last thing I remember

It's been a long lonely December

December by Neck Deep

Cast me aside to show yourself in a better light

I came out grieving, barely breathing

And you came out alright

But I'm sure you'll take his hand

I hope he's better than I ever could have been

My mistakes were not intentions, this is a list of my confessions I couldn't say

Pain is never permanent but tonight it's killing me

#elucien #angst with a happy ending #hurt and comfort #acotar #sjm fic #elain archeron #lucien vanserra #songfic #oneshot

[douceurrrr]

𝐟𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲

paring(s): marcus brooks x fem!reader

summary: you miss marcus while he’s in denmark so you call him.

warning(s): no smut (sorry), fluff, slight mentions of something sexual, short n sweet

a/n: don’t let marcus flop like y’all did lucas sinclair

*gif isn’t mine! @goodsirs

when marcus told you he would be going to denmark to brighten his baking herizens, you were excited for him yet sad to hear he was leaving you at the house all alone. you promised to check on his mom everyday and keep him updated on anything that’s happening with her and he promised to facetime you everyday and keep you updated. even though he was going to be gone for just a week, it felt like months.

you’re laying in the bed, eyeing marcus’s side of the bed in dejection. over time his side of the bed got colder and colder, which is depressing. you then reached over to the nightstand, unplugging your phone the charger. the light from your phone made you squint your eyes from the slight pain, you then tapped the contact my baker ❤️😊 and called it, bringing the phone to your ear. it only took two rings for him to answer.

“hey babe, what’s up.” his voice makes you smile.

you sit up in the bed before answering. “hey baby, how’s denmark?” you replied, rubbing your sore neck. you decided to get up from the bed and try to stretch your body since you knew you were going to be up from the rest of the night. “it’s really dope out here, I should take you sometime.” he explains. you were happy to hear that he was adjusting to denmark.

“I miss you, markie.” you say, sweetly into the phone. your voice sounded like honey to his ears, making him miss you even more. “I miss you too babe, but it’s only two more days.” he reassured you. yes, you knew there was two more days but those days felt like years for you. “I’ve been needing you with like baking stuff and other things.” marcus knew exactly what those other things were.

he groans. “don’t do that, not when we’re so far apart from each other.” you laugh fills he ears, know you were wrong for teasing him like that. “okay, my bad.” you replied as your laugh dies down.

“I’m going to facetime you, I want to see your face.” he says before tapping the button. you answered it but marcus couldn’t see you in the darkness of the room. “hold on, let me turn the light on.” after a couple of seconds the light is turned on and marcus grins at the sight of your face. “there we go.” he says, seeing your smile.

“I checked on your mom today, her hands were kind of dry so I put lotion on them.” you informed. you never minded checking on his mom for him, you thought it was nice that marcus cared for her so much and trusted you with her. “thanks babe, I appreciate you.” marcus says, yawning a bit but you noticed.

“well I know you’re tired, so I’ll let you sleep.” you told him, wanting him to be energized enough for tomorrow.

marcus didn’t want to end the facetime but he knew he needed to. “no babe, I’ll stay up and talk to you.” he protested but you can hear the tiredness in his voice. “don’t fight it markie, we can call tomorrow.” he doesn’t fight you on it, probably because he’s too tired to fight.

“okay well, I love you.” even though marcus has said he loves you so many times it still feels like he’s saying it for the first time.

“I love you too, markie.” you whispered, sweetly into the phone before saying bye and hanging up.

“I can do two more days.” you huffed.

#marcus brooks x reader #marcus brooks x you #marcus brooks x y/n #the bear #fanfic #the bear fx #marcus brooks #marcus the bear

[vacantgodling]

oh yeah— official ships/pairings of tcol:

i’m gonna say the / is for mutual liking, & is for they’re officially together and -> is for one sided attractions. ?? is only on one relationship and that’s cuz it’s ?? lol.

PIPER FAIRWIND (she/her; one of the mcs) / KEEVAN GUERRA (he/him) -> status: they canonically are into each other but they’re not in an official relationship. keevan would call what they have going on a “courtship” however piper always teases that she’s not some damsel that he can sweep off of her feet. she’s definitely into him though. 👀

SAITH PRALINE (he/him) -> PIPER FAIRWIND (she/her; one of the mcs) -> status: saith likes piper but he respects both her and keevan so much that he just doesn’t think it’s worth mentioning. it’s enough that she considers him a best friend and that keevan relies on him; so he doesn’t feel the need to insert himself where it isn’t warranted.

LADY ILLIANA AEGOS (she/her) -> KEEVAN GUERRA (he/him) -> status: many many noble women have fancied sir guerra and illiana is no different. the somewhat “catch” is she feels she has a chance and does her best to flirt with him and make her intentions known whenever the two of them are in a room together. keevan is polite, as she is the step daughter of the current ruler (the grand duke) however he doesn’t feel anything towards her romantically.

DEUX UNDERSHIELD (she/her; one of the mcs) / FORTE SYMPHONIA (he/him one of the mcs) -> status: when they initially meet there’s something like immediate attraction, especially on deux’s end. she’s never met someone so brave and kind and handsome 👀 similarly, forte comes to like deux pretty quickly. her innocence and sweetness as well as her desire to better herself and fight for what’s right are immediately attractive to him. however, he hasn’t made a move as he’s more of an observer first action second (very fitting with being a ranger lol). deux however is too shy.

CLEAR BRIGHTENDALE (he/him; one of the mcs) / FORTE SYMPHONIA -> status: first of all, bi king forte. secondly, forte was actually the first one attracted here; he and clear’s first conversation is the first where he doesn’t feel the pressure of having a certain demeanor. he gets comfortable around him very quickly. clear is also pretty immediately attracted to forte however bc of internalized homophobia + noticing deux likes forte as well makes him back off quickly. but he pines—oh he pines.

MOIRA DEARBORN (she/her) & JAGODA ARTHEA (trans!! he/him) -> status: the two of them are childhood friends and have been together for near a decade lol. their battle chemistry is just as synced as their emotional and physical chemistry. jagoda would do anything for moira and moira cares about him more than anyone else in the world lol.

LORD KIBA LATHSBURY (he/him) / ERYN ARCUS (they/she/he) -> status: eryn and kiba are childhood friends (apart of the same group as moira/jagoda/karenza) and kiba’s had a crush on eryn for years, he’s pretty blatant about it too lol. eryn just loves teasing him but it’s clear that they like him back.

DION UNDERSHIELD (he/him) & FIAMETTA LANTHI (she/her) -> status: strike through bc we’ve reached the first tragedy; fiametta is dead (and it ain’t a spoiler cuz she has been from story start). fia and dion were very close, and her death caused him to spiral deeper into his old grudges and depression. she brightened up his world and it’s much darker to him without her.

ERIK SOORI (he/him) -> DION UNDERSHIELD (he/him) -> status: erik can’t help but hurt himself, for better or worse. he’s loved dion for longer than he cares to remember and he just wishes he could just get over it… yet there’s some comfort in it being the only stable thing he’s had in his life; it’s always there, for better or worse. they’ve been together through A LOT, but dion doesn’t even acknowledge how close they are. it seems like a hopeless love.

MIKI KAGANOFF (she/her) & JACE KAGANOFF (he/him) -> status: jace and miki are actually married, however their relationship currently is very strained. she cheated on him and had a child with his best friend back in their homeland of kiskkaddon and has since followed him to lathsbury to try and make things up. jace wants to work things out but it’s difficult for him.

CAMERON BLISS (she/her) -> JIHI ARTHEA (he/him) -> status: cameron has had a crush on jihi for years; he was an upperclassman of hers when she and friends attended pinella’s pass survivalist school and she chose to come to the aegean guild of explorers partially so she could reconnect with him. however, he seems to have all his sights set on guild leader madja fandel. but something seems… wrong about it. cameron tries to hide her affections and grapple with this odd turn of events. jihi seems hardly aware of how she feels.

JIHI ARTHEA (he/him) ?? MADJA FANDEL (she/her) -> status: there’s something wrong with their relationship or whatever is going on. something more sinister than hero worship is at work here. almost as if he’s under a spell to only think of pleasing her.

DARAN “PAPA” ISAI (he/him) -> KALIFIA FANDEL (she/her) -> status: this isn’t much more than a passing flirtation. papa sees kalifia often at his bar and he thinks she’s beautiful. she has yet to open up to him more than just grunts or side glances; but hey, he does have her favorite beer memorized. he’s not actively trying though—she’s just a sight for sore eyes to him.

CHARISSA GOODWYN (she/her) & ALTAIR NOCTURNE (he/him) -> The Horrors aside; the two of them have been at each others throats her thick as thieves since the moment they first met. they usually say don’t fight fire with fire, yet somehow these two make it work. they’ve never officially established what their relationship is, but there’s definitely one there even if they won’t verbally define it.

HELIX CARMINE (he/they) / ELODIA PESANTE (she/her) -> status: another tragedy. helix and elodia were very very sweet on each other, until a tragedy left her for dead in the labyrinth. she did it to protect their team, but with how things go after and helix experiences the horrors… losing her is too much to bear.

GRAND DUKE ARAN LATHSBURY (he/him) & GENERAL DUCHESS MUINENA LATHSBURY (she/her) -> status: muinena died in childbirth to she and aran’s second child, though the circumstances of it are suspicious. she was as strong as an ox, and wasn’t prone to sickness and had a health pregnancy throughout so it was odd for her to suddenly go under. that and their daughter being stolen after that as well made the whole thing even worse. aran hasn’t truly been the same after losing both her and his elder brother, the former king, in the same 2 year timespan.

GRAND DUKE ARAN LATHSBURY (he/him) & DUCHESS PRIMROSE AEGOS (she/her) -> status: pressure from the ruling body of the kingdom forced aran’s hand into finding a second wife but the two of them are hardly compatible nor do they hardly speak at all. there’s no love there between them but both of them are bound by outside forces, aran by duty and primrose for convenience and to support herself and her daughter.

TENOR SYMPHONIA (he/him) & SOPRANO SYMPHONIA (she/her) -> status: oh these songbirds have been married and in love for many many years, having two beautiful children from the union: forte and melody. tenor was previously a very famous traveling bard and they first met at a showing of his and the rest was history.

#s: tcol

[jloves-pp]

The Story of Merida and Hiccup-chapter 9

Chapter 9-forbidden love

After a few months, Hiccup and Merida's relationship began to grow. Hiccup and Toothless would fly to Dun Broch and stay for a week, the time they shared together was wonderful. Mostly the teens, along with Angus and Toothless would explore Scotland. Merida told Hiccup about a monster in Loch ness and wondered if there might be a dragon living there, they investigated for hours but found nothing, but they did catch a glimpse of something that could've been a tail. Merida loved her new bow, it worked like a dream when she shot her arrows, she even showed it off to her parents. Fergus and Elinor were impressed by Hiccup's building skills.

As Merida watched, Hiccup's archery skills improved and in turn he taught Merida how to fly. She managed the basics but found it hard sometimes to remember to tail positions, one time Merida lost control and crashed into a field of wildflowers. Merida and Hiccup tumbled off Toothless, they landed on some soft earth so they weren't hurt. Hiccup stood and brushed himself off when he noticed a flower and an idea came to him. Merida had dusted herself down and saw Toothless pop up his head, he was covered with wildflowers. Merida couldn't help but laugh, she looked over her shoulder to see Hiccup walking up with his hand behind his back. He revealed a beautiful bunch of blooms. Normally, Merida didn't care for flowers but she thought it was sweet, she took them gratefully. Hiccup blushed slightly as Merida inhaled the amazing scent of the wildflowers. There was a deep chirping sound, they turned to see Toothless, holding flowers in his mouth. The teens couldn't help but giggle, Merida thanked him and took the flowers from the dragon's mouth. Later on, the princess placed her gifts of wildflowers in a vase. It brightened up her bedroom perfectly.

It was hard for Hiccup and Merida not to be close in public, even holding hands was too risky. That didn't stop them from giving each other quick kisses, hiding and secretly handholding. Sometimes, when they were walking along walls of the castle. They noticed one of the tapestries and Hiccup or Merida would pull the other underneath and stole a moment together. They enjoyed the thrill of almost getting caught. When they were out away from the kingdom, they were more like a couple. They would stroll through the woods, linking their arm as the sunlight glinted golden in the trees. They sat and snuggled and enjoying the breath-taking views.

Even though the two were happy, in the backs of the minds the fear of their secret being discovered still dwelled. They knew for a long time it was wrong, but their feelings were too strong for another, that they didn't want to be apart. Hiccup and Merida were depressed when they were apart, wanting nothing more than to see each other. So, when the met up, their hearts felt like they were going to burst. They knew that no one will except them being together, which made them wonder if they could ever have a life together.

"Merida. Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Aye, I always wanted to try this. I didn't have anyone to try it out with".

"Yeah, but why am I the one that has to be shot at with an apple on my head?"

it was the beginning of summer, the princess asked Hiccup to try a trick she'd always wanted to try. Hiccup reluctantly agreed but was really regretting it now. It didn't help that Toothless was sitting with Angus, watching the whole thing.

"You'll be fine. All you need to do is to hold still while I shoot at the apple". Merida explained as she readied her bow. "You're lucky I didn't decide to wear a blindfold!"

"Hey, yeah, then I'd be really scared!" Hiccup said, Merida took her place about 30 feet from Hiccup. Reached for her bow, she made sure her arrow would be right. When she was ready, she released her arrow. Hiccup shut his eyes, waiting for the blow, but he didn't feel a thing. He opened his eyes and look up to the arrow straight through the apple, hanging from the tree.

"Ha, Ha, I did it!" the princess cheered. Hopping for joy.

The Viking slid down the tree if relief, glad to be alive. Toothless walked over to check on his friend, although his friend was not happy to see him

"Thanks for saving me from certain death bud" Hiccup said sarcastically but he couldn't stay mad as Toothless licked his face all over.

"I think you've cleaned him enough now, Toothless" Merida said and giggled when she reached them. Toothless quickly stopped and then rubbed his head to Merida's, while she stroked him. Merida helped and pulled Hiccup to his feet "Thank you Milady and may I say, your skills never cease to amaze me". Hiccup said while he pulled the arrow from the tree, she removed the apple and using a knife, cut it in half, she bit into one half and offered the other half to Hiccup. He smiled and took the fruit.

"Well, I had help with my trick and I should thank you for it" she replied playfully and gently kissed him on his lip which Hiccup returned, placing his hand on her cheek. Once they'd finished, they collected Toothless and Angus and stook a stroll towards the glen.

The teens held hands and chatted away as they walked. "So who would the best at arm wrestling? Your Dad or mine?" Merida asked.

"Well obviously mine. He holds the most wins on the island!" Hiccup answered.

"Oh, you haven't seen my dad. He won 35 times in row and he was throwing daggers at the target at the same time, all bullseye" Merida grinned proudly.

"That's impressive, but can he split a huge stone in two with his head?" Hiccup said triumphantly.

"Aye, he can, but can your dad lift two cart full of haystacks and two cows-while blindfolded?" Merida questioned back, hoping to get one up on him.

"Actually, he has. Here's one, has he ever grappled the horns of dragon, 10 times his size?" the Viking said.

The smile was wiped from the Princess's face, Hiccup could see Merida trying to think of comeback but she eventually said

"Ok you win" the two smiled and burst out laughing. Their conversations flowed easily. "Well, come to mention it, I being wondering about something for a while".

"Sure, what is it?" Hiccup asked.

"Well, your dad is the chief, right?" Merida said.

"Right?" Hiccup replied.

"And a chief is the ruler of the tribe or kingdom, so he's a king. So that would make you, a prince" Merida explained.

"Well, I never thought about it like that, but it does makes sense". Hiccup said thinking about it more. "If your mum knew that, she would have us marry right away".

"Oh gods, she would" Merida replied, burning her face in her hands.

"Yeah, we're not ready for that until you change your mind" Hiccup said softly taking her hand off her face.

"Asked me again in a few years and then I'll answer" Merida replied and the teens laughed.

"Well, is there anything you'd like to do?" Hiccup asked. There was something Merida wanted to ask Hiccup but knew he wouldn't like it, but it was worth a try.

"Well, there is something or rather somewhere I'd like to see" Merida began.

"What is it?"

"I really want to visit Berk" Merida finished and she saw the colour drain from Hiccup's face.

"WHAT! No, no, no are you crazy? If my dad finds out he'll explode and they'll locked you up and execute you and you look better with your head on!" Hiccup cried in disbelief.

"Ok not as bad as I thought" Merida said in her head. She understood him but she heard so many wonderful things about Berk and she wanted to see it. "I know the dangers but I could stay in the cove".

"Yeah, but I don't want you stuck there all the time and what if someone will finds you" Hiccup said his mind was racing "I should tell my friends, having them know would make things easier... but I still don't think it's a good idea".

"Hiccup?" The princess took his hands in hers and softly rubbed them "Please, I know you're worried about being discovered especially by your dad. It's just you said how incredible your home is and I want to see it with my own eyes. I promise you, nothing will happen to me" she reassured Hiccup.

The Viking couldn't resist her touch and those beautiful blue eyes.

"Oh. All right, I'll take you to Berk". Hiccup reluctantly said, hoping and praying to Odin they won't be caught.

"Yay!" Merida cried and kissed him on the lips.

"Ok, but if we get find out. You take the blame" Hiccup said after they separated "We should ask your parents first".

"Aye I definitely don't want to worry them, come on" Merida replied and the two quickly got on their friends and raced back to the castle.

Elinor was having some quiet time reading, she adjusted her woollen blanket when the door creaked opened to reveal...Fergus.

"Hello there love" he cheerfully said, smiling to his lovely wife.

"Hello dear, I thought you were teaching the new guards today" Elinor said as her husband closed the door before sitting next to her.

"Oh aye, we've took a break, we're doing hay bales later" Fergus said flexing his arms.

"Well, don't let them carry four hay bales at once. We don't need another accident" Elinor reminded him with a playfully smirk.

"Oh, would you rather them carry sheep?, trees?, you?" Fergus said moving closer.

"Are you sure? Wouldn't you be jealous" the queen asked, he pulled her in his arms, her Bear King, he held her to him.

"Jealous? I know you too well, no one would mess with you, until they want the bear to come out again" Fergus said gently moving a bit of hair out of her face.

"Well, my dearest man. I can release the bear any time I want" she said and then kissed her husband who returned it eagerly. Things may had gone further between the two but suddenly the door swung open.

"Mum, I need to talk to you" Merida called out as she and Hiccup walked in. Elinor and Fergus quickly pulled back and tried to fix themselves. The teens averted their eyes, felt like they were intruding.

"Should...should we go, we didn't know" Hiccup asked fumbling his words.

"No, no. We weren't doing anything...much" Elinor reassured them. She saw Fergus in the corner of her eye giving her a knowing look. "It's there something we can help you with?"

"No, we actually want to ask your permission" Merida started rubbing her arm nervously, really hoping they would say yes.

"Oh, what is it love" Fergus the asked.

"I'd like to visit Hiccup's home island for a week" Merida said smiling sweetly.

"What? How far is your island from here" Fergus asked Hiccup. Not believing what he'd heard.

"It's a two-day trip there but I promise, nothing will happen" Hiccup reassured the king and queen. Before Fergus could ask more, he felt his wife patting his hand.

"Fergus, can I talk to you in the next room please" Elinor asked him. It took him a moment to answer then he nodded. The adults left to the room and into the room across the hall.

The king sat down as the queen walked to the window.

"Have you noticed Merida lately?" Elinor asked. She could see Fergus didn't know what she meant, so she continued. "I mean, since Hiccup appeared. She hasn't been herself. She's become melancholy and distant but when Hiccup is here, Merida is back to her old self" she said as she walked to and fro. "I couldn't help but think..she's is love".

Then something unexpected happened. Fergus burst out laughing. He laughed so hard he nearly fell off the chair. He definitely thought his wife was joking but when he saw Elinor glaring at him, his laugh died down.

"Oh, you're not joking" Fergus said feeling a bit worried.

"Of course, I'm not joking, I would never joke about such things" Elinor answered back but she took a deep breath before saying "They showed signs of attraction and I overheard them talking and acting like a couple".

"Are you sure?" Fergus questioned "It doesn't sound like our daughter. Merida's in 'love', Merida doesn't do love!"

"I know, I know. Anyone who knows her, knows that Merida has never liked the idea of 'love' or 'marriage' but this boy has caught her eye. It's obvious something's between them" Elinor explained thinking of the interactions she'd seen between the teens.

"Now you mention it, Merida did ask me about her looks" he confessed. Elinor eyes widened, Merida couldn't care less about her looks, she could had gone around with her hair like a bush, covered in dirt and twigs and Merida didn't care, Elinor thought Merida must have really like Hiccup if she'd started thinking about her looks.

"There's definitely something between those two" Elinor murmured to myself. "What do you think of Hiccup, being with our daughter". Fergus took a while, thinking it over before spoke.

"I'm no sure, Hiccup's a nice boy but I don't know if he'll be able to lead the kingdom at Merida's side. She needs someone who's strong, who's a born leader and is able to care for Merida" Fergus voiced his thoughts. His wife thought he had a point.

"I understand but he's a gentleman and he's good building weapons, like the bow he's given Merida" Elinor said.

"True, that bow is impressive" Fergus agreed, he seemed to be a kind and responsible boy. "Do you think we should let Merida visit Hiccup's home by herself?"

Taking in all the information. They trusted Hiccup and knew that Merida had deep feelings for him.

"I believe so, let's go and tell them" Elinor replied. Her husband nodded and both left the room. What they didn't know was that while they were talking, Merida and Hiccup use d this time to be alone. When the teens heard the door cracking, they pulled away and sat up properly before the queen and king entered.

"Ur…should we leave?" Fergus asked when he noticed their red faces.

"Ur...No" Merida replied hiding her smile.

"Well, we've agreed to allow you to visit Hiccup's home" Elinor told them. Merida instantly jumped up, cheering and ran up her parents, giving them a kiss of thanks on their cheeks.

"Thank you, thank you" she said and hugged them.

"How does the day after tomorrow sound? it'll give you time to pack and we'll have Jamie take you to the docks..." Elinor said, but Hiccup stood up and without thinking shouted

"STOP!"

He froze, the royal family turned to him confused except Mer, who knew why. "I mean. My friend will take us there" He quickly told them which wasn't a lie but he could still feel the sweat forming on his forehead.

"Aye, so don't worry about it" Merida quickly said "Oh, look at the time. You need to return to your duties" and pushed her parents out the door, despite the royal couples' questions. Merida flashed a reassuring smile to Hiccup, who returned a smile of thanks.

Hiccup watched as Merida was handed her bags from her mum, the princess hugged her and her dad and ruffled her brother's hair.

"Yes, yes. I'll see if I could find any treats there" she said to the triplets.

"I hope your father's got the news of the guest your bringing" the queen said Hiccup. She'd asked the young lad to write to his dad before they arrived but Hiccup couldn't, in fear his dad would question him.

"Yeah, I have, he'll be surprised" Hiccup answered, rubbing his neck.

"Ok, Merida you have a good time and be careful" Elinor said to her daughter.

"I will. Don't worry" Merida said, giving her another hug.

Merida and Hiccup waved goodbye to Harris, Hubert, Hamish and the royal couple as they walked down the hill, toward the woods.

They soon reached Toothless and they set off. Their journey was exciting for Merida as they flew over the sea. She'd never left her home before it was so thrilling. They stopped on small islands to rest Toothless and slept in a cave for the night. On day three, when the sun was setting, Merida with her hood over her head was fast asleep. She rested her head on her Viking's shoulder, Hiccup didn't mind her, he loved to feel her close to him.

Soon Hiccup spotted the familiar outline of his home. Toothless purred at the sight. He flew and landed on one the Viking statues in the water, near Berk. The sudden landing woke Merida.

"W... what's going on?" Merida said looking about.

"Well, we're here" Hiccup said smiling. Merida looked over his shoulder and her eyes widened at the sight. Hiccups arms opened wide, showing the wonderous sight before them.

"Merida, this is Berk"

#mericcup #hiccup #Merida #how to train your dragon #brave #fanfic

[sweetslemon]

ask game 11, 15, 17, 26

Thank you!

11: Best friend?

Friend going back from my high school days, i don't know how we got close because we weren't in the same class. She pushed me to be more outgoing because she's a social butterfly as much as she denies it, and we would go out and write letters to our future us and when apart frequent phone calls and written letters(she's a lietenant during her training couldnt use her phone) . We really wouldn't have imagined the course of life ahead of us cuz i see friends now in areas of interests we wouldve never imagined but people change mature or develop new paths and a bend in the road. She's who made me realize that because she is like that chameleon, and she has the talk ahd laugh that brightens everyone up but i also know she can act hyper and cheerful more she is depressed so we'd entered a period where we can meet up and chill not say anything but not feel awkward at all.

15: Favorite movie

To be perfectly honest i need to say light hearted marvel movies an disney cuz thats how simple i am but..

Spirited Away. This movie gives me certain feels, i love how it scared me as a child but it has an element of magic in it and because i'm feeling lost, the imagery of passing through a dark tunnel into the unknown or light gives me a sense of hope. And of course the music, i watch films half for scenery or cinematography and music (first i find the music from the film and then get interesred enough to watch it) and ghibli just makes beautiful ones

17: Someone you miss

Ironically my best friend because i've been shying away from my relationships because of my own personal problems for months, but i do wonder how she's doing and feel sorry cuz she's been through my toughest moments together. We'd eat every meal almost every day and go out for snacks every now and then that moving out and making our own group of friends felt like adulthood though we were way past kids now. Our politics or values can't be any more different but there's something going deeper, i hate to be the person ignoring texts or calls cuz im ashamed of myself or afraid i'll go on a 10 page tirade or worse, have nothing to say. I think about her sometimes when theres bad news about the military(women being assaulted)and spied on her insta to see she's ok . Im prolly gonna see her next month after i finish this one thing i'm working on

26: My biggest pet peeves

I'm sensitive towards myself and denser towards others and my surroundings so don't really care, but when people smoke heavily or/and put on cologne or perfume it's super hard trying not to cough to be polite but it does make me nauseare for the whole day or throw up. Sensitive to smells plus probably my allergies acting up. But really, not showering and covering it with deoderant is a terrible idea lmao. Men tend to have this feel

[mandoqueerunion]

Lovely creative people from Tumblr….

Can any one of you please write a fanfiction with these two? I’ll read anything. 

And I’m not joking, i’ll read anything you guys write about them

#newamsterdamedit #new amsterdam #lauren bloom #leyla shinwari #janet montgomery #shiva kalaiselvan #new amsterdam spoilers #new amsterdam 3x09 #lauren x leyla #femslash related stuff #okay dropping the 'but subtext' tag :o #is it real' #lol that we wanted domestic scenes at their place and it's them brushing their teeth and looking at a tree #but leyla reassuring lauren that she is good with living things #and getting something to brighten her depressing apartment #gf role already #gf material #fanfic #fanfiction #archiveofourown #archive of our own #writers #writer #leyren

[booasaur]

New Amsterdam - 3x09

#newamsterdamedit #new amsterdam #lauren bloom #leyla shinwari #janet montgomery #shiva kalaiselvan #new amsterdam spoilers #new amsterdam 3x09 #leyren #femslash related stuff #okay dropping the 'but subtext' tag :o #we're on our way baby #'is it real' #yeah it is! #lol that we wanted domestic scenes at their place and it's them brushing their teeth and looking at a tree #but leyla reassuring lauren that she IS good with living things #and getting something to brighten her depressing apartment #gf role already

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

Hi! What is your very specific Twilight AU?

okay, so. New Moon.

party disaster, dumping her and dipping, all happens normally.

but THEN. Bella finds out she’s pregnant.

(and I know you’re thinking- pre-marital sex?!?! Edward would NEVER! but listen. I am the author now. I’ve been around Christians my whole life. shut up!)

so anyway after a million pregnancy tests and a lot of googling about vampire baby legends, Bella’s like...well this is probably gonna be a situation,

Nessie doesn’t have an insane growth rate here because I hate that, so she has a normal amount of time to prepare, and she’s very...aware that the birth is gonna be Rough at best. So she goes to Jacob

who is NOT a wolf yet but Is aware of the pack and the treaty, and they are closer friends already, and she’s like ‘hey. paranormal emergency. you’re the only person in this town who enables me. help.’

 and Jacob’s like I’m Fucking Fifteen and goes and gets Leah, since she’s technically an adult and a girl

(ms. meyer How did you make one of leah’s only 3 character traits ‘upset she’s infertile’ and then not have her support bella’s choices in breaking dawn please make it make sense)

 so they start brainstorming solutions and the best they can work with is. Bella’s gotta ride out the pregnancy in hiding. they have no way of knowing whether she can survive the pregnancy and the only clue they have about whether the baby will be a monster or not is from google searches, but they also can’t exactly take her to an obgyn when her uterus feels like it’s calcified and her ribs are getting broken and she seems to be craving blood

So, Leah’s got her own little place. Bella moves in there, telling Charlie she wants to move back in with Renee (she knows her parents would never willingly call each other so as long as she keeps up communicating with both of them they should be none the wiser of her growing a little dracula in Leah Clearwater’s basement).

Leah has already defected from the wolf pack at this point (because...the Cullen’s left and she didn’t really like any of the guys anyway lmao) so they don’t run the risk of them hearing her thoughts while she’s in wolf form. She goes out and hunts animals, brings them back and her and Jake drain the blood from them so Bella can drink it. All three of them find this extremely disgusting obviously but Jake’s loyal and a little bit lovestruck, Leah’s a supportive friend and queen, and Bella’s just trying to keep her and her baby alive, and none of them feel like trying to rob a blood bank

Bella is 100% certain the baby will just be a baby who happens to like blood, like she was in bd, but the tentative plan is that if a crazy soulless monster comes out of her Leah will...handle that...

Which neither are thrilled about, so Bella’s just trying to focus on staying positive. And between that, trying to survive and stay hidden, Bella doesn’t really have time to...Check Out the way she did in new moon. Like, she’s absolutely still depressed, and she’s still getting an occasional Edward hallucination because carrying a vampire baby counts as reckless in many books, but she’s just more...resigned and pissed than anything. She’ll have days like the ‘possibilities’ scene, but more often than not she’s just telling the Edward hallucination to go fuck himself when he’s begging her to find the real him so they can have Carlisle deal with the pregnancy 

at some point, Seth gets roped into the whole mess (he’s prone to just breaking into his sister’s house) but since he’s like, 13 and The Best Baby Boy he’s immediately supportive. He didn’t even fucking know about the wolves and the vampires until he walked in on a six months pregnant Bella drinking blood while his sister and Jacob are hacking away at a dead deer, but he’s like...you know when you were 13 and sneaking around about Anything made you feel like the coolest person alive? point is he’s helpful

AND he can get away with spending a lot of time at Leah’s house without anyone finding it weird, unlike Jacob, so he starts spending most of his free time there keeping Bella company and brightening her day up

HE is the one who enables her when she comes up with the name Renesmee lmao

(just because she hates Edward doesn’t mean Esme ever did anything wrong!)

“bella I’ll throw you out of this house if you don’t come up with a real name” “leah she’s white you can’t just disrespect her culture like this omg”

anyway these four become the DORKIEST and WEIRDEST little family it’s cute

so then. labor.

it’s less...graphic than in bd because Bella hasn’t been actively dying the whole pregnancy and she doesn’t snap her spine in half, but it’s still. bad.

she essentially delivers a rock that Nessie then begins chewing her way out of. she’s actively bleeding out. Jacob’s having a panic attack. Leah made Seth watch so he would never have unprotected sex and the scare tactic is working. Leah’s covered in Bella’s blood which is not great considering she’s Holding A Rock That A Vampire Is Emerging From

Leah’s been taking classes and researching deliveries so she needs to stitch Bella up and see what else is wrong but Seth is rocking back and forth on the floor crying and Jacob’s screaming and pacing too fast to grab so she’s like. Bella babe I know you’re dying but you need to hold this thing for me ksjdfllksf

so while she’s handling That, Bella’s got this weird little rock in her arms and is watching the baby slowly fight it’s way out like this is a very fucked up egg or something and she’s just. overwhelmed. maybe it’s the blood loss but she’s looking at the messy, scrunchy little face and she’s already in love and envisioning their lives together.

and then, you know, the baby bites her,

she has just enough time to think ‘how did we not think to prepare for that’ before she can feel the venom coursing through her. it’s just as bad as she remembers from James’ bite but somehow...easier to tolerate. she blacks out pretty quickly

the other 3 notice and are like : 👁👄👁

Jacob...literally explodes into a wolf On Spot

Seth darts out the fucking door he’s seen enough for one day

Leah, sole holder of the braincell, realizes Nessie just bit and isn’t drinking from Bella, and deduces this is like...a survival instinct or something. the baby instinctively changes it’s mother first thing. weirdly...touching? 

So she gets the baby and checks that everything is physically okay with Bella (apart from you know. changing species) and is like...guess this is an issue for 3 days from now Leah

more immediate pressing issues: screaming new born baby and oh, yeah, the giant red wolf in the basement,

“Jacob I know this is disorienting but if you break anything in my house I’ll fucking kill you”

she really just leaves the poor boy to go get the baby cleaned up and warm up some of the frozen blood they’ve got in her fridge (RUINING HER TUPPERWARE, BELLA)

she’s not worried about the wolf pack mind meld yet because she knows Sam took the guys on a mission way farther up the coast for a few days and they’ll be too far away to hear Jake. hopefully, by the time they get back, Bella will be awake and they’ll have made an escape plan by then

and as she’s bottle feeding blood to the baby she’s thrilled that it seems to be like...relatively normal and not s horrific monster or anything. mission: unwillingly murder my best friend’s baby has been successfully canceled 

“Oh Goddamn it....Renesmee DOES fit you...”

Seth, from where he’s cowering behind the couch: “told you”

so, Jake eventually calms down, they spend the next few days cooing over Nessie and brainstorming how to handle Bella when she wakes up a vampire, and also nicknaming Nessie ‘Nessie’ because they know Bella will find that intolerable and they feel she deserves karmic punishment for stressing them out so much lmao

so, three days are up. Seth’s upstairs putting on a way-too-elaborate puppet show for the baby with not a care in the world. Leah and Jake are in the basement because they know Bella probably won’t want their wolf blood and their ready to phase in case she gets a little aggressive

but she just wakes up and is like. hey! how’s it going? where’s my baby?

sjdhfksdj they were expecting feral but Bella still has her super self-control. she didn’t even realize she’d changed into a vampire until they told her lmao

Bella’s a little too freaked out to try hunting yet so they give her some of the stored blood they’ve been feeding Ness and she’s like. good to go. Leah’s about to scream like have the elders been exaggerating this whole time or is Bella truly a freak??? lol

So, they spend a couple days just...relaxing, Bella and Renesmee bonding, they’re trying to come up with fun places Bella can move to with the baby so no one she knows finds out, and every now and then Leah and Jake go out and she tries to help him get the wolf thing under control

and then,,,,the pack get back from their mission early

and immediately are able to read Jacob’s mind

so they head over to Start Shit because there’s two bloodsuckers on their land but,

the pack not attacking because Jake imprinted on Renesmee? tired. the pack not attacking because Jake’s Alpha Genes have taken over and declared Nessie and Bella as part of his Pack and attacking would literally start a war? inspired

so they hash the whole thing out....ultimately Sam decides Bella is more of a victim than a threat, and since neither her or Nessie seem to be going on a bloodlust rampage any time soon...he decides to grant them immunity from the whole ‘kill the vampires’ rule. He’ll let her and her daughter stay in La Push as long as they agree to stick to animals and only hunt out of town. PLUS from what little Bella knows about the Volturi, she’s worried about them finding out about Nessie, so they’ll offer protection if that does happen, in exchange for her being able to help them with intel on any other vampire threats in the area (you know like. if a nomad is fucking stuff up in a nearby city, they’ll send her to talk to them first before deciding if they need to intervene. Sam has become acutely aware he has a lot of teens and kids in his pack, so he’s trying to keep them out of fights as much as possible)  

anyway that’s the story of Nessie gaining like 17 chaotic as hell ride or die uncles,

let’s fast forward a bit

it’s like 15 years later. Bella’s not living with Leah anymore, but she’s got a cute apartment in a nearby town, and owns and runs a bookstore on the first floor of it. she got her ged and did college online and teaches night classes at a community college. She’s still in contact with her parents, who Adore the life out of Nessie. She still helps the pack out and they’re all close. Nessie is a handful but in a fun and lovable way. They go on little weekend trips whenever they have time. Bella’s happy.

but then a. Situation. arises.

basically, the Volturi have been made aware of some unknown vampire chasing others out of the pacific northwest and conspiring with shapeshifters. and you know when Aro gets curious he tends to spin things dramatically. who’s to say this vampire isn’t conspiring against all vampires? against them? why has no one’s special talents worked on her? he simply must find out.

Bella and the Pack get word and decide their best course of action for now is to go on the run. they’re not gonna be able to take on a whole army but if they can bide some time and lay low they might be able to figure something out

except Bella is like....I have a teenage hybrid that the Volturi don’t know about yet...it would be EXTREMELY irresponsible to take her with me

but she can’t send Nessie to Charlie or Renee because they don’t know about her...dietary restrictions. She can’t stay with Billy or anyone else in La Push because the Volturi might trace the pack’s scent there and discover her. She’s panicking, they have to leave in a few days max and she can’t find a safe place for her daughter

and then she’s like.....fuck.

she had run into Jasper a couple of years ago- they have the same forgery guy and were heading to his building around the same time as a coincidence. She promised to forgive him for the party incident if he promised not to tell Edward he saw her and that she’s a vampire now. He agreed, but then told her Edward’s been living on his own for a while now and insisted on giving her his number...she never could bring herself to call it or delete it...but now...if she wants to be 100% Nessie is safe and protected...

fuck

So, the past 15 years have been fairly rough for Edward

he’s still convinced leaving in order to save Bella was the best course of action, but like...the vampires canonically mate for life. that’s his soulmate. he’s absolutely miserable without her. he’s thought about cracking and going to find her again but he always talks himself out of it, convinced she’d just tell him she hates him or something

so as stated in his patented Edward Cullen Self Loathing Guide, first thing to do is isolate yourself from all the lovebirds you usually live with. Sure, he keeps in contact, but...not well. he’s currently living alone and posing as a university student. He’s not even really sure what he’s supposed to be majoring in. He’s mostly been in a haze since he left Forks.

and one day....he gets a call from an unknown number. he ignores it, thinking it’s a spam call. but then it calls like 8 more times in a row and he figures answering might be a bit smarter than simply throwing it at the wall

And Edward...swears he came back to life and immediately had a heart attack the second he hears Bella’s voice

He feels breathless and disoriented the whole conversation, trying to figure out if his memory did her voice any justice, trying to rush out 15 years worth of apologies, trying to comprehend she’s actually speaking to him.

But Bella’s very blunt on the phone. She doesn’t want to let herself get emotional. She’s on a time limit, and she has to focus on getting her daughter to safety

And Edward swears he somehow misheard her the first ten or so times she told him. He had a daughter? that wasn’t possible

“she has the audacity to be your Evil Twin so I’m pretty sure it’s possible”

so she gives him a rundown. she needs to go into hiding, no I don’t need your help with that, gives him details about Nessie, what she’s like, what she likes to do, her diet, her favorite color, how annoyed she is by this whole situation, “Edward I know you don’t love me anymore, but I remember how protective you were, and that’s what I need Nessie to have right now. She needs you right now” and Edward wants so badly to refute Bella’s claim of lost love, to tell her he has absolutely no idea how to be a parent, but...her tone is aching so much he can barely speak. He can’t let Bella down again, and he can’t let this little girl he foolishly created and left down anymore than he already has, either.

So he agrees, she tells him to be at the airport in a few days, and hangs up. 

Edward loses about half a day staring at a wall in shock, before he jumps into preparations.

Bella told him while their daughter possessed some speed and strength, hunting was fairly dangerous for her. She was more delicate than his kind, and had a heartbeat. Reheated blood bags had been their best option, and she also needed human food as well. He also had to get a room ready for her- he wandered around stores for hours, reading young girls minds to see if there was any furniture or decorations that were universally liked- which was of course, fruitless, but he did manage to find a handful of things he was sure Bella would have liked at that age, and prayed for the best. He somehow got himself covered in purple paint that was a nightmare to get off. Bella had sent him some forged documents claiming Nessie was his younger sister he’d won custody of, and he got her enrolled in a nearby school. He lived every day leading up to her arrival staving off a panic attack.

it wasn’t until he was on the way to the airport that he realized he forgot to inform his family about this life update. they must’ve been on a hunting trip, because he got nothing but voicemails 

imagine being Carlisle and you come home to a voicemail from your son who’s banished himself from the family that’s just like ‘hi. you’re a grandfather now. I’m having a nervous breakdown and might crash my car. call me back at your earliest convenience I suppose” like what would you DO

 after he gets to the airport he starts panicking again, realizing Bella had never actually sent him a picture, worrying about how he’d find her, but then- he sees a tiny girl with untamed, dark red curls, features strikingly similar to his own that are pulled into the expression Bella always made when she was reading, absently chewing on her lip, and before she looks at him with her mother’s big brown eyes, he already knows who he’s looking at, and he’s certain if he was human his tear ducts would be having a fit right now

Renesmee, however, seems less willing to have an emotional meeting. She mumbles out a simple greeting before gathering up her bags and heading for the door, Edward rushing behind her to try and help

listen. the awkwardness of Charlie trying to connect with Bella. but 10000x worse because of Edward’s overthinking, self-deprecating ass and Nessie being like ‘ah yes the guy who broke my pregnant teenage mothers heart, fantastic’ lmao

the car ride is p a i n f u l. Edward’s trying so hard for light conversation and Nessie’s barely giving one word answers. Bella had warned her about the mind reading so she was carefully keeping her mind blocked, which Edward is trying very hard to be understanding about instead of annoyed, but By God does he want to know everything about her

when they get back to his place, she quietly thanks him for the room and then promptly locks him out of it lol. He spends the rest of the day just pacing back and forth until he realizes he should eventually feed her lmao

and that’s...kinda how the first couple weeks go. she only emerges from her room if he bribes her with food, she awkwardly tries to dodge his questions, he drives her to school and then begs her to tell him how it went when he picks her up, he spends his college classes distracted because he’s freaking out constantly about how to successfully bond with her. His favorite time of day now is night, because she can’t block her mind while she’s asleep, and even if her dreams are all nonsense they’re still...part of her that he gets to know.

His family keeps begging him to let them meet her, but he’s pushing back because if she’s this bad at adjusting to one new family member, how is she going to handle six more?

(meanwhile Alice and Rose started a group chat with her and are having a ball clowning Edward lmao)

wait ksjflksd I think this vine perfectly sums up the dynamic im envisioning  https://youtu.be/wQZIUHNORHg

anyway they....very slowly make some progress. much too slowly for Edward’s taste, but hey.

Like he finds out snacks she likes. or jewelry she likes. stuff like that and just...wordlessly leaves it around for her lmao. he thinks it’s like trying not to startle a deer, Nessie thinks it’s more like a cat trying to gift you a dead mouse, but either way it’s weirdly endearing.

He notices she always has a huffy little frown when he picks her up on Wednesdays. So instead of begging her for an ounce of information of her school life, he asks her one Wednesday morning if she’s excited for the day and she admits she has an elective class every Wednesday with a girl she doesn’t get along with.

He gets her school photos (and Weeps) and realizes apart from her room the home is fairly barren of decorations, so he buys a bunch of picture frames and hangs up the school shots, and some pictures of the Cullen’s over the years, and the few he has of Bella that he could never bear to part with. Other than catching her smiling at the prom picture of her parents, Nessie doesn’t say anything- but the next time he comes home from hunting, there’s a pile of pictures of her growing up on the table, and he starts weeping all over again as he hangs them up

(there’s one of her and Bella hugging and looking at the camera with identical grins and joy in their eyes, he can’t help but put that in his room. He hopes one day he’ll get to see a scene like that in person)

He starts trying to get her out of her room a little more- he still hasn’t managed to a get a ‘favorites’ list out of her, so he starts playing movies Bella loved, to see if any of them lure her out. some do, some don’t- he got halfway through a Lord of the Rings marathon, which was Torture in his opinion, but then Ness came out and quietly asked if he could restart it and suddenly they became his favorite movies ever.

Bella’s not able to contact her on a set schedule or anything because of her situation (and you can bet your ass Edward’s contacted every vampire he knows and ordered them to help her out if they come across her or the Volturi), and Edward realizes that’s probably taking a toll on the girl, so he starts telling her stories of her mother when he knew her in Forks. She’s particularly amused by the blood typing incident- the first time Edward hears Nessie properly laugh, he literally starts crying on the spot

could you imagine the sheer panic if she ever gets so much as a cold

And yes, she’s still pissed on Bella’s behalf, and yes, she specifically blasts 70s music because Bella told her he hates it one time, and yes, if he looks at her like he’s a kicked puppy one more time she might claw his eyes out, and yes, she refuses to introduce him to her friends from school because she Knows everyone will then start asking her about her ‘hot brother’ and she can’t live with that and also can’t live with him knowing that so she told him if he ever introduces himself to any of her friends she’ll set him on fire, and yes, she’s homesick 95% of the time but...he’s growing on her. like a mold, or something.

(okay, maybe when Seth tried to analyze why Mamma Mia is her favorite musical, he might have had a point. half a point. quarter of a point. shut up.)

And Edward’s still trying to not have a panic attack every time she’s out of his sight- he’s got Carlisle keeping tabs on the Volturi for him, and it’s not exactly hard for him to keep track of her through other people’s minds- but she’s so tiny and her heartbeat is Too Fast and what if she inherited her mother’s unlucky streak??

but they’re toeing the line of co-existing peacefully and Edward’s scared to push it past that

then he has to, because it turns out he sent her to one of Those Schools where the parents have to be involved in the school in some way or another and Nessie’s Annoyed

sdkjfsdkjf she keeps trying to get him to just sign up for like pta meetings or something and he’s like ‘I need you to understand you are the only person in this town I actually know or like I Cannot survive around fundraiser moms I can’t’ 

so she’s like ugh fine I’m in the drama club

listen.....Stage Parent Edward Cullen.......the power this holds...

that’s right this whole post was an elaborate ruse for me to make a musical theater headcanon again lmao

no okay but seriously he starts off just helping build sets and stuff like that but then midway through the year their music teacher gets fired and the schools like begging him to take over because they can’t find someone in enough time that’ll know the music for the show they’re doing and he’s like “I need you to understand Nessie will never talk to me again if I start actually working at her school” and they’re like “She also will never talk to you again if we have to cancel the big musical, though” and he’s like. fuck.

silent treatment for a week and a half

lmao so now he’s trying to juggle being an overly-enthusiastic stage parent who’s making costumes and sets and kinda crying backstage when he sees his daughter in her costume with also being the music director for the damn show and trying to teach a bunch of kids how to read sheet music 

one day he ended up in a coffee shop with the hair and makeup moms, gossiping about the cast’s love lives, and he literally doesn’t know how he got there

is it wrong to pass Nessie in class even though she’s putting all the wrong answers on the test but he Knows she knows the right answers and is only answering wrong to try and get a rise out of him

Bella sneaks into town to see the show- they thought it would push their luck if the pack came, but they sent an ungodly amount of flowers and candy. When she snuck into the house while Ness was sleeping she Was Not expecting to find Edward up to his elbows in sequins, trying to fix a bedazzler he accidentally broke in frustration, muttering under his breath about how if Nessie’s romantic opposite in the show doesn’t keep his thoughts clean he’s gonna kill him- and it just cracks her up. She WAS nervous about seeing Edward again but now she’s assured he’s still a dork lol

So Edward freaks when he sees her but they don’t wanna wake Ness up so they’re trying to be quiet but like. they’re going through it 

Like Bella Wants to be pissed at him but she can’t, she still loves him- and while she can’t just get over what he did to her, it’s also not lost on her that ‘leaving to protect someone I love’ is literally what she had to do to her daughter

And Edward....Edward, who only left to give Bella a chance at a safe, human life, seeing Bella in front of him as a vampire, knowing it’s his fault she ended up that way and she had to go through it alone, had to raise a baby herself because he’d made it so hard to find him...knowing if he’d just pulled his head out of his ass he would have been able to be there for her...would be able to form a coherent sentence around his love right now, would have long and fond memories of Nessie’s childhood, likely wouldn’t have to watch Bella hide from the Volturi...he’s back in a self-loathing spiral already

But they haven’t seen each other in so long and they just don’t want to...deal with the unpleasantness right now, so they just push it aside. Bella helps Edward with the costumes. Edward fills her in on what she’s been missing with Nessie. Bella tells him some stuff about when Ness was younger. They just spend the night talking, and it feels like no time has past between them at all- which just makes the heartaches a little stronger

When Nessie wakes up to her mother there she’s ecstatic- bubbly and loud and glued to Bella’s hip all day, giving her in depth play-by-plays of her school and rehearsals and friends she’s made, bouncing on her toes all morning, hyper, giggly, and- it kind of breaks Edward’s heart a little, even though he knows he hasn’t really...earned this side of his daughter, yet. 

(at least he got his wish of seeing their twin smiles in person)

(he wishes he could see them every second of every day)

so the girls spend the day catching up while Edward mostly feels like a thirdwheel, and then they have to get Ness over to the school so she can get ready

Bella decides to hang out around the school theater before the show actually starts- she leans against the wall next to the piano, the two talking in hushed tones while Edward runs through songs. Bella really missed watching him play- the only thing that managed to drag her away from it was when Nessie called her to the dressing room to help with a hair emergency 

she didn’t talk to him much at intermission, her attention being stolen by the rest of the Cullen family (who had been Very Loudly supporting the show so far, she knew Ness was probably dying of embarrassment backstage)

after the show, the three went back to Edward’s and just...talked. Nessie was gushing about the show and eating while her parents assured her she was the greatest actress ever born, simple stuff like that. she fell asleep sandwiched in between them on the couch 

Bella realizes she’s never going to be able to bring herself to leave again if Nessie wakes up, and tells Edward as much. He clearly doesn’t want her to go just yet either, but...she’s on the run, it’s not like she has much choice 

He has so much he wants to say to her but he just- can’t. it’s not the right time. but he’s hoping she can see that in his eyes

Bella shifts Nessie off her shoulder so Edward can hold her, and she gives him a light kiss and says ‘thank you, Edward’ before disappearing in a flash. she needed to go before she lost her nerve.

Edward can’t bring himself to let Nessie out of his arms, so instead of carrying her to bed he just stays there, holding her, trying his best not to think that that could be the last time for a long time he’d ever see his Bella again, trying not to let thoughts of a life he gave up unwittingly consume him

okay I didn’t mean for this to be So Long so I’m cutting it here uhh...let me know if anyone wants a part 2? sorry lmao

#twilight #edward cullen #bella swan #edbella #twilight saga #asks #molly mumbles #elephantlovingmouse

[babytaes]

afterglow

➳  summary:  You, too, lived in a colorless world, trying to connect with it. How long would you have to wait for that one to brighten it up and let you see the real world?

❥  pairing: wonwoo x female reader

❥ genre: angst, fluff, kinda soulmate au.....?

❥ word count: 7k (sorry, mans is my bias and I had to ;)

❥ warning: mentions of death.

➳ part of the song series

↳  Imagine a world like that,

We go like up 'til I'm 'sleep on your chest

Love how my face fits so good in your neck

You had a twin brother who was everything to you. Everything was always you two, from the endless amounts of laughter to the sneaky efforts to take Christmas cookies early in the morning.

With him, everything seems to be so colorful; in your lifetime, everyone was given a companion who may be a friend, sibling, or lover. It was simply something that you treasured. As a result, the alternatives were numerous.

You had no idea how much his life meant to you. He was your second half, and now you'd been split in half, with one gone and the other remaining.

Months passed, and your relationship with him became increasingly dimmer and dimmer. The brilliant hues faded in and out, with black and white patches becoming more prominent.

That awful day, unfortunately, was the last time you saw color. His light had faded from the world, and all that was left was black and white.

With him gone, your entire life seemed pointless, even your day-to-day existence. No splash of color to brighten things up.

“Y/N, I'll never forget you, big sister. Thank you for the enjoyable and considerate memories, and don't let this stunt your growth, please do that for me. As the beeper went off, he began to cough incessantly.

“Helpppp anyone.” As your parents draw you back into their arms, you hear many doctors rush into the room.

There was nothing they could do; his hue had vanished from this world. When you opened your tear-streaked eyes and examined your hands, you noticed that the formerly vivid cream palms had turned gray.

As if all colors were abruptly bleached out of the world, revealing a universe of whiteness—the rainbow, flowers, trees, and art, everything freshly bleached and pearled. The last vestige of color had vanished from your life, and you had been broken since then, heartbroken over the loss of your dearest friend.

“Y/n, hey you're good, we could use your help.” As you glanced to the side, you noticed that one of your employees had just spilled some water from the mop bucket.

As you approach their side, you assist them in mopping up the mess while sweeping aimlessly across the floor, making sure to get every spot. Due to your new life of no color it reflected on your life emotionally.

As the days passed, you became increasingly depressed and unmotivated. There wasn't a single day when you didn't feel mopey or lonely. It wasn't like anyone could help me; it was just the challenge of living a life without color.

Although you sincerely desired to overcome this phase of your life and simply find the right person to fill that void, life did not work in your favor at the time. Everyone around you seemed to be looking for or had already found their "person."

All you wanted was to find the person who could restore your hope and love, which had been taken away when your brother died. Your parents did everything they could to assist you, including setting you up on strange and ineffective dates that just added to your unhappiness.

Nobody could replace that color that your brother provided for you, or maybe someone could? 

"I'm off," you remarked as you pulled off your apron and clocked out in the back. As you stepped out the door, you heard a flurry of goodbyes before closing it behind you.

The world never shifted when the clock struck five.

As you strolled down the crowded streets, the sky before and above you remained grey, never letting up that cloak of shade. A melodious music gradually pours into your ears as you go down the bustling sidewalk.

You follow the dazzling yet tranquil sound of the guitar aimlessly as you imagine music notes flying through the fall air. You cautiously open your tired eyes and spot the crowd to figure out where these tunes are coming from.

Looking up, you spotted a swarm encircling a male, but you couldn't tell who it was. However, it was the music that drew you in; you'd heard that melody before. Even if you weren't musically inclined, you could hear that tune anywhere.

It was his, the one he wrote for you.

--

You dashed outside to see your brother strumming a tune on the grass with his guitar. Your brother possessed a talent for music. It is a condition that many people are born with, and you were fortunate that your brother was one of them.

He didn't go a day without making up or humming something he'd learned. It was frustrating to hear it every day, but it was still lovely to witness his enthusiasm for it.

“Hey, what are you cooking up this time?”  As he began to strum the guitar, he turned around and grinned at you. You couldn't understand what he was mumbling, but it sounded lovely as his fingers casually slid across the strings.

“I don't have the lyrics yet, but I'm sure they'll come. You laughed and nudged his shoulder.

“Just don’t go play at 3 in the morning. Okay?”

“It's not my fault that's typically when the inspiration comes,” he grumbled as he rolled his eyes.

As you raced away from him, you swiftly took his guitar, saying, "Well, I guess that inspiration will have to wait." He leapt from his seat and dashed towards you, yelling your name.

You had no idea that would be his final song; you regret not listening to the finished product; you never knew if he finished it. However, when you got closer to the enticing sound, you observed a young man strumming a guitar, and your ears perked up.

A slender man with long fingers and a quirky side smile, perhaps a musician, delicately touched a golden acoustic guitar, playing her ever so elegantly. You stand there, enthralled by the song, as his hands strum and tug the steel strings of the guitar. You take a cautious step closer to him in order to get a better look.

Allowing the music to take control of your body, you take a deep breath and allow an ounce of hope to creep in. From miles away, the formerly lovely and alive girl could be seen racing to you as you opened your arms to her.

You tried desperately to reach her before she vanished into thin air. The glint had disappeared. As you slowly open your eyes, you notice the man stop playing and gazes up at the audience.

As a smile crept across your face, the edges of your lips began to curl up. You'd forgotten what a smile looked like; you hadn't seen one in a long time, and it just felt natural. Even though he was gone, you could sense his presence. As you began to back away from the mob, tears began to flow freely from your eyes.

As you faded from his view and moved away from the crowd, the boy cast a peek at you. You swear you saw a glimpse of color rushing through your orbs, even if it was just for a split second. You couldn't tell if this was a joke or a new experience for you because you were more terrified than excited.

Could you trust that vision? Would they leave your life like he once did or would they stay? (IT)

Although you wanted to stay and figure it out you had somewhere to be and you didn’t want anyone to waste that special time.

(1 hour later)

Opening the rusted gate and looking at the wrought iron fences sends shivers down your spine as you are whisked back to that tragic day.

--

As you headed towards the pit, a crack formed in your heart. As they lowered his casket into the black abyss, the steady steps of feet carried it there. Countless shadowy figures form a procession, speaking in unison to pay their respects to the one you cherish. Your inner essence is corrupted by despair, and your heart bleeds like a river inside. Nothing could ever make you feel better.

As they began to fill the hole with dirt, tears welled up in your eyes, prompting you to lower your head. He didn't want you to be sad; he knew his time was coming to an end, yet he felt so safe in his final days.

He wasn't going to abandon you; he'd promised you that he'd left you something to aid you along the path. Even if that were the case, you never discovered it after four years. You rummaged through his room and tore it apart.

You quickly recognized that he was either joking or that the drug had taken effect in his brain and he was talking gibberish. In any case, you made a pledge to visit his grave every day from that day forward to keep him company and to keep yourself sane.

---

Clutching onto your bag, the leaves crunched beneath your feet as you peered about. You see specks of people strewn throughout the cemetery as you hear some speak in low whispers. It didn't take you long to find his gravestone.

You noticed the dead flowers drooping over as you took them out of their vase beside the tomb. Replacing them always brought joy to your heart as the sight of a fresh bouquet of flowers brightened the somber ambiance, which contrasted with the mold-infested tomb.

Taking out your cleaning supplies and speaker, you start working on his tomb while listening to his favorite music. As you hummed along with the song, your soft-bristle brush softly scrubbed the headstone in an orbital motion from bottom to top, carefully avoiding the fissures.

As you finished the soap, you began to rinse the stone as dirt and debris began to fall off the tomb. Although you couldn't determine if everything was off, you could plainly see the phrases and symbols, which was a good hint to stop cleaning everything off.

You wanted to do more for him and not leave any dirt on the surface. But because everything was gray, you couldn't tell, which made you sulk as you put down your brush. As you check the clock on your phone, you exhale a sigh of relief.

7:23p.m

Looking around, you noticed the stragglers had dispersed, leaving you alone as you gazed up at the sky.

“I hope the sunset looks beautiful today, I do miss it.”

The late evening sunset was the one thing you missed more than your brother; you had always admired how everything just flowed and fit together in the evening sky. It's almost as if someone began painting and simply let their hand float through the air.

As you turned to face his tomb, another smile appeared on your face, prompting you to go into your bag for something. As you placed down a cup for you and him, you chuckled at the bottle revealed beneath the sky.

“Lucas, here's to another day. It's been difficult in recent years, but today was a good day. I sensed your presence through the music of some random person; it was strange, but I'm glad I was there to see it. So thank you,” you say, raising your shot glass in the air and taking a sip.

As you heard a voice, you wiped a stray tear from your face.

“I'm sorry for bothering you.”

“Shit, what the hell,” you cursed the dark figure, startled and terrified. Who is there? As you squint your eyes at him, a male emerges from the shadows.

It's him.

----

You cough as you stand up and face the nameless man, he extends his hand as his glasses slide down his narrow nose, “Hi I’m Wonwoo.”

You take his hand in yours and shake it slowly, his grip firm until you let go.

“Hi..wonwoo? “I'm Y/n.” As the boy grinned at you, your voice was barely audible.

He takes a careful step alongside you and sits down close to your brother's grave, placing a case beside him. As you enlarged your eyes and sat down next to him, still observing him, the atmosphere felt reassuring but strange.

“I apologize for startling you; I didn't know that you were there. I’m not sure if your brother mentioned me but I was his friend, we used to write songs together.” As he turned to face you, you noticed the tall man attempting to cross his legs.

You shook your head as you began to gather your belongings, unsure of who this man was. For all you knew, he may be lying to you, so you needed to get out of there as soon as possible. You rose up and began walking away after securing the zipper on your backpack.

“Wait, you don’t have to leave. I can come back another time. I am truly sorry if I interrupted anything."

“No, it's fine,” you say with a shake of your head and outstretched hands.

“Are you sure?”

You walk away again, nodding your head as you hear his voice and a familiar tune.

You came to a halt in your tracks as you slowly turned around to face the boy after hearing a faint melody. As your ears perked up, you heard a low voice.

‘I stand still before you before me. I’m okay, not okay..” The lyrics faded out as you started to find your bearings again as you made your way out of the cemetery. As you stepped toward the road, you strapped your bag on, making sure you had everything you needed.

A girl out on a walk is something you can see every day, yet you were unique. You walked as if you and the road had reached an agreement, as if the concrete was more than eager to support your feet.

The road understood you.

*Ping*

The light of your phone lit up as you clicked on the message.

Mom: Hey sweetie, I dropped off some food at your apartment and did some tidying up. Get home safety. 

You: Thanks mom.

Her message brought back memories of days when you and her would cook together and simply bond over the end result. You missed it. Because you live in different places, you don't get to see your parents very frequently, yet they always made time for you.

I wish you could do the same; home is just too much for you to stomach, and you'd rather avoid it.

You reach the corner street after a few more steps, ready to begin your one-mile trek home. As you look back after exhaling a sigh, you hear rumbling on your feet. An automobile approached you, its bright headlights blazing directly at you.

You shifted to the side, squinting your eyes at the sight, and wonwoo greeted you again before you realized it. He grinned at you with his dazzling whites as he bent his head down.

what is with this guy?

Hey, hop in, I'll give you a ride. It's becoming late, and I don't want you walking through here.”  As you took a step back, wary of the stranger, he moved his hand closer to you.

“Um.. No-no I’m okay. However, thank you.” As you heard his engine trailing behind you, you began to walk faster. He followed you for a few seconds longer before you came to a complete halt and stared at him.

Through the windshield, you could see him smirk as he waved his hand to you.

“It'll be a lot faster, and if you're worried I'll kidnap you or anything, don't fret. I'm allergic to cats, and I'm a cat person myself. As a result, I assure you that I will not harm you. I just wanted to help a friend.” You moved over to his car, smiled a little, and hopped in, securing yourself with your seatbelt.

“If you do anything I have some bleach and I’m not afraid to use it,” he chuckled at you as he started the car and proceeded to exit the cemetery.

“You’re funny.”

As you gave wonwoo your address he proceeded to drive out of the rural neighborhood as you put your head on the window. You didn't realize it at the time, but you could feel his penetrating glances.

The car was quiet as the low sounds of music vibrated through the car. When you weren't driving, car journeys were the best since they enabled your mind to fantasize and paint over the enormous landscape you were seeing. That haven you built in your imagination calms you and makes you feel protected. The place where you may get away from reality.

As soon as your eyes close for the night, you hear him humming a familiar tune. Rather than remaining silent, you begin a conversation with him, inquiring as to how he learned the song.

“So how did you meet Lucas?” As he laughed, he cast a peek at you.

“Well, I met him at a college party a long time ago and discovered he makes music, so we used to meet up at a friend's studio and just create.” You lightly chuckled as a tear fell down your face as you nodded your head.

It was good to hear other people talk about your other half; it was almost as if he was there with you right now.

You were worried when he gave you brief glances since his eyes were off the road, but as he spoke, you felt protected because he spoke highly of your brother.

“Well, I'm not sure if he mentioned you, but the last song we were working on was one he wrote for you, and he said it was a gift.” As you turned to face him after hearing that final statement, your eyes widened.

“He—he said those exact words, a gift?”

As he rounded the corner and approached your apartment complex building, he shook his head. You could see his shoulder resting on the window sill as he put the car in park.

You hesitantly walk out of the car, stuttering as you gather your belongings, and turn to face him.

“Thank you for the ride; did Lucas mention anything else about the song?” “He wasn't quite finished with it, but he did give me and my other friend some crucial stuff to get it done,” he said as you pressed your face closer to the window.

Your heart began to race as you realized that things were beginning to turn around for you; perhaps this wonwoo boy was destined to be in your life. Lucas' way of demonstrating that he took great care of you.

“Would you like to work on it together sometime?”

Inside, it felt as if the creatures were finally waking up from their rehabilitation and making their way into the real world. Even if it took a while, this new form of relief made you feel alive again. You were adamant about working more to reclaim your color.

In some way, wonwoo was the key to it all. 

“Yes, a hundred times yes,” you answered, smiling like a kid in a candy store as you handed him your phone. “Just let me know when you're free.”

Wonwoo returned your phone to you, which you joyfully accepted and placed in your pocket. As you walked to your door, you waved your hand at him and cried out to him one final time.

“Thank you”

“For what?” As you entered the flat and locked the door behind you, you waved your hand at him. You let out a sigh and shake your head as you slid down to the floor.

“What a day” 

---

(4 weeks later)

It seemed like you and wonwoo had entered a very unique connection in the last few weeks. He made every effort not to cross any boundaries, both physically and emotionally. Regardless of the fact that you were his closest friend's sister, he was always respectful to you.

Even if that is what he sees from his perspective, you felt more alive when you were with him. Although you could still see gray and couldn't bask in all of his glory, it gave you hope that one day, whenever that time came, you'd be able to see him and everything else.

That was something you lacked previously: hope. Everyone around you including your parents could see a significant change in your life.

--

“Hey, honey, how's it going at work?” Before taking your purse, your mother kissed your cheek and opened the door for you.

As you met her at your old house, a smile emerged on your face. It was your first visit home in a while, and seeing you there brought joy to their hearts, despite the difficult years you've had.

“Everything has been going well, and I just wanted to drop by and see how you're doing. I miss seeing you and dad.”

“Is that my beautiful daughter, am I seeing things right?” your father exclaimed as he emerged from the back. As a tear trickled down your cheek, you watched as he raced over to you and hugged you.

As he stared at your face and admired it, the hue in front of you remained gray.

“Such lovely brown eyes,"  It pained your soul that you couldn't remember what they looked like since gray dulled everything and made you forget.

“Thank you, dad, but instead of fawning me, let's play some games. Just because life is bleak doesn't mean I can't be your ass at Monopoly.”

Your mother, gasping at your remark, watched from the back, her eyes welling up with tears as she marveled at a sight she hadn't seen in a long time.

“Moooom, don't start sobbing or dad will start crying,” you said as you turned around.

She comes over to your side and wraps you and your father in a hug, sandwiching you between them. It felt good because you were missing these times with your folks. You couldn't stay at home when your brother died; you had to leave and get away. Everything was just too much for you as things started to remind you of him.

You couldn’t take it anymore.

“I'm really proud of you for coming here and having the confidence to do so. I understand how difficult it must be for you, but thank you.” Through the loud sniffles between you all, you started to feel warm as you wiped your tears.

“All right, no more crying; let's get down to business.” You dashed over to the couch and snatched up Monopoly from the board game box, motioning for them to join you. They chuckled as you began to pull everything out as they made their way over.

As loud yells and laughter echoed out throughout the home, the night was fresh and enjoyable. There were times when you were terrified you'd lose, but you couldn't let your champion status lapse.

Your mother said, "Noo, you're cheating."

“No, I'm not; there's a house there, and you need to pay up or I'll put you in jail.” Between the two, your father snickers and keeps his mouth shut. He was well aware of the rules.

“All right, but that wasn't there before.”

With a chuckle, you shook your head and held out your hand, saying, "excuses excuses."

As you turned off your alarm, it rang at 8:00 p.m. You wouldn't have realized the difference between night and day if it hadn't been for alarm clocks. You jumped up in triumph after placing one more piece on the board.

“And that's why I remain Monopoly's ruler.”

You witnessed your parents give up as they lifted their hands in surrender. They both remark, "Fine, you win," as they begin to clean up the mess. Taking the stray cups and bowls from the tables you set them in the sink as you turned to watch your parents.

It's been a long time since you've been back here, and you've certainly missed the atmosphere. Lucas wouldn't want me to miss out on this opportunity.

“Why don't I come on weekends and bring back board game nights?” As your parents turned back, you uttered, "Next time, I'll bring a friend."

“Oh, it would be wonderful; the more the better.”

As you walked back over to them, you hugged them as they kissed your head.

“You go, we'll take care of this; the drive back is long,” your father remarked as he took your bag and handed it to you.

“Thank you guys, and I love you and the night we just had.” As you approached the door, you waved goodbye before closing it.

“No thank you, love,” your mother said as she and your father watched you leave the home and get into your car.

After one last look at the house, you back out of the driveway and go down the street, looking forward to the day ahead.

Studio day!

--

You yawn as your body startles you up after taking a deep breath of fresh air. As you slowly open your eyes and look out the window, you breathe a sigh of relief. Something felt different. The chirping of the birds outside made you feel cheerful, not sad.

As your vision remained a little lighter, you began to blink your eyes faster. It wasn't your typical gray morning, and you thought it was growing lighter. The gray was gradually dissipating. You grinned as you considered your color returning.

What prompted this?

It didn't matter because today was dedicated to finishing your song; you, wonwoo, and his friend Mingyu had completed all but the title. You stretch one more time before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

When you get to the mirror, you take a look at yourself. The person in front of you had radically transformed; she had forgotten about her flaws and insecurities, and her heart now held more love. This woman didn't pick apart everything that was wrong with her; instead, she supported herself.

She was unrecognizable, and the old girl in the mirror was finally slipping away. You began to smile more frequently and laugh a little more, and the air around you became warmer rather than frigid. Someone's love had seeped into her heart and begun to unfreeze its hardness.

And that person was wonwoo, which you didn't realize until you looked in the mirror. If you've observed it, chances are that others have as well. And you were grateful for his help in getting you out of that gloomy situation. You were able to regain your trust and begin letting people in again, which made you pleased.

Lucas would be incredibly proud of you, and you didn't want to disappoint him again. You intended to honor his memory and keep him alive in your heart, rather than allowing the past to plague you and prevent you from living your life.

He would have wanted that. 

As you stepped inside, you turned on the shower and stripped off your clothing. You had to find a method to repay wonwoo for his compassion. You would not have gotten this far without him and his musical gift, and you were grateful for him.

"I could take him to our place," you offer as you turn off the water and grab a towel from the shower.

“Yeah he would like that.”

----

Work seemed to fly by as your mind raced at a hundred miles per hour. You had everything planned out and had recruited the support of your parents to help you set up.

Your manager tapped your shoulder and asked, "Hey y/n, you okay?" As you dropped the pencil, you flinched.

“Oh sorry, just spacing out.” He shook his head as he spoke out, “For the rest of your shift you can take off if you want, we’re going to close earlier than usual. If you're leaving, clean out the coffee machine and be on your way.”

You enlarged your eyes as your jaw dropped, and you raced into his arms, squeezing him tightly. Your boss chuckled awkwardly as he gently pushed you away from him. For some reason, everything seemed to be working in your favor today. As you rush to get ready, you begin working on the machine, your smile never leaving your face.

You sped to the back room, clocking out and placing your apron into your locker, as you were done in no time. As you walked to the front, you waved goodbye to your manager before heading to your car in the parking area.

“What's the matter with her? That's the first time I've ever seen her that happy. Hmm”

And with that you were on your way to your parents house as you sent a quick text to wonwoo. As you grinned as you placed your phone in the dash holder, you came to a stop light.

You: Hey cancel today's session, I have a place to go to. It may also provide us with better title recommendations. You down??

Wonwoo:) Yes, that sounds excellent; the studio can become claustrophobic. Send me the address and a time frame for my arrival.

You: *address name*. Bring your guitar and meet there in 2 hours.

Wonwoo:) Oh okay. Can’t wait to see you there!

(read 5:45 p.m.)

Even though you weren’t nervous you wanted everything to be special, wonwoo deserved it for all that he has done for you in the past weeks.

You let yourself go as you blast songs down the road, pressing play on your playlist. You didn't notice it at first, but the color was gently sneaking in as you drove around. As creams and beige colors drifted in and out, the outsides of your eyes began to lift.

As you turned off the headlights and opened the door, it didn't take long for you to arrive at your destination. You smiled as you got your belongings from the car and made your way up the hill, finding your parents already set up.

You drop your belongings on the blanket and walk up to hug them, saying, "Hey guys." As they begin to chat with you, they embrace you in a friendly hug.

“So we set up all of the essential elements, such as lighting, a seating area, and refreshments in the cooler and basket.” As she began to indicate the various components, your mother explained. As she brought you around the hill to the tree, she took your hand in hers.

“You remember when you and Lucas did this?” You laugh as you remember that day as you place your palm on the antique carving.

-- “Noo I'd like to go first; you always go first.” You sighed as Lucas took up the knife and began carving his name into the tree.

“You better not cry and tell mom,” he remarked, turning to face you and seeing your glum demeanor. As you passed past him, you stood up straighter, rolling your eyes at him and snatching the knife from his grip.

“I'm not a baby like you,” you say. As he huffed and hurried toward mom, you heard him scoff.

“Mommmm y/n referring to me as a baby. And I'm not one of them. You stood there watching as he stomped his foot and landed on Mom's lap. Your father chuckles, rubbing his back and shaking his head at his wife.

As you return to the blanket, you cross your arms and say, "Well, then, quit acting like one."

That erupted in an outburst as he started to whine on mommy lap.

He did, in fact, act like a baby. Wiping a tear from your eyes as you chuckle, you hold your mother closer as you kiss her on the forehead.

“Hey we have an hour left before wonwoo get here, I'm going to head to the house to clean up. If he arrives early, keep him entertained.” As she watches you descend the hill, your mother shakes her head.

As you pull out of the parking lot, you put your foot down on the accelerator and drive over to your parents' house.

(45 minutes later)

Wonwoo approaches the destination, looking out the windshield as he spots some lights on the hill. As he steps out of the automobile, he notices two people moving around. He smiles as he collects his guitar from the rear and walks up the hill, noting the serene atmosphere.

“Those should go over by the tree and make sure they don't fall.” Wonwoo enters the place, his eyes widening. Fluorescent bulbs fanned out along the tops of the trees, each with a different picture on it, surrounding him.

As he looks down, he notices a blanket with a speaker playing music and the champagne.

Your parents finally turn around, gasping, when your mother rushes over to welcome him, saying, "Forgive us, we didn't hear anything, you must be wonwoo." That's y/n father over there, and I'm y/n mother.” As she introduces you to your father, she smiles and gives you a motherly look.

On this magnificent evening, only a few minutes had passed when you approached the hill once more. You take a brief glance in the mirror before applying some Chapstick. Rubbing it in you open the door as you look up on the hill, you hear conversations as you panic up the hill.

“So this is y/n, she was quite the messy twin when she was a baby-”

“What are you doing, Mom?” You walk over to her, ashamed, and place yourself between you and wonwoo, speaking quietly to her.

“I said to entertain him not embarrass me.”

“Oh, you're overthinking things; did you know he's friends with Lucas?” You chuckle as you grab your father and mother and begin bickering as you force them out of the location. As they descend the slope, they wave goodbye to you and wonwoo.

Taking one look at him, you notice his amusing state; he was cheesing so hard that his rosy cheeks were visible.

“Sorry about them.”

“It's fine; all parents do it.” They simply adore you.” You cross your legs and shake your head as you sit on the blanket, passing him a wine cup.

“To another wonderful day and a wonderful friendship.” Wonwoo takes out the champagne from the cooler as he opens it and sprays the excess in front of you.

“Ahh, you're spilling it” As you giggle at his action, the extra juice pours on your face. You reach for a napkin to wipe the wetness off your face as he takes one in front of you.

“Here, let me take care of it.” He leans in closer as he wipes the liquid from your face before resuming his seat. As your stomach begins to become a #1 gymnast, that simple action sends you spiraling.

“Th-thanks”

He smiles as he pours you a drink for both of you, and as he does so, you grab his guitar box and pry it open, admiring the golden beauty inside. Picking it up, you begin strumming a few chords of the nameless song while moving your head to the beat.

“Wow, you're actually pretty good.”

“I did have a good teacher, Lucas taught me a few things, but I only recall a few chords, so it may become irritating after a while.”

Wonwoo hands you the glass as you take it in your hand, and as you take a sip of the bubbly drink, you hand him the guitar.

As you take another sip, your spirits lift as you stare out at the scenery in front of you. You hear wonwoo begin to play the tune while you stare off towards the colorless world.

“Ruinous imagination consumes me. Makes me dream sweeter dreams, I close my eyes but thoughts of you. Bring noisy night, to you & me, real and dreamy.” 

You sway back and forth as his voice soothes your body, his palm brushing over the guitar while his eyelids close, taking in the lyrics.

As you look up at him, you say, "Thank you." It's unavoidable, but tears stream down your face with no attempt to wipe them away.

“Th-thank you foreverythingyouhave-“ you say quickly and brokenly.

“Hey hey, calm down, I can't understand what you're saying,” he says as he scoots over to you and pats your shoulder. You both laugh as you start over, this time with more poise.

“I wanted to express my gratitude to you for genuinely improving my life. You probably don't know, but my relationship with Lucas was incredible; we were never apart, and when he passed, I couldn't live without him. I've struck rock bottom a few times and done some unfathomable things that I'm ashamed of, and I'm sincerely grateful that I've survived another day.”

Wonwoo drew you into a hug and caressed your back as he ceased patting your shoulder. As you sob into his shoulder, the tears begin to flow again.

“Sorry for interrupting, but it seemed like you needed one,” he says as you continue, releasing leave of you.

“To put it simply, you have brought me so much joy and optimism that I am overwhelmed. It's not the same without Lucas, but I'm grateful you entered my life at this point. So thank you; I don't know how to express my gratitude.”

You come to a halt as he looks at you through his round spectacles, and as you become concerned, you begin to look down.

“Sorry if I just spewed all that out.”

“No, it's fine.” I truly appreciate it, and I'm glad I was able to restore a sense of hope in your life. I may not be Lucas, but I will do my best to pay tribute to his memory.

You smile as you feel a wave of self-assurance and an overpowering sensation of bravery wash over you.

When you bring wonwoo closer to you and kiss him on the lips, everything inside of you turns on, and your body begins to feel alive again, exactly like it did before.

“I'm sorry I should have asked you first-“ You release him and lean back as you watch him.

He silenced your words with his lips as his hands wrapped around your neck.

Everything comes rushing back to you in an instant, like a blanket being pulled off of you. As you open your eyes again, you let go of each other. The difference this time is that you can see him.

As he smiled at you, you could see his cheeks flush with scarlet. You can see his silver rings around his slender fingers as his hands slip away from your neck.

You slowly turn around to face the sinking light on the horizon. As if a million scarlet petals have ignited, the sunset blooms on the horizon.

You expected the tears to flow this time as you stood up and walked closer to the cliff's edge. As you stared at the gorgeous view in front of you, you undoubtedly looked a mess.

You collapse to your knees and exclaim, "I can see it!"

Wonwoo approaches you slowly, bending down with you and holding you in his arms.

“See what?”

As you held him again, your snot-filled tear-streaked face turned to his.

“The color has returned, and I can see it now.” As he gasps, he pulls you back.

“Wait, are you serious, what color shirt am I wearing?” 

“IT'S GREEN, YOUR SHIRT IS GREEN!!” Wonwoo scoops you up and spins you again in an instant. You lay another kiss on his lips as you chuckle into his lips, unsure of what to do.

The clouds floated into my life, not to bring rain or storms, but to add color to the sunset sky.

He picks up the polaroid camera off the ground and takes a candid shot of you. After he pecked your cheek once more, he smiled as he wanted to remember this special day.

You send wonwoo off to find a knife from the basket as the photo develops. You observe him as he runs around the area like a child, and you smile as the photo develops.

You've probably seen images where the background is blurred and the only thing in focus is the subject of the photograph. That was us. Every other detail became hazy as I concentrated on every facet of him.

You didn't realize how fortunate you were until now; he was the special someone you had wished for eons ago.

Everything felt even better when your color returned, and you knew deep down that everything was going to be well.

It was all because of wonwoo.

Your brother left you a gift, the lovely gift of music, which was seen via wonwoo.

Yes, your brother had been your best friend, and yes, he had left you. But, as you found a great friend, the life he presumably wanted for you had only just begun.

You hoped that with him, you would be able to treasure the love you had just as much as you did while you were together.

“Hey, wonwoo, I have a song title, also follow me.”

As he began heading toward you, he turned around and looked at you. You've both arrived at the same tree that was planted many years ago.

He gives you the knife as you start placing your name under your past self. As he watches you cry, Wonwoo does the same.

*Forever, Y/n, Wonwoo, and Lucas*

As he finishes up, you grab his hand and stroll back to the blanket setup. He takes a seat beside you and wraps his arm over your body.

“So, what are your thoughts?” 

“Bittersweet, that's the title,” you said as you turned to face him.

“I love it,” he says as he pulls you closer to him with a nod of his head.

And with that, your brother's memory was carefully preserved, shared, and intended for all to hear.

“Lucas, I'll never forget you.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 　　 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

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