#and have been told its not a big deal

[skunkes]

might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by) #though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments #talkys #inspired by recent me and friend events #and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me. #and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect #but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person #and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes #its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio #but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being #ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly'' #or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real ! #just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em #long post #delete later #sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late #but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different #people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people #this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the #time. you can change yourself at any time. #ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling #part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info #like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life #but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em #some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things #and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^

[sapphicsnzs]

im so grateful for this corner of the internet where i can just get my frustrations out

#self obs #i will delete this later but i just need to get it out #i told my two best friends about how i got rejected and they both were just like move on lol #like i don’t think they realize how awful i feel right now like literally that was my dream and im scared im never gonna be able to do it #i also somehow have to tell my parents and that’s a whole different problem #my parents are already up my ass about me quitinh my job for no reason #well basically i think they’re trying to get me to move home for the summer which doesn’t make sense to quit my job i’ve been working at #for almost a year to come back and get a job for a month #but like i can’t think of another reason that my parents would randomly want me to quit my job #so i’m stressed about that and now i also have to tell them i got rejected and now i can’t start the part of my degree that i need for my #fucking job and fuck i’m so stressed and don’t know what to do #and im just like so embarrassed and everyone is acting like its not a big deal even tho like if i apply again i probably won’t even get it #because i didn’t even make it past the interview phase and anyways im just so upset with myself and everything #i like actually thought my life was turning around and i was gonna be happy finally but nope #anyways this is just me sobbing and trying to let out my frustrations because no one will actually listen or validate that i’m upset #whatever im gonna go drink some wine and probably pass out on the floor of my room

[just-spacetrash]

💔

#waaahhh feeling BAD again..... #like few months ago my friend asked if i had new years free and i ASSUMED that meant we were like planning smth together????? #and today she mentions in a GROUP CHAT that shes spendingnnew years with her bf #and like. ok. fine. good for them i guess #but i just rly wished she woulda told me like before #and it happened while i was at a Christmas party toooo.... now im sad and just not drunk enough #feeling lonely #i rly thought i had like things going up things looking good finally friends and shit #and like obviously i know her bf is the most important person to her thats how it works #but likee feels bad yk #cause apparently to her this wasnt even that big of a deal cos she didnt bother mentioning it yo be before #and i have no one #my other friends invited us both (thats how i found out) but theyre a couple too so i dont wanns go third wheeling their new years yk #i just #u think its going so well #and suddenly i just feel like ughhhh #this is cringe even writing i might delete this tomorrow when im sober and awake #but like. everyones got someone and ive been trying to click with someone for 20 fucking years #and still #:((((((((( #and like it feels bad not being anyones most important person #and like i know so many ppl are in this situation im not trying to be like wahhh my suffering is unique but like it just feels bad #very bad esp when ur tired as fuck and alone and shit #:((((( #my post #everything SUCKS!!!!!!!!!

[worldsquietestjojosfan]

Every day is a culture shock

Bro ive been on the internet for how long and I'm still in a perpetual state of culture shock?

I feel insane when I hear that people don't take family roles or family duty as seriously as I do.

My best friend loves to send me posts of People complaining about family and we both look like

Oh that's crazy! They're not even defending the family honor and reputation from outsiders????? Literally insane!! Even if you hate your family, you still have to defend them from outsiders. What's even going on?

To us it's like instinct. Even if your parents are straight up evil, you still have access to connections and favors by virtue of your last name. You have to defend the last name so you can keep using that. It's not a common idea? CRAZY! And what about your younger generations? You want to ruin it for them too?

Despite being females, we are both the firstborn son of our households. And then we go online and nobody knows wtf we're talking about

Wtf you mean you're the oldest and you're not at least the firstborn daughter? It comes with birth. You don't have any of those duties? Then what do you do?

Like obv were not robots. I have a lot of friends that didn't do some of their duties. Whether they disagreed or were lazy or just didn't want to, the word "duty" is always there. "That duty was stupid so I didn't do it". Fair. Your choice.

dude ok I know I'm aware other cultures exist and they're different. I didn't realize in practice its SO different. people look at me like I'm fucking insane bro!!!

I had a conversation with a girl and she's like "you're so lucky you have a great relationship with your dad!" And I was like "not all my siblings have this close relationship. I earned my right to stand as his equal by completing all my family duties (almost) perfectly"

Like I earned my right that when we argue I can say he's "being cringe". I earned my right to argue actually. I earned this by repeatedly demonstrating responsibility, maturity, and correct priorities.

Dude that girl said this sounds like child abuse and I was like dawg wtf are you talking about 💀 your parents don't let you earn standing? Do they even love you? (That was mainly ego. She insulted my family so I tried to as well).

I'm guilty of growing up in a mixed asian society. My best friend grew up also In a mixed Asian society but a different one. In mine, the largest groups were Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai and Korean followed by every other kind of Asian.

Her area's largest groups were japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese, Indian followed by every other kind of Asian.

So it's kinda different but close enough. She knows how to eat with her hands and I know how to eat with chopsticks. We all celebrate 2 kinds of lunar new year. One by the south asian lunar calendar and one by the east Asian lunar calendar (don't ask, I don't know why we have 2 lunar calendars. You would think there's only 1?)

Both our areas, aunties will scold you if they hear you talk disrespectfully to your parents. Both our areas people will look down on you for not knowing your home language. Both our areas, the elders expect proper acknowledgement.

There are differences too. In my area, those who disrespect you must be disrespected In return. It's an offense to your family that they think they are allowed to disrespect you. In her area, the disrespect will happen but not to the face. You have to show you're from a better family. Here you have to show you are aware of the bullshit and you won't let it slide. I think its a difference between acting on behalf of your family vs acting with permission from your family. That's my speculation.

When teachers at my school said "grades don't matter" we said "then don't grade us? Liar". When teachers at her school said that they said "we understand, thank you for telling us" and then told their parents and the parents filed a report against the teachers for intentional misleading and sabotage.

The levels or respect and politeness and what kinds of actions imply what about your family were a culture shock to me. When I visit her, I have to adjust to be a lot more mellow and polite than I have to show here. Here, the elders accept any proper acknowledgement like "hi grandma" is fine. Even "hello" or a wave is fine. There, elders expect you to acknowledge them according to their culture. I personally fuck this up so bad because I don't even know who they are so i just copy what my friend is doing. And then I get the relation wrong and then they stare at me. Sometimes I'm lucky.

Over here, we don't really know too many people. It's not as social. Where she lives, everyone knows everyone.

I don't know how to describe this melding aside from just generally "asian" .

I log on to the internet and there's no shared culture except for speaking English 🤣 HAH.

It's like the difference between going to a swimming pool vs a jacuzzi

Vs jumping into a pile of leaves

Previously the common factor was water. Now the common factor is that it's matter.

I'm being so deadass I feel like me and some fictional characters from cultivation novels have more in common

#the craziest part is when we meet asians who didnt grow up around asians and we also dont connect like at all #we were talking to one and that guy was like oh yeah family honor duties blah blah my parents told about that ancient shit. i #and were like ..... ANCIENT??????? #it certainly helps when your neighbors are drilling in the exact same fillial code into their kids in laos while yours are in hindi or cant #korean aunties scolding me for having a temper tantrum in broken english is a vibe #some words #on a smaller scale you know what else is a culture shock #how much east asians value fruit as a gift #south asia we have coconuts and fruits in abundance so our culture sees fruit as love but its not THAT expensive #idk about chinese but apparently korea fruits are FUCKING EXPENSIVE #one time my mom cut fruit and brought it to the park where we were all playing and the moms were like you are a saint #and my mom was like its only natural. the kids are playing so i should feed them. and theyre like but its fruit #and i was like yeah. its good for us. my mom wouldnt try to poison us. i didnt realize why it was such a big deal #because fruit prices here are kinda rough now but not THAT expensive. #apparently the gesture means everything #i dont even know what the point of this was. i just wanted to say it #also if you recognize which locations im talking about by description..... hehehehe #for us the luxury good is nuts and all the chinese friends whose house ive been to their mom always offers roasted nuts #and im like gawdDAMN you guys rich or something? im that much of an honored guest?

[miss--river]

.

#ive always been told take my lunch before the 6 hour mark #like the managers make such a big deal out of it and it was so annoying because #if we dont take our lunches before the 6 hour mark THEY get in trouble #so today i did just that and got fucking bitched at #“THATS NOT HOW THIS WORKS” #bitch what??? all ive ever heard is this is how it works #then hes like 'now i have to go out there and do YOUR WORK' #and hes complaining how we've been behind all morning which a fucking lie #he just thinks that because one of my 2 faced co-workers was telling him that #shes been shit talking all damn morning #UGH im so close to just saying fuck it and walking out #but i dont want to leave the new guy hanging #the work here is easy #but the people fucking suck #and itd not like im taking my lunch too early #its literally right before the 6 hour mark #bitch you cant dictate when i take my breaks

[mrfoox]

The fact I refuse to confront/inform the people who have basically ruined my mental state and my ability to function bc that would make them feel bad is honestly bonkers

#miranda talking shit #I cant say id be having a good and normal life if i wasnt abused as a young child but im 90% sure I'd not have this must trouble #Id still have my autistic and add problems but my anxiety and depression would definitely be a lot better #Its... Insane. That my older brothers probably have no idea how much they have actually ruined my life/mental state from such an earlh age #As 4 yrs old... Hell they might not even remember it or even think it was a 'big deal'. I know my second oldest brother probably falls into #The latter. I know now that they both most likely have undiagnosed adhd/autism and they used me as a way to act out/feel better #But being told youre stupid. Fat. Ugly. Useless from the age of 4 like... I cant stress how much it have ruined my self image #Ive tried to build confidence in myself and love myself since my teens and i can barely say im 'avarge' without doubting it #Like they also hit me but that's nothing compared to the mental torture i had to go through on an almost daily basis #Funniest thing is that bc it happened/started when i was so young i didnt think it was... Bad or weird or abnormal. #I started crying when my parents told me to go tell my brothers it was dinner time. I was terrified of knocking on their doors #I still to this day 20 years later am still incredibly uncomfortable and anxious talking with them and i havent been able to make much of #An relationship with them bc of it. Im scared to say anything to them even if its simple shit. And men/boys in general ive thus been #Terrified of since i was young. Once again i thought it was normal to mistrust and be scared of men until i was in my teens #I wish i could hate them i wish i could be angry i wish i had someone to blame #But no my brain is too nice and give excuses to them. Their actions are excused. They have ruined me mentally but thats not their fault #Fuck that might be true but they were still 6 and 11 years older than me. I didnt have a chance to protect myself in any way #I wish someone saw i wasnt okay. I wish someone understood that i wasnt well. I wish someone saw me. #Negative #Abuse

[variablejabberwocky]

welp my body is still trying to kill me

how's everyone else's day going?

#i hate my body and it hates me #bad news i have another infection #worse news i might be an unlucky enough motherfucker to have both non-diabetic hypoglycemia AND diabetic hyperglycemia #how the fuck that works i don't fucking know #terrible news i might be having these infections for the rest of my goddamn life #which will make my life SIGNIFICANTLY shorter (as in these infections could kill me) #the only good news is i think i might have FINALLY gotten enough information to explain some medical fuckery going on with me #shit doctors told me 'wasn't a big deal' or 'its because your fat' #(spoilers: it IS a big deal and it predates the fatness so FUCK YOU) #and all of this could have been seen to MUCH EARLIER if someone had just fucking taken me seriously #fuck the american health'care' system

[acanthemp3]

its not easy being the least qualified most incompetent employee who is always fucking up but someone has to do it 🫡

#and whenever i talk abt it with other ppl theyre like oh your job shouldnt affect ur self worth #but the difference is i work in childcare its kind of a big deal that im not good at it :/ #when they hired me for the after school program but decided to put me with toddlers right after. they told me theyd train me #bc i only had experience with grade schoolers. AND THEN THEY DIDNT #ive been here 3.5 months and im finding brand new ways to fuck up things i wasnt even aware of #i need to quit but i cant have any more gaps in my resume #also we're already short staffed but also i feel like having no one is better than having me #but ALSO im going to miss these kids 😭 #whatever. i guess all i can do rn is just keep trying to do better even tho it feels like im hopeless #angel.txt

[reel-fear]

Honestly I know I haven't ever stopped talking abt this but it's so hard not to when it's so blatant but the sexism in the tfa fandom is So Obvious when talking abt Wasp and BA in particular bc of how similar they are in character, at least on some level.

Like whenever I say Wasp is a piece of shit whose never been shown to have anything but condensed malice and need to hurt ppl esp in bootcamp I always get replies saying 'oh well it probably came from his own insecurities' or 'it likely came from his own truama' but then I say 'Maybe BA lashes out at Optimus and Sentinel bc of the fact the show has shown us they had real responsibility in the accident' Or "Maybe BAs constant body issues manifesting in her doing things that actively hurt her a lot is concerning and shows deeper issues' and suddenly it's me giving a character more sympathy than their canon version deserves or that since it's never stated or shown those events can't possibly be linked.

So like. Making up shit that's never even hinted at in canon to make a male character more complex, sympathetic and seem nicer despite their bad actions is fine but you're not allowed to even point out a link that could exist between canon events that makes a female character read as more sympathetic. Like. What??

If Wasp was 'probably dealing with insecurities' never even hinted at in canon why can't I say BA is dealing with insecurities that Canon hints at and shows. Why does Wasp get to have his character explored and given this whole expansive idea of a backstory and Complexity in fanon but BA is always put down and under explored despite being a more complex interesting character From The Start. I don't think I have to make the link but God.

#ramblez #anyways yea I think the so obvious and blatant sexism in the recent warriors books made me snap bc I'm gonna drop a hot take #BA would've made a better protag than Optimus in TFA And I think Optimus should've been a minor antagonist instead. #I don't mean as in they totally switch backstories/roles I mean BA comes back home discovers Sentinel and Op got jobs in the guard #and then is told bc of her disfigurement she can't be in the guard esp bc she's part organic now #and she ends up as leader to the crew bc honestly she just seems like a more interesting complex character than Optimus #and is a lot more sympathetic with like the rest of the crew #meanwhile Optimus is just kind of whiney in canon which I realize more on every rewatch #like everyone around him by far has worse lives than him but on so many occasions he's just so mean to them and doesn't care abt how they #feel esp in relation to sentinel #esp bc its mentioned being a prime is actually a big deal so like #he still has a nice rank UM still clearly likes him #his stupid whining gets worse every rewatch bc I realize #hes so much better off than everyone else there #and the worse thing is that his problems are the reason he constantly treats the rest of the crew poorly #esp bee which stings even harder like how has Bee not infinitely had a worse life than u OP #and u dare to treat him like hes entilted or arrogant?? #the show also just takes such a sympathetic look towards Optimus and while it does give sympathy to BA more than the fandom does anyway... #Idk... did Optimus have to be the main character? #bc he only gets worse and less interesting with time and BA Has only gotten better with time on my rewatchs #just like this girl who ran away from home bc her home would hate the way her body was disfigured in a truamatic accident she had #only to have all these men living far better lives than her be like how dare u join the cons #AS IF SHE HAD ANY OTHER OPTION?? #meanwhile the tragic part of Optimus is he was semi denied access into a club of corrupt elite assholes #and he then spends the series tryna prove himself to those assholes #defending his shitty friend even when it means its gonna allow his friend to contunie abusing his power and hurting others #Mmmm #and in the end he fights for the success of those assholes #And then all of Cybertron loves him anyways but dw hes still super complex #bc hes insecure or smth

[pinkseas]

ohhhhhhhhhhhh if there was a world championship for not telling your kids about things happening that directly impact them and often directly involve them..................

#the past MONTH dads been talking abt how we're gonna have someone over at somepoint to meet the pets #to see if they could housesit for us on vacations #and he has said EVERY TIME. 'i want you to meet them bc half the time youll be in the house too' #and now they're here. no text no call NO warning whatsoever they literally just Came Into The House #LIKE OKAY. YEAH. SURE. THANKS FOR THE HEADS UP!!!!!!!!!!!! #<- wouldnt be a big deal if it happened every now and then but this happens with EVERYTHING. #every time ppl come over every time my parents go somewhere else sometimes theyll have whole like multiple day little vacations and #i find out a day or two in advance #sometimes they're doing something WITH ME and im told of these plans an hour or two beforehand even though its been planned for weeks #alyalyoxenfree

[stonerzelda]

i wish vaccines were as forced on ppl as assholes like to say they are cuz im having the worst fuckin time STILL trying to fill out my god damn medical form for this god damn school

#unreal actually how unhelpful my doctors office has been with this shit #'ummmm idk if you need all these <3'i have told you 6 times that i do #'ya welll u will have to wait until november to get anything else <3' i literally can not do that bc that goes outside the grace period #and i need MORE after that STILL!!! #and its always such a big fuckin deal everytime i ask abt the form like they look at me like im insane or they cant find it when ive given #it to them TWICE #fuck me.

[semercury]

.

#stuff sarah says #i really am a house of cards arent i #one thing happens and suddenly i feel blown apart #i mean like. its not as bad as it has been in the past #but also like oh man everyone would be better off if i were never born! i should die! #and apparently those arent normal things to think with frequency #but like heres the thing: its true about me #all i do is sit on fences and piss off both sides #i burn bridges and then cry over them like an idiot #im too emotional and its disgusting and people hate it #and my brain keeps reminding me of that time i basically was told im manipulative bc i experience big emotions #so like why am i even here? im apparently a bad person. i cant make up my mind on modern day issues #truly born in the wrong decade. i should have had my head bashed in by a rock in a cave somewhere during the ice age #i hate myself so much. i dont want to deal with this weekend. #i want to simply not be. im so bad at being.

[hybbat]

Posts that treat bad parents as a universal experience are like the worst genre of post on Tumblr, but there is exactly one that I related to kinda. Because, despite showing me her cupboard, writing it down for me multiple times, and eventually actively taking me to the store to buy a container of big country garlic specifically for the task of showing me how to make fried prawns myself before I moved out, my mum has since switched to a different garlic powder due to living in the middle of nowhere for a year, and now refuses to acknowledge she ever used anything else and insists I made up or misremembered the big country garlic thing entirely.

#garlic powder's garlic powder mum its not that big a deal #you dont have to act like I accused you of a crime just cause you forgot you switched brands #i suspect its because its tied in with her other big moment of gaslighting where she told everyone she moved for different reasons #but its just garlic powder mum... #anyways my mums made big mistakes but shes never been a bad parent

[mrfoox]

I love that my guy group just... Dont care about genders and such.

My username have always had an Mr in it. I don't think any of them questioned it. Fabian has one account with 'Lady' in it. We regularly say 'girl/queen' to each other. And they call me dude and bro

It's such a small thing obviously but I really like how that's always been the way we have had it

#miranda talking shit #Only one who is rather...strict with calling me girl is the italians. But they are 5 years older and may be an language difference #Ive never told anyone of them about my ...gender identity. I dont tell anyone about it unless someone brings up the topic #Or online im more open with it. But with thwm...yeah it was never much of an problem. #Our group is just 'it's girlsnight (gender neutral)' #I know im doing it on purpose but i dont think they are. They probably just notice i dont react to it so its fine #The boys #None of us make a big deal about things that are less... Normal for the genders? #Roo LOVES girly pop music and he have always been open about it. And no one has made a joke about it #Hes really into taylr swft for example. Im just glad. Its weird maybe but im from a family where all men are .... #Basically lowkey homophobic/sexist and making comments about everything that doesnt fit into the 'norms' #So being in a group with straight guys and all just being nice and supportive and kind.... Good vibes #Idk how well i explain this lmao words are hard but i love it

[weenhands]

thinking about how certain stuff with how i behave in romantic/platonic relationships is starting to come together and show a certain pattern... like how when i broke up with my first boyfriend which was online and rocky, robin reassured me and told me online connections usually end up going south because of how hard it is to maintain relationships on the internet. and how my friendship with her ended up super dark and depressing and difficult and suffocating only when i was worlds apart from her for two months... but ive never had problems with relationships until i started taking things online....im of course still going to make friends online but moving forward i think im gonna be more consciously aware of thisdjdjdjdjs because now i feel sad and i am grieving everytbing <3

#and now im sad about all of the things we could've been #if i had known about my shortcomings #this all makes sense like. i think i have issues with long distance relationships #and if i feel like for others its normal and fine but for me i think its. a massive big deal #when robin told me that after breaking up with my first boyfriend online i started looking into my older friendships/relationships online #and the stuff i fantasized about while with them #and i think this is even more clear with the way how i never have weird rocky relationships with people in person #and i dont have severe problems with tone with in person friendships #because i surely do on text and those were what kept the ship sinking too #and its weird when i was healthy and happy with robin throughout these eight years but #it became so terribly wrong and painful and i wanted to legit die when we were worlds apart #ughhhh #im noticing so so so much #and how even if * and * hurt me when i was with * #the fact that they were gone for six hours at a time because of work made it so painful too because #they were obviously so tired and hfhwhwjwgw #and. and now it makes sense why i get so weirdly jealous to the point where im nauseous #like Yea asher jealously IS normal but ur right. u know urself. u dont get jealous THIS BAD #and its bc i wish i could be normal like ur next significant other and have a healthy long distance connection #like its not that youre taken its that this never worked out but with someone else itll work out fine