#and he isn’t texting me back

[viksalos]

listening to my dad go through the whole “reevaluating his entire life’s worth of memories” stage of a late autism realization is very bittersweet

#like… what do you MEAN my dad isn’t inherently evil?? #what do you MEAN all this trauma didn’t HAVE to get passed to me if only we understood this better in his time?? #like dgmw. there are still choices he specifically made that he didn’t necessarily have to make #jumping to harmful conclusions mostly #but i also think he wouldn’t have done that if he wasn’t so dysregulated all the time #plus he owned up to it?? and apologized?? #yesterday he said he was at a party and got a stressful phone call and got overstimulated #(he used the word ‘’overstimulated’’ of his own accord! i didn’t teach him that!!) #and he just said he’d call back at a different time?? and took a break from the party #instead of getting mad?? which is exactly what i would’ve done. and behavior i’ve been modeling for him #wtf. none of this family trauma had to happen #text

[remythologise]

there’s something about mediocre-but-oddly-compelling fic thats >300k and usually incomplete, the kind you read when you’ve run out of the good stuff and desperate for longfic, that will just remain engraved in your psyche forever

#this text post specifically because I spent a good hour or so tracking down an xmfc fic from 2011 based purely on the little I remembered #going through cherik on ao3/rec lists looking for it literally It’s All Coming Back To Me Now #anyway spn fics that DO qualify here: pacific islander cas. dean vomits because he’s straight. beloved gregstiel. #veterans discount if anyone knows what im talking about etc #although gregstiel isn’t bad rly it’s still that exact tone of weird to hit this #not referring to dta here obviously although sure. #kira for ts

[cosmicdumbass]

lockwood and lucy are bi4bi prove me wrong

#lockwood and lucy #lockwood and co #when i first read the books a couple years ago i made a graph of all my hypothesised relationships #kipps was lockwoods first crush however attempting to impress him via homoerotic sword fight went very wrong #and he instead gained a nemesis #you cannot tell me lucy’s whole thing with holly wasn’t a little bit of Oh Shit she’s hot #also this isn’t backed up by the text in any way but lockwood and george are exes who realised their platonic bond is far stronger

[particlexxdealer]

Scott sending Cassie with a tiny bagged lunch before her mission with the young avengers because you never know when hunger hits especially with all the shrinking. Baby girl needs to keep her strengths up. 💪🏼

#headcanon; #also a kiss on her forehead #and the ‘text me when you get there and when you’re on your way back’ #Cassie: daaaad you’re embarrassing me #Kamala and Kate choking up: awww no he isn’t

[bbibbirose]

ok what

#maybe it’s j the fact that my uni is full of ppl smarter than me #but I come back home then I remember that a good amt of ppl are genuinely not intelligent #or respectful #I told the chat my dad isn’t free till 4 bc that’s when the stock market closes and my car is getting repaired so he’s my only ride #and I get a complaint of *but it gets dark after that let’s meet at 1* like I’m sorry did YOU THINK ID PICK 4:30 IF I WANTED TO ? #she blatantly disregards other ppl as well every time we go out to eat I already feel bad enough for being the only vegetarian in that grou #and she goes *nooo there’s sm veg stuff and it’s cheap !!* it’s avocado rice and carrots in a California roll plus spring rolls for 15.99 #pls do your research #she always picks restaurants closest to her house too even tho most of the group lives in a clustered area further away from her #and everyone in this group is spineless asf other than me and one other girl who’s the only person I respect #if I haven’t known these ppl since I was basically 10 I wouldn’t keep them around I’m sick of ppl either being passive or j plain rude #.text

[maxxxines]

i think my brother just threw out some cheese i bought for ME because he was failing at cutting it…….

#and he’s walking around slamming doors???? #i’m just gonna. stay back but. RUDE. #i wanted to make macaroni with that #text post #i feel like he’s been angry the past few days at something but he isn’t like telling me about it or anything and i don’t want to ask lol #update: he has been angry at customers complaining

[howdoyousleep3]

we have got to stop praising men for doing the bare minimum of appreciating their significant others

Shut the fuck up.

#askK #I’m not even in the mood lol #one post one fucking text post and you want to come in here like you know a fucking thing or two about my life #i share ONE instance where my husband made me feel special and you want to pop off and try to make me feel like a fucking fool #one instance out of a thousand ways he shows me he loves me in a day #fuck alllllll the way off #this has to be someone that has not been around here for a while right 😅 #obviously someone who isn’t here for my writing either because tf?? me?? my characters?? never girl bye #praising him also wasn’t the fucking point #me working through my personal post partum body issues and feeling sexy for a moment was #this inadvertently almost made me feel shitty about myself you almost got me 🙄 #gross I hated this bye #okay back to my real life non internet day lol

[planetsallalign]

Today Facebook showed me a memory of my ex and I. It didn’t really hurt to see, and as I looked at it I realized something. While I felt happy and things were ok, I didn’t really look truly happy. My smile didn’t really reach my eyes and I didn’t even recognize the “happy face” I had on.

While things are still not where I want them to be, I’m a lot happier and I’m embracing my true self. No more masking or hiding or pretending to be something I’m not. And it feels really good.

#also I have not been drinking unless I go out which is rare #and back then he drank a 6+ pack of beer or glasses of whiskey and constantly filled my wine or cocktail glass #to the point where I was drinking everyday and it became a habit because he always had a drink and would give or make me one too #and I think I was drinking to numb out the voices in my head saying hey maybe this isn’t for you #even though part of me so desperately wanted to be able to embrace the life he was promising because I felt like it was what I should have #done like what everyone expected as I was in my mid thirties l #but deep down it wasn’t ever going to end well and at least it ended before I moved there #it still sucks and hurts the way it happened because at that time I still wanted it and was excited for moving at least then it all blew up #in a less than 1 hour TEXT conversation not even a phone call even though I asked #UGH I’m a mess in the tags this morning sorry

[disneyprincessdxminatrix]

wallowing in self pity as an after work activity.

#I also watched tv and almost fell asleep #I woke up with a bad stomachache last night which kept me awake for a little over an hour before it got better #so I didn’t sleep enough and went to work #and then received a text that my boyfriend wouldn’t be home tonight cause he’s meeting from friends #and of course I’m not invited because one of his friends is my ex I keep shit taking about (rightfully I might add) #saw him for like one minute after his work before he left again #I’m really fucking sad rn still because as I told some friends #one of my Guinea pigs died just yesterday #and I’m tired and #I’m hungry #and yes my boyfriend offered to bring me food but I don’t even know when he will be back and he’s probably going to bring cake which isn’t #real dinner food anyway #my stuff #give it half an hour and I’ll be better I hope #maybe she least good enough to make myself something to eat #at least my cat his here he always comes when I’m crying #edit: I think the part about tonight that hurts the most is being invited but not being invited #one of the boys sent a message to the group chat if anyone wanted to join #and idk if all of them know #but my bf knows I won’t go anywhere near my ex #even though I haven’t seen one of the other friends there in a awhile and wouldn’t loved to see him #so it’s like #being invited #but not really #cause I can’t go there #I’d feel sick #I already do feel sick knowing he talks to this despicable piece of shit

[floral-hex]

The growing anxiety of realizing that I’m running out of time to text my dad happy father’s day 😬

#oh man our relationship would be so much easier if we just never tried #but I suppose that’s true for most things. not doing stuff is easier than doing stuff. wow what a concept. #but I do love my dad. I just don’t know how to talk to him #haven’t texted him since my birthday in December #lol just looked back and saw that the joke I was going to open with I already used for my birthday #’thank you for helping conceive me’ #okay yeah not that funny but like I said I don’t know how to talk to him #so being weird and trying to be funny is like ‘hey at least I’m putting some effort into my tri-annual text’ #I just… I dunno… blegh… I have nothing to say about my life that isn’t shameful or depressing #but hey! at least I’m the one (1) kid he has that’ll actually text him! #pretty sure my sis is still on the outs with him but she’s… got her own shit I don’t need to weigh in on #whatever. he’s got his whole ‘beach life’ Jimmy Buffet Florida day drinking ‘in a cool way’ BS going on so I don’t feel toooo bad #okay okay let’s see if I can get away with a quick text and not have to talk to him much #ugh… I’m a shitty son #or I’m not a shitty son but he really hasn’t done anything for me to avoid him like I do #just my own self-worth bullshit. well not just that. but I’m negative about myself so I’ll focus on that #oh hey sorry I forgot this isn’t a therapy session #why would you read all of this? #sorry to everyone having a shitty father’s day #I’ll be your dad #I’m proud of you. #if you made it through the day today then I’m proud of you and I love you or like you or whatever this is dumb #you can ignore this #text

[el-im]

I really love seeing your interest in snail mail, your art, and aesthetic historical photos! I love sending snail mail too and was curious if you are normally only the sender or if you often get mail back? I love your blog!!

thank you!! I occasionally do! my mom writes to me a lot and my sister/nora write me maybe twice a month. how about yourself?! it’s not common for me to hear about other people sendin snail mail!

#ain’t nobody else love me <3 #all the boys I write to call me intermittently and tell me they love my postcards and that they intend to write back but they never do #this is fine because the call/text is at least an acknowledgement #the boys aka… Nico and Quinn and Aiden #I don’t write to them as often though so it’s ok that the return isn’t so pronounced #KEEGAN on the other hand always gets me a card/letter back within the week #asks #andmethefivefooter #shoemaker once said. you’ve heard that if a guy writes you a sonnet he loves you #and if a guy writes you 100 sonnets he loves sonnets #I love letters.

[lilgynt]

also my brother may come home this weekend to help with dad but he has to find a cat sitter 😐 okay go fuck ur self

#personal #sorry sorry - you’re dad is completely blind and delusional #ur mom is slurring everytime i see her in pure exhaustion #you are fully aware of how not well im doing #and u can’t board ur cat. or have a friend wa5 #watch. or emergency services you’ve used in the past for less? #or an automatic feeder or anything? no? fuck you #i don’t care if that’s the genuine reason and he means no maliciousness behind that but that’s so fucking stupid #i would rather he say i can’t deal with this #that’s honest #i’m not gonna fault him for saying hey i can’t handle this #i can’t fault him for not coming back if he just plain doesn’t want to #but how are you gonna text me this is a hard time for the whole family when this situation is a ten minute call to dad you’re barely l #listening to. this isn’t a hard ship at all for you except for ur own emotions and situations in ur personal life #this tho? this has taken over my dads moms and my life #go fuck yourself with that cat thing. genuinely.

[katnissgirlsmakedo]

hateeeee being away from home after i’ve just planted my little seeds. i’m supposed to trust my DAD to make sure they’re watered? un fucking real

#guy who goes home from college every weekend to make sure her little flowers are taken care of #like you just KNOW my dad isn’t playing little songs for them. lame #ok this post was so dramatic he just texted me back that he did water them #anyway. well technically i didn’t play them any little songs last weekend either. i subjected them to an episode of izombie #when will i get back into music i haven’t been Listening To Music in a while #beth.txt

[doctormage]

I think I might be having a hard time yall lmao

#my bf’s car had a flat tire over a week ago. like almost 2 weeks ago #he kept hemming and hawing #neither of us could get the tire off but he wouldn’t get a tool that would. didn’t call anybody or google anything #i work remote so I don’t NEED my car but like. I’m trapped here. i don’t like it. i need my car. #finally someone came YESTERDAY MORNING #i said last night I needed to go to target. my bf didn’t say anything #i get out of bed so fucjing excited to have my car back and go to target #i look outside. no car. where the fuck is my car #i text him like ?????? hello??? #but they’re working on a cell tower near his job so he has extremely spotty service #so I probably won’t hear back til it’s too late. and I’m afraid his car isn’t safe to drive bc why else wouldn’t he take it #just fully fucking. broke down into tears on my couch #i just needed fucking. two things from target #but I’ve been eagerly anticipating them. i don’t get off work til 8pm and then I’m usually too tired to go anywhere #this is such a stupid fucking thing to cry over but he didn’t tell me. he didn’t warn me when I said I wanted to go to target #and now the one thing I was looking forward to!!!! cannot be done today at all. and I don’t know why #this is not the first thing I’ve had a disproportionate reaction to #and I haven’t been able to do ANYTHING around the house. like incapable #so I almost have no laundry and my office is so messy it literally makes me nauseous to look at #so uh. I’m a little worried! lol! #p

[localwench]

the hold that [redacted] has on my heart is like an iron grip

#it’s so fucking annoying because no one else is him #and when he texts me that he misses me my heart fucking stops and the butterflies come back #i swear to god he has a sixth sense because he always fucking texts me when I’m on a date with another man #and i always see his text after i hook up with them and it’s like an ice pick to my heart that i’m with someone that isn’t him

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

.

#so I’m back on my meds #the ones that actually help but have HELLA side effects #started losing weight almost right away #didn’t notice I wasn’t eating until I was getting the tingles and losing vision a couple days in #been focusing on forcing myself to eat #but yesterday I made the mistake of smoking bc I was feeling a bit better #BAD idea #was making hot chocolate when my blood pressure just plummeted #made it to the living room and put myself in recovery postition #I don’t think I fully lost consciousness bc I stayed kneeling #but I lost time but when I was are again I was still kneeling and usually I’d be on my side after fully losing consciousness #but it also lasted a full like 45 minutes where I couldn’t sit up or move #it took about two hours before I was able to make it back upstairs #I texted my dad to let him know what was going on just in case but he missed my texts so I also reached out to another friend #and asked them to check in after a bit to make sure I was still awake #which they did and I was #but now today I just took my temp on a whim bc I’ve been really warm all day #turns out I have a fever of 100.6 which isn’t super high but is high for me #and like that definitely partially explains yesterday #took a Covid test and came back negative #this really kinda sucks #mood: great #energy: more than normal #BUT dizzy can’t stop shaking keep getting spots in vision and have visibly lost weight #like. . . I feel like I could actually DO things and I WANT to do things thanks to these meds #but body clearly has other ideas #anyway I’ve only been back on them like a week and a half the side effects will start to subside in a few more weeks and I’ll be okay #but I gotta keep reminding myself to eat bc last time I was on these I lost 14lbs in about a month #anyway just me rambling about health #personal