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#and here's the thing. if you really care about canon why would one translation - esp one other ppl disagree with - become your bible
tonyglowheart · 3 years
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Your posts on the '''canon jc''' crowd is a balm to my soul. It's so frustrating seeing them throw shit everywhere at everybody who doesn't completely agree, then get surprised-pikachu-face when people get angry with them (for good reason)
sdjfkdj glad I can be of service :'D
also it really do be like that sometimes huh. p sure I got accused of not staying in my lane once, in a post that I didn't stick in the main tags and tagged as either fandom wank or vent tag or both so basically it was just on my own blog and I didn't @ anyone or name-drop anyone. I don't know if that post exists anymore, I think they might have deleted it but I think I'm also in mutual blocks now with a good couple of these people
#asks answered#Anonymous#fandom wank#I heard about this second-hand and I was like#?? I've had this guy blocked since forever? how are they seeing my post. but like I mean yeah you can still see it on the actual blog page-#but then turns out it was some fucking anon who quoted something I said in a post to wank at them about a 'jc stan' and I was like#lmfao. LMFAO. yeah. sure. k.#also tho. why are you clowning me on translation talk when I'm literally right#but like beyond me getting salty and going 'lmao actually no. you're wrong and I'm Right'#I think I try to emphasize how like. reading and literary analysis itself will be populated with many different interpretations#and like there really generally is no 'true' reading over another?#especially in a work such as mdzs where MXTX works very hard to explore that theme and herself tries not to go too too much into#the realm of authorial intent vs reader interpretation?#it's so fucking funny that they were dismissing my posts as a 'delusional jc stan' bc apparently I'm saying text doesn't count bc the transl#doesn't support my bias. when my point is. we all have biases. I try to be aware of my own and try to make others aware of their own#bc the bias influences a lot as far as interpretation goes.#and here's the thing. if you really care about canon why would one translation - esp one other ppl disagree with - become your bible?#my other thing is: literally you can ask other ppl if you don't trust my translation. you can stick it into a couple translation machines >#yourself and see. if we're talking about the interview - which is the only one I did a retl of recently - you can literally see there are >#parts left out of the original chinese - which the OP actually puts right up there too#like. sure you don't trust my translation or grasp of the language. you don't have to!#find someone you know and trust and ask them what they think of the CN and then see#but you're going to tell me I'm delusional and saying translations don't work? that's literally not what I say lmao#anyway. whatever I already have this person blocked#and idk who the anon is tho apparently they're around#I'm going to stop now bc I'm just venting now lmao but like. cmon now. I get y'all love bad faith but literally not everyone is#operating in bad faith lmao. or automatically assuming bad faith in others
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yakocchi · 3 years
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2021 Anniversary Event Ministories // Count
this post contains 2 ministories: the 4th Anniversary Collection Event (Loved So Much, I Go Breathless) and the 2021 Election Collection Event (Deep Night)
o hey it’s me why did i sandwich two honestly-unrelated stories? bc i can!! actually it’s bc i feel lame when i post too much. which goes against how you’re supposed to use tumblr…. but no one ever said i was good at this
anyway, they serve similar purposes. The Election Event is supposed to be a sort of Anniversary Event, while the..… Anniversary Event is named that. the Count did not!! have a scenario Anniversary Event this year (that was apparently reserved for the top 6. sad but makes sense) so yea, make do w/ this
The Election Story is an AU where the characters are hosts of a host club. which…. not my thing but w/e, maybe some of u like that stuff The Anniversary Event on the other hand is supposed to be in-line with canon. results in corny SHIET but i like corny shiet. like the vlad one has them buying mugs (? thats a thing in the 19th century, corny mug shit? #1 best vampire mug? bruh)
in event chronology, the anni event was way before the election one but i put the election one first here cuz it’s longer (bc i included the prologue)
Spoilers under the cut!! Please credit if you take any of it, thenk u (・ω・*)
Deep Night // Prologue + Count
⋆ didnt screenie anything for the prologue cuz LAZY. just imagine the dumb black shirts they made some poor intern edit on photoshop, thats p much it
One city night, the year 20XX—
[Kara]: “Survived another week of hard work, me… haah,” (I finally have the day off tomorrow. It’ll be okay if I let loose a bit tonight, right?) When I was worn out from the monotony of everyday life, I would head over to a certain place for comfort and thrills. And that establishment was—
[Napoleon]: “Welcome to Club Deep Night.”
[Arthur]: “Ah, it’s Kara. You came to see me, right? ‘Been waiting.” [Isaac]: “Hold up, Arthur; she doesn’t come here just to see you, no?” [Dazai]: “Ooh, Isaac; a Host’s jealousy isn’t pretty, you know?” [Dazai]: “Well then, Toshiko-san; Your pick tonight— Wha – is me? No, no, it’s an honor. This will be a night of blinding sensuality very soon—"
[Isaac]: “She hasn’t picked anyone and you’re already going full steam ahead. —And her name isn’t Toshiko.” [Arthur]: “Right, right; Don’t hang with some guy who can’t your name right, Kara— My princess.”
As soon as I entered the club, a smile appeared on my face as a battle of charms began in front of me.
[Napoleon]: “Sheesh… every last one of these rascals are thrilled. Sorry that they’re being so noisy.” [Kara]: “No, no! Whenever I come here, it’s fun and even perks me up.” [Vincent]: “Really? If I’m to be the source of your high spirits, then I’ll make it even livelier in here.” [Vincent]: “I’ll build the champagne tower, and prepare the call!” [Theodorus]: “Hey, Hondje— Hurry and pour the champagne. It’ll be to give gratitude to the angel that’s landed on this city tonight.” [Theodorus]: “If you can be a good girl, I’ll tease and spoil you to bits.”
⋆ in host clubs, there’s a thing called a champagne call. the customer buys some very expensive bubbly, and all of the hosts gather round her table to chant, sing, w/e i was curious on how the localization handled theo’s dog nickname for MC (like 駄犬) cuz if they did a straight translation (mongrel, mutt, etc.), i feel like the western audience would hate him lul. glad they found smth
Everyone tries to entertain me, and in a single moment, their sweet words make me forget about my ordinary life. (It’s nice that everyone is so lively; but shouldn’t I go pick someone for tonight…?)
Troubled about it, arms then suddenly wrapped around my waist on both sides, causing me to cry out. [Faust]: “How long do you intend to go down one by one like that, keeping us men waiting?” [Faust]: “Come on— Please pick someone, and quickly. I can’t say... that I don’t know who you should be choosing.” [Charles]: “Ugh, there goes the cunning Doctor. I wanted to be picked by her, and now you’re doing all this.” [Charles]: “Hey— Pick me, Kara. I’ll do things to you that’ll make you feel good, utterly euphoric...” [Sebastian]: “Stop the Sexy Time. Even though you are a host, please show some restraint within club walls, Charles.” [Sebastian]: “...There being so many rivals vying for Kara’s nomination, is a nuisance.”
[Jeanne]: “If I do things that will make her feel good, will she be thrilled?” [Mozart]: “Jeanne, it’d be a good idea to not emulate what you just saw.”
⋆ “Stop the Sexy Time” is transliterated into kana, so it felt wrong to potentially change it. yes the cringe was not made by me this time. surprisingly also, this is something that gets a bit lost in translation: Charles and Jeanne both use yorokobu, in which the most common meaning is to be pleased, feel joy, etc. however, they use diff kanji which have diff connotations. Charles uses one that’s more abt physical joy (like a massage... or uh u know), while Jeanne uses one that’s more abt emotional joy (like seeing a friend u haven’t met with in a while). it’s supposed to show how dirty minded charles is while jeanne is precious LOL
[Mozart]: “Kara, come over here. You deserve to receive much finer hospitality... So, from me.” [Jeanne]: “If you pick me as well, then I’ll do my very best. Kara, won’t you come with me?” (Urgh- it’s getting more and more impossible to pick just one of them...!)
A bit farther away from everyone else, in the backroom— two men were exchanging words with each other: [Shakespeare]: “The moment Kara arrived, everyone became so animated.” [Shakespeare]: “She’s a mysterious one, to be able to draw us masterful hosts towards herself.” [Leonardo]: “Mhm, every single grown man is desperate to get the sweetheart’s attention.   [Leonardo]: “Well... maybe I should turn desperate too, hm?”
And in the owner’s quarters, there were also men watching Kara through the club monitors. [Vlad]: “That girl…” [Count]: “You mean Kara? She started frequenting this place a little while ago.” [Count]: “For some reason, I’m always interested… in who she picks each time.” [Vlad]: “Looks like you care quite a lot about one specific customer, dear Owner.” [Vlad]: “Kara… hm?”
[Napoleon]: “Regardless, all of the hosts here like you way too much. —To be honest, it makes me anxious.” [Kara]: “Huh-?” (Anxious… as a host? Or… as a man?) His words, honeyed with sweet temptation, made my heart race. His smile then deepened: [Napoleon]: “—Well, Kara; Who’s your pick tonight?”
(End of Prologue)
(Count)
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[Count]: “So you’ve come, Kara. I’ve been waiting, you know.” I had paid a visit to the host club I always go to, and was invited to the owner’s quarters for some reason.
⋆ how is he still a Count in this AU lul. like yea nobility still exists, but it’s… strange, esp. if someone of nobility is openly running a host club
(Being called up here by the owner… this is the first time that’s ever happened.) I couldn’t come up with a reason why I was the only customer summoned here.
[Count]: “It’s not anything to be nervous about; I just wanted to hear something from you tonight.” [Count]: “You come here often, but you pick someone different every time.” [Count]: “Is there no one here that meets your expectations?” [Kara]: “My expectations?” [Count]: “Mhm. Being unable to satisfy our customers’ needs is an alarming matter.” [Count]: “If none of my kids happen to be your type, I’d like to hear what kind of things you seek.” [Kara]: “N-No… it’s not that none of them are my type;” [Kara]: “It’s just that everyone here is so wonderful, so I can’t pick only one of them.” [Kara]: “They’re cool, kind, great at conversation, and entertain me…” As I thought about the hosts who had surrounded me at the tables up to this point, I voiced my feelings honestly. I then recalled the words the Count had said just a moment ago, and felt a slight discomfort in my heart.
(I’m being honest when I say that I can’t choose between such amazing hosts. But…) (I also think it’s certainly true that “what I seek” is a bit different from them.) (The one I desire is more…) I shifted my eyes to the Count standing before me, and he responded with the composed smile of a mature adult. I was captivated by him at first glance, as a scent of danger seemed to drift from deep within that smiling face.
(But— As the owner himself, the Count’s not going to service a customer, of course…) Regretful, I dropped my gaze— Before I realized the Count had walked over to me. Cradling my chin in his fingers, he turned my head up so I face him.
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[Count]: “Contrary to your words… your eyes say that there is something you desire.” [Count]: “Your indecisiveness stems from wanting more stimulation, is it not?” [Count]: “Like this, for example—"
He suddenly pressed his lips to mine. Shocked, I tried to pull away— but the Count gripped my waist in place. He then drew me in closer as if to prevent escape, changing angles countlessly as he took my lips. [Kara]: “Nn-… Don’t. I can’t pick you, the owner, as my host, so…” [Count]: “That unsatisfied-looking face of yours deeply bothers me.” [Count]: “I’m retired, but if you wish it so... For you, I’m willing to make a comeback tonight.” [Count]: “Well, now… go ahead; make your choice?” As if to seduce me, the gleaming gold eyes in front of me radiate this allure. With that, I felt that he could see through the lustful desires that lied within the recesses of my heart, and my body shivered with a subtle numbness. (I’ve never felt this way before.) Wondering what kind of stimulation he would give, I wanted to be toyed by those fingers, those lips… These emotions muddled within me.
(I think the person I’ve wanted all this time... was you from the beginning.)
[Kara]: “Count— Tonight, I’ll have you…” [Count]: “To be chosen by you, is an honor.” [Count]: “I promise to sate your thirst this evening.” [Count]: “—Give yourself to me.”
⋆ or “you can entrust all of yourself to me” if u want smth more awkward but more faithful to the original text
A fervent kiss rained down on me as if to fill what I had been deprived of,
and the night that would far exceed the stimulation I had desired, had just begun—
FIN
⋆ u kno, i did try making the characters sound more 21st century in this AU. but at the same time, the count probably wouldnt be the type to say yeet (aka a useless person) so idt it showed that much
Loved So Much, I Go Breathless // Count
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Inside a swaying carriage, the Count sat across from me. Staring at me fixedly, he then gave a deep sigh. [Count]: “You are astoundingly beautiful tonight, Kara. —It was good to have left the manse like this.” [Count]: “If we had traversed the streets by foot, then I would have surely faced difficulty in having to shake off the men charmed by you.” [Kara]: “Ah-… D-Don’t play around like that, please.” [Count]: “I’m being completely honest, you know. —Well, if someone were to come near you, I wouldn’t let them lay a finger on you anyway.”
⋆ he says something closer to “those are my true thoughts, without a single lie” but that’s going too far in my arbitrary rules of “does this sound like smth ppl actually say” so whee
(J-Jeez; He always acts like this…) Wanting to mislead my pounding heart, I hastily changed the subject.
[Kara]: “Um… Where are we going tonight?” [Count]: “Oh my, did you forget? Today’s the anniversary of the day we met, of all things.” [Kara]: “Of course I didn’t forget. It was the day I changed my own fate, and met you— A day I cherish so very much.” [Count]: “It’s the same for me; And it’s precisely why we’re going to a place where I may reaffirm my love.” (“Love”…?) When I tilted my head, the Count gave a meaningful smile, saying nothing more.
With that—
The place the stagecoach had arrived, was a church I recognized. (This is… the place where we had confirmed our love for one another.) The Count took my hand before we entered, the moonlight silently illuminating the unoccupied altar.
[Count]: “I have decided from my heart— that on this day, and on every day we call ‘our anniversary’—" I shall proclaim my vows to you once more.”
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[Count]: “Kara— This is my oath of eternal love to you.” Before the altar, the Count kneeled before taking my left hand, dropping a reverent kiss on my ring finger. [Kara]: “nh- Ah-…” A sweet numbness ran from my finger, and my heart skipped a beat.
[Count]: “The time I spend with you, is filled with a dazzling brilliance.” [Count]: “—Filled to the point where I believe those centuries I had of embracing nothingness, came to be for the purpose of being able to meet you…” [Count]: “If you would allow it— For the future to come, with you by my side, I shall continue to swear such (to you).”
[Count]: “And thus, I wish that one day, I shall become one with you. —That is the greatest happiness I seek.”
He then rose to his feet, embracing me as if to envelop me whole. With my cheek pressed against his chest, I could feel his heart beating as fast as mine. (Like this, it’s as if I’m becoming one with the Count— With Abel.)
He tenderly brushed my hair aside before running a finger down my neck. One day, fangs will sink into this very spot, and love from a pureblooded vampire – called “eternity” – will be spilled within. Thinking about such things, my heart grew full— and tears were about to fall down my face, involuntarily.
[Kara]: “Abel… me too, I-…”
Overcome with emotion, I was at loss for words— When an almost-biting kiss fell upon me, cutting off my words. His tongue caught mine through my broken lips, our hot sighs immediately laden with heat.
[Count]: “—There is no need for words.” His lips only barely parting from mine, he whispered with a glossy sigh.
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[Count]: “The tears brimming in your eyes, tell me everything— that you belong to me.” [Kara]: “Ah-… Abel…” His gentle - but also denying any notion of resistance – and sweet kiss, deepened, desiring me and only me. I embraced him with all my strength, abandoning myself to this happiness that will last forever and ever…
FIN (2)
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Ikevam has been kind of boring if u dun like the top 5 all that much but i mean always has been astronaut_gun.jpg
anyway, the election was mostly a skip for me this year cuz i dun care for mini figures. also, he was doing awful in categories bc ppl are voting characters over several categories (rather than just the recommended one). frankly i think it’s dumb to vote a character in anything other than the “officially” recommended category bc the chance of losing in all categories is much higher than getting stuff in >1 category (e.g., with the midterm results u can see vlad in every category, but he’s only eligible for a benefit in one…when he could easily just win in one category period). but maybe that way of thinking is too tryhard for a game that only barely fits the definition of a game #realgamurz #weliveinasociety
i honestly didn’t do (aka pay) much and ranked rly well in character rankings. so i was happy i got decent stuff, but sadder he doesn’t get much support;; u telling me the richest guy has the stingiest fans. yes. i mean look at me, microwave pizza is my life
sorry for the lack of updates. as usual but uh better to be annoying with no updates than with too much RITE haha yes………. yes
as always, thanks for reading!
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pumpkinpaix · 3 years
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*waves* Hi! New(ish) follower, I followed for your posts about translation which are beautiful (especially the one about the imagery of "Zewu-jun") and thought-provoking; I don't have a good segue so here are some Salty Asks I'd like to know your answers to concerning MDZS: 5, 9, 10, 12, 23
oh, that’s so sweet of you!! thank you I’m really happy you enjoyed them 💛
okay salt incoming let’s see--all opinions are my own, no one has to agree with me, etc! and in true cyan fashion, this ask meme response actually needs a readmore  l m a o
5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?
fandom has not ruined any ships in mdzs for me, but it has made me way more critical of both wangxian and xicheng interpretations. not in the sense that like, I think they are bad! i love wangxian and xicheng, but I have very very specific feelings about them that I rarely see reflected in popular fandom interpretations. (because i am a picky bitch lol) 
wangxian tends to get the “they did no wrong and their love is righteous” treatment which I find disingenuous and believe directly contradicts the point of mdzs. i think that wangxian is fundamentally a very selfish relationship, and that that is, in fact, a good thing. i love that about them. i care so much about the assertion that your desires do not have to be perfect and righteous to still matter and be worthwhile. i don’t understand the impulse to make wangxian into a pure ship that triumphs and “deserves” a happy ending because they were right all along. I always felt like the entire point of mdzs was that--you can be the most terrible person, you can do unspeakable harm, and still be loved and deserving of that love. i think wangxian is compelling and moving specifically for that reason, and I often have to back out of interpretations that don’t acknowledge it in the way that i want them to. a lot of interpretations tend to idealize wwx and lwj in ways that I disagree with, and I’ve seen a lot of vitriolic pushback over anything that’s seen as even vaguely critical of either of them, when the point isn’t that “wwx/lwj is a bad person because he is selfish” the point is that “wwx/lwj’s choices are selfishly motivated” -- that’s not meant to be a value judgment, at least for me.
(i understand that a lot of this has to do with CQL’s influence, in which wangxian IS narratively rewarded for their righteousness, but as I’ve discussed at length, I think that positioning undermines what makes mdzs so powerful to me in the first place. not that i don’t love CQL!! i do love CQL--they have made a beautiful thing within the constraints that they had. but I think the novel is much stronger thematically.)
as for xicheng: i think that their relationship could be extraordinarily interesting if done in specific ways--I do not think they are well-suited to each other at any point in the canon timeline, but that they could be something really good maybe 10 years post-canon. I used to really like the idea of xicheng romantically, but as time goes on, I’m leaning harder into friendship. I think they have a lot of uniquely shared life experiences, and that it would be really good for both of them to have a person that they knew understood those experiences intimately: the pressures of leading a sect before adulthood, the grief of losing your family in a massacre and being unable to save them, the betrayal of someone who was once so close to you--that’s a lot. and i think there are very few people in their generation who could truly understand that. (for this reason, I also think lxc and xxc would be a very interesting relationship to see many many years post-canon, if xxc were ever revived) but during canon? no, absolutely not. i don’t think lxc has the slightest interest in jc, and i don’t think jc is particularly moved by lxc either, beyond a distant “yeah i mean, he’s the first jade everyone loves him sure moving on” kind of way. they both have their own shit to deal with, and before lxc’s seclusion and also before the core reveal, i think jc is too angry and vicious for lxc and lxc is too soft and toothless for jc. for someone to really convince me on xicheng, jc has to move towards some kind of self-forgiveness and peace and lxc has to move towards self-assertion. then I think they can meet somewhere in the middle of all that.
and like, it’s not that i won’t read silly fluffy aus or like canonverse stuff with them in a ship, but i admit that because it’s grown so popular but not at all in the ways that i personally want, I’m frustrated with and have retreated from reading it. unless it’s done in the specific way i like, it has too much of a pair the spares vibe for me to get behind it anymore.
9. Most disliked character(s)? Why?
jin guangshan, obvious reasons, next
ok well, i guess to elaborate even slightly: jin guangshan, to me, is the embodiment of the systems within mdzs that cause tragedy. he and chang ci’an are similar in that respect? like, the callousness with which they treat people they consider beneath them. what is nothing to them is ruinous for another, but why should they care? but jgs really had every advantage handed to him and chose to use that advantage to hurt others in really insidious ways and i can’t forgive that. jin zixun is also on this list, but like, still ahead of jgs bc he’s younger. -_- i suppose in that respect, i also very much dislike chang ci’an, but that’s a bit harder to quantify, given that we know almost nothing about him.
10. Most disliked arc? Why?
huh. uhhhh. i think i actually really like all of them? in the novel anyways. if we’re talking CQL, yin iron plot ugh.
12. Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
I think for similar reasons to 10, not really! I don’t see a lot of hate for any specific plot arc. Oh, maybe the incense burners? I completely unironically love those. people rag a lot on mxtx’s smut, but it’s very important to me for a number of like, personal mental health reasons lol.
23. Unpopular character you love?
xue yang! i think xue yang’s character raises a very interesting point about equivalent justice that kinda gets swept away in all the uhhhh murder. and it’s a point that has really big thematic repercussions, I think? but the way it’s worded makes it very easy to dismiss.
very briefly: xue yang is right when he says that 50 lives cannot pay back his finger, because there is nothing that can pay back that finger. no vengeance or sentence visited upon chang ci’an will ever be equal to the injustice that he visited upon xue yang. i think there’s a bit of naivety in the way xxc says “why didn’t you cut off his finger then? or his whole arm, if that wasn’t enough?” and the answer I think is very obvious--xy cutting off cca’s finger would not in any way be the same kind of trauma that xy losing his finger was, esp if chang ci’an knew who xue yang was. there would be an understanding in that: i am losing my finger because this man blames me for the loss of his finger. but to xue yang, a 7 year old? the pain he experienced was completely senseless and cruel and terrifying.
does that mean xue yang was justified? no jesus christ, but i do think it ties very neatly into the general themes of what it means to get vengeance, what it means to get justice, and how cycles of trauma eventually end. so i love him for that.
on a lesser note, but a similar one: i rather like su she, I think. there is something about like, jgy’s “all i had to do was remember his name and he was willing to die for me” that gets to me. there’s a huge tragedy in that somewhere.
wow i have no idea if any of that was coherent im very sleepy
salt asks
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hanijunk · 3 years
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Alright boys, girls, and nonbinary folks of the world. It’s 5:36am (1/30 when I first started) as I decide to give up on my attempt to continue to focus on learning statistics, avoid studying for my two upcoming midterms, and put off my two actual essays for two different classes.
Instead we’re going into a dive about ✨ KazuFuuma ✨ . Is this me telling you you gotta ship it? No of course not, you’re entitled to your own ships! You don’t really gotta care about it as a ship. But I do want people to recognize it’s THERE canonically, and how disregarding it is extremely unfair to Kazuki as a character particularly. Also, I’m working on the assumption anyone clicking this at least knows the bare bones about what KazuFuuma (ex. You know they are a ship of Kazuki/Fuuma from Dolce, you know they are childhood friends, you know who Dolce is, you know about Honeyworks, etc.) I’ll be making references to specific things, but I won’t always go into heavy detail. Might just hope you know it or take my word for what it is, and go into analyzing it. Some I’ll put direct references to find, but some I’ll trust you can find it yourself. If you somehow read this MAMMOTH and want reference to a specific thing mentioned, hmu I can help you find it!!
Also I hate tumblr formatting sm if you legit wanna read this 7 page essay but hate tumblr format lmk I'll add it as a google doc link instead too. anYWHO
Before actually getting into the meat of things lemme preface some stuff.
Again it’s like almost 6am so this will be disorganized and very train of thought (and likely long due to the fact when I fly by the seat of my pants I’m known to get unnecessarily extensive). It’s definitely gonna be in large part why it’s important to recognize as a romantic relationship foundation and what about it shapes Kazuki’s character in particular. Maybe a bit of how it’s been built up and its general focus and implications. Dunno yet. We’ll see LMAOO
I say f*ck. Not a lot, just a handful of times. This ain’t something scholarly this is for my own enjoyment so if you don’t like that might not wanna read. And it’s not like spitefully I just curse a lot if you haven’t...read my tags before lol
Again this is through the lens of a Kazuki stan. Of COURSE I’m going to have some level of bias, but if anything that bias may help more than hurt because that means I become FIXATED and think a lot about Kazuki. Which plays into establishing just how important it is that Kazufuuma’s relationship is recognized, especially in a romantic light at this point. Lmfao. 
I’ll have a few more prefaces about the actual content below but to keep this from getting too long if you wanna read come below the cut owo
I have extremely limited knowledge of Japanese just taking a few classes in highschool (so like 3 yrs ago) and live in America. This means a lot of my knowledge is gathered through the english translations of the super duper incredible and lovely people in the Honeyworks fandom who provide translations (delaix and takanenene esp have provided so much for me being able to understand Dolce) and my own limited Japanese paired with Google Translate for things that remain untranslated.
This only will be drawing on information I have come in contact with and have access to and making assumptions based on that, most (if not all) of which is in the public domain. So things like the Dolce Manga Volumes released via Animate, exclusive 4komas, and Light Novels are out of my area for the most part (apart from again snippets of translations thanks to this fandom’s godlike and generous translators).
I will not be drawing on anything from the first Dolce album with the exception of Nade Nade. From a meta standpoint, I consider those songs as songs made as performance media as opposed to character explorations. Nade Nade is the exception because (1) it was released a whole year before the album and (2) you can tell it’s explicitly an exploration of Fuuma and Kazuki’s interpersonal relationship even if it’s in a slightly more performance based context than the songs that came out with the Dolce LNs. Easiest parallel I can make to show this is if you held Non-Fantasy, Yume Fanfare, and Samishigariya up against each other, you could tell the difference in intended audience and intended purpose the same way the Dolce 1st album, Nade Nade, and the songs of the LNs do respectively. Even if there is some basis to ground Kazufuuma, for the purposes of this essay I’ll be acting under the assumption the 1st album falls under the Non-Fantasy equivalent category.
THAT WAS A LOT OF PREFACING CONSIDERING LIKE 2 PPL WILL PROBABLY READ IT I just have a tendency to anytime I do anything analytical lay down ground acknowledgements for myself to work on just...cuz it makes me feel less guilty for any accidental misinformation even if I’m writing towards my future self to read lolll IM SORRY WITHOUT FURTHER TO DO HERE’S THE BRAIN DUMP
First let’s go ahead and establish why it needs to be recognized as an important relationship. Again, I’m a Kazuki stan. He’s my favorite character not only of Dolce but also of the entire Honeyworks series, and as much as I love him for reasons outside the ship, whether you like it or not Kazufuuma is an essential aspect of his character and narrative. Of course there’s the fact that him and Fuuma are childhood friends, so that’s going to in part define their characters and interactions with each other and those around them. They’re both going to be relevant to one another and important to one another’s stories to an even greater extent than the rest of the members of Dolce. But on Kazuki’s side at least, it’s an EXTREME amount. A running plotpoint in Dolce Diary is the sheer amount of dedication Kazuki has to Fuuma and how much his thoughts and decisions are influenced by Fuuma, whether it be how he feels happiest spending time with Fuuma, how he decided to get his piercing to represent he wanted to protect Fuuma, how he doesn’t want to dislike food so he can eat what Fuuma dislikes, etc. Not to mention running jokes about his borderline overprotectiveness and downright possessiveness of Fuuma, how proud he is when Fuuma gets praised, or that one 4koma that literally explicitly states he can read Fuuma’s mind when he thinks motherfucking ‘dirty thoughts’ about his childhood friend (Fuuma). I still don’t know what the fuck to make of that last bit. Genuinely. Or the fact it’s a fucking running joke. As in it’s not a one off. It’s been brought up multiple times. Kazuki what the fuck. 
That’s not to say that he doesn’t have character outside of Fuuma or he doesn’t interact with people other than Fuuma. He’s great friends with Sara, Girisha, and Kippei and is shown time and time again to have fun interactions with all of them, generally acting as the best support friend for every member of the group, not Fuuma alone. For instance how he helps Kippei with his self confidence issues or stays over at Sara’s to protect him from a cockroach (which he fails at lol). Nor is that to say all his interactions involving Fuuma focus solely on his devotion to Fuuma, especially in instances where the manga focuses on Dolce as a group dynamic (though even in that setting there are times where jokes about his devotion are thrown in). He’s kind, he’s stupid, he’s friendly, he’s an amazing character in his own right, and I love him for all those reasons. But that doesn’t change the fact a major part of his character and his character interactions are rooted in Fuuma, and arguably some of his most interesting, eccentric, and notable behaviors and traits revolve around Fuuma (again the mind reading for example).
Hell let’s take it one step further. If you look at the character bios of the Dolce members, you get everyone’s motives for being an idol and interests. Of them, Kazuki is the only one to have another character mentioned directly, not to mention that supporting Fuuma is explicitly stated to be his primary motive as to why he became an idol. Not even Fuuma’s sister is mentioned, though two arguments can be made for this. The first would be that Fuuma’s backstory about wanting to fulfill his dream for himself and his sister was decided later to explain Fuuma’s choice to crossdress though it can be argued it was intentionally done to leave it as a reveal at a later date, to which I would argue I don’t think this backstory was a choice in post. While Fuuma’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra exploring that backstory was released a little less than a year after Dolce was revealed, the preview to set up Fuuma’s backstory was actually the first thing released after the character bios on the Dolce Official Twitter page if you exclude a drawing of Dolce from Yamako. The second argument could be that information about his sister was intentionally withheld to set up the reveal when Fuuma’s extra released to explore it. However, going by that logic (which I do agree with), that would also mean that Fuuma’s inclusion and importance in Kazuki’s character bio also set up his dedicated extra, which I don’t think would be incorrect to assume considering what his actual extra turned out being.
Which brings me to the thing that makes it inexplicable to write off the romantic implications behind Kazufuuma: Kazuki’s dedicated Dolce Diary extra, Suki. I shipped Kazufuuma before even knowing of Suki, sure. But the fact that Suki even exists is a shock to me and drove into me the fact that Kazufuuma wasn’t just my own projection. Again, it’s not a surprise that Fuuma shapes Kazuki’s life. They’re childhood friends, of course they’re going to be important to each other. But this extra explicitly brought Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma under a direct spotlight. At first I was thinking oh, this extra was just to acknowledge the fact that Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship can have romantic implications, but the end of it the conclusion that we got was that it didn’t matter what type of “like” he felt for Fuuma. Originally, I thought it wasn’t anything more than saying there are all types of like, and it doesn’t always need to be explicitly defined, but I appreciated the fact they were aware that they were writing Kazuki in a way that conveyed romantic implications. 
Then I thought about it because, again, I love Kazuki of course I’m going to think about his character extra, and realized...that’s not how these character extras have worked. There are only three character extras out as far as I know and have read: Fuuma, Kippei, and Kazuki. If we look at Fuuma and Kippei’s, each extra had a conclusion, sure, but they didn’t have a resolution. Rather, they were simply setting up explicitly what each character’s primary character arc and conflict were. Fuuma’s extra brought attention to the fact that he’s particularly a crossdressing idol by exploring the motives behind it. His choice to be a crossdressing idol is constantly under fire both by himself and the world around him. He’s not immune to those who consider his crossdressing strange, and a part of his story is both finding people who accept his decision to crossdress and to succeed for himself as a crossdressing idol. It’s an essential part of how we understand and define him as a character and it’s a central part of how he interacts with the world around him. For Kippei, it lays the severity of his insecurity under the spotlight and his journey and motives for improving himself. Again, this isn’t something isolated and resolved in the extra; his extreme insecurity and negativity is constantly affecting how he interacts with practically everyone from his fellow Dolce members to his fans despite the fact in all honesty? He’s fucking insanely talented in his own right, his own brother mentioning how smart he is and how he has amazing reflexes. For Kippei, his negativity is an essential part of how we understand and define him and central to how he interacts with the world as much as Fuuma’s decision to crossdress is to him.
Which brings us back to Kazuki, of course. In his dedicated extra, in the chapter that’s supposed to explore and establish and bring attention to an essential part of his character, the aspect of himself under investigation is how he feels about Fuuma. It’s not just how he behaves around Fuuma, it’s explicitly an exploration of his feelings, on top of the fact it’s explicitly an exploration about whether or not he likes Fuuma r o m a n t i c a l l y. Literally the conflict is spurred on by someone outright asking “Do you like him?” and having to clarify “I mean romantically.” What they decided to focus on for Kazuki’s character and emphasize and establish is that Kazuki’s like towards Fuuma toes the line between friendship and romance. His ambiguous feelings towards Fuuma (if we leave them inconclusive as Suki did) are just like Fuuma’s crossdressing and Kippei’s insecurity in the sense the weight of whatever those feelings may be are seen in how he interacts with the world around him and influences his behaviors. It would be another story if they introduced the potential and shut it down all within the extra, because then his central conflict would to me be less directly open to romantic potential and more simply about how his arc was meant to explore the dynamic of the behavior of an extremely dedicated best friend. The fact that he may be romantically attracted to Fuuma or may be only platonically dedicated to Fuuma is instead something that looms over Kazuki in the same way Fuuma’s decision to crossdress constantly looms over him. It’s what Dolce wanted to point to and say this is Kazuki’s central character conflict and central arc: exploring what type of feelings he has towards Fuuma. 
Sure, it can be argued that there’s only three Dolce Diary character extras, there’s not enough to be sure about that being the purpose of the extras unless we get the other two’s extras. First, at this point I honestly don’t know if or when they’re going to release an extra revolving around Sara and Girisha just because not only has it been over a year and a half since the latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Kazuki’s) was released despite the gap between the first and latest Dolce Diary Character Extra (Fuuma’s and Kazuki’s) were within a year of release but also because the Dolce 4komas and comics they’ve been posting to Twitter have decreased (last one being over half a year ago) potentially due to them deciding to focus on releasing Dolce manga content through the purchasable volumes instead. (This is not particularly related to the Kazufuuma argument, just wanted to put out there my two cents on what Sara and Girisha’s extra/focal arc would be. Based on a large part of the Dolce Diary in conjuncture with Can’t an Idol Fall in Love, I’d argue Sara’s would be his journey to regain his passion for performing, and if it’s not that I’d say it’d be coming out of his self-imposed isolation and opening up to people again. As for Girisha, I have less of a concrete idea but I’m assuming it’d be something pertaining to how people often misconceive him whether it be in tandem with his determination, his optimism and sociability, or his stupidity/ability to ignore those misconceptions and work past them. But Girisha is treated like the comedic relief 90% of the time so I’m not entirely sure, but his primary conflict is definitely rooted in misconceptions of him being his roadblock imo. #MoreGirishaContentPlz) That being said, I personally feel like the three are already enough evidence, especially considering it would be honestly even more cruel for Kazuki’s character-centric extra to be focusing on something that wasn’t essential to his character and character arc, anyway. And though it’s not explicitly stated that these chapters are extras exploring a central character, you can kind of tell based on how they are (to my knowledge) the only Dolce Diary updates with cover/title cards each which include their focal character front and center. So working off that fact, the Kazuki-centric chapter established that a pillar to his narrative was his feelings towards Fuuma and that those feelings are still open to romantic potential. 
But if you follow me, this is why up until Can’t an Idol Fall in Love With Another Idol’s release, I was terrified of them writing that off. I would have been ok if it was just an arc that was given attention then continued to actively work in the background, as all the character arcs have been over all of Dolce’s content. The fact that they might be giving Fuuma a love interest and giving Fuuma a love arc while Kazuki’s feelings were still up in the air and were still the primary highlighted narrative for him would have been fucking scuffed. To me, it would be like… why would they make him so Fuuma-centric to the point that even his dedicated chapter was not just focused on Fuuma but focused on the ambiguity and potential of him having romantic feelings for Fuuma, yet reduce him to being Fuuma's designated right-hand man. Don’t get me wrong, friendships are just as important as romantic relationships. But again, rather than conclude Kazuki’s answer in Suki to be that his feelings were of friendship, they left it open ended and allow audience members to be actively aware that Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma still had potential to be romantically coded. It would just be so weird to quickly close off that narrative by giving Fuuma a love interest as opposed to letting Kazuki conclude it himself. It would be fucking beyond frustrating for me, at least Eventually, I kept trying to drive my hopes that they would explore Kazuki’s narrative at all down to the ground because it was a Fuuma-centric novel; maybe if anything they’d explore those feelings in his own novel after the fact. But then they kept having little drops here and there of Kazuki being even the slightest bit relevant and I’d go back to questioning “Are??? They??? Is this on purpose??? Do they know what they’re doing or are they just doing this because Kazuki’s just so important to Fuuma as his best friend that he’s there as his right-hand I genuinely can’t tell???” And um. Welp.
Safe to say Can’t An Idol Fall in Love sold me on the fact that they know what they’re doing LOL. And to anyone who thinks that Kazuki’s feelings can still be read as ambiguous in CAIFILWAI as opposed to explicitly romantic - whether it be due to a fear they may pull the “I like him as a friend” card or due to the disbelief that they have an explicit mlm main character in the Honeyworks series - I’d like to cover any bases that may make you think this way. If you think it’s just Kazuki acting like a protective friend, why do you think he calls Yui a rival? If you’ve only seen the MV and think it’s ambiguous or can be taken as the "likfe" for friend, then does that mean you think Yui’s feelings toward Fuuma are also ambiguous or as a friend? With the way Yui responds, she is trying to rival Kazuki’s feelings towards Fuuma. She and Kazuki recognize whatever feeling it is that they hold towards Fuuma, both of their feelings are the same type. I don’t think most people would argue that Yui’s confession about Fuuma was one of pure respect and friendship. Plus, if anything I’d argue of the three characters in the MV, Fuuma is the one whose feelings are left the most ambiguous despite him being the central character. It’s heavily implied that he may be forming feelings for Yui, but nowhere is it established either in the song or in the MV, especially if you compare it to Kazuki and Yui’s declarations or if you compare it to Sara’s feelings for Uru in Can’t An Idol Fall in Love. Fuuma’s romantic narrative here is trying to figure out how he feels for Yui, while for Kazuki and Yui they’ve established a rivalry because they both have mutually established they like Fuuma romantically.
If the MV isn’t enough for you and Suki isn’t enough for you for...some reason…??? You can check out the snippets of the light novel which the wonderful takanenene translated: one which revisits the conflict set up in Suki and one that covers the confession scene in the MV in more detail. If the fact that the conflict set up in Suki (aka the lurking feeling of not knowing if all he felt for Fuuma was only platonic or more than platonic) was specifically reestablished in the LN for anyone who didn’t keep up with Dolce Diary didn’t tip you off that it was something important, his behavior in the confession scene as depicted by the LN definitely should have. He’s possessive about his spot by Fuuma’s side. He doesn’t want that spot to be taken by anyone else. Even if he knows that they can help Fuuma, he wants it to be him. And this line: “Kazuki then trails off his words, quietly saying ‘That’s why…’ and then gave Yui a slightly painful smile, his cheeks turning red,” before he declares Yui a rival and states he likes Fuuma. If you can tell me you read that line and are still on the fence about Kazuki’s “like” towards Fuuma being romantic, please message me and I will see how I can get through to you. Like it wasn’t even just a romantically coded confession. It’s just a romantic confession. That “like” is romantic. And I’m so proud that he’s not only come to understand for himself how he feels, but that he’s confident enough to ask the person he sees as a romantic rival to speak in private and not only clarify her feelings for Fuuma but before she can even do that firmly establishes that he loves Fuuma with conviction. Kazuki my boy I’m so proud of you. *sniffs*
And that’s it for establishing Kazufuuma as at least canonically one-sidedly canon and why there’s not only no reason to deny it but also why denying it is a fucking disrespectful move towards Kazuki. He’s a character, sure, but that doesn’t change the fact you shouldn’t write off his struggle to come to be convicted enough to say it out loud. This has been something weighing on him at least a year, if not more (all I know is it started when both he and Fuuma were in some year in middle school). And as a character in a piece of media, I’ve been saying this the entire time, but brushing it off as non-romantic is literally chucking a fucking pillar of his character’s story into the gutter. And to those who may be saying Kazuki’s confession came out of nowhere and is pandering reread this entire fucking essay again I dare you to do it and tell me to my face it’s pandering. Again. Writing off the buildup as pandering is disrespectful to him, disrespectful to his character and narrative, and disrespectful to the wonderful people who have been creating Dolce so diligently and have crafted this narrative for us. Saying his “supposed feelings” and “ambiguous confession” is pandering is like saying Fuuma’s crossdressing is pandering which. If you say either of those I will find you and I will shank you in the fucking gut. Even if you’re not fully into Dolce, recognize these characters are actually very well developed and executed amazingly, as per every Honeyworks character that has come to exist. I don’t blame you if you weren’t aware of the weight of Kazufuuma, but now that you read this I hope you are. That’s mainly what I needed to get out there, but as follows will be me more exploring how Kazufuuma has been built up and generally waving my hand off at where it may be going. If you want you can dip, thanks for reading up to here because I know I repeated a lot because it’s just. So important to drill into your head and has been something I’ve been hung up about constantly. LOL
As for where exactly they’re taking it from this point on, I honestly don’t know. In all honesty, I didn’t even expect them to take it the direction they did. But honestly, I think the direction they went with it is really interesting and better than I could have imagined, in my opinion at least. Honeyworks never ceases to amaze me with their storytelling and narrative choices, and I don’t think there’s any that stand out to me as being severely questionable that they haven’t reapproached at some point down the line. And, again, I think they’re treating this with a lot of care and deserved respect. So I’m just gonna be gushing about how smart they set it up and how smart they’ve been executing it and maybe my own hopes on the direction it could go.
Whether they make Kazufuuma reciprocated I have no real clue or bearings, but to me my gut reaction is they will. Of course, I’m biased, but again if you trace things all the way back to 2018 and step through Dolce’s content and growth from there, I’d say even if they didn’t know if they could execute it like this and see it to fruition, I’d argue that Kazufuuma has been at least heavily implied since the beginning as a relationship they wanted to explore from both sides of the relationship. Obviously I brought up Kazuki’s character bio already, but if you look at the *goes to count* 5th Dolce Diary update already has a joke jabbing at the fact that Kazuki is technically Fuuma’s type (and the way Kippei and Kazuki excitedly react is so cute). The fifth update. And as stated before there are tons of Kazufuuma moments in Dolce Diary, whether it’s played for comedic effect or played straight (and this is post Suki but oh my god I’ve said it before I’ll say it again get yourself someone who looks at you the way Kazuki looks at Fuuma oh my jesus). But song-wise, I mentioned the one Dolce album song I would bring up is Nade Nade and this is where it comes! 
Not only is Nade Nade specifically focused on Kazuki and Fuuma’s relationship as opposed to the whole of Dolce despite being the first song, it included the setup/preview of the Fuuma-centric extra prior to the full release of the Fuuma-centric extra itself and was released early as fuck. Literally between the 6th and 7th update to Dolce Diary. Sure, it could be to isolate them as a duo for marketing purposes (they’re very often the two promoted idols together if the whole of the group aren’t included), but the way it’s established as a perspective song as opposed to a general idol duet is what fascinates me. Anyone who didn’t know about Dolce prior and only followed Honeyworks for music would be first introduced to these characters through this song alone, and maybe this is where my Kazufuuma bias comes from but I was one of those people LOL. I thought it was just a cute one-off relationship that they had set up for the purpose of a song and that it was an implied friends-to-lovers story that would never get a conclusion. Also I mistakenly thought Fuuma was a girl oop-. In the full context of Dolce, this song in part helped establish Fuuma and Kazuki more solidly as a unique duo out of all of Dolce, but it also specifically explored through Fuuma’s eyes just how much Fuuma recognizes and appreciates the unwavering support Kazuki gives him to follow his dreams as he wishes. For Fuuma, he loves Kazuki too, though whether it holds any romantic potential in the same way Kazuki loves him has never been explored to nearly the same extent. But Fuuma appreciates how Kazuki’s remained by his side and does everything he can to support him, so Nade Nade explores how his way of expressing his love and thankfulness to Kazuki is by never saying that he needs Kazuki by his side. He’s glad Kazuki’s always been there for him, and his reciprocation takes on the form of being ready to unwaveringly support Kazuki and not ask for more than he already has, even if it meant Kazuki would be leaving his side, despite the fact that he really does wish they could remain together forever just as Kazuki does. The one point he lets himself say something vaguely close to always wanting to stay together, he gets a surprised expression out of Kazuki and says an ambiguous “suki dayo.” Of course, this it much less romantically coded than what we get from Kazuki in Suki and CAIFILWAI, but there is an interesting emphasis put on it nonetheless. Keep in mind, this is all established through the song, which released long before not only Fuuma’s character-centric extra released but also Kazuki’s character-centric extra released, so there is at least a substantial setup for Fuuma’s feelings towards Kazuki’s being strong as well and possibly grow to be reciprocated one day.
I think for me the most fascinating part about Nade Nade is how they tied it back around to Can’t An Idol Fall In Love with Another Idol. Again, without remembering Nade Nade, I still thought CAIFILWAI was brilliantly explored and executed, even if some people would have preferred no love triangle. But honestly, revisiting Nade Nade makes me trust even more the direction they’re taking with this. Whether or not they make Kazufuuma canon mutually (which. Even if they for some inexplicable reason didn’t I’m going down with this ship.), I’m sure they’re putting a lot of thought into the story, because the last bit of Nade Nade directly parallels the misunderstanding that arose from Fuuma mishearing the Kazuki and Yui. Fuuma is resolved to support Kazuki in any area he’s given the chance, and that explicitly includes if Kazuki had some girl he liked, which is what he assumes is going on. The fact that they tied this back around in the form of a misunderstanding was really really smart and Honeyworks is always so good at parallels and references back to their older songs, but for some reason I didn’t expect this. I don’t know how to say why, but the fact that the song that started it all, kicked off both Dolce and Kazufuuma, was directly referenced both visually in the MV with a cameo at the start and narratively despite the central dynamic being predominantly explored in this story in particular was that of Fuuma and another potential love interest and involves said potential love interest for some reason makes me think that (sorry Yui) this is all planned out for Kazufuuma in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I don’t know if me thinking it was planned all along is just me with shipper goggles, but the idea it’s come full circle nearly 3 years later is not shipper goggles and a very very well done parallel in my opinion, whether this trajectory was their plan for Kazufuuma from the beginning or not. Just wanted to gush about that some more. 
There’s more I could go into especially if I went into specific details about interactions or specific implications established in Honeyworks' Dolce content about different characters that would be fascinating to explore in relation to and under the lens of Kazufuuma, but I think this is uh...plenty long enough. Plus, I doubt you'll stop seeing Kazufuuma posts from me so those ideas will probably just be miniposts or somethin.
Back to the overarching point of this segment, idk what they’ll do with this story in the end, but do I think Kazufuuma will canon? I’m used to looking at ships that aren’t explicitly apparent with a sliver of skepticism, but all things considered (as I stated before) yeah. I don’t see reason why they wouldn’t now that they’ve explicitly identified there is a romantic dimension to it ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Like to me, the setup isn’t something that would be written off as unrequited? And this doesn’t have to play into why I don’t think it will canon, my personal opinion on the Fuuyui relationship (again albeit through the lens of a hard Kazufuuma shipper lmao) has it’s own merits and is really cute, I find it cute in the way I found Koyuhina cute. I personally never really shipped Koyuhina, and especially since they slipped Kotarou into Ima Suki Ni Naru I was more curious about who this kid was and how he played into things I didn’t really see Koyuhina as something that would come to fruition. Similarly, there’s more importance in the overall sense on Kazuki than there is Yui (considering he’s one of the 5 original and focal members of this generation of idols, this would be natural), as well as the fact there’s just way more foundation and exploration in Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship than there is Fuuma and Yui. As for how much of a balance there is inside the LN itself, the fact that they seem to have spent a substantial amount relaying the foundation of Fuuma and Kazuki’s relationship and re-exploring it (at least in Kazuki’s perspective) at all on top of how much content there is covering their relationship prior to the LN ever since Dolce’s origin just feels like that relationship holds more weight. Pretty much Kazufuuma feels more established as a priority in general. The way I personally hope Fuuyui plays out is whether they wind up holding mutual feelings or not or whether Fuuma doesn’t feel that way towards Yui is they get a relationship akin to Kotarou and Arisa. Albeit, Kotarou and Arisa never viewed each other in a romantic light, but they had mutual respect and solidarity. That’s the type of friendship I hope comes out of Fuyui. And considering there hasn’t been a break-up in any Honeyworks’ canon relationships (nor do I expect there to be… they’re all perfect for each other LMAO) it would actually be interesting if Fuuyui get together but don’t endgame and Kazufuuma is established as the inseparable endgame after some realization or another, though I don’t expect them to go that route nor do I know if that’d be the best way to go about it anyway. Also final point, Honeyworks seems to have a thing for childhood friends trope anyway soooooo owo All in all, don’t know where they’re taking it, just excited to see where it goes. 
TL;DR of this *counts* 7 page essay, stan Kazufuuma. Not gonna proof this. Maybe I’ll edit and repost but yall are getting a confusing clusterfuck of ramblings over 2-3 hr periods of me writing across 3 different days at around 5am each day. Uh. If you got this far like and subscribe and-- jk plz reply to this mammoth anywhere you see fit or tell me if you have stuffs to add or counter or whatnot I like hearing people talk about Kazufuuma ;w; I am Kazuki and Kazufuuma brainrot can you tell after reading this? No? Lemme just remind you I’m K--
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behindthekitty · 3 years
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A collection of Apple Juice ramblings
I have trouble coming up with hcs wor ships even more so when there isnt a lot of canon or other ppls headcanons but here are all my dumb ramblings
Epel is 100% the leader when it comes to their relationship. He's never been the shy type and pretty much initiates all of the firsts in their relationship. First kiss, first handholding, was probably the first to ask Deuce out, etc. When Deuce wants to do something he has to psyche himself up and it takes forever for him to garner the confidence to do normal things. It would get better the longer they date but for now, when it comes to epel, deuce is a disaster and epel seems to know what he's doing.
This is why its a BIG DEAL to epel when deuce initiates something. Hopefully that makes my one comic make more sense.
Deuce is really the only person Epel can be himself around. In his dorm (and pretty much all throughout the school since Rook is always watching) He has to act and talk a certain way, but when he's with Deuce (alone) all of that disappears and that loud country boy comes out again. Deuce sometimes gets lost in his dialect, but he finds that part of epel really cute.
They keep their relationship suuuper under wraps, mostly by Epel's request. I believe that Epel doesnt care about PDA and wouldn't care who knew they were dating if it weren't for vil and his dormates. If/when they find out Epel would become the center or attention and the talk of the dorm and Vil would try to start dictating what he wears and howhe acts on dates...etcetera. Epel doesnt need that drama in his life.
While I dont know much about Rook at all, I feel like the fact that he doesnt like others prying could also translate to not prying into others' private lives and so hopefully he wouldn't start telling everybody he knows Epel and Deuce are dating. And he 100% would know from the start. He's Rook.
Deuce is already an easy target and alreasy has to deal with his friends clowning on him so as to not add another reason they can tease him for, not telling anyone is probably the best course of action.
However these two really aren't great at concealing the fact that there is obviously something between them. Even if they arent kissing or holding hands in public, they're still teenagers, so wanting to spend every waking moment with the guy they're into is just in their nature. Things like meeting up just to chat wherever in school and walking through the halls together could be seen as friendly but .. 🥴
I think Deuce would definitely tell Ace, Yuu, and Grim at some point, to their total surprise. They'd probably start asking every question under the sun about their relationship.
hi lil hc about Ace, i think hes the jealous type. Noticing him and Epel are spending a lot more time together might make him resentful of both of them, even more so when he finds out they're actually dating.
Neither Epel or Deuce are really much for pet names. Epel finds them embarrassing to say or be called, so they just don't.
I dont need to say this but both of these boys would absolutely fight for eachother. they're both quite protective.
matching outfits. these boys are NOT above wearing matching outfits. They have a similar taste in clothing.
speaking of which epel is 100% the hoodie thief in this relationship. Idk if Deuce even owns hoodies but if he does no he does not. They're Epels now.
off topic but it must be hard to secretly date as first years. You share a room with like 3 other dudes (correct my if im wrong) and theres a ton of students everywhere else. it is IMPOSSIBLE to just be alone together unless you sneak out or skip class and esp for Epel and Deuce their dorm leaders would never be ok with that lol. today during work today i just thought about then hanging out in a closet at night because thats the only time they can be totally alone together. Ik it would kill me lol.
I think Epel is the first to fall and i haven't even finished chapter 5 but it would definitely happen sometime during errr that.
idk why but epel seems like the type who really likes physical contact. With him, hugs and kisses last a liiiiittle too long (and sometimes a lot too long) and touches linger. Actually this could be true for both of them i do not know. Epel just seems like the touchy-feely type
Neither Epel or Deuce are jealous types imo. Well Deuce mayyybe a little...
I'll stop here cos its late. If you read all of this thhhankkkssss? Idk how much of it made sense but yeahh. I might do this again because i like to talk .
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cassthecringe · 3 years
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loving you may mean losing you but i dont mind (jotakak playlist)
dont talk to me about the title of this thing im embarrassed enough
anyway but okay so!!!! very excited to share this!!!! this has been in the works since september but my picky ass finally found an adequate amount of songs so here it is!!!!!! my jotakak playlist (:
special thanks to my lovely and wonderful friend jade for helping me finish this this thing <3
track list nd why i picked the songs that i did under the break!
1. the predatory wasp of the palisades is out to get us! by sufjan stevens i chose this song because it’s all about internalized homophobia and being in love with your best friend as a kid which RLLY resonates w jotakak imo. esp cause in the song, stevens’ friend ends up leaving abruptly, leaving stevens to wonder about what couldve blossomed if they had stuck together and worked through the difficulties together, which JOTARO....THAT IS JOTARO-CORE esp cause kak also “leaves” (dies). so this song was a v obvious choice for me and in fact this song is what inspired me to create this playlist in the first place
2. we are beautiful, we are doomed by los campesinos! this song is abt being in love with someone but you both have ur issues so it’s kind of a mess. considering jotaro and kakyoin’s (to point it quite frankly) trauma and the fact that both of them do jack shit to try and cope with it healthily, this song DEFINITELY fits them. esp cause this song mentions physical fighting and the imagery that goes with it (”he got his teeth fixed/im gonna break them”, “i’ve got a fist on fire”, etc) and the entirety of the bridge/last verse rlly gives me these two’s vibes so! ya (:
3. love love love by of monsters and men this song is the singer feeling like shes completely unworthy of being loved by this important person in her life, particularly because she has NO idea how to show affection and love the (for lack of better word) “acceptable” way, or any way at all really. this REALLY has jotaro vibes cause he is one repressed motherfucker and as we see the entirety of his story, jotaro is full of love he loves so much it’s just he has no idea how to properly express it cause he’s scared essentially. but that didn’t stop people from loving him, in this case, that being kakyoin. hhhhHHh
4. ribs by lorde this song is about being scared of growing up but due to the lyrics being written the way they are, i kinda spin the interpretation of it to be the fear jotaro and kakyoin had on the crusade to egypt, as they were the youngest and didnt know if they’d make it back and everything is just incredibly overwhelming there is so much going on all the time those 50 days. i can do a full analysis on why but that would be kinda long LMAO. for now let’s leave it at they have a very Unique fear of growing up but it still fits with the lyrics. particularly the last bit of the song with the “youre the only friend i need” verses,,,makes me think of these two...
5. can i call you tonight? by dayglow i interpret this song to be about trying to figure out what, exactly, your feelings are for this very specific and important person in your life. since jotaro and kakyoin r both repressed and also suckers of internalized homophobia, i think they fit that theme very well. particularly with the whole “i feel like we’re close, but maybe we’re not actually? what are we?” theme going on in the lyrics, this whole song makes me think of jotaro and kakyoin figuring out their intense and sudden (cause again only 50 days but also, those 50 days had So Much going on) feelings for each other. also the “now i’m no longer alone” line in the chorus HHHHHHH that’s them
6. la la la love song by toshinobu kubota ft naomi campbell SO I KNOW THIS SONG IS KINDA JUST FLUFF but we need some light-hearted moments in this thing hjgg;. ALSO toshinobu kubota is canonically jotaro’s favorite musician so i wanted to reference that and this was my fav love song of his that i’ve found so far so (: also the “you are my shining star” line,,,heh
7. truce by twenty one pilots so this song is very soft. it’s about tending to wounds and taking a moment before continuing to push on. it makes me think abt jotaro and kakyoin taking care of each other on the journey (for example the lovers arc/n’doul fight). also the whole “stay alive, stay alive for me/you will die, but now your life is free/take pride in what is sure to die” makes me go fucking nuts that is. that fits these two to a T fuck
8. this side of paradise by coyote theory this song has big “two lonely people are in love with each other for the first time” vibes and OHHHHHHHHHH THAT’S JOTAKAK.... there are a lot of little lines that make me specifically think abt these two, such as “love so strong it makes me feel weak” (jotaro-core...), “if you’re lonely come be lonely with me”, “i’ll be yours if you’ll be mine” (wanting some security while ur in love for the first time is common but especially for these two i think it works spectacularly) but yea this song as a whole is just...ohhh them. theyre in lvoe HK;FNJFL
9. i saw you in a dream by the japanese house EVERY. SINGLE. LINE. OF THIS SONG IS POST-EGYPT JOTARO. EVERY SINGLE LINE. and the ghost the singer talks about seeing? they hadnt changed at all? they were such a pretty vision, a perfect hallucination? BRUH... just listen i could do a whole analysis on this song it all just fits jotaro mourning kakyoin throughout the years so so so so well it makes me feel nuts holy shit i just. literally every line. every line fits i am not joking. i cried when i first heard this song LMAO
10. video games by the young professionals SO LMAO obviously kakyoin’s epic gamer moves are being referenced but beyond that i interpret this song to just be the fun parts of being in love esp when ur young (backed up with the “kissing in the blue dark” and the “watching all our friends fall” lines). also the chorus just makes me want to cry cause just, happy jotakak moments PLEASE. “the world was built for two only worth living if somebody is loving you, and baby now you do” THEYRE NOT ALONE ANYMORE THEY FOUDN EACH OTHER IM GONAN WAILLLLLLL oh my god. im nuts theynkjNJKNJF also “i heard that you like the bad girls” please. these two shitty teenagers
11. ikanaide by sohta ft. yuki kaai this song is abt not wanting someone u love to leave u cause youll miss them obviously but also ur scared of how the time will change you and if it’ll make you unrecognizable eventually. big post-egypt jotaro vibes 😔 especially cause one part of the chorus translates to “i shouldnt cry, i shouldnt cry, but the truth is i want to say dont go” and im jus like OHHHHH NO IT’S JOTARO FINDING OUT KAKYOIN DIED jkfnNKJFNJDhkld
12. therefore you and me by eve ALRIGHT. god this song is one hell of a doozy. i interpret this song to mean being sincerely in love but youre in the wrong place/wrong time. considering the uh Whole Situation in part 3 there were definitely better times to fall in love for these two. jotaro and kakyoin try to be happy w the moments they do have (i think the second verse in particular adds to this sentiment what with the selfish ghosts part) but they want a better environment understandably so theyre also just kinda ignoring things until they can properly care for a relationship. but well...who knows if theyll live to make it to that better environment ):
13. mayonaka no door/stay with me by miki matsubara this song is a v sweet sentiment abt like “it’s not just heat of the moment!! i do care about u a lot!!” and asking the person u have feelings for to stick around. big kakyoin and jotaro vibes as it would be easy to call what they have a fling considering how relatively short of a timeframe they had but i genuinely think their relationship was deeper than just that and this song nicely reflects such. “jotaro and i will share a room cause we’re both students” fuckin head ass
14. a thousand years by sting oh sting.... so since sting is kakyoin’s favorite musician canonically i had to add one of his songs here as well but beyond just that i do think this song fits them!! it kinda gives me big “if not in this life, then the next” vibes which is a big uhhh thing for jotakak. they may be doomed to tragedy but the moments they have together make the tragedy worth enduring ironically i feel like this song is mostly from jotaro’s pov considering i dont think he ever completely got over kakyoin and this song def has that kinda sentiment but hey it fits them...
15. mr loverman by ricky montgomery SO FUNNY STORY i actually REALLY. REALLY didnt wanna add this song at first cause i felt it wouldve been...idk too cliche? i guess? and i was ALL kinds of picky when choosing songs for this playlist HOWEVER. eventually i relistened to it and read the lyrics while thinking specifically abt jotakak and it actually rlly does fit quite well KJDFN; another jotaro mourning song ): it’s not just the chorus tho the whole song fits jotaro immediately post-egypt but also i feel like some time around part 4 this sentiment would come back to him cause Yknow. Gays In Morioh and the mess of his family life back in america. it just aches for him cause while he’s happy josuke is happy he wishes he couldve had that for him and kakyoin too but yea jus ... them
16. you by petit biscuit an instrumental?? in a ship playlist?? yes that’s right much like mr loverman i was hesitant to put this song in cause it’s harder to justify since i dont rlly know much abt music (and not to b controversial but interpreting lyrics and interpreting music r two different things) however i really think the vibes of this song fit jotakak. it’s got a somber melody but the keys of the piano are high which im taking to mean “light in the dark” which. jotaro and kakyoin (along w the rest of the crusaders) were each other’s lights in the dark. also the ending samples a conference/lecture talking about space flight and like. star platinum. space symbolism. jotaro. yeah
17. saturn by sleeping at last MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. this song is all about losing someone very close and important to you, but reflecting on the good they brought into your life rather than the pain of losing them. this song also has HEAVY space imagery which stardust crusaders is absolutely chalk fucking full of so also it’s a very philosophical song and considering that jotaro and kakyoin are both Nerds and both got a nice view of the stars/space in the desert with each other, im sure they had conversations similar to the one highlighted in the song. i think it’s a good note to end the playlist on cause kakyoin is dead and jotaro is the survivor but it’s not a mourning song so much as jotaro taking the love he had for kakyoin and pushing forward with it allll th way into part 6
but yeah that’s the tracklist! i might add or take away a song or two but this is mostly it (: hope yall enjoy!
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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years
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here’s a thought: if the show had been less cowardly and went forward with incorporating dan’s bisexuality from the novels into the show’s canon, how and when do you think it should have been done? what kind of storyline would you ideally want for him?
hi!! as you can imagine, i was delighted to receive an ask of this nature, and i started writing an answer for this, and then tumblr randomly shut its tab and ate it (biphobia!) so i’m trying again. uhh the short answer is that there was ample opportunity in canon – this post i made about dan dating everyone in the njbc, while sadly a joke, is based entirely on canon situations & dynamics. 
[ more under the cut ]
that post i linked is quite a bit even as is but there are more things in canon that lend themselves to dan being bi which i didn’t think of while making that post, such as:
the thing with chuck, when he was trying to get that story in season 2. it was very fade to black, which means anything could have happened.
dan making nate’s character in inside gay!! like, this was played off as a ‘haha funny’ by everyone, but characters in inside are…. recognisable. blair realised dan loves her for her through an extract from the book. everyone in dan’s life was pissed off with him because they could recognise themselves in the book. why would dan even make nate gay? what purpose does that serve? is it heterosexual to look at your dude best friend and go “damn, i wish he was gay”? nope! (here's a little more on why i choose to interpret it this way, despite the whole nate & eric being one character fusion thing.)
remember that bit in s2 that all of us dairs keep yelling about, where dan gives blair advice on how to seduce chuck? why was blair taking dan’s help on how to get the guy?? what made dan a suitable candidate for this sort of seduction? what made serena –  dan’s literal ex gf – suggest dan for this job? this makes so much more sense if he were bi, seriously.
him thinking of nate & serena having sex at the shepard wedding in graphic detail. i made this meme because, lmao, dan, what are you doing! but seriously – that didn’t feel very heterosexual to me, at all. i know the vibe was supposed to be ‘dan comparing himself to nate’ but the vibe was… not that, lmao.
things i would do beyond this / the direction i would get canon to take:
i think dan would know he liked boys as young as like, 13 or 14, but i think he would repress it and keep it to himself and not talk about it. vanessa would have her suspicions, possibly, but she would never bring it up.
i’ve written this in a fic or two before, but i headcanon dan’s first crush on someone in school to be on nate and not on serena. he meets serena at that party in ninth grade, but i’m assuming that he has classes with nate all the time at school, more than with serena simply because of the way constance/ st. jude is divided.
i think dan would have a lot of internalized biphobia to work through. i don’t think he would initially be happy or comfortable with knowing he likes boys, and he would try to ignore it. dan’s already very much a loner, ostracized by his peers, made to feel different and weird, and to him this would be one more thing that sets him apart from his classmates and makes him different from them.
so, given this, i think dan would be afraid of / highly uncomfortable with the possibility of becoming a stereotype. like “of course dan likes men, he likes to read poetry and watch romantic movies” or “of course dan likes men, he’s so well-informed on fashion” –  i think dan would find that sort of thing uncomfortable and reductive, but in true dan humphrey fashion, i think he would be judging himself more than anybody else is.
this sounds so cliché, but i think dan having a gay arc in college would be best for him. esp given his popularity at NYU, i think that’d do wonders for his self-confidence in general – knowing that he’s found ‘his people’ and that people like his writing and like him, just for who he is.
he would kiss a boy at some party, and the world wouldn’t end, and the boy would give dan his number, and dan… would still be too shy to call but it’d be a life-changing moment of… oh. i can have relationships with boys and still be dan humphrey. this doesn’t change anything about me. okay.
once he’s had that revelation, of course, it gets a lot easier. i’d want dan to have his first serious boyfriend in college. probably not anybody he knows from high school, someone new – an olivia type of person, basically, but a man.
he could still end up with blair, or get to raise milo with nate – i like both nate & blair as potential romantic endgames for dan. blair gets him in a way that nobody else really does, which is fun to watch on the show and very sweet to envision for dan. at the same time, there’s an easiness to the way he is with nate, like, their friendship is so low-pressure and solid and i think that’d translate nicely into a relationship, despite lack of similar interests.
i would like dan to make queer friends at college! i would love that for him. i’d like him to have friends who drag him into gay bars, i’d like for vanessa to realise she’s bi in college (vanlivia always had better chemistry than danlivia, this is the hill i will die on), i’d like dan to finally get to a point where he’s comfortable enough with his sexuality that even if randoms go “of course he likes men, he likes poetry and he likes fashion” he’d just be like, “fuck off, i like men because i like men, not because of the other things,” and he would… not care what people said, basically.
there’s probably more, but this is all i have for now! bonus: here’s a margottenenbaum S3 au fic where instead of serena who has the affair with tripp, it’s dan who does that? it’s a really interesting fic – the dynamic is so different, and it’s in tripp pov, which is kind of a rarity, at least, from what i’ve seen.
if for some reason you want more thoughts from me on bisexual dan beyond this, here’s an iconic conversation @blairwaldorfisgay & i had which started out with nate x dan & somehow ended up at chuck x dan. to this day, i have No idea how that happened, lmao.
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gayregis · 3 years
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oh dandelion is such a weird case tbh. like all the sleazy shit he does is entirely unnecessary imo but people have latched onto the womanizing and all as such a huge important part of is character that no one seems to really question it? and in part due to mistranslations its treated by fans as a whole as way less harmful than it is? idk but honestly its part of why i just think hes gay now bc his canon sexuality is a mess nd basically every non-platonic interaction he has with a woman is gross
(this is part 2 ig? sorry shdjs) for example idk how it looks in the translations but in the original like. one of the very first things dandelion talks about is how he groped one of nenneke's students, and the bit with the brothel in eternal flame is. really awful when you look at it esp with the (horribly constructed but still) race dynamics in-universe, when he talks about "being able to afford a half-elf or maybe even a full-blooded elf" like idk its just. Bad and i think ppl gloss over it
(okay i started writing this part of the response before i got part 2): yes, it seems to me like a lot of him is based on this trope of the slovenly womanizer bastard-sort, but sapkowski does nothing to invert that part of the trope, lol. he disproved being a coward, because he was brave to follow geralt into brokilon/stand up for geralt’s life in dol blathanna/etc. he disproved being an idiot, because he makes intelligent observations sometimes. he disproves being selfish, because he is very caring for geralt and others. but he does nothing to disprove womanizing/misogyny, perhaps except for how he treats essi as his little sister, and for how he is appropriate with shani and also good to ciri. also i suppose in something ends, something begins he has female friends who he does not act disgusting to.
(this is considering part 2 as well): YES. there are so many little stupid fucking moments that drive me insane. such as that one, i already mentioned the rape joke to yennefer in limits of the possible/bounds of reason, the comment he made about she-elves in eternal flame was disgusting, all of his stupidity when he first met milva (commenting on her body, and also making a comment about how zerikkanian women cut off one of their breasts to shoot better, even though this is refuted by milva). how he says in lady of the lake that women don’t need money, since they don’t drink or gamble (in the presence of milva, who has drunken in his presence, and angouleme, for whom gambling is part of her backstory). also commenting on how he finds philippa scary and that he categorizes women into “fuckable” and “nonfuckable” basically. i think his comments towards yennefer in a little sacrifice are maybe the least horrible (just saying that she is old and isn’t a ‘normal woman’ because she is artifically young due to being a sorceress) but is still annoying.
i feel like the concept of brothel-going in general is supposedly “of the setting/time” and is normalized in their society but is taboo and mildly alarming to at least some in a modern audience,
i think it is also partially due to sapkowski normalizing the brothel-culture in-universe, and also (on the translators ends, too?) to be keen i guess to use terms like “whore”, like i think he calls toruviel in edge of the world something like “stupid whore,” which, if it came out of a man’s mouth today, hopefully he would be strangled.
the thing that is annoying is that he is a “good character,” he is literally the best friend of the main character, and is meant to represent that best-friend role. so his actions and sayings aren’t intended to villify him, but to be amusing, so it is assumed that the audience would find all of this amusing, which it’s not.
i think he can have this part of his personality (not misogyny, lol, but the “womanizing” as it relates to “being a dumbass”) without being so horrible, for example when vespula kicks him out of the house in eternal flame, i find this funny because he is obviously in the wrong, and he is experiencing punishment for it. additionally, things like repeating urban legends that zerrikanian women cut off their right breast in order to shoot better, to which milva ridicules him. or when he in his ballad sung that yennefer had a heart like a diamond that was unfeeling, and yennefer addresses this with him, and he shuts up and tries to steer the conversation elsewhere because it is obvious that he is terrified of her wrath...  it demonstrates that he is foolish and stupid, and is in the wrong, and can be made fun of. he did or said something (largely inconsequential, not violent or horrific) which was stupid, and is being ridiculed for it both in- and -out- of universe.
when he is in a position of power over the women however, saying derogatory things that men reading might agree with, that aren’t ever contested in-universe, then we have a problem. saying things like referring to women as whores, or trying to get a ‘full blooded she-elf’ at a brothel, or saying that he divides women into the fuckable and non-fuckable: these are never contested, he is never shamed for them, no one ever recieve retribution for them, and additionally, they are of a more violent and disgusting nature.
i feel like i treat geralt, yennefer, and dandelion all the same way overall. they each do and say some pretty messed-up things (geralt has sex with two barely 18-year old girls, yennefer smugly threatens to basically sexually assault geralt and was intending to mind-control a man into sex at belletyn (magic equivalent of a roofie; rape; what triss did to geralt), and dandelion espouses all of the misogynistic bullshit above). i like their characters but i simply cut this stuff out when i think about them because it adds nothing to them, only discomfort and disgust. it’s not intended to show “grey morality,” rather personal fallibility, and they are already fallible outside of such grossness. whether this affects if i headcanon dandelion as gay or bi i don’t know; i feel like it would be nice to rewrite some of his relationships with women to be more equal and less shitty (like how anna henrietta had an abusive husband beforehand and dandelion is not a violent man so ig it is nice to think she had some emotional love life with him around), but i also totally understand your perspective of just “there’s a lot to unpack here, but let’s just throw away the whole suitcase” haha. either way i think his [romantic] relationships with women are not very interesting at all, and i would rather focus on his platonic friendships with women, like milva, and/or mentorship/siblingship with essi. 
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fbdo1986 · 3 years
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What are your Succession sibling headcanons for when they were growing up?
omg!!! gd i have. WAY too many feelings about this actually. hm im not sure quite how to group these but i have a few about them in school and then other random ones! i’m gonna keep this quite lighthearted if i can even though sometimes its hard to given what actually happens in succession. i think i’ll group this by character!
shiv: i think miss siobhan had mixed feelings about school growing up. something tells me that she’d be really dedicated one week and then have a “screw it” attitude the next. i also think she tried really hard (similar to connor) to get good grades and even tried to become student body president (and failed unfortunately) to impress logan but it never did anything for him. i think shiv tried really hard to be tough growing up, only really softening when someone made her put her guard down. (i think connor was the figure who did this the most, and he did the same thing for kendall when it was just the two of them and then baby shiv growing up). i also think shiv was the type to sneak out when she was a teenager and wouldn’t get caught. well, she Would get caught by her brothers but she’d have to bargain with roman to keep a secret for her. (Yes i have a headcanon that connor and kendall shared a room and roman and shiv had rooms neighboring each other so. whatever happens could be heard by all of the siblings, so roman ALWAYS heard when shiv would sneak back in and would immediately confront her about it. kendall always left well enough alone and tried to sleep through it tbh because he knew connor would handle it. sweet boy kenny has been through enough). 
connor: man, if you’ve read my fic about kendall and connor’s dynamic growing up you know how idealized my one version of connor is in my head. (also you should read that i have a few hcs that pop up in that). so these hcs will kinda be a mix of how i see him growing up in canon/my more “connor is normal” idealized version of him. (granted, it CANNOT be denied that even in canon connor is a really devoted and protective brother. this is fact). i think that connor was kinda isolated socially growing up. i think in school he always tried to impress people to make friends, but it kinda always fell flat. i think this is a good explanation as to why he kinda becomes kendall’s confidant/protector growing up and why they had such a strong bond, because he didn’t really feel like he connected with anyone else/really felt like he belonged anywhere without putting on an act. being the eldest i think even before kendall was born connor just wanted to make logan proud so he tried really hard in school, but it wasn’t really worth the effort ultimately. i do think he was really smart anyway so he kept performing well despite knowing it didn’t mean all that much. i think i’ve also decided that out of all the roy siblings that connor was the most athletic and played a lot of baseball growing up! i think he played some tennis too but ultimately kendall got MUCH better at it than he was. 
kendall: i think this is a good time to bring up stewy! i don’t actually know if they were friends before college but. kendall and stewy give me childhood best friend energy. i think kendall was a really quiet and sensitive kid, and i feel like he had a tendency to get lost in a lot of friendships because he could never tell if the bonds were genuine or not. i think he kinda skated along, making himself take the brunt of a joke if necessary. but then he met stewy! and it finally felt like kendall could actually be himself around someone and not try to make himself any smaller. as far as ken’s childhood goes i think he inherited connor’s protectiveness and kinda kept a pact with him that he would take care of and look after shiv and roman while they were growing up. so i think (especially with roman) he was really close with them as a kid, and his more lighthearted banter and interactions with roman that we see as adults comes from that! i think they had a lot of friendly competition between them (whereas shiv and roman’s competition was REAL) and even roman being younger than him because of how sensitive kendall seemed to be, sometimes this translated to roman letting kendall beat him in things that he could beat ken at if he wanted to. also! i think kendall drew a lot as a kid! he kinda grew out of the habit as he got older unfortunately. 
roman: honestly, i think out of all the siblings, roman had the easiest time socially. i think he has this innate sense of confidence that drew people to him, so i think he always kinda got used to a few people around him at once. that being said, kinda like ken, he did sometimes feel a bit disconnected from the connections he had. i think roman was the closest to shiv and ken growing up (i think roman and shiv have such an uncanny twin-like tendency to annoy one another and squabble), but i think he rarely felt like he was able to connect with them emotionally (not any fault of theirs, though, he’s a lot more guarded like shiv is) and didn’t really have an emotional outlet like the one connor gave kendall or the one he later provides for shiv. but i kinda think he’s always kinda struggled with letting people in fully, so i think roman had a tendency to have superficial romantic relationships as a teenager and would also get kinda spooked if his partner didn’t really warn him before they started confiding in him. that being said, i think he would occasionally lean on his friends for emotional support, way before he would ever confide in his siblings. 
bonus: because these always get to me here’s some nicknames i think the kids had for each other growing up. i ABSOLUTELY think kendall called connor connie when he was little because he couldn’t say connor, and it’s something that shiv did too that they all occasionally use for fondness’s sake. (i mean, all of these are for fondness sake, they’re all adults who can Definitely pronounce each others names, but hey, it’s sweet)! but it IS used less common than just calling him con, so i think it’s definitely (esp for kendall) pulled out during heartfelt moments between the two. the same thing is why the countless nicknames for roman exist (ro, roro, romey), but i think bc kendall and connor are more sentimental its why they’re more likely to call him that as adults and kept it up well into childhood. i think because connor is sappy he called shiv shivy and pinky when she was growing up even when he was a teenager because he felt like it suited her and thought it was cute! idk, i think it made sense to call a baby overly cutesy nicknames. (but YES i think pinky originated from connor and not from logan and it was something logan kept with when connor went away to school so shiv only really remembers it as something her dad did... but no! fuck logan! sibling rights <3) 
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Text
APH China Musings
When I start thinking about China, and sometimes countries in general, I get this total disconnect between how the anime/manga portrays the country (especially China) and how a lot of headcanons have them as, especially reading headcanons and art about ancient days. 
Ok China-specific content below (headcanons at the very end): Very long post warning
Most of the canon shows him as a sort of weird old grandpa who doesn’t really have all his nuts and bolts in his brainpan and pretends to be cool or whatever (when he’s really not) while his kids all mock him. That APH China has a soft spot for cute things and can’t really understand the others ig, which again kinda makes him a laughingstock for his kids. But, the headcanons I’ve read show him as a really manipulative, sly Old Man who enters contracts/treaties/friendships to benefit him, not for the sake of being kind, and doesn’t really see everybody else on an even level with him which... clashes somewhat to a lot with the canon. HOWEVER, this cunning, darker (?) version of him is way more historically accurate... I like certain things from both versions (and I also like being historically accurate as much as possible) and the fact that headcanons vs canon is so contrasting makes it kinda hard to have one concrete China for my headcanons, it’s like he has split personalities or something lol.
Side note: I’ve never heard/known of anyone Chinese ever saying -aru in English, so... It might be just a voice tic of Chinese people when speaking Japanese, but I sort of get annoyed when it’s added in every other sentence he says in a fanfic. He doesn’t talk like that in the English dubbed anime either, and it seems that the English translations of the manga have also omitted the -aru (except for one strip I believe, correct me if I’m wrong). So please don’t add it in fanfics unless you want the characters to all be speaking Japanese with their own unique voice tics.
However, I do like some parts of the canon portrayal, SUCH AS: his doing tai chi every morning, the portrayal of his relationship with Japan before the “betrayal”, and apparently how he “isn't one to waste a second of time” (from the wiki). So in my head, I try to meld the canon and Sly Old Man together, because I like some aspects of China that may not be explained by either the country’s history, culture, or stereotypes, and honestly I feel like some parts of a country’s personality can just appear spontaneously; you don’t need to be able to explain every part of you from your past experience or the people and country that you make up and represent.
Without further ado, the Headcanons!
- MORNING PERSON, does the whole tai chi thing in the morning with the birds in his garden or something, finds it very relaxing, and then goes back inside for an actual breakfast (I have no idea what he’d eat because Chinese cuisine varies A LOT from region to region, ex. in the north/Beijing region there’s usually soy milk, “Chinese oil stick” which is basically like salty fried dough sticks, and “tofu brains” <-- literal translation, it’s a sort of soupy thing with very soft tofu (very good). In the south, there’s a lot of sweet meats and dim sum, almost like a mini lunch sort of thing, etc.) He’d also drink tea, and never adds sugar (I don’t think restaurants in China ever actually give you sugar packets with tea)
- I feel like he’d be a CAT PERSON nowadays dogs as pets have become more popular in China but before, cats were more common (I think) because of their usefulness as pest control and the fact that they can get their own food; dogs weren’t really kept except to be guard dogs. I feel he’d have gotten used to cats, and also he’d enjoy a quiet pet’s company more
- ANCIENT DAYS/RELATIONSHIPS: He’d probably be slightly manipulative, and ENTER relationships for a trade benefit/power/control/good stuff, but if the relationship goes well and the person is charming (Rome cough cough), he’d slowly warm up and become real friends after a while.
- I agree with the Sly Old Man treatment of COLONIES/TRIBUTE STATES, he’d probably just protect them for the benefits instead of actual Love (but isn’t that what all countries do these days). I do see him as very patronizing to his underlings, because of a) his age and him thinking that he’s seen it all with his dynasty changes and wars and stuff and b) Confucianism, which said to respect your elders and all that, so I think it’d make him slightly full of himself and patronizing (the wiki says this is also his current attitude and I can see that). But I see a situation similar to the relationship one playing out here; as he gets more and more contact with a tribute state he actually grows closer to them in the Normal Human Feeling way, so that would explain his feeling of betrayal when Japan left (literally back-stabbing him), as well as his feeling sad (not just because he lost a trade partner and revenue maker) when Korea was taken. For his tribute states, my headcanon for their relationship is pretty much summed up in this post (esp his relationship with Korea, but also Japan a bit): https://stirringwinds.tumblr.com/post/119403708770/tsk-look-at-you-all-battered-and-bruised-its (patronizing but still caring)
- VERY PRAGMATIC AND EXTREMELY BLUNT. I have no explanation, he just seems like this kind of person (and according to the wiki, he “isn't one to waste a second of time”). Doesn’t care at all if he offends you, intentionally or not (unless he’s trying to impress, of course).
- VERY TRADITIONAL. He probably knows at least a handful of traditional instruments, pipa, ma tou qin, gu zheng, erhu, xun, etc. And will roast people on the internet if they play them wrong (a while back at some really fancy gathering, there was a performer who was in front, mind you, playing a yu (wind instrument) upside down and totally wrong, and that caused a huge firestorm in Chinese social media. I’d like to think China would have been one of those people to be like “what are you doing you know you just made a fool of yourself right?” Incidentally, there’s also an idiom related to the yu that is literally about playing it wrong (literally it’s something like one bad apple can be covered up in a sea of good ones but one by one, people will see you’re bad))
- TRADITIONAL pt. 2: good at calligraphy and also very good at guessing dui lian (apparently called antithetical couplets) hung up during the Lunar New Year. Also adhering to tradition, he gathers up everybody for every single big Chinese/Asian festival to eat together. I know Japan doesn’t interact much with China and China still feels betrayed by him in the manga (the Japanese and Chinese relationship nowadays still isn’t the greatest/closest for multiple reasons) but I’m going to take liberties (and my heart needs fluff). Also, if China invites/drags everybody but Japan to his house, I feel like that’s awkward and one of his kids/siblings would get Japan to come anyway. There would be a lot of arguing at the dinner, about food, politics, memes (from HK), trends, or anything really, but it’s all in good fun, yeah?
- MODERN POLITICS: still a bit of Sly Old Man, and probably very stuck in his ways. Some countries he doesn’t really respect. For example, he doesn’t see America as a fully respectable adult, probably because a) he’s still older and b) I think China agrees with his government’s structure to a point? Like with the way he suffered during the collapse of the Qing Dynasty (Boxer Rebellion, WWI, etc.) I think he’d take any system (including communism) that worked and improved people’s lives. At heart, I think China wants to do what’s right for the people, and at the time, the Communist Party promised that people’s lives would get better under their leadership, and for some, it did. That convinced so many people to take their promise, and I think China would have supported it at the time. As well as, I believe that country’s perspectives of their government is /somewhat/ influenced or warped by their people’s perspective, and /most/ people in China are /okay/ satisfied with the central govt. (not extending this to regional govts, that’s kinda a different issue). So I see China (as a character) being mostly satisfied, and America’s criticism and complaints about him pretty much bounce off, because China doesn’t see his comments worthy of respecting, especially because his govt. is doing ok from his point of view. There are definitely things that need working on, but he won’t take US criticism.
- SLY OLD MAN pt. 2: Basically the same as the tribute state thing, he’ll help you out initially to get your benefits, but if you last long enough, he’ll gradually grow friendship feelings. I feel like this is what real China is trying to do with the “Belt and Road”, basically spreading influence to less developed countries, although it may not be working out. Sort of like manipulation, which also fits in with the Sly Old Man thing.
- I can see why Hima originally designed China as being a bit cold, because I feel if he doesn’t need you, he won’t really talk to you. Although as mentioned above, I also see him start to care for somebody once he takes the effort to get to know you, and will probably care for his close friends long after they’re actually needed.
- I agree with the canon that he can GET ANNOYED EASILY AND SNAPS A LOT, but I see this happening only with people he thinks aren’t interesting enough, are below him, or don’t get him (or are just incessantly annoying).
- Also a bit EGOTISTICAL, but doesn’t show most of the time. Unless you happen to mention a recent achievement, and then he’ll go “Haha! I did that ____ (pick a number from 1,000 to 4,000) years ago!” or something and probably roast you
- SENTIMENTAL OLD SOUL: often reminisces about the past when alone, or with someone he truly trusts (that used to be Japan, but...). Slips into “how did the world get like this?” sometimes to a lot. Feels lonely sometimes too, and can be found stargazing on his front stoop at night
- RELAXING: if he doesn’t have work, he’ll just relax at his house, probably take a long bath/shower and just do nothing, maybe play some sort of instrument for fun, go into his garden and paint/walk around and enjoy the flowers, or watch some new addictive show. If he feels like working, he’ll cook dinner for all his kids/siblings and invite them over (this will also be done if he thinks one is overworking)
Ok those are all the headcanons for now, but probably will be more to come. My love for this Old Man is infinite <3. If you want, reblog/submit/comment your own aph China headcanons! Do you think I did him justice?
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arundolyn · 4 years
Note
Feel free to hate me for this, but everything for Blazblue. I imagine you rb'd it for a reason?
i rb’d it cause i am Always Salty and it looked interesting tbh
What OTPs in your fandom(s) do you just not get?
taorag cause tao is baby
ragna/rachel cause rachel looks 12 and people are into it sexually + she treats him like garbage and its one sided
kagunoel is creepy
bang/litchi is weird cause bang is not really equipped for that kinda relationship with her esp cause of the stuff with roy and she wouldnt like. get over him that easily
kokonoe/kagura also cause like. “a woman wants to speak to you” “IS SHE HOT” kokonoe: hi kagura: never mind speaks for itself + so does “pay attention to who youre talking to before laying down your game” or whatever to that effect kokonoe says when she beats him even if its noncanon some win quotes are at least vaguely accurate sometimes
kaguhibi is Hm cause a) they might be related and b) hibiki only tolerates kagura
ragjin and ragnu and celirag and ragnoel etc etc etc cause theyre related you nasties
basically mori has a cast of 32+ (excluding mu izayoi and the kids) characters and barely anything is shippable and CERTAINLY not anything m/f cause its either weird or theres no chemistry
Are there any popular fandom OTPs you only BroTP?
makoto/kagura if thats even popular. she doesnt really like him like that anymore like she is Tired of him romantically
Have you ever unfollowed someone over a fandom opinion?
not that i can remember but probably. i dont think ive ever followed any ragjins besides like. one. but if anyone it would be a ragjin
Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?
ragna/rachel, ragjin, ragnu, and kagunoel are all equally all horrible to me
Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?
i dont think so
Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?
uhhh i think not. i never really ship much and nobody really convinces me to ship anything. i either am indifferent or dont like it unless i ship it already
Is there anything you used to like but can’t stand now?
how people baby hibiki as if hes not a grown ass man and also an assassin and also reduce ragna purely to anger and being stupid when he’s actually fairly intelligent (ive literally been told i wrote him too smart) and emotionally complex
Have you received anon hate? What about?
MY PALETTES FOR SOME REASON?
Most disliked character(s)? Why?
rachel cause shes just kinda garbage pedobait, plat for the same reason but to a lesser degree cause she at least doesnt say weird ACTUAL BDSM SHIT but i can actually like. tolerate her unlike rachel. nu for ever conceivable reason possible. terumi is just a bastard man im legally obligated to hate him. susan is incredibly overrated
Most disliked arc? Why?
MU BEING SEPARATE FROM NOEL IN CF THAT WAS SO DUMB NOEL LITERALLY JUST ACCEPTED MU AS PART OF HERSELF AND NOW SHES SCARED OF THE POWER SHE JUST RECLAIMED TO PROTECT HER FRIENDS? FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT. also everyone losing their memories in the embryo to cause unnecessary conflict AND everyone wanting to kill noel to cause even more unnecessary conflict cause mori obviously wouldnt let his fuckin waifu die so the tension is dead from the start
Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
people tend to think celica and noel are really annoying i guess and like. idk i like them
Is there an unpopular arc that you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?
fsr people hate celica being the sister that raised ragna and co but like. it doesnt bother me. i dont care about celirag. its weird to me cause thats his mom and nobodys gonna change my opinion on that tbh
Unpopular opinion about XXX character?
plat and mu could really wear more clothes honestly
Unpopular opinion about your fandom?
it is GARBAGE. at least the eng fandom is. i know this opinion is shared by my friends but like. im sure it isnt by the freakos who draw porn of rachel so like. yeah
Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?
translate your fucking novels mori and also the anime sucks
If you could change anything in the show, what would you change?
i know this is like. not made for games but in the anime id change that weird scene that totally deviates from canon where ragna agrees to destroy everything with nu or whatever? garbage. id also change nu being alive in cf cause she doesnt need to be and it wouldnt affect ragnas lifelink cause they didnt die at the same time so shed just be in the boundary cause like. im sure he’s almost died before when he was fighting and she wasnt smelted yet PLUS people keep pulling her soul out of the boundary like its nothing so. yeah. also the scene where ragna goes black beast for no reason just so the embryo has a purpose. i would change a lot
Instead of XYZ happening, I would have made ABC happen…
instead of brotherly paradise getting TWO EXTENSIONS id extend the gag reel where kokonoe and relius bodyswap people instead of ragna deciding to save nu which makes little sense i would simply make him agree with hakumen and let him beat her to death. rip to mori and his waifus but im different
Does not shipping something ‘popular’ mean you’re in denial and/or biased?
not necessarily some ships just fuckin suck lmao
What is the one thing you hate most about your fandom?
the fixation on the female anatomy in the game and fandom is so tiring. esp transphobic jokes about mai
What is the purest ship in the fandom?
tsubaki/noel/makoto tbh
What are your thoughts on crack ships?
i jokingly brought up kagura/mustang fma so like. fuckin go for it its all in good fun
Popular character you hate?
SUSAN
Unpopular character you love?
kagura.....................
Would you recommend XXX to a friend? Why or why not?
yes because im fixated on it but no because its a mess u feel
How would you end XXX/Would you change the ending of XXX?
RAGNA DOESN’T DIE AND NU DOESN’T LIVE
Most shippable character?
kagura is the bi-est. makoto is a close second i think
Least shippable character?
rachel looks 12 and people want her to fuck. kokorach is the only valid ship cause theyre both old and tired of everyone so they can bitch about everyone together
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jennycalendar · 6 years
Note
It's not a chapter but now I just reread that old Buffy coming out fic, can you do directors commentary for that?
sure thing !!!!!!
Willow did a way better job of coming out, Buffy thinks. Willow came in and stumbled through a shy, half-terrified explanation of what was new in her life, and she cried a lot at the end but at least she was direct. Buffy has been sitting on Giles’s couch for ten minutes, completely silent, just kind of hoping that Giles will somehow magically guess what she wants to tell him.
i remember i wrote once that buffy and giles’s relationship relies a lot on what they don’t say to each other? and i feel like that would sorta translate into her wanting to tell him big life news. a lot of the time giles probably just guesses what’s up with her (because he’s her dad) and buffy relies on that a little too much sometimes because it’s scary to be totally emotionally open, esp. when you haven’t directly stated how much you value a person.
Giles, of course, is freaking out, because Buffy’s pretty sure that he’s never seen her be this quiet for this amount of time unless someone’s died horribly or something. But he’s too British to admit that he’s freaking out, so in the ten minutes that Buffy’s been sitting on his couch he’s started aggressively stress-cooking, clattering around the kitchen with the radio on.
“Everything all right in there?” Giles calls from the kitchen, his voice an octave higher than usual.
“Uh huh,” Buffy manages, and slumps back into the couch.
a continuation of weird non-communicaty vibes! these two are such a mess but i really love them.
She’s really glad that no one else is here. Giles is the first person she wants to tell, because she’s not sure how completely-gay Willow is going to react. Willow’s exclusively into girls…as is Giles, actually, oh my god why did Buffy think this would be a good idea he’s going to think she’s weird and does he even know that bisexuality is a thing? He’s so old and so British and Buffy’s freaking out—
poor baby :((( buffy has this tendency to isolate herself and disconnect a little when she’s going through something really big, and i feel like a lot of that is because she feels things so deeply and strongly!! those feelings become less prevalent as time goes on (probably some kind of a defense mechanism because of how many times she’s been hurt when people she loves leave) but i’m of the mind that they never completely go away.
Giles comes back into the living room and sits down next to Buffy. “There’s something in the oven,” he says vaguely. “It’s dinner, I think. I haven’t been paying much attention.”
You idiot, Buffy thinks to herself, you broke Giles. Great job. Desperate for some semblance of comfort, she makes a strangled noise and moves forward, hiding her face in Giles’s shoulder.
and again we have non-communicaty attempts to be comforted.
Giles stiffens. Buffy figures for a second that she’s maybe made things even worse then they already are. But then he reaches over and places an arm around her shoulder, tugging Buffy into a clumsy hug. “I-I don’t completely know what’s bothering you,” he says awkwardly, “but—I’ll do what I can to fix it, all right?”
“That’s not—” Buffy sniffles, hugging Giles as tightly as she can. He makes a strangled noise and she remembers, belatedly, her Slayer strength. “Sorry.”
“Quite all right,” Giles wheezes.
ahhhhhhh this is my FAVORITE canonical detail that i HAD to slip in here: afaik giles is the only person who buffy lets herself forget her slayer strength around. it’s such a small thing but i think it’s really representative of the fact that she sees him as a father figure?? because she wants him to hold her and take care of her in the way that a parent would, and a parent is always strong enough to hold you. which is of course why giles never ever complains about slayer strength hugs–he wants to be there for buffy.
And maybe it’s that that makes Buffy say what she does, then, because if Giles is still hugging her after she nearly broke his ribs, maybe he won’t stop hugging her if she comes out to him now, right? So she says, “Giles, I like girls.”
“Really,” says Giles, and then he smiles with some relief and hugs Buffy significantly less awkwardly. “Good lord, Buffy, didn’t we already go through this with Willow?”
“And boys,” says Buffy, looking up at him and feeling somewhat injured at his presumption. “Like, you know, in a bi-type way.”
Giles’s smile fades a little. There’s a terrifying moment where his expression is unclear, and then he says, “I’m going to tell you something that I trust you will keep in complete confidence.”
Confused, Buffy says, “Okay.”
i’m sure i’ve brought this up before, but the only context in which giles ever brings up his past or his romantic relationships is when he thinks it can help impart a lesson on or even comfort his younger charges (i.e. when, after seeing buffy looking into dreams about angel, he mentions that he had vivid dreams about being able to save jenny). so i feel like it would make a LOT of sense for his immediate reaction to buffy’s coming out to be “ok, i know this, i can help with this” and then come out to her himself. he’s all about support through knowledge.
Giles winces, pulling back a bit. “Um,” he says. “Well. The thing is. Ethan and I.”
Buffy maybe didn’t get the best grades in algebra, but she still knows how to put two and two together. She feels all the apprehension and sadness dissipate, replaced by sheer incredulity. “You and Ethan,” she says. “But—you and Ethan, do you mean—”
“Romantically.” Giles looks very embarrassed. “Yes. What, what I’m trying to say is that—I might understand your circumstances significantly more than I do Willow’s.”
Buffy looks at Giles and then she just hugs him really hard. Screw Slayer strength.
i don’t have a smart comment here they’re just an incredible bi father-daughter duo and i love them
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amberandmetal · 6 years
Text
Like home | Chapter 7
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❖ Author: @waywardkitten
❖ Featuring: Wincest
❖ Warnings/Tags: Wincest, weecest, canon compliant, canon fuckery, a/b/o, Alpha!Dean & Omega!Sam, light violence, bullies, angst by the truckload, smut, feels, the whole shebang
❖ Rating: Teen & up
❖ Word count: 1580
❖ Beta: @trash0saurusrex
❖ Summary: A sort of rewrite of All hell breaks loose
❖ A/N: I swear this will be the last time i try to rewrite anything. This was pain, lol. Also, please comment on it; this fic has gotten so little response, esp the last chapter and I'm starting to fear you guys've grown tired of it?. Masterlist Feedback greatly appreciated and encouraged ♡
━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━
May 2nd 2007
Sam: 24 y/o
Dean: 28 y/o
Almost three and a half years, his own thoughts echoed in the empty space inside him. Three and a half years I refused him, three and a half years I acted as if I didn’t see, didn’t know, didn’t want. Three and a half years we could’ve had together, and now—..
Now he’s gone, that evil little voice residing in his mind supplied.
The skin on his knuckles split on the impact with the wall, but the pain got lost in translation somewhere halfway through his nervous system. He stared at the ripped skin, his eyes unwilling to focus.
    “Dean? Brought you this back”
Dean didn’t even gift Bobby with as much as a glance.
    “No, thanks. I'm fine.”
    “You should eat something”
    “I said I'm fine”
He took a swig of the half empty bottle of whiskey, not even noticing the liquid burn slicking it’s way down his throat. Everything hurt, yet he couldn’t feel a thing. He narrowed it down to the alpha part of him being so torn apart over losing it’s mate that it had gone numb and his human side, stubborn as ever, still screamed at the top of his lungs. It was like being cold and heated at the same time; it made him nearly lose his mind..
    “Dean... I hate to bring this up, I really do. But don't you think maybe it's time... we bury Sam?”
That almost made Dean laugh. A morbid feeling crawling in his stomach. He looked up at Bobby’s eyes, searching the warm coloured irises that matched the swirling whiskey in his bottle for any sign of insincerity, because surely he had to be joking?
Dean’s face hardened.
    “No.”
    “We could... maybe—”
    “What? Torch his corpse? Not yet”
Bobby continued to plead, urging Dean to come with him, to bury and leave Sam, like that was even an option. Dean fidgeted and ran his hands through his unkempt hair, greasy now after days of not showering.
    “...something big is going down – end-of-the world big”
     “Well, then LET IT END!”, Dean roared.
He didn’t know where the rage came from but he felt hollow and as if all that remained was fire licking up his insides and turning his heart into charcoal. 
     “You don’t mean that..”
Dean stood up at that, getting as close to Bobby as he dared without losing his control completely. The Alpha inside him awoken by the pain and growling and snarling low in his throat. The fire was behind his eyes now, almost blinding him, and it hurt. Everything was white hot and he hurt and he wanted the hurt to pay, he wanted everyone to pay.
    “You don't think so? Huh? You don't think I've given enough? You don't think I've paid enough? HE WAS MINE!”
Bobby blinked at him at that last line but Dean didn’t care, everything ached and he needed to get it out, needed to scream some of it out or he’d go down with it.
    “.. he was mine and I rejected him, because I thought I was protecting him, again and again. For what?! I resisted! I lied to myself and everybody and to Sam! To protect him and I couldn’t even do that!  I'm done with it. All of it. And if you know what's good for you, you'd turn around, and get the hell out of here.”
A million and one emotions seemed to ghost over Bobby’s face: hurt, incomprehension, understanding, pity, anguish. His jaw worked as if in slow motion but no sounds came out so he just looked down, shaking his head.
And for some reason Dean couldn’t stand it. The panic started to burn bright in his veins, coursing through him to get a steelgrip on his heart. He couldn’t breathe.
He took one step forward and shoved the older beta
    “GO!”
Bobby just looked at him with shock and despair in his eyes. He could almost hear himself break as all the fight went out of him. There was no point, no use.
    “I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please, just go..”
    “You know where I'll be”, Bobby sighed with his back turned and then he was gone, leaving Dean alone with the cold body of his dead brother and for the first time since Sam’s death, Dean let the tears come.
━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━
He just sat there for a while, crying silently with his eyes fixed on Sam’s face. Every memory ran through his mind like a freight train; the day of the fire; Sammy’s first word being ‘Dean’ and the competing emotions of joy and jealousy on their father’s face; Sam knocking Gus out on the schoolyard for calling Dean a freak; that 4th of July in the field with the fireworks when Sam had been so beautifully happy; the first time they’d been with each other and the feeling of relief and utter happiness knowing he felt the same; the letter from Stanford, two years of agony and burying himself in booze, women and hunting; the indescribable feeling of seeing and touching again; the almost moment on the bridge and every single one thereafter; and Sam..lifeless and still warm in his arms.
   “You know, when we were little— and you couldn't been more than 5— you just started asking questions. How come we didn't have a mom? Why do we always have to move around? Where'd Dad go when he'd take off for days at a time? I remember I begged you, ‘Quit asking, Sammy. Man, you don't want to know’. I just wanted you to be a kid... just for a little while longer. I always tried to protect you... Keep you safe... Dad didn't even have to tell me, it was just always my responsibility, you know?..”
Dean wrung his hands and took a steadying breath that shook on the inhale.
    “..I got so caught up in protecting you I forgot everything else. I was so obsessed with what was best for you I didn’t stop to think about what you wanted or needed. The thought to ask didn’t even cross my mind… I know I kept blaming you for leaving, but god dammit man I know it was me. I know I rejected you and that’s why you left and I kept doing it, right? ‘Protect Sammy at all costs’... always keep you safe.. I should’ve made you happy instead, should’ve been there.. with you. And now..It's like I had one job... I had one job...and I screwed it up. I blew it. And for that, I'm sorry..” fresh tears fell and wet his cheeks “..I guess that's what I do. I let down the people I love. I let Dad down. And now I guess I'm just supposed to let you down, too. How can I? How am I supposed to live with that?”
He swallowed hard, chin wobbling as the fiery grip on his heart tightened.
    “What am I supposed to do? Sammy. God. What am I supposed to do?”
    “WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!”
━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━
The soft notes of a Metallica ballad rang out through the speakers as Dean’s grip on the steering wheel tightened. He tried to push any thought of what he’d just done as far down in the back of his mind as he could, only focusing on getting back. The taste of the demon still lingered on his lips and he growled in disgust, licking his lips clean and spat out the window. A little voice rang curiously hollow in his thoughts ‘you just sold your soul’. 
Dean snarled and his knuckles turned white where he gripped the steering wheel. It was worth it, I did it for him, it was worth it, it was worth it, he repeated to himself again and again to drown all other thoughts out. He loosened his grip and turned up the volume on the old stereo.
“So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters”
Dean swallowed hard and pressed down harder on the gas, urging Baby to go just a little faster. The engine was straining, he knew, but right then he couldn’t bring himself to care.
“Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters”
Dean growled again, low and deep in his throat, mumbled ‘fuck it’ and put the pedal to the metal.
━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━
His heart leapt in his chest and did at least three extra beats.
    “Sammy?...thank god.”
Sam didn’t even have the time to finish the ‘Hey’ waiting on his lips before Dean stalked over to him and clashed their mouths together.
He didn’t even care that he whimpered. It was too close, too soon and too warm but he was too emerged in it to resurface; it was like a brief spark of sanity inside the madness and it hurt and it soothed and it practically vibrated within him.
Sam’s hands were immediately on him, up under the back of his shirt and Dean soon reciprocated, tangling his dirty fingers in even dirtier hair and not being bothered about that the slightest. Sam wasn’t cold anymore and that was the only thing Dean could care about.
In the end it would be worth it; he’d bought them a new chance together, even if that chance came with a deadline.
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goldbasar · 6 years
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[Took me some time to come around, but how about: Carvellain OR Jannequinard. DURENDAIRE MOMENT. For a ship- Eleyara/Silvairre ;D]
002 | Give me a character & I will tell you
I’ll chose JANNEQUINARD DE DURENDAIRE ( LONG POST AHOY
How I feel about this character:HE’S MY FAVORITE QUEST GIVER AND ONE OF MY ALL AROUND FAVORITE SIDE CHARACTERS.Well…Jannequinard is…different to say the least. He comes off as a no-good daydreamer, arrogant(in a way where you can’t even see him as an ass because he’s so dumb about it),  dimwitted(and completely, utterly unaware of it), lazy af and starts off being quite incompetent as an astrologian due to that declination to work hard. However, he discovers that there is more to astrology than just reading the stars and skies for dragon activity - as a tool for war convenience - and that is the art of HEALING. This is looked down upon by the conservative Ishgardians, and quite honestly, if he wasn’t a son of Ishgard’s highest house, he’d probably be branded a heretic for it. However, NO ONE takes Janne seriously at all as he’s no more than a spoiled but harmless lordling, so everyone is just trying to ignore his antics and let him do his studies in the astrologicum, which is actually founded by the durendaires. It’s like giving your youngest child a gift so that they’re occupied, not because you believe in what they’re trying to do. Here is the thing I keep thinking about, and idk how much of it is headcanon or simply overanalyzing but - The Count de Durendaire just…doesn’t mind what his sons do regardless of how absurd it seems and instead he just showers them with money and freedom to do whatever after what happened with Carvallain.  But emotionally, FATHERLY, he completely fails Jannequinard because he doesn’t even give him the feeling that he actually exists, THAT HIS DREAM EXISTS. Jannequinard is too stubborn to really…SUFFER under this though. Like, I love that thought about him. He seems too dumb to notice, but in reality he’s very much aware of the familial situation - yet, it’s beyond his control so he makes the best out of it - which is getting spoiled with money and the freedom to live out his personal interests without familial interference. However, on rare occassions you notice it still takes it’s toll on him. I’m thinking of the situation in the later AST QL in the western highlands that makes it pretty clear Jannequinard DOES have insecurities regarding being left out of things. Like, at first when leveva, the WoL and quimperain do their thing (tbh he’s at fault bc he’s lazy and doesn’t tag along), he doesn’t even notice or care, but as you get further  in the storyline - the further this group’s friendship/companionship develops - you realize it bugs him when it’s pointed out by a villain how he’s left out of things “I wonder what else they’re hiding from you?”This definitely stems from the lack of attention he gets from his family, I believe this. It’s great that your father showers you with material wealth and protects you through his name, but sometimes that’s just not enough? Especially given how NOBODY, servant or family or even simple citizien, TAKES HIM SERIOUSLY //AT ALL// Though apart in years, Leveva’s father was legit the only person to be a FRIEND to Jannequinard, someone who believed in him and his abilities and asked him to take him along to Ishgard so that they may convey their ideas of healing magicks to the folk.  Leveva’s father was ultimately killed for wanting to share that knowledge and Jannequinard watched him die. there’s a lot he’s been through that’s very, very hidden underneath his comic relief personality. him still BEING so stubborn and immune to direct sarcasm can also be considered as him being an actually strong individual, sometimes. (I love the idiocy and blatant humor those traits ARE as well, of course)Ultimately: Janne’s drive to get people to listen to his ideas isn’t a phase out of wanting recognition as it first seems, it’s keeping his promise to his best friend and suddenly his unwavering ambition is SO admirable to me because no mattter how many people mock him, he never gives up. To see their dream fullfilled, to honor his friend! I cry
All the people I ship romantically with this character: janne/leveva and nothing can stop meJannequinard and Leveva developed into such a huge ship for me. that whole background story with Leveva’s father really sealed the deal for me. There’s the age diff and the fact that being her father’s best friend and her grandfather’s student that’s making it kind of awkward, but tbh?  the writing really makes me adore THEIR interpersonal development. I love how leveva goes from utter annoyance/seeing jannequinard as hopeless to somehow finding it amusing to tease him to caring about him TO BONDING WITH HIM OVER THEIR SHARED AMBITIONS to…to her actually seeing him as an admirable man she started to really like along the way. I love that she ends up calling him “Janne” sometimes (THE INTIMACY OF A NICKNAME), after their bonding moment.And Jannequinard, for all the incompetence he displayed towards her, he also went from finding her antics intimidating/overbearing to being smitten by her drive to actually realize she’s his deceased friend’s daughter and OOh. OOH that’s why her pureness her strive her grace HER BRAVERY reminded him so much of the one person he was close to and OH I really, really care about her? speaking of names, he also goes from “ lady leveva” to just “leveva”, esp. when he’s worried about her.I just love that they find someone they can share their passion with; both go through hard times but the fact that they found each other and end up being supportive of one another through it all is beautiful and they both deserve it.TO ME, this ship is a blessing, I didn’t expect them to get such good interaction when I first started the questline sob.
My non-romantic OTP for this character: I love the quimperain’s reactions towards janne’s stupidity or arrogance it’s a treasure
My unpopular opinion about this character: I don’t find him disgusting or creepy just because the ENG translation fucked up in trying to be funny and inconsistent about his age a few times and I’ll forever defend this amazing man /FIGHT EMOTE
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:I WANT HIM AND CARVALLAIN TO ACTUALLY MEET ???
my OTP: jannequinard/leveva
a headcanon fact:Oh man, as much as I love this character, I don’t think I have one I really established in my mind yet; You can probably consider half of the “thoughts” section as an answer, though :’)
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kokeggy · 6 years
Text
my brain is filled with ouma and i cant stop it
i totally forgot the time man, its almost been 2 months since i played the game and it totally didnt feel like that at all
i still can recall a ton of things fluidly and as for now i dont see a particular reason to replay the game (other than wanting to get to know ouma better) 
but oumas character is just.. so tragic. i cant even begin to explain the depth of his character, it would be pages long and im way too lazy for that. ill always just write mental drafts and let myself feel when it comes to ouma
ill a cut here since its already a bit long rn lmao
and i think ouma is a character who is deeply troubled by his insecurities/possible mental illnesses (such as bpd or servere depression) in a way that these insecurities are his most memorable characteristics. that is absolutely sad and tragic
furthermore since the moment i started to play this game i always thought it was suspicious that ouma claimed he hated liars even tho he was one himself. sure that couldve been one of his lies, but my intention rlly didnt like this idea so i thought he was actually speaking the truth. i realized today that ouma was hinting at shuichi that he hated this persona that he had to create for the sake of this game
but i do agree that i sometimes tend to overthink ouma lmao while is incredibly intelligent, he couldnt have figured everything out, plus his trust issues and paranoia were in the way of looking into every possible situation. yet i somehow believed that he did a lot of stuff while being completely aware of their consequences - but thats not possible. ouma is not a superhuman who can figure out what happens to the world in [insert year]. hes a character with deep flaws which balances his cunning behavior 
to his actual personality, i might seem like the most biased person in the world but i truly believe that ouma didnt want to harm anyone. its just that the killing game... happened lol
as far as i can self-insert, i do believe if i happen to be in a killing game i would be quite similar about it. minus the creating a fake persona thing for me its absolutely impossible to trust 15 people whom i just met that they wouldnt kill me under stress. you know, if you activate the right buttons on someone, they can work how you want them to. and this is what feared ouma (rightly so)
anyways i take the anthologies as canon material since theyre approved and licensed by spike chunsoft, and we obviously see that ouma is nowhere near as antagonistic as he was in the game. although, i only have read the first anthology (also while we are at it, i cant wait to buy the thjree v3 anthologies even without knowing japanese, lulz)
but we also see his character actually getting darker and darker with each chapter, with chapter 4 probably taking the point. esp on when it ended. at first i was kind of conflicted about his oversentimal reaction towards gonta being executed, because that felt just as fake as his overly evil presentation afterwards. altho after some time thinking abt this, i came to the conclusion that he just leaked a little bit of his juicy true self(tm), realized that what he meant was actually genuine and then proceed to vent his emotions in making him seem like the most villainous person u ever met. because i think one of the reasons ouma acted out like is because he believed he was at fault for gontas death. so instead of trying to sweet talk yourself, he just took the oppurtunity to make him the least likeable person. cuz who would ever want to like someone who jokes about genuinely being concered about someone dying? yeah no one dude
also i think ouma is ironically a bit well-mannered (yeah guis im not joking here). ..  .if we ignore all his stupid pranks.. so you see, whenever i got rejected after dates with ouma in salmon mode.. it went like this for example “eeh, wow you are going to the libary with me and now you want to leave? that hella rude man, why am i wasting my time like this” or “wow you really must think highly of yourself if you think you are worth changing for, how arrogant”  which looks like he knows what is appropriate and what not
i remember what he said that and i suddenly went like “shit i cant believe im hearing this from you man” which was kinda funny as a side note btw
anyways, to his motive video. oh shit, his motive video . . . even without having known how messed up the translation was, that damaged me.-.. i mean i always thought that ouma exaggerated the size of his organization, at some poiint i just thought that his entire organization was a lie and his tru talent was the ultimate liar. which obsly wasnt the case lmao 
but his motive video.. just wanting to prank ppl for laughs and entertainment. its so light hearted compared to what he claimed it to be that it hurts another thing that i think is worth noting is that DICE was his motive video, not his family. DICE, who is like family. but not his actual family. what does that mean? does that mean that his actual family wasnt like family to ouma? i sure as hell thought so and i still do 
a different thing is that ouma said that nobody would care about him dying and that his organization would be better off without him, plus that it seems that monokuma said that ouma knows what happened to DICE in the motive video which leads me to.. uhh.. what if ouma did something he absolutely regretted doing (since it caused DICE trouble?) - but im not entire set on that theory
its also sad that he constantly had to hint about hiimself instead of just talking abt it to shuichi. like, he wanted shuichi to help him or actually even hinder him at carrying out his plan, he low key hoped for it because shuichi is a detective which showed to be shrewd enough to be able to make proper deductoins in class trials, furthermore he isnt a dick towards ouma and actually respects him in a way. something that ouma most likely didnt calculate
which mades the statement that shuichi said in the end of chapter 4 even more painful. shuichi was the only person that ouma kind of trusted and relied on. and prob the only one he wanted to show his true self to, that very person told him hes 5 ever alone with no friends at all. that hes a pathetic little brat who should start to view the world differently (def not what shuichi said 1:1 but.. yeah idk my own interpretation) 
im pretty sure that hurt ouma a lot 
hnnng, i truly wished for ouma to be one of the survivors. altho i figured that hes gonna plot something absolutely mind blowing in chapter 5, i seriously couldnt believe that he was actually dead... well, not until the closing argument. as soon as there were the words “closing argument” all over my screen i began to cry like an idiot. i couldnt even read properly man, thats just how blurry my vision was from all the tears
in other hand: i was (and still am lol) extremely attached to ouma and his death was very unsatisfying, since he died quite heroic but nobody considered him so. also he never made up with these ppl. also fuck kodaka
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Anonymous said: Holy frick that is so encouraging and I needed that so much bc I literally visited my college to measure my dorm room and drove home in tears bc I panicked myself into a frenzy about whether or not everything leading me to this point has been a mistake and what if I fail and ruin my life before it even starts (I have since calmed down a little) so your encouragement was much needed & is much appreciated
I’m glad I could help <3 <3 <3 Good luck at school! I’m sure you’ll kick its ass
areverieofchaosdreams said: It's Fanfiction Writers Appreciation Day. So thank you for all your amazing stories!!!
Oh goodness I’m all a blushin :’)
Anonymous said: *HAPPY WRITER APPRECIATION DAY* Send this to someone whose talent has blown you away, who you'd like to encourage to keep on writing always, and who you'd like to thank for working their butt off to provide fandom members with breathtaking stories to consume! THANK YOU :D
Aw thank you!
Anonymous said: Hi! I Hope you're well! Do you still take fic requests? Because I really miss Colin Wilkes and I'd love to a story of him with your writing!
Unfortunately I don’t often take requests these days, but I’ll definitely keep Colin in mind!
dirtycherrypie said: hey! applying for WE for the R&D department (may or may not be aware of producing bat gadgets)
dirtycherrypie said: SHit forgot my name - Bea, at your service!
[Bruce Wayne voice] hired
tigers-and-weeds said: Literally just fell down the rabbit hole on your tumblr for the last 12-24 hours. I am in love with with you headcannons and fics! The angst feeds my soul... So I figured I would request: anything angsty with Dick and Damian please please please
Okay again I don’t usually take fic requests BUT I like me some angst so the odds that this will eventually happen.... are extremely high. I’ll try to remember to dedicate the next one to you :) And thank you!
math--ew said: I went on a little birthday vacation to california and I've never been to the beach before. I was bending down to grab a pretty shell and this huge wave knocked me face first into the sand. Like, five people saw and laghed but I got the shell so I guess it's a win win.
Duuuude back at Lake Michigan last month the same thing happened to me. I was taking care of my little sister and her five year old friend, so I was so busy making sure they were okay that the wave plowed me halfway across the beach
babybatbrat said: when i was in ap physics i once spent an entire study period in my physics teacher's room working on one problem. as far as i could tell i was doing all of the work correctly and had all the initial values right so i was racking my brain trying to figure out why i wasn't getting the right answer. the third time i went up to my teacher and asked for help he told me to start at the beginning and walk him through my process bc he couldn't tell why i was getting it wrong either (1)
babybatbrat said: (2) so i start the problem and explain how i got through all the values - "okay so the rod is 5 inches long and half of 5 is 3 and a half -" and i stopped there bc it occurred to me that 3.5 is not half of 5. "it's what?" My teacher asks. i put my head in my hands and stood there for a minute before picking up my work and walking to the back of the classroom while he laughed, bc i had just spent 45 minutes convinced that half of 5 was 3.5 and not, in fact, 2.5, and that was the only thing wrong
Honestly??? Relatable
babybatbrat said: One time i woke up at six in the morning to hear the neighbor's dog barking and instantly realized that meant my dog had jumped the fence, so i went racing outside and sprinted down the street to catch her. when i did i picked her up and turned around to go home and then saw my neighbor standing on their front porch, realized i was in only an oversized spiderman tshirt and snowman pajama shorts, holding a twenty pound labrador and thats how i met my new neighbors
Incredible...... 10/10.....
thrakaboom said: Not a funny story,but two days ago at comic con I met Tom King and he showed me a picture of his kids while he was signing my books
Well hey that’s pretty cool
Anonymous said: I adore your Tumblr. It was a wonderful way to get into the Batfamily fanbase; prior, I thought that there was only one Batman and a single Robin, dearie me was I wrong. And those stories you write, just great. The Headcanons are just as enjoyable. As for Batman, that has come to be a sibling enjoyment. Thank you for your contributions and existence!
!!!!!! Welcome to the crew!
frnkensteingrrrlz said: hey!!! i just went through ur reasons to be happy tag and!! i'm so so happy bc of it (esp the damian hcs, they're spot on imo and he's my favourite) so i hope u have a good day!!!
Thanks! I am having a good day today! Although I’m sure it’s been a long time since you sent this :////
Anonymous said: HELLO I have just discovered and binge-read all of your fics with my homeboy Damian in them, and just wanted to pop by and say that I love you & you are my hero & you write my boy so well so thank u and I hope your life is blessed & you achieve your wildest hopes & dreams
My day is made :D
badfaith00 said: Best batman storyline you've ever read ?
Ooooooh hm I’m mighty attached to n52 Batman and Robin? Particularly the first storyline, but the second is also fantastic
Anonymous said: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHAMELESSLY REBLOGGING YOUR OWN WORK BC I HADNT SEEN IT BEFORE AND ITS HONESTLY SO PHENOMENAL ITS GOING ON MY LIST OF ALL TIME FAVORITES THANK U AND BLESS U
THANK YOU!!! THAT ONE IS MY FAVORITE AND I AM VERY PROUD OF IT
onwardmotley said: In today's Detective Comics someone finally told Bruce and co that Tim's alive. They didn't explain where he is, or how to get him back, but hey. It might've had more impact if anyone was seen actually mourning Tim and it wasn't just played as him being in cosmic time out, but at least it should end soon idk. Hopefully.
Tim Drake? It’s been years since I heard that name.....
Finally. Thank goodness.
Anonymous said: Idk if I prefer your soul crushing angst or your heartwarming fluff... actually I like to suffer so I'll stay with angst lol
Y’all seeing this? Anon gave me permission. Can’t yell at me next time because it won't be my fault (thanks babe :))
Anonymous said: for music, idk what kind of music u like so here is variety: St. Vincent - Paris is Burning, Sea Wolf - Dear Fellow Traveler (tbh everything by Sea Wolf is great), Dirt Poor Robins - Eleanor Rigby, Between Wind and Water- HAEL, Ellem - Kings and Queens and Vagabonds, The Rigs - Rise & Fall, Tally Hall - Light and Night, and Streetlight Manifesto - The Hands that Thieve.
Thank you! I’m excited to listen to these! I’ll start right now!
Anonymous said: 1) What are the good comics to read for Batfamily stuff (from any point in time) and 2) what are the best Jason Todd comics? Thanks!
Okay for Jason I would definitely start with the big ones, which are A Death In the Family and Under the Red Hood. After that you could try Red Hood: the Lost Days and Countdown to Final Crisis. I would avoid the n52 series until you have a good enough grasp of the character to recognize bad writing when you see it. 
For the generalized batfam.... that’s pretty broad. My personal favorites are Red Robin, Batgirl (2009), and both B&R series. If you have more specific questions, you should IM me! I promise I’m better about answering those than asks
yellowwallsbluesky said: Have you heard Swooner by The Zolas? I've really been jamming to it lately
Listening to it right now! Sounds like a bop so far :)
Anonymous said: Hidden citizens paint it black 💜
Much obliged!
Anonymous said: Harry styles "sign of the times".
[adds to list] thank you!
neo669 said: I MISS CASA OLE!! Sorry just read that you lived in Bryan/College Station and I used to live there as well. It's kinda hard to find people that even know that it exists. But I'm sure you can kick law schools butt. You got this!
Yooooooo I miss cstat too :((((
palliddark said: Adalgiza, and I'll be a translator (English to Brazilian Portuguese)
[Bruce Wayne voice] also hired
maeofthedead said: I love your headcannons and now I sort of want to cry thank
Excellent that is the exact target response 
Anonymous said: Love your rant in the tags about the pizza making I'm laughing so hard
Listen..... I have strong feelings
Anonymous said: Did you hear they're making an omnibus of Tomasi's entire run on Batman & Robin?? I just heard and now I kinda want to get this massive book in honor of my favorite batkid and the series that made me love him so much
Man I already have all the individual volumes but if I didn’t......
sonicboom00724601 said: Hi. :) Nice headcanon. :)
I’m not sure which one you’re talking about, but thank you! You're real sweet
Anonymous said: can you maybe write an interaction between Wonder Woman and Captain America? I absolutely adore your style and would love to see your take on it.
Hmmmm I don’t really have a good enough grasp of Captain America’s characterization to try that one :////
Anonymous said: i tried to kill on mosquito that was on my ceiling by slamming it with a book but mosquito was on the move so i bounced swiftly and jammed both my wrist and thumb and now my existence is Pain. also my thumbs swelling and looks purple, so that's nice
Oh shit anon you good???
daziy said: Do we know who Barbara's mother usually is?
Yeah! In her original version, Babs had a birth mom and an adopted mom. She was originally Jim’s niece, so her birth mom’s name was Thelma Gordon. After the adoption, her parents were Jim and Barbara Gordon, with her adopted mother being her namesake. So two Barbara Gordons.
I think for awhile the canon was that her mother died in a car crash, but the current version has her still alive. She left Jim when Babs was young, taking her son (Babs’s brother) with her. James Gordon (the son) turned out to be a serial killer. 
Barbara Gordon Sr. and James Gordon Jr. both appeared in the n52 Batgirl series during the Death of the Family arc. There’s also a very good story about James from the Dickbats period. That one’s called The Black Mirror, if I’m not mistaken?
Anonymous said: Hi! What do you think of the upcoming metal event? Dick and Damian seem to have a big role in it ( I hope Jason is involved too but there's still no sign of it)
Hmmmm I don’t know that I have an opinion just yet, but as always, I hope to be pleasantly surprised 
Anonymous said: bless you are your wonderful tagging system. know that i may have avoided death because of how easy it was to f ind the thing I wanted in your tags. bless
Oh goodness anon I hope you’re not serious about almost dying.... but thanks?
Anonymous said: hi amy! would u say that damians narrative is written as a child abuse one? like there are definitely many allusions to it but its also not as explicit as say, cassandra or rose. like how much of it would u chalk up to comic world dynamics and how much to actual abuse? also would u consider jason to also be a case of this?
Oh I have very strong opinions about the role of abuse in Damian’s narrative. It’s absolutely there, and the effects are staggeringly large. There is no doubt in my mind that the league was an abusive environment, and I can’t justify some of the things Bruce did either.
I think I would say the same thing for Jason, if not quite as strongly. I definitely think that some of the things that happened to Jason as a child shaped his story later on, but less of those were abuse than outside circumstances. The n52 takes a different track on that one, I think, but I don’t put much stock in that characterization. 
Anonymous said: has jason forgiven bruce for not killing joker? if so, what made him?
Unlikely. They get along better these days, but I would argue that comes from poor characterization of Bruce, not an actual resolution process. 
mellenabrave said: My mom accidentlly threw my Damian doll away (╥_╥)
Tossed in the garbage by yet another parent--
Anonymous said: Whoa where'd you get that bat and oracle shirt you're wearing in your necklace pic? It's so cool! (The necklace is also gorgeous!)
Shoot I think it was from Redbubble? But I can’t find it now
Anonymous said: Omg that necklace was so cool!!! Kudos to the maker of it!! Also I really like your top!!
Thank you <3
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