#and how he WOULD be tense all the time because. yknow. trauma.

[magniloquent-raven]

thinkin about billy....bein soft.

about him not being able to relax most of the time. constantly being on edge, muscles tense, whether he's flexing intentionally or not. there's always this undercurrent of anxiety thrumming through him like a live wire, despite his best efforts to appear unaffected, he's always taut as a bowstring. planting his feet. bracing himself for a hit. and it got worse after the mind flayer, when he realized nowhere was safe, not even his own head.

the first time steve gives him a friendly pat—because that's a thing they do now apparently, they're friendly with each other—he pauses, resting his palm on billy's shoulder for a moment too long, warmth bleeding through thin cotton.

"you really are built like a brick wall, huh."

billy preens but there's a furrow between steve's eyebrows.

the first time they kiss it's a whirlwind of a thing, push and pull and gripping each other so tightly their knuckles ache. when steve slows the slide of his lips and gentles his hands, billy shudders, groans, freezes in his tracks for a split-second before throwing himself back into it with a press of his mouth that's as much a shove as a kiss.

there's a silent tug-of-war between them after that.

the first time they make each other come steve ends up pinned to a wall, billy caging him in, all teeth and heat and heavy breaths. they rut against each other, til billy's legs start to shake. steve is putty in his hands, loose-limbed and biting his lip harder with every drag of billy's hand against the damp spot on the front of his jeans. billy lets out a breath when he comes, but never relaxes.

steve kisses his shoulder, his arms wrapped around billy's waist. it's an invitation. a request. he'll hold billy up if he needs to.

but billy drops to his knees instead.

then he starts to notice steve inviting him over more often. he pokes fun at steve for being a priss. too good to fuck in alleys, public bathrooms, bent over the hood of a car, wherever the goddamn mood strikes. no, he needs his high thread-count sheets and real lube and fucking mood music.

it's not entirely true, he knows it, steve's always willing, no matter where they are, but still. his obsession with being in his own bed while they fuck is weird.

billy finds out exactly what that's about after four months of whatever it is they're doing.

when steve asks "do you trust me?" billy says yes before he even has time to think about it, and steve's grin in response is blindingly beautiful. "okay, tell me if you want me to stop. just. whenever, alright."

he doesn't tell steve to stop.

not when he sucks marks into billy's neck, teeth grazing his collarbone, soft lips dragging across his skin, slick fingers circling billy's hole while he works.

not when he sinks his cock in slowly, too slowly, muffling billy's groan with a kiss.

not when he refuses to let billy touch himself, threading their fingers together and kissing every scarred knuckle, pulling billy's searching hands away from his neglected cock with a sly smile.

not after the first orgasm that rips through him and shoots up his stomach in thick streams of white, that rocks him to his core and leaves him trembling under steve, oversensitive and biting back gasps with every spark that races up his spine as steve continues to fuck into him.

or the second, coaxed out with murmured praise, accompanied by a sharp cry and tears clinging to his eyelashes.

his limbs feel like jello. he's sweating in places he didn't know he could sweat. and steve's running his fingers through the mess on his stomach with a tiny, exhausted smile pressed into the crook of his neck.

"love seeing you like this," steve says, almost shyly. the smile in his voice is bigger than the one on his face.

"hm?"

"relaxed. y'know...comfy."

billy scoffs quietly.

"you know i've literally never seen you not flexing before now right. i had no idea your tummy could be soft." neither did he. his abdominal muscles twitch under steve's hand, but steve gives him a light tap. "don't you dare, i worked hard for this."

and billy...doesn't know how to feel about that. he shifts a little, discomfort tickling at him, buzzing under his skin. now that he's aware of how mellow he was feeling, it's hard to just sit in it and let it happen.

it takes practice. with steve petting his hair and talking about nothing, nails gently scritching his scalp, letting his mind drift. or steve wrapping silk around his wrists to keep him still while he tires him out, has his way with every inch of him. eventually he figures it out. lets himself be soft. comfortable.

he lets himself relax.

~~tag list @growup-thatbeautiful @spreckle 💕💕

#billy hargrove #harringrove ficlet #harringrove #stranger things #a raven's writing desk #yall know that one video of the person like. showing the difference between muscle when it's flexed and when it isnt #yeah #i havent even seen it recently it just popped into my head and i got to thinkin about squishy billy #and how he WOULD be tense all the time because. yknow. trauma. #but he deserves to squish a lil

[not-too-many-eyes]

Digimon Ghost Game episode 29 thoughts + Fanart under cut cause man do I have thoughts and also the fanart is very spoilerly

Did this in an hour while tired...I just had to draw something...

BUT ANYWAY EPISODE THOUGHTS CAUSE A LOT OF THINGS HAPPENED

-THETISMON EVOLUTION!!! Okay so most people have noticed, including me, that Thetismon is more "mature" or "calm" than Jellymon and that's So Interesting when we compare that to Kiyoshiro who got some good Character Growth in this episode, I love his and Jellymon's relationship...and also he's my favorite so it's really nice to see this.

-Actually Kiyoshiro in general in this episode is really interesting, glad they finally remembered Kiyoshiro isn't a coward all the time, even excluding integer overload moments, like at the start and end, which actually on Integer overload, it's interesting to note it seems like he momentarily forgets what he was doing, I think this happens during most integer overload moments but he does remember vaguely later on.

You know how sometimes when you go through something REALLY STRESSING you just, forget about it until something reminds you of it, it feels like that, it feels like Kiyoshiro fainted, adrenaline kicked in, then he realized a child is here and he's the only one who can do anything and just all panic thoughts got shoved to the side and then All The Panic Just Kicked In At Once.

Like previously in the episode and during the Toropiamon fight, that wasn't Integer Kiyoshiro, that was a very scared and panicked Kiyoshiro trying to keep up a brave face so he could actually Do Something, To Be The Person He Wants To Be, and I think this just makes more sense with what we've seen, especially in this episode with the "Genius" hero thing

And on the Genius thing....do you guys remember that Kiyoshiro graduated from American Graduate School and he's 14? I Do, We really don't know why Kiyoshiro is...yknow, a student at a Japanese School when he's already graduated and all that, and I know that Jellymon said it was because he read a bunch of manga and wanted to experience that (Which is...really sad when you think about it) so I'm just...70% sure there's more than that.

And I'm sure it's connected to the bandages in some way, we got some bandage teasing in this episode and I'm just waiting for those to finally get off his hand, Jellymon says he puts them on for said manga reasons, but I just feel like there's some sort of tragic backstory "Why Kiyoshiro Acts the Way He Acts" connected to it and the school situation and I Am Just Waiting, that hand has gotten way too much hinting at for it to not be important, the school not so much, but I just feel like there's some connection here, this is the series willing to threaten to eat the heads of these children, and also poison them terribly, and maybe freeze them to death, I would not be surprised if Kiyoshiro has some sort of trauma that he just, repressed really badly, I've been there, this makes perfect sense to me, still not sure what his hand is, but I'm just saying if his hand just doesn't exist and is made of data, or has a Digital hazard on it, I'll scream.

Though I would like to mention this caused me to make a crack theory/AU where Kiyoshiro is actually an amnesiac Lucemon that whoever Digimon God is here, turned human, I have only circumstantial evidence for this and it's super sparse, but I will die on this stupid hill. I will make art for this, the pure comedic potential of Digital Lucifer being this cowardly 14 year old who's being bullied by a sentient jellyfish is worth it.

-I actually don't have much thoughts about the digimon of the week, I like the story, it was tense, I liked the child, seeing Herrismon was nice. THE FACT JELLYMON IS ON THE GODDAMN NEWS FEELS EXTREAMLY IMPORTANT, Uh, I just like Kiyoshiro and Jellymon A Lot.

#digimon #digimon fanart #digimon ghost game #ghost game spoilers #ghost game #jellymon #kiyoshiro higashimitarai

[softlymellow]

flaws -- B.B

pairing: Bucky Barnes x ! insecure reader

word count: 1.8k

warnings: angst and talk about body image, insecurities and a persons flaws. 

summary: reader compares herself to Natasha as she see’s her and Bucky getting close. She think’s he doesn’t have feelings for her due to her not being perfect and because of her flaws but Bucky reassures her it’s not. 

note: i hope this imagine isn’t taken this wrong way as me trying to romanticise someones insecurities. if i did please dm me or let me know so i can help fix it!! i promise i wasn’t trying to make anyone feel bad or anything and EVERYONE IS SO BEAUTIFUL IN ALL SHAPES AND FORMS and everybody is insecure about something and that’s completely normal but you are loved and you are perfect and you don’t need a man ( or girl! ) to tell you that. hope you guys enjoyyy

You loved being the reason he smiled or laughed.

 Not that he would do it often, his face masked from the trauma he experienced. But when you were the reason he was happy, it gave you almost a sense of pride, but it was taken away from you.

There she was, Natasha Romanoff. 

Her incredible orange hair that sat on her shoulders was eye-catching, her glowing skin and her full scarlet lips complimented her appearance tremendously. 

You couldn't blame her. She was everything you couldn't be and everything you should be. Yet, the lump that rested in the back of your throat was difficult to ignore as you watched Bucky and Natasha interact with each other. A genuine laugh arose from the male, yet you could only wish you were the reason he laughed.

It wasn't as if you weren't friends with him. Hell, it seemed like a lot more to you. Maybe only to you.

You pulled your knees to your chest and hugged them tightly, watching the pair chatter among each other near the dining table as you reside in the comfort of the couch across from them.

Steve sat beside you, busy fixating himself on his new cellphone and playing around with the features.

You drew small circles on your knee to comfort yourself, ignoring the voice that was calling out to you.

"Y/n!" Your head snapped to your right, looking at a semi-concerned Steve. "Almost lost you there," He chuckled while you rubbed your eyes, gaining your full attention.

"How do you change the ringtone?" He innocently asked, poking his phone.

"Just go to settings and search it up." You told him, relocating your gaze to the pair. Steve hummed as he did what you instructed him. You sat quietly before you began to chew on your fingernails, thinking of every possible explanation on why Bucky would choose Natasha over you.

It almost felt as if you were being toyed with, one minute you'd be two peas in a pod, often being teased as one of the only people Bucky began to get close to other than Steve. On the other, he'd be flaunting off to every girl he would see.

"You know you should stop staring before you make it obvious," Steve whispered next to you,  jumping at the sudden break in thought and looking over to a smirking man.

"Steve," You hissed, glaring at him, "before making what obvious?" You innocently asked, attempting to cover up the embarrassment you felt.

Steve shot you a knowing look and you felt your cheeks flare-up, "Shut up."

"I didn't say anything," Steve responded with a smug expression. You rolled your eyes jokingly before turning your attention to Bucky.

"You should give it a shot, yknow," Steve whispered.

You shook your head 'no', snapping your gaze to Steve, "Trust me," He said in a hushed tone. Looking back to Natasha, you couldn't help the sickening feeling as you watched the pair flirt with each other.

"What would he see in me that he wouldn't in Nat," You mumbled under your breath, not intending for Steve to hear.

"You wouldn't know," Steve cleared his throat, poking at his phone with a pleased look on his face. You tilted your head as you narrowed your eyes at him. Getting up from the couch, you had decided to leave to wallow in your sadness.

You made your way past the pair and you heard the silence that fell among them, their gaze darting holes in your back as you walked away from the room.

Ignoring the distant mumbling behind you, you made your way towards your bedroom. Locking the door behind you, you hadn't bothered to turn the lights on. You dropped on your bed as you felt a swarm of emotions hit you. Once mostly consisting of jealousy.

You took out your phone and headed straight to Instagram. You scrolled through for what could only be interpreted as hours before you paused on a single post that lied on your feed.

It was a picture of Natasha that was posted only a few hours ago. It was taken during Tony's infamous parties last night, one that you had skipped out on due to feeling ill. She sat on a red velvet couch, and she wore a skin-tight black dress that sparkled in the light. She held a drink to her mouth as her red straightened hair fell over her eye. You had noticed that Bucky liked the picture, and you felt the tears brim your eyes. Your grip holding the phone as if your life depended on it suddenly faltered as it fell beside your head, briefly missing your face.

Getting up towards the large mirror that was framed on the closet door, you noticed every imperfection on your figure. Your hands travelled to your shirt as you pulled it off your body, leaving you only in your bra and your negative thoughts.

Your eyes wandered to every flaw, the extra fat and skin on your stomach. The way your body wasn't the perfect hourglass figure. Your fingers traced over your stretch marks that lied on your hips, feeling the slight dent in your skin. Tears began to fall down your face. Your flabby arms and that your breasts wasn't the ideal type.

Sitting on the ground in front of your mirror, you hugged your legs tightly against your chest as you sobbed.

You couldn't fit the standards that were made. The more you looked and the more you scrolled, just end up bringing newfound insecurities. That was a problem you had faced many times during your life and you began to doubt yourself. You would rather be anybody else, feeling unfit in your own body, one that was especially for you. All you saw was what you should be. A happier person, a prettier girl, and a stronger Avenger.

You threw your shirt back on, making your way towards your bed. Lying your head down, you allowed yourself to think about nothing. Empty thoughts. Thoughts that had no meaning and brought you no use.

A knock on the door brought you back to your reality. Getting up, you brushed away the tears that stained your cheeks as you sniffed. Suddenly feeling exposed, you pulled your sleeves down to hide your arms before opening the door.

Your eyes widened as you saw a concerned Bucky waiting outside. His eyebrows furrowed upon seeing your puffy eyes and your red cheeks.

"Can I come in?" He politely asked, his eyes watching every move you made. You nodded, not trusting your voice.

You stood aside, allowing Bucky to slip into your room as you shut the door behind him.

You leaned against the door, your arms crossed against your chest as you waited for him to say something.

He sighed, not knowing where to start, his hands ruffling his hair. "Are you avoiding me?" He obliviously asked. You could almost laugh at how stupid of a question it was.

Your lips could only quiver as you attempted to respond to him. "What?"

"Doll, I don't know if I did something wrong, but you seemed pretty upset back there." He tilted his head and pressed his lips together.

You shook your head as you bit the insides of your mouth, "No, no, it was nothing." You muttered as you sat on your bed, staring at your palms.

"Doll, I know you well enough to know when something is wrong." He shot you a small smile.

"Do you like her?" You instantly regretted saying that, your insecurities creeping in again.

Bucky was taken back by the sudden question, his eyebrows raised in confusion. "Who?"

"Natasha."

"What, no. Where'd you hear that from?" He enquired.

You looked up at Bucky, tears glossing over your vision. "I've seen the way you look at her, Buck."

"No, Y/n. I've never liked her."

"You don't have to lie for me. I mean, what's there not to like. She has the perfect body, face and hair and-" You were interrupted by his sudden grasp on your hands.  

"And you don't have those things?"

"I-I don't." You whispered.

"That's a lie, and you know it." His firm voice alarmed you as if you somehow offended him.

You got up and kept strong eye contact with him. "What are you trying to say, Bucky? Have you seen me?" You scoffed and started to point and poke around your flaws.

"There's nothing wrong with your body, doll." He said in a calmer tone, realising you were insecure about your body image.

"Bucky, you can just stop faking it. Go back to Natasha." You muttered, sniffing as you looked down at your feet.

"I don't love Natasha, Y/n! I love you, doll. I always have." He confessed, slightly panting as he raised his voice.

You stood still, finding it difficult to believe in his words.

"I love you and every part of you." He took your hands in his and planted a small kiss onto your knuckles.

"Then what about-"

"Forget about her, doll. I tried to forget about you through her. Steve told me." He looked up to your eyes, watching your reaction.

You felt the heat creep onto your face as you realised he knows your feelings towards himself.

"Do you really?" You asked, hope in your eyes.

He nodded, still holding your hand and planting small kisses. His kisses travelled up towards your arms as you felt a swarm of butterflies swarm your insides.

"I love your arms," he left a trail of kisses as he went further up.

"Your shoulders," he mumbled against your skin, a tingling sensation was left after every kiss as you felt yourself biting your lip in admiration.

He made his way towards your neck, loving the way you tensed under his touch. "Your neck," he kissed behind your ear as you bit back a moan.

You tilted your head, allowing him to move further, his lips moving alongside your jaw. He finally reached your lips and caught your gaze on his. His lips were mere inches apart from yours, you felt his breath fan over yours.

"Your lips," he whispered, his mouth slowly reaching yours as they gently kissed. Your lips dancing over his, enjoying the moment. His lips were soft against yours and he kissed you as if you were fragile, something to not be tampered with.

He slowly let go of you, his forehead against yours. "I love everything about you, doll. Don't doubt that and don't compare yourself to other women. You're equally if not more beautiful than them." He whispered, pecking you on the cheek.

"You'll realise your worth, Y/n." He kissed you on the forehead.

You felt better after Bucky had come found you that night. Your insecurities didn't go away, instead, you found them as someone else's treasure. And that made you feel better.

-----

a/n: man that last part has me embarrassed. 

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x reader angst #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes imagines #james buchanan barnes #marvel imagines #marvel angst imagines #marvel angst #bucky barnes angst imagines #insecure reader #bucky x insecure reader #bucky imagines #bucky angst #bucky angst imagines #ur mum #i dont think i could ever write smut

[fluttershiesworld]

ok so its been like literally over a month (;_;) and i started to be like at this point would it just be annoying? BUT i figured it was worth stopping in to say camp here and there is SO fucking good im so hyped for season two i went and joined the mayfield & belov patreon (the sydney and jedidah character notes there? WHEW LETS GO BABY) its just ljterally difficult to overexaggerate how much i finished all but like the last couple episodes in one shift and was like wow yeah this is it all in please! i never want to lose track of these artists

anyway i think im most excited wrt season 2 specifically with the like.. near unavoidable fact that The Thing that made the elephant man, like, bad/ a seperately antagonistic force, the ability to take away sydneys will and control over himself and his life has kiiiinda been happening all along, BUT perpetrated by jedidah. not to mention through what is essentially necromancy! the thing that isnt real and would be hollow and horrible if it was! good GOD what an incredible setup payoff and im so so excited for that undoubtely tense future conversation. anyway thats the direction i assume is starting at/around the end there with sydneys defense of elijah, going just deeper and deeper into a kinda undeniable compare/contrast between elijah and jedidah until.. i dont even know but im so ready to see where it does go.

this is already way longer than a stop in but i love love love sydney so much, and its so nice to see trauma written and portrayed by someone who actually knows and cares what they are doing because without getting too personal i felt REALLY deeply for sydney and saw a lot of myself in his attitude and mannerisms and then we kinda get into his past and well. yeah OH MY GOD I LOVED THE DREAM SEQUENCES and the totally not a memory "dream" sequences and sydney being disabled and it just kinda being something that is true like being disabled yknow Is instead of weirdly or near-fetishistically portrayed my god i just have a whole lot of praise for mayfield & belov huh.

i havent showered ANY praise on jedidah woops so sorry king i like him a lot too and actually saw myself getting more and more attached as the story progressed and ill be interested to even watch myself and see if my once dead-set allegiance to sydney is swapped in season 2 👀 the playing field certainly leveled far far more than i thought it would and his writing is just GOD so GOOD i never could get myself to actually be against him even in the hardest times all i ever really wanted to do was like tug on his sleeve until he fuckin TALKED TO SYDNEY STOP TRYING TO GET RID OF SWEET THINGS U SAY WHEN HES NOT AROUNDDD UR KILLING ME DUDE though of course the pushing away is reasonable and intentioned and its just what makes the drama SO GOOD we love 3 dimensional characters what a treat

ok this really was gonna be short but i still feel like i havent pointed out or praised enough things but to cut myself off heres one last compliment To You for having good taste thanks so much i love camp here and there with my whole heart and probably at least one lung?

Oh oh oh the voice acting was genuinely impressive (ELIJAH VA ABSOLUTELY GIVING) and soren and rowan and marisol are my favorite counselors ok thats it for realsies idk how u even reply to this but I LIKE THE THING SO MUCH. A

ITS NOT ANNOYING AT ALLLLLLLL i love camp here and there SOO much it is my special interest and the podcast ever <3333 i get so excited when other ppl like it too omg !!!!!!

YAYYYY i’m so glad you like it and also i’m so excited i’m gonna join the patreon today i think bc i just got paid and now i can budget for it!!!!!!!!! i’m so excited to look at it it’ll be so awesome :D!!!!!

YESSSS sydney and jedidiah are my beloveds <3333 my fav character is sydney bc he’s my best friend but my fav counselor is marisol i love her sm!!!!!! but i like all of them :) except elijah who can die <3 LOLOL

ALSO if you haven’t watched the streams with the voice actors n writers and stuff i SO recommend them they are so so awesome and fun to watch and also do have some plot relevant info :D

#THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME i was soso excited when i got this :) #i LOVE it when ppl like my interests it’s !!!!!!!!!!!! #also sorry it look long to reply to this i’m at school BUT im in art rn which is fun :) #mailbox #boobies2 #camp here and there

[a-pretty-nerd]

Self-indulgence Shigaraki nonsense part 4!!!

Shigaraki x pregnant!reader

A/N: That's right! I'm not done yet! This stories getting told whether you like it or not! (But I really hope you like it because I have a lot of fun writing these) so there!

Warnings: Mentions of abuse, and mild arguing.

"No. Absolutely not." Tomura said firmly.

"What!? Why not!?"

"We can't risk it. You're going to a hospital and that is final."

"Um, exscuse me. I'm the one who has to actually do the work, I think I should have some say in how I do it!" You argued. Tomura sighed. He still couldn't get through to you about this. He looked up to watch you come around the corner of the couch, your 7 month old belly entering his view before you. As much as it made him nervous. You were a gorgeous pregnant woman. Well, he always thought you were gorgeous but...pregnancy had given you a few perks here and there. It almost made him drool. Unlocking something deep inside his chest he never knew was there.

"I thought we agreed, you'd follow instructions and take orders. No games." He watched you set down the glass of water you'd gotten him, and then watched you sit down on the couch beside him. Your eyes refusing to meet his and instead focusing souly on the papers strewn about the coffee table. Pages upon pages of birth plans, baby catalogues, mommy magazines, parenting books, printed out sheets of nursery ideas, lists of baby names, all a horrifying mess on the surface. It stressed Tomura out more than he'd like to admit.

"And I have! But this is different!" You pulled out a folder burried underneath the pile and opened it. There it layed out a clear birth plan you'd created.

"And the dr. approved this?" He asked, looking over the pages with you. You stiffened.

"Well...not yet..." You sighed.

"Y/N...we talked about this. Your health comes first, if he doesn't approve-"

"I don't want that dr." You interrupted.

"Fine, there are others, I'm sure we can find one you like."

"No...I...I don't want a doctor. I want a mid-wife." He paused.

"A what?"

"A mid-wife. Its like a dr. but it's a woman who comes and helps with the process. She'd be here to help prepare and deliver and help us get on our feet for the first week or so." He looked over the folder's contense again and then looked up at you.

"I don't feel comfortable with this, Y/N. You need somewhere clean and sterile. You need drs and nurses in case of an emergency. You need saftey."

"Drs and nurses are just going to freak me out! Studies show the number one cause of complications comes when the mother is stressed and scared. It's safer this way!"

"You're stubborn, y'know that?" He closed the folder and placed on the table before taking a drink of his water. You watched him. All relaxed and dressed in his pajamas still. This was his weekend with you. At this rate, Tomura would come and spend weekends with you. No more than a few days, a week if he felt safe enough. It all depended on his work. The work you were once apart of. The work you devoted yourself to even before you met Shigaraki. Work you still consider yourself apart of, but was unable to help like you could before. It made your heart ache.

Toga kept in touch more than others. Calling from burner phones to check in and chat. You missed her, sometimes more than Tomura if things were really bad. But soon days without him would pass, and you would be crying to Junior as you clung to your pregnancy pillow.

"Please, Tomura. I can't do this alone." You begged, reaching out a hand to hold his. He gently squeezed before relaxing again.

"What if I can't make it in time? What if you go into labor and I get held up?"

"...then I'll feel better knowing you'll be home soon. Knowing you tried. That you didn't...abandon us."

"Is that what this is about? You feel abandoned?".

"Not at the moment, but...when that moment comes...I want you there. This is, daunting and scary and I'd just feel so much better if you were there with me. Don't you, want to be there?" His deep red eyes met yours. He swallowed.

"I don't if it means I could be 100% sure you'd be safe. This is a gamble I don't want to make."

"I know, but...it makes me way more comfortable. Please, trust me on this. I can do this." You held his hand tightly. He couldn't argue with that.

"If anything goes wrong, and you need a hospital..."

"I'll go, I promise." You reassured.

"Okay..."

"Really?"

"Just...if anything feels wrong, anything at all, you need to let me go so you can be taken care of. You understand?" You nodded. "Okay." You leaned in, planting a kiss on his cheek. His expression relaxed and a small smile tugged at his lips. He squeezed your hand again, taking the other to cup the back of your head to keep you close. He turned and gave you a tender kiss.

"I love you." You reminded him.

"I love you too." His voice was soft and quiet. He always said it just above a whisper, like he was telling you a very deep, personal secret. To him, he was. He pulled you in, resting your head on his shoulder, and wrapping his arms around you to keep you close. You sat there for a little while, taking deep breaths with him, soaking in the love and affection.

They shifted, twisting and turning, kicking and punching as they saw fit. It made you tense up at the quick and sudden movements sometimes. They weren't always so quick and abrupt but, suddenly they felt the need to stretch. Tomura moved away, pulling you back and away to stare down at your belly. He took a hand away and held it close to his body, balling it into a fist. Even with his quirk under control, even having a few bells and whistles, his biggest fear still lingered. If you made a sudden movement, his hands instantly retracted and balled up. His eyes filled with nothing but fear and confusion. As much as he worked to be rid of it, this trauma never truly went away. He'd never be able to confidently hold you like a normal partner, or hold his child like a normal father. It made his heart ache and his stomach turn. Sadness soon turned to frustration, frustration to anger but-

"You alright?" Your voice called. It's like you interupted his usual process, and turned his attention elsewhere. His vision went from your belly to you and he relaxed some.

"I'm fine." He lied, he always lied about this and you knew it.

"Hey, its okay." You told him, taking your hands and using them to cup each side of his face. He relaxed into your grasp without a second thought. This is what he needed, your touch, your love, your affection, your wisdom. He missed you so much. "I understand. It's scary." You cooed. He took his arms and wrapped them around your torso so he could hide his face in your shoulder. His hands still balled up and keeping away from you.

"I'm not scared." He lied, again. He knew you knew he was lying. You always knew. You knew him so well, his wants, his needs, his desires, his every move you knew and understood and most importantly, you supported. Your loyalty meant the world to him. So loyal and devoted, you'd give up everything, just to love and support another piece of him.

"I'm scared too, yknow. Being a parent...it's...it's scary but, we're trying our best, right?" He slowly nodded into your shoulder. "And we'll keep trying our best, give it all we got and then some, right?" He stilled. "Right?" He pulled away to look at you.

"Y/N...what if I hurt them?"

"What?"

"What if...I...hurt them?"

"... like, with your quirk?..." He swallowed and thought about it before answering.

"Not just that. What if I hurt them in other ways?"

"Like...how your father hurt you?" You asked. He looked down. "Or like how your grandmother hurt him?" He slowly reached his hand up to his neck. He hadn't scratched at it in so long, years maybe, all that was left were scars. Before his nails could reach skin, you interfered. You wormed your fingers between his and brought hand down for you to hold. "You're better than that." He looked back up at you. "You're smart enough to learn from their mistakes. You won't be absent like your grandmother. You won't be mean and controlling like your father. You're your own man after all. You've learned from your mentors and your peers and you've grown. You'll apply the same thing here and you'll teach them to do the same. So that even when we make mistakes, they won't repeat them." His eyes started to water. He swallowed again and watched your eyes. How could you have so much faith in him? So much determination and resolve. You always knew what to say to ease his worries.

"You really want, me?" He asked. He always asked this when he felt he wasn't good enough for you. You nodded.

"I really want you." You hummed as you leaned in for a kiss. "I really-" kiss "really" kiss "really" kiss "really want you." He sighed and relaxed into your form. Letting himself go in your affection.

"You're too trusting." He tutted as he tucked his arms under yours to wrap around you and hold you close to him. Your belly pressing against his, keeping him from keeping you as close as he'd like to. He hated how much he needed you, how much he loved and cared and risked for you. It'd always been this nagging voice in his head calling him an idiot for loving you. Since he first felt that butterflies in his stomach, he was doomed.

"Tomura?"

"Hm?"

"Do you any ideas for names?" You asked softly.

"No." You pulled away with a lighthearted sigh.

"I don't have any either. Nothing I come up with seems right. And I'm not a fan of the name combining thing either." You turned your head to look out the sliding-glass window that's view stretched out to the backyard. Your hand absent-mindedly settling atop your belly as you sat back against the couch.

"We have time." He reminded.

"I know, but I'd like to be prepared as possible, yknow?"

"Don't worry about the name for now. Worry about your health."

"I'm fine, happy and healthy and whatever." As you spoke, Tomura's attention drew back to your round little belly. You just kept getting bigger and bigger. He wondered what the others would say if they saw you. He wondered what they're going to look like, he could never make out those ultra-sound pictures you showed him. Yes, he saw a baby, but when you pointed out things like: "look, they have your nose!" He didn't really see it. He hoped they took after you. That they looked and acted and had your quirk. A part of him hoped for a little girl, girls seemed easier to raise. Yes, a little girl that looks and takes after you. That's what he'd like. That way, he couldn't possibly hurt them. Because every time he'd look at them he'd see your features starring back at him.

He reached a hand out, and gently laid it down on your belly. Careful not to apply his quirk, still holding a pinky up just in case. You took a sharp breath, almost a gasp as your head snapped to attention. Big eyes starred back at him with a shocked expression. Shit. Had he done something wrong? Should he have asked!? You watched him, unmoving, just breathing. He softly rubbed his hand back and forth, moving closer to rest his head on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and rested your head on his, taking deep breaths. Loving every sweet and tender moment you got with him.

#mha shigaraki #tomura shiragaki #tomura shigaraki x reader #shigaraki x reader #shigaraki smut #shigaraki x pregnant reader #tomura shigaraki x pregnant reader

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

#cat talks #lore #ok2rb but what a mess this post is