Abandoned corridors of the heart
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x female!reader
Timing: Season 1
Chapter Summary: Your group arrives at the CDC and things don't go exactly as planned. Daryl seems to regret the words he’s said.
Warnings: alcohol use, characther death, dead bodies
Autor's note: I really love this chapter 'cause Daryl and reader finally have their first honest moment together (even tho they're drunk lol). Also, I am so sorry for the long wait, school is really time consuming, but I hope you can unterstand. Likes, comments and reblogs are always appreciated and the support would really help me. Have fun reading <3
Chapter 4: Just for one moment
Your eyes followed Jim as the van started moving again, his body leaning against a tree with his eyes closed as he tried to fall asleep in peace. Your heart cracked a little more at the state he was in; his skin bright red and glowing, showing how much he must have been burning up from the inside, the droplets of sweat running down his face and neck only proving the point.
He refused to go any further with you and your group, his body hurting unbearably and the fear of putting just a single one of his people in danger because of his bite made him stay right there - beside the road - as the rest of you drove away.
Leaving him behind hurt you more than you'd like to admit, your hands grabbing the fabric of your dirty jeans harshly as you forced yourself to let him go. You hadn't known him for long - only four days - but he was kind - kind enough to let you stay with him and his friends even though none of them knew you.
With a heavy sigh leaving your lips, you sat down on your knees, still looking out the window and watching as the woods around you blurred when Dale sped up the van. It was quiet - awfully quiet - and the tension inside the moving vehicle was thick enough to cut with a knife, the loss of yet another member of the group affecting everybody.
"You okay?" Glenn whispered after a few more minutes of silence, trying to be as private as possible, though you were sure the others could hear him just fine.
You didn't react at first and Glenn thought that maybe you didn't even realise he was talking to you but then you turned your head, staring at him with an expression he could only describe as pained. You nodded slowly even though both of you knew it was a lie.
The asian boy bit his lip in concern, not sure if he should just drop it, "You sure?" He whispered again after a moment, deciding to ask you a second time.
And as if that one simple question was enough to hurt you, your facade crumbled, the blank expression you had on your face molded into a quivering lip and furrowed eyebrows. Before you could do anything to stop it, your throat clenched tightly as a sob broke through. It was too much for you. Death and blood was all you could see in that moment - three people in just one night; Amy, Jim, and your mother. Deep down you'd always known that she'd leave someday, sooner ot later. It wasn't supposed to be this soon though.
Gleen's eyebrows shot up in shock when he heard your cries, looking around and seeing everyone's eyes directed on your tiny figure. He hesitated for a second before he reached out his arm, wrapping it around your shoulder and pulling you into his side carefully, trying to give you a small piece of comfort. Though it only made you cry harder. Your nails were digging into your palms, your body tensing as you wished to be somewhere else - alone.
Andrea placed one of her hands over yours, squeezing it softly and telling you silently that she understood your pain. You didn't look at her but you were thankful.
A few hours later, the van stopped in front of a road blockade. Glenn stood up, forcing you to lift your head off of his chest as you got back on your feet as well, following him out of the vehicle. Your arm flew over your face - covering your mouth and nose - as soon as you stepped outside, the corpses on the street making the air smell way too bad.
The group stumbled over the dead bodies, Shane and Rick leading all of you to the huge, white building with their guns raised, ready to shoot if something was to attack them.
"Keep moving, come on," Rick said, looking behind him to make sure everybody was following along.
Shane tried to pull up the shutters while Rick banged on them, trying to get inside or to make whoever was living in that building realise you were there. Though nobody showed a sign of letting you all in and you figured the CDC was empty.
You jumped when Daryl started yelling all of a sudden, raising his crossbow, "Walkers!"
Before you could even react on your own, Glenn grabbed your shoulder, forcing to to hide behind him, shotgun in hand and ready to shoot, "Stay there, okay?" He looked at you with a worried yet serious expression, "Right behind me, you understand?"
You nodded in agreement. Not only because you trusted him but also beause you didn't have any kind of weapon with you, making it quite impossible for you to protect yourself.
Everybody was tense and disappointed, the hope of getting help - maybe even some kind of cure - gone. Just gone. Shane was trying to think of another plan - another place for you to go - while Rick didn't want to accept your defeat.
"You're killing us! You're killing us!" He screamed repeatedly as he continued to bang on the shutters. And it was honestly starting to scare you, the noise attracting even more walkers, Daryl taking care of them.
"There's no one there!" Shane yelled and grabbed Rick roughly by the collar of his sheriff uniform, pulling him away and forcing him to come with the rest of the group.
And just then, the shutters opened, a bright light making you wince and cover your eyes.
Everybody's movements paused, looking at the now open building in shock - almost disbelief. Someone was there. A doctor. Alive. Your mouth dropped slightly as you realised there was still a chance. Hope.
"Come on," Glenn whispered to you, following Rick and Shane inside in small, carful steps.
The inside was - you didn't even know how to describe it - but you guessed beautiful was an accurate word. Clean. It looked almost innocent - as if everything was still normal.
"Hello?" Rick called out.
The clicking sound of a gun was heard, "Anybody infected?" A blonde, old looking man made his way towards you, keeping his gun raised.
Rick swallowed loudly, "One of our group was," he lowered his head, "He didn't make it."
The mention of Jim made another frown appear on your face, thinking that if the doctor in front of you had any kind of medicine to stop the infection, Jim wouldn't be able to recieve it anymore.
"Why are you here? What do you want?" The man asked so quickly you almost couldn't understand his words.
"A chance," you spoke up when nobody knew what to say, "We want a chance."
The man's eyes drifted towards you, noticing you for the first time. He seemed to think about your words before he eventually agreed, "You all submit to a blood test."
Later that night, Jenner let you all have dinner with him and to say you were fascinated by the dishes on the table would be an understatement. Real food, right in front of you, something you all hadn't seen in weeks. It made you crack a tiny smile, being beyond grateful for the doctor's hospitality.
"You know, in Italy, children have a little bit of wine with dinner," Dale laughed as he filled Lori's glass with the red substance, "And in France."
Lori shook her head and covered Carl's glass with her hand, taking a sip of her wine, "Well, and when Carl is in Italy or France, he can have some."
The group laughed again and everyone seemed to be in a good mood for once, wearing big smiles and grins on their faces. And even though you were still really sad about your recent loss, you managed to have a good time, laughing when Carl was allowed to taste a tiny sip, watching as he swallowed it with a grimace, an 'ewww' leaving his lips.
"Now ya, (y/n)," Daryl's voice surprised you, "I wanna see how red yer face can get," He walked towards you with a wine bottle in his left hand and, surprisingly, with his lips formed in a teasing smile. You didn't think you would ever get to see Daryl smile. Acutally smile.
"Oh no, no no," you shook your head and waved your hands around, but it was no use, he was already filling your glass up, not even giving you time to take it yourself. Instead, he took it with one hand, the other grabbing the back of your head as he brought the glass up to your lips, making you drink a bit of it.
"Here, easy, girl," he said as he put the glass on the table, the group laughing once again when they saw your pursed lips, the red liquid running down the corners of your mouth.
"You got a little something on your face," Glenn teased as you swallowed and used your arm to clean your chin.
"Ha ha," you poked your tongue at him before chuckling as well, then looking at Daryl, who was still grinning.
If a little bit of alcohol gets him like this, I'll have to get him drunk more often, you thought. It was nice to see him in a better mood, less serious and guarded. And if you were being as open as you could be; the dimples that formed when he smiled looked quite pretty on him. You have had thoughts like that before - about him - but you chose to ignore them whenever they came up at night, knowing it was for the better, wanting to protect your heart from any more pain. And even though it might sound harsh; Daryl wasn't really the type of man your mother would have approved of.
After dinner, Jenner showed you the rooms your group could stay in. 6. Exactly 6 rooms - which of course wasn't enough for everybody to have their own, so the rooms had to get shared. Rick with Lori and Carl, Dale with Andrea, Carol with Sophia, T-Dog with Jacqui, and Shane with Glenn, leaving you with Daryl.
Glenn gave you an apologetic look as he walked off with Shane, making you pout like a little child. You were hoping to share a room with him since he was the closest to you out of the group. You were also quite drunk after Daryl had poured you another glass, and staying with said man - who apparently only liked you when he was inebriated - was making you a little too nervous.
He swung his arm over your shoulder, pulling you into him with a rather rough motion which made you yelp in surprise, "Come on, girl," he slurred his words and you were honsetly a little scared he wouldn't even remember the night the next morning, "Let's get us to bed," he started walking the both of you into the room, closing the door with his foot, almost slamming it shut, the loud noise ringing through the hallway.
"I can take the floor," you said, looking at the single bed - blanket folded neatly on top of it - and untangling his arm from around your neck. You waited a few seconds but when you didn't get an answer, you looked into his direction.
Big mistake.
"Daryl!" you exclaimed, averting your eyes as quickly as they had found him, "What the hell are you doing?"
"Gonna take a shower," he mumbled and eyed you a little confused once he had the buttons off his shirt open, his chest still covered though, "Wha', barbie? Never seen skin 'fore?" He walked into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.
You scoffed at his words, rolling your eyes and plopping down on the bed, waiting for Daryl to finish his shower so you could wash yourself as well. Again, something you all hadn't done in weeks. You took the time alone to sober up a little bit, your brain becoming only the tiniest bit clearer.
You were hoping your group could stay here on long terms. Doctor Jenner didn't tell you how long your group was allowed to be there, but if everything turned out to be as good as it seemed, you really thought your group had a chance of actually living at the CDC. If Jenner let you, that is. You would be safe, the shutters making sure that no walker could ever get inside, enough food and water for at least a few months, and real beds to sleep on. Almost as normal as the life each of you had had before the apocalypse started. Almost.
"'M done," his gruff voice pulled you out of your thoughts, your eyes finding his frame, dressed into the same, dirty clothes with his hair wet and drops of water dripping down his forehead.
You nodded and stood up, rushing into the bathroom with quite a lot of eagerness, "You better didn't use up all the hot water," you spoke loud enough so he could hear you through the door. He didn't anwser.
You took your clothes off hastily and you couldn't help the loud sigh that left your lips when the dirty garments were finally not on your skin anymore. The thought of having to put them on again disgusted you. The cold air made goosebumps rise on your pale body so you finally stepped inside the shower and turned on the water. Your mouth opened in a silent moan once the warm substance hit you, your head dropping back, savoring the sensation you hadn't felt in so long.
The transparent liquid turned into a brownish colour as you rubbed your skin, getting weeks of dirt and the proof of basically living on the streets off of you. It was quite fascinating how something so normal - something people used to do on a daily basis - can become something so special once it gets taken away from them. And you were sure that if life would ever return to normal, you would appreciate every single meal, every single shower, and every single night you would get to sleep on a bed.
A few minutes later, you turned off the water, wishing you could stay inside the shower a little longer, but you didn't want to use too much of the doctor's water, so you stepped out with another sigh, shivering at the cold once again as your body had to get used to the air. You dried yourself with a towel before you put your clothes back on, taking a mental note to wash them as soon as possible.
The mirror on the wall showed you what you had been so scared of seeing and you really couldn't even recognise yourself anymore. You felt as if a completely different person - a stranger - was staring back at you. Your skin much paler than you had ever seen it before, cheekbones and jawline way more visible than they had been just a few weeks ago, eye bags decorating your face, and your hair was - even though you brushed it as often as possible - tangled.
The sight made you frown visibly. Who even were you anymore?
You didn't want to have to see your reflection any longer so you left the bathroom in a hurry. Though, you stopped in your tracks when you saw Daryl lying on the floor right next to the bed. His body was slightly curled up and he didn't move so you guessed he was already asleep. You didn't miss the fact that he purposely left the bed to you, though, you didn't know if that made you feel happy or frustrated. You didn't want him to sleep on the floor because of you and, really, you would have been fine with taking the hard surface. And if he would have been awake you certainly would have argued with him, but he wasn't and you didn't want to wake him up. He didn't seem to sleep that much as it was so you climbed into bed as silently as possible, not wanting to make too much noise.
"Didn' mean it," you had just laid down when his voice rang through the room in a quiet whisper, making you turn your head to look into his direction, even though you couldn't properly see him from where you were laying.
"What do you mean?" You asked him, not knowing what he was talking about.
It was quiet fot a few seconds and you were sure that he really had fallen asleep this time but then he spoke up again, "What I said," he started, "At the camp. 'Bout y'all deservin' what happened. Didn' mean it."
You thought about his words and realised that this was probably his was of saying sorry. You didn’t think he would even try to apologise but there he was, telling you he didn't mean what he had said. And maybe he didn't notice, but the small smile on your face showed how much that meant to you. You hoped he would be just as nice to you when he was fully sober, but a part of you was sure he wouldn't be. Still, the fact that he cared about what you thought was enough for you in that moment.
"I know."
Tag list:
@goth-cowgirl-03 @paintlavillered @hotgirlsshareaccounts @tiedyedghoulette @alialiclouds @angelofthorr
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If you are a Jared or Sam fan please don’t read this. If you are a Jared or Sam fan and you leave a comment I will block you without reading it so don’t bother. The end of season 6 (ep 20, 21 and 22) seems like a turning point for Destiel to me. Maybe I’ve read too many gay fan fics but it just seems like their relationship changed in these eps. Like before this point they obviously had feelings for each other but they both thought it was a crush and they both thought it would go away. Then in these eps it feels like because of the storyline they both kinda accepted their own feeling but too afraid to say anything.
In The Man Who Would Be King (think that’s right) from the very beginning of the ep there was a difference in the boys.
They were lying to each other and couldn’t even look each other in the eyes.
It looked like it was physically hurting Dean to lie to Cas and to even think that Cas was lying to him. He’s been lied to before usually by Sam and he gets pissed off but this isn’t a hurt by your brother look.
If Cas is just a friend to both Dean and Sam why is it that Sam had no problem believing Cas could lie to them and go behind their backs (that to me isn’t even friend behaviour) yet Dean defended Cas. I find it funny that Cas and Dean think they are hiding their feelings yet Bobby and Sam had to question Dean to find out what he said to Cas so obviously they know what affect they have on each other and that it’s not just friendship.
“You’re distracted.” “I’m holding up my end.” “Yes but what else are you holding up. The stench of that impala is all over your over coat angel.” So Crowley thinks Cas and Dean are haveing sex in the car by the sounds of it. I just found this funny considering only a few eps before the angel told Dean Cas was in love with him.
The fact that Cas was loosing his mind yet he still had to protect Dean and yet again he protected Dean first before Bobby and Sam and there was a small pause before he said “my friend.” It was like he wasn’t sure what to call Dean. Even at the end when Dean called Cas his family I think it surprised him. As soon as Dean said family Cas looked shocked. I think sometimes in the season he thought Dean just called him because he needed help not for any other reason and then knowing Dean thinks of him as family really surprised him. I know Dean said Cas was like a brother to him but I think he just didn’t know how to express his feeling without actually saying the truth and that was the easiest thing to say.
The moment tho that for me it all changed was when Cas was in the oil fire. Dean told Cas to look his in the eyes. It sounded like I know Bobby and Sam are here too but how could you do this to me. I’m different from them.
They both looked like they were trying not to cry. Both their eyes were glassy. Even Dean looking back at Cas before he left was emotional. He didn’t want to leave Cas in that fire. That whole scene to me was them admitting the truth to themselves.
In ep 21 I can’t believe how emotional this scene was. Like all Dean said was that Cas and Crowley can kiss his ass. Cas looks so hurt and scared and Dean has to actually put his hand up to his mouth to stop from crying.
I find it interesting that this is when they choose to get Lisa and Ben out of Deans life. I’m happy that they finally did it but it’s just interesting timeing. They could’ve done it at any point but no they chose to do it during this very Destiel episode.
I’ve heard that whenever Cas dies (which I’ve also heard is quite a few times) Dean gets depressed and suicidal. I guess in The New Boss was the beginning of it. I’m pretty sure drinking that much alcohol and watching Asian cartoon porn is considered depressed.
When Cas went to the church and the homophobic priest was trying to tell the people how god hates gay people and Cas says “your wrong. I’m utterly indifferent to sexual orientation.” They didn’t have to have the priest talk about gay people but they did. Then Cas confirming his opinion on it.
Then when they were trying to get death to kill Cas (I’m not convinced Dean would’ve let him actually do that) when death said there was more then just souls in Cas Dean looks worried for Cas. If he was willing to let death kill him he wouldn’t have been so worried.
Every time in these eps that Cas came it was always to talk to Dean never to talk to Sam. He didn’t care what Sam thought he just wanted Dean to understand what he was doing. Even when he thought he was going to die he was trying to make up with Dean. Bobby was in the room and Sam was in the building but it was Dean he wanted to make up with and it was Dean he said he was going to redeem himself to. He f*cked over a lot of people but he didn’t say I’m going to redeem myself to everyone or even you guys (as in Dean, Bobby and Sam). It was just Dean.
Last thing I think this was the first time I ever seen Dean choosing to save someone other than Sam first. When Dean went to get Sam and seen the jar of blood on the floor he had no idea what happened to Sam. Any other time he would’ve went back to Bobby with the blood and told Bobby to handle it so he could go find Sam but this time he chose to stay and save Cas. Even when those monsters took over Cas body Dean told Bobby to go get Sam. By the sounds of it he is starting to put Cas ahead of Sam. I like that.
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Something I do like about the character writing for DFF is that 1) The characters really do feel like messy teenagers 2) The characters do shitty things, hurt each other or do harmful things to themselves that - frustrating and painful as it is to watch - make sense for the character and their circumstances. The characters don't often make the smart or best decision, but for the most part, it makes sense in context.
Tw for discussion of sexual abuse
Like am I mentally yelling at Non to forget about the movie, ditch these shitty 'friends', be honest with Phee, report Kru Keng and to move to Phee's school? Yes, I am. Do I understand why he doesn't do any of those things? Yes, I do.
He's a teenager who's mentally ill, isolated, with low self esteem and coming from a place of poverty.
As a kid, I was also part of a group of 'friends' who were actually bullies. Although things never went nearly as far as they do in DFF, I can get where Non's coming from. When you're that desperate for acceptance and to be a part of a group (however shitty it may be), and when perhaps they're not even always shitty, just enough so to make you consider staying around, you'll stay around in the hope things get better.
Non's family are poor - to the point of taking out loans for New - and he's already brought trouble to their door due to the money laundering scheme, as well as to his parents' relationship. In contrast to New - who's implied to be the golden child - Non likely feels like he's brought nothing but trouble and misery to his family.
As someone who's mentally ill and on medication, I wouldn't be surprised if he felt ashamed of his mental illness as well, and felt like that already made him a 'burden' to his family. Disclaimer that I don't know how mental illness is treated in Thailand specifically, but as someone from an East/Southeast Asian background, I do feel like in general, mental illness is something that still has a more of a stigma to it in Asia than it does in the West (not that there isn't stigma here too). Like, I would never tell my mum I'm in therapy because I feel like she wouldn't truly understand, and might even blame herself for me going. From her point of view, only 'crazy' people, someone with something seriously wrong with them or someone suffering from severely traumatic event would go to therapy.
When Non got taken in by the police, Phee talked to his dad to get him released, putting himself in potential trouble with his dad and potential future trouble with the police if this comes under any further scrutiny.
Non says time and time again he doesn't want to be a burden to anyone, and he already feels like he's been a burden to his family and Phee. He knows his family can't afford the debt, and he doesn't want to trouble Phee further. So when Kru Keng offers him money in exchange for sex, even though he knows what Kru Keng's doing is wrong, even though he doesn't want to lie and 'cheat' on Phee (and don't tell me it's 'cheating'; again, this is an adult in a position of power grooming a vulnerable youngster), he believes he'd be bringing his troubles to his loved ones and doesn't want to be even more of a 'burden.' So he has sex with Kru Keng.
And then Phee's reaction to finding out. Does he react badly and then say something really awful to Non by telling him to get lost and die? Yes. Do I understand why he reacted like that? Yes! Again, he's a teenager, and probably one in his first serious relationship, and reacting out of anger and hurt, without full details of the situation or understanding of why what Kru Keng's doing is incredibly wrong (even if Non seems to be 'consenting').
Unfortunately, in cases of real life teacher-student grooming, it's not uncommon for the reaction of students (especially teenagers) to not be one of 'oh, that's fucked up, the teacher's a monster, poor student [x]' but for the victim to be ridiculed or slut-shamed by some quarters, especially if it's seen as 'consensual.'
Jin's reaction too. Is it shitty he videoed Non and then (almost?) posted it on social media? Yes. Is it because of him taking that video that it somehow got disseminated to the rest of the school? Yes. Do I understand why he reacted this way? Yes. People are messy and human, and doesn't always react in the best ways in the face of hurt, anger and immaturity
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Batgirl Reader (Updated Info)
Happy New Years everyone!!
I thought that maybe since it was the new years, I decided to give Batgirl Reader a new look and a bit of new lore... 👀
Please do NOT steal my art!!
Real Name: Y/N L/N
Main Alias: Batgirl
Other Aliases:
Witch's Child
검은 눈의 괴물 (Black Eyed Monster)
Umibōzu's daughter
Batsie Baby
Relatives:
Deceased Father
Deceased Mother
Deceased Unborn Brother
Lady Shiva (Caretaker)
Miss Wells (Second Caretaker)
Bruce Wayne (Adoptive Father)
Selina Kyle (Self Proclaimed Mommy)
Kate Kane (Adopted Aunt)
Dick Grayson (Adoptive Older Brother)
Jason Todd (Adoptive Older Brother)
Tim Drake (Adoptive Older Brother)
Damian Wayne (Adoptive Older Brother)
Duke Thomas (Adoptive Older Brother)
Cassandra Cain (Adoptive Older Sister)
“Close Allies”:
Batsie (Best Friend)
Matcha (Childhood Friend)
Deathstroke (Trainer)
Talia Al Gaul
Ace the Bat Hound (Pet)
Azrael (Trainer)
Alfred Pennyworth
Barbara Gordon
Jim Gordon
Stephanie Brown
Helena Bertinelli
Luke Fox
Lucius Fox
Harper Row
Harley Quinn (Sometimes)
Affiliation:
Batman Family
Batgirls
Outsiders
Gotham Knights
League of Assassins (Formerly)
Suicide Squad (Frequently)
Base Of Operations: Gotham City
Alignment: Good
Identity: Secret Identity
Citizenship: Any Asian nationality (Yes, batgirl is going to be Asian cause I'm Asian)
Marital Status: Single
Occupation(s):
Vigilante
Elementary Student
Gender: Female
Height: Around 124 cm (4 ft)
Weight: Same weight as an average child
Eyes: Black
Hair: Black
Abilities:
Dancing: Y/N learned how to dance from her childhood friend, Matcha. She would watch her movements of classical ballet and follow them.
Hacking: Just like Oracle, Batgirl has great skills with computers. She learned how to hack things when she was gifted her first computer for her third birthday. She could go through any high officials' data files.
Marital Arts: Y/N does have great marital arts despite her being so young, but she's still learning.
Mithridatism: Batgirl can take any sort of poison whether it's deadly or not. She trained to take one spoonful of poison as her training during her training years.
Stealth: She can pull off any disappearing acts on any other people. Enemies and civilians.
Gadgets:
Ribbon Wand: Because she does dancing, it won't complete it without a ribbon wand. Y/N received it from Batman when she told him about her experience with dancing and how she wanted her own ribbon wand one day. The ribbon is strong enough to break a person's neck.
Batarang: These devices are Bat-shaped, throwing weapons usually used to disorientate enemies, and are a ranged substitute for often carrying multiple Batarangs on her person while on patrol.
Grapple Gun: Batgirl frequently uses a grappling gun not unlike that used by Batman. This device fires a strong cable that latches onto a surface and winches Y/N up. She commonly uses this device while patrolling urban rooftops.
Bo Staff: Y/N uses these as a substitute weapon whenever she "forgot" to bring the equipment that Batman provided for her. The bo staff she has was a gift from Deathstroke.
Pocket Knife: Only used it for training, but she is scared to use it on anyone because it could "really hurt them".
Likes:
Batsie (Her bat plush)
The gifts she receives from Matcha
Dress Ups
Shopping
Money
Family Trips
Slumber Parties
Tea Parties
Alfred’s Sweets
Romance Stories
Reading and writing in her secret diary
Dislikes:
Uncomfortable clothing
Chores
Studying
Nightmares
Stress
Thunderstorms
Bruce’s lectures
Lady Shiva and Deathstroke's training methods
Backstory:
There were two different people from different leagues who were rivals since the first ever year. The couple were in love and conceived a child, which was a baby girl who they named Y/N. However, the two leagues found about their secret affair that made the mother's father kill her husband. After she found out about the murder, the mother decided to go after her father and kill him the exact same way, but more painful and slower. This caused the mother to be sentenced to death while she was pregnant with Y/N's little brother, which made her give away her infant daughter to her trusted friend, Lady Shiva. Before her mother was executed, she gave Y/N a handmade stuffed animal that is a purple bat. She named her new best friend, Batsie.
As Y/N was sent to live under Lady Shiva's roof, she was forced to train, study, and do many chores while she was still three years old along with Deathstroke. However, she had an actual human friend named Matcha who helped her show off what the woman who was taking care of her about her true colors by making the young girl into a perfect weapon and helped her escape right after that.
When Y/N was four, she arrived at Gotham City and was wandering around before she arrived at an orphanage building where she was greeted by a woman who was called Miss Wells. Ever since then, she learned how the world was like and lived there before a man named Bruce Wayne came in and brought her to his home, which will be her new life.
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I've watched so many Thai BLs over the past couple of years and love so many of the relationships presented both in ~real world situations where being LGBT+ is part of the main plot and where there's the traditional Korean BL bubble of "No homophobia here never:) but also we don't kiss with tongue".
And I do love me a good Japanese or Korean BL (I'm getting ready to start Kisaki for Ai Di specifically, but I'm not too well versed in Taiwanese BL YET. Give me time) but something I find so interesting about the Thai BLs is the pronouns.
All Asian languages I've seen (forgive me if I over-generalized a specific language, I'm just speaking towards the BL focused view I've seen) have older/younger/same age pronouns, and it also usually is divided by gender. I.e: A younger girl in Korea refers to older girls as unnie, but younger boys would call her noona, etc. And all the Chinese pronouns make my head hurt because there are SO MANY.
What's nice about Thai is you have Phi and Nong and 900 affectionate terms (nu being little mouse is my favorite and sorry Jeff you are the tiniest, cutest mouse and Alan should call you that) and the word for boyfriend and girlfriend is the same. Mumble mumble we aren't talking about hubby and wifey.
But also, Hia.
Idk, maybe it's because I came into the sphere with Until We Meet Again, which made me adore Team and Win and become besotted with Between Us and the whole "call me Hia Win" scene and Prem's adorable whiny ~HiiiiaaAA every time, but it's such an interesting linguistic thing outside of the immediate "call me something only the most intimate people in my life are allowed to call me" because it's directly based on heritage.
Same with Nuea and Lian in Cutie Pie. Lian is only called Hia and I feel like for him specifically with his role of trying to become the family ~provider it brings up his family in a way that "others" him, even if he's proud of it and Nuea doesn't get it the same way he doesn't understand a lot of places Lian is coming from.
Anyway, TL;DR: I really would like to know how Hia became a thing and what the relationship change between Phi and Hia would be, if any. Why a specific pronoun for people with Chinese heritage? How does one begin referring to someone that way, or it is a "I gave you the password" situation? How far from direct immigration for your family from China/Chinese provinces does Hia and other references stop being present, or is it always part of how you're referenced?
@absolutebl You've had some lovely posts about language. If you've already made a post or know a user that's made a post I'd love to be referred 💙
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Trope Talk #2: Breaking Their Heart To Save Them
OK let's talk about a trope I DON'T like.
As I've started watching a lot more Asian dramas this year, my patience with this trope - already occasionally featured in Western media - has approached rock bottom. You'll know this romance trope when you see it, usually around the start of the third act. The main couple will have overcome every obstacle - but suddenly everything will be too much. Some external factor is forcing them apart, and this time one of them becomes convinced the two of them should break up. But how to convince the other party of this?
Easy! Tell them a bunch of lies. Pretend you never even loved them in the first place. Break their heart because it's the best way to save them. Satine does it to Christian in MOULIN ROUGE. Both leads do it in LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL. Gorya does it to Thyme in F4 THAILAND. (That last one very nearly got me to ragequit with just two episodes left to go.)
So, let's discuss why this trope doesn't work for me, as well as some ways it might be justified, subverted, or deconstructed.
I think the main reason the trope doesn't work for me is that most of the time it feels quite cruel, especially when it acts as the third act breakup. Breaking someone's heart to save them is supposed to occur as a gesture of love and care for another person, but it's pretty messed-up to deliberately wound someone, someone you claim to care for. Let's look at two examples that didn't work for me.
CRASH LANDING ON YOU has a male lead who is always scolding the heroine for her decisions, especially when those decisions lead her to sacrifice herself for him. When she wakes up in hospital after taking a bullet for him, instead of saying thank you like a normal person, he scolds her to the point of tears. Because he's constantly treating her like a child and making decisions on her behalf, it makes perfect sense when he decides to break up with her by telling her he never loved her. The characterisation is consistent and believable; the problem is that this sort of character is a huge red flag, and the show never stops depicting the hero's paternalistic behaviour as a totally normal and romantic thing, actually! This is a great example for what this trope represents even at its most internally consistent - a character making a huge decision without their partner's input, taking away the say that should rightfully be theirs, and never being called to account for it.
Take F4: THAILAND as an example of this trope that doesn't make ANY sense at all. Our two leads kept me fully charmed throughout most of the show, but it all fell apart for me in the final three episodes. Gorya is a wonderful female lead whose strong sense of self-respect, dignity, and tenacity has driven her to challenge Thyme's bullying and inspire him to become a better person. These traits have empowered her to defy his mother's systematic destruction of her family's finances and those of everyone she loves. When Thyme's mother offers Gorya money to break up with Thyme, she scorns the offer. However, when Thyme's mother tells him that she is dying and that she needs to use what little time she has left to consolidate Thyme's leadership of the family empire, Gorya chooses to break Thyme's heart to ensure that he can become CEO after his mother's death. This is pitched as worthwhile because of the good things Thyme could do as a powerful capitalist who puts people, not money, first. Gorya knows that after everything she and Thyme have been through, he's absolutely devoted to her, and that hurting him badly enough to part the two of them will involve returning him to the old, villainous, bullying Thyme. Thyme's mother even encourages her to do just that - because it's only the villainous Thyme who CAN consolidate his control of the family empire. It made no sense to me that Gorya would fall in with this program. Why would this person hurt someone she loves, bringing back the villain she reformed, so that he can keep control of the riches she spurned? I didn't believe it for a moment. It felt like gratuitous cruelty, totally out of character, and militated against the story's themes.
I always find myself asking the same questions when I see this trope: why couldn't the characters have an honest conversation about this? Why couldn't they face this challenge together? Why wouldn't they do literally everything within their power to avoid systematically destroying their loved one's self esteem? Taking a relationship out the back and shooting it just seems like an incredibly disproportionate response to 99% of the scenarios that give rise to this trope.
Still, like all tropes that are used poorly, this one can be deconstructed, played with, or even justified. Let's look at some examples of this trope that work a little better than most.
Look for ways to soften the trope
The more love and trust there is between the characters, the less credible it is that one of them would choose to withold information from the other, lie to them, and break their heart. In the YA space opera romance THESE BROKEN STARS, at their very first interaction the female lead mocks and antagonises the male lead specifically because young men who show romantic interest in her tend to meet with unfortunate "accidents" and she wants to spare him that fate. Since the two of them are strangers, there's less trust to be broken, and by the same token, it takes the female lead less effort (and cruelty) to destroy his interest in her.
Similarly, think about the somewhat similar situation in PRIDE & PREJUDICE where a third party, Mr Darcy, breaks up Mr Bingley and Jane Bennet because he thinks it would be better for Bingley not to ally himself with the embarrassing Bennet family. This is not an example of this trope, but it's a very similar one - two people in love are cruelly broken up because somebody decided they knew best. While Elizabeth at first believes Mr Darcy's actions to be unforgiveable, she quickly learns of an extenuating circumstance: Mr Darcy had no idea that Jane was seriously attached to Mr Bingley and would not have done what he did if he had known.
2. Make sure there are realistic consequences
I don't think it's IMPOSSIBLE for a couple to end up together after a use of this trope, but as in PRIDE & PREJUDICE, in addition to extenuating circumstances, there would ideally be a whole character arc in which the person at fault proves that they are going to stop trying to make decisions for their partner.
I also loved the deconstruction of the trope in ANOTHER MISS OH. In this show the heroine's fiancé, facing financial ruin and prison, tells her just days before their wedding that he doesn't love her anymore and is disgusted by the way she eats. When he gets out of prison early, he's extremely miffed to find that his ex is now dating the very bloke responsible for him being in jail in the first place. He tells the female lead that he just wanted to spare her the pain and disgrace of his prison sentence, and she very properly calls him out on it. He intentionally humiliated her and left her with lasting wounds and insecurities, and although her new boyfriend isn't perfect either, at least he never did THAT to her.
Although this is a deconstruction I think we can still learn from it. After all, this trope is always depicted as a mistake on somebody's part; the important thing is to make the consequences believable.
3. Make sure it's believable for the characters to act in this way
When this trope is played straight, as a major third act breakup between avowed lovers, I almost never find it truly believable. But the story that comes closest is MOULIN ROUGE. Our heroine Satine has always seen herself as the older, worldly wise, cynical one in the relationship. She doesn't believe in the power of love the way her love interest, Christian, does. And she's spent her whole life prioritising money and survival. So, when Satine finds out that her would-be lover, a powerful duke, wants Christian dead, it's credible that THIS sort of person would decide to break up with Christian and tell him she's choosing the Duke and financial security over love.
There are also additional reasons why this works, and all of them are deeply rooted in characterisation.
For one thing, this isn't Satine's first choice. She originally plans to run away with Christian. It's only once she learns that she's dying of consumption that she decides to break up with him instead. We SEE that Satine would rather fight for her love - and we understand why she comes to despair of it.
For another, staying true to Christian won't save him heartbreak because he's going to lose her anyway. On the other hand, if she breaks Christian's heart, she will save him from the Duke and also give the Moulin Rouge's prostitutes a chance at becoming actresses and real artists. We can understand that the price of putting love first is so high, with such little return, that Satine would choose to act this way.
Finally, because Satine's character has already been established as so mercenary, she doesn't actually NEED to work hard to convince Christian that she has chosen the Duke. In fact, one of the things that sets MOULIN ROUGE apart from other examples of this trope is that, from memory, Satine doesn't even lie to Christian. She doesn't try to convince him that their love has been a complete sham - she just informs him that she's decided to give the Duke what he wants. Christian believes it because it's exactly the sort of thing the Satine he first met would have done.
Compare this to the example in F4: THAILAND. In that show, breaking up with Thyme doesn't fit with Gorya's character. She doesn't try to find any alternatives. Thyme finds it so hard to believe her when she says she wants to break up with him, that she has to seriously hurt him in order to make him believe it. And as a member of the audience I wanted to know why exactly it would be so terrible - in a show that is explicitly about the evils of wealth - for Thyme to abandon his family empire.
4. Connect it directly with the themes
The cdrama LOVE BETWEEN FAIRY AND DEVIL contains a rendition of this trope that actually works WITH, rather than against, the themes of the story. LBFAD avoids the often sexist and paternalistic overtones of this trope by having both leads at different times break each other's hearts to save them. Best of all, it uses the trope as an expression of the main thematic conflict of the story. This campy fantasy romance dares to ask whether the greater good is more important than personal love and happiness. When each lead character chooses to break the heart of the other, they do so implicitly because they have bought into the lie that they must set aside personal love for the greater good. Their whole character arc and happy ending hinges upon their ability to see that the only way to sacrifice for the greater good, is to learn love and compassion on a personal level. As such, even though it still stretched credibility that two such devoted leads would treat each other so badly, the story used the trope wisely, not to manufacture melodrama but to discuss its central themes.
5. BONUS: Restore agency to the dumped party
One of the annoying things about this trope is specifically that it involves one character choosing to deprive the other of agency in their own romance. So, one of the most fun ways to play this trope is by restoring agency to the dumpee.
This happens in the cdrama TILL THE END OF THE MOON. At first, the way this trope was played in this story really annoyed me. The God of War, Ming Ye, has unexpectedly fallen in love with his at-first unwanted bride, Sang Jiu. Now, however, he's about to go off and fight a battle in which he expects to give his life. Rather than let Sang Jiu know about this, he hands her a bill of divorce and tells her he never had any feelings for her. Sang Jiu has been in love with him from the shell, and this breaks her heart. It seemed completely gratuitous to me - why would Ming Ye divorce someone he's about to widow in any case? If he wants to send her to safety, why can't he just ask her to go home for a visit to her beloved family until the danger blows over? However, I was FASCINATED by Sang Jiu's response to this ultimatum: she puts on her wedding dress, marches into Ming Ye's room, and demands her conjugal rights before she leaves. Although there were definitely things about this scene which I, ah, found problematic and would have done differently, it was a terrific thing to see the female lead seize back agency in this situation. I also appreciated how it foreshadowed later problems in the subplot, in which the male lead's inability to communicate and the female lead's tendency to take things into her own hands dooms them both.
Similarly, in one of my books, a character is forced to break up with another in public, which she does, very coldly. But he takes the first opportunity to get her alone, throw himself at her feet and swear that even if she doesn't want to be his partner anymore, she will still have his undying devotion and lifelong service. It was huge fun to defy the common expectations of the trope in this way!
In summary, I do think that this trope can work, but it does need to be fully supported by the story. It should not be overdone; there must be consequences; it must be in character; there must be high enough stakes to make the pain inflicted seem worthwhile; and it must be in keeping with the themes rather than militating against them.
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Galios making splinter seem like the abusive parent was an odd favorite line because like yeah you don’t like it when someone calls your parent abusive but it also opens the can of worms that no matter how much I hate draxum he’s still a better parent than splinter in a way
I know that physical abuse being frequent in Asian parenting cultures is somewhat of a stereotype, and Japan at least recently outlawed corporal punishment altogether, so I do try to be mindful about not playing into stereotypes. But at the same time, Splinter is shown to physically discipline them. It's played for laughs in the show, but still-he never does it to April, so he's well aware that he shouldn't be hitting other people's kids.
And I also have to factor in, Splinter's older than the average parent of teenagers. I've been ballparking his DOB somewhere around 1960-65, which would make him around sixty now, so he was raised in the 60s and 70s. And raised by his grandfather, no less, who would have been born around 1920 at the latest. Grandpa Sho would have grown up in pre-WWII Japan, in a relatively rural area in a very traditional family, and was probably more than a little resistant to modernization. He definitely used physical discipline while raising his daughter and then his grandson, because That Is The Way To Rear Children. That doesn't mean he was a bad father or anything-especially when you factor in the generational trauma and Hamato Family Fear-Mongering stuff, like, he'd been told his entire life that if he and his descendants didn't unquestionably carry out their 'duties' then the world would literally end. This man watched his daughter die to somehow protect the world from the Shredder, and he never questioned that. He wouldn't have shied away from physical discipline.
I talked about this a little bit with some people in the last chapter, but the thing with Splinter using the same methods on his sons-even if he objected to the way his grandfather disciplined him, even if he never wanted to hurt his own sons, he probably didn't know what else to do. Yoshi was an only child, as was Atsuko, and it doesn't sound like he had a relationship with his bio father or any half-siblings or cousins he might have had through him. Lou was partying and fucking and doing drugs in Hollywood from early adulthood to his mid-thirties, when Big Mama abducted him for the Nexus. He never wanted kids, never planned on them or thought about how he'd parent. He has no experience with children. No other parents or pediatricians to answer his questions, no resources, can't even drop them off with a babysitter to get an hour to himself.
Not to even mention that his kids are genetically enhanced super soldiers and he has to worry about shit that no other parent would. Like, ideally yes you would sit down with your toddler and explain to him that he needs to be careful when playing with his little brothers. Splinter has no idea how to phrase that in a way a toddler could understand. He's gotten three hours of sleep in the last week, is wondering where he's going to get more food because he has enough for exactly two more meals if he doesn't eat himself, one of his other kids is already crying for him and he still has to patch where Raph put Leo through the drywall, and if the next time Raph does that he's just a little more forceful, or if he does it with Donnie-if he doesn't stop this now, one of his kids could end up getting killed.
So he hits him. He hates it, he cries afterwards, but Raph gets the message.
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Be My Favorite Ep 10 Stray Thoughts
Last week, Kawi and Pisaeng started dating and Not immediately ruined it by making everything about him as always. Not outs them repeatedly and tries to use it as an in with Pear. He breaks things off with Kwan, who genuinely likes him, and gets his ass handed to him by Pear. Meanwhile, Kawi is spiraling that once again his mistakes are causing problems for others, and Pisaeng pushes Kawi to try to see life more optimistically and just try to take care of each other. Pear is having her own problems as she reckons with her mom finding success as an artist after leaving her family to pursue that art.
Hopefully we get Max back this week.
Love us coming back to Kawi and Pisaeng affirming their connection and Pear affirming that she and Not do NOT have one.
YES, MISS PEAR! COME THROUGH, SIS! She said, “Kwan is my friend and you are a dick. DICK IS ABUNDANT AND LOW IN VALUE!”
I want to say here that while I absolutely despise Not, I think Title is giving a great performance in this role. He’s very good at playing disaffected man who is also the source of his own problems.
Okay, this boy just put hands on Kwan. Let’s stomp his ass.
I’m with the dad on “The more you forgive, the stronger you get.” It’s so easy to burn yourself out in righteous rage. I was there for a long time early in the BLM movement, and all I succeeded in doing was giving myself a bunch of a stress-related health issues. The work I do now is about uplifting now and less about fighting. We talked about this on @the-conversation-pod in The Eighth Sense about how forgiveness isn’t about admitting the other party is right. It’s about accepting what happened, determining the boundaries you need to establish for the future, and then focusing on what’s important to you. Holding resentment traps you in the moment you were last offended. You become a living ghost.
Oh interesting. Kawi is reading Crazy Rich Asians.
They are crushing me with the fathers today. I’m going to need Tom Phollawat and Kob Songsit to get off my neck. In all seriousness, Kob is clearly ridiculously talented. Krist is responding to his emotions better than he has with anyone else in the series.
There is something so poignant about Kawi doing everything he could to try to save his dad, still losing him, but getting closure this time because he was able to say goodbye to his father before the surgery. I’m trying not to cry right now.
I love that the first people we see Pear interacting with after that talk with her dad are Pisaeng and Kawi. Love that she made sure to clear up any angst between them. It’s beautiful because the show says she has a right to be disappointed about how things went even as she commits to maintaining two important friendships. These boys are throwing themselves before Pear about who should be castigated more and I love that.
Yes, now that Pear has affirmed her support for gay love, let’s go hang out with the gays. Welcome back, Max. I’ve missed you. You look amazing as always. Love these boots.
I love Max. He’s correct. Just because we know what’s going on doesn’t mean we also don’t need to be told. Up until we’re told, we technically just suspect. Kawi is lucky to have community.
Before I engage with Pisaeng’s mom’s latest form of gaslighting, I need to know what show they’re watching on this projector in the background.
Sowing doubt into your son’s first real relationship is so cruel. Pisaeng knows exactly what she’s doing, and Gawin is playing his hurt and offense completely legibly.
I’m really loving the theme in this show that there is a difference between avoiding misery and finding happiness.
I do love seeing folks figure out the early parts of their relationships. Kawi doesn’t like Pisaeng avoiding his problems with his mom around him, especially when Pisaeng came to him for comfort. Now we get to see these two sort out how intimacy is going to work for them.
I’m never going to complain about parents turning things around and choosing to support their kids, but I don’t think I like Pisaeng faking a conflict with his mom in the hopes that Kawi will be intimate with him.
The mom’s smile is giving Gates McFadden at the end of Make the Yuletide Gay (2009).
I’m really enjoying the way Gawin plays Pisaeng as flirty or cheeky.
I’m obsessed with Max wearing this big black jacket but having these shorts He has such long legs that the juxtaposition fees intentional.
The Ace Friend and Gay Slut duo is undefeated. Kawi being on the ace spectrum doesn’t surprise me. I’m sure people are going to chide Max for how he spoke to Kawi, but I get Max. He’s a sexual being and it’s clear that some of his experiences weren’t great. There are things to unpack there. However, this show is about accepting people as they are and understanding where they’re coming from. We’re not aiming for perfection. We’re aiming for honesty and kindness. Kawi does need to consider the needs of his partner if he’s going to be in a long term relationship with someone who isn’t on the spectrum like him.
Oh, Kawi. Don’t pretend to sleep.
For a moment I really wondered if the snow globe would transport Pisaeng, but he’s already rejected magical help for his problems.
I’m really hoping this show does something interesting with the asymmetric sexual desire between Kawi and Pisaeng. We were here before during SOTUS and it’s hard not to recall that.
The amusement park thing is not subtle, and I’m not sure how to feel about it. Kawi has always wanted to visit a place full of excitement and thrill, but is here just to soak in the vibes and eat food. Pisaeng isn’t on that wavelength and is a bit frustrated.
Okay, so the preview seems to indicate that Pisaeng maybe did time travel. Unsure about how we went from a kinda botched date to their first sober kiss and implied first time.
I’m not sure where I sit on the sex stuff this episode. I think I’m going to leave myself in this moment of uncertainty until next week to see what we learn about Pisaeng’s potential time jump, and Kawi’s follow up on Max urging him to consider the role of sex and intimacy in romance.
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WITH YOU II | [6] KNOCKING ON HEAVEN's DOOR
Daryl Dixon x oc!Charlie
Summary: Charlie disagrees with Rick and is angry with how he treats Aaron. As the group wanders down the road, she has some sad realizations. Standing in front of Alexandria’s gates makes Charlie emotional.
Warnings: language, violence
Words: 5584
A/N: Now, the real story begins my dear readers. Enjoy!!
Charlie tried to believe in Washington, its promise of a better life. But nothing could have prepared her for the sight that greeted her as she approached the city gates. The gates towered higher than any structure Charlie had seen in a long time. She stood before the towering gates of Alexandria, her heart pounding with a mixture of hope and excitement. She tightened her fists, nails digging into a delicate skin.
Maybe it was the place Charlie was dreaming since this craziness broke out?
Rick's gaze flickered over Aaron before settling back on Sasha and Charlie. Something in his demeanor shifted, a storm brewing beneath his usually composed exterior. Charlie stood frozen, her eyes wide with shock and anger as Rick's fist collided with Aaron's jaw. The sound echoed in the tense silence of the room, sending a shiver down her spine. She was disbelieved as she watched Aaron stagger backward, clutching his injured jaw.
"Rick, what the hell?!" Charlie's voice trembled with a mixture of fury and dismay, her gaze locking onto his hardened expression. She immediately kneeled next to a man who got knocked down. "Me and Sasha, we didn't see him. If he wanted to hurt us, he could have."
"Anybody see anything?" Rick ignored what she said and turned his attention to Glenn and Daryl who were checking the nearby area.
"Just a lot of places to hide," said Asian man.
"All right, keep looking."
"Rick!" Charlie called. "Do you hear what I said? Stop acting like a crazy man."
But he ignored her, again.
Charlie didn't trust Aaron entirely, her instincts urging caution even as her weary soul longed for the solace of trust. She knew she couldn't afford to let her guard down completely, not in a world where betrayal lurked around every corner
"That's a hell of a right cross there, Rick," groaned Aaron from the ground.
"Sit him up," Rick commanded.
"I think it's better if..."
"It's okay," the man touched Charlie's arm in reassurance.
"He's fine. Sit him up," Rick said with annoyance. Charlie rolled her eyes at his demeanor.
"Are you really okay?" Charlie asked the man to be entirely sure.
"You're being cautious," Aaron nodded. "I completely understand..."
She placed a hand on his back, offering him support with a small, reassuring smile. Aaron's gaze met hers, gratitude flickering in his eyes as he accepted her offer. With a slight wince, he shifted his weight, allowing Charlie to steady him as he sat up. As Aaron settled into a more comfortable position, Charlie lingered beside him.
"How many of your people are out there?" Grimes asked. He once again stepped into Sheriff Rick persona. "You have a flare gun. You have it to signal your people. How many of them are there?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes," the man nodded. "Yes it does."
"I mean, of course, it matters how many people are actually out there, but does it matter how many people I tell you are out there?" Aaron asked with a scoff. "Because I'm pretty sure no matter what number I say...8? 32? 444? Zero? No matter what I say, you're not going to trust me."
Charlie couldn't tear her gaze away from Rick as he paced back and forth, his frustration palpable in every tense movement. She watched as his jaw clenched, his brows furrowing deeper with each passing moment. The air around him crackled with tension, his annoyance radiating outwards like a storm gathering on the horizon."Well, it's hard to trust anyone who smiles after getting punched in the face."
"How about a guy who leaves bottles of water for you in the road?" Aaron was now the one to ask.
"How long you people been following us?"
"Long enough to see that you practically ignore a pack of roamers on your trail. Long enough to see that despite a lack of food and water, you never turned on each other. You're survivors." starnger said in amazement. "And you are people. Like I said, and I hope you won't punch me for saying it again, that is the most important resource in the world."
Charlie could feel the tension in the room mounting, a heavy weight pressing down upon them all. She knew that Rick was struggling, his burden of leadership heavier than ever in the face of uncertainty. But even as empathy tugged at her heart, she couldn't shake the sense of apprehension that coiled in the pit of her stomach.
"How many others are out there?" he repeated the question.
"One." Aaron said. Rick let out a sharp scoff. It cut through the tense atmosphere like a knife, drawing the attention of everyone in the room."I knew you wouldn't believe me. If it's not words, if it's not pictures, what would it take to convince you that this is for real? What if I drove you to the community? All of you? We leave now, we'll get there by lunch."
"I'm not sure how the 15 of us are gonna fit in the car you and your one friend drove down here in," snickered Rick.
"We drove separately. If we found a group, we wanted to be able to bring them all home. There's enough room for all of us."
"And you're parked just a couple miles away, right?"
"East on Ridge Road, just after you hit Route 16." Aaron confessed. "We wanted to get them closer, but then the storm came, blocked the road. We couldn't clear it."
"Yeah, you've really thought this through."
"Rick," Aaron said with more stern voice. "If I wanted to ambush you, I'd do it here. You know, light the barn on fire while you slept. Pick you off as you ran out the only exit. You can trust me."
As Rick's frustration simmered in the air, Charlie felt a surge of defiance rise within her. She couldn't stand idly by, letting distrust and fear dictate her actions. Despite the doubts that lingered in the depths of her mind, she made a conscious decision to trust Aaron.
With a determined exhale, Charlie stepped forward, her gaze locking onto Rick's. "I'll check out the cars," Charlie said without thinking, probably still inspired by Michonne.
"There aren't any cars." Rick said.
"There's only one way to find out," Charlie argued.
"We don't need to find out."
"We do," Michonne decided to back her friend up.
"You were able to trust Gabriel after knowing what he did. You believed Eugene just because he uses difficult words," Charlie said. "And you trust me, even though you know what I did. You're sure of what you believe in, and I respect that. You know I do...But I need to check it. To prove something to myself."
"Your way is dangerous, mine isn't." Grimes said immediately.
"Passing up someplace where we can live?"
"We need to find out what this is," Michonne agreed.
"I want to do it," Charlie said with a firm voice.
"Then I will, too," Glenn said.
"Abraham," Rick called and turned to the ginger man.
"Yeah," he nodded. "I'll walk with them."
"Rosita?"
The girl shrugged and then nodded.
"If there's trouble, you got enough firepower?" Rick asked.
"We got what we got."
"If you're not back in 60 minutes we'll come." he nodded at her. "Which might be just what they want."
"I'm coming too," Noah said and walked to Charlie.
"To do what?" she snorted. "Be a human catch? You stay."
"Then I'll go," Carl announced.
"We will be back soon," Charlie said and made sure she had enough of weapons on her. Then she ruffled Carl's hair with a smile. "See you in 60 minutes."
With determination fueling their steps, Charlie set out down the desolate road, their eyes scanning the horizon for any sign of the cars Aaron had mentioned. They were venturing into unknown territory, trusting in Aaron's words. But as they walked, she couldn't shake the nagging doubt that gnawed at the edges of her mind. What if Aaron had led them astray? What if they were walking straight into a trap?
"JTC 16."
"Weapons up. Eyes open, everybody," Glenn said, squeezing his gun. "You see someone coming at us, you fire."
"Copy that," Abraham said.
"So if we see someone we just shot them?" Michonne asked.
"It's a good question," Charlie agreed with Michonne. "What if they're someone like us? What if Aaron is telling the truth?"
"We're five people walking with guns." Glenn asked. "No one's coming up to say hello."
"But that's exactly what happened," Charlie argued.
"If it's someone like us, we should be afraid of them."
As Glenn's words echoed in the stillness of the abandoned highway, Charlie felt a knot form in the pit of her stomach. They weren't the same people they once were, the ones who clung to notions of morality in a world gone mad. They had done things, seen things, that had changed them irrevocably. The weight of guilt settled heavy upon her shoulders, a burden she could no longer bear. Michonne's hand on her shoulder brought her back to the present, a silent gesture of support amidst the turmoil raging within her.
"People like us, saved the priest."
"And we did that completely unnecessary," Charlie murmured under her nose, still not being a fan of Gabe.
"Saved a girl who rolled up to the prison with the Governor. Saved a crazy lady with a sword." Michonne added. "He saw that."
"I don't know what he saw." Glenn said, still not convinced.
As they rounded a bend in the road, Charlie's eyes fell upon the unexpected sight of a camper parked in the middle of the desolate highway. Relief flooded through her at the sight, a flicker of hope igniting within her weary heart. It was a stark reminder that amidst the chaos and despair, there were still good people in the world, people willing to offer aid and shelter to those in need. Charlie couldn't help but feel a sense of relief towards Aaron. In that moment, she knew that no matter how dark the world may seem, there would always be good people willing to shine a light in the darkness.
"Look," Charlie breathed, her voice tinged with awe as she pointed towards the camper.
As the group approached the cluster of cars on the desolate highway, a rustling sound erupted from the nearby woods, sending a shiver down Charlie's spine. Instinct kicked in, and she tightened her grip on the handle of her weapon, her senses on high alert.
"Not one step closer, asshole!" Abraham warned whoever was behind the bushes.
Three walkers emerged from the shadows behind the survivor, their groans echoing through the silent woods. She felt relieved that it wasn't a trap, and that she once again mistrusted Aaron. With a steadying breath, Charlie lowered her gun, the weight of doubt heavy in her heart. Gripping the handle of her axe tightly, she stepped forward, her resolve unwavering as she prepared to face the walkers head-on."I got them."
The group stood over the stash of supplies they had found near the abandoned cars. Boxes of canned food, bottles of water, and other essential items lay scattered around them. As Charlie surveyed the gathered supplies, a swell of pride rose within her. Aaron had been right all along, and Charlie couldn't help but feel a surge of pride at having proved Rick wrong. They had trusted Aaron, taken a chance on his word, and it had paid off. Charlie couldn't help but feel a renewed sense of faith in their ability to navigate the challenges of this harsh world.
"This, this is ours now." Rick announced as if expecting some kind of protest.
"There's more than enough," Aaron nodded.
"It's ours whether or not we go to your camp."
Charlie furrowed her eyebrows at the sudden revelation.
"What do you mean? Why wouldn't we go?" Carl asked.
"If he were lying or if he wanted to hurt us..."
"But he isn't," Charlie finished her thought.
"And he doesn't," she nodded. "We need this. So we're going, all of us. Somebody say something if they feel differently."
Charlie looked into Rick's eyes with determination.
"I don't know, man," Daryl said. "This barn smells like horse shit."
She glanced over at him, offering a silent nod of gratitude and acknowledgement. Daryl met her gaze with a gruff nod of his own, his expression stoic but his eyes reflecting a hint of camaraderie. Though he wasn't one for grand gestures or flowery words, Charlie knew that his presence beside her spoke volumes.
"Yeah," Rick nodded. "We're going. So where are we going?"
"Well, every time I've done this, I've been behind the wherl driving recruits back..."
"You're not driving," Michonne said. She trusted Aaron a bit more now, but she had been through a lot. "So if you want to get home, you'll have to tell us how."
As the first rays of sun disappeared behind the horizon, Charlie stood beside the battered van, her hands busy with the task of preparing it for the road ahead. Supplies were stowed away, weapons secured, and makeshift repairs made to ensure their journey would be as smooth as possible.
Lost in her thoughts, Charlie barely noticed when Daryl approached, his footsteps echoing softly against the pavement. She could sense his presence beside her, his silent solidarity a comforting presence amidst the uncertainty of their journey. "Need a hand?" Daryl's gruff voice broke through the stillness, his offer genuine despite the rough edges of his tone.
Charlie glanced up, meeting his gaze with a nod of appreciation. "If you're offering," she replied, her voice tinged with weariness.
Daryl fell into step beside her, his movements efficient as he helped with the final preparations. Glancing at Charlie from the corner of his eye, Daryl observed her tense posture and furrowed brow. He knew she was grappling with her own demons, but he couldn't shake the worry that he might inadvertently add to her burden.
"I... I'm sorry if I seemed distant earlier. I didn't mean."
Charlie stiffened beside him, her jaw clenched with suppressed emotion. She turned to him, her eyes flashing with a mixture of anger and hurt. "Sorry?" she echoed, her voice laced with bitterness. "For what? Ignoring me?"
Daryl winced at the accusation, his guilt gnawing at him like a relentless beast. "I didn't mean to," he protested, his voice tinged with desperation. "I was just..."
Charlie's expression softened slightly at his apology, but the anger still simmered beneath the surface. "You can't just shut me out whenever you feel like it, Daryl," she said quietly, her tone tinged with disappointment. "We're supposed to be a team."
Daryl nodded, his own guilt weighing heavily upon him. "I know," he murmured, his gaze dropping to the ground. "It won't happen again. I promise."
"Save it," she answered. "Just don't do it again."
Daryl felt a powerful urge to reach out to her, to offer comfort and reassurance in the only way he knew how. But as he moved to embrace her, something inside him stopped him in his tracks. He knew that Charlie needed space, that his actions had caused her pain, and he didn't want to make things worse by overstepping his bounds. Instead, Daryl hesitated for a moment before reaching out to touch her back, his gesture gentle. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes of his desire to be there for her, to offer support and understanding in her time of need.
Charlie stiffened at his touch, the tension between them palpable in the air. But after a moment, she relaxed slightly, allowing his hand to rest on her back in a silent acknowledgment of his presence. Daryl's heart swelled with a mix of relief and gratitude as Charlie offered a slight smile and touched his arm before walking away. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes to him, a sign that perhaps their bond wasn't irreparably damaged.
Charlie sat in the back of the van, her fingers tapping anxiously against her thigh. The darkness outside pressed against the windows, thick and impenetrable. She adjusted her gear, the weight of the mission settling heavy on her shoulders. As if summoned by her thoughts, Abraham appeared at the van's door, his silhouette outlined against the faint glow of a nearby streetlamp. He swung the door open and climbed in, his presence commanding the small space. “Excited?”
“If you can be excited after everything we’ve been through.”
Abraham settled himself beside her, his gaze steady. "Good. Remember, in the army, all important missions are at night. It's when we operate best, when the element of surprise is on our side."
Charlie leaned in, her eyes meeting his. "I know. I just wish it didn't always have to be so... intense." Abraham gave her a small, understanding smile. "You know," she said with a grin, "my brothers were in the army. I've heard my fair share of military stories and jokes."
"Really?"
"Yep," she nodded. "I feel like an army veteran thanks to them."
"That's interesting," he nodded. "Bob knew one of them, right?"
"Luke."
"You don't know where they are?"
"Dead, probably."
"You believe that?" he asked. "Well, let me tell you something," Abraham continued, his voice gaining strength. "Soldiers are some of the toughest sons of bitches I've ever met. They're trained to survive in the worst conditions imaginable, to adapt and overcome no matter what."
Charlie felt a wave of emotion wash over her. It was the first time someone had spoken about her brothers with such conviction, such unwavering belief in their strength and resilience. For so long, she had carried the weight of her loss alone, her brothers' memory a bittersweet reminder of the life they had lost. But now, with Abraham's reassurance ringing in her ears, Charlie allowed herself to entertain the possibility that her brothers were still out there, fighting to survive against all odds.
"I think they're somewhere out there. Just like us," Abraham placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, a silent gesture of support and understanding. "They'd be proud of you, Charlie," he said quietly. "You're tough as nails, just like them."
“You don’t know them,” she sniffed.
“I don’t have to,” he said. “Look at you. You won’t tell me you’re the only tough one in your family.”
"Thank you," she almost whispered.
"Don't give up on them, Charlie," he said earnestly. "They're out there, I know it. And until we have proof otherwise, we have to believe they're still fighting, just like we are."
As Charlie wiped away a stray tear, trying to compose herself, she heard the familiar footsteps of Rosita and Tara approaching. She quickly straightened up, hoping to hide any signs of her distress, but it was too late. They had seen her.
Rosita noticed their arrival too, and his usual jovial expression softened as she exchanged a concerned glance with the other women. "Everything alright, Charlie?" she asked, her voice laced with genuine concern. "Have you made her cry?"
"No," Charlie answered for the man. "I'm fine. Really. Just emotional about everything that is happening."
"So, do we trust Aaron?" Rosita ventured, her voice quiet but determined.
Charlie sighed, the weight of uncertainty settling over her once more. "I want to," she admitted, her gaze drifting to the horizon. "But after everything we've been through, it's hard to trust anyone completely."
"If there's a chance that Alexandria exists, that there are people out there who can offer us safety and a sense of normalcy, isn't it worth taking?" Tara asked.
Charlie considered her words carefully, the prospect of sanctuary tempting yet fraught with uncertainty. "I guess we won't know unless we try," she conceded, her voice tinged with uncertainty.
Rosita nodded in agreement, her resolve firm. "Then let's make sure we're ready for whatever comes our way," she said, her tone determined.
A sudden movement jolted the van. Charlie's heart skipped a beat as she grabbed onto the nearest surface to steady herself, her muscles tensing with anticipation. Her eyes moved to Carl and Judith to check if they're alright. As the van surged forward, narrowly escaping the herd of walkers and the stalled car, a wave of relief washed over the group. But their respite was short-lived as the van suddenly lurched to a stop, the engine sputtering to a halt with a final gasp of effort.
Panic gripped Charlie's chest as she realized what had happened. "What's going on?" she demanded, her voice tinged with fear.
Daryl cursed under his breath, his hands frantically working to restart the engine to no avail. "We've lost them," he growled, his frustration evident.
"What do you mean lost?" asked Carl with panic in his voice.
Before they could even begin to formulate a plan, a collective gasp rippled through the group as they caught sight of a massive herd of walkers on the horizon, their relentless march bringing them ever closer. Charlie's heart hammered in her chest as she scanned the landscape for any sign of their missing companions. And then, amidst the chaos, she saw him—a lone figure standing amidst the sea of undead, his gaze locked on their van with a mixture of desperation and determination.
"Who is that?" Maggie whispered, her voice barely audible over the pounding of Charlie's heartbeat.
"Help!" the starnger called, but didn't came closer to the van. He was standing on the side of the road.
As Charlie moved to open the van door and rush to the injured man's aid, Carol's voice stopped her in her tracks like a sudden gust of wind. "Charlie, don't you dare," her tone was firm, commanding attention.
Charlie turned to face Carol, her frustration simmering just below the surface. "We can't just leave him out there," she argued, her voice edged with urgency.
"We have to prioritize the safety of the group," she replied, her tone unwavering.
Charlie bristled at Carol's words, her concern for the injured man warring with her duty to protect her friends. "What if it was one of us out there?" she shot back, her voice tinged with frustration.
Carol's expression softened slightly, a flicker of understanding crossing her features. "I know it's hard, Charlie, but we can't risk our lives for one person," she said gently, her voice tinged with empathy.
"Yes, we can."
Charlie couldn't ignore the gnawing sense of guilt that tugged at her heartstrings. With each passing moment, the injured man's cries for help grew louder, echoing in her ears like a haunting melody of desperation. Without a word, she pushed open the van door and stepped out into the chaos, determined to do whatever it took to save the stranger's life. She was met with a sudden display of solidarity from Daryl and Abraham. Without a word exchanged, the two men swiftly reached for their guns, their movements fluid and decisive as they prepared to fend off any threats that might come their way.
Just as she reached the injured man, Rosita sprang into action, her resolve matching Charlie's as she followed her without hesitation.
"My bagpack," he said. "Please take it! I have a flare there!"
With a shared glance between them, they hoisted the stranger's weight between them, their steps quick and purposeful as they hurried back towards the safety of the van.
"Thank you," he breathed out. "Thank you. Thank you. Thank you."
"Who is he?" Sasha furrowed her eyebrows as she missed the banter and whole situation.
"Yeah," Rosita breathed out, tired from carrying the man. "Who are you?"
"Eric," he replied, his voice hoarse with pain. "My name is Eric."
"What were you doing out there?"
"I was waiting for you. I was out there with Aaron," he answered.
"You are from Alexandria?" Maggie asked, sitting down next to him, taking out the bandage. "So, what is it like?" she asked, her tone filled with genuine curiosity.
He went on to describe the bustling streets and sturdy walls of Alexandria, painting a picture of a thriving community where people worked together to rebuild and reclaim a sense of normalcy in the midst of chaos.
"There's a real sense of community there," he explained, his voice tinged with warmth. "Everyone looks out for each other, like one big family."
Maggie listened intently, her eyes shining with interest as she imagined the possibilities that awaited them in this new sanctuary. "Sounds like a place worth fighting for."
"It is," he confirmed. " And you guys really know how to make an entrance," he quipped, a small smirk playing at the corners of his lips despite the pain he was clearly in.
Charlie couldn't help but chuckle at his remark, grateful for the momentary respite from the gravity of their situation. "Sorry about that," she replied with a smile, her tone light but genuine.
Eric waved off her apology with a dismissive gesture, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "No worries," he said with a grin. "It's not every day we get rescued by a band of fearless survivors."
"And what happened to you?" Carol asked.
"I was running away..." he started. "Eh, long story. Thank God, you were here."
"Yeah," she murmured, while helping him.
With the tension easing slightly inside the van, Eric's revelation about a nearby town sparked a renewed sense of hope among the group. Charlie felt a surge of anticipation course through her veins as she exchanged excited glances with her companions.
"A town?" she repeated, her voice tinged with disbelief.
Eric nodded eagerly, his eyes alight with excitement despite his obvious discomfort. "Yeah, just a few miles down the road," he confirmed, his voice filled with hope.
Without hesitation, the group sprang into action, their movements swift and purposeful as they prepared to set out for the newfound sanctuary. With a quick exchange of glances, Daryl and Abraham took their positions at the front of the van, ready to lead the way. As Charlie and Eric settled into a quiet corner of the room, the warmth of safety and refuge enveloped them like a comforting embrace. Eric, ever the talkative one, launched into conversation without missing a beat. His words flowed freely, filling the room with the sound of his voice as he regaled Charlie with stories of life in Alexandria and the people he had met along the way.
She was listening carefully to every word, imagining white houses and streets of Alexandria.
As Eric spoke, Charlie found herself opening up in return, sharing snippets of her own experiences and the journey that had led her to this moment. It felt strange to confide in someone she had just met, but there was something about Eric's easygoing nature that put her at ease.
As a sudden bang reverberated through the room, Charlie and Eric exchanged a startled glance, their conversation coming to an abrupt halt. Before they could react, the door swung open, and the rest of the group poured into the room, their expressions a mixture of relief and concern.
"Eric?"
"In here!"
"Eric!"
"I'm okay," he said. "Carol helped me. Charlie was sitting with me this whole time. It's like a volleyball injury."
"It's a broken ankle," Charlie said. "At least that's what Maggie said."
"I like her," Eric smiled and pointed at her. "I'll just go to the infirmary when we get back."
As Aaron and Eric shared a tender moment, their lips meeting in a gentle kiss, Charlie felt a pang of discomfort wash over her. Turning away respectfully, Charlie silently slipped out of the room, leaving the couple alone to share their private moment. She left the room quietly.
Feeling a gentle touch on her shoulder, Charlie turned to find Rick standing beside her, his expression filled with concern. When Rick finally pulled away, he met Charlie's gaze with a look of genuine concern. "Are you alright?"
"We are all good," she nodded. Despite the comforting embrace from Rick, Charlie couldn't shake the underlying annoyance that simmered beneath the surface. "Are you alright?"
"I think so."
As Aaron made his way of the room, his footsteps echoing in the empty hallways, a sense of relief washed over him. Though his encounter with Rick had been tense, he couldn't help but feel grateful for the group's willingness to help Eric.
"I owe you," Aaron said. "All of you. And I will make sure that debt is paid in full when we get to our community. When we get to Alexandria." he said. "I'm not sure about you, but I'd rather not do any more driving tonight." he smiled and his joke just brought smiles on everyone's faces. "What about tomorrow morning?"
"That sounds fine," Rick said. "But if we're staying here for the night, you're sleeping over there."
"You really think we got to do that?"
"It's the safe play. We don't know you." Rick still sticked to his old story.
"The only way you're gonna stop me from being witn him right now is by shooting me," Aaron said and made a step almost bumping into Rick.
"Woah," Glenn stopped him and Charlie rolled her eyes.
"He told us where the camp is and surprise...he's traveling with one person," Charlie said. "Just let them be together for God's sake."
"Thank you," Aaron turned to her before entering the room where Eric was in.
As they settled around, Charlie found herself lost in thought, her mind still reeling from the events of the day. But as she sat alone in the quiet darkness, she felt a presence beside her, a familiar warmth that made her heart skip a beat.
Glancing to her side, she saw Daryl sitting next to her, his expression guarded but soft around the edges. For a moment, they sat in companionable silence, the weight of their shared experiences hanging heavy in the air.
"Hey," Daryl's voice broke the silence, his tone gentle but hesitant.
Charlie turned to him, offering a small smile of acknowledgment. "Hey," she replied softly, her voice barely above a whisper.
For a moment, they simply sat together, the silence stretching between them like a fragile thread. But then, slowly but surely, the tension began to ease, replaced by a sense of familiarity and comfort. Without a word spoken between them, she rested her head against him, feeling the reassuring strength of his presence against the uncertainty that loomed outside.
Daryl tensed slightly at her touch, his body stiffening with surprise at first. But then, as if sensing the unspoken need for comfort, he relaxed, his arm instinctively wrapping around her in a gentle embrace. For a moment, they sat together in silence, the only sound the steady rhythm of their breathing. Charlie felt a sense of peace wash over her, the weight of the world lifting from her shoulders as she found refuge in Daryl's steady presence.
And with that calmness she fell asleep.
With each passing mile, they drew closer to Alexandria, their newfound sanctuary and the promise of a fresh start. As the car rumbled along the darkened road, Charlie found herself sitting with Judith nestled in her lap, her small form a comforting weight against her chest. As Rick drove, his eyes focused on the road ahead, Charlie couldn't help but marvel at the sense of calm that settled over them.
Glancing down at Judith, Charlie couldn't suppress a smile as she watched the young girl sleep peacefully in her arms. Despite the harsh realities of their world, there was still innocence and joy to be found in the simple moments of companionship and love.
As they approached the outskirts of Alexandria, Charlie felt her heart quicken with anticipation. Though she knew that their arrival marked the beginning of a new chapter filled with its own challenges and uncertainties, she couldn't help but feel excited at the prospect of starting fresh in a place where they could finally put down roots and build a future for themselves.
As the car rolled to a stop at the gates of Alexandria, Charlie gently lifted Judith from her lap, cradling the baby in her arms. With a sense of reluctance, she turned to Rick, her heart heavy with the weight of their impending separation.
As Charlie approached the gates of Alexandria, her heart began to race in her chest, each beat echoing in her ears like a drumroll of anticipation. With each step closer, the sense of excitement and apprehension grew within her, a flurry of emotions swirling in her mind.
As she neared the gates, Charlie felt a surge of nervous energy coursing through her veins, her footsteps quickening with each passing moment.
As the gates creaked open, revealing the safe haven beyond, Charlie felt a surge of emotion wash over her. It was a moment she had never dared to dream of, a flicker of light in the abyss of despair.
Around her, the group she had come to know as family stood, their faces etched with weariness and determination. And now, they stood on the threshold of a new chapter, a sanctuary they had heard whispers of, a place called Alexandria. And as Charlie took her first steps into Alexandria, she felt a glimmer of hope ignite within her once more, a beacon of light guiding them through the darkness that lay ahead.
But for now, they were safe. For now, they were home.
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one thing that i love about infinity train is how REAL the characters are, despite being in a fantasy setting, and the narrative of how experiences shape individuals. the way they speak and act are so realistic, their choices are understandable and their arcs are so well-written. all of the characters have glaring flaws they need to work on, but it's also clear that these flaws are the results of some kind of trauma or the way they were treated.
tulip was disillusioned with the world, angry and distant. and this is a direct reaction to her parents' divorce and her inability to cope with it. which is sympathetic, of course, it's a hard thing to go through as a child. the show also reveals that tulip blames herself for her parents' divorce, which can hit close to home for many people.
lake was similarly angry and defiant, even outright hostile in certain situations. again, this comes as a response to the way she was treated in the train, the way she was never granted her freedom and individuality, and how she was trapped in a role she didn't want to play. it's no wonder that many queer people identify so much with lake, because the rules of the train mirrors real life.
jesse has people-pleasing tendencies that reach the point where it actually hurts people. we've all seen protagonists who are people pleasers or eager to appear likeable to people, but usually it only hurts themselves. jesse's case is the prime example of "a friend to all is a friend to none". you can't please everyone, there are people you should oppose or ignore. otherwise, you end up hurting people who actually matters in your life.
simon and grace are straight-up villains, or anti-villains at the very best. grace is manipulative and cunning, playing on people's feelings and insecurities to serve herself. simon is controlling and somewhat egotistic, refusing to change his mindset, regardless of what happens. again, both these characters are shown to have reasons for why they became what they are, even if it doesn't justify their actions. grace grew up in an environment where she was neglected and felt lonely, and found out that her only sure way of making any sort of connection is to manipulate people. simon is implied to have dealt with someone's death before he got on the train, since he seems to have an idea of what funerals are like. that, paired with samantha the cat accidentally leaving him behind in a crucial and dangerous situation, he develops some very intense abandonment issues. again, both these issues can be very relatable to a lot of people, even if we aren't as bad as either of these characters.
min-gi was shown to be insecure and uncertain, but at the same time, arrogant and condescending. the pressure he recieved from his parents has fueled his gifted child syndrome while simultaneously making him depressed and burned out. ryan is probably the closest we have to a "conventional main character", hyperactive and quirky. but he is also not exactly perfect in all other aspects, as he wants to push things forward and refuses to give min-gi some time to think and make a decision. as a child who grew up with lots of other siblings, ryan struggles to prove himself to his family, since they don't seem to pay him much attention. both these scenarios are especially relatable to asians, but of course, anyone who may have trouble pleasing their parents and living up to expectations.
i just gave a character analysis of each protagonist, but my point is that while other cartoon protagonists tend to lean more on the heroic side, the characters in this show doesn't. in most other animated shows i've watched, the flaws a protagonist is allowed to have are either "heroic" flaws such as being too forgiving or being self-sacrificing, or shallow flaws such as clumsiness or being kind of an idiot.
but not in infinity train. the protagonists in this show aren't heroes, they are normal people. they don't have a magical destiny, they don't have to fight for the good of the world, they aren't the "chosen ones". their ultimate goal is to get out of the train (or in simon and grace's case, to be superior to everyone else, to "win").
so it really feels good when one of the characters does choose to do something nice. when tulip chooses to empathize with and help amelia, when lake bonds with alan dracula and jesse. when grace chooses to change for the better and face the consequences of her actions. when ryan chooses to stay with min-go despite getting a door, and when min-gi does the same later on.
i watched this show about a year ago, and it's still one of the best animated shows i've watched. it's so uncomfortably real sometimes, you stop and go "am i like that?" when a character does something wrong, you know that the show addresses it and their actions have consequences. the show doesn't hand out redemption arcs to everyone or sweep things under the rug like some shows *cough* steven universe and she-ra *cough*
there's a reason why a lot of people seem to relate more to villains than heroes, because villains are allowed to be flawed while also being sympathetic. infinity train managed to create a cast of protagonists who are exactly like that. they are more than heroes, they are people.
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Rules: List 10 of your comfort shows, then tag 10 people
Tagged by @sorry-bonebag and @shouldiusemyname TY very much tag games are so fun! (sorry it's taken me a while to get too!)
I read "comfort shows" and my brain stalled out. Like define comfort? Am I sick? Am I sad and in need of cheering up? Am I angry? Am I hurt? Am I tired? Am i overtired? Am I emotional? What negative emotional state am in dang it??
I started this list thinking there wouldnt be many BL or wider Asian shows but then I remembered prior to this year I almost never watched TV...so it's Asian focused after all! (I went no books allowed or it would have been 3/4 books lol)
Added later: I remembered anime and I have no idea what to do because it's gonna sweep the list...okay, 1 anime per category.
Also I tend to be a CHRONIC rewatcher (Or rereader) even when not in need of comfort so the sheer amount of New content I have consumed this year boggles my mind and is definitely a break from tradition so I am not quite sure yet how much of it is going to stay with me...
But anyway I am using some categories to help
First up: Comfort when I'm sick/run down/tired:
Being sick tends to leave me too tired to read and very much desiring not to use my brain more than necessary so, Shows that gives me the warm fuzzies:
1. Ascendence of A Bookworm - Just sneaking past two others who jostle for the top spot, this is my favourite anime of all time and is absolutely peak comfort, it's given me three beautiful seasons so far and I continue to sit in quite hope for more
2. SOTUS S I am dying to rewatch this series, the emotional resonance I felt to Arthit's journey all the way through is still possibly the most connected I have felt to any character ever and this soft story of growing love and finding your place in teh world with someone by your side is absolutely peak comfort for me.
3. Sing My Crush or more broadly many Korean BL. Most Korean BL is absolutely my comfort zone, it's soft, warm and fuzzy, it's the shows I watch right before bed to send me off to good dreams. Korean BL is definitely comfort for me, and while Sing My Crush isn't my favourite Korean BL, it's definitely my most comforting so far.
Second: Comfort when I'm sad/hurt/down:
E.g. cheer me up shows:
4. Doctor Who, my favourite tv show of all time remains my favourite cheer me up show. Early to mid of any season to keep crying to a minimum.
5. Avatar the Last Airbender, I don't even think this one needs am explanation.
6. Tonhon Chonlatee (and many other Thai BL) I find a lot of Thai BL pretty funny and I found TC utterly hilarious, I definitely plan to use rewatching this one as a pick me up in the future
7. Crash course in Romance, What's a list without some Kdrama! I am still dying to expand my watchlist with Kdrama's but I have to get through all the BL on it first lol...I'm about to reach 100 BL, maybe I'll make a post about it
(also the anime for this cat is: No Game No Life, so bonus show)
Third: Get me out of my own head
E.g. shows that make me feel a lot (some of the above shows also fit this criteria lol)
8. The Eclipse My equal favourite Thai show (along with SOTUS S) and another one where I felt crazy resonance with a main character. In this case the emotional tone is more intense for me, though It's still definitely comfort!
9. The Irregular at Magic Highschool A.K.A Mahouka Koukou no Rettousei (and various spin offs). The third anime of my top three trifecta and one that also has fed me multiple seasons. This one is such fun but also pretty intense so I love it for a myriad of reasons.
10. Goblin the Great and Lonely God, My favourite Kdrama so far, just beating out crash course in the rankings. Even writing the name leaves me dying to go back and watch it all again.
ahhh @plantsarepeopletoo and @thegalwhorants tag me in your answers since you've already been tagged I'll add...
@sparklyeyedhimbo @visualtaehyun @callipigio and @slayerkitty
sorry if you've already done it, and either way no pressure to play!
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Goku and Chichi - Asian parenting
Initially I was going to do Goku’s side of things but since @sweetescapeartist mentioned Chichi, I’ll try to do both of them.
Chichi is often referred as the typical Asian tiger mom who forces her son to study and have to be success.It is a pretty typical mom thing to shield her son and hopes for the best in his life, even though it's not his best interest.
However, it was Gohan who wanted to be the scholar and also he loves studying and researching, we see it even in Super and the newest movie on how he loves to share what he’s found out. There are some blogs here explained this already so I don't talk about it anymore.
People often forget how protective Chichi is. Chichi’s wish for him to be left out of the maniac world is quite realistic. He was a kid when things happened : 4 in Saiyan Saga, and then everything happened consecutively and he couldn't even catch a break until end of Cell.He was a kid, this shouldn’t come to him either way. It was a father and mother’s job to keep bad things away from their children, especially when the mother instinct is to protect, she must do something about it.
The world that Goku introduces to Gohan later is a world of men - fighting, risking your life, damaging yourself forever in no point of return, having responsibilities to protect people with your life. No mother wants her baby to be hurt in it or even become a part of it. She wanted to shelter him as long as possible, like any mother would do.
At the same time, this world is unknown to the real world, they gain nothing and absolutely nothing from it. It’s amazing to save the world but they also need to function in it as well. By refraining him from fighting, he can be safe and do whatever he wants.
They are also somewhat a typical farmer family, and if a farmer family wants to earn better in life, they pour everything on their smart children so the kids can lift their family out of poverty.
I’d say she’s the anchor of reality of the family. She’s the Asian mom, she wants what’s best for him, shields him from danger and tries her best to remind the family of what kind of world they are living in.
I mistook that Goku martial artist’s aspect that affect his parenting in the last post but it was more than that. It’s of course true but I want to further elaborate where it comes from: He’s a typical Asian dad. Not the one who complaints all the time that you see on media, it’s an extremely traditionally masculine one.
This type of father experienced life too early, he knew what life is and what life can do to you. These fathers aren’t the ones who shield their kids from the world. They teach the children, especially boys, to take on the world head on, whether his kids like it or not. Teaching the kids their way of life is their love language.
The Asian traditional ideology of men is also applied here: a man should not bow to the world, he should be strong to protect his ideals, his life and his love ones. And Goku is a personification of this.
Goku was at first just like Chichi sheltered him from the world, let his childhood be happy and all. But right after the Frieza Saga and Gohan being eager to prove himself to his father during Cell Games , he knew it’s time for Gohan to grow up, to go against the world. He taught Gohan everything he knew, so that Gohan himself could fight for what he loves and believes.
The clearest demonstration is the Cell game itself. Goku fought Cell first to test him and right after he saw the chance that Gohan could take on Cell, he took it right away. He showed Gohan his pride and love by letting him prove himself to his father and the world. It was a gamble of course and I would say his martial artist ego affected this a lot. He’s mistaken Cell creating the game to be aligned with him following a martial artist code was also a common trope as well.
Even then Goku was still the observer, he watched the fight and interfered if necessary. And in the end, although his boy was a “man”,he was still his kid and he interfered and sacrificed for Gohan.
His martial artist side also affected his way of seeing things. He saw Gohan as the potential kid and he took him to train right after he got the necessary agreement from Chichi . A veteran martial artist final goal in many ways is to find the next generation to keep the fire burning. And what’s more amazing when your son is the one?
This was also blended perfectly with him being an Asian father, which made him a father and a coach who would teach with dedication, passion, love and pride but wouldn’t hesitate to let the children see the cruel ways of the world. Especially when that’s one of the vital lessons to learn.
Basically they are both a popular type of Asian parents, Chichi is just more aligned with the stupid common trope portrayed in media, while the Goku type is misinterpreted into the toxic version and also less famous?
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Some of these did base on my own life experience and knowledge
I'm not the author so I don't know if it’s true or not
but thanks for reading this weird thing till the end
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5 Sapphic Films to Watch This Pride Month
Carol (2015) directed by Todd Haynes
Films and entertainment remain to be one of the most important platforms for the representation of minorities including the LGBTQIA+ community. Although discrimination has more or less ceased as time passed on since the times of the Stonewall riots in 1969, misunderstandings and hate crimes continue in our modern-day society, and films have served as a source of hope and acceptance for many people. Hence, here are five films that you may watch to feel understood, comforted, and accepted:
Directed by William Wyler
The Children’s Hour (1961)
Starring Audrey Hepburn and Shirley MacLaine, ‘The Children’s Hour’ shows how much change could happen in your life due to even the slightest rumor of being gay or lesbian. Considering the time this movie was released which was in 1961 before the community was given rights, I could only imagine the amount of impact it could have given someone out there to hear Audrey Hepburn say:
You’re guilty of nothing!
This film clearly depicts the guilt that one feels for being so-called different or irregular from others for finding themselves capable of loving the same sex just as any other person deserves to be loved. This was one of the most heartbreaking endings I've witnessed in cinema, and I may follow up with a separate review for it.
Directed by Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
This film has got to be one of my favorite watches of this year. Not only was it able to take my late-night thoughts about the world and visualize them on screen, but it was also able to depict the hard relationships most kids have with their parents whether Asian, gay, or not.
I’m tired. I don’t want to hurt anymore and for some reason when I’m with you it just hurts the both of us.
It’s hard wanting to love someone that doesn’t accept you for who you are or constantly points out your flaws and denies the person you’ve become, and ‘Everything Everywhere All at Once’ is an action-packed film that makes you ponder more on that thought and how the world cycles around each individual.
Directed by Sammi Cohen
Crush (2022)
For quite a while now, people have been pleading for a queer film wherein homophobia isn’t the main conflict, and finally, released in the second quarter of this year, ‘Crush’ delivers the people’s desires. Although it is important to spread the realities of queerness and the harassment the community faces, it is sometimes alienating to only witness films that include the same plot of coming out and not being accepted by the people you love most.
'Crush' is set in a world wherein not only are the main characters queer but so are the background or irrelevant characters. It is written just like any other rom-com out there featuring a man and a woman and feeds more into the fact that queerness is normal.
Directed by Park Chan-wook
The Handmaiden (2016)
‘The Handmaiden’ sits at the top of my favorite films of all time, in general, and is because of the plentiful amount of plot twists that had me gaping my mouth and gasping unlike any other film has caused me to do before. This film made by the acclaimed director Park Chan-wook is less of a comforting but rather suspenseful film, and what I love most about it is that he managed to create a story centered around a same-sex love trope without having it be the only and complete plot.
If I were asked what movie I would choose to watch for the first time ever once again, my choice would be 'The Hanmaiden' with no hesitation.
Directed by Céline Sciamma
Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
‘Portrait of a Lady on Fire’ is an Academy award-winning film wherein we witness the loss two people have at freely expressing their love for each other through a beautifully written and directed cinematic sequence. Set in the 1700s wherein their relationship could never have been successful with the lives they wanted to live, we are left to only imagine what could have been if Héloïse and Marianne lived in a different time or if one of them had been a man.
This film allows you to realize the amount of privilege straight people have to be able to love however and whoever they want to, while the LGBTQ+ community is almost forced to keep half of their lives unlived, especially in the prior years of history.
(Click HERE for Writing Commissions)
by Isobelle Cruz, 07/06/2022
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Hi hi!! May i please request a romantic genshin and hsr matchup? I prefer to be matched with a guy <3
My pronouns are she/her and Im a girl. im 4'10 (i havent grown since i was 12 so uhm😭😭😭) My MBTI is INTP, 4w5. My friends describe my personality to be cat-like. i bite people i like for example on their arm, cheek, neck etc etc. i like knocking things over, being affectionate, and am sleepy. (this is super ironic because my name is Faline and it means feline/cat-like!!) i like getting into trouble in and out of school (i may or may not be banned from a few places ahaaaa-) i can be stupid and reckless uhmmm.. im definetly not smart. My mood changes very, very quickly. i can go from 0-100 real quick. i am not afraid to say what i want. Im quite loud around the people i like and dont like affection from people im not close with.
My aesthetic is best described as the downtown girl aesthetic. My hair is basicaly like ochako urarakas from MHA soo theres that. i have brown eyes and my skin is a light brown. (we love growing up in an asian household and wanting to be whiter ahaaaa.. :( )
My favourite color is purple. i LOVE purple so much its such a pretty colour i could talk about it forever. i love drawing, photography, baking, watching anime and k-dramas, listenin to music and shopping!! im definetly more of a nighttime person and i love animals. animals over people anyday.
I don’t like school… I’m not a very good student and the best part of school is seeing my friends, for sure. i never pay attention in class and end up walking out the class, zoning out or drawing allover my notes or on the table. i skip classes alot too.
I think that’s all, thank you in advance!
Hi Faline! Thank you for your request! Sorry it took a while. I hope you like your matchups!
In Genshin Impact, I match you with...
Itto can appreciate your dislike for school. I don’t think he’s been to school a day in his life. Everything he knows has either been taught to him by Granny Oni or he’s learnt by himself.
Likes your catlike behaviour. He thinks it’s sweet, even if you do bite him sometimes. Just be warned, he will bite you back. He knows he has sharp teeth so he’ll never bite hard enough to hurt though.
Itto absolutely would watch k-drama with you! He would get so invested in the story and characters.
The height difference! Itto loves giving you piggybacks if that’s something you’re comfortable with. Especially if you’re at an event like a festival. He’ll lift you up so you can see over the crowd.
He would love eating anything you bake. He’s convinced your baking is the best in all of Teyvat. He’d love to help out sometimes but it’s up to you whether you want the company and the mess…
Please take photos of him. He’s oblivious half the time so you’d get really good candid shots. You might also be able to sell some of them to the news after he gets arrested for the third time in a month.
In Honkai Star Rail, I match you with...
Dan Heng doesn't know how to feel about your cat-like tendencies. On one hand, he finds them cute and endearing. They’re a part of who you are as a person and he wouldn’t change that for the world.
But when you knock something off his desk for the fourth time that day, he really wonders…
Okay, this guy absolutely sees gentle bites as a form of affection. He’ll return any bites you give him.
He’s so glad you like night time. He’s a night owl and stays up very light almost every night. He likes his own company but it’s night having someone else there with him when he’s reading late at night.
Because of his passion for the archives, Dan Heng will do his best to get you interested in learning. He can appreciate that school doesn’t always teach things in the best way.
But he’d be grateful if you spend some time with him learning about a variety of different topics.
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jt (finally) watches warrior nun - s1 e8 (pt 2?)
Okay so I’m dashing this off before this energy runs out but I had a further thought about s1e8 because for some reason I’m having a hard time moving on to e9 and e10?? idk why bc I definitely want to get to s2 I just … have no compulsion to watch the last two episodes of s1 it’s strange mostly around anger and fear (and yes, I am now thinking about Yoda and his whole “fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering” line which if I can do this right, will circle back to this line. Will I get there? Read on to find out lol).
So I’ve been rambling for a while now in my commentaries about Beatrice and her anger. There is just so. much. anger. in her. (I feel like anger and grief kinda run this show, or at least this season thus far) And it’s kinda fitting that the Sister Melanie story that she reads (and thus prompts her revelation) is one born from anger.
Yeah, I know she sidesteps Ava summary of the story as Sister Melanie “tapping into her rage” rather as her tapping into “something elemental in her soul” - but that doesn’t not mean she wasn't rage - rage is just as elemental as any other emotion.
It's just that anger gets such a bad rap - especially when it’s presented in/performed by people of color, not to mention a woman of color. I know lived experiences are unique, but as someone who’s lived that kind of experience - Asian, queer, female, raised Catholic, and a military background - anger was something that I know now is what kept me alive. It was the only way I could move past the trauma I had been dealt when I was younger, the only way I could find some sort of independence as a young adult. Anger was the only way I knew how to move in and keep remotely safe in the world - a world that had done so much to control and stifle me; a world where the only way I found I could provide value, the only way I could I could prove myself worthy of anything, was through obedience and loyalty and sacrifice.
So to see Beatrice angry in this episode, to see her snapping - even though it was at someone who hasn’t hurt her (i.e. Ava) - it was a bit therapeutic.
But not because she let herself get angry at Ava - but because she let Ava see the fear that was fueling her anger.
I wrote in my e4 commentary about how her anger is fueled by fear - how she calls out Lilith in the middle of a mission (fear of the OCS - her home, her family - being taken away from her), how she sends Camila away with the others so she’ll be the only one to retrieve the shield (extreme obedience and risk of self-sacrifice to prove her value). And I feel like that’s true here too. After Ava asks if she wants to talk about it, Beatrice immediately sidesteps, angrily focusing on the “moral” of the story - because if she doesn’t, she has no value to the Warrior Nun; if she doesn’t, she has to acknowledge the pain and fear that’s been driving her all this time.
And that’s the gift Ava gives her. I found myself comparing these Avatrice scenes re: Sister Melanie to that cave scene with Mary and Ava in e6. Why? Because both Beatrice and Mary take out their anger on Ava in those scenes - and Ava does not stand for it in either scene. She shoulder throws Mary, calls out Bea. When faced with other people’s anger, Ava does something really unique: she gets them to reflect on what’s driving that anger, that fear.
Anger and fear aren’t inherently “bad” things - it’s when we don’t acknowledge them, when we paint those feelings in a negative light and stuff them away that the problems start. And really, that’s what happens - case in point: after Beatrice saves Ava in s2, when she lets her “emotions blind her to the mission” (i.e. her fear of losing Ava), she basically goes into self-flagellation mode because she sees that as a Bad Thing TM (and yknow what? The Bad Thing she was really fearing still happens anyway).
But you know who’s given into fear and done beautiful things? Ava. Especially when saving Bea. I'm thinking of when she saves Bea from Sister Crimson in s1e7, then saving Bea from the wraith sin s2 - scenes beloved in the fandom, ones where Ava just goes with her fear, and anger, lets those emotions fuel her and the halo to do brilliant things.
And I couldn’t help but think that maybe why Bea hates her anger, her fear so much - because fear is really a sign of want. For Beatrice, she wants to keep her family safe, she wants Ava to live; she wants to be saved, wants to be seen as worthy of saving. But to want is selfish, to want is needy, and Beatrice can’t be seen as either of those things - can’t see bear to see herself as either of those things.
But Ava, gosh, she comes back to life feeling everything, doesn’t she? And how she lives makes everyone else also feel everything too. I don't think their emotions were ever "blinding" them - I think those were moments when they could truly see what was important.
Okay I think I’m all energy-ed out now. We’ll see if/when I get to e9 lol
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9 People You’d Like to Know More
tagged by @wen-kexing-apologist and @thewayofsubtext <3
Tumblr keeps eating every draft of this post that I write, argh!
Last Song I Listened To
When I started writing this, I was being lazy and letting the YouTube algorithm pick songs for me and I was listening to this song, Unfucktheworld by Angel Olsen. I've been exchanging song recommendations with a friend for a while now and I guess she has gotten to know me pretty well because this is way up my alley.
But then another song came on--We Ride by Brave Girls (a.k.a. BB Girls)--and that became the new last song I listened to. It's another song that a friend recommended to me. This time it was a friend I've been emailing with back and forth about East Asian pop music. He's a big fan of City Pop, a genre that came out of Japan in the 80s, and he sent me a list of some recent kpop songs that are influenced by/reminiscent of City Pop, including this one. I took to it right away, and it was a big hit with my daughter.
Currently Watching
I Told Sunset About You - I’m just one episode in to this one and I can already tell it’s going to hit me where it hurts. I took a break due to family visits and related stuff but I’m fixing to dive back in.
Moonlight Chicken - I got stalled out on this one just as it was getting good, thanks to some life stuff. I need to pick it back up!
Star Trek: Discovery - I’m a big Star Trek fan and recently rewatched everything from TNG through Voyager, but I hadn’t kept up with any of the newest series in years. I’m so glad I decided to start Discovery because it is shaping up to be one of my favorite Star Trek series. There are a lot of reasons for this. Really great LGBT+ representation is a factor. This is also is the first Star Trek series that has inspired more actor crushes in me than DS9. Michelle Yeoh in a corset! Tig Notaro as a cranky engineer! I’m dying over here.
Minato's Laundromat season 2 - I was looking forward to this as soon as it was announced, but with the usual anxiety that comes with a second season of a BL. I wasn’t 100% sure about the direction of the season at first, but now it’s settling in with some really interesting themes.
Reservation Dogs - I wasn’t entirely sure about this show when I first started watching during the first season. But not only did it grow on me, it has also been getting better and better. The latest episode, which focused in part on an abusive government-sponsored boarding school (of the sort designed to rob Indigenous kids of their culture), was one of the best of the series so far.
Edited to add: I forgot about Kamen Rider Geats! My family has been catching up on it and we're almost caught up just in time for the finale. I'm liking it a lot more than I thought I would when I watched the first few episodes, but not as much as my partner (who said he thinks it's one of his favorite Kamen Rider series he's seen). I'm really impressed with the cast, though. I'd especially like to see the actors who play Keiwa and Buffa in more things in the future.
Currently Reading
I’ve been listening to the audiobook version of The Method: How the Twentieth Century Learned to Act by Isaac Butler for a while now, but I’m having an annoying situation where it keeps getting returned to the library even though I’ve renewed it. I could just start another book, but I don’t want to! This one is really interesting.
The vast majority of people spend a significant amount of their time watching (non-documentary) movies and TV series, which involves watching actors engage in this specific art form. And we have opinions about what constitutes good or bad acting. Yet most of us know so little about how acting is done, what kinds of theories underpin acting practice, how actors prepare for roles and scenes. I wanted to not only find out more about that, but also dig a little deeper into the differences between approaches and how they’ve branched off and clashed and so forth.
So far I’ve gotten a lot of good background and plenty to think about, even though I’m just getting to the point where the Method/System/whateveryoucallit is starting to take on in the US. I’m guessing it’s going to get even more relevant from there.
Current Obsession
I’m always obsessing about lots of things so I’m probably never going to be able to identify just one. Some currents ones are:
waiting for Utsukushii Kare: Eternal to be available with English subtitles somewhere, somehow
foraging blackberries, making jelly out of them, and baking biscuits to go with the jelly
waiting for it to be fall already because I hate sweating and I love wearing layers
finding my Animal Crossing character some decent glasses
thinking about possible BL/Jane Austen parallels for tumblr posts
finishing a post about psychological aspects of Utsukushii Kare that I’ve been writing off and on for months and that has gotten so long it will probably have to be split up into 3-4 posts
Serge Lutens Jeux de Peau perfume (my beloved)
I didn't tag anyone. It makes me anxious and I think pretty much everyone I know on here has been tagged! Except @porridgefeast, who's welcome to do it if she feels like it but (of course) no pressure.
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