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#and how i'm so upset that we didn't get to see their sibling dynamic
kamaluhkhan · 7 months
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we were wild and fluorescent (come home to my heart)
pairing: conrad fisher x fem!reader
summary: you come back to cousins beach after a few years away. conrad is not particularly happy that you're back - and you aren't particularly thrilled, either. too bad there's a history (chemistry?) neither of you can deny.
warnings: nostalgia + fluff + a bit of a *steamy* ending ; mentions of sex; swearing; conrad and reader drink alcohol; reader is a competitive swimmer + deals with a lot of pressure; complicated family dynamics (reader has two younger siblings + is eldest daughter); pop culture references (it book/movie, percy jackson series), this chapter is very long + ending is a little cheesy !!
tags: @stargirlsirius-recs, @ifilwtmfc, @qwertyb2577, @allnrsnz, @baconeggndcheez, @peanutbelley, @imogen-skye, @geekinthefuschiahair, @tvije, @drikawinchester, @maybankslover, @junnniiieee07, @elcpsstuff, @fangirl-kimora, @redbierd, @starkeylover, @serrendiipty, @jackierose902109, @lonelywitchv2, @c4rpediem-s, @teensyflowur, @peteronesgf, @percysaidnever
a/n: i literally cannot express how much it means to me that people are reading + enjoying my work!! thank you endlessly for following this story. this chapter is mostly fluff with a lot of banter between the reader and conrad + nostalgia. i'm thinking this will be the last part (....unless?) so i hope you enjoy it :)
part one | part two | part three
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on a summer afternoon / i get to thinkin' 'bout the hazy days / under august shade that i used to spend with you (khai dreams, “sunkissed”)
now — summer age 18
you’re already frustrated when you walk over to the beck house, and when the person you least want to answer the door opens it, your mood goes from bad to worse.
"hey. is jere home?" you ask, peering behind conrad to see if someone else, anyone else is there. this is the first time since your argument that you and he were alone together, and you really don't want to look him in the eye. he doesn't look too thrilled to see you standing on his porch, either. he looks at you with tired eyes, wearing a black, short-sleeved rashguard and hair dripping wet. 
"no, sorry." 
"how about steven?"
conrad shakes his head and droplets of water go flying. he says something about prep for the debutante ball.
you exhale sharply, upset that your backup plan just fell through. "okay, bye."
you start walking away, but conrad calls your name. 
"everything okay?"
you're surprised by his follow-up question — suspicious, even. given the harsh words you'd exchanged the last time you were together, you assumed that conrad didn't very much care to prolong a conversation with you, much less whether or not you were okay. whatever his intentions are, you don't really have time to go down this road. 
"everything's fine," you answer loudly, still forging ahead.
"come on, y/n. i know you." 
your hands clench into fists at his words and you finally stop in your tracks. 
"conrad," you huff, turning around to face him. "i really don't have time for this." 
"look, i'm not…." conrad sighs, running a hand through his wet hair. "i'm not trying to start anything. you seem a little stressed, and if there's anything i can do….just, let me be there for you."
conrad used to always be there for you in situations like these, and you ignored the sharp pain in your heart earlier when you decided he couldn't be this time. you really, really, really want to stay mad at him — you certainly have enough reasons to be for several lifetimes — but the gentleness of conrad's tone calms you down as much as it throws you off. instinctively, you feel your hands unclench, your heartbeat slow down. 
“so, what’s wrong?”
you sigh. your siblings had planned an overnight trip with their friends at a campground about 3 hours away. they were meant to leave this afternoon, but the chaperones just cancelled — one had car trouble and the other a work emergency. now, they didn’t have a ride or adult supervision, which left you to come up with an alternative, lest you want to spend the rest of your summer drying your siblings’ tears and dealing with a lengthy guilt trip from your mother (who, conveniently, has plans this weekend and can’t reschedule). you left that last part out of your story to conrad, explaining only the basic components of your dilemma.
“but, it’s fine. i’ll sort something out.” as you wait for conrad to respond, you’re already running through a few other alternatives in your mind. you’re just in the middle of estimating the amount of money you would spend on gas when conrad says:
"well, i can come with you." 
you quirk your eyebrow at him. “yeah, you don’t need —”
“you’ll need two cars — and two drivers — to get them there, right? i'm not doing anything right now, or tomorrow.”
“it’s not your problem, conrad. i’ll figure something out —”
“look, you have three options," he interrupts, tilting his head at you. "one, you take two trips yourself to get them all there, which means you’d spend around 10 hours driving each way and waste a ton of money on gas.”
you stiffen. 
you hate that he knows exactly how your brain works….
“two, the twins have to cancel their trip, and you spend the rest of the summer with your siblings upset at you and your mom suggesting that you’re a bad sister, which is not true.”
you hate that he understands exactly the situation you’re in….
“three, you let me help you.”
….and you hate that he always insists on being helpful.
that was the real reason that you didn’t want to ask conrad — because you suspected that he might offer to help regardless of the tension between you two. the conrad you remember was always concerned with doing the right thing, no matter what, and despite how different he’s acting this summer, you knew that caring boy was still there, deep down.
sometimes, you hate being right — it can get a bit tedious.
conrad waits for you to answer, but he obviously knows you well enough to guess your decision. you don’t find the prospect of camping with conrad particularly appealing, but you’re desperate.
you tell conrad to be ready to leave in an hour, before walking back to your place to tell your siblings the good news.
a little over an hour later, your siblings, their friends — devi, khadija, kai, and leo — and all the camping supplies are split in between your and conrad’s cars. you decided to divide the group into threes: you’d drive your sister, khadija and leo; and conrad would drive your brother, devi, and kai. once everyone’s buckled in, you and conrad close the trunk of your respective cars and turn to each other.
“so, we’ve got a spot booked at stardust falls, but the plan is to stop halfway —”
“at sophie’s for a bite to eat,” conrad finishes, a smile creeping on his face. “i know the drill.”
you bite back a smile yourself before nodding at him and getting in the driver's seat.
as your sister cues up a playlist — you had just made her watch lemonade mouth so she was currently obsessed with hayley kiyoko and her music — you get lost in memories of summers past. 
it was a tradition, many years ago: your siblings were too young to join, so for one weekend in late august it was you, conrad, jeremiah, belly, and steven with susannah and laurel, the seven of you piled into a minivan for an overnight camping trip. you spent the drive blasting music and singing along, playing ‘i spy’ while gorging on goldfish crackers and sunny d. about halfway through, there would be a pit stop to refill the gas tank, stock up on snacks, and get something to eat from the nearby diner. you would always get waffles with extra whipped cream and conrad would get chocolate chip pancakes, and you’d always split the food between you. once you got to stardust falls, you’d spend the afternoon swimming and sunbathing, and the night roasting hot dogs and marshmallows, stargazing and whispering until sunrise. 
as much as you loved laurel and susannah, you and conrad would dream of getting your driver’s licence and being able to continue the tradition with just the kids. you never got the chance; it was only five years ago, when you were the same age as your siblings now, that you had gone on your last camping trip to the same location. 
it seems your dreams were finally coming true — just not in the way you expected.
when you get to sophie’s diner, you’re relieved to have a chance to stretch your legs. the eight of you get a familiar booth in the right corner and you find yourself squeezed between devi and the window. the waiter distributes menus to everyone, and it isn’t until you look down that you see it: your initials next to ‘CF’. last time you were here, the five of you all carved your initials onto the table when the moms weren’t looking. you forgot that you’d placed yours right next to conrad’s; to be fair, you were always sitting next to each other. now he’s at the other end of the table on the opposite side, examining the menu carefully even after being here so many times. 
this time, you just get a coffee and steal some bacon from your brother; conrad doesn’t get anything, claiming he isn’t hungry, until your sister offers him the rest of her french toast, which he practically inhales. after, you and conrad fill up on gas while your siblings and their friends go into the store for some snacks. 
“hey, can you get me some sour patch kids?” you ask your brother, handing him a $5 bill. your brother nods and starts walking away; you glance at conrad, then add: “and some m&m’s, too!” to which your brother offers a thumbs up. 
“thanks,” conrad says. he removes the nozzle and sticks it into the gas tank; you do the same, and for a few moments, there’s nothing but silence between you.
“does listening to the lightning thief musical on repeat make your brother a theatre kid?” 
you turn to face conrad, who’s already looking at you with a lopsided smile. 
“i think it makes him more of a percy jackson kid,” you decide.
“well, he has good taste. i didn’t even know there was a percy jackson musical,” conrad adds. 
“i know, right?” you gush. “my brother and kai went to see it off broadway, and of course i had to chaperone, but i’m so glad i did because how, in the name of all the gods, did we not know this existed?”
conrad laughs. “we would have been obsessed,” he agrees. 
you smile, feeling yourself hit by another wave of nostalgia. 
when you were younger, you, conrad, jeremiah, steven, and belly loved the percy jackson series, rotating the books between the five of you until everyone had read them, the covers well-worn and sand stuck between the pages. so, for belly’s 9th birthday, laurel wrote out a prophecy with an elaborate quest for the five of you to go on - something about searching for poseidon's missing trident - while susannah used the time to fashion the backyard into your very own camp half-blood. you each got ‘assigned’ a godly parent: apollo for jeremiah, ever the sunshine boy; hermes for steven, the trickster of the group; aphrodite for belly, who looked at the world with rose coloured glasses; poseidon for you, because you loved the water; and athena for conrad, wise beyond his years. 
yes, your heart did skip a beat, because of what a perfect coincidence — that conrad was essentially the annabeth to your percy. when would the two of you share the best underwater kiss of all time? 
after a fun-filled afternoon, you each took home a necklace filled with clay beads, as was tradition at the fictional camp half-blood. even after summer ended, you would always wear yours in between swim competitions and practice. somewhere along the way, you misplaced it; it was probably left on the chlorine soaked floor of a locker room. you wondered if the others still had theirs, if conrad even remembered. 
he’s looking at you now with such wistfulness, you have a feeling he does. when he looks at you like that, it’s easy to forget that you’re mad at him and he broke your heart. scratch that: you’re mad at him because he broke your heart. 
and, not that it solves everything between you, but he’s here and didn’t have to be, and that maybe possibly heals something inside you. 
before you can continue the conversation, a sudden click indicates that the gas tanks are full, just in time for your siblings and their friends to exit the convenience store, carrying a significant haul of snacks and drinks. 
your brother hands you the sour patch kids and m&m’s, and you toss the bag of m&m’s at conrad, which he catches effortlessly. you rip open the package with your teeth and stuff a few of the sour candies in your mouth as everyone piles back into their respective cars.
you open the door to get in the driver’s seat, but the passenger side is empty. that’s when you notice that your sister and devi were still walking back from the store, taking their time. your sister laughs a little louder than usual, her smile a bit brighter when devi bends down to steal a sip of her drink. she’s wearing a jacket that you’ve never seen and probably belongs to devi, and your sister’s pair of sunglasses now rests on devi’s head. technically the sunglasses were yours, before you passed them down to your sister, but still — it’s adorable. devi winks at your sister before slipping into the backseat of conrad's car. your sister sighs contently before freezing at the realisation that you witnessed the moment between them.
"what?" she asks, a little flustered.
something makes you glance over your shoulder at conrad, who you now realise had seen the interaction between your sister and devi as well. beside him, the door to the driver’s side is also open, but he doesn’t get in. instead, conrad raises his eyebrows at you and smiles knowingly.
“nothing,” you say, smiling back at conrad, then at your sister. “but hurry up, if you want to make it to the falls before sundown.”
your sister mumbles something and gets in the car, while you check the route one more time. you tell conrad which one has the least amount of traffic, and soon enough, you’re on the road again.
conrad follows closely behind you, never allowing more than a car between before catching up. you glance in the rearview mirror and see your brother belting the words to what you assume is the percy jackson musical, and conrad is even bopping his head along. in your car, your sister is busy reading the song of achilles while the others in the back are relatively quiet. 
“so what’s going on with you and discount james dean?” your sister suddenly asks. she puts her book down, reaches over into the cupholder to grab a few sour patch kids. 
you laugh at the nickname, even if the answer disappoints you, just a bit.
“nothing.” 
out of the corner of your eye, you can glimpse your sister roll her eyes. 
“that seems to be your favourite word today,” she notes.
“fine, how about this for a change of pace….there was definitely something earlier between you and devi.”  
your sister’s jaw drops and she turns around to see if her friends heard, but khadija is asleep and leo has his headphones on, looking down at his phone.
“y/n!” 
“what!” you mock her incredulous tone. “you’re not fooling anyone.”
“i’m not…we’re not…” your sister stumbles over her words, turning her head sharply to face out the window. she plays with the sleeve of devi’s jacket, which she’s still wearing despite it almost being 85 degrees. the same music as before fills the space, and hayley kiyoko sings about girls liking girls as you wait for your sister to answer. 
she finally sighs when the song ends. “i like her, okay? but we’re just friends.”
at her words, you’re overwhelmed by an eerie sense of deja vu. if you could have done things differently, maybe you would have. and maybe, just maybe, you can help your sister have a better outcome — whatever that means for her. 
“look, kid, i know it feels like the end of the world, but you have options,” you promise. “one, you tell her and she doesn’t feel the same way; your relationship is forever ruined and your other friends have to choose sides —”
“y/n! seriously?”
“i’m just preparing you for the worst case scenario,” you defend, exiting the highway. “the best case scenario is that you tell her how you feel, or she feels the same way and beats you to it, and it all works out. and there is, of course, the secret third option.”
“what’s that?”
you shrug. “easy. you never cross that line.” you follow the signs that lead you to your destination.
“and bottle up my feelings forever,” your sister grumbles. “is that what you and conrad did?”
you make a right into the campground and put the car in park; conrad’s car pulls up next to you a few seconds later. you turn off the engine.
“not exactly.”
_________________________________________
you and conrad unpack the trunks as your siblings and their friends set up their tents. you hear their giddy banter as they plan how to spend the rest of the afternoon, as well as the sleeping arrangements. you smile to yourself when you hear devi suggest that she and your sister share a tent. the cars are pretty much empty except for some food to keep away animals, but you notice that not everything made the trip.
you double check your car, then conrad’s, before calling over your brother.
“yo, what happened to my bag?” you ask him. 
“i thought it was your swim stuff, so i took it out of the trunk,” he explains. “did you need it?”
“oh no, no. it just had all my clothes, my sleeping bag and my tent,” you say sarcastically. “no big deal.”
your brother gives you a thumbs up, clearly not getting the message. he seems more interested in kai, who's currently unpacking his guitar.
“cool,” he says before walking back to his friends. 
you huff and close your trunk. at least there is some balance in the universe: the mosquito repellant was in your bag, and your brother is usually their favourite meal. you always have afterbite, or you would have, if you had your stuff with you. 
thankfully, you had your bathing suit underneath your clothes, and you could sleep in the backseat, even if it wasn’t the most comfortable…
“everything okay?” conrad sneaks up behind you.
“turns out none of my stuff is here.” you shrug. “but it’s fine.”
“i mean, we could share my stuff,” conrad offers, lifting up his bag. knowing him, he’s probably overprepared and carefully packed, even with only an hour’s notice.
you look at him for a second. 
“let’s sort that out later, yeah?” you decide, ignoring how the prospect of wearing his clothes, sharing a tent with him, makes your heart beat faster. “i’m itching to go for a swim.”
taking advantage of the late afternoon sun, you all slather on sunscreen, throw on colourful swimsuits with sunglasses, and relax near the water. it’s only a short walk away from where you’d set up camp, and all your tents (well, except yours) are still in view. your brother, leo, and khadija are sitting down on their towels while playing cards. kai has borrowed your sister’s copy of the song of achilles to read. your sister and devi are, splashing each other in the water. conrad is reading a worn of stephen king’s it, a bottle of lemonade resting next to him.    
khadija brought her wireless speaker, and out of all your siblings’ friends, you’re thankful that she has the best taste in music. “this is the day” by the the plays in the background of everyone’s laughter and playful banter. you swim idly in the water, let your skin absorb the sunlight, and take it all in.
as much as you were stressed this morning, you’re practically floating with joy now. you feel like a kid again — and it finally feels like summer. 
your eyes land on conrad once more. he sits in the shade and you’re craving a sip of his drink, so you get out of the water and settle down next to him like it’s the most natural thing for you to do. you’re dripping on his towel, but he doesn’t seem to care; he hands you the bottle of lemonade without a word. you take a sip, surprised that it’s slightly bitter. 
“does this have vodka in it?” you cough. 
“yeah,” conrad answers, putting his book down. he takes off his sunglasses and rests them on his head. “i can get you something else, if you want.”
you shake your head and take another sip. “it’s fine. just don’t let the kids drink any alcohol, okay?”
“i won’t.” he offer you a wry smile. “but you know they’re not kids, right? they’re teenagers.”
“it feels weird calling them teenagers,” you say. he’s sitting up with his knees bent, and you lay down next to him, but not before stealing his sunglasses to shield your eyes. the sun moved slightly, and starts to peek through the leaves of the tree that was providing shade.
“just because we grew up, doesn’t mean they have to," you add once you're comfortable. 
conrad hums. you tilt your head to look at him and notice his eyes lingering on the tattoo below the band of your lime green bikini top. you smile — he blushes, then looks away. conrad takes the lemonade bottle back from you and swallows a mouthful. you close your eyes, let the sun wash over you.
“my mom told me you got into stanford,” he says suddenly. “that’s really cool that you get to go to california. just like you wanted, right?”
“i thought you hated horror,” you say, referencing the book you saw him reading earlier. you desperately want to change the subject — your father is still pushing princeton because of their swim team rankings, and your mother is too busy spending her free time in bars to really care. needless to say, where you’re going to college isn’t a topic you want to discuss, unless you’re looking to ruin this perfect sunny afternoon.
conrad just looks at you for a second before playing along.
“i usually do, but this guy on my football team wouldn’t shut up about stephen king, so i thought i’d give it a try. you’ve read it?”
“no, but i saw the movies. i cried so much in it: chapter two, like i was practically choking on tears in the middle of this dark theatre. my ex had no idea why i was crying so much.”
“why did you cry so much?”
you open your eyes. it takes you a beat to respond, because you never really thought about it that deeply. by now, the song has changed to david bowie’s ‘heroes,’ and watching your siblings and their friends goof off in the middle of summer makes you feel like a background character in a coming of age movie, when five years ago you would have been one of the main characters. you miss those days, almost as much as you miss what you had with the boy next to you.
“because it reminded me of this,” you admit. 
conrad lets out a small chuckle. “did i miss the summer where we fought a killer clown?”
“no, smart ass,” you shove his leg playfully. “but there were other things that were just as intimidating. like, parents who were jerks with soul-crushing expectations, and younger siblings who needed to be taken care of. drinking problems, cancer diagnoses, divorces. just…everything, you know? it was summer, we were kids, and things were just scary sometimes, but we always faced it together. and, then…”
“we grew up,” conrad finishes. 
“yeah,” you muse. you lift the sunglasses off your face to look at conrad, and he’s already gazing down at you. if you closed your eyes again, you could imagine laurel and susannah sitting by the water and gossiping, steven and jeremiah diving underwater to try and catch a fish with their bare hands, and belly laying in the sun while reading a romance novel she's probably too young to read. but all you see now is conrad, smiling at you softly with the golden sunlight shining behind him, and it makes your heart ache. 
belly mentioned that they hadn't been back here since you stopped coming to cousins. because it wasn't the same.
your voice drops to a whisper. “i'm sorry i ruined it."
"don't give yourself so much credit." his smile at you sadly. "we both made things messy; i should be sorry, too."
"are you?" 
he hesitates, finishes off the bottle of lemonade. 
"yeah," he finally says. "i'm sorry."
and it doesn’t feel like enough, but instead of worrying about what would happen tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after, you just focus on today. you relax back down on the towel next to conrad, and let the sunshine and sounds of summer fun wash over you.
the afternoon fades into the evening, and once everyone's dry, you get started on dinner, then dessert.
it's so familiar: the warm glow of the campfire, the smell of burnt marshmallows, the slight itch on your skin from where a mosquito must have bitten you, the pressure of conrad's knee pressed against yours. 
you get up for more graham crackers, and your sister follows you. 
"so, i hear you and conrad are sharing a tent," she teases. "you're welcome."
"why would i thank you?" you wonder, biting into a graham cracker. 
a wicked smile appears on your sister's face. "well, i was the one who told our dear brother that you wouldn't need your bag. i figured your boyfriend would have everything you need."
"conrad's not my boyfriend," you remind her, a little annoyed. you and conrad made nice earlier, but the peace between you is precarious. you aren't particularly thrilled to be in a situation where you're confined to close quarters together — much less now that you know it's been fabricated by your own sister.
"so then why are you and conrad sleeping together in a one person tent?" she challenges, crossing her arms.
"do you want me to sleep outside and get eaten by werewolves?" 
your sister rolls her eyes, but you notice how she shudders just a little bit. 
"those don't exist," she declares, her voice a little shaky. your sister is old enough to know that monsters aren't real, but you still get a kick out of scaring her - especially when she's done something to frustrate you.
"oh, sure they do," you reply easily. conrad arrives at the table next to you just in time, probably to check on those graham crackers you'd promised to get. "stardust falls is crawling with werewolves, right con?"
"no," he answers. your sister sighs with relief too soon, because conrad continues. "only on the full moon…." he makes a big show of pulling down his sleeve and checking his watch. "which is tonight, if i remember correctly." 
"but, don't worry," you wink at your sister. "devi will protect you."
there's a moment of silence between the three of you, before you and conrad burst out laughing. 
"you guys are the worst!" your sister groans. you and conrad are still laughing as she grabs an unopened bag of marshmallows and snatches the pack of graham crackers from you before storming away. 
"thanks,” you say once you’ve both calmed down. 
he grins at you, reaching over to grab an orange. “my pleasure.” 
you smile back at him before walking back to the campfire, already feeling warmth spread through your chest.
_________________________________________
when the night is at its darkest, everyone decides that it’s probably time for bed. you triple check to make sure the fire is out and all the food is away, and then everyone goes into their tent — with you as the exception.
you and conrad never circled back to whether or not you’d be staying in the tent with him, so you end up staying out by the water. 
there’s still some rustling and whispers from the tents behind you, but mostly you’re left with the soft trill of crickets, and what sounds like an owl in the distance. you’re still wearing your bikini top and cutoff shorts, even though there’s a cool breeze near the water, because you didn’t really have another option. conrad was right earlier — it’s a full moon, and you’re thankful that it provides some light. the sky is clear enough that you can also see the stars. you’re so lost in looking for constellations that you’re startled by the sudden appearance of shadow right next to you.
“shit, conrad. you gave me a heart attack!” you exclaim, just loud enough for conrad to hear and quiet enough to not wake the others.
“sorry,” he whispers back, sitting down next to you with a lantern. “i couldn’t sleep.” conrad tilts his head up. “but, i come bearing gifts.”
conrad hands you one of the mugs he’s holding — not the usual thermos you’d bring for camping, but ones that you’d find in the kitchen back at the beach house.  
in the dim light, you see that it’s your favorite mug, the same mug you’d dropped during your argument a few weeks ago. the cracked porcelain is so carefully repaired, you wouldn’t have known it was broken. 
“thanks,” you whisper. you take a sip of the lukewarm hot chocolate, but the warmth that spreads through your body is from conrad’s gesture more than anything.
conrad nods and points up at the stars. “find anything good?”
you launch into a detailed explanation of what constellations you’ve found so far — and, when that’s over, you continue making up stories like you’re david attenborough narrating a nature documentary. sure, it’s ridiculous to use a very serious british accent to suggest that king kong and godzilla are immortalised in the night sky, but it makes conrad chuckle, and you decide that’s worth all the stars in the universe.
in between stories, conrad asks: "are you cold?" 
conrad already knows the answer, because he passes you a light jacket without you saying a word. you shrug it on, and practically sink into the familiar fabric.
"so you're the one who had my varsity jacket," you realize. it smells like him now: lemon and sandalwood. 
conrad smiles sheepishly and shrugs. "it's a good jacket — what was i supposed to do, not wear it? you left it last summer."
last summer. 
the words hang heavy between you. 
 “y/n —”
“con —”
you both stop, waiting for the other to continue. there have been enough moments this summer where you’ve cut your heart open and conrad just watched you bleed. a part of you wanted him to do the same, even though you know how much it hurts. 
“why did you come back that night?” he asks. conrad is usually confident, sturdy, reliable; right now, though, he’s the most timid you’ve ever seen him.
“i needed to.”
“why?” he presses.
you bite the inside of your cheek, remembering yourself a year ago and all the pressure you felt, from your parents and coaches. you used to love swimming, and you realized too late how much competing took over your life. things weren’t perfect at home, either, but you were trying your best to guard that truth from your siblings. ironically, that was part of the reason you had distanced yourself from conrad in the months prior: you knew he would worry, and you didn't want to burden him.
you tell bits and pieces of this to conrad, cutting yourself open once more.
“i felt like i was drowning,” you admit. “i tried so hard to hide it —  just keep swimming, right? but it got to be too much. so last summer, when i had a meet nearby, i just had to see you, because i knew that you were the one person in the world who would jump in and save me.”
“i didn’t know.” is all conrad says for a moment. you don’t add anything, because you find yourself in the same position as always: vulnerable, pouring your heart out.
“what you said on the fourth — you were right,” conrad sighs. “when you came last summer, i was already mad at you for not coming back to cousins for so long, and then you were leaving again and i was hurt. and - it’s fucked up, but i wanted to hurt you, too.”
“mission accomplished,” you laugh sadly.
“i shouldn’t have said what i said that morning last summer, and i shouldn’t have ignored you after.”
“you shouldn’t have ignored me this summer, either” you add. you can’t help calling him out for his shitty behaviour lately as well.
“hey, you ignored me, too,” he points out. “and, yeah, maybe i deserved it. there’s just a lot going on and….” conrad trails off, his gaze fixed on something in the distance, where a sliver of golden sunlight peeks through the horizon. you and conrad must have been talking for hours because morning is now just around the corner. “i know i was a jerk. just please know how sorry i am — for everything.” 
you’re about to say something, but you can’t seem to find the right words. i'm sorry too didn't feel like enough. instead, you reach out and grab conrad’s hand. it’s cold in yours, but you don’t care.
“i can’t lose you,” conrad whispers, almost choking on the words. he squeezes your hand. “i can’t lose you, too.”
“i’m here, connie,” you whisper back. with your other hand, you brush some hair out of his eyes before using your thumb to wipe a stray tear from his cheek.  “and i’m really glad you’re here, too.”
throughout the entire conversation, you and conrad had moved closer together — now, your shoulders are touching and your left leg is bent over his right one. 
“did you mean what you said on the fourth?” conrad asks, his eyes searching yours. “do you regret that night?”
“i’m guessing you mean the us-having-sex part?” you reply, a gentle smirk on your face. 
conrad nods. he’s blinking faster than usual, and you can tell he’s anxious to hear your answer.
“if it ruined things between us, then i would,” you admit. you realize then that your hand is still on his cheek; you remove it, but keep the other intertwined with his. “tell me it didn’t ruin things between us, and maybe i’ll change my mind. i mean, do you regret it?”
conrad smiles at you, his shoulders relaxing. “no. that’s one thing i don’t think i’ll ever regret. that’s another thing you were right about — that night meant something to me. it meant everything.”
your heart skips a beat at the way he looks at you, tenderly, waiting for you to say something.
"yeah, me too. or, me neither. i mean, i’m sorry -” now, it’s your turn to stumble over your words, nerves getting the better of you - you take a deep breath to calm yourself. “i’m sorry for not being here; i’m sorry for hurting you; and i’m sorry for making you feel like i didn’t care, because that’s further from the truth.”
“i appreciate it,” conrad replies sincerely. “but i think we’ve apologized to each other enough for one night.”
you laugh. “yeah, i guess you’re right about that one. have any alternatives, fisher?”
conrad reaches up to caress your cheek, a gentle gesture that contrasts the mischievous smirk on his face. his eyes fall to your lips, then back to yours. “i can think of a few —”
you kiss him before he finishes his sentence.
maybe you'd never shared an underwater kiss, but kissing conrad feels as dynamic and unpredictable as the ocean. 
when you kissed last summer, it was like a wave breaking onto the shore: the built up anticipation finally coming to fruition. 
earlier this summer, at nicole’s party, kissing him felt dangerous, like swimming out into the turbulent water and realizing you’re in too deep. 
right now, his lips on yours feel like floating in water on a warm summer day. 
conrad slips his hand underneath your jacket, and you shiver when he touches your bare skin, right under the band of your bikini top where your tattoo is. you shift ever so slightly and suddenly you're tangled in his lap, feeling him strong and sturdy beneath you. one of your hands is on his thigh, while the other tangles into his hair. you tug the strands just the way you remember him liking it; he groans and kisses you with more intensity, a calm sea gradually becoming more rough.
once you’ve run out of air, you pull apart ever-so-slightly, appreciating his swollen lips, pink cheeks, and tousled hair in the early morning sunlight. you could do this for hours — drowning in him — and you're about to do it again, too, before you’re shocked back into reality.
“i knew it!” you hear your sister yell in the distance. she then adds something about your brother owing her ten dollars. you make a mental note to get them back later for betting on your love life. 
conrad laughs against your lips, then pulls away. you get up and offer him your hand, which he accepts with a smile. 
“you might wanna…” you gesture towards his messy hair, and he blushes even more despite how much he enjoyed it earlier. 
“right.” he clears his throat, runs a hand through his hair to tame it. 
“i’m gonna go get started on breakfast,” you say before walking a few steps closer to the campsite. 
you turn back around to conrad, who was frozen in place, looking at you carefully. his posture is stiffer than before, and it takes you a second to realize why: he’d been here before. he’d watched you leave one too many times.
not this time, though. this time, you reach out your hand — a peace offering, a promise. 
summer will end soon, and maybe you aren’t quite sure what the future holds once it does.
“so, are you coming with me or not?” 
but you do know this: when you get back to the beach house, you’ll go surfing with the fisher boys, watch movies and eat sour candy with belly, play video games with steven and jere. you’ll sneak out to meet conrad, then watch the sunrise together. the five of you will have bonfires on the beach, maybe even inviting your siblings and their friends, and roast marshmallows. susannah will host another pool party and you’ll feel conrad’s arm wrapped around your waist; he’ll kiss your cheek, sitting on the edge of the pool, and you'll jump in the water, bringing him under with you, before kissing him back. 
you'll spend one particular night in conrad's bedroom, hands and lips all over each other, trying to keep quiet, and when you search his drawers for a condom, you'll find the same necklace that you, jeremiah, steven, and belly were gifted. it holds faded clay beads painted with various symbols - a turquoise trident, a crashing wave, a rainbow, a starfish. you'll think back to how the tradition started at belly's percy jackson themed birthday, when you and conrad were 11, and susannah would give one to each of you at the end of each summer. there will be a sharp pain in your heart when you notice that some beads are missing, the years don't add up, but you'll realize, prompted by conrad's deep voice calling you back to bed, that you might be able to make up for lost time.
you'll soak up as much sunshine as you can. you’ll squeeze out every ounce of summer, and then some. you'll dust off old traditions, and make some new ones, too. you'll fill those necklaces with more clay beads.
and you'll always - always - come back home.
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heartbepure · 2 months
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despite childe's affinity for bloodshed, i'm certain that he would want to be very sweet and motherly towards the person he's fallen in love with. and depending on how much he likes you, he might even go as far as domesticating you.
and because i also self-ship with childe, i think if he were to learn about my family, his desire to domesticate me will grow even stronger. and if you share the same problems as me, that applies to you too lol we are one big self-ship with childe here
childe's life consisted of ice fishing with his dad coupled by stories of heroes and their adventures, frolicking in the snow with his siblings which inevitably end in snowball fights, then coming home to a nice, warm and hearty meal made by his mother which he gets to share with his family. as dinner rolls around, they fall into a pleasant yet noisy conversation. the chaos spurring in the dining room would probably bother anyone but that is to be expected from a household of that size and childe wouldn't have it any other way.
even after falling through the abyss and experiencing the horrors, he has fond memories of his home and because he loves you, he fully expects that your childhood was much the same because it's what he had and what you deserve.
so when childe finds out that you had a horrible childhood, it makes him unbearably upset. maybe even a little violent. what do you mean your parents treated you like that? what do you mean your siblings didn't help you? what do you mean you were all alone with no one to help you, no one to talk to?
it's interesting from a yandere childe perspective too because if you're the type of darling to reject his advances then he'll simply register your unwillingness as a result of neglect and childhood trauma.
this leads to childe wanting to fix you (?) as in he will become the ultimate malewife just to take care of you. it's no wonder you can't accept his love and loyalty, you don't know what it's like to be loved! to be taken care of!! don't worry, he will show you. and if you still reject his advances after that, well, it's not like he'll ever give up until you finally understand just how much you mean to him.
i don't think he'll go as far making your family suffer because yandere or not, he is family-oriented so he respects the concept of family, no matter how fucked up the dynamics are. at the very least, i think he'll just take you far, far away from them. if they do try again though, he will put his foot down. just a little threat here and there. nothing too crazy. (how benevolent of him. are you seeing this, darling? isn't he so kind?)
he is seething, of course. he doesn't understand why anyone would ever want to hurt such a precious thing like you. but no matter, with him around, nobody will ever hurt you like that ever again.
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misc-obeyme · 8 months
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Hey! How are you? As your requests are open, I'd like to take this opportunity to send you one.I wanted to know how brothers react to an MC who is the eldest of a large sibling group and who is used to dealing with all the problems that younger brothers can cause. Take care of yourself and have a nice day
Hi there, anon!
Okay, time for a tidbit about me, I'm the youngest of two. So I wrote this mostly based on what I have heard from others about what it's like to be an older sibling to many younger siblings. It always seemed to me that the eldest has to take on a bit of a parental role (as we see with Lucifer). So I wanted to capture that while still indicating that the brothers see MC as a love interest lol. Hopefully I did okay.
Thank you for the request!
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the brothers react to GN!MC who is the eldest of many younger siblings
Warnings: none!
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Lucifer
Eldest sibling solidarity. It's nice to have someone who understands what he has to deal with on a regular basis. Just knowing that you get it means a lot to him.
Okay but he's going to enlist your assistance now that he knows you can handle it. Expect to be his counterpart, you're probably the nicer one, which makes it easier for him to be even more strict. Help him keep his brothers in check, MC. He needs you.
Considering he sees you as his partner in authority rather than one of his own younger siblings he needs to deal with, he's going to get very protective of you. Will absolutely chew out any of his brothers that give you grief.
Appreciates how responsible and helpful you are. Starts to wonder how he ever managed to get by without you. Doesn't admit to this often, but when you're alone, he'll let you know just how much he appreciates you.
Mammon
Oh no, not another one. But don't worry, he's used to this. He's had to deal with Lucifer for just about forever, so he can handle you. He actually listens to you and pretty much just goes along with whatever you say.
Will absolutely back you up when it comes to the younger brothers, too. If he's the one who's part of the problem, all you have to do is look at him a certain way and he'll stop immediately. Sides with you in every instance.
Appeals to you when Lucifer is being strict, especially if he's been strung up again. C'mon, MC! Ya know he didn't do anythin' that bad! Get Lucifer to let him down, would ya?
You find he responds much better to positive reinforcement than punishment. Due to the results you achieve with this, you can usually talk Lucifer into letting you deal with him when he's done something problematic again.
Leviathan
He's wary of you at first. An eldest sibling who's used to dealing with younger brothers? So what, you're just a nicer version of Lucifer, is that it? Maybe not. Maybe you're just as bad as Lucifer! Might avoid you at first.
He'll come around, though. And he finds he doesn't mind if you start scolding him. It's completely different from when Lucifer does it. And he actually listens to you, too. Finds he doesn't like to upset you.
Comes to you for help. When he needs something, he's always at your door. Especially if it has to do with one of his brothers. You always know what to say and what to do. Can you please help him out, MC?
Isn't as good at backing you up as his older brothers, but definitely will stand with you in solidarity if needed. He begins to trust your judgment and if things are getting crazy with any of his brothers, he knows you can help to set everybody straight.
Satan
Absolutely does not listen to you in the beginning. Especially if you seem to team up with Lucifer or otherwise help Lucifer keep the younger brothers in check. He's going to chafe against any kind of authority, even if it's you.
When he sees how you are, though, the way you seem to understand him better than anyone else, he actually changes his mind. He considers you to be reasonable and more often just doing your best to keep things from getting out of control.
Begins to appreciate the dynamic you bring to their family. Eventually starts coming to you for help with things. Tries to make helpful suggestions when he can.
If he gets angry, you can calm him down. If he's really going at it with one his brothers, a calm word from you can be enough to break through it. He'll see what he's doing and actually back down. He's sorry, MC. Thank you for keeping him grounded.
Asmodeus
Oh, you're used to younger brothers, are you, MC? Just you wait. The older ones aren't really any better in this case. Trust him, things get can absolutely unhinged here at the House of Lamentation.
He listens to you, though. Asmo never really fights too much with Lucifer and he's not about to start fighting with you, either. Anyone else is fair game, but he doesn't see you as a threat. And if you start to look stressed, he will do what he can to help with that.
Okay, but if you're going to be all older sibling with them, he's going to make sure you have some time to relax. Sometimes you need to take a break from wrangling demon brothers, you know? Let him give you a massage or something.
Will absolutely step in and tell off one of his brothers for stressing you out or arguing with you. He doesn't care if they do this to Lucifer, but can't they see that you're different? You don't deserve their nonsense and he won't stand for it!
Beelzebub
Beel loves how in control you always seem to be. Lucifer does a good job, but he's also busy with council work and other such things. You always seem to have time to work through the problems that might arise. And it makes him feel like everything will be okay.
Doesn't like it when his brothers fight or get into trouble, so he's glad when you're able to divert these issues. Trusts you completely. Always listens to you. Backs you up if need be. He's always on your side, MC.
Does things that he thinks will make life easier for you without being asked. Brings you snacks just because he thinks you look tired. You're always taking care of him and his brothers, so he wants to take care of you, too.
Another one who will fight back on your behalf, but does it much more quietly. Gives his brothers disapproving frowns that actually make them feel bad so they back off. He's pretty easy going but he can be scary when he wants to be.
Belphegor
Not at all impressed. So you're an oldest sibling, too, huh. He doesn't care. He doesn't need you or Lucifer or anybody else. He's perfectly capable of cruising through life the way he always does.
Will not appreciate any attempts on your part to get him to be more responsible. If you push him too much, he will get bratty. He'll talk back, but he'll also just ignore you entirely. Really arguing with you is too much work, so it's easier to just go take a nap instead.
Due to Beel's influence, though, he will eventually just follow along with whatever. After an initial phase of brattiness, he'll decide he doesn't care enough. Beel likes you, that's good enough for him. He'll just follow with whatever the two of you want.
You're not so bad, MC. He likes the way you sometimes take control of situations where his older brothers are being really noisy. It makes it so he can sleep without being disturbed and he appreciates that. Just don't get too stressed out. He wants you to rest, too.
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masterlist | Thank you for reading!
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stars-n-spice · 29 days
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THOUGHTS ON S3 EP 04:
Spoilers under the cut!
Cannot promise that these thoughts are coherent/in order of the episode and its happenings-
Cannot get ENOUGH of the Crosshair and Omega dynamic; it's so sweet and fucking hilarious - they are so siblings
When the Captain guy called Cross her dad :(
Also Crosshair is a fucking natural at looking out after Omega (which shouldn't be surprising, he's a clone so he's got the paternal gene Jango seemed to pass down to all of them)
Couldn't get enough of Crosshair in this episode though
87% of this episode is just Crosshair folding his arms and that took me out
Also tell me why even with that toilet seat looking aaa Crosshair still looked fucking good in that disguise? Like,, I was giggling and twirling my hair every time he was on screen then came to the realization okay maybe I have a mask kink
Have I mentioned how much I love Omega and Crosshair?
Also have I mentioned how much I hate Hemlock??
Fuck when the Captain figured it out,, ugh,, I was so sure he was stupid like the rest of the Imperials tend to be
Ehehe when Crosshair clicked his tongue-
Shit man,, i'm loving Cross more and more FUCK
lmao all the British accents had me dead, felt like I was watching a DHMIS episode
"But my skills are being wasted" <- fUCK. That just,, ugh with his shaky hands,,, I know that's fucking him over oh my gods
When they freed all the animals I was so happy, fucking love when shows/movies have a scene like that
Cannot get over how flawlessly Crosshair and Omega work together, even if Crosshair complains about it and whatnot, it's like he never left and I just love that
Hemlock being so close on their tail is TERRIFYING man
Immediately started crying the second I realized we were getting a reunion in this episode
Crosshair dissuading Omega from meeting up with Hunter and Wrecker :(
THE FACT THAT OMEGA KEEPS SAYING LIKE "I need to get into contact with Hunter and Wrecker" and NEVER mentions Echo fucking HURTS
She knows he left :(
Okay but when they landed and saw the Marauder, fucking waterworks man
Then when the door stayed empty for a bit I got fucking scared, but then Wrecker came in and I was on the floor crying
The fact that we got a reunion so early in the season though SCARES ME man
I was afraid that Omega was going to be taken away for a 3rd time, but in front of Crosshair but now it seems like it's going to be in front of ALL of them again and that's going to make Hunter snap
THE REUNION HUGS :((
I cried so hard I nearly threw up
Had to physically force myself to stop crying because I did not want to throw up my breakfast of coffee
BUT THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER :(((( (more or less)
the fact that they didn't know the reunion reactions of Crosshair UGH
Not buying that Wrecker didn't immediately run up to hug him
Wrecker and Hunter both looked upset over seeing Crosshair and if they have a fight/argument in the next episode I'm fucking done
BUT THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER!!
I cannot wait to see Hunter and Wrecker's reactions to Batcher
These episodes leave me happy for like 3 minutes and then the dread and frustration creeps in
Man.
Good episode though. I love Crosshair and Omega.
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munchkinmarauder · 1 month
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My review of Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver
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Overall I'll give it a generous 4/5 stars and I'm excited to see where this series takes up but I do have some gripes with it
Also lots of stuff from Orlando's AITP X-Men Monday interview pops up so check it out as we may have some hidden clues on what's next
Spoilers below
Overall a good set up issue with some fun moments. Some of my fears were exaggerated but some of those expected fears did mean I didn't enjoy the issue as much as I hoped. However I'm fault happy overall and keen for the rest of the series
The good-
- a series with the twins as coleads has been long overdue. I'm so happy to see it finally happen. Fun fact this is the first marvel series to be headlines by a sibling duo.- for the most part the twins dynamic and fight felt like a proper sibling fight. You could feel the weight of their long history and the multitude of things left unsaid and resentments.
- it's nice to see Wanda being the one clearly at fault for a fight between them for a change
- while the twins are little orange I appriciate the commitment to showcasing the twins as visible people of colour. It was long needed. I do think they (and Luna and Tommy should be more visibly brown). I also am enjoying the art and the use of the vibrant colours in general.
- I like the mystery being set up with why the twins are being targeted and the twist that while Magneto did write the letter he wasn't the one who sent it. I'm not as curious at the letter contents as I thought I would be. It seems he's being cruel because he's a dick to Pietro but let's see. I also really am excited to know why it's both twins and the combination of them together that has the giver upset. Lore and power upgrade for born twins? I hope so. Wanda being a universal threat is a given so I am way more curious about what they'll do with Pietro
- I think it was a good move to make a joke about is or isn't Magneto the bio dad at the start and shoot it down. I would love for the retcon to be undone I just don't think it has a place in this story about the bond between the twins. Magneto doesn't need to overshadow the series more than he has already for what it's worth I do think the comics are leading up to a Magnet fam reunion with most of its members appearing in major comics this year.
- it being acknowledged that Magneto was cruel to Pietro, killed him and treated the twins unequally. I have gripes with this I'll set out below but given how biased Orlando is towards Magneto this was good to see.
- the Luna, Tommy and Monet cameos made me so happy! I'm glad Orlando seems fond of Luna and I hope she and Monet join Tommy in helping Pietro. Even if the ladies are just cameos it's still a nice touch.- I liked the contrast where the fuming twins lash out with their powers. Wanda destroys her shop and Pietro is ranting but checking up on loved ones while he does so. They are each others ying and Yang.
- we're lucky the Wizard is a drama queen cause his snipers seem pretty competent and if they'd used regular bullets this series would be automatically over lol. I do also think the Wizards team called Pietro to upset him. Futher and not Wanda to ensure the twins wouldn't be able to contact each other.
The bad
- the writing for Wanda was better than Pietro. This feels more like a Wanda series so far but it's early days so let's see. Even though Wanda is the one initially in the wrong she seems to be treated more sympathetic by the narrative and of course she has more page time than her brother.
- Pietro's past appearances in SW made me a bit unsure about how Orlando will write Pietro, his takes in the comic themselves are quite superficially though he talks about Pietro very passionately in Interviews. Nothing really changed that opinion here.
- we didn't get enough of the twins interacting and this is supposed to be a series about their relationship. It would have been nice to have a little more of them getting along so the fight felt more impactful. An infinity comic with the two might have been a good idea.- I hate the Pietro fears Wanda thing Orlando introduced as well as the Pietro manipulated Wanda for HoM. I don't think Steve actually read that comic because Wanda herself in that comic said all her brother was doing was protecting her cause the X-Men and Avengers wanted to kill her and Magneto was willing to let them. Having Wanda say this was off-putting. Had it been purely in angry it would be somewhat forgivable but Orlando has expressed this sentiment in his other SW books
- Orlando's insistence on the adopted family angle and portraying Magneto as a complicated but good man who took the twins in with Wanda as the worshipful daddies girl and the victim blaming as Pietro was cold to him. That man was abusive to both his children. He would let them die for his cause and had abandoned them multiple times. Wanda pre retcon had many an issue and gripe with him. The twins are justified in their issues with him and no one should have to forgive their abusers. Magneto is a fascinating character and I loved the pre retcon dynamic with the twins as it was so tragic and full of irony and it only really works if theyre blood related. This painting of them as a happy chosen family is detrimental to all characters involved.
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honeybunniii333 · 1 month
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GENO ANGST :00 ( or geno and Edward fluff, whatever you choose )
I had an idea of geno having a panic attack in class but I wanna see what you would write abt him.
(YESSS, I love them so much. It's a crime that there isn't more for them! Siblings dynamics are a soft spot for me. ♡)
To say Edward was feeling guilty would be an understatement. He had committed the awfullest of awful things. He'd made his baby brother cry, and oh boy, was it eating him alive. Sure, he teased Geno like any other older sibling, but he truly adored the little brat, and genuinely hurting his brothers' feelings was something the jock would NEVER do on purpose. He was stressed out majorly, which was NOT an excuse, but still. Everything had been so chaotic. James was acting off. He had a big test to study for, Isaac was being isaac. So many supernatural related things had been happening, and don't even get him started on Felix and his shit! Ed was beyond overstimulated at the moment. He'd snapped, and he'd shouted at the boy. Which was something Ed never did. Ed yelled a lot, but never at Geno. He prided himself on his immense patience when it came to the little rascal... but he'd broken that streak... and over the stupidest of things, Geno had just wanted to play with him...
"Geno, I don't have time..." he'd warned in a tone that usually got the message across that he was too stressed or upset to talk. But the kid had pushed further, clearly desperate for his attention. "You never have time! Come on, just a game or two! I'm bored!!" he'd complained in that whiny voice Ed usually found annoyingly endearing but at that moment had made him want to rip his hair out. Everything had made him want to rip his hair out. The sound of faint construction happening down the street and the soft whirl of his fan were too loud for him. The feeling of his shirt against his skin made him want to set himself on fire, and the room had been too bright even with just the sun from the window to light it. He just couldn't handle it right then, but words had never been his strong suit, ESPECIALLY in moments like then. "Geno..." he'd warned again. "Come on, come on, come onnnnnn-"
"STOP! GOD FUCKING STOP!" He'd slammed his hand down on his desk as he'd glared daggers at the other. "GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE! WHAT PART OF THAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND!? YOU ARE SUCH A PEST!" He'd shouted. Geno had looked astonished for a moment. His eyes were wide, and jaw slacked before his little mouth started to quiver, and his eyes started filling with tears. Ed had been so overwhelmed that all he'd been able to do was turn the away again in his seat, close his eyes and press his palms into them as he tried desperately to tune everything out around him. It wasn't until he'd finally managed to get his bearings that he'd really realized how harsh he'd been. And now he'd been sitting by the younger boys' door, trying to figure out how to express how bad he felt. Geno was still sniffling, and the noise wasn't helping him at all... He knew he was just stalling because he didn't want to see the red tear stained face his brother always had after crying.. but he also knew nothing would be resolved if he stayed there. So... he forced himself up and knocked as he peeked his head in. "Geno... can we talk, please?"
The kid was curled up under his blankets. The superhero patterned comforter, shielding his tiny body from the other. Ed knew the feeling of faint relief at not having to see the hurt he'd caused was selfish, but it was there regardless. "...ok.." his voice was crackly from crying, and Ed forced himself forward once again, moving to seat himself at the end of the bed to give the other space if he wanted it. He was silent for a moment before taking a deep breath in and letting it out to steel his nerves. "...I'm sorry I yelled at you." he started,"I shouldn't have done that, we don't yell at each other, and that wasn't okay."
He watched the lump of blanket shift before half of genos face peeked out. "... why did you yell at me?" He asked cautiously, he didn't understand. He pestered his big brother like that all the time, and it never triggered such a harsh reaction. At the worst, he'd be gently booted out of his room and banished to the hallway... Edward didn't know how to explain it. He didn't know why he got so overwhelmed sometimes... he just did. But he'd made a vow to himself that when his baby brother asked him a question, Ed would answer it. He wouldn't sugar coat it or dance around it. He'd always tell him the truth in as age appropriate language as possible. Because Geno was smart and he needed to know things. "...I was overwhelmed." he answered, fiddling with the hem of his shirt as he fished for words. "I've been... really stressed lately. There's a lot of stuff happening right now, and I've been pushing through it fine.. but I guess today... I just can't." he admitted running a hand through his own hair as he heard Geno shuffling again. He'd come out of his hiding spot, his knees hugged to his chest. "Is that why you're never home, cause of the stuff?" He asked.
"Yeah... cause of the stuff..." Ed mumbled back. "I'm sorry too..." Geno whispered his voice quiet as he wiped at his eyes. "What for?" Ed raised an eyebrow. "For pushing when I knew you were busy. I know you're in high school, and you have a lot of stuff to do.. but I miss you... you're always busy now... you never have time to play anymore." he admitted. Ed hadn't thought about that... how he'd been home less and less, and brushing geno off more and more. He always tried to make time to play with Geno, at least on weekends, if anything... but he'd not been doing a very good job at that lately. "I..." his attention shot back to his little brother again at the sound of the boy's voice cracking. "I'm not a..actually a pest, am i?" he croaked out, trying to wipe away the tears that spilled once more.
Edward's face twisted into a frown, shushing the other gently as he scooped him up and moved to sit with him in his lap, his arms wrapped tight around his poor baby brother. "Shhh..sh sh sh... of course not Genie... you're my little buddy, I love having you around..." he insisted, "I...I'm sorry I haven't been home much, I'll...try and cut back on some stuff, okay? I think I need it..." he spoke softly and let out a sigh. They sat in silence for a long time. Genos tears turning to faint sniffles as his brother rubbed his back. "You wanted to play that new game you got, right?" Ed voice broke the silence. "Yeah..." he mumbled, moving around a little to look up at the older. "Wanna play a couple rounds?" relief flooded Ed at the way Genos face immediately lighted up. "Yeah!"
He couldn't help but giggle at the enthusiasm as he was quickly yanked up off the bed and tugged towards the door "Okay okay I'm comin, relax." he snorted, His little brother could be a pain sometimes, but it was a pain Edward couldn't possibly live without.
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utilitycaster · 1 year
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Do you think that the issues with Imogen and Laudna ties into the campaign being more railroaded (compared to C2 specifically) and with less campfire conversations, shopping episodes etc. where more organic character development can happen? While I do find all C3 character's interesting on their own, I feel like most of their relationships with one another are more shallow compared to C2 (that had the Empire Siblings, Veth and Caleb, The Detectives etc.). Do you have any thoughts on this?
I don't actually think so!
I agree that we haven't had as much downtime - and that more downtime would help flesh out all the relationships - but Imogen and Laudna have talked frequently, and all of these things would have helped and wouldn't have taken up significantly more time.
They still don't really feel like they've known each other two years. I bring up that they have because I feel like that fact should be informing their relationship and that they should have the security to disagree with each other, but the fact remains that Caleb and Veth, Fjord and Jester, and Yasha and Molly felt like they'd known each other before the campaign and Imogen and Laudna...really don't. Like, we know they met in Gelvaan, people were doing something to Laudna, Imogen used her powers, they ran off, and they arrived in Jrusar a few months prior to the campaign, but that leaves the entire middle year-plus as a big empty blank. (For what it's worth, I'm also still like, yes, Laudna, I get that you were in the woods for 30 years doing crafts and making Pate, but like, make me feel it; why were you in a point of stasis? Ironically, I feel like Ashton has more sense of history even though the whole point is that they don't feel like that. Fearne was just bopping around at her Grandmas for 90 years and she feels like it. This is a whole separate post but like...this came up with Patia too; I feel like Marisha has a good sense of her characters in the present, but I don't always get a sense that she fills in the backstory in the same depth as much of the rest of the cast; and Laura also tends to work from something a bit more solid in terms of ambiance and vibes but often doesn't have a ton of intricate plot beats. Anyway, point being that Marisha and Laura fleshing out those two years would have done tons of work for the relationship, and that was pre-campaign and totally unaffected by the pace of the campaign.
Any one of these existing conversations could have been a turning point - ie, this is no more extra time. They could have leaned into the gnarlrock fight being a betrayal; when they spoke in the Calloway Getaway they could have talked more; Imogen could have actually asked Laudna to come back (or even said "it's your choice" rather than "I can't ask you"); Imogen could have actually asked Laudna how she felt and what would have been upsetting to her after she was resurrected instead of making assumptions and just telling Vex; last episode, as I said, Laudna could have quite literally just said "I want you to be happy but if you side with Otohan I can't come with you."
I think this is brushing up against something I really try to avoid, which is removing the agency that the women in the cast have. If Marisha and Laura wanted Imogen and Laudna to kiss last episode? they could have. They chose not to. As I mentioned before, Marisha decided to have Laudna have a drink with Ashton. On the airship to Yios, for example, the two of them could, in fact, have said "I go seek out (the other)," and they didn't. There is less organic time to do this the way there was in the Nein campaign, but that does not mean there haven't been opportunities. They've chosen not to take them.
Which means I also think we need to ask ourselves: how do we know that this isn't how Marisha and Laura want to play it? Like, it is, actually, a very interesting dynamic, and the gaps in the backstory honestly work in favor of it if you see this as a codependence that came because both were so trapped in their own loneliness they became stuck rather than a fluffy cottagecore romance. Why assume these actors are aiming for something and falling short, rather than achieving precisely what they want?
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moonmeg · 2 months
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do Edan or Blair have kids ? how is their dynamic with Neil and Ian ?
we know nothing about them so i had to ask haha
Edan adopted a kid that he just found buried underneath hay in a barn one day. The kid had found shelter in the barn from the boiling rain, she was alone and claimed to not have any family. Edan decided to let her live in his house for as long as it would take him to find her family. He was able to find a relative but they didn't want her, claiming she was "too weird and too much to handle". Enraged for the relatives but taking pity on the kid, decided to take her in but not in an "I'm adopting you now" manner. He wanted to keep a distance at first in a mentor-student type of fashion but himself was already too attached and everything cracked when she called him "Papa" and he was like "You know what? Yeah. I'm gonna be your papa now.".
Blair, like Neil, has three kids with her wife. Not as chaotic as Makenna, Feya and Micah but a handful nonetheless. Especially the youngest kid.
They adore Neil and definitely took an oath to fight anyone who dares even look at him the wrong way when he was born. Their adoration for him didn't and doesn't exclude the occasional teasing though of course. They are a bit upset he moved away and they only see each other once or maximum twice a year now. They try to keep in contact as much as they can and constantly send gifts and letters, where they complain that Neil isn't visiting enough (of course ignoring they could... visit him themselves).
They get along with Ian even though they keep saying that he's the worst (they're just taunting him in a loving manner). Blair plays counselor for Ian more than once because Edan is absolute shit at giving advice regarding topics of love. He's more a man of actions than he is one of words. As opposed to Blair.
Edan has his little issues accepting partners of his siblings. The experience with his (,Blair's, Neil's and Ian's) biological father in his childhood had it's impact and he's quite protective of his little siblings and wary of their partners because he doesn't want them to go through what he saw his mother go through when he can prevent it. It always takes him a while to warm up to his siblings' partners.
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Are we still on the topic of Solomon & Lucifer's dynamic because I'd been wondering something and thought I'd ask you?
have you wondered if a part of the reason why Lucifer doesn't want to make a pact with Solomon could be because Solomon straight up refuses to make one with Mammon?
I mean, if a sorcerer who makes pacts with 1001 demons thinks he's too good to have one with MY favorite son brother, I'd be petty too lol
(yeah, his pact his right to choose the demon and all but no need to go around saying out loud "I don't want a pact with that demon 💅" amirite)
As sweet as the sentiment is, I'm gonna say it was definitely not the reason
~heavy S3 spoilers~
It's established pretty early on that Lucifer has a lot of issues with control and is actually very paranoid about his family's safety (most of this seems to stem from the whole thing with Lilith and the Celestial Realm, and we actually get to see him work through a lot of them throughout the seasons. I've made long posts about this with screenshots but I don't have enough data to scroll & find them)
Making a pact means giving the human the ability to control you. All 6 of Lucifer's brothers could have happily made pacts with Solomon and I still don't think Lucifer would have.
Hell, Lucifer wasn't happy about MC making pacts with his brothers either. While in the end he didn't try to stop them from making pacts with MC (their pact their right to choose it seems) he was never very thrilled with it either. (vaguely remember him threatening them right before they made a pact with Asmo).
Lucifer made a pact with MC after 1 year of living with them. By this point he knew them and clearly cared for and trusted them. As far as they knew MC didn't have any magic at this point and couldn't really use the pacts either (with the exception of the time Solomon let them borrow some of his magic). MC was also (as far as they consciously knew) some random ass human, with Lilith being their only previous supernatural connection. He still made a point to tell MC that having a pact didn't mean they were in control of him and if anything he was the one in charge.
So when you compare that to Solomon:
He was a powerful Sorcerer. He would have known how to easily control Lucifer if they made a pact.
Solomon himself admitted that he only started seeing demons as something more than just pawns after meeting MC.
Solomon had previous connections to Michael/ Michael had a great interest in Solomon (Michael who was presumably involved in sentencing Lilith to be executed & who fought the brothers which lead to them Falling)
Lucifer had never met Solomon before S1 (as established in one of the Devilgrams) and didn't spend much time with him during season 1, he would have no real reason to care for or trust him
Solomon made his pact with Asmo by getting him blackout drunk while Asmo was upset about a woman he liked rejecting him. Asmo himself admitted that Solomon probably knew who he was and made a pact with him to get to Lucifer. I can only imagine that Lucifer was livid at the time, specially considering what happened to his last sibling who got involved with a human.
+ As much as it's obvious that Lucifer does care about Mammon, that he is his favourite, that he actually tends to spoil him rotten and that he was happy that one time Mammon slipped and called him 'dad' , he's also never had a problem with hurting Mammon or bruising his pride (remember that time he told Mammon the only demon who actually cared about him/liked him was Diavolo? Yeah. Hurt like a bitch)
I also don't think Mammon would be willing to make a pact with Solomon, even if the offer was up:
In S3, he told MC that he didn't make pacts with just random humans.
But MC was just a random human when they made a pact, right?
Except in S3, MC travels to the past, meets them as angels, fits in instantly with the family, encourages them all to give in to their sins, has a lot of moments with Mammon (Mammon notes on two different occasions that they tend to stare at him but he also admits to liking them) and leaves. Michael (?) says that though the brothers will forget them, the impact that MC made would carry on. After MC leaves, it's shown that angel! Asmo (and Lucifer? And presumably all the others) vaguely remember MC/has dreams about them. With this context, it really explains how quickly they warmed up to MC in S1. (Which is hilarious when you think about it because, MC only fit in so easily with their angelic family because they had a couple years of experience being a part of their present day family. But the present day family may have accepted them so easily all the way back in S1 because they subconsciously remembered MC fitting in with their angelic selves)
Before MC & Mammon made the pact it was established that Mammon was the fastest of the brothers and that he could easily overpower Levi even while half asleep. Meaning, he could have easily taken Goldie back from them without having to make a pact.
In other words, it really does make much more sense if subconsciously MC wasn't a random human to Mammon and if he made a pact with the person who (when he was an angel) laughed at his pranks (that no one else found funny) and encouraged his dreams (that no one else believed in) and constantly looked at him in a way that made him blush. Specially because it's been established that it's MC's kindness and acceptance towards him that made him fall for them in the first place.
tldr;
Lucifer didn't make a pact with Solomon because he'd never give Solomon that kind of power over him
Mammon wouldn't make a pact with Solomon because he said he didn't make pacts with random humans and S3's time travel shenanigans mean that Mammon's had a crush on MC for an insanely long time
Anyway, here's some shameless self promotion:
Want to read all of this but condensed into a semi-crack fic? Try,
Tap on Wood (for fuck's sake)
Lucifer (the absolutely perfect, always a hundred percent in the right oldest) has three different conversations while (definitely not) stone cold sober with the bane of his existence (the light of his life (the bane of his existence (the light of his -
Mammon's just trying his best.
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ikamigami · 10 months
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Remember that I wanted to make a post about Moon's computer? That motherf-er!!?
So here it is!
But first things first. Eclipse isn't going anywhere. I might be the only person who truly believe in his intellect. Because others seem to fall for that whole "Eclipse doesn't have a plan" thing. Why I'm talking about Eclipse all of a sudden? Because this has more to do with Moon's computer than it may seem at first glance.
We know that Moon's computer has his personality. So that's why it acts like an ass sometimes like New Moon had said. So it seems completely normal that it was mean to Sun, right? And it's also normal that it prioritised Moon over Sun, right? But sometimes, not really.. way too often computer seemed to go overboard with how it treated Sun. We didn't have this sibling dynamic between computer and Sun, like we have with Moon and Sun. (I have a similar feeling that there was lack of brothership between Sun and Moon when Lunar was pretending to be Moon for the week. Lunar meaniness seemed more uncaring and cold than Moon's usual behaviour towards Sun.)
I don't like computer. Because it often acted like complete jerk towards Sun (and even in today's episode what a f-er). It has some good comedic moments but that's it.
Anyway, remember when it turned out that the one who pushed Sun over the edge and whole "incident with Kill Code happened" was actually Eclipse who was pretending to be Moon's computer? Because I do. And you know what I realise about that situation. That Sun and Moon never found out that Eclipse pretended to be Moon's computer! Later Moon found out that Eclipse had an access to his computer but he wasn't able to do anything about that because there was a lot going on back then. And now Moon can't do anything about it because he doesn't remember that. He doesn't remember that Eclipse has an access to his computer.
So I believe that Eclipse made himself a backdoor in Moon's computer during his and Lunar takeover in October. That way it was possible for him to go undetected even by computer itself. And let's not forget that Eclipse has the same intellect as Moon. So he was probably able to that.
So, because I'm paranoid af, I think that Eclipse probably still has that access and that he uses it to his advantage. Because why not? So bare with me here! I think that Moon's computer is in cahoots with Eclipse!! Completely unknowingly.. or let's better hope that that's the case! See, I said I'm paranoid!!
Anyway, let's get back to my first point. Let's take aside whether Eclipse was shocked by Sun's words or not or if these words upseted him or not because it doesn't matter in what I'm going to say. So I think that Eclipse didn't say anything to Sun then because he wanted to force a reaction from them. With computer's input our boys know that star is basically killing Eclipse and we saw that Sun wanted to think that through because it didn't sit well with him. Sun might feel a little bit of pity towards Eclipse (or maybe a lot cause I'm pretty sure he'll blame himself even for this isvsjdbsjjzbsj). And if we take into consideration my post about Eclipse gaslighting and abusing Sun into believing that he's evil, it starts to make sense.
Because if computer didn't say that about Eclipse, Sun wouldn't go of to think that through. So what I think that happened in that episode was another well crafted Eclipse's scenarios. It could have even been played on a bat, in a spur of moment. I understand that Eclipse probably didn't know and 100% wasn't expecting Sun to say all those things to him. And it probably really hurt him, mostly his ego but I don't deny that. But I think that he thought to himself that he may take that as an opportunity and use it against Sun. With computer's help of course. Because it wouldn't work other way. And like I said computer is probably unaware of that. It was probably Eclipse pretending to be Moon's computer and manipulating situation as always. Or that's what my paranoid ass is thinking about that situation jsbsjdk!!
And in today's episode Moon's computer had to send Sun to a void. Because why not? He's complete jerk! And I hate him for that! (And I know that Davis doesn't feel well so that's why there was no Sun and Monty in today's episode of sams and mgafs btw.)
I think that's all. I'm really paranoid af lol xd
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mental-mario · 3 months
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Sibling Rivalry, Favoritism, and Multiplayer
Hey all, it's been an upsetting week for me, not gonna lie. I'm gonna skip the spiel and just get into it, so I'll just say that if you can relate then please Like and Follow and be sure to tip your struggling blogger. Also I'm lonely and need friends, so send me a request on Switch and message me on here as well! My mental issues make it difficult for me to sustain friendships, but I'd love a pen pal or 10k of them!
I'll be opening up more about things as I get more comfortable with this whole self-awareness and vulnerability thing, so subscribe and bear with me, but let's just say for now as a quick background that my mother is a narcissist, my dad is the flying monkey, my brother is the golden boy, and he married a conniving narcissist as well, so as to continue the cycle of abuse to his two kids. I am the damaged scapegoat who is trying to navigate away to healthier dynamics for my spouse and kids. I'm currently no-contact with my brother and his family as well as my mother and any relatives whatsoever. I do meet up with my dad occasionally for pancakes, but it is very much about sticking heads in the sand and pretending like we aren't estranged. I was no-contact with him as well until my wife informed him I was in the psych ward a couple months ago. I'm willing to answer questions as we go...
Anyway, he recently sent me $500 since I finally got up the nerve to put my pride and ego aside and outright ask him for help; something that has been instilled as a big source of shame for me to ever do because my mom especially would verbally berate me about how incompetent I am and how I would die alone and unwanted. Anyways, I digress, you may be asking what I would have to complain about? While I am thankful for any help I can get, let's just say $500 is chump change when it comes to my parents. They have money that I have been long since cut off from but that my brother and his family still very much access unabashedly, at the age of 32. I am 38. Also important to note is that he works a lucrative career where he has been able to make similar or better money as me over the past decade. The difference has been that my wife and I have been smart and careful with our money, while they have spent it recklessly. I always tend to leave out background details inadvertently, so I'm trying to recall as much as I can so as to not sound like unjustified soured grapes.
After years of no contact, our wives started communicating again, and it eventually got to where they decided to move to the south where we had relocated, originally in order to get away from them all. I wasn't thrilled about this, but I didn't want to deny my wife a chance at a friendship. My brother was reluctant to move here too, for reasons that I will get into someday as I work up the nerve to do so. My mom said I should take that said reason to the grave, but I'm not going to do that. They lived in an apartment for 6 months while making excellent money, by most people's standards, but they then exited out of the lease and moved into my parents' house, yet again, rent free, until they could buy a house of their own (or at least, that was how it was phrased to me when I decided to go nc with my parents yet again, due to the emotional pain of yet again seeing him and his family completely chosen over me and mine). They had to get out of their lease because they are assholes and got a bit too brazen with their neighbors. Despite being brazen in the past with neighbors who produced guns in their faces, they still find it rather funny to try and cave their downstairs neighbor's ceiling in by purposely jumping around as hard as they could out of spite. So long story short, another awful neighbor who couldn't take a joke decided to make them feel less than safe for their choices.
With the money and assets they have, there should've been no reason why they couldn't just pivot into another short term lease or something, but my parents ate up the chance to get into that abusive dynamic yet again, telling themselves that they couldn't let their son and his family go homeless (I can't say that without laughing because that is hardly the only other choice in this scenario). Regardless, we have come back into this situation because my parents decided to move those who we are once again no longer in contact with into their own house, essentially choosing a side once again. Of course, the explanation evolved from this being a temporary thing to suddenly they can't afford a down payment on anything because they don't have any money saved, meaning they would be living with them indefinitely. My only satisfaction in this was knowing that my mom's vicious lap dog, who she refuses to rehome because she spent $6k from a breeder, would be biting the shit out of all of them. Despite the dog being a barrier to letting my kids stay over my parents or anything of the sort, you can at least cordon a dog off for someone to visit. Sadly, they refuse to kennel my brother's wife.
Anyways, my spouse has some acquaintances in the real estate industry, since we have bought and sold a number of homes over the years. She got a message from one of them, asking her if she was aware how terribly entitled and obnoxious her in-laws are. Despite having to search numerous banks for a loan due to their awful credit rating, they still have the nerve to act like they are rich and powerful somehow. They were apparently searching originally for a house priced in the $300's but could not get a mortgage unless my parents cosigned and put up their retirement assets as collateral. They refused that, but they did cosign a mortgage for $200k. This after having always told me about how they would never cosign a loan for anyone ever. So basically, my parents bought my fully grown ass brother and his family a house, because when push comes to shove they will definitely stop paying the mortgage payment and could care less if they force my parents into doing so. Of course, I am sitting on this knowledge since before I was gifted $500 by my parents, and my parents won't ever tell me they did this. To answer your question, if you are asking it, I do intend to call my dad out on this, and it may be the last time I ever speak to him, depending on how that conversation goes.
My parents for the longest time would act like they did so evenly for both their kids and their grandkids, but I've called them out on that enough over the years so that they don't even make that claim anymore. From money to time spent to emotional support (if you can call it that), his family got 99.9%, and I'm an ingrate to complain about not getting my 0.1%. To clarify, I could care less except for the impact it all has had on my kids, but I do acknowledge that it's a blessing in disguise that my kids are growing up without that toxic influence so prevalent in their lives. Just makes me sad because if they would cosign a $200k mortgage for me like that, I'd be set for life, but bro's family gets rewarded for their recklessness while mine gets punished for trying to do things "the right way."
I want to shift gears now before I become too bitter, but I will just ask you to comment or message me, do you have experience with being the black sheep? If so, how's it going? Conversely, do you have experience being the golden child and self-aware of it? How has that been like for you??
To channel my inner Cranky Kong: kids these days experience multiplayer gaming far different than we did as young bloods. In my day *groans as he shifts in his recliner* multiplayer meant your friend or sibling played a single player game while you waited and rooted for them to screw up so you could have your turn to play! SMB3 made some progress in this by establishing a cooperative level progression, despite continuing the alternating turns system of play, but it was still waiting impatiently for your turn to play. Other games that did have simultaneous co-op could be frustrating if you had a younger sibling who couldn't hold up to your skill level. Nowadays, you got co-op where players don't get in each other's way, and you even got games that are accessible for players who can't coordinate keeping the acceleration button held down in Mario Kart. I may sound like I'm complaining, but I assure you this is quite the opposite. I might have had better interpersonal relationships growing up if it was more about this level of inclusive play and bonding rather than the confusing cooperative yet competitive setup that led to a rather passive aggressive style of friendships and relationships that I experienced.
A quick update before I wrap this up: I will be going away for a couple of weeks without access to internet, so know that I am okay during this time and will post more when I get back. I would like to ask, has anyone reading this ever called the suicide hotline, and what was that experience like for you? I have not yet called, but I do have them in my contacts (it's 988 in the US for anyone who doesn't know).
The holiday season is filled with controlling propaganda for family, friends, and other such obligations disguised as tradition, so if you are like me and can't conform to society's expectations, just know you aren't alone and that this is a safe spot to share and discuss. You don't have to feel shame and guilt for putting your own health and quality of life first. Trauma sucks, but we all have it. Understand that your own personal experience is valid and that you aren't lesser than anyone else. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort this season in your spirituality because that's far stronger than worrying about the company you keep, possessions you have, or living a lifestyle by others' standards. What's the point in living that way if it just adds to your stress? Family sucks, and that is why I have opted out. If you are considering doing the same but haven't yet, I hope you survive this year. If you are considering breaking free, I'm happy to lend a friendly ear and chat!
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hexedrosel-arts · 7 months
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Too many thoughts head full, time to ramble and say things
- Hall monitor being older brother to the kindergarten kids(Thought about him getting second job to save for college; and also to get the kids ice-cream if they behave; he mostly saves it though)
- Carla and Buggs friendship
- Ozzy and Buggs friendship
- Buggs dynamics with other ppl in general
- Penny X Carla X Monty (wanna write but have more important stuff than this rn :,])
- Kidd, just a lot of ideas about Kidd
- Ozzy, he plagues me daily
- Ozzy and Felix, but what if enemies to friends to lovers mutual pining and angst
- My OCs; specially the one who has her arms replaces with ribbons and she has a tank of poison inserted into her spine, she also now has a gun that shoots said poison and she refuses to die.(Also the angry spirit that follows her around and has knives in that surround him in the form of angel wings and halo)
- Kidd with ram horns(Kidd w/ sacrificial lamb imagery is something weirdly on my mind)
And surprising the one time my English teacher saw an image of Buggs I drew and called him a she(now thinking of butch fem Buggs)
Big thought below where I can't explain it in bullet point form
Honestly, I can't really bring myself to hate any of the Kg and Kg2 characters that aren't the adults. It sounds stupid but I just can't.
The reason is rather simple, they're five year olds. They don’t truly understand what they're doing, like at all. They may be the smartest 5 year olds ever, but they're still 5.
They can kill, harm, and just be the worst ppl ever. But they're glorified toddlers who barely understand that they're hurting each other. A sibling of mine visited our grandfather when he was dying and that stuff slipped over their head, and they were 4. Heck the stuff didn't make sense to myself and I was 7ish.
Felix may want his brother dead, but he might not understand that when his brother dies, he's not coming back. His father knows why he wants this to happen, but Felix may not know in the slightest, or at least not to the extent of that his father does. It's not an exact excuse for Felix’s actions, but I can understand why he has no empathy or care about what he is doing.
I'm using Felix as an example because I did hate Felix before. I hated that he wanted to kill his brother, that he was cruel, he was well Felix. I talked with my sibling about the game(it's been an obsession for a while), when my mom overheard me talking about Felix. She pointed out the exact reason why Felix is innocent in his crime to a degree, he's 5. He doesn't grasp murder or death or what an assassin is. He's smart for a 5 year old, but he still understands the world in the way a child does.
This doesn't just apply to Felix. But to all the kids and all of their little crimes. They don’t understand what they're doing, at least not on the level we do. Cindy and Buggs might understand that bullying is bad, but they don't know how badly they're affecting Lily and Nugget. Jerome doesn't understand that Lily didn't kill his father, he's only correlating that Lily hated his father, Billy went missing, and Billy was found when his father died.
More about Jerome. He's a smart kid yes, but I can't blame him for acting the way he does in Kg2, he's emotional because he found his father's body parts, and Lily found her brother around the same time. He wants revenge because he didn't know what we do. He just wants closure for what he believes was the death of a good man, his father even. Kg2 also takes place the day *after* his father's death, so we take an a child who is still *grieving*, who found his dad's dead body, and has moved to a different school, that's too much for a child to handle. Of course the child is emotional.
Jerome understands death more than the other kids because he experienced in the games first hand. We see the result, he knows his dad isn't coming back, he's upset, and he's not thinking straight. He's in smart class for a reason, but clearly he should have time to process his father's passing. In things that go boom(? Carla's misson), he acts irrationally upon seeing Lily because that's how a 5 year old would react, he found his father's supposed murderer and wants revenge.
When he finds the truth you know what happens? He cries harder, he apologizes to Lily and Kidd in that misson as well. He accepts that father was bad, which is a lot more than mature than he should be at that age, and moves on. He perfectly shows how these kids, while much smarter than regular 5 year olds, they still act like kids and behave.
(Note: I found it weird that a lot of the older wattpad fics charactized Jerome as always hating Lily even when they got older. But I can't blame them, we see Jerome as clearly being in the wrong, but we don't think to look at this in Jerome's perceptive)
In the end they're kids, glorified toddlers even. Death doesn't phase them because they don't understand it. They know things at a basic level, yes they are uber smart for 5 year olds, but they are still 5 year olds. I can't be mad at these kids for being- well kids. Yes they're mean and cruel to each other, but they're still kids. They don't understand that killing each other means they won't come back, to them maybe death means they won't see that person for a while.
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kierreras · 1 year
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bestie, who's your favourite character this season? cause i can't decide they all are acting very different from who they were in first seasons
oh, i agree with you. this season they all are more mature, right? and the way every pogue had something to learn and accept this season was so great. like even with this whole treasure hunt thing being main focus of the season, writers were able to also focus on each individual growth it's really a tough question because for me this season really highlighted madelyn, madison and rudy acting so much. like these three characters and their journeys were amazing, but the way those three handled them... it's phenomenal. but if we are doing any ranking, i think that it goes this way for me: 1. kie 2. jj/sarah 3. pope 4. cleo 5. john b i really love softie!kie. i was not expecting to see her soft side, but this version of kie became my favourite. miss girl knows what she wants, she is not afraid to be vulnerable and she wears her heart on her sleeve. i am in love with this side of kiara because finally we are seeing her behind the surface. how she acts, how she feels. it's so beautiful and bailey did a great job at portraying it jj and sarah are on the second place together. because of cambank sibling supremacy! just kidding (or not?) so i know many people are annoyed with sarah, but this time her storyline seemed so organic for me. like she is not sure who she is, she has no family, nowhere to live. she sacrificed everything for love and when that love is pulling away she feels lost. so she of course goes to familiar face because let's be real she felt so much safer before she met john b. she is a girl that lost everything to be with a person she loves. so when in the end she makes a choice she fully commits. no hesitation, she jumps right in. i just love her so much. jj is just so much. he has so much emotions boiling in him, but he can't give them away because he thinks that we's nobody. the way he acts during his breakdowns, the way he tries to collect himself, to not get too emotional because his trauma tells him that emotions lead to conflict which leads to physical fight. and i want writers to go deeper with exploring jj's traumas, i really do. so let's hope that this will be a storyline for next season. pope is number three because he was actually okay. i was firstly upset that the writers went with jealousy thing for pope, but the way it was handled is really okay. better than if they didn't address pokie at all. also, there were moments where i liked pope so much. his breakdown is one of them. jd's acting was top tier. also, an accent scene? it was hilarious! cleo is forth because she was just present. i love this girl, but i was hoping that we get to know more about her. like her background, her personal stories, but she was just a supporting character for the most part. i just hope that we get more of her next season because she has great dynamic with whole gang. and special shout out to jj/cleo friendship duo! and john b is fifth. mainly because his storyline was always about treasure hunt and his father. like i loved jarah stuff this season, but other parts of jb's story were just meh . so like sarah said about john b's role in poguelandia - "he was there". that is exactly how i feel about him this season. like he was there, okay. well, that was a long answer! and if you ask me about the characters that i hated this season i'm going to write even longer answer
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davishater · 6 months
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Random things I noticed in chapter 108:
1) Ok, so putting my Hutter and Chelsea ship off to the side for only one post, I really enjoy Hutter's reaction to her death for many reasons (mainly the ship reasons).
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For comparison, let me explain that, when Hutter first discovers Yudi's death, he just screams her name and looks shocked, maybe with a little bit of fear. Alyssa actually goes and faints from finding Yudi.
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When everyone finds Chelsea is dead, Hutter is looking MORTIFIED. Then he falls to his knees, screaming and blaming himself. These reactions just really show who cared a lot about each person and I love that so much!
2) Night is honestly such a respectable king for this!
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Hutter's like, bro you look excited and Night's just over here apologizing for it! And it's so sincere, too! I was expecting him to be like, "Well duh, we got an interesting case on our hands." Like a snooty rich brat, but no, he actually apologizes for how his excitement looks! This shows that Night fully understands that Hutter is upset and is willing to take how he feels into consideration (Also, they keep being shown together and I enjoy that. I feel like they would have a really good friend dynamic, if they don't already).
3) ok, so hitch hiking to the other side of London, we got Winter and Spitz together. Not gonna lie, I really love seeing them interact, but I HATE how worthless Spitz is right now. Winter could seriously do so much all on his own without anyone's help. I mean, he found Spitz all by himself! There's almost 9 million people who live in London and Winter found him uncoincidentally! He was on the right track, too! If Ron and Toto aren't with Spitz, then he can use Spitz to track down the other two. Too bad Spitz can't even do that right 🙄 (Guys, I'm sorry, I've had a love/hate relationship with Spitz throughout the entire series).
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3.5) I know this panel isn't in chapter 108, but I just imagine Winter saying the "How carefree..." part with literally no emotion and in the context of mocking and I love it so much, like I literally can't get enough of that one line replaying in my head!!! Also, is it just me, or do these lines seem very proper and.... idk, like Winter is honestly trying to be nice??? Winter seemed to stay in that kind of manner until Spitz gave him attitude and said, "you're in the Moriarty family!" and he replied with "Don't look down on me."
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Idk, maybe I'm just speculating too much.
4) I love how Winter finally gave us the name of his brothers! And like, why is he just sharing this information with Spitz? It seems kind of random, but at the same time, not. Almost like he's unconsciously reminiscing about his family. 🤔
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He and Spitz also say they're all Milo's siblings, not Winter's. Like, it really gives that affect that he really did leave the Moriarty family and I think that's kinda cool.
5) WAIT A DIGIDY DARN SECOND!!!!! Winter looks down a lot whenever he talks about his family.... 👀👀👀👀👀 (I'd show, but I'm at a picture limit)
6) ok, I just had to show this one last, cause it's the funniest one and it took me almost 10 hours to realize.
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Spitz literally just helped Winter commit a crime!!! Winter impersonated an important public figure right in front of a police officer and Spitz didn't even rat Winter out! Yo, Spitz is an accomplish and he's just chillin'!!! 😂😂😂😂😂
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420technoblazeit · 2 years
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Anon who just woke up when they got the news and wrote a long goddamn essay, back with another one! Prepare to read!!!
Ive been doing better now. I confided about what happened to my parents who were both, surprisingly, supportive and understanding about what happened which definitely helped me a lot.
I then checked in on friends who I knew also liked Techno to make sure they were okay
After, I started scrolling through the technoblade tag, seeing all the art, everyones thoughts, his friends comments about him on twitter also helped me as I didn't feel alone in what I was going through
I still feel weird now though. Like I said in my og essay, Techno helped dragged me back into the Minecraft fandom, as I took a break when it was becoming less popular. He truly was a comfort cc of mine and to know hes gone is upsetting. I was and still am a major SBI fan. I enjoyed the family dynamic the four of them created so much. I used to joke with my close friends, who I regard as siblings now, that we three we specific members of SBI. I was Will, my sister was Tommy and my sibling was Techno (The Phil role was whoever had the braincell at the time (WHICH IS MOSTLY ME- /lh)). Hell, the whole reason I started referring those two close friends of mine as my siblings is because techno and the rest of SBI helped me truly understand the idea that family is more than just blood. Funny how the blood god taught me that
I will miss shouting 4/4 SBI whenever the four of them just so happened to even be in the same twitch chat. I'll miss being excited to see any of the duos be together. I'll miss Technos witty jokes and dry sense of humor that I feel in love with. I'll miss Techno, Alex, Dave, whatever you want to call him.
I want to keep his legacy on though. I actually wanted to try and get good at pvp recently and Im not giving up on that. I was one of the many voices in his head and its my job to keep his blood god legacy going, even if Im bad at it
To anyone who made it this far in my second essay of this topic, congrats, remember to drink plenty of water, eat and rest well, and I'm giving you all a big virtual hug.
And a big thank you to you, 420Technoblazeit, the dsmpblr community and any techno fans within/outside it. You all gave me a place to feel accepted when twitter was hell and now you've given me a place to be able to peacefully mourn a beloved man
You are all beloved nerds <3
it's great that sbi helped you connect with your siblings! it helped me connect with my brother too. i think it'd be really cool if you started doing pvp, keep me updated on that! i'm always open to talk if you want to pop into my inbox or dm me. it'll get better broski, hang in there
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aroaceconfessions · 2 years
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Being a teenager is a weird spot to be. Add in asexuality and thoughts of dating and it gets just a little more confusing.
We've all watched the high school romcoms -HSM, Heartstopper- and high school seems like a dream time for dating generally. Even from an ace perspective it seems better too. Despite what shows like Euphoria might convey, most teenagers aren't having sex, it's not an expectation, so it's not a concern!
But then enter me, stage right. I'm halfway through this business and have a solid zero relationship experience. I've been low-key asked out twice but wasn't interested. Even when I am interested in someone, the feelings aren't that strong like:
If I knew anyone else was interested in my 'crush' I'd encourage my 'romantic rival' instead of myself. I also don't feel an intense longing*, I just think a relationship would be pleasant. Maybe I like the attention or the affection more than I like them as a person. Maybe I want a relationship and am just seeing these people as a means to an end. It's also not really a physical feeling?
Like how when you're upset there's this emptiness in your chest, or overjoyed you just feel so light and electric? There isn't any of that in response to 'crushes'. It's more mental than anything. It's also largely aesthetic, but as time goes on I can appreciate aesthtics platonically.
I also only tend to get 'crushes' on people who I've convinced myself like me back. I never have feelings for people not attracted to my gender, but I don't always 'crush' in people who like me, hence the two rejections. I used to have 'crushes' way more often as a kid, but I can't remember my thoughts or feelings well enough to analyze those.
I'm definitely ace because while I'm chill with sex as a concept, when intrusive thoughts (sex edition) crop up about crushes it's an instant no. Sex is chill, as long as I'm not involved sorta deal. But I keep ping pong-ing about whether I'm biro or aro. I can find reasoning for either depending on the day. What I consider a crush at one point could be platonic attraction at another.
Then there's the bitch (affectionate but also sighing) that put me into this questioning mood in this instance.
I've known them since I was in middle school and I'm a sucker for them. Once they suggested someone in our group had a crush on me and I named everyone (I think) except for them and they told me I hadn't guessed the peron. I'm not sure if that's when my crush started, but that was definitely fuel for it. Later we talked and it became clear I was younger than they assumed I was (I have an older sibling and people have thought we're twins before). Our interactions didn't really change but nothing like that happened again.
Except for one instance. Our group was joking about stripper names (as you do) and a friend said the one I suggested required you have some ass to back it up. Crush offhandedly said I did. Crush is the type that when it comes up, won't sexualize peoples bodies but won't shy away from being in the conversation. Like thanks for the body confidence I geuss, but I feel kinda awkward that they noticed?
A while of not talking to them made me think I *had* a crush on them, but recently we've been around each other, and it's now clear I *have* a crush on them. I am to their attention as a flower is to sunlight. I can't really brush it off as admiration either because someone I think just as highly of is in the same position as Crush, yet I don't feel the same towards Other Person. I have physical (nonsexual) feelings towards Crush. I had a dream about them literally just being physically close to me and talking to me and my heart was thrilled with that.
I want them to understand that I'm asexual (sex repulsed) but not aromantic and have a relationship in a few more years when the power dynamic would be better. They're not that much older than me objectively, but relatively considering I'm in high school it's a big difference. (But what if life takes us to separate towns before then?)
I want to date anyone just to know what a relationship is supposed to be and how to act, but then again I'm scared of breaking their hearts. (What if I really don't feel romantic attraction either?)
I want a closer friendship with Crush because I think they're great. I want these weird intense feelings to sputter out. I want us to never be around each other again because they're cringe and I'm cringe and we're cringe together. We did the 'I like your shoelaces' bit irl. Unprompted. Neither of us were on tumblr in 2012.
I have ko idea what they think of me. I have no idea what I want them to think. They're part of the reason I've joined some extracurriculars which have helped me grow as a person. I have a bad memory and it takes me minutes to think of a specific memory with most/any of my friends. When I think of Crush, a sideshow presentation of highlights appears.
I want them to be attracted to me. I also don't. I don't know what I'd say if they asked me out. It probably shouldn't be yes, I'm like clay or a dumb puppy to them sometimes. I don't think they *would* coerce me into sex (a hard no for me), but I worry that they *could*.
I don't know what I want from this ask. I guess this *is* a confessions blog, not an advice blog. There's not really any advice that could be given.
TLDR: I have a Big Crush TM which is unusual for me, an ace (and probably aro-spec let's be real). Hope this was entertaining I am suffering, lol.
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