I need to have like a Serious Trauma Talk with my partners bc I am realising that both of them have said they've known me for almost a decade and they know almost nothing about what my deal actual is. Shadows and whispers, says Kofi (actually they said a Tolkien quote but who am I, a Memory Person?)
but like. now I've raised the issue but NOT had the conversation I'm like. picking at the conversation in my head. I don't have like a Set Time to talk about this stuff and so I have nowhere to put this I'm just turning over and trying to rehearse the best way to explain Wha' Happun where like. I don't just say something very basic and surface level but it's also not a 6 hour therapy session.
and also there's this problem I've already been having with doing this in therapy which is like. there's a LOT to unpack. like we're talking a 10 year pick and mix of Various Traumas every few months and there are more and less significant ones but none of them are The Big Trauma they're all. cumulative. and I can't stop and explain them all we'd be here for weeks and also half of them I Don't Even Really Know. So I really have to edit it down to the highlights, you know? prepare a short presentation. a monologue. perhaps through the medium of interpretive dance.
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