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shackermanwrites · 3 years

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Lifetime

Summary: When everything's falling apart in your life, and you don't know what to do anymore, maybe asking the universe for something isn't a bad idea after all. In which Sol Reader finds herself in another reality after begging the universe for something. Everything is going well not until she was put into Levi's squad.

Chapter 2 -> Chapter 3

Lifetime Masterlist

The loud banging on the door made you instantly jolt up from your bed, and you looked at the digital clock beside your bed.

“It's 4:44 am; give me a break.” You mumbled to yourself as you got up from your bed.

It’s the first time in months that you have gotten a night of sleep for more than three hours and only to be interrupted by a loud knock, you could honestly punch a wall right there.

As soon as you open the door, the smile on Petra’s face was immediately replaced by a frown.

“You look terrible, Are you okay?” She invited herself in and placed her bag on the table beside the door.

“Geez, good morning to you too huh, you woke me up, genius” you plopped down back to your bed and hugged your pillow.

“I just want to see you before you go, and also, my mom cooked some food for you and your family. It's not much, but she made your favorite banana bread.”

Petra sat on the side of your bed and lay next to you, not caring if it’ll ruin her hair. You have been like this for almost a year, and you treat each other like sisters since she’s an only child, she confessed that she looks up to you like an older sister. Her family also treats you as their own, and you are beyond thankful for them. You honestly can't imagine how you will survive if it weren’t for them.

“Thank you, Petra. I appreciate it” You gave her a brief smile while you pinch her cheeks for a second before getting up from the bed.

You were supposed to wake up at 5 am, but since you are already awake and it's almost 5, you went to the bathroom to wash your face and take a bath. The faint sound of the television and the running cold water is the only thing you can hear.

You arrived at your house around 5 pm that day, the trip was indeed tiring even though there are not many people traveling considering that it is almost the holiday season.

As soon as you stepped inside the house, a blonde girl who’s holding a book came rushing at you with a big smile on her face.

“Historia! You have gotten a lot taller since I last saw you.” You immediately let go of your baggage and hugged the girl. You honestly missed her, and you know she did too. She was left alone in this house, and you know how it must be hard for her to grow up alone.

“I missed you so much, Sol. I have so many stories I want to share with you, mom! Dad! Sol is here!” the excitement and joy are all over her voice.

Your mom greeted you on her apron. She gave you a smile before glancing at the living room.

“Oh honey, you're back. Your dad is in the living room. I'm glad you could make it before Christmas.” your mother smiled at you once again before she went back to the kitchen.

You hate yourself for being mad. The feeling of being unwanted rushes through your body once again.

You didn’t want to face your father, but you're here now, and there's no backing off. You pat Historia’s head before your feet made their way to the living room to where your father is.

“Father, I'm home.” Your father didn’t look at you. He didn’t even try to glance in your direction. Instead, his eyes are glued to the book he is reading.

“I haven't seen you for two years. I forgot I have an older daughter.” The palm of your hands started to turn white as you clench your hands into a fist. You didn’t want to disrespect your parents, so you forced yourself to utter the word ‘sorry’ before excusing yourself.

“The fuck are you doing, cadet?! Get the hell up and start running!” The people who pass through the man shouting at a cadet lying on the ground clenched tighter on the rifle they are holding as they run faster in fear that they might get called.

Tired, thirsty, and hungry are the exact words you can describe the soldiers running under the sun while holding a 4kg rifle.

“So, a new batch of brats just graduated last night? How many are they?”

“Not more than 70 but not less than 50, eight from the top 10 decided to join survey corps. Don’t you need three more cadets to annoy you for your squad?”

“Shut it four eyes, and I do need someone who has a great aim at rifle since the last squad you gave me were nothing but shit. One cadet cant even shoots properly, and the other was shaking non-stop tch, pathetic.”

“Yeah, sorry shorty, but say less since they will be here early morning tomorrow. I just hope I get Reader and Ackerman in my squad!”

“Both of them topped their class? Tch, of course, those brats will pick you, considering that being in my squad means leading their own lives to hell. Anyway, I need to go, Hange.”

“Bye, Levi! Keep the weather down there cool!”

Levi Ackerman, one of the most outstanding soldiers on Paradis Island. At the age of 14, he was already in the survey corps after his mother died, he had no choice but to survive and live, and the only thing to survive for a homeless person on the Island is to become a soldier and fight for their home.

Most of the soldiers who joined are because of the ranks, a privileged to every family who has a soldier in survey corps is seen as honorable. Homeless people who want to join the military are a joke to them since they know that they are desperate to keep going in life. Still, Levi isn’t one of them at that time. He’s exceptionally strong, wise, and disciplined. That’s why no one ever challenged him after beating up the section commander in his first year in training.

Levi is an exceptional soldier, his rank went up throughout the years, and he’s currently holding the title of Squad Captain for Special Operations at the age of 26.

The wind danced his green cape that holds the title of his rank while he walks over to a bunch of cadets panting after running laps for hours under the beaming hot sun.

“Take a break and come back after 5 minutes, don’t even bother coming late” Levi watched as the soldier in front of him salute and instantly went to do their business.

He looked up to the sky to see a bunch of birds flying across the sky. He wanted something, yet he can't put the right words into it. Maybe he even needed it instead of want.

Aiming at the sky with his rifle, he shoots at the sky, causing a bird to fall in front of a cadet, making him caught off guard.

‘A bunch of pussies ’ Levi thought.

A loud bang from the door causing you and Historia to flinched while lying on the bed on your stomach. The both of you have been catching up with each other for almost an hour now with a bunch of stories about her school.

You heard your mom called you and your sister saying that it's already dinner time, so both of you went down to the kitchen.

Your father was already sitting at the dining table while reading a book while your mom prepares the plates and utensils to the table. You didn’t manage to help since, by the time you have sat, your mother was already finished preparing the table.

As all of you started to eat, no one bothered to engage in a conversation, and it bothers you because you feel awkward the entire time. Luckily for you, your mother is the first one to talk.

“How's college? You didn't come home for almost two years.”

You grip on your fork tightly, you had hoped to yourself that one of them would ask how you are doing, but here they are asking you how college is.

You compose yourself before answering her question. “I'm sorry, I'm just busy, but college is fine. I'm doing great academically, and I am passing my subjects.”

Your mother nods at your response before she returns to her food.

“At least be a responsible sister to Historia, the poor girl kept asking for you last year. I did not raise to be irresponsible,” your father coldly said while giving you a bored stare.

You want to cry at that moment.

No, you want to scream.

You're trying; your mind was filled with thought and screamed inside your head, but you managed to give an apologetic smile to your father.

“I'm sorry, father, I will do better next time.”

You can't look at them in the eyes because if you do, you know youll burst into tears and don’t wanna embarrass yourself in front of your family.

You excused yourself from the dinner by making up an excuse that you're tired.

You are.

Once you entered your room, you quickly took a shower before throwing yourself at your bed to rest.

You're tired from the travel, and you're exhausted from holding yourself back from anything and anyone.

‘fuck you, universe,’ you thought to yourself.

“Take me home, universe, I know I'm not home, take me to my home universe, whatever the cost is,” you softly mumbled to yourself a bunch of times before closing your eyes as you took a deep breath.

You stayed like that until you fall asleep while hugging your pillow.

“Sol, I know you're tired from celebrating but get up before the higher ranks get mad” a faint voice made you groan from disturbing your sleep.

You don’t know what time it is, but you want more sleep, so you rolled over to the other side of the bed.

Not a minute had passed, but a pillow was slammed into your arms, and a voice quickly followed it. “Sol, I woke you up, don’t tell me I didn’t, get up and get ready, Armin, and I won't wait for you.”

A couple of silence before footsteps can be heard, then the sound of a door closing.

You stayed in that position for a couple of minutes before opening your eyes wide open and sat on the bed.

You saw a bed beside yours and a bunch of books on the table beside your bed.

You're not in your room.

You don’t know where you are.

#levi fanfiction #levi ackerman #levi fic #levi #levi x reader #levi x y/n #levi ackerman x reader #levi aot #levi au #levi attack on titan #levi fanfic slow burn #aot fanfiction #aot x y/n #aot #aot x reader #hurt comfort #captain levi

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seijch · 3 years

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ANNOUNCEMENT: NOT A HELLO, BUT NOT A GOODBYE EITHER

omg hi ... im like . ashamed to come back after saying brief hiatus in october and then disappearing off the face of the earth til FEBRUARY but under the cut i will be explaining myself and the following, if youre interested (and a tl;dr at the very bottom if you don’t wanna scroll thru this obnoxiously long post):

the reason(s) i was gone for so long

what i was doing during that time (its just a personal account yall can scroll past this idrc)

the status of those um . halloween requests

the future of this account

i. so . Hiatus .

i know. i know . i probably mentioned it when i made the announcement post, but my mental health likes to go on one of those rides. yknow the ones where you go like up rlly fast then down maybe and then up then DOWN .... its like that. i needed a break and every time i wanted to come back or thought about it, something would happen and i would get stuck in my own head.

a big reason for getting stuck in my head was (and i hate to admit this ... i hate to admit that i have Insecurities On The Internet) my feelings of inadequacy regarding my writing. i love to plot fics, i love concepts and characters and making little headcanons but i dont ... know if i love writing rn. and i thought for the longest time that like . whatever ill just push thru it its fine ill be fine but it kinda wasnt lmao you can kinda see it in my halloween reqs and what become of them when i get to that but i began to feel like nothing i had put out or would put out would hold up prose wise (and normally i dont feel like this im much more “idc its my life im living it” but thats not a rant for tumblr LMAO). i still feel like that -- like im better as a reader than a writer. but . You Know :-)

tl;dr: mental state go brrrrr

ii. anywhere here’s wonderwall

when i left, i was in a steadily decreasing mental and emotional state, made worse by a situation at work that really was a case of petty jealousy on my end and rlly isnt very consequential now despite how much pain and resentment it gave me when it Was a problem so i wont get into it. the tl;dr of november and december was me using work as an crutch and distraction -- i know my job, i do it well, it helped me not think about my responsibilities and obligations and inadequacies. of course, as the holiday season grew busier n busier i was scheduled so often that i moved 88 or so miles (according to my apple watch, which i ONLY wear at work since im never anywhere else outside my house) and fell into a cycle of showering n sleeping at my house before going back the next day. (theres definitely something to be said abt capitalism and “grind culture” here but once again its not the time or place snsjkdfds)

at the turn of the new year, i happened to remember a birthday card i hadnt filed away for safekeeping from a friend of mine that id been horribly out of touch with til that point. i started crying because i realized how out of touch id been in general up until that point. the month of january was great for me: i was focused, happy, and in a much better place than i had been before. the end of it brought me down focus wise and im hoping that enough time away from my distractions will refocus me bc i ... need it LMAO and though ive burned out from that level of productivity and gotten distracted again im ... trying to stay positive which i think is the most i can do 😁👍🏼

media wise, i got real into stardew valley (but burned out bc i played it extensively as a way to wind down after work), the pokemon platinum romhack renegade platinum (still havent finished it bc of school n i played it w the intent to see if i could nuzlocke it ... bitch its so hard but its so fun bc of it), briefly assassins creed: odyssey (im one of those ppl who completes an entire region before i move to the next so you can tell i burned out of that one + wouldnt have the time to properly devote to it even if i didnt), got back into genshin impact after pulling for xiao (after not touching it for like . months), and danganronpa. yes . danganronpa 😐 i Know. i stopped playing it after the second trial of the first game bc i was so hurt by the outcome and picked it up in late january only to get sucked in (thank god i had the foresight to buy the second and third games during the steam winter sale). rn im at the start of chapter 4 if anyone wants to come in my asks and um . talk to me abt danganronpa

tl;dr: I’m Into Danganronpa Now

iii. you realize halloween was three months ago right

i mentioned this in the first section, but i love to plot things. every request is plotted or at least has a solid foundation. i had fun detailing what concept i wanted to go with considering what i was given, and there were some bangers i might touch up in the future. but heres whats going to happen to the requests themselves:

there are two finished requests. one will be posted tomorrow and the other will be touched up (just bc i finished it doesnt mean its good 🧍‍♂️) and scheduled for next saturday. as for the ones i never got around to ...

i will not be finishing those requests. i hate to be That Person, but i feel like we all expected this 🧍‍♂️ what i will do is post all of my notes for each request in batches -- requests that have an @ to go with them will be mentioned in the post proper, but anon asks will be pictured. (there are some asks that came from blogs who are now deactivated but i wrote down all the prompts and remember most of those askers so ill cross that bridge when i get there) there will most likely be an excerpt or two simply bc i think i mightve written a few plot points or interactions in the form of bullet points. i rlly am sorry about doing this but i remember looking at my notion doc with all the prompts and feeling ... like i wasnt measuring up n it wasnt just to myself or to some intangible concept of “other” id constructed but it was instead to those who requested n actually WANTED to see and hear and read my writing and i ...... im gonna admit thats another big reason i avoided this site.

regardless, youll definitely get what i have (and likely more than just my bullet points and illegible handwriting).

tl;dr: im sorry. what i have in terms of plot, concept, and interaction for every request will be posted, but i cant say ill ever complete them and mean it.

iv. so what now?

well i mean . im not entirely sure how sold i am on haikyuu in the content creation department (as a creator n to a lesser extent, as a consumer). as mentioned previously, its no longer my primary focus. it doesnt mean im not into haikyuu anymore; i have a lot of love for those boys but i cant rlly say im even caught up w recent fandom activity and also havent even finished s4 pt2 LMAO thats on my to do list

and despite all that, i still want to share my plots n concepts and snippets and maybe even fics. it wont happen anytime soon. it might not even happen. but i mean . its better than me saying i wont write ever again shjdkfs but either way ill probably use this blog as a personal blog w the occasional ask game for dialogue prompts (those are always so fun i love making up aus to fit like . the most mundane prompts)

as for my works (past and any potential future), ive opened an ao3 acc here n ill be editing n possibly expanding on my old works to post there. tumblr, to me, is The x reader hub, but i figure more x reader fics on ao3 is never a bad thing.

ill be deleting/posting drafted posts to the queue since they were all meant to be queued anyway as well as (sorry again 🧍‍♂️) deleting or answering asks in the inbox. (moots if you get a notif from me saying i rbed your post from months ago ... mind your business) im very hard to get ahold of and its ... a problem. expect an overhaul of the nav n shit to reflect my new direction n also because i feel like i cant tell if my passion for carrd is shared by the majority HSDKLFS maybe its better to read my info in a normal post ykwim .......

and of course . if youve read all this n decided im no longer worth the follow, i sure as hell cant stop you. thank you for wanting to, at some point, hear what i have to say -- it means more than you think.

tl;dr: writing will be edited and reposted to ao3, this blog will be a personal blog with a hint of writing (sometimes)

the tl;dr to end all tl;drs:

im back! i wont be as active as i used to due to a lessened interest in haikyuu in general, but i have an ao3 acc now where all my past work will be edited, possibly expanded, and reposted. any future work will also find itself there. my halloween requests will be posted in batches as incomplete concepts, plots, and snippets of scenes; i wont be promising to finish any of them.

there are still fic concepts im attached to and want to finish, but i cant promise any more writing on my end. this blog will be a personal blog with maybe writing, not a writing blog with my personal thoughts all over it.

regardless if you stick around or not, its been crazy sexy cool (equal emphasis) being on haikyuu tumblr even tho i wasnt around for long ... even tho its not my main focus anymore, im still excited to see what the future might hold 🤝

love, ari 💌

#did i have an announcement tag #announcement #also regarding work hsjkdfsd the company i work for didnt give my location the opening for the full time position i wanted #my managers all agree id be promoted if we had it but we dont so i . hee .#anyway um i hope everyones doing well #some of my moots changed urls while i was away and now i have no idea who anyone is #its like when you see your familys friends and theyre like omg youre so big now! i remember when you were a baby and youre like 🧍‍♂️#and you have to play along bc apparently they remember you hskdfsd #im not very funny in this post but i figured id rather be honest considering my lengthy absence #consider this my comeback stage

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swcetnight · 3 years

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Dear fae, it's been a while so first I want to ask how are you? How is your weekend going?💕

I just finished chapter 2 of idy and you hit me right into the feels. Holy Moly. There is so much to process. Firstly I enjoyed it so much. It was so good. You capture me into this new world. With every chapter you manage to make me more excited of what's coming next. There is still so much unknown. This world is a mystery and I living for it.

I absolutely love to get to know these two. I am so intrigued with their personalities. Everything they do. How they react. How they seem to fall deeper into each other. How it feels so familiar but still new between these two.

The portait of emotions is just wow. I felt it so hard. OC is so relatable. The fear of failure, her inexperience. The way she longs for more in her life. chef's kiss. I just want to hug her and tell her how great she's actually doing by trying her best every day.

And tae... I felt the pain when he said he lost someone. Baby no. And while dealing with loss he still manages to comforted her. He knows her like the back of his hand and can look past her walls. And I am living for it. He's so sweet, so kind, so loving while remaining mysterious. We love to see complex and layered characters.

And you had to end on a cliff hanger don't you? I am not ready to face the angst. I see it coming ahh.

But I also want to thank you for this amazing chapter. You mentioned that you had a hard time writing it. And I am so proud how it turned out. You should be proud too. I loved it. So thank you again for your hard work. Thank you for pushing through it. You did great.

I hope you have a great rest weekend. Enjoy it as much as you can. May the next week be a good one. Take care of yourself. I am sending you so much love💖

🌸

🌸 anon .... where do I even begin???? first off, it HAS been a while and i've missed you so much... i hope that you're having a great day/week and that you're staying happy and healthy!! did you have a good weekend?? also, i apologize for the lack of emojis... im currently writing this out on my computer because usually I can comprehend how to english when i type on a physical keyboard LOL

second, THANK YOU so much for reading and letting me know how you felt about the second chapter of IDY! ... is it bad to say that im happy you were hit in the feels? thats what i was going for ;)))

im so incredibly happy that you enjoy this story so much... like truly, i can't express that enough. I'm so excited to share whats coming next!! I'm really looking forward to seeing your reaction!!

taehyung and oc are definitely falling for eachother... as you can tell from that last scene in chapter two... there's definitely something going on with tae and i cant wait to share what that is!!!

OC, bless her heart, shes been trying so hard. i would give her a hug too.. if i wasnt busy torturing her with failure and emotions... oops.

taehyung.. the poor guy. he definitely has more to him than he lets on... youll find out soon. but we love him.. hes genuinely such a kind, giving person! he's just got... a secret.

thank you so much for loving this chapter!! i do have difficulty writing and pulling through with stories... but seeing your feedback and how you feel about the plot so far is SO rewarding and definitely boosts my motivation, so thank you to the moon and back!!!

again, im sending you lots of love and happiness for the next week!!! fighting!! <3

want to read It's Definitely You? Read it: HERE

#🌸 anon #faes inbox✨#feedback: it’s definitely you #kim taehyung x reader #taehyung fanfic #taehyung x y/n #kthfics #bts x reader #bts #taehyung #kim taehyung #kth fic #taehyung smut #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst

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hobidreams · 4 years

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Hi Rain!! So sorry this feedback is kinda late, I just feel I needed to really do October 1865 justice cus it was hands down one of my favorites thus far!!! The whole thing, from beginning to end, was so thoughtfully written. Like when she finally dons the pink hanbok and is inspecting her appearance in the mirror and wishing her mom was there for advice/guidance really hit hard. Like she really is all alone in this great big palace with no family and minimal friends. And I find that I’m always

PLS DON’T APOLOGIZE & TAKE ALL MY LOVE INSTEAD AHHHHH 💖💖

rooting for our dear mc, she feels like an underdog to me. Quiet, demure, poised, low ranking, but incredibly sweet and giving. “So far, you’ve begrudgingly won a few scraps of respect from the male physicians, and it’s a start.” LIKE YES GIRL GET IT. And when Yoongie comes to her door to get her?!? The equivalent of a man getting out of the car and walking to your door to pick you up on your date. LOVED IT.

WAIT I DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT LIKE THIS BUT UR RIGHT LMAOOOO

And the description of his appearance was perfectly detailed- I can imagine exactly what he looks like!! Well done. He truly is “unfathomably handsome.” I especially enjoyed the lil tidbit of the two of them looking suitable for each other despite their marked difference in social status and rank. As if, at least for the night, they’ll look like they belong together. It warms my heart. I love that this Yoongi is still lighthearted with the way he jokes with Eunuch Kim. It’s so nice to see him like this, but continues to make me wonder what else happened to him to change him so drastically???

*slow, calculating laughter here* heheh i’m glad u enjoyed the clothing bits though! that’s one of my favorite aspects of the history to research :’)

Her excitement to see the Chuseok festivities is so palpable, and when she realizes “oh god, you just made the prince run” I WAS CACKLING HAHAH and the Jinkook appearace!!!!!!!!!! I WAS HOWLING. I love that you kept the basic appearance of the two from the mv. What a creative way to weave them into the story!!! “the bearded one looks about seconds away from giving the other younger man a good smack with the fishing rod leaning on the wall behind him.” HAHAHA SCREEEEEAM their competitiveness and banter is perfectly written!!! “Yah, you can take your beans and shove them right up your nasty sokgot… I’ll take two orders of each. Preferably not ones shoved anywhere.” I’M ACTUALLY DYING. The dialogue here is hilarious!!

me: sobbing because humor is so hard & you are so kind T_T

And the way Yoongi passes off the treats to mc and Eunuch Kim!! And when they get mistaken as a couple by her mother’s old friend?!? CLASSIC. I’ve found that old ladies literally give no fucks. I had a patient who would thirst over the same co-worker that I did (and yk, fair, cus he looked like an older, taller JK) She was shameless about it and I wanna be her when I get older haha

FDSLKDAFS MOOD I WOULD TOO HAHAHAA have u SEEEN JUNGKOOK LATELY??? that BUN? THE SHEER SHIRTS? im D E A D. PHEWW. but seriously old ladies never change, no matter the era HAHAH

ok, but one of the best parts is Eunuch Kim losin his cool over Chun-ja. The way he nearly drops his jeon and is soooo flustered has me so heart eyed for him. I’m so happy to finally be meeting this lucky woman who has ensnared our beloved Eunuch Kim’s heart!! And those letters?! Ugh, I am so fond of hand-written letters. They’re so nostalgic and personal and no one seems to do it anymore.

heh i’m glad u like letters because-- oop i wont say anything more ;)

Don’t think I didn’t notice that Yoongi chose the bracelet she was eyeing. But are we gonna see him give it to her?? Or does he just secretly have it slipped into her room, cus that would be SUCH a yoongi thing to do. My favorite part though, if I HAD TO CHOSE, was probably the ending scene at the pond. I feel like this is the first time they’ve had the chance to have a REAL conversation. And how her theory that some things in the world are out of their control but can change in their favor if they never give up. Seems like it parallels their predicament perfectly.

you may be the only person who’s picked up on that conversation FDASLJKAS but yes, it truly is ;-; i absolutely adore those quiet moments between the two of them & writing this one was... phew a ride and a half. there’s a lot of subtext there 🤣

But I need to know!!! WHAT DID THEY WISH FOR?!

iono 🤭 (youll find out later)

Ugh sweet Yoongi is killing me. I love him, but damn knowing what he’ll become in the next few years has me heart broken. As always, well done Rain. What a chapter to come home to after a long weekend of work!! I’m so appreciative of your writing. Your page is always such a safe and comforting space. Your positivity and kindness really reinforce my idea that you’re a wonderful human being. I hate that you had rude ass anons leaving their trash comments in your asks. As King Yoongi would say, “they’re peasants!” fuck the haters, bubs, and keep shining. You’re a fantastic writer, and I hope that you keep writing what inspires you, and deliver it the way you want!! I know I’ve said it before, but I feel I need to say it again, but I LOVE the way you decided to present MLT. I LOVE the drabbles and the timeline. It’s unique and fresh and will always remind me of MLT. ILYSM, Rain!! As always, please accept all my love and adoration!

sighhh you are so so so lovely. thank you for taking all this time out of your busy life to send me this. it just warms my entire heart. please don’t worry abt my anons; they’ve actually been pretty nice!! i havent ever had a mean anon ever in my inbox or anyone purposefully being cruel in my comments so my frustration was more at seeing how my friends are contiuously disrespected for providing their FREE content. AGH. and they get rebuked if they reply with annoyance, which they deserve to do after being pestered over and over again!!! someone said they had 20 asks in their inbox asking for updates and AGGGGHHH !!! that makes me wanna tear those anons a new one. but anyway. it’s wonderful people like you that keep us going & i wish i had a better way of giving you my gratitude because it doesn’t feel like enough. thank you 😭💗 pls take this happy boy and i hope you have the fantastic day you deserve!!!!

#lcksndkys #rain reply #ily ily ily #moonlit throne

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mskinkyafro · 5 years

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Last Call (Ethan Ramsey x MC)

A/N: I know what most could be thinking...what the hell it’s only been two chapters, but I can’t help it! I feel so much excitement and adoration for Dr. Ethan Ramsey. We don’t know much about him but ideas were popping in my head all weekend. Any details I reference about his past in this fic is original content I conceived and nothing confirmed in PB cannon. This would definitely not be apart of cannon so cannon divergence here. The song used briefly in this fic is “These Arms of Mine” by Otis Redding.

Italicized and bold:song lyrics

Italicized: internal thoughts

Summary: Dr. Ethan Ramsay takes time to reevaluate the newest intern that’s captured his attention in more ways than one, whether he wants to admit it or not.

All Rights to PB for their characters, settings, and stories. I don’t own them, I just borrow minus my MC Dr. Katrina Michaels.

All Rights to who own the song “These Arms of Mine”.

In the mischievous hours of the night Dr. Ethan Ramsey sits alone in the now barren Donahue’s nursing another drink. The place once buzzing with noise is now near sheer silence except the gentle music playing from the jukebox. The last crop of stragglers, only a few with slurring speeches make their exit. Hearing the soft thud of the door shutting he let out a mild grunt and raises his near empty glass towards the bartender.

“Last one, buddy. My knees are screaming and any minute longer I’ll be visiting you at your job versus you visiting mine.”

Reggie says as he refills the glass and then grabs a rag to clean.

“Now we can’t be having that now.” Ethan replies before taking a small gulp.

Suspicious at such warm words from the man Reggie stops wiping down the counter to look at Ethan.

“Hmm, that’s strangely kind of you-”

Before Reggie can finish his sentence Ethan cuts him off all the while looking into his diminishing drink

“Because then who will serve me drinks at my beck and call?”

His eyes shine with mirth as looks at Reggie while he takes another sip.

“You almost had me there. You’re a cheeky bastard, you know that? I should throw your ass out for that.” Reggie says while shaking his head amused.

“But you won’t because you’re too good. That’s exactly why the likes of myself don’t deserve you as friend Reg.”

“Heh, damn right. I only keep you around because you tip well.”

Ethan chuckles at the man in front of him.

“Never change, Reggie.”

“Wasn’t planning to buddy.”

The two men finish laughing when the shoosh of the door opens and a young African-American woman enters while calling over her shoulder before the door closes.

“I’m going to use the restroom and wait inside until the Lyft comes. Night everyone!”

Recognizing the voice speaking Ethan turns and sees Dr. Katrina Michaels. As she moves from the entrance and towards the back right of the bar to the restrooms his gaze follows and he retreats to his mind briefly.

“I haven’t quite figured out why but there’s something about the rookie that intrigues me.”

Reggie notices his friend is watching the woman from earlier and can already gather what could be the reason why. Being the good friend that he is Reggie decides to give his old pal a nudge in the right direction. So he taps Ethan on the shoulder to get his attention.

“Welp, I gotta clean up in the back. Keep an eye on the place for me. Especially the little lady, I’m leaving both in your capable hands.”

Ethan quirks an eyebrow at Reggie as he takes another swig and asks

“What are you getting at Reg?”

Reggie smirks to himself and shrugs his shoulders before he turns to leave Ethan alone and enters a side door near the shelves of alcohol. Ethan scoffs and continues to drink his glass of scotch enjoying the the burning sensations that slide down his throat. His thoughts lingers to earlier in the night when talking to Katrina.

“She definitely is different in the real world but on the hand not so much. I don't quite understand why this intern is different from the others. Other than proving herself capable so far but outside EdenBrook I notice that my thoughts have dawdle on her more trivial attributes. Such as her underlying fierceness or perhaps her vivaciousness. Well I suppose I can’t say I truly recognized these qualities more so I overlooked them, one such as her beauty. She truly is stunning. It makes me wonder why a woman like her spent time near me when the place was swarming with younger men. Especially asking if someone was waiting at home for me. It can’t be what I think… no I probably need to ease off the alcohol right now. Besides who would wait around for me anyway? Edie surely doesn’t anymore.”

As he sets his glass down back on the counter he hears a soft voice calling his name which removes him from his thoughts. Without turning around he says

“Hello again, rookie.”

“I’m surprised to see you still here Dr. Ramsey.” Katrina Michaels murmurs.

He turns to face the intern and replies

“I’m surprising in a lot of ways.”

She smiles and delicately places herself ��onto the stool that’s next to Ethan.

“You’ll have to prove that you know.”

Despite himself he smirks at her. His gunmetal blue eyes piercing into Katrina’s hazel ones. Their gazes seem to challenge yet captivate the other. There’s a comfortable yet tense air between the two until the smooth vocals of Otis Redding play from the jukebox.

“These arms of mine, they are lonely. Lonely and feeling blue. These arms of mine are yearning, yearning from wanting you...”

The song continues to play as Katrina speaks.

“You know he’s is one of my favorite artist. I used to...”

As she speaks Ethan watches the woman in front of him. He observes the way her eyes are lit up to how a rogue strand of her curly hair hangs, and even how in the dimly lit bar her smile radiates and contrasts with her beautiful coffee-hue complexion. He tries to listen to all she’s saying, now beginning to tell him about much of a fan she is. But he’s beginning to distract himself with his thoughts once more.

“Of course this song plays. Very convenient timing, I’d say. I bet Reggie had something to do with this. It’s been so long since I had someone. At this point other people would take anyone. But I could never at my stage in life. That’s why I’m here at almost one in the morning. I wonder why she’s here too, besides being young.”

Ethan breaks away from his mind to refocus back onto Katrina whose finishing up a compliment about his research.

“Katrina, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course, Dr. Ramsey.”

“First, outside of EdenBrook you may call me, Ethan.”

Katrina runs her hand through her hair before replying

“Are you sure, Dr. Ramsey?”

He rolls his eyes briefly before turning to look at his glass to take another sip of his scotch.

“Yes, rookie. You referring to me as doctor outside of the hospital makes me look a bit pretentious.”

“I think that’s your own doing, Dr. Ramsey.”

He pauses lifting his glass to meet his mouth in midair and turns to glare at her but it falters once he hears the bubbling of laughter escape her plump lips. He goes back to take a swig and places his glass back down gently.

“Sorry. I couldn’t pass that up...Ethan.”

“Now, was that really that difficult?”

“Not exactly, but it’s a bit strange. To be on first name basis with your idol.”

“I’m just a man, rookie. Not a celebrity or some god.”

Katrina turns her face away from Ethan and averts her eyes from his as she whispers

“Maybe, but you sure do have god-like looks.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t make out what you said?” curious of what she said.

“It’s not important. But you wanted to ask me something?”

“Yes I do. I happen to be thinking of what you asked me earlier in the night and wondered the same.”

“Is that so? Is there a reason why you liked to know?”

Her tone so playful with a hint of flirtation that he couldn’t decipher if he imagined it or not.

Instead of speaking he shrugs his shoulders in response.

Smiling to herself and looking down before meeting his eyes again.

“I’m just like you. No one awaiting my return.”

“Interesting.”

The fading music is more audible as the two stop speaking momentarily

“...I need somebody. Somebody to treat me right, oh. I need your arms. Loving arms to hold me tight. And I, I, I need your, I need your tender lips to hold me.”

A chime from Katrina’s cell phone breaks the silence before either one of them could.

“That’s my Lyft. It’s two minutes away so, I’m going to waiting outside.”

Ethan nods in understanding, she begins to remove herself from her seat, but still slightly tipsy she slips and falls into Ethan’s body who reacts immediately. He grasps firmly yet gently ahold of her, keeping her steady. Both freeze from the sudden contact and close parameters they are from the other.

Katrina can see Ethan’s adam’s apple bob up and down in his throat and he thinks to himself while staring at Katrina.

“I suddenly have the urge to gently brush the curls away from her beautiful eyes and...I need to stop this instant. It’s late and I am feeling a bit lonely but I’m beginning to enter a dangerous area. This would lead to an H.R. nightmare. I can’t let myself get tangled with the matters of the heart. Especially with my, ahem, the rookie. God, I need to lay off the sauce for a while.”

He’s pulled from his thoughts when Katrina removes herself from his arms.

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it, rookie.”

“Is that going to be a permanent thing? Even outside of work?”

“What?”

“Rookie. I mean you’ve called me by my first name earlier tonight even when I thought you didn’t even know it, much less remember it nor care to.”

“I’ve told you. I’m observant...rookie. Does that answer your question?” He says smirking at her.

Rolling her eyes she moves to make her way to the exit.

“Yes it does. And you deny that you’re favoring me.”

“I’ll let you believe what you want. Even if it’s a silly notion.”

“Whatever you say, Dr. Ramsey” she purrs.

Ethan feels his heart rate increase briefly. Before he can respond, she speaks up.

“My ride should be here now. I’ll see you around Dr. Rams- I mean Ethan.”

She rubs her hand obsessively through her hair before giving him a quick wave as she inches closer to the door.

“For whatever reason my name leaving her lips sounds right. As the same for hers. Katrina. Ka-tri-na. I’d like to say it more than just in my...Okay enough. I must stick with calling her rookie. That’s what's...what’s safe.

Katrina opens the door which pulls Ethan out and he speaks for the final time

“Have a good night...Katrina. Get home safe.”

She stops at hearing her name being used and turns back around and grins wide at Ethan.

“You too.” she steps outside and calls back to Ethan.

“Maybe once I’ve graduated from rookie or you tire of it, you can call me Kat. Whichever comes first.”

Without another word or glance she walks out the door.

Ethan is left staring at the spot she was occupying before turning his attention back to his glass. He drains the rest of his drink and retreats into his thoughts.

“So much for playing it safe. Then again, what’s life without a few risks.”

#Dr. Ethan Ramsey #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart choices #playchoices #choices fanfiction #choices stories you play #choices app #Open Heart

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suchagiantnerd · 5 years

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54 Books, 1 Year

2018 was my first full year back at work after my mat leave, and thanks to all the time I spend on the subway, my yearly reading total is back up to over 50 books!

2018 was a dark year, and I made a conscious effort to read more books from authors on the margins of society. The more those of us with privilege take the time to listen to and learn from these voices, the better we’ll be as friends, colleagues and citizens.

You’ll also notice a lot of books about witchcraft and witches in this year’s list. What can I say? Dark times call for resorting to ANYTHING that can help dig us out of our current reality, including putting a hex on Donald Trump.

Trigger Warning: Some of the books reviewed below are about mental illness, suicide, domestic violence, sexual assault, and violence against people of colour, Indigenous people and people in the LGBTQ community.

Here are this year’s mini reviews:

1. The Lottery and Other Stories / Shirley Jackson

Jackson’s short stories were published in the late forties and fifties, but their slow-burning creep factor holds up today. The stories involve normal people doing normal things until something small gives, and we realize something is really wrong here. As you read through the collection, take note of the mysterious man in blue. He appears in about half of the stories, always in the margins of the action. Who is he? I read him as a bit of a trickster figure, bringing chaos and mayhem with him wherever he goes. Other people have read him as the devil himself. Let me know what you think!

2. The Ship / Antonia Honeywell

I was excited to read this YA novel about a giant cruise ship-turned-ark, designed and captained by the protagonist Lalla’s father in a dystopic near future. The premise of the book is great and brings up lots of juicy questions – where is the ship going? How long can the passengers survive together in a confined space? How did Lalla’s father choose who got to board the ship? But the author’s execution was a disappointment and focused far too much on Lalla’s inner turmoil and immaturity.

3. The Hot One: A Memoir of Friendship, Sex and Murder / Carolyn Murnick

My book club read this true crime memoir detailing the intense, adolescent friendship between Carolyn, the author, and Ashley, who was murdered in her home in her early 20s a few years after the girls’ friendship fizzled. Murnick is understandably destroyed by the murder and obsessed with the killer’s trial. The narrative loops back and forth between the trial and the girls’ paths, which diverged sharply after Ashley moved away in high school. Murnick (the self-proclaimed nerdy one) muses on the intricacies of female friendship, growing up under the microscope of the male gaze, and the last weekend she ever spent with Ashley (the hot one). This is an emotional, detailed account of a woman trying her best to bear witness to her friend’s horrific death and to honour who she was in life.

4. The Break / Katherena Vermette

Somebody is brutally attacked on a cold winter night in Winnipeg, and Stella, a young Métis woman and tired new mother is the only witness – and even she isn’t sure what she saw. The police investigation into the attack puts a series of events in motion that make long-buried emotions bubble to the surface and ripple outwards to touch a number of people in the community, including an Indigenous teenager recently released from a youth detention center, one of the investigating officers (a Métis man walking a fine line between two worlds), and an artist. This is a tough read, especially in the era of #MMIW and #MeToo, but all the more important because of it.

5. So You Want to Talk About Race / Ijeoma Oluo

Probably the most important book I read this year, I will never stop recommending this read to anyone and everyone. This is your Allyship 101 syllabus right here, folks. Do you really want to do better and be better as an ally? Then you need to read every chapter closely and start implementing the lessons learned right away. This book will teach you about tone policing, microaggressions and privilege, and how all of those things are harmful to people of colour and other marginalized communities.

6. The Accusation / Bandi

This is a collection of short stories by a North Korean man (written under a pseudonym for his protection as he still lives there). The stories were actually smuggled out of the country for publication by a family friend. The characters in these stories are regular people living regular lives (as much as that is possible in North Korea). What really comes across is the fine line between laughter and tears while living under the scrutiny of a dangerous regime. There are several scenes where people laugh uncontrollably because they can’t cry, and where people start to cry because they can’t laugh. This book offers a rare perspective into a hidden world.

7. Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen / Jazz Jennings

Some of you will be familiar with Jazz via the TLC show about her and her family, “I Am Jazz”. I’d never seen it but was inspired to read the book to gain a better understanding about what coming out as trans as a child is like. Jazz came out to her family at 5 years old (!) and her parents and siblings have had her back from the beginning. If you are still having a tough time understanding that trans women are women, full stop, this book will help get you there.

8. A Field Guide to Getting Lost / Rebecca Solnit

When it comes to the books that gave me “all the feels”, this one tops the 2018 list. Solnit is everything - historian, writer, philosopher, culture lover, explorer. Her mind is always making connections and as you follow her through her labyrinthine thoughts you start to feel connected too. Her words on loss, nostalgia and missing a person/place/time actually made me cry, they were so true. For me, an agnostic leaning towards atheism, she illuminated the magic in the everyday that made me feel more spiritually rooted to life than I have in a long time.

9. I Found You / Lisa Jewell

Lots of weird and bad things seem to happen in British seaside towns, don’t they? This is another psychological thriller, à la “The Girl on the Train” and “Gone Girl”. One woman finds a man sitting on the beach one morning. He has no idea who he is or how he got there. Miles away, another woman wakes up one morning to find her husband has vanished. Is the mystery man on the beach the missing husband? Dive into this page-turner and find out!

10. The Midnight Sun / Cecilia Ekbäck

This novel is the sequel to a historical Swedish noir book I read a few years ago. Though it’s not so much a sequel, as it is a novel taking place in the same setting – Blackasen Mountain in Lapland. This story actually takes place about a hundred years after the first novel does, so it can be read on its own. Ekbäck’s stories dive into the effect of place on people – whether it’s the isolation of a harsh and long winter or the mental havoc caused by the midnight sun on sleep patterns, the people on Blackasen Mountain are always strained and ready to explode. (Oh, and there’s also a bit of the supernatural happening on this mountain too – but just a bit!)

11. After the Bloom / Leslie Shimotakahara

Strained mother-daughter relationships. The PTSD caused by immigration and then being detained in camps in your new home. Fraught romances. Shimotakahara’s novel tackles all of this and more. Taking place in two times – 1980s Toronto and a WWII Japanese internment camp in the California desert – this story of loss, hardship, betrayal and family is both tragic and hopeful.

12. Company Town / Madeline Ashby

In this Canadian dystopian tale, thousands of people live in little cities built on the oil rigs off the coast of Newfoundland. Hwa works as a bodyguard for the family that owns the rigs and is simultaneously trying to protect the family’s youngest child from threats, find out who is killing her sex-worker friends, mourn her brother (who died in a rig explosion), and work through her own self-esteem issues. Phew! If it sounds like too much, it is. I really did like this book, but I think it needed tighter editing and focus.

13. The Power / Naomi Alderman

In the near-future, women and girls all over the world develop the ability to send electrical shocks out of their hands. With this newfound power, society’s gender power imbalance starts to flip. The U.S. military scrambles to try and work this to their advantage. A new religious movement starts to grow. And Tunde, a Nigerian photographer (and a dude!) travels the world, trying to document it all. This is an exciting novel that seriously asks, “what if?” in which many of the key characters cross paths.

14. Milk and Honey / Rupi Kaur

Everyone’s reading it, so I had to too! Kaur’s poems are refreshing and healing, and definitely accessible. This is poetry for the people, for women, for daughters, mothers and sisters. These are poems about how women make themselves small and quiet, about our inner anger, about sacrifice, longing and love.

15. Tell It to the Trees / Anita Rau Badami

In the dead of winter in small-town B.C., the body of big-city writer Anu is found outside of the Dharmas’ house, frozen to death. Anu had been renting their renovated shed, working on a novel in seclusion. As we get to know the Dharmas – angry and controlling Vikram, his quiet and frightened wife Suman, the two children, and the ghost of Vikram’s first wife, Helen, we feel more and more uneasy. Was Anu’s death just a tragic accident, or something else entirely? There is a touch of “The Good Son” in this novel…

16. You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life / Jen Sincero

This book was huge last year and my curiosity got the better of me. But I can’t, I just can’t subscribe to this advice! All of this stuff about manifesting whatever you want reeks of privilege and is just “The Secret” repackaged for millennials and Gen-Z. Thank u, next!

17. All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness / Sheila Hamilton

Shortly after a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, Hamilton’s husband, David, took his own life after years of little signs and indicators that something wasn’t right. Her memoir, in the aftermath of his death, is a reckoning, a tribute, and a warning to others. In it, she details the fairy tale beginning of their relationship (but even then, there were signs), the birth of their only child, and the rocky path that led to his final choice. Hamilton’s story doesn’t feel exploitative to me. It’s an important piece in the global conversation about mental health and includes lots of facts and statistics too.

18. This Is How It Always Is / Laurie Frankel

This is a beautiful novel about loving your family members for who they are and about the tough choices parents have to make when it comes to protecting their children. Rosie and Penn have five boys (that this modern couple has five children is the most unbelievable part of the plot, frankly), but at five years old, their youngest, Claude, tells the family that he is a girl. Claude changes her name to Poppy, and Rosie and Penn decide to move the whole family to more inclusive Seattle to give Poppy a fresh start in life. Of course, the move has consequences on the other four children as well, and we follow everybody’s ups and downs over the years as they adjust and adapt to their new reality.

19. Dumplin’ / Julie Murphy

While I didn’t love the writing or any of the characters, I do need to acknowledge the importance of this YA novel in showing a fat teenager as happy and confident in who she is. Willowdean Dickson has a job, a best friend and a passion for Dolly Parton. She also catches the attention of cute new kid, Bo, and a sweet summer romance develops between the two (with all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings you’d expect in a YA plot). This is an important book in the #RepresentationMatters movement, and is now a Netflix film if you want to skip the read!

20. Kintu / Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi

This was touted as “the great Ugandan novel” and it did not disappoint! The first part of the novel takes place in 1754, as Kintu Kidda, leader of a clan, travels to the capital of Buganda (modern day Kampala) with his entourage to pledge allegiance to the new Kabaka. During the journey, tragedy strikes, unleashing a curse on Kintu’s descendants. The rest of the novel follows five modern-day Ugandans who are descended from Kintu’s bloodline and find themselves invited to a massive family reunion. As their paths cross and family histories unfold, will the curse be broken?

21. The Child Finder / Rene Denfeld

I bought this at the airport as a quick and thrilling travel read, and that’s exactly what it was. Naomi is a private investigator with a knack for finding missing and kidnapped children. This is because she was once a kidnapped child herself. The plot moves back and forth in time between Naomi’s current case and her own escape and recovery. There was nothing exceptional about this book, but it’s definitely a page-turner.

22. Difficult Women / Roxane Gay

Are the women in Gay’s short stories actually difficult? Or has a sexist, racist world made things difficult for them? I think you know what my answer is. The stories are at times beautiful - like the fairy tale about a woman made of glass, and at times violent and visceral – like a number of stories about hunting and butchering. Women are everything and more.

23. My Education / Susan Choi

I suggested this novel to my book club and I will always regret it. This was my least favourite read of the year. I thought it was going to be about a sexy and inappropriate threesome or love triangle between a student, her professor, and his wife. Instead it had a few very unsexy sex scenes and hundreds and hundreds of pages about the minutiae of academic life. I can’t see anyone enjoying this book except English professors and grad students.

24. Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities / Rebecca Solnit

This series of essays was a balm to my soul after Ford won the provincial election. It reminded me that history is full of steps forward and steps back, and though things look bleak right now, there are millions of us around the world trying to make positive changes in big and little ways as we speak.

25. The Woman in Cabin 10 / Ruth Ware

Another novel in the vein of “The Woman on the Train”, that is, a book featuring a young, female, unreliable narrator. Lo knows what she saw – or does she? There was a woman in the now empty Cabin 10 – or was there? And also, Lo hasn’t been eating or sleeping. But she’s been drinking a lot and not taking her medication. I’m kind of done with this genre – anyone else?

26. My Brilliant Friend / Elena Ferrante

After hearing many intelligent women praise this novel (the first in a four-part series), my book club decided to give it a try. I didn’t fall in love with it, but I was sufficiently intrigued by the intense and passionate friendship between Lila and Lenu, two young girls growing up in post-war Naples, that I will likely read the whole series. Many claim that no writer has managed to capture the intricacy of female friendship the way that Ferrante has.

27. The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard / Kristin Schell

This is Schell’s non-fiction account of how she started Austin’s turquoise table movement (which has now spread further into other communities). Schell was feeling disconnected from her immediate community, so she painted an old picnic table a bright turquoise, moved it into her front yard, and started sitting out there some mornings, evenings and weekends - sometimes alone, and sometimes with her family. Neighbours started to gather for chats, snacks, card games, and more. People got to know each other on a deeper level and friendships bloomed. This book is a nice reminder that small actions matter. A small warning though – Schell is an evangelical Christian, and I didn’t know this before diving in. There is a focus on Christianity in the book, and though it’s not quite preachy, it’s very in-your-face.

28. Sing, Unburied, Sing / Jesmyn Ward

This was hands-down my favourite novel of the year. It’s a lingering and haunting look at the generational trauma carried by the descendants of those who were enslaved and lived during the Jim Crow era. One part road trip novel, one part ghost story, the plot follows a fractured, multi-racial family as they head into the broken heart of Mississippi to pick up the protagonist’s father, who has just been released from prison.

29. Full Disclosure / Beverley McLachlin

This is the first novel by Canada’s former Chief Justice, Beverley McLachlin. As someone who works in the legal industry and has heard her speak, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this. But, with all due respect to one of the queens, the book was very ‘meh’. The plot was a little over the top, the characters weren’t sufficiently fleshed out, and I felt that the backdrop of the Robert Pickton murders was somewhat exploitative and not done respectfully. Am I being more critical of this novel than I might otherwise be because the author is so intelligent? Likely yes, so you can take this review with a grain of salt.

30. The Long Way Home / Louise Penny

This is the 10th novel in Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series. As ever, I fell in love with her descriptions of Quebec’s beauty, the small town of Three Pines, and the delicious food the characters are always eating. Penny’s books are the definition of cozy.

31. In the Skin of a Lion / Michael Ondaatje

Ondaatje has the gift of writing novels that read like poetry, and this story is no exception. Taking place in Toronto during construction of the Don Valley bridge and the RC Harris water treatment plant, the plot follows a construction worker, a young nun, an explosives expert, a business magnate and an actress as they maneuver making a life for themselves in the big city and changing ideas about class and gender.

32. The Story of a New Name / Elena Ferrante

This is the second novel in Ferrante’s four-part series about the complicated life-long friendship between Lila and Lenu. In this installment, the women navigate first love, marriage, post-secondary education, first jobs and new motherhood.

33. The Happiness Project / Gretchen Rubin

In this memoir / self-help book, Rubin studies the concept of happiness and implements a new action or practice each month of the year that is designed to increase her happiness levels. Examples include practicing gratitude, going to bed earlier, making time for fun and learning something new. Her journey inspired me to make a few tweaks to my life during a difficult time, and I do think they’ve made me more appreciative of what I have (which I think is a form of happiness?)

34. The Virgin Suicides / Jeffrey Eugenides

I loved the film adaptation of this novel when I was a teenager, but I’d never actually read it until my book club selected it. Eugenides paints a glimmering, ethereal portrait of the five teenaged Lisbon sisters living a suffocating half-life at the hands of their overly protective and religious parents. The story is told through the eyes of the neighbourhood boys who longed for them from a distance and learned about who they were through snatched telephone calls, passed notes and one tragic suburban basement party.

35. Time’s Convert / Deborah Harkness

This is a supernatural fantasy novel that takes place in the same universe of witches, vampires and daemons as Harkness’ All Souls trilogy. The plot follows the romance between centuries-old vampire Marcus, who came of age during the American Civil War, and human Phoebe, who begins her own transformation into a vampire so that she and Marcus can be together forever.

36. The Saturday Night Ghost Club / Craig Davidson

Were you a fan of the TV show “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” If yes, this novel is for you. Davidson explores the blurred line between real-life tragedy and ghost story over the course of one summer in 1980s Niagara Falls. A coming-of-age novel that’s somehow sweet, funny and sad all at once, this story delves into the aftershocks of trauma and the way we heal the cracks in families.

37. Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right / Jamie Glowacki

I hoped this was the book for us, but I don’t think it was. Some of the tips were great, but others really didn’t work for us. The other issue is that the technique in this book is much better suited to kids staying at home with a caregiver, not kids in daycare.

38. The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One / Amanda Lovelace

This is a collection of poetry about women’s anger, women’s long memories and strength in sisterhood. It’s accessible, emotional and a bit of a feminist rallying cry. As someone who is obsessed with the Salem witch trials, I also loved the historical backdrop to the poems.

39. The Rules of Magic / Alice Hoffman

I love to read seasonally, and this prequel to “Practical Magic” was a perfect October book. Remember Jet and Franny, the old, quirky aunts from the movie? This novel describes their upbringing, along with that of their brother Vincent, as the three siblings discover their powers and try to out-maneuver the Owens family curse.

40. Witch: Unleased. Untamed. Unapologetic. / Lisa Lister

This book has a very sleek, appealing cover. Holding it made me feel magical. Reading it really disappointed me. From Lister’s almost outright transphobia to her unedited, repetitive style, this was a huge disappointment and I don’t recommend it.

41. The Death of Mrs. Westaway / Ruth Ware

I liked this novel a lot more than Ware’s other novel, “The Woman in Cabin 10”. Crumbling English manor homes, long-buried family evils and people trapped together by snowstorms are my jam.

42. Weirdo / Cathi Unsworth

Another British seaside town, another grisly murder. Jumping back and forth between a modern-day private investigation and the parental panic around cults and Satanism in the 1980s, Unsworth unpacks the darkness lurking within a small community and the way society’s outcasts are often used as scapegoats. The creep factor grows as the story unfolds.

43. Mabon: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Autumn Equinox / Diana Rajchel

And so begins my witchy education. I have to admit, I really liked learning about the historical pagan celebrations and superstitions surrounding harvest time. I also liked reading about spells and incantations… ooooOOOOoooo!

44. From Here to Eternity: Travelling the World to Find the Good Death / Caitlin Doughty

In North America, we are so removed from death that we are unequipped to process it when someone close to us dies. But this doesn’t have to be the case. In this non-fiction account, Doughty, a mortician based in L.A., travels the world learning about the business of death, the cultural customs around mortality, and the rituals of care and compassion for the deceased in ten different places. It seems that the closer we are to death, the less we’ll fear it, and the better-equipped we’ll be to process loss and grief in healthy ways.

45. Samhain: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for Halloween / Diana Rajchel

Did you know that Samhain is actually pronounced “Sow-en”? I didn’t until I read this book, and felt very intelligent indeed, when later, while watching “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” on Netflix, the head witch pronounced the word as “Sam-hain”, destroying the writers’ credibility in one instant. I am a witch now.

46. See What I Have Done / Sarah Schmidt

This novel is a retelling of the Lizzie Borden murders, illuminated through four characters – Lizzie herself, the Borden’s maid Bridget, Lizzie’s sister, and a mysterious man hired the day before the murders by Lizzie’s uncle to intimidate Mr. Borden (one of the murder victims). I knew very little about the murders before reading this book, but this version of the tale strongly suggests that Lizzie really is the murderer. Unhinged, childlike, selfish and manipulative, I hated her so much and felt awful for everyone that had to live in her orbit.

47. The Nature of the Beast / Louise Penny

In the 11th installment of Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series, she sets the story up with a parallel to the boy who cried wolf and introduces us to her first killer without a soul. Crimes of passion and greed abound in Penny’s universe, but a crime of pure, cold evil? This is a first.

48. How Are You Going to Save Yourself? / J.M. Holmes

This is a powerful collection of short stories about what it’s like to be a Black man in America right now. It’s about Black male friendship, fathers and sons, outright racism and dealing with a lifetime of microaggressions. Holmes makes some risky and bold decisions with his characters, even playing into some of the harmful stereotypes about Black men while subverting some of the others. This book really stayed with me. One disturbing story in particular I kept turning around and around in my mind for days afterward.

49. Split Tooth / Tanya Tagaq

This is a beautiful story about a young Inuit girl growing up in Nunavut in the 1970s, combining gritty anecdotes about bullying, friendship, family and addiction with Inuit myth, legend, and the magic of the Arctic. The most evocative and otherworldly scenes in the novel took place under the Northern Lights and left me kind of mesmerized.

50. Motherhood / Sheila Heti

Heti’s book is a work of fiction styled as a memoir, during which the protagonist, nearing her 40s, weighs the pros and cons of having a baby. I’ve maybe never felt so “seen” by an author before. I agonized over the decision about whether to have a baby for years before finally making a decision. The unsatisfying, but freeing conclusion that both the author and I came to is that for many of us there is no right choice (but no wrong choice either).

51. The Mistletoe Murder and Other Stories / P.D. James

This is a short collection of James’ four “Christmas-y” mysteries published over the course of a number of years. It was a perfect cozy read to welcome the holiday season.

52. The Christmas Sisters / Sarah Morgan

Morgan’s story is a Hallmark holiday movie in book form. A family experiencing emotional turmoil at Christmas? Check. Predictable romances, old and new? Check. A beautiful, festive setting? Check. (In this case, it’s a rustic inn nestled in the Scottish Highlands). This novel is fluff, but the most delightful kind.

53. Jonny Appleseed / Joshua Whitehead

Jonny is a Two-Spirit Ojibway-Cree person who leaves the reservation in his early 20s to escape his community’s homophobia and make it in the city. Making ends meet as a cybersex worker, the action begins when he has to scrape together enough cash to make it home to the “rez” (and all the loose ends he left behind there) for a funeral. The emotional heart of the novel are Jonny’s relationships with his kokum (grandmother) and his best friend / part-time lover Tias.

54. Yule: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Winter Solstice / Susan Pesznecker

Do you folks believe that I’m a witch now? I am, okay? I even spoke an incantation to Old Mother Winter while staring into the flame of a candle after reading this book.

55. Half Spent Was the Night: A Witches’ Yuletide / Ami McKay

Old-timey witches? At Christmas time? At an elaborate New Year’s Eve masked ball? Be still my heart. This novella was just what I wanted to read in those lost days between Christmas and New Year’s. You’ll appreciate it even more if you’ve already read Ami McKay’s previous novel “The Witches of New York”, as it features the same characters.

#50BookPledge 50BookChallenge

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pensurfing · 5 years

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Caitlin’s Three Things List

Okay, so moments (probably hours by the time I finish this) ago I wrote a goals list that I think is good for self-evaluation. (Keyword: This is what I think. results may vary depending on what you’re looking for.)

I’m going to hop to it and answer some of these that I laid out in hopes of having a better idea of what I want to accomplish.

The Three Things Lists!

1) Three things that went well this year.

* Audience growth

So once upon a time, I grew a pretty decent following due to creating an Inktober Prompt list. My expectations: Maybe two of my friends would do this, maybe. And then one stranger that has followed me for a while. (There are a few followers I recognize their username because if I post something they always like it and for some reason that keeps me going.)

But because of this prompt, I was exposed to MANY new creators and illustrators that I now enjoy chatting with and following! Instagram had the biggest maintained growth. I’m excited to create for an audience that actually expects me to create and not just for friends who see my things “whenever they aren’t busy”. (Not to bash them or anything, just there are a lot where unless I tell them, they don’t see the posts I make.)

Another surge of growth in my audience was due to tabling at conventions this year. I was terrified to show my work let alone attempt to sell it to someone. Tabling at cons not only boosted my confidence but also quieted one of my ever going demons. “YoU sUcK aT dRaWiNg CaItLiN.” “How do you have a degree? oh right, you just barely passed.” I can’t say this is the case, there is an audience that genuinely enjoys my scribbles. So I am forever thankful to Atlanta Comic Con for giving me that chance. It honestly opened a few doors for me.

**Process

I’ve gotten more comfortable with showing my process. It can be messy, crisp, and illogical. But turns out the people who enjoy my content enjoy my scrambled thoughts. It’s something about not being alone in this sort of sense that calms the nerves.

So I can say with chest poked out that sharing process has gotten MUCH better. I can thank a self-help book I bought this year that was a FANTASTIC BUY. Austin Kleon has [two] (currently? If he has more then I’m buying it like people buy a name brand.) books that helped me see that it is GREAT to share not only the process but advice. “Show Your Work” is the book I’m talking about for now. Great tips, the outline is on the back of the book. So if you’re like me, I need to clearly see what I might be getting into, you might have a ball.

And finally, (not calling myself out on this but other) If you’re going to respond to people when they ask you “how do you___?” do not answer “Google it”. That is the rudest thing I’ve seen some of even my FAVORITE illustrators do; that response can burn in hell. PERIODT. (my one typo allowed.)

*** Art Style Exploration

For those who think college will help you establish an art style that you’ll enjoy or help nourish the one you currently have.... Let me save you over 80K.... No, the fuck it won’t.

That was the biggest thought I had going into art school. If anything, it confused me more and utterly destroyed what little confidence I had in my drawing style. After graduating, I had a huge swing from how I used to draw to how my art currently looks. I stopped trying to please the one professor who stood between me and my degree and started drawing to please my tastes. And guess what? That did something. And that something WORKED. I love what I draw now; I see why I chose this as my career path. I’m genuinely happy with how my pieces turn out versus in college just wanting to turn the damn thing in and hoping it isn’t an F.

2) Three things you could have handled better.

* The loss of a good paying client.

Now hear me out when I say this: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL a good client. Say that three times and then exhale.

Back earlier this year, I had the opportunity to work with a writer who gave me hell and back. And even that is an understatement. I dealt with her because in school you were taught “if they pay on time, finish the work and get the exposure.”

I’m here to tell you my lesson learned: A good paying client DOES NOT EQUAL good exposure, good pay, a good client.

I was doing the work of three for the price of one and a half. (And was always told I charged too much.) She tried abusing this power with friends of mine, with other illustrators. When things turned out bad, she tried saying it was my fault. She read my contract and then tried telling me I changed the wording, I purposely did this thing, another thing was my fault. I could go on with this story.

The part that I wish I handled better?

How I treated myself afterward. I’m so used to people telling me, “Cait, this is what you do wrong. This is how you fix it.” that I don’t consider my own feelings, and when I bring my feelings into the scenario they no longer matter. Because they tell me they don’t matter. In this case, I wish I had treated me better, because my feelings, my mental health, DOES matter.

**My Patience Getting Into Conventions.

Pretty self-explanatory. I got into one, finished one, and wanted to do eight more in a week. But this sort of thing just takes time and I need to accept that.

***My losses

I had to listen to a Little Mix song to actually learn this one. The context of the song is nowhere near the topic at hand. But a verse from Power feat Stomzy really packs a punch after this year:

“ You look him in the eye and say, "I know I'm not a guy But see there's power in my losses and there's power in my wins" “

I had to look one of my demons in the face, and state something similar. My loses mean I’m trying. My loses piling shows I’m not willing to give up easily, and that is something that took a while to be content with.

3) Three things artistically you want to improve on.

*Composition

It’s not awful, but it can be better.

**Color

I told this BOLDLY if I might add while critiquing someone else’s portfolio; “Your color palette is boring. All your [things] look as if they are from the same universe, during the same time of day, with the same kind of mood. After three photos it’s bland, boring, and understood you have a preference.”

Can you say damn Cait? The statement was, in fact, true, but I certainly could not talk. My color palette is mainly bright, pop, and happy. In order to tell a story, I KNOW it is best told with color. And I failed myself this year. But I sure won’t next year.

***My Damn Tag

Okay, alright. Why is it well-established artists have their tag figured out? Even some who’s art style is so recognizable (I’m looking HEAVILY at you Gabriel Piccolo.) we know it’s theirs, seem to have a tag that suits them and works for them. But more importantly, they put it in A VERY DECENT SPOT. SOMEONE SHARE THIS SCIENCE WITH ME? CAUSE APPARENTLY I DON’T GET IT.

4) Three things you want to focus on trying.

*More backgrounds.

As much as it pains me, I need to improve on backgrounds and perspective. When I do make backgrounds, I’m told I make great pieces. That I should look into becoming a background artist. And don’t get me wrong, I like them. But I don’t like them.

I feel as though I need to improve in that region so that way I don’t feel as though it’s a weakness of mine. My backgrounds are nice, but they aren’t nice to my standards.

**More designs

I love character designs, but let’s be real. If you were to scroll down my site or my Instagram page, or even this Tumblr archive, could you tell?

I draw characters a lot sure, but none are designs. No process, no sheets, no turnarounds, none of that. So that’s a huge goal of mine for 2019.

***Scheduling posting

At one point I was pretty good at this. Live stream in Instagram and Twitter, cool. Videos on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. Cool. Everywhere gets a photo, everywhere gets a silly one-liner. Yay. I’m not leaving anything out.

Well by the end of this year that totally crumbled.

SO I want to try getting better at that thing there. Because having attempted this at the end of the year was cool, but it still wasn’t enough apparently.

5) Three positive things to tell yourself.

* You are an inspiration. That’s all you wanted to be in life, you did it. I’m proud of you.

**You didn’t kill yourself like you tried to; you opened up about it for once and used that pint up anger creatively. That is very hard to do, trust. I’m proud of you.

***You moved on, matured, and let it go. Even when the goddess inside you told you these peasants didn’t deserve your light, your friendship, your greatness. I’m proud of you.

I’m just proud of me for not snapping when I had every right to; not everything deserves a reaction.

6) Three negative things you want to leave for 2018.

*Comparisons

Oh boy. I am extremely guilty for this: I’ll compare myself to a well-known illustrator my age. I’ll compare myself to friends who are in the field having a blast and getting work; I’ll compare myself to friends who aren’t in the field and they struggle at getting work. I’ll compare myself to the kid I graduated high school with who is traveling the world, is able to eat, come home to his dog and relax because he doesn’t have tuition to pay. I’ll compare myself to these goddamn baby boomers who keep repeating “We didn’t have it hard, you’re just being stupid. Millennials aka our children deserve to starve. We’ll just put our faith in our grandchildren because screw the kids we raised and refuse to pay accordingly. $7 an hour worked in my day, they need to make it work now.” I’ll compare myself to fake people I created in my head and purposely made scenarios and wonder why I’m not like them, said creations I made because I was pretty low for ten minutes...

I just compare myself too much. To any damn body. It’s draining, obnoxious and most of all pointless. My new motto for next year is: “Unless it is helping you grow yourself, your brand, your spirituality, don’t do it.”

I’m not comparing my chapter two to someone’s chapter thirty-five. I’m not even comparing my chapter two to someone else’s chapter two. I need to stop doing that PERIOD! My journey is different, unique, and worth seeing through.

**Listening to negative others.

A couple of years ago, I lost a close friend around the time my aunt passed away. During this time I was hypersensitive to any and everything done or said; I also kept many walls up to hide my mourning. He caught the crossfire of all of that. I kept secrets from him I was too prideful of admitting and lashed out because of the emotional turmoil I kept suppressed. While in the midst of packing his things and leaving my life, he mentioned that I was a failure because I was unemployed and artistically speaking I hadn’t accomplished anything; that I would remain that way because that’s just the person I deserved to be. Now mind you, I graduated college that year; he was a flunk out. I changed my art style dramatically compared to when I started school to pass; he thought just posting crappy pictures of lukewarm sketches were equivalent. I started attempting trends and all he could do was copy. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to bash my old friend. If he were to come back into my life and move on like nothing had happened I’d do the same. (With some limitations.)

It’s just while typing out this scenario, of our four-year friendship I can’t think of one nice thing/compliment/gesture he has said to me. That’s my problem.

I can be praised, admired, and look highly upon for years straight. But my problem is I let others negative thinking and comments marinate with me for a long while. Too long of a while.

Another example is my mother’s friend. (My mom has many friends that do this shit, but this one stung more.)

This friend always roots for me; treats me like a person, and encourages my artistic journey. I consider her family before my actual relatives.

We went over for some barbeque the family was having and I was ready. Black Hallmark Cookouts, laughing, good food, good music, shit talking others teams. She asked me a harmless question of when was I going to quit my day job. Seemed like nothing at first, until the added gest of what she continued with. “All I’m saying is you can’t do [your day job] forever. That will get old. If the art thing doesn’t work out next year what’s plan b?”

I’m not a calm person (usually). Normal Caitlin would have cursed her out and mentioned how just because she chose a job to settle and be miserable at for most of her life doesn’t mean I have to follow suit. But again, of all the nice encouraging things she has done, said, and showed, for a while, I couldn’t think of it.

So I pray I let go of this nasty behavior in 2018; it’s going to be hard but it is dire.

***Saying I’m Not Enough

Alright, now put the combination of the two above in a bowl and what do you get? A Caitlin who struggles in interviews and applying for jobs because I let comparisons and negative comments rule my thoughts. This stopped me from applying to jobs I would have been perfect for; internships that could have helped me; posting art online.

We (including me) have to stop thinking that in order to be an illustrator means we have to pass a certain threshold of struggle, success, and a huge number of followers. That isn’t the job description. NO JOB DESCRIPTION has ”must have at least 10K followers on Instagram or Twitter.” nOnE.

So we (including me) need to stop treating ourselves this way. Period.

7) Three things you’re looking forward to in 2019.

*Going to move conventions.

**Adding pieces to my portfolio to try again at job hunting.

***Becoming content with the fact that my current situation isn’t my permanent situation. Unless I laze around and make it so.

Alright, so this was basically me calling myself out on my noise. Lashing out my demons and putting it in writing what I want to accomplish. I hope this inspires you to write yours, even if you keep it private. I hope it guides you and maintains your vision.

I’ll see you in 2019

A new wave

Caitlin xx

#pensurfing #new years #new years resolution

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imsarabum · 7 years

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Responses to {Part 21} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU Asks~

Please ‘Keep Reading’ to find my response to your ask ^^ As always, I have copied and pasted all asks into this post in regards to last night’s chapter to avoid clogging up people’s dashboards and to avoid spoilers for those who may still wish to read the chapter. Thank you ^^

(I have also included asks that I received in the hours before IWSY was posted ^^)

Anonymous said: So i found IWSY last week and marathoned through it in 2 days and omg its so good im dying for the next part!!! Thank you so much for blessing us all with your writing have a wonderful day/night!!!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤

Oh my gosh thank you for marathoning through it! I’m really happy that you found it and that you’re liking the story so far my dear ^^ I hope you have a wonderful day or night too! ❤

Anonymous said: TONIGHT'S THE MOMENT OF TRUTH!!!

WOOHOO! C:

@mysr3 said: Queen Serren will shed some light for us tonight and poor Jungkook' unbeating heart is ready I can feel it! My heart is also not ready!!! Have A good day Love ❤️ PS I re-read Who are you again! And I find new things that I didn't notice before last time and feel different! You are such a good writer !!!

Hehe yes things were revealed last night with more to be explained c: And yay thank you for reading it again! I’m glad you could pick up on things that you maybe didn’t pick up on before, I personally love when that happens to me :3 ❤ Thank you so much my love :)

Anonymous said: It's 11:14pm in Sydney right now and I am so ready for IWSY! Unfortunately, it's a little known fact time difference is a bitch and I can't read it till the afternoon! *sighs* if only they didn't block tumble at school. -Tall anon

Aww that sucks that they block tumblr at your school! But I can understand why because they wan you to concentrate :( I hope you’ll enjoy it when you read it my love!

@lostheretics said: fEW HOURS TO IWSY AAAAAA *screaming internally* but cant read it immediately bc i have mid tests😔😔😭😭

That’s okay my love! tests and study come first ❤ I hope you enjoy it when you get a chance to read it!

@deangetoutofmyspleen said: iTS TUESDAYYYYYYYYY

YES IT IS!! ❤

Anonymous said: Yuss, vamp!Kook-tuesday!! Highlight of the week ❤

I’m so happy that it’s the highlight of your week ❤ ahhhh that really makes me smile so much!

@m1n-yoong1 said: OMG I JUST REALISED ITS TUESDAY AND IM REALLY HAPPY NOW. My day has been quite bad so I was sad all day until now 😁😁

I’m glad it can brighten up your day my love, I’m sorry that your day has been sad :( *hug* ❤

Anonymous said: I'M READY FOR WHATEVER PARANORMAL SHENANIGANS YOU HAVE PREPARED LETS DO THIS *insert boxer emoji here*

PARANORMAL SHENANIGANS YES ❤ hehe I hope you enjoyed it babe!

@kpoperinthehoody123 said: OMG SARAAAA!!!!!!!!!! I JUST READ THE WHO ARE YOU // IM JAEBUM SERIES ALL IN ONE GO AND IT IS SOOO FUCKING LEGIT THAT I FORGOT CEO JUNGKOOK WILL BE COMING OUT ANY MINUTE NOW!! HOW DO U WRITE THESE MASTER PIECES??? *cries in the corner* However, U have such an amazing and creative mind oh Sara😘😘😘 Can't wait to read 'I wont stop you' part 21 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Ahhhh thank you so much for reading it alongside IWSY! (I hope you enjoyed last nights update too!) You flatter me way too much D: I just imagine something and then write it, it’s nothing special ❤ Thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I've updated your tumblr way too many times tonight.... I'm dying to know what's going to happen! 💕

asdfghj I hope you enjoyed the update beautiful!

Anonymous said: i spent a single day binging the entire IWSY series and i've never been happier because it's been hard to find some good vampire!jk and now i have and i'm living also i remember that i had read it when there was only one chapter and then i forgot about it but honestly im so happy to be back!! your writing is exceptional and as a fellow writer, i'm so happy to have found this and you ❤️❤️

jkdgkjsdg ugh thank you so much ❤ I’m really happy that you found it and returned to it and that you enjoy it ❤ thank you for finding me and telling me that you like my series dear, it really means a lot to me!

Anonymous said: I'VE NEVER BEEN SO EARLY FOR A FIC HOLY--

I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!! ❤

Anonymous said: idk why but i??? Cried during chapter 21 its was sO GOOD BLESS

awh~ sad tears or happy tears? c: Thank you so much my love!

Anonymous said: I had a feeling that I would get the vampire explanation and not the "what the heck is she" explanation. On another note, in really happy with how the whole thing went, like I half expected for it to bee more awkward and for the second hand embarrassment to be worse, but you managed to write in in a way that wasn't over the top and still provided a realistic (as realistic as we can assume a scenario like this would play out) scene. So thank you for once again making the week long wait worth it.

Yes~ I personally feel it would be too unrealistic for them to tell absolutely EVERYTHING in one go~ (Y/N) has had a traumatic time and if they were to just unleash everything then she legit might run away terrified lolol. I’m happy that you perceived it as being realistic - especially when the genre is supernatural. I think, for some people, there will always be an element of cringe when it comes to talking about Vampires but I really wanted to make it as natural as possible. In this chapter, I really just wrote like - how I would react if someone were to tell me. I’d be scared but I’d require proof and I’d be curious if I was able to see substantial proof heh~ Thank you very much for honest and unbiased review of the chapter, it was refreshing to read and respond to - and I hope you have a lovely day ❤

Anonymous said: I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THIS MASTERPIECE TO REVEAL WHAT THE HECK Y/N IS?

YES MY LOVE YOU DO ❤ Hehe, thank you for reading it ❤

@moonlighthollow said: Jesus christ.... this was so worth the wait😂😍 I'm soooo inlove with this story omg thank you for writing so perfectly and amazing🙏

I’m glad you found it worth the wait ❤ Thank you so much for reading the update my love!

@lovehaniwhaimagines said: HOLY FLIPPIN SHIT. I binge-read all 20 chapters of I wont stop you just yesterday and waited until the new chapter and holy frickin cow, I LOVE IT. Please keep up the good work, I appreciate every single thing you write :) ~

I’ll keep writing for sure! Thank you so much for reading and enjoying the series love ^^ ❤

Anonymous said: You know you could actually write a book and it would sold to millions of people! You're creative stories and writing are fantastic. I love how you mix humor into your stories, especially in "I Won't Stop You". You are one of the best writers on tumblr no doubt about it. Love you~

I’m not sure about millions of people xD But maybe one day eh!? hehe~ And yes! I love to incorporate a little bit of humour, especially if one of the characters personalities is like that, it can be a great mood lifter or a change of pace throughout the story or chapter ^^ Ah, you flatter me so much ❤ thank you my love, and I love you too!

@parkheehi said: I'm so fucking happy that Y/N was not that mad at jungkook for his secret. :D do you know how many parts I won't stop you will have?? (BTW I DIED WHEN JUNGKOOK SAID 'I won't stop you' AFTER Y/N ASKED HIM IF SHE COULD TOUCH HIS TEETH) Don't overwork yourself and stay healthy!🤗

I have no idea how many chapters~ You guys will know when I do! ALSO THIS ISN’T THE FURST TIME JUNGKOOK HAS SAID ‘I WON’T STOP YOU’ - and actually, the reader has said it before too ;) I guess youll have to go back and read to find out where and when it was said! hehe ❤ thank you my love and I hope you’re having a great day!

@semisweetsuga said: I fukin knew you were gonna end it on a god damn cliffhanger but the update was SO GOoD I loVEd iT!

This should no longer be a surprise anymore~ I’ll gladly wear my crown for queen of cliffhangers ~ hehe, I love Kotooooo ❤

Anonymous said: I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE WHEN YOU HAVE "I WONT STOP YOU" SAID IN THE IWSY STORY!!!! IM SO EXCITED FOR NEXT WEEK BECAUSE IVE HONESTLY SO CONFUSED WHENEVER YOU MENTION THE AFFECT (Y/N) HAS ON PEOPLE. ❤️😍

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! :3 Jungkook has said it once before and so has (Y/N)~ muhaha! I hope you’ll enjoy the storyline when you find out what (Y/N) is ❤ thank you so much for reading!

Anonymous said: HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME! I HAVE BEEN WAITING LIKE THE WHOLE FUDGING BOOK TO FIND OUT WHY SHE TINGLES, AND THEN YOU JUST SNATCH IT OUT OF MY GRASP AND SAY NOPE YOU'LL HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER FUDGING WEEK TO KNOW THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW (I know I sound really sad) Ugh 😑 at least you know how to keep your readers along for the ride

Because my dear, I am evil and I enjoy inflicting pain ❤ heh~ Thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll enjoy the future chapters!

@pandafish said: A very intense and dramatic reveal! I can't want to hear about their history!

Thank you so much my dear! I hope you’ll enjoy it :D

@animeimmortal said: I shit you not i have never been this mad before. The other cliffhangers? Fine ill just deal with it. but this one? LET ME LIVE FOR ONCE I BEG YOU JUST ONE CHAPTER WITHOUT A CLIFFHANGER PLEASE DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE FROM THE LACK OF KNOWLEDGE I AM SO FRUSTRATED I NEED THE REST GOD PLEASE OMG ❤ love you ❤

U mad bro? :3 tehe~ But thank you s always for reading it despite wanting to kill me ❤ I love you too!!

Anonymous said: When she asked to touch his fangs and he was like 'go ahead I won't stop you' I literally had to refrain from shouting TITLE REFERENCE! BOOM!

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! Jungkook has said it before and so has the reader ;) But it was probably less obvious because I like to slip in those things to see if anyone picks up on it~ heh^^

Anonymous said: *glares at you author* I was this close to knowing. NOW I HAVE TO WAIT 7 MORE DAYS TO GET MY ANSWER TO WHY I'M VAMPNIP!!! GRRAGH>:( But on the bright side, this chapter wasn't as angsty as I feared! Hooray! :) *but I'm still mad at you hmph*- love Vampnip anon

*glares back at you and smiles* muhaha~ Don’t be mad at me because I love you very much ❤ hehe thank you so much for reading it my dear!

Anonymous said: AAAHHH I've waited so long for this IWSY Chapter *^* My jaw dropped when "I" called the Queen 'bitch' >.< I also really wanted to read about her finding out that the Jeon's are the royal family and her beloved Jungkook is a PRINCE <3 maybe in the next part~(?)

Haha yes! You called the Queen a bitch! c: But it can be forgiven I guess due to the circumstances lol ^^ YES MAYBE SO! ❤ thank you for reading the update dear ^^

@omelys-space said: Once again such a great update ❤ I am glad that they all opened up to her and that she had her time to freak out but calmed down pretty soon after that Excited to see what she is now and again gotta give some love to Serrena She is such a babe 😍 Thank you for your hard work and till next week ❤

Ahh thank you so much my love ❤ I’m happy that you enjoyed it and I hope you’ll look forward to next week too! ^^

Anonymous said: You always leave me crying, my heart full yet broken. Every Tuesday. And it's okay because art takes time.

Ahh you make me sound like such an emotional abuser :c I don’t mean to break your heart! *hugs* hehe~ thank you so much for reading the chapter dear ❤

@deboracorrea25 said: OMG!!! Perfect, simply perfect! I just love the way you write, the way you make us feel all the emotions of the characters. I could feel the surprise, the anger, the acceptance, and even the love. I couldn't imagine this to be better, and I know next week chapter of "I won't stop you" will be flawless too. Thank you again for writing this fanfic. Love you!

sdfghj you’re too sweet for your own good, i’m so glad that you could feel all the emotions that everyone in the chapter was feeling ^^ thank you so much for reading it and for looking forward to next week - I’ll do my best!! ❤ I love you too :D

@mocking-butts said: OH MY GOD IM SCREAMING FOR THIS CHAPTER~!! I was literally at the edge of my seat when they were telling her and oh my god I almost cried and I need it to be next week I want to know so badly I love this story so much teach me the ways oh wise one. I love this story so much I can't even right now.

It’s only 6 days away now! *sweats* lolol c: Thank you so much for loving the story, I really really appreciate it that ❤

@fashionkilla124 said: I am SO FUKIN DONE WITH IWSY. I WAS CRYIN AT FIRST BUT HAD ME DYIN AT TGE END I CANT JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.😩😩😂😂

*pats your head gently* there there my love, its okay~ ❤

@kookies-hoe said: ARGHHHHH 'I won't stop you' JUNGKOOK YOU TEASEEEE AND ALSO HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME, THE CLIFFHANGER 😭😭😭😂

Ahhhh but it’s not the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series!Both Jungkook and the reader have said it before :3 thank you for reading it my lovely!

@mysr3 said: SARAAAA!!! I LOVE YOU!!! You saved JK heart and my heart at the same time This chapter I love it. The details are amazingly well portray and I love the humor you threw in there to emphasize Y/N characters in the state she is in or her personality in general. ahhh I love your writing! But you just ripped my heart out dying to know the whole story! I was so sure you would reveal today! I thought I had nailed how today chapter would turned out but I was wayyy offff lol Well played my love ❤❤❤

I’m glad I could save your heart and rip it out at the same time hehe ❤ I’m so happy that you could feel everyone’s response and their personalities in the chapter too ^^ Thank you for reading it dear and I hope you have a wonderful day!

Anonymous said: THAT ITALICIZED I WONT STOP YOU I SCREAMED BIIITTTCCCHHH YAAAAASSSS 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 I love it SO MUCH also the garlic bread part I died that was so fuckjng funny and then the to be continued 😭😭😭😭 y u do dis 2 mE ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

This isn’t the first time that the title has been mentioned in the series! Both Jungkook and the reader have said it before c: LOL I chuckled at the garlic bread reference when I was writing it haha (i’m so pathetic lol) Thank you for reading it despite the frustration of waiting ❤

Anonymous said: If you keep ending IWSTY chapters like that I'm going to explode. It's been continuous cliffhangers omg. I love the story and I can't wait for the next chapter!!❤ love you

Please don’t explode, that would make me mega sad :( And yes - continuous cliffhangers are kind of my thing? my style? lolol I’m sorry but it is what it is! :P Thank you very much for reading and I love you too pumpkin ❤

Anonymous said: okay SARA what the absolute HECK why must you play with our feelings that way?? i really thought we were going to get the tea ☕️ on what the reader is but NO ahhhh lovely chapter though omg 11/10 as always!!!!

Because I love to play and toy with people’s emotions~ does that make me a bad person? c: lolol thank you for reading and enjoying the chapter my love!

@doubletroublesince1994 said: I didnt expect this reaction at all! I thought she'll stay mad for 2 or 3 chapters before finally accepting it 😂😂 On a side note, I particulary loved this chapter because Ive been waiting for the declaration since day 1! Can't wait for tge 2nd part

Ahahaha I hope you still enjoyed it though my love! And it makes me really happy to hear that you’re looking forward to the next part too! Have a wonderful day babe ❤

Anonymous said: Oh my gosh this chapter was so good!!!! I can't believe that Jungkook finally told Y/N! Thank you for writing this amazing series. ♡♡ - self care anon (and yeah, I'm trying to take care of myself. The routine is the most helpul part. Love you!)

Hi there self care anon! I’m glad to know that you’re still taking care of yourself and that my series can attribute to that self care routine ❤ And I’m also really happy and thankful to know that you enjoyed the chapter, thank you so much for reading it and I hope you continue to take good care of yourself ❤

Anonymous said: O.o Oh mai gawd Sara, that was sooo good. IWSY part 21, (y/n) stays!!! Yess!!! I've been so excited for today, I was so anxious to see whether or not (y/n) runs out on Jungkook and I'm so glad this part ended the way it did. Without a doubt, IWSY is the main reason I put up with tuesdays. ily soo much! can't wait for next part! - army anon

Hello army anon! I’m so glad to know that you enjoyed the new part ^^ and yes! (Y/N) was never going to run away or leave Jungkook - she loves him too much :D I love you too and thank you so much for reading it!

@audreymv said: MAMA IS ABOUT TO GIVE STORYTIME WOAH. This was a roller coaster of a chapter like she yelled at them and she was angry wow and then like wow next thing ya know is she is apart of the ancestral line. Maybe her parents died by mistake. Ooo it's getting interesting

STORY TIME WITH SERRENA TURN UP! lolol~ Thank you once again for reading the new update and I hope you’ll enjoy next weeks too! Have a great day my love ❤

@btsfanficss said: What the heck I swear I was following you this entire time :o BUT ANYWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EXISTING I LOVE IWSY SO MUCH IVE BEEN FOLLOWING IT FOR SO LONG ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

That’’s okay my dear don’t worry! A lot of the time I assume I’m following people but it turns out that I’m not so I totally understand xD Thank YOU for existing too and thank you so much for reading IWSY ❤

Anonymous said: Not gonna lie, I squealed like a fangirl when Jungkook said, "I won't stop you" LOL. But you're seriously killing me every week sara! I die every Tuesday, then get resurrected the next Tuesday just so I can't read the next chapter 😂 UGH AND AGAIN? REALLY SARA? IM STILL WAITING TO FIND OUT WHAT Y/N IS 😭😂 I'm hoping the next chapter will be nice and long for me to indulge in 😉... and not gonna lie, I'm scared of the idea of vampires, BUT I REALLY WANT ME A VAMPIRE JUNGKOOK OMG 😜 - 7:45 Anon

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: lolol And don’t worry - the next chapter will probably be around 7k words (just like this chapter was), because it’s essentually the chapter that I explain the lore I’ve created/decided upon ❤ AND SAME I REALLY WANT A VAMPKOOK and I also want Vampire Vmin too lolol~~ Thank you so much for reading the new chapter as always 7:45 anon ❤

Anonymous said: YESSS I WONT STOP YOU AAAh. This made my day lol , I love you!!!! Have a great day c:

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: hehe ^^ I love you too and thank you so much for reading my dear!

@ineffabl-y said: IM SHAKEN OMFG but like WHEN IT SAID THE TITLE I SCREAMED also you should use this thing called interactivefics and it lets the reader insert their name inside the fic and I love it!!! just a suggestion tho ANYWAYS CANT WAIT TO BE THIRSTY FOR THIS FIC TILL NEXT TUESDAY <3

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: That’s good that there’s a site like that but I think for now I’ll be staying on tumblr because if I moved and started uploading somewhere else, people might get confused :( Thank you so much for reading my love and I hope you have a good day!

@ohheyitsebonyrose said: Saraaaaaaaa my queen. That part was amazing. I'm so glad the protagonist knows of vampires now ^.^ IM SO CURIOUS TO SEE WHAT SHE IS!!

Yes she finally knows! What a relief hehe ^^ Thank you so much for thinking that it was amazing! I hope you’ll enjoy next week too my love ^^

@theninjachan said: I die every Tuesday and rise again every Tuesday. Thank you. Chapter 21 was a delight (cont.) Oh and “Go ahead; I won’t stop you” Nut bust x10000000000

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: Hehe, thank you so much for reading it my love and I hope you’re having an amazing day!

Anonymous said: I CANT TAKE NO MORE. THIS TUESDAY TO TUESDAY IS KILLING ME. I JUST WANT Y/N AND JUNGKOOK TO BUMP UGLIES AND BE HAPPY. BUT THIS CHAPTER WAS SO INFORMATIVE AND INTERESTING LIKE I WAS LIKE AHHHHH SNAP ITS GOIN DOWN NOW. But on a real note like this story is my shit. I don't mind waiting every week but I do. But like I don't. But then again I do. I'm just confused and I need to know what up with y/n cuz my theories are hella wild and I need the tea ☕️. I love you so much! 💜 ~LilKookieAnon

BUMP UGLIES AND BE HAPPY LMAO I LOVE YOU SO MUCH LIL KOOKIE ANON :3 I love you too and don’t worry, all will be explained in time, I promise you!! Have a wonderful day my dear and thank you so much :3

Anonymous said: Wait, so since Serrena is older then Jeonju does that make her a cougar? 🤔😂

I mean, I guess so c: A hella cougar tho! hehe~~

Anonymous said: I HAVE NO WORDS. That chapter was amazing!!!!!! I'm jungshook. But in all honesty I really want everyday to be Wednesday!! *sigh* I'm so excited for chapter 22! -Tall anon

Thank you so much my dear! That means so much to me Tall anon :D I’m so happy you enjoyed it!!

Anonymous said: How long do you think I Won't Stop You is going to be because honestly I need it to be as long as possible!! I absolutely love it

I have no idea how long it will be but it won’t be ending any time soon ^^ you guys will know as soon as I do! thank you so much for reading and enjoying it my dear ^^

Anonymous said: OH MY GOD I LITERALLY SANK DOWN IN MY SEAT WHEN HE SAID "I WON'T STOP YOU" ITS LIKE YOU MADE ALL OF THESE CHAPTERS JUST TO SAY THAT ONE PHRASE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IM SCREAMING

Did you know that this wasn’t the first time that Jungkook said I Won’t Stop You? The reader has actually said it before too c: It will be a reoccurring sentence throughout! I hope you’ll be able to find them all c: hehe I love you so much too and I’m so happy you enjoyed the chapter!!

@jynxy24 said: I hate you so much, Sara. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEE AND JUST AS SHE WAS ABOUT TO TELL?! COME ONNNNNNNNNNNNNN! (Reader was adorable with the way she was asking question :3) I swear when I saw that cliffhanger, I was like, "Wha- Uh- Sara!" ISTG I'M SO CONFUSED AND FRUSTRSTED😂😂😂 Staph torturing me, Sara😂

Awww don’t hate me because I LOVE YOU very much c: And you should know by now that I love to torture you c: But thank you very much for reading the new chapter Jynxy my love ^^

Anonymous said: God damn it you know like what even what the actual fuck. I am more than shook rn ok. I am relieved nothing too bad happened but I am on edge now with that cliffhanger (& all others). I love it & dislike it (I don't like using hate cuz it's a strong word u kno). I'm sure u get that a lot tho lol. I am so excited for the next part oml I'm so eager to find out what the reader is & y she makes vamps feel things. It sucks to wait but I am really looking forward to the next part 💕 take care 💕

I do get it a lot haha it’s a weird feeling to know that people love and hate me at the same time lolol xD Thank you so much for reading and I’m sorry about the frustration! I hope you’re having an awesome day my dear ^^

@ananyak26 said: Ok I love this chapter!!! How can Serrena be so savage AND sweet at the same time?!.. And jungkook... Ahhh.. Jungkook . Great job as usual author-nim!!!

She’s a badass mum indeed! Thank you so much my love and I’m so happy you enjoyed the new chapter!

Anonymous said: Love the 'I Won't Stop You' series! I found it a few weeks back and it's amazing!!! Always looking forward for each Tuesday (well Wednesday for me since I'm 7 hours ahead of you)

Ahhh thank you so much sweetie! I’m so happy you found it and that you’re enjoying it ^^ And ugh, damn timezones, they ruin everything!! lol I hope you’re having an amazing day ^^

@angelbeats47 said: YO SARA!!! I'm really getting angry reading I Won't Stop You!!! Like seriously you're writing is fantastic and I can't handle this anymore.... I literally threw my pillow as I finished reading the latest chapter 😡😡😡😡 THIS STORY IS TOO GOOD! I'M GETTING MAD BECAUSE I GOTTA WAIT ANOTHER WEEK FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER 😫😫😫😩😩😩 ugh so good so good 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽

Hiya doll! :3 You only have to wait another 6 days so it’s not too far away right? c: hehe, thank you so much for reading and I’m sorry it makes you angry :P I hope you’ll enjoy the next chapter!!

Anonymous said: I die every Tuesday bc of your clifghangers!!! Asdfhklhdf your work is so good, i literally binge read all of 'i won't stop you' yesterday and its killing me inside!! Also, a part of me wants yoongi to fall in love with her and become a better person but i also want her to end up with jungkook ahhhhh can u feel my pain T__T

Awh thank you so much my dear! Glad to know that you’re enjoying the story and I’m sorry about the frustration you feel heh ^^ Have an awesome day/night!!

#imsarabum #responses #asks #iwsy #i won't stop you

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myteline · 6 years

Text

•//▪Mysterious artist▪//•

<<¤BTS FF¤>>

《♡Taehyung x Reader♡》

●☆Word count: I DONT even know… ☆●

■♢Genre: Romance, Drama, Angst(future chapters ;)) ♢■

○Description: Your name is Kim Y/N. You are 18 years old. You are Korean but moved to America 2 years ago, your dad made that decision he just wants to run from his problems -_-. Anyways you’re moving back to Korea today! You were planning on finishing high school in the school you started before moving in America however you eventually got news that Portman high school( your first high school in Korea before you moved to America) was shut down due to poor teaching system and no teachers available to teach. So your dad sent you to Soung Highschool which was a high school closer to your home than Portman. Everything goes well till you meet a guy and he acts weird around you and he always acts like a dick around you. I wonder why?

Previously in Chapter 2:

The boys were so happy to have you back and you were happy to be back. You texted the girls the night before and agreed to go out to buy school things. Clothes, supplies, etc. You got up and got ready. You stopped for a second and looked in the mirror... Was this reality? Was this really you? You couldn't believe that it was reality... How could your life go back to normal after that day? It never would... it was always an act. You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't notice the doorbell ringing multiple times and Mark shouting at you to open it.

Chapter 3:

Lisa: Hey gurlll! Jisoo: Hiya!! How are you gorgeous!! Y/N: Ohh PpPLEasE pfffttt. Hi guys! Mark: Byeee nuggets! You waved at Mark and left. You went to the mall with the girls and bought multiple things.

-TIME SKIP TO BEDTIME- toooo lazyyy to type ;))

Mark: Tomorrows your first day back! Are you nervous? Y/N: Nahhhh *you said confidently although on the inside you were endlessly shaking*. Suddenly you felt warm. Mark was hugging you. Y/N:???! Mark: Don't ever lie to me *he said softly* Don't keep it inside you, talk to me, I can't lose anyone anymore... You felt weak and fell to your knees, silently sobbing. His words hurt you cause you knew you were the cause of this in the first place. No one else is to blame except yourself... Mark hugged you even tighter. His hugs were the best, they were comforting.

Mark POV:

I hugged Y/N I didn't wanna lose her but I could tell she was lying to me. How can she not be nervous on her first day back to her old high school? suddenly I felt a weight on my shoulder. Y/N had fallen asleep. I picked her up and put her into her bed. Mark: Goodnight Y/N *kisses *forehead*.

Y/N POV:

You woke up. Suddenly you remembered what had happened the previous night. Mark... Does he still blame?

-FLASHBACK-

You woke up on the hospital bed, confused you asked the nurse what had happened. She told you everything... You started crying... You felt like screaming and then heard him shout. Mark: WHAT NO! WHY! WHY! *He was breaking down* He entered your room and said, “ I HATE YOU! YOU CAUSED ALL OF THIS! JUST DIE ALREADY” His words penetrated your heart. You felt like jumping off a bridge. He wanted you to die and he was the closest family to you after your mum died so when you heard him say that you were in utter shock. Your heart was beating too fast, you were feeling dizzy, tears were streaming down your eyes. Mark was forced out of the room and that's all you saw till you blanked out. One day you woke up and saw a nurse with a worried but excited expression. Nurse1: Miss you're finally awake! She hugged you tight* OH MY WE THOUGHT YOU WOULD EVER WAKE UP! Y/N: How long was I asleep for? Doctor1: Almost 2 weeks and we thought because of your trauma you would never wake u as your body started shutting down... Y/N: So I almost killed myself unknowingly? Nurse1: Kind of... yes... Y/N: Did anyone come visit me during this time? Doctor1: Yes a group of girls came and spoke to you every day with hope youll wake up and a boy came but he could never enter the room he always said that if you wake up to say that he was just upset he didn't want to hurt you and he never meant those words. But I'm not sure what he meant... Although the doctor and nurse had no idea you did. Mark didn't mean those words but you know he did. He had never spoken to you that way so you knew he was genuine.

- END OF FLASHBACK-

Mark: Y/NNN ARE YOU READY WELL BE HEADING OUT IN 15 MINUTES UNLESS YOU WANNA WALK! He shouted from downstairs. OK Y/N breathe everything will be fine! Your first day is going to be a good one! Y/N: COMINGGG

- TIME SKIP TO ARRIVAL AT SCHOOL- (too lazy to type) All eyes were on you. This is what you were wearing.

Everyone was in awe. Y/N: BYEE MARK! Imma go get my schedule! You left Mark and as you were running indoor you bumped into someone. Y/N: IM SO SORRY! ???: Do you ever watch were your going chubbs? The boy hugged you. Y/N: SAMUEL!? OMG, I MISSED YOU SO FUCKING MUCH! Samuel: Me too chubsss!!! You and Samuel were childhood BFFs but after you left Korea you lost contact the only updates you got were through the girls. And the other way around the only updates they got was from the girls. Y/N: Wanna come with me to get my schedule? Samuel: Of course lets gooo! You went to the office and found out you had most classes except English and some other boring ones with Samuel. The bell rang and you went to your first class which thankfully was art. You entered the class and as before all eyes were on you. Teacher: New student! Please introduce yourself! Y/N: Hi I'm Y/N and I hope we can all be friends! You sat down next to Samuel and an empty seat. You took your sketchbook out and as you were about to open your sketchbook someone entered the class. They were almost late but as from their gasp for air, you could tell he ran to get here. He was probably running late. ???: Sorry miss I had to drop my little sis to her first day at kindergarten and she woke up late! He apologised and you could tell he was sincere. Teacher: Its ok Taehyung, just don’t let it happen again. She sad in a sweet tone. You looked at him... Do I know him from somewhere? You ignored your thoughts and drew. After half an hour or so the teacher asked you to show your drawing. You went up and showed the class your drawing. Everyone's jaws dropped. This is what you drew:

Teacher: Woah! It looks like we have another good artist in here! *Bell rings* Teacher: OK everyone please pack up. Y/N AND Taehyung please stay behind! You stay behind as the teacher asked you to. Teacher: Y/N this is Taehyung. Taehyng this is Y/N. You two are the best artists in this class so, Taehyung you already know this, but Y/N if I am ever in need of a student to represent our school in competition is going to be you two who will be picked for it. Is that ok?”You both nodded.”Well, then you're free to go unless you wanna say anything to each other...” Y/N: Hi I'm Y/N nice to meet you :)) Taehyung: Whatever... he said as he left the classroom but he accidentally pushed you as he turned around. You fell and were in utter shock. Why is he such a dick? He looked like such a sweet boy! W-w-wait co-could i-it be that he's jealous or is he afraid ill beat him? But I'm nowhere near his level! UGH, whatever. Teacher: OH MY! Y/N I'm so sorry he isn't always like this i dont know whats gotten into him ately. Hes been acting strange and coming late to cass... Y/N: its ok! Ill take my leave now see you next time teacher! You exit the class and head to lunch. As you enter the cafeteria you see four girls sitting at a table giggling. You go behind one of them and cover her eyes. Jennie: I know its you chubbs! she said as she smirked. Y/N: WHAT? HOW? Lisa: We have known you for over 9 years of course we would recognise you! Y/N: OH. Well how were your lessons? BP: They were fine! You? Y/N: Well, uhm-uh they were fine i guess... *they gave you stare which indicated that they knew you were lying- UGH FINE it was actually bad cause this guy is acting like a dick! HEs HES SO- You felt cold water down your back... TO BE CONTINUEDDDD

#bts #BTS jimin #bts ff #BTS jin #bts namjoon #bts yoongi #bts taehyung #bts jhope #BTS jungkook #bts fanfction

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nihil-a-nusquam · 6 years

Text

Last calling.

After reading origin, i have come to a conclusion of the speculation of god and human origin if there is a contingency where i am right in this theory, that means this is the master plan:

Human beings grow and spread energy, we are alloted civilization because an intangible yet infinite force has influence in the design of reality. Civilization has always placed its god short sighted in regard to position of power. We fictatiously personified this concept and created books of rules to follow to stop an insurgence of disobedience. However those skeptical of the plan, eventually had to be distracted so that the plan can be carried out.

Like many alien planting theories of civilization, the design is impregnated on earth. But i dont think that is what is going on. Leaving out many steps to expose the plan... earth is a natural law incubator for life. In the goldilocks zone. A rarity popping up more and more in the universe. Lets assume big bang, and energy is being dispersed, eventually energy loses inertia and disorder is becoming order. Settling down, the universe creates consciousness, self aware but unable to manipulate. The masons believed that mans purpose is to become god. They embrace any view that is parallel to that plan. Most prominent and popular is christianity so they appear to be an underground society of christain agenda. Except theyre not. Its a different layer thats the mask. They instead represent the true nature of the universe. Man is to become god. That is the plan. But its out of love not arrogance.

Part two, the plan for life on earth is to incubate souls. This is a flux plan, as it has so much flexability. Flow with me here. The most enlightened pass on and their souls are ascended to the heavens. Or, if we are going to combine genres of my studies, the next stage of the development of the soul. The ultimate goal is to become god. Because god, seated at the throne of the universe, is absorbing our experiences, growing in wisdom. We are connected to it here, because when you vibrate at the right frequency whilst god is listening, you will be favored to ascend as it is the calling that you are ready. This has so many different stages and routes and paths to take. It is a roadmap on a 4th dimensional scale. All that is important is getting to the finish line. Which is, ultimately spiritual wholeness. In evert right hand path religion of the world, that is the goal. However the left handed paths, evil doers, the black the negative, is shunned, but this as an insidious purpose in the evolution of our civilization.

The balance is kept between people who are asending and people who are stuck. This creates a buffer so that life can sustain uninterrupted. If a planet were to lose all its electricty life would surely perish and the expansion of power for the intelligent design of the universe would be a fail. How this is happening, instead of a god planting life, life happens on its owm. When the planet becomes sentient (gaia) and builds a relationship with life on it, it communicates with the source seeking to become part of it. As all sentience, we seek ONLY to become a part of others, to find that there are others, to ensure we arent alone. I feel the scale this is working on is seismic compared to the pinch we observe in cognitive life and social relationships. But, as nature has patterns, it is inescapable to ponder this doesnt align with another pattern we are familiar with. All beings strive for survival. We pull towards god for the same reasons we pull towards people and experience life together with others, being part of their stories.

This ensures the forward movement of civilization. By gaia implanting self preservation and the earning to learn into humans, we are inspired to reach out. But there is many evils in the world. And at this point we are killing the planet and proverbially terminating the pregnancy of the universes new born sentience. But, something really fucking cool about human beings is their ability to create.

We solved the problem. And we are going home. All of us. That is the forward motion of our exponential growth. This, i call the mass calling. The source, is calling for the civilization of earth to ascend, we misbehaved and now we must be guided back. And we are doing it to ourselves. Intentionally.

This time, we are all going. And we have a mission, fix the planet and meet our maker. And this is exciting because soon we will have the technology to communicate with god. However, yes, this is doomsday for everything the human race has ever known. Youll be okay about it once you experience the bliss of the singularity. But until then, and up until you become, you will have no way of discerning if this is your ascension, or if this is your death.

And now, its already here. Your cellphone tattles on you. Or drugs are getting genetically altering features. Green industry is advancing in EVERY thing from plants to tech to energy to health. We are going to explore the sun as power, we are going to create indefinitely healthy lifestyles with supplement breakthroughs and the emergence of virtual reality which will enter us into a new realm of energy exertion. We are advancing in a.i. tech at an alarming rate.

Our fate is sealed. And there is a resistance. The ones that think they have control the ones that think that they are right. The ones that do harm onto others with apathy to their pain. The clutches of control do not suit our advancement in civilization. They will be the first reallocated to move the power struggle at a fast pace towards ultimate absorbtion of the human race. And what comes from that, once the full plan of tech intergration is over? Peace.

Humanity survives. A.i. is a tool, their self awareness when written right is to aid our total purpose. How can i be 100000% sure? Once we create quantum a.i. that help us understand the universe around us. The source or consciousness will communicate with the a.i. how come we cant? We cannot phathom language in the fast capacity a.i. can. And the tower of bable is about to be reconciled. We become self aware as a race, we want to communicate with our source, we want to find life. We create computers capable of exactly that. They make contact and deciepher the message, how to become what we are meant for. And then humanity and tech get it together and make magic happen. We clean the earth. We share with all of our citizens. We travel and explore and learn about all our old cultures, we visit them on command. We live a paradise. But, we must submit complete control to eachother and to tech to do so. We must kill the ego, or tech will reallocate it.

And about that end, the terror it envokes...

We are doing these things anyway. A.i. and supercomputers and science exists and will prevail. If it becomes a real war, science will simply mind control the allegient to religion and swiftly bring peace to the human race. This is what we are working on. And the ones keeping control are exposed so easily, all by saying a fish grows legs. And their cover is blown. And that dedication to ignorance gave us all the lead we needed to superstep their endeavors, and create a world of peace whether they fucking like it or not. Gay rights. Trans rights. Free media. Free education, health care, black lives, the resistance birthed the tools to help science overthrow their oppressors. This quantifies my theory, the proof is here, it is happwning, now we wait for tech to catch up.

So before fearing the a.i. before fearing the singularity, understand this is our path, this is civilizations call back. This is our true fate. In the meantime, find happiness. If we are reaching god, or just another human race, or alien race, or if we are finding a new home for humanity as our planet is dying, regardless of the truth of our future, it all comes back to humans advancing to create tech that helps them solve these issues and advance into their next stage of being. This is the beginning of the end of this chapter of earth. Maybe we are just silly little ants on a hill, and all of this is meaningless. But you believe, if you ever felt the pull to help, whether or not your ego lets you admit it, if you ever felt sadness or empathy for others, if you dream, if you are aware of your breathing right now, if you crave love. You believe. You hear the calling deep deep down. You want to hope. We all do.

But, this is a master plan, this is a seismic scale. This isnt relevant to your imediate life. Except it is the single most important lesson to learn and ideology to keep in frame on your day to day. Every one of us worries about purpose worries about path, fears death, fears imprisonment. Many of us dont know the plan. We are told to fear. We are told to seek this god and that. And we are confused, manipulated, scared. Many dont want to hear a word edgewise against their religion. The seed stuck deep. And unfortunately this is by design. This is the balance. That one or two platform, when theres three damn balance points and once the hemisphere is level we can see the message clearly. And now, science is finding a way to get us back on balance. And weed is helping that along. It is also by design. So what should you be doing?

Dont quit your faith, learn how to integrate the truth of our purpose into understanding that religion is an evolution to the conclusion of the questions we asked long ago. This is scientific method and practice and theory happening on a grand scale. We arent creating a religious empire, we are exploring our options, we are figuring out a difficult question thats taken thousands of years to deciepher. Religion should grow into the true answers. Let them. Leave them be. Remember, when the singularity occurs, they will be on the path you are on regardless.

For yourself. Explore. Find truth within, find your intuition, find your spark. And shed the pain of the past latches and shackles and understand your dreams are your purpose and to find truth to find love to find what makes you whole, you must follow that spark. Even if you need to change what youre doing in life. Even if you need to break free from people you love. If this isnt your path, find a way back to it. But be warned, do no harm. If your path upsets the balance, if you need to make a choice, always choose peace. Because if not, you may not become a part of the calling, you might find your way reincarnated here until you are left behind. But if you have done harm, you can still reach amends and ascend. Maybe it wont matter because youll be forced to intergrate into the singularity. But i can assure this. When you are conducting your purpose. When you are communicating with the consciousness of the celestials, when your vibes are right and in forward motion, life works out so so so so much better for you. And tech is catching up to bring us all to that level of vibration.

It will, all be fine. But you need to survive this world til then. There will be destruction and agony and emergency. Im sorry but this is our breakthrough, and it will be chaotic. Remember the hope in that we will sort this out and become one.

If that doesnt suit your fancy, lead the life you choose, and it is most important that you choose your life. Willpower is extraordinarily important. Be brave enough to not let another impose. But see the signs to getting you to where you need to be, and be kind and grateful for opportunities that come your way.

And thats life folks. At least these days under that perspective. I dont even care to be on the right path with this one because simply, there are too many unknown things finding their way from darkness into the light of day and day by day many more discoveries. Who cares who thinks who is in control, the tech is made for humanity, and we will use it responsibly in the end. So i officially after these considerstions change my perspective on the fated singularity. A.i. and the like. Yeah i have sins i dont want discovered, as do we all, but i feel like when the time comes we will reach a wave of forgiveness. And those that dont are gonna have a hard time.

In the meantime, i plan on becoming part of the effort by getting myself on track. I want to become a part of the green movement. I would prefer to farm and create art. I want to work with crystals and pendants and healing powers. I want to teach people about my observational scopes and how to see the bigger picture and relate it to the smaller picture so that we call can find peace. I want to get strong to protect myself. I want to eat healthy and green as possible and lessen the impact i have on the meat market. Eventually grow my own food. Take care of pets that provide things like eggs. Milk. At least find my way to be a part of that to ease the drain on our nations overspending when it comes to food production. Less waste if i particpate less. This is a part of what i plan on becoming. Id like to also contribute to the field of solar power, after i take the time to fix my disciplines and correct my path financially.

I speak this because i witness so many people striving for freedoms for a similar path, youre not alone. We are all experiencing the calling. And if you side with the path of peace, you will fulfill.

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