#and i am very firm in the belief that mulder does not at all believe in antisemitic conspiracies

[greatgatsbyhateblog]

X-Files episode centering around Catholic folklore and mythos: Scully is blessed by G-d:00000

X-Files episode centering around Jewish folklore and mythos: Killing N*zis is not an acceptable form of retaliation>:(

#tbh i experienced genuine fear over where the ep was abt to go #bc the main characters r a conspiracy theorist and a catholic who discredits every religious and/or spiritual ideology that is not her own #yea i headcannon mulder as jewish but thats not canon #and i am very firm in the belief that mulder does not at all believe in antisemitic conspiracies #but the writers might not know exactly how many conspiracies are actually antisemitic #and there might be an episode that covers one of them and where mulder either believes it or doesnt entirely discredit it #im hoping thats not the case but im only on season 4 so idk:// #the x files #nazi mention #antisemitism #literally the first thing i said when i saw the opening shot of a Hasid getting murdered was #ANTISEMITISM ISNT AN X-FILE?????!! #anyways wow that episode was just rampant with antisemitic rhetoric hh.. #at least mulder wasnt siding w any of it. dude was barely holding back his anger throughout it #forrest watches the x-files #lol meant to make that a tag a while ago but oh well ig im starting now

[admiralty-xfd]

I don't know if you'll take it but I'll try anyway...Angry kisses post "En ami", please! :)

Wow, anon, you’re in luck because I have already done exactly this! Source: Culmination. Enjoy :)

She hates that she lied to him. Absolutely hates it. The thought of any kind of wedge between them is abhorrent to her. He seems to know she had very little choice, but he is hurt, betrayed. And she understands.

“He could have done something to you, Scully. He could have killed you!”

The car ride home from the fake offices of C.G.B. Spender has been an uncomfortable one. She appreciates Mulder’s protectiveness to a point, but his belief he’d been so close to losing her has ratcheted up to anger. She rarely sees him this angry, especially with her.

Even though she believes everything she did was the right course of action, now is not the time to be defensive. Now is the time to let him be angry, to ask for forgiveness.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Did you even think about how I might have felt? When I learned you were alone with him?”

“Of course I did.”

She stares at her hands in her lap. She wants to look him right in the eye and tell him she knew what she was doing, and he doesn’t need to protect her. But she doesn’t. He needs to feel this way right now, and she wants to give him what he needs the only way she knows how.

“I wish you’d realize I didn’t have much of a choice, Mulder. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what was going on but the whole thing was on his terms. I figured we’d sit down, have a conversation like this, and you’d understand.”

“Well, I don’t. I don’t understand how you could go off with him and not tell me about it. Especially after… Diana.”

She can tell he didn’t really want to say it. She feels bile rising in the back of her throat. Even from the goddamn grave, this woman will not leave them alone. She bites her tongue to keep from saying something she’ll regret.

“This is not even close to the same situation. I am not, and never have been, like her.”

Mulder stares at her, hard. “You’re right. You aren’t. I never said you were.”

He looks back at the road and grips the steering wheel. She doesn’t like the direction this conversation is going so she changes tack.

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Mulder. Never. You have to know that by now.”

He doesn’t say anything. She can see his jaw moving in frustration as he grinds his teeth. She knows he’s mad but she can’t help but find it thoroughly hot.

“I would hope that after all we’ve been through, you could trust me in this type of situation,” she says. “As your partner. That you’d do the same, and know I would trust you, if you were in my position.”

“Never. I’d never trust him.”

“But you did,” she responds quietly. She regrets the words even as they leave her mouth, but she’s said them now.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road, puts it in park, and shuts off the ignition. He turns to her. “What are you talking about?”

“You did. You trusted him enough to want to go to that Air Force base. You were headed there with her. You would have been killed, burned up with the rest of them. There would have been nothing I could have done about it if you hadn’t changed your mind.”

Mulder is stunned. But she’s right, and she knows he knows it. He doesn’t know what to say. The air in the car is still, and tense.

His face looks conflicted. “Everything he said to me made sense. It was the truth. About what happened to my sister, about the deal that was struck, all of it had to be true.”

“How is that any different than how I reacted? You trusted him. You believed him. Something in what he said made you believe him.”

“It’s not the same, Scully. You should have told me about this.”

“How is it not the same?”

“Scully-”

“Why are you allowed to act alone, but I’m not? Why, Mulder?”

“Because-“ he stops himself.

“What? Because why?”

“I don’t know!” He explodes. “It’s just… it’s just different.”

“Because I’m a woman? Is that what you were going to say?”

He shakes his head. She can’t tell if he’s lying. She hates when that happens.

“I’m so mad at you right now.” It’s all he can muster. She is unimpressed.

“Really? Great. I’m getting a little pissed off at you, myself,” she retorts. Nothing like a little misogynistic bullshit to further ruin an already horrible evening.

He grips the steering wheel with his fingers again, staring straight ahead. She laughs to herself and shakes her head, this situation such a metaphor for their own relationship. Stuck in this car together, facing the right direction but never getting anywhere. As always.

“It’s not because you’re a woman.” He’s still looking straight ahead. “I can’t tell you what it is. I don’t know how.”

“Well, by all means, please try, Mulder.”

He turns to look at her. There’s a fire in his eyes she hasn’t seen before. It’s anger, but maybe also something else.

Without any warning, he throws his body over the console and his mouth is on hers, moving insistently, fiercely. She wants him so badly that her hands go instantly to the back of his neck, pulling him in even harder. Her mouth opens for him for the first time and he does not hesitate. His tongue is aggressive and crushes her own. She feels the kiss throughout her entire body.

His hand moves with intent underneath her shirt and she can’t help her body from responding but just as quickly as this happened, she decides she doesn’t like what’s happening.

No, this is wrong, all wrong.

“Mulder.” She tries to say his name while his mouth is devouring hers, but either he isn’t hearing her or he’s choosing to ignore her.

She places both hands on his chest and pushes him off her, hard. “Mulder, stop!”

He pulls back, stunned. Her lipstick is smeared across his mouth and she tries not to like it. The last thing she wants is to stop but the only thing she can think of right now is that this is definitely not the way this should begin. He’s angry and confused, just as much as she is. There’s only so much self control they can exercise anymore. Something like this was bound to happen, she just wishes it were under different circumstances.

“Please, not like this. You’re upset.”

She worries they’ve fucked everything up irrevocably and she wants to make light of this as quickly as possible but her eyes are welling up. She doesn’t want him to see her cry so she turns away from him to look out the window.

“I… I’m sorry, Scully.” She can’t see his face but she knows him well enough to know he means it.

“Just take me home, okay?”

She hears the car turn back on and they start to move. They drive in silence for awhile.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he says quietly. She still can’t bring herself to look at him. She’s not mad at him, there was nothing he did that she didn’t welcome in the moment. She’s embarrassed, and angry at the both of them for continuing to fuck this up over and over again.

“It’s fine, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.” Like we always do, she thinks miserably.

Without any more conversation they arrive at her apartment. She’s so confused and upset and she wants him so badly she has to get out. She doesn’t want to leave things like this but she wants nothing more than to get out of this car as fast as possible. She goes to open the door and feels his hand grab her wrist gently.

“Scully.”

She turns to face him, eyes red. She hates that he’s seeing her like this. “It’s fine, Mulder. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He looks at her intently, his eyes are so sad. He looks completely miserable. “That wasn’t me. I… don’t know what that was. I hope you can forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, okay?” She’s trying to sound kind but firm. She wants to stop talking about this. “I’ll see you later.”

The car door slams behind her and she heads up the steps and into her building, not looking back.

She has never wished more for a reset button in her life. They’d been making such progress lately, she thought some way, somehow soon things were going to finally change. Now she worries it will never happen, not after this.

Did she make a mistake? Should she have just let it happen? Should she have just let him fuck her right there in the car out of anger? Why couldn’t it have happened a different way? What the hell is wrong with them?

Loneliness is a choice.

The words she heard herself say to Philip Padgett last year in a moment of vulnerability come back now to haunt her. She’d told him she wasn’t lonely but it was a lie. She’s chosen loneliness over and over again, all her life. And Mulder is choosing it too.

Why do they keep making that choice?

#txf #msr #msr fic #en ami #angry kisses #my fic

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

This is chapter 6A. To start at the beginning please click here.

CONVICTION

SCULLY

(En Ami)

She hates that she lied to him. Absolutely hates it. The thought of any kind of wedge between them is abhorrent to her. He seems to know she had very little choice, but he is hurt, betrayed. And she understands.

“He could have done something to you, Scully. He could have killed you!”

The car ride home from the fake offices of C.G.B. Spender has been an uncomfortable one. She appreciates Mulder’s protectiveness to a point, but his belief he’d been so close to losing her has ratcheted up to anger. She rarely sees him this angry, especially with her.

Even though she believes everything she did was the right course of action, now is not the time to be defensive. Now is the time to let him be angry, to ask for forgiveness.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“Did you even think about how I might have felt? When I learned you were alone with him?”

“Of course I did.”

She stares at her hands in her lap. She wants to look him right in the eye and tell him she knew what she was doing, and he doesn’t need to protect her. But she doesn’t. He needs to feel this way right now, and she wants to give him what he needs the only way she knows how.

“I wish you’d realize I didn’t have much of a choice, Mulder. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you what was going on but the whole thing was on his terms. I figured we’d sit down, have a conversation like this, and you’d understand.”

“Well, I don’t. I don’t understand how you could go off with him and not tell me about it. Especially after... Diana.”

She can tell he didn’t really want to say it. She feels bile rising in the back of her throat. Even from the goddamn grave, this woman will not leave them alone. She bites her tongue to keep from saying something she’ll regret.

“This is not even close to the same situation. I am not, and never have been, like her.”

Mulder stares at her, hard. “You’re right. You aren’t. I never said you were.”

He looks back at the road and grips the steering wheel. She doesn’t like the direction this conversation is going so she changes tack.

“I wouldn’t do that to you, Mulder. Never. You have to know that by now.”

He doesn’t say anything. She can see his jaw moving in frustration as he grinds his teeth. She knows he’s mad but she can’t help but find it thoroughly hot.

“I would hope that after all we’ve been through, you could trust me in this type of situation. As your partner. That you’d do the same, and know I would trust you, if you were in my position.”

“Never. I’d never trust him.”

“But you did,” she responds quietly. She regrets the words even as they leave her mouth, but she’s said them now.

He pulls the car over to the side of the road, puts it in park, and shuts off the ignition. He turns to her. “What are you talking about?”

“You did. You trusted him enough to want to go to that Air Force base. You were headed there with her. You would have been killed, burned up with the rest of them. There would have been nothing I could have done about it if you hadn’t changed your mind.”

Mulder is stunned. But she’s right, and she knows he knows it. He doesn’t know what to say. The air in the car is still, and tense.

His face looks conflicted. “Everything he said to me made sense. It was the truth. About what happened to my sister, about the deal that was struck, all of it had to be true.”

“How is that any different than how I reacted? You trusted him. You believed him. Something in what he said made you believe him.”

“It’s not the same, Scully. You should have told me about this.”

“How is it not the same?”

“Scully-”

“Why are you allowed to act alone, but I’m not? Why, Mulder?”

“Because-“ he stops himself.

“What? Because why?”

“I don’t know!” He explodes. “It’s just… it’s just different.”

“Because I’m a woman? Is that what you were going to say?”

He shakes his head. She can’t tell if he’s lying. She hates when that happens.

“I’m so mad at you right now.” It’s all he can muster. She is unimpressed.

“Really? Great. I’m getting a little pissed off at you, myself,” she retorts. Nothing like a little misogynistic bullshit to further ruin an already horrible evening.

He grips the steering wheel with his fingers again, staring straight ahead. She laughs to herself and shakes her head, this situation such a metaphor for their own relationship. Stuck in this car together, facing the right direction but never getting anywhere. As always.

“It’s not because you’re a woman.” He’s still looking straight ahead. “I can’t tell you what it is. I don’t know how.”

“Well, by all means, please try, Mulder.”

He turns to look at her. There’s a fire in his eyes she hasn’t seen before. It’s anger, but maybe also something else.

Without any warning, he throws his body over the console and his mouth is on hers, moving insistently, fiercely. She wants him so badly that her hands go instantly to the back of his neck, pulling him in even harder. Her mouth opens for him for the first time and he does not hesitate. His tongue is aggressive and crushes her own. She feels the kiss throughout her entire body.

His hand moves with intent underneath her shirt and she can’t help her body from responding but just as quickly as this happened, she decides she doesn’t like what’s happening.

No, this is wrong, all wrong.

“Mulder.” She tries to say his name while his mouth is devouring hers, but either he isn’t hearing her or he’s choosing to ignore her.

She places both hands on his chest and pushes him off her, hard. “Mulder, stop!”

He pulls back, stunned. Her lipstick is smeared across his mouth and she tries not to like it. The last thing she wants is to stop but the only thing she can think of right now is that this is definitely not the way this should begin. He’s angry and confused, just as much as she is. There’s only so much self control they can exercise anymore. Something like this was bound to happen, she just wishes it were under different circumstances.

“Please, not like this. You’re upset.”

She worries they’ve fucked everything up irrevocably and she wants to make light of this as quickly as possible but her eyes are welling up. She doesn’t want him to see her cry so she turns away from him to look out the window.

“I… I’m sorry, Scully.” She can’t see his face but she knows him well enough to know he means it.

“Just take me home, okay?”

She hears the car turn back on and they start to move. They drive in silence for awhile.

“I shouldn’t have done that,” he says quietly. She still can’t bring herself to look at him. She’s not mad at him, there was nothing he did that she didn’t welcome in the moment. She’s embarrassed, and angry at the both of them for continuing to fuck this up over and over again.

“It’s fine, let’s just pretend it didn’t happen.” Like we always do, she thinks miserably.

Without any more conversation they arrive at her apartment. She’s so confused and upset and she wants him so badly she has to get out. She doesn’t want to leave things like this but she wants nothing more than to get out of this car as fast as possible. She goes to open the door and feels his hand grab her wrist gently.

“Scully.”

She turns to face him, eyes red. She hates that he’s seeing her like this. “It’s fine, Mulder. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He looks at her intently, his eyes are so sad. He looks completely miserable. “That wasn’t me. I… don’t know what that was. I hope you can forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, okay?” She’s trying to sound kind but firm. She wants to stop talking about this. “I’ll see you later.”

The car door slams behind her and she heads up the steps and into her building, not looking back.

She has never wished more for a reset button in her life. They’d been making such progress lately, she thought some way, somehow soon things were going to finally change. Now she worries it will never happen, not after this.

Did she make a mistake? Should she have just let it happen? Should she have just let him fuck her right there in the car out of anger? Why couldn’t it have happened a different way? What the hell is wrong with them?

Loneliness is a choice.

The words she heard herself say to Philip Padgett last year in a moment of vulnerability come back now to haunt her. She’d told him she wasn’t lonely but it was a lie. She’s chosen loneliness over and over again, all her life. And Mulder is choosing it too.

Why do they keep making that choice?

Thanks for reading! See you back here tomorrow with “all things...”

#txf #the x files #msr #msr fanfic #en ami #culmination #angry mulder is my kink