#and i don't mean just as lesbian genders

[sciderman]

Sometimes i remember a comics moment i randomly came across somewhere, where Sam Wilson mentiones a musical and Steve Rodgers says he doesn't like musicals, to whitch Sam goes "Guess that means you really are straight" and even tho i don't care about Cap America or the Avengers, the moment stuck in me for that quote by Sam. And like....Sci, any ideas if straight men actually don't like musicals or is that bullshit?

actually i think i know more gay men who hate musicals than i know straight men who hate musicals. i've had a drag queen stop me point blank when i was about to sing a barbra streisand song, and i know so many gays who pointedly hate abba. so based on my experience i think the inverse is true. most of the straight men i know are kind of impartial about musicals, but gay men? hate.

my theory is that a lot of gay men don't want to fall into stereotypes, maybe. but thaaaaat's just a theory! a gay theory.

#sci speaks #i'm trying to understand the gays. they are a mystery to me. #i've seen a lot more toxic masculinity coming from gay men than i have from straight men. #i think it makes sense. they have less women in their lives. so they reckon with a lot more masculinity. more dick measuring. #also gay men have some of THE most unhealthy romantic relationships i've ever seen in my life. #this isn't a blanket statement on everyone but just from what i've seen. it's such a strange pattern i've observed. #lesbians? healthy. straights? usually healthy. gay men? universally a tire fire that makes me say “if you hate each other so much ??” #“why are you together??????????” #i have never met a cis gay mlm couple in real life that was healthy. every single one of them made my eyes widen in horror. #i want them to be healthy. please treat each other better. #the number of bitchy bitchy fights i've seen between mlm couples in public that make me so terrified #but i know mlm relationships in general are usually less... affectionate than wlw relationships. even and especially friendships. #just an observation. #i hate to say that there is a definite difference between amab vs afab experiences when it comes to relationship dynamics but. #of course there is. there is. as much as i want to say gender and sex do not matter. it really does. #it makes a difference. it does. #which is kind of why i'm glad i was born in the body i was. when people say “trans means you feel you were born in the wrong body” #im like.. i don't think that's true. i don't think that's true for me. #i wouldn't be me if i wasn't born the way i was. and i want to be me. but i'm a boy. i'm a boy but in the body that i have. #my body is still a boy's body. because i live in here. #sorry this went off on a tangent. #but yeah i know my brain would be different if i was amab. and i don't want all those other issues. #i think the only reason i'm so peaceful and serene is because i'm afab. and afabulous. #i see cis guys and im like.. yeah i don't want what you got. #once again! lucky to be me! i'm lucky. im lucky i have a vargooba. thank fuck for that! #couldve been so much worse off. could've been born with a dick and would be fighting for my life right now.

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

#another thing is that micro labels often feel like they fracture the community unnecessarily #idk how many times i've seen fighting over hyperspecific ace labels and what they mean and if people described in them even belong #and honestly i think this discourse wouldn't be so vile and neverending if people accepted the idea of falling under general umbrella #and accepted that you can't describe complicated weird and wonderful act of human existence with a couple of words #you don't need to explain yourself to anyone #i know in our present pronouns/sexuality/gender in bio carrd era it feels like you have to but you really don't #people aren't entitled to a short summary of your inner world and you can't speed run connection #also feel the need to say: i have nothing against people who use micro labels #if you feel like your micro label describes you perfectly? i'm really glad and happy for you #i'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings that come from personal experience with exploring these things #at some point i started doubting if i could call myself a lesbian #i thought oh i'm not exactly what a lot of people generally think of when they hear that word #oh they'll misunderstand and i'm not being my 'true self' i'll find a word that fits me exactly if i just keep looking #and then i found out being aroace is a thing and boy did that add a lot of anxiety and confusion to the pot #i didn't feel like i fit in with both communities wasn't lesbian enough wasn't aroace enough #but at some point i just got tired of trying to justify myself to others and to myself #identities aren't houses you live in they're more like seas or rivers flowing into one another #and spaces where they intersect are vague and hard to define and they shift and change and this metaphor is getting away from me #basically #words are complicated #but they're the only direct way we humans can communicate #it is what it is #so make art #a lot of it #oh also unrelated but if you ever tell older queer folks that they're using wrong words to describe themselves i am going to jump you

[flutterbyfairy]

btw sexuality labels do not have to be super specific with strict boundaries of what "qualifies" as being that sexuality. you do not have to base how you define your sexuality on the first description that comes up on google; history, culture, the nuances of personal experience, and what you feel connected to are just as important a part of how you choose to identify!

#brought to you by a lesbian continously annoyed at the 'non man loving non men' description of lesbianism #i used to think i had to wall myself off from being attracted to certain genders in order to continue identifying as a lesbian #but like. gender is weird and silly and so is sexuality!! #this isn't something i'm the most knowledgeable on but to my understanding before lesbian separatism the term lesbian was used a bit #differently than it is today - being attracted to men didn't make someone not a lesbian #which i like! cus i identify a lot with (especially femme) lesbian history #i like queer masculinity! in the particular way that is common for femme lesbians #to me being a femme lesbian describes my experience with the way i feel within myself and the way i love queer masculinity. it doesn't feel #contradictory to me to be in relationships with men. i luuuuv my boyfriends and #me being a lesbian doesn't mean i don't or that i don't see them as men or anything #i am not particularly good at the whole Social Constructs thing due to autism so that probly plays into it #it is all confusing and i don't necessarily understand some of it (even my own identities) but i go with what makes me feel like me #^-^ #meg (boyfriend) saw this post and said ''i used to think i wasn't attracted to men. i was just looking at the wrong men'' #which is sooo true

[kneworder]

angry at the oscars barbie nominations but in an annoyinger way (i think nominating ryan reynolds makes sense but the best picture and best supporting actress noms are ridiculous)

#sorry but the more i think about it the more i really dislike the movie #ken was funny! he was silly and campy! i really did not care for the rest of the movie! #i just think the more you examine its take on feminism the more it falls apart! #it's inherently about a product! it's inherently personifying a product and making you feel sympathy for and relate to a product! #they are generating hype and engendering sympathy for something they are trying to sell you! #regurgitating second wave feminism without nuance doesn't make it groundbreaking it makes it like. fine i guess? #verilybitchie has a great video that put a lot of my feelings about it into words #idk it did not resonate with me at all and also made me kind of annoyed with how it contributed to the ongoing trend #of gendering things that aren't gendered and focusing on a segregation of gendered perspectives #tired of i'm just a girl! tired of girl dinner! tired of men are always thinking about the roman empire! #sure there are experiences more common to and relevant to women but i get so uncomfy with those kinds of generalizations #even when they're just jokes because after they get repeated enough they stop sounding like ones #just like. when you try to examine it in terms of any kind of intersectionality it falls apart #and i know it's not that serious but like come on. they literally do not once touch on any kind of intersectionality. #you can't be like 'it's a groundbreaking feminist movie!' because they said 'women struggle with misogyny' in 2023 #like i know it's barbie but i don't understand why there's this impulse to say that that's something that's never been said before #just because the president is black doesn't mean you've acknowledged like. racism at all. #just because you have two fat barbies with like four lines doesn't mean you've said anything meaningful about body image #and when you take an openly lesbian actress and give her short hair and make her strange and then have all the other characters #essentially socially exile her and still think she's weird after the resolution!!! #i would say that's like!! implicitly a pretty weird way to write gay people! #i don't want to rain on anyone's parade! it's silly! it's not that serious! i just also think it's not that good! #it's fine! it's fun! but i DO think ken is the best part of the barbie movie and for that i apologize

[aeide-thea]

like i guess re pronouns i think also like. many of us (trans/gnc/~gender-diverse~ people) are going to feel differently from one another and that diversity of thought is both inevitable and important

but there is a way in which, as with the question of whether you can group nonbinary people into 'people functionally includable in lesbian attraction' and 'people functionally includable in gay male attraction,' there's this process where like. there's an attempt to expand beyond the traditional framing and create more space for people, and then when that attempt runs up against cissexism and gets gummed up in some of the ways that article describes, you get people going, 'you know what, actually the really queer thing is to stop trying to expand mainstream culture into something that can accommodate queerness and just exist in a totally unspoken way,' and like. it's not that i don't get where that reaction is coming from, or that i totally disagree with it—as my one transfem ex said, the best days are the ones where you don't have to actively make a case for, or even really think about, your own gender!—but like. funny how that approach in certain ways ends up looking (and more to the point feeling) pretty indistinguishable from just. subsiding right back into the underbelly of the cistem…

#like personally i would in fact feel disrespected if a woman who was attracted to me‚ and not‚ like‚ in passing but in a serious ongoing way #nonetheless continued to be really actively vocally adamant that she was totally uncomplicatedly a lesbian/wlw #like obviously it would depend a little bit on what she meant by 'lesbian' bc there's potentially a lot of stretchiness in that category #that includes a lot of gender variance #but like. yeah actually i DO need you to pick up what i'm trying to put down‚ and take it seriously‚ and work out what that means for #the range of your attraction and how you're going to describe it #and the pressure in certain circles (that don't‚ i think‚ include anyone reading this) for me to just‚ like‚ Be Chill about that #and accept being functionally gendered as Basically a Woman #doesn't in fact feel different to me from the way cis culture wants me to accept that! #anyway yes this DOES feel like discourse necromancy but in a lot of ways so did the article that sparked it so. shrug emoji #language #identity #theory

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[casiavium]

All of these "who has more anything gender!" polls are just. white man without extreme body builder muscles v white man without extreme body builder muscles. The gender is "masculine" stop pretending it's universal

#even worse is when it's 'tradionally feminine' v 'traditionally masculine (without super ripped muscles' and the notes are all #she's the opposite of gender he's THE only gender ever. #'gender' isn't even androgynous anymore it's just some guy #vent post #idk I'm just kind of 😬 about people not seeing binary girl or even predominantly feminine as 'gender' whatever the fuck that means #you like androgyny when it's on twinks but don't think the butch lesbian that only calls herself a woman is 'gender' huh #and something about genderfluid characters only ever being accepted when they're in their 'not cis' presentation (cough ze l da) #like..i consider myself genderfluid and sometimes have guy-adjacent euphoria days #(still think about everyone who he/hims me when I cosplay Link ❤️) #but... I get just as much when I'm wearing what's 'expected' of me like skirts and dresses and makeup and am seen as a girl #because a lot of times growing up i wasn't really included in the girl stuff but was still too girl for the boy things :/ #and I feel like. everything focuses on the andro of androgynous that they forget androgynous doesn't mean vaguely fem guy #it's like. shiek is winning the gender poll. but zelda wouldn't. even though they're the same person and one doesn't exist without the other #nonbinary but the binary isn't girl-boy it's trans-cis #nice dichotomy idiot #what lies outside of it

[cyberphuck]

.

(tumblr cut off MOST of my tags in this, thanks Tumblr)

#I don't generally talk about this on here #ever #but the bechdel test post made me think about it again and #wanted to try to put it into words #at the risk of being dogpiled by people who don't really understand what I mean #seb and I have this joke “jaydee hates women” #and it's partly true #I hate how women are portrayed in the media #not just fictional media #but news media and even anecdotes #there's a certain way that people are taught to perceive and expect to perceive women #I'm not an exception to that #I grew up in the 90's with GRRRRRRL POWER #and then in the 00's when cis lesbians were more visible in media and online #and then in the 10's when trans women joined the parade #and LOTS of people #especially artists #choose women and the portrayal of women and femininity as the focus of their art #the tradition of womanhood the reversal and then abandonment or transformation of gender roles #retellings of fairy tales and old stories etc etc with women in the lead and romantic roles instead #that's all so incredible and I love that for you #but when I excitedly click on art of what I think and hope is two trans men or even nonbinary people and find out #that it's actually two women #especially two sapphic women #I feel like it's saying “this isn't you.” #people like me don't appear in amazing and beautiful art and people like me aren't discussed and lauded #I feel like if I could embrace being a woman and force myself to romantically love other women #then I'd be accepted and could feel good seeing myself in the art that I love #but I'm not a woman #I don't romantically love women

[chaos-in-one]

Exclusionist weirdos when trans, mspec, and aspec people also exist in lgbtq spaces:

#'omg a straight person at a gay bar!!!' #mspec and aspec people in opposite gender relationships exist #transhet people exist and often feel more comfortable or safe in explicitly lgbtq spaces like gay bars than normal bars even if they're het #non passing trans gay people exist #just because someone appears to be straight to you doesn't mean they are actually 'invading your spaces' #if they're not being creeps maybe just leave them alone and don't assume they're cishet invaders? #like I get wanting them out if they're being disrespectful assholes #like cishet guys who go to lesbian bars to hit on the women there because they think being a lesbian is changable and hot #but holy shit why are you assuming peoples genders and sexualities in spaces FOR LGBTQ PEOPLE #it's a lgbtq space there's gonna be genderweird people there!!! #there's gonna be mspec and aspec people there!!! #leave people alone

[mashmouths]

anyone want to pull an edna pontellier with me

#we realize that we're alive individual people with agency and sensations we can pursue but are trapped by societal expectations (originally #Heavily gendered but this was also like 150 years ago) but we cannot give up our newfound selves for the sake of our children like we're #supposed to so we strip naked on a beah like a newborn animal bare before god for the first time and swim out and drown #spoilers for 'the awakening' i guess sorry #to put this is modern terms does anyone want to pull a brian david gilbert 'and now i am going to throw myself into the sea' with me but we #don't come jogging soggily up the beach towards the camera at the end we just actually drown #sorry to once again be sad on main i just. i cannot keep having the same breakdown every 3 months! every quarter i have to re-realize 'oh i #probably don't actually want to die i just cannot in any circumstances keep living like this' and then i keep living like this #i am so tired. i am so fucking tired of effort not meaning anything bc i try and try and try and i still can't turn anything in #finals posting #anyway edna and adèle should've kissed who's with me. adèle comes over and watches edna's kids while she's out gallivanting and recognizing #her personhood like a good little wife but she also is the first person to welcome edna im and like connect personally with her? edna is a #lesbian but she died before she realized that was an option. hot take. #whatever i hope everyone has a fun and safe st. paddy's #a post

[liebelesbe]

they were ordering cables today and they called one that's female on both sides "lesbian" and in my head I was like 'ok benefit of the doubt they don't HAVE to mean it in a homophobic way.. it's fine it's cool just as long as they don't call the male/male one-' "hey can you order two faggots too?" 😑😐

#I doubt those are the professional names for them #and they call the male/female ones 'gender changer' and immediately one guy said 'UGH I hate all that gender bullshit 😑' #so. um. fun at work /s #what if i quit. what if I quit. what if i just quit. #doddie redet #first time they said lesbian (lesbe) i thought i misheard. then i was like 'omg PLEASE don't mean it as a slur please please' but then they #said Schwuchtel and it was like... oh no... Lesbe being the normal word and the slur at the same time strikes again ✌️😔

[t3tr0m1n0]

i can't pretend i'm immune to coming away from a story with One Dude who's very particularly special to me but at the very least there's like 85% odds that he ends up transfemme in my brain

#and that's assuming i didn't choose the ''guy'' with nonbinary coding & take that to its logical conclusion instead #but the other examples are. i mean. sho minazuki & **** ***** & uh davey newsies #there's others too i think but i probably can't remember them. shrug #plenty of stories where i care lots about the women too or. don't really care about anyone Extremely so #the cast of fe14 is really unengaging. my most liked were (roughly) shura & rinkah. i thought they were neat when i was younger #and fe13 my only favorite is robin who's not got a set canon gender. yknow #in commoddities i mean violet's the tgirl right there but i do think drew's a he/him lesbian + rudy's got something going on #which isn't even getting into jean's she/they swag. guess this comic doesn't really count when lots of them already are queer #puyo puyo's got a good ensemble cast but other than eccolo no one's hooked me. i mean i like arle but not in a lot of ways she #is portrayed as & sig has the autism swag so i can't Not like him. i could see him transing her gender #the exception to all of the above is axel because while i like him a lot i don't like him So much that i'd trans his gender #c u thru the q #also sprach #i exclude from the contents of this post any of my ocs because that'd just be cheating. of course i like rosa & ashley & duncan &

[skrunksthatwunk]

man why are there so many lesbian posts like omg i love butches/look how cool i am as a butch!!! MEN DNI. like. I've been banned from my own dykery wtf

#how can you be butch thirst trapping and also not recognize that butches being transmasc is like. essential butch history #some of y'all need to get more gender weird in your understanding of lesbianism. you can be cis and gnc but im trans and im a lesbian lol #am i not allowed to connect with other lesbians bc of that #bc im sure plenty of them would say oh that doesnt count you're fine #which means they either don't see me as a real man or they haven't thought through the dni #but like even if you are accepting of lesbian men i wouldn't know that from the dni. so seeing that makes me feel like im NOT welcome #whether that was the intention or not #anyway like 1/5 of the posts in the butch tag i saw on a recent scroll through were like this and it annoyed me #i get not wanting random horny/homophobic straight dudes on your posts but i mean. a dni isn't gonna stop them anyway #but like. you're just excluding the queer men who're tryna engage with you. tis friendly fire without purpose #lesbians and men do not need to be in opposition. that's stupid. get over that #i am a woman! i am a man! my gender is complicated and I'd like to have that not be a Thing in queer spaces. thats all #most of these ppl are probably cool and fine idk. just like. think it over a bit is all #annoyed isnt quite yhe right word either? more like. mild sad bothered

[elliesbelle]

stone femme would actually be the same as stone butch !! history wise- it used to be just an extension of dating a stone butch if you were femme. but stone femmes would share that trait of not being the receiver and being the giver in a relationship. while high femme is someone who expresses their femininity through their look/ style.

that is. not correct lmfao.

#i literally sldfkjsdl 1) learned this in college 2) wrote papers on this 3) i absolutely do not consider myself a 'queer elder' however #4) i've been friends with older lesbians and etc. and this is not what those terms meant lol #idk who spread the rumour that “high femme” means extremely feminine but that is completely false it's inherently tied to sex #butch and femme are not just lesbian terms but lesbian genders #i don't wanna get into it on this account but i've been part of the butch/femme community for years lol #anon #belle answers

[asordidbarwere]

gggggggg

#i spent so long being wilfully misunderstood about my gender that im just terrified to come out to anyone now #i see so much ''there's no wrong way to be trans'' on here and still feel like im not enough #unless i go for t or surgery #i don't want those.... or do i? do i feel sick thinking about hrt because i secretly really do want to try it? #also having an indescribable gender i think means you can't really advertise who you're available to #how am i supposed to be on the market? lesbians shouldn't want me cause I'm not a woman - straight girls won't bc im afab.... #im positively terrified of pregnancy so that rules out cis men and trans women.... #god #i don't feel allowed to date or fuck. ever. lmfao. I'm disgusting #im the one fucking freak who doesn't fall into anyone's categories of ''compatible'' #just watch I'll find some cute girl and she ''won't swing that way''. WHAT WAY??? hahaaaaaaa #I'm screwed forever #also I'm 30 which basically means I'm gross and off limits lol #SO glad i spent my entire youth in a depressing miserable relationship and now that I'm able to live #I'm at an age where it's just embarrassing.