#and i dont really get to travel that much

[kissinkou]

COME AND GET IT NOW !

ft. college best friend! choso kamo

cw : kissing. making out. clothed grinding. groping. cursing. mentions of cum. allusions to s3x. whiny, inexperienced choso my beloved :3

you don’t know how, or when, or why this topic of discussion had come up.

what you remember is sitting in your small student dorm room, splayed out over your pink linen sheets and your puffy white duvet. your best friend, choso, is sat on the end with twiddling thumbs as he examines your room as if he had never seen it before.

truth be told, he’s seen it more times than he could count. girly and poster ridden, desk messy with papers from your professor and rainbow highlighters dropped to the floor.

you’re rambling on about your latest failed date, complaining since the moment you had entered your abode with a bounce as you hit your soft mattress.

“ way too much tongue. he was practically slobbering all over me ! and he didn’t even pay for my food. how dumb is that ?! ”

in the corner of your eye, you can see choso’s face screw into a look you can’t decipher. he hums, knee now bouncing up and down with the slightest taps of his foot.

“ cho ? you okay ? ” you ask in confusion, eyebrow quirked up in questioning.

“ what did it feel like ? ” was certainly not the question you were expecting to come from choso’s mouth.

“ uh… whadya mean ? ”

he debates with himself for a few moments, considering whether or not to ask, but he knows you. you’re not going to give up unless he tells you now.

“ yknow… kissing and stuff… ”

if you were surprised before, you’re appalled now. why would a hot college guy be asking you about sex lives ? and he’s your best friend at that. you can see the puzzle pieces forming, until suddenly, it clicks.

“ holy shit cho ! have you never fucked anyone ? or wait… have you even kissed anyone ? ”

choso’s eyes are darting from you to the floor, heat flooding his cheeks at his random outburst of a question.

“ mm… no… not really… ”

you’re rendered absolutely speechless at this new information bestowed upon you. your best friend of many years, who just so happens to be quite the attractive guy, hasn’t even had his face sucked ? you couldn’t help but giggle in either shock or pure humor, and choso’s face is almost burning red.

“ w-what the fuck ! that’s crazy, you’ve gotta be kidding me ! ” you start, laughter dying down at the pout that takes over his lips. “ sorry… sorry. uh, so you want me to tell you about it ? ”

you can see the sudden glint that takes over choso’s brown eyes, mustering up the courage to ask the question that’s been eating him alive day in and day out.

“ … could you teach me instead ? please… ”

———

that’s how you ended up here, you and your best friend laying on your bed, stripped of any innocence that could be left lingering between you two.

your legs straddle his waist, and his bulge is evidently growing underneath you. his hands are shaky, carefully leaving featherlight touches at the skin of your hip in nervousness.

“ um… so just close your eyes… and follow what i do okay… ? ”

the gulp choso takes makes his adams apple bob, eyes closing at your intstruction. you lean in, hot breath fanning over his face in the briefest moment of hesitation. his heart is pounding, and you aren’t exactly sure why, but yours is too.

you dont hold yourself back when you mold your lips against his, feeling him stiffen under you at the sudden feeling of your kiss. you move your lips again, and he follows, kissing over and over with your lead. you hold the reigns when you dart your tounge out to lick over his bottom lip, him opening his mouth to let you in.

the longer you two make out, the more confident you both are becoming. your hands travel from his arms to his chest, touching in areas you never thought you would in your lifetime. his hands move from your hips, lower and lower before just barely hovering against your ass. he’s shy.

breaking apart the kiss for only a moment to whisper into his mouth, “ it’s okay cho… i want you to touch me. ”

that’s all the conformation he needs to give in to the desires he’s had for who knows how long, squeezing and groping at you like his life depends on it. the kisses you share grow needy, searing hot with the tingles that travel from your feet up to the top of your spine.

choso softens into a whimpering mess, bucking his hips the more heated things get. you’re devouring eachother, hungry and feverish with the sucks and bites that has you grinding back onto choso’s hardened tent in his pants.

“ f-fuck ! am i doing good ? please… please touch me. i want more. ” is what choso whines out, grinding his hips back into yours, desperate for any attention you can give him.

clothed and feverous, the sway of your hips has you both whining and moaning into eachothers mouths. you’re sure if you both kept going, choso just might cum in his pants.

“ ah!— cho… ” you start, voice dripping in desire with the pretentious touches you leave on the man you call out for,

“ want me to teach you how to fuck a girl, too ? ”

#i hated this sm but i decided to post it anyway !! >//< #choso x reader #choso kamo #jjk choso #jujutsu kaisen choso #choso x you #choso x y/n #choso fluff #choso x female reader #kamo choso #choso smut #jjk x y/n #jjk x you #jjk x reader #jjk #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen drabbles #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fluff #jjk drabbles #choso drabbles #kamo choso x reader #kamo choso x you #kamo choso x y/n #kamo choso smut #jjk au #choso kamo smut

[hellspawnmotel]

terranigma, a cool game

#terranigma #terranigma ark #terranigma elle #terranigma meilin #art tag #im going to write a little review in the tags bear with me #first the negative: #the magic system is weird to use and basically useless apart from one boss thats almost impossible without magic #it has some weird racism like most old games where you travel around the world. a little more egregious since its supposed to be real earth #i found the main character to be slightly insufferable for about 3/4ths of the game. i came around on him by the end tho. he grows up a lot #and i found whats by far the largest section of the game (chapter 3) to be the least interesting #im not really into helping cities develop and trade quests tho so it might just be me #oh also it is STUPID easy to permanently lock yourself out of like 15 sidequests #and theres a lot of mandatory things that are really hard to figure out. you need to use a walkthrough for this #anyway thats what i didnt like #what i DID like tho. i dont want to get into too much detail but #its a genuinely beautiful game for so much of it #there were so many moments that left me speechless #its high-concept and thoughtful and fun to play #you dont really need to do much grinding either #at its worst its obtuse and cliche but at its best its breathtaking #and i really recommend more people check it out #special shoutout to my friend seona who modded my 3DS and downloaded a bunch of roms including this one #so in conclusion. terranigma is an underrated gem. play it if youre a 90s jrpg junkie like me #just have a walkthrough open also lol

[liquidstar]

wait speaking of getting isekia'd via truck, a couple weeks back me and a friend on were talking abt portal fantasy/isekai tropes (mostly bc i was infodumping abt rz again), and it made me think abt a fun concept for an ocverse. tho its possible similar things have been done obvs with just how inflated the genre is, just hear me out OK

story starts in the normal world, with a typical Nerdy Guy going about his daily life, expositing about how he feels bored and longs for adventure and magic, just like in all of his favorite media. as he's crossing the street, distracted by his mobile game, he doesn't notice The Truck(tm) coming straight towards him. except he's not hit by it- he's pushed out of the way in the last second, saved by a passing girl who gets hit in his place. this is who the story is about now.

mc gets sent to that sort of intermediary dimension that some isekai have, where she meets the Goddess Lady or whatever that was in charge of the whole isekai situation. goddess lady proceeds to freak out, because she nabbed the wrong person, and she's going to be in SO MUCH TROUBLE. she starts questioning the mc, only to find out that this kid has a good social life, does well in school, is in sports, and has barely ever played a video game. basically the opposite of the socially introverted, underachieving, repressed, genre-aware guy she was supposed to have reincarnated. for the sake of fulfilling somekinda hero prophesy or whatever. and the mc kinda bargains to be sent to the fantasy world anyway bc, well, its that or death i guess. so the two of them kinda have to team up to course-correct this mix-up.

mc is kinda given a list of tasks to do that basically mirror how a typical story like this Would Go, expected to fall in line with the tropes in order to achieve the ultimate goal, but kinda ends up failing at all of them... or not? failing backwards, maybe. doing it in a way different from how its meant to go- using the wrong formula, but somehow getting the right solution. while sort of continuing to question the insanity of the whole situation, and the nature of this whole fantasy world. just fucking up all the tropes.

but a layer i'd wanna add on top of all that is the fact that the hero prophesy (or whatever) called for a man. so upon arriving to this new world, the mc is basically put into a "gender swapped" body and... doesnt seem to mind. this isnt an uncommon isekai trope either, but i hardly see it tackled with much care to really explore whole Gender Thing beyond gags about the "mismatch" (which can be in poor taste) or the conclusion that "well because their Body is now this gender, their gender identity changes to match" which i feel is a pretty shallow and binary take-away to draw abt bodies and identity.

but i think there can be more to explore w the prospect if you actually wanna get into gender stuff. in this case, i'd particularly wanna get into the idea of imposter syndrome. the main character was not MEANT to be... the main character. seen as a phony fighting tooth and nail to meet expectations, and constantly fumbling. not a real hero, or a real man. but its meant to be an act anyway, so why does that bother her? it was like that back on earth too, trying as hard as possible to be the perfect girl. a good social life, does well in school, is in sports.... but that good girl thing always felt fake too. or desperate. what was she trying to prove? how long as this BEEN bothering her, actually? why does it feel easier to breathe in this body, despite everything? the way this whole act makes her happy is scary, because its fake isn't it? but wait, which part was fake? the before or after? is it all fake? isn't this all just a mistake?

was it really a mistake? who is more heroic; a guy too focused on a mobile game to pay attention to those around him, or the person who risked their life to save a stranger? but the hero prophesy was for a "man," right? what does that even mean?

#the end is all questions bc if i ever did anything w this i would want to explore them basically #i dont know if i ever WILL its mostly just a concept im throwing out there for rn. brainstorming #but i think it could be fun #the only other isekai/portal fantasy type ocverse i have is the one w the dream traveling ocs. i wanna get back to them also #so many small oc projects that ive posted abt very briefly but i have not forgotten abt any of them i still think abt it #same w this even if i never really elaborate more on it im sure the idea will stay in my head #its obviously very much in its first draft baby phase rn a lot of ironing out the creases to do if i did wanna follow up in some way #like again its basically just a concept i dont have concrete characters or worldbuilding or anything just ideas. thata all

[moonpaw]

Fighting DEMONS rn trying not to get invested in one piece to figure out wtf you're posting about!!!!

come here cyber.... we have this thang

‎

#mp answers #i've been trying so hard not to be annoying to my bnha friends but if you will allow me to push this for this ask let me say 🙏 #if you're afraid of the episode count for one piece the manga is a lot quicker read while being just as enjoyable because the art style is #an actual delight. its great its fantastic im absolutely in love with it #the series is soooo good and i know luffy can seem unappealing to people before they start but he's just SUCH a great character & continues #to be even now. the story is SO GOOD the characters are SO GOOD... theres so much lore and world building that its insane #if you read the manga we get 'cover stories' on what's going on with previous characters to see what theyre up to even though we moved on #from where we left them. a lot of these cover stories blend into the main story so well its just seamless #there's one where we get introduced to a character we dont see hundreds of episodes into the anime and they show up like; during the second #saga. the series is about traveling to other islands and every single arc has been tied to another in some way or form that shows up later #even if its sagas and sagas later- it still becomes relevant again!! it's a huge ongoing story and there isnt a single arc that feels like #it has no purpose (sans filler in the anime-but even then!! some filler arcs are really entertaining!) #it's emotional! its sad! its downright stupid and silly but GOD... you can feel the love that oda put into this series and his characters #and the emotions in the expressions and the messages the story gives off it just makes me UEUHGHHAHGHH!!! #it's all about the adventure and the romance of it all! its about the freedom it brings and bringing freedom to others! #its a series where treasure should be a focus given its pirates and the its a giant treasure hunt for the one piece and yet! and yet so man #of the characters treasures are things that are not coins and gems but people and promises and family and and #im going to EXPLODE i love one piece

[martyrbat]

choices - batman: haunted knight

[ID: six panels of Bruce Wayne and his date going on a carriage ride. They're in monochrome as the only colour is the red rose his date is holding. She's presenting topics in hopes to find something he's interested in. "Politics?" Bruce reluctantly answers, "Not... Intentionally. I find it... Time consuming." She prompts, "Travel?" Bruce replies, "Not... As much as I like to." She leans closer as she asks, "Theater?" Bruce sits up slightly as he excuses, "I've missed a lot. I'm... Often busy at night." She attempts once again, asking what about music, to which Bruce tentatively responds, "I try to keep up with... um... What kind of music do you like?" She looks down at the rose with a soft smile before looking back up. She holds it underneath his nose as she leans slightly on his arm. "Mr. Wayne, are you involved with anyone right now?" Bruce looks at her as he says, "I... Have a number of obligations. But, none of them are romantic." END ID]

#hes insufferable <3 #'im often busy at night' 'not intentionally' 'not as much as id like to travel' 'do YOU listen to music?' #he's my blorbo and a billionaire but i would be so exhausted by the end of this no wonder she tries to kill him #dont you dare read the last panel as him being smooth. hes awkward and his palms are sweaty and he's trying to not throw up on her dress #right after this he gets mugged and its really funny btw #autistic bruce wayne #c: batman: haunted knight | choices #bruce wayne #crypt's panels #bruce's dating disasters

[zhonglissummeroutfit]

#these are ever changing and will probably continue to change #kavetham #ittosara #cynotham #zhongchi #thomaluc #scaraeather #ragbros #raginvindr brothers #zhongluc #ragbros are here because reading about them as a family brings me so much comfort its crazy #and not at all a sign of something missing in my life #I was a fan a cynotham until cave came and now I really dont like that ship #also cynonari is so much better to me #zhongluc was like the first ship I ever shipped when I first started playing genshin and im getting back into it rn #I feel like any ship with the traveller is controversial because people just dont like it but dangit if im not a fan of wanderer and aether

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

anyway how do you think ryan graham yaz and dan got through the whole giggle situation

#i dont remember why companions were immune but i guess they were immune werent they? #interesting #i know we joke abt the whole like every christmas is an invasion and how do you not remember the 10 dalek invasions and donnas obliviousnes #like so much so that half of that has been made canon #which twists the walls between in and out of universe up like a möbius strip if you ask me #but like #if you make that a watsonian thing #then aliens dont really happen in your life until you travel with the doctor #like you get infected with tardis stuff #which also again is already a canon thing #void stuff. translation circuit. giggle immunity. etc #once you meet the doctor you enter their universe #oh nvm they just didnt explain why cmpanions were immune fgkhgjgh typical #'maybe longterm travel in the tardis puts you out of sync' #the doctor literally just making shit up bc who cares really

[spotsupstuff]

I love NAE and I know he is a bit (well, more than a bit) of an antagonistic cretin, but it feels like his anti-social personality might be a coping mechanism for personal issues and insecurities he is struggling with. I could be completely wrong and he's just simply a bad person, but I feel like it's more than that. Either way I think he needs a therapy animal.

hoyly hell you've just given him characterization shots in so many directions that i don't know where to look first GJDSKLMCL

he's not exactly antisocial or anythin! antagonistic cretin he is, but that's just how he rolls, lil bit of a douche- have you seen that one vid with a guy walking his Emu hold on here- he embodies this in most situations

on one hand NAE is a lil shithead but he's a Fun shithead. cursin' up a storm is kinda just what some people do/how they interact. heavens know that when i bring out the curse n nasty words it means i'm havin a nice chill convo with someone

after this

he went and notified his own Admin/Mechanic about it so she could've go and help out Sparrows with things

if he was just Plain asshole stuff like this wouldn't happen

these two hang out, Euros gets a rise outta him by bringing up something painfully stupid, NAE calls him a fucking idiot with an apocalyptically low count of neurons and then they continue their hang out

he's neither a bad person or coping with his own issues/insecurities! he's just a tiny ball of rage who's rolling through life wishing he had one more finger so he could flip people off. bastard is prolly the best off outta the dramatic tragedies that are most of the Eo iterators

guy is guying 🤷‍♀️

n honestly he'd... probably kick an animal sooner than take one on for therapy reasons, he would Not have the patience

#spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #not callin ya stupid or anythin! gon say that to make sure since this could come off as such- everyone will perceive chars in their own- #-way n thats valid. just with ocs i do kinda feel the need to correct a wee bit since i know 'em best n have the power to do so #but nah NAE is kinda one dimensional in that he doesnt have much drama/tragedy going on #one of the main things about the characterization that he Does have is that he Would step in front of euros to protect him from smth #like imagine some other iterator givin euros shit in the off string post ascension au. euros is goin thru it with the rot in his puppet #hes tired he struggles with just standin n so on. its a lot without someone comin at him n yellin into his face. NAE wouldve traveled with- #-him to the Root since they are neighbours. yah hes putting himself between the two! #see Gem n Expiation r prolly the ones who get closest to bein villains. n thats by denying n ignoring Spores dire condition #the whole 'busting sparrows n euros' business is in similar vein like with candace in pnf the consequences dont really come to him for that

[candyredappledragon]

does the fact that you didnt get to catch Ogerpon sting sometimes?

what are your biggest fears?

did you ever look at the purple plush at Peachy's?

do you have a crush on anyone?

and for the love of Arceus how did you get your Dipplin to evolve? I've been training mine for a year and I still cant evolve him.

no not really?... odd question. what. what. what......................... dragon cheer tm226. you might have to ask someone for it. cant remember how i got it but just let your dipplin learn the move first, give it a rare candy or battle pokemon to level it up, and boom. hydrapple. easy peasy

... well getting your hands on it that is. maybe ask drayton? he is the only dragon trainer i know of.

#rotomblr #pkmn irl #thanks for the ask! #trainer kieran #pokemon fanart #im not answering that FOURTH question JUST SO YOU KNOW. #im not giving out that much info about myself. i dont trust you people. #as for ogerpon. im fine with it? i mean florian sometimes give me ogerpon to take care of her. she sometimes gets homesick. #like yeah i really admire ogerpon but im not gonna just casually catch ogerpon just because. and to be frank i dont really travel much. #ogerpon needs someone to go and see other places and explore the world. im just pretty much not able to adventure outside of kitakami #also why are you guys talking about the plush so much now. #if i could i would just get the spray bottle and spray you guys with it every time you mention it. bad anons bad.

[girlscience]

I finished Nona the Ninth and.... I was going to make a whole post outlining everything that confused and frustrated me about the book (because there is A Lot) but actually I think I can sum it up much faster. This is a story mostly focused on characters and people, and I often do not care about characters and people. I far prefer worldbuilding to nearly everything else and I think the worldbuilding is there, but it is not really being explained. There is a war happening, and I understand absolutely none of it. I don't understand the sides/factions, I don't understand the politicking happening, I don't understand the goals, I don't know who is leading what or why or where they are etc etc etc. And I don't know if that's a fault on my part as a reader or that it's simply not being explained well. In relation to that, everything is unreliable narrators. And I think I am coming to the conclusion I don't like that. It means I don't know what's actually happening ever and it is beginning to really frustrate me.

#tlt #I like the characters! I do! But I am really only attached to Gideon #I liked all the characters in Nona... but they arent very important to me #I like the making of Paul and thought that was very interesting and well written and moving #but that was pretty much the only character based piece of this story I really loved #Idk. I am going to finish the series.... but I don't understand anything #I think I will have to reread everything but even then idk if I'll pick up all the pieces #I also have opinions about the fact all of it feels like it's happening on post apocalyptic earth.... #but it's supposed to be on alien planets and 10000 years in the future. I feel like it should feel far more alien #I did like getting John's backstory and explaination. but I also think he may be an unreliable narrator so I don't trust what he said #and I don't get why everything that happened in his story happened... and like I guess that piece doesn't matter so much cause 10000 years #but it bothers me #AND AGAIN MY GIRL GIDEON WAS BARELY IN THE BOOK #idk. I just want to know who is fighting. why are the fighting. what do they all want. WHERE are they fighting. how are they fighting. #what all science is there. what space travel is there. how does the space travel work. #better explainations of the magic. and the river. what was the tower in the river. (i think some of that will be addressed later) #(or at least i fucking hope so) #idk. I feel like some of this is explained and I just missed it... but I think some of it is absolutely glossed over #and I don't hate open ended worldbuilding entirely but I want better scaffolding #I DONT KNOW. I feel like I'm being mean and so I feel bad #like it's a good book and so many people like them #and I liked them at the beginning!!! but now I'm just confused and frustrated #and I don't know if it's my fault and I'm just too stupid to pick on things and context and hints and stuff #or if it actually was all that poorly explained

[mwagneto]

okay google how do i move out of eastern europe but stay in the eu but go somewhere i speak the language but somewhere that has healthcare and somewhere where i dont need to become a construction worker and also somewhere that is not germany. thanks

#i wanna go to aotearoa I've always wanted to but it's so FAR AWAY. also i need somewhere cold also i #love authentic gothic buildings too much to leave europe. but omfggggg #like it's truly so. i dont want to move somewhere where english isnt a main language but the #uk is out and ireland is unlikely and canada is just somewhat nicer french usa and nz is 4 days travel away. blows up #whatever i have 4 semesters of uni left to think about it. it just feels like im #hurtling full speed at the inevitability of living the rest of my life in Germany #i dont want to live in germany idek why but im sooo. like omg nooo 😭😭😭 #partly because it's such a cliché but also coz it's such a vacation country for me like we #went there for vacation like. unironically at least 3 times every single year #insert joke abt *getting back at the 10000000000 german tourists that come to hungary every day* that I'm too sleepy to make #it's so . like i used to have a specific goal in mind (uk ☹️) but then SOMEONE had to go and leave the eu #and also the uk sucks fat shit like csöbörből vödörbe omg. but now i have no #real goal so im just drifting w the vague knowledge that any second now I'll have to pack all my #shit up and escape before it's too late. but where 😀😀😀 #i have no qualms abt leaving my f*mily behind but I'll miss budapest #and if i left Europe I'd miss it too especially coz even canada feels really far let alone nz which yknow. 3-4 days of travel #it's the lack of goals that's killing me like OMFGG HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO WORK HARD AND #STRIVE FOR SMTG WHEN I HAVE NOTHING SPECIFIC IN MIND... #i mean ''get the fuck out'' is something but it's not Enough. i need to be insane about a #place that's accessible. all the cities/locations im crazy about are inaccessible for one reason or another #bristol and wales are in the uk. nz is on the exact opposite side of the planet. life so sad. #canada is the most likely one honestly but like omgggg. godddddjfdnffnfjfmmf #they should invent a budapest that's not in hungary. they should invent a hungary that isn't comically awful #barking #ok to rb #eastern europe #like im fluent in 3 languages and i can get by in like 10 other ones i Could brush up on any language relatively quickly if it came to that #but it's like. 1. I'd have to pick a location 2. learning a new language also means #getting an entire new personality as well which yknow. idk if i have the capacity for another one rn #i should just become fluent in the ones im somewhat good at but idk which to pick

[thetimelordbatgirl]

Finished watching Tales of Arcadia in its entirely... ...Star VS The Forces Of Evil please step aside, another show/movie is here to collect the award for Worst Fucking Ending.

#ngl i didnt fully enjoy the franchise #trollhunters jim was bland to me at first until near the end of it #3below felt like a weird middle for the three shows #and it shows even more when the alien characters return in the movie and dont do anything but...male pregnency plot #which just...is really unneeded plot #and out-stayed its welcome very fast #wizards i defintiely did enjoy...except for jim being turned back to human #ngl preferred him as a troll #and then the movie....so many unneeded deaths #so much weird plot where even the writing goes 'wait why didnt you tell us they dont need all three members to control the titans?!' #plus the fucking ending....oh dear god #the fact that jim time travels and fucks up shit #and makes toby trollhunter instead #like bruh you just saw him die and your going to condemn him to potentially die as trollhunter???? #plus your willing to die in his place then or #like is this going to become a never ending time loop with jim and toby if toby survives first season or #and what happened to jim being meant to be trollhunter or the world will go fucked #and like i hate the pregency plot but damn steve was really fine with the babies being erased by jims time travelling #and with the time travel comes everything we saw being undone and reset #so thanks for killing rewatchbility as theres no point if it gets reset at the end

[hella1975]

im being so serious besties i am not cut out for academia

#like yes i know ive had a very uniquely shit experience in doing a degree i actively not only hate but also am BAD AT #but also i just. cannot hack it #'but hella you go mental and pessimistic every single exam period' i know that but. im right also #like the other day i said to my mum how much ive just been enjoying my job recently #and how huge a deal that is bc i HATE my hometown and ive never ever considered my time here as possibly being good #and my 20s will hopefully be a lot of travelling but in between that to save easier im gonna live at home #so i dont have to worry about rent so alas that means when im saving up for my next trip I WILL BE IN MY HOMETOWN #and as excited as i am for my twenties that is one huge downside to me but i was really cheerfully saying to my mum #that literally for the first time ever ive considered it might not be too bad bc lately i have just enjoyed my job #like i enjoy the people and the work and the lifestyle of it and while it's never gonna be ideal as a means to an end it's actually good #and instead of focussing on that she went OFF on one about how she wants me to stay in education and keep getting qualifications #and she was like 'you could do an english degree you've always wanted to do english or how about open university-' #and i was just sat there blinking at her like girl.... no #like i could FEEL myself shutting down like the terror of having to return to this environment when ive got my sight so set #on that 'one more year and im done one more year and im done' mindset like that has been the only thing getting my through #is that im halfway through the course now so im closer to the other end than i am the beginning and if i can just push through #ill be free from it for the rest of my life. so the thought of immediately returning to academia even for a subject i adore? i felt ILL #and my mum apologised the next day without me even having to say anything bc she realised she kinda bulldozed me there #but i just know whether it's the adhd or ive actually been traumatised by this econ degree #(<- and im being serious there like ik 'traumatised' is a big loaded word but idk what else to use #and this degree has done so so much damage to me like it has convinced me that i am fundamentally a stupid person #to the point i refuse to add up bills when with friends or do answer any sort of intellectual question even if i KNOW i know the answer #bc ive just gone so so long of being bad at the only subject im studying like just SURROUNDED by it and being bad at it relentlessly #and i dont think people realise how damaging it is to very simply just... feel stupid all the time. but oh my god i used to be so confident #and bright and now i wont even do basic addition in front of people) #i really truly dont think i can do this again in any capacity. like the constant exams and studying and assignments #i just cant do it. maybe i just need a year or two away from it after this degree but my goddddd rn i cant see it #yes it's exam time for me can u tell. it always makes me existential and on the verge of vomiting at any given moment #i hate it here i hate it here i hate it here i dont care about iterated deletion of strictly dominated strategies shut the fuck up #hella goes to uni

[monstrosity-positive]

If you could relive any memory of your past, what would it be?

HRM interesting question, I'm not really sure. My family used to travel when I was younger (and when the university my dad taught at was better funded 😅) so I'd probably say one of those memories! It also depends on how long of the memory I'd get to relive, and if I could only relive the specific bit that I remember. Because I went to Australia as basically a baby and have about half a memory of that, so if I could relive that but MORE of it, I'd like to. But if it was limited to stuff I have a clear memory of, it would be visiting a castle in Italy and then having gelato afterwards. Or having cioccolata calda on a rainy day with my dad's colleague! Or visiting that same colleague's house and having a homemade dinner with her family! When I think back on it that was one of the coolest "vacations" I went on in my life but I was only 9-10ish, so I didn't fully appreciate all of it.

Ty for the question 🫡 sorry if I rambled a bit, it was interesting to think about!

#basically we were able to go to some really cool places bc my dad would be teaching or attending a conference there #but he taught at a public university and at some point in the 2010s the funding got really shitty :/ #happened to my elementary school as well so i couldnt go on all the cool field trips my older sister had went on and i was salty about it--- #idk how much travelling would cost me now #and i dont know when ill be able to travel again considering i have to get like a job... #so reliving memories is the closest to italy I'm gonna get for now 😅 #ask

[13eyond13]

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#here's some of the classics on that list i have beef with btw: #i have tried to read A Confederacy of Dunces several times and it's funny but it's also so cringe and Ignatius is so obnoxious #that i find it too difficult to finish like i just feel depressed and bad for everybody around him too much #i tried reading Infinite Jest like a decade ago and i got like 200 pages in and i remember thinking it felt like #such a slog the entire time because he's just so gd wordy and also i stopped liking DFW after i heard the abuse allegations against him #frankenstein i didnt read that long ago but i just remember finding it so boring for some reason?? i feel i might need to read it again #dracula ngl i feel like im cheating a bit saying ive completely read it because i loved the beginning and then HATED so much of the rest #the characters were just so boring and melodramatic hahaha i just liked the part where jonathan was doing a travel diary #and trapped in the castle tbh and after that i skimmed quite a bit #i almost flipped my shit when i saw ender's game on there because I ALWAYS mix it up with ready player one by ernest cline #which i bought the audiobook of a while back and hated every minute of it i dont think its good at all #but it wasnt that so phew my faith in this list is somewhat restored #i read most of the first game of thrones book and was disappointed tbh maybe because id seen the show already #so i was like 'this feels almost exactly the same except worse?' because i'd been expecting it to give me more depth and insight #into the characters but instead it felt exactly the same and i still didnt love any of the characters enough to feel attached to them #also i am fully aware me not personally liking or vibing with a book doesnt mean it doesnt deserve to be considered great btw #but i think if youre gonna be like me and force yourself to go through a bunch of lists like this very seriously then you also need to just #let yourself be like 'yeah not for me' without feeling too bad about it sometimes too #often times i dont particularly love the classics or 'important books' but at the same time #i still feel like im getting more out of reading them than just grabbing the newest hyped up books that also dont do anything for me #maybe not in a 'wow i loved reading this' way but in like a #'i now have first-hand knowledge of this thing that is so influential / so frequently referenced' #or 'this challenged me and i feel like i did a mental/emotional workout or gave me some new food for thought' #or 'made me more aware of what gaps in my knowledge and reading skills and what my tastes are too' #sort of way... #it really just depends on what you're reading for and why and what you're hoping to get out of it a lot of the time maybe #it's like the homework i give myself to go through these lists that i also intersperse with the stuff i read more just for fun #p