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#and i dont. feel so good. but i dont think its from stress or anything
naompspsps · 13 hours
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*Backflips into your ask box* DONT WORRY I WASNT ACTUALLY FALLING DPWN OR UP THE STAIRS but at this point you probably already know what I’m gonna say! I’d like to see how the other dorms, like Pomfiore would react to 1950s reader 🤭 I imagine rook and Vil would be quite happy to see how fashion was back then
"He found a new favorite lmfao"
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Summary: Vil and Rook officially loves you as his model. Forget Epel, He picked you up from the streets and kept you /hj
Ft. Pomefiore Boys
A/n: *Opens ask box and npc jumps* omg hi again, oh whats that? Pomefiore?? *brings out draft folders* HERE I ALREADY HAVE IT 😊 *smacks with the post*
Ahem, Yeah here. This is Pomefiore yall, My favorite dorm. YOU CAN TELL WHY ITS MY FAVORITE DORM VILS THERE. I genuinely want to be his favorite wth
! do not repost or translate my works anywhere. do not copy or use my works in any site, Reblogs are appreciated alot though !
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You were the expert with self defense. In your time, You would always slap or smack the heck out of all the kidnappers. But on the other hand, You were also a sweetheart, someone that loves doing makeup. Someone that really... Hates getting stalked by a horse.
What can you do? Hit the horse? Tell your parents? Yeah, You tried telling your parents and they checked from afar saying there's nothing there. You look back to see and nothing was really there. Are you getting haunted?
The only way is to approach it carefully to see its true intentions. On your way to your friend's house, you see the horse again. You recognize that carriage, the horse staring into your soul, and the slow walking.
You slowly approach it. It doesn't move away or anything, You think it's a good sign. As you get closer to it, You take an apple out of your pocket, softly handing it one.
The horse was looking at it for a moment before taking a bite of the apple. You really thought it was actually nice? Never believe anyone or anything out the window.
The horse knocks you out with its head, and you end up waking up is such a hassle, hearing weird voice whispers, your eyes blurred but you see some things floating. Once you open your eyes, you turn back to see a monster-
Wait, That doesn't look like a monster. That's a cat! When the cat turns around, flaming cat? Huh?!
You panic, what kind of- You get up and back away from the flaming cat, and you run out of the room.
At this point you don't know where you're going.
Just run as fast as you could.
You can hear it screaming and chasing after you. What do you do?-- Kick it?! That's called animal abuse.. Is it for a good reason? Is getting chased down a good reason?
Oh whatever, just keep running. You stop at a library, running around. That is until you bumped into a man. You have absolutely no idea what could happen to you right now, You ask him millions of questions. Questions that he may be unable to answer as he was more confused.
He wasn't angry or anything, he just took you in this room with seven more people in the same clothes as you. However, A red haired and one with glasses left the room to escort that flaming cat that chased you around.
"Mx. [Name], Meet the Housewardens." Crowley points at them. You tilt your head to the side, what the actual gardening is a housewarden??
"Uh- I'm not a housewarden." Lilia raises his hand up. "Just here cus' Malleus isn't." He adds. "And I was only forced to go.. Because of an emergency that doesn't even look like an emergency.." Idia mumbles, covering himself with the hood.
"Whatever. Anyways, This poor student is very confused, and it's stressing me out. This headmage is generous, only to receive such stress.."
"So Dramatic, He could fit in perfectly with my next film." Vil whispers. Lilia looks at you, inspecting your makeup and your hairstyle. Feels like he's seen those before.. Oh, And those accessories? That's what he gifted Malleus on his birthday more than 50 years ago.
Weren't those jewelries already gone in the 60s? How come you still have them? Ah dear.. It's probably just from a grandparent. He needs to stop making these theories. "My, My, what beautiful fashion you have there." Vil speaks up, breaking the awkward silence in the room.
"Oh, Uh.. Thank you! It's actually trending these days." You smile. "Trending??" Idia asks himself. He does not know what trending you mean by that, but whatever it is he knows from the internet that Vil's makeup is the trending one. "Okay, I'm getting reaaal confused here.." Idia mutters.
"That's my issue, Mr. Shroud." Crowley lets out a frustrated sigh. "Okay- You all aren't obviously useful, So I'll just handle this." Vil shoos everyone and walks closer to you. He puts a hand infront of you, asking for a handshake. "Vil Schoenheit." He introduces himself.
You accept the handshake. "Nice to meet you." You smile. "See? It's just that easy. No need to treat them like a lost sheep." Vil turns to all of them. "So- You're gonna help me?" Crowley asks. Vil just rolls his eyes. "Yes. If anything, I know you aren't gonna do anything,"
"So I suggest you should just go." He looks at you, completely happy. "I'd be happy to help you answer all your questions. Let us go back to my dorm, and clear everything out of the way."
Finally, Someone helpful. You thought to yourself. "Thank you." You bow your head. "It's not a problem, My dear."
Everyone's gone back to their dorms, And you followed Vil in a magical mirror. But before he entered, he lookd at you. "Do not be afraid, just enter the mirror." He walks in the mirror. "Okay.. Don't be afraid. Don't... Be- AFRAID-"
You rush in the mirror, Safely entering, You look up. Woah! "Is this your house?" You ask him, and he just laughs. "Oh, No, This is the dorm."
Ohhh... You hum lightly and follow him all the way inside. "Rook! We have someone you might like!" Vil shouts, And Rook just comes out of nowhere. "Yes, Roi du po- Oh my! Bonjour!" He waves at you.
You wave back, yet it was a bit awkward. "That's Rook, And Rook, This is [Name]."
"Such a beautiful name for a beautiful person!"
Vil walks up to a couch and sits, patting beside him. "Rook, go get us tea."
While Rook was gone, Vil clears his throat. "So, On our way to the dorms, Lilia was talking to me about you, So I'm just testing if he was really true about that." Lilia?? Who's that? You wonder. "Uh, Sure?"
"What year do you think you're in right now?" Huh? What kind of question was that? "Erm, 1957?" You answered truthfully. Vil was quiet. You thought you said something wrong. Were you supposed to say something else? "I see, Seems like Lilia was right about his guesses."
"What do you mean?" You ask him. Seriously, You're so confused. "How do I say this.. Well, would you believe me if I said you aren't in 1957?" You freeze in your spot. "Pardon?-"
"You aren't in the 50s." He directly replies. "But don't be afraid. Must be because your fate should've been in the modern, so the horse picked you up from the past and took you here."
Is he smart? Looks like it, But do you believe him? Also yes. If he mentioned about the horse without you mentioning it first, then he must be telling the truth, that's just how you tell if it's the truth or the lie.
"Ah yes.. The horse- I- Uh, Does it knock you out like that?" You ask. "It knocked you out?" You nod, crossing your arms. "Mhm, I was feeding it an apple thinking the reason why it kept following me was because it was hungry, but knocked me out a few seconds later."
"Strange, It's supposed to just wait as you enter. That's.. A pretty violent way to help you enter." Vil chuckles lightly. "Well I'd call it kidnapping if I was supposed to enter with no explanation." You add. Vil hums, placing his leg over his other leg.
"Interesting. The 50s makeup looks very Interesting." He points at your face. Rook comes back. "Here is the tea, Roi du Poison."
Vil takes the cups of tea, giving one to you. "Thank you Rook, Sit down. I have unbelievable news about them." Vil takes a sip of his tea, And Rook sits down beside you, taking his cup of tea from the table.
"Do you believe in the rumours about the horse taking people from the past due to the fate's decision?"
"Yes." Rook answers, He looks at Vil, Who was gesturing you with his eyes. It took him a while to understand, but when he did. "Ohh.. What?! They came from-"
"1957." You cut Rook off. "But something to add in the rumour, The horse knocks them out instead of waiting for them to enter." You watch the two interact. You wanna laugh at the way Rook has his jaw down, does he really just not believe the knocking out part?
"No. Way." Rook sips from his cup. "Yes way." Vil sets his cup on the table. "My, That explains the beautiful style you have." Rook observes you more. "Haha.. It's just- 50s makeup."
"It looks amazing." Vil chuckles, then stops after having an idea in mind. "Actually, I want you to wear what you all used to wear. You may use my wardrobe, I have tons of clothes that you might take as your liking."
"That's.. Not a bad idea, Roi du Poison! Amazing thinking as usual!"
"I know right~" Vil flips his hair, His hair is a bit short, but how on earth did he manage to flip it like how long haired people would? "I don't see any trouble with that." Your eyes sparkle. You're obsessed with fashion, so seeing how people dress these days can also help you, but you have to dress up like how people in your time would in return, of course.
"What the actual heck- I MEAN- What is this." Epel appears inside the lounge. He just wanted to get his textbook.. Not bump into Vil! God.. "Oh yes, Right. This is Epel!" Rook points at him.
"Epel should really learn better from [Name]."
"WHO EVEN IS THAT??" Epel looks at Vil, Then his eyes focuses to you. "Ohhh, It's them?" Epel nods. "Alright. Cool.." He mumbles before leaving the lounge. You tilt your head confusedly. "Sorry, Epel is just.. Bad mannered. He needs to learn to stop using defense."
Oh. Damn. "Uh.." You awkwardly hum. "What is it, What's the matter?" Vil asks you. "It's just that.. He.. Isn't the only one that uses defense?" You whisper.
"I uh, Also use defense.." You can hear the silence grow, Should you say something else? "B-but it's not for anything bad, no! Back in my place in that time, There's just alot of kidnappers. So I learned self defense." You think about it again. Was that a good reason?
"Well, That's a good reason to use it. But he just uses it for fun." Vil shrugs. You and Rook automatically look at each other and showing each other eye gestures that you surprisingly understood.
"Well, Let's just go try out the little fashion show idea-" Rook stands up, as you laugh nervously and also stand up. Vil sighs. "Why, Of course, How could I forget that." He smiles softly.
The three of you head to Vil's room, still talking about how things are in your time. While you all talk, Epel watches you all from afar with other Pomefiore students. "Wow." A pomefiore student whispers.
"He found a new favorite, Lmfao." Another Pomefiore student says. Epel jumps in victory. "I'M FREE! WE'RE FREE! HE'LL FINALLY STOP NAGGING US TO BE WELL-MANNERED!"
"YAHOOO!!"
...
"Do you both hear that?" You ask Vil and Rook. "Ignore that." Rook adds, shoving you in Vil's room before he enters and closes the door.
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Author's End Note: Yall actually didn't change in the same room, You guys just went to grab some clothes to try in the dressing room. 💀 VIL, ROOK AND YOU AS HEATHERS??? Epel as Veronica HAHAHAH "do you have a problem???" Srsly tho, You Three being a gossip trio.
! do not repost or translate my works anywhere. do not copy or use my works in any site, Reblogs are appreciated alot though !
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ah yes! the joys of executive dysfunction and something being Fundamentally Broken In Your Braincase!
#quick vent Look Away Nothing To See Here#i just needed to place my emotions somewhere before i really started to spiral#texts from cherished friends should not cause nausea-level anxiety! and yet!#here i am! running away from the ever-present miasma of guilt and stress!#you know a few months ago i was like 'im going to be better about responding im going to do better'#i Immediately started doing Worse!#i think i stressed myself out too much#pretty much every relationship i have ends up completely deteriorating due to my own insecurities and guilt and fucked up brain <3#ah yes and how could i forget the Commitment Issues and Emotional Block#mentally i am banging my head into a wall#but its fine Its Fine#i mean its not. its really not. but sometimes it seems like the harder i try the harder i fail#which is something i should be used to by now!#okay so it looks like i Am Indeed spiraling so#i am going to go... list some good things in this world and uhhh#well i dont have the car this weekend so cant go for a drive and some boba. um.#i need to organize my room table Yes that sounds distracting and falsely productive#not gonna tag this with anything actually.#love treating tumblr like my personal diary#ah yes its just me. my personal feelings. and the couple thousand people that follow me.#perhaps i will also buy something online with one of the gift cards i found the other day#buttons from michaels!!! i need buttons! i will go do that!#with the knowledge that i have unopened messages to respond to looming in the back of my mind like a noose! yippee yahoo!!!#gonna... turn of replies/rbs just this once since its just a Vent#i just needed to get it Out yk? not looking for anything other than relieving pressure on my brain#ok it looks like i cant turn of replies for individual posts#just... pretend you didnt see this for both our sakes <3#look away look away
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perenlop · 7 months
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At risk of sounding like a buzzkill, am I the only one who just doesnt care about Ash’s Melmetal. Like it just doesn’t feel right for him and I don’t really like Meltan or Melmetal at all tbh
Actually does anyone else wish Ash’s Alola team had a biit more substance or is that just me
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the-kipsabian · 2 months
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also lmao i havent received rejection emails in a while since i didnt apply to anything the entire last month, oh how fun that you have returned to me again disappointment in my ability to go for entry level positions /s
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rapidhighway · 10 months
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i have to go get a pen
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skunkes · 1 year
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promise im not bringing it up just to beat a dead horse or be evil but
thinking about how some time ago someone I followed on here went on a rant about "What Makes Art Ugly" and asked for people to tell them why exactly they thought rcd/arts art was "bad", lots of people gave valid responses but none seemed to like, sate them + their view of "No Art is Bad Ever"
anyway what I conjured up as an answer was that they seemed to misapply stylization/art "rules", the best example I can think of is in the way they used the "curved lines vs straight lines" to draw arms...they had that Idea in mind, + its a good guideline, but it doesnt automatically mean a shape looks good because you draw it with curves and straight lines
What I'm getting at here is I Sort of Feel Like Dis! Idk. I dont like the way I stylize stuff and I feel like everything I draw is misapplied rules...or like I'm Almost There but im just not getting it for some reason or another...or maybe my brain refuses to let go of what things Should look like in favor of having fun...or even that everyone has figured it out but me and im just Very Stupid (because I Am). idk.
i feel it all just looks like some awfully frankensteined mess! Wish it was more cohesive wish it was more Iconic (as in literally, Icon-ic. Stylization by icon) but no I dont, i just wish I could master the organic vs iconic balance i like...but its hawrd...i dont have anyone to study off of with my goals in mind and present...+ ive always been really bad at just coming up with a brand new thing myself...idk...i just want my stuff to look good to me...and not so rigid and misapplied, Not Quite There! junk...wah...
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opens-up-4-nobody · 11 months
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...
#i truely have so much anger built up inside me about my job. ive done a very good job of making it unbearable#and after taking a 10 day vacation. plus 2 days of not working bc im sick. i really dont wanna go back#i was planning to take 3 days to not do fucking anything but my boss just emailed me with some time sensitive#logistical things. so like i guess i gotta fucking do that tomorrow. i started reading the email and it made my head hurt#and she started it off like. hopw ur feeling better and i dont wanna cause stress but...#like bro. listen. if u tell me these things u put them in my head and i csnt stop thinking abt them until theyre done. and its not her#fault bc im the one that put myself in a place where im barely keeping it together. its just frustrating#bc it feels like hope u feel better but also kill urseld 💖 but again thats just how it feels bc im so. idk how to describe it im like in a#state of post burnout. im sitting in the ash. alone in a desolate landscape and its like jesus how tf do i fix this?#and i cant even run out my anger rn bc im sick. and i mean i have the energy to run i dont feel lethargic but like i doubt that would aid#recovery lol. ugh. 2 months. thats all. then i move away. assuming i find a place to live lol. bc i currently haven't yet#but whatever. assuming i get better quickly and dont get worse and dont get covid on top of this cold bc my dad got covid#it will have been a bit of a blessing i came back sick bc i have a clear justification for not working and for telling people to fuck off#when they ask for things from me. like today a lab mate asked if i could sample Monday. which it technically#a holiday but i probably would have said yes if i wasnt sick. and i would have had to teach undergrads some bullshit friday if i wasnt sick#instead i just did nothing all day bc i almost moved bsck my flight and didnt leave home until the weekend anyway#i guess its good i didnt bc then i would have been stuck in ohio bc my dad found out he had covid yesterday#idk its all just frustrating bc im halfway in a transition and im not doing very well but i cant do anything to fix things until i leave#the southwest. like i dont even kno if i have health insurance rn. my benifits change request was processed but like does thst mean it was#approproved? fucking idk. so everytime i do anything i imagine a worstcase scenario where i end up hospitalized and damned to an empty#bank account or eternal medical debt. tho my mum said they passed a law where they arnt allowed to do thst to u anymore 🤷‍♂️#whatever. im annoyed. i dont wanna work 😫#unrelated
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duskholland · 2 years
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no because my mind is insane
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snekdood · 2 years
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the sooner ppl recognize “persecution delusions” aren’t just some “narcissist” thing and are also a schizophrenic thing, the better off we’ll all be
#infact theres a couple delusions that schizophrenic ppl have that 'narcissists' have but the reasons and they way they go about it is#usually different. its not that i think im special and im the only person i focus on and bc im so special ppl want to attack me or whatever#im literally just terrified every day someones going to hurt me (probably bc of trauma and other factors growing up)#theres ppl in my past who totally were the types to stalk ppl on social media and try to ruin their rep#idk if they're still doing it or found a new target or what but sometimes yeah i might over assume about what those ppl are up to#because im tired and theyre abusive and it stresses me out to feel like im constantly being watched#and since i have paranoia and schizophrenic tendencies my minds constantly going 'well what if they're still watching you? what if they're#still trying to fuck with you?'#im not doing this bc i think im special im doing this bc im scared of my abuser and have had abusive stalker ppl before in my past#so much of my delusions about being stalked and watched growing up has come from a specific individual threatening to do that w my family#and not even threaten he has actually done it before and we got a restraining order#but after that he would still continue to threaten doing that#so tyhat trauma mixed w paranoia and schizphrenic tendencies was uh... not a great mix to say the least#thats literally the only reason im constantly combative on here. bc i feel like im still being watched.#and like. ill never know when they stop watching me either#which isnt great bc i cant just be like 'finally i can relax and not feel like theres someone inspecting my asshole every 5 seconds'#which to be fair is 100% intentional on their end. they know what theyre doing to me. theyve convinced ppl its moral somehow#ig constantly trying to trigger me enough to go offline is The Move but yall still dont even wanna consider for second if they're lying#hell. you probably come up with excuses for why any of their bad behavior is good actually and anything i do thats good is bad or whatever#theyre 100% pure and good witrh good intentions no nuance no grey areas and im 100% horrible and bad with bad intentions always and also#'my vibes ar eoff' so thats how you know im prolly the abuser here
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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.
#once again im abt to eat glass#literally there has basically not been a day since i started school again in spring that i havent had a overwhelming urge to kill myself !#and a prepetual feeling that i just. can't do. any of this. any of it. not the fucking classes and not what comes after either.#like fuck what does it even matter exactly if i get this degree or not? if i manage to barely drag myself through this? what does it matter#degree or not i dont have what it takes to remotely make it through life#its not even that im stupid lmao i just. i cant do this. too tired too many fucking health issues too much trauma too insane and. too.#fucking. exhausted. considering i dont even have much a fear of death and have lost that basic survival instinct. what exactly? ought to#keep me going? because on the other side. for the most part i just. dont. want. life. either. everything is such a fucking#struggle and i dont see any point in it?? not anymore. its not even that i think life is miserable or whatever i just#ive had enough of it. good bad great horrible ive just had enough. lmaoo i feel way too old for any of it god damn. i just wanna rest. its#all been too much. its all been enough. i just want to rest.#........ the school is just a added stress that drives me insane but the main god damn issue is that. i just.... i dont want things anymore#i dont want anything anymore. i dont care. most of the things i used to be passionate abt or care about i... . i dont even fucking manage#to do those when i have the time. or want to do them when i have the time#........ so what. exactly. is the point of staying alive.#......#nothing drives me anymore. i have no drive. perhaps anger at times. i guess thst comes from care. but mostly im just fucking exhausted#... and im just?? useless in this state. useless to myself useless to my family useless to society. i dont even have it in me to do things#out of fear or dread of my parents anymore.#.and. frankly. the biggest issue here is that since ive been like? what? 17? ive been unable to idk rise up to the occasion? its too#fucking much. but frankly.. ;; im not even sure it is. like okay rationally this is a lot to deal with for a human being but also. this is#all. this is all. just because im weak. mentally i dont have it in me. i think the last bit of my energy went into#fucking recovering alone from 2 eating disorders from hell & pretty fucking bad bpd. i feel like that was the last big effort i was able to#make for myselr#idk i just feel like im making fucking excuses all the time. i should Not Be Letting It Define My Life and Rising Above It or whatever but#im too much of a whiny fucking bitch with a victim complex who just fucking complains about things all the time but cant manage to actually#do. anything.#.
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be-good-to-bugs · 3 days
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UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want
#the bin#i feel less bad todaynthan i usually do. i think. but physically my body feels terrible. i am also still super stressed and sad but. i dont#feel as utterly horrible as i usually do so thats good i guess. i wish i could turn it into something productive but thats fine#i mostly wishbthat i could being myslef to do something fun like watch something or whatever but my brain still says no#and i wishbi could draw but my brain says no to that too#well. i can probably actually afford some weed after all bc itll peobs mostky be gas i gotta pay for for thw trip so#idk when ill see my sister next but ill have to fully figure this out then. and i gotta measure the inside of her boyfriends car so i can#know how much i can pack. i can also probably afford to get the things i wanted for my siblings from here before i leave. maybe.#gas will be a lot but they still owe me $300 so that helps a lot. i should be able to afford the trip fine. im really sad i have to leave#most of my stuff though. i dont trust my sister with it. but i dont have a choice so whatever. ill just have to deal.#well. im glad i dont feel so empty and horrible now. i hope it lasts and i can do something with it. its probs bc i had a meltdown honestly#ive felt like maybe thats what ive been needing to feel better. things still suck but i feel marginally better#usually i try talking to my mom just to get an ounch of social interaction and also i can complain abt stuff to her and she doenst tell#anyone. she has issues but shes pretty good about my privacy i think because shes scared id stop talking ti her if she broke that trust#which is true. i would probably stop talking to her. that was originally the plan before she stopled being such a bad mom anyway so#but idk. i havnet talked to her since she asked if i was coming to the funeral and i said no. she wasnt mad at me or anything but i havent#talke to her about non dad dying related stuff in a bit so. i shouod tho. im moving and i need to find out when a good time for that is.#and make sure she knows around what time i had been planning. and i need to know if she got an update about some stuff too.#also helath insurance stuff. im assuming she didnt end up getting a chnace to add me yet considering what happned. shes been busy#but my tooth pain has gotten even worse this past week so id like to see a dentist in june if possible bc god this thing hurts so bad
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inner-community · 10 days
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also i cant even practice driving because our car is dead and our neighbor NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE so we cant put my dads car next to it to jump it. i want to scream. i guess it helps complaining though so i can stop thinking about it so much and getting so stressed. i just feel like i need to be doing 10000000000 things.
really i just need to do 2 things rn - call the test people & send an email to the dmv guys. then when those are done i can study. and if i have to make a psych appt it would be fine because i should ask for my as needed klonopin back because i think i am still good for the most part it's just my anxiety randomly goes thru the roof and i need help w it. (weed has been making it worse. why would my best friend weed do this to me...)
i also should really remember every day to take my mushroom supplement because i cant overstate how much of a diff it makes taking it regularly.
also i need my wife to stop asking about tax stuff for A Minute because i know what we are doing i just need time to execute it all and i have to do all of the above bullshit first!!!!!!
#like we need to send a mail version of our taxes bcs they wouldnt accept the gross income from last year as the right one?????????#so i have to send them in#and i want to be able to pay it in full!!!#so then our 23 taxes can be on a pay plan and then everything will be set up perfect and beautiful.#deep breaths.#im fine aghhhh#im so scared im gonna stress too much and make myself have more health issues#i need to be calmed#it really doesnt help that my love has no work rn and hasnt since august#bcs it means that i am paying for everything and it quickly gets overextended#so i CANT save anything. i can barely pay my credit cards and shit.#so like i havent been able to build up money to pay tax shit!!!!!#so i feel like i have to work MORE but i cant just make my current clients give me more work lmao#and so more work means making my free time into art for other people time#which i dont mind usually but rn its making my brain scream#so#i think i just need a Real Fucking Break no strings attached and also that doesnt cost anything and i get paid like normal during. haha#im hoping if i can somehow break down the driving stuff wall and get that done#that the combo of being able to drive to work and thus cutting off like 1-2 hrs of time from my work#and also doing less work and more school! will be good#i like school i really like in person classes#my brain just absorbs it all#ok im calming more now. im ujst so scared all the time#and im too good at keeping it to myself bcs i cant be Weak
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nimomo-mo · 18 days
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Vent
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solardistress · 6 months
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me when i did literally nothing i wanted to do even though j had hours upon hours of time to do so but didnt because my body didnt want me to get up from the chair no matter how many times i yelled for me to do so to the point i started ceying because i kept wasting time
#. frowns .#upsetting . im so . idk man idk anymore#im just good at doing assignments but even then im struggling#if im not good at this im not good at anything . im not good at anything . i dont even know what i want to do after this .#what i want to do in life . im too scared to talk to people i want to .#i dont have rhe best looks . i dont even know who i am anymore#im just ‘that smart girl’ who you get answers from because he folds easily#whenever i try to do something non academic i cant help but feel extremely guilty for not studying or something#and its so . idk . stressing .#not only am i worrying for my academics but then my social life#theres nothing there . at all . i daydream about connections with people i know i could never possibly talk to#what we could be if i . yk . wasnt so . me i guess#i think about my friends and how lonely i am even though i have them all the time#how im just a tool for people im not close to because . im that smart person at your table#im not funny . not attractive . im just smart . thats it . thats all i am#god my chest feels . really heavy because i cant talk about what i actually do want to here because certain people are going to see it and#idk . i dont want them to .#so many things go thru mt brain that when i want to relax i cant . i just sit there stunned and paralyzed and hating myself#because for some reason in my brain whatever i do is never enough#. i really have to get this fixed . i cant deal with the tight and heavy feeling in chest all the time#vent
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the-kipsabian · 10 months
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redrocketpanda · 7 months
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I spent most of this evening writing a scene for one of my bang fics very slowly. This fic is the slowest thing I've ever written because the words just keep getting stuck, on top of me easily getting demotivated and distracted
I've written like... 800 words or something in the past 2 days (which objectively is LOADS) but the words have been so difficult to get out, the process so laborious, and I'm not sure if I like what I've got (which. Is. Literally. Fine. cause I can edit it????)
But now I am lying on the sofa feeling very sorry for myself and god I wish that insecurities about my writing could just fuck off. I'm so tired of my brain being so hard on itself, I'm so tired of overthinking every single word, I'm so tired of feeling like I'm not good enough
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