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#and i encountered this topic yesterday and figured
coffeeadict61 · 8 months
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Humans Are Weird: Female Rage
Report: #298
Topic: Female Rage
Rage: Violent or uncontrollable anger.
I have studied the human race for months now but today is the day I have learned to fear them. Forget their unpredictable bodies, or overly complex inventions, or the horrific moments that crowd their history. It was only today I feared for my life in the presence of a human being.
I often record anger in incident reports and the like, but women make up a very tiny proportion of that. They tend to "keep their cool" ( a human turn of phrase) better than men on average. This doesn't seem to be a natural attribute but more of a learned survival mechanism against violence and abuse. It only seems to break the surface in grief or after years of trauma. But the new astrophysics intern Colette [Last Name Redacted] showed me a new human emotion. Rage.
Our ships astrophysics department was partnering with our engineering department to design a small weapons craft to protect us from the "space pirates" or looters we keep encountering. I had created a bond of "friendship" with little Colette, I suppose little doesn't fit. She is above average height and slightly underweight, (she is having trouble adjusting to our menu due to "texture issues" which I need to educate myself on). Moving forward. She came to speak to me on a very serious matter a week ago exactly while I was on my daily rounds. This was the reason I was behind schedule, she has, and I quote, "little legs" in comparison to mine. Colette spoke of the weapons project she had been assigned too. She spoke at length about her supervisors who wouldn't listen to her. She had discovered a bug in the engine system. A four that looked like a nine or something of that nature, and believed it to put the test pilots in danger. She requested that I ask management to promote her so that her voice would be listened too. I tried to calm her worries but she was insistent so I told her I'd try to bring it up in the next meeting. That meeting was yesterday. In the six days between our conversation and my turn to give my reports for the management council, I had talked myself out of my promise. I figured that her superiors knew best and she was just ambitious and maybe she didn't see what she thought she saw. Regardless, it is the biggest regret I carry.
The test flight launched today. The entire crew was given an hour additional break to watch. Colette tried to prevent the launch, arguing with the head scientists, trying to show them test she ran digitally, but they had security pull her back. She came to find me, asking if I spoke to management. I didn't answer. The announcer counted down in human numerals.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 LAUNCH
I breathed a sigh of relief as the craft glided safely away, but Colette didn't, she didn't move an inch. The projects leader gave instructions through a radio. The experimental engines roared to life. Then, a moment of silence. Before the entire space craft was engulfed in a cloud of fire and gas. The silent explosion shook the floor beneath us as gasps and screams gave it a voice. The entire crew was killed. Many of them, friends or family of the onlookers. The onboard medic, the project leader's son and Colette's young husband. She collapsed to the ground sobbing, unable to stand on her shaking legs. I couldn't get her to move. I didn't try very hard.
Security swarmed the crowd, pushing them back from the windows and herding the grieving crowd to the different living areas. Many had to be carried. I carried Colette.
Hours later, after an emergency meeting and a meal, everyone was in bed. All but the council, security, the engineering department,and the astrophysics department. We sat in heavy silence as the project leader explained the error that lead to this tragedy. I studied him closely. No tears, just a stone cold face and a tremor in his hands. Suddenly the doors crashed open as Colette burst in. She wasn't grieving now. Colette grabbed the microphone from the leader's hand and threw it at the wall. It went straight through. Then she spoke. Shaking slightly, controlled rage gave the impression of bullets falling from her mouth with each syllable. "Murderers. You are all murderers." No one moved as we took on the weight of her statements. She spoke again but this time it was wasn't controlled. This time her rage wasn't an undertone but the message. This time she screamed it in a voice that echoed around the room and shook with each new sob.
"I TOLD YOU! I FING TOLD YOU THEY WOULD DIE! WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?! HOW COULD YOU KILL THEM LIKE THAT?! IT'S YOUR FING FAULT!"
She broke anything within reach. A mug, "THEY WERE YOUR TEAM!" a chair, "WHY DIDN'T YOU PROTECT THEM?" a table, "YOUR OWN SON AND YOU STAND HERE CALLING IT AN ACCIDENT!" her voice. "IF YOU HAD BELIEVED ME AND MY EVIDENCE INSTEAD OF PLAYING F***ING POLITICS…"
She stopped. She stopped screaming, stopped crying, stopped expressing her pain. She bottled it up and wiped her face with her sweaters sleeve. She just stared at him. Taking deep breaths as he shook under her gaze. "Why didn't you listen to him? To me?" He fought back his tears and straightened his jacket. "Abe knew the risks-" Colette stepped forward and punched him hard, his nose making an audible crunch. Blood stained her knuckles as she hit him again and again. Finally I got up and grabbed her around her middle, pulling her off before she went to far. The leader whimpered and leaned on a table as she fought to get to him. To tear him apart. Finally she just stood rigidity holding onto me. "Never say his name again. You aren't his father. You're a murderer and you never deserved Abraham." She spit at his feet.
"Coward."
I pulled her out of the meeting hall, locked her in her quarters, and stood guard. I relive her plea for me to approach the council on her behalf. I cannot deny my part in the crew's death and doubt I'll ever forgive myself. Colette will surely never forgive me either.
In conclusion, I advise the guilty professionals and researchers transferred and tried. Both for the safety of our crew and themselves. Their professional licenses should be revoked no matter the outcome of their individual trials. We also need to form a mental health department and start providing dietary options for all diets and sensitivities. I also advise (though I recognize my lack of authority on the matter) that crewmember Colette [Last Name Redacted] be released of all charges and assigned a personal therapist of her choosing. As for the other loved ones of our lost crew, they should also receive support options and memorials for their lost and any other requests we can fulfil. I pray we never have a similar story to tell the next generation.
Human Observer #5743
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schrijverr · 4 months
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I Dig You 5
Chapter 5 out of 8
Robin is tentatively excited for her first internship: an archaeological dig in the Netherlands, where she has been studying. However, when she gets there, Steve is there too. The dick of their uni that she now has to work with. Great. But being stuck digging for six weeks makes people bond and maybe he isn’t too bad. Maybe he can be her friend.
AKA an archaeology interns, modern, enemies-to-friends stobin au
On AO3.
Ships: none
Warnings: none
~~~~
Chapter 5: Party
They don’t really talk much about their encounter with Dustin on Thursday, except for mentioning him in their daily reports. Steve luckily remembered to snap a picture of the sherd they showed him, so they can reference the find number.
However, the kid becomes a topic of conversation when he shows up again the next day. This time sans d’Art, but with a gaggle of friends.
At that point they’re digging on the other side of put seven, which is further from the road and next to the forest. It’s a nice area and she is very jealous of people who can afford to live there (and she’s heard colleagues complain about how the government isn’t investing in starter homes, which further cements that she won’t ever afford it).
The lunch break is nearing when the group of teens comes stumbling out of the forest, since they’re no longer right up along the road. Dustin’s voice is the first thing that gets their attention, exclaiming what is likely the Dutch equivalent of ‘Found it!’
They all look up to see him with four other kids, two brunet boys, a black boy and a girl with bright orange hair. Everyone with varying levels of excitement and interest.
Robin immediately looks over to Steve to see his reaction. He looks pleasantly surprised, though also a little unsure, glancing between the group and their fellow archaeologists. Robin gets it, she also doesn’t know how okay it was for Steve to have given a lecture yesterday.
It looks like Astrid is about to call out to the kids, but before she can, Dustin yells again: “Steve!” and waves excitedly.
“You know them?” Astrid asks him, confused.
“Uhm, I kinda told Dustin – the kid there – about archaeology yesterday, because he was interested and told him he could come back if he had more questions,” Steve confesses, looking a little embarrassed.
Robin decides to be a good friends and backs him up by piping up: “He leashed his dog. And didn’t touch anything.”
“That’s great,” Astrid smiles. “We always try to do outreach projects. There would have been an open weekend on this dig if we could’ve organize it with the construction. You can go talk to them some more, if you’d like. It’s nearly lunch anyway.”
“You’re sure?” Steve checks, less tense than before but still anxious.
“Yeah, we’re not finding anything until the afternoon. It’s always right before going home,” Astrid jokes, shooing him away.
Robin can see Steve wants to, but she knows the feeling of being told it’s okay, only for someone to get mad about not helping. So she goes for the best friend award as she grabs his hand and starts to drag him away, saying: “Come on, dingus. I promised them bone facts,” her own anxiety being overridden to help Steve.
As they come closer, Steve fully relaxes, since they’re not being whistled back. He grins and waves as he greets: “Dustin! How are you, man?”
“Steve, tell Mike about the pots. He doesn’t believe they’re cool,” Dustin demands immediately, motioning to one of the brunet boys – the one that is looking sour – to indicate, which one is Mike.
“They’re not cool, they’re boring,” Mike rolls his eyes. “We kunnen ook naar El gaan.”
“He wants to go visit our friend, but she has had a brainshaking and can’t have many visitors,” the red haired girl explains, the last part pointedly directed to Mike, who pouts and crosses his arms.
“Brainshaking?” Robin repeats the word, able to figure out they likely mean concussion, but still thrown off by the word choice and interested.
“Yeah, she hit her head pretty hard and had to have like surgery. They shaved her hair off and everything,” Dustin says.
“Oh, she has a concussion?” Steve asks.
Robin adds in a mutter: “Sounds more like head trauma to me.”
“Concussion?” Now it’s Dustin turns to repeat the word with a cocked head.
“Ik denk dat ‘concussion’ hersenschudding is,” the black boy tells his friend, connecting the dots between the new word and their conversation.
“Oh, yeah, I knew that,” Dustin says, likely not having known that.
“I hope she’s feels better soon,” Steve says, then swiftly moves on from the topic, by saying: “But I can only talk to you about archaeology or our boss will yell at us.” That last part is a lie, but Robin isn’t going to call him out on it. She is too awkward to talk to people about injured friends, she only sees injured people when they’ve been dead for centuries at least.
“Thank you,” the quieter brunet says softly and the others swiftly follow.
“Tell them about why pots are cool,” Dustin demands again, apparently not pleased that his friends aren’t excited about a topic he also wasn’t excited about until yesterday.
Steve happily obliges, catching the others up about why pots are cool in an abridged version of what he told Dustin yesterday. Dustin proudly throws his new knowledge around too, sometimes even interrupting Steve, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He’s good with all of the kids. It’s weird, Robin thinks.
They learn that the black boy is named Lucas, the redhead girl is Max and the other brunet is named Will. All of them warming up to the topic
“Wow, you’re like some sort of pots wizard,” Will says when Steve finishes up.
“I’m not really,” Steve chuckles a bit bashfully. “I like pots, but I’m actually quite bad with materials, though pots are the easiest for me. I am actually specialized in European prehistory.”
“You can do that?” Lucas asks.
“Yeah, most archaeologists specialize in either an area and period or a material,” Steve says. “It is too broad a field to know everything about everywhere at any time.”
“Another reason why Indiana Jones sucks as a movie,” Robin decides to also be part of the conversation, because these kids are quite fun. “I specialize in archaeosteology, or bones. I’m useless nearly everywhere else, but if you want fun bone facts, I’m here.”
“Can you give me a fun bone fact?” Max asks immediately, eyes lighting up.
Robin concludes that Max is one of the coolest people here and excitedly replies: “When sexing Dutch skeletons the mandible is disregarded, because they’re squarer than usual, so often indecisive or misleading. Though, I must say that sexing a skeleton is always a general indication and can be inconclusive and inaccurate, since people are so diverse. And on top of that, even if you have someone’s chromosomes, the complete data can have degraded over time and cultural factors also play a role when saying who the person was, who the skeleton belonged to.”
Most of the kids are now looking confused and Robin realizes that most people already have a hard time following her, these kids are doing it with an added language barrier.
“Uhm, sexing a body is when you say a person is female, male or intersex,” she attempts to explain it better without lingo, looking to Steve for guidance, who gives her an encouraging nod. “It’s not always easy and you can be wrong, because people are diverse- uhm not all the same,” she goes on. “Dutch jaws are often squarer, so they’re not used in the process, since they can be misleading.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Max says and it’s one of the first times someone has understood Robin and seemed interested. “What sort of places are used?”
“Of course there is like height, you also look at the hips, since you can see if a baby fits through it, and the sacrum – bone between the hips – as well as the jaw, like I said – and the skull. The skull has multiple things, but one you can actually feel is the external occipital protuberance, which is fancy speak for a bump on the back of your head. They tend to be more pronounced in male skeletons,” Robin says.
Hands shoot to the back of their heads as they try to feel it, Mike’s eyes growing wide as he exclaims: “I can feel it,” in an excited voice, despite his earlier sour attitude.
“Ik ook!” Lucas says, which Robin mentally translates to ‘me too’. Her Dutch is getting better she thinks.
“Laat me voelen!” Max demands, the tone of voice giving that part away, along with how she pulls Lucas’s hand out of the way to touch the back of his head, prodding around until she calls out with a grin, likely having found the spot.
“Do you have more bones facts?” Max asks Robin excitedly.
Robin can kind of get why Steve likes this. It’s fun to have willing listeners when talking about a subject you love and Robin sure does love the topic.
“Well, I especially like bones that are malformed, because of illnesses and injuries,” Robin answers, gauging if there is interest in that, smiling when Max lights up and nods, the others also crowding around to listen.
“Well, one that is always really crazy to find is people with a collapsed spine, which is a compression fracture occurs in the thoracic spine- uhm, the middle part just falls. It looks wild, it just folds in on itself. Google a picture one day,” Robin says. “Must be crazy painful.”
Some of the kids wince at the picture she paints, but Max is suitably fascinated.
However, Steve is making a tone it down gesture, so Robin goes on in a slightly different path: “But it can also be smaller, like when people have arthrosis- uhm, I don’t know the Dutch word.”
“Reuma, I think,” Steve pipes up, surprising Robin.
“Like when people get old and their bones hurt?” Dustin asks.
“Yeah,” Robin nods.
“Yeah, then reuma,” Dustin says.
“Okay, reuma then, you can see that, because the cartilage – the parts that isn’t bone, but bone-like, it’s also in your ears and stuff – it cushions the bones, but it can wear away and the pain is the raw bones rubbing together,” Robin says. “You can see when that happens. And it can say something about the person. Which is the whole point of looking at a skeleton. Though you do have to be careful with it.”
“Careful? Why would you be careful?” Mike asks. “If they have the weird bones, they have the weird bones.”
“Well, the chieftain of Oss was famously wrongly aged, due to it,” Robin answers, getting distracted as Steve flails. “You okay, dingus?”
“Oh, yeah, I just love the chieftain of Oss. It’s a beautiful grave,” Steve says. “But ignore me, tell us more about it.”
Robin shoots him a look, mentally noting to let Steve talk about the chieftain, before saying: “He had this vertebrae AKA a part of his spine that was fused weirdly. It has a fancy name that escapes me now, but it made researchers think that he was old, about 60 and obese. In reality, he’s in his 30s or 40s and very muscled, he would have had nothing more than a stiff back sometimes. The reason it’s associated with those people is because they just get more MRIs than the average person.”
“That’s pretty cool,” Max says, eyes shining.
“It is,” Robin agrees excitedly.
“Isn’t the chieftain of Oss that one guy that’s buried next to the highway? My grandparents once took me, something about local pride,” Lucas says.
“He is buried next to a highway, but he was there before the highway,” Steve says, sounding a little amused. “And it’s the most famous Dutch prehistoric burial. Very rich. It’s early Iron Age and a local adaptation of the Hallstatt culture from Austria.”
“Is it really that famous?” Lucas asks. “Didn’t seem that important. I mean, they built a highway over it, right?”
“That was an accident and it’s not over it-over it,” Steve says. “It was found in the 1930s, but they kind of lost the exact location until the late 90s and then the monument was made. But it’s pretty famous, even many non-Dutch archaeologist know about it.”
“And it was found nearby here?” Will asks.
“Yeah,” Steve answers with a smile. “You should read up on it and ask you history teacher about it, because it’s an interesting time. The Iron Age is often a little forgotten between the Bronze Age and the Romans, but it’s fascinating how metal influenced people. We actually are finding Iron Age stuff right here too.”
“You are?” Dustin asks, probably only now realizing that he never actually asked what they’re digging up right here next to his house.
“Yeah, so far it looks like we’re finding stuff from the Iron Age ‘till the Medieval Period, which is pretty common for sites in this area,” Steve says. “They might have been occupied in the Bronze Age too. There was a lot of site continuity, despite the amount of time that passed, people still knew the landscape. For example, the chieftain of Oss was laid to rest with a Bronze Age burial even though he dates from the early Iron Age.”
“They could just have forgotten and accidentally put it there,” Mike protests.
“Sure, they could, good observation,” Steve says and Robin sees Mike fight not to look pleased about that. “But the grave for the chieftain was slightly to the side as to not hit the Bronze Age grave and we see more of certain areas being used for burials for long times, so it’s more likely that people knew about places in the landscape that held cultural meaning. The same as how we are still respectful of churches, even though the religious population has declined.”
“I guess,” Mike mopes.
At that point they’re interrupted by Astrid again, who says: “Hey, not to interrupt the fun, but you two have to go eat, so we can go back to digging soon. We need all the hands, Bas found a well, so we might be fucked and stuck here if Jeroen decides to dig it out today. You always find something Friday afternoon.”
“Of course,” Robin immediately replies, intrigued by the well and not wanting to do something bad.
“We’ll be there soon,” Steve promises.
The kids are disappointed, but allow them to leave, excitedly claiming how they’re going to tell El all about it. Robin pities the girl, if she has a bad head injury and they’re still as excited when they get to her house, but she doesn’t comment on it.
They eat their lunch, lather themselves in sunscreen, then go back to digging.
Jeroen fortunately decides against attempting to coup the well that Friday, something that would have never worked out and would have forced them all to stay late. So, they tape a tarp over it instead and hope no one tries to play Indiana Jones over the weekend or decide to use the putten as biking course – two things, Robin is horrified to learn, that happen more often than they should.
They do try and get as much done in put seven as they can. It’s a pretty crowded put with a lot of sporen, so they likely won’t get to put eight before their internship is over. That makes Robin a little sad, if she’s honest. She liked this excavation more than she thought she would. And more surprising is that a large part of that is due to Steve. Who would have thunk? Not her.
It also makes her realize that this will be their last weekend together, before they split up for the rest of the break.
Steve probably has an expensive holiday lined up to go on after this and Robin will stay here, try to work as much as she can now that she has used up most of her holiday days to do this internship and try to survive the summer until classes start again. By then, they’re both doing their minors, maybe even at entirely different faculties and she won’t see Steve again until the second semester. At that point it is likely that Steve has forgotten all about this summer and their interactions will be like far off acquaintances.
The one person she’s had a click with, will slip through her fingers in about one week. Robin feels a little faint.
So, she’s a bit subdued as they finish up for the week and bike home. Steve gives her a look, but lets her have her quiet time, which she appreciates. She doesn’t know if she is up for talking, there is just so much spinning through her head.
At home they dump their shit and rock-paper-scissor the shower. Steve has a tell (he always does his in a rotating pattern, Robin doesn’t know how purposeful it is or if he even noticed), so she gets first dibs.
It also means that she is already writing her daily report when Steve comes to join her on the terrace, a routine the two have built where they peacefully write together. Robin usually enjoys this time, but today all she can think of is how she’ll miss this, making her sigh morosely.
Steve looks up again and he makes a soft noise, questioning and prompting. Robin sighs again and shakes her head. She doesn’t feel up to answering yet.
At her shake, Steve nods and finishes up his own report. He’s done before her, because she keeps being distracted by her own running brain, but Steve waits in the quiet without making her feel like he’s waiting on her and being annoyed. Companionable silence is a novel, but nice feeling that she hasn’t often had with friends. She’ll miss that.
When she finally clicks her laptop close with a decisive noise, glad to be done with it, Steve breaks the quiet, asking: “Do you feel up to an adventure?”
“An adventure?” Robin asks, uncertain. “What would this grant adventure entail?”
“I don’t feel like eating the food we have and I wanna go explore around town, eat cheap food at some diner and just wander around. My treat,” Steve says. “Just to get out of this place for a bit and be people. Playing tourist.”
“We technically are tourists,” Robin points out, but she’s smiling anyway.
“Maybe you are, I’m here on a student visa. I live here now,” Steve grins widely as if what he has just said is highly amusing. Robin is less loathe to admit than at the start that it is.
“Alright, dingus,” Robin rolls her eyes fondly. “Lets pretend to be people out there. I mean, if it’s your treat… Let’s go wild and have a party.”
“Oehh, already getting out of hand there, Buckley?” Steve jokes, eyes still crinkled.
“You haven’t seen me go crazy, Harrington,” Robin says, like she isn’t way too awkward to have ever gone crazy anywhere. Though she can’t help but feel joyful. It’ll be nice to get out and have some good memories before it all falls apart. Besides, this might help get her mind off it.
~~
A/N:
You can’t tell me Max is not a bones girl, like she’s a weird girl in my heart already and she thinks bones are the coolest and I will not change my mind
I am having a lot of fun telling you all about archaeology, promise I’ll go back to the regularly scheduled plot soon xp
Also, here is my PSA: DO NOT touch the trenches/putten and DO NOT attempt archaeology! I know it does seem like it might be difficult, but there is so much knowledge in the context that so called ‘amateur archaeologists’ (I hate that term btw) ruin, so it’s lost forever. Please, please, do not touch a dig site or something you find on your own, but let professionals dig it up. I promise we’ll love you if you just notify local authorities about it <3
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b4bytate · 1 year
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Early meetings & Lustful desires, part 2
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Finally, part 2 of my smut fiction!
this one will contain actual smut, so beware! 18+!
thank you fen for pushing me to publish this.
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after your last encounter with loki, he left you speechless and thinking about him all day long. this time he shows up again, and you are not letting him get away again.
Warnings: smut! 18+ f!masturbation, praising, loki is such a switch, loki being a little bitch pt2, fab reader, hair pulling, fingering. (I might’ve forgot something, but there are no heavy topics discussed!)
After your encounter with loki, your whole world revolved around him for the next day. The way he kissed you. Harsh but still a gentle sense to it, the way his beautiful hands found their way around your throat, the way he grabbed your waist. All those fantasies you had before yesterday only got worse.
You stepped into the shower. Thinking that the warm water may take your mind off of him.
You turned on the water and stepped onto the cold tiles of the shower. You washed your hair and used a vanilla scented body wash. The nice smells and warmth took your mind off of the god for a good 15 minutes, but they came right back like a boomerang and your hand trailed down over your breasts, down to your pussy. While imagining that your fingers were Loki’s big ones, you inserted a finger into it, making an in and out movement with your hand while your other finger rubbed circles over your clit. It was just the right friction that you needed. You started going faster and you couldn’t get the image of Loki fingering you out of your head.
“mhhh.. Loki..” you whimpered under your breath without even thinking about what you said or who’s name you just called out. You closed your eyes as you let the warm water run over your back and your fingers kept drawing circles over your clit. You were getting closer and closer to your orgasm until you heard something.
“Well, well.. what a show.”
You turned around and tried to cover yourself up, but by the grin on his face you could tell that he had been standing here for quite some time now.
“I didn’t expect you to call out my name while you were pleasing yourself, darling.”
You grabbed a towel and wrapped it around your body.
“What the hell Loki, this is my bathroom. How did you get in here?”
You yelled at him. Not being totally bothered by his entry though, you could use a helping hand.
“I heard my name fall from your pretty lips, and I just had to come and watch.”
He laughed with a lustfull smile on his face as he observed your figure, which was now covered up by a big towel.
“So darling, were you imagining me?”
He asked you.
“What?”
You yelled back.
“Well, you did call out my name.. were you imagining that it were my fingers, that were pleasing you?”
You looked down at the ground, being unable to look the tall god that stood before you in the eyes while he said something like that.
“That look tells me more than enough, darling.”
He placed both his hands on the side of your face roughly and kissed you.
The kiss was even better than before, less lustfull, but more romantic. Like two lovers that finally explore each other for the first time. His tongue got past your lips and entered your mouth and you let out a whimper against his lips. Again you felt something poking at your thigh. And you weren’t gonna let him speed away without taking care of it again. You dropped the towel and now you were standing in front of him. Completely naked.
Loki groaned at the sight.
“My oh my, if I didn’t know any better I would’ve thought that a goddess was standing in front of me right now.”
His praise made you smile at the ground. Too shy to look him into his eyes.
“You are absolutely breathtaking, my love.”
He started kissing your neck.
You chuckled.
“I never knew that you could be this sweet, you’re always teasing me.”
Loki stopped his attack on your neck and let out a breathy laugh.
“That’s because I like you darling, I like you a lot.”
The realization hit you, and you wanted to say something sweet, but Loki started working his way down to your chest and the only thing you managed to get out of your mouth was a breathy moan of his name.
He kissed both of your breasts one last time and picked you up like you were lighter than a feather. He carried you out of your private bathroom which was connected to your bedroom, and placed you softly onto your bed. The soft silk sheets felt nice on your skin.
Loki continued kissing you everywhere he could, down your breasts, your stomach and your thighs, he placed a long kiss on the inside of your thigh which sent shivers down your spine. He looked up with a smile that made your heart race even faster. Right when he placed a kiss on your clit. You realized that they weren’t just fantasies, and daydreams you had about Loki. You were in love with him. But you didn’t even get time to think about that, cause Loki slipped a finger into your pussy. His long and big fingers felt so much better than your own and reached spots in you that you never knew existed.
You moaned out his name and Loki responded with a breathy chuckle of “I knew you liked me too, love.”
Just as he was speeding up and you felt your orgasm building up faster and faster, he removed his fingers. Licking them clean.
“Loki what the hell?!”
You angrily said to him.
“What’s wrong my darling?”
He awnsered you with a confident smirk on his face.
“You didn’t let me cum, and this is the second time.”
He let out a chuckle at your words.
“Do you wanna know why I didn’t let you come, darling?”
You rolled your eyes and nodded. Pissed about not reaching your high for the second time today.
He bent over and placed his head next to yours, while whispering in your ear,
“Because I want to be the first time that I make you come, to be around my cock. Got it?”
His sudden dominance sent a shiver down your spine and you let out a small whimper.
You nodded your head and he placed a kiss on your forehead.
He started removing his clothes while kissing your lips passionately.
He took off the white t shirt and threw it on the ground, it revealed his perfect abs and it made you silently gasp at the sight.
He pulled down his pants and boxers in one go, so now he stood before you. Naked as well. And you had never seen something like this.
When I said that loki was a god, and he looked like one I was talking about his face and figure. But nothing could compare to his cock. It was long. But also big in girth. You tried to grab him as he was kissing you and you could barely fit your hand around it. He let out a airy chuckle at the feeling of your hand being almost too small to wrap around him. But it took him by suprise when you started pumping him. He grabbed your neck and kissed you harder, which made both of you moan. Your hand slipped to his hair, which was still perfectly tied up in a bun, a few strand that fell out of it framing his face perfectly.
You grabbed his hair and softly tugged on it. Which made him whimper. He let out a soft “please” as you pulled harder. “Oh god.” He moaned as one of your hands was tangled up in his hair and the other one wrapped perfectly around his cock, still pumping at a slightly faster pace. He moaned and you took the opportunity to flip him over, so you were the one on top now. He was suprised by the sudden turn of events. He laughed.
“Darling, did you really think I would hand over the control to you so easily, I am a go-“
he couldn’t finish his sentence as a moan ripped through his chest as you lined his cock up with your cunt and slowly sunk onto it. You grabbed his shoulders and held on for dear life, not thinking that it would fit. Loki chuckled in relief when you sank onto it completely, but let out a loud whimper as you started bouncing. You had to get used to it the first few times, but after a while I felt good. Really good. You were a whimpering mess, and so was Loki. When he felt that you had gotten tired and it was becoming too much for you he flipped you over so you were comfortably laying on the mattress again.
“Let me take care of you, my darling.”
Loki said as he kissed your cheek.
“Please, let me know if I am too rough. I do not under any circumstances want to hurt you.”
You nodded and he started thrusting into you. The first few times slow so you could adjust to the feeling, but when you started moaning, it awakened something in him and he started thrusting harder and harder. You pulled him closer and grabbed his hair. You already felt the knot in your stomach get bigger and you could tell that loki was getting closer too by the way you felt his cock twitch in your walls. You pulled his hair and he let out a loud moan of your name as he came. You followed shortly after. As you both rid out the aftershocks loki held you close and brushed his hand over your hair as he cuddled with you. Enjoying the closeness. You were shivering from the sudden wave of coldness, and loki grabbed his white T-shirt and pulled it over your head. He put on his boxers and you both climbed under the blankets, loki was still holding you close to him.
“I love you, loki.”
You told him.
“I love you too darling.”
He awnsered.
“No, I think that I am actually in love with you, loki.”
Loki let out a soft laugh at your words.
“I have been in love with you since the first time I saw you.”
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nyxonlive · 2 years
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"spectacular arrangement"
contains c! dream, c! george summary to be quite frank, neither the both of you were informed about the arrangement so imagine the look of surprise when the news finally broke out, without you both knowing. word count 1k+
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DREAM
"i'm sorry what?" he managed to cover his reaction - failing miserably as the reporters eyebrows turned to knots. repeating the question again the interviewer asked "how did you meet the love of your life you highness?"
straightening his posture he needed to talk to his mother after the interview. glancing at the reporter he said "we met on a horseback trail when i was going home from a stroll" keeping the answer short and possibly private, he managed to catch a breath when the interviewer moved onto a new topic.
don't get him wrong, he prepared for these type of stuff even if the questions are chosen before the day of the interview. he must've missed reading the question about this arrangement not to mention the sudden change on the look on his face. finishing the interview he snuck out, not letting his guards know he left which his mom is gonna scold him later on.
he stumbled on the forest he always visited since his childhood, the roots have grown but it still feels like yesterday, like he was still the young prince without any pressure on his back. the sudden drip of water as he watch the sky turn to gray as he cursed silently. how was he going to get out of this without informing any followers that itch to get something out of the royal family? cause apparently a prince drenched from the rain is "inappropriate" and "careless"
as the sky turns to the darker hue, he knew he was in trouble. he spots a figure and fights his thoughts about asking the person for help. troubled he had no choice to ask knowing he might risk his life or reputation with this move. "excuse me? do you know the way out? it seems as though im kind of lost" as the figure turned to him; the first thing he spotted is their eyes how it shines even though everything between them was already dark. the person smiled softly as they open their mouth to speak "getting lost here is common but it's your lucky day since i know the way" hesitant he asked "how do i know you're not gonna kidnap me and sell my organs?" they chuckled "well i have no use for your organs sir, im quite content to my finances and organs"
still hesitant he just nods as the rain kept getting stronger he felt himself shivering and they must've saw as they took of their coat and gave it to him surprised he blurted "oh no, please keep it" staring at him, they said "no worries i have thick skin and clothes too it's more better if you took this" he carefully took the coat in their hands and automatically finds comfort in the lavender scent it has. he's still wondering how he was able to trust someone to do this let alone a stranger.
reaching the end they spoke "well here we are i hope you get back home safely" glancing the lanterns he thanked them and they smiled and continued to walk away from him. processing what happened he took of the coat but they smiled and said "keep it. it looks good on you" speechless dream watches as they walk away from him. the blush was obvious from his face as he walks himself towards the castle.
he couldn't sleep if he was going to be honest he still thought about the comfortable feeling he had for a short time he hasn't felt that in years. as he glances at the coat that hangs from his wardrobe, he thought he was lucky to encounter and not someone who has something they want he came into the conclusion that some people want something from everyone but you were different and breath of fresh air. and he liked that, a lot.
as he finds himself seating as his mother said and explained the arrangement he was about to rebuttal when they were interrupted as the doors opened  he saw a familiar face. it's going to be alright he said to himself. it was you.
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GEORGE it was his duty he reminded himself but he couldn't take away the feeling that it was forced because it definitely was. pondering, he glances at your direction it was raining it was a setback for them and the horses but you look at the rained as it was peaceful he heard you spoke "you're not quite fond of the rain aren't you? "he was surprised to say the least, but he softly answered "indeed i am, it's a setback for everyone, the hunt, farms." you hummed still staring at him he continued " i take it you like the rainy weather?" you glanced at him, smiling softly "i do" you spoke again "i take it as the sky took too much to bear" george was confused it was evident from his face chuckling you said "i mean it's the sky releasing it's emotion or burden, i like to think the sky as person it has emotions and gorgeous smiles like sunsets and such, and as a person no one should bear that much weight inside. so for me rain is the sky trying to release it's pain and burden." you looked up on him as he said "you are indeed smart" smiling you said "i know i am" he chuckled and he said "do you wanna see the sunset with me tomorrow?" "i would love to. " as the sky  turns to blue into magnificent hues you said "the sky's smiling" not taking his eyes on the sun he says "indeed it is" as you glance at him "it is indeed beautiful"
you continue to stare as he looks at the sun smiling.
"ah you two are getting along, good." his mother says he looks at his mother and said "we are, you picked someone good." his mother smiles and said "i know i did." as they both smiled excited for the future ahead.
an: i might do some of the others as well (if motivation comes thru)
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Title: Shall We Convene? The Coffee Table Book of Gamer Culture
Author: Studio 4
Rating: 0/5 stars
I picked this up yesterday at a used book sale, which I was attending with a friend who was visiting from out of town. The friend is an experienced gamer and considers herself something of a gaming snob; she wanted to see this book in person (as it were) and was doubtful that it was for real. So I read it in the bookstore with her watching.
If you want a book about video games that does not treat its subject with enough respect to put in a single picture of a game console or even a game screen, this book is the one for you. The first (and last) page of each chapter consists of a large block of text, utterly devoid of paragraph breaks, the style of which "appears to have been inspired by Microsoft Word's default clippy," in the words of the RPG.net reviewer here. The end of each chapter consists of several pages of "The Gaming Sheet," an odd (and unfunny) mix of Cosmo-style sex tips and aspects of the dating/hookup culture of the gaming underground. The cynicism and crude style of the book's writing, and the fact that this style is maintained throughout, makes it feel a lot like the kind of media fanboy writing one encounters on e.g. IGN.com, but worse.
The end of the chapter on "Roleplaying Games" describes the various types of sexual metaphors and acts popular in the (male-dominated) hobby. The ones that strike the reader as the most absurd are:
Having one's character transformed into a rabbit. Or into a slime, or a hideous goblin, or a slimy goblin hiding in a big pile of goblin slime. The incentive here is not to get laid as a liaison between partners – rather, the alteration of one's physical form is considered extremely humiliating and degrading.
Having two other people create a humanoid character which is supposed to represent one's gender. The character is then forced to "bond" with the members of the couple. Yes, you read that correctly. Having two other people play a fictional being representing you having sex with them, while you have no say in the matter.
(Perhaps it's important to mention that this book was produced by a group of male gamers and co-written by a male "veteran editor," and that some reviewers thought that this might go a long way toward explaining certain features of the book.)
There are also other more amusing entries. "Tabletop RPGs," the chapter on pen-and-paper roleplaying, consists primarily of a critique of the existence of any number of hobbyist RPGs whose names consist of a cliched sci-fi or fantasy word in which the first two letters are capitalized, such as The Matrix RPG. The writers mock these games, and their authors, as no doubt they should. But the authors do so in a style that borders on the Unfunny (c.f. above). This is an extremely small target, one that can be mocked by anyone who bothers to bring up the topic at all, and one can't help but wonder why the authors cared so much:
[T]here is a kind of game where even the publishers seem to know that they are indulging in a flight of fancy and try to compensate with humor. The Matrix RPG is the archetype. It is written by Vince Garcia (he of the GDC speech) with a forward by Mark Tyghe, former president of Warner Brothers. The cover shows a random array of monsters, exotic aliens, robots and human soldiers. The game description tells us that in a bizarre twist of fate, Neo and Trinity have joined forces with a group of Matrix RPG players, and have somehow managed to figure out that the true battle is not against a sentient computer operating system, but the very people who think they can use it to exploit and control humanity!
I think it's the "not" in the sentence about Neo and Trinity in the last paragraph that does it for me. "That's right! The Matrix is actually about a bunch of nerds! How clever!" The authors, by the way, include a space on the last page for the reader to take notes. Since this book is 150 pages long, that space is .117% of the entire book.
The writers appear to have been struggling for something to say, and to have found themselves incapable of even that, which is my charitable interpretation of their attempt to talk up their own graphic design abilities -- "it's not just words, it's visual!" The visuals are indeed nice, but the authors do not seem to realize that a coffee table book about gamer culture should be, above all else, readable. They also include a very large number of photos -- more than can fit on the one page they give over to a photo each from each chapter. Many of these photos are unrelated to the text, and furthermore, the vast majority of them appear to be stock images (like the "safe sex" ad from the book cover). Most of the photos are also very large -- one spread, for instance, is a 2-page closeup of a character from an obscure Xbox game called War of Eden -- and it's unimaginable that this would ever work if the reader wasn't constantly distracted by the many other photos on nearly every page. It's possible that the book designers thought they were trying to make a "gamer" book by putting in as many photos as possible, in which case they must not know a single gamer, because real gamers have plenty of experience with slow, unresponsive, and ugly-ass video game interfaces.
I could go on. "The Gaming Sheet" is the kind of thing only a guy in his 20s who has never spoken to a woman in his life and has a lot of free time on his hands would create, and its inclusion in the book is only more baffling because most of the book is mostly about how hey gamers aren't those guys, except here's a little anecdote that implies you actually are (my favorite, about halfway through: "when I mention sexual conquest to my gamer buddies, it doesn't make much sense. However, if you were to tell one of them about a high scoring session, they might be more eager to hear about it.") The layout and style of each chapter's introduction is different, sometimes quite noticeably (although not in a good way), as if to imply that there is a theme between each chapter -- but it's difficult to see what such a theme might be, unless it's simply "you know, games" (and even that's hardly a high point of insight). The authors spend a lot of time mocking one niche game (The Matrix RPG) and seem confused that this has made them look insular, in the same way that someone who holds a potluck with four of their friends might be perplexed that this makes them seem like an especially inaccessible clique. This book is like a haunted house that is scary because it's run by inept college students, and the authors seem to think that they're among the hosts.
A lot of nerd culture -- mostly science fiction and fantasy -- has always been deeply sexist, and this book was written as part of a (fairly narrow) hobbyist subculture that is overwhelmingly male, so the problem of sexism is not just "easy pickings" but also a natural target. Yet, if you're going to mock this problem, you need to make sure that your targets are, in fact, your targets. A lot of non-nerds -- nay, normal people! -- will watch gamer conventions on TV or the Internet, and think of the "geeks" they see there as a group to which they don't belong. Many of these people would say the same thing about the men who participate in nerd culture, but the descriptions in this book -- gamer guys with way too much time on their hands and an odd obsession with the aesthetics of visual design -- are only slightly less bizarre than those in the average hacker comic from the 1980s. If you mock "nerds" you're going to look like nerds to the people whose lives are unaffected by, say, The Matrix, and one of those people is going to call you a poser. If you want to talk about
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perdivel · 7 months
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Joan Jett
para acompañar este retrato de Joan Jett, a quien nunca he seguido apasionadamente, me apetecía reflexionar sobre los referentes y su importancia. ayer, hablando con una amiga, recordé cuando era más pequeña y quería ser guay. es decir, no como una chica, si no guay de verdad.
yo sé qué pasó en mi propia infancia y juventud, pero muchas chicas quizá tuvieron una vida más… ¿convencional? y han sentido lo mismo en algún momento.
🤘 los referentes femeninos no han abundado en mi historia personal. ni en la realidad ni en la ficción. cuando aparecían me quedaba perpleja. pero, desde luego, tenían bien afianzadas sus características masculinas: Xena, Ripley, Connor… y cuando conoces alguna historia turbia, como la de las realidades detrás del escaparate de The Runaways, te dan escalofríos y vergüenza de la industria que te ha dado esa música que tanto admiras y que tanto alivio te ha proporcionado en la vida. 🎸
pero, dime: ¿quiénes son tus referentes? ¿qué inspiración encuentras en sus historias? ¿realmente necesitamos modelos a seguir?
y, sobre todo, ¿qué te parece este retrato? 🥹😂
ah, todavía tengo pendiente retrato conjunto de todo el grupo de aquel #inktober2019 mío con temática musical 🫠
cheers ❤️‍🔥
---
to accompany this portrait of Joan Jett, whom I've never ardently followed, I felt like reflecting on role models and their significance. yesterday, while chatting with a friend, I recalled when I was younger and yearned to be cool – not just as a girl, but genuinely cool. 🤘
I know what ocurred in my own childhood and youth, but many girls might have led more... conventional? lives, and at some point, felt the same way.
female role models haven't been plentiful in my personal history. Not in reality or fiction. When they did appear, they left me astonished. but surely, they had their masculine traits firmly established: Xena, Ripley, Connor... and when you encounter a murky story, like the realities behind the façade of The Runaways, it sends shivers down your spine and leaves you ashamed of the industry that gave you that music you admire so much, the music that provided so much solace in life. 🎸
but tell me, who are your role models? what inspiration do you find in their stories? do we truly need figures to emulate?
and above all, what do you think of this portrait? 🥹😂
oh, and I still owe you a collective portrait of the entire group from my #inktober2019 with music as topic 🫠
cheers ❤️‍🔥
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bb-editing · 1 year
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ROXANA (Chapter 11)
“You smell like blood.”
After leaving Jeremy and Charlotte, I headed straight for the dungeon. Cassis, who had been studying me closely since my arrival, quietly commented about my appearance. I was humiliated. Just as he’d said, my hands and clothes were covered in dried blood from the encounter with Charlotte in the hall. I looked up at Cassis, suddenly feeling self-conscious.
“Nothing happened. Besides, it’s not like you care.”
Cassis frowned slightly at my words, but how could I be honest with him? If I said that I’d gotten so drenched in blood by fighting with my siblings, would Cassis become more guarded? Worse still, the blood wasn’t mine. If I knew it would be like this, I would have changed before coming here. 
I let my brain chew on the thought, before opening my mouth. “I won’t be able to come for a while.” Cassis looked silently at my figure. Despite his faint vision, he could see the shape of a small girl reflected in clearer view than yesterday. 
“I won’t be gone too long… Maybe just a few days.”
‘Maybe this “Roxana” is injured somewhere,’ Cassis thought, despite knowing that he wasn’t in a position to be worrying about another person’s wellbeing besides his own. But the dank smell of blood emanating from the girl facing him still made him nervous. He hated how helpless he felt in every situation without his sight; it was horribly inconvenient.
“So until I see you again, be well. Though I am slightly worried, since there’s no one available to help you if you need it.” As per usual, her voice was calm, soft, and contemplative.
Cassis thought about how nice it would be to see her face the next time they met.
* * *
Two days later, I was informed that Charlotte had overcome the prison guard and forced herself into the dungeon. Worse yet, she had attacked Cassis and wounded him. “Hmm.” I pondered the situation unconsciously while leisurely sipping poison tea from Emily. How predictable. 
On the day of our “dinner,” Charlotte picked a fight with me over ownership of Cassis, though she was eventually defeated. I couldn’t stand that Cassis had suffered under my ownership, but had to stay still even if she angered me. Plus,  Jeremy would have beaten her up.
I should have guessed what was going to happen from the look on Jeremy’s face at the dinner table. He even tried to hurry me away first so that he’d be the only one with Charlotte. Unfortunately, Charlotte wasn’t willing to leave the issue alone, and threw a fit.
When the three of us brought up the topics of Cassis’ ownership to our father, he simply told us to leave it alone for a while. So despite her overwhelming rage, Charlotte had no choice but to hold off on executing Cassis’ murder lest she be disposed. She was so angry that she lost her appetite, and barely touched her food the entire time.
My father’s order was a big blow to her, and it was clear she had desperately wanted to ruin the first toy I’d wanted. Despite this, Cassis’ injuries were milder than expected. After all, all his limbs were still intact. Is Charlotte weaker than I thought? I even brought sutures.
“Additionally, it was reported that Miss Charlotte accidentally broke the prisoner’s restraints and was about to be attacked herself. It seems like she’ll be punished for that.” 
“What?” The hand holding my teacup went limp. The breaking of restraints? How unexpected. A hemp restraint, known for its top-class durability, if nothing else, was broken?
“This is getting interesting.” Impossible. It was obvious that Cassis had used a trick or fishy method of some kind. Granted, Charlotte is easily provoked and hysterical, it was impossible for her to “accidentally” break a hemp restraint. What if Cassis deliberately used Charlotte?
Of course, that may be overestimating him on my part, but he is the Pedelian heir- he even has the nickname ‘Silver Knight.’ I set the teacup down wordlessly. It seemed that I would have to visit Cassis one more time.
* * *
“Sister, did you hear about Charlotte?”
“Yes… I heard about the dungeon incident.”
That evening, Jeremy stopped by my room. He was a little dense and clingy, retelling Charlotte’s punishment in a small, ignorant voice. She had been imprisoned for twenty days in the punishment chamber. Father was clearly very upset with Charlotte’s direct breach of conduct, while I, on the other hand, found it difficult to be anything other than satisfied with such an outcome.
“So I guess the toy is ruined now. Should I stop going?” Jeremy’s voice grew even quieter, staring at me with his deep blue eyes. I thought about how fortunate it was that he barely resembled Lanche, save for the black hair. If his appearance had looked even a sliver more like Father’s, I would have hated him.
“I’m sure the toy isn’t that damaged, but what can we do?” I said in a slow voice, patting Jeremy’s head gently. With a more devilish smile, he said, “Sister, should I stop Charlotte from going down to the dungeon?” Ah. It must have been Jeremy who encouraged Charlotte to visit Cassis in the first place. It seemed like he was doing all my work for me. It was entertaining, especially considering that I knew the truth about the whole situation.
“Just let it go. If the toy’s life is doomed, Father will take care of it himself. He won’t tolerate being disobeyed twice.” And of course, since Charlotte was locked in the punishment chamber for a while, she won’t be able to get near Cassis, even if she wanted to.
“Jeremy, you’re not going to touch my toy as Charlotte did, are you?” I whispered. “You’re the only brother I trust.”
At that moment, he stopped and looked up briefly. Then he laughed softly. “Of course. I would never do what you don’t want me to.”
* * *
“Charlotte is such an idiot.” Jeremy exited Roxana’s room and into the hall, annoyed.
Of course, an Agriche being attacked after breaking a prisoner’s restraint was unforgiveable. “He’ll just be killed or tortured.” Jeremy’s eyes shone dark and cold. He wanted to kill that Cassis Pedelian, but couldn’t touch Roxana’s toys, even indirectly. 
“You're the only brother I trust.” Roxana’s words rang in his head- it was impossible to betray her trust. Damn it. But why do I feel so happy and proud? He scratched his head in confusion and headed for his room.
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nolanrossblog · 1 year
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Game Hammers
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HELLO! This is the first-ever-world-renowned Game Hammers blog. There are 2 Developers on this week's post, they are hopefully going to be on future blogs as well. The developers of this blog will track their progress in the week and whatever difficulties they encountered. The mission of this blog is to create a good environment for learning and exploring. Nolam This week I was working on a witch game, so I started by creating a new unity project with some cubes. I want to set it up to be a 2.5D sort of space, where you can move left and right but also see the depth of scenes, kinda like Tomba. In this project, I set up some core mechanics like wall jumping, ledge grabbing, moving, regular jumping, and some scaffolding for more complicated things like combat.
Here you can see the little block guy finding his way in life. In my progress towards moving, I thought it would suit the game to add a sliding mechanic for rails. So you can like, slide on rails. For this, I turned to splines - which I would later regret. If you don't know what a spline is: it's a bendy line. Bendy lines are very useful but very complicated as well.
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This was an attempt at a homemade spline made with the help of chat GPT. It was very rudimentary and I abandoned it after realizing unity has built-in splines. All of this so that I could make a bendy banister. For about 4 days I farted around and wasted my time with this, realizing that it's probably better to just do an easier straight line anyways. Whoops! After that cr*p, I tried to find a new productive avenue - so I went towards making some art.
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The game is about a witch who has to clean a house with her broom, and crossing my vision with Flodo's, I was able to come up with a model of the character, after an interesting attempt.
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that attempt ended up having cool hands, but they likely are to forever rot on my hard drive. This attempt, however, was much nicer despite having no fingers to speak of.
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The character ended up having a poofy outfit that looks very warm on her - which I like a lot. I did lots of new things making this like faces and hair, and have been trying to improve my topology. Yesterday, my parents left on vacation and I am in charge of my 3 siblings. It's going to be a difficult week ahead - going back to school and stuff - so I'm excited to see what progress I can make in school and with modeling and game design. PS. Grammarly on tumblr is booty.
Spebby Hey there! This is the Spebby section of the weekly Game Hammers Blog. Like my compatriots, Nolam and Flodo, I’ll be rattling on about what I’ve been learning and doing this week of my life. It’s midterm season, and I’ve been hard at work on studying up. My focus has mostly been upon Calculus, with a focus on Parametrics, Polar Graphs and Surface Area of Rotation. I’m feeling pretty good about my study actually, I have a pretty good grasp on Integration and Convergence, and this midterm’s topics are pretty similar, so I think I’ll be all good! While studying Polar Graphs, I came across a pattern I particularly like, which I’ve dubbed “The Lotus”. Not a super original name, but I think it fits. I accidentally stumbled across this one, the function that creates it is 4cos(5θ/13). A render of it can be found below.
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Outside of Calculus, what else have I been working on? As a stinky Comp-Sci major, I’ve been working on that. I’m still fresh meat. I very much appreciate my CS professor. He’s quite willing to throw us into the deep and push the limits of what our little brains can think of. I’m pretty brash, so I don’t quite give each assignment the thought I probably should. Learning about in-line assembly arguments and how to effectively use them, proper memory management, creating truly class-agnostic functions and how to write fast and efficient code. I find programming quite fulfilling and therapeutic honestly. Making something run faster and figuring out why something wasn’t working quite how I suspected is always quite the reward.
I’ve unfortunately not had much time to work on programming in the lens of game development. Perhaps Nolam has better time management than I do, he always seems to find time to crank out another prototype. Prototyping is quite the art, I’ve never really had to write something from scratch like that, Flodo or Nolam have always beaten me to the bunch in regards to these sorts of things. At some point it’s on my todo list to get cracking with a prototype. I’ve found it frustrating being limited on what I can feasibly do in a project, but to be honest that’s given me some liberty to get the creative juices flowing and try something wacky within my limitations.
Continuing the theme of academics, outside of my STEM major, I’ve been trying to take some interesting humanities classes. Anthropology has been an interest of mine for awhile, at first I thought only Cultural Anthropology would interest me, but Primatology and other Biological Anthropology subdisciplines have proven to be even more interesting to me. Learning about how odd humans are from an evolutionary perspective, and the adaptations that were taken in order to allow for our unique form of movement or perhaps our ancient ancestors, those of Selam, Toumaï and Platyops. Anthropology is such an interesting subject; If you have the ability, enroll in an Anthropology class, they’re super interesting and can teach you a lot about the world and perhaps change your worldview. 
I could go on and on, but I feel it’s best to bring this entry to a close. Be catching you next week. Perhaps we could have a longer chat, no?
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hinatastinygiant · 11 months
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73 | Sea Mist
Pairing: Tokyo Revengers x Fem!Reader
Wasteland Masterlist
After your encounter with Sanzu and his group, you slowly walk back to the health center. You can feel yourself wobbling slightly, still dazed by what just happened. You can feel Sanzu's blood drying up against your skin as you walk up the steps and open the front door which now no longer needs to be barricaded.
As you walk the long hallways, your mind is reeling from everything that happened. You need to speak to someone you can trust, someone who might have something helpful- or hopeful- to say.
However, it's Mitsuya that you spot first in the hallway so it is him that you approach and pull into a quiet room. "Mitsuya, we need to talk," you say urgently as you shut the door behind yourself.
"Look, Y/N, you're a nice girl and all but I'm more into taller guys with blue hair if you catch my drift..."
Stunned by his sudden confession to you, obviously talking about Hakkai, you're not sure what to say next. "I, uh- No, I wasn't... I mean I'm happy for you but-"
"What were you going to say, Y/N," he interrupts, saving you from embarrassment. 
You take a deep breath before plunging straight into the heart of the matter. "I don't know what's happening to me, Mitsuya. First, I took some kind of fucking drug that took me to some other planet-"
"You found the stash?" he gasps.
"What?"
"What do you mean?" he then gulps, realizing that he misinterpreted what you said.
"No, what do you mean?" you shake your head.
"I thought you said you took the fucking drinks. I had a stash of a few water bottles and I, uh..."
"Mitsuya, you stole drugs from Mikey?" you whisper in response.
"No! What? Didn't you just hear what I said?" he gasps, his face turning red.
"Okay, whatever, I'm getting off-topic. But if you steal at least fucking share, okay? We're all in this screwed-up place too, you know. Anyway, I don't know how to explain what I feel but it's like I'm being pulled in two different directions at once."
Mitsuya listens intently, his expression growing serious by the moment. "Well what direction do you want to be in?" he shrugs.
"I wish this shit would just end," you groan. "I wish I could be on a beach, maybe on a boat, and sail away from it all. But I don't know how to do that when doing that means I can't ever fucking sleep again."
"I don't know what to tell you, Y/N," he then shakes his head. "I know that I haven't slept in days and that my time hasn't changed. I'm tired as shit but I don't have to kill to survive."
"Wakasa figured that out, too," you whisper to yourself.
"Wakasa?" he then hums, hearing an unfamiliar name.
"Oh, an old friend of mine who I met a while back," you shrug.
"You know, Emma had a similar idea yesterday morning. She said she was going to sleep during the day and stay awake at night," he tells you.
"There's no way it could be that simple," you scoff. "Otherwise someone would've come up with that by now, you know. Nightshift workers, people like me who work all night."
"Which is why you should probably talk to her about what she's doing. You're right, it's not that simple," he then tells you.
"Explain," you state simply, wanting to hear it from him.
You and Mitsuya stand in the hallway, the fluorescent lights above casting a cold, sterile glow on everything. He leans against the wall, his arms crossed as he sighs before filling you in on the latest development with Emma.
"She's not simply falling asleep during the day," he explains. "She's using anesthesia or something like sleeping pills to fall asleep and wake up at certain times. Mikey's documenting the pattern."
Shocked, you then ask, "What have they found out so far?"
"Y/N, it's only been like a day. But it seems as though it doesn't matter what she takes as long as she is medically induced into a sleep, it works," Mitsuya replies. "Emma said she wasn't tired and the number on her wrist didn't go down."
You feel so relieved to hear the great news and the new development that without thinking you pull him into a tight hug. Mitsuya- the same guy who once kidnapped you and locked you in his basement. You might've only been in this world for about a month, but a hell of a lot has changed since then.
"Thank you, Mitsuya. You're amazing. I've got to go talk to Chifuyu but I'll see you around. Good luck confessing to Hakkai!" you smile before running off to go find Chifuyu.
Mitsuya watches as you leave down the hallway with his face bright red. Maybe he didn't realize what he said before was very specific to the only tall man you both know with blue hair, but he was stunned to hear you bring up his name before leaving so suddenly.
Just then, Hakkai opens one of the doors nearby and spots Mitsuya standing still in the middle of the hallway by himself and approaches him. "Hey," he says softly, trying not to startle Mitsuya's nearly frozen body. "What're you doing out here by yourself?"
Mitsuya sucks in a deep breath as he turns around to see Hakkai standing nearby. "Oh, uh, not much. Hey, I was wondering if you'd like to go out sometime..."
Hakkai raises an eyebrow, not sure what Mitsuya's trying to say. Just then, Mitsuya quickly adds, "I mean, like out for a walk or something. If you're not too busy."
Hakkai nods and smiles, "Sure, that sounds nice."
Mitsuya looks relieved and happy, "Great! How about tomorrow morning? After breakfast."
Hakkai nods again, "Tomorrow morning works. Where do you want to meet?"
Mitsuya thinks momentarily, "How about right outside the steps?"
"Okay," Hakkai agrees. "I'll see you then."
Mitsuya hums and nods his head as he watches Hakkai walk away, leaving him to stand in the hallway with a huge, stupid grin on his face.
Wasteland Masterlist
Taglist: @pikagirl2001330 @romaka344
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clatterbane · 2 years
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Oh my, reminded by that last reblog, and it thankfully being a much smaller aggravatation for me than no doubt for a a lot of other people that there's no Systembolaget location very convenient to our new place. (Since you can't even buy wines and beers over 3.5% ABV in regular stores here.)
Being the way I am, I actually went into that gastroscopy appointment yesterday extra-worried. Because somebody on the gastroenterology team had a brainstorm, puzzling about why the throat dilation treatments hadn't been holding more effectively than they have over time. (The best I can figure, it's probably thanks to the initial delays and flat-out negligence in treatment on Plague Island, maybe in combination with the connective tissue disorder weirdness. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
Anyway, longterm alcohol abuse can really fuck with your GI system along with everything else, not too surprisingly. So, last visit before that, that doctor asked about how much I drink for the first time since I got here, then sprung on me that he wanted to run an additional blood test to check for some markers just to rule that out. 😒
First time I've ever had anybody decide to jump on that possibility, and it did take me by surprise. Didn't much like it, either--but sure, go right ahead if you must. I've had like two drinks in the past year, and that's more than I had over the previous like 5 years combined thanks to how it was messing with my blood sugar.
Didn't help that the guy sounded so weird and awkward about very specifically asking for consent to get the sample and run the testing. Sure, I guess a number of other folks might take that worse than I did, and it is a pretty sensitive topic to raise at all. And informed consent is important, regardless. Maybe there are some additional cultural complications I'm missing there. But, the way he went about it still left a worse taste overall.
Besides just being a worrier without that much earned trust in medical professionals, though? I was a bit extra concerned, with the slightly funky ethnic liver chemistry variations including genetically high bilirubin levels. One kind that is apparently common enough back home that doctors with more experience will go, "Oh, you're $ETHNICiTY aren't you? That's fine, then", but I would be amazed if anyone here had ever encountered before.
With some who were less clued in (and also frequently kinda racist), though? My mom, who looked much more obviously $ETHNIC, got accused/dismissed on multiple occasions as a raging drunk who needed to stop wasting their time. Including when she went into the ER after a sudden collapse with several obvious broken ribs that they wouldn't even examine, just months before she ended up dying from cancer. Whereas I, who turned out much lighter with exactly the same liver chemistry variation straight from her, just kept getting, "Hmm, this looks pretty weird. We'd better repeat this test."
(Even though my name kinda suggests "Irish-American", and a lot of people including actual Irish ones have just assumed that my background is probably much more straightforwardly so than is really the case. Kinda screwed over by some stereotypes around the booze, either way! 🙄)
So yeah, some extra bad associations there too, even if I have never personally ended up on the sharp end of that crap. Yet. And people have persistently kept coming up with funky readings of my very neurodivergent AND culturally different reactions to some things, with some really bad takes on my presumed truthfulness or lack thereof.
Anyway, I did think to say something up front about the genetically high bilirubin levels. And I'm guessing that if the results did come back already, they didn't scream secret raging alcoholism. Nobody said a word about it yesterday, and that different doctor brought up finally referring me for surgery to fix the hernia that's no doubt helping keep the main problem going. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I was not even going to ask about it.
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mcomarie · 2 years
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Topic: MeToo Movement 
Module 6 thus far has to be one of the most controversial yet informing sources of materials we've probably had to cover thus far in this course. We've discussed intersectionality, how this term came about via its origins, and how it relates to this week's topics of race, gender, and politics. (This link is a great visual example of intersectionality: https://provost.tufts.edu/celt/initiatives/inclusive/learning-about-inclusion/intersectionality-a-fun-guide/.) In this text, I'll discuss further one of the gender social movements and how we as a society can help those in need.
One of the topics we covered in this course was the MeToo Movement, in which both men and (primarily) women have faced significant amounts of sexual harassment and/or sexual assault from others in our society; while coming together to create a social movement of awareness and change. As a young woman with a curvy figure in our society, I can say that I've encountered numerous actions regarding harassment and sexual harassment since as young as a pre-teen. Crazy to say, it was just yesterday as I was discussing with one of my female and male co-workers what it's like being a woman in today's era and what we hate about the consequences of our gender. It's sad to say we as women undergo these unwanted behaviors and trauma, as must not forget how men have been treated regarding this topic in society, as others tend to forget this gender experiences these unwanted events, as our media today doesn't necessarily cover this topic as frequently as others. Thankfully the MeToo Movement has allowed a safe space to encourage those to come forth, speak and share about their encounters as it is mentally and emotionally healthy yet difficult for others. 
Overall, with how much information we grasped throughout the past week regarding intersectionality, gender, race, and politics, I think it is essential to know that this world will "never be perfect" but "imperfect." In addition, if you know someone (or even yourself) and in need any form of empathetic guidance, safety, closure, etc., observe the link here https://metoomvmt.org and take the initial steps to help better your or someone else's life.
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hazel2468 · 3 years
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So, something I see (and say) a lot is that fat/plus size folks should be able to go to the doctor to get medical treatment and not have everything be made about their weight. And I hear a lot of pushback to that- “Shouldn’t doctors bring that up? A doctor is SUPPOSED to care about your health!”
So I figured I would give y’all an example of what I mean when I say “I want to be able to get medical treatment and have it not be made about my weight.”
I’ve been to the doctor for breast pain twice in my life. Once when I was in my first year of college, and once during my last year of grad school. The two experiences were vastly different.
First time around, I go in because I’m having pain in my left breast. I don’t feel anything, but something hurts. I sit down in the doctor’s office, in she comes. I tell her what’s going on. And right away she hits me with “Well, maybe losing some weight would help.” Didn’t examine my breast. Didn’t ask me much else. Just spent the next ten minutes telling me that it probably had something to do with me being fat and then sent me on my way. I learned basically nothing, just that I “probably” didn’t have fucking breast cancer.
Second time. I’m in grad school, and this time I actually feel a lump, so of course I panic. I go to the doctor. She has me take off my shirt and all that, and then asks me some questions. When did it start? Is the pain worse or better than when I called about it? Can I still feel the lump? Has this happened before? I answer, she gives my boob a few good pokes and all that. Checks the other for good measure. And then gives me answers.
She tells me I have fiberous breasts, which is normal. Tells me it was probably a cyst, since that happens sometimes and, given my symptoms and the exam, it seems to be gone now. I tell her I get those in other places a lot and she nods and says “Yeah, probably a cyst.” She tells me to keep an eye out and call her if I feel any more lumps- even if it is just another cyst, she wants to make sure. She says I could go for a mammogram but because I’m only 24 and the symptoms are subsiding it isn’t needed, in her opinion, but she would be happy to set one up for me to put my mind at ease. Then she shakes my hand and leaves. We spent about 30 minutes together.
This is what I mean when I say “I want medical treatment without it being made about my weight.” The first doctor assumed, right away, that the problem was because I am fat. And because she assumed that, she didn’t check me, didn’t ask me questions she should have. There are horror stories out there about people who had treatable illnesses that later killed them because they weren’t caught in time.
“Shouldn’t doctors care about your health?” well, only one of these doctors actually seemed to. The one who did her job, who checked me out, who gave me answers and not only made sure I didn’t have something serious going on, but who put my mind at ease about my health. Who gave me signs to look out for and things to DO if this ever happens again. The other... The other lectured me about my body size and then shooed me out of her office without saying the words “lump” or “exam”. That, to me at least, doesn’t sound like caring about my health. The words “health” and “body size” are not synonomous and, in this case, my size didn’t have anything to do with it. There was no reason to bring it up because it wasn’t part of my medical concern.
I want to be able to walk into a doctor’s office and say “I have a problem” and have the doctor go “Okay, let me take a look at your problem”. I’m lucky and privileged that I have managed to find doctors who do that- who address my issues and history and ME as a whole person. But I’ve also had a lot of experiences with doctors who respond to “I have a problem” with “Well try losing weight”, no matter what the problem is. And that’s not okay. That KILLS people. And that’s why quality medical care for fat/plus size people is such an issue.
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quaranmine · 2 years
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so yesterday i saw that there was an upopular opinions thread on the hermitcraft subreddit. which i, like, immediately pegged as a bad idea due to my previous encounters with negativity on the subreddit. but i decided to not post about it because i figured that between og posts and answering asks i've made well over a dozen posts since january about this exact topic, and there ain't much sense to continue to double down on it. yall already know my opinions about negativity in the reddit community.
but then i saw this today and?? idk i just feel bad for the hermits. i know they've reinstated the post and allowed it to remain up, and that Xisuma apologized for the hermits' knee jerk reaction in asking to take it down, but i honestly don't feel like they were out of line when a lot of the comments on that thread got really personal. the comments may have been manually reviewed, but a lot of them were straight up complaints and harsh towards hermits and not constructive.
I'm not sure what to add, other than that I think we were right back in February to try and start a thing for being more positive in the comments section of the hermits' youtube videos. I think we were right in wanting to make an effort to be more vocal of our positive feelings rather than just lurking. I don't want them to feel demoralized. I make zero claims on knowing anything about their true feelings or personal lives, because it's not my business to speculate on, but we do know that more than one hermit is going through something difficult from their own statements about it. I also don't want to make anyone in the community feel like they can't express a negative opinion or give criticism because that's not a good look either. We don't need to become an echo chamber of only positive things.
But...I guess just overall. Let's maybe try to be encouraging? I personally comment on their videos more than I used to, but I still have a lot of work to do on that since I often still just absentmindedly click off onto something else.
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whitesparrows97 · 2 years
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better late than never – Part 3
Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader / Kim Namjoon x Reader
Warnings: Angst, arguments, misunderstandings, pining; smut including making out, fingering
Genre: Strangers to lovers / Best friends to lovers
Rating: 18+
Summary: Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin was not exactly the best. The fact that you ran into him shortly after, naked as God created him, didn’t make it any better. Especially Namjoon, your best friend since childhood, seemed to have something against him. What exactly, however, you could not figure out. But a secret so big, could not be kept hidden forever.
Word Count: 6.5K
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A/n: I already posted this part yesterday but for some reason it wouldn’t show up in the tags. I don’t know why and I’m not sure how to fix it, I’m just really tired of tumblr right now. I hope a miracle will happen and it will show up this time. I’m sorry for the inconvenience. As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please stay safe everyone, with everything going on it’s difficult to stay positive. If you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is always open.
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The booming bass made your skin tingle and ears ring, and with a satisfied smile you let your gaze slide around the bar you had dragged Namjoon to. You knew that Namjoon wasn’t a big fan of loud – and as he told you at every opportunity, bad – music, and he preferred to spend his Friday nights at home on the sofa or in front of his PC. He had only agreed to come along because he was allowed to bring Yoongi, even though you had had nothing against it. You were just happy to spend some time with your best friend again. The last weeks this had come a little too short with all the homework, your grandpa, Seokjin…
When you thought about Seokjin, your heart beat a little faster and you tried to hide your grin by taking a generous sip of your drink. 
“Someone’s in a good mood,” Yoongi remarked, placing three more drinks on the table before plopping down to join you and Namjoon in your booth. 
Embarrassed, you shrugged your shoulders. “I’m just happy to be here. With you guys.”
Yoongi laughed. A laugh you rarely saw, with teeth and gums fully visible. “Okay, that is such a lie.”
“It’s not!” you insisted. You admitted that your good mood was mostly thanks to Seokjin, but you were still happy to spend time with Namjoon – and Yoongi, too. 
“Y/N made her first big profit with one of her paintings,” Namjoon explained, and your heart skipped in a strange way when you saw the almost proud smile on his face. 
Yoongi’s eyebrows shot up and he turned his gaze back to you. “Wow, congratulations!”
“Thank you.” A little sheepishly, you looked at the sticky table in front of you. So much attention – on top of that as sincere as it came from the two of them – made you a little flustered. 
“I really didn’t think he’d do that,” Namjoon said, taking a sip of his beer. “But he already looked like he wasn’t short of money.”
You pressed your lips together. You hadn’t told Namjoon about you and Seokjin – yet. You wanted to, definitely, especially when you were sure Seokjin would be taking up more of your time in the near future. So the fact that Namjoon spoke so disparagingly of him, even though he didn’t really know him at all, made you feel kind of sad. 
“Who?” inquired Yoongi. 
“The guy who bought the painting from Y/N. He was in her nude drawing class and he modeled.”
“Oh, he just stripped bare?” Yoongi grinned. “Well, each their own, I guess.” He shrugged indifferently and put his bottle to his lips. 
Concentrating, you looked into your glass, which was nearly empty, as you searched for a topic to steer the conversation in another direction. Namjoon, however, didn’t seem to notice your discomfort and had no intention of deviating from the topic.
Namjoon laughed. The sound made you cringe, so cold and foreign it sounded. 
“I thought he was a little weird, in fact he almost got Y/N in trouble for spilling coffee all over her classmates’ paintings.”
Slowly but surely, your blood began to boil. Namjoon spoke as if you weren’t sitting at the table with him, especially since it seemed like Seokjin did it on purpose. You had the urge to set the record straight and looked up at the two of them. “That was an accident, Namjoon. Seokjin didn’t spill the coffee on purpose.”
Your gaze was on Namjoon, so you didn’t see Yoongi raise his eyebrows in surprise. Namjoon, on the other hand, put the bottle back on the table with a loud clink. “That was probably just a ploy by him to get closer to you. Did you hear how jealous he got when I joined?”
So many things were on your lips that you wanted to say all at once. But you started with, “That wasn’t a ploy on his part. Seokjin is not that kind of person.”
Now Namjoon raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Seokjin isn’t that kind of person? You don’t even know him, Y/N.”
Irritated, you clutched the handle of your glass. “So what if I do know him?” Challengingly, you looked at him. Something flitted across his face as you said it, but the moment was so brief you couldn’t place it. 
Instead, his lips formed into an almost taunting grin. “Well, I don’t know if you can speak of knowing someone from meeting three times.”
You didn’t know if Namjoon secretly knew that wasn’t the case and that you had met Seokjin far more times than that. An uncomfortable feeling spread through you as Namjoon made it more than clear what you had been hiding from him. No, not hiding, you corrected yourself in your head. You just hadn’t told him, since you had hardly seen Namjoon the last weeks anyway. You just hadn’t found the right time. And now wasn’t the right time either, but you didn’t want to keep Seokjin a secret any longer. He didn’t deserve that. Especially since the two men looked at you, expecting an answer.
“Maybe we’ve met more than just three times,” you murmured, your voice almost drowned out by the loud music and conversation around you. 
Beside you, the two men suddenly grew quiet. Or rather, Yoongi had been quiet for a while now, as you realized in that moment. But now Namjoon had also fallen silent. After a few moments you looked up cautiously and your eyes met Namjoon’s. Now you were able to pinpoint the feeling that was all over his face. Hurt. 
“What?” His voice was also low and barely audible over the loud music. He drew his eyebrows together as if he couldn’t understand what he had just heard.
“We’re dating.” Now it was out. But why didn’t you feel a little better? The weight on your shoulders was still there. Or maybe it wasn’t on your shoulders where you felt the weight…
Namjoon’s face was significantly neutral, even though you saw a muscle in his jaw twitch. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Yoongi reach for his drink and take a big gulp. He seemed uncomfortable, but he wasn’t the only one. Why didn’t either of them say anything?
“Oh,” Namjoon finally said, his voice sounding controlled and even, “congratulations.”
You let go of the glass’s handle and instead your hands slid to your lap, where you nervously intertwined them. “Congratulations? Is that all you have to say about that?”
“What do you want me to say, Y/N?” He looked at you, his lips pressed together into a thin line. “Am I supposed to be happy that you hid this from me?”
“I didn’t hide it!” 
He raised an eyebrow questioningly. “You didn’t?”
Defeated, you shut your mouth, because you knew he was right. You didn’t know why. Something had stopped you the last few times you’d met. Maybe because you knew Namjoon would react strangely? The situation in the painting studio when Namjoon had joined you had been so strange, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that Namjoon didn’t like Seokjin. That feeling had been confirmed now. You just didn’t know why. Seokjin was a nice guy and you knew he wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. So there was no reason for Namjoon to be worried about that. “I don’t have to tell you everything,” you murmured toward your lap. You couldn’t meet Namjoon’s gaze right now. 
But Namjoon didn’t seem to have heard your remark. “I hope you know what you’re doing,” he said instead, raising his glass to his lips.
Your eyebrows drew together when you heard that. “What do you mean?” Your voice sounded irritated and puzzled at the same time as your gaze followed the drink Namjoon poured down his throat. 
With more force than necessary he put the empty bottle of beer back on the table. “That Seokjin seemed strange. Not that he expects anything for his money.”
That made you shove the drink away from in front of you before pushing yourself off the table with your palms. The two men looked at you in surprise, as if they hadn’t expected that reaction. Still, your focus remained on Namjoon and you had to pull yourself together to keep your voice controlled. 
“Seokjin is a nice, sincere man and not strange in any way. He makes me feel good and encourages me in my talent and boosts my self-confidence. Just because you-” Your voice got higher with each word and you had to take a breath. “Just because you have some kind of jealousy problem, you don’t have to make it about Seokjin. Get back to me when you’ve calmed down, for goodness sake.”
With those words, you grabbed your bag and slipped out of the booth. Your eyes burned as you fled towards the exit, your hands already rummaging for your phone. The cool air outside cooled your heated cheeks, even though your heart was still pounding loudly up to your throat. With shaky fingers, you held the phone to your ear and listened to the ringing on the other side. 
Then, after the third ring, you finally heard the voice that brought a smile to your face. “Y/N, hey. Is everything okay?”
You exhaled. “Seokjin, can you come pick me up?”
. . . 
The first time you had been in Seokjin’s apartment, it had taken you minutes to close your jaw, which had dropped to the white and grey marble floor. It had only one room, just like your apartment, but that was where the similarities ended. The huge room was expensively furnished and had floor-to-ceiling windows that took up the entire one wall, giving you an incredible view. The kitchen was tidy and large and you had seen kitchen utensils you didn’t even know existed.
You felt right at home.
And that had had nothing to do with Seokjin’s hands, which had hungrily sought their way over your upper body…
Now, however, your heart was beating much too fast for another reason and you felt anything but comfortable. That was not Seokjin’s fault, not at all, but Namjoon’s alone. And maybe a little bit yours, too, because you hadn’t told him about you and Seokjin for so long.
You just didn’t understand the reason for Namjoon’s behavior. It wasn’t the first time you dated someone, and rarely had you run straight to Namjoon to tell him about it (except for that one time when your high school crush, Dean, had asked you out on a date. You had called Namjoon immediately and yelled the message through the receiver, but that was years ago). He had never reacted like he did tonight. To be exact, you had never heard Namjoon talk about anyone in such a derogatory way. Especially not when he barely knew the person. You almost felt as if you hardly knew Namjoon, at least not the person he had been tonight.
“Would you like something warm to drink? Or a water?”
“Maybe a tea would be nice.” You smiled at Seokjin, who went straight to the kitchen counter and you dropped down on his comfy sofa. Immediately, you grabbed the blanket that lay over the armrest and snuggled into it. Behind you, you heard Seokjin preparing tea, but otherwise it was quiet in the large apartment. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” He put the cup of steaming tea on the table and sat down next to you. 
You lifted the blanket so Seokjin could cuddle up to you. His hands found yours and his thumb stroked the back of your hand. 
Still irritated, you expelled your breath. “I don’t know.” You were afraid to take your bad mood out on Seokjin, because nothing was further from your mind than that… 
“Does it have something to do with Namjoon?” At his name, you let your head fall back and your gaze hit the ceiling. “You had met with him today, right?”
Silently, you nodded.
“Did you guys have a fight?”
You hesitated, because you weren’t quite sure. Could this be called a fight? You didn’t even understand why exactly Namjoon had acted that way. So you just sighed. “I don’t know, maybe. He… he didn’t say such nice things, and actually, I don’t know that kind of behavior from him.” You didn’t want to tell Seokjin more than that and that he had been the topic of the conversation. 
Seokjin seemed to ponder as he leaned forward and reached for the cup. He held it out to you with a smile. “I don’t know what he said, but you seem really upset. But he’s your best friend… give him a few days to apologize and otherwise you’ll talk to him again.”
Thinking about it, you nodded. “You’re right,” you agreed with him and carefully sipped the tea. “Thank you, Seokjin.”
“Not for this, sweetheart.” He stood up and walked back into the kitchen and you watched him go with your heart pounding loudly. You couldn’t help it, your body going into overdrive every time you heard the pet name. 
“Where are you going?” you asked across the sofa in his direction. He had his back turned to you, giving you an excellent view of his broad shoulders, which you could barely take your eyes off of. 
Only when he turned to you, phone in one hand, did you look up. “Did you guys eat something? If not, we can order something.”
“Food sounds great.” Actually, you had planned to share a burger or at least fries with Namjoon at the bar. You shook your head and banished that thought – and that person with it – from your mind, at least for this evening. 
You ordered and not ten minutes passed before you were lying on the sofa breathing heavily, Seokjin on top of you between your legs. His large, warm hands had found their way under your shirt and his fingers were exploring the sensitive skin beneath. You moaned as he pressed his full lips to your neck and he sucked in the skin underneath between his teeth. 
“Seokjin.” His name fell from your lips with a moan and your fingers buried themselves tighter in his hair. You felt him grin against your skin before he continued down with his mouth, spreading wet kisses along your collarbone until he reached your cleavage. 
His eyes met yours as he looked up at you, assessing whether he could go further. Your slightly parted lips, your rapid breathing and heated cheeks… plus your firm grip on his hair were answer enough. 
With careful fingers, he pushed your shirt further up, over your breasts, and Seokjin didn’t waste a second, gently stroking one nipple with his thumb. You arched your back at the intimate touch. It had been so long since someone had touched you like that. 
“Can I take this off?” Seokjin’s voice was soft and his warm breath against your heated skin made you shiver. 
You nodded and the both of you sat up so Seokjin could reach the clasp of your bra. With practiced fingers he reached behind you and a second later the clasp snapped open. As if by itself, the bra straps slid down your arms and you threw the bra and your T-shirt on the floor next to the sofa before lying down on your back again. 
“Beautiful,” Seokjin murmured more to himself than to you, and lowered himself down as well. 
“Ahh!” Surprised, you moaned out loud as his lips encircled a nipple and began sucking. His teeth grazed the sensitive part of your nipples and you had to pull yourself together not to arch your back and thereby push yourself even further towards him. 
His tongue darted out from between his lips and circled the already peaked buds in slow, almost lazy movements. 
“Oh God, Seokjin,” you breathed out, “that feels so good.”
You lifted your hips and thrust them toward Seokjin. He let you grind against his hips a few times, feeling his hardness pushing against you, before he abandoned your breasts and placed his fingers on the button of your jeans instead. With nimble fingers, he pulled the button through its hole and pulled down the zipper. 
“Is that okay?” His fingers paused at the waistband of your slip. 
You quickly nodded. “More than okay,” you confirmed, throwing him a lopsided smile. 
Then he slid a finger inside your panties. 
You groaned at the contact as his fingertip touched your wet folds. 
“Fuck, you’re wet.” He moaned too, sliding his finger lightly inside you. 
You thrust your hips at him, hoping for his finger to penetrate you further because that wasn’t enough. “Seokjin, please.”
“Be patient, baby.” His finger circled your opening and slid a little inside you every now and then, spreading your arousal even further. His other hand pushed your legs further apart, giving him better access between your legs. 
He found your clit with ease and let his thumb circle hard on it. Your mouth dropped open to a silent scream as he pushed one finger deep inside you at the same time. 
“Ah, fuck!” You arched your back and your hands clawed into the blanket that lay forgotten beneath your body. Slowly but steadily he pulled his finger out of you and slid it back inside you, and the room filled with the obscene sounds of your wetness. As he entered you with another finger and began to curl his fingers, your legs began to tremble. 
But before your orgasm could approach any further, the loud bell echoed through the room. Seokjin and you winced hard.
“No, no.” You sighed as Seokjin’s fingers inside you came to a stop and your orgasm receded further and further into the distance, until finally only the slight pulsing at your clit remained. 
Seokjin threw you an apologetic smile and pulled his fingers out of you. Out of breath you let yourself fall back into the pillows. “I think we’ll have to make up for that after dinner.” And with those words, he winked at you and headed for the door. 
. . .
Your blaring ringtone snapped you out of a short sleep. You frowned and an annoyed sigh escaped you as you blindly fumbled for your phone with your eyes closed. You must have forgotten to turn off your alarm clock.
But the ringing didn’t stop and you opened one of your eyes with difficulty. Your heart stopped for a second and immediately you sat up in bed. Quickly, you held the phone to your ear.
“Mom, hi.” You had to clear your throat and let your free hand slide through your hair in an attempt to flatten it a little more towards your head. Even though your mother couldn’t see your current state, you felt the need to make yourself at least semi-presentable. 
Your mother greeted you on the other end of the phone as you got out of bed with quiet steps and entered the adjoining bathroom. That was the downside to a one-bedroom apartment: you had no real place for privacy. And you didn’t want to wake Seokjin, in case he hadn’t already been awakened by your mother’s incoming call anyway. You hadn’t looked before you got up. 
“You sound tired, should we talk later?” Concern mixed into her voice.
You didn’t even know what time it was. “No, I’m fine.” You walked over to the sink and held your hand under the stream of water to take a drink and finally relieve the lump in your throat. “I was out last night, that’s all.”
“Oh, how nice! With whom? Namjoon?” Immediately her mood brightened. It was no secret how much she liked him, she and your dad told you every time they saw him.
You grimaced at his name. As if it was a given that you were with him. Well – yes, you had been, but only for a fraction of the evening. And how that had ended, you’d rather not tell your mom. 
“Yes, with him and Yoongi.” 
“Yoongi?” You suppressed an eye roll. It was the same every time. “Is that that friend of Namjoon’s who’s studying design?”
“Photography, mom.”
“Photography? Sounds like a creative soul, that would suit you, Y/N.” Okay. That was new.
Your eyes almost fell out of their sockets. “I’m not interested in Yoongi, Mom.” You closed your eyes for a moment and felt the need to fall asleep right there on the spot. An approaching headache joined the fatigue. “I don’t really want to talk about my love life with you.”
“Of course not!” she quickly assured you. “But how is Namjoon doing? Dad and I haven’t seen him in so long.” 
“I know.” You sighed. Your mom was always nagging you about when Namjoon was going to visit your family again, but this morning something felt strange. A twinge in your chest, a weird tugging that just wouldn’t go away. 
“Dad and I want to come over next month and visit Grandpa. Maybe we can all go out to eat together afterwards?”
Your throat tightened as the thought popped into your head that you didn’t know if you and Namjoon would even talk again in a month. “Sure,” you managed to squeeze out. Your mother, thankfully, didn’t notice your sudden change. 
“Then we’ll hold on to that. I’ll let you get back to sleep, I woke you up didn’t I?” 
You couldn’t help but quietly join in her loud laughter. 
“Dad told me to give you a hug, but he’s still asleep too. In case you don’t hear the snoring.”
A wave of homesickness washed over you. But you pressed it down. You didn’t need that in your emotional cocktail, too. 
“Give him a hug from me as well. See you, mom. Love you.”
“Love you too, honey.”
You listened for the sound that signaled the call had ended, then took the phone from your ear. It took a moment before you realized your mistake. 
Your mom had invited Namjoon, yet another man might have been much more appropriate to come along to the family dinner. The man you heard on the other side of the door, stirring something together in a bowl. Maybe pancakes. Or scrambled eggs. 
With a heavy heart and a feeling you couldn’t place, you took a deep breath and exited the bathroom.
. . .
[12:26 pm]: Hey, Y/N.
I’m incredibly sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I think I was just overworked and all over the place with everything that was going on yesterday. It’s your choice what you tell me and when, and I shouldn’t have reacted that way. I am happy for you. Maybe I’m just afraid that someone will hurt you and that’s why I’m cautious. Because sometimes you’re not. 
Do you want to come over or can I come over? I can also order you your margarita again :)
“You’re such an idiot.” Yoongi sounded frustrated as he shook his head, handing the phone back to Namjoon. “Why don’t you just tell her the truth?”
“Just?” Namjoon snorted, tossing the phone onto the coffee table in front of him. “You make it sound so simple. It’s not.“
“Why not? You’re into her, and this constant pining is starting to get on my nerves. Yesterday was one crappy situation.” 
“Tell me about it.” He sighed and rubbed his face. Namjoon was silent for a moment before standing up and starting to put away the Styrofoam food containers from the night before. Just in case you were coming over. “I wish it could be different, too.”
“Maybe it could,” Yoongi called after him as he disappeared into the kitchen. “You don’t know unless you take a chance.”
Namjoon returned and stood indecisively in the doorway, his shoulders slumped. “You didn’t see him, Yoongi.”
The other frowned in confusion. “Who?”
“Seokjin.” Namjoon sighed in frustration. He found it hard to even let the man’s name cross his lips. Immediately, he saw your angry expression in front of him again, just before you stormed out of the bar. “I don’t stand a chance against him. He’s rich, good looking… you should have seen the looks between the two of them.”
“Hey,” Yoongi said, also getting up to walk over to Namjoon. He put a hand on his shoulder. “Wouldn’t you rather leave that decision to Y/N? You can’t look into her head, maybe she’ll choose you if she knows you’re even an option?”
Namjoon wanted so much to believe his best friend’s words, but a voice inside him yelled at him not to get his hopes up. Too many times he’s been hurt thinking that there could be something between you and him, only for you to introduce him to your new boyfriend a few weeks later. 
“Can I leave you alone? Mel just texted that they need support at the cafe because someone cancelled.” Yoongi stepped from one foot to the other, worry written all over his face. 
“Of course.“ Namjoon nodded and stepped aside to let Yoongi past into the hallway. A moment to himself to sort out his thoughts before you might meet would do him good. Sometimes he wished he could be as direct as Yoongi. If he had a crush on someone, he told the person directly. If she wasn’t interested, Yoongi shrugged it off. Only problem was, you weren’t a little harmless crush for Namjoon. Maybe it had been like that once, in the very beginning. But over the last few years, he had gotten so into it that he sometimes wondered how you didn’t notice how much he loved you. 
At the word, Namjoon squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head against the apartment door that Yoongi had just closed behind him. “Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”
. . .
You admitted you were a little excited as you walked up the stairwell of Namjoon’s apartment complex. You blamed it on the incredibly wonderful evening you had with Seokjin yesterday, and just the memory of it put a smile on your lips. 
When the door was pulled open, Namjoon stood hesitantly in the doorway, barely able to look you in the eyes. “Hey.” There was a trace of uncertainty even in his voice, and he raised his hand in greeting.
“Hi,” you countered, a little taken aback by his strange greeting. “May… I come in?” 
Confused, he looked at you for a moment before raising his eyebrows in surprise and tripping over his own feet as he made room for you. “Sorry, Y/N.”
You laughed softly as you kicked off your shoes and headed straight towards the sofa. With a loud groan, you dropped down onto it, but winced as your butt touched something hard. “Ouch,” you remarked, pulling the device, which turned out to be a phone, out from under you. 
“Would you like something to drink?” Namjoon asked you from the kitchen, and you heard glasses clink.
Your attention, however, was on the screen of the phone you were still holding. “Sure,” you mumbled back half aloud. Your eyes slid over the line of text, unable to stop yourself. 
[01:52 pm]: Just tell her already, man. I’m rooting for you.
You managed to read the sender’s name - Yoongi, who else - before you heard footsteps and quickly tossed the phone into the other corner of the sofa. 
“Look, I bought you this disgusting syrup that you mix with water.”
Your heart was beating up to your throat, yet you tried to cover your nervousness. “What do you mean disgusting? It’s still healthier than that yucky beer you’re always drinking.”
Namjoon laughed and dropped down next to you after setting down your glass with the neon blue color. “If you want to judge by health, we should really just drink water.”
“You’re probably right.” With a satisfied grunt, you leaned forward and reached for the glass. You hummed as the artificial taste ran down your throat. 
Namjoon looked at you from the side, slightly disgusted, before shaking his head to wipe away the grimace on his face. You, on the other hand, were glad that he seemed normal again and didn’t act as weird as he did yesterday. You were probably the one acting weird now, because you couldn’t get Yoongi’s message out of your head. 
What was Namjoon going to tell you? From the way the message had sounded, it was something that had been on his mind for a while. Or maybe the message wasn’t about you, after all Yoongi hadn’t mentioned a name. What if Namjoon also met someone he hadn’t told you about before? 
You drowned your disappointed feeling with your drink, which tasted more like sugar than anything else. You couldn’t expect it from Namjoon to be okay with you not telling him about your relationship with Seokjin, but then being pissed at Namjoon for doing the same thing. 
“About yesterday…” Namjoon began and you watched his fingers run over the rim of his glass. He had his eyes on the table in front of you and it seemed like he didn’t even notice the movement. He closed his eyes for a moment and let out a sigh before placing the glass back on the table and turning to face you. “I’m really sorry, I was completely out of line.”
“Joonie, it’s okay,” you tried to reassure him. You had been angry yesterday, you wouldn’t deny that. But you had calmed down by now. Everybody had a bad day and your little argument wouldn’t endanger your friendship. Still, you gratefully accepted his apology.
“I wanted to apologize anyway, I wasn’t really myself yesterday.”
You reached for Namjoon’s hand and gave it a quick squeeze. “It’s really okay. I wanted to tell you about Seokjin earlier, but the right time never came up.”
When the other man’s name came up, you felt Namjoon stiffen under your touch. When you looked up, he avoided your gaze.
He cleared his throat. “Is this… is this something serious between you?”
You hesitated for a moment, not really knowing the answer to that. You were sure you felt comfortable with Seokjin, but it was still too early to tell if it could develop into something more. 
“I really like him.” 
Namjoon nodded and seemed to process the information before a slight smile spread across his face. “Then I’m very happy for you.”
You couldn’t shake the feeling that Namjoon wanted to say more, but for some reason unknown to you, remained silent. But maybe you were just reading too much into the situation again. Nevertheless, you couldn’t get Yoongi’s message out of your head. 
But Namjoon didn’t bring up anything that could relate to Yoongi’s message for the next few minutes. He told you about how he had finally finished the track and sent it to the rapper’s label. Your gaze fell on the dimples that appeared every now and then as he talked. He gestured with his big hands, something he always did when he was absorbed in an animated conversation, until your eyes finally landed on his upper arms.
“Oh my God,” you laughed as you brushed your fingers over Namjoon’s biceps. “When did that happen?”
Namjoon slid back and forth in his seat, trying to pull the short sleeve of his T-shirt down, to no avail. 
“I don’t know what you mean.” He avoided your gaze and cleared his throat. 
You closed the gap that had appeared between you and clasped his upper arm with both hands. The firm muscles flexed involuntarily underneath your fingers. “You’re like Hulk, Joonie.” You managed to tear your gaze away from his muscles and look into Namjoon’s eyes instead. Those flickered nervously from you back across his room. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend? I don’t get it.”
As Namjoon got up from the sofa, you had to release your hands from his upper arm. He took a few steps across the room before finally stopping in the middle of it. It seemed like he was struggling with himself. As if he didn’t know what to say. 
You stood up as well, frowning, and walked slowly in his direction. “Come to think of it, you haven’t had a girlfriend in months.”
He shrugged and turned slightly to the side as you stood in front of him. 
“Don’t know, never really clicked with anyone,” he mumbled. 
You took another few steps until you were standing in front of him again. He tried to turn away once more, but you stopped him by his forearms. “Have you been dating at all the last few months?”
Namjoon was silent.
“The last year?” you probed further. 
Again, he avoided your gaze. 
“Oh damn, Joonie. When was the last time you went on a date?”
Again he shrugged. “I don’t know, I think last year in March,” he said quietly, turning his gaze to the floor. 
Your fingers loosened their grip around Namjoon’s wrists and you looked at him in surprise. You didn’t talk much about dating. You knew Namjoon had come out of a long relationship just before he had come to college, and you knew he hadn’t had a relationship since. But somehow you had always assumed that he at least dated. Casual things…
Filled with enthusiasm, a smile spread across your face. “Okay, we’ll have to do something about that. No wonder you’ve been in such a bad mood lately. You need a girlfriend again!”
You missed Namjoon’s eyes widening in panic as you pulled out your phone and opened Instagram. 
“How about Isabel? She’s in my art theory class and seems nice. She’s definitely smart, I know you like that.”
You had found her profile and with a grin you held the phone out to him. He just took a quick glance at the screen before shaking his head. 
“Hmm, alright,” you said, continuing to look through your list of followers on Instagram. Your gaze lingered on a name and you noticed yourself hesitating for a moment. A strange feeling washed through you, but you ignored it and showed Namjoon your phone again instead. “How about Melanie? You’d definitely be her type.”
To your surprise, he didn’t even look at the screen, but placed it directly on the coffee table next to him without paying any further attention to it. Surprised, you watched the whole thing. 
“I have more classmates who would definitely be interested,” you pointed out. Maybe Isabel and Melanie weren’t his type? What was his type, anyway? You’d met his ex-girlfriend a few times back then, but if you went by that, at least Melanie would have definitely been a possibility. 
“I’m not interested in others,” Namjoon said, and that sentence seemed to burst out of him. His gaze was on you now and he looked at you, almost hopeful that you would infer something from that sentence. 
But you were more confused by the second. 
“In others?” you asked after a few seconds. A thought began to form in the far corner of your mind. “Why don’t you want to date anyone, Namjoon?”
He stared at you, seconds passed with neither of you saying anything before Namjoon finally sighed. You saw his chest rise as he took a deep breath. 
“Because of this,” he said, bridging the last meter between you. 
Before you knew what was happening, you felt his lips on yours. You froze. One of his hands had clutched your hip, as if he needed to hold on to you, while he cupped your face with the other. His warmth almost knocked you out as he pressed your body against his, gently, but with a desperate longing. 
After a few moments, when he began to open his mouth to intensify the kiss, you were able to break free of your rigidity. 
You turned your head to the side so that Namjoon’s lips met the corner of your mouth and now he froze as well. His warm breath hit your heated cheeks before he backed away from you as if he had burned himself on you. 
A flush of pink spread across his cheeks as he stepped further and further away from you. Embarrassed, he rubbed the back of his neck with the flat of his hand. 
“S-Sorry,” he stammered, avoiding your gaze. “Of course you don’t want anything from me, how silly of me to assume you like me too.” 
You, on the other hand, couldn’t get a word out. Like a fish out of water, you opened your mouth, only to close it again. Had you only imagined those few seconds? You had to, hadn’t you? Namjoon couldn’t possibly have kissed you just now…
Namjoon, who was standing motionless a few meters away from you, looking at the ground with his shoulders slumped. He, too, couldn’t bring himself to utter a word. 
“Namjoon, I-” you began, but had to clear your throat. A thick lump had formed in your throat. “I don’t know what to say,” you admitted honestly. 
Namjoon shook his head without looking at you. “You don’t have to say anything, Y/N.” Slowly, he raised his head until his eyes finally met yours. “I think it’s better if you don’t say anything at all, actually. I get it.”
“No, you don’t,” you tried again, taking a step toward him. 
He backed away, causing you to freeze. 
“Namjoon, please…I-I can’t. I’m with Seokjin.” At the other man’s name, Namjoon winced. And a feeling of guilt rose up in you as well when you thought back to the kiss just now. 
“I think you’d better leave now.” He gave you a short, sad smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
You waited a moment, hoping he would change his mind, but he had turned his back on you again and was running his hand through his hair, lost in thought. You, on the other hand, struggled with whether you should really leave. Whether you should let this issue - and what a huge issue it was - stand between you. 
But as you walked towards him again, Namjoon’s head snapped around, so that he was looking at you over his shoulder. “Please, just go, Y/N.”
And you didn’t let him tell you twice. Not when Namjoon’s voice sounded so rough and full of despair. 
Without looking back you hurried into the hallway, put on your shoes and jacket, and a few seconds later you heard the apartment door slam shut behind you. Heart pounding loudly, you ran down the stairs, taking two or three steps at a time and stumbling loudly down the stairwell. Light drizzle hit your face as you stepped outside, cooling your flushed face. 
It wasn’t until you stepped onto the bus that would take you straight home and dropped into an old, beat-up seat by the window that you noticed the roller coaster in your stomach slowly calming down again. The chaos in your head, however, remained. 
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Written 2021-2022. Do not copy, translate or repost without permission.
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matryosika · 3 years
Text
shoot me, chapter II
pairing — changbin x reader
rating — 18+
genre of the overall series — smut, angst, fluff if you squint
prologue chapter I chapter II
word count for this chapter — 5.5 k
warnings — softdom!changbin, kind of bratty reader, mild exhibition (something happens at a dressing room but it's not too much), dry humping - lap riding?, oral (m), praise kink, use of petnames, slight edging, masturbation and cum eating
note — i wrote this today because maybe this week i'll be busy with college and i was feeling a bit inspired. i'm so happy with the messages i recieved and, if you like my work, i highly encourage you to send an ask or a message! thank you so much for reading me and i hope you enjoy this chapter. it's a litte bit more smut and angsty tension than actual plot, but i was feeling this today. also, i didn't plan on having a taglist but i guess i'll do! if you are interested in me adding you, please let me know! <3
tag list — @cozyblues @ahgasearmyfan
the awkward small meeting soon became lunch. arthur convinced you and changbin to join them at a very nice restaurant that was located a few blocks away from the company and, although you refused for the sake of comfort, your father didn't accepted a "no" for an answer.
"he is like a step-son to me" arthur said, looking at changbin as if he had some sort of admiration towards him. "i've seen him become the man he is now and i'm sure no one can run the company like him"
both haeun and jang-yeop seemed flattered, but changbin didn't even smile at the compliment arthur just said. by the lack of response, his mother rushed to say something in order to move on to other topic. it was pretty obvious that changbin was acting kind of rude towards everyone today, but you guessed he was just feeling uncomfortable because of what happened yesterday.
"so, y/n" haeun interrupted "your father had planned a dinner for you yesterday but it seemed like he had to canceled it because you had plans… how was your first day back in korea?"
"oh" you muttered, trying to chew the food that was still in your mouth so you could answer her question "it was… definetly something"
as soon as you answered her question, changbin gave you a side look from his place at the dinner table. "i went out with an old friend from middle school to itaewon"
"itaewon.." jang-yeop added "there are some dangerous places there, y/n. you should be more careful going out at night, korea might be a safe place but you can find anything out there".
"yeah i-" and for a moment, a perversed idea striked your head "i actually had a very unpleaseant situation yesterday at the bar i attended to"
immediatly after you finished your sentence, changbin glanced right at you.
"what happened?" jang-yeop questioned filled with concern.
"there were some awfully rude people there" you replied, limitating the answer. you wanted changbin to have an uncomfortable time there just because he crushed your pride the night before "i'll just leave it at that"
"changbin" her mother intervened "weren't you at itaewon yesterday too?"
the poor man almost choked on his food, coughing softly to avoid attracting any attention or being too loud "i was"
this was the first time you heard his voice that day and you would be absolutely lying if you said it didn't make you feel something. the memories of him praising you last night while he was eating you out just flooded your mind, making you stare directly at him for a really long time.
he was looking at you too, but his gaze transmitted something completely different than lust or desire. he was angry, maybe at himself or at you for teasing him in front of his parents, but he looked scared too, uncomfortable.
"see, this is exactly why i planned that dinner yesterday" arthur stated "i wanted to introduce changbin to y/n so he could guard her during her stay in korea. you know jang-yeop, how men are behaving nowadays…"
"tell me about it, arthur" the old man replied.
"i trust changbin as if he is my own blood" your father continued "if i asked him to take care of my youngest daughter y/n, i'm sure he would"
"maybe he can give her a tour around the principal streets of seoul" his mother suggested with the biggest smile.
"i'd love to" you were quick to say, earning a death-stare from the man in question. "i wanted to go to this mall i saw on my way from the airport but hyejin was in a rush and we couldn't stop by"
with a satisfied look, jang-yeop laid his body down on the chair he was sitting and sighed. "well, changbin, seems like you have plans for today"
"i'm not a taxi-driver" he spitted, earning a despicable look from both of his parents.
"no, changbin" arthur was rushed to intervene "i would really appreciate if you took care of her whenever she goes out alone. you know how men are, just think of her as a younger sister"
for a moment you felt the need to throw up at his fake words, but you were enjoying the scene.
a younger sister, that's funny.
"where's that store again?" changbin asked annoyed.
this can go really good or really bad for you, changbin. it's up to you.
*
"so you are not going to even apologize?" you asked in the middle of the uncomfortable silence that was now filling changbin's sports car.
"for what, giving you the best orgasm of your life?" he mumbled with a cold tone in his voice. you could see he wasn't really in the mood for talking, but you at least expected an apology for humiliating you yesterday.
"funny how you thought of me as a gold digger when my father is practically your boss and you do exactly as he says" you chuckled.
now let's clarify something. you never really felt proud of being arthur's daughter because he wasn't even a father to you. yes, you shared his blood and last name but at the end of the day that didn't meant anything for you. nevertheless, changbin didn't knew this so you could play that "ceo's bratty daughter" card everytime you wanted, even if that obligated you to actually act like you and arthur held a loving fraternal relationship.
"if i knew you were his daughter, none of that would've happened" he replied without parting his eyes from the street, again, with the coldest voice you had ever hear in your life.
"what part, the humiliation or the orgasm?"
he gave you a threatening look and proceeded to keep is eyes on the road. you were quite unsure how to lead this situation since everything happened really fast: your arrival to korea, your first encounter with ryujin after a long time, the itaewon night and the bar incident... changbin was still a mere stranger but you had quite a feeling that this wasn't going to be the first time you spended time with him since your father made it clear: changbin was like family to him.
shit, i am his real family and never even bothered to reach out for me when i was in japan. he probably only did it this time because of ara.
"is this is?" changbin asked as he parked.
"yeah" you replied, looking at the tall building that was in front of you.
"i'll wait for you here, don't delay, i don't have your time" he snarled without removing his seatbealt.
"you are not coming?"
you had one idea in mind to fuck up his head even more, but it was only going to work if changbin accompanied you to the store.
"and what exactly am i going to do there? rate the stupid clothes you try on?" he scoffed, checking his cellphone without even looking at you.
"do whatever you want" you told him, closing the door with a loud noise and bending over the opened window of the car "but i don't think arthur would be happy about your hostility towards me"
a smile appeared on your face as you walked away, hearing another loud noise indicating that one of the car doors just closed again. good.
*
"are you done?" changbin asked irritated as he walked besides you on your tour of the mall.
"yeah i just" your attention was caught by a black short dress that was on display at the front of a store that looked -expensive-. you had some of your own money from the previous night because, thanks to ryujin's master plan, you didn't actually had to spend any... but it was probably not going to be enough.
and just when you were about to tell changbin that you were ready to go, you remembered it: hyejin lended you one of her credit cards yesterday to buy yourself a "top-of-the-class present" because she was quite unsure of your likes and dislikes.
"i'll just go to that store and i'm done"
changbin rolled his eyes and followed you through the crowd of people that were in the mall at the moment. the store was crowded with people too, mostly women and their husbands or boyfriends who were waiting for them at the couches provided.
as you entered, you were quick to approach the pile of black dresses that caught your attention in order to try one on. the price, as expected, was elevated for you but it was probably nothing for hyejin. i'll buy this, i'm sorry sis.
it was a simple, skinny black dress with the whole back exposed. you figured out that it would be nice to wear it on a bar night or something and, since you didn't have that many clothes for those kind of situations, it would be good to get yourself some.
showtime!
"so" you said, walking out of the dressing room and immediatly catching the attention of changbin who was right outside of it, sitting while talking on the phone with someone.
"i'll call you back" he mumbles, turning his cellphone off.
"how do you like it?"
"does it matter?"
"it's too expensive and i won't buy it if i don't look good in it" you laughed ironically.
"i don't think arthur would be happy with you walking around seoul wearing just that" he scoffed, implying that the dress was too sluty.
"i wasn't asking for arthur's opinion" you spitted "i was asking for yours"
he shrugged his shoulders without even giving a proper answer, returning to the only activity he had been doing since the two of you arrived to the mall: using his cellphone.
"i actually need your help to get this off" you mentioned
he swallowed nervously without even looking at you, licking his lips "ask for help to the ladies that work here"
"they are busy"
you had no idea what they were doing but you needed to get changbin into the dressing room with you. he already feels guilty and i don't have anything to lose, it's not going to harm us if we add more stuff to the the record.
"just help me so we can get this over with and leave" you snarled, waiting for him to get up of the couch and walk with you to the dressing room.
the store was full of people minding their own business and, contrary to popular belief, they sold clothes both for women and men. the dressing rooms were pretty much mixed so it was not going to look weird if they saw changbin entering to one of them. besides, they had long curtains that fell right into the floor, it was impossible to look who was inside of them.
without saying a word, changbin was ready to untie the straps of the dress while looking directly at you through the mirror.
"now this brings back some memories" you said, chuckling.
changbin strucked you down with his gaze and approached the curtains with a swift movement, trying to get out of the small space the dressing room was without even helping you to get out of the dress first.
"look at me and tell me you don't find me attractive" you commanded, looking at his reflection in the mirror before he could even get himself out of there. changbin looked at you, letting out a sigh as he bit his lower lip in frustration.
"i'm sorry for what i said yesterday" he whispered angry, almost in resignation. "if that's what you want to hear so you can drop this fucking bratty attitude then i'm fucking sorry"
to be fair, that was actually what you wanted to hear since you encountered him that morning. but now that you had him there, the urge of wanting to make him feel even more guilty and ashamed just took complete power over you.
you couldn't really explained why you wanted to do all kinds of things to make him feel bad. it was probably your hatred for men, the fraternal relationship he had with your father or the fact that you found him extremely attractive, but you wanted to make him feel miserable.
"so, do you?" you inquired, stepping closer and pushing him away from the curtains.
"stop playing" he insisted, his gaze changing drastically from one moment to another. what looked like anger three seconds ago was now transformed into desire.
"it's okay" you cooed, resting your hands on both sides of his face, tilting yours to the side as your eyes fixed on his lips. "no one will find out about this, if that's what you are worried about"
he parted his lips as his tongue danced inside his mouth, grimacing in frustration "you mean about what happened" changbin dictated.
"about what happened?" you muttered, letting out a small whimper as his bulge grew against your thighs. "or about what will continue on happening?"
one of his hands approached the back of your head, gripping your hair harshly while lifting your face. "you know your father would fucking kill me if he finds out"
a victorious smile appeared on your lips. he just gave in.
"isn't that more fun?"
before you could finish the sentence, changbin's lips attacked yours. the kiss was sloppy and needy, as if he had been wanting to do this exact thing all the evening. his hands traveled to your lower back as he pressed you against him even harder.
his sweet taste and the friction between his bulge and your thigh almost made you give in as well, but you couldn't.
you had to prove yourself that you were still in control of the situation.
just a bit more.
his lips left your mouth to pepper kisses all over your jawline and neck. the way his breathing sounded was heavenly, making you start to feel the heat forming at your core. he looked at your face every now and then, as if he enjoyed the gestures you made by trying to hold back your moans.
okay, that's enough.
"a public restroom and now a dressing room" you shighed, as your hands pushed him away of you "i knew you were desperate but i didn't know how much"
his face contorted in anger, clenching his jaw as he saw you picking up your clothes from the floor.
"don't think too highly of yourself, changbin" you mumbled, looking at him before opening the curtain "you are a man, and men are just so easy"
you walked through the whole store with the dress on and your regular clothes under your arm.
"my boyfriend is paying for this, he is right behind me." and with that being said, you left the store.
*
as you were hiding yourself in the public bathrooms of the mall, you called ryujin.
"i'm at the coex" you said "can you please pick me up, i kind of need to talk with you"
"you want to grab some a snack?" she asked, and you could almost listen how she immediatly got up from her bed to get dressed.
"yeah, but not here" you replied. before hangin up, ryujin gave you a "gotcha" and you continued on changing you back to your previous clothes. you had no bag to carry the dress, so you exited the mall grabbing it like you just stole it.
you patiently waited for ryujin to pick you up, and it was actually earlier than you anticipated.
"there's a lovely coffee shop a few blocks from here"
*
"and that's pretty much what happened" you concluded, just as you finished telling ryujin the whole bar incident and the dressing-room idea you had that evening. she looked at you surprised, as if she just had witnessed a crime.
"so you had your first orgasm ever with a stranger on a public restroom?" she asked, almost on the brink of laughing hysterically.
"i just told you that i engaged in sexual activities with the most despicable men on earth who happens to be my father's right hand and that's everything you could pick up?" you replied, sipping from your iced coffee.
"pretty much, yeah" she joked "i don't remember him"
"yeah, why would you?" you teased her "you were pratically flirting with every man on the table and almost eating the soul out of one of them"
"chan" ryujin said softly.
"oh, so you got his name?"
"not only his name but his number" she mumbled as she held her cellphone almost in a victorious manner.
"so you have been talking to him?"
"kind of" the blonde-haired replied "apparently they are going to have a gathering at his house and he invited me" she then made a long pause "wait, you should come!"
changbin was definitely going to be there. another interaction you could decline but still chose not to.
"yeah i should come"
*
as soon as you got home, you fell completely asleep. it was only 6:00 p.m., but last night you barely had a good night of sleep because ryujin kept moving around and the thought of what happened in the bar wouldn't leave you alone.
as you woke up from your nap, your phone had a couple of unread messages from both hyejin and arthur.
[6:13 p.m., hyejin]
i'm going to grab something to eat with hyuna. arthur said he was probably going to go out to eat with ara and her family so if you want to have dinner just order something with my credit card.
[7:21 p.m., arthur]
i'm going to have dinner at ara's tonight.
with her family.
changbin said he had a great time with you today and since you were going to be at home, he insisted to make you company at dinner time.
i'm glad you two are getting alone
either he was completely stupid or he definetly trusted changbin with his life because no man would ever let her daughter spend time alone with a man.
but that was not even the worse part: you knew where this whole thing was going to.
a great time? you made him pay 620,000 korean wons and humiliated him on a public dressing room. i mean, you did have a great time but you weren't quite sure he did.
before you could start overthinking the whole situation, you heard how the doorbell went off. fuck, well, if i don't open the door he won't be able to come in.
the doorbell went off again, and you just chose to ignore it.
[9:33 p.m. unknown number]
i know you are there
your father told me you were going to be at home
[9:35 p.m. unknown number]
you do know that i have the keys of the house since i spend a lot of time here working with your father here, right?
now you were starting to feel nervous. not only because you were, obviously, going to have to pay for the dress you practically stole, but because you were quite unsure if you could still have the self-control you had earlier today in case he approached you in that way.
but he probably hated you now just as much as you did.
maybe he just wants his money back.
while you were threading your thoughts, you heard how the front door of the house opened. quickly you got out of bed and ran downstairs with hyejin's card on your hand to encounter him before he could even get further into the house.
"just take the 600,000 wons" you said, extending your arm to lend him the credit card number and code.
he scoffed at you, ignoring it.
"i don't give a fuck about the money" he mumbled, approaching you as your back slammed against a cold wall.
oh, just casual rich behavior.
"now i'm the one who wants an apology for the show you did at coex" now this was what you were fearing. his lips dangerously close to you, his scent mixed with mint and cigarettes flooding all your senses.
changbin was fine. his body, even though you hadn't seen it in all his glory, was extremely well built and he knew it; the clothes he wore only accentuating more his manly figure... and here comes the part of the self-control.
"you said my father was going to kill you" you stuttered, trying to look away from his face that was merely centimeters away from yours.
"and isn't that more fun, princess?" princess, that fucking petname again. changbin was using the exact same words that left your mouth hours ago to tease you. "if you don't want this, then tell me. but do it now, because if we move forward i don't think i'll be able to stop"
you swallowed thickly. you knew exactly what he was talking about and the proposal he was making, but wasn't that a bit too rushed? besides, the hatred you felt towards him grew bigger by the minute. wasn't that a bad idea?
but then again, wasn't it a very good idea? you could prove changbin that you didn't thought too highly of yourself for nothing and you would be able to mess with your father's pride... it was just a very good offer you couldn't decline.
"i don't have all night, y/n" he grunted, still looking at you with starving eyes.
"it's you who has to think this through" you whispered, trying to keep the eye-contact with him. "i don't have anything to lose, but you on the other hand..."
"if this is done right, no one will lose anything" changbin replied, brushing his lips softly against your chin "and in exchange, i'll have you begging for me the rest of the days you spend here in korea"
that single statement made you blush, but you wouldn't let changbin acknowledge the power he held over you.
"i don't beg"
changbin gripped your hair and pushed your body down, making you fall into your knees.
"use your words, princess" he said while maintaining eye contact with you "for the last time, tell me that you truly want this and then we can move on to something more interesting"
you were unable to hold your tongue from licking your lips at the sight of his bulge. "i do" you said softly, almost inaudible, but it was good enough for changbin to take you.
his grip on your hair stopped and you were able to stand up, following him into the living room of arthur's house as he rested his whole weight in one of the couches. "come here" he ordered.
he sat down while spreading his legs and it was only then that you noticed how cozy his lap looked. unsure of what to do next, you climbed on top of him, your barely-clothed core making contact with his cock under his pants; just that fraction of contact was all it took to get a whiny moan out of you.
"what exactly where you trying to achieve at the dressing room anyways?" he inquired with a mocking tone.
"i just wanted to get back at you" you admitted, trying so hard to ignore the pressure between your thighs.
"and did you enjoyed it?"
"i did"
changbin licked his lips as he let out a soft laugh, trying to find a decent reasoning behind your behavior.
"well i'm glad you enjoyed it because it didn't work at all" he stated. "no matter how hard you tried to control yourself earlier today, you still ended up craving my touch"
his hands toured your naked thighs and stopped at the elastic of your pijama shorts.
"it doesn't matter" you hissed with strangled breath as his fingers dance around your shorts and skin "i still got what i wanted"
"and what was that?" his hands were now at your hips, holding you so thightly that could anticipate a few bruises there.
"to see you drowning in embarrassement" you admit, looking directly into him. "it was a pretty fun sight"
"i bet" he grunted, lifting ever so slightly his hips and making the pressure between your thighs increase immediatly.
a sudden moan escaped your lips, provoking changbin to smile. "do you want to count again?" he teased, talking about the bar incident.
your hands grabbed his shoulders for support as his hands started guiding your hips over his lap.
unlike you, changbin was all dressed up in his black pants and white shirt he had on earlier today. as soon as you arrived home you changed into more comfortable clothes, your pink pijamas whose fabric was extremely thin, and just now you started to regret your decision of not putting more clothes on before having this encounter with him.
"i need you to touch me" you admit after a few painfully seconds grinding against his bulge. it felt good, but you knew that it would feel even better if he decided to actually participate in your orgasm. besides, the scene of you pathetically grind against him in an attempt to chase your high was degrading.
he was right, both outcomes were pathetic. as you pondered, your head fell upwards and your core started to painfully clenched around thin air.
"then beg" he smiles, his hands still resting on the sides of your body. this bitch. "you don't want to because you are too proud, but how exactly are you going to feel after coming undone only by grinding on my lap without my help?"
"if that's what you want" he grunted at the absence of pleads, lifting his hips again "this is the only way you get to cum tonight"
your hips rushed the movements as you felt your pussy getting hotter, your juices making a mess on changbin's pants.
"who finds who attractive, hm?" he asked as the sight of your dripping core. "it's taking all of my self-control to not fuck you right here, right now"
"why don't you do it?" you ask in between broken moans, your hips moving at a steady pace.
"because you don't deserve it"
changbin was fucking you up and he was doing it just right. every word that came out of his mouth only made you angrier and wetter, drilling a hole on your mind by even considering beg for his touch.
"you don't deserve to fuck me either" you sighed, trying to hold back all the loud moans that wanted to escape your mouth as your clit repeatedly stroke against him.
"i don't?" he asked, mocking pain "are you sure, princess?"
the frustration of not being able to reach your high was starting to make you feel pathetic because all you wanted was to experience the exact same feeling you got at the bar.
"changbin" you whined, grabbing yourself onto his white shirt. "if you aren't going to touch me then please just do something else"
his hands moved all the way to the straps of your pijamas and he gently pushed your top down, exposing your bare breasts.
"do you never wear underwear, princess?" he growled, attaching his lips at the skin that was faintly bruised because of last night.
"fuck, changbin" you moaned, the friction between your bodies increasing as he was closer to you.
"i know you can do it without my help princess" he said, grabbing one of your hardened buds in between his lips.
the knot was starting to form on your lower abdomen at a much slower pace than before, making you let out desperate whines. "look at how messy you are being"
his mouth licked one of your nipples as his fingers played with the other, wanting to edge you until you had no choice but to beg for his touch. "fuck, changbin. i'm close"
as soon as you told him this, you felt how his body reincorporated into his seat, making the contact between your core and his lap almost inexistent. "i changed my mind, i don't want you to cum like this"
with teary eyes you looked at him. was he really going to edge you this bad? was it because you didn't beg? fuck, all you wanted was to cum and he wouldn't even let you do that peacefully.
"don't you think it's my turn?" he smirked while unbottoning his pants. oh, right, his turn.
you clearly had not much experience in that department but you wouldn't let him find that out. back in japan you were not really an enthusiast of oral sex, but you would often hear stories from your classmates talking about experiences and tips.
before you could keep recalling all the stories you heard, changbin's hands stroke your hair making you look directly at him.
he was... making you quite confused about whether if you were going to be able to take it or not. "come on princess" he encouraged as the tip of his cocked brushed your lips slightly.
getting rid of any hesitation you were quick to drag your tongue all over his lenght, earning a sigh out of him. you would be lying if you said that it didn't turned you on, because it did (more than you ever wanted to admit). slowly, he pushed his cock into your mouth making you gag over it. "good fucking girl" he whispered as he starred into your teary eyes.
changbin had one arm over his head while the other guided you to take his cock. his eyes never left yours, only ocasionally as his head fell upwards when the pleasure was too overwhelming for him. his chest was moving everytime at a faster pace, and the sounds that left his mouth were getting more frecuent. "fuck, y/n"
you were learning how to take him inside your mouth to the point that it felt too good having him there. "y/n"
"mhm?" you mumbled around his cock, making waves of pleasure travel all over changbin's body.
"touch yourself for me as you take my cock" he ordered.
you had tried several times to reach your orgasm just by masturbating and it did felt good, but for the longest time you thought that if that was what an orgasm was supposed to feel like, it wasn't so much of a big deal. that was until yesterday, when you truly felt a real one. but you assumed that by the previous stimulation, it was going to be way easier to come undone this time, even if it wasn't as powerful as the one changbin made you feel.
you started to rub your clit in circles as changbin fucked your mouth slowly without parting your gaze from his eyes. his eyes that intimidated the shit out of you and that were the main reason of why you wanted to submit immediatly for him.
"that's my good girl" changbin's grip on your hair was getting tighter and his breathing was getting heavier than before. "does it feel good baby?" he asked, watching how your eyes slightly rolled to the back of your head by the pleasure provided by your own touch and his cock inside your mouth.
"fuck" he cursed under his breath "i'm close"
with eager eyes you started to take him in even more, determined to making him finish just as you chased your own high. your fingers moved around your clit at a soft but hard pace, making that now familiar knot appear at your abdomen. "y/n"
you knew you were a couple of seconds away from your own high as changbin's hands pushed your head all the way over his cock, releasing himself into your mouth. "good fucking girl" he praised with raspy voice and quick breath.
and with the feeling of his hot cum down your throat and your drool all over him, your juices dripped onto your fingers. moaning against his cock, changbin's body trembled at the overstimulation and he quickly pulled himself out of you.
"open your mouth" he ordered while you were still coming down from your high. you did as he commanded, with the remains of his release still in your tongue. "swallow"
and so you did, tasting him.
"my pretty doll" he grunted "did you make yourself cum while your mouth was taking my cock?"
you nodded with tears streaming down your cheeks, messy hair , drool dripping onto your bare chest and your pijama shorts soaked in your own juices. that sight alone was everything for him, increasing his desires of completely ruin you in his bed... or yours... or any place.
a smirk appeared on his face as he pulled you in for a kiss, tasting himself on you.
"i fucking hate you" you whined against him, feeling how your nipples grazed with his chest. "god i fucking hate you"
and even though you did, you knew that this was only getting started both of you.
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wildsunscorpion · 3 years
Text
How Bum Geon Woo communicates through his body language (Plus how he's actually giving the special treatment Eui Joon's been yearning for)
I reread DCS for, like, the tenth time now. Yes, I'm obsessed ohmygod! I'm liking how these two characters are written so far. I originally wanted to break down just Chapters 20-24 of DCS because the first time I read it I got just a little annoyed with how Geon Woo (a.k.a. Ahjussi) was, let's say, just kind of pushing Euijoon's limits. But I ended up doing more than just Chapters 20-24. Dios mio.
I was just a little tired of seeing the same trend with guys in manhwa. They always seem to be domineering, especially if their partner is the "sweet and naive" archetype. (Eui Joon, I think, does not really fit into this mold.) Of course, that's usually because they're dealing with their own issues, and I don't really blame them.
But I like DCS because it justified that kind of behavior in Geon Woo when he was having sex with Eui Joon (in Chapters 20-24, particularly). Lol I'm probably the only one who realized this later than I should have ehehe. I'm still posting this tho.
WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD‼️‼️
His antics speak volumes. It's amazing how I missed all those details just because the sex scenes were. Steamy. As. Fuck. Good lordy! Geon Woo is definitely a man of few words (He once said Eui Joon makes him talk like he would for a whole year, haha!), so it would make sense to communicate whatever's going through his mind in a situation through body language.
I also want to add the times that he makes the effort to hold a conversation with Eui Joon. Geon Woo doesn't really talk when he doesn't need to, so it's important to pay attention to his actions.
☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙
Chapters 0-12
The first time we get a glimpse of Geon Woo's side of the story was when Eui Joon finally confesses to the person who's been his crush for 3 effing years, Hyeon Woo. Eui Joon is inexplicably happy when Hyeon Woo says he'll consider and comes to the convenience store in good spirits. Geon Woo, keen as always, notices, and when Eui Joon tells him what happened this is what we get:
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It's the way it was framed. How we see his reaction from behind rather than from the front. He turns away, seeming to go inward and brood once again.
Afterwards, another gangster comes. The guy challenges Geon Woo for taking too long at the front of the line. Geon Woo asks Eui Joon if he smokes, and when he replies that he doesn't, Geon Woo "borrows" the lighter on the countertop and uses that to throw a stronger punch to the man behind him, who temporarily falls unconscious. Geon Woo turns back to Eui Joon, seeming to have something else to say. But he sees the frightened look on Eui Joon's face and decides to keep it to himself before leaving through the door.
"And..." He pauses, turning to Eui Joon. "... Never mind. Good work."
JUST WHAT WAS HE ABOUT TO SAY?!?!?!
In the succeeding panel, Eui Joon is nonplussed. He wonders out loud, "What is happening?" Couldn't have said it better, girl. Geon Woo was just taking out his frustration and he had the perfect opportunity at the moment.
The second time was when Geon Woo invites Eui Joon to drink after the incident with Hyeon Woo (who basically asks Eui Joon to cheat with him and inebriates him—probably with the intention to take advantage of him). From the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo has taken an interest in Eui Joon after seeing him for the second time, and when he comes by through the hallway—finally discovering they were neighbors—and witnesses the two, he sees it as a chance with Eui Joon.
He invites Eui Joon out to drink, after Eui Joon's suggestion for a dinner at 2 in the morning fails to entice him. Eui Joon rambles his questions away, wanting to get to know him better, but Geon Woo doesn't immediately answer and catches him off guard when he "casually" inquires after his sexuality. Not the smoothest move there, lol, but in the side stories we see that wasn't really his intention.
"Damn it, why did I ask that question? It just slipped out..."
He answers Eui Joon's questions afterwards, surprising Eui Joon with the fact that he's actually been listening to what he's been saying for the past minute. We're starting to see just what kind of a person he is (Listening skills are always a plus in my book).
A little later, we see them on their way back to the apartment. Eui Joon asks Geon Woo to tell him anything interesting because he's been the one talking all night. Geon Woo acquiesces, asking a question that may have been part in consideration of Eui Joon's vulnerable state, and perhaps also part due to the possibility that he worried about him.
"Come to think of it... School has already started. Isn't it tiring to work 'til dawn? Aren't you working too much?"
Geon Woo's face is a little hard to read. So every subtle change in his expression says something. If you read the manhwa, you'll see the slightest bit of concern in his eyes. It's hard to catch until you've read the side stories (at least for me, haha).
One more thing I like about Geon Woo is that he doesn't meddle when it's not his business. He knows the state of Eui Joon's family—their inability to afford his college tuition, his hospitalized brother—and he knows he can help. I mean, I don't know how wealthy and powerful he is as a gangster but he probably has the means to. But he rarely opens the topic to Eui Joon.
Aaaand onto Chapter 8! Just before the first sex scene in the entire series. Eui Joon is crying because he had a shitty day both at school and at work, poor thing—all because of Hyeon Woo. He cries even more when he notices that Geon Woo, who came to the store every day, didn't come to the store that day. When he encounters him outside, he breaks down, catching Geon Woo off guard.
Geon Woo tells his lackey to leave and asks Eui Joon to stay. Eui Joon tells him he was fine and proceeds to go back to his room, but Geon Woo frightens him when he says he was already being nice. And then we get this:
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"Ah, I don't mean it that way... Just a while."
That gentle tug is honestly so uncharacteristic of the usual ruffian behavior we often see from Geon Woo. It's a nice sweet detail that proves what he says in Chapter 26 (when he finally confesses) that he treats Eui Joon differently from others.
Eui Joon cries his heart out to Geon Woo, and Geon Woo just lets him. Afterwards, Eui Joon resolves to forget about Hyeon Woo. By finding someone, hmm, more physically endowed.
"I must find someone more good-looking than him. With a nicer body... And a bigger dick!"
Clueless guy basically described the man beside him.
To that, Geon Woo says:
"How long have you known me? You really dare to say anything like that in front of me?"
Which comes off as slightly hostile at first. The next panel shows a dark aura surrounding Geon Woo, which Eui Joon interprets as distress from his implications of doing it with him—whose sexual preference so far remains ambiguous (In the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo himself struggles with figuring this out.). But then, he surprises Eui Joon when he slowly leans in to kiss him.
CUE SEX SCENE! I pitied Eui Joon a little because he wasn't really in the best state when Geon Woo offered this. In Geon Woo's defense, though, from the moment he found out that Eui Joon was gay he saw doors opening. When Eui Joon said something like that, I think his attraction to Eui Joon finally caught up to him and he couldn't resist the opportunity. He definitely wasn’t distressed by the implication of Eui Joon’s words; he was distressed by the decision he had to make—to go through that door or not. Because he knew he wanted it, even though he was constantly denying it from the start.
“This dirty thought wasn’t something that I have planned from the beginning.”
The day after, Eui Joon is a little rattled. He doesn’t know how to treat Geon Woo after that—not when he realized that sex could be that hot and satisfying (uwu). Geon Woo appears to be unaffected while Eui Jon’s brain is in knots about everything. But the questions Geon Woo asks tell us that he’s beginning to show Eui Joon a little emotion. He asks to see Eui Joon’s face to inspect the healing bruise he got yesterday (the one that Geon Woo covered with a bandaid—which was so sweet, huhu). And then, he asks if he was tired after school.
“Let me see your face.”
“School classes. Are you tired after taking them?”
From my perspective, he wasn’t just asking for the sake of being nice to the person he slept with. The story still hasn’t covered much of Geon Woo’s history to know whether he had been like this with his previous partners. Although there was a moment in Chapter 27 during one of their conversations when he gave us a little glimpse:
Geon Woo: It's normal to cry over pathetic things at your age. Eui Joon: Have you cried like that before too? Geon Woo: No. Eui Joon: Then how do you know that? Geon Woo: I just... know. Because there was a guy like that around.
From the time Geon Woo invited him out to drink, I think Geon Woo was genuinely concerned when he asked how Eui Joon was doing.
☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙
Chapters 13-26
Geon Woo's love language, I think, is his actions. He fights off the gangsters that bully Eui Joon into giving them discounts or even paying for them from his own pockets so they won't have to. He gives Eui Joon food and medicine when he finds out he was sick (the morning after having sex with him in the car for hours, lol). He likes taking care of the person he likes. So in Chapter 26, when he "confesses" to Eui Joon, that was Geon Woo pointing out that he's been doing the same thing all along.
"I mean, look at me just once... What kind of person I am. How I treat you. Take a good look at it. If you think that I'm good, then pick me. If not, you can throw me aside." "But. Before you do, you should understand this. Until then, I don't intend to let you get away."
This "non-confession" (he actually tells Eui Joon it wasn't a confession) actually says a lot about Geon Woo. His attitude towards their relationship is very blunt and straightforward. Once he's made a decision, he stops listening to his doubts and stands by it. I don't really know when Geon Woo decided that he liked Eui Joon. It was more slow-growing. In the side stories though, we see him considering this big-time when this thought crosses his mind:
"There's the common phrase of having the opportunity to meet your fateful love. If there's a sign for it, would it be possible to stay vigilant?"
AHJUSSI YOU SOFT-HEARTED ROMANTIC I CAN'T T^T He becomes more bold with Eui Joon afterwards, but he's still a little prickly. He's constantly weighing his options, trying to figure out in what way will doing the things he does for Eui Joon benefit him, if at all. In Chapter 13, when a customer comes inside the store and forces Eui Joon to pay for what he bought, he's on the scales. But then the memory of that morning flashes through his mind, and he remembers how the simple act of Eui Joon giving him his number had made him smile like an idiot. He beats the customer for him, taking the money he owed, and gives it back to Eui Joon. He even manages to casually ask him out on a date. The guy can be smooth as fuck.
Eui Joon: Are you saying... we should eat together? Geon Woo: Sure. I guess I've done something worth compensating. Will you give me my reward?
Take notes, people! At this point, Eui Joon has gotten him wrapped around his finger, and he didn't even know it! Of course, Eui Joon still thinks their relationship is only purely sexual, but then Geon Woo begins doing these uncharacteristically tender gestures that Eui Joon initially interprets as Geon Woo giving him special treatment.
"Let me see your face." "School classes. Are you tired after them" "I'm thinking that... You'll look good in short hair, too."
And Geon Woo even tries to initiate a conversation with Eui Joon when he feels like Eui Joon couldn't take the awkwardness. A good example was when Geon Woo treats him dinner at the restaurant.
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"...." "Is this your first time coming to this kind of place?"
Somehow, these things he does still feel kind of forced, like he was genuinely annoyed at Eui Joon and everything he did. Even when he asks to do it with him again and Eui Joon refuses because he was still sore, there was a moment of frustration that shone through.
It was a sign that Geon Woo was still confused about the things he was feeling towards Eui Joon. He knew he wanted him physically, but then he doesn't take up the woman's offer that evening after Eui Joon refuses him. It wasn't actually written on paper, but knowing Geon Woo's character he might have felt uneasy about going through with it. Not particularly on Eui Joon's behalf, but it may have been unconscious because of his budding feelings.
His feelings were something that rattled him, and he was usually undeterred in any kind of situation. What rattled him more was that Eui Joon didn't know anything about what he was going through.
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"Being naturally attracted to you, and going through unfamiliar emotions. This feeling should only be felt at an adolescent age."
We're seeing him from behind again. The use of this perspective in manhwas / mangas / comics usually makes you feel like can't tell what the character's thinking about, but most importantly that they're most likely about to go do or SAY SOMETHING DAMN IMPORTANT. Like, maybe, telling their feelings to the person they like!?!?!
"Eui Joon-Ah. I like you."
ASDFGHJKL DID ANYONE SEE THAT COMING?!?!?!
That actually surprised me hella lot. I'd originally thought Geon Woo was the tsundere type, but he was more honest with his feelings than I believed. However, he hadn't been completely convinced by these feelings until Eui Joon had offered to break it off. Suddenly there was an exit to his situation, but he didn't really feel happy about it. He was frustrated at not being able to properly understand what his words made him feel. Because the truth was he didn't want to break things off. He just wouldn't admit to himself at the time that the reason was he actually wanted Eui Joon.
We could see him debating it himself, poor thing:
"I didn't expect myself to be in a situation where I couldn't even understand my own feelings. I should've figured it out the moment I couldn't understand my sexual preference. I'm not that young anymore... What is this?" "No... It could also be a spur of the moment... It doesn't seem to be like that. It might also be due to pride, but I feel it's not necessary for these kinds of feelings to affect my pride... But even when it's like this, I still want to..."
Geon Woo decides to "have a little fun" before conceding to Eui Joon's request to "end their entanglement". But I've noticed that whenever something bothers Geon Woo too much, he takes a smoke. When Eui Joon makes the suggestion, Geon Woo does just that.
The slightly rough way in which Geon Woo treats him afterwards shows his frustration. He grabs his arm roughly and pulls him towards the car, but he doesn't realize he was hurting Eui Joon's wrist with his own watch until Eui Joon whines in pain—at which point Geon Woo just laces his hand through his instead. Which I thought was so sweet T^T
When Eui Joon freaks out about doing it at the school where he studies and asks Geon Woo to consider it for him, Geon Woo says, "Do I have to consider that for you too?" And when Eui Joon asks for him to do that, Geon Woo replies, "I guess I've been too nice to you." THE MAN WAS FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!! Geon Woo even challenges him to stay quiet, telling him no one will hear them if he does. Throughout the whole thing, Geon Woo wanted to dominate him, daring him to take what pleasure he could give him, but with an aggression that bespeaks the storm in his heart and mind. Reading it back, I realized just how damn hot that scene was. I mean, goddamn. After Geon Woo admits his feelings, there's a serenity about him afterwards. He no longer has to second-guess taking care of Eui Joon or expressing what he felt towards him. He gives him food and medicine the next day since he caught a fever. He "invites himself" to watch a movie with him since they both had nothing to do for the rest of the day. The guy was basically courting Eui Joon, haha. Not a confession, my ass XD
And then, when Eui Joon opens up about how he rejected Hyeon Woo, Geon Woo tells him he'll also wait for him for around three years T^T
MY HEART I CAN'T T ^ T ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ So that's kiiind of a long breakdown. I included as little pictures as possible. Copyright and all that. I just really like this series so far. I want to be able to read the original someday. Hopefully I'd be able to learn Korean T^T. If you like this as much as I do, chat me up =D would love to hear other thoughts.
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