#and i failed to get an internship

[imaginethat0327]

Hey y’all - I am having a bit of A Time right now where stress and weird emotions are ruining my day 😬 this has been going on and off for a few days now and I’m at my wits end and have no clue what’s going on. Was hoping I could snag a few quick words of encouragement from anybody who’s up for it? I’m trying to figure out my work schedule so I can actually have a day off (pretty sure I stressed myself into getting sick the other day from the constant work) and everything feels so freaking overwhelming and I kinda just want to curl up into a ball and cry. But I know you all are amazing and always make me smile, so… yeah. A few virtual hugs?? Please?? Sorry to ask!! -Imagine

#Honestly just a few words would be nice #I love my family but they definitely are on the more “tough love” side of the spectrum #Sometimes I just need someone to tell me that things are going to be okay 😭 #And that I won’t fail finding an internship and lose my degree that I am trying to get 1.5 years earlier than most other people my age #And that I won’t absolutely disappoint everyone in my family and around me by not being able to handle the constant working #I’m so freaking tired all the time 😭

[1o1percentmilk]

they say it's a "phone call to discuss the position teehee" but yOU can't trick me! i know as soon as i walk in there i'm gonna be fighting for my life

#these bitches and their 2-3 interviews #if i fail no skin off my back move on to the next guy #i have until june.. #u guys dont have to comment i just wanted to complain. #yap #dude today i overheard a guy bitching abt an internship only paying 30/hr #only thirty?? only THIRTY???? i'm lucky if i get 20 #i guess that's the difference between SWE and ITsec... #i'm just not really cut out for engineering #making new stuff and innovating not really my deal.. i just sit back and maintain the stuff that's already built

[irritablepoe]

The Horrors (TM) are catching up to me again

#i still have no internship and if i don't get it soon I'll have to do another semester #which would be fine in theory but it feels like failing #and i have to do so many studies bc I've been procrastinating this😭 #and i have to sign up for a bachelor's topic soon and i fear I'll miss the date #I'm checking every day that it's still october and not September or that I'm even way past it #hhhhhhhhhh #my anxiety🫠 #it's been better for a few weeks but now... #it's getting close #johnny's silly rambles #vent post #i guess?

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[sweet-as-kiwis]

Oh I am so fucked next semester

#tell me why. there was only ONE POSSIBLE SCHEDULE. BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 8 IN THE MORNING. AND SEVEN AT NIGHT. #TELL ME WHY ALL THE ACCOUNTING CLASSES ARE TAUGHT BY THE GUY WHOS CLASS I FAILED #WHERES MY GURL KATIE #I HAVE AN A IN HER CLASS RN #I WAS ALREADY PULLING A SOLID 20% OUT OF MARCS BY NOW #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #anyways. I am. so so fucked. #on Tuesdays I’m gonna be in classes from 11 to three no breaks #it goes accounting -> counseling psych -> some HR class #I’m going to Cry #but hey! at least I got it planned?? #and I only have. 30 credits left Total I think #actually just counted only 27 #which really ain’t too bad #and I think I can appeal six of them because I AM NOT FUCKING TAKING 18 CREDIT HOURS OF STATISTICS #I AM NOT A STATISTICS MAJOR #WHAT THE FUCK #anyways send help imma loose it #and I have to get two internships #ugh.

[pallases]

#GOOD GOD LLEG ME OUT OF HERE #i know i should be studying for my physics exam rn but also like what’s the point i studied my ass off for the last one and still failed #it lmfao i don’t know what to do here. they’re worth 70% of our grade. i remain kicking myself for not going through w physics 2 over the #summer :/ it was the same prof i just finished w so i knew the exam format and got really good at it by the end of the class. i would have #been able to get a b at least in that one vs this one i don’t know if i’ll pass at all #and if i don’t pass it i don’t know what to do. it’s a prereq for at least one class next semester probably multiple and if it’s multiple #that means i’ll have to push back my internship which means i’ll have to extend an already 5 yr program. which i absolutely cannot afford #personal #the physics chronicles

[gracegrove]

My fucking internship just kicked me out. They took my keys and kicked me out.

#in my whole life ive never once had a complaint and these fuckers act like ive committed war crimes #what the fuck #now i have no internship and am going to fail and get kicked out of school too #thank you so fuckin much #i fucking hate this #i fucking hate it here #plaes kill me

[breitzbachbea]

Idiots with bachelor degrees are a dime a dozen and I could be the next one.

#I can't find the similiar post with master degrees that one is so funny #but realtalk I am so crippingly afraid of failure or not giving it my all #I hate half-assing but also ... my stuff for my internship doesn't feel half-assed now that I think about it #why am I so mad? if it won't work it won't work ... that's okay ... everyone fails #I'm alive and I know how to wheel wood and in the summer I hopefully will get to drive a tractor more. is that not worth nothing? #is me already knowing how I will tackle my next term paper nothing? #yes. there are failures and shortcomings and half-assing. but I am alive. how amazing is that? #beablabbers #grau mein freund ist alle theorie

[robinsnest2111]

I feel like I didn't make proper use of today. but I got several loads of laundry done and put fresh bedsheets and such on my bed. and that will have to be enough.

#also finished the 2 scribbles i posted earlier #maybe i'll watch a dvd before i inevitably have to go to bed to be as rested for work tomorrow as i can be... #kinda psyching myself out over this 3rd trial workday ngl #like i know i'll have to do everything on my own now. what if i mess up? what if i cost my boss money by messing up? #what if the customers get angry with me for being too slow??? #because i KNOW i'm not as fast or skilled as the other workers #because of stupid brainfog and residual trauma shit #and my social skills and quick thinking are not what they should be #i could try to give it 180% to be on the same level as my coworkers but that'd burn me out in less than a week #i know from experience... has happened in several internships and another trial period before #the last one kickstarted the chronic pain and fatigue too #idk if i can find a good balance orz #also the wellfare application process is so damn difficult and takes weeks to be approved and idk if i can do that again #if i fail at keeping down a job...

[uranium]

im getting too many Ws lately its making me scared. when the comedown finally happens it is going to leave thousands dead millions injured

#like im just waiting for my internship to explode for my job to fire me for the scholarship to fall through to fail all my classes and get #kicked out of college. i feel like im building a house of cards or something and one small mistake is going to ruin everything

[taketheringtolohac]

i hate it when people get academically competitive which is why im being so so so so nice rn to my friends even if I am struggling and think they are being ridiculous even though I go to the school where ppl are stupidly anal abt their grades and career pursuits

#(is failing at being nice. failing very supremely hard. i had to apologize to someone today.) #who cares if someone does smth that you are also into just be excited bitch 😭 like gd I am tired of this shit #I’m just tired. who cares if u have a 4.0 or if you’re more vigilant abt like. getting internships like don’t compete w them it’s pointless #or do more urself. or meet urself where ur at you know. sigh. I’m tired tired tired of the bs. #roxy talks

[supercantaloupe]

i can't decide if i should bother applying to go to oboe camp this year or not. the first year was pretty good and while i still enjoyed last year too i wonder if the amount i'm getting out of the experience is enough to justify the trip anymore since i already feel like it's diminishing in terms of what i have left to learn or experience there

#sasha speaks #idk i mean. i guess there will Always be new stuff to learn and it is Always going to be a good thing for me as a musician #to learn from new teachers and colleagues and socialize and/or play with them or whatever #but i am truly so bad at making friends that. that didn't go so well last year. #i think failing to find partners to play chamber music with me two years in a row and some embarrassing feedback on my solo #put a bigger dent in my pride/confidence/whatever than i realized. #idek why i'm fretting over it atm. i mean i know it's bc the application opens next week #but i basically already know that the deciding factor is probably gonna come down to whether i get an internship/fellowship in the summer #and if my work schedule will even allow me to go. and i certainly won't hear back about those for at least two or more months #sigh. i want to have fun and i want to travel and i want to socialize and i want to learn and grow more as a player #but i don't want to stagnate by trying not tk fall asleep during barrett day in and day out again #and for gd's sake i don't want to be the sad bitch at the lunch table every day that no one wants talk to or play with #for another stupid fucking year #i'm tired of not even being the last choice just the no choice #oboeposting

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

One thing I definitely dont miss from Being In College And Trying To Get a Art Career is everybody even slightly older then me trying to turn everything into a learning experience. Im glad now when I dont get accepted for a job I dont get a email back telling me WhAt MakEs A StRong POrTfoliO

#Im talking about internships I fucking HATED getting rejected for internships because every rejection was #Sorry we have literally 800 million people applying for this so we couldnt accept you obviously. Heres some tips for how to make your- #-portfolio better ! try again next year and you might beat out every single animation major in the united states (including the ones going- #-to private art schools like fucking cal arts!) #Also in general I did hate professors who were assholes and talked to me like I was 5 #Especially in my last semester because I was imploding and dying and everybody thought it was like a me being lazy problem and not a #I definitely have a undiagnosed mental illness problem. I left with all C's #Which sucks but I am proud of myself for not actually failing out considering how bad I was doing.

[birbtails]

.

#gods #im .. in trouble this semester #which sucks bc i was doing so much better last semester #i stopped going to therapy!! #which i think i knew at the time was a Problem #but my therapist suggested it and i didn't want to but i couldn't come up with a better reason than im worried ill nosedive next semester #to be fair to me while i was feeling so much better i knew i wasnt .. stable i guess? #in her defense i can't tell anyone the whole truth even if my life was on the line #and by cant i mean some combination of wont dont want to and its instinctive #but the problem is im failing one of my classes and im at least a little bit suicidal and i havent told anyone really and gods i feel lonely #(and by a little bit suicidal i mean thinking of ways to kill myself 2 days ago. im feeling better now but i don't trust it) #(by feeling better i mean im not Actively thinking of methods but it definitely crosses my mind as a Possibility) #(although i guess its a bit less i want to die and a bit more i want someone to find me before i die and help me) #so anyways this semester might be replacing 10th grade as the worst year of my life #im just.. so tired #i don't want to keep living like this #and im sucking it up and making myself do better but i Hate this #and ive got to think about summer plans bc i don't want to go back to my parents house but i also Really want to bc i can see my brother and #maybe i can see my friends(?) and maybe if i tell my parents everything that's been going on theyll take care of me? #but i Really want to stay here bc i always regret going home and bc ive gotten used to living on my own and i really like all the freedom it #gives me?? but i need to get an internship or a job or something if i want to stay here but its So Late and now that im thinking about it im #worried that ill be so isolated here that ill feel worse? but if i get a therapist here then maybe itll be okay?? #i don't know #and im almost done with my junior year and i don't know what i want to do with my future and #i just never thought id get this far yknow? i honestly thought i wasnt going to make it to 18 or college and now im almost 21 and so close #to graduating?? and i don't know how to face the rest of my life #im just tired and stressed and depressed #i just want a hug and a friend that i can tell everything to #ne ways im just tired and whiny and i need to suck it up and get groceries and do my hw

[tsubasaclones]

Reddit recommending me posts on a graphic design subreddit about how they can't find a job is not helping me very much right now

#thats why i dont want to even bother trying to do the internship this summer id rather suffer through the ux ui class #because theres always the chance i fail to get an internship and have to do that anyway #ive been far to busy to properly set up a portfolio how would i apply to shit properly #and #yknow the fact i cant drive so whatever id do would have to be remote rn #which limits things

[queenangella]

I think it should be illegal that im expected to do (unpaid cause im just not paid in general) overtime at my job and still have to do my internship papers outside of my hours like honey and you're asking why im goddamn miserable all the fucking time

#im like 'yeah so im trying to jazz up my way of working because as you might remember im also doing a full time thesis outside of this so im #just about spending 24/7 at my desk behind my laptop and its getting a little bit exhausting you know (/aka my parents are trying to get me #to go to a therapist bc im walking around like im 18 again)' #and my bosses are like 'yeahhhh but that's how it will be when you work anyway you should feel lucky because not every job will be as #flexible as this one is' (translations: you're still expected to work during your hours but also outside of that #and technically you can work from home but we will also bitch about that all the time to the point where you don't want to cause you're #afraid we're gonna make you fail your internship that you have to do to get your masters and then you can't graduate sucks to be you I #guess) #with internship papers I mean I gotta write a twenty page reflection on my internship + two reflections on feedback moments + some other