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neowinestainedress · 8 months

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SECRET — lee jeno

𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄: secret

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: lee jeno x fem!reader

𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐑𝐄: smut, fluff (at the end), established relationship, kink discovery, relationship development

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: jeno has a secret he can’t tell anybody, not even you.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: sub!jeno, dom!reader (it’s their first time reversing roles so they’re both exploring how it feels like), implied masturb*tion, n!pple play, kinda hand-free org*sm/coming untouched, an*l fingering, riding, overstimulation, praise kink, minor degradation, size kink (but reversed??? reader is not bigger than jeno but somehow jeno feels small and likes to feel like that), ch*king, names used for jeno (baby boy, good boy, pup/puppy, pretty boy), names used for reader (ma’am, miss, mommy), big d!ck jeno, there’s nothing wrong with being a sub but jeno has issues because he has to always be strong so it doesn’t feel right for him, count the times I say ‘please’ in this (not my fault jeno is the bestest boy ever), aftercare (and kink discussion)

𝐖𝐂: 10.202k

𝐀/𝐍: a gift for my love @yellowgirllsblog, I converted her to subjenoism so I’m on a mission to let more of you see the light of the day and appreciate sub!jeno more. ps: you will never catch me call twitter ‘x.’ enjoy and if you do, please reblog and leave feedback! love u!

Jeno has a secret.

Once you’ll find out what it is, it won’t seem a big deal, but to him, it is.

It’s so big, so stressful, and so shameful, he can’t even talk to you — his sweet, loving girlfriend — about it.

It’s stupid, really. Deep down Jeno is well aware of how dumb it all sounds, but every time he faces it, it looks like a big mountain he can’t climb — and that will probably crumble on top of him, smashing him on the ground.

Stupid or not, big or small, it haunts him every day. Yes, every day. At first, Jeno thought it was just a temporary thing, something that piqued at his curiosity for fun, but soon enough, he fell down the rabbit hole. Looking back at it now, he probably was buried deep in the rabbit hole since forever but he —and the perception others had of him— did a good job at polishing the place real nice and don’t make him realize where he was.

Jeno accepted he is far gone a while ago, but he still can’t wrap his head around it. How is that possible? How could he, out of all the people, like something like this, be like this.

And that’s why he keeps it to himself, praying that if he doesn’t act on it, if he pushes it out of his mind, it will just leave. He’s strong, and fit, and he pounds into you every night, giving it to you like you want it. He can’t be anything else other than this, nothing but a confident, strong man that can’t be vulnerable.

But it turns out that pushing it out of his mind is not as easy as it seems. Jeno might be weaker than he realizes when he keeps going back at it, sipping on it at small doses, almost as if whatever he is holding in it’s a drug he doesn’t want to get addicted to — not knowing he already is. But for now — and forever, he thinks — this is just a fantasy, he can’t get addicted to something that is not real, to a version of him, no matter how authentic it feels, that can’t come out. But he slips further every day, hiding in your shared bedroom with his laptop or phone when you’re at work and he can have a bit of time to himself, when he stares at the box with your toys and lets time pass by because he doesn’t dare to do the next step, and lastly when he fucks his fist with your used panties and calls your name… or well, how he wishes he could call you.

And then clarity hits him again, making him groan as he rushes to the bathroom on wobbly legs, throwing your stained panties inside and starting the washing machine while he questions himself; why? He feels pathetic; masturbating over you as if he needs to fantasize about you, as if he doesn’t have you every night, and every day, and yet, it’s still not enough, it’s not how he wants you. But he feels guilty, he feels like he won’t be enough if he confessed to you, if he let you know his secret. And most of all, he’s terrified he’ll lose you. This version of him is not the one you picked, is not the one you love. And he’d damn himself forever if he lost you for something so silly.

So, he sighs, takes a deep breath, and then exhales deeply, rubbing his teary eyes before pushing his tired body up from the wall to walk back to your bedroom and fix himself.

Jeno has a secret, and he will take it to his grave.

Your boyfriend has been acting strange for a while now. At first, you figured he was stressed because of work, but now, you don’t think that’s the only reason.

Your brain goes crazy, imagining the worst-case scenario, the top one: he wants to break up with you. So, you start acting strange, too. Panicking, over-analyzing everything, and mostly, bracing yourself for the worst. Every time he starts talking to you with a serious tone, you fear that those words will come out of his lips, especially when before starting the conversation he stares at you for minutes and thinks so loudly you can almost hear his thoughts.

But the worst never comes, this goes on for weeks, and even if your boyfriend does act strange, nothing of his weirdness leads to a breakup, literally nothing can make it plausible, and even your brain gives up keeping you up at night with the fear of you losing him.

Jeno has never been so touchy. His hands are always on your body, any excuse is valid to let his fingers wander on your skin; if he needs to help you pick up something, if he needs to reach for the remote, if he has to leave for work, anything as long as he gets to feel your warm body.

And that doesn’t shock you much, Jeno has always made it clear how much he finds you attractive and how obsessed and in love he is with you and your body, but well, not like this. His fingers seem almost fearful, and so are his lips when he kisses you, and even something about his eyes doesn’t seem quite right. And then there are those unsaid words that you can see pending from his lips, and yet, they never come out. Every phrase Jeno starts is followed by a stutter and a quick shake of the head, other times his cheeks turn bright red as he zones out and you have to shake him out of whatever he is thinking, and then he goes back to act though and shrug it all off as if nothing happened.

You don’t get it, and every time you try to ask if something’s wrong, he acts surprised and tells you everything’s alright. You don’t buy it, but you feel that if something’s annoying him, he will come talk to you when he’s ready, so you leave him alone.

Jeno has a secret, and you have to find out in a way you don’t like.

You don’t like to roam around and stick your nose in things that aren’t yours, honestly, you hate doing so because you would hate if somebody did that with your things.

But you’re bored, laying on your bed, waiting for Jeno to come out of the shower, and your phone is somewhere in the living room, and you’re bored.

Picking up his phone to play some games is not an invasion of privacy, it’s the only thing you do with his phone, and Jeno is fine with it — he even lets you download those ugly, ads-filled, games that pop up in ads of other annoying games, he doesn’t get them, he hates the graphic of most of them, and he doesn’t understand how you can survive so many ads, but it’s fine, anything that makes you happy because you saved the King from drowning, cleaned a hotel room or built a pretty land.

You would’ve minded your business if it wasn’t for one of those stupid games and ads, causing the app to crash and make you huff.

You’re pissed as you click the left bottom on the bottom of his screen to see all the apps and go back to your game, hoping it won’t die again, you’re so caught up that you almost miss the other window of Twitter and some other apps he used before.

But well, what you see is too shocking to make you go back to the business of your hotel.

You freeze, and a lump forms in your throat as you blink speechless with your mouth wide open. You feel the world could collapse under your feet but then you shake your head.

Dumb asshole, it’s fine. He might be bisexual, he’s not using you as a beard, right?

But you still stare at the video in shock, the only focus is on the naked man with a choker, moaning while the vibrator edges him, and the playful touches on his nipples make his hips rut.

And when Jeno comes out of the shower you’re still dumbfounded. Your eyes look up, and his smile drops as soon as he sees your face, it looks as if you saw a ghost, and he fears something has happened to you, but he barely manages to let out ‘are you ok?’ before you stop him.

“Are you gay?” You ask, nothing of the more rational questions you came up with before passing your lips.

He giggles nervously, eyes skimming you. “What?

You feel a lump in your throat and then reply. “What is this?” you lift the phone, video playing on mute, you can’t bear to hear the moans again. “Why are you watching porn and why are you watching porn focused on men? If you want to try something out you can tell me, but please, tell me I’m not your bearding girlfriend and this wasn’t all a lie.”

“A lie?” Jeno screams, feeling his heart pump hard in his chest. “It’s not and I’m not gay, I might be bi, but I never wanted to question much about it but... Wait, would it make you love me less?”

“No, God, no, but I don’t understand this,” you squeak, voice breaking a bit for the confusion you feel and also because his face dropped even more.

“It’s nothing,” Jeno says, abruptly taking the phone from your hand and closing the tab. His hands are shaking, he can’t believe he’s so fucking stupid, how could he not think about it? He always makes sure to close everything so that you can’t find out.

“Nothing?” You ask, eyes wide and a bit of sarcasm in your tone. “Why are you watching that kind of video...”

“I — I... It’s just something dumb the boys sent me,” he justifies, scratching his neck, but his eyes are everywhere except on yours.

You would believe him if only he wasn’t so evasive with his answers and body language, he’s a nerve wreck, he has to be hiding something. “Is it? Why would they do it?”

“I don’t know, you know they’re dumb,” he says and then pauses, biting his lips nervously before he gathers the courage to speak. “Did you watch it?”

You furrow, mumbling for a few seconds before replying as if it was obvious. “Yes.”

“All?”

“Yes, it’s not that long,” you reply without getting where he wants to go with these questions.

Jeno nods and bites his lips, strategically avoiding your gaze.

“Jeno...” You call and he hesitantly raises his face. “Are you sure you’re not lying to me? If you like men and only them it’s fine, I would be heartbroken, but I want you to be happy, and I —”

“Stop it! It’s not that,” he snaps, face burning red when your eyes meet and you’re looking at him with curiosity. He feels doomed, you don’t even get it so how can you be into it?

“Oh.” You gasp. “Oh.” It clicks. Your mind replays the video, catching the details you missed, and you get it. He wants those things to be done to him. He doesn’t want a man; he wants you to do that to him.

Jeno stills, fearing the worst from you. “I’m not into it, that video just came up and I was curious,” he tries to save himself but it’s too late.

“No,” you stop him, “you are into it. Don’t lie to me,” your tone drops a bit, and you study his reaction, he trembles, and his face reddens even more. You’ve never seen him so embarrassed and vulnerable in all those years you’ve dated. Jeno, Lee Jeno, blushing bright red and stammering on his words right in front of your eyes. You’re dreaming, that must be it, maybe you have a fantasy you’re not aware of yet and this is your brain poking the thought into you.

But you shake your head, rub your eyes, and he’s still there.

“Jeno?” You call his name again when he gives you his back, quickly trying to find his clothes and make this less embarrassing, considering the only thing covering him is the white towel he put on before. “Look at me,” your voice comes out stern when he doesn’t listen to you and with a big step forward you have him trapped against the wall. Your fingers reach his chin, lifting his face resolutely.

But Jeno still doesn’t reply; you see his Adam’s apple move in his neck and you feel his breath get discontinued, but nothing comes from his mouth.

You have two choices; play the game he wants you to play or have a serious conversation about this. You’d rather go for the last one, you’re not so sure you’d be a master at doing what he wants you to do, but it seems like there’s no room for a decent talk right now.

You cup his chin, squeezing it enough that his lips pout, something he always does to you. His eyes widen, and his hand immediately wraps around your wrist, yet he doesn’t try to push you away.

“Tell me, Nono,” you coo, voice low and teasing, “do you want to be teased like that?”

He shakes his head, quick movements causing some still damp strands of hair to fall on his eyes, “No, no, I don’t.”

You scoff, shaking your head before leaning closer. “Why are you lying to me?”

He mumbles, struggling to talk for the embarrassment and the hold you have on his face. “I’m not,” he cries out.

“Oh, really?” You ask, letting his face go, making him lose his balance now that he can’t hold onto you. “Then you have nothing to hide, right?” He nods, biting his thumb and looking at you like a dog with his tail between his legs. “So, I guess you won’t mind if I took your phone right now, right?”

His eyes widen and his thumb falls from his lips. “Bu-but wh-why?”

You burst out laughing, holding your stomach in an exaggerated mocking move. “Bu-but wh-why?” you taunt him, imitating his high-pitched trembling voice. “Phone, now.”

Jeno’s not sure how to feel. This is what he wanted, right? And you don’t seem… mad. So why does he feel so embarrassed as he grabs the phone and hands it to you?

You smile and then open Twitter. You notice he has two accounts and when you scroll through the likes, the retweets, and more, you’re speechless. Well, now that you have him in front of you, so pliant, shaking, and red in the face, it’s not surprising anymore, but the Jeno you’re used to is not like this.

Men tied up and edged until they whimper and beg to come, rough face sitting, pegging videos, and captions about ‘good boys’ being used as sex toys by their ‘dominant mommy’, are all you see. You sigh and throw the phone on the bed carelessly.

“I’m sorry,” Jeno cries out, falling on his knees right in front of you. “I didn’t mean to disappoint you. I don’t need that, I swear I don’t, I can still be your usual boyfriend, I’ll fuck you so good, I promise I —”

You shut him up with a kiss, it’s rough and quick, enough to leave him surprised and, momentary, speechless. “Will you stop mumbling no-sense?”

“But I —”

“No, shh,” you say, thumb on his lips to keep him quiet. “Did I say anything? Did I look disappointed?” You ask, tilting your head to the side and he shakes his head. Honestly, he has no idea, he was too worried panicking to actually pay attention to your reaction. “Did I ask you to apologize? Do I look disgusted to you?”

“N-no,” he mumbles, but his eyes are still leaking tears.

“No, exactly,” you reassure. Your hand moves to the back of his neck, wrapping around the long hair at the nape before tugging and yanking his head back. “Now can we be serious and face this or do you want to keep crying at my feet?”

That shouldn’t make his dick twitch in the — now incredibly tight —towel but it does, still, he hopes you didn’t catch it, and nods swiftly.

“Good,” you smile slyly. You saw it, but that’s something you’re going to deal with later. “Stop lying and be honest with me. Do you want me to do this to you?” Your other hand moves down on his neck, creeping on his toned chest until it reaches his hard nipples, and when you brush one, he whimpers. Jeno tries to hide it, closing his eyes and pressing his lips together, but his body is reacting on its own, and it has never been more of an open book.

You never paid his body much attention, always letting him do anything to you, so this is… new, and interesting.

Your fingers play with the other one, rubbing against the sensitive tip and watching him struggle to keep it all in. “Sensitive much, aren’t you?”

He nods quickly, head falling down but you tug it back again, making him groan lowly.

“Head up,” you order, leaning down to come face to face, breath fanning against his, “and answer me. Do you like it when I play with your nipples?”

“Yeah — yeah, I like it,” he breathes out, leaning in to kiss your lips but you pull away.

“Ah, ah,” you click your tongue, shaking your head, “not yet, baby boy. You’ve been naughty, keeping important things from me. So now you’re going to earn it, alright?”

Jeno nods faster than he would want to, hips shaking on his heels in excitement like a dog wagging his tail.

You think it’s cute, he’s cute. And you still don’t quite know how to do this, how to be on the other side, but something inside of you makes you feel confident enough to think it’s worth giving a try. You like to be on the receiving end, so you have to give him what you usually like to receive. Also, you’ve encountered femdom content before, even liked it, never explored it much, but this might be fun.

“Words.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

You raise a brow at the title, but you like the way it rolls from his lips, and it makes your body react, pussy clenching around nothing and stomach twisting in anticipation.

“Good boy,” you reward him. You love being called a good girl, so you think he’s going to like that too, and he does. His smile grows bigger, cheeks tinting red again, and most importantly, his dick reacts, twitching against the towel.

You think it’s time to set it free, so your hand grabs the hem and pulls the white clothes off him. Jeno whimpers, hands quickly going to cover his hard, throbbing dick — well, trying to, it’s too big to hide anything.

You laugh at his lame attempt, slapping his hands away. “Getting shy now? I’ve seen it and felt it countless times, don’t you agree? Or, I don’t know, have you forgotten? Maybe your brain stops working when you’re… like this,” you finish with a teasing look from his head to his bent knees, rubbing against the hard floor and becoming red.

Jeno shivers, shaking his head, but for some reason, he feels even more embarrassed. He’s not used to being in this position, and all the times he imagined to be here, he didn’t think you would be like this. You’re not much shorter than him, but you are, and now you’re towering over him, your gaze is piercing through his soul, and your voice is sultry like it has never been. He wanted this so badly but even if he fantasized for months, now, he doubts he can take you.

You sigh, rolling your head. “How many times do I have to say it? Words.”

Jeno frowns momentarily, he knows you’re having a ball because usually, he wants you to talk back to him even if he’s fucking the fourth orgasm out of you. But his ‘anger’ doesn’t last. He nods, and then apologizes. “Sorry, I’m so sorry, ma’am. You can see it.”

“Of course, I can,” you say, kneeling to his eye level, “it’s mine.” Two of your fingers brush on his hard cock, tracing the thick vein that run on the side, the one that rub your sensitive walls so good when he’s pounding into you.

He nods quickly, swallowing hard to don’t moan shamelessly, and then stutters on his words. “You-yours. You can do — do whatever you want.”

You smile widely and tilt your head because it’s not a dominant smile. You might like this a lot. You might like this more than you anticipated. There’s something thrilling about having him like this, in your hands, to play with, to tease, to edge, to push to the limit. He’s yours, like always, and yet, in a way he has never been.

“Tell me what you want me to do?” You order, those videos are not enough to give you the green light. You need to hear it from him, a bit because you’re lost on your path, but also because you need to hear him describe those things out loud and beg you to do that to him.

Jeno thinks his face might burn up in a second. Sure, if he ever dared to bring this up to you in a conversation, he would’ve had to explain it to you, but he would’ve been dressed, not hard, and his brain would’ve been functioning. Now he’s none of these things. Yet, he tries.

“I — I want you,” he starts, wetting his lips. but he fails to find the words. You want explicit things, he knows it, he can see it in your eyes burning up with desire, but he wants to be honest first, at least now that he has a bit of rationality left. “I want to be your good boy. I want to — to just give up control for once and let you do everything. I want you to control me, to move me around, to make me feel light, to make me feel like I’m… nothing but not really nothing, I want to…” he gulps, forcing himself to keep eye contact because he wants to be good, but it’s not easy. Nothing happened yet, and he’s already a victim of the electricity that’s running in the air. “I want to don’t think. I want you to fuck my brain out until I forget who I am, I want you to tell me what to do, to order it to me. But I also want to feel safe… taken care of.”

It takes you a while to metabolize everything he told you, especially the last part, and you put a reminder in your brain to discuss that later. But now you kiss him, finally giving him what he craves. You wanted to make him wait a bit longer, but you feel like he needs it. It seems that all of this has been bothering him more than you think, and he needs comfort.

“And I’m going to give it to you, if you trust me,” you say when you pull away, softly caressing his cheek with your other hand.

“I do, I trust you,” he replies, hips rubbing against your hand. You give him a quick, stern look and he stops, smile dropping.

“Get on the bed and you won’t have to hump my hand like a puppy in heat,” you order and he’s quickly — stumbling and almost falling — on his feet, walking to the bed.

Once he’s laying on the bed, you follow him, crawling on top of him, your legs trapping him down. You leave kisses on his neck, and as a response his head rolls back, leaving you more room to paint his skin with bites and kisses. And while he’s distracted with that, your hands reach his nipples. His hips buck up and he whimpers.

He’s so sensitive, you can’t believe you didn’t discover this before.

Your fingers play with his sensitive buds, at first, you just rub your fingers on them, but then you get more adventurous studying his reaction. Jeno likes it when you pinch them between two fingers, it makes him hiss and moan, while his hips grind against you. He also likes it when you roll them, low curses escaping his tortured pink lips.

After a while, you decide to pay attention to his whole chest. You won’t lie, you always loved his tits, but you appreciated them from afar, when they were wrapped under the skintight white shirt he loves to wear, or when they played hide and seek under his loose tank tops. When he fucks you, your hands always wander somewhere else, busy trying to hold onto his arms and back for dear life. But now, your hands caress his skin, cupping them as you try to hide a giggle and stay in your role — you definitely need to work on your dominance — and tease his nipples every now and then.

“Fuck,” Jeno bites his tongue, dick rutting against your body, droplets of white shamelessly dripping from his head, staining his length and abs.

“You’re so sensitive it’s almost pathetic,” you try out, testing the waters. You fear you might trigger him, but instead, he moans louder at your words, throwing his head back more, and his dick throbs. “I’m barely touching you and you’re already a mess. You dreamed this so long, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he whimpers, his hips still grinding against you, desperately chasing for release, but you pull away. “No, please,” his voice breaks and tears swell at the corner of his eyes. Jeno is so fucking pretty like this, you have to fight back the urge to reach for the phone and snap a picture.

“Just relax, and focus on the parts I’m touching,” you say, kissing him to shut his whines down. “Let me take care of you.”

And he would, he does, he wants you to take care of him. If only this wasn’t so embarrassing, whimpering and squirming just from having his nipples played with. He wants to hold it in, he can push back an orgasm, but all his good intentions fly out of the window when your mouth wraps around the left sensitive one and your fingers pinch and twist the other one.

It’s not his fault he’s so sensitive.

“Oh God,” he cries out through gritted teeth, knuckles going white for how hard his hands are clenching around the sheets. Jeno feels dizzy, your mouth sucks harshly on his sensitive spot, quickly moving from one side to the other, never leaving him with no stimulation, your fingers are just as swift at taking the place your lips left. “Please, please, fuck,” he begs, hips stuttering messily, and legs parting as his body jerks with pleasure.

“Be a good boy and come for me,” you mumble against his skin, eyes looking up at his. And that’s the last drop for him; the realization that you saw him — and made him — this weak, even the slight humiliation he feels with it.

Jeno comes undone. Long, whiny moans and whimpers slurring out of his plump lips as his body stills before breaking into violent trembles, it’s powerful and overwhelming, and it makes him cry. Mumbles of your name follow when you don’t stop, fingers and tongue moving quickly on his nipples.

“Please, please, stop,” he cries, trying to push you away, “can’t take it anymore.”

You pull away, snickering as you watch the cum drip down his body. His chest is heaving, and his body is slumped against the headboard.

“Was it good?”

Jeno nods, his movements are slow, and his eyelids are almost close, but he still makes out your face, and smiles shyly. “More,” he begs and then adds, “please. If you want to.”

You smile, he’s so polite. “Are you sure you can take more?”

“Yes, yes, I just — I needed to calm down,” he explains, running a hand through his hair that covered his eyes messily.

“Lay on the bed,” you order before standing up.

He follows your order, feeling his body ache as he gets in position, but it all fades in the background when his gaze falls on your body, watching you move to throw your clothes on the floor.

“So,” you’re on top of him, you got rid of your skirt and top, the only clothes on your body are your — drenched — panties and the bra, “what do you want me to do with you?”

Jeno thought the embarrassing part had passed, but, lord, if he was wrong. Because he’s not prepared in the slightest to ask you what he’s about to ask. You will break up with him, this will be the last straw.

“Pup?” Your voice brings him out of his delirium, and he coughs. “You with me?”

He nods, struggling to find the words. “Please,” he whines, “don’t — don’t leave me.”

“Leave you?” You ask, a small frown forms on your forehead while your head lightly bends to the side to look at him. You almost look so innocent and harmless like this, but you’re not. You have all the power and control, and Jeno loves this and hates this at the same time. Maybe all of this is more mental than what he thought in the first place, or maybe he needs to relax, stop worrying so much, and just beg you. Beg you to fuck him, beg you to turn him into a brainless mess in the same way he had done in these past few months: pleading with his face smashed against a pillow to muffle his pathetic moans and his fist wrapped around his cock or his fingers inside of him, fooling himself that was you doing that to him.

“Please, fuck me,” he breaks, eyes panicking and looking around the room before you grab his face with a strong old on his chin.

“Say it again,” you order. Your face is relaxed now and the pout on your lips is rapidly swiped away by a sly smirk.

“Please, please, fuck me, ma’am?” He asks, eyes softening as he looks into yours. He’s such a good boy, so obedient, so, so good. So, you’re about to give him what he wants, and what you want, grabbing the base of his hardening dick and teasing it against your pussy, moving the crotch of the panties to the side, but he surprises you.

“No,” Jeno cries, voice breaking again, “not like this. Not now.”

You stop, stilling and looking at him, eyes blinking as you try to understand what he means. “Not like this? And how do you want me to fuck you?”

“I — I,” he stutters, flashes of warmth heating his body up again, not that it ever really stopped, to be honest, it just keeps getting worse.

“You — you?” You urge, mocking him, mimicking his voice with a condescending tone.

He frowns offended — and his dick throbs, but he won’t pay attention to that — but then goes on. “I want your — your fingers.”

“Oh,” you say, a smug grin on your face. “A handjob?” You know what he wants, you know where he wants it, but what you want, is to mess up with him.

“No, no,” he whines, shaking his head, reaching for your hand with his before you slap it away, making him groan in annoyance. “Please.”

“Please and no, are those the words that a good pup says?”

“No, miss, I’m sorry.”

“Good, then use your big boy words and tell me what you want. Details, or I won’t give it to you.”

Jeno swallows, inhaling deeply before confessing. “I want your fingers in my ass, please. I want you to fuck me with your fingers, miss.”

“Oh, now that’s clear,” you say, smiling tenderly and patting his head. He melts under your touch, and you keep a reminder to yourself to head pat him more often. “Good boy, telling me exactly what he needs.”

You get up to grab the lube from the drawer but when you open it, it’s not there. You scowl, scratching your head as you try to remember if you finished it and didn’t buy it again, but you don’t use it that often, so it can’t be.

“Where the hell —” you stop when, turning around, you see the blue bottle peeking from under the bed, you kneel to grab it and see that it’s badly closed. “You fucked yourself before?” You enquire, tilting your head, watching his face flush bright red even more, he tries to avoid your gaze, but you trot to him and force his face on you. “You were so desperate you couldn’t help but fuck yourself with your fingers?”

“I’m — I’m sorry, miss, I didn’t mean to,” he justifies, throat dry and heart beating fast. He doesn’t want to disappoint you, he would’ve waited, he wouldn’t have done that, but he needed that, he was terrible at putting this fantasy behind and he needed a release. But he’s still you’re good boy, right? You’re not mad at him for this?

You scoff, clicking your tongue, crawling on the bed. “You didn’t mean to, sure… fucking yourself behind my back, pff,” you scoff. “Tell me, were you thinking of me? My fingers deep inside of you? My hand wrapped around the base of your cock?” Jeno nods eagerly as you pour lube on your fingertips. “Were you calling my name? Whimpering like the desperate puppy that you are? Calling me ma’am and miss, maybe even mommy when you fuck yourself good enough,” all throughout the talk your fingers slip deep inside of him, making him gasp and hold onto the sheets under him.

“Fuck,” he curses, not expecting you to push two fingers inside with no warning. But the surprise turns into bliss in the beat of an eye. Your fingers are slender, and yes, they’re not as long and thick as his are, but they are yours. And you’re so good at moving them inside of him, curling them up, moving them with a firm rhythm, reaching the bottom, and then pulling out, that he has nothing to complain about. “Feels so good,” he somehow manages to let you know. You think it’s cute, his voice doesn’t sound like the usual, it’s whiny, trembling, and full of desperation. His eyes are watery, and you think the red on his cheeks won’t disappear soon.

Jeno is lost in the pleasure, thinking he has never felt better, he’s almost relaxed, lulling in the sensation that sends sparks down his spine. But you want to give him more and your other hand folds his balls, making him hiss and shaking him out of that haze.

“It’s alright, baby boy,” you reassure him, but he’s not sure. Especially when you spit on his dick, adding to the mess of his cum, and run your hand on his length. He wishes you would keep doing this, but instead, you torture him; while your fingers work him open, your hand focuses on his frenulum, massaging his most sensitive spot until he’s a crying and trembling mess again.

“No, no,” he whines when your lips start kissing his leaking tip. “Sensitive — I’m…” his voice breaks and dies in his throat when your lips wrap around it. He has you everywhere and he’s not used to this. He’s not used to feeling so much and giving so little — in his mind, to give you nothing, but to you, he’s giving you a lot. This vulnerable side of him is much more than anything else. “I — I can touch you, I can —”

You shut him up with a slap on his thigh. “You can lay there and take it,” you say firmly but without stopping your movements.

He nods quickly, lips pressed in a thin line, but the pleasure is so big that his moans and whimpers just rumble in his chest.

“Moan, Jeno,” you call him out. “I want to hear you moan for me.”

“But —”

“But?” You scold, glaring at him and stilling your fingers inside him. “Are you going to talk back to me and tell me what to do?” He shakes his head quickly, mumbling apologizes. “I think so, do you want to be my good boy?”

“Yes, yes, please,” he cries, hips bucking up, at first you think he’s doing that to feel your fingers but he’s just that desperate. He truly acts like a puppy too excited to be your good boy to even think straight, his body moving on its own. If he had a tail, he would wiggle it like crazy.

“You want to be my good pup?” You ask again, your fingers pull out and then push in, dragging a low gasp from his lips.

“Yes, I want to. Want to be your good puppy, please.”

“Then do what I tell you to do,” you remind him, your hands go back to his cock, throbbing on his abs and leaking pre-cum. It’s almost… funny how big he is —body and dick— and how helpless and powerless he looks, begging for attention as if he couldn’t just take it from you, ordering you, fucking you. But he lays there, pathetically drooling on the pillow, while his dick drips on his stomach and his ass clenches around your two fingers.

His sounds are like music to your ears, and the vision in front of your eyes makes your pussy drool more, you can’t believe you’re so turned on when fifteen minutes ago you were almost throwing a tantrum for this. But Jeno looks like the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, and you wonder if he feels this way when it’s the other way around. All you know is that you’re mesmerized, eyes stuck where your bodies connect, his hole fluttering around you, the lube squelching in and out, and his toned, strong legs spread open just for you. Then they move up, the way his dick is throbbing in your hand and spills pre-cum, his chest rising fast, his hands clenched around the sheets. And his face, his eyes are closed but you know they’re rolled back behind his eyelids, his lips are swollen and dark pink, parted open to fill the room with the most desperate whines, his hair is a mess again, scattered around the pillow and his forehead.

“Fuck, fuck,” he whines, lifting his hips from the mattress when you hit him deeper and your hand starts moving faster on him. “Feels good, feels so good, you’re so good, you’re — you’re perfect, I love you, I love you,” he cries out, head rolled back as he lets the pleasure rush through his body.

You smirk at his words, the desperation and devotion behind his voice making shivers run down your spine. “Are you going to come?” You ask, already knowing the answer, watching him nod quickly. “Yeah? Will you be a good boy and come from my fingers only?” Your hand leaves his dick, eliciting a disappointed noise from him, but his breath gets cut off when you add another finger inside of him.

“Please,” he cries, the stretch of the three fingers making his hips move even more from the mattress, only to stop when your hand, flat on his stomach, keeps him pinned down.

“Stop squirming, or I won’t make you come and keep edging you until you pass out.”

It should be a threat, but it doesn’t even sound so bad to him, but not now, maybe one day, now he wants you, and wants to come as soon as possible. So, his hips still, the nervous twitching passing down to his leg but it’s fine, it doesn’t get in the way.

“Good boy,” you praise, patting his head, and making him smile. “Be even a better boy and come for me.”

You don’t have to tell him twice before his orgasm erupts, his body shakes before stilling completely, spurts of white spilling on his stomach, even reaching the sheets as his cock throbs in release and his hole flutters around your three fingers that are still pumping in and out at a fast speed. Slurs of curses roll from his tongue, and so does your name, while his chest rises fast before his body slumps against the mattress.

“Please, please, stop,” he cries out, feeling overstimulated.

You listen, pulling your fingers out and cleaning them on his thigh before leaning forward to kiss him.

“Want you, mommy, please,” he pleads, tears rolling down his temple while his hands look for the warmth of your body. “Please, fuck me, need to feel you.”

“Calm down,” you say, giggling at his cuteness and eagerness and get rid of your panties, throwing them behind with no care, and then follows the bra.

Jeno feels less embarrassed now that you’re exposed too, and gets lost in your body for a few seconds before he bites back a moan when your warm and wet skin makes contact with him. “I — I can fuck you, I can make you feel good, too,” he promises. “Be your good boy and fu–fuck you well.”

You smile tenderly, teasing him as you grind your hips rubbing your pussy on his dick that’s resting on his stomach. “Oh, I know you can.”

“Please, please,” Jeno cries out more. His dick is incredibly sensitive, it’s painfully aching, begging to be wrapped by something after all this teasing. You barely paid it any attention this whole time. “Let me be your good boy, use me,” his voice breaks and he almost chokes on his words as his pleading eyes stare at you for mercy. “Use my — use my cock as you please. Use me like your toy,” he says, “your good toy.”

It almost breaks your heart; he needs validation so badly and you feel genuinely bad for never noticing this before. You just thought he was always so strong and confident; you didn’t think he needed reassurance so much.

“Here, pup,” you say, sinking into him.

Jeno’s head rolls back, his hands clasping around your waist, but his hold, even if it’s strong, is different from all the other times before.

“Fuck, mommy, feel so good.” The way your warm walls wrap around him send him straight to heaven, you’re wet and fit perfectly around him.

“Yeah, you too, baby. You feel so good,” you curse through gritted teeth. He might be a mess underneath you, whimpering, crying, and begging, but that doesn’t make his cock shrink. Jeno’s big, and you should be used to it by now, but somehow it still feels like it splits you open every time.

“Please, fuck me!” Jeno laments loudly, bouncing his hips against yours, but a stern look from you makes him stop and apologize, “So-sorry, fuck me, please?” This time his voice is soft and polite, a desperate edge but with no eagerness behind — yes, there is, but he tries hard not to show it.

“Oh, fuck,” he screams when you lift your body up and slam back into him. You’re a lazy rider usually, and to be more honest, you’re just never a rider, 90% of the time riding his dick is a punishment to make you work for it, but now… well, you kept your skills well stored in. “Oh God, oh God, oh God,” he whimpers, hands clenching hard around your waist until his knuckles go white.

“What? You wanted me to fuck you so badly, and now? Bit more than you can chew? Is this too much for you, pretty boy? You can’t take it?”

Jeno shakes his head. “No, no I can, ma’am, I can,” he whimpers, biting his lips harshly.

“That’s what I wanted to hear,” you hum in satisfaction. Your hands fall at the sides of his head, your smaller body somehow still hovers over him and makes him feel smaller than ever. Your intense stare pins him to the mattress even more, making him shiver. “Give me your hands,” you order, but Jeno doesn’t listen — he doesn’t even hear, too lost in you to pay attention to your voice. “God,” you huff, rolling your eyes back, “I really have to do everything on my own because you’re just that dumb.” You forcefully grab his wrists, pushing his arms over his head and keeping them locked against the bed.

“No, I’m — I’m sorry, I — I wasn’t.”

“Yeah, you weren’t,” you mock, stilling before starting to pick up the pace again, “you weren’t listening ‘cause you can only focus on how good I’m making you feel, right? Stupid, dumb puppy can only think about his pleasure.”

“No, no, please, forgive me,” he begs, tears streaking down his face, and words coming out between gags and moans.

“Can you fuck back into me? Or are you too fucked out to do that?”

“No, no, I can. I’ll be good, I’ll be good for you, miss,” he promises, lifting his hips to meet you halfway, but his body feels so heavy and his brain is mush, unable to send signals to his muscles.

Your head rolls back and your hands wrap tighter around his wrists, you find yourself grinding against him, rubbing your clit every time you bottom all the way down. But Jeno’s thrusts are sloppy and messy, he’s not even that bad when he’s about to come. “Stupid puppy,” you taunt, slapping his ass. “Can’t even fuck me after all the pleasure I gave you.”

Jeno sobs, literally, loud cries coming from the back of his throat making him almost choke, and you’re about to stop everything in worry before you realize that’s not because you went too far — partially, maybe, he’s not really happy to be said he’s bad — but because he’s close again and he loves the way you talk down to him and slap him.

“Are you coming again?” You ask in utter surprise because you can’t believe it.

But he shakes his head, he’s fighting against himself to hold it back, and for the sake of having at least an orgasm too, you stop your movements.

“I won’t — won’t come,” he mumbles, lips quivering. “Can’t you… can’t you just use me?” he wails. “Please, I’m too tired. Just… use me like a…” The last words are a slur lower than a whisper, and his head turned to the side doesn’t help you hearing what he said.

You tilt your head to the side, cupping his chin to force him to look at you. “Repeat loud and clear if you don’t want to regret it.”

Jeno gulps, nodding vigorously, but his voice still shakes, and his cheeks burn red again as he repeats. “Use me like a dildo, please.”

“Oh… so, this is how you want to be good to me?” You ask, grinding your hips against him, the stimulation is bare for you but so much for him that you trigger whines and whimpers out of him.

“But it will feel good, even if I don’t move, you know it,” he tries to reason, pleading with his glossy eyes. “I can eat you out after, or — or now, whatever you please, miss.”

“Whatever I please, uhm?” You ask, grinning.

“Yes, ma’am, I’ll do whatever you want.”

You smile, caressing his face, smearing the wet mess around before your hand pats his head. “You’re lucky I want you exactly like this, like a toy.” You start fucking him with no warning, and a gasp rips from his vocal cords before he starts moaning again.

His eyes roll back at each of your hard thrusts, and you see his hands itch because he can’t touch you, but you don’t loosen the hold on him. You feel strong, a kind of power you didn’t even know you had in you, and you don’t want this to stop.

Jeno’s entire body trembles when your hand wraps around his neck, squeezing just enough to dim the flow of air in his lungs. It’s hot but unexpected, just like it’s unexpected that he almost comes on the spot.

“Oh, oh,” you hum in delight, the corner of your lips lifting as you stare at him. “You like it…” Jeno tries to deny but you can read his body; you felt his dick throb inside of you, his eyes flicker to you in light panic before rolling in his skull again, and his breath falter. “Don’t deny it, it wouldn’t be the most pathetic thing you get off to,” you mock, making him blush again. “It’s alright, you can be my naughty boy, I won’t judge.”

He can only hum, and now that you look better in his eyes, you see there’s something completely different behind them. He’s in a completely different headspace, and you fear he won’t last much longer.

It’s the same for you, the thrill and adrenaline can only push you so far, you’re not used to this, bouncing your hips harshly on his cock and having control, your thighs are starting to scream, and your brain doesn’t want to pay them attention but you both know you’re both at the finish line for this first time. Not to add, you’re in desperate need of an orgasm.

“Ti-tight,” Jeno gasps when your hold on his neck loosens enough to let him breathe in normally again, just the time that he can take a few breaths before it fastens again, it’s not too tight, it’s your first time, you don’t want to end with him passed out on the floor, but it’s enough to do its job.

“Yeah? Too tight for you? Can’t take it?”

He moves his head randomly, frenetic movements as he moves his lips to talk, useless. Your cunt is sucking away every coherent thought in his mind, the only thing filling his brain: you and the need to release.

“Don’t talk, don’t need it. I know you’re too sensitive, wanted me so much only to shake underneath me because I’m fucking you too well. Can’t even form a coherent thought in that stupid, little brain of yours, can you?”

He shakes his head, tears streaming down, but you kiss them — lick them — away.

“It’s alright, I don’t want you to think. I like it when your brain is empty. Your just my pretty boy, right? Pretty, good boy that let’s mommy fuck him?”

His nods are eager, and without even realizing his tongue lolls out. You pout at the view, patting his head when you let go of his neck, making him breathe. “Good pup. Just look pretty for me.”

“Pre-pretty,” he whimpers before a fucked-out smile paints his face.

“Yes, baby, you are,” you kiss his lips, petting his hair another time.

“Co-come, wanna come, please. Let me — let me come, ma’am,” he cries out when he has enough air in his lungs and sense in his brain. “Be-begging. I’m beg — mmph,” his words die in his mouth and his eyes squeeze tight when you voluntarily squeeze harder around him.

“Begging? Is this how a good boy begs?” You ask, looking at him sternly, not that it lasts long, because when his eyes open into yours, you fold.

“’M sorry, so-sorry,” he apologizes, “please, miss, let me come, let me come inside of you, let me fill you up. You’ll — you’ll feel good, I promise,” his words are all slurred out together, spit drips from his lips down to his chin and neck, and his body is burning up, if it didn’t mean to edge and denying an orgasm to yourself too, you would probably push him farther, curious to see how far he can go. But for now, it’s fine, he’s a good boy, he deserves it, and so do you.

“Please, please, please, ma’am.”

“You’ve been so good, baby. You can come.”

When you give him the green light, his body explodes, his hips even shyly chase the orgasm up against you, fucking back into you lazily. His head rolls back and as soon as your hand sets him free, his hands find your hips, holding them tight, hissing and groaning when you hold yourself up on his chest, nails digging into his skin as your body keeps bouncing up and down, riding your orgasms.

Your body collapses on his, exhausted and boneless just like his, and his arms wrap around it right away while he still sobs and whimpers in the crook of your neck.

“Shh, it’s alright, you’re alright,” you whisper in his ear while your hand caress his hair, wet again but not with water.

“Don’t — don’t pull out,” he whines when you lift your body, “nooo, don’t leave me.”

“I’m here,” you reassure him right away, carrying his body with yours so you lay on the side and can pull him in a hug. “I’m right here, baby. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good,” he mumbles, hiding between your chest and neck. “Tha-thank you, mhh, thank you for —” his voice breaks and his sobs get a bit louder as he hides more in your hold.

“Hey, it’s fine, take your time,” you say, still soothing him with circular movements on his back and soft rubs on his hair.

Jeno wants to talk, he has many things to say, damn, even an explanation to give to you, but he feels his body is heavy, he feels on a cloud, and you are the softness all over him, he feels safe, something he’s not used to feeling. You didn’t get mad at this, you won’t get mad if he falls asleep for a while, right? If he lulls in this sense of comfort and the aftermaths of what happened.

And almost as if you read his mind… “You can sleep if you want,” you say, kissing his forehead gently and rubbing his nape.

And he has no strength to reply as his body falls into a deep sleep.

When he wakes up, he’s not naked anymore, a big white shirt is around his body, covering just enough so he’s not completely exposed. The mattress is stripped from the dirty sheets and there’s a glass of water on the bedside table, but you’re not next to him.

Jeno almost panics, feeling the post-nut clarity made you run away scared and disgusted, but then the door opens, and you’re there. And it’s the same you he loves deeply. He can breathe again.

“Oh, hi, babe,” you greet with a big smile. You’re holding something in your hands and you’re wearing one of his shirts. “Feeling better?”

Jeno gulps, nodding and smiling at you, words are hard to find.

“Still too fucked out to talk?” You joke, slumping on the bed next to him, handing him the package of his favorite snacks. “Figured you needed some sugar after all that whimpering and squirming.”

“Oh, please, shut up,” he says, hiding his red face behind his hands.

“Hey, you were cute,” you say, grabbing his hands to move them out of the way. “I — I liked it. Did you?”

He nods quickly, okay maybe he’s still a little into that headspace.

You smile and then pout. “I’m sorry if I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it. I’m always so loud and open about everything I want to try and… it never crossed my mind you might have different needs. I don’t know if you’re hiding anything else, but you can talk to me about everything. I love you and even if I might not be into something I won’t let it be the reason for a break-up, or a fight, or worse, making fun of you,” you say, grabbing his hands. “We can always try and then see the outcome. I mean, all that dominance before was improvisation, I was nervous as fuck too, I just tried to act like you usually do, tell me I was good,” you say, scrunching your face as you wait for his opinion.

Jeno laughs, it’s a genuine laugh, and you can almost see the weight being lifted off his chest. You still feel guilty for not making it feel like you could be a safe place for him, but it’s over now.

“You were really good,” he reassures you. “And… yes, I was a bit afraid of your reaction, but it was also something that had to do with myself. I’m — I’ve always been the strong one since I was a kid and then growing up it also turned into being this big ass man with muscles, so the pressure didn’t help.”

You nod in understanding. It makes you feel a bit less guilty, but you feel like there’s something else. “Is this all?”

“I also always have to be confident, but… I get insecure. I just feel like people are so used to me never making mistakes that they don’t even see my struggles or how hard I work for things, so all my hard work goes unnoticed. But I… I want to be… praised, I want to be told I’m doing good, I want people to tell me they’re proud of me.”

You cup his cheek gently and then kiss his nose, making him giggle. “I’m so proud of you, I tell you that, don’t I?”

“Yeah, you do, you’re the only one,” he says, leg bouncing nervously as he tries to find the words. But you’re holding his hand, rubbing circles on his palm and that’s calming him down a bit, or maybe not because he feels like he’s about to cry again.

“Hey,” you caress his chin and then rub your thumb on his cheek, your touch is soft, and his brain shuts off once again. It’s like he’s taking back all the wasted time he had to act tough and don’t melt in your touch. “I’m here, alright? Take your time.”

Jeno nods, small hums slipping out of his lips before he finds the courage to talk. “I don’t know, sometimes I just… I want to feel small. And I want to be the one getting cuddled and petted, and just taken care of. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love doing that for you, but… I always see you being so carefree when you’re with me and sometimes I get… so, so jealous because you can… you can loosen up, turn your brain off and no one will judge you. But if I do it, if I get… vulnerable in your hands, I don’t know what people will say.”

You caress his cheek before your hand runs in his hair, not only because it’s covering his handsome face again, but also because you learned he likes it a lot, and as expected, he smiles. “Do people need to know?”

He tilts his head and furrows in confusion. “They don’t?”

“I doubt people care about our sexual life, or what we do in our home. So, this can be our secret, at least until you’ll feel comfortable enough to let loose even outside of these walls. If you’ll share this with me, it will be less heavy, right?”

Jeno nods, smiling and pushing back tears.

“Hey, crybaby today, aren’t you? Come here,” you say, pulling him into a hug. He holds you tight, still afraid you might slip from his hold, and breathes deep your scent.

When you pull away, Jeno’s looking into your eyes and you hum to signal him he can talk.

“Thank you, I don’t know what I would do without you. Seriously, you made me feel safe and not judged, it means the world to me.”

“It’s the way you make me feel always, I’m glad you could feel that way too. And I proved I can protect you even if I don’t have all your muscles,” you joke, lifting your arm and flexing your not-trained bicep, making him laugh. “But seriously, I would never judge you, and I really love this version of you, so, unleash it more often.”

Jeno smiles widely, his eyes turning up in his usual half-moons, and then he lays on the bed, tapping the space next to him. You beam and crawl next to him, pulling him closer again, his head rests on your chest while your hands caress his hair and you just relax in the silence of the house.

“I love you,” you whisper, kissing the top of his head, his hair tickling you for a second. “And I’ll love every version of you, in any universe.”

Jeno still has a secret, but luckily, he has you to share it with.

𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @rbf-aceu ; @shiningnono ; @jaeminsbebu | general taglist: @froggyforyoongi , @wingsss45 ; @tddyhyck ; @technologyculturedneo

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#nct fanfiction #jeno smut #lee jeno smut #sub!jeno #jeno hard hours #jeno hard thoughts #nct dream smut #sub!nct #sub!nct dream #nct smut #dom!reader #sub!idol #nct dream hard hours #nct hard hours

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stuckinapril · 9 months

Note

do you have any advice on how to be less of a people pleaser/how to get over it?

You can’t be everyone’s favorite person. You can’t always abandon yourself in favor of always being present for other people. I’m not here to tell you that you should always be selfish—you shouldn’t. A big skill is learning when to be self-centered and when to be other-centered. But if something is causing you too much harm, whether it be emotional or physical, sometimes you just have to put an end to it. Even if it means hurting someone else in the process. It helps me to understand that hurting people is unavoidable in certain situations; everyone has been guilty of it at some point. Getting over your people pleasing tic boils down to being okay with that.

Making the right choice doesn’t always mean making the one that leaves everyone happy. I always like to remind myself that pain forces people to go through character growth, and without it they would still be stuck in their ways. Not catering to someone’s needs can be helpful to them in the long run—at that point they know to revise their behavior not to lose you, or lose someone else, again.

Stop being an anxious helper. That was / sometimes still is a big issue for me. Don’t anticipate people’s needs and try to act in the way you think they want you to. Not only does that cause you to be inauthentic, but it also takes away from the other person’s agency. You can’t fully determine how someone else wants you to act—you don’t actually inhabit their head. You could be totally off the mark. At that point you’re putting yourself through emotional pressure for nothing.

Just hold people accountable. Hold them accountable in the same way you would hold yourself accountable. Just as you don’t expect people to put up with your temper tantrums, don’t put up with other people’s just because you think they inherently deserve more grace than you do. What they’re going through becomes irrelevant if the harm their actions are inflicting is too great.

You also don’t want disrespecting your boundaries to become the norm. You want to set the precedent that you have non-negotiables early on. Being a people pleaser makes that hard to accomplish, because you’re already so used to putting yourself through the wringer for other people. You’ve lost touch w yourself & your emotions. Putting your foot down where it’s warranted helps you get back in touch w your limits, which helps people know what they are, which helps you develop healthy relationships that don’t make you feel exhausted and dismissed. People pleasing is never as simple as “As long as the other person is happy, I’m happy.”

And if this is about you wanting people to like you—wouldn’t you want them to like you for you? Wouldn’t you want someone to appreciate you even while understanding what your boundaries are, not in spite of them? I used to be a people pleaser myself & lemme tell you, in the end all it causes is resentment. The kind of resentment you can’t even do anything about, because you’re the one who’s doing it to yourself. There’s no one else to really blame. You’ve probably been familiar w someone being like “Well, I didn’t ask you to do those things for me.” As if people pleasing doesn’t make you feel dismissed enough as it is.

The bottom line is you don’t want people to like you because they know they can take advantage of you. You want them to like you because they know you have healthy respect for yourself.

#ask

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human-sweater-vest · 8 months

Text

okay so we’ve seen glenn and ron so far in season two and they’ve been kind of what I expected.

glenn is pretty much the same as he was season one. it makes sense, he’s set in his whole thing, he’s vibing in hell with morgan and is sporting the same chill stoner vibes as before. the notable thing with him was that there wasn’t really animosity between him and nick (which also makes sense given their whole deal in season one). he’s always been far removed and it makes sense that in season two he’s still rockin with it.

ron then was a really touching surprise because he continued to grow as a person (insert beth may snickering here). he connected easily with scary and hit me like a fucking freight train with the line about him being sorry that she didn’t realize that losing terry jr. was her loss too. he’s this strange intermediary between the men in their family because willy took advantage of her needing someone to validate her pain, terry jr. was seen as a cause of it and therefore couldn’t help ease it truly (until things were too late), and then ron is here being his odd little self and extends sympathy to her because he also lost terry jr. and can understand. kudos to beth for ep. 41 because she rode the line between comedy and genuinely heartfelt and deep emotional moments like a champ.

and now here’s where we turn to speculation:

I’ve seen a lot of folks saying they’re worried about henry (and I feel like he’s probably going to warrant that because duh, it all comes back to the oak family when it comes to the doodler). however! my first point here is that we shouldn’t ignore darryl.

I feel like we see the most thought going into the oaks (and again, rightfully so, will and anthony are serving us trauma and drama on a platter) and I think one of the sacrifices with that comes at the extent of the wilson boys. the darryl/grant arc was the first time I really, truly got what dndads was all about. specifically, matt’s incredible line where darryl is replying to the other dads saying that he should showcase vulnerability to grant with darryl snapping and saying that he can’t be fully honest because he’s putting on a brave face because he doesn’t know if they’ll make it out and if he and carol will even stay together if they do. that line then contrasted later when he says that if grant asks him a question he’ll do his best to answer truthfully which allows for the big emotional connection they were lacking.

the wilson father/son relationship hinges on the idea of not being able to love the pain away and we see that extend into the next generation in a deeply tragic way. grant can’t make his mental illness magically disappear by loving his son despite how badly he clearly wants to. he can’t “we’ll talk about it later” his way into a healthy relationship where he’s able to offer his son both stability and truth. he’s fucked up and traumatized and never fully dealt with things and he’s dealing with the ramifications.

so how do we think darryl feels about that? how do we think darryl would feel knowing that he couldn’t love away grant’s mental illness (which isn’t something you can do, but he feels immensely guilty about in season one) and seeing the disastrous effect it had on the relationship between his son and grandson to the point where linc no longer refers to him as a dad? I personally really do think that he’ll act as a balm between the two and finally provide that space for them to become father and son again.

there’s truly so much I could say on the wilson family because I’m fascinated by the transition between the most stereotypically masculine family dynamic to a queered one (in both senses of the world) and how the thru line for the generations is this idea of not being able to 1. disclose the truth out of a sense of protection (see: frank hiding his marital and monetary issues, darryl hiding his martial issues and fear of not surviving faerun, and grant hiding who he is and what he does) and 2. love away the pain/illness.

and now we turn to the oak boys. I’m operating on the assumption that henry will be the last dad that they seek out because 1. glenn and terry jr. are in the same spot which means we get a two for one combo deal in hell 2. lark and sparrow clearly have a bad or at the very least strained relationship with their dad and will be less likely to jump on seeking him out and 3. the oak family started the whole doodler thing in this show so it makes sense that they’ll end it.

and for the sake of transparency: here’s where my bias comes through. henry was my favorite season one dad. normal is my favorite season two kid. will campos if you’re reading this, I want you to know that if I could simultaneously give you an academy award and sue you for emotional damages, I would.

the oaks have the most literal device explaining their generational trauma. hildy was ripped from her world after her companions were brutally killed in front of her, barry is a piece of shit, henry has the weight of both his father and having to be a father despite not having a role model, lark and sparrow are fucked up beyond belief in a manner of ways that starts at fucking their twin’s spouse and ends with starting the literal apocalypse. and then there’s normal. bearing the brunt of it all when he wasn’t even given the support to. he’s been carrying the weight of expectation since birth. his sister is hero, he’s normal and yet he’s anything but. that’s a whole other essay (catch me writing that when it’s not 2am).

back to the twins and henry though. from their view it’s bad right? lark hates his dad and destroyed the world. sparrow was an accomplice. I can’t imagine that things were easy after the doodler was released in the oak-garcia household. ESPECIALLY — and this has had me uncomfortable since we learned it offhand in episode 29 of the season — because henry and mercedes had another kid. first things first (and this might just be a me and my cultural background thing), but a minimum decade age gap between your first and second kids is A Lot. especially given the context here that henry struggles with being a father for the aforementioned reasons and his children literally Ended The World. I dunno about you but I think that I’d avoid having more kids at pretty much all costs at that point. but he and mercedes don’t. and hey maybe birdie/birdy was an accident. but my suspicion here (and I very much might be reading too deep into something mentioned in a literal “see you again” parody) is that birdie was a second chance kid. which would fucking blow if you were the aforementioned dad-stabbing—eldritch-creature-releasing child because it would look like your dad had gone “okay well that didn’t work out I can’t find a way to make these kids work so let’s try another one” which would justify the distance and dislike of henry from both of the boys.

I’m a very big fan of henry. he’s fucked up in the exact way I like my fictional men and also reminds me of guys from the city I grew up in which is both appalling and endearing. however, this is absolutely a move I could see him justifying to himself which morally makes me wanna walk into the sea and from a character/story standpoint makes me wanna jump up and down in glee. I really, truly am hoping that things pan out like that and we see a henry who loves his beautiful boys very deeply, but also gave up on them in exchange for a do-over.

I’m especially excited to see how he interacts with normal because my first instinct based on season one without my fucked up and evil birdie theory is that he’ll love normal and make him feel special and seen while my second post-birdiegate instinct is that he’s just not going to care anymore and therefore do fuck-all for normal. he has the energy of a man who eventually just stops trying because he can’t ever make everything better. will campos, if you deliver on that, I’ll figure out how to sneak the oak family into an academic paper.

finally (for now), I’m predicting that the familial reunions will reflect the how the anchors broke. glenn, ron, and darryl will be love while henry will be hate. I think there’s a lot of possibility there that I can break down when it’s not almost 3am. thanks for reading! lmk what you think, I really want to discuss this with folks and get your takes!!

#yes! the formatting is whack! I’ll clean it in the morning!#dndads #oh dndads you make me so silly #I sit down and go hmm I like the new arc set up and suddenly it’s two hours later and I’ve written 1500 words about it #sponsored by adhd and brain rot #dungeons and daddies #big ol ramblings on #henry oak #lark oak #sparrow oak #darryl wilson #grant wilson #if any of the daddies see this #know that my promise at the end to will is true and I’ll go through with it and @ y’all #dndads season 2 #gonna trademark birdiegate #cheers

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balloonboyismyson · 2 months

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One Kiss is All it Takes (Monty Gator x Reader oneshot)

You work as a nightguard at Freddy Fazbear's Mega Pizzaplex. One night, Monty sends you a message asking for help. Concerned, you make your way to his room to see if he's okay.

(926 words)

The sound of your boots clunking against the tile echoes throughout the foyer. You lightly hum as you walk, flicking on and off your flashlight just to do something with your hands. Rockstar Row is probably your favourite part of the whole Pizzaplex. With all the beautiful neon signs, you get depressed that most people coming in during the day don’t really get to see them.

You scan the left wall and observe the greenrooms. It must be frustrating being them- having one of your room’s walls be a pane of glass so that everyone around can look inside like they’re zoo animals. It’s at least… something…that Management gives them a curtain to block outside viewers.

You pass Freddy and Roxy’s rooms. They thankfully seem too preoccupied with other things to notice. You know you’ll see them later tonight, so you don’t feel that guilty about it.

As soon as you had entered the ‘plex you got a message from Monty. He said he had an “issue” without really explaining what that meant. You placed your bets that he broke his glasses and needs a new pair. It’s happened a few times, but the only difference tonight is that you feel like he could’ve asked dayshift to get them for him.

Upon walking up to his room you notice an eerie silence. Usually he’s either practicing or breaking things, so the lack of movement makes you a bit nervous. Knock knock “Monty? It’s me, I got your message.” There’s a small shuffle before you can hear the thud of his footsteps getting closer to the door.

When you see him, an aura of nervousness seems to permiate from him. He always tries to act as confident as possible around you, so the shift is concerning. “Hey, Cher.” You note he still has his glasses which are perfectly intact. Even through their opacity, you can tell he’s not actually looking at you. “Is everything okay?” Your voice goes soft.

He pauses for a moment before lifting up his right arm, showing you a large hole on his inner forearm. The perimeter of it has a lot of sharp pieces with a bunch of cracks. His hand, too, has been damaged. His thumb barely has casing. “Oh my god, Monty!” Your hands move quickly to the damaged arm and carefully hold it, “What happened!?”

Monty lets out a small, uncomfortable huff. “ ‘T’s not a big deal,” He mumbles, looking as far away from you as he can. “Can you fix it?”

Your eyebrows furrow at the question. “I-I’m sorry, I’m just a nightguard, I’ve never worked with machinery.” He seems to deflate a bit at this. “I can put in a maintenance request, though.” Quickly, you use your watch to send an email to the people down in Parts ‘n’ Service so they can fix him as soon as they get here in the morning. You feel helpless and like total shit.

Briefly looking past him, you see his room’s in shambles. You’re surprised, usually he waits until closer to closing before breaking things. He notices and goes to pull his arm away. “Right, well, thanks for-”

“Hang on-” you cut him off as an idea suddenly comes to mind, “come with me.” Monty looks at you with a confused expression. “..Alright.”

Hand in hand, you walk him through Rockstar Row and take him down to the utility tunnels. Eventually the two of you come across a First-Aid Station and usher him inside and tell him to sit. “Why’d’ya take me here?”

“I don’t know anything about machinery, but I’ve patched myself up quite a few times.” You quickly scan for and find a first-aid kit. When searching inside, you see some expired alcohol wipes, a syringe with a numbing agent, and bandage wrap. You shake your head at how awful this would be in case of a human child being injured and grab the bandage wrap. You take the end off of the body and start wrapping his arm with it. “...Cher?” He cocks his head at you. “You know ’m not human, right? I can’t heal.”

“I know, but I don’t wanna just leave you hurt.” You concentrate on your task, each wrap specifically calculated to ensure there’s enough to cover the wound. Even then there’s barely enough, so unfortunately, his hand remains unbandaged.

“Does it hurt?” Your voice is quiet as you follow along the layers of bandage with the side of your thumb, barely even grazing him. Your eyes meet his.

Monty holds your gaze for a beat too long before responding. “O-Only when it first happens. Can’t feel it after that.” You squint your eyes; he’s squirming a bit. You take his bandaged arm again and gently place a kiss where the now-covered hole is. If there was a roof on the First-Aid Station, he’d have gone through it.

“Did I hurt you!?” You yelp as your hands quickly clench and retreat back to your sides. “No, no! I jus’... I didn’t expect that.” He readjusts his glasses and places his hand back down on his leg. Even for a robot his body looks stiff.

“It’s what people tend to do when they patch someone up. I’ve heard when you kiss someone’s wound, it’s much easier for your love to make its way to their heart.” He just stares at you- his jaw repeatedly opening and closing just a smidge each time. His hands begin to slightly tremble as he looks down at the bandage. “Thanks… this’ll tide me over ‘till maintenance comes.”

#Monty Gator #Montgomery Gator #Monty Gator x Reader #Oneshot #writing #FNaF Security Breach #FNaF #FNaF SB #Five Nights at Freddy's

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ljxlj48 · 1 year

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Can we not fight anymore’ Please, can we not fight anymore’

Meant to be Series

Jisung X Reader

Genre: toxic relationship

Warnings: abusive behavior, language, suggestive themes (one moment), toxic behavior

Word Count: 1K+

Authors Note: this one is fairly short, sorry. Also I want to repeat that in no way am I trying to encourage this behavior. If you have a partner that acts in the ways displayed in these stories, I encourage you to see help. Thank you, hugs and kisses to anyone reading <3

—————————————————————

“Jisung you’re not listening to me,” you say frustrated with your boyfriend.

“I am listening but I don’t understand what’s the problem,” Jisung sighed, throwing his hands in the air.

“The problem is that you don’t do anything around the apartment, that you’re always out with the boys, you make no time for me, you have multiple other girls texting you all through the night and you don’t even consider how I might feel about those things.” You say pointing out every problem you had.

“I already told you it was just Mark’s birthday, that’s why I was out with the boys. All these girls in my phone,” Jisung said, as he put air quotes around ‘girls in my phone,’ “they’re just the staff.”

“Don’t try to make me feel like they’re no big deal Jisung,”

“But they’re not a big deal y/n, that’s my problem, you’re always trying to pick a fight,” Jisung says with a shake of his head in a dismissive manner.

“I’m not,” you whine out. Jisung always had this habit of making your feelings insignificant, like you were just being over dramatic, you try to reel in your tone, “Jisung I just need you to understand how these situations make me feel.”

“Insecure,” Jisung offers. It only took one word from him to stab you where you hurt most. “Not good enough?”

“Exactly,” you muster up whatever courage you have left to admit that’s how you felt, “I don’t know why you must always make me feel this way Jisung.”

“I don’t make you…” Jisung tries to rebut before you cut him off.

“Yes,” you shout louder than you should have, “yes you do, because every time I tell you I don’t like something, you dismiss my feelings. You say you don’t want to argue that you don’t want to fight anymore.”

“Because you’re being irrational,” Jisung says running his hand through his hair, he ended up going to the refrigerator and grabbing himself a beer. Just the sight of the can in his hand, has you sighing.

Whenever Jisung didn’t want to fight, and you wouldn’t drop the issue, he would drink. Because a drunk Jisung, was a sweet talking Jisung, he said whatever you wanted to hear, and the net morning he wouldn’t remember because he was drunk.

Jisung cracks open his can, almost chugging the first can completely, “It’s not irrational of me to not want several different girls texting you at one in the morning, when I’m sleeping next to you.”

“It is irrational of you when you know there’s nothing going on between me and those girls, and that they are only the staff members.” Jisung aurges, as he dumps his first can, before opening the second one.

“I’m gonna spend the night at Jihyo’s place,” you say, no longer wanting to be in the same room as Jisung

“What? Why?”

“Because,” you talked as you moved through the apartment, packing an overnight bag, “I don’t want to argue with a drunk.”

“I’m not drunk,” Jisung argues more.

“You will be in a minute, I’ll see you in the morning,” You say before walking out the door.

“I love you,” Jisung says just before you shut the door. You pause, not closing the door just yet. Jisung knows you enough to know, you would feel guilty if you don’t say it back regardless of how mad you are. Jisung says it to remind you that even when the two of you are fighting, he still loves you.

In a way, he uses those three words as a weapon. “I love you too,” you say, just loud enough for him to hear, before shutting the door.

The next morning when you finally returned home, Jisung was found asleep on the couch, still in his clothes from last night. He must’ve drank so much that he passed out before taking a shower. You looked around the apartment, at least he had the decency to throw away the empty beer cans before getting a new one.

However when you turned the corner, you realized he didn’t have the decency to wash the dishes he made, or wipe the counter when he spilt food, or to the throw the left over food in the trash before putting the dish in the sink.

“Get up,” you spoke loudly, hitting Jisung to get him up, “can’t you clean up after yourself.”

“Babe,” Jisung groaned rubbing the sleep from his eyes, “what time is it?”

“Fuck Jisung, this is what I’m talking about too,” you sigh.

“It’s only 8 am, babe it’s too early to be arguing,” Jisung says with a stretch.

“Go shower Ji, you stink,” you sigh, knowing you have to clean up his mess.

Jisung nodded, “leave the dishes, I’m gonna wash it baby, I promise.”

“Ji, what…”

“Just leave it babe, I’ll clean it up,” Jisung says, as he stands right in front of you. He easily towers over when you guys are this close. “Can we just not fight anymore,” Jisung says with a lazy smirk painting its way across his face.

Something about early morning promises and lazy smirks that have you not wanting to fight either, “okay.”

“Why don’t you join me in the shower?” Jisung says with a little less lazy smirk.

“Maybe in a minute, let me up away my stuff,”

“Okay,” Jisung agrees, walking away towards the shower.

Just at this time you look over to the coffee table. Jisung's phone lay there, as a new text message appeared on the screen. You picked it up, not with the intention of snooping, but just to give it to Jisung. Then did you see exactly who the text was from. It was from one of those stylist girls that work with Jisung. Her messages read, “sorry I fell asleep.” He was texting her last night, you thought to yourself, trying to put together a timeline. Another text came in, “she sounds insecure.”

It was at that moment, that you finally had the thought, maybe you weren’t in a healthy relationship.

#kpop #nct #smtown #nct imagines #nct reactions #nct u #nct dream #nct series #nct scenarios #nct 2021 #nct Jisung #park jisung #jisung x reader #jisung imagines #jisung reactions #jisung scenarios #jisung angst

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readyforthegarden · 1 year

Note

I’m here!

Since I’m on my period I was just thinking about how attentive Josh would be on your period. I know people have written headcanons, blurbs, etc. about it but they’re all true.

You guys are always good at communicating when you need space. That it’s not personal or due to a relationship issue, but that you just need it. It’s always respected and never a problem.

Josh calls you mid-work day since he’s back home and is wanting to take you out for lunch as a little break. You say that you don’t want to and have a bit of an attitude. You’re PMSing, work stress, pain… you’re just in your head. You can tell he’s taken aback a bit and acts a little cold back since you’re not really telling him what’s going on.

It gets to be around 7 and you haven’t heard from him whatsoever so you feel a little guilty. You just wanted to take a really long shower and decompress before reaching out.

When you get out you open the door to find your room was SPOTLESS. Not only that, it smells like it’s been freshly sage-d, all your pillar candles are lit, your bed is prepped for bed, all of the mood lights are turned on… computer gone, PJs laid out.

You put them on and headed downstairs to see josh plating your dinner. He didn’t even look at you while he was talking ‘I read that in your period phase you’re supposed to eat sweet potatoes and dark leafy greens so I made you a bowl. As much as I know you’re wanting fast food, this will be so much better for leveling out the hormones and reducing the pain’.

You’re in disbelief. He’s been really attentive to all of your cycles and how to eat / live by them. You always admired how much he cares to know about you.

He turns around and the cow eyes did you in. You started crying and apologizing so hard for how you treated him. He wasn’t really listening he was just peppering your face with kisses.

He took your face between his hands ‘You know how I know this was your period? You never once said you wanted space. I know you said no because you’re in pain.’ and pulled you in.

You eat dinner and head up to bed. He brushes your hair while you lay in his lap, gives you your magnesium (he doesn’t want to give you weird stuff like midol), and rubs your lower back.

When it’s time to go to bed he slings his leg over your lower half because it’s better than a weighted blanket for the pain.

Things I think josh would do on your period:

- track it. He’s so enthralled by all of the phases

- Go on a walk with you as gentle movement

- Cool you GOOD meals

- Buy double tampons, medicine, cravings. One to drop off at yours, one to keep at his

- Brush your hair. I don’t know why I’m so fixated on that in general lmao

- Run you such a nice bath

- Massage oil on your stomach

- Get one of those really cute heated stuffies

🧚🏼‍♀️

🧚🏻‍♀️ anon I was JUST thinking about what you were gonna send me and this is IT!!!!! I was literally just talking to my bestie about getting my hair brushed (albeit it was about Sam but still🥹) and how much I would love that, and I just finished my period so this HITS.

He would love to do all that with you too and then getting to be your big teddy bear in bed or on the couch, getting to be snuggled up to as you rest??? That’s his absolutely favorite part!!

#my asks #🧚🏻‍♀️ anon #I love you 🧚🏻‍♀️ anon please send in anything any time!!

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quartings · 5 months

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Just some thoughts on “Open-Mindedness” …

There might be a more accurate psychology term for what I’m trying to describe, but I’ll try and sum it up here as best I can.

Lately I’ve realized that a mental trap most people get themselves into is building up preconceptions of things and letting them act as a sort of “negativity filter” forever. Like everything that comes from a bad person/show/movie/group has to be bad, instead of acknowledging that bad things can all range from say, 0% good to 49% good (Just simplifying for clarity, this isn’t exact math of course) Because it’s simpler and easier to say all bad things are 100% bad- and because sometimes we’re worried other people will hate us if we say anything positive about a bad thing, even if it’s true.

To provide a much less confusing example, let’s use CinemaSins. On the surface, there’s nothing wrong with criticizing the bad parts of movies and stories. Feedback and criticism is a good part of helping storytellers improve, after all. The real problem comes from the fact that sinning movies is their business.

This means that in order to make money and survive, the people behind the channel have to constantly be looking for bad movies to critique, or more importantly, good movies to find flaws in. And regardless of whether the criticism is good content for their audience, having that mindset all the time probably isn’t great for the channel owners. They HAVE to reach a certain sin quota per movie so the video is long enough, and each flaw is usually worth 1 sin, no matter how big or small. The movie saying child abuse is good is worth 1 sin, but also a character’s socks changing color between scenes is also worth 1 sin. If they stop hating things, they run out of content to make money off, so they HAVE to keep hating things forever or else. And I do feel kind of bad for them because of that.

So, because no movie is perfect, even if someone watches a fantastic movie with a CinemaSins mentality, they’re going to find small flaws (or even good things that could be better) that will lower their enjoyment of their things. This isn’t to say that the flaws don’t exist, of course they still do. Just that the flaws aren’t worth being upset over.

And so, I’ve noticed that having this kind of mentality for simple things can risk it bleeding through into big things as well. People who aren’t racist/sexist/etc can still discriminate just as badly based on other stereotypes and preconceptions because of this. Being a jerk to someone because they like pineapple on pizza can be just as bad if not worse than racism depending on how harshly the discriminator acts on their beliefs. (To clarify, I don’t like pineapple on pizza) I will admit I have been and still kinda am guilty of stuff like this, too.

Essentially, you run the risk of becoming that kind of tiger parent who freaks out at their kid for getting 99% on a test because of that missing 1%.

It’s really hard to address this issue because oftentimes it sounds like a whole lot of “Just think positively and you’ll be happier!” which is NOT what I’m trying to say at all, don’t worry. As a kid, whenever something bad happened to me, certain adults would say “Don’t be sad! Try to find something positive about this tragedy and be happy about it!” Which would never work at all, because you can’t magically fully convert a bad thing into a good thing with positive thinking. Positive thinking can’t really counter chronic major problems like illnesses, abuse, or climate anxiety. The tips I’m about to suggest are only meant to remedy minor problems.

First, if you’re ever feeling annoyed or anxious about something- just take a break. Hating it won’t make it go away, it’ll still be there for you to hate when you come back from your break. Arguing with people, online or in real life, won’t make it go away either. That doesn’t mean it’s not bad, just that putting in extra energy to hate isn’t worth it. For example, imagine if I dedicated all future posts on this blog to hating on the people who cancelled Bionicle twice, instead of posting art and animations. Do those people deserve that much hatred? Yes and more, actually! But unless I magically gain the power to painfully disintegrate all of them at once, hating them isn’t going to make anyone’s lives better, especially not for you guys, who would probably prefer if I spent my time on more productive things instead.

Second, it can also be helpful to take a step back and think about WHY exactly you love or hate a thing. Is it consistent with your other preferences? You’d be surprised at how many people there are out there who say things like “I hate musicals because characters who stop to sing are unrealistic, and also my favorite movie is (movie that has musical numbers in it)” or “I hate CGI, it always looks so fake. Also my favorite movie is (movie with tons of good un-noticeable CGI)”

Finally, and this is a little harder to do, is to take the energy from hating bad things and channel it not into liking bad things, but liking good things. Sing praises of things you love without putting other things down! Is there an underrated thing in your life you wish more people knew about? Let everyone know how much you like it and why you like it! Here’s one for me- I only discovered tres leches cake last year, and now it’s my favorite kind of cake. I can’t believe I’ve never heard anyone talk about it for most of my life, it’s amazing! Literally cake marinated in icing!

Is there something you love from many years ago that you forgot about until now? Revisit it and take a fun nostalgic trip down memory lane! For me, I’ve recently dived down the Animorphs rabbit hole again- man that was such a good book series.

But yeah, I hope this has helped some of you with anything you may be dealing with! I was inspired to make this because I recently met an unbelievably positive and kind person, and wanted to try my hand at passing some of that along! Thanks for reading this far!

#q speaks #positivity

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littlerosetrove · 2 years

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It is straight (heh) up the day episode 14 is gonna come out, but whatever! I finally got to watch episode 13. (ep 14 drops at like midnight my time anyway, so i’m not gonna watch it until tomorrow morning, so.)

As messed up as their relationship is, Kinn clearly loves his dad, and I don’t think Porsche wants to mess with that.

Aww Vegas was looking so happy to be making a meal for Pete. Then his asshole father had to come in and ruin it. Shit dude, any issue this guy has he blames it on Vegas. Ngl, can’t wait till he’s dead. 💀

Korn is up to something, as usual, and he’s trying to distract Kinn by saying, “For no particular reason, you should go on a trip with Porsche.”

Vegas is about to take his issues (re: daddy issues) out on Pete, and it’s gonna be a big step too far isn’t it. *not much later* JESUS. OKAY. Catch me crying with that acting from both of them.

Tankhun coming into the room with Kinn and Porsche and, uh, speaking nothing but truth bombs. Tankhun was like, “Everything surrounding Pete is hella suspicious, how do you all not see it?!?”

Oof, Pete couldn’t even give up Vegas, admit that it was him. Talk about uhhhh complicated feelings.

Kim and Chay hung out together?? More than we saw????? BOC! Please give us a side story of this or something, wtf!!

Kim needs to use his big boy words and talk to Chay in person.

Hmmm Kinn can tell Porsche is… not telling him something. 😶

Vegas deserved those two punches and more from Porsche. 😠

Porsche is - not being careless per say, but more thoughtless. Making a deal with Vegas, getting Pete to the club? Porsche must see how not-right Pete is. Connect some dots my dude. I know Porsche is kinda single minded with this parent mystery thing, but bro… 😬

Vegas and Pete. Talk about a complicated dynamic/relationship.

Kinn talking to Porsche’s parents at the cemetery is definitely a favorite scene. Kinn is all about cheesy declarations of love for Porsche. (i noticed Porsche tho with the guilty eyes when Kinn said he trusts Porsche. hhhhhh angst coming)

WHERE HAVE I HEARD THIS VIOLIN/PIANO PIECE BEFORE? During the pool sexy times scene. *squints* Why did it sound familiar??????

Setting aside this sort of “goodbye for a moment” sexy times aspect. I loved the sweet moment of Porsche kissing the top of Kinn’s head, and I’m kinda in love with these two hugging so much, I think especially after they’re intimate like that.

Also: don’t have pool sex. Ohhhhh my god it would not work that smoothly, and sweet jesus think about the possible infections. Don’t do it. Leave it to fictional BL shows and fiction.

Tankhun wears his heart on his sleeve. He’s smart, but he can’t play games the way his dad and Kinn can. Bless him though, he was ready to BOLT to find Porsche and Chay. And then so was Kim, too.

I’m pretty sure Korn had Chan or another trusted guard assassinate Porsche’s uncle.

Korn, “Why would I do that when she was my sister?” Porsche internally, “Say sike right now!! 😳”

I honestly don’t think Korn and Porsche’s mom are blood related. I don’t think Korn would let Kinn and Porsche be together if she was.

#Kinnporsche #Thai drama #my thoughts #ok now I can go read ALL the meta #Kinnporsche: ts

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politesper · 2 years

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——— BASICS !

(PEN)NAME: lerf

PRONOUNS: he / they / she

ZODIAC SIGN: capricorn

TAKEN OR SINGLE: single (happily)

——— THREE FACTS !

i am an animation major!

i have two cats named nigel and gracie. nigel is a sweetie and gracie hates society and won’t shut up about it.

i play way too much d&d.

——— EXPERIENCE !

PLATFORMS USED: text message, skype, discord, tumblr, larp.

i’ve been roleplaying since i was like 10-11 so i have about 10 or so years of experience.

——— MUSE PREFERENCE !

GENDER: i tend to have more male than female muses, but overall it’s fairly even in the gender ratio? i don’t prefer writing one over the other, it’s more dependent on personality.

LEAST FAVOURITE FACE(S): eh i don’t use irl faceclaims or anything like that for the most part so i don’t have an opinion. i really only take issue if the person themself has said they’re uncomfortable having their face used as an rp faceclaim.

MULTI OR SINGLE: i tend to prefer single muse blogs. i do run plenty of multis, but i always feel guilty hyperfixating on one or two muses when so many folks are following for different characters. i find what i like to do nowadays is have a single muse blog for the one i’m most passionate about and shove any other muses from that fandom onto a multi exclusively for said fandom.

——— FLUFF / ANGST / SMUT ! ♡

FLUFF: i really enjoy fluff, whether it be friendship or actual romantic stuff. i can appreciate soft and silly moments between characters that expand on their relationships and dynamics. though i find a fatal flaw with fluff is that if you draw it out for too long you just kinda stop having stuff to say / do in the thread and it can get a little boring.

ANGST: i thrive off of angst. i find that big conflicts between characters, while they can be stressful to write, are super engaging and very fun to play out. i love seeing big emotions and bringing out stuff that you normally wouldn’t see from these characters due to the tense situation. sometimes it can get a little real, but i’ve gotten pretty good over the years from separating rp / character emotions from my own so that’s less of a problem for me.

SMUT: i'm honestly fine with it? i think smut is an interesting way to explore character dynamics and emotions that people don’t tend to take advantage of? like i get it’s like “haha horny” but speaking as an asexual person i think smut is more interesting for the character interactions. it’s such a vulnerable position to be in? how did they get here, how do they feel about the other person, is this an act of love? compliance? or are they just doing it for fun? it’s fascinating. i do have a college verse for itsuki (he’s canonically 17 in the series rn), and i’ll be real i probably wouldn’t write smut with him on this blog, even in that verse. i’ve had some people try to initiate stuff with itsuki in his verses where he’s a minor, so i’d prefer that if i did do something in an older verse with him it was with someone i trusted over a private platform (like discord). mostly because i think aging up a character SOLELY to write smut with them is kinda awkward (no judgement to people who do it to help them understand their own feelings... like i think trying to understand yourself through fiction like that shouldn’t be as frowned upon as it is? like it’s your life, pop off. as long as you aren’t sexualizing minors idc what you do). itsuki is kinda in that weird place where if the series hadn’t taken a 9 year hiatus and kept releasing books in a timely fashion he would be like 18-19 right now most likely. so it’s just kinda a big “uhhh maybe! if we already interact a lot ic / ooc and have developed a relationship between our muses.”

PLOT / MEMES: i really do enjoy plotting things out. i think getting a cohesive idea of what you want to do and where the thread is headed just makes it a bit easier to write and doesn’t make me worry too much above overstepping bounds when replying (accidentally godmoding for example). though i find a lot of fun interactions come from memes and impromptu stuff! i think some of my favorite threads on this blog came from memes. like yeah, the disappearance event we had hit hard but did you see that little school dance kiss between itsuki and haruhi??? my HEART!!!

i stole it from someone deep in my likes i’m tagging anyone with a B in their url

#〈 ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟ 〉 : ♙ → ooc ╱ i have koizumi brain rot.

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beaniehasapoliticalviewpoint · 11 months

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An Opening Statement:

When impressing myself into the world of politics as a kid, I always thought I’d be the cool motherfucker that’d band people together to fight against an oppressive government and liberate the minority. And then, I realized that

1. People don’t like to listen to other people

2. It’s really hard to get America to stop being lazy

3. There’s more countries than America out there

That third one is a big one, I’d say, and it defines a lot of what makes the world what it is.

“American Exceptionalism is the belief that the United States is either distinctive, unique, or exemplary compared to other nations.” - Donald E. Pease (I think, that’s what Wikipedia said they got the quote from)

You see, I live in a country that loves to suck it’s own dick, and pass around the fruits of that labour by spreading its seeds of “democracy” and “freedom” onto other countries that did not ask. Now, I love my country, I think US propaganda does a great job of making even the most US hating individual feel proud to love this country, and I do in fact feel wonderful every single day knowing I’m a citizen of the country that loves to spout off how free it is. I’m also not blind, it’s also a damn shame what the country looks like now. Shit, let’s be honest, the American government is an absolute cesspool of old dudes jerking each other off and making fuck tons of money doing it, which, by the way, could very easily be cut to go into our economy, but I digress, the American government is at core the fault of our country, and by god thank you for letting us see that, and giving us the option to vote them out- except we don’t. Because no one votes. And when they do, it’s always “vote blue no matter who” or “trump is the best”, stupid shit like that. The solution? Simple. Hell, let’s cut this whole chapter down to two simple words. “Start. Reading.”. It’s that simple. I mean, we literally have the biggest goddamn treasure trove of information ever held accessible to the common man, and y’all motherfuckers use it to argue whether or not trans people should get rights. They should by the way. Because they’re people. Expanding off that, I’m not saying I’m not guilty of the same stupid shit. My heart strings soar when I see some dumb shit confederate get clowned on online. But none of it means anything. I can talk smack all I want on this earth but it’s not gonna make it any greener. We’re members of a generation capable of making the most change, and we have been given the greatest informative platform to do it on. Stop staring at the next controversy when they made Ariel black; who the fuck cares if they removed a gay character from a show. While y’all weren’t looking, they let Florida allow first responders to legally deny medical care at their own whim, based on their beliefs. Imagine if you pissed some motherfucker off in 8th grade when you snitched on him for passing notes in class, and then 10 years later you go to a specialist, the same guy, and he denies you care because he’s a salty motherfucker, and you DIE. Who let this law pass? Certainly not the citizens of Florida, you guys are fucking awesome, but can’t see the obvious issues here.

We, as citizens of the United States, are held victim by our own beliefs and emotions. We impose our own restrictions on ourselves, by acting like the differences in the world is because one side lives a different kind of life. We draw so much attention to the smallest of differences, the pigment of our skin, who we love, who we want to be, and we miss the big picture. It’s not republicans Vs. democrats, the gays Vs the church or the north Vs the south (god forbid that shit happens again), it’s the fucking people Vs the goddamn government, and it always has been. Every distraction from our common goal of uniting against corruption gives more power to the corrupt, and they fucking LOVE it. And no, this isn’t me saying if you think gay people are inherently evil or some shit that’s ok. It’s not. You’re weird. Weirdo. This is me saying theirs a far larger issue at hand that could kill us all, and both of y’all need to shut the fuck up and look around you.

So yeah. I’m trying to be the cool motherfucker that bands the oppressed together against a common enemy. I wish I could. I’d be lying to myself, and you, if I said something like, “I’ve grown”. I haven’t. I’m no better than the person next to me, no greater than the young child behind me or the older folk in front. We’re all equal in a struggle against power. (And NO this isn’t some Marx shit, the economy is a joke and I’ll get to that later) All I’m saying is, we could do with a lot more loving in this world, because shit, that would make me feel a helluva lot better, and I’m sure you would too.

Remember when I said that thing about American Exceptionalism? Promise I didn’t forget about it while I ranted about America. Because it’s wrong. We aren’t special. We’re one empire in the long line of many, not the first nor the last. The entire world is out there, billions of people, millions of cultures, thousands more being made. Many suffering a helluva lot more than my upper middle class in college ass. Many living a lot more luxurious than I am too. Despite us all being the same species we manage to become so different, global divisions of “countries” and “nations”. I can’t speak of the minds of everyone, because I’m not everyone. I can’t say that every single person should act some way, because I didn’t grow up in their shoes, in their home. Everyone lives different lives, everyone lives differently. So why the hell should my country pretend to know what’s best for them. American “global security” is an authoritarian grip on the less fortunate, for our benefit. And only the people can fix that.

#politics #america #swearing #rant #canijustwriteanythinginthetagsectionandgetawaywithit?immisusingthisfeatureforsure

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dragonshapedskittles · 2 years

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A warning, I’m going to be putting a lot of raw emotion out there.

I think a lot of people undermine how lonely it is recovering from COVID-19 regardless of what symptoms were present. That doesn’t matter. Isolating from people is lonely. Humans are social creatures and need some form of interaction at some point or things are kind of pointless. I like being alone as much as the next introvert does but actually staying away from people I love is challenging and frustrating. And knowing that I exposed loved ones to the virus is really guilt inducing. Thankfully we are all vaccinated and generally healthy, so our risk of hospitalization or death is low.

My sister and I are kind of having a tough time with each other right now and I get it. We’ve had a tough time with each other for a long time because she’s basically kind of raised me in a matter of speaking and I’m sure she has somewhat of a complex about it. I’m probably the reason why she doesn’t want kids…since she practically raised me and has helped me out by letting me live with she and my brother in law now twice. I feel guilty because I have been acting somewhat helpless, unmotivated, whatever you want to call it. I can blame whatever I want for my issues but it doesn’t take away the fact that they’re there. My sister and I have always had a complex relationship growing up because she’s older than me and seemed to be typically better off than I was/am. I guess deep down I don’t feel like I deserve to have nice things or a [stable] place to live like she does…it might be imposter syndrome or something, I’m not sure. I’ve kind of felt weird in my body my entire life. I didn’t feel like I would make it past age 20 for a long time. And sometimes, I won’t lie, I kind of wish something would take me out because it doesn’t seem like I’m doing anything with my life anyway. I’m not saying I’m severely suicidal or have a death wish, etc but I wouldn’t be upset to find out I have some kind of disease where I’ll die in a few years. It wouldn’t make any difference to me since I haven’t made anything of myself…except needing to be saved by my sister. And I know she doesn’t mean to but she backhandedly makes me feel guilty for needing her help when she always encourages me to ask for help if I need it. I’m trying so hard not to need her help for anything while I’m staying there.

She and my brother in law have been gracious in letting me stay there and helping me out even if they don’t actually “want” me to stay there. They want me to flourish and not need their help for things. I would love to not need their help anymore. Unfortunately a big issue is money. I’ve never been good with it. I come from a low/working class family and my parents were never good with money either. My dad has always had to borrow money from his sister and mother in amounts that everyone knows he will never be able to pay back in his lifetime. My mom was kind of dependent on her mom for a while as well. I know they felt guilty for asking for money from their parents…or maybe they didn’t? I have no idea. But recently I had a kind of emergency situation where I had to move out of where I was living and find a place asap but that wasn’t happening. And I tried to ask my parents to temporarily move back in with them and even offered to help out financially….they told me no and were mad that I was asking saying that at my age I shouldn’t need to move back in with my parents, I should be able to afford to live on my own, etc…so out of touch with how expensive everything is now and due to inflation, even more so. My sister had a conversation with my parents explaining that it’s not the 1970-1980s anymore and everything is very costly now, among other things. And they still didn’t budge; when ironically their parents have been helping them financially their entire lives. It may not have been housing help but financial help- they could not have bought a house without my grandparents’ help. They couldn’t have…just trust me. Not with only their jobs at the time.

My sister had to talk to my brother in law about me moving back in temporarily since it was going to be kind of sudden. Fortunately they agreed to it even though I had no issue living out of my car and going to the laundromat, using the gym to shower, public restrooms, etc for a while. I don’t mind doing that even still. I don’t care if they don’t want me to. I am tired of being there when it’s clear they don’t like the fact that I am. Hell, I don’t even like the fact that I’m there because I kind of didn’t have a choice. I just need somewhere affordable to go.

So here we are. I got COVID-19 from somewhere in the last 2-14 days and have it now. I’ve been trying to be home as little as possible because I don’t want to spread it to them but my sister is showing some of the same initial symptoms I showed when I first felt ill. Said all that to explain why I’ve been feeling so shitty for the last however long.

Thanks for listening.

#mental health #big mood #relatable #realshit #relationship #siblings #covid #fuck covid #depressing post #long post

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bratz-kitten · 3 years

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blockages that the placements need to work through

here are some things i’ve been working on ft. the astrological placements that i believe they’re revelant to, in case anyone else needs this

sun aspecting venus, harsh aspects to the ascendant - saying no. it’s not so much like... a need to say yes to please other people, but a fear of saying no and facing the repercussions of it. lately i’ve been trying to simply say no to things that make me uncomfortable because turns out i do have a great difficulty setting boundaries lmfao. when my male friends make a sexual comment about me, i just say “stop, don’t talk about me like that” and when people invite me to hangouts that i don’t have the energy to go to i simply say “i won’t go, but thank you for inviting me”. the most difficult part is dealing with the guilt that comes with refusing others, and i’m telling myself that it’s okay to piss people off if it’s to maintain my feeling of safety

moon in capricorn, moon harshly aspecting saturn - letting myself depend on others. i’m coming to terms with the fact that i’m not as big of a lone wolf as i believe myself to be lmfao. like, it’s okay that i depend on my emotional bonds sometimes! it’s okay to allow myself to love with no restrictions, with no “but i can’t let them see me vulnerable”, with no “what do i get out of this connection?”, no “oh i have to be nonchalant about how much i care for them or else they’re gonna know they have power over me and abandon me” no. i’m letting myself write the dumb sappy texts, to make the effort, to show how much i care, to open up to others. i’m easing with my calculating instincts. i don’t have to drown in my loneliness and i refuse to spend a lifetime avoiding getting close to others in fear of them hurting me. i’m working on seeing my strength, like... it’s ok if they hurt me because i will survive

saturn in gemini, mars in the 12th house, mars harshly aspecting neptune - taking action when i need to. especially in real life, i have a lot of difficulty with taking action. like, if i’m in an argument with someone, or if someone is actively pissing me off, my first instinct is to end the conversation and escape so that it won’t escalate. theoretically, that’s smart... in practice, it makes me gulp down a lot of situations in favor of keeping the peace, and it makes me live an entirely different life in my mind vs. in reality. like, in my mind, when something happens i’ll fantasize about being assertive and talking back to the person, about standing my ground. but in real life i just... quietly move to a different room. plus it’s difficult for me to feel things in the moment, like something will happen and i won’t register it but days later i will think back on it and be practically fuming in anger. these past few weeks i’ve been working on just, saying what i want to say. even if i’m aware the situation can escalate, at least i won’t have any regrets, and it’s made me realize that people aren’t as easy to anger as i thought them to be, and that i’m stronger than i believed myself to be

moon harshly aspecting jupiter - allowing myself to break down. my moon opposite jupiter is at a 0º orb, and when i tell you i feel every ounce of it, i really do. like, my emotions are extremely disregulated. on one hour i will be at the highest of the highs, and then the next hour i’ll be crying on the floor telling myself i’m the worst person alive. which just... causes me to feel even more guilty about how i speak to myself, and about how volatile my emotions are, and then i’m just a mess of guilt and self-criticism and “stop acting like a baby”; i feel easily overwhelmed and like i’m doing way too much, overreacting to every possible situation. and then, an hour later, im just like.... emotionally numb. anyways, instead of making it worse by blaming myself for my emotions, i’ve been just. allowing myself to feel. no guilt, no shame, just allowing myself to feel bad because of the innate belief that i’ll get over this, i’ll move forward, it’ll get better

venus harshly aspecting the ascendant - dealing with a poor self-image. i have a lot of issues with my body image. so, instead of analyzing my body from every single angle and blaming myself for it, i’ll just. not look in the mirror. like, you know when you’re a kid, you’re barely aware that you have a body - it’s there, it functions, it helps you play and eat and grab things, but you don’t really spend time thinking about it’s shape and appearance because it doesn’t matter. that’s the mentality i’m trying to work with right now, that my body is there: it deserves food, exercise, to be washed and dressed in comfortable clothing, and that’s that. i’m releasing myself of the judgment that comes with my poor self-image

natal saturn retrogade - stop buying things just to watch them sit there. like, i buy things that i don’t even use. or i buy things that i plan to use, but then i end up not using them out of guilt of having bought them, or lack of energy to use them, or fear of using them and messing up. so, what i’m doing is grabbing all the things i don’t use, and if i truly don’t want to use them, i’ll simply discard of them, and if i do want to use them, then i’m making plans to do so. no letting them sit in my room and feeling guilty every time i look at them

mars dominance, mars aspecting personal planets, mercury aspecting pluto, debilitated moon (in capricorn or scorpio) - stop verbally insulting others in discussions. the point of having a discussion is to explain both perspectives and come to an agreement/compromise, not to try to win. unfortunately, this is something i’ve always had great difficulty understanding lmfao. as soon as i’m in a discussion the point stops being to shed light on the situation but to use the words i know will hurt the person the most so that they’ll feel the pain that i feel. when someone is not understanding me, part of me just wants to make them go through what i went through so that they’ll get it - especially if i have an emotional attachment to the person (for example, them being my family or romantic interest). this is extremely toxic and it’s giving me when your parents say “when i was younger i had it much more worse than you, and i’m going to somehow make this your problem”. so, i’ve been thinking twice about what i say to people. is what i’m about to say to this person relevant to this discussion, or do i just want my words to sting them so i can watch them crumble? i ask myself this question, and i try to show others the empathy that i want them to show me.

planets in the 12th house, lilith in the 12th house - developing a better sleep schedule. i don’t remember the last time that i went to sleep before 5am, and this has greatly impacted my mental and physical health in general. like, i’ll go to bed extremely late, and then i wake up late and it takes me hours to find the strength to get out of bed because i just feel so shitty. the reason why i avoid sleeping early is because i struggle a lot with nightmares, because of my own paranoid thoughts and fears, and because it’s my “peaceful” time. like, during the day i have to deal with my parents being awake and... well, just existing in general, and i have to deal with my responsibilities and my family, but at night i get to just exist for myself and do whatever. but also, i struggle a lot with intrusive/paranoid thoughts that keep me from falling asleep. this is due to my anxiety and mental health problems, and to be honest i still don’t really know what to do to deal with this. like... the thing that’s helped me the most so far is to turn off my phone/computer since i get headaches easily, petting my cat until i feel calm enough to at least try to sleep, and to avoid taking naps throughout the day since that’ll just leave me with way too much energy at night

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furiousgoldfish · 3 years

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I finally cracked down on the whole 'why don't you know this by now' and 'you're too stupid to be independent' issue with abusive parents so I'm going to break it down.

So lets make two things clear; first: Parents ARE responsible for TEACHING you basics of life, which includes survival, your rights, and basic knowledge that you don't get in school, and second: Yelling at you for not knowing these things already, is not teaching, and they're aware of that.

Abusive parents don't care for their responsibility towards the children at all, but they are very interested in making you useful and appearing as great parents to everyone outside the family. So, if they're teaching you anything, it's only for the sake of you doing things for them. Hell, sometimes they'll just tell you to 'pick it up by watching' or 'figure it out on your own' and give you dozens of responsibilities without even asking if you know how, or offering an explanation. Maybe they want you to do menial jobs, maybe you're responsible for raising your siblings, or restocking groceries and cooking, maybe cleaning or cutting grass or carrying wood or caring for animals; it will be allowed for you to know these things but nothing outside of it, so you wouldn't start thinking you're actually competent. You will do all these things correctly and still be called stupid, lazy, worthless, and be reminded that you are nothing without them; all the things you don't know or can't do will be thrown into your face, you're told you are incapable of learning them.

That's how they get that nice balance of keeping you working for them but still completely in the dark about how to survive without them. The less you know the easier to keep you from leaving; they will sometimes even devalue things you learn at school, just to get your confidence down.

But then, in their infinite masterplan to keep you uninformed, they will forget that it must appear to other people as if you know things, or it will be suspicious; why didn't they teach their child anything? They're all pretty paranoid about being found out, so they have to make some counter-measures just in case. So then they gotta paint this picture of 'oh I did teach my child everything! But the child doesn't listen! If they still don't know something it's their own fault!' And they pre-emptively act as if they have already taught you everything, but you, dumb slob, retained nothing of it. And they need you to act guilty of this in front of other people too, so they'll often yell at you 'How old are you? How do you already not know this?' in front of others, as a display of their narrative. They're saying 'oh we did teach the child and we say it constantly but the kid doesn't listen even at this age!"

But what it does to you is actually gaslighting. Because you know you never heard this information from them before. They never even came close to comprehensively explaining anything to you. But the scenario playing out in front of you suggests they not only did, but you forgot, and if you try to defend yourself how will you convince anyone that you didn't forget? It's a not such a big deal to go fight them on it, but as it happens again and again, you start doubting your memory. Sometimes they even act surprised when you don't know something, as if they spent days teaching it to you? You start getting worried that you're missing out on all this vital info, but watch how even when they're fake surprised you don't know, they still don't give you the info! They shame you for not paying attention and what you're supposed to take from this is to pay attention in the future where they still just never fucking tell you anything relevant ever.

Because it's just a show of charades to keep all the useful information that would help you to freedom safely hidden away from you, while having you look forgetful and guilty for any witnesses. It's more likely you'll learn something asking your neighbour who doesn't have any stakes in keeping you uninformed.

Being treated like this for long term can make you doubt your own ability to learn, will make you worried that everyone knows more than you and ashamed for being stupid. It will not only discourage you from learning but make sure you have way less context for new knowledge you acquire; you will struggle to place new concepts without the basics and new information will feel arbitrary and irrelevant.

If you want to test if your parents are doing this, try telling them you're reading resources for abuse; see how quick they are to either devalue or forbid it as a 'wrong and manipulative', and likely throw a tantrum for good measure to make sure you don't do it again. Now don't really do it. If you could have imagined them reacting like this, then yes, they're definitely aware they're abusing you and ready to cover it up and isolate you from the information that would have helped you escape.

What you can do is slowly come to terms with the fact that no, you're not stupid; nobody took the time to actually teach you. The information denied to you, is not actually intimidating and impossible to retain, it's simply threatening to abusers, but you are capable of learning it. Once you do learn it, it will make sense they wanted to keep it away from you, in fact you will find out among the things they did tell you, there was a lot of guilt-inducing lies. You are not stupid for not knowing. You have had knowledge withheld from you, and then got gaslit into accepting responsibility for it.

#child abuse #narcissistic abuse #psychological abuse #gaslighting #abusive parents #escape prevention #withholding knowledge #keeping kids hostage #toxic parents #long term abuse #trauma #emotional abuse #living in abuse

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sleeping-on-cracking-ice · 3 years

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can you make the sfw alphabet for hyunjin? i rlly loved the one with félix <3

Sure! ❤

SFW Alphabet | Hwang Hyunjin

{Stray Kids Masterlist}

Warnings: suggestive themes but it’s only mentioned once

A - Affection

(How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

At first Hyunjin would be unsure with showing his affection

He would take a while before opening up to someone like that

So with his S/O, he wouldn’t be overly affectionate or touchy at first

But after be becomes way more confident around them, he would literally never let go

I can see his love language being either physical touch or acts of service

When he gets the chance to relax with his S/O, he’d be like a leech

Would keep his arms so tightly wrapped around them and complain whenever they tried to remove him

Even when just sitting on the couch together, literally all his limbs would be caging his S/O

He seems like the type to be very clingy to those he feels comfortable around, so his S/O would never catch a break

For acts of service, he would do small things for his S/O just to show he cares

Like making them some food after they’ve had a bad day or giving their head a rub when they’re lying in bed at night

B - Best Friend

(What would they be like as a best friend?)

Loud and annoying best friend definitely

Like his best friend doesn’t get a break from him

He’d be the type to just show up at their house uninvited

What’s theirs is his

Knows exactly how to make parents like him cause he’s so polite so he’d be the favourite

Sleepovers galore and walking to the park at some ridiculous time in the morning

He’d be the type to give his all in a friendship, so he’d be incredibly loyal and expects that back from his best friend

C - Cuddles

(Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He’d only be very cuddly when it’s just him and his S/O

He’d be nervous to do it in front of people, even if it’s in front of the rest of Stray Kids

He would still sit on their lap / have them sit on his if he’s comfortable

But when their alone he would be a lot more intimate

Like lying across the top of them or running his hands along under their shirt

His favourite way to cuddle would be him simply just having his head in his S/O’s lap

He would love it because he’s a dramatic princess and would beg for his S/O to play with his hair and braid it

Every night he would just slump on the couch and force them to sit up straight so he can place his head on their thigh and they immediately knows what he wants

D - Domestic

(Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

He’d wouldn’t be fussed in terms of settling down quickly

Although he would always think how cute it would be to share an apartment with his S/O where he gets to see them everyday

And when they finally do move in together, him and his S/O would become so fussy in terms of chores

Always disagree on who does what, so they’d have to end up doing it together so they can suffer the frustration together

They would usually share both the cooking and cleaning, but Hyunjin would prefer to cook since he’s rather decent at it

But overall, hates doing housework but he would rather jump off a cliff before he watches his S/O do it all on their own

E - Ending

(If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Hyunjin seems like the type to avoid a break up as much as he can

If there was an issue between him and his S/O, he would try everything in his power to work it out without resorting to a break up

If he was to break up with his S/O, he would feel guilty about it

It would take him a while to muster up the courage to do it (unless there was a major problem)

He would want to stay friends with his S/O, and would always promise them they would remain close

Hyunjin wouldn’t let him and his S/O’s relationship end badly, but more on a mutual agreement

If his S/O was to suddenly break up with him though, he would get very in denial about it

His sadness comes out in anger, causing a screaming match between the two as he keeps denying them trying to break up with him

But after a while, when he’s calmed down, he would sit down with them and listen to their reasoning

It would take a while for him to recover from it, as he seems the type to pin his needs onto his S/O slightly

Some days would be worse than others, but soon enough he would be back to his cheery self and would accept being their friend again

He realises that staying together as friends with them would at least mean he still gets to see them

F - Fiancé(e)

(How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Hyunjin seems like the type to take a while to commit to someone

Even when he first meets someone, he has to take a while to get to know them before he feels comfortable

Most people are like that though

But in a relationship, he would at first come across as either shy or aloof, as he wouldn’t be incredibly affectionate or loud

But when he starts getting comfortable, pray for his S/O

Doesn’t leave them alone, never

He couldn’t have a relationship with someone if they weren’t also his best friend though

So when he’s finally comfortable, he would become so committed

Always just assumes that he and his S/O will get married

Talks about it like it’s happening tomorrow

Of course it would be sometime in the far future, but he would love talking to people about what him and his S/O have planned for their wedding

G - Gentle

(How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

When he first starts dating, he would be so afraid of hurting his S/O, physically or emotionally

Comes back to how it takes a while for him to get comfortable with someone

But after him and his S/O become a lot closer and start to understand each other’s limits when it comes to harsh jokes or rough play

He does not hold back

Physically, he’s not at all gentle

When his S/O is just minding their business, he would take it as an invitation to tackle them to the ground

Or to pick them up and throw them over his shoulder

Even when just playfighting, he gets so competitive and his S/O has to beg him to lay off to let them breathe

Emotion wise, literally the last thing he would ever want was to hurt his S/O emotionally

Although sometimes he may accidentally say something that could be taken the wrong way, he never has bad intentions

He would love a relationship where him and his S/O can cuss each other out without actually meaning any of the harsh jokes

But if he ever accidentally goes too far and offends his S/O, he feels so guilty

Apologises to them over and over and makes it up with kisses and loving compliments

H - Hugs

(Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He obviously enjoys hugs so much

Only when he’s alone with his S/O though

In public, he wouldn’t be too lovey-dovey because he gets shy about it

But he also thinks his relationship doesn’t need to be seen by everyone else

But when he’s alone with his S/O, he becomes a lot more affectionate

Especially after a long day and him and his S/O are both sleepy and cuddling on the couch or before they go to sleep

You know those sudden urges to squeeze something that’s really cute? Yeah, he would get that every time he looks at his S/O

They could literally be doing anything and he would just throw himself at them, whining about how cute they are

But I think he would hug them the most when they’re in bed and just about to go to sleep

He could lay awake for hours and cuddle them, chatting and kissing with them until his words slur from tiredness

Usually his hugs would be very playful, but also would make his S/O feel very safe at the same time

He’s quite tall, and if his S/O is smaller than him, he would envelope them in his arms

When they’re lying down, he would wrap all his limbs around them, trapping them against his body

If they’re his height or taller, he would always give them back hugs and nuzzle his face against their back

I - I Love You

(How fast do they say the L-word?)

It takes a very long while for Hyunjin to say it surprisingly

It would seem to be a very intimate thing to say for Hyunjin, so he would want to say it with a lot of meaning, not just during a simple conversation

But other than that, he probably prefers to say how much he loves his S/O in different ways like helping them with stuff and affection

When he does tell them, it would be in a situation like if they’re at the beach together late at night

His S/O may have had a bad argument with their sibling or their parent, and Hyunjin would have taken them to get Chinese food and sit in the cold air on the hood of his car to make them forget about their situation

They may be crying in his arms, having suddenly not feeling well and needing some affection

But during that moment and seeing his S/O so vulnerable in front of him would make him soft

It would just slip out, and he wouldn’t regret it when they lift their head and give him a kiss straight on the lips as a “I love you too”

J - Jealousy

(How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He doesn’t get jealous too often, but when he does he gets jealous

Like resting bitch face, cold shoulder jealous

It’s not pretty, and a lot of the time I think his S/O would be able to tell quickly when he’s feeling replaced by someone

But he’d be that annoying type of jealous and be like “no I’m fine” when clearly he’s not

If it happens while they’re out at a party or something, he would be so passively aggressive towards the person he’s jealous of

Beyond petty

But when him and his S/O get back home, he would become so touchy and upset about it

Always begs for their attention and love, since he felt so left out when they were out

Denies it by the morning though, using the excuse “I was just tired”

K - Kisses

(What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss their partner? Where do they like to be kissed?)

With Hyunjin’s big pouty lips, I’m sure he gives the best kisses

He would always be willing to give his S/O kisses, never gives up the opportunity to drown them in his affection

But he’s very teasing about it

Sometimes to annoy his S/O, he’ll pout his lips and lean towards them like he’s about to kiss them, but when they lean in he’ll turn away like nothing happened

Always gets himself pinned and getting smothered when his S/O has put up with it for too long

He doesn’t kiss his S/O passionately in front of other people, especially the other members

Because most likely Minho wouldn’t leave them alone about it

His favourite place to kiss his S/O would be their cheeks

Especially if they have squishy cheeks, since he can press his face against the chub and coo about how cute they are

His favourite place to be kissed would weirdly be around his shoulders and collarbones

Especially after a stressful day and he gets to flop into bed with his S/O and they take his shirt off and give him loving kisses around his neck and shoulders to make him relax

Never fails to help him drift off to sleep in their arms

L - Little Ones

(How are they around children?)

(I had to go back and watch that video of Hyunjin and Changbin playing with kids again for this lmafooo)

Hyunjin actually loves kids

If his S/O has younger siblings/cousins/nieces/nephews who he can play with, omg he’s over the moon

Will spend all his time trying to entertain kids

If there’s ever a time when he and his S/O have to babysit a relative’s baby, he’d immediately turn into dad mode

But throughout the time he would secretly be imagining that him and his S/O are parents looking after their own kid

Some times he becomes a bit of a punching bag for the kids, which is always funny to watch

But seeing his S/O with kids would make him blush so hard though

Like he finds the sight so cute and would always look forward to the far future when they can both have their own little family

M - Morning

(How are mornings spent with them?)

Lazy mornings

Takes him literally ages to open his eyes in the morning

His S/O would always wake up and find themselves wrapped up in his limbs since he becomes so cuddly at night

He prefers to stay in bed for a while and just chat, because he takes a while to wake up fully

They have to pry him off them if they don’t want to sleep in for hours

But quite literally they have to drag him out by his arms while he’s whinging about it being too early

N - Night

(How are nights spent with them?)

At night, he would be the complete opposite than in the morning

Always tries to keep his S/O awake with him because he’s a night owl and wants them to keep him company

Usually at night he would become more quiet though

Like he just wants some down time with is S/O and just spend hours on the couch together watching movies and cuddling

But his favourite would be just lying in bed with them while they play with his long hair or run their fingers along their back

He could lay there for ages in complete bliss, loving the feeling of his S/O’s hands on him comfortingly

O - Open

(When would they start revealing things about themselves?)

This is where I think Hyunjin would struggle a bit with

It would be very hard to get him to open up

Especially about very deep and personal subjects

He seems like he would never want to bother anyone, so telling his S/O about his worries makes him anxious

No matter how much they reassure him, he’d assume they’re only saying it because they have to

The only time he would really open up to them fully would be on days when he’s feeling more emotional than usual

He would lay in their arms and close his eyes as they rub their thumbs across his cheeks and talk about some things on his mind

It wouldn’t happen often as it was rare when he became comfortable to talk about his deep inner emotions

But when it does happen, his S/O would always remember what he said and keep it in mind

P - Patience

(How easily angered are they?)

He never gets angry, he just gets attitude

Knowing him and his sass, no matter how much he loves his S/O, they’re still going to fall victim to his sarcastic remarks whenever he gets the chance to say them

It would be a very rare sight to see him properly mad, since he would most the time just get mildly annoyed

The only time he would ever get mad is if his S/O put themselves in danger or if someone said something about them

So overall, he somewhat has patience

He fights bullshit back with more bullshit, so it cancels it out

Sometimes his passive-aggressive sass would get so bad that his S/O would have to tell him to stfu before he starts a fight

Q - Quizzes

(How much would they remember about their partner?)

His clumsy and forgetful ass would not remember anything

But his S/O can’t take it personally because he actually just can’t remember basic things

He loves them with all his heart, but knowing everything about them just isn’t his strong point

They usually have to remind him about things, like the names of their parents/siblings and their favourite restaurant

They would have to be patient with him, but he weirdly wouldn’t forget anything drastic like anniversaries or dates

R - Remember

(What is their favourite moment in your relationship?)

His most favourite moments would definitely be the ones when they’re laughing so hard and smacking each other because they can’t breathe

That would be one of his favourites because his S/O is like his best friend at the same time

But his most favourite moment would honestly be one of their first dates when he brought them to a ice cream parlour late at night

It was around 11 at night and he texted them asking if they wanted to hang out since both of them had had a harsh day

They sat on the dark beach and listened to the calm waves while eating their ice cream, snuggled together in huge coats trying to hide from the cold

Afterwards, they went to the water and splashed each other, their laughter ripping through the silent night beach

It would always be his absolute favourite because he believes it to be the day when he realised he wanted to stay with them

S - Security

(How protective are they? How would they protect their partner? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s actually quite clueless when it comes to being protective

He tries very hard to be a safe space for them and make them feel protected when their together, especially when they’re out somewhere

He does small things like keeping his arm around their torso and pulling them close to his body if someone they didn’t know was approaching them

But overall, if a bad situation was to rise like someone flirting with his S/O or someone just acting weird around them, he wouldn’t be sure what to do

A bit panicky and slightly afraid himself, but he would keep putting himself between the person and his S/O, no matter how much confrontation freaks him out

He would like to be protected in a way that’s emotional

He wants to be protected from his own thoughts, as he seems like an overthinker

So most of the time when he’s not feeling well, his S/O would distract him and always reassure him that he has nothing to worry about and that they love him very much no matter what

T - Try

(How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

He would definitely be the type to “out-gift” his S/O on anniversaries

He ALWAYS has to get the better present, or have the better date ideas

He puts so much effort into everything, his S/O could never compete

On anniversaries, they would always wake up to a whole bunch of their favourite flowers and Hyunjin cooking breakfast for them in the kitchen

Would always have them pick where they go

It’s always either they go out to a really romantic and fancy restaurant or they just order fast food and watch movies and make out in front of the tv

For everyday tasks, he does small things throughout the day just to help out his S/O

Like tying their hair back if it’s in their face or giving them one of his hoodies when he thinks they’re cold

They don’t even have to say anything, he just knows

“Babe, how did you know I wanted tea?” “You were giving off “give me tea” vibes for some reason-”

U - Ugly

(What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He has a bad habit of turning the cold shoulder when he has a fight with his S/O

He doesn’t like talking things out, but prefers to just wait until he’s calmed down before going on like nothing happened

Sometimes it would piss his S/O off a lot

On the rare occasion they have really bad arguments, Hyunjin would threaten to sleep on the couch

But when his S/O says “go ahead”, he lowkey would regret it immediately

But he’s petty, and he’s not going to let them win the argument that easily

So he’d try to sleep by himself, but at some time in the early morning he would slip back underneath the covers with them and whisper an apology in their ear while pressing their back against his chest in a tight spoon

He can never keep his stubbornness up for too long. His S/O just has to be patient with him

V - Vanity

(How concerned are they with their looks?)

I don’t think his appearance is one of his main concerns, but just like everyone, he would sometimes become quite insecure

A lot of the time he wouldn’t even mention how he looked, unless his S/O complimented him, so they would assume that he’s confident in his appearance

But when he does doubt himself a bit and perhaps question his S/O’s attraction to him, he would keep it to himself

Until it kind of spills out randomly to them

Like his S/O would say something about a actor/actress’s body and Hyunjin would just say out of the blue “do you wish I looked like that?”

That’s when he would admit to recently not feeling too confident in himself

But perhaps all he needs is a reminding from his S/O how much they love him and his body

W - Whole

(Would they feel incomplete without their partner?)

If Hyunjin had to go a few weeks or even months without his S/O (if he had to go on tour or something), he would gradually start missing them a lot

The first few days/weeks wouldn’t be so hard for him, cause the reassurance that they’re only a phone call away made him feel better

But after a while, he would grow homesick from them and miss their lips on his cheek and their hands on his body

Talking through the phone via skype or facetime would soon not be enough for either of them

He would become more down and become angrier easily

Would seek comfort in Felix, since he’s basically like a little brother to him who he can trust with anything

But when him and his S/O finally get to see each other again, they would not leave each other’s sides for a while

Would even follow each other when they’re at home and one of them gets up to go to another room

X - Xtra

(A random headcanon for them.)

One of his favourite things to do is show his S/O his dances

Loves the fact that they just sit and watch him for hours in the practise room, being so entertained by his graceful moves

Gets so flustered when they keep complimenting his talent though

And also just to make them happy, he would learn dances to their favourite songs

His S/O has an album in their phone just for videos of his dancing

Y - Yuck

(What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

He dislikes people who do not have any sense of sympathy

Or people that do not understand that other’s emotions could be fragile

He’s a empathetic and emotional person, so he needs someone who wouldn’t hesitate to scoop him up in their arms when he’s feeling down for no reason

Having someone who would perhaps not understand why he can sometimes feel down randomly would make him frustrated and cause him to bottle things up

Even just seeing the negative trait in people during daily life makes him irritated

In general though, he would hate being rejected by his S/O

They always try to tell him to not take it personally when they say they don’t feel like cuddling one night or they don’t want to talk

He would always act like it doesn’t bother him, but in the back of his mind he’s questioning if he did something to upset them

Z - Zzz

(What is a sleep habit of theirs?)

Sleep talks

Not excessively, but enough for it to wake up his S/O

None of the stuff he says makes sense though, it’s just gibberish

One time his S/O woke up to him shaking their shoulder

“Hyunjin, what’s wrong?” “We... we forgot to take the dog out.” “...we don’t have a dog”

Keeps an app in his phone that records when he sleep talks

Sometimes he would listen to them and hear his S/O responding to his weird statements

Never fails to make him slightly embarrassed though

SFW Alphabet Template

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inadaydream99 · 3 years

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The One Where You Can’t Be Kept Apart

A/N - Thank you 🥕anon for sending in this request and another brilliant idea! I really hope you enjoy what I have come up with ☺️ Also, I was unsure with how to end it, so it took me a little longer to write than usual 😂

Disclaimer: This is inspired by the Friends episode ‘The One With the Memorial Service’ and is in no way my own original idea. I have also used some direct quotes from the episode for the purpose of keeping some fidelity towards the plot.

You huff, folding your arms across your chest as Soobin begins to interrogate you. He’s only been at yours for a few minutes and you’re already tired of him. You get that he’s trying to look out for you and do as you asked of him; which he’s taking incredibly seriously. But is it really necessary for him to pay you a visit sporadically, just to see if he can catch you out?

It’s like he doesn’t trust you. Not that you blame him really, I mean you’ve just broken up with the love of your life, Yeonjun, and asked Soobin to make sure you don’t have any contact with him because you don’t trust yourself to keep away. But just because you have very little self control when it comes to Yeonjun, doesn’t mean that you need to be watched so often.

It’s been about two weeks since you and Yeonjun broke up after being happily together for just over a year. The reason being that you both realised you wanted different things for your future. Things that, even after much debate, neither of you were willing to compromise on.

It had always been your dream to fall in love with your soulmate and get married. Ever since you were little you’d indulge in your fantasy and act out these magical weddings with your friends. You, of course, always played the bride.

Now, Yeonjun has never been opposed to the idea of marriage. He just doesn’t see the point in having this big, expensive wedding. In his opinion it’s a waste of time and money. He would just be happy to elope.

And that’s the main issue that broke you up. You’d been so distraught over the idea of not having the wedding of your dreams, and Yeonjun stubborn in his views, that you’d come to the agreement that if you can’t agree on this then you’re not meant for each other.

From the second he received the news from you crying down the phone, Soobin had barely left your side. He’s been the most amazing friend to you and done everything he can to help you through this break up. And that’s exactly why you feel guilty for finding him annoying right now.

“I know you’re hiding something (Y/N).” Soobin mumbles, more so to himself than to you, but you hear him clearly none the less. “Who’s shoes are these?” He suddenly quizzes you, holding up a pair of dirty black trainers. Ok, so they aren’t the most fashionable shoes ever, but they are comfy and you have lost any motivation to put effort into your appearance right now. All you can seem to focus on is your heartbreak.

“They’re mine.” You deadpan, your sensitivity making it difficult to not be offended. And Soobin really should have known better because if he’d taken a second longer to look at the shoes he’d realise that they are too small to belong to Yeonjun.

“Oh, sorry.” He utters softly, placing the shoes neatly by the front door once again. You watch as he snoops his way around your apartment, in and out of rooms unsatisfied with his lack of finding anything.

That is, until a knock on your front door sounds. You casually make a stand from the sofa where you had previously been slouched, still sulking over Soobin’s insult over your shoes.

“Wait! I’ll get it.” Soobin calls out to you, hurrying past you. He practically pushes you away from the door; not that he intends to, he’s just oblivious to his actions in the moment.

“It’s just the takeout I ordered.” You sigh, throwing your hands up defensively.

Soobin shoots you a frown before turning the handle and swinging the door open.

“Oh my, what are the chances!” You pretend to be shocked, hands flying up to cover your mouth upon the disappointed look Soobin sends you when the door reveals Yeonjun. “7 billion people in the world and they send Yeonjun to deliver my food!” You continue, hoping that you sound believable enough. Though it’s unlikely with the way your best friend has been doubting you from the very second you asked him to help you keep away from Yeonjun.

Soobin simply rolls his eyes at your terrible acting, turning expectantly to look at Yeonjun for an explanation to his presence.

“I’m sorry, but when (Y/N) called I just couldn’t keep away.” His head hangs low, ashamed of his weakness for you… and for getting caught.

“How’d you even call him?” Soobin gawks at you, seriously confused as to how you found a way to contact Yeonjun without having access to a phone. Yes, Soobin had confiscated it first chance he got. But you have to admit that the time away from your phone has been quite nice.

“FaceTime on IPad.” You mumble sulkily, reluctantly admitting how you’d managed to go behind Soobin’s back. You’d hidden it from him so your parents could at least contact you if they needed… or so you’d convinced yourself.

“iPad, of course! I should have known.” Soobin shakes his head, scolding himself for not having realised sooner.

“Soobin, if (Y/N) and I want to see each other, then we should be allow-”

“This doesn’t concern you Yeonjun.” Soobin interjects Yeonjun’s justification. It’s not that he wants to be rude to Yeonjun, or that he doesn’t like him, it’s just that if he allows this then he’s failed at being a good, supportive friend to you.

“Oh really, maybe I was confused considering the mention of my name.” Yeonjun sasses back. “What I was saying was, why can’t we be friends?” Yeonjun, determined to finish what he wants to say, continues. You notice he doesn’t look at Soobin as he speaks, only you. And the pleading look he sends your way makes you melt.

“I guess there’s no harm in that.” You shrug, trying to not show your true emotions as you observe the wide smile that spreads out across Yeonjun’s face. You really had missed his smile so much.

“Well ok then. If you’re just hanging out as friends then I can join, cause I’m your friend and Yeonjun’s friend too.” Soobin announces and you stifle your laughter when you notice Yeonjun grimace at being called Soobin’s friend.

“I guess.” Yeonjun mumbles reluctantly as he is finally able to enter your apartment properly.

The three of you sit on the sofa, Soobin forcing himself in the small space between you. It’s awkward. No one knowing what to say first to break the silence.

“So how have you been?” Yeonjun is the first to speak, leaning around Soobin to see you.

“I’ve been good, thanks.” Soobin answers as you open your mouth to speak.

“And you?” Yeonjun chuckles now beginning to find Soobin amusing. His gaze is focused intently onto you, eager to finally talk properly with you after so long apart.

“I’ve been better.” You force a small smile.

When you’d initially contacted Yeonjun and invited him over, you’d been so desperate that you hadn’t given it any thought as to how you might feel when he’s actually here. It’s a lot more difficult to see him than you expected, and you know it’s just your overwhelming emotions talking, but you’re still in love with him.

Despite wanting nothing but to cave in and get back with Yeonjun, you remain strong and fight the urge. You don’t want the same things as each other. And the more you remind yourself of that, the more you are able to convince yourself that breaking up was the right thing for the both of you.

“I’ve missed you.” Yeonjun admits. You stare into his longing gaze, your heart racing as you see the sincerity pouring out of him.

“I’ve missed you too.” You whisper, not trusting your voice. You can feel your eyes well up as the words tumble from your lips without thought. Although, it’s true, you really have missed him with all your heart.

“You know, on my way over here I saw a pigeon throw up and then a rat ate it.” Soobin quickly jumps in and changes the moment as soon as he senses the mood getting too serious.

“I still think about you everyday. I mean it’s kinda hard not to when everything reminds me of you.” Yeonjun chooses to ignore Soobin’s obvious attempt at stopping your conversation.

You aren’t sure how to respond to him, so overwhelmed that you feel like the room is spinning.

“Ok, I’m gonna head to the bathroom.” Soobin stands from the sofa. “But I’ll be quick so don’t try anything.” He warns, waving his pointed finger between the both of you before he leaves.

“Look, I’m not going to ask to get back together because I know we want different things.” Yeonjun takes the opportunity to finally say what he’s wanted to say the whole time. “But just to be with you one more night…”

“I want that too, but isn’t that gonna make it too hard?” You try to reason.

“It can’t be any harder than the last few weeks…” And yet, Yeonjun’s words seem to make more sense than you’d like.

“If I’d known the last time I saw you would be the last time, I would have stopped to memorise your face, the way you moved. Everything about you. If I had know the last time I kissed you would be the last time, I never would have stopped.” You’re left speechless by Yeonjun’s confession. Seemingly frozen in shock, your mind blank of all thoughts.

“Kiss him, you fool!” Soobin jolts you out of your daze as he rushes back in to the room.

“Huh?” You scrunch your brows in confusion at your friend. He’s done a complete 180 flip after hearing Yeonjun’s speech.

“Didn’t you hear him? If you don’t kiss him, I will.” You stare at him in shock. This has got to be some sort of test, right?

Except Soobin’s expression is completely serious. You cast several quick glances between Soobin and Yeonjun, observing how the latter sends you an almost pleading look, probably silently begging you to not let Soobin kiss him.

Soobin must be serious about telling you to kiss Yeonjun, because he’s willingly encouraging you. And that’s what finally makes you give in, instantly closing the space between you and Yeonjun, your lips moulding perfectly together in a passionate kiss.

You both pull apart breathless, gazing deeply into each other’s eyes.

“I knew you’d be here!” You jolt apart when the door swings open and slams against the wall.

“Who is this?” Soobin questions, confusion clouding his features.

“It’s my friend Beomgyu.” Yeonjun sighs. “I asked him to keep me away from you.” Yeonjun directs the last part towards you.

You simply giggle at him, half still elated from your kiss, the other in amusement.

“Hey, I’m doing that for (Y/N).” Soobin beams.

“Well you’re not doing a very good job. What’s with all the kissing!” Beomgyu sasses back.

You cast your gaze back to Yeonjun when Soobin and Beomgyu begin bickering back and forth, too invested in their arguing to pay attention to either of you.

“Want to get out of here?” You whisper to him, wide grin on your face when he nods and grabs your hand; both of you sneaking out without being noticed and quickly rushing away to make up for lost time.

“Hey, where’d they go?” Soobin suddenly notices you’re missing.

“Ugh, we blew it.” Beomgyu grumpily mutters, defeatedly throwing his hands in the air.

“I blame myself.” Soobin shakes his head in disappointment.

“I blame you too.” Soobin sends Beomgyu a glare in response.

#🥕 anon #txt requests #txt fluff #txt angst #txt oneshots #txt drabbles #txt x reader #txt scenarios #txt imagines #txt yeonjun #txt choi yeonjun #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop x reader #kpop requests #kpop oneshots #kpop drabbles #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios

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