#and i fucking hate it

[lil-gae-disaster]

Sometimes I feel like the whole world is resting on my shoulders and I have no idea why.

Ever since I've gained a recognition of what politics are, I've treaded in those waters neck-deep.

I am arguing, protesting, raising attention wherever I can because I feel no one else will. Because politics have gone so up in the nose of my generation that we just shrug it off.

"This 1933 party is winning!" Eh.

"Trump vs Biden!" Shrug

"The planned deportation of any generation immigrants" doesn't affect me

"trans rights are removed" isn't important

"Homosexuals into prison again!" Isn't my problem

I completely understand anyone who's like "politics are too mentally draining for me" because, same. But at the same time I need to raise attention because everyone relies on everyone else.

The best thing is- I'm also scared. I'm scared of the public, I'm scared of the politicians, I'm scared of now being taken seriously.

Being scared of the public is a bad joke as an ongoing actor, but back to the topic.

I'm scared of being humiliated much more after my attempts at one-person activism Don't, or do, work. I'm scared of everyone groaning whenever I open my mouth because they expect a political debate. Which, can happen.

I'm scared of my friends leaving me, because even though they're all left, they try to talk me out of my urges to say and do something. They all tried to be like "yes its bad, but what can we do?" And I didn't respond because I have been taught to never answer a question that's used in the context of scolding.

I'm scared of not being taken seriously. I'm scared of the "You're just 14, what do you know?" Because nowadays children apparently don't know anything. It's quite ironic, coming from those who raised us or our parents, to the first generation in the age of VERY accessible knowledge.

I'm scared of how the public would treat my (dead)name if I did something, I'm scared of people finding me before my death, I'm scared of the judgemental way our (partially global) society is currently, which has, to my knowledge, not been as bad ever before.

I'm scared of people associating the wrong name of mine with myself, while this name is just an adjective people use to summarize what they would want to see. Not what they clearly see and I tell them.

I'm scared of my mother ruining any possibilities of me building weight to the name "Noah" and not the name "[REDACTED]" because of her using my old name to illusion herself that I'm what I have not been for a long time. What I have never been to begin with.

I'm scared of hearing my wrong name.

I'm scared of the judgements public.

I'm scared of not being taken seriously by the important people.

I'm scared of standing alone again.

But most importantly:

I'm scared of everything staying the same.

I need to do something, it pains me to wait, but with the way adults view children as property and teenagers as annoying and outspoken troublemakers, not people, never people, I cannot make myself be taken seriously and take action. I cannot get the important adults to listen to my woes.

Because I'm "just" a kid.

Because I'm queer.

Because I'm trans.

Because my old name is still popular in use.

Because I don't know any better.

Because I will never be seen as equally important as my cishet NT counterparts.

#noah rambles #politics #word vomit #this had to happen #someday #Bffr you should've expected this. #ranting #rant post #complaining #rant #I'm so helpless #and i fucking hate it #You can read how much I write myself into rage.

[dd-writes]

.

#I'm tired #I'm tired of thinking #I'm tired from all the thoughts I have #my mind won't stop racing #and i fucking hate it #too many intrusive thoughts #and so fucked up #i can't even sleep #or cope #i hate being so fucking hypersexual and feral #ALL THE DAMN TIME #i need a rest #i need a break #i need some calm and peace #fuck you traums #fuck you life #fuck everything

[shadow-warren-whump]

Me in high school: *says I prefer male protagonists to female ones, gets called sexist*

Me on Tumblr in 2023: *says I prefer to whump males because female whump makes me uncomfortable, gets called sexist and misogynistic, surprised no one sent death threats, deletes post and doesn't make my own posts since then*

Me on Tumblr April 2024: *sees a poll about whumpee gender* "Nope. Not touching that with a 10-footpole." *goes off to read fanfiction where no one can tell me I'm doing it "wrong"*

#whump #lady whump #male whumpee #its shit like this that makes me want to leave the community #every other week there are posts acting like youre a bad person if you do/dont like something #and i fucking hate it #whump community #female whumpee

[youdontloveme-yet]

"It's okay. You don't have to force yourself. The thing that is more important than our family's reputation, honour, and business is your happiness. Whatever you want to do, whoever you want to be, you can choose. I'll support you. I will take care of you."

#please click on them for the subs ik they are small ok i make them on the 1080p files sorry #never let me go #never let me go the series #never let me go ep 5 #asianlgbtqdramas #thaidrama #thdrama #nlmg #nlmg ep 5 #gmmtv series #phuwin tangsakyuen #organ rasee #vx:gifs #vx:tv:nlmg #colouring this was a nightmare #absolute fucking horror #and i fucking hate it #but #KHUN TANYA MVP

[celluloidbroomcloset]

Me reading about Vertigo: This is such a great, multilayered film.

Me actually watching Vertigo: WHY ARE YOU SO BORING BE A BETTER MOVIE.

#vertigo #alfred hitchcock #I am a Hitchcock scholar btw #and I fucking hate it #it’s so boring

[mar1g0ld3n]

I promised myself I wouldn’t cry.

#marigold speaks #I’m a dirty liar I guess. #I didn’t want to cry #but now I am #and I fucking hate it #i feel stupid

[vividrogue]

I long to have the sun kiss my chest

I yearn for it, so much so that it feels like life and death

The delays put forth by insurance companies is absolute chicanery. It feels as if everytime I take a step forward, I take 3 steps back, I have never felt so fucking hopeless. It's not like it's an all together rejection, I'm just in this fucking state of Limbo until they can make up their minds and it feels like I'm screaming out of pain and no one is listening.

I hate waiting for the insurance teams to decide whether I live or die.

Until then, I will continue to long for the sun

#Scott speaks #sorry this is kinda a vent post #im just very tired #i have been trying to get top surgery since March and i keep hitting road blocks #if any of you are wondering why ive been kinda silent THIS IS WHY #ive been so stressed out over this i just want to get fucking cut open so i can live #not saying this to get pity legit not having top surgery makes me want to just... not be here anymore #and i fucking hate it #ugggggh #i should delete this #text post

[bass-alien]

.

#getting hit with the big sad #and I fucking hate it #I’m just so tired of feeling so unlovable #but maybe I deserve it

[hawthornesbiggestfan]

the most annoying thing a person can say is "chill" when you have all the rights to be mad.

#my friend says this sm #and i fucking hate it #it legit gets on my nerves #i am upset #i do NOT wanna chill.

[twelveisgay]

the lonely girl urge to cry when put into large groups of people you don’t know–or worse, do know

#like seeing people connect with others so easily while i’m struggling to act like i’m fine being the only one on my own #and funny enough that same day i saw an article titled something like ‘thankfully loneliness is temporary’ and i just… #i’ve felt lonely since i left the womb probably #like wdym temporary this is a state of being for me #and i fucking hate it

[iamunabletothinkofablogname]

going outside

#:/ #it's going to be loud #and i fucking hate it #but fuck it we ball i guess

[happilychaengs]

i commend anyone and everyone who goes to college or a uni

#my first day #and i fucking hate it #r - ranting

[ofalltheginjoints]

#my fatal flaw is actually that i will never actually give anyone consequences for treating me like shit #like. you could stab me and i’d probably apologize to you #i got an uber bc i really didn’t want to wait 45min for the bus (plus the hour bus ride) #and like i literally hadn’t even buckled my seatbelt before the driver started complaining to me about how he’s losing so much money on #this trip and how lyft is screwing him over and that i should tip him $10 for his troubles and like. #i asked him if he wanted me to get out and find another one and he just kept avoiding the question #while still telling me how much this trip was costing him and quite literally making me feel like shit for requesting the ride #and i ended up changing the drop off location to somewhere that was like. closer bc i just didn’t want to be in the car anymore #and after i did that he was still going #like. i’m sitting in the back of his car on the fucking highway getting berated bc i just wanted to fucking go home after work #and you know what i did? #gave him 5 stars and 25% tip bc ‘well he shouldn’t lose his job just bc i had a bad experience’ #but now im sitting here at a mall waiting for my mom to come pick me up and trying not to cry #and i wish i would’ve like. given a truthful ride review or just skipped it bc like #no i don’t want him to lose his job and if i give him one star he possibly could #but also that guy was literally being a massive dick to me and i literally tipped him for it. #i want to be a nice person always but like. i think sometimes me being nice is just letting ppl do whatever the want and being complacent #and i fucking hate it #after like a while of him going on i stopped him and was like #hey man i get its tough and i feel for you but it’s not my fault and i really don’t feel like talking rn #so im gonna put my headphones in #and this motherfucker goes ‘umm ok i mean thats kind of awkward but ok’ #LIKE YOU DIDNT MAKE IT AWKWARD THE MOMENT I GOT IN YOUR CAR #expect maybe im overreacting????????? #anyway. um everything is bad and terrible rn and i just wanna go home but ive still got an hour before my mom gets off work :) #if you actually read all of this i 1) am so sorry and 2) literally love u and also im sorry

[crueclown22]

hate whatever is going on with my feelings

#its just an off feeling that I hate because it feels like something bad is going to happen and I fucking hate it #SPECIFICALLY WITH MY PARENTS #it makes me cry thinking about it #and I fucking hate it

[tizniz]

.

#sits down to try and write more of story I really enjoy #ends up spiralling into a minor break down / anxiety attack #that genuinely has nothing to do with the story #and everything to do with my fucked up mind #and feeling so utterly alone #and I fucking hate it #and I hate him #and I hate that he said that so casually #and I hate that it still bothers me #fucking fuck fuck

[damiemontclair]

I'm. They fucked up the stitches on one of the incisions.... Its healing *fine*, from a purely medical pov. Its just gonna be ugly af bc it created a fold, partially bc, as it turns out, one of the stitches loosened up probably days ago...

#So now I am going to be back to battling the inner demons about scars and I want to cry (again (still)) #Its not even in a location anyone will see #But I see it and I know about it #And I fucking hate it #I hope time and wear and stretch will help flatten it out a bit but I'm not too hopeful... It never looked like this in the past.... #Happy fucking birthday to me I guess. #damie talks