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ucetheones · 9 months

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Why Didn't You Tell Me?

Just a little update on my requests: I'm actively working on them! I just started this before and wanted to get it out of the way. Just keep sending them!! I accept imagines too.

Jey isn't used to being handled delicately.

He isn't used to gentle touches, or kind hands on his body.

Growing up, most people handled Jey with a rougher hand than his twin, and younger brother. Where Jimmy was praised and patted on the back for accomplishments, Jey was gripped and snarled at. When Jimmy would get overly excited, his mom would gently reprimand him, multiple times if needed. When Jey got that way, his mother's patience seemed to run thin almost immediately.

In their defense, his mother and father did their best to be kind to him, but he suspects they knew there was something wrong with their son from the start. His father would call him a faggot when he'd cry too long, or if he was a little too close to a boy friend.

He didn't know what the word meant, but it stung nonetheless.

Though, the words stung a little less than the slap across the face that followed.

Apologies in the form of gifts always came after, but the words 'I'm sorry, I love you' and physical comfort never accompanied them.

The only soft touches Jey was able to access was usually snuggling up with his younger brother when the boy would have a bad dream. Whether intentionally or not, Solo never sought anyone out but Jey.

Eventually though, Solo grew out of needing his big brother to chase away the nighttime scaries, and with that growth, went the only person to hug the boy for more than a few seconds.

Jimmy used to be physically affectionate with Jey, but as they grew older the hugs, and kisses to his forehead were reserved for important moments.

For years, Jey convinced himself he didn't need to be handled with care, he wasn't some fragile thing who couldn't function without human touch.

It worked for a while, it truly did, but by tenth grade, when his twin brother, cousin and all their friends had found girlfriends or flings, Jey had found himself wanting more and more a person who would hold him in their arms like it mattered. Like he mattered.

His friends, Roman and Jimmy teased him relentlessly for being the only person in their group without a girlfriend.

Jey didn't know how to say he didn't want a girlfriend. He didn't want the companionship of a woman. So, he didn't tell them.

Instead, he swallowed down his true wants and found himself a girlfriend. Her name was Rhea, and she was probably the prettiest girl Jey had ever laid eyes on. She actually asked him out first, and Jey readily agreed, especially with Jimmy standing beside him. He couldn't afford to turn her down without a feasible answer.

So, they went on a date. And then another one, and then a few more. But, for the months they'd already been a couple, they hadn't so much as kissed once. She hadn't made the first move, and neither had Jey. It largely went unnoticed by Jey, until one day Solo asked him what his first kiss with Rhea had been like and he had to confess to the younger one they hadn't kissed yet.

Solo hadn't laughed or even seemed shocked, he simply nodded at his older brother and softly whispered, "It's okay if you never kiss her, you know? Sometimes girls and guys don't belong together and that's okay! My friend's brother doesn't even date girls, and he's awesome."

Jey was stunned, in truth. His baby brother was clearly more mature than they'd ever given him credit for.

After the conversation with Solo, Jey found himself questioning what he was doing in a relationship with someone he wasn't attracted to beyond finding them pretty. So, he set out to break up with Rhea. Only after his explanation, the girl burst into laughter, her hand covering her mouth.

"Oh, baby. I guess we never did explicitly agree to be each other's beards. I thought you knew I like girls."

Jey isn't sure he wants to laugh, or be sick. It all made so much sense, at least for Rhea it did. But for Jey? Not so much. It's not like he didn't know what a beard was, or why people had them. It just wasn't for Jey…right?

"I'm not gay, though…" The words sound unsure to his own ears and Jey wants to wince. To her credit, Rhea doesn't laugh, but she looks at Jey with something akin to pity, and it makes his skin crawl.

"I'm not gonna tell you what you are, or aren't, but when you told me your brother and cousin were hounding you for not being interested in girls, I assumed you were queer...that was my bad."

Jey nods in understanding. He supposes that's fair, especially if he puts himself in Rhea's shoes. She needed a beard to hide her sexuality, and Jey needed one to get his cousin and brother off his back.

Rhea nervously chews at her lower lip, before blurting out, "you'll still be my beard, at least until you're ready to find someone; right? It keeps my dad off my back…"

Jey takes a moment to mull it over before deciding he has very little to lose in this, so he nods. "Yeah, I gotchu' Rhea. Don't even sweat it, you're still doin' me a favor, anyway."

Rhea smiles brightly at him, it makes him feel good. Needed.

That night in bed as Jey goes over the conversation, he can't help but wonder if maybe Rhea was right.

What if he was queer? He could always admit when a guy was attractive, and had on more than one occasion found himself wondering what it'd feel like to kiss a guy…but those thoughts always felt too dangerous to venture out into. There's a wall that blocks Jey from accepting those thoughts long enough to do something with them.

Even now, in his own head, he feels like he can't let himself dig any deeper. It's too scary. It promises pain Jey knows he won't recover from.

It takes him longer to fall asleep than usual, and Jimmy's snoring definitely didn't do him any favors.

It's almost a full year before Rhea shyly tells him she found a girlfriend, her cheeks are bright red as she speaks and Jey can't help but smile for her.

"Tell me about her, Uce." That seems to be all it takes before the girl is launching into a story about her partner Liv.

It only takes Jey a moment to pinpoint how he knows the name. She was in his English class a few years back.

Jey is happy for Rhea, he truly is. But now, he can't help but wonder if he's missing something. Rhea had found someone, but he hadn't even bothered trying.

Deep, deep down, Jey knows why he wasn't able to find anyone. He hadn't tried to find someone because finding someone meant acknowledging the elephant in the room.

His fucking sexuality.

In truth, he also knows he should tell Jimmy and Roman his…issues surrounding his sexuality. They're the people closest to him, and all he's been doing is lying to them and keeping bits of himself fully locked away. But he also can't know how they'll take it. Would they be okay with it? Would they shun him?

Would Jimmy tell their father that his biggest fear was confirmed? His son was deplorable. His flesh and blood was tainted by the very thing he worked so hard to keep Jey away from.

Maybe it was best to keep this inside. Maybe he could bring it up to Rhea. She was his safe space, after all. The only person besides Solo who truly knew that Jey wasn't even remotely interested in women.

It was a Friday when Jey was able to bring it up to Rhea. They'd been at his house watching movies and eating junk food, something Jey only indulged in with her. One film had ended, and they were in the middle of choosing a second when Jey blurted out,

"I think I'm gay."

His mouth clamped shut almost immediately, his heart was racing wildly in his chest and he couldn't fight the nagging feeling he'd made a mistake in admitting it.

To her credit, Rhea merely nodded and chucked the remote away, her body turning to lock eyes with the boy.

"I think you're gay too, honestly." She purses her lips, "and not because you 'act gay' like your dad has accused you of." Her tone takes an edge to it that's only present when she mentions her own father, or Jey's. He figures it has to do with their less than ideal parenting styles.

He nods softly at her words, knows she isn't finished from the furrow in her brow.

"Can I ask what brought this on?"

Jey almost feels ashamed to tell her that he's been developing a crush on the new boy in her friend group, but instead he shrugs, "Dom…"

He turns his head so they're eyes aren't meeting anymore, but he swears he can still see the shit eating grin that overtakes her features.

"My Dom-Dom?! You like him?!"

Jey is quick to shush her, his face hardening into a glare.

"Shut the fuck up! Jimmy is next door." Rhea holds her hands up in surrender, her pitch dropping, "that wasn't a no. You have a crush on Dominik." It isn't a question, it's a statement.

Again, Jey shrugs his shoulders, now stuffing a handful of popcorn into his mouth to stall answering. "He's…pretty, I guess." Though he sounds unsure to himself, he also feels relieved to have admitted the truth. "It isn't like it matters, anyway though, he's probably straight."

The girl glares in his direction before tossing a gummy worm at his head. "Hey!"

"Don't be so fucking stupid, as if I would hang out with a straight person." Jey wants to cite himself as proof of the opposite, but this conversation isn't exactly straight. And neither is the reason Rhea had sought him out in the beginning, so he clamps his mouth shut and kisses his teeth.

"You ain't gotta call me stupid, man. I just admitted to finding a guy pretty and my intelligence is attacked?" The pout on his lips is almost comical to the latter, but she has no time to comment before there's a shattering sound by the door before it's swung open revealing Jimmy. His brows are pinched, and there's a bowl of chips scattered at his feet.

He looks equal parts betrayed and like he'll throw up at any moment.

"You gay, Uce…?"

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cinnabun-faerie · 2 months

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Can we get a hug from one of your WOL's? Completely platonic, I just want to know how they hug people!

A/N: Yes! But why pick one when you could have multiple? I have a bunch of characters, so I'd love to make multiple parts!

What better way to start this than with my main OC/WoL Cinna & her family? I know they may not be WoLs or even morally good, but I want to include them.

Warning: OC lore, a whole swear word, minor ffxiv spoiler

Note: Cinna's mother will be in part II!

Grey's FFXIV OC Hug HCs Pt I: Rosewood Family

Characters included

Rosewood Siblings: Cinna, Rei, Siah, Charlie, Isaac, Thomas, Zachariah, Felix, Noah, Finny, Jamie, Sammy

Others: Victor Rosewood(father), Juri Phoenix (Siah's bf/hubby)

So we're starting off with Cinna, eh?

Cinna would have gentle and warm hugs. It makes sense since she comes from a large family (5th born of 13) and is a mother. She's going to give you the hugs you need when you are seeking comfort.

But if you give her a hug, she just might melt. She needs a hug from time to time too.

Cinna's Brothers + Juri:

Oldest Rosewood brother Rei is a bit more on the shy side. He's a bit stand-offish at first, so no one really asks him for hugs except for his siblings (Though he hasn't hugged/seen his siblings for years until EW, but not by choice). So when this man finally hugs someone, he makes sure that they know that he cares for them. His hugs are almost protective in a sense. He's shielding you from the bad in the world. He couldn't protect four of his brothers who unfortunately passed away, so he wants to protect anyone and everyone else, even if his protection is in the form of a hug.

Cinna's broody older brother Siah actually doesn't mind hugs. He's not normally the one to initiate them though. But he doesn't mind if you randomly hug him. He's used to it with his family and Juri, and he knows that sometimes, people just need a hug.

Would he let cousin Zenos hug him? Chances are low, but not zero.

Once you get a hug out of him, they're often comforting and he never lets go until you do. He has learnt that sometimes longer hugs are needed.

Juri's basically family (through marriage), so I'mma include him. Yeah, he's a flirty dude but that's not his whole personality. He's actually pretty chill. He doesn't like giving hugs just randomly (unless he knows you but even then he's reluctant). However, his boyfriend/now husband Siah, is the only one that gets the hugs that could mow a person down.

For anyone else, you'd have to ask him if you could give him a hug. And honestly, he'd love that. He likes when both persons feel cared for.

Hugs are nice. But he likes to be in his own bubble. But he can give you a hand-hug or a high five. The only hugs he has ever given in is when something happens that makes him worry for his siblings.

The only time he let his siblings hug him in a group hug was when he was dying at the Vault beside his good buddy Haurchefant. Having a fear of death, he wanted to die surrounded by his siblings so he wouldn't have to be alone.

Isaac is known to hug his books to his chest. So he would treat you like a book, with care and delicacy. If you let him, he would rub your back or pet your hair.

No. Thomas doesn't want a hug. He hates them. And any kind of affection (platonic and romantic). He doesn't like leeches (people who like hugs like Zachariah). Chances are asking Thomas for a hug is going to end up in him attacking you.

If you want hugs, this is your boy right here; Mr. Middle Child himself. Zachariah truly believes in his silly little head that if everyone just had a hug, it could make the world better. While he would love to throw himself at every person like some rabid hugging beast, he will always ask calmly first. If no, he'll settle for just a wave.

Note: Have white/ginger hair? Chances are he'll think you're another sibling (he can't keep track of the number of siblings he has) or another family member he hasn't met yet.

His hugs are...well...

Have you ever been hugged by a boa constrictor?

Felix isn't too big on hugs. But he will give you a side-hug if you ask. They're quick usually but he's known to have given longer hugs based on circumstance.

Seth doesn't mind gentle one-on-one hugs. He just doesn't like group hugs that much. At first when he meets you, his hugs may be awkward and quick. Eventually when you get to know him, they are welcoming and long-lasting.

Noah is another one of the family members who isn't big on hugs. He used to really like hugs when he was younger, but he quickly grew out of it. Would he give you a hug if you asked? Probably. But as long as no one is around. He doesn't want anyone to see that he is soft.

Finny isn't sure if he gives good hugs. He can't just go and ask his sister or his brothers! It would be a little awkward. He wants to hug people but he's too worried that he's doing something wrong. However, if you hug him, he has this silly little grin on his face and he wraps his arms around you, holding you like you are the only person in the world besides him in the moment.

Jamie is so focused on helping Sammy that he's never really considered what he really wants. So if you hug him, he won't complain. He'll just be a bit surprised. He has the cutest and biggest smile when someone just hugs him randomly.

He loves hugs! Feel free to hug him! As the youngest of 13, he grew very affectionate but has a hard time communicating it to others as he is deaf. But with his twin Jamie's help, they can let those around that he is very much a hugger! So if you want to, you can hug him! His hugs are just like hugging a teddy bear; soft, sweet and fluffy.

Cinna's father:

Papa Rosewood has strong hugs that could cure sadness. His hugs are like how you feel when you go to a place that you love so much. His hugs are truly what safety feels like. It might be a little hard to let go of him, but he is willing to not move until you have gotten your fill of the hug. It was something that he taught his children.

#ffxiv #ffxiv oc #ffxiv oc headcanons #i loved writing this for them #it made me so so happy

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pandoramusicbox · 8 months

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Alright.

Long eared

(A big WIP)

So someone I know one day said that they liked that my “elves” where not like other elves, I laughed a little bit. As what I had been talking about where my creatures called long eared.

But it made me smile and laugh so I decided to just go along with it. So first of long eared are actually more like giants and trolls than they are elves. Trolls, giants and long eared are all cousin species. They all have two hearts (sort of) and tails.

A lot of long eared don’t have tails anymore as they have had hybrids with humans, so over the generations they have lost their tails. In some regions more than others.

(Simple punit square, tail is a recessive trait)

The north eastern region of scalipia is one of these.

So here is where the “elf” part comes into play. I decided to develop the cultures of the long eared of this region so I basically decided that if they’re already going to be seen as elves, I might as well play around with that. This comes in the form of this region of the world having long eared that have very similar cultures, or at least aesthetics to the typical DND elves or generic fantasy elves.

Let’s establish some history. About 1500-ish years ago the evutrophian in empire fell apart and a few centuries later the fairy empire began its decline. (Give and take the time line is shaky for that part is more like between 3000-1000 years ago.)

In thier absence the long eared and humans begin to stick claims to different territories. The long eared having been favored by the fairies. who were in power after the fall of the empire, because of this they gained access to better resources and territories on a earlier basis than the humans who had not had such favor from the fairies.

Resulting in the long ears established their cultures and their own kingdoms and empires within the territories that had been abandoned by the fairies.

And this map is a map that shows the long eared empires at their height of power.

Do you note that the longears shared the territory with centaur’s and giants, at the time with a majority human population to the west, and a population of gray ghouls who were in and eastern corner. Jiants in the south…and soqut the kingdom of the trice dead king is there too I guess.

The hunting grounds is undisputed territory. Held by the countries of Kanasi, Llorial, and Senik, along with claims from the jiants and the human principalities.

Onto the different cultures of the long eared groups of the region

-Asisati: sun preps, they are the biggest group of long eared when they dominated the region. The asisati long eared had one of the least ethnically diverse groups in all of scalipia. All of them having a similar look. All genders keep their hair long. Blonde and Ginger hair and red-orange to golden eyes with tails that end in a tuft like a lion tail.

Long hair is a symbol of luck, longevity, loyalty and beauty so cutting it is seen as inviting misfortune and as creating an opening for a person to become possessed by a spirit. (Note: loosely inspired by Filibusterfrog on tumbler, their (??? Don’t know gender) post on elf hair has been floating around for a long time so it’s influenced me.) hair is worn in braids for the unmarried and once an Asisati marries they wear their hair up in a bun or top knot or veiled if it’s winter.

They encourage large families and have strict social expectations for every role of a family member. It dose help a bit that long ears like trolls tend to have multiple kids at once (45% one kid, 35% twins, 20% triples) the rigged family roles can be stifling. Especially when not living up to the role. They also have rather ridged and strict gender roles. Men, women and enbies all have their roles.

Thier country is modeled after a solar system. The capital the sun that the whole country revolves around. They share a good chunk of thier territory with the moor centaurs who they have been in an on and off conflict with for centuries.

None of the long eared kingdoms had really strict boarders.

Everything the Asisati make is overdecorated. Highly intricate with sweeping and layered arches and elegant designs. Clothing is similarly highly ornate. With rich embroidery of geometric patterns. The main body of clothes tend to traditionally be rather plain, almost puritanical in design, though coats, veils, collars and aprons tend to all be highly ornate. Though specific amounts of ornaments has varied through out the years, often in cycles of 50 years where either highly ornate or highly simplistic fashion is preferred. With a transition period between them being common.

-Senik: moon art majors, emotions are seen as king among the Senik. This causes them to let their emotions be known but also to control thier emotions. a common philosophy among their people is that “the world works on logic, but people on emotions”. So they keep the idea that emotions drive the motivation of every other person when interacting with others. They are the most open to trade and diversity of ideas in their communities. They have a higher amount of tailless long eared than the other populations, only rivaled by the Llorial.

Each winter they have a giant festival called the procession of the moon hunt. Everyone dresses up with twigs and cloths and ribbons, often carrying lanterns made from animal skulls. They ride through the country side with candles and singing songs that are said to haunt those who hear them. It’s believed that the spirits of passed on loved ones join them in this persuasion. Though most people brush that off as superstition because ghosts don’t exist.

After the procession is a grand hunt for the community and a feast of the frost. Some communities have different practices.

They have come to worship the triad pantheons (worship of the powers of dread, ambition and passion) over the years. Though the eye cult also gained a lot of followers among them.

Also tend to wear rather plain clothes. Though they also wear highly embroidered coats and aprons similar to the fashion of the Asisati. They forgo patterns on their main body of clothing but often have it in things like their cuffs and collars. They use different colors to communicate the intended emotions of the wearer. Even learning how to create color changing cloths with magic. During the summer they tend to wear light silky clothing that billow, while fall and winter thicker and stiffer clothing is favored, along with less colorful clothes.

Fish ponds and fish husbandry is a common symbol of wealth and plenty. The Senik practiced early forms of aquaponics. Ponds where often made round to reflect the moon, though crescents where common too.

The Senik wander a lot, they are often found in other communities and places. Their own communities are diverse and full of trade.

-llorial: wood hippies, the most isolationist of all the group. They build ornate homes up in the tops of giant trees or when the trees are not available they build wooden homes in forest glends. Thier homes are often covered in strips of bark.

They are known for their carpentery and wood carving skills. They see trees as sacred so when a tree is feld for work it is respected and used to its fullest extent. For bows, bowls or buildings it’s all respected as important. They replant trees they fell. Seen as a bit of a nuisance by other people as they aggressively plant trees.

They also have a breed of domesticated deer and practice falconry. Archery is an art form and sport. Have a wide array of board games. Like threes dance, pick sticks, checkers, chess and inner walls.

(Threes dance, played on a checkered board with three pieces to start with. Each pice has a different set of moves it can make. The goal is to get nine pieces on the board and or remove the other players pices first.

((Pick sticks, is sort of like snakes and ladders but you are trying to get to the other side of the board while the the other players will add and remove obstacles.

They also play pick up sticks though the two games should not be confused for the other

(((inner walls. Up to four players, each starting in the corner. The goal is to get all four of your pieces to the center of the board. While pushing the other players off the board.

They keep long hair as a sign of longevity, seeing their hair much like the roots of a tree. To cut your hair off would be like severing your roots. Though they do on occasion use hair in rituals.

They are a pain in the ass of the human kingdoms. As they don’t get along. Claiming the hunting grounds as their own, while the humans and giants do the same.

They tend to have dark brown, brown to golden copper hair, sometimes they have blond hair or blond hair to orange hair tips. Teal and blue green hair is common too.

-Irrine: pale people fight club, this ethnic group is a warrior culture. They traditionally don’t fight to conquer. Though are not opposed to it. Generally they fight for defense and for the joy of fighting. They are a people who value physical abilities as well as disability.

They are also well known as excellent weapons smith, being the first to rediscover the technique of making blood iorn swords when that technology was lost with the fall of the eoutrothian empire

Long hair is worn by everyone as it is a sign of battle honor. They take trophies of hair when they defeat an enemy. A long ponytail is essentially an advertisement of “come at me bro, if you dare”

Married partners will often braid all of their hair together before they cut it of as a symbol of their Union of body, family and spirit.

They cherish life, and celebrate it with vigor. Because of this they do not see death as a sad thing. Mushrooms, bones and weapons are common motifs in their art.

Each year in autumn they hold a paper lantern festival that involves lighting the lanterns that will guide the souls of their ancestors through the thick fog of the afterlife.

They believe the foggy moors, woods and hills of their homeland is full of illusions. So many of their studied magic is to do with illusions.

They have an unusually high population of albinism. They generally have pale hair colors of pink, lilac, blond, white, gray, sea foam, tawny or clementine orange. They have red, purple, maroon blue or pink eyes. If their eyes are dark in color they are usually black. Their favorite sparing partners are gray ghouls when they can fight them, but giants and moor centaurs are good too. The lupindi also make favorites for competitive combat.

A lot of countries in northeastern scalipia hire the Irinne as mercenaries.

-Kanasi: Dark emos. The kanasi worship the spider goddess Anannsii and to a lesser extent her husband Fiveiist and her wife Kalastya. There is some minor local worship of their ten sons (Though not much of Organdir the betrayer) each major city claims one of the sons as a patron, the three city capital claims each of the parents as their patron.

The Kanasi value patience, craftsmanship, leadership and cunning. These are all things that Anannsii was said to have gifted and taught the Kanasi with her webs. At least that’s what the legend said. The animal that symbolizes the Royal family is the moon back spider.

Armor and spider webs where are often incorporated in their fashion

- Demepr: sea jocks, a harsh and windswept terrain is what they call home. The only saving grace of this foggy land is it’s prime location for trade. A good distance between the coast of aukulir and the Black Forest in julner.

The Demepr are the only northeastern scalipian long eared who don’t value long hair. So they often cut it short when they become adults. Thier hair is usually gray, black, white, teal or blues.

They live in towns often built on the sides of cliffs. Here they spend time diving for oysters, farming kelp, fishing and sailing.

The Demepr have a long tamed cliff fisher wyverns who they ride in the backs of when they are fishing.

They also have a live hate relationship with fisher harpies.

((Fun fact about the long ears, they are named and based after my little sister’s stuffed rabbit toy she had as a little kid))

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messers-moony · 3 years

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Hope 2 | R.L

Paring: Remus Lupin X Wife!Potter!Reader

Summary: Life is unfair in numerous ways but it seems like it’s out to get the Potters in every way shape and form.

The huge eight-foot man who introduced himself as Hagrid was bringing Harry around London. It was amusing to see Hagrid turn his cousin - Dudley - butt into a pigtail after trying to eat his birthday cake. It was the first birthday Y/n, and Remus hadn’t shown up. Harry didn’t blame them. Of course, to be fair, they didn’t know where Harry was.

“Um, excuse me, Hagrid?”

“Yes, ‘Arry?”

“Where- Where are we going?” Harry questioned hesitantly, and Hagrids lips curled into a smile, “‘Er gon’ meet with som’ of yer folks.” Hagrid answered.

Harry wanted to jump with joy, “Moony and Y/n?”

Hagrid nodded, and Harry smiled brightly. It took a couple of minutes and walking of a couple more blocks. But eventually, they were coming up on an old-looking building made of black stone bricks. In front of the door was a familiar sandy-haired male with green eyes. He was accompanied by his wife with h/c hair and gleaming e/c eyes.

“Y/n! Remus!”

Y/n turned to see her little nephew running up to hug her tightly, “Hey Harry.”

Remus ruffled his hair while Harry hugged his aunt, “Hey there, mini Prongs.”

“I missed you.”

“Awe, I missed you too, Harry.” Y/n replied, pulling apart from Harry, “I’m sorry we didn’t show up right away. But we’re here now. I hope that’s okay. We wouldn’t miss your birthday for the world, okay?”

He nodded, “I know. I can always count on you.”

“Good.” Remus stated, “Now c’mon mini prongs. Gotta get your school supplies.”

Walking into the Leaky Cauldron with Hagrid, they were greeted by multiple people. Many people were flabbergasted by meeting the famous Harry Potter and were welcoming to see Y/n Potter. In the back of the Leaky Cauldron, Hagrid tapped his wand against the brick wall, causing it to open into Diagon Alley. Harry’s mouth was agape at this new form of Magic.

It was astonishing. The narrow alleyway was packed with people. Clusters of them walking in groups. Some were carrying animals, or brown-wrapped items Harry could suppose were books. Y/n smiled and intertwined her hand with Remus’. She could remember the first time she stepped into Diagon Alley. James was acting like such a prat.

“Woah!” James gasped, “Look at all the cool stuff!”

Fleamont chuckled, “Yeah. Isn’t it cool, sweetheart?”

Y/n nodded, completely entranced in the stonework in the alleyway. It was littered with different shops, and the roads were an uneven stone. Euphemia and Fleamont shared a look of pure glee. Their children were magical born, and they were finally experiencing it first hand. Of course, they had their incidents where Y/n would make lights flicker or James blowing plates.

As they began walking, James began to run off, bumping into people left and right, “James! Get back here!” Fleamont scolded, but he was out of sight.

Euphemia sighed, “He’s gonna be a handful.”

“Definitely.” Fleamont agreed, running a hand through his dark brunet hair, “Perhaps he’ll be even worse than me.”

His wife glared at him. Despite James disappearing, they took Y/n into Flourish and Blotts to get their books. They needed books such as The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1), A History of Magic, Magical Theory, A Beginners’ Guide to Transfiguration, One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi, Magical Drafts and Potions, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, and finally, The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection.

They didn’t find James until they reached Quality Quidditch Supplies. He was already eyeing the new broom on display. His mouth seemed to be salivating at it. Y/n rolled her eyes at James, drooling over a piece of wood. Euphemia chuckled and motioned Fleamont to reel him back in. It seemed that Euphemia would never get a break, and her heart would be in a constant attack of worry. They had a mischief Quidditch player on their hands.

“C’mon Harry,” Y/n beckoned, “Lots of stuff to get.”

His smile faltered just a tad, “But I don’t- I don’t have any money.”

Harry’s embarrassment made the tips of his ears red, “That ain’t true. ‘Course ye got money.” Hagrid replied bluntly, making Y/n nudge him harshly, “Hagrid!”

“What?” Hagrid queried, confused, “‘S not like ‘m lyin’.”

“Yes, but you don’t just say that.” Y/n scolded, laughing lightly.

“Oops?”

Harry looked up at his flustered aunt, “Come on, Harry. We’re going to Gringotts.”

They began walking to the bank of wizardry. The goblin at the front allowed them to the vault, where Harry was able to pocket a couple of handfuls of galleons, sickles, and knuts. Hagrid made a separate trip for Dumbledore as the other three waited patiently. When they exited Gringotts, Harry began to buy all his supplies.

Their first stop was getting him a wand at Ollivander’s. Harry pushed the door open, and it sounded a bell off, but no one appeared the be in the shop. Remus and Y/n stood behind him as he let out a hesitant, “Hello.”

It took a minute, but then an older male appeared with hair as white as snow and wispy as whiskers. Ollivander smiled brightly at the familiar people in his shop and at the little boy who resembled the older female greatly.

“Ah, Y/n Potter.” Ollivander said, “James broken his wand again?”

Y/n released a shaky breath, “No, not this time.”

“We’re here actually for Harry here.” Remus motioned to Harry, “He’s getting his first wand. He starts at Hogwarts this year.”

Ollivander's lips quirked, “He yours?”

“No, sir.” Y/n shook her head, “He’s James and Lily’s son.”

“Where are they? I’d love to see them, you know.”

Remus shifted awkwardly, “You haven’t heard?”

Ollivander shook his head, “My parents are dead.” Harry informed, “Someone killed them.”

Everything clicked into place in Ollivanders mind. How stupid could old age make him? He had just sounded terribly insensitive, “‘M so sorry. Pardon me and my old age. I didn’t mean-“

“It’s perfectly fine, Ollivander.” Y/n smiled reassuringly.

The older man smiled and began giving Harry wands. The first one was horrid. It made wands on the shelf fall onto the ground, making a vast clatter noise. The boy smiled sheepishly and placed it back in the box. The next wand caused a shatter of a vase which Harry cringed at. It took a couple of minutes until Ollivander came out with the following wand. It was 11 inches long, made of holly, and possessed a phoenix feather core.

Harry waved the wand, and nothing disastrous happened. Remus and Y/n smiled with joy. Ollivander charged him seven galleons for it, and Harry placed down the golden coins with glee. Ollivander could remember the way James had done the same while Y/n beside him. Their identical toothy grins as Fleamont paid the man.

“My wands cooler than yours!”

“No way!”

James nodded in triumph, “You’re just lame.”

“And you’re boring!”

“No way!” James gasped, “I am far from boring!”

Y/n crossed her arms, “And I’m not lame.”

Euphemia chuckled, redirecting her children to look at the counter while the two parents stood behind them, “Ignore them. They like to try and be better than the other.”

Ollivander grinned, “Ah, siblings. What amazing pairs they make.”

Fleamont scoffed, “Yeah, try having two at the same time. Felt like the crucio curse.”

“What do you say?” Euphemia beckoned, and both twins turned to Ollivander, smiling gleefully, “Thank you!”

“They’ll be a handful.” Ollivander informed Euphemia and Fleamont, “But they’ll change the world, and they’ll do it together.”

The older man smiled at Remus and Y/n as Harry went outside to see Hagrid carrying a giant golden cage with a beautiful snowy owl inside, “That boy is something else.”

Remus chuckled, “We know. Little mischief-maker, just like James.”

“Perhaps he is,” Ollivander replied, “But he’ll change the world.”

The rest of the day went by blissfully. After getting all his school supplies, they retreated into the Leaky Cauldron to eat dinner. The tavern was practically empty as they sat at a long narrow table. Hagrid at the head, Harry to his left, Remus across, and Y/n beside Remus on the other side. They were eating in silence before Harry spoke up.

“What happened to my parents?” Harry questioned, and before anyone could answer, he continued, “Truthfully. No lies.”

Hagrid and Remus turned to the female at the table who swallowed thickly, “Something horrid, Harry.”

“How horrid?”

“Harry-“ Remus began.

“A death I wouldn’t wish upon anyone, even my worse enemy.” Y/n answered, staring at the soup in front of her, “The way they died doesn’t matter.”

Harry crossed his arms, “I believe it does.”

“In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t.” Y/n replied, taking deep breaths in and out, trying to stay calm, “It doesn’t matter how they died. They’re dead, and they aren’t coming back.”

Tears collected in her eyes when she muttered, “No matter how badly I want them to.”

Hastily Y/n wiped her face and placed her napkin on the table. She sniffled before standing and pushing her chair in. Y/n leaned down to kiss Harry on the forehead before retreating to the room they got upstairs. Harry sighed and stared at his bowl of soup that remained steaming hot. Remus rubbed his face with his palms.

“Harry,” Remus called, and Harry’s green eyes met similar ones, “Your parents died at the hands of a very evil Wizard. He went as dark as one could go.”

Harry looked intrigued, and Remus continued despite his throat beginning to constrict, “His name was Voldemort, but most people call him ‘You-Know-Who.”

Hagrid flinched at the actual name being said, “James risked everything to try and save you and your mother. When he died, Lily tried to save you. In the end, it all worked out because you were saved. You didn’t die like you were supposed to.”

“Why did aunt Y/n leave the table?”

“Talking about this is still hard for her.” Remus replied, and Harry could see the tears in his eyes too, “It’s hard for me too, but- but you need to know.”

“What were they to you?”

“James and Lily were everything to me, Harry. Everything and so much more. Your mother saw the good in people when they didn’t see it themselves. Your father? Well-“ He chuckled, “He was a trip and a prat. But he cared for those around him. Treated me like family and took care of me like a brother.”

Harry fiddled with the sleeve of his sweater, “James was a mischief-maker that one.” Hagrid said, “Always up to no good.”

“Him and that Sirius boy.” Hagrid chuckled, “Dynamic duo those two.”

Remus let out a tearful chuckle, “Yeah, that was Padfoot and Prongs.”

“Always up to no good.” Remus whispered.

The following day Remus had waken up to what he swore was the most perfect sight. Y/n was still sleeping beside him. Her head was nestled under his chin, drinking in his body heat. Her hair was laid against the fluffy white pillow. Their legs were intertwined together. Gently Remus kissed her forehead before seeing the clock read about nine o’clock.

Remus took five more minutes to admire her before waking her up. He began to kiss all over her face, and Y/n scrunched her nose, waking up as his lips kept attaching to a new place on her face. He smiled as she opened her eyes to meet his green ones.

“Mornin’ love.”

His Welsh accent was to die for, “Morning, Rem.”

“You ready to take Harry to Platform Nine and Three Quarters?”

Y/n shook her head, “No. Not really.”

“Hey,” Remus said softly, stroking her hair, “You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay.”

“There are so many memories there, Rem.” Y/n replied, “Like- Like meeting Sirius for the first time.”

“Or seeing you come back after fourth year with an entirely new style.” Remus chuckled, “Or- Or seeing James almost fall out of the train.

Remus caressed her cheek with his thumb, “We’ll make it through, love. Harry needs us today.”

“Yeah.” She replied breathily, “He does.”

They both ventured out of bed into the cool air of London. Remus, Y/n, and Hagrid walked Harry to Kings Cross. When they arrived, Hagrid had departed from them to do something for Dumbledore. Harry was bluntly confused when his ticket read Platform Nine and Three Quarters. Last he checked, that wasn’t a platform.

As they reached the main floor of the train station, Remus and Y/n recognized the Weasleys almost instantly. Molly had embraced them tightly as they all went through the platform. Harry gave his trunks to the man at the end of the train and turned to the only family he had left. His eyes glistened with tears, and he tried to hold them back but failed.

“Harry,” Y/n knelt to his level, “You’re gonna be okay. I promise. James and I made lots of friends at Hogwarts.”

He smiled at the mention of his father, “Do you think… Do you think he’d be proud of me?”

“They’d be beyond proud, Harry.” Remus replied, smiling, “You’re everything they wanted you to be.”

Harry turned back to Y/n and hugged her tightly, “Please make sure you write to us.”

“‘Course, Auntie.” Harry replied as they pulled apart, “Love you guys.”

Y/n stood beside Remus, “We love you too, sweetheart.”

Harry smiled and wiped his cheeks before hopping on the train. He found a compartment alone and watched out the window as the train began moving. Y/n and Remus watched as the train hauled by. Kids who started waving their last goodbyes to their parents.

“Mum, dad!” James exclaimed from inside the compartment, “We love you!”

Euphemia and Fleamont chuckled tearfully, “We love you guys too!”

Truthfully James never wanted to leave his parents. They were his entire world. When Kings Cross was no longer in sight, he plopped down in the seat beside Y/n, who put her head on his shoulder. His left arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her tightly to his side.

“We got this, sis.” James assured, “We always have each other.”

It didn’t take long for Harry to get in trouble. As a matter of fact, it made Y/n laugh that within the first month, he had already managed a detention. She had settled for a letter rather than a Howler. Remus had made sure to tell him his fair of scolding words (“Say hi to Minnie for me!”). Harry smiled when the letter arrived in the morning.

Harry definitely made sure to say hi to “Minnie,” which made McGonagall smile like an idiot despite her usual strict nature. She could see and hear James saying the name when she gave them detention or Sirius’ pouty face begging her to have some form of mercy on them, for they had just turned the Slytherin robes red. Ever the dramatics that Black.

When he arrived back at the Platform, he nuzzled into Y/n and Remus’ arms before departing to the Dursleys. But all was good because in just a month he’d see them again for his birthday, which he did. They took him to Diagon Alley to get his second-year stuff along with some ice cream to celebrate his twelfth birthday.

He spent a week of his summer with them in their little house in London. It was far better than Privet Drive, and he felt a lot safer. But after the week was up, he was forced to return to the Dursleys. Within a week of being back, he’d managed to screw everything up. A thing named Dobby had quite literally dumped puddling all over one of the Dursley’s guests, and that got him trapped in his room.

Thankfully, Ronald Weasley, who had become his close friend, had saved him. Harry went to the Burrow for the first time and met everyone else. Molly had notified Remus and Y/n of his entrance. Sadly, they couldn’t make it to the Platform for reasons. Molly wouldn’t tell Harry, but he was okay with it.

Until Ron and he smashed into the brick wall, making them late for the train. It was then Ron had a brilliant thought of taking the flying car to Hogwarts. It did work until they got stuck in the Whomping Willow and then got caught by Severus Snape. A letter was sent home to Y/n and Molly. Both of which made two very different Howlers to their children.

Molly’s howler was scolding them, and it made Ron’s ears turn pink. Y/n and Remus’ howler was a different story. The moment it opened, laughter rang through the Great Hall. Familiar laughter of Remus and Y/n. It made McGonagall furious and happy at the same time.

“Merlin Harry!” Remus’ voice rang out, “You’re brilliant, aren’t you!”

“Remus, we’re supposed to be scolding him!” Y/n retorted jokingly, “I’m scolding myself for never thinking of it!” Remus replied.

Y/n chuckled, “Obviously, you shouldn't have done that, Harry; however, as long as you’re not harmed, we aren’t mad. Just be more careful next time.”

Remus was still dying of laughter, “Remus is still dying of laughter. We love you, Harry. Stay safe.”

Ron looked appalled with the coolness of the howler, “Bloody hell, you have a cool family.”

“They’re pretty cool.” Harry shrugged, smiling.

Y/n and Remus would be lying if the whole petrifying thing didn’t scare them. They were worried for Harry’s safety but weren’t surprised when Harry ended up saving them all like last year. When they were on the Platform, Remus began getting on the train with him after kissing Y/n goodbye.

He was grunting and groaning at every movement. The bags beneath his eyes looked more prominent than usual. Remus moved sluggishly, which was very unlike him. But Harry didn’t question it until he began to get on the train at Harry’s side.

“Uncle Moony?”

“Yes, Harry?” Remus replied after sitting in a compartment, his cloak covering most of his body.

“Why’re you on the train?”

He chuckled, “I’m your new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor.”

Harry smiled, and Remus fell into a dreamless sleep after a rough full moon the night prior. Hermione and Ron joined them not too long after as Harry began telling them about Sirius Black. The year went by as eventful as usual. Harry found out the accurate way his parents died along with Remus and Y/n. Peter Pettigrew being the culprit and then leaving before someone could catch him.

Afterward, Sirius had been staying in the guest bedroom at Y/n and Remus’. He didn’t want to go back to Grimmauld Place. That was the last place he wanted to go. So despite not wanting to be a burden, he took the position that Y/n offered him. Ever so kind, just like James. When he walked through those doors, Y/n had hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek.

“It’s good to have you back, older brother.”

Sirius could’ve cried on the spot, “It’s nice to see you again, little sis.”

The next couple of years were a trip. Fourth-year Harry had managed to get his name pulled out of the Goblet of Fire, leading to a new adventure of challenges. After finishing his fourth year, Cedric Diggory had died, marking the return of Voldemort, which had traumatized Harry in more than one way. That summer, he decided to stay with Y/n, Remus, and Sirius. They were all fantastic help throughout the entire thing. Through his nightmares, Y/n would make him hot chocolate and sit on the couch with him as he talked.

Fifth-year was dreadful. Delores Umbridge had come into the office as the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, and the Order of the Phoenix reformed. Her detentions were terrible and horrid, especially for the first years. They were just kids, for Merlin’s sake. It made Y/n fume when she saw the back of Harry’s hand. The night they ventured to the Department of Mysteries was almost the worst night Harry could have dreamed of.

Sirius had almost died if Y/n wasn’t as quick as she was. Bellatrix was stunned to see her spell deflected but kept firing nonetheless. When they got home, it was silent. Remus had made tea for himself and Sirius while making hot chocolate for the other two. Harry had laid his head on Y/n’s shoulder and fallen asleep.

Truth be told, sixth year wasn’t any better. Dumbledore had died, and Harry was left to find the rest of the Horcruxes. It was then Sirius learned the actual death of his brother, making him mourn him all over again. Seventh year Harry, Ron, and Hermione ventured out to find the rest of them.

When Harry returned to Hogwarts through the passageway to the Room of Requirement with Snape as headmaster, the war had officially started. In the end, everything had fallen into place. When Harry used the resurrection stone, he saw them. He saw James, Lily, Remus, and Sirius. Harry almost wanted to laugh at seeing them all together. They looked so happy.

“Where- Where’s Y/n?”

Remus gave a solemn smile, “She made it. She’s still out there. Waiting for you.”

“Does that mean…”

“Turns out my sister is a tougher cookie than I thought.” James stated, and Harry turned to him, “She misses you.”

James chuckled, “As I do her.”

Harry turned back to Remus, “Does she know?”

“She was there when it happened.” Remus replied, “I had to give her one last ‘I love you’ and kiss goodbye, right?”

A noise rumbled from a distance, “It’s time, sweetie.” Lily stated.

Harry released a shaky breath before dropping the stone on the ground. He had to do this for Y/n, for Ron, for Hermione, for everyone. He was ready. When he stepped in front of Voldemort to die, all he could think about was his Aunt's eyes. The way they glittered with tears when she let him go for the first time. The way they creased when she smiled at his first Christmas. The way they gleamed with mischief when she gave the Weasley twins new prank material.

His last words would be ones he’d never regret, “Thank you, aunt Y/n, for everything.”

Because through everything, she was the only constant. She was the only one to hold him through anything. Through every nightmare, every battle, every tear, every smile. She was there with her radiant smile and caring nature.

When Harry defeated Voldemort, the world stopped. It was done. It was over. But the pain wasn’t gone. The trauma wasn’t bypassed. This was more than a war. Harry walked into the Great Hall to see crying parents, kids, and siblings mourning their dead loved ones. His eyes zoomed on Y/n sitting crisscross beside her husband, holding his hand tightly.

Wordlessly Harry sat beside her and leaned his head against her shoulder. Y/n tilted her head onto his. No tears fell from her eyes despite everything she had gone through, two wars, friends dead, parents dead, brother dead, and now husband dead.

“His last words were- they were,” She choked, and Harry rubbed her shoulder, “I love you more than Moony loves the moon.”

Harry smiled, “Dad said you were a tough cookie.”

Y/n chuckled, and Harry relished in the sound, “He said that if anyone could get through this, it’s you.”

“Damn it, James.” She said to no one, still holding Remus’ hand.

“We’ll get through this.” Harry said, “And we’ll do it together.”

“Together.”

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nevermindirah · 3 years

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Do you have any thoughts on the use of AAVE for Nile (or lack thereof) in TOG fanfiction? I've been reading some Book of Nile fic and some writers seem to write her as a Millennial™ (using words like "fave" and "woke") but never acknowledge her Blackness in her patterns of speech. I know we don't see her use as much AAVE in the films, but I would argue she's in situations where code-switching would be valued (first in a "professional" environment in the army, then around a group of non-Black strangers).

Hi anon! I have many thoughts on this and I'm honored you asked me! But I should start by saying I'm white and any thoughts Black fans and especially Black American fans have on this that they want to share would be beyond lovely. (I'm not gonna tag anybody bc that feels rude but please add onto this post if any of y'all see this and want to!)

The main reason I personally avoid AAVE for Nile in my own fics is because I'm not Black. But Nile-centric fics by Black writers tend to avoid using much of it too, at least from what I've noticed/understood, and my guess is it's largely for the reason you mention, that she's in situations that encourage code-switching.

In movie canon Nile is highly competent at tailoring her language to each situation she finds herself in. This fantastic linguistics analysis meta shows how skillfully Nile chooses her vocabulary and grammar to meet her goals with different conversation partners in different contexts. In comics canon Nile had a bunch of different civilian jobs before joining the Marines, so she would've had experience code-switching in the ways that made sense for all those different contexts as well as the Marines and her family and high school and wherever else she spent her time before we met her. And now she's spending her time with a handful of immortals none of whom are native English speakers and a fellow Black American but one with a Queen's English UK accent whose professional experience is in the CIA where high-status code-switching is often an absolute must for success or even survival.

Fics featuring Nile are charged with extrapolating from that to how it might show up in her use of language that she's coping with a traumatic separation from her family and her career and pretty much everything she's ever known and now she needs to be able to make herself understood to people who seem to care about her and each other but are super duper in crisis, three (soon to be four) of whom predate Modern English entirely and the only one who's anywhere near her contemporary she's not supposed to talk to for a century. All of these people are telling her that pretty much any contact with any mortals poses an existential threat to her and the rest of the group. How the FUCK is she supposed to cope with that, like, generally? And would it be a more effective way for her to cope if she talked to Andy Joe and Nicky using the speech patterns that she used to use with her mom and brother, to at least retain that part of her identity even if it means having to do a lot of explaining, or would it meet her needs better to prioritize Andy Joe and Nicky understanding what she means with her words over using the particular words and grammar forms she used with her family?

I've seen several fics, both Nile-centric / BoN and otherwise, explore this a little bit in how/whether Nile uses Millennial™ speak. It's often a theme in Nile texting Booker despite the exile because of the popular headcanon that he as The Tech Guy is the only other immortal who understands memes. But Nile's much-younger-than-Booker mom probably uses Boomer and/or Gen X memes and Andy has been adapting to new communication styles for forever as evidenced by her canon high level of fluency with standard-American-accented English.

Which brings us back to people avoiding AAVE because they're not Black and they don't want to make mistakes (or they're not Black and they don't want to get yelled at for making mistakes, though I think many people overestimate how much they'll get yelled at while underestimating how much these mistakes can hurt). I can imagine some Black fans hold back from using much AAVE in fic because they don't want to share in-group stuff with white people who are likely to then adopt and ruin it, as white people so often do with Black cultural stuff. Some links about this including a great Khadija Mbowe video. I'm saying this gently, anon, because you might not know: woke, an example you cited as Millennial™ speak, is AAVE, and that's gotten erased by so many white people appropriating it and using it incorrectly online.

And also there's the part where fandom is a hobby and you never know when you're reading a fic that's the very first thing someone's ever written outside of a school assignment. This cultural considerations of language shit takes a level of effort and skill that not everybody puts into every fic, or even could if they wanted to because they haven't had time to build their skills yet. It's definitely easier for non-Black fans to project our millennial feels onto Nile than to do the layers of research and self-reflection it requires to depict what Blackness might mean to Nile, and it's not surprising that often people sharing their hobby creations on the internet have gone the easier route. There's not even necessarily shame in doing what's easier. It's just frustrating and often hurtful when structural white supremacy means that 3-dimensional Black characters are rare in media and thoughtful explorations of them in fandom are seen by the majority of fans as not-easy to make and therefore Nile Freeman, the main character in The Old Guard (2020) dir. Gina Prince-Bythewood, has the least fic and meta and art made about her of our 5 main immortals.

I've been active in different fandoms off and on for twenty years and I barely managed to write 5,000 words about Sam Wilson across multiple different fics in the 7 years since I fell in love with him. There's an alchemy to which characters we connect with, and on top of that which characters we connect with in a way that causes us to create stuff about them. Something about Nile Freeman finally tipped me over the edge from a voracious reader to a voracious writer. It's not for me to judge which characters speak to other individuals to the level of creating content about them, but I do think it's important for us to notice, and then work to fight, the pattern where across this fandom as a whole Nile gets way less content, and way less depth in so much of the content that's in theory about her, than any of these other characters.

Anyway, back to language. My two long fics feature Nile with several Black friends — Copley and OCs and cameos from other media — but all of those characters except Alec Hardison from Leverage aren't American. It's very possible I'm guilty of stereotyping Black British speech patterns in I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore. I watched hours and hours of Black haircare YouTube videos in the research for that fic and I modeled my OCs' speech patterns on what I heard from some of those YouTubers as well as what I've heard people like John Boyega and Idris Elba saying in interviews, but the thing about doing your best is you still might fuck up.

I'm slowly making progress on my WIP where Nile and Sam Wilson are cousins, and what ways of talking with a family member might be authentic for Nile is a major question I need to figure out. For that, I'm largely modeling my writing choices on how I hear my Black friends and colleagues talking to each other. I haven't overheard colleagues talking in an office in a long-ass time, but back when that was a thing, I remember seeing a ton of nuance in the different ways many of my Black colleagues would talk to each other. Different people have different personalities! And backgrounds! And priorities! A few jobs ago my department was about 1/3 Black and we worked closely with Obama administration staff many of whom were Black and there was SO MUCH VARIETY in how Black people talked to each other, about work and workplace-appropriate personal stuff, where I and other white coworkers could hear. There are a few work friends in particular who I have in my head when I'm trying to imagine how Sam and Nile might talk to each other. From the outside looking in, God DAMN is shit complicated, intellectually and interpersonally and spiritually, for Black people who are devoting their professional lives to public service in the United States.

One more aspect of this that I have big thoughts on but I need to take extra care in talking about is the idea of acknowledging Nile's Blackness in her patterns of speech. There's no one right way to be Black, and Nile's a fictional character created by a white dude but there are plenty of real-life Black Americans who don't use much or even any AAVE, for reasons that are complicated because of white supremacy. (Highly highly recommend this video by Shanspeare on the harms of the Oreo stereotype.)

Something that's not the same but has enough similarity that I think it's worth talking about is my personal experience with authenticity and American Jewish speech patterns. My Jewish family members don't talk like they're in The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, and I've known lots of people who do talk that way (or the millennial version of it), some of whom have questioned my Jewishness because I don't talk that way. That hurts me. Sometimes when another Jew tells me some shit like "I've never heard a Jew say y'all'd've," I can respond with "well now you have asshole, bless your Yankee-ass heart," because the myth of Dixie is a racist lie but I will totally call white Northerners Yankees when they're being shitty to me for being Southern, and this particular Jew fucking revels in using "bless your heart" with maximum polite aggression, especially with said Yankees. But sometimes I don't have it in me to say anything and it just quietly hurts having an important part of me disbelieved by someone who shares that important part of me. The sting isn't quite the same when non-Jews disbelieve or discount my Jewishness, but that hurts too.

Who counts as authentically Jewish is a messy in-group conversation and it doesn't really make sense to explain it all here. Who counts as authentically Jewish is a matter of legal status for immigration, citizenship, and civil rights in Israel, and it's my number 2 reason after horrific treatment of Palestinians that I'm antizionist. But outside that extremely high-stakes legal situation, it can just feel really shitty to not be recognized as One Of Us, especially by your own people.

It can also feel really shitty to be The Only One of Your Kind in a group, even if that group is an immortal chosen family who all loves each other dearly. Sometimes especially in a situation like that where you know those people love you but there are certain things they don't get about you and will never quite be able to. I'm definitely projecting at least a little bit of my "lonely Jew who will be alone again for yet another Jewish holiday" stuff onto Nile when at the end of I See Your Eyes Seek a Distant Shore she's thinking about being the only Black immortal and moving away from the community she'd built with a mostly-Black group of mortals in that fic. Maybe that tracks, or maybe that's fucked up of me.

Basically, this got very long but it's complicated, writing about experiences that aren't your own takes skill which in turn takes time and practice to build, writing about experiences not your own that our society maligns can cause a lot of harm if done badly, it can also cause a lot of harm when a large enough portion of a fandom just decides to nope out of something that's difficult and risky because then there's just not much content about a character who deserves just a shit ton of loving and nuanced content, people are individuals and two people who come from the exact same cultural context might show that influence in all kinds of different ways, identity is complicated, language is complicated, writing is hard, and empathy and humility and doing our best aren't a guarantee of avoiding harm but they do go a long way in helping people create thoughtful content about a character as awesome and powerful and kind and messy and scared and curious and WORTHY as Nile Freeman.

#nile freeman #linguistics #TOG POC Love Fest #nileweek2021 #tog meta #tog #long post #mine #antiblackness #jewish things #hi i'm an antizionist jew no i don't really want to talk about it

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translations-by-aiimee · 3 years

Text

The Husky and His White Cat Shizun - Chapter 30

Original Title: 二哈和他的白猫师尊

Genres: Drama, Romance, Tragedy, Xianxia, Yaoi

This translation is based on multiple MTLs and my own limited knowledge of Chinese characters. If I have made any egregious mistakes, please let me know.

Chapter Index

Chapter 30 - This Venerable One Doesn't Want to Eat Tofu

"Hey, hey, did you hear? Elder Yuheng violated the sect rules. As punishment, he has to kneel in Yanluo Hall for three days."

In the morning class the next day, the disciples gathered on the Platform of Righteousness and Evil to practice and meditate. In the end, they are all teenagers and 20-year-olds, and they couldn't just do as they were told. If a master wasn't paying attention, they'll start whispering and gossiping.

The news that Chu Wanning had been punished quickly spread.

The disciples who witnessed the beating yesterday were not shy about sharing the gossip with others.

"Wow, why are you guys finding out about it so late? Oh . . . So yesterday Elder Lucun took you up the mountain to collect night dew flowers? Well then - you guys really missed out on a lot! Yesterday evening, in the Qingtian Temple, there was flesh and blood flying everywhere. It was horrible. Elder Yuheng was beaten with more than two hundred strikes! More than two hundred strikes! Not a single one missed! There was no mercy!"

The disciple made a particularly exaggerated expression every time he said a new sentence. No need to mention the show he was putting on for all his junior brothers and sisters surrounding him.

"Do you actually count all two hundred strikes? Even a big man could be killed, not to mention Elder Yuheng. He couldn't stand it and passed out. This made our young master mad. He rushed in and fought with Elder Jielu. He said not to lay another finger on Elder Yuheng. Ah, that scene—"

His facial features were wrinkled up like a steamed bun. He squeezed his eyebrows. Finally, he stretched out a finger, swaying from side to side, and summed it up in three words:

"Tsk tsk task."

Immediately, a younger sister disciple paled: "What! Elder Yuheng fainted?"

"Young Master and Elder Jielu got into a fight?"

"It's no wonder I didn't see Elder Yuheng in this morning class . . . so pitiful . . . what crime did he commit?"

"I heard that he beat a civilian in a fit of rage."

". . ."

Such gossips drifted into Xue Meng's ears from time to time. Life-Death Peak's young master had completely inherited his shizun's temper, so he was very irritable. It was unfortunate that more than one person was gossiping about this. There were groups all over the Platform of Righteousness and Evil, all muttering "Elder Yuheng was punished" and so on. It made him feel so irritated, but there was nothing he could do.

In one corner was Xue Meng, veins bulging on his forehead, and in the other was Mo Ran, unable to stop yawning.

Xue Meng couldn't direct his anger anywhere else, so he viciously spat at Mo Ran: "The plan of the day relies on the morning. You dog, you're so lazy in the morning! What has Shizun been teaching you?"

"Huh?" Mo Ran said with sleepy eyes followed by another big yawn. "Xue Meng, that's enough. I can handle Shizun's lecturing. Who do you think you are? I'm your cousin. Behave yourself when you talk with your cousin. Don't be so rude."

Xue Meng said fiercely: "My cousin is a dog. Be whatever you want to be!"

Mo Ran laughed: "You're so mean. If you don't look out for your elder sect brother, think about how disappointed Shizun will be once he finds out."

"You still have the audacity to mention Shizun! Let me ask you, when he went to the Court of Discipline yesterday, why didn't you stop him?"

"MengMeng, he's a shizun. Yuheng of the Evening Sky, Beidou Immortal. What did you want me to do?"

Xue Meng was furious. He drew his sword, his sharp eyebrows furrowed angrily: "What the hell did you call me?!!!"

Mo Ran's grin stretched from ear to ear: "Be good, MengMeng. Sit down."

Xue Meng bellowed: "Mo Weiyu, I'll kill you!!"

Shi Mei was caught between the two, listening to their daily bickering. He couldn't help sighing. He silently held the edge of his forehead, trying to concentrate on reading his book: "The sun and the moon are poured in the pot* when the spiritual core is first formed. The way of heaven cannot be interpreted, and life and death are involved in the process. . ."

*(T/N: 日月壶中灌 - referring to the Daoist practice of leisurely inactiveness)

Three days passed in the blink of an eye and Chu Wanning's period of reflection came to an end.

According to the rules, the next thing he had to face was a three-month grounding period. During this period of time, he could not leave Life-Death Peak and needed to go to Mengpo Hall to do miscellaneous chores, clean the corridor pillars of Naihe Bridge, sweep the steps in front of the mountain gate, and so on.

Elder Jielu was anxious: "Elder Yuheng, to be honest, I don't think you should do these things. You are the best shizun of your generation. Doing this kind of dishwashing and floor cleaning . . . it feels wrong." He trailed off, leaving half the sentence unsaid --

The main reason is that the old man doubts whether you can even sweep floors, cook and wash clothes!

Chu Wanning didn't doubt himself at all and went to report to Mengpo Hall in an orderly manner.

All of Mengpo Hall, from the chief steward to the servant, was shocked to hear that Chu Waning was coming to do hard labour. They were terrified, as if they were approaching the enemy.

Chu Wanning, dressed in white, arrived in a flutter.

His handsome face was cold and calm, completely expressionless. If you added an auspicious cloud under his feet and a whisk between his arms, he would've looked like the picture-perfect immortal.

Manager Meng Potang felt very ashamed and uneasy. He was actually supposed to make such a beautiful man wash vegetables and cook.

Chu Wanning didn't have the self-image of being a beautiful man. He stepped into the kitchen and coldly swept his gaze over the crowd, who couldn't help but take a step back.

". . ." Chu Wanning was straightforward. "What should I do?"

The chief steward coyly pinched the edge of his hem and thought about what he should say. He cautiously went with: "How does this elder feel about washing vegetables?"

Chu Wanning said: "Okay."

The chief steward was greatly relieved. He originally thought that Chu Wanning led a very pampered life. He might be reluctant to do this kind of labour, however, all the other jobs were either dirty and tiring or required some skill. He was worried that Chu Wanning wouldn't be able to do a good job. Since Chu Wanning easily agreed to wash the vegetables, he didn't need to worry about it.

As it turns out, the chief steward was really naive.

There was a clear stream in front of Mengpo Hall. Chu Wanning went to the stream with a basket of green vegetables. He rolled up his sleeves and began to wash the vegetables.

This area is under the jurisdiction of Elder Xuanji. Occasionally a disciple of the Xuanji sect passed by. He saw Chu Wanning actually washing vegetables and was so scared that he couldn’t even get a word out. He rubbed his eyes three or four times to make sure he wasn't seeing things. He said in astonishment: "Elder Yu-Yuheng -- good-good morning."

Chu Wanning raised his eyes: "Good morning."

Elder Xuanji's disciples shivered and fled.

". . ."

Chu Wanning didn't bother to talk with them and continued with his business. He broke the leaves, washed them, and threw them back into the basket.

He washed them very carefully. He broke each vegetable leaf apart, repeatedly brushing them thoroughly. The consequence of that was -- come noon, the basket of vegetables still hadn't been washed.

The man waiting in the dining room was anxious, pacing around in circles: "What should we do? Why hasn't the elder come back yet? If he doesn't come back with the vegetables, how are we going to make the stir-fried beef and vegetables?"

The chief steward looked at the sun and said: "Forget it. Hurry, let's replace it with braised beef."

So, when Chu Wanning returned, Mengpo Hall had already served the beef. The stew was so crispy and flavourful that there was no need for vegetables at all. Chu Wanning frowned. He held his vegetables, rather unhappily, and coldly asked: "If you didn't want the vegetables, why did you make me wash them?"

The chief steward's hairs stood on end. He wiped the cold sweat on his forehead with his handkerchief and said something that he regretted: "That's not it. I was thinking you could make a pot of stewed tofu with vegetables?"

Chu Wanning had no expression. Still holding his vegetables, he tilted his head and pondered silently: ". . ."

The chief steward hurriedly said: "If you don't want to, that's alright--"

He hadn't even finished speaking before Chu Wanning asked: "Where is the tofu?"

Chief Steward: ". . ."

"Elder Yuheng, do you . . . know how to cook?"

Chu Wanning said: "I'm not completely ignorant. I'll give it a try."

At noon that day, all the disciples happily entered Mengpo Hall as usual in groups, looking for somewhere to sit. Then, they headed to the counter to get their food served.

There was no shortage of food on Life-Death Peak. The food had always been plentiful and today was no exception.

The braised beef was fatty and lean, the fish shreds were vibrant and rich, the farmhouse pork was golden and crispy, and the chopped pepper fish was red and tempting. The disciples rushed to grab their favourite foods, lining up around the hall, asking the chef to add a spoonful of sweet and sour pork ribs to them, pour some marinade on the rice, or add some spicy sauce.

The ones who always made it to the front of the line first were Elder Lucun's disciples. The little guy at the head of the line had a big pimple on his nose. All he had on his mind was some Mapo Tofu. He skillfully carried the wooden tray to the last counter without raising his eyes and said: "Shizun, I'd like a bowl of tofu."

The shizun, with pale, slender fingers, handed him a plate full of tofu.

However, it wasn't the Mapo Tofu he was familiar with. Instead, it was a plate of strange food with a charred black colour and indistinguishable ingredients.

The disciple was surprised: "What is that?"

"Tofu boiled with bok choy."

Mengpo Hall was full of people, so the disciple didn't pay attention to answering the other person's voice. He said angrily: "Are you an alchemist? Can you even call this tofu with vegetables? I don't want it. Take it back!"

While cursing, he glared at the shizun there. As a result, when he saw the person standing behind the counter, the disciple screamed in fright and almost knocked the tray over.

"Elder Yu-Yuheng!"

"Hmm."

The disciple was on the verge of tears: "No, that's not what I - I didn't mean that just now. I. . ."

"Since you're not eating it, I'll take it back." Chu Wanning said blankly, "Don't waste it."

The disciple stiffly picked up the plate, handed it to Chu Wanning then left with his tail between his legs.

In a short while, everyone knew that Elder Yuheng was standing at the last counter, so the originally lively Mengpo Hall was suddenly silent.

The disciples lined up like a pack of puppies, and they hurriedly grabbed their food, panicked. They went up to the last counter respectfully, greeted the elder, and stumbled away.

"Hello, Elder Yuheng."

"Mmm."

"Good day, Elder Yuheng."

"Good day."

"Elder Yuheng has worked really hard."

". . ."

The disciples were very disciplined and were acting with an abundance of caution, so Chu Wanning accepted the tense greetings from each disciple, but no one dared try his pot of boiled tofu with green vegetables.

Slowly, the line was getting shorter and the food in front of other shizuns was almost gone. Only Chu Wanning still had a pot full of food. The pot of vegetables was completely cold and untouched.

Chu Wanning's face didn't waver, but his heart was conflicted. He had washed them all morning. . .

At that point, his three disciples showed up. Xue Meng was still in silver-blue light armour, refreshing getup. He bounced over with excitement: "Shizun! How are you? Does your wound hurt?"

Chu Wanning was very calm: "It doesn't hurt."

Xue Meng: "Well, that's good."

Chu Wanning glanced at him and suddenly asked: "Do you eat tofu?"

Xue Meng: ". . ."

#2ha novel #2ha translation #2ha #the husky and his white cat shizun translation #the husky and his white cat shizun #english translation #chinese bl #chinese novel #bl novel #yaoi novel #yaoi #danmei novel #danmei #mo ran #chu wanning #ranwan

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Text

Thank you for the request, love!🎄❤️ Hope you don’t mind, I did some changes but it still follows the concept of your request! I hope you like it and happy reading!!❤️ @palna

💌.

The One I’ve Been Missing

This was kinda inspired by Little Mix’s song, “One I’ve Been Missing”, give it a listen :)

Warnings: some angst? Kinda sad for a Christmas fix..but has a some what happy ending. This came out longer than expected..enjoy, I tired:)

(Gif from Pinterest)

The living room was full of smiles and laughter as your family began to create plans for Christmas Day. It was Christmas Eve, and knowing your family, everything was to come together last minute. Though your family didn’t live too far, they had been staying at your place since the weather at your hometown had been absolutely horrible. There had been snow storms that closed down schools, took out power lines, and covered the ground in a thick white blanket of snow.

Your cousins have been arguing about who was going to make the Mac and Cheese this year when your phone began to vibrate in your pocket. You took your phone out and saw that it was Paddy. Paddy was Tom’s younger brother. Even though you and Tom had broken up, your relationship with his family was still strong. You and his brothers had gotten along so well, that they loved you like you were their sister. His parents, Nikki and Dom, have been very supportive of you during the breakup. They were disappointed in Tom for what he did and even apologized for their son’s actions. Though your relationship with their son was undecided at the moment, they always made an effort to call you on holidays or to just say hello once in a while.

You quietly excused yourself and entered the kitchen. Answering the call, you lean on the marble counters of your kitchen. The call goes through and Paddy’s adorable face pops up on your screen. His smile grows into his rosy cheeks when he finally sees you.

“(Y/n)! Merry Christmas!” He happily screams through the phone. You hear Nikki scold him in the background.

“(Y/n), darling! Merry Christmas!” She smiles while waving at the camera.

“Thank you! You guys look like you’re having a blast over there!” You hear a ton of commotion in the background, which was most likely Tom and his siblings showing off their presents to each other or having some pointless argument.

“We are! Sam’s cooked our lunch and he’s planning on making dinner later today! We’ve already opened presents and everyone’s happy! How are you, love? Are you with your family?” She questioned you as she sat on the couch. You saw Dom beside her, who made a funny face and waved at you. You chuckled waving back.

“I’m doing really good, my family has been staying with me for the last few days, so we’ve been together for about a week now? But everything’s going great! It’s Christmas Eve here and now we’re just waiting till midnight to start passing out presents!” You answer.

“Oh that’s good! I’m glad you got to spend time with your family because I’ve heard the weather there has been harsh! Thankfully Harry made it out before that big storm, if he didn’t he wouldn’t be home for the holidays!” Harry had been in your hometown because Tom was filming a new movie there. The set was only an hour away from where you lived, but you never went to visit. Although, you and Harry would meet up sometimes to have lunch together in the city, Harrison would tag along once in a while as well.

“Harry made it home! That’s good news, I was worrying that they wouldn’t make it back on time for Christmas!” You hear someone talk in the background.

“Is that (y/n)?” A deep voice asks. You recognize it to be Harry’s. Nikki nods and motions at him to say hello. Sam and Harry’s heads pop onto the screen with silly grins.

“(Y/n)! Merry Christmas! You look beautiful!” Sam compliments you with a charming smile.

“Aw thank you Sam! You look handsome!” A light blush forms on the boy’s cheeks. Harry takes the phone and asks, “How’s the weather there? Has the storm died down?”

You glanced out the window and saw nothing but white. The storm had stopped yesterday, but there were some random snowfall here and there.

“Well it’s stopped for now, my backyard is literally nothing but white.” You chuckle as you turn your camera to show your spacious backyard.

“Oh! Isn’t that wonderful, we haven’t gotten much snow here this year.” You hear Dom comment. You turn the camera back to yourself and ask Harry, “How was the flight, Haz? Hope it wasn’t too bumpy.”

Harry hummed, “The plane departed when the storm died down so it was a decent flight. There was some turbulence when we got up in the air but it went by smoothly after.”

“At least you got home safe, that’s all that matters.”

“I’m quite surprised I handled the turbulence well on my own. I was getting anxious when the plane started to shake, but towards the end of the flight it was all good.” Your brows furrowed. It was a known fact that Harry wasn’t that good with turbulence (I made that fact up, he’s probably ok w/ turbulence idk). Since he usually traveled with Tom, he had to board many flights. Tom would be the one to calm his brother down when his anxiousness got the best of him. Which made you concerned because you knew Tom wouldn’t let his younger brother board a plane on his own while a snow storm was happening outside.

“Wait Harry, you were by yourself?” You began to question him. Harry was a grown adult, he’s 21, but it still concerned you.

“Yeah, Tom had to stay back since he had to film more scenes.” Harry answered.

“Oh. Did he at least make it back home before the storm?” You continued. A frown was on the boys lips.

“Nope, he got stuck in (your hometown). I was supposed to still be there with him, but he literally forced me to get on a flight home before Christmas.” Harry shrugged. A pout formed on your own lips at the thought of Tom getting stranded in (your hometown). Also the fact that he was probably alone during the holidays. Sure, you and him weren’t on the best terms, but it was Christmas. No one should be alone on Christmas.

You continued to talk to the Holland family for a few more minutes until they told you they had to go. You bid them all goodbye with kisses and a wave before hanging up. When the call ended, the smile on your face fell. You should’ve been happy. You were spending time with your family and it was Christmas Eve! But some things never change. As always, Tom had crept his way into your thoughts.

The breakup between you two was rough and messy. Though you should have seen it coming. There was a lack of communication on both sides of the relationship. You weren’t being honest with your feelings with him and neither was he. Of course, you understood his job. You knew he would have to travel long distances and be in a different time zone as you, he had to be gone for months, and had to work with some of the most beautiful actresses in the business. But there was something about this certain costar that didn’t sit right with you. You trusted Tom and knew that he would never cheat. You just didn’t trust her. You really tried to like her, even had some conversations with her when you went to visit Tom on set. But the way she would touch his arm whenever she would laugh or look at him the same way you would just made your blood boil. Maybe it was the green eyed monster in you that caused all these emotions, you just couldn’t help it. The green eyed monster had taken over you.

For months while Tom worked on that movie, you had been feeling your lowest. You were insecure about yourself and began to second guess things that occurred in your relationship with Tom. Which was not healthy, but it happens, you know? You hated the way you looked and how your body was shaped. You compared yourself to her even though you knew most of the pictures on her Instagram were very much edited. The more Tom got busy, the less he texted or called. Your relationship felt like it was drifting but you still made an effort. You would text him to ask about his day or to just say a simple “good morning” or “good night”. He never got the chance to reply most of the time, but when he did it would be a short response. It wasn’t like the paragraphs of him going on and on about his day and how great it was. Sometimes he would talk about getting a stunt correctly done in one take or how he would get his lines right the first time. You didn’t think much of the short replies, you usually chalked it up to him just being busy. But then you would see him on Harry or Harrison’s story at some restaurant gathered all together. Then she would also be there, nuzzled up against his side while his arm rested behind her chair. That should’ve been you.

You didn’t want to think that he was cheating on you, but the signs were literally there. You shouldn’t have fallen for them and should have talked it out with Tom instead of focusing on the scenarios that were created in your head. You knew Tom was smarter than that. He wouldn’t cheat on you, he promised you that he wouldn’t break your heart. Then those pictures from the club came out.

They were all over Instagram and Twitter. You had multiple fans tagging you on them and saw them everywhere on your feed. It was as if the world was trying to shove it into your face. The picture was taken at a club, it was the usual group of boys accompanied by some cast members from the movies. You assumed there had been some drinks involved, but Tom looked sober as ever. There were many pictures of them. There were some of them laughing, dancing, and drinking together. You spotted his arm wrapped around her waist or his hand touching her in almost all of them. Finally, there were the pictures of them practically sucking the lips off of each other’s faces. They disgusted you. The way his hands were combed through her hair or how they stroked her cheek reminded you of how he kissed you. You remember feeling sick to your stomach. The pain and the anger blended together as the tears blinded your eyes. It was like a bad dream that you couldn’t wake up from.

You realized you had been staring at your phone for the past 10 to 15 minutes. Tears welled up in your eyes as your memory began to remind you of the scar that Tom had left on your life. You felt the presence of the emptiness in your heart that you thought had healed months ago. You still love him. No matter the bullshit you went through with him, you’ve never loved anyone like Tom. The one you’ve been missing was the only thing that could fix the hollowness in your heart.

“You should invite him.” You jump as your mother makes herself present in the room. You place a hand onto your heart to calm its rapid beating.

“Geez, don’t do that.” You run a hand through your hair as you lean on the counter again. Your arms touch the cold marble, bringing some coolness into your warm body.

“You’ve been gone for about thirty minutes, it’s past twelve. Everyone was worrying about you.” You mother settled herself beside you, instead her back was leaning against the marble.

“You still love him.” She tells you quietly. You’re quick to react and stand up straight, “No I— ow my tongue!”

You whine as your teeth bite down on your tongue, your actions acting before your words.

“I don’t.”

“Really? If you didn’t love him anymore, you wouldn’t be talking to his family still or meeting up with his brothers during the weekend” you mother tilted her head at you, her arms crossed.

You shrugged, “They’re nice people.”

“You know, you should stop avoiding the truth. Denying your feelings and lying to yourself is only going to hurt you even more. I’m your mother, I hate seeing you hurt.” You turned to your mom.

“Don’t you hate him?” You asked her, voice quiet.

Your mother had a look of thought on her face, “Of course, I do, he broke your heart. But I don’t know, there’s just something about that boy.”

She snapped her fingers, “Ah! He reminds me of your dad!”

You raise a brow at her, “Tom reminds you of dad?”

“He does. I remember when we were younger, your dad made the same mistakes. I hated his guts but we crossed paths again somewhere down the road and I gave him a second chance. Now how many years later, we’re married with beautiful children and grandchildren.”

You remain silent as you stare at your phone again. You thought about asking Harry for Tom’s address but you were hesitant.

“He’s probably stuck here for a reason, (y/n).” Your mom says with a knowing look. You sigh rubbing the tiredness out your eyes. It had been a long day and you were low on energy.

“He could also be thinking about you right now.” She hummed, starting to make her way out the kitchen.

“How would you know?” You ask her.

“You bit your tongue.” She simply answers before turning the corner. You were alone in the kitchen staring at your phone once again. The debate in your head continuing throughout the night.

~The Next Day~

Your gloved hands gripped onto the steering wheel as you drove through the snowy roads. You were mindful to keep an eye out for any glossy patches to avoid getting into an accident. You turned on the street Harry sent you and peered out your window to look for the number of Tom’s rented house. Harry texted you that the house was a light gray color with black accents and had a 35 nailed to the door. When you spotted the house that matched Harry’s description, you pulled over and put the car in park. You hopped out the car, shivering when the brisk winter air came into contact with your face. Your boots sink into the snow as you trudge your way up to his door.

You get to his doorstep and began to stomp the snow off your boots. Taking a deep breath you brace yourself before you can ring his doorbell.

“It’s Christmas, he shouldn’t be alone on Christmas, this is why you’re doing this.” You mumble to yourself. You started to shake but you weren’t sure if it were your nerves or the cold. It was probably both.

You finger hovered over the doorbell for a moment before you forced yourself to push it. A string of “fucks” began to play over and over in your head like a mantra.

You waited for a few seconds for him to answer but heard nothing. You debated on ringing the bell again but your feet were already turning you away from the door, too scared to face Tom again. You were about to step off his doorstep when you heard footsteps behind the door. The lock clicked and the door opened to reveal Tom, looking disheveled as ever.

His eyes widen when he realizes it was you who rang his bell. His mouth is agape as he tries to form words. The only thing he could muster out is, “(y/n).”

“Hey.” You breath out, taking him in after avoiding him for months straight. You slowly approach him, settling to stand a few feet away from him. His hair had grown out a bit longer and there was a shadow of some facial hair on his face. You noticed that his eyes were a bit dark, almost blank. It was as if the light in his eyes had disappeared.

“What—What are you doing here?” He began to ask. He rushes to add, “Not that I don’t want you here, I’m actually really glad you’re here, but—um. I’m just— hi.” He sighs, shoulders slumping. He eyes you for a second before jumping on his feet.

“How rude of me, do you want to come in? It’s freezing out here.” He moves to the side and opens the door wider so you can walk in. You didn’t want to enter his place but the warmth of the house and the familiar scent of Tom entranced your senses.

You wiped your boots on the doormat and quietly thanked him as you walked into his rented home. You noticed that Love Actually had been playing on the tv while the couch was occupied with a bowl of popcorn and an abandoned Sherpa blanket. You loosen the scarf around your neck and turn to Tom who was already looking at you.

“So, what brings you around? Thought you didn’t want to talk to me ever since what happened.” His voice is strained as he leans against the doorway to the living room.

“Paddy called me on FaceTime yesterday.” You started. Tom sighed, shaking his head at his younger brother. You wave him off, “Don’t worry, I didn’t mind. He actually helped me avoid a family argument about Mac and Cheese.”

Tom was looking down at the floor but you saw his cheeks slightly raise, “Yeah, you never did mind Padd’s eagerness.”

“Well, he’s adorable. Anyway, I ended up talking to Harry and he said that you got stuck here during the blizzard. Also, that you were spending the holidays alone.” You began to explain rocking on the balls of your feet. You turn to his tv, the voices from it murmuring quietly, “So, if you’re done watching Love Actually for the hundredth time, um, you could come over at my place and spend Christmas with my family.”

Tom pushes off the wall and slowly shuffled towards you. His arms are crossed, something he did when he felt nervous or awkward.

“I wouldn’t want to impose, (y/n).” He finally looks up at you, his familiar brown eyes that you missed so much sending comfort into your body.

“Mom insisted.” A hint of a teasing smile played on your chapstick covered lips. No matter the situation between you and Tom, you knew he could never turn down your mother. He adored your mother, he always remembered the time when you first introduced him to her. She welcomed him with open arms and treated him like he were her fifth child.

He lets out a laugh, looking down at himself, “Guess that means I should clean up then?”

He was wearing a grey jumper with black sweatpants. A blue beanie was on his head, the ends of his curls peaking out, and his feet were covered in socks to keep him warm.

“Yeah.” You breathed out, relieved that he agreed to come and you didn’t embarrass yourself.

Tom begins to dust off the couch and moves the popcorn bowl to the coffee table. He sloppily folds the blanket and fluffs the pillows.

“I might take a while, so why don’t you get comfy?” He suggests.

“Sounds good.” You hum and unwrap the scarf from your neck. Tom is by your side at an instant and takes it from your hand. He motions at your jacket causing you to unzip it. He shuffles behind you to help you remove your arms from the sleeves. You turn around to thank him while moving your hair to rest on one side of your shoulder. You catch him staring at you once again.

“What?”

“You just look really beautiful.” He immediately answers. You’re about to respond but Tom begins to talk again, “I—I know I have no place in telling you that, but you just are.”

“Thanks, Tom.” You quietly say. He nods and moves to hang your things on the coat rack. He’s about to head up the stairs but he turns around to look at you again.

“Can we talk after?” His tone is soft, as if he were afraid of breaking the peacefulness between the two of you.

“Yeah. Yeah, we can talk.”

~⏰~

You wait in the living room for Tom to get himself ready. You try to watch the movie but all you can think about was what Tom and you could possibly talk about. You knew it would be about the breakup, but what else was there to discuss?

You heard Tom make his way down the stairs. Your eyes avert themselves to where Tom was coming from. He wore a dress shirt that had white and cream colored stripes going down it, pairing the shirt with dark jeans and dress shoes. His outfit wasn’t too fancy nor casual, it was perfect for Christmas Day with your family.

The smell of his cologne lingered it’s way to your nose. You recognized the smell even months after not seeing Tom. It was the cologne you had gotten him for his birthday. He fell in love with it the moment you gave it to him and had been wearing it ever since. You honestly thought he would switch it up after the breakup, but according to your nose, he hasn’t.

Tom presents himself to you, standing a few feet away from where you were sitting. “How is this? Too much?”

“You’re good, it’s spot on.” You reassure him. Tom hums in approval before settling himself beside you.

This was it. You guys were finally going to talk.

Tom rubs his hands together, resting his elbows on his knees. He looks at you over his shoulder, “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, hasn’t it?”

“Or talked.” You add with a slight shrug. An awkward silence placed itself upon you two.

Tom was the first to speak, “I was a dick. I still am, but I was a dick back then for all the shit I put you through.”

You hesitate to answer but end up agreeing, “You were a dick. But we were both responsible for what happened.”

Tom shook his head, “No, don’t try to make me feel better. I know what I did was stupid and I should have been honest with you from the start. This was all my fault. I was a horrible boyfriend, everyone made me see that. Including my parents.”

Tom turns his body to face you, “I thought not telling you this would hurt you and I less, but it only made it a hundred times worse.” Your brows bunch together.

“What do you mean?”

“I know when we broke up I said a bunch of bullshit, but I just want to explain myself, please?” His eyes are pleading, almost glossy. You motion for him to continue.

“The thing that happened between me and her was all the studio’s plan. Though I’m not going to lie and say it was all their fault, because I also played a part in it. But that was how it started. They wanted us to put on a show and lead the fans on so it could be used as promo for the movie.” He admitted. Your mouth gapes at his confession. He was probably telling the truth, but it could’ve also been a front.

“And you’re telling me this now? What, did it take you eight months to come up with an excuse for cheating?” You angrily said. “And even if it was for promo, it’s still cheating, Tom! You knew you had a girlfriend when you agreed to go along with their stupid plan!”

Tom sighed frustratedly, rubbing his palms against his face, “I know, I know it sounds made up but I swear to you, (y/n) I’m telling you the truth!”

“Then why didn’t you tell me about it from the start? Did you really think lying was better than telling me the truth? I thought we were supposed to be honest with each other, you literally broke so many promises, Tom!” You stood up, the anger fuming in you growing too much for your body.

Tom stood up as well, “I only lied to you to protect you! I thought it would be better if you thought we were drifting apart than telling you I had to be publicly seen with a girl that’s not you! By the way, I wasn’t the only one who was being dishonest, so were you!”

“No, don’t turn this around on me! I wouldn’t have to had lie about my feelings if you would’ve told me the truth! This was all your fault Tom, you’re the one who agreed to some stupid pr stunt.” Your finger jabbed itself into his chest as you told him off about his doings.

Tom took your jabs as he shamefully looked down at his feet. “You don’t think I know that?”

“I know this was my fault, (y/n).” His tearful eyes lock onto yours. His jaw clenched as he tried to stop his tears from falling.

Your hand comes back to rest at your side, “If you knew it would break us up, then why did you agree to it, Tom?”

“Because it was either actually breaking up with you or agreeing to some stunt that’ll make me seem like some Hollywood hotshot who gets all the women.” He confessed. To Tom, it felt like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. But to you it felt the opposite. All the new information seemed as if it were piling up on you, making you overwhelmed.

“If I chose neither of them, I would’ve been fired from the film and they were planning on blackmailing me, so I chose the second option. I know it wasn’t the best decision, seeing how we are now. But it was the only choice where I would still be with you.” He explains leaning forward to her closer to you. Your arms crossed to form some kind of protection for yourself.

You had just realized that Tom forced himself into a stunt just so he can still be with you. It wasn’t the best option, but he chose the option where the two of you could still be together. You sighed not knowing how to react, it all just seemed like too much.

“I—Tom you can’t just tell me all of this and expect everything to be okay between us.” You run your hand through your hair. Your eyes watering from the frustration.

“I understand why you would keep it from me, but why did you wait so long? You could’ve said that eight months ago and I probably wouldn’t have hated you as much as I do now.” Your nails dig into your skin.

Tom looks up at you, “You hate me?” He croaks out.

Your head tilts at him, “Why wouldn’t I hate you? I hate you—I’m supposed to hate you but I just can’t and I don’t know why. You’re just, you’re you and no matter how many times I try to hate you I just can’t.”

Tom shifts closer, his frame now towering over you. His fingers slightly brush against yours, causing a rush of electricity to shoot through your body.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for everything, I know I should have been honest and told you the truth. I know what I did wrong and I’m sorry.” He gently cups your face to look up at him. You missed the feel of his hands against your skin and couldn’t hold yourself back from nuzzling against his warm palms.

“I still love you so much, (y/n). I never stopped. I just—is it too late for a second chance? I know it’s not going to be the same as when we were together but I’m willing to try again. I promise I will try harder and I’ll be honest, I’ll do everything for you to be mine again. All I want is just another chance.” His thumbs brush against your cheeks. Your hands come up to grip onto his wrists.

“Tom, I don’t know.”

“Please (y/n), it’s been so hard without you. Please I just need you again. I miss you so much, everything’s been going wrong ever since you left and I feel empty. I’m not complete without you.” His voice cracks as he begs for you to give him a chance. You stare at him for a moment and your mother’s voice echos in your head.

“He’s probably stuck here for a reason, (y/n).”

Maybe your mother had a point. Things happen for a reason and maybe this was one of this moments.

Your thumbs stroke the skin of his wrist, “Fine, I’ll give you another chance Tom.”

A look of relief is on his face as he wraps his arms around you and pulls you flush against his chest. You feel his heart beating rapidly against your chest as he shoves his face into your neck.

“Thank you.” He mutters against your skin multiple times. “I promise I won’t screw it up, I’m serious.” He pulls away to make sure you’re looking into his eyes.

“I’m trusting you to keep that promise. You’re only getting one chance, Tom.” You warn him. Tom nods eagerly.

“I know, I know, I’m not going to mess this up I swear. I’m going to prove that you could trust me again, I’ll do anything.”

You smile before pressing a light kiss on his cheek, “Ok, if you’ll do anything, then we better get going. Mom’s probably wondering what’s the hold up.”

“Right. Yeah, um before we go. If you want to talk more about what happened before or have any questions, you could ask me anytime. I just dumped all of this on you unexpectedly and it probably feels like a lot.” He offers.

“Yeah, I’d like that.”

~⏰~

You and Tom arrived at your house to Christmas music blaring from the tv’s speakers and the happy chatter of your family. Your mom spots Tom at the doorway and her face lights up.

“Tom, you came!” She climbs her way through the mass amounts of wrapping paper and your niece and nephews. Tom meets her halfway and helps her remove the wrapping paper that had stuck onto her pants. She pulls him into a hug, which Tom returns immediately.

“Thank you for inviting me.” He smiles as your mom pats his cheek fondly. She waves him off, “Please honey, no one should be alone for Christmas.”

They continue to talk as your mother leads him into the living room. You see him greeting your siblings and cousins, a shy smile on his face as he shakes their hands. You couldn’t help but stare at him as he interacted with your family. It made you feel whole and warm inside, as if the emptiness in your heart was finally recovering.

You were taking off your boots when a shadow fell upon you. You look up to see Tom standing above you. “Need help?”

“No, I almost had it, the knot’s too small for my nails to undo it.” You mutter as your fingers continue to fumble with the knot. Tom kneels in front of you and gently removes your fingers from your boot.

“Let me do it, I know how fussy you get when you mess up your nails.” You smile fondly at him. The fact that he remembered how you hated messing up your nails after getting them done made the butterflies in your stomach erupt.

He gets the knot undone successfully and pulls off your boot. He holds a hand out for you and you take it. You stand up and thank him before glancing at your clothes.

“I’m gonna go upstairs and clean myself up for lunch. I’ll be back.” You place a hand on his shoulder before turning to go up the stairs. You feel his hand grip onto yours, pulling you back.

“I’ll save you a seat beside me?”

You squeeze his hand, “Yeah, I appreciate it.”

He watches you head up the stairs till the moment you turn the corner. He couldn’t believe you were back in his life. You haven’t changed at all in the months you’ve been apart. You were still beautiful and radiant as ever. He was so thankful for whatever gods that allowed him to have a second chance with you. You were all he wanted and he wasn’t going to screw it up like last time.

Your mother had called for everyone to sit at the table and you still weren’t there. Thirty or more minutes had passed since you went upstairs and so far he’s been catching up with your siblings and cousins. He’s also been dragged into playing “race cars” with your nephews and “princesses” with your only niece. Everyone had slowly shuffled into your dinning room but you were still missing. Tom even hung back in the living room for a while to see if you would catch up.

You mother spotted Tom looking back at the stairs as he decided to join your family in the dining room. She approached him and turned him towards the stairs, “Why don’t you go and check on her, tell her lunch is ready.”

Tom nods and climbs up the stairs. He’s been to your home multiple times while you two were together so he wasn’t lost. He found your door and knocked on it.

“I’ll be down in a sec!” He hears you yell from behind the door.

“Your mom said to call you down for lunch and see what’s been taking you so long.” Tom leans against the wall as he wait for you to open the door. The lock clicks and you pull it open. Your hair was in loose curls and there was some light makeup on your face. You weren’t in the jeans and sweater you were in earlier, now you were dressed in a white sweater and grey knee high boots.

“Hey.” He greets you. “You ready?”

“Yeah, I think I am.” You close the door behind yourself and stand across from Tom. He notices a shimmer around your neck. The silver chain with a circle charm hanging from it caught his eyes.

“You still have that?” He points out stepping closer to you. You glance at the necklace, “Of course I do. You gave it to me for my birthday.” Your fingers envelope around the charm, fiddling with it.

“You look stunning.” He says.

“Thanks.” The two of you stand there for a moment before Tom’s stomach grumbled.

“I think we should get going.” You laughed as you hooked your hand with his.

The two of you sat side by side at the table. He was a gentleman as always. He pulled your seat out for you and pushed it in once you were settled. He helped passed the dishes to you and even insisted on placing the food onto your plate. Lunch had gone smoothly, it was only filled with laughs, some catching up, and the stories your parents would tell at the table every year.

Your parents were in the middle of retelling their first Christmas together with your older brother, their first born. Your parents were reminiscing about the pearl ring your father gave her and how much it meant to her. You were listening to your parents when you felt a hand grip onto yours under the table. You glance down to see Tom had placed his hand above yours. His large hand enveloping your smaller ones.

“You alright?” You lean closer to him so only he can hear you. Tom squeezes your hand as a small smile forms on his lips.

“Yeah, I’m just glad to be here. Thank you.” He whispers. Your other hand covers his, your thumb stroking the top of his hand.

“So am I.” For the first time in those months apart, you finally felt like everything was complete again. Sure, you two had many things to work out and discuss. But right now, all you can think about was the man sat beside you. You weren’t missing him anymore, he was right there beside you. He was actually with you. All you wanted for Christmas was the one you’ve been missing and after eight long months of pain and longing, your wish finally came true.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #Tom Holland #Tom Holland x reader #tom holland imagines #tom holland fluff #tom holland one shot #tom holland angst #tom holland headcanon #tom holland drabble #tom stanley holland #Peter Parker #Peter Parker x reader #Peter Parker imagines #ally’s requests

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saturnsummer · 3 years

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flutter and kicks

notes: from lay's @/__ryubeom tweet + a pregnant solhwi anon ask. in headcanon form since it's more spontaneous!

hello tumblr fam! i know, it’s been long... but ficfest and all has kept me kinda busy. a little different this time! a headcanon after a long time, since it’s more fun and easy on the eyes!

extra notes: drumstick reference to hospital playlist episode 4! a little reference to @scripturiends twitter au “dynasty” at the end. have fun! as usual, grammar mistakes by me!

attorney sol and prosecutor joon hwi have been married for a couple years, now well into their early thirties.

sol and joon hwi always take walks in the parks and wondered what it would be like if they had their own.

sol was initially hesitant, with her experience of broken families and having no dad figure. what makes her think her child could grow up in a loving family, if she didn't have one she could be a role model or look up to?

but joon hwi had it worse, having been an orphan from young, and raised by his uncle, his cousins, aunts and relatives ostracising him. yet, he still believed in the happy family he always wanted with sol.

he dreamt of kissing his kids good morning, sending them to school before going to work and sending his wife to work. on nights, they would work on their kid's homework together in fun ways and tuck them in bed after bedtime stories. they would spend the weekends at parks, meeting with seungjae's kid, and the children of their friends.

sol came round eventually, seeing how joon hwi never stopped believing. this time, it was different. joon hwi is not her father, nor is he her step father. he is han joon hwi, the man that saved her lives multiple times. han joon hwi, the man that stood by her when lee man ho was her biggest threat to her family. han joon hwi, the man who loves her, despite being a klutz in school.

he is han joon hwi, the man that loves her for every imperfection and perfection she has.

sol and joon hwi start trying for a baby, which is especially timely when kang sol's mom asks when is she gonna have a grandchild to hold and byeol pipes up saying she would love to have a brother as opposed to sister. (15 years with sisters have made her wonder what it would be to have a little baby boy in the house instead.)

a few weeks after their first time trying passes and sol has been feeling more tired. she's been busy with case after case at kang and park, so she doesn't think much.

only when she misses her period, she freezes. as stressed as she was, even in law school, she has never missed her period or was late. with shaky breaths, she wonders at the slightest chance of having a little life grow in her, as her hand unconsciously travels to her stomach.

sol is excited, but nervous at the thought that maybe nine to ten months later, she would have a child she can call her own in her arms.

over the weekend, sol raised this to joon hwi. joon hwi stops everything and even though he is beyond excited, he stays calm looking at how nervous sol is. together, they go out to get two pregnancy tests, where sol takes it.

the ten minutes of waiting were a complete torture for sol, as she paces back and forth.

"sol, stop pacing. you're going to burn a hole in our floor."

"joon! what- what if it really happens? i'm not ready! how are we ready? you just started your career in the prosecutor office, and i'm buried under cases! i can barely take care of my mom and byeol and myself, what about the child? oh no, what if i'm a bad mom?"

"honey, sit down. look, we'll get through this together okay? no one is ever ready for their first kid. remember seungjae-hyung? he freaked out the day juyeon-noona went into labour and he's a doctor! it's okay, just calm down, alright? do you want warm water?"

when the timer rings, they look at both the tests, showing the double lines indicating a positive test.

sol was pregnant. sol was going to be a mother. joon hwi was going to be a father. their family was starting.

shaking, sol finally let her emotions hit as her tears fall. she was so caught up worrying about herself, life, her work, family; she hadn't had time to process her own feelings on her own. she wanted the feeling of joy of holding her child. she wanted to know what it was like to share a mother's bond with a child.

joon hwi, looking at his wife, only hugged her as she teared up in happiness. his dream of having a family is finally coming. even better, his best friend, his biggest cheerleader, was next to him.

"what are you crying about? you should be happy!"

"j-joon h-hwi ah... we're going to be parents.."

but their journey was far from over. they booked an appointment with juyeon and made juyeon stay quiet about this. seeing the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeats of their unborn child was enough to move sol to another round of sobs and joon hwi held his wife's hand while the tears ran down his face. together, they smiled, knowing that a life was born and growing.

all could have been hidden, but seungjae walked in that moment, asking if his wife wanted to join for lunch. sol and joon hwi were prepared to lie, but having a printed ultrasound scan in their hands, and the fact that they were in juyeon's clinic, a OB-GYN clinic, confirmed suspicions.

"juyeonnie, do you want to go for— joon...hwi?"

"oppa..."

"ah, congratulations sol. congratulations joon hwi." seungjae only smiled looking at the best people he knew become parents. he recognised the pride in joonhwi's eyes, the same eyes he had when juyeon told him they were expecting.

the new parents smiled at their brotherly figure as they wished them a good lunch.

but out from the corner, yeseul spotted joonhwi and sol as she walked into the clinic and she locked eyes with sol. sol slams the door shut and drags joon hwi back and groans, letting a defeated whine.

"sol-ah, what's wrong?"

"yeseul is here! she's probably here for a regular check up, the one she told me about last month!"

and with that, their phones started beeping with countless notifications.

yeseul could put two and two together, especially when it wasn't just sol, but joon hwi in the clinic as well. she texted her boyfriend, bokgi, who spat out his soup when he was eating with yebeom, who sent a string of messages to the group chat.

when sol opens the door again, yeseul only gives a sheepish smile.

"yeseul ah..." sol sighs and joon hwi only smiles, too happy to hide this secret.

"sorry unnie, i can't miss the moment. congrats unnie, oppa! hello, seungjae-oppa, juyeon-unnie!"

"thank you, yeseul. we'll see you next week, as usual?"

behind them, seungjae grumpily argues with his wife.

"why are my ex-classmates seeing you more than i do? i literally work, like, five blocks down at the police station! they live all over seoul!"

"honey, let me see yeseul first, okay? then let's go get lunch. i heard they are serving drumsticks in the canteen today.”

-----

pregnancy wasn't easy for sol. she insisted on working, despite attorney park's orders to take on lesser cases in court. sol couldn't find it in her heart to reject her clients.

yeseul, working closer to sol, would lunch with her to make sure she eats for the sake of her baby. joon hwi did his best to join, despite sol's arguments to not bother and that she can care for herself.

her morning sickness was bad, and she would wake up giddy and nauseous. many times, joon hwi wanted to call jiho to ask him to cover him, but sol would not let him do it. she'll pull herself together and go to work, and promise to take work lightly.

on days she couldn't get out of bed and she was too tired, her mother would come over and cook her nutritious soups, stock their fridge with vitamins and supplements and tonics for sol.

sol's cravings were also odd. she was never one to like sweets, but she found herself craving sugary cakes, cookies and pastries. joon hwi made it a point to stock their cabinets with cookies and buy a cake whenever he could for his wife.

joon hwi was honestly the best husband anyone could ask for. he helped to tidy the house, clean the house while sol was resting. he made soups and tucked sol in bed on her down days.

sol felt bad that she was being cared for and doing nothing in return, but joon hwi would always remind her that she was already doing the most important job, which is to literally grow their kid inside her.

many nights before bed, they would sit together and their hands would rest on her stomach, as they whisper sweet things to their to-be child.

when sol first felt the kick of her child with joon, they smiled so wide, all exhaustion from reports and arguments in their offices were gone. all that mattered was their child responding.

yeseul was beyond excited, as she helped sol with getting furniture and clothes. the study group came together to help them set up a new cot in their small apartment, as the ladies sat while looking at the men, fixing a cot with much difficulty.

aunty yeseul was the first to buy a stuffed bunny for her unborn child, and sol b, even though she was usually cold, offered to babysit in the future.

eventually, attorney park made sol work at home instead of going to the office. she argued that professor kim eunsook was able to teach while pregnant, but attorney park only said "yang jonghoon's orders" and it was enough to shut her up from any complaints.

of course, professor yang. the only person attorney park really is afraid of and listens to.

when they found out that sol was having a boy, joon hwi was lost in thoughts, wondering if he will grow to be like himself. but sol only placed a hand over his and gave a comforting smile.

"remember what you said at the beginning? whatever it is, he will be of the next generation. from him, it will be different."

they then would discuss how they wanted joon hwi's dimples, sol's twinkling eyes and cheekbones and joon hwi's charming smile.

closer to the due date, jiho stepped in to cover for joon hwi as he started to work half days, afraid of leaving his wife at home. sol, now heavily pregnant, really only commuted to the bed from the bathroom and then to the table, where she would spend most of her time reading or doing something relaxing.

yeseul made sol put her on speed dial with sol b, just in case, and so they would be the first to know too.

the morning came when sol woke up to a wet bed and shook joon hwi awake when the contractions kicked in. joon hwi snapped out, grabbed their hospital bag and guided sol to the car where both of them spent the next day in the hospital as sol went through nine hours of labour pains, and another two hours pushing her baby boy.

joon hwi never left once, standing by her side and holding her hand as she pushed her baby out, wiping away the sweat from her face.

when the time came for him to be held in his mother's arms, sol only smiled, knowing that as tough as the past ten months of working, no caffeine and staying up late nights was, it was all worth it for the little life in her arms.

as his son's hand grabbed onto joon hwi's finger, joon hwi made a promise to love this child unconditionally, to guide him in the right direction and bring him up well. sol was right. from him onwards, it will be different.

welcome to the world, seungjun.

#solhwi #joonsolA #solhwi by akino #kang sol a #kang sol a x han joon hwi #han joon hwi #law school #jtbc law school #law school kdrama #kdrama #jtbc #jtbc drama #original by akinosakiya #pregnant sol a #husband han joon hwi #married solhwi #domestic solhwi #fluff

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mzminola · 3 years

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On the subject of “HP draws from multiple genres” I’ve stumbled into one of the reasons why the deaths of Sirius, Tonks, and even Regulus bother me so much: the story of the Ancient & Noble House of Black is a Gothic Horror. But since it’s not the main storyline, it does not get the focus to make it actually satisfying.

The thing I was thinking about that lead to this discovery was how fucking upsetting I find it that so many abuse victim characters in this series get just absolutely terrible ends. Ariana was locked up and then murdered. Snape fucked himself over, got trapped, and died without knowing if he’d managed to unfuck things. Merope Gaunt got out by committing an evil act* and died very close to in the gutter.

*[edit April 11th 2021] it’s come to my attention we don’t actually know if Merope used magic on Tom Riddle or not, that the only textual evidence is Dumbledore’s speculation, so I just want to note that here for accuracy.

Harry & Neville make it out. I...I can’t think of anyone else. But I am forgetful. So.

Back to the Gothic Horror: The Ancient & Noble House of Black is rotting when we meet it. Decaying. Mouldering and forgotten. It’s destroying itself, and everyone else who gets too close.

Let’s look at the two sets of siblings: Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa as far as we know weren’t abused, but grew up in a toxic family with the oldest and youngest growing up to be enforcers of it, joining a hate group and attacking their own family they viewed as stepping out of line. The middle sister got out. She married a man she (I assume) loved, had a child, and over twenty years of life away from the horror. But then her husband and child were murdered by that same hate group. Her grandchild survives, but we have no idea what their future relationship is like.

(Even Lupin’s death fits into this arc, as he’s Sirius’s friend and Tonks’ husband, and leaves Teddy an orphan. )

Bellatrix spends a significant portion of her life in prison and ultimately dies because of her insistence on perpetuating hate and violence. Her husband and brother-in-law are also jailed, and their fates unknown. In the main books series this is the end of the family tree for her, no offspring. In one piece of related media she has a child...who also dies. Bellatrix murders her cousin, the last scion of the main line, the last bearer of the name. The House of Black has eaten itself.

Narcissa never goes to jail, her husband lives and his post-series jail-status is unknown, her offspring lives and is explicitly shown in the epilogue to give her a grandchild. The main line is gone, Narcissa is a Malfoy now, but this could still be a hope spot for the family. As a horror, this is one of the perpetuators of hatred and violence escaping justice, and leaving the question of “Is this really over?” Are the Malfoys going to survive, or will the same toxicity that destroyed the Blacks continue down the line and eat this family too?

The other set of siblings: Sirius and Regulus were abused by their parents. Regulus tries to please them, gets drawn into the same hate group his cousins joined, realizes how wrong everything is too late, and dies alone. He sacrifices himself to try and make things right. Sirius goes the opposite route, running away from home. He’s made real friends outside his family, who help him. He fights against the hate his parents taught. Like Andromeda, he gets out…

Only to lose the very person who gave him shelter, be betrayed and framed by a man he thought was his friend, be denied a trial, spend over a decade in jail, escape to help his godson only to wind up trapped in the family home he was abused in, and ultimately be murdered by his cousin.

Sirius gets out. And then dragged right back in.

There is no true escape.

Sirius’s hope spot for a good future after his death is Harry Potter, the son of his friend who helped him escape his family. His own godson. The main line of the house of Black has ended, but Sirius was able to make a new family. In HP, this is presented as a positive thing. But the creeping sense of “Is this really over?” from the gothic horror aspect is still there in the form of Kreacher. Harry literally inherits an enslaved person, and the series ends with Kreacher’s fate unknown. Is Harry going to free him, and escape the inheritance of the House of Black, or is he going to keep him and thus hold on to their wrongdoings? Will he ultimately be dragged down too?

Gothic horror is not a genre I tend to enjoy, but I know it can be satisfyingly done. The outline of the above could be its very own novel, disturbing and haunting, leaving the reader with both mild hope and a strong sense of unease.

But we didn’t get that novel.

We got a sketched out background plot in a story of a different genre, and for me that just makes this...upsetting. It’s not satisfying.

I suspect this is part of why so many of us make Character Lives AU’s for Sirius, but comparatively few for Cedric Diggory. His death was terrible, but it was part of the main storyline. He’s an innocent bystander, not a character we see struggling to escape a bad situation.

#child abuse in fiction #character death #HP tag #HP meta #gothic horror #literary analysis #Sirius Black #Regulus Black #Bellatrix Lestrange #Andromeda Tonks #Narcissa Malfoy

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benevolentbirdgal · 3 years

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“Thirteen″ Tips for Writing About Synagogues / Jewish Writing Advice / Advice for Visiting Synagogues

So your story includes a Jew (or two) and you’ve a got a scene in a synagogue. Maybe there’s a bar mitzvah, maybe your gentile protagonist is visiting their partner’s synagogue. Maybe there’s a wedding or a community meeting being held there. For whatever reason, you want a scene in a shul. I’m here as your friendly (virtual) neighborhood Jewish professional to help you not sound like a gentile who thinks a synagogue is just a church with a Star of David instead of a cross.

Quick note: The are lots of synagogues around the world, with different specific cultural, local, and denominational practices. The Jewish community is made up of roughly 14 million people worldwide with all sorts of backgrounds, practices, life circumstances, and beliefs. I’m just one American Jew, but I’ve had exposure to Jewishness in many forms after living in 3.5 states (at several different population densities/layouts), attending Jewish day school and youth groups, doing Jewish college stuff, and landing a job at a Jewish non-profit. I’m speaking specifically in an American or Americanish context, though some of this will apply elsewhere as well. I’m also writing from the view of Before Times when gatherings and food and human contact was okay.

Bear in mind as well, in this discussion, the sliding scale of traditional observance to secular/liberal observance in modern denominations: Ultraorthodox (strict tradition), Modern Orthodox (Jewish law matters but we live in a modern world), Conservative (no relation to conservative politics, brands itself middle ground Judaism), Reconstructionist (start with Jewish law and then drop/add bits to choose your own adventure), and Reform (true build your own adventure, start at basically zero and incorporate only as you actively choose).

Synagogue = shul = temple. Mikvah (ritual bath) is its own thing and usually not attached to the shul. Jewish cemeteries are also typically nowhere near the shul, because dead bodies are considered impure.

A Bar/Bat/Bnai Mitzvah is the Jewish coming of age ceremony. Bar (“son”) for boys at 13+, Bat (“daughter”) at 12+, and Bnai (“children”) for multiples (i.e. twins/triplets/siblings) or non-binary kids (although the use of the phrase “Bnai Mitzvah” this way is pretty new). 12/13 is the minimum, 12-14 the norm but very Reform will sometimes allow 11 and anybody above 12/13 can have theirs. Probably a dedicated post for another time. Generally, however, the following will happen: the kid will lead some parts of services, read from and/or carry the Torah, and make a couple of speeches.

Attire: think Sunday Best (in this case Saturday), not come as you are. Even at very liberal reconstructionist/reform synagogues you wouldn’t show up in jeans and a t-shirt or work overalls. Unless they are seriously disconnected from their culture, your Jewish character is not coming to Saturday morning services in sneakers and jeans (their gentile guest, however, might come too casual and that’d be awkward). 1a. The more traditional the denomination, the more modest the attire. Outside of orthodoxy woman may wear pants, but dresses/skirts are more common. Tights for anything above knee common for Conservative/Reform/Recon, common for even below knee for orthodox shuls. Men will typically be wearing suits or close to it, except in very Reform spaces. 1b. Really, think business casual or nice dinner is the level of dressiness here for regular services. Some minor holidays or smaller events more casual is fine. Social events and classes casual is fine too. 1c. Even in reform synagogues, modesty is a thing. Get to the knee or close to it. No shoulders (this an obsession in many Jewish religious spaces for whatever reason), midriffs, or excessive cleavage (as I imagine to be the norm in most houses of worship).

Gendered clothing: 3a. Men and boys wear kippahs (alt kippot, yarmulkes) in synagogues, regardless of whether they’re Jewish or not out of respect to the space. Outside of Jewish spaces it’s saying “I’m a Jew” but inside of Jewish spaces it’s saying “I’m a Jew or a gentile dude who respects the Jewish space.” Outside of very Reform shuls, it’s a major faux pass to be a dude not wearing one. 3b. There are little buckets of loaner kippahs if you don’t bring your own and commemorative kippahs are given away at events (bar mitzvah, weddings). Your Jewish dude character not bringing or grabbing one is basically shouting “I’m new here.” 3c. Women are permitted to wear kippahs, but the adoption of a the traditionally masculine accessory will likely be interpreted by other Jews as LGBTQ+ presentation, intense feminism, and/or intense but nontraditional devoutness. Nobody will clutch their pearls (outside of ultraorthodoxy) but your character is sending a message. 3d. Tefillin are leather boxes and wrappings with prayers inside them that some Jewish men wrap around their arms (no under bar mitzvah or gentiles). Like with the kippah, a woman doing this is sending a message of feminism and/or nontraditional religious fervor. 3e. Additionally, prayer shawls, known as tallit, are encouraged/lightly expected of Jewish males (over 13) but not as much as Kippahs are. It is more common to have a personal set of tallit than tefillin. Blue and white is traditional, but they come in all sorts of fun colors and patterns now. Mine is purple and pink. It is much more common for women to have tallit and carries much fewer implications about their relationship to Judaism than wearing a kippah does. 3f. Married woman usually cover their hair in synagogues. Orthodox women will have wigs or full hair covers, but most Jewish woman will put a token scarf or doily on their head in the synagogue that doesn’t actually cover their hair. The shul will also have a doily loaner bucket.

Jewish services are long (like 3-4 hours on a Saturday morning), but most people don’t get there until about the 1-1.5 hour mark. Your disconnected Jewish character or their gentile partner might not know that though.

Although an active and traditional synagogue will have brief prayers three times every day, Torah services thrice a week, holiday programming, and weekly Friday night and Saturday morning services, the latter is the thing your Jewish character is most likely attending on the reg. A typical Saturday morning service will start with Shacharit (morning prayers) at 8:30-9, your genre savvy not-rabbi not-Bnai mitzvah kid Jewish character will get there around 9:30-10:15. 10:15-10:30 is the Torah service, which is followed by additional prayers. Depending on the day of the Jewish year (holidays, first day of new month, special shabbats), they’ll be done by 12:30 or 1 p.m. Usually. After that is the oneg, a communal meal. Onegs start with wine and challah, and commence with a full meal. No waiting 4-8 hours to have a covered-dish supper after services. The oneg, outside of very, very, very Reform spaces will be kosher meat or kosher dairy.

To conduct certain prayers (including the mourner’s prayers and the Torah service) you need a Minyan, which at least 10 Jewish “adults” must be present, defined as post Bar/Bat/Bnai Mitzvah. In Conservative/Reform/Recon, men and women are counted equally. In Ultraorthodox women are not counted. In Modern Orthodox it depends on the congregation, and some congregations will hold women’s-only services as well with at least ten “adult” Jewish women present.

In Conservative and Orthodox shuls, very little English is used outside of speeches and sermons. Prayers are in Hebrew, which many Jews can read the script of but not understand. Transliterations are also a thing. In Reform synagogues, there’s heavy reliance on the lingua franca (usually English in American congregations). Reconstructionist really varies, but is generally more Hebrew-based than Reform.

We’re a very inquisitive people. If your character is new to the synagogue, there will be lots of questions at the post-services oneg (meal, typically brunch/lunch). Are you new in town? Have you been here before? Where did you come from? Are you related to my friend from there? How was parking? Do you know my cousin? Are you single? What is your mother’s name? What do you think of the oneg - was there enough cream cheese? What summer camp did you go to? Can you read Hebrew? Have you joined? A disconnected Jew or gentile might find it overwhelming, but many connected Jews who are used to it would be like “home sweet chaos” because it’s OUR chaos.

In Orthodox synagogues, men and women have separate seating sections. There may be a balcony or back section, or there may be a divider known as a mechitzah in the middle. Children under 12/13 are permitted on either side, but over 12/13 folks have to stay one section or the other. Yes, this is a problem/challenge for trans and nonbinary Jews. Mechitzahs are not a thing outside of orthodoxy. Some older Conservative synagogues will have women’s sections, but no longer expect or enforce this arrangement.

Money. Is. Not. Handled. On. Shabbat. Or. Holidays. Especially. Not. In. The. Synagogue. Seriously, nothing says “goy writing Jews” more than a collection plate in shul. No money plate, no checks being passed around, even over calls for money (as opposed to just talking about all the great stuff they do and upcoming projects) are tacky and forbidden on Shabbat. Synagogues rely on donations and dues, and will solicit from members, but don’t outright request money on holidays and Shabbat.

Outside of Reform and very nontraditional Conservative spaces, no instruments on Shabbat or holidays. No clapping either. Same goes for phones, cameras, and other electronics outside of microphones (which aren’t permitted in Orthodox services either). 11a. In the now-times an increasing number of shuls have set up cameras ahead of time pre-programmed to record, so they don’t have to actively “make fire” which is “work” (this is the relevant commandment/mitzvah) on Shabbat, so services can be live-streamed. 11b. After someone has completed an honor (reading from the Torah, carrying the Torah, opening the ark, etc), the appropriate response is a handshake after and the words “Yasher Koach” (again, Before-Times).

Jewish services involve a lot of movement. Get up, sit down. Look behind you, look in front of you. Twist left, twist right. A disconnected Jew or gentile visitor would be best off just trying to follow along with what an exchange student we had once termed “Jewish choreography.” Some prayers are standing prayers (if able), some are sitting prayers. It’s just how it is, although a handful of prayers have variations on who stands.

#jumlbr #jewblr #jewish #jewish writing help #jewish writing #jewish characters #writing jewish characters #jewish representation #writing advice #writeblr #writing jewish spaces #how to write synagogues #another long one sorry not sorry

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ianthe-is-a-bitch-and-i-love-her · 3 years

Text

On Family

An excerpt from Memoirs of a Flesh Eater, never published

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One question that I see asked in the news a lot is why there are still any ghouls left. We have a distinctive, high-impact feeding habit that requires us to stay within human society, where we are both outnumbered and outgunned. This has essentially been the case since the development of automatic firearms, and you’ve continued to develop more and more effective methods of killing us since then. How are we not extinct?

The talking heads always have lurid theories to propose. My personal favorite one, which comes up every couple of years or so, is that the government is secretly breeding us so that they have an excuse to send secret police out into the general populace for nefarious purposes pretending to be exterminators. As if they’d need the excuse {Editing Note: I’ve gotta keep my political views out of this except where they directly pertain to ghouls. No unnecessarily alienating people}. The most commonly accepted one seems to be that we just have a lot of children to compensate for our high mortality rate. Spatha calls that an R strategy, I think. Scarlet calls it the Rabbit Theory. Whatever you call it, it’s wrong. Our species has survived off the strength and compassion of our families.

Contrary to popular impressions, our “nuclear” families are pretty small. My understanding is that 1-4 children is the typical range. I’m the only confirmed only child in my friend group. Scarlet’s the youngest of three, Scorpio’s a middle child, Spatha avoids talking about her home life, and Kestrel doesn’t know her biological parents. There’s a couple of pressures that keep our family sizes small. First, it’s challenging to feed too many ghouls at once, especially ghoul children, who we don’t want worrying about where they’re going to get their meals. Second, the majority of ghoul parents are going to end up as single parents before their kids are fully grown. Either one of them is going to get killed, or they’re going to have to separate to go on the run from the exterminators; and, of course, we do still break up and get divorced sometimes.

These pressures are exaggerated by our general lack of an extended family. It’s not that all of our aunts and uncles get hunted down - even if they did, we’d still have cousins - but it’s not safe for us to have traceable extended families. When exterminators identify a ghoul, the first thing they do is put out a bulletin for all known blood relatives. The most common tactic to avoid this is, when multiple siblings make it to adulthood, at least one of them changes their identity and moves away. This isn’t always done, but it’s done often enough that document forging is a widespread and well-respected profession in the Society. It’s useful for dodging exterminators in other circumstances too. My mom and I changed our names and moved cities after exterminators killed my dad when I was 4.

Between that and the sheer number of out-and-out orphans in our Society, it should come as no surprise that we’ve developed a new family structure to fill in the gaps. The terminology we use for this structure is variable, but the term I’ve always used is “household”. A household is a sort of adopted extended family, typically formed by and centered around one particularly resourceful ghoul called a patron. The patron takes whichever ghouls they choose under their wing, introduces them to each other, and helps them coordinate their talents and resources so that they all have everything they need. Most obviously, this means making sure they all have a supply of flesh, but there are numerous other kinds of support a household can provide. I doubt I need to emphasize again how valuable a reliable source of companionship and safety is, but patrons typically have access to connections and contacts that can help the other members of the household accomplish their goals.

My household, for example, was founded by our patron Yaga. It consists of her, her adopted daughter Kestrel, my mom and I, my friends Scarlet and Scorpio and their immediate families, and four other older ghouls. There’s also Spatha, who has been reluctant to fully join the household but acts like a member in most contexts. Three of our members have reliable flesh sources, and Yaga coordinates with other ghouls to find supplementary sources to ensure that she always has a surplus on hand. This keeps all of us well-fed and lets her distribute the rest to those in need in exchange for favors and cachet that the rest of us can use for our own advancement. In turn, the rest of us pitch in for odd jobs here and there, mostly on flesh-gathering jobs of one kind or another, and we look out for each other. I’ve done a bit of babysitting with Kestrel, for example, and Yaga was able to get me and Scarlet summer jobs to save up for college.

Babysitting, by the way, is one of the most valuable services a household can provide to a ghoul parent. Given our mortality rate, it probably isn’t a surprise that there’s a good bit of cultural pressure to have children, and have them quick. Ghoul children are… a lot. When we’re newborn, we’re pretty much like human babies. Ghoul babies can nurse from ghoul mothers for awhile, which is a relief. They need to switch to flesh before their teeth come in, though, so that means flesh slurry, which is more complicated to make than you might think. For best results, you want a mix of blood, muscle tissue, organ tissue, and bone, especially marrow. We get better at pulling all our nutrients from just flesh as we mature, but babies aren’t as developed. Getting those varied tissues is a little more complicated than just getting flesh. Bone especially is challenging - more mature ghouls have no need for it, and it’s honestly kinda gross. You just have to hope that whoever you’re getting flesh from can start holding some bones for you. Not every source has easy access to bones.

{Editing Note: I think I wrote bone too many times - it looks fake now. Bone. Bone.}

We get our ghoul teeth at the same time as our baby teeth. Our ghoul teeth fall out and are replaced too, but we keep growing new ones our whole lives, kinda like sharks. Funnily enough, I don’t think we grow extra human teeth, which seems like a strange way for evolution to take us, but what do I know, I’m not a biologist. At that point we can start eating regular flesh, and parents have the unenviable task of explaining to toddlers that they can’t just slide their teeth out whenever they want. Our other features come in a bit later - claws between 4 and 6, eyes with puberty. Let me tell you, the claws hurt coming in. I couldn’t hold a pencil for a month. My mom told the elementary school that I was deathly sick so she could keep me home, but I think Scarlet just pretended he’d broken both his hands and went in splints. I don’t envy him - stretching my claws did a lot to relieve the pain.

I’ll admit freely that, by our standards, I had a pretty charmed childhood. I fit into human society pretty easily, I had a mom who loved me and could provide for me, a patron and household to help pick up the slack, and ghoul friends my own age. I had the discipline to keep my true nature hidden from my human peers, and I don’t think I was even particularly traumatized by the pressure of performing humanity that much. I can safely attribute that to the fact that I had safe spaces throughout my life to let the charade drop. Most ghouls at least have that. Most, but not all.

Our integration into human society also means that we inevitably become entangled in human society. We become invested in the lives of our human peers, we befriend them, care about them. Sometimes we fall in love with them. Eating people seems like kind of a big secret to keep from a potential romantic partner - I certainly couldn’t manage it - but some ghouls form romantic relationships with humans nonetheless. Maybe some of these human partners eventually discover the truth and are willing to overlook it for the person they love, but I doubt it happens often. I’ve certainly never heard of it. I’ve heard of it going the other way, though, a human partner discovering the truth and reacting poorly. Someone always dies when that happens. I personally know a few ghouls who’ve dated humans, or are seriously involved with them. Frankly, it scares the hell out of me. I get that the heart wants what it wants, but some wants aren’t worth the risk.

{Editing Note: That last line feels… tense. Emotionally charged. Why? And should I change it?}

In my opinion, the gravest of these risks is what happens when a human and a ghoul decide they want to build a life together, but kids are already in the equation. The human-ghoul mixed family is probably the most toxic environment that a ghoul child could be raised in and conceivably survive. All that pressure of hiding your true nature from your peers as you grow up? That feeling of isolation that follows you everywhere you go among humans? All of the most crushing emotional turmoil I’ve described in this book so far? Imagine if there was no relief for that even at home with your family. I frankly have no idea how ghoul parents manage to feed themselves and their children without being caught, or how they manage to perform humanity so flawlessly and constantly that their literal immediate family never catches on. I don’t know how those children manage to survive to adulthood, but I imagine they have some seriously fucked up mental health problems by the time they do. Factor in the suspicion that they would inevitably face from our Society when they finally are able to join it properly - after all, who more likely to become a Judas or be Lost than a ghoul raised by humans? - and I’d be willing to bet most of them don’t make it out of their twenties.

Before we move on entirely from families in general and mixed families in particular, I’d like to take a quick aside to talk about “half-ghouls”. You hear about them in horror media fairly often, the biological child of a human and a ghoul. Authors love to ascribe all sorts of traits to these hypothetical creatures - greater and more monstrous than the sum of their parts, supernaturally strong and vicious, impossible to detect within human society, sometimes with traits that are blatantly impossible, like telepathy or mind control or just plain magic. All of that is obviously untrue, but it’s something of a point of contention as to whether or not a “half-ghoul” is even possible. None of the ghouls I’ve talked to seem to agree about whether it can happen, and a search of human medical literature was similarly inconclusive. Humans, at least, seem to think that it might be theoretically possible, but have never been able to verify it by observation or by medical experiment. Of the ghouls I know that have been romantically involved with humans, none of them have ever gotten a kid out of it. It’s one of those things where we just don’t know. If it were possible, I’m not even sure what the implications would be.

#my writing #memoirs of a flesh eater #original fiction #not tlt

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stxrrywildflower · 3 years

Text

can’t help falling in love (five)

pairing - george weasley x reader

summary - you invite george to be your date to your sisters wedding

warnings - mentions of family/home issues

word count - 2.3k

series masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

george did everything in his power to take your mind off of the events at the wedding. his words still stuck in your mind, touching you far too deeply for you to forget.

you strolled around downtown london for a few hours before the reception, stopping in different shops along the way. george found a couple things he picked up for future pranks that you couldn’t find easily in the wizard world.

but you couldn’t avoid the inevitable event, you had to make an appearance at some point; your parents and other general family were already asking to catch up during the reception.

george pulled you aside before you could enter the building, the two of you finding yourself in one of the many side gardens.

“are you sure you’re okay with this? we don’t have to go,” george inquired.

you smiled softly at his concern. “i should be fine, george. it’s just dinner and then some partying. nothing i can’t handle.”

george nodded, clearly satisfied with your answer. “say the word and we’ll leave, okay?”

you squeezed his hands. “of course.”

upon entering, you were immediately ushered to your table by one of the waiters. george pulled your chair out for you, a comment about him being a gentleman rolling off of your tongue easily.

you were seated at the table with a few of your cousins who you, thankfully, got along well with. george was already starting up a conversation with one of them about their mutual love for jokes and making people laugh

as dinner was being served after your sister and jasper had entered, you felt yourself slowly easing into the environment. george played a key role in this, him taking time to glance over at you during his conversations to check on you and make sure you were okay. it was a simple enough gesture, but to you it meant the world.

you and george lingered towards the back as the tradition reception activities went on after dinner; speeches, cutting the cake, first dance. you much rather preferred to be out of ear range of most people, listening to the jokes george was making in your ear about everyone.

once the first dance was over, other people slowly started making their way to the main dance floor to join the wedding party.

you lingered back, not quite looking to jump at the opportunity to join them. that was, of course, until a certain song started playing.

george took note of your sudden behavioral change, looking down on you with a raised eyebrow.

“what song is this?”

you couldn’t help the smile that formed on your face from it. “it’s called can’t help falling in love. it’s by a muggle artist, elvis presley actually. it’s one of my favorites.”

“well then let’s go,” george jumped up, extending his hands out towards you.

you quirked an eyebrow at his actions, only slightly confused at his actions. george sighed, pulling you up to your feet and towards him.

“it would be rude of me to deny the prettiest girl here a dance to her favorite song,” he leaned down to whisper in your ear.

a blush spread across your cheeks as you bit your lip to hide your wide smile from the compliment. “alright,” you agreed. “let’s dance.”

george led you to the main dance floor, guiding you forward before turning you around to face him. his hand made his way to your hip, resting comfortably as the other went out to interlock with yours to the side. “this okay?” he asked to which you nodded. “perfect actually.”

you rested your head against george’s shoulder, humming along to the words of the song.

the rest of the room was soon forgotten; the moment feeling as though it was only you and george. no one else mattered, just you two wrapped up with each other as you slow danced.

tears pricked at the corner of your eyes. you weren’t sad, far from it if anything, but just the way george was treating you made you emotional.

george took note of this, his fingers moving to hook under your chin, effectively tilting your head up to look at him.

“what’s wrong, darling?”

“nothing,” you answered. “i’m just really happy right now, especially since i’m with you.”

the last part, possibly a stroke of confidence on your end, hit george like a bolt of lightning. every feeling, every emotion he felt about you weighed in; your laughs, your jokes, your personality, everything.

he held you a little closer to him, resting his head against yours as you swayed.

“so why do you like this song so much?”

“i don’t know,” you answered quietly. “i guess it became my definition of love. you haven’t heard it ever before besides now but it’s from the point of view of a guy who sings about a girl he’s meant to be with and can’t help falling in love with.”

george hummed, “it’s sweet.”

“i always get goosebumps from it,” you stated. “something about the melody always gets me.”

his fingertips ghosted across your skin, feeling the little tiny goosebumps as he ran them across. “you weren’t lying,” he spoke.

you shook your head, tilting it up a moment later to look at him. “one-hundred percent telling the truth.”

george leaned down to press his forehead against yours, noses just barely touching. your eyes fluttered shut, focusing on the contact between you two. you could feel his breath hot on your skin, just millimeters away from your lips.

you wanted to lean in, to stop dancing around the constant flirting and barely platonic touches and finally seal the deal. but you knew you couldn’t, it wouldn’t be okay to do without george agreeing; in no way did you want to overstep your boundaries.

george had to have felt something too, his face flushing a deep red as you turned your cheek, pressing it back into his shoulder.

the final chords of the song were playing out, signaling the end of the group of slow songs. you frowned, only slightly sad that your time slow dancing with george would be ending soon. sure more could be played later in the night, but who knew how much longer you would be in attendance.

“do you want to get out of here? maybe go talk?” george ducked down to whisper in your ear.

you nodded against george’s shoulder, “that sounds nice.”

you bid a quick goodbye to a few guests, primarily your sister and parents; passing on a simple ‘congratulations’ at the new chapter in her life. there was no signs that the party would be ending soon, but the conversation with george took importance over all of that.

george grabbed his jacket off of the chair, slinging it over his shoulder before meeting back up with you to guide you out.

the venue was right on the serpentine lake, overlooking the water and various reflections of the city and trees.

you walked along the water for a bit, george holding your hand as you strolled. neither of you could deny the moment you had whole dancing, it was clear both of you had felt at least something. you just didn’t know what to say.

“do you want to stop here? i think we’re a good distance away,” george offered.

you hummed, already moving to take a seat down on the soft grass. true to his words, the spot was a fair amount from the venue. the lights still illuminated sections of the water in the distance, but no music or small talk could be heard.

“so are we going to talk about it? or are we just going to tip-toe around it like we’ve been doing all weekend.”

george took a deep breath, mentally preparing himself for his next word choice. he drew his knees up to his chest before speaking.

“i love you y/n.”

you froze, not quite sure if you had heard the words george spoke correctly.

“and you don’t have to say it back, merlin i don’t even know if you feel the same way but i just can’t keep it in anymore.”

for once, you were out of words. love was such a foreign feeling to you. hearing it from your best friend was even more alien.

“you love me?” you spoke after a moment.

george nodded, hand moving up to swipe away a few stray tears that had fallen. “have for a long time. i just haven’t ever said anything. i always thought it was something that would go away, that i could eventually get over it.”

his voice had fallen off at the end, pressing his cheek to his knees as he turned away from you. despite the amount of times you had reassured him, george hated crying in front of you.

you reached out to place your hand on top of his, immediately retracing when he flinched away. not once in the time of you knowing him had george ever jerked away from a small gesture like that.

“george, you could have talked to me. you know that.”

george choked out a half sob-half laugh at your response. “and say what y/n? tell you i’m in love with you, just like that? fuck, i don’t even know how you would have reacted. on no level would it be fair to you to ruin our friendship over some feelings i can’t contain anymore.”

the wave of silence washed over you once again like the tide; george’s words being pushed out as your feelings were finally pulled in.

george was your best friend, no doubt about it. you’d spent your most defining years together, playing games and pulling pranks as well as celebrating anything and everything from holidays to good grades.

but he was different than his twin; you found his compassion more endearing, his care more comforting. his love language versus his twins hit deeper.

every single moment with george was special in its own way, never dull in the slightest. you were so dumbfounded on how you hadn’t seen anything in his emotions before.

you loved george.

“i would have said it back,” you mumbled.

george’s head slowly rised to meet your eyes, concern still laced in his facial structure. he didn’t want to get his hopes up, multiple layers to your words still being unveiled.

“that i love you, i mean,” you clarified. “i guess this trip has made me truly realize it.”

everything you said you meant, there was no a doubt in your mind about it. if you were being honest, it was the one thing you were the most sure of in your life.

“i’m scared georgie,” you quickly admitted. “terrified actually. i’ve never felt like this before.”

george shifted closer to you, though he didn’t make the initiative to hold your hand or wrap a comforting arm around you. he didn’t want to push his boundaries, especially after you had both admitted your mutual feelings for each other.

“and that’s perfectly understandable, love. it’s new to me too. we can learn together.”

you turned to george, tears in your eyes mirroring the ones in his own. with just one blink, the flow had started. george reached out to thumb your tears away. “god we’re so dumb, why did we wait so long?” you questioned.

george laughed, shaking his head slightly at your words. “well i mean, we’re dumb kids in love. i don’t think either of us expected this to happen tonight.”

with that, you broke out laughing too; a grin passing over your face. everything felt near perfect in that moment, like you were finally content with your inner emotions.

“can i kiss you?”

you nodded, “yeah.”

george leaned forward first, hand moving up to hold your cheek before pressing his lips to yours. warmth spread throughout you immediately, the feeling unknown to you, though not a bad thing by any means.

it was only slightly awkward at first, it taking you both a bit to adjust to the other person. your heart was pounding in your chest, only finding the ability to concentrate how soft, how good george’s lips felt on your own.

you reluctantly pulled away first, finding yourself out of breath and needing air. george kept his eyes trained on you, wanting to make sure the entire sequence wasn’t a dream. it felt too good to be true, something that would have happened in a different lifetime. but here he was, lips puffed out and slightly red.

george pulled you close to him, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug. it was just you and him at this moment, the party in the distance being far from your minds. all that mattered to you was him, and the same for george.

after a delicate kiss to your bare shoulder, george slowly moved his hands down to your waist, guiding you slowly to press your back against the grass.

“is this okay?” george asked as he cupped your face gently.

you brought your hand up to cover his, running your thumb back and forth over the back of his hand, humming gently to confirm your comfort.

with that, george leaned down to kiss you again, body partially covering yours as you leaned up to reach more of him.

it was pure bliss - finally being able to kiss the boy you had been, without even realizing it, pinning over since first year. your feelings had been burried down over many years of friendship, you being too scared to admit that you were even in love with him.

sure a relationship, especially with george, was still something you were extremely new and nervous with, but george made you the best version of yourself, made you feel safe; george felt like home.

“i love you so so much,” george mumbled against your lips. “you have no idea how happy you make me.”

a giggle escaped your mouth, heart feeling full at his words.

“i love you too.”

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tagging - @goldenxreid @wilburxpancakes @sunlightgalaxy @criminaly-supernatural @blakes-dictionxry @mrs-dr-reid @weasleytwinsfav @theguppienamedbae @fadesbrina @lilypad-55449

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