#and i have my next exam in two days

[moeblob]

I am really tired of a situation rn.

#fe three houses #felix hugo fraldarius #me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet! #anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine #can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 ! #why am i getting your insurance company calling me today ! #also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp #and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene #so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth #literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic #i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck! #im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like #bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved #cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered #idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy #got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam #and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified #there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them #and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious #its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it

[dreadnotau]

Happy three years everybody! As always, there’s a lot to say on the occasion, so pop in at the end of the post for the tl;dr if you don’t have time for my detailed diatribes, haha

Boy, time flies, huh? Feels like the second anniversary was just yesterday, but maybe that’s just the several long hiatuses getting to me. I’ve been scarce on uploading anything anywhere for a while now, even though I promised I’d actually pick up the slack this time around. What gives? Well…

For one, college hell, and for two, a lot of unfounded anxiety about putting my art out there. Allow me some theatrics for a moment and I’ll actually get back to the comic at hand… I’ve never had an exceptionally supportive environment for making art. It wasn’t suppressive, not in the slightest, but it also wasn’t… encouraging. It was always treated as a hobby or a distraction rather than something I was allowed to be fully proud of, especially because a lot of my art focused on more cartoon-y and fantasy ideas, rather than still life studies and painting (which people generally outside of the art sphere tend to value more, arbitrarily). Couple that with a childhood full of being bullied over minute shit you hadn’t even considered could be an issue before, and you get a teenager hellbent on never sharing his interests or ideas with anyone, mostly due to the fear of rejection.

I’ve grown, thankfully, but that paranoia and fear doesn’t go away overnight. As I’m sure you all know, Meowchela was the one who originally encouraged me to post this comic, and the only reason she succeeded was because she was the first person in a long time who listened and engaged with my interests and my art in a meaningful way. It’s kind of obvious her friendship had a profound impact on me, and I’d cite her as one of the reasons I was even hopeful enough to apply to an art college in the first place! This comic, and that bond with another person, proved that maybe these things I’m so passionate about weren’t duds, and weren’t something I had to keep to myself.

So, fast forward a few years. About three years, in fact.

During one of my classes, right before this hellish two weeks of exams started, one of the class assistants talked me into showing my comic pages to one of my professors. He’s generally a pretty open guy when it comes to new mediums, but I’m always… apprehensive about showing my less “traditional art”-y things to professors, but, he ended up being genuinely proud of it. Specifically, I showed him pages 85-87 (because they’re my favourites) and, he didn’t read the text, just the visuals were enough for him to say “good job, keep it up” (which is HIGH praise from that guy). When I mentioned I’ve been meaning to simplify the visuals because I didn’t have time to work on the comic very often because of college and classes, he dismissed it on principle. I was honestly caught off guard. Heavily paraphrasing, he suggested that worsening the visuals for an arbitrary deadline was counterproductive to making something that’s Good™.

That’s kinda stuck with me. For a good few years now I was more focused on optimisation rather than visual improvement for the comic, and though it HAS contributed to better visuals in some ways (cutting corners sometimes makes for a less pointy and jagged end result), it’s kind of weird I’m treating an art project that way, isn’t it? I set a lot of… arbitrary deadlines and standards for myself, in the form of expectations and what I “should” or “shouldn’t” be doing at certain stages in my life. I’ve thought of Dread Not as a passion project second and a stepping stone first, if I’m being honest. As if it was too… fandom-y and derivative to be treated with more gravity than that, like it’s an immature project because I was still a child when I came up with it. As if it was something I’m making to Build Up to Something Else, something Bigger and Cooler and More Important, and… the more I think about the future of Dread Not, and even my future career options, the more I realised that’s, ironically, a really immature way to think about it.

If there’s one thing going to this art college has taught me, is that there’s no “right” way to make art, and there’s no “right” way to success as an artist. There’s no clear-cut paths, just more commonly treaded roads, but even those are heavily overgrown. Why should I try to box myself into thinking I have to make things from complete scratch to be taken seriously? What’s so bad about Dread Not as a story and as a comic that’s caused me to vaguely keep it under wraps when conversing with people in my day-to-day life? Why wouldn’t I put all these skills I’ve acquired to improve and expand this project that’s Right There, WAITING for me to finally get off my ass and get pages out there again?

I wish I could say I’ve used all this time away in a particularly clever way, but I really haven’t - at least, it feels like I haven’t. My art has undoubtedly improved over time (though admittedly the art for this post was Very rushed, fuckin exams), and while I’ve been working on projects in the background, chipping away at them in a VERY disorganised way, I haven’t been posting that progress anywhere, and I haven’t made any good progress on my biggest project, Dread Not, because of the other ones. And, honestly? Admitting that kinda stings. This comic means a lot to me, and I wish I actually gave it the time and attention it deserves instead of letting it sit out hiatus after hiatus because I keep failing at structuring my time.

So, my new plan is a little more abstract: find a way to work Dread Not into my school schedule, and slowly build a habit of working on it more often. No clue how long that’ll take, but I think it’ll be worth it to consider it as an option, and hopefully finally end these long, drawn out hiatuses with short bursts of uploads in-between. HOPEFULLY. Building habits was never my strong suit, so please bear with me while I figure this out in what will probably be the most hectic upload schedule in this comics history, which is: no schedule at all.

From now on (until the end of Act 1), I’ll upload pages when they’re ready, and depending on how the weeks go and how complex the page is, they could be weeks or days apart from one another. Hell, some might even take a month to finish if school stuff gets REALLY hectic (god knows Hellish Exam Week number 1 and number 2 won’t be giving me much time to work on the comic), but I’m determined to do this. I want to be able to put my all into this project again!!

(And hopefully finish Act 1 by the end of this semester…)

TL;DR: College is giving me life lessons I didn’t expect, and because of them I’ve decided to give myself a non-existent upload schedule for Dread Not: Pages will be posted when they’re ready, and the spacing between pages could wildly vary depending on circumstances and the actual complexity of the page itself.

As always, thank you for being here, thank you for reading, and thank you for being patient!

If all goes well, there will be new content very, very soon.

#dread not #dreadnot #dread not au #dreadnotau #not comic #kris #schedule update #again #apparently i was calling this last hiatus a pseudo hiatus? #oh silly past me. this was a full blown hiatus jesus fucking christ #but yeah no i love being at this college dont get me wrong #its just that i have like 3 exams to prepare for the next two days ALONE #so like!!!! wish me luck!!!!! for christs sake #yknow i was planning on actually Dedicating Time to the art for this post #but uhh. haha. a little thing called the consequences to my actions caught up to me #fuckin psychology exam today that i had to cram for last night #i think it went ok? who the fuck knows at this point #but for tomorrow and the day after that i have digital shit to finish some theory to cram AND an ENTIRE PAINTING #that i didnt even START YET #and its an autoportrait. as if i wasnt suffering enough i have to stare at my ugly mug for hours #AGAIN. BECAUSE I HAD A DIFF AUTOPORTRAIT TO FINISH FOR LAST WEEK #im in spain without the s yall pray for me

[hella1975]

just think this time tomorrow ill be publicly indecent in a spoons somewhere. i am so strong

#ONE MORE EXAM. WE CAN DO THIS. I WILL BE DONE IN LITERALLY LESS THAN 24 HOURS NOW #AND THEN THE NEXT EXAM SEASON ISNT UNTIL MAY. COME ON GIRL #we have such a fun plan for tomorrow though bc the consensus has just been 'we need to get fucking mangled after this exam' #like i havent been out-out in WEEKS the closest i came was the end of december for a hometown house party of all things #i didnt even go out for nye. let's all take a moment and consider the implications for someone like me NOT GOING OUT ON NYE #so i am OVERDUE a good night out and then on top of that ive had exams be SO fr #and also this is the first year where my main friendship group (i.e not my housemates but my actual social circle) #are ALL econ students like there's about five of us and we all do econ and yeah two of them ive been mates with since first year #(the girl is my best mate at uni and is always who im on about if i talk about a 'girl on my course' and the lad is the one i lived with #in first year and have kind of got a thing with now?) BUT THE OTHERS ARE NEW ADDITIONS AND THAT'S SO FUN #so we're ALL gonna tip out of that exam and then me and her are gonna go back to mine to get ready bc am i fuck doing make-up #before that exam. the STATES i have shown up in these past few days i think the invigilators are worried about me #and then we're meeting the lads at the pub and starting there and THEN going spoons bc it's me and the girl's tradition #(calling her just 'the girl' is so funny. woman 🫵) after exams to buy each other mystery shots at spoons and we HAVE to drink them #and then one of the lads really wants to go to a karaoke bar for some reason?? so that might be in my future #AND THEN we're going clubbing. im so ready. take me home vodka shots. the end is near please please please #hella goes to uni

[wanhedas-dagger]

Me thinking about Tarnished and the Werewolf au:

#I’m sorry!!!! #life has been so busy #the football season is on #exams are starting in ten days #I’ve started another CAD course #I’ve barely had any time to write #I have about 600 words for the next werewolf au in my notes app #I thought I’d have it done this weekend #but I spent a couple of depression days #so i spent the last couple of days working on my college work to make up for that #and I can’t write tomorrow #coz I’m off to a game that’s two hours away #personal

[mike-wheeler-ik-what-you-are]

forget hot girl summer imma bout to have busy girl autumn and stressed girl winter

#so basically #big rant incoming #next saturday I have to go to verona with my family #my best fríend told me today that in TWO WEEKS she is having a red carpet themed birthday party #and I have to make the dress #I have to do the proficiency c2 exam this year to take #school starts in two days and I have done like 50% of my summer homework #I have to take a tech exam / certification this year too #I have to buy a new phone #I'm starting singing classes again #I have to go find the right gym and go to the gym #I have more internship hours to do #can't forget about my feminist school group #aaaaand my sewing lessons #yes I am going to be busy no don't ask me how I'm doing

[buttercupshands]

forgot to post it

#genshin impact #sketch #fanart #wanderer genshin #scaramouche #nahida #wanderer #one day I'll have Nahida in my team #until then Wanderer will be ready #triple crowned him and I don't regret it #exams killed me and it seems like it's too little time until next ones #I've got two arts actually

[todayisafridaynight]

ignore if you don't give one for my streams Anyways potential stream schedule goin forward Just Until I Finish Judgement

thursday i'll stream judgement from like. 3:30 ~ 7:30

friday'll be 4:30 ~ 8:30

saturdays will be the usual 3:30 ~ . fuckin whenever LMAO art stream i do

#snap chats #ew i just remembered i have my spanish exam tomorrow im going to throw up #anyway i thought i'd stream today but the more i thought of it the more i wanted to throw up #im already really drowsy and plus i dont want to be stressed under the time crunch in-between class #plus assembling and disassembling The Tower is nerve racking i dont need something breaking while i rush to class LOL #thursday'll be chill since i only have my morning class then and friday i only have The One class. and its friday. #i'm putting a strict time limit on gameplay days since i want to try to record these and i think four hours is just enough time #firstly to watch but also i think it's small enough to be able to be saved onto my computer #idk we'll see how it plays out. i think the usb could only record about two hours before it ran out of space #and my computer's space As Of Now is about twice the size of that usb #i'm gonna try to clear up more space but yeah thats the deal for right now #four hours is by no means a lot of gameplay time- much less than id like LMAO but we do what we gotta #maybe i'll do a similar schedule for IW except instead of thurs being a game day i'll make it sunday #i have a night class thursday next semester unless i edit my schedule at some point #honestly i might cut out art streams during IW... lemme speed through the shit so i can draw stuff for it LOL #but we'll get there when we get there

[lycanthian]

THEY SHOULD INVENT A ME THAT CAN FOCUS ON LITERALLY ANYTHING AND I AM BEING DEAD SERIOUS

#lycan howls #delete later probably #i have finals next week and most of them are projects (i have to be at school to work on those) and one of them is like a real time exam #but one of them is a paper thats just die by a specific time and like #i cant focus on it for shit #that and the other paper i talked abt earlier which is a separate for the same class i need to do #and its driving me fucking insane #it feels like ive literally tried every trick in the book #every single thing that usually will let me focus #everything that other people recommend for focus #it sjust not fucking working today and its driving me isnane because these assignments are due in two days #and i plan on spending as much of the week as possible on my actual project assignments bc theyre for my major related classes #i need to be put down or sometjing because this is fucking unreal and i dont know how to fix it today

[sneez]

fairfax in 70s clothes because i think seventeenth-century men would love flares and incredibly loud shirts and questionable woollen tank tops. i don't have a better explanation than that i am afraid

#artwork #fairfax #puritan swag. the parliamentarian drip #i'm still mid-exams (which is why i havent answered my asks yet i am so sorry dear friends) so this has been my stress relief activity #it has been very effective! would highly recommend drawing historical figures in flares :-D #and belted jumpers for some ungodly reason. i looked at many 'top ten worst 70s outfits' articles in the process of drawing these #i must confess though i would wear 100% of these outfits. especially the first two he is making it work so much #to be honest i dont know if fairfax would actually wear any of these in reality but the whole cavalier/roundhead fashion divide is mostly #fake anyway (they pretty much wore the same clothes for the most part) so i like to think he would. he was a swanky guy #ALSO theres that one extant buff coat he owned which i have posted many times before which had pink silk sleeves so i am choosing to #believe that he would wear all of these. thats my opinion as a historian #anyway! i hope you are all doing well my dear friends :-D i miss you all very much #i am so close to being Fwee now..........i only have two more exams and my final one is on the last day of term so i am Almost There #i am absolutely exhausted though. i have five five-hour exams writing three essays for each and they are about as agonising as they sound #but this time next week i will be done!!! and then i will have time to draw more 70s fairfaxes (my purpose in life) #until then though i will continue crawling across the ground making horrible moaning noises until my final two exams are out of the way #eeueuuu. eueuuuuuuhh. eeeeuuuu. like that

[reneeub]

The Greek gods really went off with punishing Sisyphus huh

Like we all get that pushing that boulder uphill over and over is a hard job and also gets boring pretty quickly but it's cruel in a more complicated way than that

It's the growing frustration with failing the one simple task you've been doing for so long.

It's getting angry at yourself, why can't you learn anything from from what you just did.

It's always second guessing yourself if the problem is you, are you the reason you fail every time?

It's the loneliness when you have no one to ask even for smallest hints to make your work easier

It's seeing the boulder down the hill again and wondering if there is any end to this or is it just like that forever?

#greek mythology #sisyphus #sorrry i get tons of homework every week and have no energy to do them and when i try they take me hours for some reason and when i finally #do half of them it's the deadline already and next day i have another ton of them to do and cant finish the first pile #and then its exam wednesday and i didnt even study bc i feel like i spend my whole time over this homework so i know what it looks like and #i cant even look at the text book bc just looking at it makes me feel bad and guess how the exam goes... #its been two months i thought it would get easier by now but its the same #and it propably will be the same for the next two months until the semester ends and then for the next few years until i graduate #and knowing life after uni there will probably come another task that's exhausting in this way #the grind never stops

[baeshijima]

rewatching arlecchinos animated short like 10 times was a mistake bc now im abt to throw up from sobbing sm

#just genshin <3 #i hate it here #the ost.... the lore... clervie.... just everything was so so good.... bleerrghh..... #ill be doing her quest either on the weekend or next week bc friday is my last day of formal lessons and then i have one last project due #for monday and then im done for my first year of uni !! other than doing two exams in may but that doesnt count as lessons #BUT AAAAA IVE HEARD GOOD THINGS ABT THE QUEST AND THE NEW WORLD QUEST #god i have so many quests to catch up on... world and chara ones..... #but that just means more primos for clorinde and more lore to find out 🫡

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

brain is screaming and running around like a toddler this week bc of all the changes happening

If I can make it through the end of exams without crying it will be a miracle

#roommates are moving out #which means two sets of parents in the house moving furniture and all that this weekend #next weekend I should say #this weekend is when my roommate’s cat goes home for the last time #this is the last week I have with him and I will miss him dearly #classes are ending so my routine is majorly upended #and a lot of the furniture I’ll be needing for my house after my roommates are gone won’t be here the first week #bc I’m going home to my parents’ house to pick it up over Mother’s Day #which also means I need to buy/make a gift for my mom for Mother’s Day #maybe I’ll do that in autism club today idk #she likes spring decor maybe I’ll paint her some flowers from the photos I’ve taken #and then there’s all the homework I still have to do and all the exams I still have to study for #and I still have to carry on and do my weekly tasks like job and grocery shopping and laundry #like nothing is wrong #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #I am not built to handle change well!!!!!!!

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #lmao around this time last year i decided to give up on him n LMAO girl if only you knew #i should have just talked to him but djdjjdjdjd idk it felt weird. but he even like. complained one time that we didnt talk all summer #like LMAO..... bro its two ways. u could have messaged me too xjdjjdjdjdj #tho to be fair i think he did show up to a dinner but i wasnt there bc i had just had wisdom tooth surgery n was 1. blown up like a balloon #and 2. so high on pain meds i couldnt function JFJDJJDJDJDJDJ #n e way whatever jdjdjdjd im just laughing at myself bc how did this man become my closest friend from college Zhfnnddnnd #our relationship is so weird. not in a bad way but in an unexpected way #we sat beside each other an entire semester n never talked til the last day like thats so FUNNY IDK #i even said to him that time. bc we were talkin in the hallway n went to sit for the exam n sat in our regular spots of being one seat awa #y and i was like... you know its so funny that we sat beside each other all semester and only talked today #and he was like.... hahha yeah #i was gonna introduce myself but it felt so stupid JDJJDJDJD #i didnt even know his name LMAO #i had him narrowed down to 2 names. bc he was one of like 2 guys that Always showed up in another class' zoom #and LOL i was right. he WAS one of those 2 shjdjsjsj #n e way. then the next sem came n i didnt know whether to say hi to him or not bc we talked ONCE #and i was still wearing my mask at this point and so id try to smile at him with my eyes but never got a response HDNJDJD and so i got soooo #annoyed with him. and even more so bc i kept making friends with ppl and they KNEW HIM??? and i was like WHO IS THIS???? #then one time he came up to me n my friends before class n we just talked and i was like o lmao this annoyance im having??? its a big ole #crush BDNNDNDND #and in community college its hard to like. know ppls ages and that day i found out he was 2 years younger so i was like o ok 26 n 28 isnt #bad at all #but thinking back.... first things we exchanged that time was age and i think he was also trying to fish for whether i was single bc he was #talkin about this other guy havin a baby n a wife n i was like o wow !! i didnt know!! #jdjxjdjdjdk god when he found out my age he was like... oh i never would have guessed you were older. you look young ZFHJDJDJDJDJD #oh so you were Looking is that right HJXJXJXJZJZJ GOD LMAO #i look back on so many moments n im like oh duh... he must be interested #but for me its like. i will literally more easily believe literally any other theory so i thought he just liked one of my friends Zhjxjx #ya i dont think so anymorem but i thought that up until like mid january HDHXJJXJDDJJDJ

[thursdayg1rl]

wondering if i should push my luck in regards to rail fraud tomorrow

#nearly caught today was super stressful #but then am i willing to pay 15 pounds for a ticket no. #unforch i think i will have to buy it. but avoiding the fare was fun while it lasted #then two weeks and 2 days left of school before study leave #and hopefully my uncle is back by next week so he can pay for those days 😭 #should not be this expensive to go to school jesus christ #everything is a joke. need to get a job asap after exams

[all-fire-and-brimstone]

#zucest doodle i rushed in 4am for uhhhhh chinese valentines day. i actually had an exam that day but #bc the two major ships were both running an event to celebrate that day and im too competitive to not let zucest miss the fun lol #didnt post it here as soon as i finished bc i thought this is too cringe maybe in future i could make it better(like i always have thought) #but after some time i have realised this is actually not that bad!! #probably bc i have regressed #ANYWAY i just finished the last exam where we had to HANDwrite all the programming codes. ridiculous #next zucest drawing will drop when my hand could hold a pen again #doodle #zucest

[kohakhearts]

cons of going to a “good schoolTM”: insane workload, unbearable classmates, next to no support when you have any kind of extenuating circumstances Including literal hospitalization, etc

pros of going to a “good schoolTM”: the 9-5 lifestyle is genuinely a major improvement

#taylor.txt #the extenuating circumstances point was not me btw. i know someone who had his degree delayed an entire year because of two weeks in psych #we’re in a co-op program or else maybe it wouldve just been one semester but. lol #i hate it here…i hate it #but hey…at least i have the world’s shittiest health insurance! #some of my classmates say they dont feel like working full-time is easier than going to school full-time but it so is #for me. anyway. even when i fumbled my time management bad on the field and make no mistake i was incredibly busy plus i chose a field #notorious for Unpaid Overtime and Taking Your Work Home. even then. it was still easier than this #i would never do undergrad again. i loved everything i learned. i took interesting and awesome classes #but i would never ever do it again. miserable overworked spent most of it friendless until i got on the field #i have a friend who keeps being like idk how you did 4 physics classes this sem and im like girl we are education students…thats an average #semester for a physics major. how must THEY feel #also i have to say just you know. generally. ive worked full-time while living with my parents #AND while living alone. and 50 hours a week was incredibly manageable in the former arrangement. i even wrote and edited an entire novel #in the beginning stages of a pandemic while working 50 hours a week of retail and fast food hell. 40 hours full-time with weekends off #while living alone though? thats hard. i still managed to go to the gym almost every day #currently? i cant get out of bed in the morning. i am putting in 12 hour days and then goinng to bed unable to sleep because im so stressed #i have dreams about school. tangentially theres a really good marxist poem i read last year about this phenomenon in workers #ANYWAY. i have just 8 more days 4 exams 1 research paper and video project #i think i can pass and then thats it. my next semester is hell but just because scheduling the actual classes will be easy #and then i get to go back on the field and actually want to wake up every day. lol #and 8 days from now i will have my christmas shopping done and my apartment will be clean and i will be a fanfic writing machine #also my friends and i booked a demolition room so im sure that will be beneficial kfldjfldndks