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#and i have to cancel the appointment i had with a psychiatrist this week bc my insurance card doesn't work anymore

seraphim-soulmate · 3 months

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I needed to send another email to a government program and when checking if I'd attached the proper documents, started crying pretty hard because I didn't fully realize what I'd been sending these people. I fully read the documents that I've just been sending as proof of my disability and it tore me apart while building me back up.

One document is a testament to every treatment I tried, written by the pain clinic, with all the results of every treatment. Every consult I went to, another update about what I'd been trying. it's not absolutely everything either, bcs there were months that I didn't go to the pain clinic so they didn't get an update. I did SO much and fought SO hard to get myself help, to try to feel better. And it's all there, in that document. And I'd gaslight myself into thinking my problems weren't that bad, that I was being excessive or making things up. That I didn't have a right to articulate my needs and get them met, that I wasn't even allowed to have needs. I had to work, actually work on, in therapy, finding out my most basic needs. Then communicating them. Without dismissing myself or belittling myself or thinking I'm bad or my needs are bad if someone cannot meet them. Now I have to work on communicating them in a way that doesn't sound like an order, and communicating them early enough that I don't feel a need to articulate them like an order.

There's also of course my psychiatrist's letter which is hard-hitting too. The fact that I helped write the rough draft only makes it even more painful, but in a good way. The last sentence, after pages of my diagnoses and how they impact me, is "despite his many problems, he presents a beautiful resilience associated with a strong desire to improve his life conditions and to better integrate into society." When you've just read the medical report from the pain clinic, then the one from the psychiatrist, I don't know who wouldn't be shaking in tears after that tbh. Especially with the knowledge of where I was at in life, that I was caretaking for my grandmother the entire time that I was struggling myself, and that I was alone. I had friends, and I cannot be more grateful for those who stood by me, but not having family is hard. Knowing your parents don't understand and can't help is hard. I'm glad my dad tried, that he's gotten better at believing me again. He was the one who actually came to me with the idea that it might be fibro, but that was such a scary diagnosis at the time, for the fact that it was psychosomatic and for the fact that there was no relief, that it took me a bit to accept that he was trying to help. And then I looked into it more. And I went to the pain clinic. And I got so so so very lucky making an appointment, I got one for the following week because of a cancellation. I would have had to wait months otherwise.

Knowing I did that, by myself, alone. I researched conditions and symptoms and medications and treatments and therapies and the list goes on! I became a micro-expert in my field of disability, because you have to if you want to know what your doctors are doing to you and what you can do in response. Advocating for yourself as a disabled person and fighting with doctors is one of the most fucked up things I got from this experience. Some of them are absolutely repugnant.

I searched for all the medical professionals, I reached out to them, I booked the appointments, I reached out to get help going to the appointments so I would have a witness to how doctors treated me, I tried again and again and again, despite so many treatments failing or even worsening my pain. It's so weird to look back on that and think that I didn't just do nothing about my condition, that I was more active and engaged in my care than most disabled people are (or can be, no diss to disabled ppl who cannot get access to care).

I'm proud of that, of everything I've done, but it's also deeply fucking sad. I did that all alone. I didn't get a diagnosis when I was younger, I didn't have the support of my parents. My mom didn't book doctors appointments for me, she didn't take me to them, she didn't hold me when I was weeping with pain and grief and loss. She's proud of me, for everything I've accomplished, because she's now seen people with my conditions who struggle more than I do and she realizes now how excruciating it is for me to be here- to exist. Realistically I know it was easier for me to do it without her, she lives in the middle of nowhere and would have been more of a burden than help, but it's still hard. It's hard that I cannot count on my parents for this, to literally take care of me. Idk if it'll ever not be hard, if I'll ever forgive them for not listening to me all those years I cried out for help to be met with silence, or worse, accusations of lying. Of making it up for attention.

But I'm a success story. I'm living, breathing, being human, being loved and loving, and dealing with it all as it comes. I get to wake up another day and see how the sun reflects off the leaves, I get to see another sunset, I get to see the snow, I get to go to the park, I get to craft, to create, to play. I get to be part of other people's stories. I get to discover my own story.

#personal #me #disability #chronic pain

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chronically-crying · 11 months

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One time before I even got sick I said (mostly joking) to my mom and sister that the American healthcare system has a personal vendetta against me (I have now been cucked by blue cross blue shield, COBRA, PrefferedOne, and for both lifesaving and not strictly necessary medical things) and my sister's response was "IDK the American healthcare system hasn't been particularly kind to me either" (she had a broken leg that needed surgery but she had to come home and wait several days before she actually went back and got the metal screws in her leg that she needed for the bones to heal properly)

but joke's on her because no I have been 1) in preauthorization hell for HRT for 3 full months (my gender care doc had never seen it takes that long) 2) I had a full psych eval scheduled bc I suspect I have ADHD and a psychiatrist I saw was like "yeah you should probably get the whole deal" and it was cancelled the day before, 3) I got diagnosed with IBD, given 2 months worth of Prednisone and told "you'll see someone in 6 weeks" only for the appointment to cancel the day of bc I was 17 and they weren't licensed for peds, 4) I've been on 3 different biologics now for IBD, Remicade which barely worked, Entyvio which did not work, and now Stelara which is great. IF ONLY MY INSURANCE LET ME HAVE IT because reauthorization came around in March and it got denied and ever since I have been living on the edge of a Crohn's flare

BONUS: this isn't insurance related but I got a fancy rare skin condition called pyoderma gangrenosum (DONT GOOGLE THIS ITS HORROR MOVIE SHIT) which is heavily related to Crohn's but because of how it presents it doesn't totally seem like an autoimmune condition and I was treated for the wrong thing from mid-May to the end of July before someone went "have you seen a dermatologist yet? Bc this is definitely not an infection" and I basically suffered for 7 weeks for no reason

#crohns disease #american healthcare #IBD #pyoderma gangrenosum

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boney-appetite1 · 3 years

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WOW has it been a while

huge huge huge update coming for those of u who still follow me

basically since my last update, ive had numerous admissions for my ed where they tubed me no matter what, even just for fluids bc i wasnt co-operating with anything.

then in april, i made an ✨attempt✨ and had an ambulance called on me during work by my friend when she found out and i was passing out and vomiting, where they took me in and i was immediately sent into a RESUS room. basically, i went into acute liver failure and was actually about to be transferred to my main city for a transplant one morning, but miraculously that day my tests came back that my liver was finally repairing itself, and my transplant was cancelled. that whole admission was basically spent in 5-point restraints and under constant sedation, so i only remember bits and pieces.

afterwards, i made 4 more attempts as i would try every time i was discharged, and my ed service discharged me as a complex patient and transferred me to a different service, where they sectioned me on my first appointment and sent me to my town’s psych ward. i spent nearly 2 months in there under a treatment order, where they got the tribunal to put through 12 sessions of involuntary ECT. thankfully, i only completed 5 sessions before my inpatient psychiatrist decided to withdraw me from the treatment as for every session i was placed in 5-point restraints, no sedation or medication to calm me down as it would impact the general anaesthesia, and wheeled across the entire hospital surrounded by security; so he FINALLY went ‘oh, this might be bad considering her past trauma’.

i then had to stay in and i lost my other tribunal and got placed on a full treatment order, but after a couple of weeks they revoked the order as they realised i was only getting worse and feeling ‘out of control’ triggers my trauma responses.

i have received additional diagnoses of C-PTSD and BPD traits as a development of my C-PTSD, and am now beginning trauma therapy with a psychologist as well as treatment from my current service.

it will be 3 weeks tomorrow since i was discharged, and ive already been put on the admissions list back into the psych ward 4 times but i have revoked my place with every opportunity i get to as my outpatient psychiatrist refuses to let anyone section me anymore after they figured out it triggers me severely.

while i was IP they made me gain well over 10kg which is really fucking with me, but i just didnt want to be sent to medical while under an order because i know how bad it can get.

i have no intervention for my anorexia right now so its starting to really flare up again which is terrifying me, and i just dont know what to do anymore. they want me to restart ECT but on voluntary terms this time, which terrifies me because i still havent been able to process everything they did to me last time.

hope ur all doing well, sorry this is such a long update and i havent been on in a while 🧡🧡

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mieczyhale · 4 years

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a messy explanation of things and unnecessary information about life lately

soooo... right. i’m sorry i haven’t really been around aside from popping in here and there, and that i’ve been taking longer than usual to reply to things / not replying to things at all. it’s NOT that i’m upset with anyone or trying to ignore / avoid anyone, and it’s not that i don’t care / don’t love talking to you (whomstever you may be) i love chatting with y’all and wish i could get myself to reply to things quicker but i do not control the me lmfao honestly my sleep has never had a schedule but in recent weeks it’s kinda been operating like there’s a lil gremlin in my head who spins a wheel and picks my sleeping times at random - and it’s either like.. two hours or most of a day. there hasn’t been a lot of in between so that’s a thing!!

also in a fun added mix of maybe sleep?, missing meds, being stuck in the house more often than not, and the FUCKING EVERYTHING happening in the world right now my mental health is... probably run by the same goblin that runs my sleep schedule lmao consistency whomst?? since the lockdown started the depression has of course been around more but actually, worse than that, is how my anxiety - and by extension: my ocd - have really amped up and i need y’all to know that the struggle is painfully real (and another thing that affects shit like my replies and writing. reading as well. fics have been kinda stressful and that should be illegal. who authorized this?) i don’t hate talking about it but i don’t really like it either?? especially like.. in depth. but i will say there has been crying, screaming, pain!, and i’ve acquired a few physical injuries.

yeah

on a personal level - a ‘just me’ level - shit is an even bigger mess than usual lmao but all these things will get better eventually - they always do.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

NOW

ON A PERSONAL LEVEL - THE FULL LEVEL - THINGS.... are pretty great actually! i mean aside from the state of my fucking house e__e but Josh has been working from home for two (2) months now and it’s been really nice - people complaining about their partners being home?? can’t relate. yknow what?? i just might love that tall bastard even more from all this.fuck all y’all miserable fucks

we’ve been going out for drives and we’ve gone fishing and the only place i’ve gone too that’s re-opened is goodwill. because i require.. the shop. they do have a masks required rule! (at least at the one here) and, alongside that, the places we’ve gone that never closed (like grocery stores and the gas station and the hardware store) have social distancing rules and stuff in place which i love. can we keep social distancing after this is all over?? more things here in wisconsin are opening up and we might go to some. idk though. we also might not. either way its still a weird kind of exciting to see things opening back up?? even though i do think we’re not totally in the clear because most of our gov. sucks (our mayor tried to extend our stay-at-home order - keyword there is TRIED. we are the land of cheese, cows, and no fucking braincells for anyone)

having pets is obviously not a new thing for me but it’s still a thing. so it takes time and effort and energy and patience and love and a certain disregard for your own safety (claws. they really be as sharp as you think) so... it can be stressful, especially cuz we’ve had to keep them inside more as it gets hot out and something keeps breaking our porch screens (our cats are allowed onto our screened in porch or they can go out in a harness but we will never let them run free outside. fuck that noise) my bbies are all so cute and their personalities and idiosyncrasies are just... *chefs kiss* i love em and they’re definitely a part of what has made quarantine better

i’ve seen my mom a few times, like for my birthday and when she needed help moving Isaiah from one dorm to another and such, but that’s primarily been an option because she has become anti-mask and anti-stay-at-home-order. initially she wasn’t - she gave Isaiah and i fun lil masks since at that time trying to buy them would be impossible and she thought nothing of staying home - but i guess either as its dragged on or as she’s consumed her middle-right wing news that changed s o. she does take social distancing in public very seriously though, so at least there’s that. our favorite coffee shop, where we - pre-lockdown - always went one (1) or two (2) times a week to do art for hours re-opens on monday and that’s one of the few things i’ve truly missed.

josh’s camping trip for this weekend with his friends had to be cancelled because the parks weren’t going to open in time. so today they’re going somewhere to do at least some of the things they would have done if they had gone camping. bikes, bonfires, and cigars. i’m kinda jealous negl but he was really excited about it so mostly i’m happy

trying to figure out how human services was running things during lockdown was rough but thankfully it didn’t take much to get it sorted. mostly because my mom made the phone call i was supposed to lol (the phone anxiety is on its own level) so wednesday afternoon my mom sat with me while i had the appointment with my psychiatrist over speakerphone (which was.. an experience)

ummm.....

OH YEAH! Probably absolutely my favorite thing that’s happened is: WE’RE STARTING THE SEARCH FOR A NEW HOUSE!!!! it doesn’t mean we’re gonna be moving soon or anything, we don’t want to make the same mistake twice (buying the first house you tour that you love) because while it is a great house ultimately it is way too small for us. i mean there’s me and josh, all six cats, and ALL OUR SHIT. listen: i have an entire room dedicated to my various hobbies. and a walk in closet that isn’t big enough. and we both have collections we love and want to display (right now upstairs its hello kitty and downstairs its astronomy and the titanic. and then there’s pop figures, mtg, collectibles, our bottle collection and various knickknacks, etc.) plus all our books! then furniture and cat furniture (i.e towers) and all their shit because they are spoiled babies. and god forbid we ever have a human kid?? yeah. it’s just not big enough.

so we’re gonna take more time with this choice but what we do know is:: we wanna live out in the country (i’m paranoid and don’t like to be looked at and he loves the outdoors, lived on a farm for awhile. i also enjoy the outdoors but mostly since we moved into this house i’ve struggled with doing anything outside... while we only have one neighbor on our road. but there’s one across the road and one at the other side of our backyard and that’s just too much lol)

lets see.. um.... my birthday was may 2nd and that was pretty nice, for a pandemic birthday. there’s been a lot of stuff happening involving josh’s family but that’s not something i really wanna get into on here, tho i will say things have been better in recent weeks and it’s been... really nice. josh and i went to his mom’s house the other night and got drunk with her for fun and i actually had a really good time?? and didn’t complain about going?? that’s kinda unheard of.

i don’t have a job anymore - haven’t since early march-ish - and it kinda sucks but also the universe really did me a solid because my choices were either allow myself to work until i have a mental break again or quit. and i was leaning towards quitting (things had been going down hill with the owner and other employees and just the business as a whole for awhile and there’s a limit to the amount of bullshit i can take thanks) but now it doesn’t seem i have to. why do i think i’m jobless? i was barely working anyway, bc of the snow business was slow, and in march i got really sick and stayed home for a week. the day i was supposed to go back i was still sick, and covid19 was starting to become more of a serious situation everywhere, so josh called in for me and explained that between still being sick and my anxiety over covid (asthma + a not so great immune system) i wasn’t going in that day. i never heard from them again. so.

but it’s all good - there are some options but i’m not looking into them seriously until it’s safe to.

THAT’S ALL OF FUCKING THAT ON THAT

i felt it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come on here and explain A. what’s been going on and B. where i’ve been and C. that if i haven’t responded to you or acknowledged something you sent me / tagged me in it’s literally just because i either forgot to (for all reasons and none) or i don’t have the mental space / energy to. but that doesn’t mean you have to stop talking to me! even if i don’t respond or respond immediately i do read everything and i would die for any one of you fuckers (especially my clowns and the tom hardy movie)

oh! and just btw - sometimes i don’t get notifications (quelle surprise) tumblr and skype should really pair up and talk about their truly great systems that function so well /s 8| ANYWAY: the best and most reliable ways to get my attention are twitter ( @/mieczyhale) and discord (same name) because i have yet to see their notifications fail. ahem.

i feel like i’m missing things / forgetting things but honestly this post is long enough and also enough of a rambley mess that i’m just gonna try and ignore that feeling and carry on with my goddamn day so i might actually accomplish something. sorry if there’s spelling off or missing words. i’m not taking the time to re-read this and might even delete it bc it’s already giving me anxiety bUT WE’LL SEE ALRIGHT HI AND BYE I LOVE YOU GUYS <3

#might delete later?? probably?? havent decided.#maison speaks #tinysquidrachel

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bpdeadd · 3 years

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idk when I'll get another therapy session tbh, I feel like I've kind of been forgotten, the therapist I was seeing is ill and has been for over 3 or 4 weeks now - almost 4 or 5 idk anymore so idk what's going on - nothings been explained to me, I've waited over a year for an appointment before finally getting one, and that was back in December, I had to call them last week after my ‘3rd’ apparent appointment had been booked, the 2nd was cancelled and when the ‘3rd’ one came along about 2 weeks later, I had to call them bc I hadn’t heard anything for 2 weeks and now I haven’t heard anything since. I know we’re currently in lockdown atm, and idk when I'll have an appointment - hopefully it’ll be a phone one or smth, but honestly waiting for an appointment, I had to process everything myself, w/o any support or help from anyone - and I really do mean that, I had (and still have) no one, I was just left alone to deal with everything, when I tried to reach out for help I was just ignored, and I feel kind of bitter about the fact when I finally got an appointment I had really started to get over everything and I don’t really want to bring any of it up, bc to me - I've dealt with it. Its still painful but not as bad as it was - I still need help but the help I desperately needed and wanted was never given to me, and I had to deal with it all on my own and I hate the fact I had to deal w it on my own, but when the time came when I got that session I was like ‘whats the fucking point? I've dealt w it now, where were you when I needed you??’ I did everything on my own, and also I feel bitter about my sister getting help immediately like she got really ill in mid october or smth??? (around idk or remember when it was) and the next week had therapists and psychiatrists coming to the house, and she got all the help she needed, and even my parents paid a lot of attention to her, and I felt like I had just been forgotten, and my parents also expected me to drop everything and be there for my sister even tho I was already struggling, and in pain and processing all the shit that I've gone through and how I've felt, and its like I didn’t even matter, and already when my sister got ill and got help it had been a year since I had contacted a therapist and been put on a waiting list to get ‘help’ and seeing my sister immediately get it - like a week later, just made me feel even worse, bc - why couldn’t I have gotten help that quickly when I asked for it? when I was practically crying and begging for it? and I was even yelled at, ignored, for daring to ask... and now, my sisters fine, she still has sessions every week (including family therapy which is basically everyone ganging up on me at this point) and is about to start CBT tomorrow. and I'm still waiting, I've only had one session, and my sister also got better enough to apply for a job, and she's now gotten one and starts Monday, and I'm still getting fit notes from the doctor bc I'm too ill to work. I try and keep myself distracted from everything - smoking, shopping, watching yt vids, netflix, and now learning Japanese, and now my birthday is in a few days and thats just reminding me that I'm getting older and should’ve accomplished more by this age, should have a job, should have moved out, should have my life together, but I'm still too ‘unwell’ or w/e and I've been left on my own to deal with my health and everything, and not knowing what to do, and watching everyone just move on w their lives and be happier, even despite this whole pandemic, and its making me feel even worse and hopeless - I get left behind - again, I'm still on my own, and still struggling, and ppl don’t even see that or care.

I’ve had a few emotional breakdowns over the last few days - w my birthday coming up and everything is making me feel worse, and I'm just so sad and angry all the time, and it never goes away, and even if I try to distract myself, at the end of the day - all that shit, it still happened, all the shit I feel, its still there - and I get nothing, no relief from that fucking pain, I mean my fucking stomach and back hurt (like I was being electrocuted and sharp pain basically) and I was hyperventilating w one of my breakdowns and I had to try and calm myself down feeling the emotional and physical pain, bc obv I knew I was the only one who could ever really be there for me at that point. And I was the only one who could actually try and comfort myself and try and calm myself down. I have truly been abandoned and left on my own now and I have no one and nothing. My fear of abandonment isn’t paranoia or ‘imagined’ its very very real and I would rather die then go through that ever again.

#personal//#Vent//#long post//#bpd tag #actuallybpd

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problemeule · 6 years

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Personal bullshit ahead

I dunno, I just feel like I gotta type this up right now, because my brain is a mess ™ this time of year. The last week has been... eventful.

I had a fullblown goddamn flashback to childhood trauma ™, complete with a panic attack that made me lose feeling in my upper lip for a while because hyperventilation.

Relationship with mother is shaky because of said flashback and events that caused it

It’s uncomfortable and she’s trying to be there for me in her own uncomfortable way, which I can’t deal with right now bc I haven’t recovered yet and getting close to her again just isn’t something I can handle right now

I missed an appointment with my psychiatrist - due to the LaTeX course, and I didn’t cancel because I didn’t know if I’d be able to go and thought I probably could and then anxiety when it became apparent I wouldn’t make it

And my meds are running p low

And I had an agreement with him that he’d call me if something like this happened

....

It is not working

My dgti Ergänzungsausweis that I applied for in January? Nowhere in sight? It’s been two months and it’s usually only one and anxiety ™ and I’ll have to contact the person responsible for my area which means more anxiety ™

I had benign but nonetheless uncomfortable health issues (I’m apparently slightly allergic to soy and also now know what acid reflux feels like, recommend neither but am grateful that my soy allergy only manifested itself after drinking about a liter of soy milk so)

My Uni Buddy invited me to her birthday and I haven’t replied yet bc anxiety ™. For several reasons. And this is just shaping up to be a dark vortex of evil atm

But some good things are happening! Have happened!

I’m back in contact with an old friend from school and it’s not super awkward

They’ve even used my birth name just once even though I’m not outed as trans

I mean it might not have been deliberate but I’ll fucking take positivity where I fucking find it

Best friend needs my help with school shit and I just like to feel needed/useful man

I have. Awesome. Friends.

Both via interwebs and irl

This is honestly quite a novelty for me

I have never.

Had this many friends

And just. I love them, and I’m grateful to know them and that they exist and ashdkdkd

Friendos ur great is what I’m saying

I. Managed. To call. A therapists office.

I mean it was at 11:30pm but

Seeing how I’ve basically wanted to be on this path since I was seventeen

And have had more or less certain plans for ~6 months

I’d say that’s pretty damn awesome

I’m gonna set an alarm so i can catch her phone hours tomorrow morning wish me luck

#personal bullshit #personal #it is cold and my brain is a sieve and i gotta hold on to thoughts for as long as possible #so im typing this while im waiting for my tram #it is cold #panic attackts #flashbacks #anxiety #mental health

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emoelrics · 6 years

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hhh i have been working on a paper and i think i sorta got it down i just need to have some logical evidence for my premises. i’ll probably double check it with my prof. but GOD I AM SO BUSY TOMORROW i had 3 appointments scheduled and i have to cancel all three of them which is GREAT. i’m not really sure if my parents will be charged but we’ll see! i’m bummed abt cancelling on my psychiatrist bc my initial consultation person seemed very insistent on me coming. well that’s because i was talking about the suicidal thoughts. and i also need to get my ecg done at some point.....i could probably get my mom to drive me down and get it done during spring break and then i’d get my labwork done so for my next psychiatrist appointment i’d have all my labwork done.....

but GOD i really am SO busy my mental health has been off the fucking rails which has NOT been helping at all. like i need to go meet with someone for my tour guide thing and then i wanted to go to dc and get lunch with this girl from my anatomy class and also maybe go to a comedy show and hang out with someone else h..... so many things going on! i really should pack up and leave to go on saturday cause uhhhhh im sooooo stressed and there are very few things making me want to stay on campus esp the fact that my roommate isnt going home and she’s bringing her damn friend and she didnt even TELL ME BEFOREHAND. like yeah i wouldnt have said no but the fact that she gaslights me and was like ohhh i thought i told you like NO!!!

there’s also all these club things i’m ignoring and i need to finish this paper and i havent gone to rugby practice in ages i just ugh let me write down my responsibilities

print out testimony for general assembly tomorrow

BIOETHICS PAPER

finish docu for epi and then write 3 page movie critique

respond to emails abt my awol article

go to office hours for au ambassadors

send in short sizes and figure out how to pay for rugby dues

work out all of my psychiatry stuff

submit my food log for cbrs

send my availability for club

practice piano

work out bc i have not eaten or taken care of my body in several days

ya that’s abt it god im sooo overwhelmed and it’s not going to help that when i come back my life is going to be STACKED. like i’m gonna try to go to rugby practices as often as possible and then after a practice im going to have rehearsal and then i have tour times two times a week and then i also have to volunteer for my scholars program.... god everything is so much i really overcomitted didn’t i. i also forgot about my internship LOL. like i wish i was just doing rugby, au ambassadors, awol, and the public health club? but ughhh we’ll figure it out i just have been soooo incompetent bc of my depression and suicidal thoughts. here’s to being competent when i come back from break! hopefully the worst of my side effects from meds wont be there!

#just me venting about life #trash.txt

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brilliantchinboy · 7 years

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Seeing that post about getting help for mental illnesses reminded me that I don’t think I put an update on here about my whole situation? Last thing I remember was saying how I didn’t like the psychiatrist I saw at all and that I was quiting and giving up because it felt like this horribly impossible situation.

I’ll put more below the cut cause this might get pretty long. If you just want the low down here it is: pychiatrist guy was shit and made me feel like crying bc he invalidaded my experience. therapist lady is great and gives me things that seem to help and she is confused by shitty psychiatrist guy stories

After seeing him, I felt like he had taken all of my stories of how I was uncomfortable in social situations, my stories of panic attacks and basically threw them aside and said, “you’re overreacting and you’re totally normal. I’ll find some counselors you can see to learn about your personality.” I left that office after an hour and a half wanting to cry. I almost cried walking from the office to the elevator.

It took me a couple of weeks of crying over my mental health every day because it felt like this impossible weight I could never lift off my shoulders and evnetually just pushed it all aside because I was tired of crying. I had told my parents howI felt about the appointment and that I would be cancelling my next one. They were supportive, saying how it was my choice and I could do what I felt was right. (They said some other things, that I know came out of a place of wanting me to feel better, but were also a bit ignorant and came off semi-wrong because they don’t fully understand).

I left it at that until the end of that week after the appointment. My dad told me that at church there was a mental health meeting. It was the first one out what they hoped would be many, as they realized that mental health was important. I went, probably expecting more from it than a first meeting just there to inform peopel than I should have. But afterwards my dad and I walked around the church and had a nice conversation. He asked me questions about my anxiety and showed me he wanted to understand more.

My mom also gave me a pamphlet from this organization of counselors that my sister had gone to a couple years ago. She has anxiety to some degree as well and picks at sores all the time, even without meaning to. I ended up finally getting an appointment with one lady who ended up being absolutely fantastic.

In the first appointment she asked me what I was there for and what I wanted out of the appoinment(s). I expressed that I first wanted to be told whether or not I had anxiety and if I did, I just wanted ways I could help myself. After filling out a short questionaire she said I did have anxiety, which was a relief. I’ve been seeing her for almost a month now and I feel a lot better after I go.

I’m trying to push myself to impliment things she’s said because if I really want change, I know I have to impliment the things I’m given. I’m trying to do aerobics 3 times a week and meditation as well. She noticed how when I spoke about the time I teared up at everyone yelling around me and how I said that sometimes I’ve just had enough sounds/noise and even the smallest things bother me - that noise is a part of my anxiety. Which I agree with. She mentioned medidation and I said I’d done it once before and I really enjoyed it.

So it’s been really great with this new therapist. Also I’ve told her about the psychiatrist I saw and after telling her how he said I was normal, and how he reacted to the story about me tearing up in chapel (both saying I was normal, and telling me basically not to preplan what I wanted to say and just let things flow from the conversation) with things like, “You definitely have anxiety.” and “I don’t commandeer the conversation right? I try to come with stuff planned but if we don’t get to it because you have something you need to say, I’m fine with that.” (I reassured her I felt that I could say what I felt necessary to say).

#/personal #mental health

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kurouzus · 4 years

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2 weeks ago i was at the top of my game now im here trying not to cry in my car outside my job hvaing to chase down my own fucking therqpist bc he just hasnt been botheringnto try to reach out to me he had to cancel 1 appointment now hes like im not even gonna call her fir a new appointmebt lets make her call me a week later like heyyy whats up andnthen even then not make an appointment and have her desperately keep trying and thennthe fucking dietician hasnt called me yet when she was supposed to and the psychiatrist hasnt called me no ones called me

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generouslyteenagealpaca-blog · 6 years

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East Ryegate Vermont Cheap car insurance quotes zip 5042

"East Ryegate Vermont Cheap car insurance quotes zip 5042

East Ryegate Vermont Cheap car insurance quotes zip 5042

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Where to get car insurance quote?

Why are my car insurance quotes so high?

I'm about to get my first car at 25, and thought I'd look at insurance quotes for a cheap little run-around to get me started. I have only just passed my test so expected quotes to be quite high, but so far haven't seen anything below 4000 for a year! I tried looking for a quote on a Renault 1996 Clio 1.2 Versailles. Thought that would be pretty cheap. From what I've heard, I should be looking around the 1k mark for a year. Any clues as to what I'm doing wrong?""

What is the average auto insurance cost for young drivers?

I know there are many variables, but I really want general monthly cost for young drivers please""

How high would car insurance rates become if a 16 yr old drives a car?

My mom won't let me get my G1 because she says her insurance rates will get too high. I asked her how high and she says she doesn't even know. I live in Ontario.

How Much Liability Insurance Should a Typical Middle Class Family Have on Their Car?

What are good amounts of coverage to have? How about bodily injury coverage, etc?""

East Ryegate Vermont Cheap car insurance quotes zip 5042

Why does my old insurance company want to see my new policy?

I recently switched car insurance companies (from country insurance to allstate) and when my husband called to cancel our old companies policy they refused until we fax them a copy of our new policy with allstate. I dont understand why thy need this information. We arent asking them to back date and pay us for any time we already paid for (we arranged our allstate policy to begin the day our country insurance ended) and in the years we have been with country insurance, we have ever once filed a claim. Never payed late (had automatic withdrawl). If anyone knows why country insurance would need our new policy info before they cancel our old policy i Would greatly appreciate any input. Thanks!""

How much will Car insurance cost me??? PLEASE HELP!?

I am a 20 year old female. I didn't complete high school, but I will get my GED and go to school next fall. I'm getting a car this Feb when taxes come back and I'm buying no more then a good decent $3000 car. I have a child too so I heard that helps bring the insurance down a little. Because the car will be under my name, & I am the ONLY driver in this house hold so there will be only 1 person on the insurance, how much do u think I could be paying a month??? Any guess for wage? I want full coverage but if its more then 300 a month i will go half. I've had my permit to since I was 17, no accidents. Please help.""

Why do sompanies like State Farm require you to pass a credit check?

What are they looking for because I do have a few things like a medical bill here and there but nothing more than 5,000 total""

A question on car insurance?

It is the first time we r thinking of a car. Can someone please tell what are the steps to get a insurance? It is a used car that we wish to buy from a friend. so, next what do we do?""

What is the best health insurance and affordable in arizona?

for mom and a daughter

How long do you have to go to school for an insurance company?

Or any insurance place? For car, hostiapl, boats ect.....""

If my license is suspended and I want to trade my old car in for a new one; will my insurance company drop me?

I received a letter that my driver's license is being suspended for 6 months because I received more than 12 pts on my license (Maryland). I already have insurance and so far the rates haven't changed. I want to buy a new vehicle and I want to know that if I can actually go ahead and trade my old vehicle in for a new vehicle with the same insurance policy if the insurance company will drop me because of that suspended license. My license has been turned in to the DMV but i won't be getting it back for another 4 months.

""Looking for cheap life insurance, any suggestions?

I've heard alot of insurance companies are a rip off. I'm looking for dependable but affordible.

If i cahnge car insurance after 7 days of getting it due i have to pay the full amount??

Heres the deal i got a car and put safe auto on it. i then wrote the postdated check for 7 days from then. well today (5 days after getting my car) i found a lot cheaper insurance. CAn i canel the saufe auto and not have to pay the full amounnt??? or do iahve to essentially pay 2 full months of car insurance????

..new driver in CA? insurance?

does the DMV automatically alert your insurance company that theres a new driver? or do you have to yourself? and if i havent yet, what happens if i get pulled over? should i not be driving?""

What is a car under 1000 for young drivers with cheap insurance ? ?

What is the average auto insurance increase with one DWI?

Help with approximation on how much an 18yo would pay per month (or year) for motorcycle insurance?

Ok so I really want to get a motorcycle (I dont even have my drivers license yet just my permit and will get my license within a month or so). I may be getting a full time job and want to make sure I can afford the motorcycle. I have factored in everything except insurance. I plan to get a Standard (since sports would probably cost me more on insurance) bike with about 1000cc. Also I will be taking a safety course (AT LEAST beginners but ill probably take more than that). I live in California. The bike will be used. So about how much will insurance cost meA?

Another pregnancy insurance question?

we live in california, and we need insurance very soon, what is the household income limit to get assistance for a pregnancy""

List of cheap auto insurance in Georgia $40-$50 a month?

cheap auto insurance in Georgia .looking for where I can pay btw $40-$50 a month

2012 subaru wrx insurance rate?

I am looking to get a 2012 subaru wrx. I am 17 and i am part of my family's all state insurance plan. I have never had an accident and i live in New York. What kind of price should i be looking at. I was told that because the car has a turbo it increases the insurance rate even though it is a four door four cylinder car. Thanks for the help.

Do you buy the car first then get insurance or the other way around?

How could you get insurance if u don't have a car to fill out the car quotes info like millage, make, year, and so forth if u did not buy the car as yet?""

""What are the cheapest Insurance companies for young drivers typically aged 17, 18 and 19?""

I have just passed my driving test well its been almost 8 months now and everywhere I look car insurance is too expensive, have done a lot of research and really need a car as keep getting rejected for jobs on the basis of I don't own a car/ have my own transportation as companies do not want to pay for transport in these economical times, been looking at vauxhall corsa 1.2 litre or less, Ford Fiesta 1.2 litre petrol, peagout 207 renaault clio as well. If anyone can provide me with useful tips to reduce or get the 'cheapest' insurance can be third party only for young drivers I would apprecaite it. Also any tricks or hints which can be used for extra haggling as well when confirming quotes on the phone would help. My current budget is betwen 500 - 3000 for a car and would ideally want insurance at under 2000. The cheapest quote I got was for a citroen c1 at 1950 third party only but found the car was in excess of 3000 on autotrader, Are there any cars which are low insurance group i.e. groups 1 and 2, cheap to insure, cheap road tax and cheap running costs. I have mates who have got insurance quotes at 900 and do not understand how they have got it that low. Sure enough post code has an affect but they drive vauxhall corsa in fully comprehensive at them prices.""

Insurance and financial help?

Here's the deal, I broke something that wasn't mine (on a trip) and was given a bill. I paid for it with my saving account. Why would my parents need a copy of the bill for our insurance co.""

Question about multiple car insurance policies?

I'm 17 and currently have my learner's permit. My parents have separate insurance policies (My Dad has Geico for his 2007 Honda Accord, my Mom has Metlife for her 2003 Dodge Grand Caravan). My Dad recently added me to his Geico policy as having a learner's permit. But my question is this - I know that I will be able to drive my Dad's car since I'm on his policy, but realistically, I would want to be able to drive both cars (and I would likely be using the Caravan more often anyway). Once I get my license, do I have to be listed on both insurance policies to drive both cars? If I wasn't and got in an accident with the Dodge, would I be covered?""

Will lawmakers eventually create a national health insurance exchange instead of the state based exchanges?

Also, is it possible still for health insurance companies to be given the freedom to sell their policies across state lines?""

Difference between HMO and private health insurance?

Do HMO's provide private health insurance? orr... what?

""Do you know cheapest car insurance? My friend is 21, male.?""

Do you know cheapest car insurance? My friend is 21, male.?""

Is the nissan 240sx considered a sportscar when dealing with insurrance?

which would cost more for insurance, a 1997 nissan 240sx or a 2008 scion tc and is the 240sx considered a sports car?""

What heapens if I don't pay for car insurance?

I have a car, but actually I don't wanna pay for insurance any more. So what happens if I don't pay and drive without insurance?""

East Ryegate Vermont Cheap car insurance quotes zip 5042

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/rbc-quote-car-insurance-agatha-mcbride/"

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thatsreallygay · 6 years

Text

Trigger Warning - Medicine Help

Has anyone been on the medicine Escitalopram aka Lexapro? I was just put on it after being on 200mg of Zoloft for 4 years because it began giving me panic attacks. I think something in the Zoloft got changed depending on which company made it or I’ve built up tolerance to it? I don’t know, honestly.

I’ve been taking 10mg of Lexapro for a little over 2 weeks now and I’m having vivid nightmares where I’m dying by suicide or murder to where I have a hard time waking myself up and when I finally do, I have a hard time trying to catch my breath and I send myself into a panic attack in the middle of the night.

I rarely have nightmares and it’s scaring the fuck outta me now. It’s kind of triggering for me too. Other than the nightmares, my days have went to 50/50 where I have the same amount of good and bad (bad to the point that I’m suicidal and my anxiety is through the roof at work and at home) days. Before all of this, I was doing good until January of this year. I had been a clean for almost a year and my bad days were here and there.

Yes, I know I need to talk to my psychiatrist about this but I just want to know if the nightmares will go away eventually? I have read that people have nightmares for 2 weeks then they’ll go away while on this medicine. I just don’t know if I can handle it much longer. I’m also asking because my psychiatrist has threatened to cut me off on all antidepressants if the Lexapro doesn’t work. He’s basically given up on me. He’s the third (3rd) psychiatrist I’ve been to. The first one saved my life, literally and he was such a great man like I owe this man my life but he left to help veterans that is dealing with PTSD, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and all of that. The second (2nd) didn’t have any compassion, basically let me pick what medicines I wanted on and pick the dosage (I only did if I knew the medicine had worked in the past and because she wasn’t going to switch me to something else), kept canceling my appointments on the day of, and it was all just a mess. And now I’m stuck with this asshole who has screamed at me in front of my mom (beforehand my primary doctor told her to go in there with me since I was suicidal and I was dissociating) because the Seroquel didn’t work last year, he put me back on Zoloft which worked temporary bc I think something got switched while it was being made but idk, and now he had switched me to this Lexapro. He told me after this and he cuts me off on antidepressants completely, he is sending me off to therapy so I can talk to a therapist because mental illness is much like bronchitis (yes, those were his words). I don’t need therapy. I think I’m okay without therapy. I just need the right medicine to help me function.

Since I’m in a rural area and insurance is a bitch and a half, finding a psychiatrist is really hard and a lot of people do have problems finding one where I’m at. I just want to know if this Lexapro will change up for the better after it gets adjusted in my body before I lie to my psychiatrist that this shit is working.

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