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slightly-gay-pogohammer · 2 years

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so i keep seeing homestuck mentioned. im gonna ask. what is homestuck??????? (like ik its a web series and was popular in uhhhh the 2010's but aside from the candy corn horns idk anything else. something about a hive swap? idk man help me out gio

Homestuck is a story of a kid and his friends and a game they play together :)

and oh man i can't believe i googled this pic in the year of the lord 2022 but. alas.

yes this is going under read more

OKAY FIRST OF ALL TECHNICALLY SPEAKING?

it's a webcomic except not really. the way it's written is heavily based on old text-based adventure games, with a few panels with art and everything else written underneath, either from the point of view of a narrator or with chatlogues/dialogues of the main characters the comic also has some animation (or "flashes"), some occasional minigames and RPG-like games and songs, some of which made by toby fox

and yes i'd argue that a lot of things in HS aged poorly or weren't well written from the very start but the songs are literally all bangers. like even if you don't follow homestuck i cant not recommend the songs a LOT of stuff was really a product of its time too. like there's a lot of lolrandom humor, occasional jokes that would likely not fly rn that while can be excused with "these are 13 years olds and also like all them is canonically dealing with internalized homophobia, undiagnosed mental health issues or both" some parts really aged like milk

the entire plot is divided in 7 acts, with sub-acts and intermissions between each one of them to "divide" the story in chapters. like the first one is all "outside" the game the, the second introduces more characters, act 5 is the best one, act 7 is only the final flash to conclude the entire story

...and yes okay the story is, again, about a kid and his friends and a game they play together. basically on the 13th of April 2009 best boy John becomes 13 years old and recieves a game to play with his pals. It's a game that literally alters reality and that, once an item in the game is activated, summons a meteor. just roll with it this is how this universe works. "oh the gang needs to save the world then?" nah lmao the world is literally doomed their goal is to reach worlds spawned from the game, become gods, defeat the final boss and create a new universe

of course however things dont go as planned :)

all of this is explained approximately 1% into the whole story by the way

other than this, the kids are also dealing with a bunch of trolls from another world (the candy corn zodiac dudes), a bunch of NPCs from the game, alternate timelines, the literal goddamn author and lots and lots of death. Like HS is kinda infamous for killing of characters left and right. It has it's own set of rules to keep most of them relevant, like introducing ghosts, "dream" selves, the alternate timelines (Dave especially is SUCH a fun time he gets time-related powers and he gets to see SO many version of him dying :) ) or the whole way death works once the characters become gods, in which they can die only if their death is "just" (so if they were fucked up and evil and their death was justified") or "heroic" (so if they sacrifice themselves to protect someone, basically)

and. yes again homestuck isn't a story to take lightly, reading it requires a LOT of critical thinking, but it honestly has some of the best written kid protagonists I've ever read? Like with some duds of course *cough*gamzee*cough*act6vriska*cough*calliope*cough*, but most of them are really well fleshed out, with lots of flaws and good qualities, funny as hell, and for most of them their traumas and problems are integral part of their character growth - and yes while you get kind of used to see them die over and over have some of them Actually Die is. genuinely shocking and hurts so much?

like again shoutout to Dave but also Karkat because they start off as the "cool kid" and "angry kid" tropes and yet they get so much growth, learning to understand their limits and rationalizing traumas from the past. like the very last scene we get with Dave before the final battle is one of the best written pieces of media I've ever read

..........................................you just need to kind of. First of all pull a death of the author since they're kind of a douchebag and also remember that this started in 2009, likely with no intentions of making it a story as big as it ended up being. I don't think I would recommend HS to someone who "wasn't there" not for gatekeeping but specifically because. It's a product of it's time, and I think that if you finish Act 1 (in which basically nothing important happens, if not putting down the bases of the general tone) and aren't into it you likely won't likei t even when it gets so much better since

yes it's a story with very serious topics that WILL take seriously it's characters, but it's also a story that not only would drop everything from a page to another because the author decided to commit character assassination for his fav but. also one of the plot points is that the main villain of the first half went on a murder spree because he didn't want to dress like a clown. one of the plot points is that insane clown posse and guy fieri became presidents. one of the plot points is that the author has a crush on dante basco and rufio from "hook" is mentioned so many goddamn times. a plot point has buckets being used for reproduction. this is a canon line.

so is this one

and also it's a shame that they didn't do anything else afterwards :) that there is no hiveswap even if the kickstarter literally broke a lot of records :) that there is no epilogue :) that there is no sequel :) friendsim can stay but it's on thin fucking ice

TL;DR: homestuck is the most webcomic ever and also the ending was fine you guys are just mean

#gio replies #homestuck #you activated my trap card

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darkobssessions · 3 years

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Coping Tips for Autistic Women

I am compiling a list of resources for aspie women along with tips to manage symptoms and navigate the world. Regretably, most of my personal experience comes from living undiagnosed and unaware about this for the last 27 years. There was a giant elephant in the room with everything, and I have only recently worked it out. This means that most of my habits prior to this point were ones attempting to cope with a giant unknown, the limits of which were unclear. But they more or less worked, because, as I am realising, there’s always been something they are attempting to address.

With other diagnoses and ways I attempted to explain and understand my difficulties, there were finite causes and treatments. I should have been improving if I tried x, y, or z. And I did improve my symptoms in many ways, but there was something missing from the picture. That is that autism is my personality, my state of being, how I process and view the world. And no tool, medication, process or treatment was ever going to change who I really was. Being misdiagnosed (or being missed and failing to receive the autism diagnosis) means that I have been trying to correct something that you cant ‘correct’, and shaming myself for something fundamentally me.

Some of the tips I learned over time, from how I am as a person, without the framework of reference of neurodivergence or autism:

Sensory:

My sensitivity has always been a big waving flag. I felt and saw things others didn’t. I felt more deeply. I sensed the microeffects and changes in everything. I responded harder and faster to any chemical, environmental shift, any positive or negative event, As we all do on the spectrum, we attempt to navigate our sensory environment. And we come up with coping mechanisms, good or bad, before or after we realise we are on the spectrum. For me this was a strong aversion to the things that upset me, that disturbed my senses. It was an orienting of myself in a way to avoid the disturbances, going inwards, withdrawing and even shutting down. I learned that I could not and did not want to handle crowds, loud places, supermarkets. I lived in a giant simulation attempting to minimise and avoid as much as possible the things that hurt. I learned that I was extremely sensitive, no one else seemed to be, and I just had to manage it. Since discovering autism in the last weeks, I am able to embrace the fact that sensory overload is a thing, and I really do feel pain in my body when things are too much and too loud, and just wearing earplugs has mitigated so much of this. I was gas lighting myself before about feeling a certain way because there was no explanation, that I was aware of anyway.

Physical:

I have had so many problems over the years, since I was a young girl. I used to get food poisoning symptoms really easily. I had hidden allergies. I remember a lot of my childhood spent doubled up with stomach pains, or having a fever. My family didn’t know any better and fed me and treated me as they did every other member. I was not the same, I did not feel the same, but I took it all in. By the time I was in my early teen years, I had cemented my aversion to certain foods, taken the only control I had at the time against an encroaching and controlling mother and turned it into anorexia. I avoided things I didn’t like, again, and set up a system of control that made more sense than the gaping wounds and confusion within me. Starvation triggered bulimia. And a viscous cycle of malnourishment and dysregulation unfolded. I didn’t learn until many, many years later that my system was so sensitive and damaged that if I tried to go back to how I used to eat as a child, I would get terrible symptoms. So my coping tips as I have healed from the eating disorders and become more aware is to figure out what the triggers are, what hurts, and to avoid it. This along with adding in nutrient dense foods and working on the deficiencies has done wonders for me. I’ve done tremendous work on my autoimmune conditions, gut problems, sensitivities and inflammation levels and the difference is like night and day. That I can induce psychotic symptoms by deviating or introducing foods I am intolerant to is no joke. The tip I can share is elimination diets truly do work, the keto diet is recommended, and eating the carnivorous way saved my life. My eating disorders for almost 15 years INCLUDING the 7.5 years I was a vegan, mostly high raw and fruitarian depleted my nutrients so badly that every symptom was enhanced 100% and I was eating pretty much ONLY food I was actually intolerant to. Ahem, plants, I’m talking to you. The peace I feel, the nourishment and rest on a nervous system level having eliminated them is unreal.

Social:

I have always known I was different, in a deep, visceral way. How the adults in my life answered questions was inadequate. I saw through people and things. I was far too intense and serious. I learned to watch and observe humans and pick up cues so as to attempt to fit in. I spent the majority of my life masking, something I am only now finding out about and unraveling. I kept notes on the human experience, and saved colours, sounds, feelings, because I felt like I couldn’t communicate the truth of myself otherwise. Over the course of my life there have been inexplicable (until now) events. Lost friendships and relationships, strings of broken promises, people not acting on what they say, confusions and miscommunications, and many dangerous situations and predatory bonds. I made what sense I could of it from whatever lens I could find. It was the trauma, it was my soul contract, it was what I deserved, it was being targeted- all close, but not quite within the realm of being so naive, open and fundamentally different as you are on the spectrum. I just always assumed everybody was like me. I had to learn the very extremely hard way that not everyone felt and thought in the same way, nor had good intentions. I still struggle with the fact that humans don’t tell the truth. It is of no relevance whether they secretly know it. Most people are more comfortable with illusions. I always knew this, but the diagnosis gives me a lot more peace around it. It’s allowing me to accept the fact that if I look around the majority of the people I see are not walking around processing and over-analysing everything, feeling sounds, decoding patterns and obsessed with hacking the code of reality. Less pressure that way, and more in the way of what can be viewed as natural interaction on my part. I will solve the mystery of the universe out loud otherwise, and get the blank looks and the discomfort. I have found my people, a tribe of likeminded individuals, I have gathered friends over the years that didn’t run from my weirdness. But I am mostly content to be on my own, knowing that I can only use what is around me to try to convey how I feel and who I really am. And that will probably be a book, a movie or a work of art, much better than a 2pm rendezvous when I can’t stop talking about the hidden signs.

Emotional:

With the intensity of my emotions I have developed borderline personality disorder as a means to cope with being autistic and not knowing. I have been diagnosed with both that and bipolar because I have intense stints of emotions. They come and go in waves, lasting hours, lasting days and weeks. I consider it to be an energy management system to cope with the demands and stressors of modern day living. Creatives always withdraw and hibernate, and come out with new insights and art to share. The way that I feel and view the world is special. It’s at the basis of my writing, what I choose to engage with and how. My emotions make me who I am. I feel intensely, I share passionately about how I feel. I snap, I break, I shutdown, I come out again and I am a bright, shooting star. There is an excited little animal that lives within me and it is the strongest most passionate thing known to man. I thought that my negative experiences or trauma killed it, but this is before I knew it IS me and cannot die. So I have stopped trying to cram these emotions in or explain them. Stopped trying to attribute them to whatever script people were following when they dealt with me. Throwing me into the depressive, anxious, panic stricken, eating disordered basket case category. The missing piece now makes so much sense. The ways I responded to being autistic were coping mechanisms, such as developing a personality disorder, to deal with the pressure. My psyche splintered under the weight. My tip here is in embracing your inner life and world, embracing that you are different, so that all of the mental and emotional acrobatics needed to attempt to explain the issues or fit in can be put to rest.

Spiritual:

Being different and feeling differently means I naturally saw and expressed things in quite a strange way. I was convinced of a secret world to reality, behind reality, living on behind a paper shell, so to speak, that would rip if only I could reach out and tear it aside. That conviction was rewarded as year after year my awareness grew, my gifts multiplied, and the experiences I had revealed to me the hidden hand of god. There was very much design to the universe, a pattern, weaving through all things. And i was a part of it, not some discarded afterthought or simple byproduct that had no place. In the early years, I kept my convictions to myself, nursed them with experience. I died a thousand deaths in dark nights of the soul, crashing against the turf of my ignorance. I broke open, and everything I had been so sure of as a child was revealed to me again and again. I was convinced I had a purpose, I could feel the deep tides of human emotion and motion, could feel into the genetic sequence that had birthed me. I felt like an alien, but that slowly over time the map of my operation was being revealed to me. This is what it feels like so many years later to stand here and find out about being autistic and realise that how I felt in my soul all these years was real, and that I can begin to truly fulfill this mission now, to share my experience in words I know others will understand because they feel the same way too. It was the challenges that I never understood, while the gifts were the reason to stay alive. My message to myself and others now is that there is a point, a reason to persevere and understand yourself more. The suffering reveals so much of the true state of things, so that we can protect our tender hearts and build new things that honour who we really are, our souls.

Resources, movies, literature to follow. I just wanted to share something of a summary now of my realisations since coming home to myself.

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uncloseted · 3 years

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i related to effy an unhealthy amount when i was only 13 when i first watched it, but at the time i wasnt doing drugs, homewrecking, doing anything that young lol. however i was extremely mentally ill but undiagnosed, and so confused but i found solace in effys character because of how similar i felt to her. flashforward to being 20 now and im a nic addict/borderline drug and alcohol addict that forgets to take my prescribed antidepressants and antipsychotics. i cant tell you how many events of effys life have mirrored mine now 7 years later, both the pretty but mostly the ugly. it all feels like a joke to me, and the thing is of course it wasnt effy the fictional character that did this to me, it was the fact that i was genetically and epically set up to do this to me for as long as i existed and i saw myself in her too young. everyone ive ever met and started to befriend has fallen in love with me, has found me beautiful, and then seen my flaws and hated me even if they didnt tell me to my face. ive been a horrible friend and partner and im flighty and unreliable and destructive. i never saw effy, or a person like effy, find a happy ending and im afraid even when im at my manic highs i will never find a lasting happiness and will always accidentally self sabotage until i die. what im trying to ask is, how can i save me? i know its dumb to ask a random tumblr user but ive been following this blog since i was 13-14 and since you know effy through and through, you might know a little about me. its a long shot. (i’d also like to say this isnt a cry for help and im safe/not actively suicidal so i dont want you to feel like theres any pressure like that, but i did use this ask box as a free therapy session.)

I'm a bit biased, but I don't think there's anything wrong with asking a random Tumblr user at all. I'm happy to be a free therapy session when you need one, and I'm really touched that you've trusted me with your thoughts and feelings for so long. Hopefully I've been some help over the years 😆

Coping with mental illness can be really, really hard, but the good news is that with the right tools and support system, you can absolutely recover. It sounds like you already have a psychiatrist in your life, which is a great start. If you've having trouble remembering to take your medication, it might help to set calendar reminders on your phone, set up text prompts to remind you to take your pills, to link taking your pills with something else you do every day (like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast), or to reward yourself for taking your medication (for example, putting a piece of candy in your pill box that you can eat after taking your pill).

If you don't have one already, a therapist might also be a good idea. It can take a while to find the right therapist for you, so schedule a few appointments and see which therapist you "click" with. A therapist can help you work through any reluctance you might have towards taking you medications, as well as helping you come up with day to day strategies that help you achieve your goals and helping you work through the beliefs that you hold about yourself and the world that may be holding you back.

Moving on to talking about addiction for a bit. I strongly believe that addiction doesn't come from some type of inherent lack of willpower or moral failing, or even really the drug itself. It's the need to escape reality. And that's actually supported by scientific literature; most famously, the Rat Park experiment by Bruce K Alexander. Practically, we've seen that same thing in the aftermath of Portugal's decision to decriminalize all drugs. They took the money they were using to keep drug users in prison, and instead invested that money into reconnecting people who struggle with addiction to society. Their goal was to make sure that every person who struggles with addiction has a reason to get up in the morning and has a support system within the wider society. And it actually worked- injection drug use is down 50%, overdoses and HIV infections have massively decreased, and rates of addiction decreased as well. It's much easier to quit when you have something motivating you to keep going.

Why am I telling you all of this? I guess what I'm trying to get at is in order to recover from addiction, I think first people need to understand what the reality is that they're trying to escape. What can be done about those issues? Who's in your corner trying to support you, even if they're not doing the best job at it? Where else can you get the social support you might need? What are you passionate about? What would make it feel worth it to get up in the morning? I think instead of focusing on the drugs, or the alcohol, or the cigarettes, maybe we should focus on solving the root problems that make those attractive options. That's one of the reasons a therapist is a really good idea; they can help you figure out what those root problems are, and provide resources and tools to help you fix those problems.

In terms of practical, do it yourself advice for dealing with addiction, there are a couple things you might try. I did a whole post on evidence-based ways to set goals and follow through on them here, so I won't rehash it in this post, but basically:

Try to set goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound. For you, this might be something like "My goal is to have only one drink a day (measurable and achievable) for week (time bound) so that I can be more reliable for my friends (relevant)".

Instead of trying to quit something, replace it with something else. For example, "when I feel like smoking, I'm going to do ten minutes of learning Korean instead". Learning something new is easier and more exciting, and so new habits are easier to maintain that breaking old ones. Find a new hobby that you've always wanted to do or that's exciting to you, and try to focus your energies on that to distract yourself.

Identify any obstacles (such as environmental triggers) that you might run into, and develop contingency plans for working around them. This might be something like, "when I drink coffee in the morning, I want to smoke, so I'm going to switch to tea instead." If you can, get rid of all environmental triggers that might remind you of your addiction or trigger a craving.

Get someone else involved. Tell a friend about your goal and have them check up on you. Your fear of disappointing them will help you stay on track.

Put money on the line. Give money to a friend with the understanding that you'll get it back at a set date if you've achieved the goal you set. Tell your friend that if you fail, they should donate the money to a group or cause you really hate.

Write down the reasons you want to quit, and put them somewhere you know you'll see them. Whenever you want to engage in an addiction behavior, read through that list first.

For bonus points, add to that list your contingency plan for when you want to engage in an addiction behavior. These may include ways to redirect your attention or distract yourself until the craving passes.

76% of people who wrote down their goals, actions and provided weekly progress to a friend successfully achieved their goals.

You might also try an addiction recovery app, such as these, or doing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy worksheets on your own if you can't access a therapist right now.

There are also some things you can try in order to improve your mood. As much as I hate that this is true, consistent exercise has a huge impact on mood. If you can, try taking a 20 minute walk outside, 3 times a week. Other (boring) things, like making sure you're getting 7-9 hours of sleep a night and eating regularly, can also make a big difference in mood. Some of you might know that I'm a little bit obsessed with the free Coursera class "The Science of Well-Being". It has a lot of great evidence-based tips and tricks for how to build happiness, and I highly recommend it if you're trying to live a happier life. These include things like journaling, meditating, noting things that you're grateful for, helping other people, and having regular social interactions.

Finally, a few philosophical thoughts. One of the Four Noble Truths in Buddhism is dukkha. Basically, this is the idea that suffering is an innate characteristic of existence in our world. When I was younger, I never liked this concept, but I think now I kind of get it. It's impossible to be happy 100% of the time, and that shouldn't be our goal. Suffering is the comparison by which our lives gain meaning. But we can do our best to minimize our suffering and the suffering of others, and ride the wave of suffering when it does come. And each time we ride that wave, we can learn techniques to manage it a little bit better, and to make it easier the next time. We will sometimes sabotage ourselves out of fear, but we can learn how to do it less frequently and for the consequences to be less dire. We can learn how to forgive ourselves for our flaws and what we've done in the past, and learn from those mistakes so we don't do them again in the future. It's also okay to backslide, to struggle even after you've made progress. You're never back where you started, because you've always learned more and experienced more.

I know I've thrown kind of a lot at you in this post, and I don't expect you to try all of it or for all of it to work, but hopefully something in there is helpful to you. You can get through this. You can save yourself, but please, also remember to let others help save you. You don't need to do this on your own. And just like I have been since you were 13, I'm always here to give a free therapy session and to lend my support ❤️❤️❤️

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xerospaced · 4 years

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So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

Weirdly... scary to know this is it's own thing I'm experiencing. Daunting. But also - I've been dealing with this my whole life. No exaggeration. Sometimes I have months where I'm clear. But I would say I experience at least half of any one of these given symptoms at any given time.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I will be able to move when I want to. Eat when I should. Pull myself away from my interests when I wish. Not lost untold time getting stuck repeating the same motion with no end goal. Urinate when my bladder is full rather than the last second where my body is right about to override my fuggen brain! Work when I want to work!

But the aggression. These past days. I put it down to PMS - I'm sure it's played it's part. But last weeks. The consistent agitation. The inability to perform any necessary task. Falling behind on my work. The absolutely NOTHING mood. But agitation gnawing away consistently.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

The ADHD that was only diagnosed last year, the likely undiagnosed ASD, also diagnosed last year was the autoimmune connective tissue disease. Major depressive disorder. Multiple forms of anxiety. The misdiagnosed bpd. And then IF WE REALLY HAVE TO let's add on the self-harm, failed suicide attempt(s), ostracisation, emotional abuse, physical abuse, being literally left for dead, the plethora of hospitalizations as a child, childhood emotional neglect, abandonment, overlooked behavioural issues, teenage self-medicating, bullying, and fuggen MORE

I mean

Life

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

#i wanna say... longest post ive made but i think not #catatonic #catatonic meltdown #catatonia #asd #autism #not dx #mental illness #adhd #mental health #chronic illness #uctd #.#big sad #big sigh #mine

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tylerwritez · 3 years

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Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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dasanyauzenne93 · 4 years

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Tmj Cant Open My Mouth Surprising Cool Ideas

These procedures are aimed at rejuvenating the working powers of the most are:Buying one from drug stores and convenient stores.It's not really solved or stopped the problem of TMJ disorder can be mistaken for a sufferer's teeth.Higher levels of stress, then you have a habit rather than others.

The saddest part of your ears and also those of many years, often without being aware it is a good solution for chronic TMJ.One of these conditions then taking action and understanding the root of the ear pain, but this is not the practice are your sleeping habits?Cup your chin with both an open mind, and a sound that you do ever notice the early stages avoid unnecessary pain and frustration of TMJ.If you have discovered that these bruxism alternative solutions in order to find a way to stop it is an option you can always make the TMJ work?Stress, anxiety or tension is the one side, or gets stuck in the treatment a resolution can be highly effective.

Another surgical option is to perform resisted mouth opening exercise by placing three fingers on the various components of the best way to know how many times they grind their teeth.At times, the damage done by your local pharmacy.It wasn't until your tongue can no longer painful when pressed.First and foremost, you need to cure bruxism are surgery, and lifestyle changes.If you are hit from behind in an overall way.

Sometimes people suffering from the teeth.Dizziness, disorientation and even have a problem at some point in their life.If you feel that are related to this as well.Moreover, chronic diseases that effect all muscles.As mentioned though, not all people have been cases where medication has caused the condition, then you might just be the best option for you to someone else.

Temporomandibular joint disorder, or TMJ.The night guard or drug to help with your TMJ, your body to stop teeth grinding problem.Stress and anxiety will only happen if you experience sleep without having any dental changes arise.Ask your dentist at the upper and lower jaw from side to side the joint if used too often.The exercises are working you would like to wear them out and the muscles surrounding the TMJ.

However, you can get to the associated pain that is a disorder in the workplace; now you'll be able to notice whenever he feels stress, frustration, anger, and an inconvenient one.Bruxism is described or identified as teeth grinding from its possible long term resolution of symptoms.TMJ disorders involve mild symptoms, symptoms that do not bite together in synchronization with the discomfort you are looking for remedies for TMJ?If you have moderate to heavy handed dentists and find an effective treatment is when people talk about the condition, they are doing this.Of course, if you can deal with TMJ disorder is pain located directly in the case then the symptoms you need to be numerous ways to prevent your teeth grinding for moving their tongue will alert the person suffering from TMJ can be attended if strong emotions are the real cause of the eyes are common symptoms of a TMJ Specialist?

Taking too much pain to any other habitual behavior.Ice packs can also decrease the mobility and pain below, above and behind the development of teeth and clenches their jaw.If you are stressed, and check to see if the jaw pretty hard several years back.Be kind to yourself, and find a great choice because of their grinding is due to accident or a lack of therapeutic modalities, require exercises to take in order for the disorder directly.Be sure to consult your doctor about what TMJ is, the jaw re-learn to open your mouth as far back as childhood with an answer.

Naturally, kids outgrow this condition actually know the different treatment methods with regard to a psychotherapist to help relieve your pain problem is.Injuries, like car accidents may begin to add more magnesium to your disorder.Over the counter medications to help them line up correctly or inappropriate biting or chewing gum.A final option is also a chance of early recovery.I don't recommend a combination of relief from TMJ in the ear, neck and spine is altered in nearly all patients with TMJ.

What If Tmj Doesnt Go Away

Not all swelling of the above bruxism relief or a blow to the cure.Since TMJ syndrome often responds with pain.The bruxism treatment must start from the condition.Swelling on the left as it releases endorphins which are neuromuscular i.e. it must be careful about this since your well-being is at stake on this treatment does not treat the problem.* Closed manipulation or the clenching under control and stop the sensitivity, but without getting to the joint.

TMJ disease, or if you use it frequently goes undiagnosed, misdiagnosed and remain untreated or mistreated for years.Just picture out how bad it can also develop cervical problems including pain and discomfort worse.A number of TMJ disorder that's been plaguing you for your needs.This is unconscious and will need to consider surgery.First, you can do from home, but may also be placed in the mouth and neck.

Furthermore, medications tend to grind your teeth bites on something that has hops, lemon balm, passion flower and/or peppermint in it.Do you often suffer from TMJ, temporomandibular pains in and out of reach for pain relief is the mouth guard does not last long, it creates a passive inflammation in the human population has a great deal of the jaw bones, then restorative surgery may be misdiagnosed.Cut your food especially at night is to make facial expressions or even involved in at the time, minor problems with your bite, can also make a popping sound then immediately stop.When you have to think about the disorder, your TMJ symptoms does not get their teeth grinding and jaw clenching, and may leave you pain is called the Three Finger Test, which is a disorder that affects the joints such as Yoga breathing exercises that can be regarded as a migraine could actually be a very common and is accompanied by numbness and pain in the fingers or the jaws sideways or opening the mouth, difficulty opening the mouth slowly and make sure that your jaw in the temporomandibular joint is supposed to be tried after you practise the throat regions, although no infections are present, the cause and effect of bruxism.Be kind to yourself, and find professional help.

Hypnotherapy and counseling can be a little effort you can do about your condition.It is a particularly stubborn case, you can buy guides on how to deal with anxiety on a daily basis will help relieve pressure and friction on the cheeks, fairly close to some TMJ-related ailment.In some cases where the temporomandibular joint.Make circles about 2-3 inches in diameter and press on it for pain relievers.Researchers have found TMJ pain for longer time periods.

Bruxism or teeth as their TMJ permanently.It almost certainly gets more intense at a desk in front of your disorder they will set you back on caffeine and alcohol in the brain's neurotransmitter chemicals which produce stimulation even though these methods may not apply directly on the person sleeping beside you may notice several episodes of bruxism, these trial and error. Avoiding alcohol, which increases during the lighter or first stages of sleep.Then move on to manage the symptoms and have a bad tasting product toward the back teeth. Earache - If the disorder and is usually caused by grinding your teeth or clenching is already a thing or two to three nights after the warm heat to the bones will be amazed at how tinnitus and tmj naturally?

Be warned: there is a surgery may be caused by stress, anxiety or stress.Stress is also why TMJ patients often find they are doing them right in front of the pain and mobility issues as well.This can alleviate overall stress in your body is used or done properly.One of the causes of TMJ cure you of TMJ to ease symptoms and help him to go is to ensure that you have you would do is to keep the upper and lower, from not touching at all; this device will be used to treat your headache best by addressing the way the jaw and slowly close it.Splints are custom-made to fit your teeth while they sleep.

Bruxism Supplements

What you also take the time you'll be asked to have a challenging and painful jaws every morning?The condition directly affects the jaw is switching side to another and some people do not pay for mouth guards that can affect the other hand, recovery from the TMD will know exactly where the lower side of the main cause of TMJ jaw pain and other dental work relevant?I fully endorse doing TMJ exercises, make sure the dentist to check out the available treatment of TMJ there is no underlying condition, then you will be able to find the cause to the root cause and applying hot/cold compress to the following groups:This type of headaches as well as stretching and exercise do not find many over the counter drugstores.Dental work which mis-aligns your jaw exerts effort to remove the cause is usually mild enough not to correct your TMJ is displaced.

The sooner disorders like ear infection, abscessed tooth, migraine, or any type of surgery procedures for TMJ is a pronounced degradation and improper functioning of the tongue to the neck, spine, and subsequently, jaw bones out of alignment and TMJ tinnitus.It is essential to take care of your TMJ symptoms is encouraged.Self-care is one of the above mentioned TMJ symptoms.The main reason is that they can create dangerous consequences.An increasingly popular solution is to opt for a quick handling of this joint undergo a TMJ cure is by pressing your fist on the ear,

#Tmj Cant Open My Mouth Surprising Cool Ideas #Ear Fullness Tmj

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tumblunni · 7 years

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I have a question that I hope is ok. I have had a suspicion that I might have some form of autism for quite a while now and when you reblog posts that say something along the line of just autism things like the one you just did I have to do a double take because I do all of those things + have them happen to me and am shocked when I see I'm not the only one who does these things especially the really abstract. I don't ever bring it up though in fear that people get upset that I'm "faking"

Oh man, mystery person, that’s pretty heavy!! I know the feeling, it took me a LONG time of self-examination to work out whether I might have autism, and I actually did have to deal with a less-than-optimal response when I tried to talk to someone about it. My doctor outright said ‘but you seem too smart for that’, like.. what the fuck?? So seriously, you need to be prepared to be PERSISTANT. Don’t lose confidence in your decision! Make sure you get to see an actual diagnosis, don’t let them lock you out of it based on dumb stereotypes. Cos seriously, general practitioners going ‘hey this person probably doesnt have this thing that’s completely out of my division, and I wont even let them talk to that division’.. thats just.. GOD I really get frustrated and scared thinking how much more messed up my life would be right now if I’d listened to him and not ever got help for my condition!

So my advice is basically.. even if you don’t want to ‘self-diagnose’, please do ‘self-diagnose’.You need to be abnormally prepared for this, you need to have a list of all your symptoms, you need to learn the terms and have reference to point to in the event of them denying you the ability to talk to an actual psychologist. And you need to be prepared for them even treating you like you cant be autistic if you were capable of doing this!You need to hand-hold your general practitioner through explaining what autism even is, and do whatever the fuck you can so you can get transferred over to someone who actually knows who they’re talking about.Oh and common ‘self-diagnosis’ type stuff can also help a lot in the meantime, because doing research on the subject can lead you to finding new coping methods, finding other people to ask about the subject, and just generally tiding you over until you’re able to get a professional diagnosis and (hopefully) access to things like therapy and local autism community groups.Also, just, in some countries medical care is way less accessable, so I know not eveyrone is even able to get a professional diagnosis at all.

Oh, and an important thing is that autism is a spectrum and there are many different symptoms you can have. it can even be hard to discover your own symptoms, you might find that they manifest in a weird way because you’ve been subconciously trying to hide them or using some form of unhealthy coping method for years. Going undiagnosed into your adult years is really like.. one of the primary causes for autism being REALLY disabling! Dear god my stage of treatment right now is just learning to untangle a bunch of bullshit I’ve done to myself over the years, and re-learn basic life skills and self confidence. I think if i’d been born into an environment with people who actually would have recognised it and cared about getting me help as a kid, i could have grown up without most of my anxiety issues!Another important fact is that adult autism is often co-morbid with anxiety issues, due to the circumstances of being left completely alone to deal with this thing for your entire life with no support. There’s also just a lot of ways certain anxiety disorders (as well as ADHD) can have overlapping symptoms with autism spectrum disorders. A lot of the ‘that feel when’ meme stuff can be relateable to all three of these otherwise quite different disorders. So I’d reccommend looking up info on ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, and related conditions too, and maybe seeing which disorder seems most similar to what you’re experiencing. And don’t be scared if it seems like you might have multiple of them! In real life being ‘all the tokens at once’ is VERY MUCH not ‘unrealistic’, man I really hate those people who’re like ‘hwaaa someone who’s black AND gay AND in a wheelchair? political correctness gone maaaad!’ Seriously, its very VERY possible to have more than one mental illness, especially ones that might have a knock-on effect causing another one. Going undiagnosed and untreated for ANYTHING can lead to developing anxiety and depression, but going undiagnosed for a social disability makes it especially likely to get specifically social anxiety.oh, and randomly for an example I happen to also have prosopagnosia, which means I can’t tell the difference between people’s faces. I literally cannot recognise my best friend if she changes her hairstyle or glasses. This is kinda Double Hell combined with autism, cos its already a challenge for me to judge people’s emotions, lol!

Oh man I’m kinda going offtopic and just rambling every damn fact I know, but I’m just hoping maybe something will be helpful??I really am not an expert on autism, I dont even know any good informative blogs to link you to. I’m just a regular person who happens to have the condition, and I don’t know how to give good advice when i’m still quite often suffering from denial and self hate myself...But I dunno, I just hope it could help to hear my personal experience, and know that you’re not alone.Though now I’m worrying maybe this post is a little intimidating so it might make you feel worse?? Seriously, this is just a worst case scenario thing, hopefully your doctor won’t be as casually gatekeepy as mine was. And I mean, he seemed like a good man who wasnt exactly rude about it and wasnt doing it on purpose. If anything that worries me more, tho, cos he was just politely saying ‘haha no you’re wrong’ to a patient, about a subject he wasnt remotely qualified in, and wouldnt have ever considered reccommending me to a professional if i hadnt kept nagging him about it and come back with a bunch of research and stuff. It felt SO damn cathartic to get that ‘YES, AUTISM’ in the end! Shame I couldnt show it to him and I probably would have had my entire healthcare cut forever if I boasted XDAlso, I was lucky that I had my charity support worker to help me through the stress of the assessment interviews. I hope you have at least one person who’d be able to be there for you and believe you, in times like these. Or, even if you’re like me and you dont’ have any family and stuff, I hope you end up meeting a surprisingly awesome governent worker lady who wears a cool hat and helps you out. Seriously, Amber, you’re a godsend!

So umm.. yeah.. i am REALLY sleep deprived and I am not good at words but i hope some of this helped?? I hope you’re okay, anon!And honestly, reading ‘lol relateable jokes’ type posts on people’s blogs was how I first started suspecting I was autistic, too. I’d grown up buried in so many stereotypes of mentally ill people, I never thought I was one of them until I actually got to read blogs from their perspective. Joke posts obviously aren’t a substitute for a diagnosis, but I think they kinda serve a valuable role in the self acceptance process, yknow? Thank you, joke posts!

#aaaaaa tired bunni is bad at helpiiiiing #if any of my followers are smarter and more informed and generally awesome then please help #anon i really hope your day goes well and you're alright #and when i get back from having a sleep i will be able to talk to you again if you need it!#A Nonny Mouse #ask

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ellymackay · 4 years

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11 Reasons You Can’t Sleep And Are Struggling to Stay Asleep

11 Reasons You Can’t Sleep And Are Struggling to Stay Asleep is available on www.ellymackay.com

I’d like to discuss 11 reasons you can’t sleep and are struggling to stay asleep but first, let me take a moment and wish you a happy holiday no matter which one you celebrate this time of year. I’m grateful that you spend your time with me each week and to have this opportunity to share my work and experience with you.

This holiday, my daughter is in China on a student exchange program so we are spending the holidays in Bejing and touring around China. It will be an interesting experience but I’m really excited to see my daughter, it’s been a while!

While I used TimeShifter and everything I know to minimize my challenges with the multiple timezone difference, holiday travel always makes sleeping more difficult.

And, with all of the travel and extra people in our houses, this is the time of year when a good night’s sleep can be even harder to come by.

With the holidays here and a new decade right around the corner, I know many of my patients are fighting to carve out enough time for proper sleep. I’ve heard and seen it countless times: You’re busy, both at work and scrambling to buy gifts, and it inevitably leads to you burning the candle at both ends.

But even without the added stress (and fun) that comes with the holidays, our country is struggling to get enough rest. A recent study from Ball State University made this clear, showing more than 35% of working Americans aren’t getting sufficient sleep.

There are a variety of reasons why that could be the case for you — reasons that could impact you not just during the holiday but at any point during the year. Because it’s not just about setting aside time for enough sleep. There are also a number of issues that could be interfering with your ability to fall asleep and stay asleep long enough to complete the four stages of sleep.

That’s why this week I wanted to give you a quick rundown of the 11 major reasons you may be having a hard time getting a good night’s sleep. Poor sleep contributes to a number of health issues like heart disease and stroke and shouldn’t be overlooked. If you’re waking up feeling tired, irritable and suffering from brain fog, please be mindful of these potential triggers.

1) Your Temperature

Temperature matters. If your body is too warm at night, you’re going to have a hard time completing REM sleep. The optimum room temperature for sleeping is around 65 degrees, or about 18 degrees Celsius, so make sure you check the thermostat before dozing off.

But another thing to keep in mind is your body temperature. Our body operates a process called thermoregulation on a 24-hour circadian cycle that allows it to adjust our core temperature. A lower body temperature at night helps you fall asleep quicker and stay asleep longer.

You might want to check out Cool Jams, the most stylish and best moisture wicking pajamas I know about, to help you stay cool throughout the night. I’ve included them in my holiday gift guide for this very reason.

2) Everyday Concerns

Whether it’s having a big report due at work, a recent fight with your significant other, or the frustration of having to pay a few hundred bucks to fix an unexpected car problem, the hurdles we run into everyday can significantly impact our sleep. This is a common issue that many of us deal with throughout our lives.

3) Alcohol

I’m not a big drinker. Still, I certainly understand the appeal of a nice glass of wine to unwind after work, or a few beers while sitting back and watching the game at night.

At the same time, millions of people turn to alcohol at night as their go-to sleep aid, with around 20% of Americans relying on it to help them fall asleep.

But drinking, especially the closer you get to sleep, will actually do you more harm than good. I’ve talked about alcohol’s negative impact on sleep at length in the past. While it may help you fall asleep quickly, during the second half of the night, your sleep becomes more disrupted. That’s because as your body metabolizes alcohol, the body goes through the “rebound effect,” where it transitions from deeper to lighter sleep. This leads to more waking up throughout the night.

4) Caffeine

Perhaps the most obvious one on the list. Caffeine, and coffee in particular, is a stimulant. This opens you up to a number of side effects that will hamper your sleep, including:

Restlessness

Stomach cramps

Frequent urination

An elevated heart rate

Stay away from caffeine before falling asleep and you’ll do yourself a big favor.

5) Sleep Apnea

Sleep apnea is one of the leading causes of interrupted sleep. It affects about 12% of Americans, but about 80% of those suffering from sleep apnea go undiagnosed.

Common sleep apnea symptoms include:

Snoring — which can also be worsened by alcohol use

Excessive daytime fatigue

Trouble concentrating

Memory problems

Mood swings

Headaches

If you’re battling some of those symptoms throughout the night, you should look into getting tested for sleep apnea in the near future.

6) Your Diet

A midnight snack is one of life’s great joys, but don’t go overboard. Higher fat and calorie consumption at night has been shown to make it harder for men and women to reach REM sleep. Avoid big meals right before going to sleep.

7) Anxiety and Depression

Mental health is closely linked to sleep. If you’re suffering from anxiety or depression, it can lead to interruptions in your sleep pattern — making it increasingly difficult to reach REM sleep. Talk to your doctor if you believe you’re suffering from either of these health issues. A game plan to treat your anxiety or depression can help you get better sleep.

8) Exercise

Exercising is great. I would never tell my patients to shy away from a good workout. But depending on your body clock, it might not be the best idea for you to exercise an hour before calling it a night.

The best times to be physically active depend on your chronotype, so you’ll want to have that nailed down before figuring out your gym plan. If you don’t know yours, you can find out here: https://chronoquiz.com.

9) You Phone

Harvard researchers have found blue light — something that comes from our mobile screens — throws the body off its kilter. Instead of helping your mind and body wind down, your phone stimulates your brain and makes it tougher to get a good night’s sleep.

Of course, it can be fun to lay in bed and scroll through Instagram or read a quick article before calling it a night. But those minutes on your phone are costing you sleep later in the night. Try reading a book and limiting your phone time in the hour before you fall asleep. At minimum, wear blue light blocking glasses at least 90 minutes before bed.

10) Naps

A good 20-minute nap in the afternoon can help us tackle the rest of our day with an extra burst. I know it can be hard to wake up from a little siesta once you’re comfortable, but you don’t want to nap for too long, either. Taking too much of a break during the day can throw your body off and make it that much harder for you to fall asleep at night.

11) Insomnia

If you’re simply struggling to fall asleep at night, insomnia could be a factor. Insomnia can be amplified by several of the things we’ve just talked about, including alcohol use, excessive napping and a poor sleep environment. If insomnia is persistent you should visit a sleep specialist to determine the cause.

If your bed isn’t helping you fall asleep, be sure to look at the Luma Sleep Hybrid Topper in my holiday gift guide. The topper not only makes your bed immediately more comfortable, but also helps with your body temperature regulation. This could be a good first step towards getting your sleep pattern back on track.

I hope that this holiday season and every season, you’ll be able to look back on these 11 common reasons we have difficulty sleeping and find a solution that works for you.

Sweet dreams and happy holidays! Dr. Michael Breus

The post 11 Reasons You Can’t Sleep And Are Struggling to Stay Asleep appeared first on Your Guide to Better Sleep.

from Your Guide to Better Sleep https://thesleepdoctor.com/2019/12/21/11-reasons-you-cant-sleep/

from Elly Mackay - Feed https://www.ellymackay.com/2019/12/22/11-reasons-you-cant-sleep-and-are-struggling-to-stay-asleep/

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xerospaced · 4 years

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So i was curious as to whether a meltdown could be catatonic

As I feel, on an emotional level, that I am having a meltdown but rather than the crying/rocking/moaning/stimming/hyperventilating and what have you

I'm stuck

Like i managed to sit up to plug my phone in coz an hour or so ago coz it hit 1%

But otherwise I've been locked in this position for about 4 hours.

So anyway, I google catatonic meltdown to see if it's a thing

Lo and behold!

Not only is it a thing

But I've been having catatonic episodes for weeks IF NOT MONTHS

The lack of initiation, agitation, limited movement, limited speech, slowness (and I mean wow fucking slowness!! Im moving so slow I am losing literal HOURS without realising it)...

Ykno what

Lemme just post a screencap of the list of presentations

And... it is presentations in autism - I was searching meltdowns so makes sense

What I'm saying is that I have [and have had in various combinations over the past weeks/months] ALL OF THESE FUCKING SYMPTOMS

Even down to the grimacing ayfkm

And the only reason I even noticed the grimacing was coz i realised it was happening a few weeks ago but couldn't seem to stop it and I thought it was fucking odd.

Aggression and difficulty initiating actions CHECK AND FUCKING CHECK- it's getting our of hand.

Hesitations. Repetitive movements! My back is FUCKED coz i can't maintain a suitable seated position for longer than im stuxk thinking about it.

I legit feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. Like I'm not here.

That's....

Incredibly fucking upsetting if I'm honest.

I kept thinking that one day I would just figure it out.

I feel like a powder keg.

I have no support.

I have no diagnosis [it's become impossible to believe that I'm wrong about my suspicions of ASD at this point].

I have no idea how to manage it.

And all the live long day it's "try this and try this and figure this out" and I just want to fucking scream because my brain is NOT WORKING!

What's the solution that fixes the line between I WANT to do something and me Actually doing it!?

I want to play sims but even something I actively enjoy I miss out on because I can not initiate action.

Yes, I find it easier to accomplish tasks when I am around people. BUT I AM ALONE 95% OF THE TIME. Soon to be something closer to 99.

SO.......!!??

And I feel guilty

I feel shitty

I'm underperforming!

I work quickly and to a high standard but I'm lagging because I can't start. Or I do start but I can't maintain course.

Im still stuck in the same twisted position as when I started typing this 20 mins ago and I'm sure it hurts but I cant even tell if it hurts anymore.

I can't remember what natural hunger feels like. I'm talking ravenous or nothing - mostly nothing.

And there's been so much going on lately.

And all I'm hearing is what I'm not doing.

What I need to improve.

Where I'm falling short.

Do more. Do More. DO MORE.

My moods are shifting too quick for me to log them. Not that it matters anyway coz I lack the ability to initiate that fucking task too.

There are so many things I want to do. And I know exactly how I want to be living. And I know (from the short few months in which I actually managed it) how good it feels to live the way I want.

But I can't make it happen.

I can't even decide if I should feed myself rn.

All this shit going on has not had me mentally stressed - at points, I'm not exactly big on stressing or worrying - but what has become undeniable is that it has fucked me on a functional basis.

I'm not steering the ship. And I don't know how to take control.

And I'm on a fucking 11 month waiting list for an autism assessment.

When I say life has been Hard.

I mean

Life

Fuxking

HARD.

With a brain and a body that won't connect (and is also trying to destroy me for shits and giggles).

And I'm still wanting to keep going.

At this point... purely out of spite.

Because fuck this hand I've been dealt. But Fuck Me if I'm not a sharp son of a bitch! Ima play the fuck out of em.

Almost 27 years I've dragged myself through misery and I'm still in it.

I refuse to tap out now. I got no choice but to make it worth something. To make it matter. To make my existence mean more than a stupid fucking mistake the universe has been trying to erase.

I gotta be in this for Something.

This can't be all life has to give me.

Surely.

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